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Section three of the Life of Charlemagne. This is a
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The Life of Charlemagne by Knotger the Stammerer, translated by
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Arthur James Grant, Section three, Book one, Part three. In
the same journey, too, he came to a bishop who
lived in a place through which he must needs pass. Now,
on that day, being the sixth day of the week,
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he was not willing to eat the flesh of beast
or bird. And the Bishop, being by reason of the
nature of the place, unable to procure fish, upon the sudden,
ordered some excellent cheese, rich and creamy, to be placed
before him. And the most self restrained Charles, with the
readiness which he showed everywhere and on all occasions, spared
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the blushes of the Bishop, and required no better fare, but,
taking up his knife, cut off the skin, which he
thought on savory, and fell to on the white of
the cheese. Thereupon, the Bishop, who was standing near like
a servant, drew closer and said, why do you do that,
Lord Emperor? You are throwing away the very best part. Then, Charles,
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who deceived no one and did not believe that any
one would deceive him on the persuasion of the Bishop,
put a piece of the skin in his mouth and
slowly ate it, and swallowed it like butter. Then, approving
of the advice of the Bishop, he said, very true,
my good host, And he added, be sure to send
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me every year to ex two cart loads of just
such cheeses. The bishop was alarmed at the impossibility of
the task, and fearful of losing both his rank and
his office. He rejoined, my Lord, I can procure the cheeses,
but I cannot tell which are of this quality, in
which of another. Much I fear lest I fall under
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your censure. Then Charles, from whose penetration and skill nothing
could escape, however new or strange it might be, spoke
thus to the Bishop, who from childhood had known such cheeses,
and yet could not test them. Cut them in two.
He said, then, fastened together with a skewer those that
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you find to be of the right quality, and keep
them in your cellar for a time, and then send
them to me. The rest you may keep for yourself
and your clergy in your family. This was done for
two years, and the king ordered the present of cheeses
to be taken in without remark. Then in the third
year the bishop brought in person his laboriously collected cheeses.
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But the most just Charles pitied his labor and anxiety,
and added to the bishopric an excellent estate, whence he
and his successors might provide themselves with corn and wine.
As we have shown how the most wise Charles exalted
the humble, let us now show how he brought low
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the proud. There was a bishop who sought above measure,
vanities and the fame of men. The most cunning Charles
heard of this and told a certain Jewish merchant, whose
custom it was to go to the land of Promise
and bring from thence rare and wonderful things to the
countries beyond the sea, to deceive or cheat this bishop
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in whatever way he could. So, the jew caught an
ordinary household mouse and stuffed it with various spices, and
then offered it for sale to the bishop, saying that
he had brought this most precious, never before seen animal
from Judea. The bishop, delighted with what he thought a
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stroke of luck, and offered the jew three pounds of
silver for the precious were, then, said the jew a
fine price. Indeed, for so precious an article, I had
rather throw it into the sea than let any man
have it at so cheap and shameful a price. So
the bishop, who had much wealth and never gave anything
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to the poor, offered him ten pounds of silver for
the incomparable treasure. But the cunning rascal, with pretended indignation, replied,
the God of Abraham forbid that I should thus lose
the fruit of my labor and journeyings. Then our avaricious bishop,
all eager for the prize, offered twenty pounds, But the Jew,
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in high dudgeon, wrapped up the mouse in the most
costly silk and made as if he would depart. Then
the bishop, as thoroughly taken in as he deserved to be,
offered a full measure of silver for the priceless object.
And so at last our traitor yielded to his entreaties
with much show of reluctance, and taking the money, went
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to the Emperor and told him everything. A few days later,
the king called together all the bishops and chief men
of the province to hold discourse with him. And after
many other matters had been considered, he ordered all that
measure of silver to be brought and placed in the
middle of the palace. Then thus he spoke and said,
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fathers and guardians, bishops of our church, you ought to
minister to the poor, or rather to christ in them,
and not to seek after vanities. But now you act
quite contrary to this, and are vainglorious and avaricious beyond
all other men. Then he added, one of you has
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given a jew all this silver for a painted mouse.
Then the bishop, who had been so wickedly deceived, threw
himself at Charles's feet and begged pardon for his sin.
Charles upbraided him in suitable words, and then allowed him
to depart. In confusion. This same bishop was left to
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take care of Hildegarde when the most warlike Charles was
engaged in campaigns against the Huns. He was so puffed
up by his intimacy with her that he had the
audacity to ask her to allow him to use the
golden scepter of the incomparable Charles on festal days instead
of his episcopal staff. She deceived him cleverly and said
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that she dare not give it to any one, but
that she would carry his request faithfully to the king.
So when Charles came back, she jestingly told him of
the mad request of the bishop. He kindly promised to
do what she want wished, And even more so, when
all Europe, so to speak, had come together to greet
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Charles after his victory over so mighty a people, he
pronounced these words in the hearing of small and great
bishops should despise this world and inspire others by their
example to seek after heavenly things. But now they are
misled by ambition beyond all the rest of mankind, and
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one of them, not content withholding the first episcopalcy in Germany,
has dared, without my approval, to claim my golden scepter,
which I carry to signify my royal will, in order
that he might use it as his pastoral staff. The
guilty man acknowledged his sin, received pardon, and retired. Now,
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my Lord, Emperor Charles, I much fear that, through my
desire to obey your orders, I may incur the enmity
of all who have taken vows, and especially of the
highest clergy of all. But for all this I do
not greatly care if only I be not deprived of
your protection. Once that most religious Emperor Charles gave orders
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that all bishops throughout his wide domains should preach in
the nave of their cathedral before a certain day, which
he appointed, under penalty of being deprived of the episcopal
dignity if they failed to comply with the order. But
why do I say dignity when the apostle protests, he
that desires a bishopric desires a good work. But in truth,
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most serene of kings, I must confess to you that
there is great dignity in the office, but not the
slightest good work is required. Well. The aforementioned bishop was
at first alarmed at this command, because gluttony and pride
were all his learning, and he feared that if he
lost his bishopric, he would lose at the same time
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his soft living. So he invited two of the chiefs
of the palace on the festal day, and, after the
reading of the lesson, mounted the pulpit as though he
were going to address the people. All the people ran
together in wonder at so unexpected an occurrence, except one
poor red headed fellow who had his head covered with
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clouts because he had no hat, and was foolishly ashamed
of his red hair. Then the bishop bishop in name
but not indeed, called to his door keeper, or rather
his scario, whose dignity and duties went by the name
of the ideal ship among the ancient Romans, and said,
bring me that man and the hat who is standing
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there near the door of the church. The door keeper
made haste to obey, seized the poor man and began
to drag him towards the Bishop. But he feared some
heavy penalty for daring to stand in the house of
God with covered head, and struggled with all his might
to avoid being brought before the tribunal of the terrible judge.
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But the Bishop, looking from his perch, now addressing his
vassals and now chiding the poor knave, bawled out and
preached as follows here with him, don't let him slip.
Willy nilly, you've got to come. When at last force
or fear brought him near, the Bishop cried, come forward, nay,
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you must come quite close. Then he snatched the head
covering from his captive and cried to the people, lo
and behold, are ye people, the boor is red headed.
Then he returned to the altar and performed the ceremony,
or pretended to perform it. When the mass was thus
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scrambled through, his guests passed into his hall, which was
decorated with many colored carpets and cloths of all kinds,
and there a magnificent banquet, served in gold and silver
and jeweled cups, was provided, calculated to tickle the appetite
of the fastidious or the well fed. The bishop himself
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sat on the softest of cushions, clad in precious silks
and wearing the imperial purple, so that he seemed a
king except for the scepter and the title. He was
surrounded by troops of rich knights, in comparison with whom
the officers of the palace nobles, though they were of
the unconquered Charles, seemed to themselves most mean when they
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asked leave to depart after this wonderful and more than
royal banquet, He, desiring to show still more plainly his
magnificence and his glory, ordered skilled musicians to come forward,
the sound of whose voices could soften the hardest hearts
or turn to ice the swiftly flowing waters of the
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Rhine and at the same time every kind of choice drink,
subtly and variously compounded, was offered them in bowls of
gold and gems, whose sheen was mixed with that of
the flowers and leaves with which they were crowned. But
their stomachs could contain no more, so that the glasses
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lay idle in their hands. Meanwhile, pastry cooks and sausage makers,
servers and dressers offered preparations of exquisite art to stimulate
their appetite, though their stomachs could contain no more. It
was a banquet such as was never offered even to
the Great Charles himself. When morning came and the Bishop
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returned some way toward soberness, he thought with fear of
the luxury that he had paraded before the servants of
the Emperor. So he called them into his presence, loaded
them with presents worthy of a king, and implored them
to speak to the Terrible Charles of the goodness and
simplicity of his life, and above all, to tell him
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how he had preached publicly before them in his cathedral.
Upon their return, Charles asked them why the Bishop had
invited them. Thereupon they fell at his feet, and said, Master,
it was that he might honor us as your representatives,
far beyond our humble desserts. He is, They went on
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in every way, the best and most faithful of bishops,
and most worthy of the highest rank in the church.
For if you will trust our poor judgment, we professed
to your sublime Majesty that we heard him preach in
his church in the most stirring fashion. Then the Emperor,
who knew the bishop's lack of skill, pressed them further
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as to the manner of his preaching, and they perforce
revealed all. Then the Emperor saw that he had made
an effort to say something rather than disobey the imperial order,
and he allowed him, in spite of his unworthiness, to
retain the bishopric. Shortly after, a young man a relation
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of the emperor's sang on the occasion of some festival
the Allelujah admirably, and the Emperor turned to the same
bishop and said, my clerk is singing very well. But
the stupid man thought that he was jesting and did
not know that the clerk was the Emperor's relation. And
so he answered, any clown in our countryside drones as
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well as that to his oxen at their plowing. At
this vulgar answer, the Emperor turned on him the lightning
of his flashing eyes, and dashed him, terror stricken to
the very ground. But though the rest of mankind may
be deceived by the wiles of the devil and his angels,
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it is pleasant to consider the word of our Lord, who,
in recognition of the bold confession of Saint Peter, said
thou art Peter. And upon this rock will I build
my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail
against it. Wherefore, even in these times of great peril
and wickedness, he has allowed the Church to remain unshaken
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and unmoved. Now, since envy always rages among the envious,
so it is customary and regular with the Romans to oppose,
or rather to fight against, all strong popes, who are
from time to time raised to the Apostolic sea. Whence
it came to pass that certain of the Romans, themselves
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blinded with envy, charged the above mentioned Pope Leo of
Holy Memory with a deadly crime, and tried to blind him.
But they were frightened and held back by some divine impulse,
And after trying in vain to gouge out his eyes,
they slashed them across the middle with knives. The Pope
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had news of this carried secretly by his servants to Michael,
Emperor of Constantinople, but he refused all assistants, saying, the
Pope as an independent kingdom and one higher than mine,
so he must act his own revenge upon his enemies. Thereupon,
the Holy Leo invited the unconquered Charles to come to Rome,
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following in this the ordinance of God that as Charles
was already in very deed ruler and emperor over many nations,
so also by the authority of the Apostolic See, he
might have now the name of Emperor Caesar and Augustus.
Now Charles, being always ready to march and in warlike array,
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though he knew nothing at all of the cause of
the summons, came at once with his attendants in his
vassals elf the head of the world. He came to
the city that had once been the head of the world.
And when the abandoned people heard of his sudden coming,
at once, as sparrows hide themselves when they hear the
voice of their master, so they fled and hid in
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various hiding places, cellars and dens. Nowhere, however, under heaven,
could they escape from his energy and penetration. And soon
they were captured and brought in chained to the cathedral
of Saint Peter. Then the undaunted Father Leo took the
Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ and held it over
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his head. And then, in the presence of Charles and
his knights, in the presence also of his persecutors, he
swore in the following words, So on the day of
the Great Judgment, may I partake in the promises, as
I am innocent of the charge that is falsely laid
against me. Then many of the prisoners asked to be
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allowed to swear upon the tomb of Saint Peter that
they also were innocent of the charge laid against them.
But the Pope knew their falseness and said to Charles,
do not I pray you, unconquered servant of God, give
assent to their cunning, For well they know that Saint
Peter is always ready to forgive. But seek among the
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tombs of the martyrs the stone upon which is written
the name of Saint Pancras, that boy of thirteen years,
And if they will swear to you in his name.
You may know that you have them fast. It was
done as the Pope ordered. And when many people drew
near to take the oath upon this tomb straightway, some
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fell back dead, and some were seized by the devil
and went mad. Then the terrible Charles said to his servants,
take care that none of them escapes. Then he condemned
all who had been taken prisoner, either to some kind
of death or to perpetual imprisonment. End of Section three.