August 3, 2025 • 20 mins
Relationship Stories - After learning his best friend is polyamorous, OP’s husband suddenly wanted to explore it too. OP felt blindsided, disgusted, and unheard. Now, despite still loving him, she’s seriously considering divorce and questioning everything.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost Genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded am I the a
whole and it's by you, Sir far Safety ninety five
forty three. Would I be the A hole if I
divorce my husband just for asking to be polyamorous? This
is really upsetting to me on all accounts, and I'm
(00:24):
getting mixed opinions from the few real life people I've
talked to about it. So I could use the advice
of total strangers. I twenty six female, and my husband,
twenty seven male, have been married for just over a
year and together for four. We spent a long time
before getting married talking about what we wanted out of
(00:44):
being married, so I thought we were on the same
page about all the important things. I do love him
very much. He is sweet, helpful, and generally my dream partner.
Until last week, out of the blue, he sat down
one night and said he wanted to talk about something.
I thought it was just something minor he was frustrated about,
(01:06):
or a bad day at work or something. Instead, he
talked about how he found out that his best friend
and his wife are polyamorous. He and his friend have
been talking about it more and he thinks he might
like to try it, and wondered what I thought. I
felt instantly sick to my stomach. We've always had a
(01:26):
great sex life, and he's never given me any reason
to think he was interested in anyone else. I told
him that I'm not interested in being in a polyamorous relationship.
I want to be monogamous with him for the rest
of my life. If it had stopped there, I don't
think it would have gotten so bad. But then he
asked if I would read about it and then decide.
(01:48):
I said no, I already know how I feel about it.
He asked if I would at least think about it,
and for some reason, that just did something to me,
like instant revolves kind of upset. I got up and
told him that I was too upset to keep talking
and that I needed some space, so I would sleep
in the guest room that night and we could talk later.
(02:12):
Ever since that night, I've had the biggest ick anytime
I see him. He keeps trying to backtrack, but I
know he meant what he said about wanting to be polyamorous.
It's not so much that he brought it up. It's
the two other asks. After I already said I would
never be comfortable with it. It's like that didn't matter
to him. He thought he could convince me, and it
(02:33):
makes me feel awful. What else is he willing to
pressure me about if I say no? And if he
already wants to sleep with someone else, how can I
ever trust him not to do it behind my back?
I'm still sleeping in the guest room, and I'm thinking
of just asking for a divorce now, when it would
be simpler to divide everything and to go our separate
(02:53):
ways instead of waiting until years down the line when
I get my heart broken. He could go do whatever
he wants and I could find someone who just wants
a good, solid, monogamous relationship with me. The idea is
killing me, but I feel like it's going to hurt
now no matter what I do. While I do still
love him, I don't think I can ever unhear and
(03:15):
unsee my husband asking me for an open relationship, and
the idea of him touching me makes me feel ill.
He's upset and frustrated that I'm punishing him for asking
a question, but I honestly don't know what he expected
to happen. There is a part of me that thinks
maybe divorcing him is being over dramatic. But also the
(03:36):
itch is so strong that I don't have much hope
of getting back to where we were. Am I the akal? No, OPI,
you're not overreacting. I would think that's the right call
to make. I mean, you don't want it. He definitely
wants it. He didn't just bring it up as a question.
He pushed you twice to see if you'd reconsider it.
That's definitely boundary testing, OPI. In my opinion, this is
(03:59):
a deal breaker. Like you said, you went into this
relationship and you wanted a monogamous relationship with him. That
was it. He doesn't want that, so well, that's it then.
And as you say, I mean, if you stay in
the relationship with him and you try to work on it,
what's gonna happen the next time he feels this itch
that he's polyamorous, He's just gonna go out and do
it without talking to you about it. So yeah, Opie,
(04:20):
In my opinion, No, I don't think you're the ahle
for considering divorce after what your husband pulled. What do
you guys think? Let me know in the comment section
and now let's check out the community comments. Deadbe Walking
says not the Ahle. I don't think it's over dramatic
to get out of a contract you signed with another
person when they are trying to change the terms a
(04:41):
year into it. Blood money morality, says not the Ahle.
Polyamory is other relationships, not just open sex, and men
oftentimes overestimate their value and abidity to get other partners.
They also tend to already have someone in mind when asking.
Matt Volume says, not the a whole. I can imagine
(05:02):
how painful my wife asking to sleep with other people
would be. Though it's just a question. Thing is ridiculous too.
There are countless of questions that just speaking into the
world shows the kind of person you are, the fact
that it would come up now out of nowhere to
I don't know what you're going to do, but I
hope you're all right. Chopped Liver sixty five says, never
(05:27):
sacrifice your core principles for anyone else. Truthfully, I have
no knowledge of polyamory except to recognize that it seems trendy. Now.
If your husband can be swayed by a friend's stories
to the point of trying repeatedly to persuade you to
abandon what you believe were shared values. You may no
longer be compatible if you no longer trust him, you
(05:47):
would not be the a hole to divorce. Exploring counsel
might make you more comfortable about your decision. And fancy
requirement five three six says, not the a whole. You're
punishing him from nagging you about it and not taking
no for an answer. It's said that he's gotten bored
with monogamy so quickly. Didn't he understand the vows when
(06:08):
you got married. Only you can decide if you want
to try and stay with him. He thinks his friend's
life is great. Sex with the wife and sex with
random women too, but wait till one of them gets
jealous or an STD. Life will get complicated for his
buddy if they have kids and the wife wants a
committed parent. Opie's edit, Gosh, this's got a lot of replies.
(06:30):
I'm reading through them as best I can. I'm going
to take the advice to get an STI test, and
my guy no is going to work me in today
for that. I don't think he would physically cheat, but
better safe than sorry. I do think there is probably
someone he's interested in, possibly his best friend's wife, or
maybe even his friend. He's never expressed being bisexual, but
(06:52):
that doesn't mean he isn't. I don't know them very well,
so I can't speculate on their role in all of this.
I'm going to be charitable and assume there are no
machinations from their end. And he just picked this sum
Frobn's friend and ran with it. I want to be
clear that I am not ignoring him. We can talk
about whatever else is going on, but I'm not ready
(07:12):
to continue this conversation with him, and he knows that
I want to be calm for that, and his behavior
is not really conducive to a sense of calm right now.
Every time he brings it up makes me a little
more disgusted with him. But he seems intent on digging
this hole instead of letting things settle. That and not
(07:33):
taking the first note for an answer is a bigger
issue than the Polly ask for me. I think I'm
going to meet with a lawyer just to go over options.
At this point. I don't have a lot of faith
in counseling changing how I feel about him now, but
I would be willing to try a few sessions to
say we gave it a shot. I'll throw that out
there tonight and see what he says. Edit too, he
(07:54):
doesn't think counseling is necessary. He just wants to go
back to the way things were before bringing it up.
I've told him that's not an option. You can't unbreak
a bone. It has to heal instead. I asked him
if he had someone in mind, and he said no.
But he's not a very good liar, and I don't
really believe him. He says it was just an idea
(08:15):
and there's no one and nothing has happened. But he
also doesn't want to show me the messages between him
and his friend so I can understand the content of
the conversation they had. I will respect his choice, but
it's enough to convince me that there's something he's hiding,
even if it's not an affair in progress, and that's
a problem. I've got an appointment with a lawyer in
(08:36):
a few days. I'm going to wait until after that
to make a decision, and I'm going to take a
short trip alone to see my grandparents this weekend to
get some fresh air and perspective. I'll try to update
next week after all the results come back and I've
had a chance to look at all the facts with
a professional Thank you for your kind support and advice. Well,
(08:56):
the community agrees it'll be is not the equal for
considering the and well, she's got an appointment, So now
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. A lot of people wanted an update, and
I've made some difficult decisions. I took advice from the
thread and got an STI panel done. Fortunately it came
back clear. I suggested counseling, but my husband doesn't think
(09:18):
it's necessary. I doubt it will change my feelings, so
I'm not going to push for it. He is being
overly protective of his phone after I asked to see
a message conversation between him and his poly friend to
understand the context of the situation. I would not violate
his privacy, but there clearly is something he doesn't want
(09:39):
me to see, and that's enough. It doesn't matter to
me anymore whether there is something already in progress or
just a desire for there to be. The shadiness of
his behavior tells me what I need to know. I've
been tempted to contact his friends directly to get their take,
but in the event there is infidelity happen, I would
rather not burden my with the details. To be honest,
(10:03):
I had a heart to heart with my grandparents this
weekend and spoke with a lawyer yesterday. As of right now,
I'm planning to move forward with a divorce with no
kids and no joint property or debt. Since we were
waiting on buying a house till I'm finished with residency,
it should be easy to split the financials. The lease
on our apartment is up in a couple of months anyway,
(10:23):
so I plan to move out after breaking the news
and just pay my portion of the rent on the
current place until it's renewal time. I'm heartbroken, but I'm
convinced that this is the best move. I don't trust
him anymore. I'm repulsed by his behavior since the ask,
and I think it's best to cut our losses before
digging the hole deeper. If he was willing to be
(10:45):
transparent and do something to work on re establishing trust,
it would be different. But that's not the case, and
I don't want to put an effort that he's not
interested in putting in I will be fine with time.
So yeah, not a happy ending, but I think it's
in my best overall interest and if he's not happy
with monogamy a year into marriage his best interest as well.
(11:08):
Hopefully we can part ways quietly and without a lot
of fuzz OPI. I guess it is kind of a
sad update, but it was sad the moment you realize
that your husband didn't just want to be with you
for the rest of his life and that's not what
you wanted. And even though it's painful right now, as
you say, you will be fine with time. So here's
wishing you the best. Opee, take care and thanks for sharing.
(11:29):
And now let's move on to the next post that
also has an update. This post is som the Separated,
am I the A hole and it's by you, sir.
Family Jewels t A am I the A hole for
not sharing my aunt's jewelry with my cousin's kids. My
thirties female aunt sixties female recently died less than a
(11:49):
year after being diagnosed with stage four cancer. She never married,
never had kids, and I'm one of six nieces and nephews.
Both my sister and female cousin Nadia are married with kids.
My male cousin, Casey forty mail is married with two daughters,
and neither of my younger brothers is married. They are
largely relevant to this story. I'm single and I have
(12:12):
no intention of having kids of my own background. My
aunt was a doctor and went into palliative care when
she was diagnosed. She wanted to enjoy the time she
had left, mostly with travel. I was close to graduating
from surgery residency when she was diagnosed. She asked if
I would be willing to be her private physician after graduation,
(12:34):
accompanying her on travels, prescribing her pain meds, et cetera.
She paid me a little bit more than I had
been making as a resident, paid for my travel first
business class flights, nice hotels, et cetera, contributed toward my
student loans, and put me on the deet to her house.
I moved in with her. I also moonlighted and did
(12:54):
locums when we weren't traveling, and after she got too
sick to travel, so I could keep up my surgery skills.
Long story shorter. Even with the time I wasn't making
a full surgeon's salary, I still benefited financially from the agreement.
My aunt had been a doctor in the Foreign Service
and had accumulated a lot of stuff Middle Eastern carpets, furniture,
(13:17):
silk and cashmere, scarfs, art, jewelry, et cetera in her career.
Everything was open to all her nieces and nephews to
split as we see fit, except the jewelry, which was
left specifically to her nieces. There were surprisingly little drama
splitting any of it. We even had everything appraised, so
we were all in agreement on the value of what
(13:39):
we were getting. My sister, Nadia, and I all have
different enough tastes and jewelry that we easily agreed on
how to split the nice stuff, and most of the
costume jewelry was set aside for my niece and Nadia's
daughters for when they're a little older. They're both under four.
Here's where Casey comes in. He said that his daughter
(14:00):
deserve to have some of my aunt's jewelry as well.
My sister and Naria said they're okay with splitting the
costume jewelry to include his daughters, but he said that
they deserve some of the nice stuff as well. My
niece will probably get my sister's jewels someday, and possibly
mine and Nadia's daughter will possibly inherit when Nadia god so,
(14:21):
Casey says it's not fair that my niece and Nadia's
daughters will get more than his daughter. Casey also says,
since I got the house, the furniture in the house
that no one else wanted, got to travel with my aunt,
and she paid off a large portion of my student loans,
that I should share the wealth. My siblings are staying
out of it, and Nadia says it's ultimately my choice,
(14:43):
but that what Casey says isn't wrong. Am I the
ahole for holding to my aunt's will? Is this a
hill worth dying on? I have a great relationship with
my cousins and siblings and don't want this to sour that.
Of course you're not the a hole, o Pie. Your
aunt made her wishes very clear. She left the jewelry
to the nieces and that's what was handed out. And
(15:05):
also all that spiel that you should share the wealth, well,
you were the one that was taking care of your aunt,
and not just out of love, you were hired to
do so, so you could also just as well demand
that he shares his paycheck with you. My point is, OPI,
you're not the Ahle. Casey doesn't have a lectus stand on.
You're just respecting your aunt's wishes. What do you guys think?
(15:26):
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comments. Silly Femboy says, not the Ahle.
Your aunt specifically left it to you. She clearly cares
about it, and it wouldn't be right to disrespect her wishes.
Idled onto the jewelry, and Opie responds, my aunt was
really interested in the role jewelry played in women's inheritance
(15:48):
and financial security in various cultures, which is why I
think she specifically left jewelry to just the nieces and
not to all six of us. But I know the
last thing she wanted was for us to argue about inheritance.
When my great grandfather, her grandfather died, her cousin contested
parts of the will and it cost a lot of drama.
(16:09):
My dad still hasn't spoken to that cousin and it's
been more than thirty years. Teenie Saud says, not the Ehle,
and I'm sorry for your loss. You must have become
quite close to your aunt during the time you cared
for her. I think your cousin needs to appreciate that
you sacrificed a lot to provide care for your aunt,
and that time out may have held back career progression,
(16:31):
although you were wise to keep in date to be
able to maintain where you were before you gave up
full time work. Whatever your aunt's will said, your property
is yours now to dispose of as you wish. So
as you say you have a good relationship with your cousin,
it might be nice to consider sharing items that you
are not really using or have no real attachment to,
(16:54):
or selling them and sharing the proceeds. You are under
absolutely no obligation to do any of that, though, and
as your loss was quite shocking and recent, don't make
any big decisions and ask your siblings for support. And
Opie responds, thank you for that. My aunt was awesome
and I really miss her. She wasn't physically present when
(17:14):
I was growing up because of her foreign service career,
but she was there every Christmas and sent us postcards
from everywhere she went. I looked up to her for
as long as I can remember, and she's why I
became a doctor. Getting to spend those last months with
her and getting to see the favorite places where she
lived and visited was a blessing and I wouldn't trade
(17:35):
it for anything. I think taking some time to sit
on decisions is the way to go. It's jewelry. It's
not like it's going to go bad. And his daughters
are two and five, so it's not like there's a
wedding coming up eminently that they need jewelry for or anything.
And that person six' ninety four, says not the. Ehle
(17:56):
the aunt stated what she wanted done in her, will
which your. Fallowing you rearranged your life to care for.
Her your cousin is the a hole here community Agrees
opa is not the a. Whole it was the aunt's.
Will so now let's move on to the update to
see how this story. Ends so the, update the six
of us got together over the. HOLIDAY i was able
(18:18):
to disburse the last of the proceeds from selling the, art, rugs,
antiques et cetera that none of us. Wanted that ended
up being a few thousand dollars. Each not life changing
money for any of, us but nice to. HAVE i
will probably use it to go on a solo trip
in my aunt's honor ONCE i accrue in of. Vacation
now That i'm working full time, AGAIN i had, decided
(18:40):
based on your, comments THAT i would offer any of
my nieces existing and, future if my brothers end up having,
kids that they could shop from my inherited jewelry for their.
Weddings BEFORE i could even present that, Solution casey was
super apologetic about the way he had. Acted he was
feeling guilty that he hadn't been able to spend more
time with our aunt before she. Died he has small
(19:04):
kids at, home work, obligations et, cetera and he was
jealous THAT i had had more flexibility to travel with
her for those, months and that made him lash. Out
turns out his wife had essentually read him The Riot
act when he had complained to her that their daughters weren't.
Included reminded him that their daughters half her whole side
of the, family reminded him that jewelry is traditionally passed
(19:27):
down female, lines the whole. Bit he was quite embarrassed
by how childish she had. Acted BUT i did present that,
solution and Both nadia and my sister thought it was
such a good idea that they said the. Same when
the next generation of girls gets, married they can choose
from their inheritances, Too so all is, Well thank you
(19:49):
all for your support and kind. WORDS i am not
going to go no contact with any of my siblings or.
COUSINS i still miss my. Aunt work is not terribly,
exciting but but it's a paycheck and it's nice to
see that my surgical skills didn't slip. Irreparably, well p
you didn't have to have a tough conversation with your
cousin because, well his wife did that for. You but
(20:12):
out of all of, this you guys came up with
a really nice solution for the future. Generation so here's
witching you the best of. Pee thanks for sharing and
to take. Care and that's it for today's. Video thank
you so much for taking the time to watch. It.
Now if you've gotten to this point in the, VIDEO
i assume that you like these stories That i'm reading,
out so here are a couple more that you might.
(20:32):
Enjoy and if you don't have any time to watch
another story right, now save it for. Later and also
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Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost Genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded am I the a
whole and it's by you, Sir far Safety ninety five
forty three. Would I be the A hole if I
divorce my husband just for asking to be polyamorous? This
is really upsetting to me on all accounts, and I'm
(00:24):
getting mixed opinions from the few real life people I've
talked to about it. So I could use the advice
of total strangers. I twenty six female, and my husband,
twenty seven male, have been married for just over a
year and together for four. We spent a long time
before getting married talking about what we wanted out of
(00:44):
being married, so I thought we were on the same
page about all the important things. I do love him
very much. He is sweet, helpful, and generally my dream partner.
Until last week, out of the blue, he sat down
one night and said he wanted to talk about something.
I thought it was just something minor he was frustrated about,
(01:06):
or a bad day at work or something. Instead, he
talked about how he found out that his best friend
and his wife are polyamorous. He and his friend have
been talking about it more and he thinks he might
like to try it, and wondered what I thought. I
felt instantly sick to my stomach. We've always had a
(01:26):
great sex life, and he's never given me any reason
to think he was interested in anyone else. I told
him that I'm not interested in being in a polyamorous relationship.
I want to be monogamous with him for the rest
of my life. If it had stopped there, I don't
think it would have gotten so bad. But then he
asked if I would read about it and then decide.
(01:48):
I said no, I already know how I feel about it.
He asked if I would at least think about it,
and for some reason, that just did something to me,
like instant revolves kind of upset. I got up and
told him that I was too upset to keep talking
and that I needed some space, so I would sleep
in the guest room that night and we could talk later.
(02:12):
Ever since that night, I've had the biggest ick anytime
I see him. He keeps trying to backtrack, but I
know he meant what he said about wanting to be polyamorous.
It's not so much that he brought it up. It's
the two other asks. After I already said I would
never be comfortable with it. It's like that didn't matter
to him. He thought he could convince me, and it
(02:33):
makes me feel awful. What else is he willing to
pressure me about if I say no? And if he
already wants to sleep with someone else, how can I
ever trust him not to do it behind my back?
I'm still sleeping in the guest room, and I'm thinking
of just asking for a divorce now, when it would
be simpler to divide everything and to go our separate
(02:53):
ways instead of waiting until years down the line when
I get my heart broken. He could go do whatever
he wants and I could find someone who just wants
a good, solid, monogamous relationship with me. The idea is
killing me, but I feel like it's going to hurt
now no matter what I do. While I do still
love him, I don't think I can ever unhear and
(03:15):
unsee my husband asking me for an open relationship, and
the idea of him touching me makes me feel ill.
He's upset and frustrated that I'm punishing him for asking
a question, but I honestly don't know what he expected
to happen. There is a part of me that thinks
maybe divorcing him is being over dramatic. But also the
(03:36):
itch is so strong that I don't have much hope
of getting back to where we were. Am I the akal? No, OPI,
you're not overreacting. I would think that's the right call
to make. I mean, you don't want it. He definitely
wants it. He didn't just bring it up as a question.
He pushed you twice to see if you'd reconsider it.
That's definitely boundary testing, OPI. In my opinion, this is
(03:59):
a deal breaker. Like you said, you went into this
relationship and you wanted a monogamous relationship with him. That
was it. He doesn't want that, so well, that's it then.
And as you say, I mean, if you stay in
the relationship with him and you try to work on it,
what's gonna happen the next time he feels this itch
that he's polyamorous, He's just gonna go out and do
it without talking to you about it. So yeah, Opie,
(04:20):
In my opinion, No, I don't think you're the ahle
for considering divorce after what your husband pulled. What do
you guys think? Let me know in the comment section
and now let's check out the community comments. Deadbe Walking
says not the Ahle. I don't think it's over dramatic
to get out of a contract you signed with another
person when they are trying to change the terms a
(04:41):
year into it. Blood money morality, says not the Ahle.
Polyamory is other relationships, not just open sex, and men
oftentimes overestimate their value and abidity to get other partners.
They also tend to already have someone in mind when asking.
Matt Volume says, not the a whole. I can imagine
(05:02):
how painful my wife asking to sleep with other people
would be. Though it's just a question. Thing is ridiculous too.
There are countless of questions that just speaking into the
world shows the kind of person you are, the fact
that it would come up now out of nowhere to
I don't know what you're going to do, but I
hope you're all right. Chopped Liver sixty five says, never
(05:27):
sacrifice your core principles for anyone else. Truthfully, I have
no knowledge of polyamory except to recognize that it seems trendy. Now.
If your husband can be swayed by a friend's stories
to the point of trying repeatedly to persuade you to
abandon what you believe were shared values. You may no
longer be compatible if you no longer trust him, you
(05:47):
would not be the a hole to divorce. Exploring counsel
might make you more comfortable about your decision. And fancy
requirement five three six says, not the a whole. You're
punishing him from nagging you about it and not taking
no for an answer. It's said that he's gotten bored
with monogamy so quickly. Didn't he understand the vows when
(06:08):
you got married. Only you can decide if you want
to try and stay with him. He thinks his friend's
life is great. Sex with the wife and sex with
random women too, but wait till one of them gets
jealous or an STD. Life will get complicated for his
buddy if they have kids and the wife wants a
committed parent. Opie's edit, Gosh, this's got a lot of replies.
(06:30):
I'm reading through them as best I can. I'm going
to take the advice to get an STI test, and
my guy no is going to work me in today
for that. I don't think he would physically cheat, but
better safe than sorry. I do think there is probably
someone he's interested in, possibly his best friend's wife, or
maybe even his friend. He's never expressed being bisexual, but
(06:52):
that doesn't mean he isn't. I don't know them very well,
so I can't speculate on their role in all of this.
I'm going to be charitable and assume there are no
machinations from their end. And he just picked this sum
Frobn's friend and ran with it. I want to be
clear that I am not ignoring him. We can talk
about whatever else is going on, but I'm not ready
(07:12):
to continue this conversation with him, and he knows that
I want to be calm for that, and his behavior
is not really conducive to a sense of calm right now.
Every time he brings it up makes me a little
more disgusted with him. But he seems intent on digging
this hole instead of letting things settle. That and not
(07:33):
taking the first note for an answer is a bigger
issue than the Polly ask for me. I think I'm
going to meet with a lawyer just to go over options.
At this point. I don't have a lot of faith
in counseling changing how I feel about him now, but
I would be willing to try a few sessions to
say we gave it a shot. I'll throw that out
there tonight and see what he says. Edit too, he
(07:54):
doesn't think counseling is necessary. He just wants to go
back to the way things were before bringing it up.
I've told him that's not an option. You can't unbreak
a bone. It has to heal instead. I asked him
if he had someone in mind, and he said no.
But he's not a very good liar, and I don't
really believe him. He says it was just an idea
(08:15):
and there's no one and nothing has happened. But he
also doesn't want to show me the messages between him
and his friend so I can understand the content of
the conversation they had. I will respect his choice, but
it's enough to convince me that there's something he's hiding,
even if it's not an affair in progress, and that's
a problem. I've got an appointment with a lawyer in
(08:36):
a few days. I'm going to wait until after that
to make a decision, and I'm going to take a
short trip alone to see my grandparents this weekend to
get some fresh air and perspective. I'll try to update
next week after all the results come back and I've
had a chance to look at all the facts with
a professional Thank you for your kind support and advice. Well,
(08:56):
the community agrees it'll be is not the equal for
considering the and well, she's got an appointment, So now
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. A lot of people wanted an update, and
I've made some difficult decisions. I took advice from the
thread and got an STI panel done. Fortunately it came
back clear. I suggested counseling, but my husband doesn't think
(09:18):
it's necessary. I doubt it will change my feelings, so
I'm not going to push for it. He is being
overly protective of his phone after I asked to see
a message conversation between him and his poly friend to
understand the context of the situation. I would not violate
his privacy, but there clearly is something he doesn't want
(09:39):
me to see, and that's enough. It doesn't matter to
me anymore whether there is something already in progress or
just a desire for there to be. The shadiness of
his behavior tells me what I need to know. I've
been tempted to contact his friends directly to get their take,
but in the event there is infidelity happen, I would
rather not burden my with the details. To be honest,
(10:03):
I had a heart to heart with my grandparents this
weekend and spoke with a lawyer yesterday. As of right now,
I'm planning to move forward with a divorce with no
kids and no joint property or debt. Since we were
waiting on buying a house till I'm finished with residency,
it should be easy to split the financials. The lease
on our apartment is up in a couple of months anyway,
(10:23):
so I plan to move out after breaking the news
and just pay my portion of the rent on the
current place until it's renewal time. I'm heartbroken, but I'm
convinced that this is the best move. I don't trust
him anymore. I'm repulsed by his behavior since the ask,
and I think it's best to cut our losses before
digging the hole deeper. If he was willing to be
(10:45):
transparent and do something to work on re establishing trust,
it would be different. But that's not the case, and
I don't want to put an effort that he's not
interested in putting in I will be fine with time.
So yeah, not a happy ending, but I think it's
in my best overall interest and if he's not happy
with monogamy a year into marriage his best interest as well.
(11:08):
Hopefully we can part ways quietly and without a lot
of fuzz OPI. I guess it is kind of a
sad update, but it was sad the moment you realize
that your husband didn't just want to be with you
for the rest of his life and that's not what
you wanted. And even though it's painful right now, as
you say, you will be fine with time. So here's
wishing you the best. Opee, take care and thanks for sharing.
(11:29):
And now let's move on to the next post that
also has an update. This post is som the Separated,
am I the A hole and it's by you, sir.
Family Jewels t A am I the A hole for
not sharing my aunt's jewelry with my cousin's kids. My
thirties female aunt sixties female recently died less than a
(11:49):
year after being diagnosed with stage four cancer. She never married,
never had kids, and I'm one of six nieces and nephews.
Both my sister and female cousin Nadia are married with kids.
My male cousin, Casey forty mail is married with two daughters,
and neither of my younger brothers is married. They are
largely relevant to this story. I'm single and I have
(12:12):
no intention of having kids of my own background. My
aunt was a doctor and went into palliative care when
she was diagnosed. She wanted to enjoy the time she
had left, mostly with travel. I was close to graduating
from surgery residency when she was diagnosed. She asked if
I would be willing to be her private physician after graduation,
(12:34):
accompanying her on travels, prescribing her pain meds, et cetera.
She paid me a little bit more than I had
been making as a resident, paid for my travel first
business class flights, nice hotels, et cetera, contributed toward my
student loans, and put me on the deet to her house.
I moved in with her. I also moonlighted and did
(12:54):
locums when we weren't traveling, and after she got too
sick to travel, so I could keep up my surgery skills.
Long story shorter. Even with the time I wasn't making
a full surgeon's salary, I still benefited financially from the agreement.
My aunt had been a doctor in the Foreign Service
and had accumulated a lot of stuff Middle Eastern carpets, furniture,
(13:17):
silk and cashmere, scarfs, art, jewelry, et cetera in her career.
Everything was open to all her nieces and nephews to
split as we see fit, except the jewelry, which was
left specifically to her nieces. There were surprisingly little drama
splitting any of it. We even had everything appraised, so
we were all in agreement on the value of what
(13:39):
we were getting. My sister, Nadia, and I all have
different enough tastes and jewelry that we easily agreed on
how to split the nice stuff, and most of the
costume jewelry was set aside for my niece and Nadia's
daughters for when they're a little older. They're both under four.
Here's where Casey comes in. He said that his daughter
(14:00):
deserve to have some of my aunt's jewelry as well.
My sister and Naria said they're okay with splitting the
costume jewelry to include his daughters, but he said that
they deserve some of the nice stuff as well. My
niece will probably get my sister's jewels someday, and possibly
mine and Nadia's daughter will possibly inherit when Nadia god so,
(14:21):
Casey says it's not fair that my niece and Nadia's
daughters will get more than his daughter. Casey also says,
since I got the house, the furniture in the house
that no one else wanted, got to travel with my aunt,
and she paid off a large portion of my student loans,
that I should share the wealth. My siblings are staying
out of it, and Nadia says it's ultimately my choice,
(14:43):
but that what Casey says isn't wrong. Am I the
ahole for holding to my aunt's will? Is this a
hill worth dying on? I have a great relationship with
my cousins and siblings and don't want this to sour that.
Of course you're not the a hole, o Pie. Your
aunt made her wishes very clear. She left the jewelry
to the nieces and that's what was handed out. And
(15:05):
also all that spiel that you should share the wealth, well,
you were the one that was taking care of your aunt,
and not just out of love, you were hired to
do so, so you could also just as well demand
that he shares his paycheck with you. My point is, OPI,
you're not the Ahle. Casey doesn't have a lectus stand on.
You're just respecting your aunt's wishes. What do you guys think?
(15:26):
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comments. Silly Femboy says, not the Ahle.
Your aunt specifically left it to you. She clearly cares
about it, and it wouldn't be right to disrespect her wishes.
Idled onto the jewelry, and Opie responds, my aunt was
really interested in the role jewelry played in women's inheritance
(15:48):
and financial security in various cultures, which is why I
think she specifically left jewelry to just the nieces and
not to all six of us. But I know the
last thing she wanted was for us to argue about inheritance.
When my great grandfather, her grandfather died, her cousin contested
parts of the will and it cost a lot of drama.
(16:09):
My dad still hasn't spoken to that cousin and it's
been more than thirty years. Teenie Saud says, not the Ehle,
and I'm sorry for your loss. You must have become
quite close to your aunt during the time you cared
for her. I think your cousin needs to appreciate that
you sacrificed a lot to provide care for your aunt,
and that time out may have held back career progression,
(16:31):
although you were wise to keep in date to be
able to maintain where you were before you gave up
full time work. Whatever your aunt's will said, your property
is yours now to dispose of as you wish. So
as you say you have a good relationship with your cousin,
it might be nice to consider sharing items that you
are not really using or have no real attachment to,
(16:54):
or selling them and sharing the proceeds. You are under
absolutely no obligation to do any of that, though, and
as your loss was quite shocking and recent, don't make
any big decisions and ask your siblings for support. And
Opie responds, thank you for that. My aunt was awesome
and I really miss her. She wasn't physically present when
(17:14):
I was growing up because of her foreign service career,
but she was there every Christmas and sent us postcards
from everywhere she went. I looked up to her for
as long as I can remember, and she's why I
became a doctor. Getting to spend those last months with
her and getting to see the favorite places where she
lived and visited was a blessing and I wouldn't trade
(17:35):
it for anything. I think taking some time to sit
on decisions is the way to go. It's jewelry. It's
not like it's going to go bad. And his daughters
are two and five, so it's not like there's a
wedding coming up eminently that they need jewelry for or anything.
And that person six' ninety four, says not the. Ehle
(17:56):
the aunt stated what she wanted done in her, will
which your. Fallowing you rearranged your life to care for.
Her your cousin is the a hole here community Agrees
opa is not the a. Whole it was the aunt's.
Will so now let's move on to the update to
see how this story. Ends so the, update the six
of us got together over the. HOLIDAY i was able
(18:18):
to disburse the last of the proceeds from selling the, art, rugs,
antiques et cetera that none of us. Wanted that ended
up being a few thousand dollars. Each not life changing
money for any of, us but nice to. HAVE i
will probably use it to go on a solo trip
in my aunt's honor ONCE i accrue in of. Vacation
now That i'm working full time, AGAIN i had, decided
(18:40):
based on your, comments THAT i would offer any of
my nieces existing and, future if my brothers end up having,
kids that they could shop from my inherited jewelry for their.
Weddings BEFORE i could even present that, Solution casey was
super apologetic about the way he had. Acted he was
feeling guilty that he hadn't been able to spend more
time with our aunt before she. Died he has small
(19:04):
kids at, home work, obligations et, cetera and he was
jealous THAT i had had more flexibility to travel with
her for those, months and that made him lash. Out
turns out his wife had essentually read him The Riot
act when he had complained to her that their daughters weren't.
Included reminded him that their daughters half her whole side
of the, family reminded him that jewelry is traditionally passed
(19:27):
down female, lines the whole. Bit he was quite embarrassed
by how childish she had. Acted BUT i did present that,
solution and Both nadia and my sister thought it was
such a good idea that they said the. Same when
the next generation of girls gets, married they can choose
from their inheritances, Too so all is, Well thank you
(19:49):
all for your support and kind. WORDS i am not
going to go no contact with any of my siblings or.
COUSINS i still miss my. Aunt work is not terribly,
exciting but but it's a paycheck and it's nice to
see that my surgical skills didn't slip. Irreparably, well p
you didn't have to have a tough conversation with your
cousin because, well his wife did that for. You but
(20:12):
out of all of, this you guys came up with
a really nice solution for the future. Generation so here's
witching you the best of. Pee thanks for sharing and
to take. Care and that's it for today's. Video thank
you so much for taking the time to watch. It.
Now if you've gotten to this point in the, VIDEO
i assume that you like these stories That i'm reading,
out so here are a couple more that you might.
(20:32):
Enjoy and if you don't have any time to watch
another story right, now save it for. Later and also
don't forget to hit that subscribe. Button
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