Bad Decisions & The Blame Game

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey, hey, hey, ladies, it is your host, doctor Teki Collins.
How have everybody been doing out there? I know it's
been a little while before I have Wow, I have
not been on the air in a little bit, but
I am back today. I am back today, and I
hope you ladies have been having a wonderful week. I

(00:35):
hope you've been having a wonderful year. And guess what
it is? May? Already? May? Man, where did the time go?
We're in the month of May. Seems like it was
just the new year. But here we are, ladies in May.
Now listen, we got to like to talk about today,
and this is gonna be kind of like a rough
little show. Okay, it's gonna be a rough little podcast

(00:56):
today because we have to talk about some real stuff,
real stuff, not sugarcoating, none of that stuff. Because I
am really tired of seeing it. And you know, it's
one of those things where we know somebody has to
tell the truth, Like somebody just has to tell the truth.
So I said, hey, why not? Why not it be me?
So we're gonna have some nice tough talk today, and

(01:19):
I hope y'all still listen after this, But if you
don't just know what's coming from the heart, and it's
really something that we need to work one, ladies. But listen,
yesterday was my birthday. My husband took me out. He
made my day special, as he always does. Y'all know,
I'm always bragging on my husband. Yes, I'm always bragging
on him, because see, that's what happens when you have

(01:39):
a good man. When you have a good husband, a
good man, you can brag about him. You know. It
keeps a smile on my face. You know, that's what
a good man does. So it is very very important, ladies,
to have a good man. And I'm always gonna brag
about my man, all right, because I got a good one,
all right. So let's get in into it today. So
you know, I'm need to just put on the table today.

(02:03):
Why are women going out with losers? And why do
you keep choosing the same type of men? And not
only that, not only that, you see the signs. Matter
of fact, they're not even signed. Sometimes sometimes it's like
smacking you writing your face. It's not a sign where
you have to figure it out. It's like you know

(02:25):
what it's about, but yet you still get yourself into it.
So I'm tired of I told, you know, my husband
the other day, I said, listen, I cannot wrap my
head around this one. And I know sometimes it can
be a complex thing why women choose bad behavior, why
they choose men that do the same things over and

(02:45):
over again. But what I do not understand is why
women you see a situation, it's unfolding in front of you,
all of this, all of the signs are there, you
see them. Like I said, you don't have to figure
them out. You don't even have to get Sherlock homes
on the situation. You can just look with your own

(03:06):
two eyes and see the problem is I think a
lot of you have your eyes closed or that's just
so desperate to have someone that you just want to
overlook it. And like I said, there's no single reason
why we choose partners who are not good for us. Well,
I can't put me in a situation like I said,
I'm gonna say us. I'm gonna say people choose people
that they know that are not good for them. You know,

(03:29):
it's very complex, and I don't want to make it
sound too deep because I want to talk on the
surface today because I think it's women we need to learn.
We just need to learn. And I know sometimes it's
a personal preference on women. You know, they prioritize short
term physical attraction over their long term emotional capabilities. And

(03:52):
when I mean capabilities, I mean compatibilities people that are
gonna be good for them in the long term. They're
just looking at the short term fit of it. And
then sometimes people are just drawn to people who mirror
unhealthy patterns that they had from their past, and it's
time to kind of get past that. So we're gonna
look at it a little bit, a little bit deeper,
but still we're gonna keep this on the surface because

(04:13):
we need to get to the bottom of it. And
these ladies, if this is you, you have to stop
so look prioritizing short term gratification because that's what it is.
It's a quick wambam, thank you, ma'am. Because see, some
women they like bad boys, ye huh. They like bad
boys or partners who, let's just say, offer a certain
level of excitement or attention. Okay, even if they don't

(04:35):
offer anything long term, any emotional support, any financial support,
nothing to do with the healthy dynamic of a relationship.
They just want to get into things for short term gratification.
And guess what, if you're looking for a short term gratification,
that's what you're gonna get. And again, every time you

(04:56):
get into these relationships, you end up fall in love,
You get in deep and demand. It's not what he wants,
but you're stuck there. You're stuck there and you don't
know how to move on. So now you're there so
because you got into it for a quick, short term thing.
But see, women, we don't operate like that, Like we're
not we're not wired that way. We are all in

(05:18):
like we're an emotional we're emotional creature. So when we
get into a relationship, it's like every part of our
fiber and being is invested. So when you're trying to
look for something that's short term gratification, thinking it's gonna
be just that, and that man decides that you're just
not what he wants. But you was in it just
for that reason. Now you're stuck. You can't move on,

(05:40):
and then you create a pattern of this because now
that takes another hit to your self esteem because again
you thought you were in it for like the short
term thing. You just wanted whatever he had to offer
at the time, and you thought that was gonna be good,
but your mind, your emotions, you got in a little
deeper and a man that's not what he wanted, you know.

(06:00):
So sometimes it's attachment things, you know, styles, the things
that happen in the past. So individuals with certain attachment styles,
they like people who are avoidant or anxious. They may
struggle with trust and intimacy, you know, so that leads
them to gravitate towards partners who perpetuate those patterns, so
they have those patterns themselves. So ladies, sometimes if you

(06:22):
have those patterns, you look for the same thing and
men and then, of course I mentioned it briefly, but
unhealthy patterns from the past. And we find this a
lot with women who you know, their experienced abuse, unfortunately,
or neglect in their past, and they might be drawing
to partners who exhibit some of those same behaviors because

(06:43):
they're familiar with these dynamics and they feel more comfortable
with them. And that's an unfortunate thing. And that's something
that's kind of like a sidebar, and I think I'm
gonna just do a whole show just dedicated to that,
because those abusive relationships are a little bit different than
what I'm talking about today, all right, So I'm gonna
sidebar their abusive relationships, and sometimes people get trapped in those,

(07:06):
and that's a little bit different. So then they're social
status and perceived and perceived social status. Some women might
be swayed by the man. You know, Witty can provide
his wealth, charisma, even you know, those qualities are not
indicative of a healthy or a compatible partner. All Right,
I'm a pause right there for a minute because we

(07:28):
know that the I know some of y'all probably following
that Puff Diddy I said, Puff Diddy, pay Diddy case,
all right. And Cassie Ventura, of course, we know that
this is Puffy's ex girlfriend, and she's like the star
witness for the prosecution, and you know, she's on the
stand and she's pretty much given character witness. And I

(07:50):
have to remind people, listen, Cassie is not on trial.
Puffy is on trial. I don't care what Cassie did,
but she is not on trial. So she's just there
as witness of the character of this monster named p Diddy.
But with that being said, there's things that has come

(08:10):
out about miss Cassie where we're talking about these bad relationships,
but I'm talking about the social status right here, because
you know, there's women who get into relationships because they
want to further their careers, they want to be famous,
they want the Hollywood glitz, the glamour, so they're willing
to subject themselves to that into anything that comes along

(08:30):
with it. So again, that's a choice we're making because
you know, and I'm gonna put this very simple. If
you get into the ocean, okay, and you want to
go swimming, and they say this part of the water
is closed. There's a big sign that says there's sharks
here swimming in this water. Do not get into the water.

(08:54):
This part of the beach is closed. But if you
want to be hard headed, you get into the water
swimming around and swimming around, and you may get out
of the water okay. But then if you get in
there one another time and you swimming around and you
get bitten dragged up by a shark, then guess what.
You can't say that you did not know what you
were doing because you knew there was sharks in the water,

(09:17):
and because you got out of the water one time
and nothing happened. But you keep going back eventually, it's
going to bite you. So if we're looking for the
wrong things in a relationship and we're looking for a
man's social status to further our careers, I mean, don't
get me wrong. People just want to get ahead in life.
I get it. But not at the sake of losing
your soul, right, No, I'm sorry. So part of this

(09:42):
I'm talking about today and we're going to get into
it a little bit later, is that we have to
understand that we have to take some accountability and some
responsibility for what we do. We can't keep pointing it
to other people. Now, I talked about Cassie a little bit. Cassie,
like I said, she is not on trial, and Puffy

(10:02):
is a freaking monster. He's a monster. But when I
listened to some of the things you know with Cassie,
I also heard, you know, before him, she had another
boyfriend who was ten years older than her that was
a producer. So she was looking for companions and looking
for men who were able to further her career. So

(10:24):
but at what cost? Right? So this is what I'm saying.
We're making choices knowing that sometimes there's gonna be something
that we're gonna have to give up of ourselves that
we don't necessarily want to write, and then there's gonna
be requirements of us that we may necessarily not like.

(10:45):
But when you're making those kind of choices, you understand that.
So what I don't like to hear is that when
people say someone was made to do something. Because listen,
nineteen year olds, twenty year olds, twenty one year olds,
they're capable of making decisions. Now, do some of them
make dumb decisions? Absolutely? Because I know when I was
twenty nineteen whatever, I made a lot of stupid decisions,

(11:08):
but they were still decisions that I knew I made,
and I made them knowing right from wrong. I just
decided to do the wrong thing when I made those
dumb decisions. I made the choice to do the wrong thing.
It's not because I didn't know. So that's the part
I'm trying to really bring home and beat home today,
is that we know, and in knowing, we still do it,

(11:30):
whether we're nineteen twenty or whether we're fifty sixty seventy.
If we know better, we do better. And if we
know something is not right, but we continue to walk
towards it. Well, you can't blame the other side of
the situation once you get down the road, because you
chose to walk down that road. You may not like it,
it may get be a harsh road, things may not

(11:52):
line up the way you want them to, but you
chose to go down that road. So again, in relationships,
when we keep choosing the same people and we know
we shouldn't have him because a question also today is
I'm you know, sometimes I ask questions. I don't just
give the answers, but it just again I can't wrap

(12:14):
my head around it. Women, you know these people, these men,
you know they're not right, but you keep choosing them.
You keep gambling, like your life, your situation, you're gambling. Now.
I see women who sit back, and I have to
talk about this today because I see them. They sit back.

(12:36):
They have one child, they have two children, they have
three four five six seven by four or five six
seven fathers. Now, you know the first one, Okay, he
just might've been just like bad luck. Okay, you know
he was just bad luck. Then you have the second
baby's father. Yeah, okay, maybe he was even bad luck.

(12:58):
Maybe you know, okay, you just pick wrong twice right,
But then you get a third one. And now I'm
sitting here looking at you like out of my side eye,
like didn't you see this coming from the first two
experiences you had? And then there's four, and then there's five,
there's six and seven. So then we have women who choose, choose.

(13:20):
Now this is a choice. You're having children by all
of these different men. Now I'm not judging children are beautiful, Okay,
no judgment on the children at all. They are beautiful,
and not really necessarily judging the women, but because but
I'm questioning the behavior of why you feel like knowing

(13:41):
that number one left you with child by yourself, not
helping you out. Number two left you with child, not
helping you out. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight nine,
maybe all left no help. You're by yourself. So after
two something has to click. Maybe okay, I'll give you

(14:03):
even three something I have to click and says, you
know what, I need to stop right here because I'm
not getting any help. And the thing that bothers me
is that then they need these same people, the same
women that sat and had all these children about all
these different men. We'll sit back and say, nobody's helping me,
nobody's supporting me like, it's everybody else's fault. Now, No

(14:26):
it's not. It is your fault. Okay, nobody chose this
life but you. It is your fault. It is not
everybody else's fault. Now. If people choose to help, that's wonderful.
If people choose to, you know, want to give and
be there, that's wonderful. It's a wonderful thing. But if

(14:48):
they don't, your expectation should not be they have to
because it is not their problem. It is yours. It
is yours. It as simple as that. Because the one
thing that I really have a pet peeve with is
then when somebody has put theirselves in situations over and
over and over and over again, and then they want

(15:09):
to get mad at you or your their friends or
whoever because now they stop helping or they don't want to.
Just a lot of nerve because again, you know, I'm
gonna talk talk about myself for a minute. I have
no problem with helping out anybody. Like I like to help.
I give. I'm a giver, a naturally a giver, you know,
like to be supportive for people. But there comes a

(15:32):
time where you're not supporting anymore, you are enabling and
the more you do, the more they're gonna depend on,
and the more the behavior stays the same. You have
to be able to cut that off. But people will
try to guilt you into you helping them because somehow,
all the crap they get themselves in, it's your fault

(15:52):
that you're not helping. Go figure, But the devil is
a lie today. So I'm here to say people, we're
gonna have to stop the cycle, vicious cycle, because when
you get yourself in these situations and you got seven, eight,
nine kids, four or five, whatever it is, it is
not your family's fault, it is not your friend's fault.
It is yours. So I guess why I said this

(16:13):
is gonna be a tough episode today, because we have
to talk about the real thing. It's you know, time
out for tippy too and around stuff like somebody gotta
be for real and say the real stuff about what's
going on now. There are situations, of course, where you know,
women do have children by like the same man. Maybe
they got five or six by the same man and
something happened and that man, Ah, that's understandable. You know,

(16:36):
you want to help, you want to support, but when
you when there's a pattern of people doing the same
thing over and over again. Nah, nope, I figure you
have not learned your lesson. You haven't learned anything, and
you want everybody to bail you out, but yet you
still continue down that path. I don't understand, especially when

(16:57):
you're with a man that you know is worth do
doo balls, do the balls, but yet you want to
lay up and have four or five children with them.
Why is it now my responsibility to take care of
your four or five children and help you every turn
because you decided you wanted to stay with somebody and
keep having children with them, and now it becomes everybody
else's situation. Now listen. I don't like to put in

(17:19):
politics too much, and I don't agree with them Republicans.
Most of them are evil, you know. I want to
make this a political thing, But some of the things
that they're trying to change. I can some things, like
very few things, very few, like very few, like maybe two.
I understand that when you look at the broad picture,
it's like I have helped. And I'm not talking about

(17:41):
me as a person. I'm just saying in general. When
I say, I'm talking for a lot of women and
even men that have helped people, but when they keep
doing the same thing, where does it end? How much
do you help? So I'm speaking to ladies today. Ladies,
you know, if you're with a man and he ain't
helping you, stop having children with them. I ain't telling

(18:02):
you stop having children, period. I'm saying stop having them
with him. If he ain't helping you, what's the point?
Like what are you doing? Come on, like, come on,
somebody you need to shake you. If y'all know somebody
like that, shake them, ask them what do you what
are you doing? And it is not my responsibility because
you're having all these kids. I'm sorry, it is It

(18:23):
is not. It is not, And we have to be
able to make up our minds to say that we're
going to do better, because, like I said, if you
have four or five and you still there's the next guy,
And here you come with another baby and there's the
next one, I mean, what are we doing? What are
even you teaching the children that you're raising because you

(18:48):
you're the one. So ladies to take take this in
consideration as well. When you are dating someone, if this
is important, if y'all ain't listening to nothing else, this
is important. I'm telling you if you're dating someone and
that's someone that man or woman. It's sometimes men listen

(19:08):
to this and they write me too. So I'm just
going to say the other person, if they have children, right,
you better heavily consider ladies. If he has kids, you
better consider what you're getting yourself into because every situation

(19:29):
is not a good situation. And remember, you're not separating yourself.
After you get in this relationship, all of his children
become yours and yours becomes his. So you better make
sure that you are able to have a conversation of
how we discipline, because you don't want it to come
into well he lets them do whatever they want. Well,

(19:50):
she lets them do whatever you want, and I can't
you know, because that's going to be a major issue
in the relationship if it goes any further. And the
other thing is Mike. You know, I was taught this
from a young age that you have to be careful
who you lay down with. You have to because man,

(20:14):
I look at a lot of these girls that the
men are not around. I'm like, didn't you see that
when you were laying down with him? Didn't you understand
that he wasn't gonna be there, lady, didn't you see that? Now,
I'm not talking about the ladies who you know, were
married for whatever their years and then the man just
turned into a dead beat. I'm not talking about you.
I am talking about those who know you're just laying

(20:36):
down with people just getting up bone. There's a baby, right,
and then there's another and another. You know you gonna
be by yourself. You already know these things, all right,
So let me just get back into this. So people
get attached to different people. So individuals that have certain
attachment styles, like those who are avoidant. It talked about

(20:58):
that a little bit, they look for those same kind
of people. Stop looking for these unhealthy patterns in people
failing to evaluate realistic things. Okay, you fail to evaluate
things that are realistic. Women fall for man's potential instead
of his reality, projecting their own hopes onto this man.
That what I'm saying is like, you know what he

(21:20):
really is, right, But you in your mind you thinking, oh,
I'm gonna change him. Oh I'm dear friend, it's gonna
he gonna be different from me. Girl, No, it don't
work like that. That is your unrealistic thoughts. You know
that is not reality. It's not his reality, right, and
it's very unrealistic of you to project that hope that

(21:43):
you're gonna be able to somehow all change this. Because
I would like everybody to email me and ask me
how did that? Or tell me how did that work
out for you? How did it work out for you?
Because I can guarantee you it does not work out.
I tell young ladies all the time when they come
to the church, you know, to come to church. Sometime
we have these discussions and I'm like, you, listen, if

(22:07):
he don't know Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior,
if he is not have a relationship with the Savior,
you know what, you can minister the gospel to him.
If you want to do that, that's fine. However the
Lord leads you with that, but he is not somebody
that you need to be dating because he doesn't even
know Jesus as his Lord and Savior. So how is
he gonna lead you anywhere? Especially because my Word God

(22:30):
tells us in the Word to follow your husband as
he follows Christ. So how the heck he gonna lead
you anywhere? And he don't even know the Savi. You
somebody gonna have to help me with that one, because
it's not possible. I'm not following nobody that don't know Christ, period,
heart stop like it too, don't like it too bad.

(22:52):
He has to know the Savior, because if we don't
know Christ, we ain't leading you to Hell. That's the
way it gonna lead you. Because he don't know to save.
He can't lead you nowhere. I don't want a man
lead me. So what puzzles me also is that women
who are in Christ will sit here and entertain these
knuckle well I'm not gonna call him knuckle HEAs, because
that's there's some nice men that don't know Christ. But

(23:15):
it's a problem if they don't, because they're not a
potential fit for a woman of God. They are just
not you know, there's some moral people in the world,
you know that may not have given their lives to Christ.
But as it pertains to a relationship, that's a hard
stop no. That's a hard stop no, because you end

(23:37):
up having children. You know. I've experienced people who Christian
women they gonna go out there dating Muslims. I'm like,
how does that work? How does it work? You are
a child of God, you say that Jesus Christ is
the Lord and Savior. This person man over here is
you know, he's in a whole other religion. So how
are you raising your kids? How are you raising him

(24:00):
that for a minute, think about that for a minute.
It's a whole bunch of things out of order. About that,
a whole lot. So when these women start entertaining these
men who don't know Christ, I'm like, you can't change him.
Christ can change him. Oh yes he can. But let
God do the work in that man before you even

(24:22):
entertain anything with him. You don't start dating somebody and
talking about, Oh, I'm gonna change him because I'm gonna
he gonna start going to church for me. You know,
let him start going to church because he wants to
have a relationship with the Savior, and let God do
what God needs to do in him. And then let
him circle back around the block and look you up.

(24:43):
Because the moment, that's unrealistic expectations. Again, that's fairytale world
when you think that you're able to change a man.
I've seen so many relationships fail with women who decided
they love the Lord day in Christ. But they bringing
these men to church. You ain't never met the Lord

(25:05):
Jesus a day in their life. And then men start
coming to church. They're going just because the woman said, well,
if you're interested in me, you gotta go to church.
But they don't know nothing. As soon as they get
married and men stop going to church, they stop going
to church, and it's a rap. Well that's why I say,
let God do what he needs to do and the
man not you, because you can't do nothing in him.

(25:25):
You can't change nothing, you can't fix nothing. So that's
a big problem. If he don't know Christ, leave him alone.
I don't care how fine he is. Leave him alone.
Let God make him even finer by introducing him to
himself and allowing him to walk with Christ. And if
you're available after that, he'll come back. He'll bring them.

(25:46):
God will bring them back. Your way up. That's somebody
that was meant for you. But stop trying to change
men because you can't change them. And stop thinking that
you have something that that last woman didn't have when
she had him because he was so bad. He was
horrible to her, he treated her bad, he did horrible
things to her. But now you have them, and somehow

(26:06):
you think you got a magic something that now he's
not gonna treat you the same way. Oh yeah, he
gonna treat you the same exact way. If he was
horrible to her, meaning he mistreated her, he gonna mistreat
you too. I love when women think that they got
it's something special about them, you know, because she's so special.

(26:27):
He was terrible to that last woman, and now all
of a sudden he turned into this perfect man for her. Yeah. No,
that don't work either. That doesn't work either. You just
wait your turn. It's coming around. He's gonna get to you.
You know he's going to get to you. So that
doesn't work. So stop doing that again. Unrealistic. That's probably

(26:48):
one of the most important things, you know. Women, Stop
thinking you can change a man. God don't need your help.
God don't need your help. He don't need you to
change nobody He does the changing. You can't even change yourself.
Only Christ can change you. Only Christ can change me.
I can't. I don't have no strength, no nothing to

(27:10):
change myself. I gotta rely on God to even change me.
So how am I changing somebody else? Right? So we
better get that one in our head today. Gotta get
in our head so then women might say or stay
I should say in unhealthy relationships due to the time
and effort that they already invested in the relationship. You know,

(27:31):
they could be in a horrible relationship. But I've been
with him for twelve years, and you know he's horrible.
He's this, that and the other. But you feel like
you invested. You're invested in a relationship twelve years and
ten years. You got all this timing. But yeah, he
ain't doing nothing and he's horrible. You not moving forward
in your life, But the investment in that time, you

(27:52):
think you need to stay there, Well, that's another trick
of the enemy. You don't need to stay there. It's
just like if you put your money. You got just say,
fifty thousand dollars, and you gonna put your fifty thousand
dollars in the bank and over, you know, five six, seven, eight,
nine years, your money keeps shrinking. You not taking it out,
but the bank just keep losing it. You gonna stay

(28:12):
invested in that bank. He's losing your money. No, you
gonna get the heck up out of there. Same thing
with a bad relationship, get the heck up out of there.
I don't care how much time you got invested. You
can always start over, get always start over. The gonna
stops you from starting over is fear. Fear stops you
from starting over. And sometimes you you know, you think
I've been in there so long. You know, you don't

(28:34):
think you deserve anything better. But that's another trick of
the enemy, you know, those thoughts. You deserve everything. You
deserve to be treated like the queen that you are.
You deserve everything. So again, just because you have time
invested in something, if it ain't good time invested, you
ain't getting no return. And to remember, an investment is
supposed to yield a return, right, a good return on something.

(28:57):
If you are just in it because of the investment
you're re is a stinking return. I don't want nothing
coming back to me stinking. So I don't want no
bad returns coming back to me. So I don't care
how much you gotta investigatib out of there. It's not
a good investment at all. And then we have lack
of self awareness. A lot of women they you know,

(29:19):
they're not fully aware of their own needs and their
own desires, or they might just struggle to identify unhealthy
relationship matters. Sometimes you don't know who you are. You
don't even know who you are. You don't understand yourself
fully you that's a self esteem thing again. You know,
sometimes you don't think you're deserving of things, and that

(29:42):
has to start with you. Unfortunately. When I say unfortunately,
I'm saying it because that's probably one of the hardest
things a woman has to grapple with, like what she
deserves man. And I always give the example because it
was so funny. I always say, you know, once you
understand who you are in Christ, you won't not be
short changed by anyone. And I always give that example

(30:03):
when I used to go to the snowball stand when
I was a little kid. And a big shout out
to my babysitter, Sherry Anne, who listens to my podcast
sometimes she was the best babysitter in the world. But anyway,
we used to go to the snowball stand and my
mom used to give us like a dollar and we
run up to the snowball stand and I was so
happy to get my little snowball used to get the

(30:25):
banana with the marshmallow. He still taste that as a kid.
But ay, I give the man a little dollar and
I don't know, I'm maybe seven eight years old, and
he would give me the change, and I don't even
pay attention to the change. I get the money and
go back home, and snowball was like fifty cents or something.
And I go back and I have like a quarter,
and my Mom's like, well, where's the other quarter? Where's
the rest of your change? I'm like, what change? This

(30:45):
is what the man gave me. Man done jep me
out of some of my change. But because I did
not know the value of the dollar and what I
was supposed to get in return, I didn't know. So
I was being cheated Ryan. He was cheating me out
of my money, and I didn't know that value of it.
But so I feel the same way when we don't
know the value of who we are as women, people

(31:06):
will cheat you and rob you of your worth. So
you have to understand who you are so people will
not take advantage of you. People cannot rob you of
your worth. And the way you find out your worth
is seeing yourself through the eyes of Christ. How does
God see me? He loves me, Yes he does. He

(31:27):
created me right, and he don't make no jump. He
says I'm his right. So knowing that God created me,
knowing that I'm special to him? Who are you? Who
are you that's gonna treat me any other way than
the Savior treats me. He calls me his own, he
calls me his own. I am his queen, He's I
am fearfully and wonderfully made. So how am I gonna

(31:49):
sit here and let you treat me any kind of way?
You know, get behind me, Satan and ladies. I'm telling
you you have to find out who you are because again,
sometimes little self help books you can read them, that
may help, but it's nothing like understanding how Christ sees you.
If you want to read a good self health book,
read the Bible first and then read them other little book.

(32:11):
Read the Bible first, because Jesus will tell you exactly
who you are, who you are, and whose you are.
Once you understand that you are a princess of the king,
your daddy is a king, right you need to be
treated like royalty, and a man that can't step to
you and treat you like royalty is not a man
that you need in your life. So stop being cheated

(32:33):
and robbed of your worth. Understand who you are, and
how you understand who you are is understanding who you
are in Christ Jesus, and I promise you, once you
get that, once you get that confidence, you'll never you'll
never be robbed of your worth. Now that's when I
think I little touched on a little bit. But cultural influences.
Cultural influence, so society expectations and portrayals of relationships right

(32:58):
in the media can play a role in our shape
and preferences and our expectations of people. Right. Sometimes we
look at now I look at Michelle and Barack Obama,
and I always say, no, that's black love, right, black excellence.
I like it. Yeah, it's a good look and not
just black. You know, it's many beautiful white couples. But
I'm just using them as an example because I believe

(33:20):
they were kind of positive for our community. And we
looked at them, and we're seeing two strong people, right,
successful people. And sometimes today we'll look at the success
of a person, right, and we get caught up in
that instead of the heart of the individual. It's nothing
wrong with you know, looking for people who are successful,

(33:42):
and you know, we want to be equally yoked. We
want people to kind of like, now let me talk
about let's stay right there for a minute. So when
we talk about equally yoked talking about what we're looking for.
It doesn't mean that some of they gotta make dollar
for dollar what you make that ain't. That's not equally yoked. Okay, Yeah,
you want your mate to be bringing things to the table.
You definitely don't want to be doing it all your stuff.
We talked about that earlier. But when we talk about

(34:04):
equally yoked, we're talking about your man is in Christ Jesus.
He's in Jesus. He ain't in Buddha, he ain't in
Christian he ain't and none of the other stuff, none
of the other stuff. He is in Christ Jesus. All right,
and you're in Christ Jesus. You're equally yoked. That's equally yoking.
Like you know, you're both walking in the same direction.

(34:27):
Because the Bible says, how can you agree? Right, so
you have to be able to walk together? You have
to be able to walk together. I'm gonna say that again.
You gotta be able to walk together because if you
have somebody over here serving this God and you serving
this God, like, how are y'all walking together? How can

(34:48):
two walk together unless they agree? You must agree? And again, Jesus,
Christ is the only way. He's the only way. It's
only one way to the Father, and that's through the son.
It's clear to me, and most of you listen to
me are Christians, you understand that principle. So outside of that,
different cultural things and influences may help shape us, but

(35:11):
being equally yoked in the culture of influence, that part
is the most important, because again, we do want somebody
that's able to work. We do want a man that's
able to provide for us, you know we do. But
it's okay if you're making more money than your your
husband or your mate, equally yoke doesn't really not really

(35:34):
talking about that. The biggest thing about being equally yok
is that you're both serving the same Lord and savior,
Jesus Christ. So you have to get that in your mind. Now.
I said a lot today and I actually probably went
over the time that I really wanted to. But I
feel like we have to get past this. So we
have to get past this. Lady's if this is you,

(35:56):
you know you will with a man, and you know
that man's not good for your You've seen it at
the gate, but you're still willing to give yourself. There's
a problem right. You have to stop and you have
to look at what is the problem. Why am I
repeating this stuff over and over again? And all you
women out here who you know you've made all of

(36:17):
these choices for yourselves, and you get mad at your family,
and you get mad at your friends because they're not
willing to help you the way you want to be helped. Well,
you need to take a step back and look at
yourself and you see the choices that you made. It's
not anybody else's responsibility but yours. If somebody decides to
help them, that's okay. But you have to put your

(36:38):
big girl drawers on, bloomers on, whatever you want to
call them, your big girl whatever, pantaloons or whatever some
people call them, and you have to look at yourself
and understand that these are choices you made. I didn't
make the choice, Your family didn't make the choice. These
people didn't make choices. You made it. So when we

(36:58):
make choices, there's sequences, So we have to be able
to understand what the consequence may be from our decisions.
So it's nobody's fault. It's nobody's fault. And if somebody
chooses to help, that's wonderful, and I'm sure there's a
lot of caring people that want to help, but you
can't assume that somebody is going to help. You have

(37:18):
to be able to do it. Got to be able
to do it and understand that, you know, it's you.
You have to make better choices. You have to make
better choices because if you keep doing the same thing
over and over again, you're gonna keep getting the same result,
and you're gonna keep frustrating yourself, you know, because everybody's

(37:38):
not here to rescue us. Yeah, and everybody's not here
to rescue us. And I hear so many people talking
about what their mommy did to them when they were little,
what their dads did when they were little. And I'm
not discounting that they're valid things that people have went
through as a child, and people that went through, you know,
when they were young adults. But now you're a whole
grown woman or man. And the thing is, there comes

(38:01):
a time that even though it's true that those things
may have happened, they may have been bad things that
has happened, but there still comes a time that we
all have to take charge of our own lives. We
have to take charge of our own lives. Some people
are still blaming people that they're dead and gone, and
they're still acting like they can't get their lives together

(38:22):
because something that somebody did to them. Now that person
dead and gone, and you're still here, but you still
can't get it together. No, you have to make up
in your mind that you're gonna get your life on
track and do the things that are right for you.
And I'm not saying that it's gonna be easy, but
I'm saying if it's counseling, you need seek it out.
Stop making excuses and blaming it on other people for
your bad decisions, because you have to step up and say,

(38:45):
at some point, I can't keep making bad decisions because
this happened to me down the road or last time,
or time before, or last year or twenty five years ago,
and you still making bad decisions because of those things happen. No,
you have to step up and say, I gotta take
charge of my life and start making better decisions, because
if you don't, you're gonna keep doing the same thing

(39:07):
over and over again, and them people are not thinking
about you. You ain't not thinking about you. So you
have to begin to take charge of your own life.
You do, and sometimes you may have to get help
in order to do it. When I say help, maybe
you need counseling, somebody to talk to, somebody to help
talk you through it, to get passed whatever it is.
But you still have to take charge of your life.

(39:31):
Time out for blaming everybody else, even though they may
have been their fault. But so what people do stuff
all the time. You gotta let it go, forgive and
move forward because if you don't forgive, the only thing
that holds back is you. You then hold them back
and holds you back. So make up your mind today
to stop making bad decisions and ask for forgiveness for yourself,

(39:52):
not for them. Even if they never forgiven they was wrong.
It's two left feet. You still gotta be okay. You
still gotta be okay. So make the decision today to
start making better decisions. Listen, I hope that it was
something here today that you were able to glean, something
that was able to help somebody. If you got a friend,

(40:13):
family member, or even yourself that you needed this today.
You know, I hope it helps pass it on to
somebody that may need to hear it. But as women,
we definitely have to make better decisions in our lives.
Stop walking into these dead end relationships and expecting that
at the end it's gonna somehow be a green light. Nope,
a dead end is a dead end. Ain't no green

(40:35):
light anyway. I pray that you're blessed today and until
next time. Hey, love birds, thanks for watching. Don't forget
to subscribe and check out my books and movies on Amazon.

Speaker 2 (40:51):
No, look like this is extraordinary. Trust we've created this
sun then so special and I know what I've got,
so I'm not come.

Speaker 3 (41:06):
Let just hell, let you go.

Speaker 4 (41:13):
When people look at us, they no, Babe, we got
next the stuff, but no imagine perfect me and baby.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
I'm sure so shall have.

Speaker 2 (41:27):
That's you, bab.

Speaker 5 (41:31):
Baby, you went so far. That's how we always baby
un by local person.

Speaker 3 (41:45):
Because we can't back last, become outmagine laugh not for
this never last moment. So relieve when we cares.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
When ever read of your aunts, I know this much
is true, then you're one in the world.

Speaker 6 (42:08):
Come help me like you do. When people look at us,
they know, hey, then we go take.

Speaker 3 (42:20):
A Stephanana mention perfect for me and baby.

Speaker 1 (42:26):
I'm sure so shore up.

Speaker 6 (42:28):
That's you.

Speaker 7 (42:30):
Baby, you're wed so far comes.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
That's how all always been.

Speaker 6 (42:43):
A look comes.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
Because we had that come.

Speaker 7 (42:50):
Mession so color classic, so.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Colored, little fashion, because when we had is something.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
As you see. Happy love.

Speaker 7 (43:14):
Babe, you went by you so.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Soon.

Speaker 7 (43:18):
That's happen. Not quite bad. Just put oil and conference
happy because we can't back con love the good old
fashion problem.

Speaker 5 (43:34):
Baby, you went made so far person.

Speaker 8 (43:39):
That's Hale Wisby of this tube at toil, the compress
on this happy because we can't back coun love the
good old fashion

Speaker 7 (44:02):
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