Yo No Sé Mañana

Yo no sé si soy para ti, si serás para mi. Sí lleguemos amarnos o odiarnos. Yo no sé mañana.

"I don't know if I am for you, if you will be for me. If we come to love or hate each other. I don't know tomorrow."

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
Hey, y'all. Hey y'all, Hey y'all. How y'all doing y'all? Good?
Y'all ate today? Well good, it's your girl. Licks. Think
i'm'a drop the big and just make it licks. I
miss y'all. And I've been thinking about y'all and thinking
about how I wanna move forward with the podcast, cause
you know, I was gonna take a hiatus and then

(00:29):
that kind of to itter not really happened. Who gures.
But we're back, and I wanna dry something different. I
wanna just tell y'all stories instead of just talking about
my feelings and rambling. So this first story is it
has many parts, like I don't know where to start,

(00:50):
and I'm pretty sure I've told y'all bits and pieces,
but today I wanna just lay the whole story out,
hold nothing back. How's that sound? It's good? All right?
So here we go. So I'm going to start with
my last relationship and what they learned from it. So

(01:12):
this relationship started when I was living in Augusta and
I was living by myself, me and my dog, and
I would take my dog out for walks and I
met this neighbor that I had and we would stop
and talk and chat or whatever. And then he asked
me out on a date a couple of times actually,
and we never just went. And I think for my

(01:34):
birthday that year, I want to say I turned twenty three.
I remember texting him to see if he wanted to
hang out, and I don't think he knew my name,
so he never responded, and like a couple of days
later he called back was like who is this and
I'm like, it's me. And then so probably a month
after that, we finally went on a date and he

(01:56):
was like, I'll pick you up at seven and we'll
go out to ed and see where we go from there.
So that day, I want to say, I finished my hair.
Doing my hair, I did box braids and I finished them,
took my dog out, saw him and at that time,
like this is probably completely irrelevant, but I just didn't

(02:17):
know how to dress. I didn't know how to wear
my hair. He was, well, he was Mexican. I'm black,
so I didn't really know how it was gonna go
at all. So I got dressed and I wore flats
that day, and that was like a change for me
because usually I'm a heels girly and that day, I

(02:38):
wore flats, and then so when he picked me up
and he came to get me and got out of
the car, I realized that we were the same height.
So if I would have wore heels, I would have
been over him. So, you know, we wore I wore flats.
We went to go eat, we had a nice chat,
and then we went dancing after that to this other
restaurant that turns to like a nightclub. And y'all, no

(03:00):
one had ever taken me out dancing, out to dinner,
none of that. So I was smitten, to say the least.
And afterwards, like after we left, you know, the club
thing and dancing, and we ended up having a song
that night. I remember like looking it up, like what's

(03:22):
the name of the song? Because I like it? And
that was our song and it's called Juno se Manana,
but I forgot who spy It's like Louise somebody. Yeah.
So we left there and he convinced me to spend
the night with him, So I went home, let my
dog out, and we finished the night, you know, And

(03:43):
I want to say the next day, when I woke up,
I was on cloud nine, but I also felt this
guilt inside, right, because I had made this promise with
me and God that the next guy I had sex
with its gonna be a serious boyfriend. So I was like, well,
let me see where this goes, right, But I was

(04:05):
convinced to make it work, not to just see where
it goes, to make it work. Actually, So a couple
of nights and I want to see on our fourth
night in like this relationship thing, we well, he got
off work, he came to pick me up at my apartment.
We went to go get something to eat, and we
came back and we were just sitting in this truck,

(04:27):
just chit chatting away, and strange thing, I guess. He
was so relaxed and shut his eyes, and I noticed
my neighbor, another neighbor knocking at my door, but I
wasn't in the house to answer, so I crouched down
and the neighbor went back to his house. And you know,
it didn't seem like much, right until maybe a little

(04:51):
while later, the my eggs. He starts cranking up his
car and backing up, and I'm like, what is going on?
And he was like, I thought I saw my baby mama,
and sure nough, she got in the truck and just
start beating the crap out of him, and I was
just like, what is going on? Right? So he told
me to get out of the car and just go

(05:13):
in my house and he would handle that. And so
that's what I did. And it was like I remember
being up all night, not sleeping, calling him, like wondering
what should I do. I just didn't know what to do, right,
But like I said, I convinced myself to make it work,
and so sure, sure thing next day he called and

(05:37):
we were back like nothing happened. And so at that
time he was he had an apartment, like he was
my neighbor, but he was staying in a hotel when
someone else was living in or staying in his apartment.
And so I was going to go see him at
his hotel room in one morning when I left out
because he left before me he had to go to work.
And when I got up and left, it was guy

(06:00):
outside that wanted to stop and chat. I want to
say that was maybe the sixth night, because whenever we
got back after that fourth night, right, he asked me
to be his girlfriend, and I said, yes, I think
heavy on that, I think so we were Yeah, I
got up in the morning I left out. There was
a guy outside that wanted the chit chat and it

(06:22):
was like, oh, you can't have friends and asked for
my number, and so I gave this boy my dad's number,
and he before I even made it home and was
walking my dog good he texted me for my dad
and my dad was like, who's this And then the
guy was like the dude you met outside of blank

(06:42):
blank hotel. And then my dad caused me and was like,
so you did not sleep in your bed last night,
and I'm like, well, no, I didn't know I had to.
And he just got upset and was telling me all
sorts of things like that my ex was gonna get
me pregnant and leave me. And I'm it's like, where
is this coming from? First off? And I don't know.

(07:05):
It's just a really weird time, really weird thing. And
me and my ex we didn't stop seeing each other.
And so soon after that, like he went back to
his hotel room, that hotel room, his apartment. That's I
want to say. That same day, like a lot of
things happened in that day. So he was back in
his apartment and we were still seeing each other, and

(07:28):
then I got a job selling insurance again. In a
couple months into that, me and my next week moved
in together, well, he moved in with me, and we
just began our lives together basically, And for a while,
I was just smitten. I was like, I've never been
treated like this before, Like I liked how I felt.

(07:50):
I like, I liked it, you know, and then especially
all the trauma that went into it. I liked it
the first year, but then after we made it to
a year or close. Around that time, I found out
that this man that I'm living with was not who
I thought he was right because he told me his

(08:11):
name and his age, and YadA, YadA, YadA, told me
a story. But he got his birth certificate in the
mail and I read it. Well. He told me to
read it right over the phone and read it out
loud to him make sure if they matched. And so
I read them his name, which was in the name
he went by, and he was like okay, okay, okay,
that's cool, and then read out the age like the birthdate.

(08:34):
And so we got off the phone and I was like,
hold up, nineteen seventy seven, and I remember one of
my cousins. The end of her email address used to
be seventy seven. Like back then, people made their email
addresses their names and their year of whenever they were born.
And so I was like, seventy seven. That means her

(08:54):
age and she's a lot older than me. And so
I called him back. I was like, do you you
know that you were born in nineteen seventy seventy? He
was like no, I'm like, do you know how old
you are? He was like, what I tell you? And
so basically he told me that he didn't know how
old he was, or that he didn't know that he
was as old as he thought he was. And it

(09:16):
just since that moment, nothing clicked. I was just like,
I went out of this. I just wanted to be
done with all that at that moment. And I want
to say, this was in twenty twenty two, yeah, so yeah,
twenty twenty two, so yeah, And he asked me to stay,
and I tried. Like I said, I was convinced to

(09:37):
make it work. So it didn't take much convincing on
his part because I was convinced in my spirit to
rid myself with that guilt of sleeping him on the
first night. So anything that was gonna make it work.
I was gonna try, and I realized that at that point.
My stance was like, if he ain't cheating or beaten,

(10:00):
and it's worth working out. So I wanted to stay
and work it out. And a couple of months after that,
I ended up wanting to get pregnant because I wanted him, Like,
it was very selfish of me to try to do
such a thing, but I wanted him to have a
kid of his own that he knew for sure was his,
if that makes sense, because he definitely had doubts about

(10:23):
his own and I was like, well, there's no doubt
with me. I'm honest and I'm not doing anything unhonest
or dishonest. So yeah, and that was very selfish of me.
That was my mistake, right, And then I did get pregnant,
and I was pregnant for about two days, and for

(10:46):
me to be pregnant for just about two days, it
definitely shattered me. Okay, it broke me for a while,
and I'm not just I guess I had to learn
my lesson that you can't make mis like choices like
that for selfish reasons. That was a very selfish reason
for me to do that, and the relationship didn't work

(11:08):
out anyways, so what was said at the beginning of
the relationship might would have come true. And after the
relationship ended, right found out it was true for other people,
right that that happened to them. And at the end
of the day, I had to realize that, you know,
thank God, that it did not work out, no matter

(11:32):
how hard I wanted it to work out, no matter
how hard I could try to convince myself to make
it work, it just wasn't meant to be. Right. So
after the relationship and that the relationship really ended because
I was at a very low point in my life
where I just not I didn't want to be here anymore.

(11:52):
I was suicidal to say the least, Like I just
I was taking time bomb and I was pushing him away.
And I don't know if he was trying to make
it better or just I don't know. Maybe I'll figure
that out as life goes on. But I just didn't
want it to get better, right, So I was content

(12:13):
with letting everything fall apart, the relationship, my relationship with
my parents, friends. I was committed to letting everything fall
apart like it usually did, or so I thought, right,
But it's just for one, it feels so good to
get that out. And I hate when I tell the

(12:33):
story and it's like I'm catching moments of myself and
I'm like, you know what, that was kind of a
dumb dumb that was not your brightest moment, sister. But
you know, you're a fool for love sometimes, and if
you fool yourself into thinking you're in love, then you're
double the fool. And I was probably triple the fool, y'all,
all fool of myself for one. But life goes on, right,

(12:57):
There's plenty more efficiency, like they always say. And as
much as I wanted to hold on to that relationship
and hold on to all those memories and feelings and
whatever the hell else, I can't. Right. I gotta move on.
I gotta let him live his life however he wants
to do it. I have to live my own life.
And that's just that. On that. But I'm just so

(13:18):
thankful for y'all. I just wanted to share the story
because I mean, you can be a fool all you
want to, and it's okay to be the fool sometimes,
but eventually you got to learn your lesson, and so
I'm learning my lessons. I'm paying attention to all the
patterns and mistakes and saying, you know what, I'm not
gonna repeat those, I'm gonna do better. So yeah, that's

(13:41):
the story of how I fell in love. I guess
I thought I was in love and maybe one day
I will experience, well, one day I will experience real
true love, and you know that's something to look forward to.
So yeah, and who I'm gonna get out, y'all's here.
Just want to share that story with y'all. Love Pieace

(14:01):
and Chicken, Grease and You're no zep that's my song anyhow.
Don't go fuck no. Nobody's say okay, we didn't we
didn't talked about this before, Okay, stop it. Don't go
fuck no. Nobody's say make their day better. Okay bye,