Dying Wife Made Me Promise I'd Never Date Again... Now My Daughter Called Me A Cheater

Relationship Stories - After losing his wife, OP promised he’d never date again. Years later, his daughter discovered he was seeing someone—and furiously accused him of cheating on her mom. Now he’s torn between love and loyalty.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredd Dami the a Hole,
and it's by user Express Highway seventy nine sixty nine.
Am I the a hole for not honoring my wife's
dying wish? Posting from a throwaway account. Six years ago,
my wife passed away after a short illness. The day

(00:25):
before she passed away, it seemed as though she may
pull through. She said to me, if I die, you're
not allowed to date. I laughed and promised I wouldn't.
Both of my daughters were there when she said it.
That night, things went horribly downhill, and she was gone
by noon the next day. I've spent the last six
years raising my girls and finally sent my youngest off

(00:48):
to college in August. I have been involved in a
few support groups for people who've lost spouses for the
last few years, and earlier this year I really connected
with a woman who lost her husband around the same time.
I wasn't looking for a relationship, but we have been
on a few days and I've been trying to keep
it concealed, at least in the meantime. We ended up

(01:11):
going to a restaurant and our server was one of
my older daughter's friends from high school. She must have
called or texted my daughter, because last night my daughter
called to scream at me and basically told me I
was cheating on her mother and I had no right
to dishonor her request of me. I am pretty furious
she called me like that, and I had to hang

(01:32):
up and told her i'd call her in the morning
when I've had time to reflect. Now, all I can
think of is how horrible I am for this. I'm
forty five years old and I need companionship, but I
don't want my daughters to think I'm spitting on their
mother's grave. My wife's sister also texted me to tell
me that my wife's request was unreasonable and unfair and

(01:54):
that her family is not going to judge me if
I move on, and she would talk to my daughter
about it. I don't want to ruin my relationship with
my kids over this, but I am so damn torn.
Am I the aple for not honoring her request? Well, people,
I don't think your question applies, because I really don't
think your wife expected you to never date again if

(02:15):
she ever passed away. I'm sure she was joking, but
for a very sad I don't know twelve to fifteen
year old girl, I would say, yeah, she might take
it as is and seeing you date someone now would
upset her. I think you need to talk to her
and help her understand that's not how this is, that
you have a life and that you have to keep
living it, and that her mom was joking. It might

(02:37):
take her some time to understand or not, but maybe
she needs some help grieving. Maybe in the past six
years she hasn't worked through it properly and hanging on
to it through you. What do you guys think? Let
me know in the comments section, and now let's check
out the community comments. Groovy yeah Yah, says quote sweetheart,
do you remember that I laughed and mom and I

(02:58):
talked about other things. It was a joke between us.
I'm sorry that you took it seriously. I had no idea.
I've not dated because I was focused on you two
and I wasn't ready. I will always love your mother,
No one can erase that. But losing your spouse and
losing your mom are two different things. Our paths on
the grief journey aren't the same, although they are parallel

(03:21):
and involve the same person. You lost a mom, but
I lost a companion. I'm lonely. The woman your friend
saw me with isn't even someone i'd call a girlfriend yet,
but a friend someone I met in a support group
for people who have lost spouses. Might not to even
talk to women have friends. Am I supposed to wait

(03:42):
in the house for crumbs of contact from you and
your sister and wait to join your mom. I've tried
very hard to raise you to and want you to
go off to college and establish your life and not
worry about me. But you screaming at me tells me
that maybe I was wrong and not showing you a
lie little bit of what it has been like for me. More.

(04:02):
I'm sorry you were upset. Maybe we can do some
counseling together. Double Swimming eighty eight forty five says, Firstly,
none of us know your wife personally, but was she
maybe trying to make a joke when she said not
to date anyone after her. Secondly, you're not the aphle
for this. You're allowed to move on. You're forty five.

(04:23):
Your daughter is completely insane to think that you're not
going to date or see anyone else. I do think
you did the right thing to wait until your daughters
were grown, though, to start dating. You're allowed to love
other people. That doesn't mean you don't love their mother anymore.
It's just a part of healing and moving on. Right
At thirty twenty six says it is not cheating and

(04:45):
it was not a fair request from your wife. Your
daughter is overreacting. It's been six years and you are
allowed to date again without guilt. Forty five is still
young and you should have companionship if you wanted, listen
to your sister in law, maybe have a talk with
your daughters about how it's been six years and you
are lonely for companionship and their mom will always be

(05:06):
loved and remembered, but she's no longer here and you
need to keep living and be happy again. Particular Team
fifty two oh eight says, no, you made an unreasonable
promise during a time of pain to your children. I'd
say this, Are you willing to move home and be
my companion? Twenty four seven Help alleviate my loneliness? Watch

(05:27):
movies I want to watch Help splitting all chores, even
Steven laugh at my stupid dad jokes. For the rest
of your lives that was an unfair promise your mother
asked of me. How could I respond differently as she
was dying, I too need companionship and love, and the
wake of fogy says not the a whole, marriages for
this world, not the next, which is why we say

(05:49):
until death do us part. You were a faithful husband,
fulfilled your vows, and you are not an a whole
for being human and needing companionship and love. Opie's edit, Wow,
thank you for all the comments. I want to clear
up that when she said it, I did take it
as a joke, and I think she was joking as well.

(06:10):
The issue, as pointed out by a few, is that
my kids were present and took it seriously. They were
fourteen and twelve at the time. She had been hospitalized
with severe pneumonia and had been on oxygen for two days.
All signs were pointing to a full recovery, and it
was during this time she made the statement. None of
us expected her to go downhill so quickly overnight. Also

(06:35):
about my daughter's friend, her intent was not malicious. She's
always been a good friend to my daughter, and I
think it was probably a Hey, I saw your dad
on a day I'm so happy for him type of situation.
I've never known her to be vindictive. All right, Well,
the community agrees that Opie was not the equal, and
I think that first commenter just laid it out beautifully.

(06:58):
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends. I called my daughter this morning
and asked her if I can come to her campus
for breakfast with her. She goes to school an hour away,
so it isn't a bad drive. Apparently, my sister in
law did talk to her last night and told her
she was being irrational and unfair and that I deserve

(07:19):
to be happy. My younger daughter, who goes to school
several hours away, also told my older daughter it isn't
a big deal and I'm allowed to live my life.
We had breakfast and walked around her campus for a
few hours. We talked about her mom and how much
we all loved her and miss her. We had some
laughs and cries, and I told her I would never

(07:42):
try to replace her mother, and anyone I date would
have to get along with my girls. She is still upset,
which I acknowledge, but she agrees it's unreasonable to expect
me to go the rest of my life alone. She
apologized for her reaction and genuinely FA felt bad that
she acted that way. I suggest that we go to

(08:03):
therapy together to work some of this out, but she's
really busy at school so wouldn't be able to until
winter break. I feel like I left with her understanding
and really hope she won't hold this against me. I
was not even looking for a relationship, especially at a
support group. We met in March, went on our first
date in July, and have only been on three more since.

(08:26):
We have not even been intimate, so I'm not exactly
sure where it's going. I appreciate all of the responses
and advice from everyone. Well, it's a good thing that
you had that conversation with your daughter. She might still
be a little bit upset now, but that's because she's
just working through it, because she does understand that you
are allowed to have a life. I'm sure she'll get

(08:47):
there soon enough, and in winter break, you guys get
that extra help. So here's wishing you the best to pee,
thanks so much for sharing and to take care. And
now let's move on to the next post that also
has an update. It's from the subreddit am I overreacting
and it's by user Rude Winter ninety one ninety two.
Am I overreacting for calling off my wedding after my

(09:08):
fiance got drunk, put on my wedding dress and had
an accident in it. This sounds completely ridiculous, but it
really happened, and I can't stop thinking about it. Some
people are telling me I completely overreacted, and I'm starting
to question myself. I'm twenty eight and was supposed to
get married last weekend to my fiancee, Nick, who is thirty.

(09:29):
We've been together for four years. He's funny and a
little impulsive, but I always thought he had good judgments.
He drinks socially, but I've never seen him totally out
of control until now. The night before our wedding, I
stayed at home with my sister and two of my
bridesmaids for a relaxed night. Nick went out with his groomsmen.

(09:50):
I expected him to come home tipsy at most at
around one thirty in the morning. He came home absolutely wasted, slurring, stumbling, sweaty.
I was brushing my teeth when I heard him banging
around in the guest room. When I went to check,
I saw him dragging my wedding dress out of the closet.
I asked what he was doing, and he just laughed

(10:13):
and said he wanted to see how it felt to
be the bride. I told him to put it back
and not touch it, but he was not listening at all.
Right in front of me, he stripped down completely and
started putting on the dress. He could barely get it
over his body and kept tripping over the train. I
didn't know what to say. Then he dropped to the

(10:35):
floor in the dress, still laughing. Then he went quiet,
looked at me with his panicked face and said, oh no.
A few seconds later, he had an accident diarrhea. It
soaked through the back of the dress and onto the carpet.
The smell was immediate and overwhelming. I stood there in
shock while he started crying and tried to get out

(10:57):
of the dress, which only made more of a mess.
It was all over the fabric, the floor, and him.
I told him to get in the shower and I left.
I drove straight to my mom's house and didn't take
any of his calls. The next morning I called off
the wedding. Since then, Nick has apologized over and over.
He said he blacked out and barely remembers what happened.

(11:19):
His family is furious with me and says, I'm throwing
away a great relationship over a drunken mistake. Some of
my friends agree and think I should have postponed instead
of canceling. Even my maid of honor said I might
be letting emotions take over and that it wasn't unforgivable.
But I feel like something broke that night. I didn't

(11:40):
just feel disgusted, I felt disrespected. The dress wasn't just expensive,
it was important to me. It symbolized something I cannot
unsee what happened. I can't laugh about it or move
on like it's just one bad night. I don't know
how to look at him the same way. Am I
overreacting for calling off the same wedding? Well, it'll be.

(12:02):
In my opinion, it's a bit of a tough one
to judge because from one point you could say, yeah,
you know, he just had an accident, But it wasn't
just the accident. It was everything leading up to it
and everything that broke in you. For starters, he showed
a very huge lack of judgment for going out drinking
the night before the wedding like there isn't going to
be a party the next day. Come on, man, and

(12:22):
I understand that people that are very, very drunk are
not in the most rational of places, but trying to
put on a wedding dress, now maybe they're getting sick.
Part wasn't absolutely on purpose, But every one of the
decisions that he took leading up to that moment are
on him. And you told us that that broke something
in you that you can't see him the way you

(12:43):
used to. So I might venture into saying that even
though you care a lot about him, still your perception
of him is completely different now. So at a minimum,
pausing the wedding is the right way to go. And
what do you guys think? Let me know in the
comments section, and now let's check out the community comments too.
Says is this something that happens often? Does he often

(13:04):
get blackout drunk? If yes, consider this a bullet dodged.
Either way, it is a little concerning he got blackout
drunk the day before your wedding. I think you need
to have a conversation to figure out whether this is
a relationship with saving and Dopey responds, no, this is
the first time He's even gotten this drunk in the
time I've known him, which is why I think I

(13:25):
might be overreacting. Happy Summer Breeze says, people are still
themselves when they are blackout drunk. I've seen my husband
fend off flirty women when he was so drunk. He
was still himself when he ignored you. He was still
himself when he wore your wedding dress, something that is
obviously special and off limits. The dress is the most

(13:45):
important item of the most important day of your life,
and he crapped on it. No one forced him to
get that drunk, and he was still himself when drunk.
Dooku fourteen says it's the series of bad decisions that
gets me here. First getting pissed or in this case,
crap drunk the night before your wedding. Thirty years old

(14:06):
can't bounce back like a twenty one year old can.
Being hungover at your own wedding is a bad look.
Go ham at the bachelor party, sure, but maybe keep
it to a couple of drinks max. The night before. Second,
it's deciding to drunkenly put on your fiance's dress. I'll
be honest, I'd be terrified. To go anywhere near it

(14:27):
until after the wedding. I wouldn't want to be the
cause of any sort of issue with it, especially with
T minus twenty four hours until the wedding. Third, it's
the decision to keep going, even though you are struggling
and ignoring your pleas to stop. Hard to excuse so
many bad decisions in such a short time. And Andromeda

(14:49):
zero eight one says you implored him to stop, and
he did not, with what twelve or so hours before
the wedding. Then it obviously didn't fit, and he forced
it on, so he was fine with damage to less
than a day before you had to wear it, so
there would have been no time to sew up any rips.
Then he craps in it and rolled around in it.

(15:11):
It's easy for others to say just get over it
when they didn't go through all that themselves. They're thinking
about if I don't even know the cost of the wedding,
not having him on their own lives, who knows. Don't
let their sunk cost become your sunk cost. Seeing all
this was a deal breaker for you. So these people
need to either accept that or keep their opinions to themselves.

(15:32):
If they don't, but guilt tripping you about your deal
breaker doesn't fly. It's not their lives or future on
the line, it's yours. People break up all the time
for less. You are not obligated to pledge your life
to this embarrassing man. Well, the community definitely agrees that
Up is not the a hole and that she's kind
of dodging a bullet. So now let's move on to

(15:54):
the update to see how this story ends. First off,
thank you to everyone who is sponded. I didn't expect
the level of attention my postcard, and honestly, reading the
replies made me feel less lone. Some people told me
I was right to call it off. Others said it
was a terrible mistake but not unforgivable. Both sides helped
me see the situation more clearly. I spoke to Nick

(16:17):
this morning, not for closure, not for a big emotional talk,
just to return some things and to check in about
logistics since everything's been canceled. But we ended up sitting
down and talking for over an hour. He apologized again, sincerely.
He didn't try to defend himself or shift blame. He
told me he didn't remember everything clearly, but knows he

(16:40):
came home wasted, saw the dress and, in his words,
thought it would be funny or meaningful or something. He
didn't mean to ruin the dress. He didn't mean to
humiliate me, but he did, and he knows that. He said,
he's ashamed of what happened and how out of control
he let himself get. He also admitted this wasn't the
first time his drinking led to something bad. He says

(17:04):
this was a wake up call and that he's going
to stop drinking entirely. I didn't even know he had
a problem. The thing is, I still care about him.
We were supposed to get married. I didn't walk away
from someone I didn't love. But something inside me cracked
that night, and it hasn't healed. I don't know if
it will. I know it sounds superficial to some people,

(17:26):
but for me, it was a symbol of our future,
of the person I thought I was marrying, and watching
him defile it in that state, whether on purpose or
by accident, changed something. I've been trying to figure out
if that one night should be the end of four
years together. But it's not really just that one night,

(17:46):
is it. It's what it revealed about how he handles stress,
about how far he let himself go, about how I
felt standing in that room watching someone I loved almost
become unrecognizable. I haven't made a final decision yet. Technically
the wedding is still canceled, but the relationship isn't officially over.
We're on kind of emotional pause. I guess he says

(18:10):
he wants to make things right, and maybe he will.
Maybe with time, I'll want to try again, But right
now I still feel like I'm grieving something that ended,
and I don't know if I'm ready to build it
back from scratch. Well, it'll be whatever decision you end
up making, you need to feel one hundred percent certain
that you are making it for the right reasons and

(18:31):
not because you're pushed or because of some cost fallacy
like someone mentioned. Just think about your future. And on
that note, here's switching you the best. Thanks for sharing
and take care, and now let's finish this video with
a mood booster post. This post is from the subreddit
malicious Compliance, and it's by user Green's zero five to one.
Spotify support told me to read their refund policy, so

(18:54):
I did and forced them to give me a refund,
so my Spotify pre renewed today because I forgot to cancel.
I immediately checked their refund policy online and confirmed I
was eligible. So I canceled the plan literally within minutes,
and hopped on support chat to ask for the refund.
Something simple, right wrong. The agent, Christina gave me the

(19:17):
classic run around. She said the fourteen day refund period
only applies to your initial sign up, and since I'd
been a member for months, I was out of luck.
She even sent me a link to the policy to
prove her point, telling me to read it. This is
where the malicious compliance comes in. I did exactly what

(19:38):
she said. I read the policy and then I went
deeper and found their full, legally binding terms of use.
And what did I find? In section three under withdrawal? Right,
it clearly states you have fourteen fourteen days after your
purchase two withdraw for any reason. A monthly renewal is

(19:58):
a new purchase. My own research before the chat was correct,
I went back to Christina and quoted the terms of
use directly. She put me on hold to check backstage,
then came back with the same denial. Her team was
doubling down on the incorrect script so I played my
final card. I sent this message. Since this dispute is

(20:21):
specifically about the legal interpretation of the withdrawal right in
your terms of use, could you please provide the contact
information for Spotify's legal department or the appropriate office for
handling formal contractual disputes. The change was instant. Suddenly she
had to see what she could do. Five minutes later,

(20:42):
I've managed to ask some support with our backstage team
and we can go ahead and prouses a refund for you.
They've folded like a cheap suit nicely. Don ope, you
called their bluff and raise the stakes. That was good
enough for them. Thanks for sharing, and that's it for
today's video. Thank you so much for taking the time

(21:04):
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