Husband Won't Get A Vasectomy Just In Case His Imaginary Future Wife Wants Kids

Relationship Stories - OP just gave birth to her fourth child and expected her husband to follow through on his vasectomy. Instead, he hesitated—saying he might want kids someday with an imaginary future wife—leaving OP devastated.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre reddit stories.
This post is from the subreddit Relationship Advice, and it's
by user prior feature thirty nine ninety three. My thirty
one female husband thirty one male wants to back out
of vasectomy over hypothetical situation. I'm upset and not sure
what to do. Just wanting to know if I'm being

(00:26):
irrational in being upset and how you would proceed in
this situation. Backstory Me thirty one female and husband thirty
one male have been married for nearly ten years and
just had our fourth child. We always said we would
have three maybe four kids max, so we are definitely
finished having them. My last two kids were c sections,

(00:48):
so my body has been through a lot. We decided
once we finished having kids, he would get a vasectomy because,
in his words, I will have done enough, which I
appreciate as I feel like if I'm on hormonal contraception,
I'm not really myself just overall not more emotional and unhappy.
When my husband went to book its vasectomy, he then

(01:11):
said he was worried it is so final, which I
replied with, good, we don't want any more kids. Turns
out he is concerned about what would happen if I
died young and he was to remarry and possibly wanting
more kids with that person. I'm two weeks postpartum, so
maybe I'm extra emotional at the moment, but I got

(01:31):
extremely upset by hearing this. We don't want more kids.
We agreed on this for at least the last four years.
This would be what we'd do, and now I feel
like he's prioritizing some unlikely hypothetical over our current marriage
and what's best for it. It also hurts to hear
his plans to replace me and just possibly make a

(01:51):
new family in general. He said he thinks he will
still do it because he loves me and he knows
I want this, but I'm still hurt by all of this,
and now also worried he'll resent me overy hypothetical. I
obviously still want him to get the visectomy, and it's
what we had discussed would be best for us as
a couple, but I also don't want to pressure him

(02:12):
into a medical procedure. I don't know how to navigate
this moving forward. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting, but
I just feel sad. Well will be Let's tackle one
thing at a time. What your husband said is an illogical,
hypothetical situation based on what's happening right now. Basically, he's
scared to get snipped, and he made him some stupid

(02:34):
bs excuse as to why he should be worried about it.
I understand why you feel hurt by it, and there's
no need explaining it because it's just stupid what he said. Now,
if I were you, this is how I would move forward.
If you're okay with it, I would tell him, well,
if you don't want to get the vasectomy, then by
condoms and intimacy is just going to have to involve
a condom, and that's it. And if he starts saying

(02:55):
no but it's not the same or whatever, well then
go get the vasectomy. In any case, it's reversible. And
if he's also worried about I don't know his hormonal
levels and maybe some personality changes, that's not gonna happen
because the sectomies have nothing to do with testosterone. And
what do you guys think? Let me know in the
comments section, and now let's check out the community comments.

(03:16):
Sonic Tight says, if you die, he's going to be
pretty eving busy raising his current four kids alone, or
is he assuming they die with you in this hypothetical situation.
His body has choice at the end of the day,
but also your body, your choice to abstain from sex
in order to avoid a pregnancy. Jesse Mine a Ugula says,

(03:36):
why is he worried about a hypothetical family when your
family of six is right there. They store semen on
file afterwards, so if you want more kids you can
Why is he so caught up that you will die
and he has to procreate with his new hypothetical wife
instead of worrying about the four he has here and now?
Why is his ability to make more and more important

(03:57):
than the family he has here and now? Girl with
the dragon tattoo says, I think you need to be
a bit more concerned that your partner and co parent
is telling you that in the event of your untimely death,
his priority will be finding a new partner and creating
a new family, instead of carrying deeply about the needs
of your four existing children navigating the difficulties of life

(04:20):
with one parent? Am I discounting that he is probably
just a big baby and scared to get snipped after
you experienced the two major abdominal surgeries. No, not at all.
But at the root of this, it seems to be
about him being deeply selfish, and there's nothing anyone can
do about that unless he is willing to change it.

(04:41):
SFB two eight says, geez, he must earn a fair
whack if he can consider having a fifth child with
some hypothetical woman who is willing to take on a
widower with four kids in tow. Honestly, other than pointing
out how cruel and thoughtless that is, I'm not sure
there's much you can do. I'd be asking him if
he actually does want more kids, because why does having

(05:01):
a second partner come into it. He's either done or not.
And Lynn nineteen fifteen says, novasectomy no sex simple. Lots
of men do this for their marriage and their wife.
It's a simple procedure for the man, much more invasive
for a woman. Yet here we are with another man
putting his ego first. This is a hill to die on.

(05:22):
Think about it. He would rather you take all the
responsibility for birth control when it affects your body negatively,
rather than man up. It speaks to his commitment to
you and the family. As a whole. I would insist
on counseling for you. Both resentment and loss of trust
goes both ways. His thinking that his hypothetical situation is

(05:42):
more important than your marriage is an eye opener to
his view of women in general and you in particular.
Only you can decide how to proceed, but you have
every right to feel as you do. Trust once lost
is almost impossible to find again. He is backing out
of an agreement and trying to shift the decision to
seek some professional help to navigate this. If not together,

(06:04):
then just for you. This is not easy. Good luck.
Additional information from Opie's comments. My husband has now gone
ahead and booked the vasectomy he was looking at next week.
He says he'll still do it. He admitted the finality
of it hit him hard, which is why he voiced
the remarriage hypothetical, but he reassured me that he won't

(06:24):
resent me and that he does see this is what's
best for us. I'll also want confirmation testing afterwards, just
to be sure it worked for me. The boundaries around
contraception are firm. I've added negative side effects from hormonal
birth control, and I won't go back on it. I
also won't be getting a tube legation, especially so soon
after a C section two weeks ago. If he didn't

(06:46):
follow through, the only option left would be condoms, though
part of why we wanted something permanent is that our
fourth child was a surprise even with condoms. I'm also
not using sex as a bargaining chip. I won't threaten
him or withhold intimacy, but I also won't let myself
be pushed into procedures that damage my health. If he
ever tried to force me onto birth control, my line

(07:09):
would be no sex at all, rather than compromise myself.
I've even said I'd be fine with him freezing sperm
if that made him feel more comfortable. For context, I
must stay at home mom, and he has a well
paying job. We aren't struggling financially. He does have life insurance,
but I don't, since if I passed away, the bigger
challenge for him would be childcare and the household role

(07:32):
I fell, not income. He's a good hands on dad.
He spends time with the kids, helps with homework and
bedtime routines. Our marriage is solid aside from this curveball,
and he can't be a bit of a warrior in general.
At this point, my takeaway is simple. If he's still
willing to go through with it, I'll let him, even
if he frames it as a sacrifice. What I won't

(07:53):
do is take on more procedures myself to make up
for his last minute second thoughts. All right, Well, the
community raised some valid points and Opie addressed them in
the additional context, and there's a clear plan. So let's
move on to the update to see how this story ends.
We spoke about it again and my husband clarified that
it just got real when booking it, was worried and

(08:16):
just freaked out a bit. He said he doesn't want
to put a hypothetical situation before what's best for us
and me, especially not going through pregnancy and birth again.
As well, he said that by going through with it,
he is also okay to not have any more kids,
even if the worst case occurred. So he booked it
in and got the procedure done this morning. I went

(08:36):
with him, so I know it was legit. We'll still
do the follow up in a few months to confirm
it worked, but for now that part is settled. He's
content with it, and while the initial comments hurt my feelings.
It did lead us to have a good conversation, and
he emphasized how he does love me and didn't want
to put anything else in front of that. So we

(08:57):
are good now. He'll just need to do a follow
up on a few months to make sure it's stuck.
Some additional information on my husband. A lot of people
said they thought he was saying that because he might
want a divorce or worse, et cetera, But I honestly
don't think that's why. He is just a worrier and
has been since a child. For example, his parents used

(09:19):
to travel a lot for work when he was young
without him, and he started being terrified that they would
die in a plane crash or while they were away.
It actually got so bad that they ended up changing
jobs and careers so they wouldn't have to travel anymore.
So this isn't the first time he has been worried
about someone close to him dying and then also worrying
about all scenarios that might follow. So when the reality

(09:42):
of booking something permanent like a vasectomy hit, his brain
just went into worst case scenario mode. Me dying young,
Henry marrying, and whether he'd regret closing that door. I'm
also only three weeks postpardon from a C section, so
emotions are still raw. I'm not even cleared for se
yet and won't be until he's cleared anyway, so nothing

(10:03):
is at risk in the meantime. But I think the
combination of me still recovering, the permanence of the procedure,
and his tendency to catastrophes made this a bigger emotional
hurdle than either of us expected. What matters is that
once we actually sat down and talked, he clarified that
he doesn't want to put a hypothetical over our reality.

(10:25):
He said directly that this was about nerves, not doubts
about us. So that's where we're at. He's had the procedure,
he's at peace with it, and I feel reassured. I
just wanted to make it clear that this wasn't him
planning an escape route. It was him being the same
anxious person he's always been, and we worked through it together.
Thank you everyone for your advice and especially those who

(10:46):
were kind and supportive. NAISOPI, this is a great update.
Communication once again for the win. It's as simple as that,
and here's wishing the best for the both of you
and a speedy recovery take care of and thanks for sharing.
Now let's move on to the next post that also
has an update. This post is from the subreddedt am

(11:06):
id a hole and it's by you Say Okay Truth
ninety one eighty three. Am I the ahle for being
the reason kids can't play on communal space. So I
recently moved into an apartment complex and have been loving
it so far. For a little needed explanation, my building
is just south of a grilling area open grass area.
This is the communal area I am talking about. From

(11:29):
the north, it's bordered by more units. From the west,
it has a busy street, and the east has our
parking lot. Now, when we first moved in, I would
constantly see kids playing. My balcony overlooks the communal grilling
grass area, and my first thoughts were, finally, kids doing
kids stuff and if it stayed that way, I wouldn't
be posting here. The problem started with the kids hiding

(11:52):
between the cars while playing, leading them to scratch not
only my car, but the neighbors from my building too.
Not just once, but multiple times. I reached out to
the leasing office for help. As to what can be done.
I explained the entire situation with pictures of scratches not
only on my car, but my neighbors sent me their
car scratches as well. Come to find out, kids under

(12:15):
the age of seventeen can't be outside by themselves according
to the least rules and policies. They gave me three options. One,
I can go up to the kids and tell them
to go back to their house and apartment. I didn't
feel comfortable with this option, as kids these days really
don't listen to anyone. Two, I can tell the leasing

(12:35):
office every time I see them to report the lease violation.
And three, I can call the police, show them the
lease violation, and have them escort the kids back to
their homes. Obviously, three is a huge escalation that I
didn't want to do, so I chose option two and
included pictures from my balcony of the kids by themselves,

(12:55):
still playing in between the cars. The office followed up
with me saying that the unit those kids are from
are on their last chance before the violations become reason
enough for eviction. Apparently they have had les violations reported
on them before. I was explaining this to my friend
as she was seeing me take the pictures from my balcony,

(13:15):
and she called me an insensitive a hole. She said
that because I'm not a parent, I can't imagine how
tiring it must be for a parent to watch their
kids outside after work when the parents deserve to relax.
She started saying, I need to be part of their village.
I kept trying to tell her that there are other
places for these kids to play. Our complex has three

(13:36):
fenced playgrounds, especially for kids still require parental supervision, that
they could play in. So I didn't think I'm in
the wrong, But now I'm second guessing myself. So am
I being a Karen or the a hole? In my opinion? No?
OPI not at all. Look I've got kids, and I
know raising kids is not easy. And yeah, you have

(13:57):
to watch them after work. That's just life, and it
isn't forever. I don't know what those parents' situation is,
but it's not right that other people get scratches on
their cars because they can't keep up with their kids.
And your friend pushing you to be a part of
their village. No, you choose which village you want to
be a part of. Maybe your friend has some extra
hours she can go and watch the kids so the

(14:19):
parents don't have to, or maybe she's gonna pay for
the car scratches. The fact is, if you want to
excuse something, you'll always find a way to do it,
proven by your friend's weak ass argument. Anyways, OBI, not
the ahole. Now what do you guys think? Let me
know in the comments section, and now let's check out
the community comments. Lake Glenn forty two eighty seven says,
not the ahle. The parents of these young people have

(14:41):
had plenty of warning. They apparently have been told not
to do plenty of things or face eviction and they
can't or just don't care, or if the kids don't care.
I'm putting parents and kids in quotation marks because in
this instance it doesn't seem that either term really quite applies.
Spongexx says, not the ahle. If the lease holder or

(15:03):
holders are in danger of being evicted, it might be
other people reporting the same issue. Leasing office won't share
the details, but the property rules will be superseded by
the state law that defines an unaccompanied minor. If the
kids are very young looking, they might have to be
supervised by an adult while they're out there. To comply
with state law, and that is a sign that the
social services department should be involved. Your friend sounds like

(15:26):
a dog mom, because human moms have no time to
relax every single day. Every mom I know is just tired.
That's their personality now. And I don't think human moms
are allowed to create human children. I don't know, and
Opie responds, the kids looked like eight to ten years old.
The granted I didn't see them up closed and all
from the distance of my balcony and building. And Zella's

(15:50):
Ideal House nineteen says, not the ahle. If those parents
have other lest violations going on, then they are not
going to win any Parent of the Year award. Don't
feel they are on their last legs and are going
to soon be evicted anyways. Besides, if you didn't complain,
your neighbors who are also getting the scratches are going
to the community agrees that Obe would not be the ahole.

(16:13):
So let's move on to the update to see how
this story ends. At the suggestion of my leasing office,
I put an outside camera on my balcony, specifically looking
at the cars in the parking lot while my partner
and I were out, left my car and took HISS.
I got emotion notification and was able to catch the
kids in the act of not only scratching my car,

(16:36):
but the two other neighbors as well. When I got home,
I showed my neighbors the video and we agreed together
that with the video evidence and previous discussion with the
leasing office, that we would be pressing charges for property damage.
We filed a police report with the non emergency number.
After we had the police report, we took it to
the leasing office with the video and per the agent there,

(16:58):
they will be looking into evicting them tenant. I ended
up sending them the video of the kids and they
will be using that as further evidence along with the
previously reported LES violations. As for my friend from the
previous post, she is now going on a crusade to
warn our mutual friends. How terrible and apathetic of a person.
I am. Honestly thank you for your comments. I felt

(17:20):
better knowing I wasn't the ahole. Additional information from OPI's comments.
First of all, this wasn't kids on a playground. My
apartment complex has three fenced in playgrounds that the kids
could use, but they choose not to. Instead, they were
playing in a communal area between the parking lot and
a busy street, completely unsupervised. That's where the property damage happened. Second,

(17:44):
the lease is very clear children under a certain age
must be supervised in communal areas. The parents had already
been warned multiple times and even had Lee's violations on
file for this same issue. On top of that, here
in Illinois, have kids ten and under a loane outside
like that is considered child endangerment under state law. I

(18:06):
also want to point out that I wasn't out to
ruin anyone's life. The leasing office had even encouraged me
to call the police every time I saw the kids
left alone, but I didn't. I only escalated when I
caught them on camera after repeated warnings causing damage. Again,
that was the final straw for me and my neighbors,
and that's why we moved forward with the police report

(18:29):
and gave the evidence to the leasing office. Lastly, some
people asked about my old friend. Honestly, thank god we
are friend anymore. As I mentioned, she's been trying to
paint me as heartless. But I know the situation wasn't
safe and the parents ignored every chance they had to
fix it. I'm not going to feel guilty for protecting
my property and siding with basic safety rules everyone agreed

(18:51):
to when they signed the lease, and that is the
main takeaway. Ope, absolutely right in doing what you guys did.
As for your friend whatever, anyways, OPI, here's wishing you
the best in the future. Thanks for sharing and to
take care and now let's finish this video with a
mood booster post. This post is from the supreddit malicious Compliance,

(19:11):
and it's by user Where's my Chin? Do all the
work yourself or get zero percent. In high school, I
was in a science class that I did very well in.
I was top of the class and scored nearly one
hundred on every test and assignment. The teacher assigned a
big group project that would take about a week to
complete with a team of four students. Groups were randomly assigned,

(19:33):
and unfortunately, I was spared up with three kids who
were barely passing the class. In class, we were given
time to make plans together as a group to divide
up work, examine the instructions, scheduled times outside of school
to meet up, et cetera. It was at this point
my teammates decided to tell me that they weren't going
to do any work on the project. I asked why,

(19:55):
and they said they knew I really cared about my grade,
so they figured I would do it on my own.
They were so lazy. They were banking on the fact
I wouldn't tank my own grade so they could benefit
off of my work. When I inevitably got a good
score on the project, I was pissed and said that
was unfair. They dug in and said, too bad. Now

(20:15):
you either do this project yourself or you'll get a
zero percent cute malicious compliance. Now I could have gone
to the teacher and he probably would have sorted this out,
but a better idea struck me, so I said, fine,
you win, I'll do what you say. They smiled smugly
and thought that was that. But you see, this teacher

(20:36):
had a policy that at the end of the semester,
your lowest grade excluding finals would be taken off your record.
So if you forgot to turn in an assignment or
did really bad on one test, you got a mulligan,
so it wouldn't ruin your final grade. I had never
done poorly in an assignment all year, so I never
needed my mulligan. However, I knew that these crapheads all day,

(21:00):
if they got a big fat zero on a crucial assignment,
they would probably fail the class. So I did exactly
as they instructed. I did no work on the project
all week, just sat on it and bited my time.
At the beginning of the next week, all the students
turned in their assignments. My teacher watched as I sat
in my chair unmoving. Finally one said, hey, you, o PI,

(21:23):
aren't you going to turn in the project? Oh? I
didn't do the project. They were shocked and asked why
the hell I didn't do it. I said, you said,
do all the work or get a zero percent. I
chose zero percent. They were all royally pissed. They all
had to do credit recovery over the summer. They hated
my guts, but I couldn't have cared less. It was

(21:46):
the most satisfying failing grade in my entire life. Nicely done, OP.
Two lessons at the same time. One just do your
homework man, and two try to leverage somebody that has
nothing to lose. Thanks for sharing, OP, and that's it
for today's video. Thank you so much for taking the

(22:06):
time to watch it now. If you've gotten to this
point in the video, I assume that you like these
stories that I'm reading out, so here are a couple
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