October 7, 2025 • 23 mins
Relationship Stories - OP’s boyfriend is consumed by his manipulative mother’s unverified cancer claims. As the lies spiral, OP sets firm boundaries—but instead of support, she’s met with blame for refusing to enable the deception any longer.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded amy Ahole, and it's
by user no Selection forty twenty eight. Am I the
Aple for refusing to help my boyfriend's dying mother while
planning a trip to Europe. I twenty five female, live
with my boyfriend Liam twenty four male. About a month ago,
(00:25):
his mom, Tanya, began claiming she's dying of cancer, but
no diagnosis has been confirmed. Every hospital visit ends with
her being sent home. A nurse even told Liam she
might be faking. It started when she stayed one night
at our one bedroom apartment that turned into a week
of chaos. She refused air conditioning and fans said they
(00:48):
hurt her skin, but blowed dried her hair daily. The
apartment smelled awful. Everything had to be dark and silent,
and she constantly demanded help. She even stormed into our
bedroom at three a m. Asking Liam for massages. We
sleep naked, so that was awkward. She criticized our Buddhist souvenirs,
(01:09):
insisted we hang across I did, and complained non stop.
She suggested we move in with her, an hour from
our jobs and school. I'm a full time student with
two jobs and a four point zero GPA, and I
was falling behind. Liam, who works full time, switched to
remote work. His boss hated this to care for Tanya.
(01:32):
Her health updates were always shifting. MRI canceled surgery, then
chemo postponed due to infection, then E coli, always a
new reason, no clear diagnosis or paperwork. When her husband, David,
who founds her lifestyle, was away, she made us go
to her house to get her jewelry because she thinks
(01:52):
he'll steal it when she dies. He's an alcoholic, according
to her. We were supposed to take her to the
er right after, but we ended up staying sixteen hours
doing chores. I folded four hundred and twenty clothing items,
cleaned the whole house, and felt like her unpaid maid,
not a single please or thank you. She was stalling
(02:14):
to go to the er, and when we finally got
there at five a m. She said she'd check herself
in and sent us home. Three hours later, she called again,
sobbing for help. She had been rejected by the er.
I suspect she faked it. Liam and I have both
been skipping meals, loosing sleep, and falling behind at work
(02:36):
to help her. He once said he's waiting for her
to pass away so we can move to Europe. He's
been forced to manage her divorce, lawyers meetings, and funeral prep. Meanwhile, David,
who was paying the hospital bills and had been kept
in the dark about this, sent Liam aggressive texts like
I call bs and don't show up at my house
(02:58):
no more. Then Lady apologized. Tanya called, begging for help,
but this time she wanted me because David is jealous
of Liam. I had clearly told Liam I needed that
weekend to study for final exams, and going to that
house alone seemed sketchy. Now I'm planning a two to
three week Europe trip to see my mom, who I
(03:20):
haven't seen in over a year. Liam says he supports it,
but called it a little filfish. He's asked if I
were dying, would you quit your job to be with me?
And if it were your mom, would.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
You help her?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I felt pressured to say yes, but the truth is
my family wouldn't lie to me or use me like this.
I love Liam and want to be there for him,
but I don't trust his mom and this is starting
to affect our relationship? Am I the ahle for refusing
to help Tania and going home to Europe? No OPI,
I don't think you're the ahole. The way you present
(03:55):
the story, it does sound like Tanya is faking it
unless she has a clear diagnosis. Why keep going to
the er? I mean, the writing is on the wall,
he just refuses to read it. Why not take his
mom to a specialist and get her diagnosed. I'm pretty
sure she'll fight you, guys, tooth and nail to not
get there, which should be proof enough that she's faking it.
And in my opinion, between you and him, who's being selfish?
(04:18):
Is him? Not you? I mean, that whole hypothetical scenario
that he posted is absolute bs because, as you said,
your mom wouldn't lie to you like that, not like Tanya. Right, So,
no OPI, You're not the ahole, and definitely Liam's the
one being selfish. And what do you guys think? Let
me know in the comments section and now let's check
out the community comments. Ms SEF says, not the a whole.
(04:40):
I know you love your boyfriend, but you need to
ask yourself if you're willing to give up your own
life for him and his mom, because it's never going
to stop. It could stop if he chooses to set boundaries,
but it doesn't sound like he'll do that, and Opie responds,
thank you. He's assured me multiple times that I'm his priority.
If I told him to stay with me instead of
(05:00):
going to the hospital, he would, And the only times
I'll ever ask him to stay is when I can
tell his own health is suffering from it. He's also
ready to move to Europe with me. It's just that
he's getting guilt tripped by his mother. Every time he
tries to leave the hospital. She falls to her knees
and says stuff like.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
God will bless you more if you stay, this is
our last meal together, or I have no one. I'm
all alone, and that's what gets to him. Recently, he
asked me to come to the hospital with him to
give him a reason to leave early. When we tried
to explain to her that we have an appointment elsewhere,
she cuts us off and says, just go. Then she
(05:40):
didn't care for an explanation. When Liam said, by Mom,
I love you, she just snapped back actions speak louder
than words. Don't call me anymore.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
But then two hours later, she calls him and begs
for him to come back. I don't get it, Annie
Annihilation says, not the Ahole. I think you need to
have a serious sit down with Liam and suggest his
mom get therapy. No one has that many issues and
gets rejected from an er or has important procedures canceled
and not rescheduled for as soon as possible. She's using
(06:12):
this as manipulation. Your lives will be permanently on hold
until this is dealt with or contact is cut. And
Dopey responds, that's what I've been worried about since they won,
Ever since we invited her to stay one night. I
had a feeling it was going to be months until
this gets settled. I like your advice. However, my boyfriend
(06:32):
is strictly against therapy. Have kindly suggested it to him
in the past with his own issues, but he refuses
to even consider it. Doubt he'll suggest it to his mom,
especially since he doesn't think she's manipulating us. I will
try those. Worst thing that can happen is that he
says no, thank you. North Ardichoke sixty seven twenty one says,
(06:53):
not the Ahle, you should go visit your mom. You
can say she needs your help just as much as
his mother needs him, if you want to. If she
hasn't been diagnosed with anything serious, she is unlikely to
die in the two weeks that you're gone. Obviously, things
happen to people, and there is always a chance that
any one of us might die. And Dopy responds, and
if she were to die right as I'm overseas, I'd
(07:16):
fly back in a heartbeat to be there for my boyfriend,
no question. I just feel like I can't stay here
and tend to her during my summer break and get
guilt tripped every day when I could be spending some
time with my own family. It does feel very selfish,
but I haven't seen my family in a year, and
I'm not sure if it makes me the a hole
to leave my boyfriend behind. I wish he could just
(07:37):
come with me, and he said he totally would if
he had any more paid time off, but he used
it all on his mom. Jabbl One says, not the
a whle. Why is his family more important than yours?
I would tell him that he should move her to
assisted living or an apartment and higher help. Let him
know that while you love him. You are not lighting
(07:58):
your future on fire to help someone who won't help themselves.
And Opia responds, We've tried getting her assisted living and
hired help, but somehow they all refuse to take the gig.
Something's always preventing her from getting help, and I can't
tell if it's true or if she's the one denying help. Also,
I do think that his family should be as important
(08:20):
as mine. We see our partnerships as a family, meaning
his family is, whether I like it or not, my family.
So I do think if she was on her deathbed,
I shouldn't just go on vacation in Europe. I'm only
considering it because I don't believe she's that sick, and
if she is, then she should get help and not
exploit my boyfriend. And odd Refrigerator eighteen says not the ahle.
(08:44):
Does Liam see that she's faking it or does he
genuinely believe her? Not that it really makes a difference.
You cannot let this affect your life to the point
of no return. Absolutely keep doing things for yourself, and
he should too, and Opia responds, so, I don't think
he sees it. I've brought up once that what she's
doing is manipulation, and he said that's a bit harsh.
(09:06):
I then asked him if he thinks he's ever been
manipulated by his mom and he said, oh, definitely. She's
the biggest manipulator I know. But this is different because
she's actually sick, so she just really needs me to
be with her. So I think he's a bit in denial.
Unless I'm the crazy one and she really is sick,
I'd owe the world in apology. The community agrees that'll
(09:29):
Be is not the ahle, that she should just go
on her holiday, and that the boyfriend needs to wake up.
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends. A lot has happened since my
last post. I did take your guy's advice and went
to Europe to see my family for three weeks. Liam
called me incredibly selfish, finding countless reasons for me to stay.
(09:51):
I stood my ground and had a serious talk with
him about feeling manipulated and guilt tripped. That escalated into
a meltdown.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Threats like oh, book your ticket right now, I can,
and I will, I can break up if I want to,
then driving off and breaking down sobbing like never before.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
He said he doesn't mean to manipulate me that it
hurts to hear me say I feel manipulated when all
he's asking is for me to be there for him.
I don't excuse his behavior, but if my mom was sick,
i'd want his comfort too, so I understood his need
for support. He calmed down, apologized, and has been affectionate since.
He ended up supporting my decision to leave and said
(10:32):
how happy he was for me while I was with
my family. I felt great over there, cherishing every moment,
didn't miss America at all. Liam seemed okay while I
was gone and picked me up from the airport with
a welcome home cake, which was sweet. We had to
talk about the whole mom situation, and he kindly asked
me to be more supportive of coming to the hospital
(10:55):
with him. I agreed. Tania was very dependent on Liam
for weeks, calling him over day and night, guilt tripping
him non stop. Eventually he refused to help her any more.
She cut ties briefly, but they reconnected. His involvement has
gone way down since then. Tania's sister flew in from
(11:15):
Cali to help out, but couldn't take her crazy demands,
so she left. Niece came too, but left three days later.
Tania had surgery and started chemo as getting thinner and
losing her hair. She has another surgery scheduled for mid
October to get a mass removed, and a nurse at
the hospital did say to Liam while I was there
to witness it, I'm glad you're visiting your mom. Cancer
(11:38):
can be so tough. I don't think Tania is faking
any more. I am the AHO for being unsupportive despite
believing Tania. I haven't been involved at all since returning
from Europe. I'm better at standing my ground now and
defending myself when I feel manipulated by them. I learned
how to say no. May not have mastered it yet,
(11:58):
but I'm prioritizing my grades and my family over his
mom's odd demands, while also balancing quality time with my boyfriend.
I show sympathy for his mom and text her here
and there, but I agree with the Reddit comments that
it's not my job to treat or nurse her or
spend my weekends doing her chores. Other updates, Tania didn't
(12:19):
get divorced. She needs David to pay her medical bills,
but tells people he's a rude alcoholic who's waiting for
her to die. Liam quit his job it was too
much on top of his mom. His mood is way better.
He's healing mentally and treating me better too. I support
his unemployment for now because he's working digitally on projects
(12:40):
and has enough savings for his part of rent. I
haven't paid for any of his things since he's quit.
He's also still covering most of the groceries, so financially
nothing has changed as of now. If his savings run out,
he'll be forced to work, whether he wants to or not.
As a US citizen, he, unlike me, is at least
able to work anywhere, even if it's just a part
(13:03):
time gig. I'm not allowed to work off campus and
can only work up to twenty hours a week, So
if he runs out of money, he'll have to work.
Even if I wanted to cover his share, I can't.
I just don't make enough money with my campus jobs.
I also have emergency funds that I keep to myself
in case I ever need to suddenly pay for a
flight home or unexpected hospital bills, et cetera, that he
(13:25):
doesn't have access to. I'm able to support myself with
my work study jobs. I just wouldn't be able to
carry him fully if we were to stop paying his parts.
So as long as his savings hold up were good
and we both know that and have agreed on that,
if I'm able to find a full time job after graduation,
I will cover a bit more of the rent share,
(13:46):
which is fair because he's paying a little more for
rent these past two years since he has had a
full time job and I didn't all right, well, Tanya
wasn't faking cancer. I was absolutely wrong about that one.
But apparently that has insuaded her manipulation ways and Liam
still can't see it regardless. For you and lim opm
(14:06):
on account, this as a positive update for the relationship.
You guys were able to sit down and talk and
plot a path forward. So here's wishing you and Liam
the best in the future. Thanks so much for sharing
and to take care. And now let's move on to
the next post that also has an update. This post
is from the subredded am I the a whole would
I be the Ehle public and it's by user stick
(14:27):
am I the equal for telling my in laws I
have to quit babysitting for them. I twenty four female,
babysit for my in laws, who have a three year
old daughter. I also have my own son who's just
under two, so I need to bring him with me
on days that I'm sitting. I started working for them
in September of last year, and it was going well
when my son was small. He's leapt a lot, and
(14:49):
I was able to manage both of them. My father
in law is a firefighter and my mother in law
is a school teacher. I'm only needed on days my
father in law works, but he's on a revolving star
to the schedule changes from week to week. I babysit
anywhere from two to four days a week, from seven
am to four fifteen pm. My sister in law also
(15:10):
started part time preschool Monday through Wednesday from eight forty
five am to eleven twenty five am. I quickly realized
this year that I'm not able to manage my sister
in law's preschool schedule, my son's change in needs and schedule,
and my own house responsibility. Not only is the stress
and time this job requires taking away from my ability
(15:30):
to keep up with my own house and family, but
my son is having to mold his schedule to fit
this schedule. I'm oftentimes shaking his leg in the car
ride home from picking up my sister in law from
school to keep him awake because their naps have to
line up, or neither one of them gets a nap,
and that's awful for everyone involved. My husband is an
(15:52):
EMT who works three days a week twelve pm to
two am. We oftentimes have to leave before my son
gets to see his dad in the morning, so they
don't see each other sometimes for a couple of days.
My husband and I were discussing how difficult on us
and our son it is to watch my sister in
law and how I don't think I can do it anymore.
(16:12):
We realized it takes my husband picking up only two
overtime shifts a month to make more money than I
do working a full month for our in laws. Also,
I know about my in laws. They are much more
well off than we are. All three of their daughters
are in private school, they go on multiple vacations a year,
they have brand new cars, et cetera. I came to
(16:35):
my mother in law on Monday and told her I
need to talk to her about quitting and we had
a long conversation about why and different options. I told
her it was greatly affecting my mental health, my marriage,
and my family in general. She asked that I think
about some concerns, which included, what will we do if
something big happens financially and we need help? How am
(16:55):
I going to get the mental help that I need? Anxiety?
How will my husband and picking up overtime affect our marriage?
I asked in return that she talked to my father
in law about all their options. She agreed and said,
let's get through this week and we'll talk about our findings.
My father in law sent a text on Tuesday asking
if we could come over that evening to discuss babysitting
(17:18):
moving forward. I informed him that my husband was on shift,
but we could meet Wednesday or Saturday. He said he
would call off of work Wednesday so we could talk.
I suggested Saturday again, so he would need to miss work.
He insisted on Wednesday. Cut to Wednesday, we dropped my
son off with my sister in law. We went to
my in law's house and we sat down. They asked
(17:41):
me to recap my reasoning and asked what came from
the concerns they had. I told him about my husband
only needing two days of overtime, and I had actually
found a very affordable company to do counseling through. I
did a lot of research in the few days I
was given to find solutions and answers to all of
their concerns. When I asked them what solutions they had
that didn't involve me, they said they looked into one option,
(18:04):
but nothing else, and they were just hoping to compromise.
The whole conversation dipped back and forth between being hurtful
and being focused. They felt that we were hanging them
out to dry. Despite me saying I wasn't leaving right
away and I'd stay until they found someone. They said
they were really relying on me, and I'm disrespecting them
by asking to leave. They said I was putting their
(18:26):
daughter's well being on the back burner, and I wasn't
thinking about how this choice would affect them. I had
a full panic attack. I was sobbing on their couch,
telling them I'm so sorry, and I really really thought
I could do it, but I just felt like I
was burying myself and I felt like I wasn't even
a person anymore, and I just wanted to be home
with my family. I left feeling defeated and guilty and
(18:48):
wondering if I made a bad choice. I'm sure this
will change the dynamics in the house or when we
come over, but I really felt like this was the
best choice for my family. Wow, Opie, your in laws
absolutely suck. You don't need their permission to quit. What
the if is wrong with them? The moment you say
that something is kind of wrong with you, your mother in
(19:08):
law starts doing the psychological warfare on you, and your
father in law positions himself as some sort of authority
over you. No, Opie, no to all of it. The
only message you need to send is I can't help
you out anymore. In three weeks time, I will stop.
You have three weeks to fund somebody to replace me,
and that should be the end of the conversation. If
you and your husband are both on the same page,
(19:31):
what do you guys think? Let me know in the
comments section, and now let's check out the community comments.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
J C.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Bashbash says, this is so easy. They make you feel
like dirt and the job doesn't work. Quit and pull
away from your in laws. And work on the anxiety
that would push you towards keeping a relationship with people
who think you are a slave. Goddess from Cyprus says,
if they are that well off, they can afford to
hire a nanny or similar. You are not there for them,
(19:58):
but for your family. You also need to do what
you can for your mental health. I hope your husband
fully supports you and want to believe in magic, says,
So now you go back to your in laws and
tell them they need to make other arrangements. You don't
need them to agree. Your last day will be that date.
Tell them they never should have demanded reasons from you
(20:18):
that they just dismissed and then used guilt against you.
You are not their servant and will not be treated
as one. They've basically told you that they will be
upset unless you continue to let them use you. That
does not have to be your problem. Maybe you can
even pick up a part time job that will help
you with your self esteem and mental health and bringing
(20:39):
some money for your own little family. Your in laws
will live. Opie's edit. A lot of people are asking
where my husband was in all of this. I asked
him prior to the conversation with my father in law
and mother in law to let me do most of
the talking, as it's my job we're talking about. He
did shut down hurtful comments, correct and correct information, and
(21:00):
redirect unnecessary conversation, but after a very lengthy conversation, he
agreed to let me talk because that would feel best
for me. Thank you to everyone who comments. I appreciate
your support and it helps me feel better about this decision. Okay,
the community agrees Opie is not the Ahle, so let's
move on to the update to see how this story ends.
(21:21):
My in laws found someone to watch my sister in law.
It took them three days to find someone, which just
makes me a little more frustrated knowing it was so
easy for them to find someone and we could have
avoided one of the worst conversations I've ever been a
part of. But that's it. I'm done babysitting, Thank the Lord.
They reminded us on Friday that we have family night
on Sunday tonight, but I politely declined as everything is
(21:44):
still pretty fresh and upsetting to me. I'm hoping this
won't affect my family's relationship with them too much in
the future. But my husband and I have talked about
taking a pretty big step back after this whole ordeal.
I'm happy to be moving on to the next chapter
in my life. Thank you to everyone who commented and
gave advice. It really did bring me a lot of
confidence in my decision. There you have it, just sucky people.
(22:09):
They could have done all of this without putting you
through the ring rope. So here's wishing you both the best.
Take care and thanks for sharing. And now let's finish
this video with a mood booster post. This post is
from the subreddit malicious Compliance, and it's by user leaving
ad forty nine forty one. Don't ask me to wear
a collared shirt at nine pm for the following morning
(22:29):
and not expect a surprise. I was doing training to
become an instructor in a very very lax job where
jeans are a requirement. I was doing training three hours
away and they never told us we needed a collared shirt.
I was just planning to wear black V neck shirts
all weekend while teaching. However, the night before my seven
am class, at nine pm, they texted us and said,
(22:52):
you need to have a collared shirt for tomorrow. I
was like, no way, you're telling me this three hours
from home. Irritated, I went to Target at nine pm
and said I'm gonna wear a Hawaiian shirt just to
be spiteful. They said collared, not what kind of collared?
So I picked up one and showed up with it
the next morning, took off my jacket and looked my
(23:14):
boss square in the eye and said, be careful what
you ask for. They all laughed so hard. The students
loved it. They loved it. I loved it. And that's
the story of how I ended up with a Lilo
and Stitch Hawaiian shirt. Well, they wanted a collared shirt
and they definitely got one. Thanks so much for sharing, op,
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
(23:36):
for taking the time to watch it now. If you've
gotten to this point in the video, I assume that
you like these stories that I'm reading out, so here
are a couple more that you might enjoy. And if
you don't have any time to watch another story right now,
save it for later. And also don't forget to hit
that subscribe button.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded amy Ahole, and it's
by user no Selection forty twenty eight. Am I the
Aple for refusing to help my boyfriend's dying mother while
planning a trip to Europe. I twenty five female, live
with my boyfriend Liam twenty four male. About a month ago,
(00:25):
his mom, Tanya, began claiming she's dying of cancer, but
no diagnosis has been confirmed. Every hospital visit ends with
her being sent home. A nurse even told Liam she
might be faking. It started when she stayed one night
at our one bedroom apartment that turned into a week
of chaos. She refused air conditioning and fans said they
(00:48):
hurt her skin, but blowed dried her hair daily. The
apartment smelled awful. Everything had to be dark and silent,
and she constantly demanded help. She even stormed into our
bedroom at three a m. Asking Liam for massages. We
sleep naked, so that was awkward. She criticized our Buddhist souvenirs,
(01:09):
insisted we hang across I did, and complained non stop.
She suggested we move in with her, an hour from
our jobs and school. I'm a full time student with
two jobs and a four point zero GPA, and I
was falling behind. Liam, who works full time, switched to
remote work. His boss hated this to care for Tanya.
(01:32):
Her health updates were always shifting. MRI canceled surgery, then
chemo postponed due to infection, then E coli, always a
new reason, no clear diagnosis or paperwork. When her husband, David,
who founds her lifestyle, was away, she made us go
to her house to get her jewelry because she thinks
(01:52):
he'll steal it when she dies. He's an alcoholic, according
to her. We were supposed to take her to the
er right after, but we ended up staying sixteen hours
doing chores. I folded four hundred and twenty clothing items,
cleaned the whole house, and felt like her unpaid maid,
not a single please or thank you. She was stalling
(02:14):
to go to the er, and when we finally got
there at five a m. She said she'd check herself
in and sent us home. Three hours later, she called again,
sobbing for help. She had been rejected by the er.
I suspect she faked it. Liam and I have both
been skipping meals, loosing sleep, and falling behind at work
(02:36):
to help her. He once said he's waiting for her
to pass away so we can move to Europe. He's
been forced to manage her divorce, lawyers meetings, and funeral prep. Meanwhile, David,
who was paying the hospital bills and had been kept
in the dark about this, sent Liam aggressive texts like
I call bs and don't show up at my house
(02:58):
no more. Then Lady apologized. Tanya called, begging for help,
but this time she wanted me because David is jealous
of Liam. I had clearly told Liam I needed that
weekend to study for final exams, and going to that
house alone seemed sketchy. Now I'm planning a two to
three week Europe trip to see my mom, who I
(03:20):
haven't seen in over a year. Liam says he supports it,
but called it a little filfish. He's asked if I
were dying, would you quit your job to be with me?
And if it were your mom, would.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
You help her?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I felt pressured to say yes, but the truth is
my family wouldn't lie to me or use me like this.
I love Liam and want to be there for him,
but I don't trust his mom and this is starting
to affect our relationship? Am I the ahle for refusing
to help Tania and going home to Europe? No OPI,
I don't think you're the ahole. The way you present
(03:55):
the story, it does sound like Tanya is faking it
unless she has a clear diagnosis. Why keep going to
the er? I mean, the writing is on the wall,
he just refuses to read it. Why not take his
mom to a specialist and get her diagnosed. I'm pretty
sure she'll fight you, guys, tooth and nail to not
get there, which should be proof enough that she's faking it.
And in my opinion, between you and him, who's being selfish?
(04:18):
Is him? Not you? I mean, that whole hypothetical scenario
that he posted is absolute bs because, as you said,
your mom wouldn't lie to you like that, not like Tanya. Right, So,
no OPI, You're not the ahole, and definitely Liam's the
one being selfish. And what do you guys think? Let
me know in the comments section and now let's check
out the community comments. Ms SEF says, not the a whole.
(04:40):
I know you love your boyfriend, but you need to
ask yourself if you're willing to give up your own
life for him and his mom, because it's never going
to stop. It could stop if he chooses to set boundaries,
but it doesn't sound like he'll do that, and Opie responds,
thank you. He's assured me multiple times that I'm his priority.
If I told him to stay with me instead of
(05:00):
going to the hospital, he would, And the only times
I'll ever ask him to stay is when I can
tell his own health is suffering from it. He's also
ready to move to Europe with me. It's just that
he's getting guilt tripped by his mother. Every time he
tries to leave the hospital. She falls to her knees
and says stuff like.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
God will bless you more if you stay, this is
our last meal together, or I have no one. I'm
all alone, and that's what gets to him. Recently, he
asked me to come to the hospital with him to
give him a reason to leave early. When we tried
to explain to her that we have an appointment elsewhere,
she cuts us off and says, just go. Then she
(05:40):
didn't care for an explanation. When Liam said, by Mom,
I love you, she just snapped back actions speak louder
than words. Don't call me anymore.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
But then two hours later, she calls him and begs
for him to come back. I don't get it, Annie
Annihilation says, not the Ahole. I think you need to
have a serious sit down with Liam and suggest his
mom get therapy. No one has that many issues and
gets rejected from an er or has important procedures canceled
and not rescheduled for as soon as possible. She's using
(06:12):
this as manipulation. Your lives will be permanently on hold
until this is dealt with or contact is cut. And
Dopey responds, that's what I've been worried about since they won,
Ever since we invited her to stay one night. I
had a feeling it was going to be months until
this gets settled. I like your advice. However, my boyfriend
(06:32):
is strictly against therapy. Have kindly suggested it to him
in the past with his own issues, but he refuses
to even consider it. Doubt he'll suggest it to his mom,
especially since he doesn't think she's manipulating us. I will
try those. Worst thing that can happen is that he
says no, thank you. North Ardichoke sixty seven twenty one says,
(06:53):
not the Ahle, you should go visit your mom. You
can say she needs your help just as much as
his mother needs him, if you want to. If she
hasn't been diagnosed with anything serious, she is unlikely to
die in the two weeks that you're gone. Obviously, things
happen to people, and there is always a chance that
any one of us might die. And Dopy responds, and
if she were to die right as I'm overseas, I'd
(07:16):
fly back in a heartbeat to be there for my boyfriend,
no question. I just feel like I can't stay here
and tend to her during my summer break and get
guilt tripped every day when I could be spending some
time with my own family. It does feel very selfish,
but I haven't seen my family in a year, and
I'm not sure if it makes me the a hole
to leave my boyfriend behind. I wish he could just
(07:37):
come with me, and he said he totally would if
he had any more paid time off, but he used
it all on his mom. Jabbl One says, not the
a whle. Why is his family more important than yours?
I would tell him that he should move her to
assisted living or an apartment and higher help. Let him
know that while you love him. You are not lighting
(07:58):
your future on fire to help someone who won't help themselves.
And Opia responds, We've tried getting her assisted living and
hired help, but somehow they all refuse to take the gig.
Something's always preventing her from getting help, and I can't
tell if it's true or if she's the one denying help. Also,
I do think that his family should be as important
(08:20):
as mine. We see our partnerships as a family, meaning
his family is, whether I like it or not, my family.
So I do think if she was on her deathbed,
I shouldn't just go on vacation in Europe. I'm only
considering it because I don't believe she's that sick, and
if she is, then she should get help and not
exploit my boyfriend. And odd Refrigerator eighteen says not the ahle.
(08:44):
Does Liam see that she's faking it or does he
genuinely believe her? Not that it really makes a difference.
You cannot let this affect your life to the point
of no return. Absolutely keep doing things for yourself, and
he should too, and Opia responds, so, I don't think
he sees it. I've brought up once that what she's
doing is manipulation, and he said that's a bit harsh.
(09:06):
I then asked him if he thinks he's ever been
manipulated by his mom and he said, oh, definitely. She's
the biggest manipulator I know. But this is different because
she's actually sick, so she just really needs me to
be with her. So I think he's a bit in denial.
Unless I'm the crazy one and she really is sick,
I'd owe the world in apology. The community agrees that'll
(09:29):
Be is not the ahle, that she should just go
on her holiday, and that the boyfriend needs to wake up.
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends. A lot has happened since my
last post. I did take your guy's advice and went
to Europe to see my family for three weeks. Liam
called me incredibly selfish, finding countless reasons for me to stay.
(09:51):
I stood my ground and had a serious talk with
him about feeling manipulated and guilt tripped. That escalated into
a meltdown.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Threats like oh, book your ticket right now, I can,
and I will, I can break up if I want to,
then driving off and breaking down sobbing like never before.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
He said he doesn't mean to manipulate me that it
hurts to hear me say I feel manipulated when all
he's asking is for me to be there for him.
I don't excuse his behavior, but if my mom was sick,
i'd want his comfort too, so I understood his need
for support. He calmed down, apologized, and has been affectionate since.
He ended up supporting my decision to leave and said
(10:32):
how happy he was for me while I was with
my family. I felt great over there, cherishing every moment,
didn't miss America at all. Liam seemed okay while I
was gone and picked me up from the airport with
a welcome home cake, which was sweet. We had to
talk about the whole mom situation, and he kindly asked
me to be more supportive of coming to the hospital
(10:55):
with him. I agreed. Tania was very dependent on Liam
for weeks, calling him over day and night, guilt tripping
him non stop. Eventually he refused to help her any more.
She cut ties briefly, but they reconnected. His involvement has
gone way down since then. Tania's sister flew in from
(11:15):
Cali to help out, but couldn't take her crazy demands,
so she left. Niece came too, but left three days later.
Tania had surgery and started chemo as getting thinner and
losing her hair. She has another surgery scheduled for mid
October to get a mass removed, and a nurse at
the hospital did say to Liam while I was there
to witness it, I'm glad you're visiting your mom. Cancer
(11:38):
can be so tough. I don't think Tania is faking
any more. I am the AHO for being unsupportive despite
believing Tania. I haven't been involved at all since returning
from Europe. I'm better at standing my ground now and
defending myself when I feel manipulated by them. I learned
how to say no. May not have mastered it yet,
(11:58):
but I'm prioritizing my grades and my family over his
mom's odd demands, while also balancing quality time with my boyfriend.
I show sympathy for his mom and text her here
and there, but I agree with the Reddit comments that
it's not my job to treat or nurse her or
spend my weekends doing her chores. Other updates, Tania didn't
(12:19):
get divorced. She needs David to pay her medical bills,
but tells people he's a rude alcoholic who's waiting for
her to die. Liam quit his job it was too
much on top of his mom. His mood is way better.
He's healing mentally and treating me better too. I support
his unemployment for now because he's working digitally on projects
(12:40):
and has enough savings for his part of rent. I
haven't paid for any of his things since he's quit.
He's also still covering most of the groceries, so financially
nothing has changed as of now. If his savings run out,
he'll be forced to work, whether he wants to or not.
As a US citizen, he, unlike me, is at least
able to work anywhere, even if it's just a part
(13:03):
time gig. I'm not allowed to work off campus and
can only work up to twenty hours a week, So
if he runs out of money, he'll have to work.
Even if I wanted to cover his share, I can't.
I just don't make enough money with my campus jobs.
I also have emergency funds that I keep to myself
in case I ever need to suddenly pay for a
flight home or unexpected hospital bills, et cetera, that he
(13:25):
doesn't have access to. I'm able to support myself with
my work study jobs. I just wouldn't be able to
carry him fully if we were to stop paying his parts.
So as long as his savings hold up were good
and we both know that and have agreed on that,
if I'm able to find a full time job after graduation,
I will cover a bit more of the rent share,
(13:46):
which is fair because he's paying a little more for
rent these past two years since he has had a
full time job and I didn't all right, well, Tanya
wasn't faking cancer. I was absolutely wrong about that one.
But apparently that has insuaded her manipulation ways and Liam
still can't see it regardless. For you and lim opm
(14:06):
on account, this as a positive update for the relationship.
You guys were able to sit down and talk and
plot a path forward. So here's wishing you and Liam
the best in the future. Thanks so much for sharing
and to take care. And now let's move on to
the next post that also has an update. This post
is from the subredded am I the a whole would
I be the Ehle public and it's by user stick
(14:27):
am I the equal for telling my in laws I
have to quit babysitting for them. I twenty four female,
babysit for my in laws, who have a three year
old daughter. I also have my own son who's just
under two, so I need to bring him with me
on days that I'm sitting. I started working for them
in September of last year, and it was going well
when my son was small. He's leapt a lot, and
(14:49):
I was able to manage both of them. My father
in law is a firefighter and my mother in law
is a school teacher. I'm only needed on days my
father in law works, but he's on a revolving star
to the schedule changes from week to week. I babysit
anywhere from two to four days a week, from seven
am to four fifteen pm. My sister in law also
(15:10):
started part time preschool Monday through Wednesday from eight forty
five am to eleven twenty five am. I quickly realized
this year that I'm not able to manage my sister
in law's preschool schedule, my son's change in needs and schedule,
and my own house responsibility. Not only is the stress
and time this job requires taking away from my ability
(15:30):
to keep up with my own house and family, but
my son is having to mold his schedule to fit
this schedule. I'm oftentimes shaking his leg in the car
ride home from picking up my sister in law from
school to keep him awake because their naps have to
line up, or neither one of them gets a nap,
and that's awful for everyone involved. My husband is an
(15:52):
EMT who works three days a week twelve pm to
two am. We oftentimes have to leave before my son
gets to see his dad in the morning, so they
don't see each other sometimes for a couple of days.
My husband and I were discussing how difficult on us
and our son it is to watch my sister in
law and how I don't think I can do it anymore.
(16:12):
We realized it takes my husband picking up only two
overtime shifts a month to make more money than I
do working a full month for our in laws. Also,
I know about my in laws. They are much more
well off than we are. All three of their daughters
are in private school, they go on multiple vacations a year,
they have brand new cars, et cetera. I came to
(16:35):
my mother in law on Monday and told her I
need to talk to her about quitting and we had
a long conversation about why and different options. I told
her it was greatly affecting my mental health, my marriage,
and my family in general. She asked that I think
about some concerns, which included, what will we do if
something big happens financially and we need help? How am
(16:55):
I going to get the mental help that I need? Anxiety?
How will my husband and picking up overtime affect our marriage?
I asked in return that she talked to my father
in law about all their options. She agreed and said,
let's get through this week and we'll talk about our findings.
My father in law sent a text on Tuesday asking
if we could come over that evening to discuss babysitting
(17:18):
moving forward. I informed him that my husband was on shift,
but we could meet Wednesday or Saturday. He said he
would call off of work Wednesday so we could talk.
I suggested Saturday again, so he would need to miss work.
He insisted on Wednesday. Cut to Wednesday, we dropped my
son off with my sister in law. We went to
my in law's house and we sat down. They asked
(17:41):
me to recap my reasoning and asked what came from
the concerns they had. I told him about my husband
only needing two days of overtime, and I had actually
found a very affordable company to do counseling through. I
did a lot of research in the few days I
was given to find solutions and answers to all of
their concerns. When I asked them what solutions they had
that didn't involve me, they said they looked into one option,
(18:04):
but nothing else, and they were just hoping to compromise.
The whole conversation dipped back and forth between being hurtful
and being focused. They felt that we were hanging them
out to dry. Despite me saying I wasn't leaving right
away and I'd stay until they found someone. They said
they were really relying on me, and I'm disrespecting them
by asking to leave. They said I was putting their
(18:26):
daughter's well being on the back burner, and I wasn't
thinking about how this choice would affect them. I had
a full panic attack. I was sobbing on their couch,
telling them I'm so sorry, and I really really thought
I could do it, but I just felt like I
was burying myself and I felt like I wasn't even
a person anymore, and I just wanted to be home
with my family. I left feeling defeated and guilty and
(18:48):
wondering if I made a bad choice. I'm sure this
will change the dynamics in the house or when we
come over, but I really felt like this was the
best choice for my family. Wow, Opie, your in laws
absolutely suck. You don't need their permission to quit. What
the if is wrong with them? The moment you say
that something is kind of wrong with you, your mother in
(19:08):
law starts doing the psychological warfare on you, and your
father in law positions himself as some sort of authority
over you. No, Opie, no to all of it. The
only message you need to send is I can't help
you out anymore. In three weeks time, I will stop.
You have three weeks to fund somebody to replace me,
and that should be the end of the conversation. If
you and your husband are both on the same page,
(19:31):
what do you guys think? Let me know in the
comments section, and now let's check out the community comments.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
J C.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Bashbash says, this is so easy. They make you feel
like dirt and the job doesn't work. Quit and pull
away from your in laws. And work on the anxiety
that would push you towards keeping a relationship with people
who think you are a slave. Goddess from Cyprus says,
if they are that well off, they can afford to
hire a nanny or similar. You are not there for them,
(19:58):
but for your family. You also need to do what
you can for your mental health. I hope your husband
fully supports you and want to believe in magic, says,
So now you go back to your in laws and
tell them they need to make other arrangements. You don't
need them to agree. Your last day will be that date.
Tell them they never should have demanded reasons from you
(20:18):
that they just dismissed and then used guilt against you.
You are not their servant and will not be treated
as one. They've basically told you that they will be
upset unless you continue to let them use you. That
does not have to be your problem. Maybe you can
even pick up a part time job that will help
you with your self esteem and mental health and bringing
(20:39):
some money for your own little family. Your in laws
will live. Opie's edit. A lot of people are asking
where my husband was in all of this. I asked
him prior to the conversation with my father in law
and mother in law to let me do most of
the talking, as it's my job we're talking about. He
did shut down hurtful comments, correct and correct information, and
(21:00):
redirect unnecessary conversation, but after a very lengthy conversation, he
agreed to let me talk because that would feel best
for me. Thank you to everyone who comments. I appreciate
your support and it helps me feel better about this decision. Okay,
the community agrees Opie is not the Ahle, so let's
move on to the update to see how this story ends.
(21:21):
My in laws found someone to watch my sister in law.
It took them three days to find someone, which just
makes me a little more frustrated knowing it was so
easy for them to find someone and we could have
avoided one of the worst conversations I've ever been a
part of. But that's it. I'm done babysitting, Thank the Lord.
They reminded us on Friday that we have family night
on Sunday tonight, but I politely declined as everything is
(21:44):
still pretty fresh and upsetting to me. I'm hoping this
won't affect my family's relationship with them too much in
the future. But my husband and I have talked about
taking a pretty big step back after this whole ordeal.
I'm happy to be moving on to the next chapter
in my life. Thank you to everyone who commented and
gave advice. It really did bring me a lot of
confidence in my decision. There you have it, just sucky people.
(22:09):
They could have done all of this without putting you
through the ring rope. So here's wishing you both the best.
Take care and thanks for sharing. And now let's finish
this video with a mood booster post. This post is
from the subreddit malicious Compliance, and it's by user leaving
ad forty nine forty one. Don't ask me to wear
a collared shirt at nine pm for the following morning
(22:29):
and not expect a surprise. I was doing training to
become an instructor in a very very lax job where
jeans are a requirement. I was doing training three hours
away and they never told us we needed a collared shirt.
I was just planning to wear black V neck shirts
all weekend while teaching. However, the night before my seven
am class, at nine pm, they texted us and said,
(22:52):
you need to have a collared shirt for tomorrow. I
was like, no way, you're telling me this three hours
from home. Irritated, I went to Target at nine pm
and said I'm gonna wear a Hawaiian shirt just to
be spiteful. They said collared, not what kind of collared?
So I picked up one and showed up with it
the next morning, took off my jacket and looked my
(23:14):
boss square in the eye and said, be careful what
you ask for. They all laughed so hard. The students
loved it. They loved it. I loved it. And that's
the story of how I ended up with a Lilo
and Stitch Hawaiian shirt. Well, they wanted a collared shirt
and they definitely got one. Thanks so much for sharing, op,
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
(23:36):
for taking the time to watch it now. If you've
gotten to this point in the video, I assume that
you like these stories that I'm reading out, so here
are a couple more that you might enjoy. And if
you don't have any time to watch another story right now,
save it for later. And also don't forget to hit
that subscribe button.
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