Life is Simple. You're Just Playing it Wrong.

Ever feel like you're playing life on 'hard mode' for no reason? What if most of the complexity, stress, and overwhelm you feel isn't real, but a story you're telling yourself?

In this episode, we're making the radical case that life is secretly simple. We'll explore the mind-bending effort paradox (why trying harder can actually make you fail) and the control paradox (why letting go gives you more power). We'll dive into the neuroscience of how your brain literally cleans itself at night, why your memories are shockingly unreliable, and why chasing happiness directly is the fastest way to make it disappear.

But this isn't just about problems—it's about the elegant, powerful solutions. We'll give you the simple blueprint for leveraging the 80/20 principle, mastering habit loops, and harnessing the unstoppable force of the compound effect to create the life you want.

Stick with us to the very end for the one simple question you can ask yourself daily to instantly dissolve complexity and reclaim your focus.

It's time to delete the complexity you never signed up for. Subscribe, share this with your favorite overthinker, and let's start the journey back to a simpler, more powerful life.


Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/life-hacks-diy-more-transform-your-everyday-with-simple-tricks-and-diy-magic--5995484/support.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone. Okay, let's untack this. What if I told
you that everything you think is incredibly complex, you know,
like the stock market, your relationships, even finding happiness. What
if it's actually, dare I say, laughably simple? It sounds provocative,
I know. But our natural inclination, it seems, is to

(00:21):
complicate things that are maybe fundamentally straightforward.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
Right. We see a big challenge and we immediately look
for the big.

Speaker 1 (00:28):
Complicated solution exactly, not the direct path. We want the
expert approved, multi step, maybe even slightly secret method.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
And there's a reason for that, isn't there. We kind
of crave complex answers. Simple truths can feel well a bit.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Unsatisfying, Yeah, like they're not special enough, or maybe they
don't justify the struggle we feel we should be having.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Think about it, all those self help books promising revolutionary secrets,
and then they boil down to something like eat a
bit less, move.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
A bit more, or relationship advice that's basically, you know,
talk to each other on and actually care exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
We end up hiding these really profound, simple insights behind
layers and layers of intellectual fluff. Unnecessarily.

Speaker 1 (01:10):
It's fascinating how our brains seem wired to resist simple solutions.
We almost prefer the difficult journey, right, The complexity feels
more valuable.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
It does. It's like we believe, if something's truly profound,
it must be hard to get.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
So we chase the forty seven step morning routine.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Or the diet with the fancy name.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
The ancient secret they don't want you to know.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
Right, And in that very search for complexity, we create
it ourselves. We manufacture it.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Huh. So the looking becomes the complexity.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
Precisely, we get so distracted hunting for these intricate hidden
keys that we just walk right past the obvious truths
sitting there, the huge misdirection.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Life in many ways might have been simple all along,
and we just complicated the search for it.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
That's a powerful way to put it, Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
I can hear some people thinking laughably simple might sound
a bit dismissive. Life is hard sometimes there are real struggles.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
Absolutely, and we're not trying to trivialize genuine challenges.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Here, right. So our mission today for you listening isn't
to diminish the reality of life's difficulties. It's more about
revealing these surprisingly simple yet incredibly powerful principles that often
underpin our experience.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
It's not about oversimplifying until it's useless. It's about finding
those essential nuggets of truth and all the fluff that
surrounds them.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Exactly, So prepare to have your worldview, maybe subtly, but
maybe fundamentally shifted. Let's dive in.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Okay, So sticking to this theme of simplicity, let's tackle
something that feels really counterintuitive. First, what if the harder
you try to achieve something, the more it actually.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
Slips away the effort paradox.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Yeah, we're taught from day one right effort is key.
Push harder, grit your teeth, you'll break through.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Just gotta want it more.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
But there's this fascinating idea, sometimes called the backwards law.
It suggests that the more intensely you desire something, the
more desperately you pursue it.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
The more it recedes, it runs away from you.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
Exactly. Take sleep, We've all been there. Try to force
yourself to sleep, really make it happen, and suddenly sleep
is impossible. You're wide awake thinking about sleeping or happiness.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
The harder you chase it, the more you focus on
Am I happy at the further it seems to vanish.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Right, or trying to make someone love you, that desperate energy,
it often pushes them away, doesn't it.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
It really does. It's almost like I'm trying to float
in water by thrashing around harder.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
That's a perfect analogy. You don't float, you sink faster.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
So what's the mechanism there? Why does trying too hard backfire?

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Well, the underlying thing seems to be this desperation neediness.
Even intense stress, they create a kind of what's called
an energetic or psychological state that actually repels the outcome
you want. How So, when we approach something with that
death grip intensity, we're subtly communicating neediness. We're signaling I

(04:01):
lack this, I'm incomplete without it.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
Ah. That's scarcity mindset exactly.

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Yeah, And it leaks out. You see it with job
seekers sometimes, right, someone desperate for a job might come
across as anxious, maybe an authentic.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, and it puts the interviewer off, even if they're qualified.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Right, Or in relationships, someone perceived as too needy or clingy,
liking self sufficiency. It could be overwhelming and push potential
partners away.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
And trying to force peace when you're stressed, forget it.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Your internal state is actively fighting calm. You can't force
tranquility when your system is buzzing with tension.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
I've definitely experienced this. I remember trying to learn this
ridiculously hard guitar piece once hours, just grinding away, getting
more and more frustrated, tensing up totally. The more I
tried to nail this one specific bar, the worse I
played it. It was infuriating.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
So what happened.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
I eventually just gave up for the day, walked away
totally frustrated, came back later maybe the next day, just
picked up the guitar to noodle around, no pressure, and
the dam section just flowed effortlessly. It was like the
intense trying, the forcing had been the actual block all along.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
That's a brilliant example. It happens with athletes too, doesn't
it overthinking, getting in their own head.

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah, analysis paralysis.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
Or artists trying to force creativity. You can't summon them
use by yelling at it.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Huh true. So psychologically, what's happening is it self doubt.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
That's a big part of it. Excessive pressure breeds self doubt. Also,
hyper focusing on the outcome distracts you from the process.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Right, You're not enjoying the playing, You're just obsessed with
hitting the note exactly.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
And that perceived scarcity if I don't grab this tightly,
it'll disappear, leads to all sorts of counterproductive stuff, micromanaging,
worrying constantly.

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay, so if trying harder often backfires, what's the alternative?
We're not saying just sit back and do nothing, are
we That sounds like laziness.

Speaker 2 (05:55):
No, definitely not. That's a crucial distinction. The solution isn't
lazy in action. It's finding that sweet spot effort without
attachment or maybe relaxed action.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Relaxed action I like that. So still doing.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
The work, absolutely, you still have to show up, take
the steps, put in the hours, do the practice. The
critical difference is your internal state while you're doing it.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Ah, okay, So less about the.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
Outcome, less fixation on the result, which, let's face it,
is often outside our direct control anyway, and more immersion
in the action and the process itself.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
So focusing on playing the guitar well, moment by moment,
rather than obsessing about nailing the performance precisely.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, when you commit to the journey, act from a
place of calm presence rather than desperate need. You cultivate
this inner piece, and paradoxically, that state makes you more effective,
more attractive to opportunities.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
Do your best, then let go of the outcome. Trust
the process.

Speaker 2 (06:49):
That's the core of it. Doing the work, but releasing
that desperate need for a specific result.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
So the key takeaway for you listening it means doing
the work, absolutely, taking the steps, showing up, maybe dialing
back the desperation, trusting the process more.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, letting go of that white knuckle grip on the outcome.

Speaker 1 (07:06):
Ask yourself, where in your life are you maybe trying
too hard? Where could a little less desperate effort and
a bit more relaxed focus actually lead to better results?
Something to think about. Okay, So learning to let go
of that desperate effort, trusting the process, It naturally leads
to the next big question, doesn't it? What do we
actually control?

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Which brings us to another fantastic paradox.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
The control paradox. You could say life's biggest joke might
be this. The more you try to control everything, the
less control you actually feel you have.

Speaker 2 (07:39):
It's beautifully ironic. Isn't it.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
Think about it. You plan your day down to the minute,
everything organized to do less, perfect contingency plans, ready color coded,
maybe laminated exactly.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yeah, you've tried to predict every possible outcome, and then
life this.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
Happens, grows, that curveball, the unexpected traffic, the surprise call,
the kid getting sick.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
And suddenly your perfectly controlled day is chaos and you
feel completely out of control. We're all kind of control
freaks and denial, aren't we.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
I think so? And control is like trying to hold
water in.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
Your hands, right, that's good.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
Explain that the tighter you squeeze, the faster it slips
through your fingers. Trying to exert absolute control often results
in losing what little influence you might have had.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Wow, and this isn't a new idea, is it?

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Not? At all? The ancient stoics were all over this,
like two thousand years ago. Their fundamental insight was revolutionary
but simple.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
What was it? You can only truly control two things,
your actions and your reactions, your choices and your responses.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
That's it, Just two things.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Pretty much everything else external events, other people's behavior, the weather,
the economy. That's life's department, not yours.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Okay, So this leads to that idea of the circle
of influence versus the circle of concern.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
Exactly a crucial distinction. Your circle concern is huge. It's
everything you care about or worry about, global politics, your
neighbor's loud music, what people think of.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
You, things that affect us. But we can't directly change.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
Right. Your circle of influence, though, is much smaller. It's
where your choice is actually a difference. Yeah, but within
that smaller circle lies all your real power.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
So give me an example. Traffic. I can't control traffic.
That's in my circle of.

Speaker 2 (09:22):
Concern, correct external event. But what can you control related
to traffic?

Speaker 1 (09:26):
Oh, when I leave for work, checking a traffic app
before I go, choosing a different route, maybe my attitude
about the traffic.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Precisely, those are your actions and reactions. Those are in
your circle of influence.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Okay, what about other people's opinions? Definitely in my circle
of concern.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
You absolutely cannot control what others think of you. Their biases,
their moods, their history. It all shapes their opinion.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
So what can I control there?

Speaker 2 (09:50):
You can control your own actions, your integrity, Striving to
be someone worth respecting, being kind, being honest. Whether they
actually respect you is still up to them, But you
control your side of the equation.

Speaker 1 (10:03):
That shifts the focus, doesn't it, from trying to manage
the external world to managing my internal world and my output.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
Exactly. The stoic wisdom isn't about being passive. It's about
being smart with your energy. Stop trying to be life CEO,
dictating everything, and be more like more like a surfer.
A surfer doesn't command the ocean, do they. That would be.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Absurd, right, They'd get wiped out instantly.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
They master the ride, They understand the waves, the currents,
the forces of play. They adapt, They control what they
can control, their balance, their timing, their bored and.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
They work with the wave, not against it.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
That's the key. They embrace what they can influence and
let the uncontrollable be. Trying to micromanage everything in life
like squeezing that water. Yeah, it leads to stress, burnout,
and often worse results. You get so lost in the
details you miss the bigger flow.

Speaker 1 (10:54):
I definitely went through a phase like that managing a
big project. I'd tried to plan for every single possible
thing that could go wrong.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
Oh boy, exhausting just thinking about it.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
It was I was paralyzed by hypotheticals, constantly stressed, snapping
when things inevitably deviated from my perfect plan.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
So what changed?

Speaker 1 (11:12):
A mentor basically told me to chill out, gently but
firmly said focus on your next step, your contribution, trust
the team, let go of trying to control their parts
or the unpredictable stuff, and did it work massively. The
tension just melted away and had so much more energy
because I wasn't fighting reality. And ironically the project went
better because I was more adaptable and less stressed.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
That's the liberating power right there. Stepping back with this
really shows us is that truly accepting what you cannot control,
it frees up this enormous amount of mental and emotional.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Bandwidth energy you were wasting before.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Exactly energy you can now pour into your circle of influence,
your actions, your reactions, your choices. It turns frustration into flexibility,
anxiety into focused action.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
So the takeaway for you listening, where are you trying
to be life's CEO, trying to control the uncontrollable ocean instead.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Of being the master surfer of your own actions and reactions.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
How am I focusing just on your circle of influence
and consciously letting go of the vast circle of concern
change your daily experience? Could it bring more peace, more effectiveness? Okay,
we've talked about external forces, internal states, letting go of control.
But what if some of the most profound stuff influencing
our well being is happening totally automatically every single night,
will work completely out of it?

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Uh, the hidden world of sleep.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Get ready for this because it's genuinely wild. Your brain
while you sleep isn't just passively resting. It's running a
full on industrial strength cleaning crew, like janitors working the
graveyard shift inside your head.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
It's an incredible discovery. Scientists found that the brain has
its own dedicated waste removal system. Think of it like
an internal dishwasher specifically for your thoughts and brain activity.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
A dishwasher for thought. So I love that. So how
does it work?

Speaker 2 (13:01):
During deep sleep? Something amazing happens. A special fluid called
cerebrospinal fluid or CSF, actually washes through your brain.

Speaker 1 (13:09):
Tissue, washes through it like flushing it out.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
Literally, it flushes out metabolic toxins. These waste products that
build up naturally during your waking hours from all that thinking, feeling,
and processing you do.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Like mental garbage collection Exactly.

Speaker 2 (13:22):
Your brain is working hard all day, it produces waste
like any busy factory. This nightly rent cycle clears it out.
But here's the part that just blows my mind. Go
on to make this flushing process more efficient, neuroscientists discover
that your brain cells physically shrink during sleep.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Wait, what shrink?

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yes, they contract, creating more space between the cells. This
allows the CSF to flow more freely and effectively washing
away more of that accumulated gunk.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
My brain shrinks itself every night to take out the trash.
That is absolutely mind blowing.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
Isn't it. It just makes you realize the incredible hidden
intelligence humming away inside our bodies all the time without
us having a clue.

Speaker 1 (14:02):
It's like finding out your house magically cleans itself while
you sleep. So this brain is pretty amazing.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Then it's staggering. It's about sixty percent fat, weighs around
three pounds, takes up only two percent of your body weight,
but burns something like twenty percent of your daily calories
just thinking and keeping things running. Wow, we are basically
walking supercomputers, and like any high performance machine, they need regular, essential.

Speaker 1 (14:24):
Maintenance, and that maintenance is deep sleep.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
That's what this glymphatic system, the brain's cleaning system, seems
to be all about. It's relatively new science, but it explains.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
So much like why we feel clearer after good.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
Sleep exactly, why you think better, your memory works better,
you feel more refreshed. That mental fog you feel after
a poor night's sleep, yeah, that might literally be the
feeling of uncleared metabolic waste products gumming up the works.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
Ugh, like trying to work in a really messy.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
Office, perfect analogy. Everything takes more effort, thoughts, feel disorganized,
create tivity tanks. This nightly reset is crucial for everything
from mood to potentially long term brain health.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
So beauty sleep is actually brainwashing sleep in a good way.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Uh, precisely, And it really raises a critical question, doesn't it.
If our brain is doing this vital work physically remodeling
itself each night for.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
Maintenance, what are the consequences of consistently skipping it exactly?

Speaker 2 (15:24):
What are the long term implications of chronic sleep deprivation.
It's not just about feeling tired, it's about this ongoing
buildup of biological wastees directly impairing our core functions.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Okay, so the message here for you listening is pretty clear.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
Absolutely, next time you're tempted to burn the midnight oil
to skimp on sleep, remember that internal cleaning group.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
Your brain's hardworking night shift. You're not just resting, You're
undergoing essential maintenance, critical maintenance.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
It impacts your memory, your focus, your mood, your cognitive performance,
maybe even your long term health.

Speaker 1 (15:56):
How might this new understanding change your approach to sleep?
Will you prioritize it differently knowing the profound work your
brain is doing every single night. All right, let's shift
gears a bit, but stay with these hidden truths. Let's
talk about happiness, that big elusive goal for so many
of us.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yes, the holy grail.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
But here's the thing. Maybe the reason you can't catch
happiness is because it's the only goal that runs away
when you chase it directly.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
Interesting like what it's like.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
A cat, you know, Try to chase a cat, grab it, force.

Speaker 2 (16:27):
It to love you, bolt hides them to the sofa.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Exactly, but ignore it. Just sit down, read a book,
be calm, and suddenly jumps up in your lap, purring.

Speaker 2 (16:37):
Huh, that's a great analogy.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Happiness is the cat, I think so, And we've all
done the chasing, haven't we Chasing the perfect job, the
perfect relationship, the perfect house, the perfect body, that magic
number in the bank.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
Account, Believing that then once we get that thing, then
we'll finally be happy.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
That if only statement, if only I had X, i'd
be happy. We treat happiness like a destination, a prize
waiting at the finish line of achievement, and.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
That belief, while totally understandable, is basically a trap, the
happiness trap.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Why is it a trap?

Speaker 2 (17:07):
Well, neuroscience gives us some fascinating clues. There are these
concepts like the happiness set point and the hedonic treadmill.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Okay, break goes down. Hedonic treadmill sounds tiring, it is.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
The hedonic treadmill refers to our tendency to quickly return
to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive
or negative events or life.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
Changes, so like winning the lottery exactly.

Speaker 2 (17:30):
Studies show lottery winners experience a huge initial spike and
happiness obviously, but surprisingly quickly, often within about six months
or so. They tend to return to roughly their previous
baseline level of happiness.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Wow, all that money, and it doesn't by lasting happiness,
it seems not.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
The thrill wears off, new problems arise, they adapt to
the new wealth. The same thing happens remarkably with people
who experience major negative events, like a terrible accident causing disability,
they adapt to after an initial plunge in happiness. Many
adapt over time, and eventually we report levels of happiness
not drastically different from the pre accidive baseline. Our brains

(18:10):
are adaptation machines.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
That is incredible, but maybe a little depressing. If even
huge events don't change our happiness level long term, are
we just stuck?

Speaker 2 (18:19):
It can sound that way, but I think it's actually liberating.
It doesn't mean we're doomed to our baseline. It means
we've been looking for happiness in the wrong places.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
Okay, so where should we be looking if not achievements
or external circumstances.

Speaker 2 (18:32):
Happiness isn't really a destination you arrive at. It's more
of a byproduct. Yeah, it arises naturally when you engage
with life in certain ways, a byproduct of what primarily
it seems to be a byproduct of three things. First, progress,
the feeling of growth, learning, moving towards meaningful goals, mastering skills,
the journey.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
Itself, not just the arrival right.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Second, connection, deep meaningful relationships with others, belonging support into
me we are social creatures makes sense.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
And the third.

Speaker 2 (19:03):
Giving or contribution, doing things for others, contributing to something
larger than yourself, making a positive impact, acts of kindness.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Purpose, progress, connection giving not possessions, status or fleeting pleasures.

Speaker 2 (19:19):
Those things might bring temporary joy, but the deeper, more
stable sense of well being seems to flow from those
three pillars. We look outside for happiness, but it's cultivated
internally through these actions.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
So back to the cat analogy.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Exactly, the more you frantically chase the cat happiness, the
more it runs. Yeah, but when you just get busy
doing your thing, engaging in activities that foster progress, connection,
or contribution.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
That's when the cat might just wander over and settle
down beside you uninvited.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
Precisely, it shows up when you're not desperately looking for it.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
I've definitely lived that treadmill life, thinking once I get
that promotion or once I buy that house, there'd be
that brief high, for sure, but then it just became
the new normal. The feeling didn't last. It often felt
kind of hollow. But then you know, getting really absorbed
in a challenging project that felt meaningful, or having a
truly connecting conversation with a friend, or even just helping

(20:10):
someone out unexpectedly, those moments brought this quiet, unexpected joy
that felt much more real, more substantial, and that.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Fits perfectly with the science. Our brains adapt to achievements.
They become the new baseline. The real satisfaction, the enduring kind,
comes from the journey, the growth, the connections we build
along the way.

Speaker 1 (20:30):
Even though society constantly tells us otherwise, right by this,
achieve that, then you'll be happy.

Speaker 2 (20:34):
Society definitely contributes to the trap, emphasizing consumerism and external validation.
It distracts us from where genuine well being often resides.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
So the profoundly counterintuitive solution is stop chasing happiness directly.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
Yes, instead, focus your energy on things that bring meaning,
facilitate growth, deepen connections, and allow you to contribute, and
let happiness be the unexpected welcome guest that shows up
when you're busy living a full life.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
The less you need it as the primary goal, the
more likely it is to appear.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
It's perhaps the biggest paradox of them all.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
So a question for you, Yeah, where are you maybe
caught in that happiness trip chasing external goals thinking they
hold the key?

Speaker 2 (21:16):
And where could you shift your focus instead towards progress, connection, contribution?

Speaker 1 (21:21):
How might that shift change what happiness feels like for you?
Maybe less like a frantic chase and more like a quiet,
steady presence. A right, let's dive into something a bit well,
maybe less comfortable, but incredibly important for understanding ourselves. Your brain,
my brain, everyone's brain. It's not fundamentally a truth seeking machine.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
Ooh, controversial m m, but largely.

Speaker 3 (21:43):
True, right, Nope.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
It's more like a pattern matching machine, a survival machine,
and it often operates with some pretty strong delusions of objectivity.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
Illusions of objectivity like that because.

Speaker 1 (21:52):
Right now, as you listen, your brain is running dozens
of cognitive biases, constantly editing reality information, and mostly we're
completely unaware it's happening.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
It's like we're all walking around wearing invisible Instagram filters over.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Our eyes, Yes, filters for reality, but we genuinely believe
we're seeing the raw unedited feed hashtag no filter needed, right,
but the filter is always on.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
It's a brilliant analogy. Our brains are incredibly efficient, designed
to make quick judgments and find patterns to navigate a
complex world, but that efficiency comes at the cost of pure,
unbiased objectivity.

Speaker 1 (22:31):
So these biases they're not necessarily flaws.

Speaker 2 (22:35):
Not exactly flaws in the sense of being broken. They're
more like mental shortcuts, heuristics that worked well enough for
survival throughout evolution, but they definitely distort our perception of reality.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
Okay, give us some examples. What are some common biases
we should know about.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
Well, they're tons, but let's hit a few big ones. First,
confirmation bias. This is huge. What is it. It's our
tendency to actively seek out, interpret, and remember information that
confirms our pre existing beliefs while ignoring or downplaying evidence
that contradicts them.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
So if I think brand X cards are unreliable, I'll
notice every story about one breaking down and ignore the
thousands running fine.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
Exactly. It makes our worldview feel consistent and comfortable, even
if it's kewed. Then there's the halo effect.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Halo effect like angels.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Huh, sort of. It's when our overall impression of a person,
often based on one trait like physical attractiveness, influences how
we judge their other characteristics.

Speaker 1 (23:27):
Yeah, we assume a practice, people are also smarter, kinder,
more competent.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Often yes, even without any evidence, a good first impression
can create an undeserved halo that colors everything else unfair
but common.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
Okay, what else lost of version?

Speaker 2 (23:41):
This one drives a lot of financial behavior. Basically, the
pain of losing something feels psychologically about twice as powerful
as the pleasure of gaining something equivalent.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
So I'd hate losing one hundred dollars more than I'd
enjoy finding one hundred dollars.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
Precisely, which makes us overly cautious. Maybe holding onto losing
stocks too long just to avoid ystallizing the loss makes sense.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
One more, How about illusory superiority? This is the fun one.

Speaker 2 (24:07):
Illusory superiority sounds impressive.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
It's the tendency for people to overestimate their own positive
qualities and abilities and underestimate their negative qualities relative to others. Basically,
thinking you're above average everything pretty much driving ability sense
of humor, intelligence, ethical behavior. Statistically, most people rate themselves
as better than average, which of course is mathematically impossible

(24:30):
if everyone thinks it.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Huh okay, I have definitely caught myself doing that. I
once genuinely believed I was an above average parallel Parker
until objective evidence aka scrape tubcaps proved otherwise. My brain
was just giving itself a participation trophy.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
That's a perfect relatable example. It's humbling, isn't it. And
these biases lead to some uncomfortable patterns, like judging others
harshly by their actions, what an idiot cutting me off,
but judging ourselves by our intentions. Whoops, didn't see them,
I didn't mean to cut them off. Oh yeah, totally
do that. And we remember our successes so clearly, but
our failures get kind of fuzzy or rationalized away.

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Our internal pr machine is always spinning the story in
our favor. And the really tricky part is the source
material points out, is you can't just decide to turn
these biases off.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
They're automatic, hardwired.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Largely, yes, they're evolutionary shortcuts. They operate quickly beneath conscious
awareness most of the time.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
So if we can't switch them off. Are we just
doomed to live in our own filtered reality bubble? What
can we actually do?

Speaker 2 (25:34):
That's the crucial question. And the answer isn't eliminating biases,
because that's likely impossible. The answer is.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
Awareness, just knowing the exist, knowing they.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
Exist, understanding how they work, and actively looking for them
in your own thinking. Awareness is your superpower here.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
How does that help if they're automatic?

Speaker 2 (25:51):
Because even if you can't stop the initial biased thought
or feeling from arising, awareness gives you a crucial moment
of pause, a chance to question it.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
So when I feel absolutely certain about something, or make
a really quick judgment about someone.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Pause, ask yourself. Okay, hold on which bias might be
influencing me right now? Is this confirmation bias reinforcing what
I already believe is the halo effect? Making me too trusting?
Am I falling prey to illusory superiority? Here?

Speaker 1 (26:21):
It's like adding a fact checker layer to your own
thoughts exactly.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
It's introducing a degree of healthy skepticism about your own certainty.
It doesn't mean you're always wrong, but it means you're
acknowledging the possibility that your brain's Instagram filter is on.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
So the takeaway for you, next time you find yourself
utterly convinced or harshly judging, or strongly resisting a new idea,
just pause.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Remember your brain is constantly editing reality to fit your
existing narrative.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
At least now you know the filter exists. How might
that awareness change how you process information, make decisions, or
interact with others. Could it lead to more humility, more
open mindedness?

Speaker 2 (26:57):
Okay, building right on that idea of or bias shortcut
loving brains, get ready for this next one. It might
really challenge how you think about your own decision making.
Brace yourself. Ninety percent of your decisions are emotional ninety.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Percent ninety Only about ten percent are truly driven by logic.
This is a shocking statistic for most of us because
we like to believe we'rrational creatures, right weighing pros and
cons making reasoned choices.

Speaker 2 (27:22):
We pride ourselves on our logic.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
But the reality seems to be your rational mind isn't
really the one driving the bus most of the time.
It's more like the narrator sitting in the passenger seat
explaining why the bus just turned left after the emotional
driver already yanked the wheel.

Speaker 2 (27:36):
Huh, that's a great image rationalization after the fact.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Exactly, think about big life choices your career. Did you
really pick it based purely on a logical spreadsheet analysis
of salary benefits and market trends.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
Or did you feel a pole at excitement, a sense
of calling maybe, or even just a feeling of this
feels right.

Speaker 1 (27:56):
And then after feeling that pole, you constructed the logical
reasons to justify it. Oh, well, the salary is good
and there's room for growth and it aligns with.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
My values, backfilling the logic to support the.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Feeling right, or that gut feeling you get about a
person instantly, that immediate sense of I like this person
or something feels off here.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
That's your emotional brain firing on all cylinders, processing thousands,
maybe millions of micro signals, facial expressions, tone of voice,
body language, way faster than your conscious mind could ever
list them.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
So in a way, our emotions are actually smarter, faster.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
At least, the science here is fascinating. Your emotional brain,
the limbic system processes information at an absolutely staggering speed
compared to your logical brain. The neocortex somesmates say it's
up to five hundred thousand times faster.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
Half a million times faster. That's insane.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
It is so by the time your conscious logical mind
even starts to engage to analyze the situation, your emotions
have often already assessed it and made an initial judgment
or decision a feeling.

Speaker 1 (28:57):
So we're not really making logical decisions most of the time.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
They're often just finding logical reasons for what we've already
decided on an emotional level. It sounds crazy, but think
about it.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Okay, but aren't emotions irrational unreliable? Shouldn't we try to
suppress them and be more logical.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
That's the traditional view, but maybe it's misguided. Instead of
seeing emotions as irrational forces to be battled, what if
we saw them as valuable data.

Speaker 1 (29:20):
Data.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
How so, they are the output of that incredibly fast,
holistic processing system. They're taking in vast amounts of subtle
information from our environment and our internal state and synthesizing
it into a feeling, a gut, instinct and intuition.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
So that feeling is actually information.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
It's rapid pattern recognition honed by evolution. Think about survival.
If you sense danger. You don't have time for a
logical debate. You need to feel fear and react instantly.
That emotional response is highly intelligent in that context.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
That makes so much sense. I've definitely had this moment
where my head was screaming, yes, this is logical, but
my gut was just churning feeling totally.

Speaker 2 (30:01):
Wrong and which one was usually right in the end.

Speaker 1 (30:03):
Honestly, usually the feeling. Ignoring it often led to regret later.
It felt like this internal wisdom I wasn't listening to.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
It's striking how often that happens. And it's not necessarily
bad news that emotions are so dominant. Actually it's potentially
great news.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
How is it great news? It sounds like we're just
puppets of our feelings, because.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
It means we have access to this incredibly powerful, super fast,
intuitive processing system that's constantly feeding us valuable data about
the world and our place in it. The trick isn't
to ignore it or be ruled by it, but to
learn how to use it intelligently.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Okay, So, if emotions are driving ninety percent of the
time and they're processing things super fast, where does our
conscious control our ten percent logic actually come in where's
our power?

Speaker 2 (30:49):
Our real power lies in the gap, the pause, pause,
the pause between the feeling and the action, that brief moment,
sometimes just a fraction of a second, where you become
aware of the emotion rising, anger, fear, joy, intuition, whatever
it is.

Speaker 1 (31:02):
Okay, I feel the anger.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
Then what Instead of immediately reacting from the anger, yelling,
sending the anger email, you pause. You acknowledge it. Okay,
I'm feeling angry right now. You treat it as data?
What is this anger telling me? Is a boundary being crossed?
Is there an injustice?

Speaker 1 (31:17):
So you listen to the emotion, but don't let it
dictate the immediate action exactly.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
You use your conscious logical mind to interpret the emotional
data and then choose a skillful response rather than having
an automatic, unthinking reaction. That pause is where wisdom and
emotional intelligence live.

Speaker 1 (31:36):
That's powerful. Using the ten percent to work within ninety percent.

Speaker 2 (31:39):
Precisely, not fighting it, but integrating it.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
So for you listening, how often do you really tune
into your emotions as valuable data or do you tend
to dismiss them as a rational noise or worse, let
them hijack your behavior instantly?

Speaker 2 (31:54):
What might change if you practice inserting that conscious pause
more often, that space between feeling in action. How could
you use your emotions to inform your choices without letting
them control you.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
Okay, let's talk about something we rely on every single day,
something fundamental to our sense of self. Our memory. We
tend to think of our memories like perfect little video
clips stored in our brain's archive.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Right, yeah, like a reliable recording of the past.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
But here's an idea that might seriously unsettle you. Your
memories aren't recordings at all. They're much more like Wikipedia pages.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Wikipedia pages how so.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
Well anyone can edit them, and the main editor, the
one constantly tweaking, updating and sometimes just making stuff.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
Up, is you now.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
So memory isn't fixed, not even close.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
It's a truly mind bending concept. But the science suggests
that every single time you recall a memory, you actually
change it. The act of remembering makes the memory malleable,
open to revision.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
So I'm not accessing the original file.

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Nope, your brain doesn't retrieve a perfect, pristine file from
some mental filing cabinet. It reconstructs the event each time
you think about it.

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Reconstruct us using what.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
Using fragments of the original experience, but also filling in
the gaps with your current knowledge, your current beliefs, your
current emotional state. It subtly modifies details based on new
experiences you've had since.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
And sometimes it just invents things.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
Sometimes it straight up invents details that feel completely real.
Because the brain's priority isn't perfect factual accuracy. Its priority
is creating a coherent story, a narrative that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
Now, this is huge. So the implication is I'm not
actually remembering the original event itself.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
You're remembering the last time you remembered it. Each recall
creates a new, slightly altered version.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
My mind is slightly blown right now. The more I
remember something, the further it might be drifting from what
actually happened.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
It seems that way. It's fascinating, but yeah, also a
little unnerving makes you question your entire life story, doesn't it?

Speaker 2 (33:51):
It really does. Is there solid proof for this?

Speaker 1 (33:54):
Oh yeah, tons of research. Scientists like Elizabeth Loftis have
famously shown they can implant completely false memories into people's minds.

Speaker 2 (34:02):
False memories like.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
What memories of events that never happened, like being lost
in a shopping mall, as a child with suggestion and repetition.
People not only accept these false memories, but often elaborate
on them with vivid sensory details, absolutely convinced they're real.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
That's disturbing. Think about the implications for eyewitness testimony in court.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Exactly. Someone can be incredibly confident about what they saw,
genuinely believing it, but their memory could have been contaminated
or altered by subsequent information stress or even the way
questions were asked. It could be part fact, part reconstruction.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
Even deeply personal emotional memories, childhood stuff traumise.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
Those two might be susceptible to re editing over time,
not necessarily intentionally, but just as a natural function of
how this reconstructive memory system works. Our brain is like
this unreliable narrator, constantly polishing the script, pretending it's a
documentary filmmaker.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Crafting a story that fits our current self image.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
Maybe that seems like likely. It explains why two people
can recall the same shared event from years ago so differently.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, you argue with a sibling or a
friend about a childhood memory.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
No it happened this way, No you said that, not me,
and you're both totally convinced your version is the objective.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
Truth, because you're both remembering your last edited version of
the memory.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
It's wild. I remember having this exact argument with my
brother about some silly detail from a family vacation decades ago.
We both swore we were right. It's humbling to think
maybe neither of us had the pure memory anymore.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
It is humbling. But the remarkable thing is this isn't
necessarily a flaw. It's likely an adaptive feature.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
How is being unreliable adaptive?

Speaker 2 (35:39):
Because it allows us to integrate new information, learn from experiences,
and update our understanding of the past in light of
the present. It helps us create a cohesive personal narrative
that supports who we are now. If memories were fixed
and unchangeable, maybe we couldn't grow or adapt as easily.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
Okay, that makes sense. It allows for a personal evolution.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
But still, wow, stepping back, it really highlights the need
for critical thinking, not just about the world outside, but
about our own internal narratives, our own past.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
But wait, if memories are malleable, if we are constantly editing,
isn't there a huge opportunity there?

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Ah? Now you're getting the empowering part.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
Go on, If I'm already the editor of my own
life story, couldn't I choose to edit it more consciously,
not by lying or making things up, but by choosing
which aspects to focus on, how to frame past events precisely.

Speaker 2 (36:31):
Since the editing is happening anyway, why not take the
pen and edit with intention?

Speaker 1 (36:35):
So instead of focusing only on the pain of a
past failure, I could choose to emphasize the lessons learned,
the resilience I discovered, the growth that came from it exactly.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
You can consciously reframe challenges, highlight strengths you demonstrated, and
build a personal narrative that empowers you today rather than
one that holds you back. It's about leveraging the brain's
natural reconstructive tendency to serve your well being and future goals.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Wow. So a question for you listening, Since you're already
the editor in chief of your own life's story, how
might you consciously choose to reframe certain chapters?

Speaker 2 (37:10):
How could you emphasize different themes resilience, learning, gratitude to
craft a narrative that empowers your present and shapes a
more positive future. What story are you choosing to tell yourself.

Speaker 1 (37:21):
Okay, let's shift focus a bit towards effectiveness and getting
things done. Want a principle that could fundamentally change how
you approach your work, your time, even your relationships.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
Let's hear it.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
Understand this, Roughly twenty percent of what you do creates
eighty percent of your results.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
Ah, the Pareto principle, the eighty twenty.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Rule exactly, and the flip side is the other eighty
percent of your effort. It's often just generating a tiny
twenty percent of the value. It's expensive, noise.

Speaker 2 (37:45):
A lot of tivity, not much impact.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
Right, And the sad truth is most of us spend
a huge amount of time majoring in minor things. We
get caught up in low impact activities, the busy work,
the things that fill the hours but don't really move
the needle.

Speaker 2 (37:58):
We confuse being busy with being productive. They are absolutely
not the same thing.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
So this eighty twenty rule, it applies everywhere.

Speaker 2 (38:06):
It's astonishingly pervasive. It's not a strict mathematical law. Obviously,
the numbers aren't always exactly eighty twenty, but the underlying
principle of unequal distribution holds true.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
In so many domains like what give us some examples.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
Okay, think about work tasks. Maybe twenty percent of your
tasks generate eighty percent of the actual value or contribution
you make. The rest is administration less, critical meetings, et cetera. Relationships,
Perhaps twenty percent of the people in your life bring
you eighty percent of your joy, support and connection problems habits. Conversely,
maybe twenty percent of your habits or recurring problems cause

(38:41):
eighty percent of your stress or friction. Business. It's classic
In business, twenty percent of customers often generate eighty percent
of the revenue, or twenty percent of products drive eighty
percent of the profit. Personal life, even look in your closet.
You probably wear about twenty percent of your clothes eighty
percent of the time. The rest just hangs there.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Huh, that is disturbingly true for my closet. Okay, So
impact isn't evenly spread. Some things matter way more than others.

Speaker 2 (39:04):
Exactly. This source material puts it starkly. Life isn't fair.
It's exponential. Small inputs can have disproportionately massive outputs, both
good and bad. It completely challenges that linear idea that
more effort always equals better results.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Sometimes more effort on the wrong things just digs you
deeper into inefficiency. This is both brutal and liberating, isn't it.
I remember spending hours once meticulously formatting this report, making
it look perfect, graphs, colors, the works.

Speaker 2 (39:31):
Huh. Felt productive right totally.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
But in the end that report had almost zero impact
on the project's outcome. Meanwhile, a quick fifteen minute conversation
I had with a key manager that was what actually
unlocked the next step and move things forward.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
A class of eighty twenty example. Right there, you were
majoring in the minor task the report, while the major
impact came from the vital few the conversation.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
It was a real wake up call. But embracing this
it also means being honest about what isn't working, what
is noise.

Speaker 3 (40:03):
That can be uncomfortable, It absolutely can.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Yeah, confronting the fact that maybe eighty percent of what
you're doing isn't delivering significant results requires honesty and courage.
But the flip side is the opportunity, which is, if
you can identify your vital twenty percent, those key activities, relationships, habits, customers,
whatever it is that truly drives the results you want.
You can consciously choose to double down on.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Those focus your energy there.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
Yes, and just as importantly, you can look for ways
to strategically minimize, delegate, automate, or simply eliminate much of
the low impact eighty percent.

Speaker 1 (40:35):
Imagine cutting eighty percent of your effort and seeing only
a twenty percent dip in results, or maybe even an
increase because you're focusing better.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
That's the potential power here. It's not about laziness. It's
about ruthless prioritization based on actual impact. It frees up
incredible amounts of time and energy.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
So how do we find our twenty percent?

Speaker 2 (40:53):
You have to ask tough questions. What activities truly energize
me and produce disproportionate results, Which relationships deeply nourish me,
Which habits are foundational to my well being or success?
Which tasks if I did only these, would still achieve
most of my important goals.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
It requires reflection and analysis and honesty.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
It's about shifting from valuing busyness to valuing effectiveness.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
Okay, so the challenge for you listening, where in your
life are you currently majoring in minor things? Spending eighty
percent of your time on stuff that only yields twenty
percent of the value.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
How might you identify your vital twenty percent Those high
leverage activities relationships are habits.

Speaker 1 (41:30):
And what could you start doing differently to double down
on that twenty percent and consciously prune away some of
the eighty percent? How could that simplify your life and
amplify your results?

Speaker 2 (41:39):
Okay, staying with this theme of efficiency in how we operate,
let's talk about habits. Yeah, because so much of our
day runs on them. Here's a perspective shift for you.

Speaker 1 (41:47):
You don't really have bad habit Okay, tell me more.
What you have are perfectly functioning habit loops that just
happen to have terrible rewards or negative consent sequences.

Speaker 2 (42:00):
Ah, I see where you're going. The system works perfectly,
it's just producing an outcome we don't want exactly.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Our lives are largely run by this autopilot system, these
ingrained loops that we barely even notice most of the time.
Understanding the simple loop is the key to changing almost anything.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
And that fundamental pattern identified by researchers is incredibly simple.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
Isn't it deceptively simple? It's q routine reward.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Queue, routine reward. That's it. Every single habit, good or bad,
follows that structure.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
So break it down. How does this loop work in practice?

Speaker 2 (42:32):
Okay, let's take a common modern habit constantly checking your phone.
The queue might be a feeling boredom, anxiety, stress, or
it could be external a notification sound, seeing your phone
on the desk, a specific time of day. The routine
is the action you take unlock the phone, open, social
media starts scrolling endlessly. The reward is what your brain

(42:54):
gets out of it. Maybe a temporary hit of dope,
mean from seeing something new, a feeling of connection, even superficial,
a distraction from the uncomfortable que feeling. But often that
reward is followed by less desirable feelings, more stress, comparison,
wasted time.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Right, or take a junk food habit. The queue stress, tiredness,
maybe seeing an ad or just walking past the kitchen.
The routine grab a bag of chips, a cookie, some
ice cream. The reward a temporary sugar rush, a feeling
of comfort or indulgence, brief relief from the stress.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
Queue again, a short term reward, often followed by guilt,
energy crash, or negative health impacts. Long term.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
And the crucial insight here is that your brain doesn't
actually care if the habit is helping you or hurting
you in the long run, does it not?

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Really? It just recognizes, ah, this Q happened. Performing this
routine led to this reward last time. Let's run the
program again. It's efficient. The neural pathway gets reinforced, becoming
like a super fast highway in your brain.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
It just runs the script because it's familiar and it
delivered some kind of reward, however fleeting or ultimately damaging.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
Exactly, it's just seeking the reward as associated with that cue.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Okay, so here's the really critical part that often gets missed.
If these loops are like permanent highways, can you actually
delete a bad habit?

Speaker 2 (44:11):
That's the kicker. Ye. You generally cannot delete a habit
loop once it's ingrained. Trying to just stop doing something
through sheer willpower is incredibly difficult and often fails.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
It's like trying to just not drive down a highway
that's right there. Your car naturally wants to take the
easy route.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
Excellent analogy. So if you can't delete it, what can
you do?

Speaker 1 (44:30):
You have to replace the routine.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Bingo you keep the queue, you aim for a similar reward,
but you consciously insert a different, better routine in the middle.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
So let's use a stress eating example. The queue is stress.
The reward I'm seeking is comfort or relief. What's a
replacement routine?

Speaker 2 (44:47):
Instead of reaching for the cookie old routine when you
feel that stress cue, you could intentionally choose a new routine.
Maybe do ten pushups, go for a brisk five minute walk,
listen to one calm song, texas supportive friend, practice deep
breathing for sixty seconds.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
And those things could also provide the reward of stress
relief for a mental break Exactly.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
You satisfy the brain's craving for a reward in response
to the queue, but you do it with a routine
that serves you better. You're essentially hijacking the old loop
and reprogramming.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
Wow, that feels much more achievable than just gritting my
teeth and trying not to eat the cookie. You're giving
the brain an alternative path.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
And it's crucial because estimate suggests the average person runs
something like forty percent of their entire day on autopilot
driven by these habit loops.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
Forty percent. That's huge, Almost half our waking life is
just running programs.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Imagine the transformation possible if you consciously redesigned even a
few of those key loops so your autopilot was working
for you towards your goals instead of against you.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
I actually did this. I used to hit an energy
slump every afternoon, like clockwork, around three pm. That was
my cue. My routine was grabbing a sugary coffee or
snack for the reward that quick energy boost classical loup.
But then I'd crash later, so I redesigned it. Q
was still the three pm slump, but the new routine
is stand up, drink a glass of water, and walk
outside for five minutes, even just around the block. And

(46:09):
the reward same reward, basically a break, a mental reset,
and energy lift. But it's sustainable, healthier, and actually makes
me feel better long term. Yeah, it took a little
conscious effort at first, but now it feels pretty automatic.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
That's a perfect illustration, And what's fascinating is realizing the
brain isn't trying to sabotage you with bad habits. It's
just trying to be efficient running the scripts it learned.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
So the power isn't in fighting the brain, but in
understanding its operating system and working with it.

Speaker 2 (46:37):
Exactly consciously design the loops, keep the queue, keep a
satisfying reward, but upgrade the routine. Simple concept, profound impact.

Speaker 1 (46:47):
So the question for you, what's one habit loop in
your life right now that's maybe a perfectly functioning system,
but delivers a terrible reward or outcome.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Identify the queue, the routine, and the reward it currently.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Provides, and then how could you conciously redesigned just the routine?
What new action could you insert that provides a similar
or even better reward, helping you harness that autopilot for good.
All right, we're nearing the end of our deep dive,
and I want to leave you with the concept that
for me, ties so much of this together. It's about
the hidden power in the smallest actions. Here's the math

(47:19):
that reveals the ultimate secret weapon for change. Get just
one percent better each day.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
One percent seems tiny.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Tiny, right, But one percent daily improvement compounded over year
doesn't equal three hundred and sixty five percent improvement. It
equals wait for it, three seven hundred and seventy eight
percent improvement.

Speaker 2 (47:36):
Well, thirty seven times better.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
Thirty seven times better from a one percent daily edge.
It's the magic of compounding, and it means that tiny choices,
those seemingly insignificant things you do consistently every single day,
they aren't insignificant at all. They create massive destiny.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
It's the power of compound interest. But applied to your habits,
your skills, your knowledge, your health, your relationships, everything.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
We so often dismiss small choices, don't we Reading ten
pages won't make a difference saving five dollars as pointless
doing ten push ups? What's that going to do?

Speaker 2 (48:11):
We look for the big leap, the overnight success, the
dramatic transformation, and we completely underestimate the astonishing power of small, consistent,
incremental gains accumulating over time.

Speaker 1 (48:23):
Why do we do that? Why do we overlook the
small stuff?

Speaker 2 (48:26):
I think a big part of it is in patience.
The initial results of tiny improvements are often invisible or
barely noticeable. You don't see a six pack after one workout.
You don't become fluent after one language lesson.

Speaker 1 (48:37):
Right, So it doesn't feel rewarding immediately exactly.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
And we live in a culture that creates instant gratification,
So we give up before the compounding effect really has
a chance to work its magic and enter that exponential
growth curve.

Speaker 1 (48:48):
We overestimate what we can achieve in a day or a.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
Week, and dramatically underestimate what we can achieve in a
year or five years through consistent small actions.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
Let's make it concrete. Give us some examples of this
one percent compounding in action.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
Okay, simple stuff reading, Like you said, ten pages a
day seems small, but that's three six hundred and fifty
pages a year. That's easily ten twelve substantial books. Imagine
the culative knowledge after five or ten years of that.
Saving five dollars a day feels trivial, but that's one
eight hundred and twenty five dollars a year plus interest.
Keep that up consistently, invest it wisely. Decades later, it's

(49:25):
a serious amount of money. Exercise Just fifteen twenty minutes
of moderate exercise daily doesn't sound like much, but do
that consistently for a year, you'll likely have a significantly
transformed body, more energy, better health markers. It's not about
the intensity of one single action. It's about the relentless
consistency of small actions.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
But here's the scary part. Right, it works birthways.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
Oh absolutely. The compound effect works just as powerfully in reverse,
getting one percent worse each.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
Day, which could be making slightly poorer food choices, skipping
that walk, spending fifteen extra minutes scrolling instead of connecting.

Speaker 2 (49:58):
If you decline by just one percent daily by the
end of the year, you're down to only about three
percent of where you started. You've effectively wiped yourself out.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Wow, one slightly bad choice seems meaningless today.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
Skipping one workout, no big deal. Eating one extra donut whatever.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Let skip one hundred workouts over the year, eat one
hundred extra donuts. The cumulative result is dramatic and undeniable.

Speaker 2 (50:21):
Small choices seem utterly insignificant until suddenly they aren't. They
are the tiny threads that weave the fabric of your future, health, wealth,
and wisdom.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
It really reframes everything. It's not about finding massive bursts
of motivation.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
No motivation is fickle, willpower is exhaustible. The secret isn't
relying on those, it's building systems, consistent daily systems that
automate those tiny positive choices and leverage the power of compounding.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
I saw this firsthand. I wanted to write a book.
This huge, daunting goal. I kept putting it off, waiting
for big blocks of free time or inspiration, which never
really arrived do they exactly? Then I decided to just
commit to writing one paragraph a day, seriously, just one.
Some days it was terrible, some days it flowed into more,
but I did it almost every day. It felt ridiculously

(51:08):
small at first, almost pointless, but I stuck with it,
and within about a year, astonishingly, I had a complete
first draft of the manuscript. That tiny, consistent action compounded
into something huge blew my mind.

Speaker 2 (51:22):
That's a perfect powerful example. It shows that the real
driver isn't the size of the goal, but the consistency
of the system you build to move towards it.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
So how do we shift our focus from obsessing over
the big, intimidating goal to just focusing on the tiny
daily action.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
You focus on the system. You ask, what's the one
percent action I can take today? Forget the marathon, Just
focus on putting one foot in front of the other
right now.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
One healthy meal today, one page read today, one push
up today, one kind word today.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Makes the action so small it's almost impossible not to
do it. Then trust the compound effect to handle the
heavy lifting. Over time, it will silently work its magic
in the background.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
So the final challenge for you, what tiny, seemingly insignificant
positive choice could you commit to making today, and.

Speaker 2 (52:07):
Not just today, but tomorrow and the day after.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
What one percent improvement could you start compounding knowing that
over a year it could lead to a massive, almost
unimaginable transformation in your life. Okay, wow, we have covered
a lot of ground today, some really mind bending ideas,
haven't we.

Speaker 2 (52:24):
We really have, from the brain cleaning itself at night,
to the paradoxes of effort and control, happiness, bias, memory.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
The power of habits, the eighty twenty rule, the magic
of compounding small choices. It's a whirlwind. But it all connects,
doesn't it.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
It really does. It paints a cohesive picture of how
we operate and how we can navigate life more effectively.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
So let's try to synthesize this. What's the ultimate takeaway?
If there was a cheat code for living, distilled from
all these insights, what would it be?

Speaker 2 (52:51):
I think it boils down to a fundamental shift in perspective.
The core idea that emerges is this life isn't about
finding yourself, as if your true self is hiding somewhere,
waiting to be discovered.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
It's about creating yourself exactly.

Speaker 2 (53:07):
You're not uncovering some predetermined destiny. You are actively building
your life, your character, your reality, choice by choice, habit
by habit, thought by thought, day by day.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
That feels incredibly empowering.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
We are the architects we are, and all.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
The principles we discussed today are essentially tools in that
architect's toolkit. They show us how to build more consciously,
more skillfully.

Speaker 1 (53:29):
So can we break down that sheet code into actionable steps?
Based on everything we've talked about?

Speaker 2 (53:34):
I think we could distill it into three core, interconnected principles.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Okay, lay them on us.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
Number one Number one, except what you can't control, which,
as we learn, for the control paradox is almost everything
external events, other people, outcomes. Truly accepting this frees up
immense energy.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
Okay, radical acceptance of the uncontrollable. Number two.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Number two, master what you can control? And what are
those things.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
Again, my action and my reactions?

Speaker 2 (54:01):
Precisely, this connects directly to the effort paradox, choosing relaxed,
focused action over desperate striving, and it links to the
ninety ten emotional rule, using that pause between feeling and
action to choose your response wisely. This is where your
true power lies.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
Except what you can't master, what you can make sense.
What's number three?

Speaker 2 (54:22):
Number three? Compound tiny improvements daily. This is the engine
of change. It's a practical application of understanding habit loops,
consciously designing better routines, and leveraging the incredible power the
compound effect by focusing on consistent one percent games except
the uncontrollable.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
Master your actions and reactions compound tiny winds daily.

Speaker 2 (54:44):
That's the essence of it.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
Wow, it sounds so beautifully simple when you put it
like that, almost laughably simple.

Speaker 2 (54:50):
Maybe it is. But each of those three points is
a deep well of understanding and practice, drawing on everything
we explore today.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
They weave together the insites about our psychology, our biases,
how happiness works, how change happens.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Exactly if we connect all these dots, what emerges is
a powerful, practical manual for navigating life. It's grounded in
the realities of how our brains work, why we struggle,
and where our genuine capacity for growth and well being
truly lives.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
So for everyone listening, you now have the manual, or
at least the key chapters.

Speaker 2 (55:22):
You have a deeper understanding of your own operating system.

Speaker 1 (55:25):
You understand how your brain filters reality, why happiness can
be elusive if chased directly, how your memories are constantly
being rewritten, how have its form and how to change them.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
You know that emotions are data, that most things are
outside your control but your responses aren't, and that the
smallest consistent actions create your destiny.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
This isn't just interesting information, it's genuine empowerment. It's the
potential to shift from being a passive passenger reacting to life,
to becoming the conscious creator, the architect of your experience.

Speaker 2 (55:55):
It's an invitation to take the wheel using these principles
as your guide.

Speaker 1 (55:59):
So the final most important question for you right now,
knowing all this, understanding this cheat code, what's one immediate,
concrete step, however small, you'll take today to start applying it.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
What's one action you'll take to begin consciously creating the
life you truly desire using the insights we've unpacked. Hashtag
nac outro.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
As you go about the rest of your day, maybe
molis over if your life genuinely is a story you're
constantly editing, and if your daily choices are compounding relentlessly,
what narrative are you choosing to build starting right now?

Speaker 2 (56:33):
What tiny conscious act will you take today that reflects
these deeper truths. We've explored an act of letting go,
a consciously chosen response, a one percent improvement.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
It's in those small, intentional moments, repeated consistently, that your
future really begins to take shape.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
And remember, this deep dive reminds us that knowledge isn't
just for collecting. Its real power lies in application and
self reflection and in continuous growth. It's about integrating these
ideas into how you actually live.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
Thank you so much for joining us on this exploration today.
Keep exploring these ideas, keep asking questions about how you operate,
and most importantly, start applying these powerful insights, start creating.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
I hope this has given you valuable tools and perspectives.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
We'll be here next time, ready to unpack another fascinating
aspect of this complex yet maybe simple thing called life.