March 7, 2025 • 32 mins
Amanda Huffman is a former Air Force Civil Engineer, a military spouse, and the creator of the Women of the Military podcast. Amanda served in the Air Force from 2007 to 2013, including a deployment to Afghanistan. Women of the Military podcast has over 300 episodes sharing the stories of women who have served. She passionately advocates for women in the military, inspiring the next generation through her former podcast, Women of the Military, and her books, A Girl's Guide to Military Service and Women of the Military. Her work has also been featured in numerous military publications.
Connect with Amanda at www.airmantomom.com
Connect with Amanda at www.airmantomom.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you a transitioning military or veteran woman looking for support, guidance,
and inspiration. You've come to the right place. Welcome to
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host, Renee Jones Hudson.
Renee brings powerful stories, practical advice, and expert insights to
help you redifine, rediscover, and reaffirm your life after military service,
(00:29):
whether navigating a career change, seeking personal growth, or focusing
on your well being. We are here to empower you
every step of the way. So welcome the host of
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform, Renee Jones Hudson. Let's embark
on this journey together.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome back to another episode of Living Unapologetically Beyond the
inform I'm your host, Renee Jones Hudson, and today I
have the pleasure of speaking with someone who has been
amplifying the voices of the military woman for years, Miss
Amanda Huffman. She is a former Air Force civil engineer,
(01:13):
a military spouse, and the creator of the Women in
the Military podcast and that has featured over three hundred
stories of women who have served. That's pretty impressive. She's
also the author of A Girl's Guide to military service
and women of the military, which helps the next generation
(01:33):
navigate military life with confidence. Today, we're going to dive
into her journey and her time in the uniform and
the transition that followed, and how she's built a platform
to ensure that the stories of other women military women
are heard, valued and celebrated. So get ready for a
(01:54):
conversation filled with wisdom, resilience, and a call to action
for all of us. So let's get into it. Welcome, Amanda,
how are you.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I'm great, Thanks so much for having me. I'm so
excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I appreciate you take taking off the call. Yes, So
before we dive into anything, I really would like for
you to just go ahead and tell us a little
bit about yourself and you know what led you to
this to this point.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, So, I am an Air Force veteran. I joined
the Air Force in college through the Reserve Officer Training
Court program. I didn't know anything about the military, and
then I through you know, September eleventh hapened my senior
year of high school, and then a lot of friends
were looking into the military and that kind of pulled
me in and so that's how I joined the military.
(02:47):
I met my husband in college and he's still in
the Space Force, and so we're still a military family.
And we did do a military for six years, and
then when my son was born, I said, I'm out.
That's a little bit about me, and it was I
supposed to go farther than that.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I was like, no, no, no, that's good. That's good.
I mean you said your husband's your husband is in
the Space Force currently. Yeah, oh wow, that is in pression.
So he would be the first person that I know of,
just through you, that's in the Space Force. How is that?
How does he say? How is how is he liking that?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Well, it's a lot like being in the Air Force.
He was in the Air Force for I don't know,
fifteen or so years before he transferred, and so he
when he transferred, he was doing the same job that
he was already doing. And now we were at La
Air Force Base before and he was doing space stuff.
And then now we're back and he's in the Space Force.
(03:47):
So I think it's it's there's some changes, but it's
also really similar to just being part of the military.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Okay. I was just a little intrigued. Okay, So what
was the most unexpected lesson you learned about yourself during
your time in service.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
So when I left for my deployment for Afghanistan, my
commander told me he shared the quote from Joseph Campbell
of when you come to a great chasm in life,
jump it's not that far. And I use that quote
to like do all the things that the military made
me do that I didn't want to do. And so
(04:28):
that was kind of like my lesson learned. And what
I learned because I had that quote was that when
you jump in life, it isn't that far. So it
feels like really scary to do different things, but then
you do them and you're like, oh, that was just
so yeah, that was just like jump it over a
little stone. It was not like climbing a mountain. And
(04:49):
so that was the biggest lesson I learned is like,
just because something seems really scary and you've never done
it before, just do it and see what happens. And
more than like, it's not as bad as you actually think.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
That might be hard, but yeah it looks harder than
it is. And I can attest to that. Had many
scares I was. I used to be significantly terrified of
heights until I overcame the fear and like, I'll do
the action and I'm like, oh, that wasn't so bad.
(05:23):
We're doing the most but yeah, you're right, it's not
that bad. So there were there any defining moments in
your military career that shaped the work you do today.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I think deploying to Afghanistan. I was part of a
provincial reconstruction team, so I was attached to an infantry
unit that I couldn't serve in. And so I think
being you know, in a combat role before women could
be in combat really led me to want to share
the stories of military women. And when I learned how
(05:59):
many other women had experiences that were unique and different
like mine, I was like, people need to know about
these stories. And I think I think the deployment really
it also gave me a platform to stand on because
sometimes people can be mean to women in the military,
and I could stand up and be like, no, I
served in combat. I have a bronze star, Like you know,
(06:22):
I had the like the things behind me if I
got questioned not I'm not trying to brag, I'm just
saying like I had the Yeah, so I had those things.
If people questioned my service or I could be like here,
sit down, and so that gave me the confidence to
do it. And I really wanted to stand up for
the women who didn't have those accolades, but their service
(06:43):
was still just as important and valuable. But it would
be more challenging, I think, for them to like get
people to listen to them.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
But that is a good point though. We are less
likely to brag on ourselves for many reasons. But even
outside of the military, I feel challenged at times when
you know, they I said, yes, I served in the military.
Where did you serve? What did you do? You know,
it's it's almost like it's not good enough that I
(07:14):
served in the military. I have to really spell this
out for you. And it's how too, it's how you
ask the questions, and we do we have done remarkable things,
just like our male conterparts, but for us to come
out and they can speak it in a natural tone
when and when we do it, it's questioned, and it's
(07:36):
not to do it back and forth. It's just the
reality of what it is to be a woman in
the military. It really is. We're always having to answer
to something that our male corner parts could just say, right.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
So I mean, I'm married to someone in the military,
so it happens to both of us and the reaction
is very different. So yes, it's not like it's made
up in my like I've seen it over and over.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yes, yes, and I can I can attest to that too.
I was dual military as well, so I feel you.
I am right there with you. So yes, I appreciate
the platform that you created. You know, you have your
Women of the Military polic podcast. And why I appreciate
that is because in the same way that I'm trying
(08:23):
to do, is that you're trying to highlight that, yes,
we did some remarkable things. We are capable, we are
you know, we are just as accomplished as our male veterans,
and to some degree sometimes we're empowering that woman that
(08:44):
sat back and said, Okay, nobody's gonna believe that I
did this, you know. So I appreciate you. You've given
them the voice or you you're you know, because of you,
I'm able to do that too, you know. So you're
you're doing great things and I I admire what you started,
truly do you thank you. Oh we talked about this,
(09:07):
So transitioning from the military, it can be challenging. What
was the process like for you. You made a decision
to exit.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Yes, I did, and I was not prepared to what
was coming.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I wasn't prepared to be a mom and how hard
it would be. And I wasn't prepared for the loss
of identity and purpose when I left the military, and
it was like, I don't know, it's like all the
things just exploding. And I decided to be a stay
at home mom, and that meant that my purpose was
(09:43):
this baby who, according to the books, didn't do what
I expected. And so I really just I really was
in a dark, lonely place, and I was really struggling,
and I felt very isolated because I was like, I'm
a woman. I left the military, I didn't get a job.
I am staying at home, and so this is why
(10:04):
I'm struggling. And I never reached out to other veterans,
and so I thought my challenge was like really unique
and special, But then I found out it's more common
than Yeah, I thought.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, And it's because we do resort to isolation, right,
we just and it's kind of it's kind of it's
not that easy too to find your community, right, especially
when you get out, the community is just not there
unless you go out to find them. You're not just
they're not just right in your you know, in your grasp.
(10:40):
So you spoke to some of this a little bit.
Did you ever feel like, did you ever struggle with
feeling like you had to prove yourself again after leaving
the military, and how did you you navigate that?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Yeah, I mean I felt like I had to be
the best mom, I had to be the best, you
know at everything that I did. And I tried a
lot of you know, like I tried to be a
beach body coach and I tried to do this and
it was like everything I tried to do it kind
of it wasn't the right fit. And it just felt
like I just felt like a failure. Like everything was
(11:17):
like my son didn't sleep through the night, failure, like
I couldn't get my business off the ground. Felt like
it was just like overwhelming, like crushing failure. And I
think that's probably so, Like I guess I didn't think
I needed to prove like I didn't know that's what
it was. But I was just feeling like a failure
because I wasn't, you know, participating in the way that
(11:38):
I should and and I felt a lot of guilt
also for like in the military, which I think people
don't talk about because you know, I served you say,
only six years, but like there is there's like this
pressure to serve the twenty years or even longer. And
so I felt a lot of guilt. So then it
was like this pressure that I had to do everything
(11:59):
perfect because I didn't stay in So yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah, there there's a lot of challenges that we don't
we don't know how to put into words until you know,
we literally tied ourselves to the community to understand what
we're going through. So I can attest to that too.
But the beauty is we're not going through those things alone.
(12:26):
And it is one of the reasons my podcast exists
and why yours exists, is because we want to encourage
women to Yes, we have to go out and find
our community. In the military, it was right there, so
we didn't have to work that hard at finding someone
to talk to. But now it's it's different. You know,
(12:49):
coming out of the uniform, you do try to prove
you know a lot, and you don't. You don't recognize,
like you said that you're trying to prove you're trying
to make up for things, you're trying to, you know,
cover up your ego plays a lot. I remember I
asked myself, where is that Renee, Because in the military,
we're different, right, Like you said, I just do right,
(13:11):
I just go in and I do it, and I
don't think about if it's hard or if it's easier,
if it's if I'm gonna be able to do it.
Just do. But when you get out, all those resources,
all that support is not there for you.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Yeah, I mean, even like basic decisions like am I
gonna like you're all right? You don't? When I got
through my deployment, it was like, am I gonna just no?
It was like I have to do this? So I'm
gonna use this quote because this is like my coping
mechanism because the military is not saying, Amanda, do you
want to go out on the right there? You're going yes,
(13:48):
go yeah, yeah, So your next mission is I'm like
in the civilian world where it's like what do you like?
Even right now, I stop podcasting and I'm like, what
am I gonna do next? And it's like so hard
because I'm like, can't someone just tell me? This is
what you need to do.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Yes, yes, It's one of the things too when I
when I started getting coaching, it was having to make
a decision for myself was like the hardest thing because
I was so used to people basically telling me what
needs to be done and I just follow suit. You know,
So now you're saying, what do you want to do?
I don't know? Tell me what I want me to do?
Speaker 3 (14:30):
What do I want to do? Tell me and I
will know. I love you.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Just tell me, yes, you know what I want to do,
So tell me.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I love their Like business coaches are like, no, I
actually don't know what you want to, like you have
to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
My business coach, she would like could tell when I
like was uncomfortable, and so she helped me use like
my body's cues to help me tell myself because I
would be like I'm fine, and I'd be like twitching,
and she'd be like, no, you're not fine. This is
making you uncomfortable. I can tell. And so it was
it's really funny to like she's like, I know that
(15:07):
you don't want to do this, and I'm like, really,
I didn't know that, Like your body is screaming, I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Do this right right, our body is always tell on
those yes. Okay, So you you built an incredible platform
with the women in the military sharing over three hundred stories.
Why was this so important to you to create this space?
And we kind of touched that a little bit, but
if you can expand on that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
So originally I was focusing on deployments because I deployed
and I didn't feel like a lot of people knew
about like the experiences of veterans who deployed specifically to
Iraq and Afghanistan, because that was like top of mind
that Afghanistan war was still happening, and so I wanted
to focus on that. Well, So I did a call
on the internet, and I thought that it would be
(15:59):
mostly men who would respond because mostly men are in
the military. Instead, it was almost all women with like
a handful of men. It's kind of like the opposite
of what they would expect, and the stories of the
women and their experiences of being deployed like blew me
away because they were not what I was expecting. They
were so different, They were so vast of like all
(16:20):
the different experiences and it just was like remarkable to
hear what women were doing. And even as a woman
in the military, I didn't think about like what women
were doing and what the role was and what their
impact in the military was. And then I read their
stories and I was like, people need to know these
So who cares deployments. I don't care anymore, Let's focus
(16:41):
on women. So I shifted focus. And that's when I
started focusing on women. And I mean I just learned
so much about our history and connected with the women,
and like, I didn't know that I needed to talk
to women veterans, Like you said, I didn't know that
I needed to find community within the veteran community, but
the podcast helped me do that. So that was like
(17:03):
a secondary thing that happened that I didn't expect, but
it was really this like passion to learn the stories
and to realize there's not very many especially I mean
that was like seven years ago. There were no stories
really about women in the military, and it wasn't something
people were talking about, and so I just wanted to
make sure people knew.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Yeah, and I love the shift now, you know where
I mean, I think women empowerment just in general, you know,
it's it's I love that. I love that we're we're
finding our voices and we're standing in our truth. And
it's not a it's not a battle cry so much.
It's just I've been here, I've been doing this, and
(17:46):
you know, hear me, see me, because I'm just as capable,
I'm just as good. So I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
How do you think storytelling helped to bridge the gap
between military and Sabinian communities.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
I think that storytelling allows people to like hear an
experience instead of like so many times you see like
a number or statistic or something, and like when you
look at numbers and statistics and data, you can be
really like black and white and not emotional. But then
(18:23):
when you hear a story and you have a number
that goes with that statistic or that experience, then it
changes like everything, Like if you've heard like all these
people have had military sexual trauma, but you don't know
anyone who's experienced it, then you don't really know like
what that person's going through and the like tertiary effects.
(18:45):
Like one of the first interviews I did, a woman
she shared about how she was a guy tried to
assault her. I guess he did assault her, but she
was able to get away from him because she like
slipped out and she ran away. And but what happened
after was the part that I thought was the most
I guess disappointing, and like it was the fact that
(19:07):
her leadership didn't support her. Yes, and like those are
the stories that like you can't see in a statistic.
It's like, yes, it's happened, but like, look how much
I mean she had a service dog, you know, for
therapy to like years after the event, and she wasn't
raped because she was able to get away, but the
(19:28):
betrayal she felt by her leadership was supposed to protect her.
Those are like the stories that you can't really see
in the data, and like just things like that that
happened to women where you see, like, oh, this happens
to women on a regular basis, but you don't see
how it actually affects the rest of their life unless
you hear their story.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, you know. This weekend, I spoke at a conference
and when I when I looked back or even when
I was looking in the audience, I realized that part
of our job is to bring awareness because you have
a civilian audience and they have an idea in you know,
(20:07):
implanted in their heads of what they think. You know,
the military is for one, and then now a woman
in the military, and then for me a woman of
color and an immigrant. There's so many variables to the
women just being a woman in the military, you know.
So as I was talking, I mean just in a moment,
(20:30):
as I was talking, I felt so empowered because I'm like,
now I'm helping them to understand my story may not
be as traumatic, but you're hearing my story, and now
you understand that they're different. They're unique experiences to what
we go through. You know, we don't, like you said,
we don't talk about our emotions. We don't talk about
(20:52):
the emotional impact so much, you know, but that's part
of the story, right, the after effect, the impact after
after an incident, you know. So all of that is
the awareness piece to our audience to help them understand
this is a thing.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Yeah, yeah, and it breaks down the bias of yes.
I mean, I'm a big believer in going in the
classroom and like as much as I can, I love
going to the classroom and talking to like first, second,
third graders because when they didn't have the project of
drawing a veteran. It's amazing how many girls draw themselves. Yeah,
(21:34):
or they draw a version of me, which is like
really cool because most of had I not gone and
they were like draw a veteran, they would not have
drawn them.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Yeah. You know what's funny though, Amanda. When I am doing, say,
I'm creating content and I need a picture a veteran,
I end up using my picture a lot because the
pictures that comes up is even when I put women veterans,
you still see a lot of male pictures come up.
(22:02):
And I remember one day I got so frustrated. I
was like, this is crazy. So I was like, I'll
just use my own picture, you know. So that's another thing.
I would love to see shit more pictures. And maybe
I'm just searching the wrong thing. I don't know, but honestly,
but it did get a little frustrating to try to
(22:23):
create content and you and find images. You know, even
in that, it's very difficult. So I hated having to
use my own image so much. But I have to
get permission to use other women's images, so why not
just use mine? But even in that so, I admire
(22:45):
you doing that too, and I do I do suggest
and recommend that we start there so these young ladies
can see that, Yes, you can draw yourself, you can
draw a lightness of me, a likeness of Amanda, because
now you're saying, I, as a woman can serve, I
as a young girl, can aspire to be a female military.
(23:07):
So one of the things I do, I do recommend
for you know, our female veterans or anyone just transitioning,
is to get to volunteer, to mentor because like you said,
that's a tremendous impact that you can have on a
young lady's lives. You know, what do you what do you?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
What are?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
How do you speak to that? Or you can add
to that what you think about that service, because I
don't think a lot of us think too. Let's just volunteer.
You may not know what you want to do right now.
Right you said you didn't have a plan, you weren't
expected go volunteer.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah, I mean I've done a lot of volunteer opportunities.
And I mean first I started in the schools, and
then I well, I guess I first started with like
mom groups. And this past year I've been leading a
mom group, which is like leading one hundred women and
and I I have so many things from this past
year that I can use as like work experience because
(24:06):
I'm running an organization that has one hundred women and
then I'm managing a team of like twenty women. Like
those are things that are like real things that you
can use. And I'm also you know, investing in something
that's really important to me. And so as a veteran
and a human being, like that's that's always amazing. And
so I think volunteering is so important, and so many
(24:30):
organizations out there need volunteers, and so it's a great
way to get both like a community because you're with
people who probably have similar interests, and then you also
can get like work experience, especially if you're like lost
in trying to figure out what you want to do.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, and that was gonna lead me to my next
question to you know, looking back at your journey, how
has your identity shifted or evolved since leaving the military.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
It's changed so much, which is like so hard to
say because I'm not even the same person. But I
think I have learned how to be more conscious of
what Amanda needs and like trying to focus. I'm still
not very good at like taking care of myself. It's
so much easier to take care of my family and
(25:20):
easily put my back burner better like shainage and what
I need and even like step away from that cat
was really hard and it took me a few years
before I actually did it. Yeah, but I knew that
I needed to take that step to step back so
(25:44):
that I could take care of myself and figure out
what was next. And I it took a lot of
self growth to like even realize like I was and
I needed to do something different.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah, we're so used to going, going, going that it
is it is hard for us to recognize and we
may recognize it, but we still don't act on it. Right.
You may know that, Okay, my body is tired, my
brain is tired. But I got to take care of
the kids. I got to take care of the community
that I create. I got to show up because I
(26:16):
can't let them down, letting ourselves down. Yeah, So what
advice would you give women who are either considering the
military or transitioning out of it.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Well, if joining, you should get my book. Yeah, but
I I really think you should do a lot of
research and figure out what's right for you, Like don't
listen to the recruiter and what they think is right
for you, Like figure out what's right for you, learn
about like the officer, the enlisted path, learn about the
(26:55):
different career fields, and then like if there's once you
figure out like what you want to do, don't sign
the bonus, don't you know, like do what you want
to do, and then like stand in the mud and
be like no, Like I want to be a medic
in the Air Force, and the power will say like,
it's impossible to do that. It's like, but they have
medics in the Air Force. It's obviously not impossible. But
(27:17):
like go for what you want to do, and like
think about your future and like don't cause I almost
enlisted to do avionics, which came with a very nice bonus,
but I didn't do any research on like what I was.
They were like, oh, you should do that, and then
this lady was like, why are you doing that? And
I was like, I don't know. That's what the recruiter said.
(27:38):
And so I feel like you need to do your
due diligence because this is your life for the next
four six years. And yeah, and maybe you don't want
to even if it's four years. You don't want to
do something you don't cause you got a ten thousand
dollars signing, like, no, that's not worth it.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Yeah, I I want to speak to that, you know,
I would add to that. Yet, do the research and
find somebody that's been in the service that you're you're
actually trying to enlist in, right, Yeah, if it's the
Air Force, Army, whatever it is, you find someone that's
been doing that. So what was what has been the
(28:20):
most rewarding part of this new chapter of your life?
Speaker 3 (28:25):
You mean post military?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah, post military? Yes, and you hear that my background
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
It's super loud, not anymore, it was initially, and then
I think it's okay, okay, okay. I think the most
rewarding part is figuring out that, like, I can still
give back to my community without serving in the military,
and that I have a lot to offer from both
my military experience and my personal experience. And then I
(28:57):
don't know, just being able to like my experience with
the world has been really amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah, give me one second. I don't close my because
I feel like that's super loud. One second, Sorry about that,
No problem, okay, so fine, final question for you. So,
(29:26):
as a woman who has served on transition and built
a new mission, how do you define success now that
you're beyond outside of the uniform.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
I think I try and focus on how I feel
about like my life and my situation, and I try
not to look at numbers because they can be very depressive. Yeah,
it's never enough. What I learned is like, oh, if
I only get here, then I would be happy, and
it's like, no, there's always like a bigger number to get.
(29:59):
And so I think just like knowing who I am,
learning what's important to me, and then learning how to
be satisfied with what where I'm at and what I've
accomplished has been like a really a really hard challenge
that I've had to go through. And right now I
am really happy, Like I love getting to be at
(30:21):
home with my boys. I love being able to work
part time and it's been really great. And so just
knowing like that's the best thing for me and focusing
on that has been really really life giving.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yes, yes, thank you well, Amanda. This conversation has been
very insightful and absolutely necessary. So thank you for not
only sharing your story, but for being a voice and
an advocate for so many women who observe. Your work
continues to create space for military women to be seen
(30:59):
and heard, and that's a legacy in itself. So for
those of you tuning in, if you want to hear
more inspiring stories from military women, be sure to check
out Women of the Military, the Women of the Military podcast,
and definitely get Amanda's book. So, Amanda, let the audience
(31:20):
know how they can reach you, you know, and connect
with you.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
So my favorite social media platform is LinkedIn, So if
you're on LinkedIn, please connect with me there. You can
also check out my blog which is airmantomom dot com
and you can find my book and my podcast on there.
And then my podcast is on you know all the
things it's It's on Apple and Google and Spotify, so
(31:47):
you can find the podcast. It's still even though I'm
not recording new episodes, all three hundred plus episodes are
still available.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
So awesome, awesome. As always, remember your story doesn't end
when the uniform comes off. It is just the beginning.
Keep on in your transition, keep living unapologetically until next time.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
This has been Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host,
Renee Jones Hudson We hope you found inspiration and valuable
insights in today's episode. Remember your journey of redefining, rediscovering,
and reaffirming your life post military is unique and powerful.
Stay connected with us for more stories, advice and support.
(32:36):
Until next time, stay strong and stay empowered. Listen Friday's
eleven am Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network, powered
by B two Studios
Are you a transitioning military or veteran woman looking for support, guidance,
and inspiration. You've come to the right place. Welcome to
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host, Renee Jones Hudson.
Renee brings powerful stories, practical advice, and expert insights to
help you redifine, rediscover, and reaffirm your life after military service,
(00:29):
whether navigating a career change, seeking personal growth, or focusing
on your well being. We are here to empower you
every step of the way. So welcome the host of
Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform, Renee Jones Hudson. Let's embark
on this journey together.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Welcome back to another episode of Living Unapologetically Beyond the
inform I'm your host, Renee Jones Hudson, and today I
have the pleasure of speaking with someone who has been
amplifying the voices of the military woman for years, Miss
Amanda Huffman. She is a former Air Force civil engineer,
(01:13):
a military spouse, and the creator of the Women in
the Military podcast and that has featured over three hundred
stories of women who have served. That's pretty impressive. She's
also the author of A Girl's Guide to military service
and women of the military, which helps the next generation
(01:33):
navigate military life with confidence. Today, we're going to dive
into her journey and her time in the uniform and
the transition that followed, and how she's built a platform
to ensure that the stories of other women military women
are heard, valued and celebrated. So get ready for a
(01:54):
conversation filled with wisdom, resilience, and a call to action
for all of us. So let's get into it. Welcome, Amanda,
how are you.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
I'm great, Thanks so much for having me. I'm so
excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I appreciate you take taking off the call. Yes, So
before we dive into anything, I really would like for
you to just go ahead and tell us a little
bit about yourself and you know what led you to
this to this point.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Yeah, So, I am an Air Force veteran. I joined
the Air Force in college through the Reserve Officer Training
Court program. I didn't know anything about the military, and
then I through you know, September eleventh hapened my senior
year of high school, and then a lot of friends
were looking into the military and that kind of pulled
me in and so that's how I joined the military.
(02:47):
I met my husband in college and he's still in
the Space Force, and so we're still a military family.
And we did do a military for six years, and
then when my son was born, I said, I'm out.
That's a little bit about me, and it was I
supposed to go farther than that.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I was like, no, no, no, that's good. That's good.
I mean you said your husband's your husband is in
the Space Force currently. Yeah, oh wow, that is in pression.
So he would be the first person that I know of,
just through you, that's in the Space Force. How is that?
How does he say? How is how is he liking that?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
Well, it's a lot like being in the Air Force.
He was in the Air Force for I don't know,
fifteen or so years before he transferred, and so he
when he transferred, he was doing the same job that
he was already doing. And now we were at La
Air Force Base before and he was doing space stuff.
And then now we're back and he's in the Space Force.
(03:47):
So I think it's it's there's some changes, but it's
also really similar to just being part of the military.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Okay. I was just a little intrigued. Okay, So what
was the most unexpected lesson you learned about yourself during
your time in service.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
So when I left for my deployment for Afghanistan, my
commander told me he shared the quote from Joseph Campbell
of when you come to a great chasm in life,
jump it's not that far. And I use that quote
to like do all the things that the military made
me do that I didn't want to do. And so
(04:28):
that was kind of like my lesson learned. And what
I learned because I had that quote was that when
you jump in life, it isn't that far. So it
feels like really scary to do different things, but then
you do them and you're like, oh, that was just
so yeah, that was just like jump it over a
little stone. It was not like climbing a mountain. And
(04:49):
so that was the biggest lesson I learned is like,
just because something seems really scary and you've never done
it before, just do it and see what happens. And
more than like, it's not as bad as you actually think.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
That might be hard, but yeah it looks harder than
it is. And I can attest to that. Had many
scares I was. I used to be significantly terrified of
heights until I overcame the fear and like, I'll do
the action and I'm like, oh, that wasn't so bad.
(05:23):
We're doing the most but yeah, you're right, it's not
that bad. So there were there any defining moments in
your military career that shaped the work you do today.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
I think deploying to Afghanistan. I was part of a
provincial reconstruction team, so I was attached to an infantry
unit that I couldn't serve in. And so I think
being you know, in a combat role before women could
be in combat really led me to want to share
the stories of military women. And when I learned how
(05:59):
many other women had experiences that were unique and different
like mine, I was like, people need to know about
these stories. And I think I think the deployment really
it also gave me a platform to stand on because
sometimes people can be mean to women in the military,
and I could stand up and be like, no, I
served in combat. I have a bronze star, Like you know,
(06:22):
I had the like the things behind me if I
got questioned not I'm not trying to brag, I'm just
saying like I had the Yeah, so I had those things.
If people questioned my service or I could be like here,
sit down, and so that gave me the confidence to
do it. And I really wanted to stand up for
the women who didn't have those accolades, but their service
(06:43):
was still just as important and valuable. But it would
be more challenging, I think, for them to like get
people to listen to them.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
But that is a good point though. We are less
likely to brag on ourselves for many reasons. But even
outside of the military, I feel challenged at times when
you know, they I said, yes, I served in the military.
Where did you serve? What did you do? You know,
it's it's almost like it's not good enough that I
(07:14):
served in the military. I have to really spell this
out for you. And it's how too, it's how you
ask the questions, and we do we have done remarkable things,
just like our male conterparts, but for us to come
out and they can speak it in a natural tone
when and when we do it, it's questioned, and it's
(07:36):
not to do it back and forth. It's just the
reality of what it is to be a woman in
the military. It really is. We're always having to answer
to something that our male corner parts could just say, right.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
So I mean, I'm married to someone in the military,
so it happens to both of us and the reaction
is very different. So yes, it's not like it's made
up in my like I've seen it over and over.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Yes, yes, and I can I can attest to that too.
I was dual military as well, so I feel you.
I am right there with you. So yes, I appreciate
the platform that you created. You know, you have your
Women of the Military polic podcast. And why I appreciate
that is because in the same way that I'm trying
(08:23):
to do, is that you're trying to highlight that, yes,
we did some remarkable things. We are capable, we are
you know, we are just as accomplished as our male veterans,
and to some degree sometimes we're empowering that woman that
(08:44):
sat back and said, Okay, nobody's gonna believe that I
did this, you know. So I appreciate you. You've given
them the voice or you you're you know, because of you,
I'm able to do that too, you know. So you're
you're doing great things and I I admire what you started,
truly do you thank you. Oh we talked about this,
(09:07):
So transitioning from the military, it can be challenging. What
was the process like for you. You made a decision
to exit.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Yes, I did, and I was not prepared to what
was coming.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
I wasn't prepared to be a mom and how hard
it would be. And I wasn't prepared for the loss
of identity and purpose when I left the military, and
it was like, I don't know, it's like all the
things just exploding. And I decided to be a stay
at home mom, and that meant that my purpose was
(09:43):
this baby who, according to the books, didn't do what
I expected. And so I really just I really was
in a dark, lonely place, and I was really struggling,
and I felt very isolated because I was like, I'm
a woman. I left the military, I didn't get a job.
I am staying at home, and so this is why
(10:04):
I'm struggling. And I never reached out to other veterans,
and so I thought my challenge was like really unique
and special, But then I found out it's more common
than Yeah, I thought.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, And it's because we do resort to isolation, right,
we just and it's kind of it's kind of it's
not that easy too to find your community, right, especially
when you get out, the community is just not there
unless you go out to find them. You're not just
they're not just right in your you know, in your grasp.
(10:40):
So you spoke to some of this a little bit.
Did you ever feel like, did you ever struggle with
feeling like you had to prove yourself again after leaving
the military, and how did you you navigate that?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Yeah, I mean I felt like I had to be
the best mom, I had to be the best, you
know at everything that I did. And I tried a
lot of you know, like I tried to be a
beach body coach and I tried to do this and
it was like everything I tried to do it kind
of it wasn't the right fit. And it just felt
like I just felt like a failure. Like everything was
(11:17):
like my son didn't sleep through the night, failure, like
I couldn't get my business off the ground. Felt like
it was just like overwhelming, like crushing failure. And I
think that's probably so, Like I guess I didn't think
I needed to prove like I didn't know that's what
it was. But I was just feeling like a failure
because I wasn't, you know, participating in the way that
(11:38):
I should and and I felt a lot of guilt
also for like in the military, which I think people
don't talk about because you know, I served you say,
only six years, but like there is there's like this
pressure to serve the twenty years or even longer. And
so I felt a lot of guilt. So then it
was like this pressure that I had to do everything
(11:59):
perfect because I didn't stay in So yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
Yeah, there there's a lot of challenges that we don't
we don't know how to put into words until you know,
we literally tied ourselves to the community to understand what
we're going through. So I can attest to that too.
But the beauty is we're not going through those things alone.
(12:26):
And it is one of the reasons my podcast exists
and why yours exists, is because we want to encourage
women to Yes, we have to go out and find
our community. In the military, it was right there, so
we didn't have to work that hard at finding someone
to talk to. But now it's it's different. You know,
(12:49):
coming out of the uniform, you do try to prove
you know a lot, and you don't. You don't recognize,
like you said that you're trying to prove you're trying
to make up for things, you're trying to, you know,
cover up your ego plays a lot. I remember I
asked myself, where is that Renee, Because in the military,
we're different, right, Like you said, I just do right,
(13:11):
I just go in and I do it, and I
don't think about if it's hard or if it's easier,
if it's if I'm gonna be able to do it.
Just do. But when you get out, all those resources,
all that support is not there for you.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Yeah, I mean, even like basic decisions like am I
gonna like you're all right? You don't? When I got
through my deployment, it was like, am I gonna just no?
It was like I have to do this? So I'm
gonna use this quote because this is like my coping
mechanism because the military is not saying, Amanda, do you
want to go out on the right there? You're going yes,
(13:48):
go yeah, yeah, So your next mission is I'm like
in the civilian world where it's like what do you like?
Even right now, I stop podcasting and I'm like, what
am I gonna do next? And it's like so hard
because I'm like, can't someone just tell me? This is
what you need to do.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Yes, yes, It's one of the things too when I
when I started getting coaching, it was having to make
a decision for myself was like the hardest thing because
I was so used to people basically telling me what
needs to be done and I just follow suit. You know,
So now you're saying, what do you want to do?
I don't know? Tell me what I want me to do?
Speaker 3 (14:30):
What do I want to do? Tell me and I
will know. I love you.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Just tell me, yes, you know what I want to do,
So tell me.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
I love their Like business coaches are like, no, I
actually don't know what you want to, like you have
to figure it out.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
My business coach, she would like could tell when I
like was uncomfortable, and so she helped me use like
my body's cues to help me tell myself because I
would be like I'm fine, and I'd be like twitching,
and she'd be like, no, you're not fine. This is
making you uncomfortable. I can tell. And so it was
it's really funny to like she's like, I know that
(15:07):
you don't want to do this, and I'm like, really,
I didn't know that, Like your body is screaming, I don't.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Do this right right, our body is always tell on
those yes. Okay, So you you built an incredible platform
with the women in the military sharing over three hundred stories.
Why was this so important to you to create this space?
And we kind of touched that a little bit, but
if you can expand on that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
So originally I was focusing on deployments because I deployed
and I didn't feel like a lot of people knew
about like the experiences of veterans who deployed specifically to
Iraq and Afghanistan, because that was like top of mind
that Afghanistan war was still happening, and so I wanted
to focus on that. Well, So I did a call
on the internet, and I thought that it would be
(15:59):
mostly men who would respond because mostly men are in
the military. Instead, it was almost all women with like
a handful of men. It's kind of like the opposite
of what they would expect, and the stories of the
women and their experiences of being deployed like blew me
away because they were not what I was expecting. They
were so different, They were so vast of like all
(16:20):
the different experiences and it just was like remarkable to
hear what women were doing. And even as a woman
in the military, I didn't think about like what women
were doing and what the role was and what their
impact in the military was. And then I read their
stories and I was like, people need to know these
So who cares deployments. I don't care anymore, Let's focus
(16:41):
on women. So I shifted focus. And that's when I
started focusing on women. And I mean I just learned
so much about our history and connected with the women,
and like, I didn't know that I needed to talk
to women veterans, Like you said, I didn't know that
I needed to find community within the veteran community, but
the podcast helped me do that. So that was like
(17:03):
a secondary thing that happened that I didn't expect, but
it was really this like passion to learn the stories
and to realize there's not very many especially I mean
that was like seven years ago. There were no stories
really about women in the military, and it wasn't something
people were talking about, and so I just wanted to
make sure people knew.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Yeah, and I love the shift now, you know where
I mean, I think women empowerment just in general, you know,
it's it's I love that. I love that we're we're
finding our voices and we're standing in our truth. And
it's not a it's not a battle cry so much.
It's just I've been here, I've been doing this, and
(17:46):
you know, hear me, see me, because I'm just as capable,
I'm just as good. So I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
How do you think storytelling helped to bridge the gap
between military and Sabinian communities.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
I think that storytelling allows people to like hear an
experience instead of like so many times you see like
a number or statistic or something, and like when you
look at numbers and statistics and data, you can be
really like black and white and not emotional. But then
(18:23):
when you hear a story and you have a number
that goes with that statistic or that experience, then it
changes like everything, Like if you've heard like all these
people have had military sexual trauma, but you don't know
anyone who's experienced it, then you don't really know like
what that person's going through and the like tertiary effects.
(18:45):
Like one of the first interviews I did, a woman
she shared about how she was a guy tried to
assault her. I guess he did assault her, but she
was able to get away from him because she like
slipped out and she ran away. And but what happened
after was the part that I thought was the most
I guess disappointing, and like it was the fact that
(19:07):
her leadership didn't support her. Yes, and like those are
the stories that like you can't see in a statistic.
It's like, yes, it's happened, but like, look how much
I mean she had a service dog, you know, for
therapy to like years after the event, and she wasn't
raped because she was able to get away, but the
(19:28):
betrayal she felt by her leadership was supposed to protect her.
Those are like the stories that you can't really see
in the data, and like just things like that that
happened to women where you see, like, oh, this happens
to women on a regular basis, but you don't see
how it actually affects the rest of their life unless
you hear their story.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yeah, you know. This weekend, I spoke at a conference
and when I when I looked back or even when
I was looking in the audience, I realized that part
of our job is to bring awareness because you have
a civilian audience and they have an idea in you know,
(20:07):
implanted in their heads of what they think. You know,
the military is for one, and then now a woman
in the military, and then for me a woman of
color and an immigrant. There's so many variables to the
women just being a woman in the military, you know.
So as I was talking, I mean just in a moment,
(20:30):
as I was talking, I felt so empowered because I'm like,
now I'm helping them to understand my story may not
be as traumatic, but you're hearing my story, and now
you understand that they're different. They're unique experiences to what
we go through. You know, we don't, like you said,
we don't talk about our emotions. We don't talk about
(20:52):
the emotional impact so much, you know, but that's part
of the story, right, the after effect, the impact after
after an incident, you know. So all of that is
the awareness piece to our audience to help them understand
this is a thing.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Yeah, yeah, and it breaks down the bias of yes.
I mean, I'm a big believer in going in the
classroom and like as much as I can, I love
going to the classroom and talking to like first, second,
third graders because when they didn't have the project of
drawing a veteran. It's amazing how many girls draw themselves. Yeah,
(21:34):
or they draw a version of me, which is like
really cool because most of had I not gone and
they were like draw a veteran, they would not have
drawn them.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Yeah. You know what's funny though, Amanda. When I am doing, say,
I'm creating content and I need a picture a veteran,
I end up using my picture a lot because the
pictures that comes up is even when I put women veterans,
you still see a lot of male pictures come up.
(22:02):
And I remember one day I got so frustrated. I
was like, this is crazy. So I was like, I'll
just use my own picture, you know. So that's another thing.
I would love to see shit more pictures. And maybe
I'm just searching the wrong thing. I don't know, but honestly,
but it did get a little frustrating to try to
(22:23):
create content and you and find images. You know, even
in that, it's very difficult. So I hated having to
use my own image so much. But I have to
get permission to use other women's images, so why not
just use mine? But even in that so, I admire
(22:45):
you doing that too, and I do I do suggest
and recommend that we start there so these young ladies
can see that, Yes, you can draw yourself, you can
draw a lightness of me, a likeness of Amanda, because
now you're saying, I, as a woman can serve, I
as a young girl, can aspire to be a female military.
(23:07):
So one of the things I do, I do recommend
for you know, our female veterans or anyone just transitioning,
is to get to volunteer, to mentor because like you said,
that's a tremendous impact that you can have on a
young lady's lives. You know, what do you what do you?
Speaker 3 (23:27):
What are?
Speaker 2 (23:28):
How do you speak to that? Or you can add
to that what you think about that service, because I
don't think a lot of us think too. Let's just volunteer.
You may not know what you want to do right now.
Right you said you didn't have a plan, you weren't
expected go volunteer.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah, I mean I've done a lot of volunteer opportunities.
And I mean first I started in the schools, and
then I well, I guess I first started with like
mom groups. And this past year I've been leading a
mom group, which is like leading one hundred women and
and I I have so many things from this past
year that I can use as like work experience because
(24:06):
I'm running an organization that has one hundred women and
then I'm managing a team of like twenty women. Like
those are things that are like real things that you
can use. And I'm also you know, investing in something
that's really important to me. And so as a veteran
and a human being, like that's that's always amazing. And
so I think volunteering is so important, and so many
(24:30):
organizations out there need volunteers, and so it's a great
way to get both like a community because you're with
people who probably have similar interests, and then you also
can get like work experience, especially if you're like lost
in trying to figure out what you want to do.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, and that was gonna lead me to my next
question to you know, looking back at your journey, how
has your identity shifted or evolved since leaving the military.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
It's changed so much, which is like so hard to
say because I'm not even the same person. But I
think I have learned how to be more conscious of
what Amanda needs and like trying to focus. I'm still
not very good at like taking care of myself. It's
so much easier to take care of my family and
(25:20):
easily put my back burner better like shainage and what
I need and even like step away from that cat
was really hard and it took me a few years
before I actually did it. Yeah, but I knew that
I needed to take that step to step back so
(25:44):
that I could take care of myself and figure out
what was next. And I it took a lot of
self growth to like even realize like I was and
I needed to do something different.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah, we're so used to going, going, going that it
is it is hard for us to recognize and we
may recognize it, but we still don't act on it. Right.
You may know that, Okay, my body is tired, my
brain is tired. But I got to take care of
the kids. I got to take care of the community
that I create. I got to show up because I
(26:16):
can't let them down, letting ourselves down. Yeah, So what
advice would you give women who are either considering the
military or transitioning out of it.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
Well, if joining, you should get my book. Yeah, but
I I really think you should do a lot of
research and figure out what's right for you, Like don't
listen to the recruiter and what they think is right
for you, Like figure out what's right for you, learn
about like the officer, the enlisted path, learn about the
(26:55):
different career fields, and then like if there's once you
figure out like what you want to do, don't sign
the bonus, don't you know, like do what you want
to do, and then like stand in the mud and
be like no, Like I want to be a medic
in the Air Force, and the power will say like,
it's impossible to do that. It's like, but they have
medics in the Air Force. It's obviously not impossible. But
(27:17):
like go for what you want to do, and like
think about your future and like don't cause I almost
enlisted to do avionics, which came with a very nice bonus,
but I didn't do any research on like what I was.
They were like, oh, you should do that, and then
this lady was like, why are you doing that? And
I was like, I don't know. That's what the recruiter said.
(27:38):
And so I feel like you need to do your
due diligence because this is your life for the next
four six years. And yeah, and maybe you don't want
to even if it's four years. You don't want to
do something you don't cause you got a ten thousand
dollars signing, like, no, that's not worth it.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Yeah, I I want to speak to that, you know,
I would add to that. Yet, do the research and
find somebody that's been in the service that you're you're
actually trying to enlist in, right, Yeah, if it's the
Air Force, Army, whatever it is, you find someone that's
been doing that. So what was what has been the
(28:20):
most rewarding part of this new chapter of your life?
Speaker 3 (28:25):
You mean post military?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Yeah, post military? Yes, and you hear that my background
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (28:33):
It's super loud, not anymore, it was initially, and then
I think it's okay, okay, okay. I think the most
rewarding part is figuring out that, like, I can still
give back to my community without serving in the military,
and that I have a lot to offer from both
my military experience and my personal experience. And then I
(28:57):
don't know, just being able to like my experience with
the world has been really amazing.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
Yeah, give me one second. I don't close my because
I feel like that's super loud. One second, Sorry about that,
No problem, okay, so fine, final question for you. So,
(29:26):
as a woman who has served on transition and built
a new mission, how do you define success now that
you're beyond outside of the uniform.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
I think I try and focus on how I feel
about like my life and my situation, and I try
not to look at numbers because they can be very depressive. Yeah,
it's never enough. What I learned is like, oh, if
I only get here, then I would be happy, and
it's like, no, there's always like a bigger number to get.
(29:59):
And so I think just like knowing who I am,
learning what's important to me, and then learning how to
be satisfied with what where I'm at and what I've
accomplished has been like a really a really hard challenge
that I've had to go through. And right now I
am really happy, Like I love getting to be at
(30:21):
home with my boys. I love being able to work
part time and it's been really great. And so just
knowing like that's the best thing for me and focusing
on that has been really really life giving.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yes, yes, thank you well, Amanda. This conversation has been
very insightful and absolutely necessary. So thank you for not
only sharing your story, but for being a voice and
an advocate for so many women who observe. Your work
continues to create space for military women to be seen
(30:59):
and heard, and that's a legacy in itself. So for
those of you tuning in, if you want to hear
more inspiring stories from military women, be sure to check
out Women of the Military, the Women of the Military podcast,
and definitely get Amanda's book. So, Amanda, let the audience
(31:20):
know how they can reach you, you know, and connect
with you.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
So my favorite social media platform is LinkedIn, So if
you're on LinkedIn, please connect with me there. You can
also check out my blog which is airmantomom dot com
and you can find my book and my podcast on there.
And then my podcast is on you know all the
things it's It's on Apple and Google and Spotify, so
(31:47):
you can find the podcast. It's still even though I'm
not recording new episodes, all three hundred plus episodes are
still available.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
So awesome, awesome. As always, remember your story doesn't end
when the uniform comes off. It is just the beginning.
Keep on in your transition, keep living unapologetically until next time.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
This has been Living Unapologetically Beyond the Uniform with your host,
Renee Jones Hudson We hope you found inspiration and valuable
insights in today's episode. Remember your journey of redefining, rediscovering,
and reaffirming your life post military is unique and powerful.
Stay connected with us for more stories, advice and support.
(32:36):
Until next time, stay strong and stay empowered. Listen Friday's
eleven am Eastern on the Bold Brave TV Network, powered
by B two Studios
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