January 3, 2025 • 63 mins
Meet Charmaine Turner, the visionary behind Exalting Wellness Coaching & Counseling. As a Certified Life, Health, and Corporate Wellness Coach with a strong foundation in public health and psychology, Charmaine is transforming how we approach wellness. Her passion lies in empowering families, workplaces, and communities to prioritize whole-person health. Charmaine leads by example, challenging outdated perceptions of disability and inspiring sustainable lifestyle changes. She is committed to shaping healthier futures for generations to come.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you a transitioning military or veteran woman looking for support, guidance,
and inspiration. You've come to the right place. Welcome to
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host, Renee Jones Hudson.
Renee brings powerful stories, practical advice, and expert insights to
help you redifine, rediscover, and reaffirm your life after military service,
(00:29):
whether navigating a career change, seeking personal growth, or focusing
on your well being. We are here to empower you
every step of the way. So welcome the host of
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform, Renee Jones Hudson. Let's embark
on this journey together.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello, and welcome to Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform. I'm
your host, Renee Jonesussen, and I am so excited to
have you here with me today. This podcast inspires and
empowers veterans, especially women, to embrace their next chapter with confidence, purpose,
and resilience. Today, I am thrilled to have to introduce
(01:14):
my guest, the incredible Charmain Turner. Charmain is a certified
life health and corporate wellness coach. She's also a speaker
and an author. She's the visionary behind Exalting wellness, coaching
and counseling, where she empoires individuals, families, and communities encouraging
(01:36):
to encouraging them to prioritize whole person health. I had
to practice that. Her work focuses on resilience, balance, and
redefining wellness for sustainable success. Charmain is also passionate about
challenging the outdated perceptions of disability and helping people push
(02:00):
on those labels to discover their strengths. I know her
insights will leave you feeling inspired and ready to act
in your own life. So Charmaine, welcome and welcome to
the show.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I'm so happy you're here. So before we dive in,
tell us a little bit about yourself, about your background,
because most the guests that I bring on, I try
to bring on female veterans, so I want them to know.
I want our audience to know that you are a veterans.
So it give us a little bit about who you
are and what you do.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Absolutely, absolutely, again, thank you for inviting me. I am
an Air Force veteran. I was able to serve eleven
years in the Air Force. I was a personalist, so
hr on the civilian side. I loved what I got
to do. I'm always been a people person. I've always
(02:58):
been a server. So when we go to church and
they say servant leaders, that's me. That's been me forever.
So I love what I do. I'm sure we'll talk
about my transition out a little bit later. I'm also
a wife, a mother of four. I started Exalting one
is coaching and counseling in twenty twenty around COVID and
(03:19):
so I call it my fifth baby. So I'm sure
we'll share some more about that as well. But that's
just a little snippet about who I am.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Thank you. That is beautiful. I'm so happy to know
you like and I'm excited for our guests to know
a little bit about you as well. Okay, so I
have a few questions I'm going to ask you. So,
as the visionary behind Exalting Wellness and your work focuses
on the whole person health, what inspired you to pursue
(03:49):
this path and how do you define wellness in a
way that resonates with the challenges people face today?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Absolutely? So what inspired me? This is where we get
to learn a little more about my background. So I
joined the Air Force in two thousand and three. I've
been in different capacities. So I came in as a
traditional reservist and then I was an Air Reserve Technician,
which means I wear the uniform every day, but I'm civilian.
(04:18):
And so I did that for a little while, and
then I got the opportunity to be an AGR so
active Guard or reserve. So I was active duty full time.
You know, That's what I wasn't prepared to want to
do that. When I joined. I was just like, you know,
I'm going to go in because I come from a
military background. And so when I joined, I was like,
(04:42):
you know, it's time for me to serve traditional reservists,
just do the weekend thing. And I realized I really
loved my uniform. It surprised me. It surprised me. I
don't think I ever felt like patriotic before. You know,
I'm glad to be an American all that good stuff,
But when I put that uniform on, it was different,
(05:02):
and so it really it really is. And so I
got the opportunity to serve active and that's what I did.
And so I was doing my thing, And then I
started having some physical issues. I would notice different symptoms
like eye fluttering. I would have numbness and tingling in
(05:22):
my hands and my arms. I would go to the
doctor and they'd be like, here's the mo trend. You
know how the millustrator, And so they would just tell
me different things around the symptoms. So, for instance, with
my eye fluttering, maybe you're not getting enough rest. You know,
you need to get more sleep, So they gave me
(05:44):
a muscle relaxer to help me sleep. Maybe you have
carpal tunnel, so they would give me braces for my
hands and my know, my forearms, But no one ever
really dug deeper, and so the symptoms progress got worse.
I would have numbness and tingling on the left side
of my face. I would have pain and tingling in
(06:07):
my feet and my legs, and again they just kind
of brushed things off. I would have migrains. This was
probably the most debilitating part of my journey.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
In the beginning.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I would have migraine headaches that would just take me
away from work. If anyone is a migraine stuff where
you know, you can't sit at the computer right and
the light is going to get you. The noise is
going to get you all of those things, and so
I would have to go to the emergency room for treatment.
And it got to the point where I was going
(06:39):
like three or four times a month.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Wow, yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
It was truly debilitating, right, you know, especially you know
as a veteran, you have to be there, you have
to serve have you have things that you have to do,
you have troops that are looking forward you all of that.
You still got a soldier on. That's it. That's it.
And so I tried. I tried to do that for
probably a year and a half. And then when I
(07:03):
moved to a different base, I had a doctor who said,
I'm seeing you too frequently and so we need to
do some testing. And so that is really what started
my wellness journey. I didn't realize that's what was happening. Yeah,
you know, but God had a plan and so I
was able to be seen by a neurologist and found
(07:25):
out that I had multiple sclerosis. That was my diagnosis. Yeah,
you know, and that's a life altering type thing. It's
not you know, people they can get diabetes or you know,
different things and it's like, okay, I can handle this,
but multiple lileurosis is something that does not have a cure,
(07:45):
that is very unpredictable and inevitably. They said that I
couldn't say, and so they medically retired me. Okay, and
so that also and I know we're going to talk
a little bit about mental health, but that was also
one time where I was like, Okay, this is something serious,
(08:06):
so we'll talk about that in a bit. But that
started my journey because I didn't want to take medication.
I'm not a medication person. If I can do something
naturally holistically, that's what I'm going to do. Yeah, that
started that.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, you know, while you were talking, it reminded me
of when I got diagnosed with alternative colitis. It was
kind of the same. But you know what you said
something about the mental health. I never really paid attention
to it then that my mental health was really low.
But that wasn't something like now it's people are you know, organizations, society,
(08:50):
they're now more aware of the effects you know that
mental health. You know, stresses, stressors can have on you.
But I just it literally just hit And when you
said that that, I'm looking at myself in the hospital
when I got diagnosed with that condition and my mental
health was at all time low at that point too. Wow. Well,
(09:13):
you know we're here today and things happen for us,
you know, not to us, right, yeah, all right. So
as it certified Life Health and Corporate Wellness coach, you
work with individuals and organizations to prioritize well being. What
are some of the most common barriers you see when
(09:34):
it comes to people embracing sustainable lifestyle changes and how
do you help them overcome those barriers.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
It's funny that you say that, because we have a
culture that is very unhealthy. You know, no one wants
to identify that. We see all of the fun and
travel and food and drinks and cigars on social media,
you know, we see these things as if you know,
life is just great, but no one talks about what's
(10:05):
really happening. Yes, and I think culture is a big thing.
You know, we used to do do it for the
culture and do it for the Graham. Don't like, do
it for your health, that's do it for your future,
do it for your family, because that life. You should
not be about that life. Yeah, yes, and then I
(10:29):
also think in black and black and brown communities as well,
and not intentionally, it's just our history. And I say
black and brown because it's not just us, it is
the brown community, Hispanic, like the whole range. We've had
to overcome living in a place of lack. We had
(10:50):
to overcome. You know, you don't know where your next
meal is going to come from. So you raise your
children to clean your plate and don't waste anything, you know,
And so right, I know, you know, I know your backgrounds.
You know. So that's how we are raised, that's what
(11:10):
we're taught. But so many of us now we're not
in a place of life. We are actually living in
a place of abundance. And so now it's overeating and overdoing, overindulging,
and so that those are two areas that are very
prevalent from what I see, and when I go into
(11:31):
workplaces and organizations, we have to work on that mindset.
We have to work on, yes, undoing those habits and
the things that you're taught. And you know, well I
grew up like this. I get it. But let's change
how you're going to move forward. Let's change how you're
going to raise your children or your grandchildren. Let's change
(11:51):
how you live, you know. So It really is a mindset.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Thing, and that change is not easy, you know, And
I think, I think what what a lot of us
have to recognize is that it is a process, just
like anything else you're talking about. At the point that
you are in your life, when you decide to change,
you're talking about on doing a whole lot, right.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
So your whole life, your whole life goods.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
That's why you need coaches, that's why you need therapists,
you know, because you cannot do it by yourself. You
cannot do it alone. So you know, kudos to you
for continuing to serve.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Yes, just a different uniform now, I know, right, I
love this one though. I love me too, like me too,
I love that.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Oh my goodness. Okay, So one of your signature talks
is titled Strength Beyond Limits, so it says, don't let
a label define you. I love that too, like you know,
we were talking about that before. But can you share
a when you had to overcome a label or limitation
and how that shaped your approach to coaching and empowerment.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Yes, I will continue my story here after my diagnosis,
because up until then I was just like everyone else,
you know, I was also the person while serving. I
never failed a fit test. I would get not over
you know, over nineties. I didn't get my hydrid, but
I got over nineties, right, you know. And so I've
(13:30):
been Airman of the Year, in COO of the Year, volunteer,
I've done all of those things. So to go from
as my friend Kim would say, the Golden child, that's
how she dubbed me. When I was in the military too.
Now I'm on my way out the door. That was
(13:50):
it was traumatic. It was trauma. And we talked about
mental health. You don't realize it until you have time
to sit in that quiet space, really be honest with yourself.
And I did struggle with depression. I struggled for about
six to eight months after my diagnosis because I wanted
to be in my uniform. You labeled me as disabled,
(14:14):
and that's a heavy label. And so that's the thing
that I try to change, help people change. It's not this,
as I say, remove the dis remove the disc because
you still have so many abilities remaining. You're still able
to do so much. And I think that is very
(14:35):
important for us to focus on because first transitioning out
of the military, whether you plan for it or not,
it's still heavy. It's still heavy, and we see it.
We see statistics, and you know, you can look at
things like suicide rates and alcoholism and all of those things.
(14:57):
You know, so it is a major thing. But the
you have to say, nope, I'm ripping that off. I'm
ripping that off. Especially when you have an invisible illness,
which is what I have. You would not look at me, right, exactly,
you as well. You can't look and say, oh, yeah,
she she has multiple grossis or you know, alternative colitis
(15:20):
or an IBS or depression or as.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
No, there's no sign that's telling you why act. I
love that you said that to Charmaine because I have
a disabled Veterans plate, which you probably do as well, right,
And you know, because society has this perception of what
you should look like when you're disabled, you would not
(15:45):
imagine and I'm pretty sure you probably get some of
the stairs, the comments why is she parking there? In
all honesty, I used to feel guilty about parking in
the disabled spots, and I will tell you this. If
I don't have to park in a disabled spot, I
won't right. But like you said, every day for me
(16:07):
is not a good day. Right, and my ailments are
not where you can see see see my pain that day, right.
So it's like, I like how you said, get rid
of the this because there's so much more abilities. And
that's the whole premise, that's the whole premise behind living unapologetically.
(16:28):
You know, let's take away the labels. I love that, Sharman,
I really love that. I really love it. You know,
just take away the label and focus on the rest
of your abilities. You know, it's just a part of
your journey. It's not your whole journey. Absolutely. Yes. Wow.
So many of our listeners are veterans or high achievers
(16:51):
transitioning into civilian roles. What advice would you give those
who feel stuck or burned out, especially when there's struggling
to prioritize their health and wellness. And you see this
a lot with a lot of people transitioning from the service.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Absolutely, and that's part of what I have noticed in
the workplace. Even when I go, when I do workshops,
inevitably there is going to be a woman in tears
in the workshop. And I was surprised when it first happened.
I was like, wow, but that let me know how
heavy it is. How many people are struggling with burnout
(17:30):
and just trying to do everything and be everything to everyone.
Burnout is a real it's a real thing, and it's
something where veterans non But everybody needs support. Everybody needs support,
I would say, as a recovering overachiever type, Hey man, absolutely,
(17:58):
I've had to show myself where Yes, I've had to
remember you are a person. Even though you've worn this
superwoman cape for so long, take that cape off, burn
the cape. You are a person. You're a person. And
then the other thing that I have learned to do
is my competition is me right? Not what did I
(18:23):
do better? But am I better?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Am I better? Are you? Are you better than you
were last year? How is your mindset this year? How
is your mental health this year or this month?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
You know?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
So not competing with anybody else because you're not the same.
There's no need to do that.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, you know, the thing is the same, you know,
And like I always say, when you add the element
of veteran onto it, I am really not competing with you.
I'm really trying to really you know, I'm listening to
my body today. Is my knee is gonna give me
leeway today and my back gonna you know, can I
(19:04):
do what I need to do today, you know, and
not to not to you know, with all the external things,
we still have to wife, we still have to mother,
we still have to serve in our in our immediate environment.
So you know, I'm really happy you said that because
a lot of times I feel like that's the disconnect
(19:25):
when we go into the civilian workplace. It's like they
don't understand, like and I say they loosely, I'm not.
You know, it's it's a misconception that you know, I'm
trying to be better or I'm trying to do and
I have not gone back into the traditional workforce, but
I've seen that just in me being an entrepreneur, I
(19:47):
am struggling to figure this thing out. I just look
good doing it.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Right, right, because goodness for that part.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah. You know, the military teaches us mission first, adapt
overcome figure it out, you know, so I don't. I
don't have that immediate you know, reaction to freak out
like oh my god, I can't do this. That's not
our immediate We have to sit back and think about
this thing and move forward. So yes, it's a lot
(20:18):
of growing pains for transitioning service members, So thank you
for sharing that. All Right, So you emphasize resilience and
balance in high demand roles, right, So for someone who
feels overwhelmed by life's demands, what's the first that they
(20:39):
can take to build resilience and find balance in their
day to day lives? And this is your this is
your mantra.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
So I think that we again have to remove that
weight that we place on ourselves. Remember that you are
just a person, and I say it, and just a person,
not a superhero, not a savior, not the hero, none
(21:08):
of those things. You are just a person. But I
think it all starts with taking care of yourself first
and foremost. And I think that's the hardest thing for
so many people to do because, especially as a woman,
we are nurturers. That's how we're raised from very little children.
Take care of your brother, take care of the family,
(21:28):
you know, like we're always taking care of someone else,
but we're not taking care of ourselves. So you have
to look at how can I be an asset? How
can I do anything if I am not well? Yeah,
And I think one of the best gifts of aging
is like really looking at what's important. Yes, what's important
(21:52):
that yes, yes, yes, So look at what's important, like
if you need to look at it the same way
we did in the military. Okay, this is this is
my mission. Yes, lay it all out, lay it all out,
and see what you need to do. Like I'm big
on strategy and I'm big on processes. And you know,
just like you said, if you've not served in the military,
(22:13):
might be looking like you're too much. I'm not. I'm organized.
I have strategy, you know, I need that. That's where
I thrive. So figure out what you need. First of all,
how do you need to attack whatever it is that
you're facing this new role, this new opportunity, you know,
So that all comes from sitting and having time with yourself,
(22:36):
that self care, being introspective and figuring out, Okay, this
is new for me. Like you said, you go into
a workplace, you're not like everyone else. You're different. Yeah,
you're different, you know. So hopefully you have a workplace
that supports veterans and supports the veteran transition, because I
(22:56):
will say that is something that is growing and improving
and I love to see that. Yes, and then when
you can go into a workplace and say, oh, they're
veterans too, you know, like find your people, find your people.
But it all starts with you. It all starts with you.
You have to look at yourself, introspect what's going to
work for you and how am I taking care of myself?
(23:19):
Because no matter how how you get, all it takes
is one diagnosis. And you can ask me how I know, like, yes, yes,
I always say you're a situation away from a situation. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
I think part of the transitioning process too. I think
as veterans, you know, I did, of course beyond tap,
you know, back to basics. It's because transition. We don't
look at the holistic aspect of transitioning. We don't look
at the mental aspect, the physical aspect, the financial aspect.
(23:55):
It's a lot, you know, and I think that in
my opinion, that's the part I feel we're not prepared
for when we're transitioning from the military, right where they
prepare us to get a job to do all this stuff,
and it's still overwhelming. So you've got to transition from
that transition too. So it's a lot that you're taken
(24:17):
in and having to process just to start this next
chapter I agree talks a lot about self care, which
I love because I think we're on the same page
as that and it's a thing. And so you said
that sometimes, well, it can sometimes feel like an indulgence
instead of a necessity. And we know many of us
(24:39):
are probably guilty of that until we understand what it means, right,
and especially for women and caregivers. So how do you
help people reframe self care as a critical part of
their overall health and success?
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Absolutely, I think a big part of it is. And
I love like visualizations for I like to help my
clients first visualize, like what is health to them? And
what does like a great family life look like? What
does a great business life look like? Because a lot
(25:18):
of times we're working towards this goal, right, and you're
not looking at the whole picture, just like you said hoisting,
we gotta look at everything, but you're not. You're like
quarter four goals, I'm gonna you know, I got half
a day left. That's what you're focused on. You're missing
everything else. You're missing the introspective piece tapping into how
(25:39):
am I so first the vision? The vision piece is
very big for me. Also, I like to get them
to see how different they are. So even kind of
like journaling and tracking how was my day? What was
good about today? What was bad about today? I always
say that you don't know, like we think we're doing great,
(26:01):
But if you're not tracking anything, you'll never know, right,
you don't have any record, right, you don't have any
record of anything. So track how your days go. So
journaling visualizations. I know for me, I'm a better wife
when I take care of me, because when I don't
take care of myself, then I'm snappy. Then I'm short
(26:23):
with my husband, I'm even with my children. I don't
have the patience that I want to have. I can't
show up the way that I want to. And so
in order for you to show up as your best self,
you have to become your best self. That means you
have to take care of you. And so that's really
what I help them to see. So it's a lot
of inside work mindset. I really didn't think that with
(26:46):
coaching I would be doing so much around mental health
and doing the deep work you have to yes what
the walk is.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
So that you can bring somebody else through it.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Absolutely, and so much of coaching, as far as just
the ideology of things. The way different programs and theories
are set up, they're all based off of psychology. So
when you do that work for yourself as a coach,
then you know how to present your services and offerings
(27:19):
to your clients. You know the journey that you have
to help them walk. You know, if you're a good
coach and you're investing in yourself, you have to do
that because you have to help them see, this is
where you are and you might think this is healthy.
It's not, but you think it's healthy because you've been
here for so long. Right, you've been in a space
(27:41):
that is not healthy. You know, you've been operating from
a deficit. Then you know absolutely, So that's part of
the journey. We just got to walk through the journey
so that you can see this is where you are
and this is where you want to be. Now how
do we get there?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah? Yeah, you know, I liken it too. You know,
in the military, we have our short term, mid term,
long term goals. I think when we get out we
don't really use those concepts that we learned. We don't
apply them to our life, but they do carry over.
But because the military is just so one like you,
(28:19):
you're wearing a uniform. You know the mission, you know
what needs to be done, Who's going to be there
to support you when you come out. It's like all
of that, It's like you literally just dropped the bag,
moved gone, you know, not recognizing that you have all
the tools. Anyway, you still have all those tools, right,
So you know you talked about coaching and coaching. For me,
(28:41):
it wasn't when I first got coaching, it was actually
a competition that I want and I want free coaching session.
Didn't know what coaching was right, And then funny enough,
the coach after a few I think I signed up
with him twice, he was like, you need to you
should be a coach. You're really you know, but it
(29:03):
does take you being You have to get coaching. You
have to really go through your own journey because you
have to sift through some stuff to be able to
help other people. Like you said, you have to help
yourself first. You can't lead dollars if you're broken, right, right, right?
(29:24):
I appreciate that. Thank you for sharing. All right, So
you've led impactful training and workshops on wellness and trauma
informed care. What role does understanding trauma play and creating sustainable,
sustainable change for individuals and how can people begin that journey.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I think that people sometimes look at trauma in a
at a smaller scope. You don't really realize what trauma
is and the impact that it can make. So when
we think of trauma, a lot of times you might
think of something big, like some kind of shooting or
some natural type of disaster, or if you think about
your childhood, you know, something horrible happening as a child.
(30:08):
But we go through traumas all throughout our lives. Just
like I said, a diagnosis for me was traumatic. It
was life altering, and it was something that I could
not just navigate on my own, right you know, And
I think that that's the biggest thing that I would say.
You're going to go through different traumas in life. The
(30:28):
death of a parent, the death of a child or
a spouse that's traumatic. You know, you can have something
like of course, like sexual assault or some kind of
physical you know, physical attack, all of those kind of things.
We're navigating life, going to work and expected to leave
(30:50):
life at the door, right, Well, life is going to
seep in, Yes, it's going to seep in. And so
like I said, when I started doing the workshops and
I would talk about different things people. I love the
fact that I can create a safe space for people
to be honest, open and emotional in the workplace, which
(31:10):
is I feel like everyone needs to get there at
some point. And going in and seeing tears that was
the eye opener for me because I would have people
sharing about burnout. I would have people sharing about how
heavy it is to be a caregiver and care for
a parent who has Alzheimer's and does it remember who
(31:33):
you are half the time? Yet you have to come
to work and not make a mistake, you know, not
miss the beat. So different things like that, And then
people would come in and I was diagnosed with this,
and I was diagnosed with that. But I need this job.
So I think it's important that when it comes to
the workplace, being trauma informed emotional intelligence is huge. It's
(31:59):
very much a necessity. When I look at organizational where
wellness or corporate wellness, your leaders need to be they
need to be educated, Yes, they need to be educated.
People need to feel your team needs to feel like
I can go and talk to my supervisor, I can
let them know I really need a mental health day.
And no, I'm not just trying to take a day off.
(32:20):
It's not just a thing that we say, you know.
So those kind of things are extremely important, and I
experienced it firsthand. I had someone who was not educated
at all, was not emotionally intelligent, you know, and it
costs so much stress on me. I had to one
(32:40):
specific time it had just got to be too much.
I'm literally now, mind you, I'm forty over forty years old,
grown woman for kids everything. I'm at my desk crying
in tears, and I have coworkers coming around me. It's okay, Charmaine,
because they know what I'm going through. Now, mind you,
(33:00):
I don't have you know, Charmaine, you need to go
talk to HR about this. But they're consoling me with
what's going on. And it got to the point where
I had to go check my blood pressure. My blood
pressure was through the room, so I went I had
to go to the emergency room. So when you're not
dealing with real life issues in the workplace, especially as
(33:22):
a leader, you're setting yourself up. I can't say what
you're setting yourself up for because it can go so
many different ways. Yes, but you're setting yourself up so
that's why it's important to have that training, the education,
the professional development in the workplace, those things are necessary. Yes,
(33:44):
we got to remember our team is full of people
with human beings, living life, and everything in my life
is not revolved around work.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
You know.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
So those are some of the things that I have observed,
and I I'm very passionate about educating because it's necessary.
I do feel like we can have not only healthy
families and communities, but healthy workplaces.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yes, yes we can. It's a choice, you know. We
choose our hard or we choose our Which leads me
to my next point. Like in your Leading with Ease talk,
you highlight resilience in leadership and you just kind of
touched on that a little bit. So one, what's one
habit or mindset shift that has the most impact on
(34:32):
someone stepping into a high pressure leadership role.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
One shift is that this is a journey. It's not
a destination. Yes, it's a journey. I think sometimes we're
so focused on getting that title or that position instead
of looking at it like I have a life journey.
This is just one stop on my journey, you know.
And then you can remove some of that pressure, You
(34:58):
can remove some of that pressure from you. When you
look at it that way, no one has it all.
You don't. You know, you might have gotten the position.
And even if you feel like you checked all the boxes,
you still have learning opportunities available. There's still room for growth.
There's still room, you know, to to make positive impact.
(35:19):
There is room for you to grow further than where
you are. So looking at it as a journey and
not a destination, I think is tremendous because when you're
looking at a journey, I might start off herefield and
I have everything, and then as I go, oh, I
forgot such and such. Oh I don't have such and such.
Just think about when you take a trip, babe, are
(35:41):
you packed? You got all your stuff and I got
all my stuff, and inevitably you get there. I don't
have my charger, that's my charger at the house. I
don't have toothpaste. So when you look at it as
a journey and I've made it, no, No, on a journey,
you're gonna need different tools. And so I always tell you, know,
(36:03):
whether I'm speaking in a workshop or working with a client,
build your toolbox, Build your toolbox. What else needs to
go in there? I need to I need to work
on my patients. I need to focus on purpose. Okay,
there was a there was a curveball thrown at me.
I need to figure out how I can bounce back
from that curve. So load that toolbox on your journey,
(36:28):
because it's a journey. It's not just the destination, it's
not just the title. It's a journey. So we can
all improve and grow and change and evolve, especially when
you have a loaded tool Toolcait toolbox.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, I love that. I love that. It's a journey.
I always a lot of the times when I do
make posts on when I do post on social, that's
one of my things, embrace the journey. And that's you know,
many times when I post, it's a noe to myself.
Sometimes I even touch title it note to self because
sometimes the notes to ourselves is also what somebody might
(37:05):
need to hear at that time, right, But those notes
are to myself, you know, Embrace the journey is one
of them. Because like you, like you were saying, you know,
type A used to maxing everything in in you know,
in the military, you're used to being the golden child,
and then you come out it is that's another trauma
that you do it a transition. So yes, the journey
(37:30):
is beautiful. And just know that you may have to
stop to get another tool along the way. You know,
You're just going to be open to that, you know,
so all right, So I love that. So as an author, speaker,
and coach, you've touched many lives, You've touched my life.
You pour into me all the time, I know, and
I love it. You know, thank you. What's one piece
(37:53):
of advice you've shared that has had the greatest impact
on your clients and audiences?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
One piece of advice? Hmmm, I think that I would
say you're a work in progress. Yeah, You're a work
(38:21):
in progress, just like you said being dubbed the Golden child.
When I was in the military, You know, I was.
I was striving to be the best of the best
of the best of the best. But even just like
I was talking about with the leaders the advice for leadership,
(38:42):
you're still a work in progress. Like you're not there yet,
right and you don't. Honestly, I don't want to get there.
I want to continue to grow along the way so much,
along the way, so much, so much, and in different seasons,
we have to look at just like you talked about
when you're in When I was in the military, I
(39:04):
was up. I was up there, you know, just like
you were. When I got out of the military, I
had to start down here. Yes, but really I just
needed to look like rolling, that's all.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
I'm down here because I'm going up, not I'm staying here.
I'm down here because I'm going up to the next one.
And then when that next thing, whether it be writing
a book or doing a retreat or whatever it might be,
I got to start down here because I'm going back up.
So it's just all in how we look at things.
(39:41):
I am a work in progress. When I'm down here,
I'm in progress. I'm climbing back up. Yeah, I'm going
to get there and accomplish that thing. And guess what,
I got to go back down so I can be
in progress. And so I think that's a visual way,
definitely to look at it like I'm rolling. I'm rolling through.
I'm not saying stuck. Yeah, I'm not down here. The
(40:03):
valet is not where I'm camping out and making my home. Yeah,
it's just a place for me to process. It's a
place for me to figure things out, to plan to
put those pieces into place so that I can get up, yeah,
to the top for that next thing.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Yeah, one other things I would like to like you're
you said you're a work in progress, but even in
your title, you can do that with ease. It doesn't
say it's going to be easy. It's just you're gonna
understand that. I'm here, I'm on the low end. But
it doesn't have to be hard either, right, If you
(40:40):
open up to what's possible, then you'll find an easier
way to do it, or you can still embrace the
hard with ease. I know that sounds crazy, but.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Understand.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah, we're practicing it every day, and that's what good
coaches do. You figure out, you know, what works, so
you can impart the people that you're needing or serving.
So thank you for sharing. I'm so happy. I'm really
happy that you're hearing it. All Right, what would you
say to someone who's who feels like they've tried and
(41:13):
failed to make changes in their life? What would you
say to help them move forward and believe in their
ability to succeed? And talk to someone like you, like
you know, like us high achievers, you know, coming off
that high just to started talk to that.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Person, I would say, first, first, don't dub it as failure.
We talked earlier about labels. Remove the labels. But there's
no failure. I'm figuring it out. That's what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
You know.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Failure is if you just stop, if you just give up.
But that's not what you're doing. Again, as we're talking
about a journey, the process. Yeah, this is all parts
of learning. I remember when I first started my business. Now,
this isn't my first business. My first business was a boutique.
I had a boutique brick and mortar. Loved it. I
(42:09):
always say that my boutique prepared me to coach because women,
when you build trust, they're gonna come in and tell
you everything. They're gonna come and talk about menopause and
wade and divorce and everything, and so it was a
great training ground for me, so to speak. It also
helped me just to get my feet wet when it
(42:31):
came to business. Yeah, understanding the range of things that
go into business. Now, my body started shutting down on me,
which is part of the reason why I had to
close my boutique. Now, I didn't show myself grace. I
felt like I failed. When I had to close my doors.
It hurt again. Another trauma. It hurts so much again,
(42:55):
another bout of depression. Like, dang, like you did so
well in the military health snatch that you started your
boutique and the boutique was great, got awards, you know,
all of that good stuff, health snatch that I was like,
how am I going to be able to be successful
in my life my definition of successful in my life
(43:19):
navigating this chronic illness? Yeah, And so that's where I
had to take that time to sit with myself and say, Okay,
let's figure this out. And that's where I embraced ease.
That's really where it started, because everything doesn't have to
be hard. Success doesn't have to be hard. You can
(43:41):
pursue that success and do it with ease if you
have the right mindset, the right strategies in place. And
that's what I had to work on. So I was
able to look back and say, no, not a failure,
it was experience. You're gaining experience along the way. How
do you know if it's for you or if that's
your thing. You got to say, did I do really
(44:03):
well here or was it a challenge for me? And
even if you did really well, was it stressful? When
you burn yourself out, that's not ease. So that's where
you want to look at, embracing that ease in your journey.
And you can apply that to everything, not just business.
But you have to look at life differently. So it's
(44:25):
not failure. I'm gaining experience. This is a learning experience
for me. It might be a costly learning experience, but
it's a learning experience, no doubt. So it's the mindset.
You have to change your perspective, change the way that
you look at things, change the way you speak. All
of those things are so important because nothing is going
(44:47):
to be easy, but you can do it with the ease.
So you can, Yes, you can.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
As you were talking, I was you know, I was
thinking that too a lot of times. Like you know,
if we have you and I both have a chronic illness,
and it's almost like we separate the illness from what
we're doing every day. So when we do get a flare,
we're like, it takes us out because we didn't prepare
(45:14):
for it. And that's where the ease and the grace,
because truth be told, when we get a flair is
because our body is saying, hey, you're doing too much
right now and I need a break. So but even so,
we have chronic illnesses, but understand that we have to
give us our bodies, our bodies what it needs and
(45:36):
do so. Like you said, with ease, it doesn't have
to take the time to nurture it get it back
to good health so you can continue the journey.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
And honestly, along those same lines, that's how I changed
how I did business because with my boutique, I was
people pleasing, I was breaking my next to do whatever
my customer needed. Open up, Charmaine, it's Chris. I was there.
I was doing all of those things. But after that
(46:05):
I realized, no, I don't separate the two. My business
is built in a way that honors my health. That's it.
So there's not a separation. I build it in such
a way that I honor my time, for rest my time,
you know, to focus on how I eat, also my
stress levels. I now have a business built to honor
(46:28):
my health, not in separation, because I feel like when
you do separate things on those good days, you go
too hard on those days that you feel good and
you don't realize it's going to cause it's going to
cause a response. So when you build it into your business,
(46:49):
you're always mindful. It's that balance so that it's not
that used to be me. If I had a good day,
a good couple of days, there's so much I could
get done, but I'm gonna be down for three days
after That's what's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
So true, I've done that to myself many times. You
talked about the boutique being preparing you for coaching, and
I can honestly say that when I got out of
the military, I opened a fitness studio. That's where I
started and that and when you said it, I was like, wow,
like she put it into words for me, because that's
(47:26):
exactly what happened for me as well. When I was
doing personal training, I had my own boutique studio. I
had it set up for professionals, right, busy professionals, And
that's what kind of like you said, they'll come and
tell you everything and you're you're listening, you're learning. And
I actually learned a lot from those because a lot
(47:47):
of them were those clients, because a lot of them
were business owners and you know, or they've been in
business for a long time. Or in the work environment
for a long time. I got out of the military
and I just opened up a studio. I learned about
business doing that, you know. So, but the whole transition,
(48:09):
I kind of lost my train and thought where I
was going with this? You know that does happen? It does,
But the whole art I say all of that to say,
I feel like we've taken some of the same pathways.
Which is why this conversation need to be had between
you know, between professionals, between coworkers, between colleagues, because there
may be someone out there just like us, or and
(48:32):
I know there is who thinks, you know, well, maybe
it's just me. Before I got to this place, I
usually I was thinking that, well, I'm the only one.
I'm the only doing that whole woe is me, you
know that whole okay, But then when you get exposed,
and which is why the journey and being open to
the possibilities and the opportunities matter, because you realize, no,
(48:57):
you just need you need to find your tribes so
that you can build, you can empower, you can pour
into you can you know they can support you when
you need it the most, you know, so and it's funny.
I was looking at this the other day because I
was doing I'm doing a YouTube series also, and I
was looking at all the skills that we had in
(49:20):
the military. We still have them, it's just they were
called something else. We always had coaching, our you know,
our seniors, our first line supervisor. We always had coaching.
We've always spoken in public. If you were a leader,
you had to talk to your platoon, you had to
talk to your company, you know. So it's like understanding
(49:42):
what what we're bringing over, what we're what we're bringing
to the table, and just owning that, being comfortable with that.
On this side of the fence, it's not uniform taking
uniform off. We're serving in another capacity. Absolutely, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
I say, the military, d military, that's what you have
to do.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So you work with families, workplaces,
and communities. How do you approach creating sustainable wellness practices
that impact individuals and the systems around them? And I
think you kind of touched into it, touched down it
here and there. But if you can give like a
(50:24):
deeper answer to that, that'll be okay.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Absolutely out. One of the things that is important to me.
I am a life, A lifetime learner. That's going to
be me forever. If I don't have to pay for
it or get some student loans, I'm going to do it.
So I know that, and that was a big part
of the reason why I pursued my master's in public
health with a concentration in community health education. I learned
(50:49):
from my boutique. Yes, you're smart, you have skills, but
you need to get the education and training on business
you do.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
Yes, you need to have I'm.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Understanding now, mind you, I have a bachelor's degree in management.
I have a like I said, my master's in public health.
And I had to go back and forth with which
area of expertise do you want to lean into? And
public health came around the same time as COVID when
(51:20):
we were shut down and I saw so many people
with pre existing conditions who lost their lives.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
I was.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
It touched me in a different way because first I
was very I felt very blessed that I was healthy,
that I focused on my health, and I took it seriously.
Whereas a lot of peers, I can just say my peers,
my community, I'm from the South, nobody cares. They're not
(51:50):
concerned about eating healthy. You know it's going to be
ribs and greens and then you're going to have some
fantasy to go with it, you like. So when I
saw how many people were touched by code that didn't
have to be, that was like, this is where you
(52:11):
need to focus. You need to help people that have
chronic illness, and not just the people. It's the community,
it's the city, it's a culture. And so in order
for me to really equit myself, that's where I focused
on my degree in public health. And it's been a
tremendous help because another thing that you have to remember
navigating business, you have a different language that you have
(52:35):
to learn. You go from the military and you can
talk about TV wise and PCs ands and all of
that stuff, and people are looking at you like, what
are you talking about? Yes, you come over here into
the business world. Especially in coaching, people are talking about
neurodivergence and emotional intelligence and I was like, wait, hold on,
what is.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
Yeah, You're like, okay, should I know this exactly?
Speaker 3 (53:03):
So once I realized, no, you should not know. This
is new to you. This is a new journey. Yes,
you know. I had to invest and I think that's
one of the things that I would say to any
new employee or a new entrepreneur, you have to invest
in you. You have to invest in your knowledge, in
your training. You have to invest because I feel like
(53:26):
a lot of times people just like you said, I
got out of the military and I just went in
a business. Yep, guess who else got out the military
is went in a business. I didn't do any research.
I didn't contact the SBA, I didn't I didn't do
anything the whole studio I did. I just bought close
(53:48):
and I tapped into this is my city where I
grew up, and I know people, and it was okay
for a while, but they're not all You want to
keep your business act.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
It takes you, but so far your leadership skills. You
have to invest in your Absolutely, you have to invest
in the education and moving forward. You said a mouse right, Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (54:10):
So that's what I did. I focused on that so
that when I'm talking to an organization or a nonprofit
and I talk about commodities, comorbidities and the statistics for
people that are living with chronic illness, They're looking like, oh,
she's educating I am, and I'm going to continue to
be educated so that you know she knows what she's
(54:30):
talking about. Because I think that's important. When you're talking
about this is a service that I offer and I
want twelve thousand dollars or twenty thousand dollars, you have
to be able to back that up, and you have
to be able to show no, I'm not here just
trying to pull the wool over your eyes. I'm really
here to try to empower and educate and encourage your
(54:53):
team and your leaders. And I have the paperwork to
back it up. But I also can talk the talk
and walk.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Yeah, yeah, I want to. I want to say something
to you about investing that I think is almost like
I don't know the word to use for this, but
as veterans, right because we have everything at our fingertips
when we're in the military, I think investing when we
come out of the military, that's another retraining that we like.
(55:23):
I think that should be part of our transitioning. You're
gonna if you're really serious about serving on this side,
and it's in any capacity whatever it is you you
you know, God's plant the seed that God's planted, and
you need to nurture in water. You're gonna have to
invest to see that through. And I think we're so
(55:45):
used to the discounts I got. I got subject you know,
I was subjected to that when I opened up my studio,
and you know how I knew it wasn't wrong, It
wasn't It didn't make me feel good every time because
you put so much. I was a personal trainer. I
was investing in in doing that, the nutrition, in the equipment, time,
(56:05):
and to have someone say, oh, can I get a
discount every time? You know? So, I think as veterans,
we also have an aversion to invest in because we
feel that everything should come to us. And it's not
a knock, it's just something we have to unlearn or understand.
Like you have to we say, pay to play, you
(56:29):
do you have to put something. You gotta put some
skin in the game so that you can, you know,
be a better version of yourself, a better leader, a
better servant, you know, and be able to add the
value that God has planted in you, because that's another thing.
A lot of us we have it, you know. And
(56:50):
I struggled with this for a while. Charmaine, like the
whole coaching and then finding my niche, my niche, your
female veterans. And I think one of the things we
have to understand too, because you talked about speaking to
community that even though you're the messenger, you're if that's
your message, you just have to understand that you just
(57:14):
have to keep pouring it because eventually people they're listening.
You know, you just have to say. They say, you
got to say seven times seven times before someone hear you. Yeah.
So so, because sometimes it can get discouraged and you're like,
nobody's listening to me, they're not even you know, they're
not paying and then you get frustrated when you just
said it to someone and then they get sick and
(57:35):
you're like, I just I just told you, I gave
you the blueprint. But we have to be patient. Understand
what our role is. We're educators, we're trainers, we're serving,
we're adding value and that's our role and it's gonna come.
Jesus had too, Jesus is still working with us.
Speaker 3 (57:55):
Praise God.
Speaker 2 (57:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (57:58):
Well, And a reminder that I like to give is
we see commercials, yes, twelve times a day. I have
a nine year old daughter who knows the Wigov chance
that comes on TV.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
She's weak.
Speaker 3 (58:14):
GOV and I'm like, listen, we don't need to be
talking about we GOV. We're good. But they have a
jingle that's memorable. They have commercials that we see continuously,
and so that's something else that I work with clients on.
Because you're feeling like I like you said, I said it,
and I said it and I keep repeating it. Well,
(58:36):
you have to look at so many different things. First
of all, the algorithm is only going to show two
percent of your audience that you post anyway, so everybody
else didn't see it. And if we can watch these
commercials over and over and over and over and not
complain and actually remember the jingles, you're gonna have to
say it over and over and over and just remember
(58:58):
this is just part of it. This is just part
of it. I have to remind people who I am
and what I do. Especially if you're operating in a
space where it's familiar, like maybe you grew up there,
They're gonna look at you like, oh, that's just charmame,
Yeah we will go together, blah blah blah. They're not
looking at wait, not taking it's a doctoral student and
(59:20):
a Christian counselor and all of these other things they're
not looking at me that way. Your own family is
going to do it. So you know, keep talking, just
like you said, keep speaking, keep speaking, because the moment
you get quiet, someone's gonna say, hey, I haven't heard
any I haven't seen you post lately. So that'll let
you know. They're watching. They're listening. They might not comment,
(59:42):
they might not like, yeah, they're watching.
Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yeah, we think it wearing well, doing right. We can't
wear it.
Speaker 3 (59:49):
I'm trying to read, okay, I'm trying to read.
Speaker 2 (59:53):
Yes, yes, Oh my gosh. This was so this was
so amazing honestly, and you know, you and I could
talk forever on the phone, so this was pretty easy.
So this is pretty easy. So thank you again for
being here. How can our viewers and our listeners, how
can they find you? How can they reach out to
(01:00:15):
you for more assistance?
Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
Absolutely, so I keep it simple. Everything is exalting wellness.
I'm not the person who's like the underscore and Nope.
Exalting wellness on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. My website is exalting
Wellness dot com. And for anyone who is navigating this
chronic illness journey, I have written a book. My book
(01:00:39):
launch is in January, and so thank you. I tell
my story, but I also give a guide. I wanted
to provide a resource to people because just like we
talked here, there's so many different elements that you're going
to navigate when it comes to just being diagnosed with
a major chronic illness and not having to be in
(01:01:01):
the military. Everyone. Just like we talked about, there's mental
health issues. There, there's labels, there is you redefining yourself
so much that is on this journey, a part of
this journey. So my book Navigating Chronic Illness with a
Christian GPS. Like I said, the book launch soft launches
in January, thank you, and then there will be more
(01:01:23):
to come in March actually because March is Multiple sclerosis
awareness mom. So just more to follow.
Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Definitely, yes, well everyone you heard her, so definitely follow
follow her. You know, is your book launch life are
you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
It's not live, it's not live yet, but it will
be a live launch.
Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Okay, okay, okay, So follow Charmagne to learn more about
her book launch and to just get with her if
you have a chronic illness that you're experiencing. She is
the go to person and you see She's just living
life with ease right now. Thank you so much for
joining me today and for sharing your wisdom and your
(01:02:07):
inspiring journey. Your passion for wellness and resilience is absolutely contagious,
and I know our listeners are going to walk away
or walking away with valuable insights and tools to apply
to in their lives. For everyone tuning in. If you liked,
if you would like to connect with Charmin or learn
(01:02:28):
more about her work, you can visit her at her
website at Exaltingwellness dot com or follow her on social
at exalting Wellness and all of that will be in
the show notes. Thank you for being here for this
episode of Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform. If you enjoy
(01:02:48):
today's conversation, please like, share, and subscribe to help us
reach more veterans and others navigating their transition in this
next chapter, don't forget to join me every Friday at
eleven am Eastern Standard Time for more inspiring stories and
actionable insights. Until next time, keep living unapologetically.
Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
This has been Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host,
Renee Jones Hudson. We hope you found inspiration and valuable
insights in today's episode. Remember your journey of redefining, rediscovering,
and reaffirming your life post military is unique and powerful.
Stay connected with us for more stories, advice and support.
(01:03:39):
Until next time, stay strong and stay empowered. Listen Fridays
eleven am Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network, powered
by B two Studios
Are you a transitioning military or veteran woman looking for support, guidance,
and inspiration. You've come to the right place. Welcome to
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host, Renee Jones Hudson.
Renee brings powerful stories, practical advice, and expert insights to
help you redifine, rediscover, and reaffirm your life after military service,
(00:29):
whether navigating a career change, seeking personal growth, or focusing
on your well being. We are here to empower you
every step of the way. So welcome the host of
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform, Renee Jones Hudson. Let's embark
on this journey together.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello, and welcome to Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform. I'm
your host, Renee Jonesussen, and I am so excited to
have you here with me today. This podcast inspires and
empowers veterans, especially women, to embrace their next chapter with confidence, purpose,
and resilience. Today, I am thrilled to have to introduce
(01:14):
my guest, the incredible Charmain Turner. Charmain is a certified
life health and corporate wellness coach. She's also a speaker
and an author. She's the visionary behind Exalting wellness, coaching
and counseling, where she empoires individuals, families, and communities encouraging
(01:36):
to encouraging them to prioritize whole person health. I had
to practice that. Her work focuses on resilience, balance, and
redefining wellness for sustainable success. Charmain is also passionate about
challenging the outdated perceptions of disability and helping people push
(02:00):
on those labels to discover their strengths. I know her
insights will leave you feeling inspired and ready to act
in your own life. So Charmaine, welcome and welcome to
the show.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I'm so happy you're here. So before we dive in,
tell us a little bit about yourself, about your background,
because most the guests that I bring on, I try
to bring on female veterans, so I want them to know.
I want our audience to know that you are a veterans.
So it give us a little bit about who you
are and what you do.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Absolutely, absolutely, again, thank you for inviting me. I am
an Air Force veteran. I was able to serve eleven
years in the Air Force. I was a personalist, so
hr on the civilian side. I loved what I got
to do. I'm always been a people person. I've always
(02:58):
been a server. So when we go to church and
they say servant leaders, that's me. That's been me forever.
So I love what I do. I'm sure we'll talk
about my transition out a little bit later. I'm also
a wife, a mother of four. I started Exalting one
is coaching and counseling in twenty twenty around COVID and
(03:19):
so I call it my fifth baby. So I'm sure
we'll share some more about that as well. But that's
just a little snippet about who I am.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Thank you. That is beautiful. I'm so happy to know
you like and I'm excited for our guests to know
a little bit about you as well. Okay, so I
have a few questions I'm going to ask you. So,
as the visionary behind Exalting Wellness and your work focuses
on the whole person health, what inspired you to pursue
(03:49):
this path and how do you define wellness in a
way that resonates with the challenges people face today?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Absolutely? So what inspired me? This is where we get
to learn a little more about my background. So I
joined the Air Force in two thousand and three. I've
been in different capacities. So I came in as a
traditional reservist and then I was an Air Reserve Technician,
which means I wear the uniform every day, but I'm civilian.
(04:18):
And so I did that for a little while, and
then I got the opportunity to be an AGR so
active Guard or reserve. So I was active duty full time.
You know, That's what I wasn't prepared to want to
do that. When I joined. I was just like, you know,
I'm going to go in because I come from a
military background. And so when I joined, I was like,
(04:42):
you know, it's time for me to serve traditional reservists,
just do the weekend thing. And I realized I really
loved my uniform. It surprised me. It surprised me. I
don't think I ever felt like patriotic before. You know,
I'm glad to be an American all that good stuff,
But when I put that uniform on, it was different,
(05:02):
and so it really it really is. And so I
got the opportunity to serve active and that's what I did.
And so I was doing my thing, And then I
started having some physical issues. I would notice different symptoms
like eye fluttering. I would have numbness and tingling in
(05:22):
my hands and my arms. I would go to the
doctor and they'd be like, here's the mo trend. You
know how the millustrator, And so they would just tell
me different things around the symptoms. So, for instance, with
my eye fluttering, maybe you're not getting enough rest. You know,
you need to get more sleep, So they gave me
(05:44):
a muscle relaxer to help me sleep. Maybe you have
carpal tunnel, so they would give me braces for my
hands and my know, my forearms, But no one ever
really dug deeper, and so the symptoms progress got worse.
I would have numbness and tingling on the left side
of my face. I would have pain and tingling in
(06:07):
my feet and my legs, and again they just kind
of brushed things off. I would have migrains. This was
probably the most debilitating part of my journey.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
In the beginning.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
I would have migraine headaches that would just take me
away from work. If anyone is a migraine stuff where
you know, you can't sit at the computer right and
the light is going to get you. The noise is
going to get you all of those things, and so
I would have to go to the emergency room for treatment.
And it got to the point where I was going
(06:39):
like three or four times a month.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Wow, yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
It was truly debilitating, right, you know, especially you know
as a veteran, you have to be there, you have
to serve have you have things that you have to do,
you have troops that are looking forward you all of that.
You still got a soldier on. That's it. That's it.
And so I tried. I tried to do that for
probably a year and a half. And then when I
(07:03):
moved to a different base, I had a doctor who said,
I'm seeing you too frequently and so we need to
do some testing. And so that is really what started
my wellness journey. I didn't realize that's what was happening. Yeah,
you know, but God had a plan and so I
was able to be seen by a neurologist and found
(07:25):
out that I had multiple sclerosis. That was my diagnosis. Yeah,
you know, and that's a life altering type thing. It's
not you know, people they can get diabetes or you know,
different things and it's like, okay, I can handle this,
but multiple lileurosis is something that does not have a cure,
(07:45):
that is very unpredictable and inevitably. They said that I
couldn't say, and so they medically retired me. Okay, and
so that also and I know we're going to talk
a little bit about mental health, but that was also
one time where I was like, Okay, this is something serious,
(08:06):
so we'll talk about that in a bit. But that
started my journey because I didn't want to take medication.
I'm not a medication person. If I can do something
naturally holistically, that's what I'm going to do. Yeah, that
started that.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, you know, while you were talking, it reminded me
of when I got diagnosed with alternative colitis. It was
kind of the same. But you know what you said
something about the mental health. I never really paid attention
to it then that my mental health was really low.
But that wasn't something like now it's people are you know, organizations, society,
(08:50):
they're now more aware of the effects you know that
mental health. You know, stresses, stressors can have on you.
But I just it literally just hit And when you
said that that, I'm looking at myself in the hospital
when I got diagnosed with that condition and my mental
health was at all time low at that point too. Wow. Well,
(09:13):
you know we're here today and things happen for us,
you know, not to us, right, yeah, all right. So
as it certified Life Health and Corporate Wellness coach, you
work with individuals and organizations to prioritize well being. What
are some of the most common barriers you see when
(09:34):
it comes to people embracing sustainable lifestyle changes and how
do you help them overcome those barriers.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
It's funny that you say that, because we have a
culture that is very unhealthy. You know, no one wants
to identify that. We see all of the fun and
travel and food and drinks and cigars on social media,
you know, we see these things as if you know,
life is just great, but no one talks about what's
(10:05):
really happening. Yes, and I think culture is a big thing.
You know, we used to do do it for the
culture and do it for the Graham. Don't like, do
it for your health, that's do it for your future,
do it for your family, because that life. You should
not be about that life. Yeah, yes, and then I
(10:29):
also think in black and black and brown communities as well,
and not intentionally, it's just our history. And I say
black and brown because it's not just us, it is
the brown community, Hispanic, like the whole range. We've had
to overcome living in a place of lack. We had
(10:50):
to overcome. You know, you don't know where your next
meal is going to come from. So you raise your
children to clean your plate and don't waste anything, you know,
And so right, I know, you know, I know your backgrounds.
You know. So that's how we are raised, that's what
(11:10):
we're taught. But so many of us now we're not
in a place of life. We are actually living in
a place of abundance. And so now it's overeating and overdoing, overindulging,
and so that those are two areas that are very
prevalent from what I see, and when I go into
(11:31):
workplaces and organizations, we have to work on that mindset.
We have to work on, yes, undoing those habits and
the things that you're taught. And you know, well I
grew up like this. I get it. But let's change
how you're going to move forward. Let's change how you're
going to raise your children or your grandchildren. Let's change
(11:51):
how you live, you know. So It really is a mindset.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Thing, and that change is not easy, you know, And
I think, I think what what a lot of us
have to recognize is that it is a process, just
like anything else you're talking about. At the point that
you are in your life, when you decide to change,
you're talking about on doing a whole lot, right.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
So your whole life, your whole life goods.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
That's why you need coaches, that's why you need therapists,
you know, because you cannot do it by yourself. You
cannot do it alone. So you know, kudos to you
for continuing to serve.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Yes, just a different uniform now, I know, right, I
love this one though. I love me too, like me too,
I love that.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
Oh my goodness. Okay, So one of your signature talks
is titled Strength Beyond Limits, so it says, don't let
a label define you. I love that too, like you know,
we were talking about that before. But can you share
a when you had to overcome a label or limitation
and how that shaped your approach to coaching and empowerment.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Yes, I will continue my story here after my diagnosis,
because up until then I was just like everyone else,
you know, I was also the person while serving. I
never failed a fit test. I would get not over
you know, over nineties. I didn't get my hydrid, but
I got over nineties, right, you know. And so I've
(13:30):
been Airman of the Year, in COO of the Year, volunteer,
I've done all of those things. So to go from
as my friend Kim would say, the Golden child, that's
how she dubbed me. When I was in the military too.
Now I'm on my way out the door. That was
(13:50):
it was traumatic. It was trauma. And we talked about
mental health. You don't realize it until you have time
to sit in that quiet space, really be honest with yourself.
And I did struggle with depression. I struggled for about
six to eight months after my diagnosis because I wanted
to be in my uniform. You labeled me as disabled,
(14:14):
and that's a heavy label. And so that's the thing
that I try to change, help people change. It's not this,
as I say, remove the dis remove the disc because
you still have so many abilities remaining. You're still able
to do so much. And I think that is very
(14:35):
important for us to focus on because first transitioning out
of the military, whether you plan for it or not,
it's still heavy. It's still heavy, and we see it.
We see statistics, and you know, you can look at
things like suicide rates and alcoholism and all of those things.
(14:57):
You know, so it is a major thing. But the
you have to say, nope, I'm ripping that off. I'm
ripping that off. Especially when you have an invisible illness,
which is what I have. You would not look at me, right, exactly,
you as well. You can't look and say, oh, yeah,
she she has multiple grossis or you know, alternative colitis
(15:20):
or an IBS or depression or as.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
No, there's no sign that's telling you why act. I
love that you said that to Charmaine because I have
a disabled Veterans plate, which you probably do as well, right,
And you know, because society has this perception of what
you should look like when you're disabled, you would not
(15:45):
imagine and I'm pretty sure you probably get some of
the stairs, the comments why is she parking there? In
all honesty, I used to feel guilty about parking in
the disabled spots, and I will tell you this. If
I don't have to park in a disabled spot, I
won't right. But like you said, every day for me
(16:07):
is not a good day. Right, and my ailments are
not where you can see see see my pain that day, right.
So it's like, I like how you said, get rid
of the this because there's so much more abilities. And
that's the whole premise, that's the whole premise behind living unapologetically.
(16:28):
You know, let's take away the labels. I love that, Sharman,
I really love that. I really love it. You know,
just take away the label and focus on the rest
of your abilities. You know, it's just a part of
your journey. It's not your whole journey. Absolutely. Yes. Wow.
So many of our listeners are veterans or high achievers
(16:51):
transitioning into civilian roles. What advice would you give those
who feel stuck or burned out, especially when there's struggling
to prioritize their health and wellness. And you see this
a lot with a lot of people transitioning from the service.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Absolutely, and that's part of what I have noticed in
the workplace. Even when I go, when I do workshops,
inevitably there is going to be a woman in tears
in the workshop. And I was surprised when it first happened.
I was like, wow, but that let me know how
heavy it is. How many people are struggling with burnout
(17:30):
and just trying to do everything and be everything to everyone.
Burnout is a real it's a real thing, and it's
something where veterans non But everybody needs support. Everybody needs support,
I would say, as a recovering overachiever type, Hey man, absolutely,
(17:58):
I've had to show myself where Yes, I've had to
remember you are a person. Even though you've worn this
superwoman cape for so long, take that cape off, burn
the cape. You are a person. You're a person. And
then the other thing that I have learned to do
is my competition is me right? Not what did I
(18:23):
do better? But am I better?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Am I better? Are you? Are you better than you
were last year? How is your mindset this year? How
is your mental health this year or this month?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
You know?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
So not competing with anybody else because you're not the same.
There's no need to do that.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, you know, the thing is the same, you know,
And like I always say, when you add the element
of veteran onto it, I am really not competing with you.
I'm really trying to really you know, I'm listening to
my body today. Is my knee is gonna give me
leeway today and my back gonna you know, can I
(19:04):
do what I need to do today, you know, and
not to not to you know, with all the external things,
we still have to wife, we still have to mother,
we still have to serve in our in our immediate environment.
So you know, I'm really happy you said that because
a lot of times I feel like that's the disconnect
(19:25):
when we go into the civilian workplace. It's like they
don't understand, like and I say they loosely, I'm not.
You know, it's it's a misconception that you know, I'm
trying to be better or I'm trying to do and
I have not gone back into the traditional workforce, but
I've seen that just in me being an entrepreneur, I
(19:47):
am struggling to figure this thing out. I just look
good doing it.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Right, right, because goodness for that part.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah. You know, the military teaches us mission first, adapt
overcome figure it out, you know, so I don't. I
don't have that immediate you know, reaction to freak out
like oh my god, I can't do this. That's not
our immediate We have to sit back and think about
this thing and move forward. So yes, it's a lot
(20:18):
of growing pains for transitioning service members, So thank you
for sharing that. All Right, So you emphasize resilience and
balance in high demand roles, right, So for someone who
feels overwhelmed by life's demands, what's the first that they
(20:39):
can take to build resilience and find balance in their
day to day lives? And this is your this is
your mantra.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
So I think that we again have to remove that
weight that we place on ourselves. Remember that you are
just a person, and I say it, and just a person,
not a superhero, not a savior, not the hero, none
(21:08):
of those things. You are just a person. But I
think it all starts with taking care of yourself first
and foremost. And I think that's the hardest thing for
so many people to do because, especially as a woman,
we are nurturers. That's how we're raised from very little children.
Take care of your brother, take care of the family,
(21:28):
you know, like we're always taking care of someone else,
but we're not taking care of ourselves. So you have
to look at how can I be an asset? How
can I do anything if I am not well? Yeah,
And I think one of the best gifts of aging
is like really looking at what's important. Yes, what's important
(21:52):
that yes, yes, yes, So look at what's important, like
if you need to look at it the same way
we did in the military. Okay, this is this is
my mission. Yes, lay it all out, lay it all out,
and see what you need to do. Like I'm big
on strategy and I'm big on processes. And you know,
just like you said, if you've not served in the military,
(22:13):
might be looking like you're too much. I'm not. I'm organized.
I have strategy, you know, I need that. That's where
I thrive. So figure out what you need. First of all,
how do you need to attack whatever it is that
you're facing this new role, this new opportunity, you know,
So that all comes from sitting and having time with yourself,
(22:36):
that self care, being introspective and figuring out, Okay, this
is new for me. Like you said, you go into
a workplace, you're not like everyone else. You're different. Yeah,
you're different, you know. So hopefully you have a workplace
that supports veterans and supports the veteran transition, because I
(22:56):
will say that is something that is growing and improving
and I love to see that. Yes, and then when
you can go into a workplace and say, oh, they're
veterans too, you know, like find your people, find your people.
But it all starts with you. It all starts with you.
You have to look at yourself, introspect what's going to
work for you and how am I taking care of myself?
(23:19):
Because no matter how how you get, all it takes
is one diagnosis. And you can ask me how I know, like, yes, yes,
I always say you're a situation away from a situation. Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
I think part of the transitioning process too. I think
as veterans, you know, I did, of course beyond tap,
you know, back to basics. It's because transition. We don't
look at the holistic aspect of transitioning. We don't look
at the mental aspect, the physical aspect, the financial aspect.
(23:55):
It's a lot, you know, and I think that in
my opinion, that's the part I feel we're not prepared
for when we're transitioning from the military, right where they
prepare us to get a job to do all this stuff,
and it's still overwhelming. So you've got to transition from
that transition too. So it's a lot that you're taken
(24:17):
in and having to process just to start this next
chapter I agree talks a lot about self care, which
I love because I think we're on the same page
as that and it's a thing. And so you said
that sometimes, well, it can sometimes feel like an indulgence
instead of a necessity. And we know many of us
(24:39):
are probably guilty of that until we understand what it means, right,
and especially for women and caregivers. So how do you
help people reframe self care as a critical part of
their overall health and success?
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Absolutely, I think a big part of it is. And
I love like visualizations for I like to help my
clients first visualize, like what is health to them? And
what does like a great family life look like? What
does a great business life look like? Because a lot
(25:18):
of times we're working towards this goal, right, and you're
not looking at the whole picture, just like you said hoisting,
we gotta look at everything, but you're not. You're like
quarter four goals, I'm gonna you know, I got half
a day left. That's what you're focused on. You're missing
everything else. You're missing the introspective piece tapping into how
(25:39):
am I so first the vision? The vision piece is
very big for me. Also, I like to get them
to see how different they are. So even kind of
like journaling and tracking how was my day? What was
good about today? What was bad about today? I always
say that you don't know, like we think we're doing great,
(26:01):
But if you're not tracking anything, you'll never know, right,
you don't have any record, right, you don't have any
record of anything. So track how your days go. So
journaling visualizations. I know for me, I'm a better wife
when I take care of me, because when I don't
take care of myself, then I'm snappy. Then I'm short
(26:23):
with my husband, I'm even with my children. I don't
have the patience that I want to have. I can't
show up the way that I want to. And so
in order for you to show up as your best self,
you have to become your best self. That means you
have to take care of you. And so that's really
what I help them to see. So it's a lot
of inside work mindset. I really didn't think that with
(26:46):
coaching I would be doing so much around mental health
and doing the deep work you have to yes what
the walk is.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
So that you can bring somebody else through it.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Absolutely, and so much of coaching, as far as just
the ideology of things. The way different programs and theories
are set up, they're all based off of psychology. So
when you do that work for yourself as a coach,
then you know how to present your services and offerings
(27:19):
to your clients. You know the journey that you have
to help them walk. You know, if you're a good
coach and you're investing in yourself, you have to do
that because you have to help them see, this is
where you are and you might think this is healthy.
It's not, but you think it's healthy because you've been
here for so long. Right, you've been in a space
(27:41):
that is not healthy. You know, you've been operating from
a deficit. Then you know absolutely, So that's part of
the journey. We just got to walk through the journey
so that you can see this is where you are
and this is where you want to be. Now how
do we get there?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah? Yeah, you know, I liken it too. You know,
in the military, we have our short term, mid term,
long term goals. I think when we get out we
don't really use those concepts that we learned. We don't
apply them to our life, but they do carry over.
But because the military is just so one like you,
(28:19):
you're wearing a uniform. You know the mission, you know
what needs to be done, Who's going to be there
to support you when you come out. It's like all
of that, It's like you literally just dropped the bag,
moved gone, you know, not recognizing that you have all
the tools. Anyway, you still have all those tools, right,
So you know you talked about coaching and coaching. For me,
(28:41):
it wasn't when I first got coaching, it was actually
a competition that I want and I want free coaching session.
Didn't know what coaching was right, And then funny enough,
the coach after a few I think I signed up
with him twice, he was like, you need to you
should be a coach. You're really you know, but it
(29:03):
does take you being You have to get coaching. You
have to really go through your own journey because you
have to sift through some stuff to be able to
help other people. Like you said, you have to help
yourself first. You can't lead dollars if you're broken, right, right, right?
(29:24):
I appreciate that. Thank you for sharing. All right, So
you've led impactful training and workshops on wellness and trauma
informed care. What role does understanding trauma play and creating sustainable,
sustainable change for individuals and how can people begin that journey.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
I think that people sometimes look at trauma in a
at a smaller scope. You don't really realize what trauma
is and the impact that it can make. So when
we think of trauma, a lot of times you might
think of something big, like some kind of shooting or
some natural type of disaster, or if you think about
your childhood, you know, something horrible happening as a child.
(30:08):
But we go through traumas all throughout our lives. Just
like I said, a diagnosis for me was traumatic. It
was life altering, and it was something that I could
not just navigate on my own, right you know, And
I think that that's the biggest thing that I would say.
You're going to go through different traumas in life. The
(30:28):
death of a parent, the death of a child or
a spouse that's traumatic. You know, you can have something
like of course, like sexual assault or some kind of
physical you know, physical attack, all of those kind of things.
We're navigating life, going to work and expected to leave
(30:50):
life at the door, right, Well, life is going to
seep in, Yes, it's going to seep in. And so
like I said, when I started doing the workshops and
I would talk about different things people. I love the
fact that I can create a safe space for people
to be honest, open and emotional in the workplace, which
(31:10):
is I feel like everyone needs to get there at
some point. And going in and seeing tears that was
the eye opener for me because I would have people
sharing about burnout. I would have people sharing about how
heavy it is to be a caregiver and care for
a parent who has Alzheimer's and does it remember who
(31:33):
you are half the time? Yet you have to come
to work and not make a mistake, you know, not
miss the beat. So different things like that, And then
people would come in and I was diagnosed with this,
and I was diagnosed with that. But I need this job.
So I think it's important that when it comes to
the workplace, being trauma informed emotional intelligence is huge. It's
(31:59):
very much a necessity. When I look at organizational where
wellness or corporate wellness, your leaders need to be they
need to be educated, Yes, they need to be educated.
People need to feel your team needs to feel like
I can go and talk to my supervisor, I can
let them know I really need a mental health day.
And no, I'm not just trying to take a day off.
(32:20):
It's not just a thing that we say, you know.
So those kind of things are extremely important, and I
experienced it firsthand. I had someone who was not educated
at all, was not emotionally intelligent, you know, and it
costs so much stress on me. I had to one
(32:40):
specific time it had just got to be too much.
I'm literally now, mind you, I'm forty over forty years old,
grown woman for kids everything. I'm at my desk crying
in tears, and I have coworkers coming around me. It's okay, Charmaine,
because they know what I'm going through. Now, mind you,
(33:00):
I don't have you know, Charmaine, you need to go
talk to HR about this. But they're consoling me with
what's going on. And it got to the point where
I had to go check my blood pressure. My blood
pressure was through the room, so I went I had
to go to the emergency room. So when you're not
dealing with real life issues in the workplace, especially as
(33:22):
a leader, you're setting yourself up. I can't say what
you're setting yourself up for because it can go so
many different ways. Yes, but you're setting yourself up so
that's why it's important to have that training, the education,
the professional development in the workplace, those things are necessary. Yes,
(33:44):
we got to remember our team is full of people
with human beings, living life, and everything in my life
is not revolved around work.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
You know.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
So those are some of the things that I have observed,
and I I'm very passionate about educating because it's necessary.
I do feel like we can have not only healthy
families and communities, but healthy workplaces.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
Yes, yes we can. It's a choice, you know. We
choose our hard or we choose our Which leads me
to my next point. Like in your Leading with Ease talk,
you highlight resilience in leadership and you just kind of
touched on that a little bit. So one, what's one
habit or mindset shift that has the most impact on
(34:32):
someone stepping into a high pressure leadership role.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
One shift is that this is a journey. It's not
a destination. Yes, it's a journey. I think sometimes we're
so focused on getting that title or that position instead
of looking at it like I have a life journey.
This is just one stop on my journey, you know.
And then you can remove some of that pressure, You
(34:58):
can remove some of that pressure from you. When you
look at it that way, no one has it all.
You don't. You know, you might have gotten the position.
And even if you feel like you checked all the boxes,
you still have learning opportunities available. There's still room for growth.
There's still room, you know, to to make positive impact.
(35:19):
There is room for you to grow further than where
you are. So looking at it as a journey and
not a destination, I think is tremendous because when you're
looking at a journey, I might start off herefield and
I have everything, and then as I go, oh, I
forgot such and such. Oh I don't have such and such.
Just think about when you take a trip, babe, are
(35:41):
you packed? You got all your stuff and I got
all my stuff, and inevitably you get there. I don't
have my charger, that's my charger at the house. I
don't have toothpaste. So when you look at it as
a journey and I've made it, no, No, on a journey,
you're gonna need different tools. And so I always tell you, know,
(36:03):
whether I'm speaking in a workshop or working with a client,
build your toolbox, Build your toolbox. What else needs to
go in there? I need to I need to work
on my patients. I need to focus on purpose. Okay,
there was a there was a curveball thrown at me.
I need to figure out how I can bounce back
from that curve. So load that toolbox on your journey,
(36:28):
because it's a journey. It's not just the destination, it's
not just the title. It's a journey. So we can
all improve and grow and change and evolve, especially when
you have a loaded tool Toolcait toolbox.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Yeah, I love that. I love that. It's a journey.
I always a lot of the times when I do
make posts on when I do post on social, that's
one of my things, embrace the journey. And that's you know,
many times when I post, it's a noe to myself.
Sometimes I even touch title it note to self because
sometimes the notes to ourselves is also what somebody might
(37:05):
need to hear at that time, right, But those notes
are to myself, you know, Embrace the journey is one
of them. Because like you, like you were saying, you know,
type A used to maxing everything in in you know,
in the military, you're used to being the golden child,
and then you come out it is that's another trauma
that you do it a transition. So yes, the journey
(37:30):
is beautiful. And just know that you may have to
stop to get another tool along the way. You know,
You're just going to be open to that, you know,
so all right, So I love that. So as an author, speaker,
and coach, you've touched many lives, You've touched my life.
You pour into me all the time, I know, and
I love it. You know, thank you. What's one piece
(37:53):
of advice you've shared that has had the greatest impact
on your clients and audiences?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
One piece of advice? Hmmm, I think that I would
say you're a work in progress. Yeah, You're a work
(38:21):
in progress, just like you said being dubbed the Golden child.
When I was in the military, You know, I was.
I was striving to be the best of the best
of the best of the best. But even just like
I was talking about with the leaders the advice for leadership,
(38:42):
you're still a work in progress. Like you're not there yet,
right and you don't. Honestly, I don't want to get there.
I want to continue to grow along the way so much,
along the way, so much, so much, and in different seasons,
we have to look at just like you talked about
when you're in When I was in the military, I
(39:04):
was up. I was up there, you know, just like
you were. When I got out of the military, I
had to start down here. Yes, but really I just
needed to look like rolling, that's all.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
I'm down here because I'm going up, not I'm staying here.
I'm down here because I'm going up to the next one.
And then when that next thing, whether it be writing
a book or doing a retreat or whatever it might be,
I got to start down here because I'm going back up.
So it's just all in how we look at things.
(39:41):
I am a work in progress. When I'm down here,
I'm in progress. I'm climbing back up. Yeah, I'm going
to get there and accomplish that thing. And guess what,
I got to go back down so I can be
in progress. And so I think that's a visual way,
definitely to look at it like I'm rolling. I'm rolling through.
I'm not saying stuck. Yeah, I'm not down here. The
(40:03):
valet is not where I'm camping out and making my home. Yeah,
it's just a place for me to process. It's a
place for me to figure things out, to plan to
put those pieces into place so that I can get up, yeah,
to the top for that next thing.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Yeah, one other things I would like to like you're
you said you're a work in progress, but even in
your title, you can do that with ease. It doesn't
say it's going to be easy. It's just you're gonna
understand that. I'm here, I'm on the low end. But
it doesn't have to be hard either, right, If you
(40:40):
open up to what's possible, then you'll find an easier
way to do it, or you can still embrace the
hard with ease. I know that sounds crazy, but.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Understand.
Speaker 2 (40:52):
Yeah, we're practicing it every day, and that's what good
coaches do. You figure out, you know, what works, so
you can impart the people that you're needing or serving.
So thank you for sharing. I'm so happy. I'm really
happy that you're hearing it. All Right, what would you
say to someone who's who feels like they've tried and
(41:13):
failed to make changes in their life? What would you
say to help them move forward and believe in their
ability to succeed? And talk to someone like you, like
you know, like us high achievers, you know, coming off
that high just to started talk to that.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
Person, I would say, first, first, don't dub it as failure.
We talked earlier about labels. Remove the labels. But there's
no failure. I'm figuring it out. That's what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
You know.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Failure is if you just stop, if you just give up.
But that's not what you're doing. Again, as we're talking
about a journey, the process. Yeah, this is all parts
of learning. I remember when I first started my business. Now,
this isn't my first business. My first business was a boutique.
I had a boutique brick and mortar. Loved it. I
(42:09):
always say that my boutique prepared me to coach because women,
when you build trust, they're gonna come in and tell
you everything. They're gonna come and talk about menopause and
wade and divorce and everything, and so it was a
great training ground for me, so to speak. It also
helped me just to get my feet wet when it
(42:31):
came to business. Yeah, understanding the range of things that
go into business. Now, my body started shutting down on me,
which is part of the reason why I had to
close my boutique. Now, I didn't show myself grace. I
felt like I failed. When I had to close my doors.
It hurt again. Another trauma. It hurts so much again,
(42:55):
another bout of depression. Like, dang, like you did so
well in the military health snatch that you started your
boutique and the boutique was great, got awards, you know,
all of that good stuff, health snatch that I was like,
how am I going to be able to be successful
in my life my definition of successful in my life
(43:19):
navigating this chronic illness? Yeah, And so that's where I
had to take that time to sit with myself and say, Okay,
let's figure this out. And that's where I embraced ease.
That's really where it started, because everything doesn't have to
be hard. Success doesn't have to be hard. You can
(43:41):
pursue that success and do it with ease if you
have the right mindset, the right strategies in place. And
that's what I had to work on. So I was
able to look back and say, no, not a failure,
it was experience. You're gaining experience along the way. How
do you know if it's for you or if that's
your thing. You got to say, did I do really
(44:03):
well here or was it a challenge for me? And
even if you did really well, was it stressful? When
you burn yourself out, that's not ease. So that's where
you want to look at, embracing that ease in your journey.
And you can apply that to everything, not just business.
But you have to look at life differently. So it's
(44:25):
not failure. I'm gaining experience. This is a learning experience
for me. It might be a costly learning experience, but
it's a learning experience, no doubt. So it's the mindset.
You have to change your perspective, change the way that
you look at things, change the way you speak. All
of those things are so important because nothing is going
(44:47):
to be easy, but you can do it with the ease.
So you can, Yes, you can.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
As you were talking, I was you know, I was
thinking that too a lot of times. Like you know,
if we have you and I both have a chronic illness,
and it's almost like we separate the illness from what
we're doing every day. So when we do get a flare,
we're like, it takes us out because we didn't prepare
(45:14):
for it. And that's where the ease and the grace,
because truth be told, when we get a flair is
because our body is saying, hey, you're doing too much
right now and I need a break. So but even so,
we have chronic illnesses, but understand that we have to
give us our bodies, our bodies what it needs and
(45:36):
do so. Like you said, with ease, it doesn't have
to take the time to nurture it get it back
to good health so you can continue the journey.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
And honestly, along those same lines, that's how I changed
how I did business because with my boutique, I was
people pleasing, I was breaking my next to do whatever
my customer needed. Open up, Charmaine, it's Chris. I was there.
I was doing all of those things. But after that
(46:05):
I realized, no, I don't separate the two. My business
is built in a way that honors my health. That's it.
So there's not a separation. I build it in such
a way that I honor my time, for rest my time,
you know, to focus on how I eat, also my
stress levels. I now have a business built to honor
(46:28):
my health, not in separation, because I feel like when
you do separate things on those good days, you go
too hard on those days that you feel good and
you don't realize it's going to cause it's going to
cause a response. So when you build it into your business,
(46:49):
you're always mindful. It's that balance so that it's not
that used to be me. If I had a good day,
a good couple of days, there's so much I could
get done, but I'm gonna be down for three days
after That's what's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
So true, I've done that to myself many times. You
talked about the boutique being preparing you for coaching, and
I can honestly say that when I got out of
the military, I opened a fitness studio. That's where I
started and that and when you said it, I was like, wow,
like she put it into words for me, because that's
(47:26):
exactly what happened for me as well. When I was
doing personal training, I had my own boutique studio. I
had it set up for professionals, right, busy professionals, And
that's what kind of like you said, they'll come and
tell you everything and you're you're listening, you're learning. And
I actually learned a lot from those because a lot
(47:47):
of them were those clients, because a lot of them
were business owners and you know, or they've been in
business for a long time. Or in the work environment
for a long time. I got out of the military
and I just opened up a studio. I learned about
business doing that, you know. So, but the whole transition,
(48:09):
I kind of lost my train and thought where I
was going with this? You know that does happen? It does,
But the whole art I say all of that to say,
I feel like we've taken some of the same pathways.
Which is why this conversation need to be had between
you know, between professionals, between coworkers, between colleagues, because there
may be someone out there just like us, or and
(48:32):
I know there is who thinks, you know, well, maybe
it's just me. Before I got to this place, I
usually I was thinking that, well, I'm the only one.
I'm the only doing that whole woe is me, you
know that whole okay, But then when you get exposed,
and which is why the journey and being open to
the possibilities and the opportunities matter, because you realize, no,
(48:57):
you just need you need to find your tribes so
that you can build, you can empower, you can pour
into you can you know they can support you when
you need it the most, you know, so and it's funny.
I was looking at this the other day because I
was doing I'm doing a YouTube series also, and I
was looking at all the skills that we had in
(49:20):
the military. We still have them, it's just they were
called something else. We always had coaching, our you know,
our seniors, our first line supervisor. We always had coaching.
We've always spoken in public. If you were a leader,
you had to talk to your platoon, you had to
talk to your company, you know. So it's like understanding
(49:42):
what what we're bringing over, what we're what we're bringing
to the table, and just owning that, being comfortable with that.
On this side of the fence, it's not uniform taking
uniform off. We're serving in another capacity. Absolutely, yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
I say, the military, d military, that's what you have
to do.
Speaker 2 (50:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So you work with families, workplaces,
and communities. How do you approach creating sustainable wellness practices
that impact individuals and the systems around them? And I
think you kind of touched into it, touched down it
here and there. But if you can give like a
(50:24):
deeper answer to that, that'll be okay.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Absolutely out. One of the things that is important to me.
I am a life, A lifetime learner. That's going to
be me forever. If I don't have to pay for
it or get some student loans, I'm going to do it.
So I know that, and that was a big part
of the reason why I pursued my master's in public
health with a concentration in community health education. I learned
(50:49):
from my boutique. Yes, you're smart, you have skills, but
you need to get the education and training on business
you do.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
Yes, you need to have I'm.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Understanding now, mind you, I have a bachelor's degree in management.
I have a like I said, my master's in public health.
And I had to go back and forth with which
area of expertise do you want to lean into? And
public health came around the same time as COVID when
(51:20):
we were shut down and I saw so many people
with pre existing conditions who lost their lives.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
I was.
Speaker 3 (51:28):
It touched me in a different way because first I
was very I felt very blessed that I was healthy,
that I focused on my health, and I took it seriously.
Whereas a lot of peers, I can just say my peers,
my community, I'm from the South, nobody cares. They're not
(51:50):
concerned about eating healthy. You know it's going to be
ribs and greens and then you're going to have some
fantasy to go with it, you like. So when I
saw how many people were touched by code that didn't
have to be, that was like, this is where you
(52:11):
need to focus. You need to help people that have
chronic illness, and not just the people. It's the community,
it's the city, it's a culture. And so in order
for me to really equit myself, that's where I focused
on my degree in public health. And it's been a
tremendous help because another thing that you have to remember
navigating business, you have a different language that you have
(52:35):
to learn. You go from the military and you can
talk about TV wise and PCs ands and all of
that stuff, and people are looking at you like, what
are you talking about? Yes, you come over here into
the business world. Especially in coaching, people are talking about
neurodivergence and emotional intelligence and I was like, wait, hold on,
what is.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
Yeah, You're like, okay, should I know this exactly?
Speaker 3 (53:03):
So once I realized, no, you should not know. This
is new to you. This is a new journey. Yes,
you know. I had to invest and I think that's
one of the things that I would say to any
new employee or a new entrepreneur, you have to invest
in you. You have to invest in your knowledge, in
your training. You have to invest because I feel like
(53:26):
a lot of times people just like you said, I
got out of the military and I just went in
a business. Yep, guess who else got out the military
is went in a business. I didn't do any research.
I didn't contact the SBA, I didn't I didn't do
anything the whole studio I did. I just bought close
(53:48):
and I tapped into this is my city where I
grew up, and I know people, and it was okay
for a while, but they're not all You want to
keep your business act.
Speaker 2 (53:58):
It takes you, but so far your leadership skills. You
have to invest in your Absolutely, you have to invest
in the education and moving forward. You said a mouse right, Yes, yes.
Speaker 3 (54:10):
So that's what I did. I focused on that so
that when I'm talking to an organization or a nonprofit
and I talk about commodities, comorbidities and the statistics for
people that are living with chronic illness, They're looking like, oh,
she's educating I am, and I'm going to continue to
be educated so that you know she knows what she's
(54:30):
talking about. Because I think that's important. When you're talking
about this is a service that I offer and I
want twelve thousand dollars or twenty thousand dollars, you have
to be able to back that up, and you have
to be able to show no, I'm not here just
trying to pull the wool over your eyes. I'm really
here to try to empower and educate and encourage your
(54:53):
team and your leaders. And I have the paperwork to
back it up. But I also can talk the talk
and walk.
Speaker 2 (55:00):
Yeah, yeah, I want to. I want to say something
to you about investing that I think is almost like
I don't know the word to use for this, but
as veterans, right because we have everything at our fingertips
when we're in the military, I think investing when we
come out of the military, that's another retraining that we like.
(55:23):
I think that should be part of our transitioning. You're
gonna if you're really serious about serving on this side,
and it's in any capacity whatever it is you you
you know, God's plant the seed that God's planted, and
you need to nurture in water. You're gonna have to
invest to see that through. And I think we're so
(55:45):
used to the discounts I got. I got subject you know,
I was subjected to that when I opened up my studio,
and you know how I knew it wasn't wrong, It
wasn't It didn't make me feel good every time because
you put so much. I was a personal trainer. I
was investing in in doing that, the nutrition, in the equipment, time,
(56:05):
and to have someone say, oh, can I get a
discount every time? You know? So, I think as veterans,
we also have an aversion to invest in because we
feel that everything should come to us. And it's not
a knock, it's just something we have to unlearn or understand.
Like you have to we say, pay to play, you
(56:29):
do you have to put something. You gotta put some
skin in the game so that you can, you know,
be a better version of yourself, a better leader, a
better servant, you know, and be able to add the
value that God has planted in you, because that's another thing.
A lot of us we have it, you know. And
(56:50):
I struggled with this for a while. Charmaine, like the
whole coaching and then finding my niche, my niche, your
female veterans. And I think one of the things we
have to understand too, because you talked about speaking to
community that even though you're the messenger, you're if that's
your message, you just have to understand that you just
(57:14):
have to keep pouring it because eventually people they're listening.
You know, you just have to say. They say, you
got to say seven times seven times before someone hear you. Yeah.
So so, because sometimes it can get discouraged and you're like,
nobody's listening to me, they're not even you know, they're
not paying and then you get frustrated when you just
said it to someone and then they get sick and
(57:35):
you're like, I just I just told you, I gave
you the blueprint. But we have to be patient. Understand
what our role is. We're educators, we're trainers, we're serving,
we're adding value and that's our role and it's gonna come.
Jesus had too, Jesus is still working with us.
Speaker 3 (57:55):
Praise God.
Speaker 2 (57:55):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (57:58):
Well, And a reminder that I like to give is
we see commercials, yes, twelve times a day. I have
a nine year old daughter who knows the Wigov chance
that comes on TV.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
She's weak.
Speaker 3 (58:14):
GOV and I'm like, listen, we don't need to be
talking about we GOV. We're good. But they have a
jingle that's memorable. They have commercials that we see continuously,
and so that's something else that I work with clients on.
Because you're feeling like I like you said, I said it,
and I said it and I keep repeating it. Well,
(58:36):
you have to look at so many different things. First
of all, the algorithm is only going to show two
percent of your audience that you post anyway, so everybody
else didn't see it. And if we can watch these
commercials over and over and over and over and not
complain and actually remember the jingles, you're gonna have to
say it over and over and over and just remember
(58:58):
this is just part of it. This is just part
of it. I have to remind people who I am
and what I do. Especially if you're operating in a
space where it's familiar, like maybe you grew up there,
They're gonna look at you like, oh, that's just charmame,
Yeah we will go together, blah blah blah. They're not
looking at wait, not taking it's a doctoral student and
(59:20):
a Christian counselor and all of these other things they're
not looking at me that way. Your own family is
going to do it. So you know, keep talking, just
like you said, keep speaking, keep speaking, because the moment
you get quiet, someone's gonna say, hey, I haven't heard
any I haven't seen you post lately. So that'll let
you know. They're watching. They're listening. They might not comment,
(59:42):
they might not like, yeah, they're watching.
Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yeah, we think it wearing well, doing right. We can't
wear it.
Speaker 3 (59:49):
I'm trying to read, okay, I'm trying to read.
Speaker 2 (59:53):
Yes, yes, Oh my gosh. This was so this was
so amazing honestly, and you know, you and I could
talk forever on the phone, so this was pretty easy.
So this is pretty easy. So thank you again for
being here. How can our viewers and our listeners, how
can they find you? How can they reach out to
(01:00:15):
you for more assistance?
Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
Absolutely, so I keep it simple. Everything is exalting wellness.
I'm not the person who's like the underscore and Nope.
Exalting wellness on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. My website is exalting
Wellness dot com. And for anyone who is navigating this
chronic illness journey, I have written a book. My book
(01:00:39):
launch is in January, and so thank you. I tell
my story, but I also give a guide. I wanted
to provide a resource to people because just like we
talked here, there's so many different elements that you're going
to navigate when it comes to just being diagnosed with
a major chronic illness and not having to be in
(01:01:01):
the military. Everyone. Just like we talked about, there's mental
health issues. There, there's labels, there is you redefining yourself
so much that is on this journey, a part of
this journey. So my book Navigating Chronic Illness with a
Christian GPS. Like I said, the book launch soft launches
in January, thank you, and then there will be more
(01:01:23):
to come in March actually because March is Multiple sclerosis
awareness mom. So just more to follow.
Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
Definitely, yes, well everyone you heard her, so definitely follow
follow her. You know, is your book launch life are
you doing?
Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
It's not live, it's not live yet, but it will
be a live launch.
Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Okay, okay, okay, So follow Charmagne to learn more about
her book launch and to just get with her if
you have a chronic illness that you're experiencing. She is
the go to person and you see She's just living
life with ease right now. Thank you so much for
joining me today and for sharing your wisdom and your
(01:02:07):
inspiring journey. Your passion for wellness and resilience is absolutely contagious,
and I know our listeners are going to walk away
or walking away with valuable insights and tools to apply
to in their lives. For everyone tuning in. If you liked,
if you would like to connect with Charmin or learn
(01:02:28):
more about her work, you can visit her at her
website at Exaltingwellness dot com or follow her on social
at exalting Wellness and all of that will be in
the show notes. Thank you for being here for this
episode of Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform. If you enjoy
(01:02:48):
today's conversation, please like, share, and subscribe to help us
reach more veterans and others navigating their transition in this
next chapter, don't forget to join me every Friday at
eleven am Eastern Standard Time for more inspiring stories and
actionable insights. Until next time, keep living unapologetically.
Speaker 1 (01:03:15):
This has been Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host,
Renee Jones Hudson. We hope you found inspiration and valuable
insights in today's episode. Remember your journey of redefining, rediscovering,
and reaffirming your life post military is unique and powerful.
Stay connected with us for more stories, advice and support.
(01:03:39):
Until next time, stay strong and stay empowered. Listen Fridays
eleven am Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network, powered
by B two Studios
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