August 11, 2025 • 35 mins
Discover how Ilene Marcus transformed generational trauma into personal power in this compelling episode. Growing up in a family of Holocaust survivors taught her to stay small, but life had bigger plans. Despite facing rare cancer, personal betrayals, and childhood challenges, Ilene emerged as a successful author and inventor through remarkable resilience and unexpected humor.
The conversation delves deep into how historical trauma shapes our perspectives and the vital importance of building a supportive community for healing. Dr. Ro and Ilene explore the transformative power of service to others, with Ilene sharing her four-step formula for building resilience: give, grow, and confront mistakes with self-compassion.
Through touching stories about meaningful mentors like Mrs. Morris and Deb Kaufman, Ilene illustrates how finding your "tribe" can change everything. Her journey proves that while trauma may be part of your story, it doesn't have to define your ending.
Ready to transform your own challenges into stepping stones? Listen to this powerful episode about finding joy amid adversity and building unshakeable resilience.
The conversation delves deep into how historical trauma shapes our perspectives and the vital importance of building a supportive community for healing. Dr. Ro and Ilene explore the transformative power of service to others, with Ilene sharing her four-step formula for building resilience: give, grow, and confront mistakes with self-compassion.
Through touching stories about meaningful mentors like Mrs. Morris and Deb Kaufman, Ilene illustrates how finding your "tribe" can change everything. Her journey proves that while trauma may be part of your story, it doesn't have to define your ending.
Ready to transform your own challenges into stepping stones? Listen to this powerful episode about finding joy amid adversity and building unshakeable resilience.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What do you do when life throws unexpected challenges your way? Today,
I am thrilled to welcome Eileen Marcus, a true embodiment
of resilience. Overcoming a difficult childhood, battling rare cancer, surviving
a devastating divorce, and facing betrayal in her professional life,
Eileen has transformed her struggles into strength and creativity. As
(00:24):
the inventor of the Eileen Pan and an influential author
with sixty and Me, she uses her humor and innovative
spirit to inspire others. Based in the Berkshires with her
goldendoodle Beauregard, Eileen continues to write and speak, sharing her
insights and empowering others. Join us as we explore her
(00:44):
incredible journey and the transformative power of resilience.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, Sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other times it gives us something entirely out of left
field that makes us say w t F. But no
matter what obstacles come, there is most often a way
out from the other side, and we are once again victorious.
(01:16):
My name is doctor Row, and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Listen now as my next guest shares how they were
like Jack, Hi, Eileen, welcome, Thank you so much for
being a guest on my show.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
How are you? I am ready, willing and able, Doctor Rowe.
That's the mantra showing up. So glad you love it.
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I love your energy. It's just amazing and it's very
electric going to make.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
So, I mean your journey is both inspiring and challenging.
So can you share a little bit about how your
childhood experiences because you know, battling cancer and all these things,
I mean, it's quite tragic. So just kind of care
how your childhood experiences kind of shape your understanding of Yeah,
(02:27):
you know, I.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Think we all have a backstory, and what's I think
really for me, what shaped it is starting to think
about not exactly what happened to me and how I
was treated and the things that befell me, but the
thinking behind that. You know, I have to go into
the fact that my family was Holocaust survivors. So my
(02:48):
parents had parents, but they didn't have any relatives. They
all died in the war, so they were taught stay
under the radar screen, stay under the radar screen, don't
make any waves, don't show up, don't be too obvious.
So I was really taught to be small, and then
when bad things happened, it was just accepted. Right, you
(03:10):
just plowed ahead. It was what you just did because
that is what they learned to live. So that's how
I learned that. But not in a joyous or a
way that I get to do these things. More like
that's just what life is. You know. We trudge the
road and we get it done, and we don't make
a big deal about it. So I've had to really
(03:32):
learn to find my joy even in the things that
are tough, because you know, we don't all get to
do even the tough things. So I fined it. You know,
each one of those things makes me, you know, takes
me to the next level.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
So you know, it's interesting that you said that you
were taught to be small, hold your head.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Down, you know, just stay under the radar.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
We weren't enough from us, so I don't cause it anymore.
So we'll peck down deepall it.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I'll make it. What do you think about that right,
people that come from trauma backgrounds are taught it's no
big deal. Why are you complaining about that? Look what
I had to live through. So you're really not even
allowed to feel your trauma. You feel like there's something
wrong with you, and you know that this is the
way you have to live. One hundred You know, there
(04:26):
are so many healings and spiritual people that talk now
about you know, generational trauma and hysterical historical trauma. And
I find that it's so funny. You know, you're gonna
ask me later about my humor or my ideals. I
find that so funny because a lot of it, right,
grew a lot of people, especially those of us that
are first or second generation American, you know, grew up
(04:49):
with kind of like that scarcity and lack of abundance.
And it's funny because now the things that you know,
our parents and grandparents instilled in us are are like
the most important things, like the good food, the slow
cooking that all came out of scarcity because the custom
meat were bad and there wasn't enough so we had
(05:09):
to make more. So yes, I mean, I'm turning get
into something positive. But one hundred percent, I was taught
to be small, to not complain. And I think that's
what my you know, I say, that's what my grandmother
was taught, and that's what my aunts were taught. And
you know, we were just taught to, you know, show
up and bear it, you know. Grin and Barrett, Grin
(05:32):
and Barrett.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Yeah, I hear you, Grin and Barrett. That seems to
be what happened to us often, unless you said, in
generational trauma and you know, in the midst of all
these different traumas, you're just going from trauma to trauma,
and I think you get a glimmer of light and
then it's like trauma, trauma, trauma, right.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, you know, you know the joke, right, like you know,
you're gonna ask me about the turning point in my life,
but you know the joke, like, there was the point
in my life that I realized the light at the
end of the tunnel was not an oncoming train, right,
it was actually a light. There's a way out of it.
And you know, and how you learn to do that
(06:12):
is what you speak and right about. And you know
what I want to talk about today because we all
whether you know, I have this thing that like my trauma,
you know, might be let's you know, put it equivalent
to weight that we carry around. I might have twenty
pounds to lose and you might have five pounds to lose,
But that five pounds, if it's heavy to you, it's
(06:33):
my twenty to me because that's what you bear. So
we all, you know, have to deal with whatever is
dealt to us and find a way to overcome it. Wow.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
No, absolutely, I couldn't agree with you more. Now, within
your story, you have talked about and mentioned overcoming not
just one, but several life altering obstacles like I'm mentioned
in your bidio just to childhood battling where cancer, surviving,
(07:06):
a devastative force, betrayal. I mean, Eileen, you've gone through
a lot, talk about life jacks over and over, so
I just have to know how did you maintain your
sense of hope and purpose throughout all those challenging times?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
You know, I think that each time I thought this
was the hill, this was it, this was the thing
that was supposed to happen. I'm gonna get over it
and then everything's going to be great. Right now, I
look at it like, okay, now, wait, Eileen, it's that
grand and Barren right to right in. Yeah exactly, Doctor
(07:49):
Rowe like, just grin and bear. When you get through this,
everythings gonna be okay. You know, I was always looking
for everything to be okay. And you know people say
to me now, like how are you? And I'm like great.
You know, my Stepther's been dying for a year. You
know there's a problem here. I need a new room.
I'm waiting, But I'm great because every there's always going
to be a problem. So I think for me, first
(08:11):
of all, you know, I was the first one of
you know, I didn't talk about my childhood until I
got much older. So you know, then you find I
think a big part of learning to survive is finding
your people. And I don't mean finding people that you
know had the same trauma as you. I mean finding
people that want to outgrow their trauma, that want to
(08:33):
make whatever it is that made them feel small or
the behaviors that they were taught in their life don't
work for them, and to make that a smaller part
of their story and to live a much bigger piece
of their story, not to stay there. And I think
early on, and that's what you're talking about, also grin
and beart with my family and the people my sisters,
(08:54):
they were all like bonded over that victimness or that
trauma or you know, let you know that thing. And
I really look for people now that are in the solution,
that are rising above. And that was a big, big
turning point for me when I realized that I don't
have to define myself by that trauma. I don't have
(09:15):
to define myself as you know, an intest survivor. I
can define myself as a woman who is making decisions
now that my childhood might have informed. And I'm very
careful about who I introduce my daughter to w and
I worry about children. But that didn't happen, you know,
I didn't make that happen. And I can leave that
(09:36):
where it is and to give the people that did
that because they were doing the best they can and
that's what it looked like for them. So I think
that it's finding people who want to be forgiving, who
want to let go, who want to look at the
larger universe, and the fact that this can't be the
reason I'm here. So this is happening to me because
(09:56):
I'm just right there or you know, I I mean,
I don't know. You know, I've had a lot of
things happened to me. You know, I'm also like a
nine eleven survivor. I walked out of nine eleven. I
was two buildings, I was two blocks away. So I've
seen a lot of horrible things in my life, and
yet here I am. So I have to look at
that evidence.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
You know, it's interesting when you think about community, and
we tend to adopt the behaviors of the community that
we are in. And so I like that you mention
finding people who want to heal, finding people who are
okay with forgiveness, because I feel like you create that
supportive network great of people who don't mind forgiving others,
(10:42):
and then when you see someone else do it, I
feel like it makes it a little bit easier. Like
I mean, of course it's a tough pill to swallow,
but if you don't forgive people, you end up remaining
in victimhood, like you mentioned before, And so can be
amazing that if you find it to me, And I'm
so glad you're saying that, and listeners, I hope you're
(11:03):
hearing what Eileen said. But just you know, if you're
struggling with forgiveness, or you're struggling with accountability, or whatever
it may be. It does really help to find a
community of people who are doing the very thing that
you know you need to do. What do you think
about that, Eileen? I love that you underscored that. I
(11:25):
love it because that's it, right, like some of these
things you know, I call it. It's a term I
didn't coin. It called co signing your bullshit. I'm sorry
if I cursed you heard that term.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Where I say, oh my god, you wouldn't believe how
that doctor treated me. And my friend will say, yeah,
I'm a nerve of him. You should write a letter. Yeah,
I get him to the standards door, don't go back
there write a bad review. Versus I say to my friend, now,
oh my god, I did not have the greatest experience
of that doctor. And she's like, all right, let's move on.
(11:58):
Who knows one that can help you? How? You know,
how are you going to get a new appointment? And
how are we going to say Okay, that wasn't meant
to be and not live there?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Right?
Speaker 3 (12:09):
What a difference in bringing down the temperature and in
living my life.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
No, that's so true. Now, speaking of community and service
to the community. You have used community service as a
means for your coping and healing. So what do you
think or how do you think that community and serving
(12:35):
the community has aided you in your journeys? And what
do you feel like you get from helping others? Like
does it give you strength or you know, what is it?
What does it do for you? What are the benefits
do you feel?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
So that's that is a great question. You know, at first,
what it did for me was get me out of
the house where I was being you know, where I
was having problems right and being abused. So I you know,
because my parents are very strict, as we said, and
grew up. You know, it's first generation Americans. Right. If
I was going to the swim team, or I was
going to volunteer at the library, or I was going
(13:08):
down to the hospital to be a nurse, you know,
these camed candy stripers, that was okay. I was doing something.
And I think what it did for me was it
opened me up to a world that my parents didn't
couldn't open up for me. It showed me how other
people live. It let me listen to other people's ideas
and I am one of those people that work is
(13:31):
my hobby. I like being useful. I like helping others,
you know. I mean, sure, I like a good collage
and I liked to line dance, But nine times out
of ten, I'm spending my spare time on a town committee,
mentoring youth, you know, setting off a program somewhere. So
for me, it really showed me different people on how
(13:54):
they thought that I could learn from. And I always
make the joke too, And there was always food at
these events, so I never went hungry. So but it
really gave me a different perspective that I was not
getting at home, where the mentality was, you know, keep
your head down, you know, go to work, work hard,
come home and just be thankful you made it through
(14:16):
a day. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Yeah, Now, of course you talked about the process of
discovering your true angels. And I know most of us
know about angels in a traditional sense, right they're the
flying beings in heaven. They have wings, and they're kind
of the agents of God. Right more, but we will Yeah,
(14:46):
go ahead.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
No, I was gonna say that movie that I'm blanking on,
so that's what I shut up. You know, it's a
wonderful life.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Right, yeah, yes, so, but I don't think you're talking
about these particular angels, right, not the ones in the sky, right,
You're talking about actual people. So like, can you elaborate
on these supportive figures and maybe even share a story
(15:12):
about one of these quote unquote through angels who significantly
impacted your life?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
I can. You know, I thought about this question when
you sent it to me, because it shows up in
so many ways for me if I have to share
one or two stories. But I think that because I
had on that tunnel vision and was just trying to
be different than my family. You know, I always joke
and say I was the black sheep, and they said
that like it was a bad thing, right, Because I
(15:42):
thought different, I thought about how can I what can
I do out of the house that I always look
for that so very early on, we had an elderly
couple that had moved up from the South that lived
on a corner, Mister and missus Morris. They never had children,
and you know, I would go there and help a
garden and it's very funny because she had hundreds and
(16:02):
hundreds of pansies. And now when I do my gardening
and I do my pansies, I think about her. She
would show me how to plant them. I would work
with her. She'd invite me in for a cup of
tea and just talk to me. And I didn't always
think about her as an angel. I thought about it
as an hour. I didn't have to be in my house,
right am I? You know? But now when I look
(16:23):
at those pansies, and if you ever looked at pansies,
if you haven't, I encourage everybody to do that. They
really look like they have little faces and they're smiling
at you. They just do. And I think about just,
you know, just that haven in my neighborhood when I
was young, to say, I'm walking two halfes down to
help missus Morris, you know that kind of thing. I
(16:44):
think there were a lot of people that show to
my path, but I don't know if I was ready
to receive them, because I've had a lot of betrayal,
so trust was an issue for me. But now that
I'm finding more of my tribe. When I left New
York City about it eight years ago. I lived there
for thirty six years, and I moved up to where
I live now in western Massachusetts. I met a woman
who was also you know, we always joke we're expatriates.
(17:06):
We didn't think we'd be expatriates in our own country,
but you know, we live out of the city. And
we behnded right away. And you said to me when
we started, I love your energy to electric. Most people
are like, tone it down, you have to be so loud.
I need a break. And this woman said, oh, I
love your energy. And I said that. I said, most
people think I'm too much. And she said, like a
(17:28):
dense chocolate cake, I want more to me like that.
And she her name was Deb Kauchman. She's passed about
four years now, and she was an artist and a
author in her own right. She wrote something called the
Soul Support Book. Right. One of our sayings was the
(17:49):
end is just the beginning of something new. And some days,
you know, look like this and some days that, like,
it's always different. So I had never had anybody say
to me, oh, yeah, you're like cakes. I won't more
and more and more. So that was a huge angel.
And she held holds the weekly or it's still going on,
but she started going off for twenty years a weekly
(18:10):
community night where writers and authors and artists come together
and I go there every month, and every month she
would introduce me and encourage me and asked me to
lead it. And she really just made me know that
it was okay to be seen, that it was okay
to be loud, which was really a gift. So I
(18:31):
think it's those angels. I have one more than is
a very unexpected angel.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Well hold on, I just want to say one comment,
and you know, I'm glad that you found her. And
in telling that story, that reminds me of that famous
Doctor Seus's quote, the one that says, I think it's
be who you are and say what you feel, because
those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
I love it. I love that you called out because
that also goes to the community. Who do you surround
yourself with, right, Not the people that say to you
tone it down. The people that say that say, I'm
glad you're out there. Well, and there's another man. His
name is Wes Bergman, and a lot of people know Wes.
He's a pretty famous guy. He I think made his
(19:21):
first debut on MTV's reality TV show The Challenge, and
he's quite star if you look at him, and I
was lucky enough to be cast in his show that
he his reality TV show. It's not aired yet. I'm
on season twenty one. It's called The Block Blox. And
you know, I went to this you have to apply
(19:43):
and the fifty five thousand people and then one hundred
people get on to that alone was crazy that I
had this idea for the frying pan, that the next
the race for the next great business model, and that
I got on the show after all his applications. But
what was even more crazy is how much I got
to know Wes over those five days, and how much
he encouraged me to be who I am, to show
(20:06):
up to talk about my ideas, to be brave about
my business model, to use my personality to my advantage.
He has been such a big champion. It's really something
I did not expect. And that's it. You know, angels
are our champions and are in our corner. They see
us with you know, they see us in a way
(20:27):
that they want to elevate us.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
What I love that you have found some true angels
on earth who have enhanced your life, because that really
does help us get from one of those traumatic moments
from one to the other. Now, at least. One of
the things that I've noticed that I've done throughout this
conversation is laugh That's great. And so what I noticed
(20:53):
is that you use humor to cope with life difficulties.
I mean, you know, you have mentioned different things that
you've dealt with in your life, but you you used
as humor and you attach it to the stories and
the experiences, and it's just you know, you know, I
don't want to minimize what you've been through, but I
(21:14):
guess it does make it easier to stomach. So how
did you find this sense of humor that you had?
I mean, I absolutely love it, and.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
You know, I love that you picked that up because
you know, one of the questions doctor Rowe asked me
was give me an antidote, and I'm like, I don't know.
I called my daughter, I called one of my you know,
women that worked for me for years, and they're like,
I don't know. I mean, there's so many times you
were funny, Like we'd be stuck on a project and
you'd be like, let's make believe with tourists and go
down to Starbucks and see what we learn. You know,
(21:43):
like I would just have interesting ideas, right because make
believe we don't speak the language. But it's really in
the moment, and and that is something you know that
I really had to work on finding my joy. It's
not it's not something I grew up with, and it's
really something that you know, I'm blessed. It's innate that
I see things, you know, I see I see things.
(22:07):
I just see them differently. I see them. I see
them funny. I see the irony in it. I see
the universe working right. I mean, if the universe is
going to throw so many problems at me, right, the childhood,
the cancer, the husband's stealing all the money, the boss,
you know, getting indicted, me losing my career, blah blah,
blah blah blah. Got to get some gifts from one
(22:28):
of my gifts is I just can see it. You know,
it's not even blest half full. I just see the
irony and know that you know, there's more, there's more.
There's a reason I'm here, There's something I'm supposed to say.
And you know, how can I get others to understand
this in a way that's not painful.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
I guess it's one of those things when they say
laugh through the pain.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Yeah, exactly. Well, you know I always say I wish
I could be a comedian because that's exactly what comedians do.
They take the worst pain and they turn it into
something and that's why we laugh.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
But yes, but you know in the moment, I'm so
glad you're laughing, because really, you know, that's the other thing. Like,
you know, if people say to me, how are you today?
I say, well, I can complain, but what is that
going to do? Right? Nothing? Right? Plaining doesn't change anything.
So if that's true, that means laughter can change something.
(23:24):
It can be contagious. You can brighten someone else's day.
You know, it takes much less biologically muscles to smile
than it does to frown. It's actually less work to
smile than frown. And who's not the less work? Right?
So I think you know it's it's it's but it's
been something that you know, even that's been like this
(23:46):
is no laughing mot or good but smirkle of your face?
Why do you think this is funny? I mean, you know,
I have a very dear friend who she God bless her.
Her and her husband are phil philanthropic and they build
all these in Africa and they just went finally to
see you know, these eight villages where they changed the
lives of these people forever, these women working walking, you know,
(24:09):
five miles a day to get water and competing with
the animals. Right. So she, you know, so beautiful and
she comes back and you know, so full with gratitude. Well,
don't you know that her pump broke it? Extual me,
She says, you're not gonna believe this. I have no
water in my house. I mean no, somebody else or
a friend you know, would have been like can you
She's like, you the irony of it that I have
(24:31):
no water. We laughed and laughed, but other people wouldn't.
You have to see that bigger picture. And that was
after the lesson, not before, right, So yeah, you just
have to say, wow, So what does the universe telling
me I got to do eight more wells? Or just
a reminder?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
You know, what is it?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
What's you know, there's a saying, what's the message? What's
the blessing? What's the lesson? What's the blessing? Right? Yeah?
Oh my goodness. So I love that story about you know,
you know, about this friend who could just be joyful
when she had no water right, thank god. If I
had to, I can go to a hotel, I can
go to your house, I go to my sister in
law's house, Like I have options. These people did not.
(25:14):
And to be so grateful that, you know, this is
just a temporary condition for her, right, No, not definitely.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
And I think when you have those moments and experiences,
it just put things in perspective. Like you said, your
friend mentioned, like, how is it that we don't have
any water? And that is what we do, is we
deliver water. But at least, like you said, I at
least have options, And so maybe it just kind of
brings purpose to what her and her husband do. And
(25:41):
I guess it ends up resonating, which is really awesome.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Yeah, exactly. But you know other people might not feel
that way. You know, I just gave all this money,
blah blah blah. Why you know, why can't my life work?
I'm so generous. Even though they're being generous, you know,
they expect something back. And I think that is a
big lesson I've learned in community, doctor Roe, to go
back to that that we don't give with the expectation
(26:05):
of getting back. We give with the expectation of being
relevant of being helpful, of paying it forward, of showing
up for others when they can't show up for themselves,
and that mindset really has to be embraced, No, for sure.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Now you've also mentioned the importance of self soothings and
acknowledging that new matter to what strategies to have you
found effective in nurturing your own mental health and working
on building that self love because I know it is
(26:42):
incredibly hard, especially this judgmental society and this society that
we love to compare.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah, your parents are fair, that's it. So you know
what has worked for you. So this is one I
never thought i would say, and this is the first
time I'm saying it out loud publicly. I had to
go to that inner child healing. But there's wisdom in that,
meaning that when I'm hurt, or when I'm not feeling good,
(27:12):
or when something doesn't sit right with me, I have
to think about what, you know, what if I if
there was if my own child, I am a mother,
if my own child was hurt, what would I say
to her right? And what age? And how would I
say it at different ages? And I have to be
able to speak to myself like that I have to
heal that hurt child who scared, and that for someone
(27:35):
like me that didn't grow up in a safe environment
really means that I have to start to physically find
places I find safe. My home has to be safe, right,
My car has to be safe, you know. The places
I go have to be places that I'm not hyper vigilant,
that I don't feel that, you know, someone can surprise
me or attact me, because that's you know, you know,
(27:58):
I'm one of those people who grew up in a
house where you never knew if you were gonna, you know,
get a slap or be ignored. Right, I didn't know
what was coming next. So I think talking to that
inner child, you know, I'm not looking for someone else
and not looking for my mother's clow and not looking
to make up for it. But actually two parts of
me me as an adult now healing that child and
(28:21):
learning how to talk to myself and say you're okay,
you have everything you need. That did suck you aren't
in charge, then you weren't who you are, and now
you have what you need, so let it go. And
then really making sure that we honor our physical space,
whether your car is your safe place. You have a
(28:42):
room in your house, you have a special spot in
the woods, you have a coffee shop that you just
love that corner. I think it's really really important to
find places where we actually people talk about being grounded,
and you know, grounded means like my feet are on
the ground right and I'm standing up, So like if
I look at the earth right, I'm grounded. The earth
(29:04):
is holding me up. So finding those places where I
really feel that that's my flow, that's my corner, it's
I think that's a really important thing. We think it's
our house. Sometimes we think it's the way we decorate,
we think it's a piece of jewelry. But you really
have to find those places where you can close your
(29:25):
eyes and say I'm safe and I'm okay right now,
and anything that happens is okay in the space.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Man, I love that.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
I love that well.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
I lean it's hard to belief, but our our grass
station is coming to a close. I don't believe it's
such a great time. But I do have one last
question that I have to ask each one of my guests,
and that is, in your opinion, how exactly does one
truly build resilience?
Speaker 3 (29:58):
You know, I have a four step formula that I think,
and resilience is a muscle like any other muscle, right,
But I have four things that I say for me
in building resilience. The first one is to give. We
talked about that. Whatever my power is. If I can
stuff envelopes, if I can give lessons, to give, if
(30:19):
I can give money, is to give, so to get
out of yourself. The second one is to grow. You know,
don't sweep your mistakes under the ground, I called girl,
because getting through and being resilience is very gritty, right
girl gg r r. So give your superpower, grow from
your mistakes. Don't just recover, don't just learn. Evolve, you know,
(30:41):
walk down a different street, walk around the hole, build
it bigger, learn, evolve. And then I say, it's really
about what I call redemption. Where is that place inside
that you are safe and that you know you're okay.
Really finding that place where you're not depending on other people, alcohol,
you know, pills, anything else, but you are alone in
(31:05):
the room with your thoughts and you know you're okay.
And then finally I say, it's about finding my revelance,
no revelant result. I can't say that words of relevance.
Know that I matter, Know that you know how you
started with the doctor Rowe know that I am here
to do big, not small. Find those people that need
(31:26):
what I have, to give what my superpower is and
give it to them so that I feel relevant and
part of find my belonging. It's a big piece of
how I think you overcome and maintain resilience. It is
not by isolating, and it is not by feeling sorry
for yourself, you know. And it's not by building up
a big bank account. It is by truly loving yourself
(31:50):
and loving others and letting that light in no matter
how dark you feel.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Wow, the fourth steps. You heard it here, folks, give grow,
redemption and relevant four steps of building resilience. Aileen, it
has been an honor to have you share your remarkable
journey with us on this episode today. I mean your
insights into resilience and community and the power of humor
(32:19):
truly have resonated, and I hope that it reminds the
audience that even in the darkest times, it's possible to rise,
adapt and flourish. So thank you for being a beacon
of strength and inspiration for all of us. So how
can listeners find.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
And connect with you. They can find me on my website, Eileen,
I l e Nmarcus dot com. You can google managing
annoying people and if I don't come up first, keep
googling until I do. And of course on LinkedIn, I'm
the big LinkedIn person Eileenmarcus dot com, the Eileen Pan
(32:59):
And of course course you can look up doctor Roe's
website and find me right on this episode and she'll
have all the links there.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Yes, fantastic. Do you have any last words of encouragement
for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Yes, I have been saying something and it's the mantra
I use quite frequently. Just because it's not working doesn't
mean it's not working. Resilience hope. You know, flourishing is
all about staying the course and trusting yourself, and of
course we make little corrections. But just because something isn't
(33:35):
working doesn't mean it's not working. Stay the course and
you will get there. I love it.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Stay the course and you will get there. Eileen, Thank
you again. I hope your story encourages others to take
the next step in their own journey and remember that
they too, hold the power to turn obstacles into opportunities.
I want to wish you and your family nothing but
blessings and abundance, and here, please take care.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
It's gonna say the one thing I didn't do is
thank you, doctor Rowe, because this platform and the questions
you ask really get to the heart of the matter
in a way that in a way I haven't seen before.
It really at what keeps us, you know, keeps us
not from growing or evolving. It really is about you
know what you just said about rising, adapting, and flourishing.
(34:26):
And I'm really honored to be part of your story
to tell my story. So thank you so much for
having me again.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Yes, Hileen Marcus, everyone be sure to join me next
time for more uplifting stories than insights on resilience. Until then,
keep pushing forward, embrace the journey, and remember that every
setback can lead to a greater comeback, Doctor Rowe, signing off.
What do you do when life throws unexpected challenges your way? Today,
I am thrilled to welcome Eileen Marcus, a true embodiment
of resilience. Overcoming a difficult childhood, battling rare cancer, surviving
a devastating divorce, and facing betrayal in her professional life,
Eileen has transformed her struggles into strength and creativity. As
(00:24):
the inventor of the Eileen Pan and an influential author
with sixty and Me, she uses her humor and innovative
spirit to inspire others. Based in the Berkshires with her
goldendoodle Beauregard, Eileen continues to write and speak, sharing her
insights and empowering others. Join us as we explore her
(00:44):
incredible journey and the transformative power of resilience.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, Sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other times it gives us something entirely out of left
field that makes us say w t F. But no
matter what obstacles come, there is most often a way
out from the other side, and we are once again victorious.
(01:16):
My name is doctor Row, and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Listen now as my next guest shares how they were
like Jack, Hi, Eileen, welcome, Thank you so much for
being a guest on my show.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
How are you? I am ready, willing and able, Doctor Rowe.
That's the mantra showing up. So glad you love it.
I love it.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
I love your energy. It's just amazing and it's very
electric going to make.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
So, I mean your journey is both inspiring and challenging.
So can you share a little bit about how your
childhood experiences because you know, battling cancer and all these things,
I mean, it's quite tragic. So just kind of care
how your childhood experiences kind of shape your understanding of Yeah,
(02:27):
you know, I.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Think we all have a backstory, and what's I think
really for me, what shaped it is starting to think
about not exactly what happened to me and how I
was treated and the things that befell me, but the
thinking behind that. You know, I have to go into
the fact that my family was Holocaust survivors. So my
(02:48):
parents had parents, but they didn't have any relatives. They
all died in the war, so they were taught stay
under the radar screen, stay under the radar screen, don't
make any waves, don't show up, don't be too obvious.
So I was really taught to be small, and then
when bad things happened, it was just accepted. Right, you
(03:10):
just plowed ahead. It was what you just did because
that is what they learned to live. So that's how
I learned that. But not in a joyous or a
way that I get to do these things. More like
that's just what life is. You know. We trudge the
road and we get it done, and we don't make
a big deal about it. So I've had to really
(03:32):
learn to find my joy even in the things that
are tough, because you know, we don't all get to
do even the tough things. So I fined it. You know,
each one of those things makes me, you know, takes
me to the next level.
Speaker 4 (03:47):
So you know, it's interesting that you said that you
were taught to be small, hold your head.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Down, you know, just stay under the radar.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
We weren't enough from us, so I don't cause it anymore.
So we'll peck down deepall it.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
I'll make it. What do you think about that right,
people that come from trauma backgrounds are taught it's no
big deal. Why are you complaining about that? Look what
I had to live through. So you're really not even
allowed to feel your trauma. You feel like there's something
wrong with you, and you know that this is the
way you have to live. One hundred You know, there
(04:26):
are so many healings and spiritual people that talk now
about you know, generational trauma and hysterical historical trauma. And
I find that it's so funny. You know, you're gonna
ask me later about my humor or my ideals. I
find that so funny because a lot of it, right,
grew a lot of people, especially those of us that
are first or second generation American, you know, grew up
(04:49):
with kind of like that scarcity and lack of abundance.
And it's funny because now the things that you know,
our parents and grandparents instilled in us are are like
the most important things, like the good food, the slow
cooking that all came out of scarcity because the custom
meat were bad and there wasn't enough so we had
(05:09):
to make more. So yes, I mean, I'm turning get
into something positive. But one hundred percent, I was taught
to be small, to not complain. And I think that's
what my you know, I say, that's what my grandmother
was taught, and that's what my aunts were taught. And
you know, we were just taught to, you know, show
up and bear it, you know. Grin and Barrett, Grin
(05:32):
and Barrett.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Yeah, I hear you, Grin and Barrett. That seems to
be what happened to us often, unless you said, in
generational trauma and you know, in the midst of all
these different traumas, you're just going from trauma to trauma,
and I think you get a glimmer of light and
then it's like trauma, trauma, trauma, right.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
Well, you know, you know the joke, right, like you know,
you're gonna ask me about the turning point in my life,
but you know the joke, like, there was the point
in my life that I realized the light at the
end of the tunnel was not an oncoming train, right,
it was actually a light. There's a way out of it.
And you know, and how you learn to do that
(06:12):
is what you speak and right about. And you know
what I want to talk about today because we all
whether you know, I have this thing that like my trauma,
you know, might be let's you know, put it equivalent
to weight that we carry around. I might have twenty
pounds to lose and you might have five pounds to lose,
But that five pounds, if it's heavy to you, it's
(06:33):
my twenty to me because that's what you bear. So
we all, you know, have to deal with whatever is
dealt to us and find a way to overcome it. Wow.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
No, absolutely, I couldn't agree with you more. Now, within
your story, you have talked about and mentioned overcoming not
just one, but several life altering obstacles like I'm mentioned
in your bidio just to childhood battling where cancer, surviving,
(07:06):
a devastative force, betrayal. I mean, Eileen, you've gone through
a lot, talk about life jacks over and over, so
I just have to know how did you maintain your
sense of hope and purpose throughout all those challenging times?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
You know, I think that each time I thought this
was the hill, this was it, this was the thing
that was supposed to happen. I'm gonna get over it
and then everything's going to be great. Right now, I
look at it like, okay, now, wait, Eileen, it's that
grand and Barren right to right in. Yeah exactly, Doctor
(07:49):
Rowe like, just grin and bear. When you get through this,
everythings gonna be okay. You know, I was always looking
for everything to be okay. And you know people say
to me now, like how are you? And I'm like great.
You know, my Stepther's been dying for a year. You
know there's a problem here. I need a new room.
I'm waiting, But I'm great because every there's always going
to be a problem. So I think for me, first
(08:11):
of all, you know, I was the first one of
you know, I didn't talk about my childhood until I
got much older. So you know, then you find I
think a big part of learning to survive is finding
your people. And I don't mean finding people that you
know had the same trauma as you. I mean finding
people that want to outgrow their trauma, that want to
(08:33):
make whatever it is that made them feel small or
the behaviors that they were taught in their life don't
work for them, and to make that a smaller part
of their story and to live a much bigger piece
of their story, not to stay there. And I think
early on, and that's what you're talking about, also grin
and beart with my family and the people my sisters,
(08:54):
they were all like bonded over that victimness or that
trauma or you know, let you know that thing. And
I really look for people now that are in the solution,
that are rising above. And that was a big, big
turning point for me when I realized that I don't
have to define myself by that trauma. I don't have
(09:15):
to define myself as you know, an intest survivor. I
can define myself as a woman who is making decisions
now that my childhood might have informed. And I'm very
careful about who I introduce my daughter to w and
I worry about children. But that didn't happen, you know,
I didn't make that happen. And I can leave that
(09:36):
where it is and to give the people that did
that because they were doing the best they can and
that's what it looked like for them. So I think
that it's finding people who want to be forgiving, who
want to let go, who want to look at the
larger universe, and the fact that this can't be the
reason I'm here. So this is happening to me because
(09:56):
I'm just right there or you know, I I mean,
I don't know. You know, I've had a lot of
things happened to me. You know, I'm also like a
nine eleven survivor. I walked out of nine eleven. I
was two buildings, I was two blocks away. So I've
seen a lot of horrible things in my life, and
yet here I am. So I have to look at
that evidence.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
You know, it's interesting when you think about community, and
we tend to adopt the behaviors of the community that
we are in. And so I like that you mention
finding people who want to heal, finding people who are
okay with forgiveness, because I feel like you create that
supportive network great of people who don't mind forgiving others,
(10:42):
and then when you see someone else do it, I
feel like it makes it a little bit easier. Like
I mean, of course it's a tough pill to swallow,
but if you don't forgive people, you end up remaining
in victimhood, like you mentioned before, And so can be
amazing that if you find it to me, And I'm
so glad you're saying that, and listeners, I hope you're
(11:03):
hearing what Eileen said. But just you know, if you're
struggling with forgiveness, or you're struggling with accountability, or whatever
it may be. It does really help to find a
community of people who are doing the very thing that
you know you need to do. What do you think
about that, Eileen? I love that you underscored that. I
(11:25):
love it because that's it, right, like some of these
things you know, I call it. It's a term I
didn't coin. It called co signing your bullshit. I'm sorry
if I cursed you heard that term.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Where I say, oh my god, you wouldn't believe how
that doctor treated me. And my friend will say, yeah,
I'm a nerve of him. You should write a letter. Yeah,
I get him to the standards door, don't go back
there write a bad review. Versus I say to my friend, now,
oh my god, I did not have the greatest experience
of that doctor. And she's like, all right, let's move on.
(11:58):
Who knows one that can help you? How? You know,
how are you going to get a new appointment? And
how are we going to say Okay, that wasn't meant
to be and not live there?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Right?
Speaker 3 (12:09):
What a difference in bringing down the temperature and in
living my life.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
No, that's so true. Now, speaking of community and service
to the community. You have used community service as a
means for your coping and healing. So what do you
think or how do you think that community and serving
(12:35):
the community has aided you in your journeys? And what
do you feel like you get from helping others? Like
does it give you strength or you know, what is it?
What does it do for you? What are the benefits
do you feel?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
So that's that is a great question. You know, at first,
what it did for me was get me out of
the house where I was being you know, where I
was having problems right and being abused. So I you know,
because my parents are very strict, as we said, and
grew up. You know, it's first generation Americans. Right. If
I was going to the swim team, or I was
going to volunteer at the library, or I was going
(13:08):
down to the hospital to be a nurse, you know,
these camed candy stripers, that was okay. I was doing something.
And I think what it did for me was it
opened me up to a world that my parents didn't
couldn't open up for me. It showed me how other
people live. It let me listen to other people's ideas
and I am one of those people that work is
(13:31):
my hobby. I like being useful. I like helping others,
you know. I mean, sure, I like a good collage
and I liked to line dance, But nine times out
of ten, I'm spending my spare time on a town committee,
mentoring youth, you know, setting off a program somewhere. So
for me, it really showed me different people on how
(13:54):
they thought that I could learn from. And I always
make the joke too, And there was always food at
these events, so I never went hungry. So but it
really gave me a different perspective that I was not
getting at home, where the mentality was, you know, keep
your head down, you know, go to work, work hard,
come home and just be thankful you made it through
(14:16):
a day. Right. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Yeah, Now, of course you talked about the process of
discovering your true angels. And I know most of us
know about angels in a traditional sense, right they're the
flying beings in heaven. They have wings, and they're kind
of the agents of God. Right more, but we will Yeah,
(14:46):
go ahead.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
No, I was gonna say that movie that I'm blanking on,
so that's what I shut up. You know, it's a
wonderful life.
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Right, yeah, yes, so, but I don't think you're talking
about these particular angels, right, not the ones in the sky, right,
You're talking about actual people. So like, can you elaborate
on these supportive figures and maybe even share a story
(15:12):
about one of these quote unquote through angels who significantly
impacted your life?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
I can. You know, I thought about this question when
you sent it to me, because it shows up in
so many ways for me if I have to share
one or two stories. But I think that because I
had on that tunnel vision and was just trying to
be different than my family. You know, I always joke
and say I was the black sheep, and they said
that like it was a bad thing, right, Because I
(15:42):
thought different, I thought about how can I what can
I do out of the house that I always look
for that so very early on, we had an elderly
couple that had moved up from the South that lived
on a corner, Mister and missus Morris. They never had children,
and you know, I would go there and help a
garden and it's very funny because she had hundreds and
(16:02):
hundreds of pansies. And now when I do my gardening
and I do my pansies, I think about her. She
would show me how to plant them. I would work
with her. She'd invite me in for a cup of
tea and just talk to me. And I didn't always
think about her as an angel. I thought about it
as an hour. I didn't have to be in my house,
right am I? You know? But now when I look
(16:23):
at those pansies, and if you ever looked at pansies,
if you haven't, I encourage everybody to do that. They
really look like they have little faces and they're smiling
at you. They just do. And I think about just,
you know, just that haven in my neighborhood when I
was young, to say, I'm walking two halfes down to
help missus Morris, you know that kind of thing. I
(16:44):
think there were a lot of people that show to
my path, but I don't know if I was ready
to receive them, because I've had a lot of betrayal,
so trust was an issue for me. But now that
I'm finding more of my tribe. When I left New
York City about it eight years ago. I lived there
for thirty six years, and I moved up to where
I live now in western Massachusetts. I met a woman
who was also you know, we always joke we're expatriates.
(17:06):
We didn't think we'd be expatriates in our own country,
but you know, we live out of the city. And
we behnded right away. And you said to me when
we started, I love your energy to electric. Most people
are like, tone it down, you have to be so loud.
I need a break. And this woman said, oh, I
love your energy. And I said that. I said, most
people think I'm too much. And she said, like a
(17:28):
dense chocolate cake, I want more to me like that.
And she her name was Deb Kauchman. She's passed about
four years now, and she was an artist and a
author in her own right. She wrote something called the
Soul Support Book. Right. One of our sayings was the
(17:49):
end is just the beginning of something new. And some days,
you know, look like this and some days that, like,
it's always different. So I had never had anybody say
to me, oh, yeah, you're like cakes. I won't more
and more and more. So that was a huge angel.
And she held holds the weekly or it's still going on,
but she started going off for twenty years a weekly
(18:10):
community night where writers and authors and artists come together
and I go there every month, and every month she
would introduce me and encourage me and asked me to
lead it. And she really just made me know that
it was okay to be seen, that it was okay
to be loud, which was really a gift. So I
(18:31):
think it's those angels. I have one more than is
a very unexpected angel.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Well hold on, I just want to say one comment,
and you know, I'm glad that you found her. And
in telling that story, that reminds me of that famous
Doctor Seus's quote, the one that says, I think it's
be who you are and say what you feel, because
those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
I love it. I love that you called out because
that also goes to the community. Who do you surround
yourself with, right, Not the people that say to you
tone it down. The people that say that say, I'm
glad you're out there. Well, and there's another man. His
name is Wes Bergman, and a lot of people know Wes.
He's a pretty famous guy. He I think made his
(19:21):
first debut on MTV's reality TV show The Challenge, and
he's quite star if you look at him, and I
was lucky enough to be cast in his show that
he his reality TV show. It's not aired yet. I'm
on season twenty one. It's called The Block Blox. And
you know, I went to this you have to apply
(19:43):
and the fifty five thousand people and then one hundred
people get on to that alone was crazy that I
had this idea for the frying pan, that the next
the race for the next great business model, and that
I got on the show after all his applications. But
what was even more crazy is how much I got
to know Wes over those five days, and how much
he encouraged me to be who I am, to show
(20:06):
up to talk about my ideas, to be brave about
my business model, to use my personality to my advantage.
He has been such a big champion. It's really something
I did not expect. And that's it. You know, angels
are our champions and are in our corner. They see
us with you know, they see us in a way
(20:27):
that they want to elevate us.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
What I love that you have found some true angels
on earth who have enhanced your life, because that really
does help us get from one of those traumatic moments
from one to the other. Now, at least. One of
the things that I've noticed that I've done throughout this
conversation is laugh That's great. And so what I noticed
(20:53):
is that you use humor to cope with life difficulties.
I mean, you know, you have mentioned different things that
you've dealt with in your life, but you you used
as humor and you attach it to the stories and
the experiences, and it's just you know, you know, I
don't want to minimize what you've been through, but I
(21:14):
guess it does make it easier to stomach. So how
did you find this sense of humor that you had?
I mean, I absolutely love it, and.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
You know, I love that you picked that up because
you know, one of the questions doctor Rowe asked me
was give me an antidote, and I'm like, I don't know.
I called my daughter, I called one of my you know,
women that worked for me for years, and they're like,
I don't know. I mean, there's so many times you
were funny, Like we'd be stuck on a project and
you'd be like, let's make believe with tourists and go
down to Starbucks and see what we learn. You know,
(21:43):
like I would just have interesting ideas, right because make
believe we don't speak the language. But it's really in
the moment, and and that is something you know that
I really had to work on finding my joy. It's
not it's not something I grew up with, and it's
really something that you know, I'm blessed. It's innate that
I see things, you know, I see I see things.
(22:07):
I just see them differently. I see them. I see
them funny. I see the irony in it. I see
the universe working right. I mean, if the universe is
going to throw so many problems at me, right, the childhood,
the cancer, the husband's stealing all the money, the boss,
you know, getting indicted, me losing my career, blah blah,
blah blah blah. Got to get some gifts from one
(22:28):
of my gifts is I just can see it. You know,
it's not even blest half full. I just see the
irony and know that you know, there's more, there's more.
There's a reason I'm here, There's something I'm supposed to say.
And you know, how can I get others to understand
this in a way that's not painful.
Speaker 4 (22:48):
I guess it's one of those things when they say
laugh through the pain.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
Yeah, exactly. Well, you know I always say I wish
I could be a comedian because that's exactly what comedians do.
They take the worst pain and they turn it into
something and that's why we laugh.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
Right.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
But yes, but you know in the moment, I'm so
glad you're laughing, because really, you know, that's the other thing. Like,
you know, if people say to me, how are you today?
I say, well, I can complain, but what is that
going to do? Right? Nothing? Right? Plaining doesn't change anything.
So if that's true, that means laughter can change something.
(23:24):
It can be contagious. You can brighten someone else's day.
You know, it takes much less biologically muscles to smile
than it does to frown. It's actually less work to
smile than frown. And who's not the less work? Right?
So I think you know it's it's it's but it's
been something that you know, even that's been like this
(23:46):
is no laughing mot or good but smirkle of your face?
Why do you think this is funny? I mean, you know,
I have a very dear friend who she God bless her.
Her and her husband are phil philanthropic and they build
all these in Africa and they just went finally to
see you know, these eight villages where they changed the
lives of these people forever, these women working walking, you know,
(24:09):
five miles a day to get water and competing with
the animals. Right. So she, you know, so beautiful and
she comes back and you know, so full with gratitude. Well,
don't you know that her pump broke it? Extual me,
She says, you're not gonna believe this. I have no
water in my house. I mean no, somebody else or
a friend you know, would have been like can you
She's like, you the irony of it that I have
(24:31):
no water. We laughed and laughed, but other people wouldn't.
You have to see that bigger picture. And that was
after the lesson, not before, right, So yeah, you just
have to say, wow, So what does the universe telling
me I got to do eight more wells? Or just
a reminder?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
You know, what is it?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
What's you know, there's a saying, what's the message? What's
the blessing? What's the lesson? What's the blessing? Right? Yeah?
Oh my goodness. So I love that story about you know,
you know, about this friend who could just be joyful
when she had no water right, thank god. If I
had to, I can go to a hotel, I can
go to your house, I go to my sister in
law's house, Like I have options. These people did not.
(25:14):
And to be so grateful that, you know, this is
just a temporary condition for her, right, No, not definitely.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
And I think when you have those moments and experiences,
it just put things in perspective. Like you said, your
friend mentioned, like, how is it that we don't have
any water? And that is what we do, is we
deliver water. But at least, like you said, I at
least have options, And so maybe it just kind of
brings purpose to what her and her husband do. And
(25:41):
I guess it ends up resonating, which is really awesome.
Speaker 3 (25:44):
Yeah, exactly. But you know other people might not feel
that way. You know, I just gave all this money,
blah blah blah. Why you know, why can't my life work?
I'm so generous. Even though they're being generous, you know,
they expect something back. And I think that is a
big lesson I've learned in community, doctor Roe, to go
back to that that we don't give with the expectation
(26:05):
of getting back. We give with the expectation of being
relevant of being helpful, of paying it forward, of showing
up for others when they can't show up for themselves,
and that mindset really has to be embraced, No, for sure.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
Now you've also mentioned the importance of self soothings and
acknowledging that new matter to what strategies to have you
found effective in nurturing your own mental health and working
on building that self love because I know it is
(26:42):
incredibly hard, especially this judgmental society and this society that
we love to compare.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Yeah, your parents are fair, that's it. So you know
what has worked for you. So this is one I
never thought i would say, and this is the first
time I'm saying it out loud publicly. I had to
go to that inner child healing. But there's wisdom in that,
meaning that when I'm hurt, or when I'm not feeling good,
(27:12):
or when something doesn't sit right with me, I have
to think about what, you know, what if I if
there was if my own child, I am a mother,
if my own child was hurt, what would I say
to her right? And what age? And how would I
say it at different ages? And I have to be
able to speak to myself like that I have to
heal that hurt child who scared, and that for someone
(27:35):
like me that didn't grow up in a safe environment
really means that I have to start to physically find
places I find safe. My home has to be safe, right,
My car has to be safe, you know. The places
I go have to be places that I'm not hyper vigilant,
that I don't feel that, you know, someone can surprise
me or attact me, because that's you know, you know,
(27:58):
I'm one of those people who grew up in a
house where you never knew if you were gonna, you know,
get a slap or be ignored. Right, I didn't know
what was coming next. So I think talking to that
inner child, you know, I'm not looking for someone else
and not looking for my mother's clow and not looking
to make up for it. But actually two parts of
me me as an adult now healing that child and
(28:21):
learning how to talk to myself and say you're okay,
you have everything you need. That did suck you aren't
in charge, then you weren't who you are, and now
you have what you need, so let it go. And
then really making sure that we honor our physical space,
whether your car is your safe place. You have a
(28:42):
room in your house, you have a special spot in
the woods, you have a coffee shop that you just
love that corner. I think it's really really important to
find places where we actually people talk about being grounded,
and you know, grounded means like my feet are on
the ground right and I'm standing up, So like if
I look at the earth right, I'm grounded. The earth
(29:04):
is holding me up. So finding those places where I
really feel that that's my flow, that's my corner, it's
I think that's a really important thing. We think it's
our house. Sometimes we think it's the way we decorate,
we think it's a piece of jewelry. But you really
have to find those places where you can close your
(29:25):
eyes and say I'm safe and I'm okay right now,
and anything that happens is okay in the space.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Man, I love that.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
I love that well.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
I lean it's hard to belief, but our our grass
station is coming to a close. I don't believe it's
such a great time. But I do have one last
question that I have to ask each one of my guests,
and that is, in your opinion, how exactly does one
truly build resilience?
Speaker 3 (29:58):
You know, I have a four step formula that I think,
and resilience is a muscle like any other muscle, right,
But I have four things that I say for me
in building resilience. The first one is to give. We
talked about that. Whatever my power is. If I can
stuff envelopes, if I can give lessons, to give, if
(30:19):
I can give money, is to give, so to get
out of yourself. The second one is to grow. You know,
don't sweep your mistakes under the ground, I called girl,
because getting through and being resilience is very gritty, right
girl gg r r. So give your superpower, grow from
your mistakes. Don't just recover, don't just learn. Evolve, you know,
(30:41):
walk down a different street, walk around the hole, build
it bigger, learn, evolve. And then I say, it's really
about what I call redemption. Where is that place inside
that you are safe and that you know you're okay.
Really finding that place where you're not depending on other people, alcohol,
you know, pills, anything else, but you are alone in
(31:05):
the room with your thoughts and you know you're okay.
And then finally I say, it's about finding my revelance,
no revelant result. I can't say that words of relevance.
Know that I matter, Know that you know how you
started with the doctor Rowe know that I am here
to do big, not small. Find those people that need
(31:26):
what I have, to give what my superpower is and
give it to them so that I feel relevant and
part of find my belonging. It's a big piece of
how I think you overcome and maintain resilience. It is
not by isolating, and it is not by feeling sorry
for yourself, you know. And it's not by building up
a big bank account. It is by truly loving yourself
(31:50):
and loving others and letting that light in no matter
how dark you feel.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Wow, the fourth steps. You heard it here, folks, give grow,
redemption and relevant four steps of building resilience. Aileen, it
has been an honor to have you share your remarkable
journey with us on this episode today. I mean your
insights into resilience and community and the power of humor
(32:19):
truly have resonated, and I hope that it reminds the
audience that even in the darkest times, it's possible to rise,
adapt and flourish. So thank you for being a beacon
of strength and inspiration for all of us. So how
can listeners find.
Speaker 3 (32:37):
And connect with you. They can find me on my website, Eileen,
I l e Nmarcus dot com. You can google managing
annoying people and if I don't come up first, keep
googling until I do. And of course on LinkedIn, I'm
the big LinkedIn person Eileenmarcus dot com, the Eileen Pan
(32:59):
And of course course you can look up doctor Roe's
website and find me right on this episode and she'll
have all the links there.
Speaker 4 (33:06):
Yes, fantastic. Do you have any last words of encouragement
for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Yes, I have been saying something and it's the mantra
I use quite frequently. Just because it's not working doesn't
mean it's not working. Resilience hope. You know, flourishing is
all about staying the course and trusting yourself, and of
course we make little corrections. But just because something isn't
(33:35):
working doesn't mean it's not working. Stay the course and
you will get there. I love it.
Speaker 4 (33:42):
Stay the course and you will get there. Eileen, Thank
you again. I hope your story encourages others to take
the next step in their own journey and remember that
they too, hold the power to turn obstacles into opportunities.
I want to wish you and your family nothing but
blessings and abundance, and here, please take care.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
It's gonna say the one thing I didn't do is
thank you, doctor Rowe, because this platform and the questions
you ask really get to the heart of the matter
in a way that in a way I haven't seen before.
It really at what keeps us, you know, keeps us
not from growing or evolving. It really is about you
know what you just said about rising, adapting, and flourishing.
(34:26):
And I'm really honored to be part of your story
to tell my story. So thank you so much for
having me again.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Yes, Hileen Marcus, everyone be sure to join me next
time for more uplifting stories than insights on resilience. Until then,
keep pushing forward, embrace the journey, and remember that every
setback can lead to a greater comeback, Doctor Rowe, signing off.
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