July 28, 2025 • 31 mins
Discover how a health crisis became the wake-up call that transformed one woman's life from overwhelmed mother to empowered motivational speaker. In this powerful episode of Lifejacked, Dr. Ro speaks with Brooke DeBoer who shares her raw and inspiring journey through toxic relationships, bullying, and the challenges of single motherhood.
Learn how Brooke's "year of you" philosophy revolutionized her approach to self-care through therapy, journaling, and mindfulness practices. She reveals how motherhood became both her greatest challenge and catalyst for personal growth, leading her to write "Living the Free Life" and support her husband's racing dreams through their show "Fast Life."
Key takeaways:
- The power of viewing setbacks as opportunities
- Essential self-care practices for busy caregivers
- Building supportive relationships
- Finding strength through faith and vulnerability
- Balancing family duties with personal well-being
Ready to transform your own story of struggle into one of strength? This episode offers practical tools and heartfelt inspiration for anyone seeking positive change. Tune in to discover how embracing vulnerability can lead to your most authentic and fulfilling life.
Learn how Brooke's "year of you" philosophy revolutionized her approach to self-care through therapy, journaling, and mindfulness practices. She reveals how motherhood became both her greatest challenge and catalyst for personal growth, leading her to write "Living the Free Life" and support her husband's racing dreams through their show "Fast Life."
Key takeaways:
- The power of viewing setbacks as opportunities
- Essential self-care practices for busy caregivers
- Building supportive relationships
- Finding strength through faith and vulnerability
- Balancing family duties with personal well-being
Ready to transform your own story of struggle into one of strength? This episode offers practical tools and heartfelt inspiration for anyone seeking positive change. Tune in to discover how embracing vulnerability can lead to your most authentic and fulfilling life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What to do when life throws optacles your way that
seem insurmountable and you're left standing at the crossroads of
resilience and surrender. On today's episode of Life Tack the
Resilience Podcast, I have someone who has not only faced
such challenges head on, but has also turned them into
powerful stepping stones for personal growth and transformation. My special
(00:24):
guest is Brooke Deboor, a renowned motivational speaker, author, and
resilience coach who has dedicated her life to helping others
navigate through life toughest storms. With her unique stories and insights,
Brooke inspires us to see adversity as an opportunity to
rise stronger and more determined than ever. I'm thrilled to
(00:49):
dive into this meaningful discussion with Brooke about courage, hope,
and the remarkable journeys we can all embark on when
we harness the power of resilience.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other times it gives us something entirely out of left
field that makes us say w t F. But no
matter what obstacles come, there is most often a way
out from the other side, and we are once again victorious.
(01:26):
My name is doctor Rome and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Listen now as my next guest shares how they were
like Jack, Hi, Brooke, Welcome, Thank you so much for
being a guest on my show. How are you?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I am great, Thank you so much for having me
on your show. I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yes, most definitely, I'm excited to have you on here
as well. As I was doing the research and preparing
for this interview or this conversation, rather, I was like,
oh my gosh, she's like a really cool person. So
I'm really excited for this conversation. So keep me start
by me. Yes, Can you start by sharing your personal
(02:21):
journey with our listeners?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Absolutely. My journey is well, let's see, I'm fifty now,
just turned fifty this year, and a mom of three
daughters and a wife of a race car driver and
a car dealer. So we have a very very busy
life and it's taken me up till when I wrote
(02:43):
my book, which was a two year process it's living
the free life, which we'll i'm sure discuss. It's taken
me up to the point of writing the book to
heal from a lot of trauma from the past. I
carried it like baggage along the way for many, many
years and sorted it out along the way. And there
(03:06):
were several moments in my experience where I realized change
needed to happen in order for me to get on
course to live the life that I wanted to live.
And so it was incremental for me. It wasn't like
one really hard thing happened and then I worked through it,
(03:26):
and then that was that. It was many hard things
and many healing and growing moments, moments of failure, moments
of trying to understand what my choices had led me
to and through, so, you know, And it kind of
(03:46):
really came to a head when I had some abusive
relationships when I was in high school. I had quite
a bit of bullying at every stage of my school experience,
and then I ended up in a relationship goes very unhealthy,
and I ended up pregnant with my first daughter, and
(04:06):
so was facing the idea of becoming a single mom.
I had always wanted to be a mom, but I
was not in a healthy place. And I think she
really was the inspiration, the beginning inspiration for my healing
and the person that I have become today, because when
I realized I was going to be a mom, I thought,
you know, I'm really not in the place I want
(04:28):
to be and I need to become a better person
for you know, being an example and a mom to
my daughter. So big change had to occur early on
in that relationship, and I had to say goodbye to
that relationship. I had to make a stand and make
a stand for my self, and it was a very
(04:52):
difficult moment, but I asked her biological dad to go
and began my journey is a single mom. I still
pregnant with her obviously, so went through the pregnancy and
had to figure out what just happened and how I
got there and how I was going to be better
for her. So I would say, yeah, I it was
(05:15):
a it was a big moment.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I understand, And you know, lots of us go through
these ups and downs right throughout our lives, but there
sometimes is that one pivotal moment, right that that major
life jacked moment, if you will, that can lead us
to make a change or pivot. Right, So for you,
(05:41):
what was that particular life jacked moment where you're like, WHOA,
something's got to change, and then you became so passionately
involved in the field of resilience and personal empowerment because
all of us go through different things, but not all
of us propel forward and decide that we want to
make resilience in personal empowerment like a focus or a passion.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yeah, So I would say for me that moment was
other than you know, the moment. I mean, I ended
up having two other children, and I would say a
very successful marriage. We did have to do some marriage
counseling and stuff because I met my husband shortly after
my first daughter was born and it was not the
(06:27):
man that was her biological father, and I believe that
that was kind of a God moment for me meeting him.
But then, you know, we went on and had a family,
and you know how as it is when you have
little kids, it's busy and you just start, you know,
you do everything for your children, and the inspiration to
heal was obviously to be a good mom for my daughter.
(06:47):
But then I feel like I kind of got left behind,
and it wasn't anybody's fault. It was just you know
the way it is when you have kids. And so
later as my kids got older, I had a health
chain and I ended up with a very serious thyroid
sudden incident and pretty much couldn't do anything. My body
(07:09):
was shutting down and not working right, and I had
to get with my doctor and figure out what's going on,
and after his assessment and tests and everything, and needing
to kind of go on thyroid medication, but then also
he prescribed like therapeutic massage and for my family to
do the dishes for a while so that I could
(07:31):
heal and get body strong again over a period of months.
And you know that he basically said this was a
stress induced condition, which was really a wake up call
for me because I realized that I had gone through
a lot, and I'm not sure I totally tied it
together in that moment, but that I was doing everything
(07:51):
for everybody else and I was just kind of powering
through life. And that was my trauma response, and that
was also the response to taking care of people that
I loved, my children and my husband, but I was
getting left behind and I needed to learn how to
do self care. So I embarked on a journey of
I called it a year of You, and I started
a blog, and I started to just really do a
(08:13):
lot of introspective work and caring for myself and following
my doctor's orders at first and trying out regular therapeutic
massage and journaling and prayer and many different things. And
I did that for an entire year and ended up.
I would say, I'm mostly a different person because I
(08:34):
was healing and realizing that I was carrying a lot.
I was also doing therapy at the time, so a
lot was coming out at therapy, a lot of feelings,
a lot of emotions that I just really were trapped
inside of me and I'd never really dealt with.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, So I want to ask you, you know, because
it seems like that is a common theme for acid mothers, right.
We spend much time taking care of everyone else because
we feel that sense of duty. I think it develops
once we find out the moment we find out that
we are pregnant. I really believe that it's like something
(09:11):
shifts in us and it's like that's my duty. I
got to take care of me. I mean, I'm sorry,
I got to take care of this child. I got
to take care of the family, and we do often
forget about ourselves, and I agree, like it seems like
it is self induced. But what do we do though, Brooke, Like,
I just you know, as I talk to either other
mothers and friends, and it's like we all seem to
(09:33):
have that same kind of you know, kind of sense
of duty to our families that we have to take
care of everyone else, and we always forget about ourselves
and we kind of lose ourselves. So what do you
recommend that you know, mothers and women who are also
you know, taking care of other people, whether they are
taking care of parents, or women who are taking care
(09:56):
of children, whether they are their own biological children or
or adopted children or children by marriage. But either way,
those of us who are taking care of others, Like,
how do you not lose yourself? What can we do?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yeah? Well, for me, I mean I can speak for me,
and you know, I work as a coach with other women,
So I would say this is a common approach that
seems to help, is to take some quiet moments to
get present with yourself and ask yourself your feeling, what
is my motivation for whatever? It is that I'm doing
(10:31):
at the moment, you know, whether if I'm trying to
manage a conflict between my kids, or a relationship challenge
of friends is having, or whatever the things are that
we take on, or something my husband's going through. You know,
it's I think if we build in some quiet moments
of you know, introspective time, whether if that's journaling, meditation,
(10:56):
just allowing for just quiet months to have coffee or
tea by your self. You know. I think our world
is so busy and so much information's coming at us
all the time now with social media, and I think
awareness of our habits around social media are really important
nowadays too. This is like a really common thing. I
think a lot of us just are so overwhelmed and
(11:16):
tired that our downtime consists of sitting down and scrolling
through social media or something or watching a mindless show,
which is all fine because those maybe things you enjoy.
But when you're not able to get quiet with your
own thoughts and pay attention, then you're in like an
auto response mode, you know, And I think that's where
(11:36):
we tend to sort of continue our habits that might
not be necessarily all that healthy for us. So for me,
it's been a lot of quiet moments and forcing myself
to do that. And even like the prescription for therapeutic
massage was so helpful because it was like, Okay, it's
almost like I needed somebody else to tell me, this
(11:58):
is what you have to do to take care of myself.
And I hope that women can get to a place
that are listening to this, you know, they can get
to a place like I can write that prescription for myself.
I don't need somebody to tell me. My prescription can
be for my own version of self care that works
for me. So the things that bring me joy, the
moments where I can have a little quiet time to
(12:19):
do a little self reflection, and however that comes for you.
For some people, it's through writing. For some people's through
sitting quietly. For some people it's taking a walk. And yet,
you know, I get a lot of epiphanies and thoughts
when I take a walk or I go to something
active on my own. I'm just allowing for a little
bit of time to take care of your own thoughts
(12:40):
and your heart.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, I feel like taking a walk really does help.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
If it's because you're you get your blood pumping and
you know you're moving, and so it gets your thoughts going.
But I do know that taking a walk really does
help sometimes. Now, you discussed embracing change as a catalyst
for growth, and I know that for a lot of us,
whether it's changed that we are that we know about,
(13:07):
or if it's a sudden change, because I know I
just within my newsletter Strength on Sundays, I just talked
about I have a week where I talked about adaptability
in you know, pivoting. You know, at the last minute,
when something enters into your life that's unexpected. So can
you elaborate on how you applied this principle because nobody
(13:30):
likes change, right, It's like not any things, but you saying, hey,
it's a catalyst for growth. So how have you applied
this principle in your own life? And maybe perhaps here
a time when changed you initially resisted it turned out
to be transformative.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Oh, there's so many of those that it's crazy. I'll
have to think of one. But my first response to
your question is change is scary because it's it's an
unknown where we like to know what's coming and we
like to know what it's going to look like. And honestly,
(14:08):
I have found that all of my most amazing, beautiful
moments in life have come from not being in a
place where I was so vulnerable and so humbled by
something was disrupted, whether if it was a rejection and
a relationship, or I was let go from a job,
or I didn't get the job or position I was
(14:30):
looking for. You know, those are the moments where we're
kind of forced to go, okay, you know now. And
for some people it's God, some people the universe, maybe
I don't know whatever it is for you. For me,
it's God. It puts me in a really vulnerable place
but also like a really connected place to something higher
(14:50):
than myself. And I really just have learned to ask, like, Okay,
guide me to the next thing. And I mean, this happened,
I felt like, I mean, the only way I could
describe it. And I was actually physically on my knees
when I was letting go of this relationship and you know,
beginning to think about being a single mom. I that
(15:12):
was a point where I was like, okay, God, show
me the way, you know, and and when I could
completely release any control or needing to know it's when
within several months, I got a phone call from my
now husband, who we've been married twenty six years, who
(15:33):
I had met four years prior, and he said, I'm
coming up to Portland. I'd love to see you. And
it was not at all the timing that I thought
it was going to be. Because I was a young mom,
I mean, just had become a mom just a few
months before. This is not the timing you're really looking
to date, at least probably for most women if you're
a single mom, you're not like out searching for a
(15:54):
husband with a four month old or three mono, right,
But I do believe it was. It was a very
amazing moment for me. It was like it taught me
that if I could release control and ask for guidance
that it would come. And whatever you want to call that.
For me, I feel like it was a beautiful teaching
(16:14):
moment and I've I've leaned on that moment many times
since then in many other situations when I wanted to
be so upset that something wasn't going the way I
thought it was supposed to go, and always it works
out beautifully, you know. Also, Yeah, and I'm sure this
(16:35):
sounds really funny to somebody who's going through in a
really dark place and going through something really hard, and
maybe you know it's going through something much more extreme
even than I did. But I can tell you just
from my own experience that I feel a presence. I
know that there is a guiding force out there, whatever
you want to call it, and you're gonna be okay.
(16:56):
You know you will get your answers.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Say open no forever for sure. Stay open is right now.
You've mentioned the importance of building a resilient toolkit. So
what are some of the things that are in your toolkit?
And how can listeners start building their own.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
So I love the idea of a toolkit just because
my dad was a landscaper and I grew up working
with him, and he always had a tool for everything.
And I feel like we all need a toolkit for life.
And you know, somebody, not everybody's tools are going to
be the same, because they're all unique individuals. But I
feel like there's some that have really worked for me
(17:41):
that are just and I'm sure you've heard of them before.
You know, many of your listeners probably know a lot
of these, but when you put them together, I feel
like they make a really good basic toolkit for getting
over challenges. And I've mentioned mindfulness and journaling, so I
don't do a whole lot of meditation. Tried it out
and it's a little hard for me to sit super quiet,
(18:03):
but and incorporating some movement without it. With that would
I guess the yoga. But journaling has worked really well
for me and just having quiet moments in the morning.
I used to do morning pages a lot. I've gotten
a little bit out of practice, but writing in the
morning just kind of like a brain dump in the morning,
like just a whole page of whatever it is that's
on your mind, getting those thoughts out on paper. It
(18:26):
helps with like release and getting clarity. Practicing gratitude daily
is super helpful because I really believe in manifestation and
I really like the concepts of the secret. You know,
if that you attract the energy that you put out.
So if you're focused on lack, you know like you're
(18:47):
going to attract more of that. If you're focused on
what good is happening in your life, you will attract
more of that into your experience. So I think daily
gratitude is awesome. One of my biggest ones, and I
wrote a children's book about it too, because this is
one that I realized was super important for me and
my husband. His story is totally different. Is finding supportive
(19:11):
relationships and people who share similar values that you don't
have to be exactly the same, but people who understand you,
they take time to see you, and they want you
to win. And bringing a small circle or at least
one person around you that is like your biggest cheerleader,
because I don't believe we're designed to do this life
(19:32):
on our own. And I honestly I really needed that
and that ended up being my husband for me, and
I hope that I've been I think he would say
I've been that for him and his dreams and goals.
And now this is something that we go out and
we talk to other views about, you know, being a
friend to somebody and support finding somebody supportive to live
(19:54):
your dreams because we need everybody needs a cheerleader and
an advocate. So I'd say those are the top ones,
and I think other than that, just that reflection time,
focus on what brings you peace, what gives you strength,
and what is inspiring to you, and then make practices
(20:16):
in your life around bringing more of that into your experience,
you know, and then those could become your personal tools.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
No, that I totally agree with you because as I
do this resilience work and work with the clients, I'm
sure as you have also noticed as you're working.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
With your clients as well.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Yeah, community and relationships play a crucial role in our resilience.
I mean you do have to find people to surround
yourself with who want you to win like that. Yeah,
that's like part of it. And it's amazing to find
out how many people don't have a supportive you know,
(21:00):
network around them. So in thinking about that and for
our listeners out there, so for you, how if your
personal and professional relationships influence your journey? And then what
advice do you have for others who were trying to
build that supportive network? Because I do know that sometimes
people can't recognize the people who do want them to win,
(21:22):
and they're not moving forward or they're having a lot
of trials because they're surrounded by people who are actually
sabotaging them.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Oh, I mean I learned that I needed that because
I had so much of the other So I totally
understand your question, like more than I wish I did,
to be honest, because over and over and over again
I invited and I didn't realize I was inviting it
at first. And I think, you know, this is not
to say like, if you're an abusive relationship, you've invited that,
(21:53):
But I do think that there is a powerful concept
of we teach people how to treat us by what
we accept. Well, if you, if you can assimilate that
into your you know, practice, just write that out. I
don't know, say it to yourself every day. Like, and
for those of you that are in an abusive situation
(22:14):
or something really dangerous, there are and I list them
in my book, there are resources and organizations out there
to help you and to keep you safe while you're
escaping something really really scary and hard. So I don't
mean to make light of it or anything, but like
for those of you that aren't in a dangerous situation
(22:35):
that are just you know, you feel bad your energy,
you feel like you have to detox or something. You
feel angry after you're with somebody, or you feel like
you've spent time with somebody and you just don't feel
any confidence afterwards. Like, pay attention to how people make
you feel and what they say to you, and you know,
(22:57):
is it supportive of you? Is it somebodybody who's like
carrying you on, or is somebody competing with you, jealous
of you, doing put downs publicly embarrassing you, you know.
I mean, there's so many different things that can happen
in a dysfunctional situation. But it's okay for you to
say this doesn't work for me and step out of it,
(23:20):
and you know, begin to make your list of what
kind of relationships would really make you feel at peace
and build you up. What do you need from a friend,
you know, what do you need from a partner? And
it's okay to ask for that, you know, And it's
okay to not be around somebody who is unkind to you.
(23:41):
If it's family, it's a little harder, so you know,
I mean, I don't want to name any names just
because it's not my story, but I do have a
family member that had family that was not it was
not very overt, but they were not getting support to
do the dream that they want wanted to do, so
a little bit of separation had to be made, but
(24:04):
it wasn't you know, there was a way to strategically
do it. So they didn't have to cut off their
whole family, but they really had to get courageous about
finding a different support team and some professionals to help
them realize what was at work with the comments that
were being made and the you know, the sort of
subtle energy of like not wanting them to succeed at
(24:27):
this dream kind of thing. You know. So there are professionals,
There are good people out there, and if you're diligent,
you can find a way out of a really heavy
dysfunct situation like that with people who are.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
The One thing I know is that it's hard to understand,
but failure absolutely leads to success.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
People think that.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Leads to success, but I honestly believe that failure leads
the success. So, as somebody who has confronted and overcome
numerous challenges, what are the most important lessons to feel
you've learned about failure?
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I feel like failure is a strengthening tool, Like there
really are no failures, there's only lessons, and a failure
is a temporary feeling, right, So as long as we
look at it like, Okay, what are the things that
maybe I can adjust here? It's interesting because we have
(25:28):
a friend that is in professional sports, and we just
spoke to him yesterday. He had a change in his
situation with the team he was with, and the first
question he asked when that wasn't working out was what
could I have done better? And I thought, I'm so
proud of you, Like this is the question we all
(25:51):
need to be asking, like when we feel like we've
failed at something, when really most I also think rejection
is protection. So what sometimes feels like a failure is
really a protection for you and there's something better for
you waiting. It's just that we didn't Again, it's one
of those things you didn't get to see or know about,
so you're just being redirected, you know. So failure sometimes
(26:13):
isn't really a failure at all. It's just protection and
you're being moved to something else. But to always take
a failure and look, what could I have you know,
maybe what could I have done a little bit better?
How could I have adjusted my approach? It teaches resilience, humility.
I think ego is one of the biggest dream killers
(26:33):
because when our ego gets too large, it's hard to
stay open. It's hard to let the universe or God lead,
it's hard to see some of the things. We're too
self involved, you know. And I think failure does bring
humility because we're not going to get it right one
hundred percent of the time, and it sort of brings
us back down to earth and makes us recalibrate, you know.
(26:55):
So those are the how I've learned to broach failure.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Sometimes it's hard, sometimes there is a lot of pain.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
At first, but once you can get through that, you know,
and start looking at it differently and changing your mindset
about it, it's a great peaching tool and learning growing tool.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Now, absolutely well, Brook, I knew this conversation was going
to be a great confident it's hard to read that
our time is almost up. But I have one last
question to ask you, and that if you could offer
one piece of advice to someone standing at the brink
of giving up on how to build resilience, what would
(27:36):
it be and why?
Speaker 3 (27:39):
So, based on my own experience, if you're going through
something really really hard and feel that you've failed, maybe
you're at the bottom or what you think is the bottom,
I think to just look at this as temporary. Remember
that it's temporary and you still have a future filled
with possibility. Each day. Moment is a new moment, and
(28:04):
you're much stronger than you think. Your story is not over,
and you have the power to rewrite your story. It's
it's really good to remember that this is just a
temporary blip on the radar, a little bump in the road,
and there'll probably be more. But you're getting stronger so
(28:26):
that you can take on the next bumps easier and
with more grace. You know, it's just strengthening, like working
out in the gym. You have to build that muscle.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Well, you heard it here, folks. Each moment is a
new moment, and you have the power.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
To write your story.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Brooke, thank you so much for sharing your invaluable insights
and experiences with us today. Your journey is a testament
to the power of resilience and I'm sure it will
inspire many of my listeners to view their own challenges
in a new light. So, as we're wrapping up, can
you tell us where the audience can find more of
(29:06):
your work in any upcoming project you're excited about, and
also how can they find you on social media?
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yes? Okay, well, we have lots of things happening which
are so exciting. We just wrapped up a well. First
of all, my book is Living the Free Life. It's
available on Amazon Prime. I also have a website it's
called dbrookdboard dot com and where you can get in
touch with me for any of my coaching services. And
(29:33):
they also have a series which encourages This is a
little bit of a departure from the women's coaching that
I do. But my first client was my husband. I
didn't know it was, but long story, it's another story
for another day. And I produced a show called SaaS
Life and it's all about us supporting him to do
his dream of driving race cars. So that'll be going
(29:54):
up on two new platforms in the next month or so.
And that's Binge on Binge and it's called past Life
and also on the Go Travel Network, so really fun.
It used to be on Amazon Primes. So now we've
shifted to those two platforms and there's probably gonna be
new material and content comings so and we have a
(30:15):
children's book wrapped into that which encourages kids to follow
their dreams. So and that's all connected to my website,
bebrookdboard dot com. Wow.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Well, any last words of encouragement for the listeners.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Brook yes, be yourself and believe in yourself and everything
is going to be okay. I know that just keep
keep working, keep growing, keep healing. Success in healing is
a journey, not a destination.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Fantastic well Brooke, thank you again. I want to wish
you and your family nothing but blessings and abundance.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Please take care, Thank you, Right back to you, Brook, Debora.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Everyone be sure to join me next time for more
uplifting stories and insights on resilience. Until then, keep pushing forward,
embrace the journey, and remember that every setback can lead
to a greater comeback. Doctor Rowe signing off.
What to do when life throws optacles your way that
seem insurmountable and you're left standing at the crossroads of
resilience and surrender. On today's episode of Life Tack the
Resilience Podcast, I have someone who has not only faced
such challenges head on, but has also turned them into
powerful stepping stones for personal growth and transformation. My special
(00:24):
guest is Brooke Deboor, a renowned motivational speaker, author, and
resilience coach who has dedicated her life to helping others
navigate through life toughest storms. With her unique stories and insights,
Brooke inspires us to see adversity as an opportunity to
rise stronger and more determined than ever. I'm thrilled to
(00:49):
dive into this meaningful discussion with Brooke about courage, hope,
and the remarkable journeys we can all embark on when
we harness the power of resilience.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other times it gives us something entirely out of left
field that makes us say w t F. But no
matter what obstacles come, there is most often a way
out from the other side, and we are once again victorious.
(01:26):
My name is doctor Rome and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Listen now as my next guest shares how they were
like Jack, Hi, Brooke, Welcome, Thank you so much for
being a guest on my show. How are you?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
I am great, Thank you so much for having me
on your show. I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yes, most definitely, I'm excited to have you on here
as well. As I was doing the research and preparing
for this interview or this conversation, rather, I was like,
oh my gosh, she's like a really cool person. So
I'm really excited for this conversation. So keep me start
by me. Yes, Can you start by sharing your personal
(02:21):
journey with our listeners?
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Absolutely. My journey is well, let's see, I'm fifty now,
just turned fifty this year, and a mom of three
daughters and a wife of a race car driver and
a car dealer. So we have a very very busy
life and it's taken me up till when I wrote
(02:43):
my book, which was a two year process it's living
the free life, which we'll i'm sure discuss. It's taken
me up to the point of writing the book to
heal from a lot of trauma from the past. I
carried it like baggage along the way for many, many
years and sorted it out along the way. And there
(03:06):
were several moments in my experience where I realized change
needed to happen in order for me to get on
course to live the life that I wanted to live.
And so it was incremental for me. It wasn't like
one really hard thing happened and then I worked through it,
(03:26):
and then that was that. It was many hard things
and many healing and growing moments, moments of failure, moments
of trying to understand what my choices had led me
to and through, so, you know, And it kind of
(03:46):
really came to a head when I had some abusive
relationships when I was in high school. I had quite
a bit of bullying at every stage of my school experience,
and then I ended up in a relationship goes very unhealthy,
and I ended up pregnant with my first daughter, and
(04:06):
so was facing the idea of becoming a single mom.
I had always wanted to be a mom, but I
was not in a healthy place. And I think she
really was the inspiration, the beginning inspiration for my healing
and the person that I have become today, because when
I realized I was going to be a mom, I thought,
you know, I'm really not in the place I want
(04:28):
to be and I need to become a better person
for you know, being an example and a mom to
my daughter. So big change had to occur early on
in that relationship, and I had to say goodbye to
that relationship. I had to make a stand and make
a stand for my self, and it was a very
(04:52):
difficult moment, but I asked her biological dad to go
and began my journey is a single mom. I still
pregnant with her obviously, so went through the pregnancy and
had to figure out what just happened and how I
got there and how I was going to be better
for her. So I would say, yeah, I it was
(05:15):
a it was a big moment.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
I understand, And you know, lots of us go through
these ups and downs right throughout our lives, but there
sometimes is that one pivotal moment, right that that major
life jacked moment, if you will, that can lead us
to make a change or pivot. Right, So for you,
(05:41):
what was that particular life jacked moment where you're like, WHOA,
something's got to change, and then you became so passionately
involved in the field of resilience and personal empowerment because
all of us go through different things, but not all
of us propel forward and decide that we want to
make resilience in personal empowerment like a focus or a passion.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Yeah, So I would say for me that moment was
other than you know, the moment. I mean, I ended
up having two other children, and I would say a
very successful marriage. We did have to do some marriage
counseling and stuff because I met my husband shortly after
my first daughter was born and it was not the
(06:27):
man that was her biological father, and I believe that
that was kind of a God moment for me meeting him.
But then, you know, we went on and had a family,
and you know how as it is when you have
little kids, it's busy and you just start, you know,
you do everything for your children, and the inspiration to
heal was obviously to be a good mom for my daughter.
(06:47):
But then I feel like I kind of got left behind,
and it wasn't anybody's fault. It was just you know
the way it is when you have kids. And so
later as my kids got older, I had a health
chain and I ended up with a very serious thyroid
sudden incident and pretty much couldn't do anything. My body
(07:09):
was shutting down and not working right, and I had
to get with my doctor and figure out what's going on,
and after his assessment and tests and everything, and needing
to kind of go on thyroid medication, but then also
he prescribed like therapeutic massage and for my family to
do the dishes for a while so that I could
(07:31):
heal and get body strong again over a period of months.
And you know that he basically said this was a
stress induced condition, which was really a wake up call
for me because I realized that I had gone through
a lot, and I'm not sure I totally tied it
together in that moment, but that I was doing everything
(07:51):
for everybody else and I was just kind of powering
through life. And that was my trauma response, and that
was also the response to taking care of people that
I loved, my children and my husband, but I was
getting left behind and I needed to learn how to
do self care. So I embarked on a journey of
I called it a year of You, and I started
a blog, and I started to just really do a
(08:13):
lot of introspective work and caring for myself and following
my doctor's orders at first and trying out regular therapeutic
massage and journaling and prayer and many different things. And
I did that for an entire year and ended up.
I would say, I'm mostly a different person because I
(08:34):
was healing and realizing that I was carrying a lot.
I was also doing therapy at the time, so a
lot was coming out at therapy, a lot of feelings,
a lot of emotions that I just really were trapped
inside of me and I'd never really dealt with.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Yeah, So I want to ask you, you know, because
it seems like that is a common theme for acid mothers, right.
We spend much time taking care of everyone else because
we feel that sense of duty. I think it develops
once we find out the moment we find out that
we are pregnant. I really believe that it's like something
(09:11):
shifts in us and it's like that's my duty. I
got to take care of me. I mean, I'm sorry,
I got to take care of this child. I got
to take care of the family, and we do often
forget about ourselves, and I agree, like it seems like
it is self induced. But what do we do though, Brooke, Like,
I just you know, as I talk to either other
mothers and friends, and it's like we all seem to
(09:33):
have that same kind of you know, kind of sense
of duty to our families that we have to take
care of everyone else, and we always forget about ourselves
and we kind of lose ourselves. So what do you
recommend that you know, mothers and women who are also
you know, taking care of other people, whether they are
taking care of parents, or women who are taking care
(09:56):
of children, whether they are their own biological children or
or adopted children or children by marriage. But either way,
those of us who are taking care of others, Like,
how do you not lose yourself? What can we do?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Yeah? Well, for me, I mean I can speak for me,
and you know, I work as a coach with other women,
So I would say this is a common approach that
seems to help, is to take some quiet moments to
get present with yourself and ask yourself your feeling, what
is my motivation for whatever? It is that I'm doing
(10:31):
at the moment, you know, whether if I'm trying to
manage a conflict between my kids, or a relationship challenge
of friends is having, or whatever the things are that
we take on, or something my husband's going through. You know,
it's I think if we build in some quiet moments
of you know, introspective time, whether if that's journaling, meditation,
(10:56):
just allowing for just quiet months to have coffee or
tea by your self. You know. I think our world
is so busy and so much information's coming at us
all the time now with social media, and I think
awareness of our habits around social media are really important
nowadays too. This is like a really common thing. I
think a lot of us just are so overwhelmed and
(11:16):
tired that our downtime consists of sitting down and scrolling
through social media or something or watching a mindless show,
which is all fine because those maybe things you enjoy.
But when you're not able to get quiet with your
own thoughts and pay attention, then you're in like an
auto response mode, you know, And I think that's where
(11:36):
we tend to sort of continue our habits that might
not be necessarily all that healthy for us. So for me,
it's been a lot of quiet moments and forcing myself
to do that. And even like the prescription for therapeutic
massage was so helpful because it was like, Okay, it's
almost like I needed somebody else to tell me, this
(11:58):
is what you have to do to take care of myself.
And I hope that women can get to a place
that are listening to this, you know, they can get
to a place like I can write that prescription for myself.
I don't need somebody to tell me. My prescription can
be for my own version of self care that works
for me. So the things that bring me joy, the
moments where I can have a little quiet time to
(12:19):
do a little self reflection, and however that comes for you.
For some people, it's through writing. For some people's through
sitting quietly. For some people it's taking a walk. And yet,
you know, I get a lot of epiphanies and thoughts
when I take a walk or I go to something
active on my own. I'm just allowing for a little
bit of time to take care of your own thoughts
(12:40):
and your heart.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Yeah, I feel like taking a walk really does help.
Speaker 3 (12:45):
I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
If it's because you're you get your blood pumping and
you know you're moving, and so it gets your thoughts going.
But I do know that taking a walk really does
help sometimes. Now, you discussed embracing change as a catalyst
for growth, and I know that for a lot of us,
whether it's changed that we are that we know about,
(13:07):
or if it's a sudden change, because I know I
just within my newsletter Strength on Sundays, I just talked
about I have a week where I talked about adaptability
in you know, pivoting. You know, at the last minute,
when something enters into your life that's unexpected. So can
you elaborate on how you applied this principle because nobody
(13:30):
likes change, right, It's like not any things, but you saying, hey,
it's a catalyst for growth. So how have you applied
this principle in your own life? And maybe perhaps here
a time when changed you initially resisted it turned out
to be transformative.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Oh, there's so many of those that it's crazy. I'll
have to think of one. But my first response to
your question is change is scary because it's it's an
unknown where we like to know what's coming and we
like to know what it's going to look like. And honestly,
(14:08):
I have found that all of my most amazing, beautiful
moments in life have come from not being in a
place where I was so vulnerable and so humbled by
something was disrupted, whether if it was a rejection and
a relationship, or I was let go from a job,
or I didn't get the job or position I was
(14:30):
looking for. You know, those are the moments where we're
kind of forced to go, okay, you know now. And
for some people it's God, some people the universe, maybe
I don't know whatever it is for you. For me,
it's God. It puts me in a really vulnerable place
but also like a really connected place to something higher
(14:50):
than myself. And I really just have learned to ask, like, Okay,
guide me to the next thing. And I mean, this happened,
I felt like, I mean, the only way I could
describe it. And I was actually physically on my knees
when I was letting go of this relationship and you know,
beginning to think about being a single mom. I that
(15:12):
was a point where I was like, okay, God, show
me the way, you know, and and when I could
completely release any control or needing to know it's when
within several months, I got a phone call from my
now husband, who we've been married twenty six years, who
(15:33):
I had met four years prior, and he said, I'm
coming up to Portland. I'd love to see you. And
it was not at all the timing that I thought
it was going to be. Because I was a young mom,
I mean, just had become a mom just a few
months before. This is not the timing you're really looking
to date, at least probably for most women if you're
a single mom, you're not like out searching for a
(15:54):
husband with a four month old or three mono, right,
But I do believe it was. It was a very
amazing moment for me. It was like it taught me
that if I could release control and ask for guidance
that it would come. And whatever you want to call that.
For me, I feel like it was a beautiful teaching
(16:14):
moment and I've I've leaned on that moment many times
since then in many other situations when I wanted to
be so upset that something wasn't going the way I
thought it was supposed to go, and always it works
out beautifully, you know. Also, Yeah, and I'm sure this
(16:35):
sounds really funny to somebody who's going through in a
really dark place and going through something really hard, and
maybe you know it's going through something much more extreme
even than I did. But I can tell you just
from my own experience that I feel a presence. I
know that there is a guiding force out there, whatever
you want to call it, and you're gonna be okay.
(16:56):
You know you will get your answers.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Say open no forever for sure. Stay open is right now.
You've mentioned the importance of building a resilient toolkit. So
what are some of the things that are in your toolkit?
And how can listeners start building their own.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
So I love the idea of a toolkit just because
my dad was a landscaper and I grew up working
with him, and he always had a tool for everything.
And I feel like we all need a toolkit for life.
And you know, somebody, not everybody's tools are going to
be the same, because they're all unique individuals. But I
feel like there's some that have really worked for me
(17:41):
that are just and I'm sure you've heard of them before.
You know, many of your listeners probably know a lot
of these, but when you put them together, I feel
like they make a really good basic toolkit for getting
over challenges. And I've mentioned mindfulness and journaling, so I
don't do a whole lot of meditation. Tried it out
and it's a little hard for me to sit super quiet,
(18:03):
but and incorporating some movement without it. With that would
I guess the yoga. But journaling has worked really well
for me and just having quiet moments in the morning.
I used to do morning pages a lot. I've gotten
a little bit out of practice, but writing in the
morning just kind of like a brain dump in the morning,
like just a whole page of whatever it is that's
on your mind, getting those thoughts out on paper. It
(18:26):
helps with like release and getting clarity. Practicing gratitude daily
is super helpful because I really believe in manifestation and
I really like the concepts of the secret. You know,
if that you attract the energy that you put out.
So if you're focused on lack, you know like you're
(18:47):
going to attract more of that. If you're focused on
what good is happening in your life, you will attract
more of that into your experience. So I think daily
gratitude is awesome. One of my biggest ones, and I
wrote a children's book about it too, because this is
one that I realized was super important for me and
my husband. His story is totally different. Is finding supportive
(19:11):
relationships and people who share similar values that you don't
have to be exactly the same, but people who understand you,
they take time to see you, and they want you
to win. And bringing a small circle or at least
one person around you that is like your biggest cheerleader,
because I don't believe we're designed to do this life
(19:32):
on our own. And I honestly I really needed that
and that ended up being my husband for me, and
I hope that I've been I think he would say
I've been that for him and his dreams and goals.
And now this is something that we go out and
we talk to other views about, you know, being a
friend to somebody and support finding somebody supportive to live
(19:54):
your dreams because we need everybody needs a cheerleader and
an advocate. So I'd say those are the top ones,
and I think other than that, just that reflection time,
focus on what brings you peace, what gives you strength,
and what is inspiring to you, and then make practices
(20:16):
in your life around bringing more of that into your experience,
you know, and then those could become your personal tools.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
No, that I totally agree with you because as I
do this resilience work and work with the clients, I'm
sure as you have also noticed as you're working.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
With your clients as well.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Yeah, community and relationships play a crucial role in our resilience.
I mean you do have to find people to surround
yourself with who want you to win like that. Yeah,
that's like part of it. And it's amazing to find
out how many people don't have a supportive you know,
(21:00):
network around them. So in thinking about that and for
our listeners out there, so for you, how if your
personal and professional relationships influence your journey? And then what
advice do you have for others who were trying to
build that supportive network? Because I do know that sometimes
people can't recognize the people who do want them to win,
(21:22):
and they're not moving forward or they're having a lot
of trials because they're surrounded by people who are actually
sabotaging them.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Oh, I mean I learned that I needed that because
I had so much of the other So I totally
understand your question, like more than I wish I did,
to be honest, because over and over and over again
I invited and I didn't realize I was inviting it
at first. And I think, you know, this is not
to say like, if you're an abusive relationship, you've invited that,
(21:53):
But I do think that there is a powerful concept
of we teach people how to treat us by what
we accept. Well, if you, if you can assimilate that
into your you know, practice, just write that out. I
don't know, say it to yourself every day. Like, and
for those of you that are in an abusive situation
(22:14):
or something really dangerous, there are and I list them
in my book, there are resources and organizations out there
to help you and to keep you safe while you're
escaping something really really scary and hard. So I don't
mean to make light of it or anything, but like
for those of you that aren't in a dangerous situation
(22:35):
that are just you know, you feel bad your energy,
you feel like you have to detox or something. You
feel angry after you're with somebody, or you feel like
you've spent time with somebody and you just don't feel
any confidence afterwards. Like, pay attention to how people make
you feel and what they say to you, and you know,
(22:57):
is it supportive of you? Is it somebodybody who's like
carrying you on, or is somebody competing with you, jealous
of you, doing put downs publicly embarrassing you, you know.
I mean, there's so many different things that can happen
in a dysfunctional situation. But it's okay for you to
say this doesn't work for me and step out of it,
(23:20):
and you know, begin to make your list of what
kind of relationships would really make you feel at peace
and build you up. What do you need from a friend,
you know, what do you need from a partner? And
it's okay to ask for that, you know, And it's
okay to not be around somebody who is unkind to you.
(23:41):
If it's family, it's a little harder, so you know,
I mean, I don't want to name any names just
because it's not my story, but I do have a
family member that had family that was not it was
not very overt, but they were not getting support to
do the dream that they want wanted to do, so
a little bit of separation had to be made, but
(24:04):
it wasn't you know, there was a way to strategically
do it. So they didn't have to cut off their
whole family, but they really had to get courageous about
finding a different support team and some professionals to help
them realize what was at work with the comments that
were being made and the you know, the sort of
subtle energy of like not wanting them to succeed at
(24:27):
this dream kind of thing. You know. So there are professionals,
There are good people out there, and if you're diligent,
you can find a way out of a really heavy
dysfunct situation like that with people who are.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
The One thing I know is that it's hard to understand,
but failure absolutely leads to success.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
People think that.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
Leads to success, but I honestly believe that failure leads
the success. So, as somebody who has confronted and overcome
numerous challenges, what are the most important lessons to feel
you've learned about failure?
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I feel like failure is a strengthening tool, Like there
really are no failures, there's only lessons, and a failure
is a temporary feeling, right, So as long as we
look at it like, Okay, what are the things that
maybe I can adjust here? It's interesting because we have
(25:28):
a friend that is in professional sports, and we just
spoke to him yesterday. He had a change in his
situation with the team he was with, and the first
question he asked when that wasn't working out was what
could I have done better? And I thought, I'm so
proud of you, Like this is the question we all
(25:51):
need to be asking, like when we feel like we've
failed at something, when really most I also think rejection
is protection. So what sometimes feels like a failure is
really a protection for you and there's something better for
you waiting. It's just that we didn't Again, it's one
of those things you didn't get to see or know about,
so you're just being redirected, you know. So failure sometimes
(26:13):
isn't really a failure at all. It's just protection and
you're being moved to something else. But to always take
a failure and look, what could I have you know,
maybe what could I have done a little bit better?
How could I have adjusted my approach? It teaches resilience, humility.
I think ego is one of the biggest dream killers
(26:33):
because when our ego gets too large, it's hard to
stay open. It's hard to let the universe or God lead,
it's hard to see some of the things. We're too
self involved, you know. And I think failure does bring
humility because we're not going to get it right one
hundred percent of the time, and it sort of brings
us back down to earth and makes us recalibrate, you know.
(26:55):
So those are the how I've learned to broach failure.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Sometimes it's hard, sometimes there is a lot of pain.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
At first, but once you can get through that, you know,
and start looking at it differently and changing your mindset
about it, it's a great peaching tool and learning growing tool.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Now, absolutely well, Brook, I knew this conversation was going
to be a great confident it's hard to read that
our time is almost up. But I have one last
question to ask you, and that if you could offer
one piece of advice to someone standing at the brink
of giving up on how to build resilience, what would
(27:36):
it be and why?
Speaker 3 (27:39):
So, based on my own experience, if you're going through
something really really hard and feel that you've failed, maybe
you're at the bottom or what you think is the bottom,
I think to just look at this as temporary. Remember
that it's temporary and you still have a future filled
with possibility. Each day. Moment is a new moment, and
(28:04):
you're much stronger than you think. Your story is not over,
and you have the power to rewrite your story. It's
it's really good to remember that this is just a
temporary blip on the radar, a little bump in the road,
and there'll probably be more. But you're getting stronger so
(28:26):
that you can take on the next bumps easier and
with more grace. You know, it's just strengthening, like working
out in the gym. You have to build that muscle.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Well, you heard it here, folks. Each moment is a
new moment, and you have the power.
Speaker 3 (28:43):
To write your story.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Brooke, thank you so much for sharing your invaluable insights
and experiences with us today. Your journey is a testament
to the power of resilience and I'm sure it will
inspire many of my listeners to view their own challenges
in a new light. So, as we're wrapping up, can
you tell us where the audience can find more of
(29:06):
your work in any upcoming project you're excited about, and
also how can they find you on social media?
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yes? Okay, well, we have lots of things happening which
are so exciting. We just wrapped up a well. First
of all, my book is Living the Free Life. It's
available on Amazon Prime. I also have a website it's
called dbrookdboard dot com and where you can get in
touch with me for any of my coaching services. And
(29:33):
they also have a series which encourages This is a
little bit of a departure from the women's coaching that
I do. But my first client was my husband. I
didn't know it was, but long story, it's another story
for another day. And I produced a show called SaaS
Life and it's all about us supporting him to do
his dream of driving race cars. So that'll be going
(29:54):
up on two new platforms in the next month or so.
And that's Binge on Binge and it's called past Life
and also on the Go Travel Network, so really fun.
It used to be on Amazon Primes. So now we've
shifted to those two platforms and there's probably gonna be
new material and content comings so and we have a
(30:15):
children's book wrapped into that which encourages kids to follow
their dreams. So and that's all connected to my website,
bebrookdboard dot com. Wow.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
Well, any last words of encouragement for the listeners.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
Brook yes, be yourself and believe in yourself and everything
is going to be okay. I know that just keep
keep working, keep growing, keep healing. Success in healing is
a journey, not a destination.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Fantastic well Brooke, thank you again. I want to wish
you and your family nothing but blessings and abundance.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
Please take care, Thank you, Right back to you, Brook, Debora.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Everyone be sure to join me next time for more
uplifting stories and insights on resilience. Until then, keep pushing forward,
embrace the journey, and remember that every setback can lead
to a greater comeback. Doctor Rowe signing off.
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