June 30, 2025 • 27 mins
In this powerful episode, Willie Handler shares his remarkable journey of uncovering buried family trauma through writing his memoir "Out from the Shadows." As the child of Holocaust survivors, Willie's story illuminates the profound impact of generational trauma and the healing power of confronting one's past.
Through candid conversation with Dr. Ro, Willie reveals how his wife's encouragement led him to explore his family's Holocaust history, transforming his understanding of resilience and personal identity. His journey from accomplished hospital administrator to memoirist showcases the importance of addressing emotional wounds, particularly for men who might hesitate to seek help.
The episode delves into Willie's therapeutic process, highlighting how confronting difficult memories can lead to profound healing and personal growth. His story serves as a beacon of hope for others carrying the weight of inherited trauma.
Ready to be inspired by Willie's transformative journey from silence to strength? Listen to this moving episode that reminds us it's never too late to heal and share our story.
Through candid conversation with Dr. Ro, Willie reveals how his wife's encouragement led him to explore his family's Holocaust history, transforming his understanding of resilience and personal identity. His journey from accomplished hospital administrator to memoirist showcases the importance of addressing emotional wounds, particularly for men who might hesitate to seek help.
The episode delves into Willie's therapeutic process, highlighting how confronting difficult memories can lead to profound healing and personal growth. His story serves as a beacon of hope for others carrying the weight of inherited trauma.
Ready to be inspired by Willie's transformative journey from silence to strength? Listen to this moving episode that reminds us it's never too late to heal and share our story.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What do you do when the journey you embark upon
for self discovery becomes a profound reawakening of the soul.
Welcome to Life Jack the Resilience Podcast. I am your host,
Doctor Rowe. Today, I am honored to have Willie Handler,
an extraordinary individual with a life that weaves a remarkable
(00:21):
synthesis of resilience and fortitude. At seventy one, Willie is
more than an accomplished hospital administrator, government policy expert, consultant,
and the author of Out from the Shadows. Growing up
with Holocaust survivor parents, he is a devoted husband, father,
and grandfather, and a writer who ventured into the deeply
(00:44):
personal journey of memar writing. What followed was a transformational
expedition into understanding his roots, reassessing his relationships, and confronting
his sense of purpose. Through setback therapy and a powerful
support system, he emerged as a testament to the enduring
spirit of resilience. Join me as we delve into Willie's
(01:06):
inspirational narrative and explore the essence of resilience born from
the heart of trauma.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, Sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other Times it gives us something entirely out of left
field that makes us say w T F. But no
matter what obstacles come, there is most often a way
out on the other side, and we are once again victorious.
(01:40):
My name is doctor Rome and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day. Listen now, as my next
get shared how they were like.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Jack, Hi, Willie, welcome, Thank you so much. Me a
guest on my show. How are you?
Speaker 3 (02:09):
I am very good, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
That's awesome. Willy to start, can you share with the
listeners what inspired you to embark on writing your memoir
after a successful career in various fields, Because you could
have written about many many things, but you decided to
be vulnerable and write about your life.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yes. Actually I am an author of three other books,
their fiction books, in fact, their humor, so going into
something like memori writing it was quite a jump in genre.
The interesting thing is I liter really wanted to write
this book. I never planned on writing it. My wife.
(02:57):
It says that you know you should write your family
story and I'm going, oh, there's so many holocust books
out there, nobody wants to read another one. And besides,
I didn't even really know much because my parents really
didn't speak too much about their experiences. And I remember
the first time I actually wrote something about my parents' story,
(03:20):
it was only an eighteen hundred word blog post. That's
all I could remember. But that's all I knew. And
so I started doing research. And I say, the more
research I did, the more I sort of got drawn in,
fell into this big, huge rabbit hole, and they said, Okay,
I'm going to do it. And that's really sort of
(03:42):
the genesis.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Although, yeah, there are many Holocaust books out there, and
there are many Holocaust museums around the United States and
other countries as well, because it was such a traumatic
event for a group of two people. But will you know,
I appreciate that you wrote this book because we have
(04:05):
to know more stories out there besides the diary of
Ann Frank, Right, we have to know more because I
am a firm believer educating the people. And the more
that we educate the people about past trauma and things
that have happened in our world, the hope is that
these things don't repeat themselves, right.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
That's the glow. I don't know how effective it is.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
That's true, true. I guess we have to continue to
educate the masses out there, you know, so that they
will know that these things did happen and they're not
just fictional stories, that they are stories that really happen
to people in their lives. Now, the process of writing
a memoir is not a typical one, right, which you
discuss that you are a fiction writer and you jump
(04:53):
genres to write a memoir and then pen historical information.
So can you describe, h how it kind of? I
think you said it served as a transformational journey for you.
So how so?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Well, you know, I I tackled this book like all
my other books, and it was nothing like that because
one has started to finally remember it's so stories from
my phone, because what's a political part of the memoir
(05:27):
of memory started coming out? Oh all of it? Or
rmal realized I was turning around on the surfeit and
grew up on iPort o.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Now, oftentimes when people write memoirs, they say that as
their writings there are memories that come up that they
totally forgot about. So did you find that there were
memories that you had forgotten about that just kind of
presented themselves.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Oh, definitely. There was a period of time where I
was not kidding very much sleep because the anxiety was
building up, and it was unusual that at nighttime all
of the memories to be purfet and it just looked
(06:31):
like an ongoing process for one of mine. I would
remember something and I would go back and put it
in an appropriate spot in the air, my manicat and
it was find almost.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Nice now in those memories you've said before, In as
I did research, I found now that it prompted you
to re examine your feelings towards your parents and relationships.
So how does this intersection influence your priorities in life?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
It was a writer, I mean that was my whole
recent career, and books over the court of something like
that seven eight years, and I realized at one point
I didn't even know if I could go back to
(07:30):
writing movement. I just I would be no good but
usual vanoire my family storage and I could say the
memoir is not not a program work because it provides
a historical great and how they and how they survived
(07:56):
the war, my own and they talk a lot about
generate no Trauma. The decide is that I would for
the new stories and my life to those people on
the halland that really has been the focus of my life,
and I don't put of that they're constrictive with that directly.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Now, I understand that overcoming mental challenges with the key
aspect of your journey. And just like you mentioned before,
there was a lot of anxiety building up writing this book,
and so you decided to speak therapy. So how do
you think that speaking therapy aided in your path to resilience?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
One thing I consider resilience and trauma to go hand
in hand. That's because to survive a trauma, you need
to have a certain amount of resilience. Can you build
up your resilience? I'm not too sure about that. I
know I speak. I've spoken to a lot of children
(09:03):
of other Holocaust survivors who said who told me they
could never they couldn't invasions surviving what their parents did.
But until you're sort of faced with trauma, you really
don't know how much resilience it you have. And it's
only going through that experience that it comes to the surface. However,
(09:27):
Tatting back to that question, as I started sinking into
a what I would say is a mental health whole,
and I just decided I needed to do something because
when this book was going to be published, I'm going
to have to be able to pull myself together and
(09:48):
talk about it. And so I reached out and sought
the help of a therapist. And so to a certain extent,
that process built up some addition, so resilient.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
As a child of Holocaust survivors, do you think that
as you were being raised in the home with your parents,
do you think that the trauma that they survived, do
you think that it had any impact on you and
basically how you live your life?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Huh? Incentively, so without even understanding it. And so mean,
now when I look back, do I really can I put?
I put the whether and what? Really? Most Holocaust survivors
they when the war was over, they came out of
(10:42):
the camps, out of the woods, out of hiding. It's
no support, there's no mental health, uh services available to that,
and they just kind of re established their lives some strength.
Often and so as a sound you see the people
you know, you're reingranged by. People were struggling that they
(11:04):
had their own trauma to deal with in many cases
no idea how to how to manage it, and much
of it is just passed on to you and you
just learn how to deal with it. I mean as
a child I was My parents were how I would
call them, Uh, they were loving but distant, and so
(11:30):
I was very much left on my own. Not just
and I don't mean it's sort of in a physical sense,
but I I had no help, you know, with homework,
and I had a problem at school. I had to
deal with it myself. You want to play sports where
you're going to have to grow yourself and bring yourself
(11:52):
and show up yourself, you don't get that kind of support. Uh.
They're really really focused on the very basic needs, which
is food, shelter, and clothing, and providing that kind of
emotional support wasn't necessarily there. So I grew up kind
of in survival mode myself, and I became very distrustful
(12:19):
of others. I built up this wall around me. People
couldn't get close to me, and a whole move, I
would say, other systems that developed over time.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Now, when a group of people go through a mass
trauma event such as the Holocaust, like you mentioned it
develops generational trauma developed, right, and so as they're going
through their trauma and trying to heal from it, like
you said, they passed it on to their children. And
so that is essentially what you also write about in
this book Out from the Shadows. So what insights do
(12:54):
you hope to bring through this book Out from the Status?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Well, really, the message I have, at least the message
I think I'm providing, is that it's just the I
guess it's kind of like twofold. What is that how
destructive hate is, and that we need to learn to
(13:22):
deal with with each other without hate. But the other
is that how everybody looks at and they understand that
holocopt survivors are damaged people, so to speak. But what isn't,
what most people don't realize, don't even know, is that
(13:44):
there is this hidden tremmunity of descendants, children and grandchildren
and in some cases even great grandchildren at this point,
who are also sometimes just as the next. And so
it's sort of a wake up call that these people exist,
(14:08):
and only that many of these people have never even
spoken about their experiences, which I think we're going to
get into very soon.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yes, now, you credit a strong support system in aiding
your journey. So can you kind of speak on the
role that your wife, your friends, and your therapist kind
of play for you in the times that were.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Very The healing process, although you don't totally heal some trauma,
it's always there. But during that process is not what
I would call very linear. It is it's much more
closer to a roller coaster and with many highs and lows.
(14:55):
And I really experienced that, and and you need people
around you to kind of answer you so that the
swings aren't as wild, and they were. My wife was
my poor wife, I can say, was in the middle
(15:18):
of this hell storm that I was going through. But
also I had friends who reached out. And I was
incredibly lucky because the first therapist I approached was for me,
the perfect therapist. And it took me a while to
(15:42):
get accustomed to therapy. I quit several times because I
accuse her of making me worse, because you actually do
get worse before you get better, but at the end
of it. But in the end, and I actually still
in therapy. All these different people in my life help
(16:02):
me work my way through this uh, this healing process
and to where I am now. I'm kind of I'm
I'm not where I used to be before, but because
you can never go back, but I'm certainly a much
better version than myself.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Well, I think on your experience, how exactly would you
define resilience?
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Uh? For me, resilience is the ability two take on
stresses in your life and to get past them or
barriers and things like that. And I think that people
(16:54):
who have trauma that fully build resilience. And it's sort
of it's like a survival it's a survival tool that
you developed to get through trauma, get through stresses in
your life, and so it's your ability to sort of
(17:19):
deflect the bounce back. And and I saw it so
much they might not just my parents, but their friends
and other family members who went through the same experience.
How they were able to not just get through such
(17:44):
a horrific experience, but to sort of bounce back and
kind of lead as normal as the life as they could.
Some of them were much more in depth at it
and others less, but they kind of got through life.
And to me, that's an incredible amount of resilience.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Do you think that your view of resilience has evolved?
Over the years.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
No, I really don't think I was really focused on
this concept of resilience, and so it was only my own,
my own song, whether I started to understand what resilience
really meant. Maybe my early my only early the resilience
(18:32):
was bicicling as a Once you both through, you have
a very different and much more in depth understanding of
how resilience work.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
That is, do you have for others who might be
struggling with their own journeys of self discovery or confronting
the weights of generational troublems?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
And I actually it's called The Hidden Victims. I think
it's an apt title on generational trauma of children and
grandchildren of color survivors. I've interviewed ninety seven people for
the book, and what I've discover is how many people,
(19:24):
so many of the so many people have not spoken
about their own personal experiences, almost as if they were
afraid to and shared what kind of trauma they've been experiencing.
Some people I interviewed, they basically told me they were
(19:44):
telling me their story for the first time. And so
part of what my message, especially because those with generational trauma,
is is unique, is that despite your age, because of
these people are in their sixties and seventies. You can
still heal and and UH and find a find a
(20:09):
better place for yourself, but you need to open up.
You could talk to others, share your experiences with others.
Don't be afraid to talk about it, especially men and
UH and some had actually been to therapy. Others basically
told me they would love to go to therapy, but
they don't know who so.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
I.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
So part of the reason I'm writing this book is
ins for that community, to help make them understand that
they're not alone their experiences and are not unique and
don't and don't tell you wouldn't believe how many people
told me they thought their experience was very unique, and
then I tell them, no, it's not. I've spoken to
(20:54):
dozens of people who are just like you. So it's
to go and go out there and it's not too
late to heal, develop that resilience and and lead them
a happier life.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Now that you have written your book and your memoir
talking about your generational traumas, sometimes after people write their
memoirs they feel a since that burden has been released
or listed. Do you have that.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Feeling, Yes, definitely, maybe it's not this past week that
maybe a little rougher. Yeah, I well drove me to therapy
the first place. What the song that people reading or
memoir or I think it's one of the talk about
(21:51):
a group of people to like you are now where
the hell other things? And we're When I voted up
with therapy, first thing, I said it you know why
you will and because I got this book coming out
and so yeah, you know some sort of places today
(22:16):
that I could talk about it. I can talk about
anti semitism and they had the aftermath and not being triggered.
I'm very comfortable doing it.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
No, that's wonderful. Not lastly, really, in your opinion, what
is the best way to build resilience in the face
of adversity?
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Mm hmm. That's a tough one. I think maybe it's
it's kind of a very individual thing as well. But
I found that talking about my experience boos the both
with my resilience mhm. One thing talking about it with
(23:03):
a friend and somethings are very good to start with,
and they kind of know the right things to say
and what not to say, but they're they're never a
thought from a qualified and when the fit who will
(23:23):
you can, you can who you feel is relate to you,
and it is and comfortable with. And I think I
think a world of difference from me, and I encourage
people that they're broadly and they you can build up
your resilience. Are very good having you.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Well, Thank you Willie for sharing your inspiring journey with
us today on life Stacks of the Resilience podcast. Your
story is a poignant reminder that even from the death
of trauma, we can rise with resilience and great to
the listeners, May Willie's story encourage you to face your
own challengees with courage and and open heart. So how
(24:09):
can listeners find and connect with you or purchase your
memoir Out from the Shadows Growing Up with Holocaust survivor parents.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Okay, now people want to connect with me. I do
have a website and it's very easy to find Willihandley
dot com. And I'm also on stuff Stack where I
have a newsletter and I write all kinds of articles,
a lot of them related to trauma and resilience, you know,
(24:43):
and other issues as well. And that's on substacks and
I'm very active there. Usually you know, I will drop
two to three blog posts a week. And if you're
looking to read my memoir, it is uh is it
(25:04):
is quite inspirational and but a tough read out of
this Shadows is available. The easiest way to do its
purchase it is on Amazon and uh, and you can
and that's the thing to do is probably just searched
by my name, Willie Ambler.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Do you have any last words of encouragement for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
I think that the trauma is uh. Trauma and resilience
are kind of like they're kind of obsid ends of
a continual and uh and uh. I encourage people two
(25:53):
find that in their strength and and and and make
them and make up the right for themselves. And I
hope that those who are struggling right now, if my
story helps, I think that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Well. Really, your insights on life, transformation and healing inspire
us all to look inward and embrace the power we
have to overcome. I wish you and your family nothing
but blessings and abundance. Thank you for me, I guess
please take care.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Thank you. We're going to put the park and I
do hope the res and bleeding from this discussion.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Willie Handler, Everyone be sure to go out and get
your copy, or you can go to his website or
online to purchase his memoir, Out from the Shadows, Growing
Up with Holocaust Survivor Parents. Be sure to join me
next time for more uplifting stories and insights on Resilllion.
Until then, keep pushing forward, embrace the journey, and remember
(27:04):
that every setback can lead to a greater comeback. Doctor
Rowe signing off.
What do you do when the journey you embark upon
for self discovery becomes a profound reawakening of the soul.
Welcome to Life Jack the Resilience Podcast. I am your host,
Doctor Rowe. Today, I am honored to have Willie Handler,
an extraordinary individual with a life that weaves a remarkable
(00:21):
synthesis of resilience and fortitude. At seventy one, Willie is
more than an accomplished hospital administrator, government policy expert, consultant,
and the author of Out from the Shadows. Growing up
with Holocaust survivor parents, he is a devoted husband, father,
and grandfather, and a writer who ventured into the deeply
(00:44):
personal journey of memar writing. What followed was a transformational
expedition into understanding his roots, reassessing his relationships, and confronting
his sense of purpose. Through setback therapy and a powerful
support system, he emerged as a testament to the enduring
spirit of resilience. Join me as we delve into Willie's
(01:06):
inspirational narrative and explore the essence of resilience born from
the heart of trauma.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, Sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other Times it gives us something entirely out of left
field that makes us say w T F. But no
matter what obstacles come, there is most often a way
out on the other side, and we are once again victorious.
(01:40):
My name is doctor Rome and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day. Listen now, as my next
get shared how they were like.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Jack, Hi, Willie, welcome, Thank you so much. Me a
guest on my show. How are you?
Speaker 3 (02:09):
I am very good, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
That's awesome. Willy to start, can you share with the
listeners what inspired you to embark on writing your memoir
after a successful career in various fields, Because you could
have written about many many things, but you decided to
be vulnerable and write about your life.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yes. Actually I am an author of three other books,
their fiction books, in fact, their humor, so going into
something like memori writing it was quite a jump in genre.
The interesting thing is I liter really wanted to write
this book. I never planned on writing it. My wife.
(02:57):
It says that you know you should write your family
story and I'm going, oh, there's so many holocust books
out there, nobody wants to read another one. And besides,
I didn't even really know much because my parents really
didn't speak too much about their experiences. And I remember
the first time I actually wrote something about my parents' story,
(03:20):
it was only an eighteen hundred word blog post. That's
all I could remember. But that's all I knew. And
so I started doing research. And I say, the more
research I did, the more I sort of got drawn in,
fell into this big, huge rabbit hole, and they said, Okay,
I'm going to do it. And that's really sort of
(03:42):
the genesis.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
Although, yeah, there are many Holocaust books out there, and
there are many Holocaust museums around the United States and
other countries as well, because it was such a traumatic
event for a group of two people. But will you know,
I appreciate that you wrote this book because we have
(04:05):
to know more stories out there besides the diary of
Ann Frank, Right, we have to know more because I
am a firm believer educating the people. And the more
that we educate the people about past trauma and things
that have happened in our world, the hope is that
these things don't repeat themselves, right.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
That's the glow. I don't know how effective it is.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
That's true, true. I guess we have to continue to
educate the masses out there, you know, so that they
will know that these things did happen and they're not
just fictional stories, that they are stories that really happen
to people in their lives. Now, the process of writing
a memoir is not a typical one, right, which you
discuss that you are a fiction writer and you jump
(04:53):
genres to write a memoir and then pen historical information.
So can you describe, h how it kind of? I
think you said it served as a transformational journey for you.
So how so?
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Well, you know, I I tackled this book like all
my other books, and it was nothing like that because
one has started to finally remember it's so stories from
my phone, because what's a political part of the memoir
(05:27):
of memory started coming out? Oh all of it? Or
rmal realized I was turning around on the surfeit and
grew up on iPort o.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Now, oftentimes when people write memoirs, they say that as
their writings there are memories that come up that they
totally forgot about. So did you find that there were
memories that you had forgotten about that just kind of
presented themselves.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Oh, definitely. There was a period of time where I
was not kidding very much sleep because the anxiety was
building up, and it was unusual that at nighttime all
of the memories to be purfet and it just looked
(06:31):
like an ongoing process for one of mine. I would
remember something and I would go back and put it
in an appropriate spot in the air, my manicat and
it was find almost.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Nice now in those memories you've said before, In as
I did research, I found now that it prompted you
to re examine your feelings towards your parents and relationships.
So how does this intersection influence your priorities in life?
Speaker 3 (07:10):
It was a writer, I mean that was my whole
recent career, and books over the court of something like
that seven eight years, and I realized at one point
I didn't even know if I could go back to
(07:30):
writing movement. I just I would be no good but
usual vanoire my family storage and I could say the
memoir is not not a program work because it provides
a historical great and how they and how they survived
(07:56):
the war, my own and they talk a lot about
generate no Trauma. The decide is that I would for
the new stories and my life to those people on
the halland that really has been the focus of my life,
and I don't put of that they're constrictive with that directly.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Now, I understand that overcoming mental challenges with the key
aspect of your journey. And just like you mentioned before,
there was a lot of anxiety building up writing this book,
and so you decided to speak therapy. So how do
you think that speaking therapy aided in your path to resilience?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
One thing I consider resilience and trauma to go hand
in hand. That's because to survive a trauma, you need
to have a certain amount of resilience. Can you build
up your resilience? I'm not too sure about that. I
know I speak. I've spoken to a lot of children
(09:03):
of other Holocaust survivors who said who told me they
could never they couldn't invasions surviving what their parents did.
But until you're sort of faced with trauma, you really
don't know how much resilience it you have. And it's
only going through that experience that it comes to the surface. However,
(09:27):
Tatting back to that question, as I started sinking into
a what I would say is a mental health whole,
and I just decided I needed to do something because
when this book was going to be published, I'm going
to have to be able to pull myself together and
(09:48):
talk about it. And so I reached out and sought
the help of a therapist. And so to a certain extent,
that process built up some addition, so resilient.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
As a child of Holocaust survivors, do you think that
as you were being raised in the home with your parents,
do you think that the trauma that they survived, do
you think that it had any impact on you and
basically how you live your life?
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Huh? Incentively, so without even understanding it. And so mean,
now when I look back, do I really can I put?
I put the whether and what? Really? Most Holocaust survivors
they when the war was over, they came out of
(10:42):
the camps, out of the woods, out of hiding. It's
no support, there's no mental health, uh services available to that,
and they just kind of re established their lives some strength.
Often and so as a sound you see the people
you know, you're reingranged by. People were struggling that they
(11:04):
had their own trauma to deal with in many cases
no idea how to how to manage it, and much
of it is just passed on to you and you
just learn how to deal with it. I mean as
a child I was My parents were how I would
call them, Uh, they were loving but distant, and so
(11:30):
I was very much left on my own. Not just
and I don't mean it's sort of in a physical sense,
but I I had no help, you know, with homework,
and I had a problem at school. I had to
deal with it myself. You want to play sports where
you're going to have to grow yourself and bring yourself
(11:52):
and show up yourself, you don't get that kind of support. Uh.
They're really really focused on the very basic needs, which
is food, shelter, and clothing, and providing that kind of
emotional support wasn't necessarily there. So I grew up kind
of in survival mode myself, and I became very distrustful
(12:19):
of others. I built up this wall around me. People
couldn't get close to me, and a whole move, I
would say, other systems that developed over time.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Now, when a group of people go through a mass
trauma event such as the Holocaust, like you mentioned it
develops generational trauma developed, right, and so as they're going
through their trauma and trying to heal from it, like
you said, they passed it on to their children. And
so that is essentially what you also write about in
this book Out from the Shadows. So what insights do
(12:54):
you hope to bring through this book Out from the Status?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Well, really, the message I have, at least the message
I think I'm providing, is that it's just the I
guess it's kind of like twofold. What is that how
destructive hate is, and that we need to learn to
(13:22):
deal with with each other without hate. But the other
is that how everybody looks at and they understand that
holocopt survivors are damaged people, so to speak. But what isn't,
what most people don't realize, don't even know, is that
(13:44):
there is this hidden tremmunity of descendants, children and grandchildren
and in some cases even great grandchildren at this point,
who are also sometimes just as the next. And so
it's sort of a wake up call that these people exist,
(14:08):
and only that many of these people have never even
spoken about their experiences, which I think we're going to
get into very soon.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yes, now, you credit a strong support system in aiding
your journey. So can you kind of speak on the
role that your wife, your friends, and your therapist kind
of play for you in the times that were.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Very The healing process, although you don't totally heal some trauma,
it's always there. But during that process is not what
I would call very linear. It is it's much more
closer to a roller coaster and with many highs and lows.
(14:55):
And I really experienced that, and and you need people
around you to kind of answer you so that the
swings aren't as wild, and they were. My wife was
my poor wife, I can say, was in the middle
(15:18):
of this hell storm that I was going through. But
also I had friends who reached out. And I was
incredibly lucky because the first therapist I approached was for me,
the perfect therapist. And it took me a while to
(15:42):
get accustomed to therapy. I quit several times because I
accuse her of making me worse, because you actually do
get worse before you get better, but at the end
of it. But in the end, and I actually still
in therapy. All these different people in my life help
(16:02):
me work my way through this uh, this healing process
and to where I am now. I'm kind of I'm
I'm not where I used to be before, but because
you can never go back, but I'm certainly a much
better version than myself.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Well, I think on your experience, how exactly would you
define resilience?
Speaker 3 (16:29):
Uh? For me, resilience is the ability two take on
stresses in your life and to get past them or
barriers and things like that. And I think that people
(16:54):
who have trauma that fully build resilience. And it's sort
of it's like a survival it's a survival tool that
you developed to get through trauma, get through stresses in
your life, and so it's your ability to sort of
(17:19):
deflect the bounce back. And and I saw it so
much they might not just my parents, but their friends
and other family members who went through the same experience.
How they were able to not just get through such
(17:44):
a horrific experience, but to sort of bounce back and
kind of lead as normal as the life as they could.
Some of them were much more in depth at it
and others less, but they kind of got through life.
And to me, that's an incredible amount of resilience.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Do you think that your view of resilience has evolved?
Over the years.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
No, I really don't think I was really focused on
this concept of resilience, and so it was only my own,
my own song, whether I started to understand what resilience
really meant. Maybe my early my only early the resilience
(18:32):
was bicicling as a Once you both through, you have
a very different and much more in depth understanding of
how resilience work.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
That is, do you have for others who might be
struggling with their own journeys of self discovery or confronting
the weights of generational troublems?
Speaker 3 (19:00):
And I actually it's called The Hidden Victims. I think
it's an apt title on generational trauma of children and
grandchildren of color survivors. I've interviewed ninety seven people for
the book, and what I've discover is how many people,
(19:24):
so many of the so many people have not spoken
about their own personal experiences, almost as if they were
afraid to and shared what kind of trauma they've been experiencing.
Some people I interviewed, they basically told me they were
(19:44):
telling me their story for the first time. And so
part of what my message, especially because those with generational trauma,
is is unique, is that despite your age, because of
these people are in their sixties and seventies. You can
still heal and and UH and find a find a
(20:09):
better place for yourself, but you need to open up.
You could talk to others, share your experiences with others.
Don't be afraid to talk about it, especially men and
UH and some had actually been to therapy. Others basically
told me they would love to go to therapy, but
they don't know who so.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
I.
Speaker 3 (20:32):
So part of the reason I'm writing this book is
ins for that community, to help make them understand that
they're not alone their experiences and are not unique and
don't and don't tell you wouldn't believe how many people
told me they thought their experience was very unique, and
then I tell them, no, it's not. I've spoken to
(20:54):
dozens of people who are just like you. So it's
to go and go out there and it's not too
late to heal, develop that resilience and and lead them
a happier life.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Now that you have written your book and your memoir
talking about your generational traumas, sometimes after people write their
memoirs they feel a since that burden has been released
or listed. Do you have that.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Feeling, Yes, definitely, maybe it's not this past week that
maybe a little rougher. Yeah, I well drove me to therapy
the first place. What the song that people reading or
memoir or I think it's one of the talk about
(21:51):
a group of people to like you are now where
the hell other things? And we're When I voted up
with therapy, first thing, I said it you know why
you will and because I got this book coming out
and so yeah, you know some sort of places today
(22:16):
that I could talk about it. I can talk about
anti semitism and they had the aftermath and not being triggered.
I'm very comfortable doing it.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
No, that's wonderful. Not lastly, really, in your opinion, what
is the best way to build resilience in the face
of adversity?
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Mm hmm. That's a tough one. I think maybe it's
it's kind of a very individual thing as well. But
I found that talking about my experience boos the both
with my resilience mhm. One thing talking about it with
(23:03):
a friend and somethings are very good to start with,
and they kind of know the right things to say
and what not to say, but they're they're never a
thought from a qualified and when the fit who will
(23:23):
you can, you can who you feel is relate to you,
and it is and comfortable with. And I think I
think a world of difference from me, and I encourage
people that they're broadly and they you can build up
your resilience. Are very good having you.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Well, Thank you Willie for sharing your inspiring journey with
us today on life Stacks of the Resilience podcast. Your
story is a poignant reminder that even from the death
of trauma, we can rise with resilience and great to
the listeners, May Willie's story encourage you to face your
own challengees with courage and and open heart. So how
(24:09):
can listeners find and connect with you or purchase your
memoir Out from the Shadows Growing Up with Holocaust survivor parents.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Okay, now people want to connect with me. I do
have a website and it's very easy to find Willihandley
dot com. And I'm also on stuff Stack where I
have a newsletter and I write all kinds of articles,
a lot of them related to trauma and resilience, you know,
(24:43):
and other issues as well. And that's on substacks and
I'm very active there. Usually you know, I will drop
two to three blog posts a week. And if you're
looking to read my memoir, it is uh is it
(25:04):
is quite inspirational and but a tough read out of
this Shadows is available. The easiest way to do its
purchase it is on Amazon and uh, and you can
and that's the thing to do is probably just searched
by my name, Willie Ambler.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Do you have any last words of encouragement for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (25:28):
I think that the trauma is uh. Trauma and resilience
are kind of like they're kind of obsid ends of
a continual and uh and uh. I encourage people two
(25:53):
find that in their strength and and and and make
them and make up the right for themselves. And I
hope that those who are struggling right now, if my
story helps, I think that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (26:13):
Well. Really, your insights on life, transformation and healing inspire
us all to look inward and embrace the power we
have to overcome. I wish you and your family nothing
but blessings and abundance. Thank you for me, I guess
please take care.
Speaker 3 (26:29):
Thank you. We're going to put the park and I
do hope the res and bleeding from this discussion.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Willie Handler, Everyone be sure to go out and get
your copy, or you can go to his website or
online to purchase his memoir, Out from the Shadows, Growing
Up with Holocaust Survivor Parents. Be sure to join me
next time for more uplifting stories and insights on Resilllion.
Until then, keep pushing forward, embrace the journey, and remember
(27:04):
that every setback can lead to a greater comeback. Doctor
Rowe signing off.
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