May 5, 2025 • 29 mins
Step into a powerful conversation with Linda Knipe, a counselor who transformed her personal trauma into a mission of healing. After surviving a devastating assault, Linda's journey through therapy became a testament to the importance of finding the right support system and confronting buried emotions.
In this raw and honest episode, discover:
-Why the first therapist isn't always the right fit
-How being a people pleaser impacts mental health
-The crucial role of support systems in healing
-Transforming grief into community service
-The power of vulnerability in personal growth
Linda's story showcases how life's toughest challenges can become catalysts for profound personal development. Her transition from trauma survivor to community leader demonstrates the incredible resilience of the human spirit.
Ready to be inspired? Listen to this transformative episode of Lifejacked as Dr. Ro and Linda Knipe explore how confronting our deepest wounds can lead to unexpected healing and growth. Your journey to understanding resilience starts here.
In this raw and honest episode, discover:
-Why the first therapist isn't always the right fit
-How being a people pleaser impacts mental health
-The crucial role of support systems in healing
-Transforming grief into community service
-The power of vulnerability in personal growth
Linda's story showcases how life's toughest challenges can become catalysts for profound personal development. Her transition from trauma survivor to community leader demonstrates the incredible resilience of the human spirit.
Ready to be inspired? Listen to this transformative episode of Lifejacked as Dr. Ro and Linda Knipe explore how confronting our deepest wounds can lead to unexpected healing and growth. Your journey to understanding resilience starts here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What do you do when life throws you unthinkable challenges
and you feel like you are drowning in your own
buried emotions. Today I welcome Linda Knight, a remarkable individual
whose resilience story is both inspiring and enlightening. Linda has
navigated the tumultuous waters of grief, trauma, and personal growth,
(00:23):
all while balancing the roles of a dedicated mother and
a professional counselor. After fulfilling career as a high school
counselor and a leader in community service, Linda now shares
her journey of overcoming deep seated pain and building resilience.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Life Jack
to the Resilience Podcast as we explore her experiences and
(00:43):
insights on how to rise above adversity.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, Sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other times it gives us something entirely of left fields
that makes us say w T F. But no matter
what obstacles come, there is most often a way out
(01:09):
on the other side, and we are once again victorious.
My name is doctor Rome, and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day. Listen now as my next
(01:34):
guest shares how they.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Were like Jack, Hi, Linda, welcome. Thank you so much
for me I guess on my show.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
How are you? I am well, doctor Rowe, How are you?
Thank you so much for having me on?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
No, most definitely now, Linda, you have dealt with many tragedies.
Can you share with the listeners the pivotal moments that
led you to seek therapy and also confront the very
from your past.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Well, I always felt like I was I just was
living life. I felt like my life was actually really good.
You know, you have difficult stuff that happens in life,
and I always felt strong and I just stept down,
barreling forward. I had been working in a school district
(02:21):
on a grant, and as the grant was starting to
run down and we had a few years left, I
went back while I was still working full time. I
went back for my graduate degree in councilor education because
I was already working on a grant in the counseling office,
and the end of the first course different kinds of therapy,
(02:47):
therapeutic theories, I was triggered because we were talking about
therapy and the therapy topic of therapy for rape came
up and I just started that night with lots of
symptoms of PTSD and I went out for a couple
(03:08):
of weeks trying to get control of my mind, and
it was just getting worse and worse. And I finally
went back and saw my professor and he explained PTSD
to me post commatic stress disorder, and it really really
We talked about therapy, and it became really obvious that
that was, of course I was going to have to
(03:30):
take WOW. So I didn't really have much choice.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
And I understand that. And sometimes, you know, I've heard
from some therapists or counselors that sometimes it's hard to
go to the therapy. So do you feel like it
was hard for you to do that?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Well, yeah, So soon after it happened, I had someone
break into my house when I was living alone in
Florida in my twenties. I was working down there and
raped me. And a year later, within the year, I
went to see a therapist and it didn't go well.
(04:12):
I felt judged. I didn't feel like she was she
was addressing any of the issues that I was having,
and so I left with a very bad taste in
my mouth about therapy. And so it was eighteen years
later when I finally realized that I was going to
(04:32):
have to go and I was, Yeah, I was very
nervous about it. There were things that I absolutely didn't
want to talk about. And the other part of going
into therapy when you're in the middle of some mental
health crisis is there's just so much chaos in your
(04:53):
mind that you don't even know how you're going to
be able to talk about anyway. It was intimidating.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I can imagine, you know, after you had to experience
going to therapy yourself to deal with certain traumas, it
change how you looked at therapy at all.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Oh, it changed right away. Yeah, And I think I
was really considered about how I was finding a therapist.
I looked for therapists that he had expertise in in
trauma and sexual assaults. I talked to a number of
them on the phone, and then my therapist said, why
(05:33):
don't you come in. He talked with me for a bit,
said why don't you come in and sit down and
we'll talk and you can make a decision. Then and
just sat really well with me, and I felt like
it was going to be a good working relationship. From
the time that I first talked to him. Even though
(05:56):
I was very nervous and there was a lot of ansciety,
I still felt like it was a person that I
could talk to. We had a good rapport. He was
he was kind of caring, and the drawn me out,
so I felt I felt positive about it from the
first from the first session. I talk about that because
(06:18):
that's one of the fears about going to therapy is
just you know, I mean, you have to have good
connection with your therapist in order for it to be effective.
And when you've got so much chast going on in
your head, the last thing you want to do is
keep repeating yourself while you're looking for the right person.
(06:41):
And that was one of the one of the things
I said in that I wrote a book about it,
and in the chapter about seeking therapy was when you
are finally with the right person, you'll be talking about
the right stuff right away, so you'll know.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
So is there particular things that a person should look
for when finding when they're looking for or when they're
trying to find a therapist.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
I think especially with PTSD, is if somebody is directing
the conversation and directing what you're talking about, that it's
not going to be really helpful. It's really important when
you've been in a situation where you weren't in control
(07:29):
and a cause trauma, that you be in control of
your therapy. And that was the problem that I had
with the first therapist that I went to see a
long time ago, was that, you know, she asked lots
of questions, she directed the topics that we were talking about,
and I just started feeling really judged. And this time,
(07:50):
of course the therapist asked questions, but it wasn't you know,
it wasn't a lot of how do you feel questions.
It was just kind of broad questions or statements to
just get me talking about things. But I was in
charge of what I was talking about. So I think
(08:11):
that that I think that's really important my former husband,
because that was part of the problem is my marriage
was deteriorating at the time. But he said, I think
therapy is like walking through a jungle and you've got
a machete and you're cutting away as you go, and
(08:32):
your therapist is walking behind you telling you where to cut,
and I always thought that was a really great description
of what therapy is like.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
No, most definitely, I shouldn't agree with you. More does
seem that way. I mean, sometimes I know people don't
want to go to therapy because, like you said, they
feel that the therapist may judge them because of the
decisions that they decided to make or whatever happened to
them to trauma that they're going through that some kind
of way, there's some guilt there that perhaps the trauma
is their fault. But it's important and I'm pretty sure
(09:05):
you will also want listeners to know that it's important
that to know that you find the right therapist because
that is not what therapy is all about. It it's
that guide. It's that that that can kind of help
you through life and get through your healing.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yeah. Yeah, and it's not you know, especially for PTSD,
it's it's not quick and you've got to stick with it.
I gave a talk of a couple of weeks ago.
I was in California and I ended up being a
(09:41):
last minute speaker at a Sunday assembly and there were
several people there who had who were in therapy for
trauma and it had been a long time, and they
were really frustrated and feeling depressed and hard place to be.
But I was there, you know, I was. I was
(10:04):
still struggling with depression five years down the road. And
big lesson is you've got to stick with it, you know,
You've just got to keep working it until you finally
get through everything. Because the truth was, I was always
a good hider. And that's interesting. Every time I speak
(10:26):
about the book, there are people in the room that
are nodding their heads about burying, burying their uncomfortable feelings
or uncomfortable thoughts. And there was stuff that I just
I wanted to keep hidden. I was like things that
embarrassed me or that I was ashamed of, and that
(10:47):
stuff is toxic stuff buried. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Now, speaking of toxic behaviors and things that are toxic,
you mentioned being a people pleaser, and I know there
are a lot of people out there, including myself, who
have struggled with being a people pleaser, and you have
said that it had any like an intense impact on
your emotional health. So you know, without going too deep,
what types of things would you do that you know,
(11:17):
to please people, and how did you begin to shift
that mindset during your healing process.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
I'm still a people pleaser, but I'm I really work
on it all the time. I was just you know,
I grew up. I was the oldest daughter and the
second oldest in the family of a kid. So I
was the good girl and I was very helpful, and
(11:43):
I was I was a first child in the whole
family of the next generation. So I was on a pedestal,
you know. So I was really lucky. I was well loved.
But you know, good kids get put on pedestals and
then you have to stay on a pedestal, and that's
really hard, but you know, you want to keep that position,
(12:06):
and so you just try and do what people want
you to do. And so I would just you know,
I still am a rule follower. It's just, you know,
it's just how I am. But I think that the
whole people pleas are a lot of times can get
(12:30):
into I found for myself it was kind of could
be a negative time mindset, like I could start beating
myself up if I didn't think that I was doing
things just right or wasn't pleasing the people that I
loved or the people that were counting on me. And
so I've I've always been a really great worker, but
(12:55):
it is all about I don't know, I don't know
why we're we are that way, but I do kind
of laugh at myself now when I see myself doing it.
I worry about getting into other people's heads and worrying
about their thinking, and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings,
(13:17):
and so I'm just I'm more aware of it now.
I understand that I need to stand up for myself
and do things that are also good for me. I
don't mind taking care of other people, but I also
(13:37):
try more actively to take care of myself and also
put my needs, put my needs at least in the mix.
I make it more of a priority than I used to.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah, it's interesting that you mentioned that you're the oldest,
because I'm the oldest as well. And you're right, like
you were given in in normal some kind of responsibility.
There's this expectation right placed upon us as the oldest,
and you're right, you want to do a good job
because they're placing this responsibility on you, and I do
believe that's where it begins in our childhood, you know,
(14:13):
trying to trying to make sure that we do the
right thing that our parents have asked us to do,
the responsibility that they've given us, and we don't want
to mess it up.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
So and it's great.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
But I do appreciate you saying that, yes, I went
through therapy for it, but that you say you're still
a people pleaser, but you've learned how to manage it,
because I think that's the thing. I think we still
continue to be who we are and how we've been
shaped to be, and I don't know if that necessarily
can go away. I think part of it is who
(14:46):
we are. But I do believe, like you said, if
you're given the right tools, then you're able to manage
the behaviors that you have.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah, And it feels like inside of me, and I'm
thinking about this, I am. I am very much a
rule follower, Like I try and follow rules to the key.
And it's funny because I have some friends that are
like rule breakers, Like if you give them a rule,
they're just going to try and do it their own
way right, And I just find it. I find it funny,
(15:18):
But it also feels inside of me the same as
being a pleaser. And I laugh at myself now when
I'm just following.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
The rule, just to follow the rules. Like you know,
you've got You've got your list of stuff that you
that somebody tells you to do, and I just go
through that list right one right after the other, and
I try and check off everything the list.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
And it feels the same. It feels like it's all
part of the same, the same thing that's going on
in me doing what I'm supposed.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
To No, most definitely. Now, do you feel it's important
to have have a support system if you were ever
finding yourself in a healing journey, or maybe you're not
even in a healing journey, do you feel like it's
important to have a support system?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Oh? Absolutely. I've talked to people about this a lot,
you know. I talked to the students when I was
counseling and their parents about it. It's why I had
a large, close knit family. I've always had a support system.
I don't quite know how people go through life without it.
(16:36):
But we're also this was an interesting thing that I
realized when I was in therapy. A few months into therapy,
because even though I had people that loved me and
that were supportive of me, I still did not I
still felt that I needed to take care of myself.
I needed to take care of my issues, and I
(16:59):
was strong and I could do that, and so I
didn't talk a lot of times about the stuff that
was really bothering me. And I realized a few months
in the therapy that we're supposed to reach out to
each other, like we're social animals. We're supposed to share
(17:22):
that stuff, and we're supposed to help each other. And
it was just so it was like such a epiphany
to me that it's it's not We're not supposed to
just go through life on our own, managing all of
our stuff all by ourselves. It was really it was
(17:44):
really interesting how much of an epiphany.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It was, I'm sure. So let me ask you this,
in your opinion, how do you know who to keep
in your support system and who maybe doesn't necessarily belong
in your support system? Because sometimes we, like you said,
if you come from a big family or a very
close knit family, you think, oh, okay, well everybody in
(18:07):
my immediate family is supposed to be in my support system.
But sometimes those people are not really on your side,
or they're giving what they call, you know, toxic positivity
to you. So in your opinion. How do you know
who goes?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I think again that it's kind of like knowing you
have a good therapist. It's somebody who is letting you
be in charge and make your own decisions for yourself
and talk about the things that are important for you
to talk about, but still make it easy for you
(18:43):
to talk, or make it make you feel invited to talk,
and to know that you're not going to be judged.
I think that's huge. People. Man, people judge each other
all the time, and we, you know, we have opinions
about how other people should be doing things and whether
(19:03):
they're doing everything just right. And I will say it's
lovely being my age because I am now at the
wisdom part of my life where I have grown children
and grandchildren, and I think that it's really important to
(19:29):
just be supportive of people. And that does not mean
telling people how they should do things. You just listen
and support and maybe you know, you can throw a
suggestion there, another thought in there. I mean, perspective is
a great thing, and maybe offering different perspectives. I think
(19:52):
that's what supportive people do. They might help you by
offering different perspectives. And if what you're doing is really
not helpful to you then to be honest about that,
But do not judge. I think if you feel judged,
(20:13):
then those are people you know. You're just as well
to not reveal the vulnerable stuff. Oh that totally makes sense. Yeah,
because I found that that's what happens when.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
You reveal vulnerable parts of you to certain people, and
that's what they use to weaponize against you and want you.
But the key is knowing that if that person is
doing that, then that's probably not the person that you
want in your circle to be a part of your
support system.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
No, And you know, with a little bit of with
some good observation, you can really tell who you can
be vulnerable with and who is kind of a judgmental person.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
No, for sure. Now, following the passing of your husband, Bomb,
you've done some things to honor his legacy and memory.
So what have you done who continues to carry on
his legacy of community support and volunteerism.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Well, Bob was. I don't know how he managed to
do everything he did. He was always on the go.
He was a college administrator, and he was a very
active routarian, and he was involved in every He was
a musician that was involved in every musical group that
(21:36):
was there. And so probably three weeks after he died,
and it was during COVID and he had a very
fast moving cancer. So the symphony that he played with
and that he was he had a lot of positions
(21:56):
on the board and just other stuff. I was meeting,
the board was meeting, and they kept sending the invitations,
and so I went to it was a zoom meeting.
Of course, I said, I don't know why you're sending
me all these invitations, and they said, we were hoping you'd
take his place on the board, and I said, I'm
just going to take some time. And it took six
(22:19):
people to replace all of the positions he did, so
I had to be very very choosy about what I did.
I did join Rotary probably six months after he died,
and I'm a pretty active Rotarian now and on the
Arts Council, the local regional Arts Council, and he had
(22:40):
been president of the Earth Council probably seven or eight
years ago, and I'm the president of the board of
that now for those things, and I'm just I'm supportive
of all of the musical pursuits that are going on.
I just I try to He lived all in and
(23:00):
I'm trying to do this, you know, I'm he was
much more outgoing than I am, but I'm really trying
to live my life all in.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Well, that's really honorable that you have, you know, kind
of taken up his you know, endeavors and efforts in
supporting the communities through music. So that's wonderful. That's wonderful. Now, finally,
what advice would you give to someone who is struggling
to find resilience in their own lives.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Well, I think that a lot of what we've talked
about is really important. I think, you know, it's it's
it's so difficult in the middle of malehealth crisis because
it often includes depression and anxiety, and what you want
to do is isolate yourself, you know, and when you're
(23:58):
when you're with people you don't feel like you you
feel even more isolated when you're feeling depressed and anxious
or even just with other kinds of mental health issues,
because you just feel so separate from everybody else's experience,
(24:19):
and so you really have to find some people that
can be supportive that you're able to talk to. I know,
because I have a really large family and I was
struggling with major depression for such a long time. It meant,
you know, Christmas and everything when we would all get together.
(24:41):
And I love them all, I love spending time with them,
but I couldn't be in a room with a lot
of people, and so I would, you know, I would
go somewhere else and somebody else would come in and
talk to me. But in my family, you know, that
would be great. You'd be in a room just talking
with one other person and you'd start to feel like
(25:03):
you could open up and have a personal conversation. Somebody
else would drift in and the conversation and.
Speaker 5 (25:09):
So so it's but guess it's hard, but finding your
support of people and being brave enough and vulnerable enough
to say to them I need to talk. I had
two sisters that I could call, or I could call
my mom at the time and say I need to
(25:31):
talk with my sister and she would find her and
send her out. And just those little lifelines. And my
therapist was great that when I was really in crisis,
if I called him, he would find a way to
get me in So just knowing that people were pulling
(25:55):
for me was huge, and it is really important when
you are struggling through that long period of trying to
get well, that you find at least a couple of
supportive people that.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
You can count on and done. It's just doesn't It
doesn't last forever.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
But it is.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
A tough journey to be on. But the other thing
that was really striking to me is when I was
sitting in my therapist's office and everything just was so hard.
Talking was hard. There were times that I would sit
there and not say a word and he would just wait.
And It's the one thing I kept thinking, is I
(26:47):
am really growing, Like this is the hardest thing I've
ever done? And it is. It's even you know, twenty
years past, I will still say that that is the
hardest thing I ever did. And yet I grew more
in that five years that I was going through therapy
(27:07):
for PPSD than I think anything else that I ever did. Wow.
And I'm so I'm grateful for the experience. I'm grateful
that I persevered to find well being again.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Well, thank you Linda for sharing your powerful insights that
you've gained through your journey of resilience. I mean, your
experience is remind us that while life can bring on
the manage of unimaginable challenges. It is our response to
those challenges that truly define us. Your dedication to helping
others in fostering community betterment is an inspiration to us all.
(27:47):
So how can listeners find and connectly?
Speaker 3 (27:49):
So I have I have a Facebook page alside Knight,
and I also have a website outside Night dot com
that are probably the best way. My email is also
Alsidnight at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Do you have any last words of encouragement for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I you know, life is hard. We all have our stuff.
I was raped, but I never felt like I had
it harder than a lot of people. And whatever it
is that you're going through, that's your hard thing. But
that's where you get the opportunity to learn stuff and
(28:33):
to grow. And I have always looked at life as
a brand adventure, and I think that really the really
big adventure part of it is that we go through
things that are hard and we grow. I would just say,
persevere and you will come. You will grow.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Well. Linda, I appreciate your timing wisdom and I look
forward to seeing how you continue to impact the lives
of those around you. I wish you and your family
nothing but blessings and abundance. Please take care.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Thank you so much, doctor Rowe. It was a pleasure
being on and talking with you.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Linda Nice. Everyone be sure to join me next time
for more uplifting stories and excites on resilience. Until then,
keep pushing forward, embrace the journey, and remember that every
setback can lead to a greater comeback, Doctor Rowe signing off.
What do you do when life throws you unthinkable challenges
and you feel like you are drowning in your own
buried emotions. Today I welcome Linda Knight, a remarkable individual
whose resilience story is both inspiring and enlightening. Linda has
navigated the tumultuous waters of grief, trauma, and personal growth,
(00:23):
all while balancing the roles of a dedicated mother and
a professional counselor. After fulfilling career as a high school
counselor and a leader in community service, Linda now shares
her journey of overcoming deep seated pain and building resilience.
Thank you for listening to this episode of Life Jack
to the Resilience Podcast as we explore her experiences and
(00:43):
insights on how to rise above adversity.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Sometimes life gives us lemons, Sometimes it gives us lemonade.
Other times it gives us something entirely of left fields
that makes us say w T F. But no matter
what obstacles come, there is most often a way out
(01:09):
on the other side, and we are once again victorious.
My name is doctor Rome, and you are listening to
my podcast about resilience. Every guest shares a tragedy to
triumph story to give listeners like you the inspiration to
push through every single day. Listen now as my next
(01:34):
guest shares how they.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Were like Jack, Hi, Linda, welcome. Thank you so much
for me I guess on my show.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
How are you? I am well, doctor Rowe, How are you?
Thank you so much for having me on?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
No, most definitely now, Linda, you have dealt with many tragedies.
Can you share with the listeners the pivotal moments that
led you to seek therapy and also confront the very
from your past.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Well, I always felt like I was I just was
living life. I felt like my life was actually really good.
You know, you have difficult stuff that happens in life,
and I always felt strong and I just stept down,
barreling forward. I had been working in a school district
(02:21):
on a grant, and as the grant was starting to
run down and we had a few years left, I
went back while I was still working full time. I
went back for my graduate degree in councilor education because
I was already working on a grant in the counseling office,
and the end of the first course different kinds of therapy,
(02:47):
therapeutic theories, I was triggered because we were talking about
therapy and the therapy topic of therapy for rape came
up and I just started that night with lots of
symptoms of PTSD and I went out for a couple
(03:08):
of weeks trying to get control of my mind, and
it was just getting worse and worse. And I finally
went back and saw my professor and he explained PTSD
to me post commatic stress disorder, and it really really
We talked about therapy, and it became really obvious that
that was, of course I was going to have to
(03:30):
take WOW. So I didn't really have much choice.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
And I understand that. And sometimes, you know, I've heard
from some therapists or counselors that sometimes it's hard to
go to the therapy. So do you feel like it
was hard for you to do that?
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Well, yeah, So soon after it happened, I had someone
break into my house when I was living alone in
Florida in my twenties. I was working down there and
raped me. And a year later, within the year, I
went to see a therapist and it didn't go well.
(04:12):
I felt judged. I didn't feel like she was she
was addressing any of the issues that I was having,
and so I left with a very bad taste in
my mouth about therapy. And so it was eighteen years
later when I finally realized that I was going to
(04:32):
have to go and I was, Yeah, I was very
nervous about it. There were things that I absolutely didn't
want to talk about. And the other part of going
into therapy when you're in the middle of some mental
health crisis is there's just so much chaos in your
(04:53):
mind that you don't even know how you're going to
be able to talk about anyway. It was intimidating.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I can imagine, you know, after you had to experience
going to therapy yourself to deal with certain traumas, it
change how you looked at therapy at all.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Oh, it changed right away. Yeah, And I think I
was really considered about how I was finding a therapist.
I looked for therapists that he had expertise in in
trauma and sexual assaults. I talked to a number of
them on the phone, and then my therapist said, why
(05:33):
don't you come in. He talked with me for a bit,
said why don't you come in and sit down and
we'll talk and you can make a decision. Then and
just sat really well with me, and I felt like
it was going to be a good working relationship. From
the time that I first talked to him. Even though
(05:56):
I was very nervous and there was a lot of ansciety,
I still felt like it was a person that I
could talk to. We had a good rapport. He was
he was kind of caring, and the drawn me out,
so I felt I felt positive about it from the
first from the first session. I talk about that because
(06:18):
that's one of the fears about going to therapy is
just you know, I mean, you have to have good
connection with your therapist in order for it to be effective.
And when you've got so much chast going on in
your head, the last thing you want to do is
keep repeating yourself while you're looking for the right person.
(06:41):
And that was one of the one of the things
I said in that I wrote a book about it,
and in the chapter about seeking therapy was when you
are finally with the right person, you'll be talking about
the right stuff right away, so you'll know.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
So is there particular things that a person should look
for when finding when they're looking for or when they're
trying to find a therapist.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
I think especially with PTSD, is if somebody is directing
the conversation and directing what you're talking about, that it's
not going to be really helpful. It's really important when
you've been in a situation where you weren't in control
(07:29):
and a cause trauma, that you be in control of
your therapy. And that was the problem that I had
with the first therapist that I went to see a
long time ago, was that, you know, she asked lots
of questions, she directed the topics that we were talking about,
and I just started feeling really judged. And this time,
(07:50):
of course the therapist asked questions, but it wasn't you know,
it wasn't a lot of how do you feel questions.
It was just kind of broad questions or statements to
just get me talking about things. But I was in
charge of what I was talking about. So I think
(08:11):
that that I think that's really important my former husband,
because that was part of the problem is my marriage
was deteriorating at the time. But he said, I think
therapy is like walking through a jungle and you've got
a machete and you're cutting away as you go, and
(08:32):
your therapist is walking behind you telling you where to cut,
and I always thought that was a really great description
of what therapy is like.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
No, most definitely, I shouldn't agree with you. More does
seem that way. I mean, sometimes I know people don't
want to go to therapy because, like you said, they
feel that the therapist may judge them because of the
decisions that they decided to make or whatever happened to
them to trauma that they're going through that some kind
of way, there's some guilt there that perhaps the trauma
is their fault. But it's important and I'm pretty sure
(09:05):
you will also want listeners to know that it's important
that to know that you find the right therapist because
that is not what therapy is all about. It it's
that guide. It's that that that can kind of help
you through life and get through your healing.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yeah. Yeah, and it's not you know, especially for PTSD,
it's it's not quick and you've got to stick with it.
I gave a talk of a couple of weeks ago.
I was in California and I ended up being a
(09:41):
last minute speaker at a Sunday assembly and there were
several people there who had who were in therapy for
trauma and it had been a long time, and they
were really frustrated and feeling depressed and hard place to be.
But I was there, you know, I was. I was
(10:04):
still struggling with depression five years down the road. And
big lesson is you've got to stick with it, you know,
You've just got to keep working it until you finally
get through everything. Because the truth was, I was always
a good hider. And that's interesting. Every time I speak
(10:26):
about the book, there are people in the room that
are nodding their heads about burying, burying their uncomfortable feelings
or uncomfortable thoughts. And there was stuff that I just
I wanted to keep hidden. I was like things that
embarrassed me or that I was ashamed of, and that
(10:47):
stuff is toxic stuff buried. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Now, speaking of toxic behaviors and things that are toxic,
you mentioned being a people pleaser, and I know there
are a lot of people out there, including myself, who
have struggled with being a people pleaser, and you have
said that it had any like an intense impact on
your emotional health. So you know, without going too deep,
what types of things would you do that you know,
(11:17):
to please people, and how did you begin to shift
that mindset during your healing process.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
I'm still a people pleaser, but I'm I really work
on it all the time. I was just you know,
I grew up. I was the oldest daughter and the
second oldest in the family of a kid. So I
was the good girl and I was very helpful, and
(11:43):
I was I was a first child in the whole
family of the next generation. So I was on a pedestal,
you know. So I was really lucky. I was well loved.
But you know, good kids get put on pedestals and
then you have to stay on a pedestal, and that's
really hard, but you know, you want to keep that position,
(12:06):
and so you just try and do what people want
you to do. And so I would just you know,
I still am a rule follower. It's just, you know,
it's just how I am. But I think that the
whole people pleas are a lot of times can get
(12:30):
into I found for myself it was kind of could
be a negative time mindset, like I could start beating
myself up if I didn't think that I was doing
things just right or wasn't pleasing the people that I
loved or the people that were counting on me. And
so I've I've always been a really great worker, but
(12:55):
it is all about I don't know, I don't know
why we're we are that way, but I do kind
of laugh at myself now when I see myself doing it.
I worry about getting into other people's heads and worrying
about their thinking, and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings,
(13:17):
and so I'm just I'm more aware of it now.
I understand that I need to stand up for myself
and do things that are also good for me. I
don't mind taking care of other people, but I also
(13:37):
try more actively to take care of myself and also
put my needs, put my needs at least in the mix.
I make it more of a priority than I used to.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Yeah, it's interesting that you mentioned that you're the oldest,
because I'm the oldest as well. And you're right, like
you were given in in normal some kind of responsibility.
There's this expectation right placed upon us as the oldest,
and you're right, you want to do a good job
because they're placing this responsibility on you, and I do
believe that's where it begins in our childhood, you know,
(14:13):
trying to trying to make sure that we do the
right thing that our parents have asked us to do,
the responsibility that they've given us, and we don't want
to mess it up.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
So and it's great.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
But I do appreciate you saying that, yes, I went
through therapy for it, but that you say you're still
a people pleaser, but you've learned how to manage it,
because I think that's the thing. I think we still
continue to be who we are and how we've been
shaped to be, and I don't know if that necessarily
can go away. I think part of it is who
(14:46):
we are. But I do believe, like you said, if
you're given the right tools, then you're able to manage
the behaviors that you have.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah, And it feels like inside of me, and I'm
thinking about this, I am. I am very much a
rule follower, Like I try and follow rules to the key.
And it's funny because I have some friends that are
like rule breakers, Like if you give them a rule,
they're just going to try and do it their own
way right, And I just find it. I find it funny,
(15:18):
But it also feels inside of me the same as
being a pleaser. And I laugh at myself now when
I'm just following.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
The rule, just to follow the rules. Like you know,
you've got You've got your list of stuff that you
that somebody tells you to do, and I just go
through that list right one right after the other, and
I try and check off everything the list.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
And it feels the same. It feels like it's all
part of the same, the same thing that's going on
in me doing what I'm supposed.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
To No, most definitely. Now, do you feel it's important
to have have a support system if you were ever
finding yourself in a healing journey, or maybe you're not
even in a healing journey, do you feel like it's
important to have a support system?
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Oh? Absolutely. I've talked to people about this a lot,
you know. I talked to the students when I was
counseling and their parents about it. It's why I had
a large, close knit family. I've always had a support system.
I don't quite know how people go through life without it.
(16:36):
But we're also this was an interesting thing that I
realized when I was in therapy. A few months into therapy,
because even though I had people that loved me and
that were supportive of me, I still did not I
still felt that I needed to take care of myself.
I needed to take care of my issues, and I
(16:59):
was strong and I could do that, and so I
didn't talk a lot of times about the stuff that
was really bothering me. And I realized a few months
in the therapy that we're supposed to reach out to
each other, like we're social animals. We're supposed to share
(17:22):
that stuff, and we're supposed to help each other. And
it was just so it was like such a epiphany
to me that it's it's not We're not supposed to
just go through life on our own, managing all of
our stuff all by ourselves. It was really it was
(17:44):
really interesting how much of an epiphany.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
It was, I'm sure. So let me ask you this,
in your opinion, how do you know who to keep
in your support system and who maybe doesn't necessarily belong
in your support system? Because sometimes we, like you said,
if you come from a big family or a very
close knit family, you think, oh, okay, well everybody in
(18:07):
my immediate family is supposed to be in my support system.
But sometimes those people are not really on your side,
or they're giving what they call, you know, toxic positivity
to you. So in your opinion. How do you know
who goes?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I think again that it's kind of like knowing you
have a good therapist. It's somebody who is letting you
be in charge and make your own decisions for yourself
and talk about the things that are important for you
to talk about, but still make it easy for you
(18:43):
to talk, or make it make you feel invited to talk,
and to know that you're not going to be judged.
I think that's huge. People. Man, people judge each other
all the time, and we, you know, we have opinions
about how other people should be doing things and whether
(19:03):
they're doing everything just right. And I will say it's
lovely being my age because I am now at the
wisdom part of my life where I have grown children
and grandchildren, and I think that it's really important to
(19:29):
just be supportive of people. And that does not mean
telling people how they should do things. You just listen
and support and maybe you know, you can throw a
suggestion there, another thought in there. I mean, perspective is
a great thing, and maybe offering different perspectives. I think
(19:52):
that's what supportive people do. They might help you by
offering different perspectives. And if what you're doing is really
not helpful to you then to be honest about that,
But do not judge. I think if you feel judged,
(20:13):
then those are people you know. You're just as well
to not reveal the vulnerable stuff. Oh that totally makes sense. Yeah,
because I found that that's what happens when.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
You reveal vulnerable parts of you to certain people, and
that's what they use to weaponize against you and want you.
But the key is knowing that if that person is
doing that, then that's probably not the person that you
want in your circle to be a part of your
support system.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
No, And you know, with a little bit of with
some good observation, you can really tell who you can
be vulnerable with and who is kind of a judgmental person.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
No, for sure. Now, following the passing of your husband, Bomb,
you've done some things to honor his legacy and memory.
So what have you done who continues to carry on
his legacy of community support and volunteerism.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Well, Bob was. I don't know how he managed to
do everything he did. He was always on the go.
He was a college administrator, and he was a very
active routarian, and he was involved in every He was
a musician that was involved in every musical group that
(21:36):
was there. And so probably three weeks after he died,
and it was during COVID and he had a very
fast moving cancer. So the symphony that he played with
and that he was he had a lot of positions
(21:56):
on the board and just other stuff. I was meeting,
the board was meeting, and they kept sending the invitations,
and so I went to it was a zoom meeting.
Of course, I said, I don't know why you're sending
me all these invitations, and they said, we were hoping you'd
take his place on the board, and I said, I'm
just going to take some time. And it took six
(22:19):
people to replace all of the positions he did, so
I had to be very very choosy about what I did.
I did join Rotary probably six months after he died,
and I'm a pretty active Rotarian now and on the
Arts Council, the local regional Arts Council, and he had
(22:40):
been president of the Earth Council probably seven or eight
years ago, and I'm the president of the board of
that now for those things, and I'm just I'm supportive
of all of the musical pursuits that are going on.
I just I try to He lived all in and
(23:00):
I'm trying to do this, you know, I'm he was
much more outgoing than I am, but I'm really trying
to live my life all in.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Well, that's really honorable that you have, you know, kind
of taken up his you know, endeavors and efforts in
supporting the communities through music. So that's wonderful. That's wonderful. Now, finally,
what advice would you give to someone who is struggling
to find resilience in their own lives.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Well, I think that a lot of what we've talked
about is really important. I think, you know, it's it's
it's so difficult in the middle of malehealth crisis because
it often includes depression and anxiety, and what you want
to do is isolate yourself, you know, and when you're
(23:58):
when you're with people you don't feel like you you
feel even more isolated when you're feeling depressed and anxious
or even just with other kinds of mental health issues,
because you just feel so separate from everybody else's experience,
(24:19):
and so you really have to find some people that
can be supportive that you're able to talk to. I know,
because I have a really large family and I was
struggling with major depression for such a long time. It meant,
you know, Christmas and everything when we would all get together.
(24:41):
And I love them all, I love spending time with them,
but I couldn't be in a room with a lot
of people, and so I would, you know, I would
go somewhere else and somebody else would come in and
talk to me. But in my family, you know, that
would be great. You'd be in a room just talking
with one other person and you'd start to feel like
(25:03):
you could open up and have a personal conversation. Somebody
else would drift in and the conversation and.
Speaker 5 (25:09):
So so it's but guess it's hard, but finding your
support of people and being brave enough and vulnerable enough
to say to them I need to talk. I had
two sisters that I could call, or I could call
my mom at the time and say I need to
(25:31):
talk with my sister and she would find her and
send her out. And just those little lifelines. And my
therapist was great that when I was really in crisis,
if I called him, he would find a way to
get me in So just knowing that people were pulling
(25:55):
for me was huge, and it is really important when
you are struggling through that long period of trying to
get well, that you find at least a couple of
supportive people that.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
You can count on and done. It's just doesn't It
doesn't last forever.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
But it is.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
A tough journey to be on. But the other thing
that was really striking to me is when I was
sitting in my therapist's office and everything just was so hard.
Talking was hard. There were times that I would sit
there and not say a word and he would just wait.
And It's the one thing I kept thinking, is I
(26:47):
am really growing, Like this is the hardest thing I've
ever done? And it is. It's even you know, twenty
years past, I will still say that that is the
hardest thing I ever did. And yet I grew more
in that five years that I was going through therapy
(27:07):
for PPSD than I think anything else that I ever did. Wow.
And I'm so I'm grateful for the experience. I'm grateful
that I persevered to find well being again.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
Well, thank you Linda for sharing your powerful insights that
you've gained through your journey of resilience. I mean, your
experience is remind us that while life can bring on
the manage of unimaginable challenges. It is our response to
those challenges that truly define us. Your dedication to helping
others in fostering community betterment is an inspiration to us all.
(27:47):
So how can listeners find and connectly?
Speaker 3 (27:49):
So I have I have a Facebook page alside Knight,
and I also have a website outside Night dot com
that are probably the best way. My email is also
Alsidnight at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Do you have any last words of encouragement for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (28:10):
I you know, life is hard. We all have our stuff.
I was raped, but I never felt like I had
it harder than a lot of people. And whatever it
is that you're going through, that's your hard thing. But
that's where you get the opportunity to learn stuff and
(28:33):
to grow. And I have always looked at life as
a brand adventure, and I think that really the really
big adventure part of it is that we go through
things that are hard and we grow. I would just say,
persevere and you will come. You will grow.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
Well. Linda, I appreciate your timing wisdom and I look
forward to seeing how you continue to impact the lives
of those around you. I wish you and your family
nothing but blessings and abundance. Please take care.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Thank you so much, doctor Rowe. It was a pleasure
being on and talking with you.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Linda Nice. Everyone be sure to join me next time
for more uplifting stories and excites on resilience. Until then,
keep pushing forward, embrace the journey, and remember that every
setback can lead to a greater comeback, Doctor Rowe signing off.
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