April 4, 2025 • 52 mins
Discover how youth empowerment speaker Lawrence Chrystopher Harris transformed his painful past of childhood abuse into a powerful mission of hope. In this compelling episode of "Lifejacked: The Resilience Podcast," Lawrence shares his remarkable journey from feeling powerless and battling complex PTSD to becoming a beacon of resilience for young people.
Through raw and honest conversation with Dr. Ro, Lawrence reveals how therapy, inner work, and a strong support system helped him reclaim his voice and purpose. His story highlights the critical role of self-compassion, meditation, and journaling in healing from trauma. Most importantly, Lawrence discusses how breaking free from perfectionism and taking small, consistent steps led to profound personal transformation.
Today, Lawrence channels his experiences into empowering teens and young adults to overcome their limiting beliefs and take control of their life stories. His message is clear: your past doesn't define your future.
Ready to be inspired? Listen to this powerful episode to learn how you can transform your challenges into stepping stones for growth and success.
Through raw and honest conversation with Dr. Ro, Lawrence reveals how therapy, inner work, and a strong support system helped him reclaim his voice and purpose. His story highlights the critical role of self-compassion, meditation, and journaling in healing from trauma. Most importantly, Lawrence discusses how breaking free from perfectionism and taking small, consistent steps led to profound personal transformation.
Today, Lawrence channels his experiences into empowering teens and young adults to overcome their limiting beliefs and take control of their life stories. His message is clear: your past doesn't define your future.
Ready to be inspired? Listen to this powerful episode to learn how you can transform your challenges into stepping stones for growth and success.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What do you do when life's challenges seem insurmountable, When
you feel isolated, immense I'm sorry amidst a world full
of people, or when the cycle of self doubt spirals
into a dark, unending abyss. If you have never tuned
into this show, this is Life Jacks, the Resilience Podcast,
(00:21):
and I'm your host, Doctor Rowe. Life Jacked is when
an unfortunate or unplanned event happens to jack with your life.
Each guest shares their personal stories of tragedy to triumph
in hopes that others like you can take your setbacks
and transform them into opportunities for growth and empowerment. My
(00:41):
guest on this episode is Lawrence Christopher Harris, who who
has traversed such paths with remarkable strength. As a youth
empowerment speaker, Lawrence dedicates his life to guiding teens and
young adults in breaking free from limiting beliefs. His mission
(01:01):
is profound to inspire resilience, self love, and a growth mindset,
allowing young individuals to see control of their narratives and
forge their own paths to success. Listen in to explore
Laurence's personal resilience story from overcoming the shadows of childhood
(01:23):
abuse and isolation to building a support system that strengthens
and uplifts. Hi Lawrence, Welcome. Thank you so much for
being a guest time my show. How Are You?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm doing fantastic today and been really excited to come
on here and share.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I'm excited as well. As I was doing the research
on you and for the episode, I was like, oh
my gosh, this guy is really unique. I cannot wait
to chat with him. So, as I said, thank you
for joining me. Now, can you start by sharing a
little bit more about your journey and what initially inspired
you to even become a youth empowerment speaker.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, I would say the thing that inspired me to
become a youth empowerment speaker it came from the realization
of the power of my own voice, because for so
much in my life I felt powerless. Growing up I
was I remember I was twelve years old. And this
isn't to villainize him, because I've been able to heal
(02:25):
from it now. But I grew up with an abusive father.
I would always see.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Him arg with my mom.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I would see, you know, him beating on me and
my siblings and that led me to this deep despair,
this feeling of powerlessness, like nothing I said mattered, nothing
I was mattered, and that I didn't matter as a person. Then,
through years of therapy, counseling, and some hard inner work,
(02:57):
I began to realize that what I say, Matt, who
I am, matters. But we have so many influences in
our life, whether that's bad upbringings, our environment, or just
things being promoted to us, that leads us to feel
as if we don't matter. And I was a summer
(03:20):
camp counselor when I was fifteen. I was walking through
the forest talking to these kids about just the beauty
of nature. And as we're talking, I began to realize
that I could share my perspective with them on life,
on just being a better person to the world around you.
(03:43):
One thing led to another. My friend was telling me, Lawrence,
you need to record what you say and put that.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
On the internet. People want to hear what you got
to say.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
So I was sitting in I was sitting on park
benches with my iPhone, the exact same phone I still
have for this day, recording YouTube videos just talking about whatever,
talking about life, advice, talking about relationship, advice, talking about
(04:14):
anything I thought could benefit people, and over time it
just wanted to turn into a career. Thought things like
Tony Robbins, and I thought, okay, I knew there were
YouTubers who did this, but wait, people get paid thousands
of dollars in hour to talk.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Let me go do that. And I just wanted to
help people want fake money doing what I love doing talking.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Well, that's fantastic. When we can do what we love
that comes naturally to us for money and to get
paid to make a living out, you know, make a
living out of it, that is spectacular. Now I want
to dive into that serious topic that you talked about,
was the childhood abuse, And I know it's it's an
(05:04):
incredibly difficult thing when the people who are close to us, right,
the people that we see every day day to day,
you know, in our home where we're supposed to feel safe,
and these are the people who are hurting us. And
I know that facing childhood abuse, I mean, I was
fortunate I didn't face much abuse, but facing childhood abuse
(05:29):
and isolation, I think you know, is probably incredibly challenging.
So how did those experiences shape your early perceptions of
yourself because if you're being abused, right, you are being
told you're not good enough, You're being beat on and
hit on and isolated, and you know, I would imagine
(05:51):
that it does something to your self esteem or the
perception of self. So how did you navigate that early on?
I mean, you know, did you feel broken down? I mean,
what were your feelings? Because you were so young.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
The best way to describe how I felt in the
moment is imagine you're taking a shower with no skin
and the water is steaming hot. Every drop of water
burns more than the last one, and.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
It only gets worse.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
That's what it felt like from thirteen up to fifteen.
One experience I remember specifically was I was thirteen years
old and I'm laying in this bunk bed. A little
bit of context, my mom and my dad are separated,
so my dad's house.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Then they're my mom's house. This happened at my dad's house.
I'm laying on this bunk bed and.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
He comes in and I can hear like his footsteps
coming towards the door, and with every footstep there's another
shiver of fear in my brain. And he comes in
these yells like come on, get up, there's time to
go to church, And that like triggered something in my
(07:12):
head where I start thinking to myself, how can somebody
claim that there is God loving person yet they're beating
on their children?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
How can someone do that?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
But I go down the steps and I'm sitting on
the couch, you know, just kind of following order like always,
until he says, okay, well, now you gotta go up
and get your coat. And for the first time I
stood up to him and said, one moment you want
me to sit down on the couch, the next moment
you want me to get up.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Make up your mind. Long story short.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
He ends up disowning me in front of the church
when I was thirteen. So I'm standing outside of h
of a n actual church with the preacher there, the congregate,
everybody's watching this happen, and he gets back in his car,
drives off. My mom takes me home. Never saw him
again after that. And I'm the oldest sibling, so my
(08:11):
my younger sibling, we're still going there without me, president
my little sister, who at this time is nine years old,
and my little brother who's autistic but well, me and
him both are autistic, but he's nonverbal, like he speaks
in sign language, and he can't really like fully advocate
for himself.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
So this is like driving.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Me crazy because I had like essentially lost It felt
like I lost my purpose for being alive because I
dedicated myself to keeping them safe. I dedicated myself to
making sure they're all right, even if it means.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
I have to risk my own safety.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
But through that process, I started to realize like more
and more of just.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
How bad I truly felt.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Because it's like I felt some days I felt nothing
at all. I wouldn't be happy, I wouldn't be sad,
I would be nothing. Other days I would feel better
than the day before, but only less bad. And over
(09:30):
time it just wore me down so much. My perception
of myself was damn it. Because when it's when you're
growing up and your parent who's supposed to be a
role model of, you know, the kind of man you're
supposed to be. You know, I'm not supposed to be
(09:51):
this kind of man. I don't have that good, you know,
male role model. And I'm trying to figure out, you know,
navigating being a young teenager, navigating becoming.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
A man, what it means to be a good person.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I'm trying to figure all this out while balancing school,
while balancing, you know, making sure my siblings are, you know,
in a good headspace, keeping my mom from getting too
stressed out.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
I'm trying to manage so many things.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
At once that I felt broken, And the only thing
that was able to help me heal from.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
That was so much in your work, so much therapy.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I had this therapist named Sophie, best lady I'd ever
met in my life.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Her and I had another one named Amy.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Those two women were like they were able to keep
me holding on just just good enough to finally see
something been worth living for. And once I found that,
I knew, I'm never letting this go, and I'm never
letting somebody else walk down the street and feel how
(11:11):
I felt. I do it for the people who need it,
the people who felt like how I did, because I
felt like nothing. And when you feel like nothing, you
feel like you don't have a life or living, you
feel like nobody's coming to care about you so much.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yeah, and so I can imagine because one of the
things I do struggle with is self doubt, which also
sometimes people call it imposter syndrome. And you know, I
think that I have this unrealistic expectation of myself to
be perfect and have everything perfect. I'm a virgo, so
that it comes with the territory, with the birthday. But
(11:52):
one of the things that you have talked about in
a lot of your talks has been self doubt. And
so I know that I have out there and listeners
out there who are just like me, who are just
like you, who struggle with self doubt, feeling like you
are not good enough, feeling like there's no way that
I can accomplish this goal, There's no way that I
(12:15):
can reach the finish line and I can be as
great as I want to be. So how have you
been able to challenge this perception of yourself, that self doubt?
How have you been able to challenge that and navigate
and kind of fight against that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Well, like you just said, it's really a fight every
time that voice in your head that you can't prove
that you can. If you had a self doubt about cooking,
let's just use that as a simple example.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I think I'm a terrible chef.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I can't cook.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I'm gonna burn down the house. Okay, go cook a
pack of noodles. What did cooking a pack of noodles
have to do with this simple? If I can do
something small, I can do something a little bit bigger
than that. So that means that I don't think I
can cook. I think I'm a terrible chef. Did you
just burn down your microwave? No? Did you burn down
(13:12):
your stove no? Did you burn down the house No?
So that means you're at least good enough to not
burn down your house. And from there, every time that
self dot comes up and it says you can't prove
that you can. I don't think I'm smart enough to
start my own business. Okay, go down, you know, go
(13:35):
on chat GBT, how'd you start a business?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Do what it said?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You're smart enough to follow instructions, So that means that
you're smart enough to do something. You don't need to
have it all figured out, nobody does. You just need
to figure out enough to prove to yourself that you
can do something.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
So I hope that metaforms that.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You No, it doesn't, and you're right, You're right. Like
I think that's some of the issue is that a
lot of times people think that we're supposed to be
perfect at something right, but not realizing that it's a process.
I know, when I first started the podcast, I was
audio only, and my first podcast in twenty twenty, I
had no idea what I was doing. Right, it was
(14:22):
like all these things, and now here I am second podcast,
Now I'm doing video, and I think i've I've interviewed
almost two hundred people and it has been such an
an eye opening experience and I have learned along the way.
And you're right, once I let go of those limiting
beliefs and I just recognize that it's gonna be what
it's gonna be. And all I have to do is
(14:43):
just put one foot in front of the other and
just every day try something different. But be consistent. I
know that is one of the things that you definitely
have to do, is be consistent. What do you think
about that.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Very because it's it's sort of like if you wanted
to climb a mountain, let the climount Everest, I don't.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Know how to do it. I can't do it. It's
too hard.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Take one step after another and sooner or later you'll
get there. Or eating an elephant, you just take one
bite every day and after a thirty point you will
eat an elephant, not at one time. Perfectionism makes us
think we need to have it all figured out right here,
right now.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It needs to be fulla all this have to be
pitched perfect.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
If I make even the slightest mistake, the entire thing's
ruined and it's just terrible, and.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Oh I'm a huge mass.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
No, just do what you can where you're at, with
what you know, to the best of your ability, and
the best of your ability today is different than tomorrow.
A baby cannot run, a baby cannot walk, it can crawl.
It doing the best it can with what it has
(15:57):
where is at. You're the same way. Do what you
can where you are, where you're at.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And the interesting thing is we don't shame a baby
because they're crawling and not running. Right you look this baby.
I don't know how you to send it back because
it's not running already.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, or you know you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That a baby does We celebrate it?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Or you wouldn't call a You wouldn't call somebody stupid
because they don't know how to do brain surgery. It's
brain surgery. So the same thing applies with anything else.
When you're first starting out, you're not going to be
perfect at anything, at driving, at cooking, at walking, at
even breathing. Babies don't come out the womb knowing immediately
(16:44):
how to breathe. They choke for a little bit and
then they figure it out. We don't even know how
to breathe until we figure it out.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Yeah. Yeah. Now, a lot of my guests have different
strategies and methods that they use to kind of navigate
this journey called life. And I know that you talk
about therapy and meditation and journaling and you know, self
love practices. So I want to dive a little deeper
(17:16):
into each of those. Can you kind of share how
has each of these things helped you in your healing
journey and you know kind of played a huge role
in your life. But how do you use each of them?
Because I think there is a method to it, right,
It's it's not just writing things down in a journal, right,
there's really it's there's a that's the theory, but they're
(17:39):
in practice. There's a specific way you need to kind
of do things. So what's your way and how how
have these things helped you?
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Okay, So I'll explain them in order, and at the
end of them, I'm going to give a bonus one
that I've realized today while think about this episode. So
with therapy, it's often especially you know, among men, it's
often shamed. It's often talking about Oh no, you're just
acting solve, Oh you're talking too much, oh this, oh that,
(18:08):
they don't need to know all my business. Your therapist
is literally a trained professional in helping you to not
lose your mind. When you're feeling stressed out, you might
only need to go take a nap, but other people
like my younger self, when we felt stressed out, we
needed a bit more than a nap.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
We needed to talk about it. We needed someone who.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Was trained in how to help us help ourselves. When
you feel like you can't help yourself, that's where your
therapist comes in. That might be them talking to you,
that might be them giving you strategies and methods and
breath work.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
That's their job. Let them do their job. Far as
journaling goes.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
That ties right into meditation as well, because when you
have all your problems up here in your head it
feels like a'm million things going on at once. Writing
it physically get it out, you can look down at
it and you see the problem. Dear Diary, I'm feeling
stressed today. Then you write why why am I feeling stressed? Hm,
(19:15):
I'm feeling stressed because I got fired from my job. Okay,
I'm feeling stressed because I got fired from my job.
What can I do to feel less stressed? How about
I put in a different job application. Are there any
job hiring in my city? Are there business ideas I
can start? Can I sell off old clothes? Can I
(19:36):
find a way through this? Journaling helps you to stop
having all your thoughts and ideas running around up here
and get it out. It also has another benefit of planning.
When you write things out, you see it, you can
find ways to make it better, both in terms of
feeling better about yourself feeling less stressed, but also long
(19:58):
term planning. What is my one week goal?
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Write it out?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
What is my one month's goal? Write it out? One
year goal, write it out, ten year goal. Write it out,
and every day you can see it, and next year
you can flip back to this same day and say,
what happened on March twenty third, twenty twenty five, What
was I thinking? How was I feeling? What was going
(20:23):
through my mind on that day? You can see meditation
helps you to get calm sometime when you're stressed out,
a little is all you need. Maybe you need to
go sit. And a lot of times we think of
meditation as like the monks out in the mountains who
are shaving their heads and they're sitting still for eight
(20:45):
hours a day. You don't need to do all of that.
You just need to get present. Meditation is just about
being present, focusing on right now. Focus on your breath,
focus on how you're feeling, Focus on what's happening right now,
because if you keep focusing on the past, you'll be
stuck there. If you keep focusing on the future, you're
(21:09):
focusing on something that has not even happened yet. And
the fourth tip is whatever someone believes, find that higher
power because when you think I'm all I got is
all up to me, that's scary. Because if when you're
(21:29):
running around and you know your life is chaotic and
you think this is all up, this is all my fault.
I've created this. I you know, I've been trying to
find a way out, but I can't. If you have
a higher power that you believe in, maybe you need
to pray, maybe you need to meditate, maybe that means
going in holding your crystals or holding some pearls, or you.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Know, doing spiritual practices.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
If you have that higher power, you can say God,
take the wheel, Allah, Buddha, Mohammed, whatever you believe, take
the wheel. I've been trying. I've been doing the best
I can and it's not working. It's in your hands. Now,
give me the plan. Help me figure this out. Because
if I'm all like that and I don't know what
(22:15):
to do, the problem is not getting solved.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Let me go consult the higher power.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
That's it. Amen to that Amen.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
And in every in things like Norco's Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous,
they tell you find a higher power because if you've
been trying to figure it out for ten years and
you haven't figured it out, you need to consult somebody else.
You need to go consult the big man upstairs or
the spirit inside of you, or the universe or the
(22:46):
crystals or whatever you believe in, because it's not about
what you believe in, it's just about having something you
believe in.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
I know that so many of us think that we're
supposed to go at this thing alone, right, We're supposed
to figure out our problems alone. It's like I came
into this world by myself. I'm gonna leave by myself,
so all I have is me, But not recognizing that humans,
we are social creatures, right, and so we grow and
we thrive, and we literally really survive when we are
(23:20):
in social settings, because if we are not in a
social setting and we are alone for too long, we
actually die from a loneliness.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
And so it's really funny a lot of science where
people are like, well, I'm just gonna do it by myself.
I don't need anybody, not even a higher power, right,
but not recognizing that No, like you said, you need
to find a higher power, find something to believe in,
and then surround yourself with good people who have good
intentions for you. Right. And I know that you have
said you name your true therapists, that we're instrumental in
(23:50):
your healing journey. But also you talked about support systems,
and you know in the you know the just importance
of having a support and so I feel like people
need to understand and it cannot be overstated that a
support system and having a support system is important. So
can you talk about the people who stood by you?
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Because you brought up in the beginning of this conversation.
You talked about the people who hurt you, more specifically
your father, but you have had people who have stood
by you, who have been there for you, who have
assisted in your journey towards resilience. So talk about those people.
Give them their flowers.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yes, I want to, first off, you know, give a
big shout out to my mom and kid at this
sounds don't nobody love you like how your mom will
love you.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
I remember I used to be I am headache. I
was such a headache for her to.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Be around me, Like we would be going back and
forth about me want to do things my way and
not want to listen to her, which at the time
I thought it was just, you know, I gotta be this, you.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Know, manly man.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I gotta you know, leave by example or whatnot, because
my dad wasn't an example. So now I'm just trying
to figure out what it means to be a man.
But at the time I didn't realize that I only
know it in hindsight, and my desire to be so
overly independent was actually rooted in a fear of abandonment,
(25:24):
because when you are depending on somebody else to make
sure your.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Needs are met.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
And you have a history of people leaving you, you know,
kicking you out, abandoning you in front of churches who
were supposed to help you meet those needs.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Now you're afraid to even let your mom take care
of you.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
But I just want to shout her out, you know,
for not only the fact of ile to giving birth
to me, but making sure that you know I have
a house to stay at and doing the best he
could to me when I couldn't even tolerate myself. Another
person I want to give a shout out to is
(26:07):
my ex girlfriend aer Okay, that girl at at this
time my life, when I was fifteen and sixteen that
me and her were together.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
We would just.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I would have, like, you know, a good amount of
self belief, like I was getting myself right. But I
wasn't always there. And she said something to me that
will stick with me forever. She said, Lawrence, if you
saw yourself how I saw you.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
You think you were superman.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Because I'm really good at being there for other people.
I was good at showing all that I loved them,
supporting them, but I wasn't always good to myself.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
So she was saying, if you saw yourself how I
saw you, you'd think you were Superman.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And last up on that list, I'm gonna have to
give a shout out to my mom and boyfriend who
I used to be so shy, so nervous, so terrified
to talk to people. But at the time I wanted
to be a photographer. So I got my camera, I
got my legs, I got the whole shit bang. However,
if you're scared to talk to people, you can't get
(27:22):
people to pay you to take that picture. So he
took me down to the beach and we're out there
and he told me to go up and talk to
random strangers and asked them if I could take that.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Picture for some money.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
And it wasn't about the money. It was about the
confidence to go up and talk to people and just
say what you mean and just getting your point across.
There's so many people on that list. My ex boss Andy,
I used to work an indoor to door solar So
if you ever had somebody knock on your door and
(27:58):
try to sell you, so that's what I was doing.
You know, so many people on that list have helped me,
but those are just the one that I'm going to
name right now, because we could go on and on
about all of them.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And that's what we definitely want to be able to
say right is that we have more people on the
positive sides of our life that have poured into us
more than the number of people who have withdrawn from us.
Right now. One of the things that you know, there's
(28:31):
an author Simon Sinek right who has a book called
Start with Why, And you've discussed building resilience through a
refusal to a refusal to quit, and having a strong why. Okay,
so can you explain how you have applied these principles
(28:53):
and what is your why?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
M So, the way I've applied the principle the refusal
to quit. Picture this, right, You're the oldest sibling, and
I'll see your younger siblings look up to you, and
there's this expectation to perform. You want to set a
good example, not only because your father didn set that
(29:19):
good example, not only because you want to set a
good example for yourself, but you want to do it
for the generation under you. So younger siblings, younger brother,
younger sister, nieces, nephew, cousins, that type of thing.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
And I knew.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
I don't want my family, my siblings, the people around
me to think I'm a quitter. It's I just did
not want people to think Lawrence is a quitter because
I'm not. And every day I'll remind myself, you just
got to keep pushing on. Sooner or later, something has
(29:59):
to get better. When I was fifteen years old, I'm
standing inside of my bathroom looking in my mirror. And
I didn't mention it earlier, but when I was thirteen,
I was clinically diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder.
Which you ever seen those movies where somebody pops a
(30:19):
balloon and then the old guy jumped behind the couch
because he thinks that he's getting shot by a helicopter.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
That's what PTSD is.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
So imagine every single time you have a trigger pop
into your head, you have a full body mental, physical, spiritual,
emotional drawn back to that moment when you're thirteen years
old and you're shivering with fear and you're on the
couch and your dad's just black your eye and you're
getting kicked out.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
You have a full body reaction to that.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
So I'm looking in my mirror and my odds are
a bloodshot because I can't swim. I'm waking up every
two hours, and I told myself, this cannot be it,
This can't be it. I gotta find a way out
of this. I have to figure something out. And if
I quit, this is gonna be the end. If I quit,
(31:12):
this is it. I'm going to figure something out. And
simply by a refusal to give up, by the audacity
to not lay down and just take it, by the
gall to pick yourself up when you feel down, to
listen to the people encouraging you, even if you don't
(31:33):
believe it. Because at this time in my life, I
hadn't encouraging people. I had people who loved me, I
had people who supported me, but I did not believe it.
I was thinking to myself, Oh, they're just saying that.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Oh they just lying.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Oh they talking about me behind my back. Your mind
can make up the most crazy things to justify whatever
you believe. If you believe that you're the best thing walking,
your mind will convince you of it. If you think
that you just this worthless, you know, just piece of dirt.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Your mind will convince you of it.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
So through the resilience to just not give up, you
can find a way out. And over time, when I
found my way out, and I'm just like I was
drowning for so long and I finally got that breath
of fresh air, I've realized there's so many people.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Who go through this, let me help them.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
So that's when I started making the YouTube videos, I
started making the tiktoks. I started speaking at churches and
places for free. I was speaking for free for years,
just because I wanted to help you. That's when I
started to write the books, and I started to go
on podcasts, and I made the website, and I was
doing all this stuff because my why.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Is the betterment of humanity.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
My why is making sure that no other teenager or
young adult feel how I felt, because I've I've lost
multiple people to suicide, and when that happens, you realize
that it's real. We hear about it, we feel online,
we know it happens, but when you know the person
(33:18):
it happened to, yeah, it hits different and that life
of firing you. So my why is making sure that
nobody feels how I felt, or feel how you know,
unfortunate all the people have felt.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
That's the why.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Now, one of the things that I do on Wednesday
nights with my boys. I have three sons, and we
connect on Wednesday nights. That is a must. I do
not skip out on that. They don't skip out on that.
That is something I'm committed to. And we connect and
we do talk about highs and lows of our week,
and we just kind of have conversations. Phones or put away.
(33:57):
There's no distractions, right, And so one of the things
that I recognized is that as I'm doing this Wednesday
night ritual, that I'm really pouring into them and kind
of shaping them for adulthood. Right. I have They're a
captive audience at that time, just like you have your
(34:17):
captive audience when you have the students and the young
people that you are speaking to, you have that moment
right there to grab them, right, to grab their attention
and to pour into them. So, when you were talking
about your why, what are some ways that if you
you know anybody out there, if you are a person
(34:38):
who pours into young people, we need them to know
what their why is because it does seem like a
lot of them are lost at times. Right, So, Laurence,
what do you do to help young people find out
what their why?
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Is.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
And if you are a young person, you might want
to listen into this so you can figure out because
if you're feeling a little lost, and even if you're
not a young person, right, if you're a little seasoned
person like us. But how do you help someone to
find their why? Because sometimes people don't know what their
why is? So what is that process? How do you
(35:18):
begin that? How do you start that?
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Well, the way you start that process is it's firstly
recognizing the fact that a lot of times we're as
things like what do you want to be?
Speaker 3 (35:30):
What do you want to have, what.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Kind of money do you want to have? We don't
ask them what kind of impact do you want to
have on the world? So simply start with the question
of what do you like to do?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
What do you enjoy it? Oh?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I like to paint, I like to write, I like
to design houses on Minecraft.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Whatever you like to do. It could be just playing
video games.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Okay, now, how can this benefit somebody else? How do
you take the thing you like and make it benefit
of people?
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Oh? I like to make art. People like having nice houses.
I can paint houses. Now, how can you monetize.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
The thing that you like that benefits other people, and
you make money from it.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
I like to make art. People like art.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I can sell art. That's a simple way of putting it.
Or I like to help people. People need help. Okay,
what kind of help do you want to give people?
So digging a little deeper into the specifics. Oh, I
want them to feel appreciated. I want them to feel loved.
How about a motivational speaker. How about a therapist, how
(36:40):
about a counselor how about you work at a daycare?
How about a teacher. We have all these methods within
that what you like to do, how it benefits other people,
and how you make money from it. Then over time
you dig deeper and deeper into yourself, like, Okay, well
you know I've tried this.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
I didn't really like it. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Your first idea does not have to be the permanent thing.
Your first why doesn't have to be permanent. You figure
it out more with time, you add on to it,
You try things, you explore, you experiment, because very few
people get it right the first time. I wanted to
be a jeweler. I wanted to be a photographer. I
(37:24):
wanted to be an artist. I wanted to be an author.
I wanted to be a paleontologist. I wanted to be
an architect. I wanted to be so many things throughout
my life. And then I figured out, Okay, well do
these all have in common. You're creating something, You're designing something,
(37:45):
you're building a community, you're creating content for people. Okay,
so this something for other people, it benefits me, and
it benefits then I want to do something that benefits
those around me.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
And over time that led to motivational.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Figure Wow, wow, now I want to put this stuff
on the screen so that everyone out there can see that.
You know, within this becoming a youth empowerment speaker. So
when you're working with young people and you're pouring into them,
right aside from trying to help them figure out their why, so,
(38:27):
what are some common limiting beliefs that you see in
young people and how do you help them overcome these
particular challenges.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
So the major three the limiting beliefs I see in
young people today are I can't because my family couldn't
do it. I can't because of my race, I'm not
smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough.
These are the sixth most common because when we don't
have good examples and we haven't had experience, we start
(39:01):
to string ourselves down. We start to think, oh, well,
you know, my family couldn't do it. My mom couldn't
do it, my grandma couldn't do it, my uncles, aunts,
niece and nephew, brothers, cousins, they couldn't do it, So
how can I do it? Or we start to think
about things such as you know, growing up, especially with movies. Unfortunately,
most movies that depict black men, it's something violent. It's
(39:25):
a gang member, it's a drug dealer, it's somebody in
the streets, it's a basketball player. Maybe maybe you'll see
something positive, like a movie about Obama, but that's the outliers,
the majority that is getting pushed because there's good, you know,
male role models of in blacks. There's good black male
(39:47):
role models and movies. They're out there, they're out there,
but that's not what getting pushed and promoted. So because
of that, as a child, you see this, you're thinking, huh,
all of us are drug dealers, all of us are
game members. It starts to create this belief inside of
yourself that you can't because of how you look. That
(40:11):
then ties into things like female beauty standards, where oh
I can't because I'm not pretty enough, or Kim Kardashian
is she looks so much different than me, and everybody
wants to be like her, or Ariana Grondet everybody wants
to be like her.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
And this is nothing to get these individuals.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
It's simply to say that when growing up, we overly
compare ourselves and we box ourselves down because we don't
look a certain way, or we didn't come from a
certain place, or we didn't have certain things. Growing up,
we start to think that, oh I can't. I'm gonna
disqualify myself from even trying. And the way that I
(40:50):
get this past people, you know, the way I help
young people to break this, it's gradual. I simply ask them, well,
why do you think that you can't? Oh I can't
because I didn't come from this neighborhood. You know, I
didn't grow up with the nice, you know, shiny stuff.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
Did jay Z? Did Jacob? Did Kanye West? Did Beyonce?
Did Rihanna? Did Oprah? Did Obama? Did Martin Luther King?
Speaker 2 (41:20):
We can even go farther back, you know, Martin Luther King,
Fred Hampton, rose A Park, Harriet Tubman.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
All of them grew up in.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Way worse circumstances than you did. Oh, I can't because
you know I'm just ugly, or I don't look a
certain way, or I don't this, I don't think ugly
to who's standard, to whose standard? Because if you go
to a different country, the beauty standard is way different.
(41:52):
They were parts in Africa where the female beauty standard
is being very overweight, because if you're overweight, it means
you're well fed.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
They find that attractive there.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Maybe in America people don't, or it's a minority of people.
So regardless, when we have the beliefs about ourselves, it's
about just reframing it. It's about reframing it. Okay, I
didn't grow up with a two parent household.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
You go with one though.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
I didn't grow up, you know, in a big house.
It was me in three generations inside of one bearron apartment.
You had a roof, though I didn't grow up with
you know my skin, I'm too dark or i'm too lighter,
I'm two this, I'm two dead. Yeah, you're breathing though
you got two eyes, you gotta nose, you got a mouth,
You got ten fingers. Oh but one of my legs amputated.
(42:47):
You got a wheelchair. It's about reframing the belief and realizing, Okay,
you don't have what you don't have. Yeah, you grew
up and your dad or your mom wasn't there. Yeah,
you grew up and they might have been addicted to something.
Yeah you might have grew up getting beat them. But
that does not have to define you. What you believe
(43:10):
about yourself is what you're going to run on. So
when we change what we believe, we change our outcomes
in our perspective own life.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh wow, man, Now, how do you help
young people or just people period have the courage or
develop the courage rather to seek out help, because I
know it's very difficult to reveal things about yourself.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
So the fact that you are able to stand in
front of people and share your truth, right and share
your pain and the things that you went through, So
how do you what do you say to someone you
know who is hesitant to reach out for support or
to begin therapy so that they can start their healing process,
(43:58):
because it could be pretty embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
It is it is, you know, it's it's definitely tough,
and I understand it because you know, growing up, you're
told you don't want to tell everybody your problems or
they stayed in the family or their personal business. But
I don't even say that everybody necessarily needs to go down.
Speaker 3 (44:17):
The therapy route.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
It's just about finding a way to get it out
and finding a way to get the help that you
might need. You could get that help from a family
member or a friend, or a counselor or a teacher.
But the first way to start getting that help is
to start simple. I feel sad. Start there. You don't
(44:39):
have to go full in depth and pour your heart
out to a stranger. However, you simply need to tell
somebody around you. I feel sad, I feel upset, I
feel stressed. Start there, and if you feel like they're
not jugging you, you give them a little bit more,
(45:00):
a little bit more, and a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
You don't have to.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Jump into the deep end about your problems right off
the back. You just step in the water. They're not
judging me. Okay, let me step a little further.
Speaker 3 (45:11):
They're not judging me. Let me step a little further.
They're not judging me. And over time, you build the trust, connection.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
And love that is needed to ask for help, to say,
you know, I'm going through a really tough time.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
My dad beating on me. I had this bad relationship.
You know, I was getting kicked in and out the house.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
That's once you have that trust built up, that's when
you're able to fully reach your hand out because now
you've inched your way out there. So my advice if
you're a young person or just a person in general
who's afraid to act for help or to talk to
somebody about how you feel, not necessarily a therapist, but
(45:54):
just talking to somebody friend, family member, teacher, counselor whoever.
It is just little by little, I'm having a hard time.
Oh why are you having a hard time. I'm having
a hard time because you know I'm going through some
of my family. Do you want to talk about it?
You decide do you want to talk about it? Because
(46:15):
once you make the decision to talk about it, you're
reclaiming your power in a sense. You're deciding, I want
to let this out. I want to free myself from this.
I want to be able to move past it. But
it all starts with that first decision to open the door.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
That's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
I can't even believe that this conversation is almost over
because it has been fantastic. So I have to ask you,
as I asked everyone, So, in your opinion, what are
the best ways to build resilience?
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I would really have to say the best way to
build resilience is to overcome something. It's like a sword.
Everybody wants to be the shiny, sharp, strong sword, but
in order to get there, you have to take iron
from out the ground. So it gets dug up. All
that pain, all that trauma, all that suffering, it gets
(47:14):
dug up, and then it gets put in the fire.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
It gets melted down.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
They hammer it, they hammer it, they hammer it, They
cool it down, they hammer it, hammer it, hammere it
some more, and then they grind it and they sharpen it,
and they grind.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
It down some morning.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Then they polish it and then you get the strong,
shiny sword. So the way to build resilience is to
go through the process. You're gonna have to go through
that fire, and everyone's fire is different. Just because you
didn't overcome cancer, or you didn't overcome childhood abuse, that
does not invalidate what you went through Your fire might
(47:53):
have been a divorce. Your fire might have been a miscarriage,
or it might have been a bad brain bacup, or
it might have been somebody bullying you. Your fire is
your fire, don't compare it to somebody else's. And then
when you're in that pain and you're like, man, this
is just too hard. I should give love. You know,
(48:14):
my girlfriend broke up with me and I got kicked
out the house and I'm arguing my parents and you know,
everything's just falling apart. That's your fire right there. You
gotta push through that. And once you push through it,
on the other side is that freedom. On the other side,
is that strength. On the other side of the fire
is how you go from iron to steal, How you
(48:36):
go from a caterpillar to a butterfly, go from an
egg to a tadpole to a frog, to go from
just man, I don't think I could do it to
I know I can do it to go from yeah,
but it's too hard to I'm strong enough to bear
the burden.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
That is how you develop that resilience.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
I love it, Love it well, your man, Your story
is a testament to the incredible power of resilience. And
then human spirits capacity to heal and thrive. Thank you
for sharing your experiences and insights on Lifejack the Resilience Podcast.
(49:19):
Your dedication to transforming the lives of young people is
truly inspiring, and I have no doubt that your message
will resonate deeply with our viewers and listeners. Remember, whether
you're a young person struggling with self doubt or someone
looking to build a life of purpose, the journey to
empowerment begins within. So how can people get in touch
(49:40):
with you and learn more about your organization?
Speaker 2 (49:45):
Yes, so the way to get in touch with me
my Instagram, mister dot Notorious nt or l us. It's
a wordplay of how the word notorious about the normal
way means to be known for something typically bad. But
Mike hay Stacker's oreos, which is where the old areo
comes in the US is I'm from America.
Speaker 3 (50:07):
US obviously, and then the fact that.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
People need to be more united. So it's it's a
whole thing. My TikTok Notorious felt the exact same way
Underscore University. That's the same thing on YouTube Notorious Underscore University.
My website laarnc Haarris dot com and on there you
can find my books. I'm also recording audio books. Hey,
(50:31):
I'm really either fined. You could even just google my name.
You could google Laurence see Harris, and it all pops
up my LinkedIn, my website. Everything I make myself easy defined.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
Love it. Any last words of encouragement for the listeners,
The last.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Word of incurbment I would give is it's we hear
this so often that it kind of becomes cliche, but
it's really the truth. You're not alone unless you think
you are. And when your mind starts playing tricks on you.
I remember earlier you mentioned that we think we need
to do it all alone, and I'm just born alone
(51:10):
and going to die along.
Speaker 3 (51:12):
That's what you know.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
We we hear it characterized as the devil on your shoulder.
That's what that wants you to think, because when you
think you're alone, you're easy to take down. You can
destroy an individual, you cannot destroy a team. When you
have a team of people support system, maybe that's your friends,
your family, your loved ones. When you got a team,
(51:36):
you can't break that down. So remember, you're not alone
unless you think you are. And when you think you're alone,
you're easy to take down. So reaching out and getting
some help, reaching out and making some friends, getting you know,
just people who support you and people you support too,
because it goes both ways. You can't keep taking. If
(51:57):
you're not giving, you're not alone. I'll let your thank
you are and remember always love yourself because at the
end of the day, if you don't love you, it
don't matter how many other people love you.
Speaker 3 (52:10):
You gotta love you before you try to get all
the people to love you. So I'll leave it on.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
That, absolutely, absolutely well, Lawrence, it has been a privilege
and honor to have you on the show. I want
to wish you and your family nothing but blessings and abundance.
Please take care, Lawrence Christopher Harris. Everyone be sure to
join me next time for more uplifting stories and insights
(52:36):
on resilience. Until then, keep pushing forward, embrace the journey,
and remember that every setback leads to a greater comeback.
Doctor Rowe signing off.
Speaker 3 (52:51):
Oh that was amazing, All right, eh
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Let me stay I'm ending, Okay, stay on
What do you do when life's challenges seem insurmountable, When
you feel isolated, immense I'm sorry amidst a world full
of people, or when the cycle of self doubt spirals
into a dark, unending abyss. If you have never tuned
into this show, this is Life Jacks, the Resilience Podcast,
(00:21):
and I'm your host, Doctor Rowe. Life Jacked is when
an unfortunate or unplanned event happens to jack with your life.
Each guest shares their personal stories of tragedy to triumph
in hopes that others like you can take your setbacks
and transform them into opportunities for growth and empowerment. My
(00:41):
guest on this episode is Lawrence Christopher Harris, who who
has traversed such paths with remarkable strength. As a youth
empowerment speaker, Lawrence dedicates his life to guiding teens and
young adults in breaking free from limiting beliefs. His mission
(01:01):
is profound to inspire resilience, self love, and a growth mindset,
allowing young individuals to see control of their narratives and
forge their own paths to success. Listen in to explore
Laurence's personal resilience story from overcoming the shadows of childhood
(01:23):
abuse and isolation to building a support system that strengthens
and uplifts. Hi Lawrence, Welcome. Thank you so much for
being a guest time my show. How Are You?
Speaker 2 (01:36):
I'm doing fantastic today and been really excited to come
on here and share.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
I'm excited as well. As I was doing the research
on you and for the episode, I was like, oh
my gosh, this guy is really unique. I cannot wait
to chat with him. So, as I said, thank you
for joining me. Now, can you start by sharing a
little bit more about your journey and what initially inspired
you to even become a youth empowerment speaker.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, I would say the thing that inspired me to
become a youth empowerment speaker it came from the realization
of the power of my own voice, because for so
much in my life I felt powerless. Growing up I
was I remember I was twelve years old. And this
isn't to villainize him, because I've been able to heal
(02:25):
from it now. But I grew up with an abusive father.
I would always see.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Him arg with my mom.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I would see, you know, him beating on me and
my siblings and that led me to this deep despair,
this feeling of powerlessness, like nothing I said mattered, nothing
I was mattered, and that I didn't matter as a person. Then,
through years of therapy, counseling, and some hard inner work,
(02:57):
I began to realize that what I say, Matt, who
I am, matters. But we have so many influences in
our life, whether that's bad upbringings, our environment, or just
things being promoted to us, that leads us to feel
as if we don't matter. And I was a summer
(03:20):
camp counselor when I was fifteen. I was walking through
the forest talking to these kids about just the beauty
of nature. And as we're talking, I began to realize
that I could share my perspective with them on life,
on just being a better person to the world around you.
(03:43):
One thing led to another. My friend was telling me, Lawrence,
you need to record what you say and put that.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
On the internet. People want to hear what you got
to say.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
So I was sitting in I was sitting on park
benches with my iPhone, the exact same phone I still
have for this day, recording YouTube videos just talking about whatever,
talking about life, advice, talking about relationship, advice, talking about
(04:14):
anything I thought could benefit people, and over time it
just wanted to turn into a career. Thought things like
Tony Robbins, and I thought, okay, I knew there were
YouTubers who did this, but wait, people get paid thousands
of dollars in hour to talk.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
Let me go do that. And I just wanted to
help people want fake money doing what I love doing talking.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Well, that's fantastic. When we can do what we love
that comes naturally to us for money and to get
paid to make a living out, you know, make a
living out of it, that is spectacular. Now I want
to dive into that serious topic that you talked about,
was the childhood abuse, And I know it's it's an
(05:04):
incredibly difficult thing when the people who are close to us, right,
the people that we see every day day to day,
you know, in our home where we're supposed to feel safe,
and these are the people who are hurting us. And
I know that facing childhood abuse, I mean, I was
fortunate I didn't face much abuse, but facing childhood abuse
(05:29):
and isolation, I think you know, is probably incredibly challenging.
So how did those experiences shape your early perceptions of
yourself because if you're being abused, right, you are being
told you're not good enough, You're being beat on and
hit on and isolated, and you know, I would imagine
(05:51):
that it does something to your self esteem or the
perception of self. So how did you navigate that early on?
I mean, you know, did you feel broken down? I mean,
what were your feelings? Because you were so young.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
The best way to describe how I felt in the
moment is imagine you're taking a shower with no skin
and the water is steaming hot. Every drop of water
burns more than the last one, and.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
It only gets worse.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
That's what it felt like from thirteen up to fifteen.
One experience I remember specifically was I was thirteen years
old and I'm laying in this bunk bed. A little
bit of context, my mom and my dad are separated,
so my dad's house.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Then they're my mom's house. This happened at my dad's house.
I'm laying on this bunk bed and.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
He comes in and I can hear like his footsteps
coming towards the door, and with every footstep there's another
shiver of fear in my brain. And he comes in
these yells like come on, get up, there's time to
go to church, And that like triggered something in my
(07:12):
head where I start thinking to myself, how can somebody
claim that there is God loving person yet they're beating
on their children?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
How can someone do that?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
But I go down the steps and I'm sitting on
the couch, you know, just kind of following order like always,
until he says, okay, well, now you gotta go up
and get your coat. And for the first time I
stood up to him and said, one moment you want
me to sit down on the couch, the next moment
you want me to get up.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Make up your mind. Long story short.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
He ends up disowning me in front of the church
when I was thirteen. So I'm standing outside of h
of a n actual church with the preacher there, the congregate,
everybody's watching this happen, and he gets back in his car,
drives off. My mom takes me home. Never saw him
again after that. And I'm the oldest sibling, so my
(08:11):
my younger sibling, we're still going there without me, president
my little sister, who at this time is nine years old,
and my little brother who's autistic but well, me and
him both are autistic, but he's nonverbal, like he speaks
in sign language, and he can't really like fully advocate
for himself.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
So this is like driving.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Me crazy because I had like essentially lost It felt
like I lost my purpose for being alive because I
dedicated myself to keeping them safe. I dedicated myself to
making sure they're all right, even if it means.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
I have to risk my own safety.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
But through that process, I started to realize like more
and more of just.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
How bad I truly felt.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Because it's like I felt some days I felt nothing
at all. I wouldn't be happy, I wouldn't be sad,
I would be nothing. Other days I would feel better
than the day before, but only less bad. And over
(09:30):
time it just wore me down so much. My perception
of myself was damn it. Because when it's when you're
growing up and your parent who's supposed to be a
role model of, you know, the kind of man you're
supposed to be. You know, I'm not supposed to be
(09:51):
this kind of man. I don't have that good, you know,
male role model. And I'm trying to figure out, you know,
navigating being a young teenager, navigating becoming.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
A man, what it means to be a good person.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I'm trying to figure all this out while balancing school,
while balancing, you know, making sure my siblings are, you know,
in a good headspace, keeping my mom from getting too
stressed out.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
I'm trying to manage so many things.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
At once that I felt broken, And the only thing
that was able to help me heal from.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
That was so much in your work, so much therapy.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I had this therapist named Sophie, best lady I'd ever
met in my life.
Speaker 3 (10:45):
Her and I had another one named Amy.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Those two women were like they were able to keep
me holding on just just good enough to finally see
something been worth living for. And once I found that,
I knew, I'm never letting this go, and I'm never
letting somebody else walk down the street and feel how
(11:11):
I felt. I do it for the people who need it,
the people who felt like how I did, because I
felt like nothing. And when you feel like nothing, you
feel like you don't have a life or living, you
feel like nobody's coming to care about you so much.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Yeah, and so I can imagine because one of the
things I do struggle with is self doubt, which also
sometimes people call it imposter syndrome. And you know, I
think that I have this unrealistic expectation of myself to
be perfect and have everything perfect. I'm a virgo, so
that it comes with the territory, with the birthday. But
(11:52):
one of the things that you have talked about in
a lot of your talks has been self doubt. And
so I know that I have out there and listeners
out there who are just like me, who are just
like you, who struggle with self doubt, feeling like you
are not good enough, feeling like there's no way that
I can accomplish this goal, There's no way that I
(12:15):
can reach the finish line and I can be as
great as I want to be. So how have you
been able to challenge this perception of yourself, that self doubt?
How have you been able to challenge that and navigate
and kind of fight against that.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Well, like you just said, it's really a fight every
time that voice in your head that you can't prove
that you can. If you had a self doubt about cooking,
let's just use that as a simple example.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I think I'm a terrible chef.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I can't cook.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I'm gonna burn down the house. Okay, go cook a
pack of noodles. What did cooking a pack of noodles
have to do with this simple? If I can do
something small, I can do something a little bit bigger
than that. So that means that I don't think I
can cook. I think I'm a terrible chef. Did you
just burn down your microwave? No? Did you burn down
(13:12):
your stove no? Did you burn down the house No?
So that means you're at least good enough to not
burn down your house. And from there, every time that
self dot comes up and it says you can't prove
that you can. I don't think I'm smart enough to
start my own business. Okay, go down, you know, go
(13:35):
on chat GBT, how'd you start a business?
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Do what it said?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You're smart enough to follow instructions, So that means that
you're smart enough to do something. You don't need to
have it all figured out, nobody does. You just need
to figure out enough to prove to yourself that you
can do something.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
So I hope that metaforms that.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
You No, it doesn't, and you're right, You're right. Like
I think that's some of the issue is that a
lot of times people think that we're supposed to be
perfect at something right, but not realizing that it's a process.
I know, when I first started the podcast, I was
audio only, and my first podcast in twenty twenty, I
had no idea what I was doing. Right, it was
(14:22):
like all these things, and now here I am second podcast,
Now I'm doing video, and I think i've I've interviewed
almost two hundred people and it has been such an
an eye opening experience and I have learned along the way.
And you're right, once I let go of those limiting
beliefs and I just recognize that it's gonna be what
it's gonna be. And all I have to do is
(14:43):
just put one foot in front of the other and
just every day try something different. But be consistent. I
know that is one of the things that you definitely
have to do, is be consistent. What do you think
about that.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Very because it's it's sort of like if you wanted
to climb a mountain, let the climount Everest, I don't.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Know how to do it. I can't do it. It's
too hard.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Take one step after another and sooner or later you'll
get there. Or eating an elephant, you just take one
bite every day and after a thirty point you will
eat an elephant, not at one time. Perfectionism makes us
think we need to have it all figured out right here,
right now.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It needs to be fulla all this have to be
pitched perfect.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
If I make even the slightest mistake, the entire thing's
ruined and it's just terrible, and.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Oh I'm a huge mass.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
No, just do what you can where you're at, with
what you know, to the best of your ability, and
the best of your ability today is different than tomorrow.
A baby cannot run, a baby cannot walk, it can crawl.
It doing the best it can with what it has
(15:57):
where is at. You're the same way. Do what you
can where you are, where you're at.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And the interesting thing is we don't shame a baby
because they're crawling and not running. Right you look this baby.
I don't know how you to send it back because
it's not running already.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Yeah, or you know you wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
That a baby does We celebrate it?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Or you wouldn't call a You wouldn't call somebody stupid
because they don't know how to do brain surgery. It's
brain surgery. So the same thing applies with anything else.
When you're first starting out, you're not going to be
perfect at anything, at driving, at cooking, at walking, at
even breathing. Babies don't come out the womb knowing immediately
(16:44):
how to breathe. They choke for a little bit and
then they figure it out. We don't even know how
to breathe until we figure it out.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Yeah. Yeah. Now, a lot of my guests have different
strategies and methods that they use to kind of navigate
this journey called life. And I know that you talk
about therapy and meditation and journaling and you know, self
love practices. So I want to dive a little deeper
(17:16):
into each of those. Can you kind of share how
has each of these things helped you in your healing
journey and you know kind of played a huge role
in your life. But how do you use each of them?
Because I think there is a method to it, right,
It's it's not just writing things down in a journal, right,
there's really it's there's a that's the theory, but they're
(17:39):
in practice. There's a specific way you need to kind
of do things. So what's your way and how how
have these things helped you?
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Okay, So I'll explain them in order, and at the
end of them, I'm going to give a bonus one
that I've realized today while think about this episode. So
with therapy, it's often especially you know, among men, it's
often shamed. It's often talking about Oh no, you're just
acting solve, Oh you're talking too much, oh this, oh that,
(18:08):
they don't need to know all my business. Your therapist
is literally a trained professional in helping you to not
lose your mind. When you're feeling stressed out, you might
only need to go take a nap, but other people
like my younger self, when we felt stressed out, we
needed a bit more than a nap.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
We needed to talk about it. We needed someone who.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Was trained in how to help us help ourselves. When
you feel like you can't help yourself, that's where your
therapist comes in. That might be them talking to you,
that might be them giving you strategies and methods and
breath work.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
That's their job. Let them do their job. Far as
journaling goes.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
That ties right into meditation as well, because when you
have all your problems up here in your head it
feels like a'm million things going on at once. Writing
it physically get it out, you can look down at
it and you see the problem. Dear Diary, I'm feeling
stressed today. Then you write why why am I feeling stressed? Hm,
(19:15):
I'm feeling stressed because I got fired from my job. Okay,
I'm feeling stressed because I got fired from my job.
What can I do to feel less stressed? How about
I put in a different job application. Are there any
job hiring in my city? Are there business ideas I
can start? Can I sell off old clothes? Can I
(19:36):
find a way through this? Journaling helps you to stop
having all your thoughts and ideas running around up here
and get it out. It also has another benefit of planning.
When you write things out, you see it, you can
find ways to make it better, both in terms of
feeling better about yourself feeling less stressed, but also long
(19:58):
term planning. What is my one week goal?
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Write it out?
Speaker 2 (20:02):
What is my one month's goal? Write it out? One
year goal, write it out, ten year goal. Write it out,
and every day you can see it, and next year
you can flip back to this same day and say,
what happened on March twenty third, twenty twenty five, What
was I thinking? How was I feeling? What was going
(20:23):
through my mind on that day? You can see meditation
helps you to get calm sometime when you're stressed out,
a little is all you need. Maybe you need to
go sit. And a lot of times we think of
meditation as like the monks out in the mountains who
are shaving their heads and they're sitting still for eight
(20:45):
hours a day. You don't need to do all of that.
You just need to get present. Meditation is just about
being present, focusing on right now. Focus on your breath,
focus on how you're feeling, Focus on what's happening right now,
because if you keep focusing on the past, you'll be
stuck there. If you keep focusing on the future, you're
(21:09):
focusing on something that has not even happened yet. And
the fourth tip is whatever someone believes, find that higher
power because when you think I'm all I got is
all up to me, that's scary. Because if when you're
(21:29):
running around and you know your life is chaotic and
you think this is all up, this is all my fault.
I've created this. I you know, I've been trying to
find a way out, but I can't. If you have
a higher power that you believe in, maybe you need
to pray, maybe you need to meditate, maybe that means
going in holding your crystals or holding some pearls, or you.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Know, doing spiritual practices.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
If you have that higher power, you can say God,
take the wheel, Allah, Buddha, Mohammed, whatever you believe, take
the wheel. I've been trying. I've been doing the best
I can and it's not working. It's in your hands. Now,
give me the plan. Help me figure this out. Because
if I'm all like that and I don't know what
(22:15):
to do, the problem is not getting solved.
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Let me go consult the higher power.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
That's it. Amen to that Amen.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
And in every in things like Norco's Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous,
they tell you find a higher power because if you've
been trying to figure it out for ten years and
you haven't figured it out, you need to consult somebody else.
You need to go consult the big man upstairs or
the spirit inside of you, or the universe or the
(22:46):
crystals or whatever you believe in, because it's not about
what you believe in, it's just about having something you
believe in.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
I know that so many of us think that we're
supposed to go at this thing alone, right, We're supposed
to figure out our problems alone. It's like I came
into this world by myself. I'm gonna leave by myself,
so all I have is me, But not recognizing that humans,
we are social creatures, right, and so we grow and
we thrive, and we literally really survive when we are
(23:20):
in social settings, because if we are not in a
social setting and we are alone for too long, we
actually die from a loneliness.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
And so it's really funny a lot of science where
people are like, well, I'm just gonna do it by myself.
I don't need anybody, not even a higher power, right,
but not recognizing that No, like you said, you need
to find a higher power, find something to believe in,
and then surround yourself with good people who have good
intentions for you. Right. And I know that you have
said you name your true therapists, that we're instrumental in
(23:50):
your healing journey. But also you talked about support systems,
and you know in the you know the just importance
of having a support and so I feel like people
need to understand and it cannot be overstated that a
support system and having a support system is important. So
can you talk about the people who stood by you?
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Right?
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Because you brought up in the beginning of this conversation.
You talked about the people who hurt you, more specifically
your father, but you have had people who have stood
by you, who have been there for you, who have
assisted in your journey towards resilience. So talk about those people.
Give them their flowers.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yes, I want to, first off, you know, give a
big shout out to my mom and kid at this
sounds don't nobody love you like how your mom will
love you.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
I remember I used to be I am headache. I
was such a headache for her to.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Be around me, Like we would be going back and
forth about me want to do things my way and
not want to listen to her, which at the time
I thought it was just, you know, I gotta be this, you.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Know, manly man.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I gotta you know, leave by example or whatnot, because
my dad wasn't an example. So now I'm just trying
to figure out what it means to be a man.
But at the time I didn't realize that I only
know it in hindsight, and my desire to be so
overly independent was actually rooted in a fear of abandonment,
(25:24):
because when you are depending on somebody else to make
sure your.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Needs are met.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
And you have a history of people leaving you, you know,
kicking you out, abandoning you in front of churches who
were supposed to help you meet those needs.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
Now you're afraid to even let your mom take care
of you.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
But I just want to shout her out, you know,
for not only the fact of ile to giving birth
to me, but making sure that you know I have
a house to stay at and doing the best he
could to me when I couldn't even tolerate myself. Another
person I want to give a shout out to is
(26:07):
my ex girlfriend aer Okay, that girl at at this
time my life, when I was fifteen and sixteen that
me and her were together.
Speaker 3 (26:18):
We would just.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I would have, like, you know, a good amount of
self belief, like I was getting myself right. But I
wasn't always there. And she said something to me that
will stick with me forever. She said, Lawrence, if you
saw yourself how I saw you.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
You think you were superman.
Speaker 2 (26:42):
Because I'm really good at being there for other people.
I was good at showing all that I loved them,
supporting them, but I wasn't always good to myself.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
So she was saying, if you saw yourself how I
saw you, you'd think you were Superman.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
And last up on that list, I'm gonna have to
give a shout out to my mom and boyfriend who
I used to be so shy, so nervous, so terrified
to talk to people. But at the time I wanted
to be a photographer. So I got my camera, I
got my legs, I got the whole shit bang. However,
if you're scared to talk to people, you can't get
(27:22):
people to pay you to take that picture. So he
took me down to the beach and we're out there
and he told me to go up and talk to
random strangers and asked them if I could take that.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
Picture for some money.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
And it wasn't about the money. It was about the
confidence to go up and talk to people and just
say what you mean and just getting your point across.
There's so many people on that list. My ex boss Andy,
I used to work an indoor to door solar So
if you ever had somebody knock on your door and
(27:58):
try to sell you, so that's what I was doing.
You know, so many people on that list have helped me,
but those are just the one that I'm going to
name right now, because we could go on and on
about all of them.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
And that's what we definitely want to be able to
say right is that we have more people on the
positive sides of our life that have poured into us
more than the number of people who have withdrawn from us.
Right now. One of the things that you know, there's
(28:31):
an author Simon Sinek right who has a book called
Start with Why, And you've discussed building resilience through a
refusal to a refusal to quit, and having a strong why. Okay,
so can you explain how you have applied these principles
(28:53):
and what is your why?
Speaker 2 (28:56):
M So, the way I've applied the principle the refusal
to quit. Picture this, right, You're the oldest sibling, and
I'll see your younger siblings look up to you, and
there's this expectation to perform. You want to set a
good example, not only because your father didn set that
(29:19):
good example, not only because you want to set a
good example for yourself, but you want to do it
for the generation under you. So younger siblings, younger brother,
younger sister, nieces, nephew, cousins, that type of thing.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
And I knew.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
I don't want my family, my siblings, the people around
me to think I'm a quitter. It's I just did
not want people to think Lawrence is a quitter because
I'm not. And every day I'll remind myself, you just
got to keep pushing on. Sooner or later, something has
(29:59):
to get better. When I was fifteen years old, I'm
standing inside of my bathroom looking in my mirror. And
I didn't mention it earlier, but when I was thirteen,
I was clinically diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder.
Which you ever seen those movies where somebody pops a
(30:19):
balloon and then the old guy jumped behind the couch
because he thinks that he's getting shot by a helicopter.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
That's what PTSD is.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
So imagine every single time you have a trigger pop
into your head, you have a full body mental, physical, spiritual,
emotional drawn back to that moment when you're thirteen years
old and you're shivering with fear and you're on the
couch and your dad's just black your eye and you're
getting kicked out.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
You have a full body reaction to that.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
So I'm looking in my mirror and my odds are
a bloodshot because I can't swim. I'm waking up every
two hours, and I told myself, this cannot be it,
This can't be it. I gotta find a way out
of this. I have to figure something out. And if
I quit, this is gonna be the end. If I quit,
(31:12):
this is it. I'm going to figure something out. And
simply by a refusal to give up, by the audacity
to not lay down and just take it, by the
gall to pick yourself up when you feel down, to
listen to the people encouraging you, even if you don't
(31:33):
believe it. Because at this time in my life, I
hadn't encouraging people. I had people who loved me, I
had people who supported me, but I did not believe it.
I was thinking to myself, Oh, they're just saying that.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Oh they just lying.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Oh they talking about me behind my back. Your mind
can make up the most crazy things to justify whatever
you believe. If you believe that you're the best thing walking,
your mind will convince you of it. If you think
that you just this worthless, you know, just piece of dirt.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
Your mind will convince you of it.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
So through the resilience to just not give up, you
can find a way out. And over time, when I
found my way out, and I'm just like I was
drowning for so long and I finally got that breath
of fresh air, I've realized there's so many people.
Speaker 3 (32:25):
Who go through this, let me help them.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
So that's when I started making the YouTube videos, I
started making the tiktoks. I started speaking at churches and
places for free. I was speaking for free for years,
just because I wanted to help you. That's when I
started to write the books, and I started to go
on podcasts, and I made the website, and I was
doing all this stuff because my why.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Is the betterment of humanity.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
My why is making sure that no other teenager or
young adult feel how I felt, because I've I've lost
multiple people to suicide, and when that happens, you realize
that it's real. We hear about it, we feel online,
we know it happens, but when you know the person
(33:18):
it happened to, yeah, it hits different and that life
of firing you. So my why is making sure that
nobody feels how I felt, or feel how you know,
unfortunate all the people have felt.
Speaker 3 (33:33):
That's the why.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Now, one of the things that I do on Wednesday
nights with my boys. I have three sons, and we
connect on Wednesday nights. That is a must. I do
not skip out on that. They don't skip out on that.
That is something I'm committed to. And we connect and
we do talk about highs and lows of our week,
and we just kind of have conversations. Phones or put away.
(33:57):
There's no distractions, right, And so one of the things
that I recognized is that as I'm doing this Wednesday
night ritual, that I'm really pouring into them and kind
of shaping them for adulthood. Right. I have They're a
captive audience at that time, just like you have your
(34:17):
captive audience when you have the students and the young
people that you are speaking to, you have that moment
right there to grab them, right, to grab their attention
and to pour into them. So, when you were talking
about your why, what are some ways that if you
you know anybody out there, if you are a person
(34:38):
who pours into young people, we need them to know
what their why is because it does seem like a
lot of them are lost at times. Right, So, Laurence,
what do you do to help young people find out
what their why?
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Is.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
And if you are a young person, you might want
to listen into this so you can figure out because
if you're feeling a little lost, and even if you're
not a young person, right, if you're a little seasoned
person like us. But how do you help someone to
find their why? Because sometimes people don't know what their
why is? So what is that process? How do you
(35:18):
begin that? How do you start that?
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Well, the way you start that process is it's firstly
recognizing the fact that a lot of times we're as
things like what do you want to be?
Speaker 3 (35:30):
What do you want to have, what.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Kind of money do you want to have? We don't
ask them what kind of impact do you want to
have on the world? So simply start with the question
of what do you like to do?
Speaker 3 (35:42):
What do you enjoy it? Oh?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I like to paint, I like to write, I like
to design houses on Minecraft.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Whatever you like to do. It could be just playing
video games.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Okay, now, how can this benefit somebody else? How do
you take the thing you like and make it benefit
of people?
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Oh? I like to make art. People like having nice houses.
I can paint houses. Now, how can you monetize.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
The thing that you like that benefits other people, and
you make money from it.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
I like to make art. People like art.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
I can sell art. That's a simple way of putting it.
Or I like to help people. People need help. Okay,
what kind of help do you want to give people?
So digging a little deeper into the specifics. Oh, I
want them to feel appreciated. I want them to feel loved.
How about a motivational speaker. How about a therapist, how
(36:40):
about a counselor how about you work at a daycare?
How about a teacher. We have all these methods within
that what you like to do, how it benefits other people,
and how you make money from it. Then over time
you dig deeper and deeper into yourself, like, Okay, well
you know I've tried this.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
I didn't really like it. There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Your first idea does not have to be the permanent thing.
Your first why doesn't have to be permanent. You figure
it out more with time, you add on to it,
You try things, you explore, you experiment, because very few
people get it right the first time. I wanted to
be a jeweler. I wanted to be a photographer. I
(37:24):
wanted to be an artist. I wanted to be an author.
I wanted to be a paleontologist. I wanted to be
an architect. I wanted to be so many things throughout
my life. And then I figured out, Okay, well do
these all have in common. You're creating something, You're designing something,
(37:45):
you're building a community, you're creating content for people. Okay,
so this something for other people, it benefits me, and
it benefits then I want to do something that benefits
those around me.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
And over time that led to motivational.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
Figure Wow, wow, now I want to put this stuff
on the screen so that everyone out there can see that.
You know, within this becoming a youth empowerment speaker. So
when you're working with young people and you're pouring into them,
right aside from trying to help them figure out their why, so,
(38:27):
what are some common limiting beliefs that you see in
young people and how do you help them overcome these
particular challenges.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
So the major three the limiting beliefs I see in
young people today are I can't because my family couldn't
do it. I can't because of my race, I'm not
smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough.
These are the sixth most common because when we don't
have good examples and we haven't had experience, we start
(39:01):
to string ourselves down. We start to think, oh, well,
you know, my family couldn't do it. My mom couldn't
do it, my grandma couldn't do it, my uncles, aunts,
niece and nephew, brothers, cousins, they couldn't do it, So
how can I do it? Or we start to think
about things such as you know, growing up, especially with movies. Unfortunately,
most movies that depict black men, it's something violent. It's
(39:25):
a gang member, it's a drug dealer, it's somebody in
the streets, it's a basketball player. Maybe maybe you'll see
something positive, like a movie about Obama, but that's the outliers,
the majority that is getting pushed because there's good, you know,
male role models of in blacks. There's good black male
(39:47):
role models and movies. They're out there, they're out there,
but that's not what getting pushed and promoted. So because
of that, as a child, you see this, you're thinking, huh,
all of us are drug dealers, all of us are
game members. It starts to create this belief inside of
yourself that you can't because of how you look. That
(40:11):
then ties into things like female beauty standards, where oh
I can't because I'm not pretty enough, or Kim Kardashian
is she looks so much different than me, and everybody
wants to be like her, or Ariana Grondet everybody wants
to be like her.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
And this is nothing to get these individuals.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
It's simply to say that when growing up, we overly
compare ourselves and we box ourselves down because we don't
look a certain way, or we didn't come from a
certain place, or we didn't have certain things. Growing up,
we start to think that, oh I can't. I'm gonna
disqualify myself from even trying. And the way that I
(40:50):
get this past people, you know, the way I help
young people to break this, it's gradual. I simply ask them, well,
why do you think that you can't? Oh I can't
because I didn't come from this neighborhood. You know, I
didn't grow up with the nice, you know, shiny stuff.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
Did jay Z? Did Jacob? Did Kanye West? Did Beyonce?
Did Rihanna? Did Oprah? Did Obama? Did Martin Luther King?
Speaker 2 (41:20):
We can even go farther back, you know, Martin Luther King,
Fred Hampton, rose A Park, Harriet Tubman.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
All of them grew up in.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Way worse circumstances than you did. Oh, I can't because
you know I'm just ugly, or I don't look a
certain way, or I don't this, I don't think ugly
to who's standard, to whose standard? Because if you go
to a different country, the beauty standard is way different.
(41:52):
They were parts in Africa where the female beauty standard
is being very overweight, because if you're overweight, it means
you're well fed.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
They find that attractive there.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
Maybe in America people don't, or it's a minority of people.
So regardless, when we have the beliefs about ourselves, it's
about just reframing it. It's about reframing it. Okay, I
didn't grow up with a two parent household.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
You go with one though.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
I didn't grow up, you know, in a big house.
It was me in three generations inside of one bearron apartment.
You had a roof, though I didn't grow up with
you know my skin, I'm too dark or i'm too lighter,
I'm two this, I'm two dead. Yeah, you're breathing though
you got two eyes, you gotta nose, you got a mouth,
You got ten fingers. Oh but one of my legs amputated.
(42:47):
You got a wheelchair. It's about reframing the belief and realizing, Okay,
you don't have what you don't have. Yeah, you grew
up and your dad or your mom wasn't there. Yeah,
you grew up and they might have been addicted to something.
Yeah you might have grew up getting beat them. But
that does not have to define you. What you believe
(43:10):
about yourself is what you're going to run on. So
when we change what we believe, we change our outcomes
in our perspective own life.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh wow, man, Now, how do you help
young people or just people period have the courage or
develop the courage rather to seek out help, because I
know it's very difficult to reveal things about yourself.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Right.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
So the fact that you are able to stand in
front of people and share your truth, right and share
your pain and the things that you went through, So
how do you what do you say to someone you
know who is hesitant to reach out for support or
to begin therapy so that they can start their healing process,
(43:58):
because it could be pretty embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
It is it is, you know, it's it's definitely tough,
and I understand it because you know, growing up, you're
told you don't want to tell everybody your problems or
they stayed in the family or their personal business. But
I don't even say that everybody necessarily needs to go down.
Speaker 3 (44:17):
The therapy route.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
It's just about finding a way to get it out
and finding a way to get the help that you
might need. You could get that help from a family
member or a friend, or a counselor or a teacher.
But the first way to start getting that help is
to start simple. I feel sad. Start there. You don't
(44:39):
have to go full in depth and pour your heart
out to a stranger. However, you simply need to tell
somebody around you. I feel sad, I feel upset, I
feel stressed. Start there, and if you feel like they're
not jugging you, you give them a little bit more,
(45:00):
a little bit more, and a little bit more.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
You don't have to.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Jump into the deep end about your problems right off
the back. You just step in the water. They're not
judging me. Okay, let me step a little further.
Speaker 3 (45:11):
They're not judging me. Let me step a little further.
They're not judging me. And over time, you build the trust, connection.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
And love that is needed to ask for help, to say,
you know, I'm going through a really tough time.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
My dad beating on me. I had this bad relationship.
You know, I was getting kicked in and out the house.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
That's once you have that trust built up, that's when
you're able to fully reach your hand out because now
you've inched your way out there. So my advice if
you're a young person or just a person in general
who's afraid to act for help or to talk to
somebody about how you feel, not necessarily a therapist, but
(45:54):
just talking to somebody friend, family member, teacher, counselor whoever.
It is just little by little, I'm having a hard time.
Oh why are you having a hard time. I'm having
a hard time because you know I'm going through some
of my family. Do you want to talk about it?
You decide do you want to talk about it? Because
(46:15):
once you make the decision to talk about it, you're
reclaiming your power in a sense. You're deciding, I want
to let this out. I want to free myself from this.
I want to be able to move past it. But
it all starts with that first decision to open the door.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
That's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (46:34):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
I can't even believe that this conversation is almost over
because it has been fantastic. So I have to ask you,
as I asked everyone, So, in your opinion, what are
the best ways to build resilience?
Speaker 2 (46:54):
I would really have to say the best way to
build resilience is to overcome something. It's like a sword.
Everybody wants to be the shiny, sharp, strong sword, but
in order to get there, you have to take iron
from out the ground. So it gets dug up. All
that pain, all that trauma, all that suffering, it gets
(47:14):
dug up, and then it gets put in the fire.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
It gets melted down.
Speaker 2 (47:18):
They hammer it, they hammer it, they hammer it, They
cool it down, they hammer it, hammer it, hammere it
some more, and then they grind it and they sharpen it,
and they grind.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
It down some morning.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Then they polish it and then you get the strong,
shiny sword. So the way to build resilience is to
go through the process. You're gonna have to go through
that fire, and everyone's fire is different. Just because you
didn't overcome cancer, or you didn't overcome childhood abuse, that
does not invalidate what you went through Your fire might
(47:53):
have been a divorce. Your fire might have been a miscarriage,
or it might have been a bad brain bacup, or
it might have been somebody bullying you. Your fire is
your fire, don't compare it to somebody else's. And then
when you're in that pain and you're like, man, this
is just too hard. I should give love. You know,
(48:14):
my girlfriend broke up with me and I got kicked
out the house and I'm arguing my parents and you know,
everything's just falling apart. That's your fire right there. You
gotta push through that. And once you push through it,
on the other side is that freedom. On the other side,
is that strength. On the other side of the fire
is how you go from iron to steal, How you
(48:36):
go from a caterpillar to a butterfly, go from an
egg to a tadpole to a frog, to go from
just man, I don't think I could do it to
I know I can do it to go from yeah,
but it's too hard to I'm strong enough to bear
the burden.
Speaker 3 (48:55):
That is how you develop that resilience.
Speaker 1 (48:58):
I love it, Love it well, your man, Your story
is a testament to the incredible power of resilience. And
then human spirits capacity to heal and thrive. Thank you
for sharing your experiences and insights on Lifejack the Resilience Podcast.
(49:19):
Your dedication to transforming the lives of young people is
truly inspiring, and I have no doubt that your message
will resonate deeply with our viewers and listeners. Remember, whether
you're a young person struggling with self doubt or someone
looking to build a life of purpose, the journey to
empowerment begins within. So how can people get in touch
(49:40):
with you and learn more about your organization?
Speaker 2 (49:45):
Yes, so the way to get in touch with me
my Instagram, mister dot Notorious nt or l us. It's
a wordplay of how the word notorious about the normal
way means to be known for something typically bad. But
Mike hay Stacker's oreos, which is where the old areo
comes in the US is I'm from America.
Speaker 3 (50:07):
US obviously, and then the fact that.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
People need to be more united. So it's it's a
whole thing. My TikTok Notorious felt the exact same way
Underscore University. That's the same thing on YouTube Notorious Underscore University.
My website laarnc Haarris dot com and on there you
can find my books. I'm also recording audio books. Hey,
(50:31):
I'm really either fined. You could even just google my name.
You could google Laurence see Harris, and it all pops
up my LinkedIn, my website. Everything I make myself easy defined.
Speaker 1 (50:44):
Love it. Any last words of encouragement for the listeners,
The last.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
Word of incurbment I would give is it's we hear
this so often that it kind of becomes cliche, but
it's really the truth. You're not alone unless you think
you are. And when your mind starts playing tricks on you.
I remember earlier you mentioned that we think we need
to do it all alone, and I'm just born alone
(51:10):
and going to die along.
Speaker 3 (51:12):
That's what you know.
Speaker 2 (51:13):
We we hear it characterized as the devil on your shoulder.
That's what that wants you to think, because when you
think you're alone, you're easy to take down. You can
destroy an individual, you cannot destroy a team. When you
have a team of people support system, maybe that's your friends,
your family, your loved ones. When you got a team,
(51:36):
you can't break that down. So remember, you're not alone
unless you think you are. And when you think you're alone,
you're easy to take down. So reaching out and getting
some help, reaching out and making some friends, getting you know,
just people who support you and people you support too,
because it goes both ways. You can't keep taking. If
(51:57):
you're not giving, you're not alone. I'll let your thank
you are and remember always love yourself because at the
end of the day, if you don't love you, it
don't matter how many other people love you.
Speaker 3 (52:10):
You gotta love you before you try to get all
the people to love you. So I'll leave it on.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
That, absolutely, absolutely well, Lawrence, it has been a privilege
and honor to have you on the show. I want
to wish you and your family nothing but blessings and abundance.
Please take care, Lawrence Christopher Harris. Everyone be sure to
join me next time for more uplifting stories and insights
(52:36):
on resilience. Until then, keep pushing forward, embrace the journey,
and remember that every setback leads to a greater comeback.
Doctor Rowe signing off.
Speaker 3 (52:51):
Oh that was amazing, All right, eh
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Let me stay I'm ending, Okay, stay on
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