August 12, 2025 • 20 mins
Relationship Stories - OP spent 10 years caring for his terminally ill father, only to learn he was actively helping OP’s sisters commit benefit fraud. Tired of being used and ignored, OP is ready to walk away for good.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lost-genre-reddit-stories--5779056/support.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/lost-genre-reddit-stories--5779056/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subre datam the Ahole, and
it's by user h Layton. Would I be the A
hole if I stopped supporting my disabled father over his
preferential treatment towards my siblings? I twenty six male, have
two sisters, eighteen and twenty three, from the same mom
(00:27):
and dad fifties. When I was sixteen, my parents went
through a messy divorce which resulted in my sister's staying
with my mom and I stayed with my dad. My
dad is disabled and has been unable to work due
to a long list of medical issues since I was sixteen.
He has kidney failure and is currently on dialysis while
(00:48):
waiting for a transplant. This has meant that I have
been looking after him in a variety of caretaker ways
for a decade now. Throughout this time, his content with
my two sisters has been minimal. He has in the
past allowed my eldest sister to claim benefits that she
was not entitled to by claiming to be a career
(01:10):
for my father, amongst others. She has at no point
in her life provided care for my dad. This caused
many fights between my dad and I, as I felt
he was allowing her to commit fraud just so he
could feel like he was helping her. I was recently
contacted by his doctor who told me that my dad
(01:32):
was no longer on the transplant list to receive the
kidney transplant he needs. Apparently, his health is now so
poor that they don't know for sure if he'll survive
the general anesthesia for the operation. I was told that
a major factor for this was his poor diet, which
was exacerbating his existing health issues. Hearing this, my wife
(01:55):
and I decided to move back in with my dad.
We did this to try and get him on a
healthier diet to hopefully prepare his body for the transplant
he needs. After we moved in, I was going through
his most recent letters and I discovered a letter informing
him that my youngest sister had applied for a grant
(02:15):
for young careers as a result of caring for him.
My dad is lucky to see my sister once a month,
let alone sixteen hours a week this grant requires. I
confronted him and he said he was just trying to
help her in any way he could. This again led
to a massive fight. As currently, me and my wife
(02:36):
are the only family members supporting him. My sisters do
nothing for him. They are both adults, and yet neither
has lifted a single finger once to help him. And
yet here he is again, essentially committing fraud to help
them out. We can't help but feel taken for granted
and simply unappreciated. We do everything we possibly can for him.
(02:59):
We said, sacrifice our time, energy and money to ensure
he has a more comfortable life, But time and again
he chooses to focus his energy on helping my sisters
cheat their way to funds and benefits they don't deserve.
He never once asked them to help him, so the
burden of responsibility for his care rests entirely on our shoulders.
(03:22):
Despite the fact that of the three siblings, I am
the only one not currently receiving any benefit related to
his care. We are now at the point where we
are considering pulling all our support, financial and physical, and
leaving his care entirely to the two women who are
actually benefiting from providing it. Would I be the ahle
(03:45):
for withdrawing support from my father? I understand the difficultness
of the situation, but in my opinion, you would not
be the ahole. You've spent a decade of your life
supporting your father physically, emotionally, and financially, while you're sisters
contribute nothing. All they've done is collect benefits fraudulently using
(04:06):
his name. That's exploitation, plain and simple, and your father
enabling it repeatedly crosses a serious line, and your decision
wouldn't be about punishing him. It's about boundaries. You're sacrificing
real time energy and stability for someone who not only
fails to acknowledge it, but actively prioritizes helping people who
don't lift a finger for him. If your father wants
(04:28):
to hand over his trust and legal risks to people
who won't care for him, then he can also hand
over the responsibility. You've done more than your share, and
if stepping back is what protects your well being and marriage,
then that's what needs to happen. You're not abandoning him,
You're choosing not to be used. What do you guys think?
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
(04:49):
check out the community comments. Delete it says not the ahle.
He doesn't seem to realize or care that without you
he'd probably be dead by now, since he doesn't seem
to care or appreciate your work, leave him. Rugador seven says,
as someone who is highly familiar with his family dynamic
and has read a lot of books about this, let
(05:10):
me rephrase the question. Would I be the acle if
I withdraw my unappreciated long term support for my dad,
who has been deliberately neglecting me the entire time while
passing all my benefits to my absent but entitled siblings
who don't even see him. Often not the aple. It
is not your fault that he is knowingly applying double standards,
(05:33):
rewarding the neglect of his favorites and grooming them to
be entitled, punishing and invalidating the sacrifice of his designated scapegoat.
He cannot have it both ways. It's time to set
things straight. One, if he truly appreciates your efforts, then
he should have given the benefits to you. And two,
(05:53):
if he wants to give the benefits to others, then
you should pass the responsibility to them. The ones who
answered you're the ahole or everybody sucks here are probably
not from toxic families with toxic parents who are neglecting,
but quick to demand the scapegoat child's perfection and time,
energy or money. It is easy to use compassion and
(06:15):
taking care of the elderly to guilt someone else into
staying in the unfair setup when it doesn't involve any
sacrifice on your part. Theory addict says, not the a
hole tell him that if he wants you to continue
to help them, then he needs to contact those people
from the benefits back and say that he was lying. Yeah,
(06:35):
he and them will get in a bunch of crap,
but otherwise then he can contact his daughters for assistance.
Because you don't want to commit fraud, and presumably you
got no help from him in that way either. Also,
whatever happens to him without you there is his own
fault because he is lying and committing fraud. And the
(06:55):
only way to make them not be doing that is
if they step up. You have held the torch to
be his caregiver for so long but have gotten nothing
out of it. Meanwhile, they get to freeload off of
your hard work, so you have every right to revoke
your involvement. Good luck, O P. And I hope things
get better here on out and Dopy responds, I will
(07:18):
say that during UNI, I did get qualified for a
low income support grant as my dad was my sole
parent supporting me. Mom wanted nothing to do with me,
so I did receive that in help. That's about it,
though I know that I have no responsibility to help
and that ultimately I'm only doing this because I love him,
(07:38):
But that's what makes the decision all the harder. I've
been the only one willing to help, so I really
worry for how much long term damage will be done
to his health as the results of pulling support sad
finish and snakes can't wear pants, says Info. Have you
applied for support and been denied because of them? Or
(07:59):
has he ref refused to do whatever he needs to
do for you to apply for support? And Opie responds,
apologies max character limit on the post. I have only
received a grant for low income support for UNI as
he was the only parent I had supporting me nothing else.
My eldest sister has also received this by putting him
down as her sole parent despite living with my well
(08:21):
of mother, as well as a car that he receives
for his care. I was expecting to receive this car
significantly cheaper rental and insurance compared to normal, and then
use it for us while I lived with him, but
he instead decided to give it to my sister when
she passed her test first, and then refused to take
it back and give it to me. This car is
(08:42):
supposed to be exclusively for his care and nothing else.
In the four years she has had it, she has
never used it for him once, although she does pay
the rental for it. The support my youngest sister is
requesting will not impact me, but will be another instance
of him willing to bend over backwards and break the
law to help them despite nothing in return, that is,
(09:03):
if they step up. Additional information from Obi's comments. For
the last decade, I've been the primary caregiver for my
terminally ill father. His doctor made it clear that unless
he made significant lifestyle changes, he wouldn't survive long enough
to qualify for a transplant. That put an enormous amount
of pressure on me. I love them, and I've tried
(09:23):
to do what's right by him, but figuring out where
his needs end and might begin has been a constant struggle.
Every time I try to set boundaries, I end up
feeling guilty like I'm abandoning him. What makes it worse
is how he continues to enable my sisters. Neither of
them has lifted a finger to help them, yet they're
both received financial benefits by falsely claiming they're his carers.
(09:47):
He helps them do this not out of malice, but
out of guilt. He's never pushed them to contribute, even
though one of them doesn't speak to him anymore and
the other barely calls. Meanwhile, my my wife and I
do everything, from day to day care to covering his bills.
Despite all this, he prioritizes his daughters, who give nothing back.
(10:08):
The modability car is a perfect example. My dad is
eligible for it because of its disability and it could
have made our lives easier, But he gave the benefit
to one of my sisters who's never used it to
help him. That left us renting a car and paying
inflated insurance just to manage his care. It's deeply frustrating
to know that support meant to assist with his needs
(10:28):
is being exploited by someone who offers no help. I've
confronted my sisters about this, especially in light of the
benefits they're getting off the back of his illness every
time I'm shut down. Growing up, I lived with my
dad in poverty while they lived comfortably with our mother,
who hasn't supported me financially since I was sixteen. Watching
(10:49):
them act like they're struggling while profiting from this situation
turns my stomach. My dad is severely depressed, and I
get that he thinks he's helping them in the only
way he can, but he won't even force basic boundaries
like telling my sister not to claim care support unless
she actually helps. At some point, we have to ask,
(11:09):
if he won't support the people who actually care for him,
why should we keep doing it. Well, the majority of
the community agrees that OPI would not be the equal
if he takes back support of he steps back, and
the sisters need to step up now. OPI didn't give
an update at the time, but now four years later,
we have an update, so let's move on with that
to see how this story ends. I remembered this post
(11:33):
as my dad's birthday recently passed and thought it might
as well give an update, even though no one asked.
In January twenty twenty three, my father passed away from
complete kidney failure. It wasn't a surprise to me. His
health had been in decline and a transplant wasn't going
to happen. The rest of the family, though, was shocked.
The last time he spoke to anyone, I showed him
(11:56):
the seven week scan of my now two year old
son and only grandchild. We rushed to get the earliest
scan we could, knowing he didn't have much time. My
son looked like a seahorse tadpole. He cried when I
showed him, and we had a short talk about fatherhood
before exhaustion took over. He fell asleep and never woke up.
(12:19):
I asked him not to tell anyone, since we were
still early and didn't want to jinx it. He said,
I'll take it to the grave and passed away three
days later. He kept his word. I think seeing the
scan and having that moment made him die happy. As
for my sisters, they never changed, and I let it go.
I knew I couldn't change my dad, and he was
(12:41):
on borrowed time. For his birthday that year, we rented
a canal boat since he'd always wanted one. He crashed
it almost immediately. They gave him less and less consideration,
ignoring him completely on what turned out to be his
last birthday. No visit, no call, not even a t
(13:01):
He was devastated and reduced contact with them, though he
never stopped helping them financially. When they found out he
was dying, they rushed to his side and stayed until
he passed, But like before, it was too little, too late.
He was already unconscious. They hadn't shown urgency when he
was first admitted, only showing up when I told them
(13:23):
he had chosen to end life support. I'd been told
the day he was admitted, over two weeks earlier, that
he might not survive. I believed it. I'd seen him
in these situations before, and this time felt different. The
rest of the family still thought he would recover and
didn't treat him as a priority. Eventually, my dad asked
me if he was dying. Everyone else had been giving
(13:46):
him false hope, mostly for themselves, so I had to
tell him, yes, you're going to die soon. That was
not an easy conversation. He passed surrounded by family who
barely gave him their time when he was alone. My
sisters definitely regret how they treated him, but it's too late.
We were civil at the funeral, but haven't spoken since
(14:08):
I scattered my share of his ashes at the end
of the canal. He never got to see. My sisters
turned theirs into jewelry. I miss him every day, especially
as his grandson looks so much like him. It's a
shame things never got resolved with his daughters while he
was alive. But I think he died a happy man.
That's enough for me. Well, a, p you honored your
(14:30):
father with love, presence, and truth when it mattered most.
You were able to give him peace and he left
this world. That's a powerful thing. So here's wishing you
the best of Pea. Take care and thanks for sharing.
And now let's move on to the next post that
also has an update. This post is from the subredded
a Mighty Ahle and it's by user far Sky twenty
(14:51):
two ninety eight. Am I the Ahle for getting upset
mother in law keeps asking for my daughter. I have
an okay relationship with my mother in law as long
as it's in small doses. There are times when she's
too much, but I usually get through family events okay.
She has a habit of nitpicking and being negative all
the time, but for the most part, we are okay.
(15:13):
Over the past year or so, my husband and I
have gone through many stressful situations and health issues. I
bring this up because it's possible I am stressed and
the ahole onto the issue. My mother in law lost
her husband and lives alone around forty five minutes from us.
My husband is close to his mom and they talk often.
(15:33):
She is included in every event with my daughter and
all holidays she has. My daughter comes stay some weekends
on occasion with her, and my daughter has made a
friend there. I am happy that she has this friend
and relationship with mother in law. However, is starting to
get more tricky over time. I work five days a weekend,
don't have much time with anyone during the week. I
(15:55):
don't mind sharing weekends on occasion during the school year
and some during the summer, but it's now increased to
occasional weekends during the school year holiday parties that the
neighbors are having. Every single holiday break. She is asking
what days she gets my daughter and this first weekend
of summer, I had just got home yesterday when I
(16:16):
got hit with a hey, can't daughter go to mother
in law's this weekend? And saying no is hard because
I know my daughter wants to go because she has
a friend to play with. I know mother in law
knows this too. My husband feels like he's in the
middle and is upset with me because he feels like
every time she asks, I'm getting upset. Now I feel
(16:37):
like we are setting up partial custody with my mother
in law. So am I the A hole? Am I
stressing over nothing I need to know because I know
I can't be a strong personality. Sometimes, as a nice
way to put it, maybe I'm looking at this all wrong.
Thanks well a P. No, I don't think you're the
a hole. You're a working mom who wants to spend
(16:57):
quality time with her daughter on weekends. That's not unreasonable.
That is, of course, if you do want to spend
quality time with your daughter. But if you just want
your daughter to hang out at your house while you
do something else, then why not let her go spend
her time at grandma's and play with her friend. Now,
if that's not the case, it's great that your daughter
enjoys being with her grandma and friend. But it's also
(17:17):
okay to say, well, this weekend is for us. That
wouldn't be gatekeeping, just protecting your bond and making sure
family time at home matters too, So set clear expectations
ahead of time so you're not blindsided by last minute requests.
Balance is the goal, not guilt. What do you guys think,
Let me know in the comments section, and now let's
move on to the community comments. Educational West five two
(17:40):
twelve says, not the ahole. You should certainly set some
boundaries with her. I'm not saying cutting out the visits entirely. Rather,
you need to have a proper conversation about it. Any
information eighty seventy five says boundaries. It's like you have
a partial custody and you do all the heavy lifting
and the mother in law is the Disney ground for
weekends and fun time. Sparkling Wine twenty three says not
(18:05):
the a whole set up weekend playdates or appointments so
that it isn't convenient to take her there for a
whole day or weekend. Frankly, your daughter shouldn't be spending
holidays without you, no matter what your mother in law thinks. Well,
the community agrees that ape is not the ahole. So
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. I took everything you all said to heart,
(18:26):
and I tried to look at this situation as thankful
that my mother in law and daughter have a great relationship.
She went last weekend on Friday and came back in
time for our Memorial Day fish fry. She told me
about her friend there having a birthday party next weekend,
and of course I was all for her being there
for that and told mother in law that next weekend
(18:48):
would be fine. This past week, she's had many dance
classes to prep for dance recital this weekend. I work
in the medical field, so my hours during the week
can be crazy, but I spent most of my time
with her this week, sitting in the car waiting for
her after work. Her recital was amazing. Last night mother
(19:08):
in law attended. We grabbed dinner after and she was,
of course our little star. Then after dinner, she asked,
my daughter, so you're coming home with me right? I
was floored because she had her last weekend and I've
approved for her next weekend. I think I may have
blown it though, because I immediately said no, we have
plans tomorrow. I'm doing a crab leg broil for the family,
(19:30):
and she loves crab legs, but I did say it
with a little more vitriol than it may have deserved,
so I may have gone too far because my kiddo
was immediately like, oh, we were joking, mom, which made
ME feel once again like the bad guy. You guys,
I know I should be happy that she has a
friend at Grandma's and that she loves to be there,
but I have to say again, I work all weekend.
(19:53):
Just feel horrible that mother in law keeps trying to
get her so often. The weekends are all I really
have with her. I feel like such an though, because
even my kiddo seemed like she was trying to save
the situation from getting rough, and she shouldn't have to
do that. OPI just keep going and keep in mind
that you're not the villain, just a loving mom protecting
precious time. Your bond with her is what matters most.
(20:16):
So here's wishing you the best to Bee, take care
and thanks for sharing. And that's it for today's video.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch it. Now.
If you've gotten to this point in the video, I
assume that you like these stories that I'm reading out,
so here are a couple more that you might enjoy,
and if you don't have any time to watch another
story right now, save it for later. And also don't
(20:38):
forget to hit that subscribe button.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subre datam the Ahole, and
it's by user h Layton. Would I be the A
hole if I stopped supporting my disabled father over his
preferential treatment towards my siblings? I twenty six male, have
two sisters, eighteen and twenty three, from the same mom
(00:27):
and dad fifties. When I was sixteen, my parents went
through a messy divorce which resulted in my sister's staying
with my mom and I stayed with my dad. My
dad is disabled and has been unable to work due
to a long list of medical issues since I was sixteen.
He has kidney failure and is currently on dialysis while
(00:48):
waiting for a transplant. This has meant that I have
been looking after him in a variety of caretaker ways
for a decade now. Throughout this time, his content with
my two sisters has been minimal. He has in the
past allowed my eldest sister to claim benefits that she
was not entitled to by claiming to be a career
(01:10):
for my father, amongst others. She has at no point
in her life provided care for my dad. This caused
many fights between my dad and I, as I felt
he was allowing her to commit fraud just so he
could feel like he was helping her. I was recently
contacted by his doctor who told me that my dad
(01:32):
was no longer on the transplant list to receive the
kidney transplant he needs. Apparently, his health is now so
poor that they don't know for sure if he'll survive
the general anesthesia for the operation. I was told that
a major factor for this was his poor diet, which
was exacerbating his existing health issues. Hearing this, my wife
(01:55):
and I decided to move back in with my dad.
We did this to try and get him on a
healthier diet to hopefully prepare his body for the transplant
he needs. After we moved in, I was going through
his most recent letters and I discovered a letter informing
him that my youngest sister had applied for a grant
(02:15):
for young careers as a result of caring for him.
My dad is lucky to see my sister once a month,
let alone sixteen hours a week this grant requires. I
confronted him and he said he was just trying to
help her in any way he could. This again led
to a massive fight. As currently, me and my wife
(02:36):
are the only family members supporting him. My sisters do
nothing for him. They are both adults, and yet neither
has lifted a single finger once to help him. And
yet here he is again, essentially committing fraud to help
them out. We can't help but feel taken for granted
and simply unappreciated. We do everything we possibly can for him.
(02:59):
We said, sacrifice our time, energy and money to ensure
he has a more comfortable life, But time and again
he chooses to focus his energy on helping my sisters
cheat their way to funds and benefits they don't deserve.
He never once asked them to help him, so the
burden of responsibility for his care rests entirely on our shoulders.
(03:22):
Despite the fact that of the three siblings, I am
the only one not currently receiving any benefit related to
his care. We are now at the point where we
are considering pulling all our support, financial and physical, and
leaving his care entirely to the two women who are
actually benefiting from providing it. Would I be the ahle
(03:45):
for withdrawing support from my father? I understand the difficultness
of the situation, but in my opinion, you would not
be the ahole. You've spent a decade of your life
supporting your father physically, emotionally, and financially, while you're sisters
contribute nothing. All they've done is collect benefits fraudulently using
(04:06):
his name. That's exploitation, plain and simple, and your father
enabling it repeatedly crosses a serious line, and your decision
wouldn't be about punishing him. It's about boundaries. You're sacrificing
real time energy and stability for someone who not only
fails to acknowledge it, but actively prioritizes helping people who
don't lift a finger for him. If your father wants
(04:28):
to hand over his trust and legal risks to people
who won't care for him, then he can also hand
over the responsibility. You've done more than your share, and
if stepping back is what protects your well being and marriage,
then that's what needs to happen. You're not abandoning him,
You're choosing not to be used. What do you guys think?
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
(04:49):
check out the community comments. Delete it says not the ahle.
He doesn't seem to realize or care that without you
he'd probably be dead by now, since he doesn't seem
to care or appreciate your work, leave him. Rugador seven says,
as someone who is highly familiar with his family dynamic
and has read a lot of books about this, let
(05:10):
me rephrase the question. Would I be the acle if
I withdraw my unappreciated long term support for my dad,
who has been deliberately neglecting me the entire time while
passing all my benefits to my absent but entitled siblings
who don't even see him. Often not the aple. It
is not your fault that he is knowingly applying double standards,
(05:33):
rewarding the neglect of his favorites and grooming them to
be entitled, punishing and invalidating the sacrifice of his designated scapegoat.
He cannot have it both ways. It's time to set
things straight. One, if he truly appreciates your efforts, then
he should have given the benefits to you. And two,
(05:53):
if he wants to give the benefits to others, then
you should pass the responsibility to them. The ones who
answered you're the ahole or everybody sucks here are probably
not from toxic families with toxic parents who are neglecting,
but quick to demand the scapegoat child's perfection and time,
energy or money. It is easy to use compassion and
(06:15):
taking care of the elderly to guilt someone else into
staying in the unfair setup when it doesn't involve any
sacrifice on your part. Theory addict says, not the a
hole tell him that if he wants you to continue
to help them, then he needs to contact those people
from the benefits back and say that he was lying. Yeah,
(06:35):
he and them will get in a bunch of crap,
but otherwise then he can contact his daughters for assistance.
Because you don't want to commit fraud, and presumably you
got no help from him in that way either. Also,
whatever happens to him without you there is his own
fault because he is lying and committing fraud. And the
(06:55):
only way to make them not be doing that is
if they step up. You have held the torch to
be his caregiver for so long but have gotten nothing
out of it. Meanwhile, they get to freeload off of
your hard work, so you have every right to revoke
your involvement. Good luck, O P. And I hope things
get better here on out and Dopy responds, I will
(07:18):
say that during UNI, I did get qualified for a
low income support grant as my dad was my sole
parent supporting me. Mom wanted nothing to do with me,
so I did receive that in help. That's about it,
though I know that I have no responsibility to help
and that ultimately I'm only doing this because I love him,
(07:38):
But that's what makes the decision all the harder. I've
been the only one willing to help, so I really
worry for how much long term damage will be done
to his health as the results of pulling support sad
finish and snakes can't wear pants, says Info. Have you
applied for support and been denied because of them? Or
(07:59):
has he ref refused to do whatever he needs to
do for you to apply for support? And Opie responds,
apologies max character limit on the post. I have only
received a grant for low income support for UNI as
he was the only parent I had supporting me nothing else.
My eldest sister has also received this by putting him
down as her sole parent despite living with my well
(08:21):
of mother, as well as a car that he receives
for his care. I was expecting to receive this car
significantly cheaper rental and insurance compared to normal, and then
use it for us while I lived with him, but
he instead decided to give it to my sister when
she passed her test first, and then refused to take
it back and give it to me. This car is
(08:42):
supposed to be exclusively for his care and nothing else.
In the four years she has had it, she has
never used it for him once, although she does pay
the rental for it. The support my youngest sister is
requesting will not impact me, but will be another instance
of him willing to bend over backwards and break the
law to help them despite nothing in return, that is,
(09:03):
if they step up. Additional information from Obi's comments. For
the last decade, I've been the primary caregiver for my
terminally ill father. His doctor made it clear that unless
he made significant lifestyle changes, he wouldn't survive long enough
to qualify for a transplant. That put an enormous amount
of pressure on me. I love them, and I've tried
(09:23):
to do what's right by him, but figuring out where
his needs end and might begin has been a constant struggle.
Every time I try to set boundaries, I end up
feeling guilty like I'm abandoning him. What makes it worse
is how he continues to enable my sisters. Neither of
them has lifted a finger to help them, yet they're
both received financial benefits by falsely claiming they're his carers.
(09:47):
He helps them do this not out of malice, but
out of guilt. He's never pushed them to contribute, even
though one of them doesn't speak to him anymore and
the other barely calls. Meanwhile, my my wife and I
do everything, from day to day care to covering his bills.
Despite all this, he prioritizes his daughters, who give nothing back.
(10:08):
The modability car is a perfect example. My dad is
eligible for it because of its disability and it could
have made our lives easier, But he gave the benefit
to one of my sisters who's never used it to
help him. That left us renting a car and paying
inflated insurance just to manage his care. It's deeply frustrating
to know that support meant to assist with his needs
(10:28):
is being exploited by someone who offers no help. I've
confronted my sisters about this, especially in light of the
benefits they're getting off the back of his illness every
time I'm shut down. Growing up, I lived with my
dad in poverty while they lived comfortably with our mother,
who hasn't supported me financially since I was sixteen. Watching
(10:49):
them act like they're struggling while profiting from this situation
turns my stomach. My dad is severely depressed, and I
get that he thinks he's helping them in the only
way he can, but he won't even force basic boundaries
like telling my sister not to claim care support unless
she actually helps. At some point, we have to ask,
(11:09):
if he won't support the people who actually care for him,
why should we keep doing it. Well, the majority of
the community agrees that OPI would not be the equal
if he takes back support of he steps back, and
the sisters need to step up now. OPI didn't give
an update at the time, but now four years later,
we have an update, so let's move on with that
to see how this story ends. I remembered this post
(11:33):
as my dad's birthday recently passed and thought it might
as well give an update, even though no one asked.
In January twenty twenty three, my father passed away from
complete kidney failure. It wasn't a surprise to me. His
health had been in decline and a transplant wasn't going
to happen. The rest of the family, though, was shocked.
The last time he spoke to anyone, I showed him
(11:56):
the seven week scan of my now two year old
son and only grandchild. We rushed to get the earliest
scan we could, knowing he didn't have much time. My
son looked like a seahorse tadpole. He cried when I
showed him, and we had a short talk about fatherhood
before exhaustion took over. He fell asleep and never woke up.
(12:19):
I asked him not to tell anyone, since we were
still early and didn't want to jinx it. He said,
I'll take it to the grave and passed away three
days later. He kept his word. I think seeing the
scan and having that moment made him die happy. As
for my sisters, they never changed, and I let it go.
I knew I couldn't change my dad, and he was
(12:41):
on borrowed time. For his birthday that year, we rented
a canal boat since he'd always wanted one. He crashed
it almost immediately. They gave him less and less consideration,
ignoring him completely on what turned out to be his
last birthday. No visit, no call, not even a t
(13:01):
He was devastated and reduced contact with them, though he
never stopped helping them financially. When they found out he
was dying, they rushed to his side and stayed until
he passed, But like before, it was too little, too late.
He was already unconscious. They hadn't shown urgency when he
was first admitted, only showing up when I told them
(13:23):
he had chosen to end life support. I'd been told
the day he was admitted, over two weeks earlier, that
he might not survive. I believed it. I'd seen him
in these situations before, and this time felt different. The
rest of the family still thought he would recover and
didn't treat him as a priority. Eventually, my dad asked
me if he was dying. Everyone else had been giving
(13:46):
him false hope, mostly for themselves, so I had to
tell him, yes, you're going to die soon. That was
not an easy conversation. He passed surrounded by family who
barely gave him their time when he was alone. My
sisters definitely regret how they treated him, but it's too late.
We were civil at the funeral, but haven't spoken since
(14:08):
I scattered my share of his ashes at the end
of the canal. He never got to see. My sisters
turned theirs into jewelry. I miss him every day, especially
as his grandson looks so much like him. It's a
shame things never got resolved with his daughters while he
was alive. But I think he died a happy man.
That's enough for me. Well, a, p you honored your
(14:30):
father with love, presence, and truth when it mattered most.
You were able to give him peace and he left
this world. That's a powerful thing. So here's wishing you
the best of Pea. Take care and thanks for sharing.
And now let's move on to the next post that
also has an update. This post is from the subredded
a Mighty Ahle and it's by user far Sky twenty
(14:51):
two ninety eight. Am I the Ahle for getting upset
mother in law keeps asking for my daughter. I have
an okay relationship with my mother in law as long
as it's in small doses. There are times when she's
too much, but I usually get through family events okay.
She has a habit of nitpicking and being negative all
the time, but for the most part, we are okay.
(15:13):
Over the past year or so, my husband and I
have gone through many stressful situations and health issues. I
bring this up because it's possible I am stressed and
the ahole onto the issue. My mother in law lost
her husband and lives alone around forty five minutes from us.
My husband is close to his mom and they talk often.
(15:33):
She is included in every event with my daughter and
all holidays she has. My daughter comes stay some weekends
on occasion with her, and my daughter has made a
friend there. I am happy that she has this friend
and relationship with mother in law. However, is starting to
get more tricky over time. I work five days a weekend,
don't have much time with anyone during the week. I
(15:55):
don't mind sharing weekends on occasion during the school year
and some during the summer, but it's now increased to
occasional weekends during the school year holiday parties that the
neighbors are having. Every single holiday break. She is asking
what days she gets my daughter and this first weekend
of summer, I had just got home yesterday when I
(16:16):
got hit with a hey, can't daughter go to mother
in law's this weekend? And saying no is hard because
I know my daughter wants to go because she has
a friend to play with. I know mother in law
knows this too. My husband feels like he's in the
middle and is upset with me because he feels like
every time she asks, I'm getting upset. Now I feel
(16:37):
like we are setting up partial custody with my mother
in law. So am I the A hole? Am I
stressing over nothing I need to know because I know
I can't be a strong personality. Sometimes, as a nice
way to put it, maybe I'm looking at this all wrong.
Thanks well a P. No, I don't think you're the
a hole. You're a working mom who wants to spend
(16:57):
quality time with her daughter on weekends. That's not unreasonable.
That is, of course, if you do want to spend
quality time with your daughter. But if you just want
your daughter to hang out at your house while you
do something else, then why not let her go spend
her time at grandma's and play with her friend. Now,
if that's not the case, it's great that your daughter
enjoys being with her grandma and friend. But it's also
(17:17):
okay to say, well, this weekend is for us. That
wouldn't be gatekeeping, just protecting your bond and making sure
family time at home matters too, So set clear expectations
ahead of time so you're not blindsided by last minute requests.
Balance is the goal, not guilt. What do you guys think,
Let me know in the comments section, and now let's
move on to the community comments. Educational West five two
(17:40):
twelve says, not the ahole. You should certainly set some
boundaries with her. I'm not saying cutting out the visits entirely. Rather,
you need to have a proper conversation about it. Any
information eighty seventy five says boundaries. It's like you have
a partial custody and you do all the heavy lifting
and the mother in law is the Disney ground for
weekends and fun time. Sparkling Wine twenty three says not
(18:05):
the a whole set up weekend playdates or appointments so
that it isn't convenient to take her there for a
whole day or weekend. Frankly, your daughter shouldn't be spending
holidays without you, no matter what your mother in law thinks. Well,
the community agrees that ape is not the ahole. So
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. I took everything you all said to heart,
(18:26):
and I tried to look at this situation as thankful
that my mother in law and daughter have a great relationship.
She went last weekend on Friday and came back in
time for our Memorial Day fish fry. She told me
about her friend there having a birthday party next weekend,
and of course I was all for her being there
for that and told mother in law that next weekend
(18:48):
would be fine. This past week, she's had many dance
classes to prep for dance recital this weekend. I work
in the medical field, so my hours during the week
can be crazy, but I spent most of my time
with her this week, sitting in the car waiting for
her after work. Her recital was amazing. Last night mother
(19:08):
in law attended. We grabbed dinner after and she was,
of course our little star. Then after dinner, she asked,
my daughter, so you're coming home with me right? I
was floored because she had her last weekend and I've
approved for her next weekend. I think I may have
blown it though, because I immediately said no, we have
plans tomorrow. I'm doing a crab leg broil for the family,
(19:30):
and she loves crab legs, but I did say it
with a little more vitriol than it may have deserved,
so I may have gone too far because my kiddo
was immediately like, oh, we were joking, mom, which made
ME feel once again like the bad guy. You guys,
I know I should be happy that she has a
friend at Grandma's and that she loves to be there,
but I have to say again, I work all weekend.
(19:53):
Just feel horrible that mother in law keeps trying to
get her so often. The weekends are all I really
have with her. I feel like such an though, because
even my kiddo seemed like she was trying to save
the situation from getting rough, and she shouldn't have to
do that. OPI just keep going and keep in mind
that you're not the villain, just a loving mom protecting
precious time. Your bond with her is what matters most.
(20:16):
So here's wishing you the best to Bee, take care
and thanks for sharing. And that's it for today's video.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch it. Now.
If you've gotten to this point in the video, I
assume that you like these stories that I'm reading out,
so here are a couple more that you might enjoy,
and if you don't have any time to watch another
story right now, save it for later. And also don't
(20:38):
forget to hit that subscribe button.
Popular Podcasts
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!