My Best Friend’s Fiancée Banned Me from the Wedding—Then Told Me Not to Tell Him

Relationship Stories - OP’s best friend drunkenly kissed him at his own bachelor party. The bride-to-be found out, banned OP from the wedding, and made him promise not to tell the groom—leaving OP to take the fall alone.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost Genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded Amighty Ahole and it's
by user investigator OK seventy one fifty two. Am I
the AHO for not telling my best friend the real
reason I'm not at his wedding. I twenty nine male,
was supposed to be a groomsman for my best friend,

(00:24):
thirty male, as we've been tight since we were kids.
This weekend, he's marrying his fiance, twenty eight female, whom
I've known since they were dating long distance in high school.
At his bachelor party last weekend, we started off at
my place and transitioned to bar hopping. By the end,
my best friend was drunk and the guys, all our
mutual friends and some of his cousins were egging him

(00:46):
on to do a last kiss before marriage date for
extra information, I guess I'm not a fan of that
custom at bachelor's or bachelorettes, because it honestly makes it
look like you're being held hot to marry the love
of your life. Plus it's just disrespectful to your partner.
But that's just an opinion I have, and to each

(01:07):
their own. But I knew my best friend shared it too. Still,
I figured if had be my best friend wouldn't do
it because I know he loves his fiance very much.
To my literal shock and horror, he turned around, grabbed
and kissed me, not even a dumb peck like he
actually dipped me and held it for a few seconds

(01:28):
until someone was laughing obnoxiously. I didn't kiss back, I
just rose and laughed it off when it finished. Later,
I realized I wasn't having much fun anymore and bailed early,
taking some of our drunker friends home with me. The
next day, his fiance first texted me on Instagram, then
on What's Up, asking to talk, and then called me.

(01:49):
She wasn't yelling or anything, but was just kind of awkward.
She said she knew about the kiss and that while
she didn't love it, she was glad it was me
and not some ra. She said if he'd kissed another woman,
she'd have taken it as cheating and dealt with it worse.
I agreed and backed her point, saying I wouldn't have
encouraged or allowed that, But at the same time, she

(02:11):
admitted she didn't feel comfortable with me being at the
wedding now either, because it would just be in the
back of her head. I was admittedly stunned at first,
and then mad, then upset, but came to the conclusion
that it was her wedding at the end of the
day and told her I got it and wouldn't go.
She thanked me for understanding, but also asked me not

(02:33):
to tell my best friend that she was the one
who asked. I have already sent a text backing out,
giving reasons regarding work, and my beast friend was very
upset and asked me if I could back out in
any way. I freelance, by the way, and he knows this,
so my life wasn't a good one, and he went
from upset to straight up mad at me for bailing

(02:54):
out on his wedding day for work. All our mutuals
have texted me and our shared wedding gas Chad and
have asked me to reconsider and told me there's no
way I'm skipping his wedding for work. I myself manage,
some being harsher and some passive aggressive, all very valid.
Now I'm stuck looking like the ahle when I was

(03:15):
literally asked not to go and also asked not to
say I was asked not to go. Everyone around me thanks,
I'm this ahle for prioritizing work over my best friend's wedding,
and I honestly don't know how to navigate this without
losing people will be I'm kind of thinking everybody's being
a little bit of an ahle here. I mean, first,

(03:36):
your friend for kissing you. That was very disrespectful to
his fiance and he should not have done that, regardless
of how drunk he was. Very poor judgment there. Second,
his fiance for banning you from the wedding for something
that you did not do at all. And third you
for not telling your friend and going along with her
request to lie to your best friend. Also, it's not

(03:57):
just her wedding, it's both of their weddings, and this
is an issue they need to hash out between the
both of them and then come to a decision whether
you should go or not. So if I were in
your shoes, I would send a message to the both
of them, maybe open up another group chat to just
talk to the bride and groom and tell them that
they need to meet you to talk. I'm sure he
will want to. If she doesn't want to, then you

(04:17):
just meet your best friend and you tell him the truth.
Lies have very short legs, and I would advise her
not to start her marriage with a lie. What do
you guys think? Let me know in the comments section,
and now let's check out the community comments. Sush nineteen says,
tell another grooms man why you're not coming. It will
get back to the groom without you breaking your promise

(04:38):
to the bride, who should not have asked you to
keep that secret when you're taking the brunt of it.
That's crappy of her. I also hate that preer pressure.
Just one last time thing for the record. Ugh, yeah,
me too. I second that Bubblegum's plant says not the ehle,
but bro, don't do this to yourself and come off
as the bad guy. He shouldn't have kissed you. That

(04:59):
was just respectful to his fiance. But his fiance shouldn't
be asking you not to tell people either. She needs
to own her decisions. You are literally shooting yourself in
the foot. Just come clean. Fancy Meeting eighty seventy eight
says she asked you not to tell him. You respected
her wish. That does not mean you should not share

(05:20):
with someone else the origin story. Tell someone share how
it was unwelcomed by you and how awkward it was
for you. Share some of the details of the aftermath
from the bride's phone call. Let the cards fall. Where
they do this is you staying out of their relationship
and supporting it at the same time. But really, if
he is your person and you are standing with the

(05:41):
groom's side, it's not your responsibility to shield her from
the consequences of his actions or cover up for her request.
They need to talk it out. Hampster family says, tell
his bride to be that you will be at the
wedding unless she explains to him why you are skipping it.
Why in the world you take the fall for this,
Why are her feelings more important than his? He will

(06:04):
regret not having you there. Narnia Mouse says, not be Ahle.
Doesn't matter who someone is to you, whether it's a
funny date, et cetera. Someone grabs you and kisses you
uninvited and unwanted, that's not cool. Never heard of this
tradition either, stupid custom in my opinion quote, I honestly

(06:24):
don't know how to navigate this without losing people. Sorry,
but it's unlikely that you can even if you come
totally clean about it and how it's uncomfortable, people are
going to just go it was just a joke, it's
not that serious. Well, well, I wouldn't put too much
weight on their opinion, and legitimate chef seventy eighty eight
says something to consider. She may not be as okay

(06:47):
about it being you as she's saying, and this may
be the first step in deliberately wedging you away from
your best friend. You bail using ac through excuse, and
he gets hurt and et cetera. It's okay for her
to tell you she's not comfortable with you at the
wedding after this, it's not okay for her to put
the owners of hiding the reason on you, as you

(07:08):
did nothing wrong. Additional information from Opie's comments. This actually
wasn't the first time we'd kissed. Back in high school
on a dare. We kissed before he ever even met
his fiance. It wasn't a big deal back then, but
I guess that could explain part of why she reacted
the way she did now. Also, at the bachelor party,
there were no strippers. His fiance wasn't comfortable with that,

(07:30):
and honestly, neither were we. The last kiss Dare was
supposed to be a toned down version of that, just
a goofy thing instead of bringing in strangers. I was
against the whole idea from the start. I didn't want
to be a part of it, but when it happened,
I froze and went along with the laughter. To be honest,
I didn't exactly mind the kiss itself. It wasn't totally unfamiliar,

(07:52):
but I was uncomfortable because it crossed the line. And
I think he chose me because I was the safest option.
He wasn't going to kiss some woman and disrespect his fiance,
and I was right there and his best friend. I
still thought he might refuse altogether, but clearly you didn't.
When his fiance told me she was fine with it,
I could tell she wasn't actually fine. She just didn't

(08:15):
want to come off as mean. At the time, I
accepted her asking me not to come because I figured
it was her wedding and her fiance, so she had
that right. But looking back, I see that I shouldn't
have just rolled over and agreed to be cut out
of my best friend's wedding like that. I'm planning on
speaking to one of the grooms men and then to
my best friend directly. He deserves to know the full

(08:35):
truth of what went down instead of thinking I ditched
his wedding for work. Opie's edit. I sent him a message.
He just saw it and is typing. I'll hopefully update
once we've properly spoken. Thank you for everyone giving me
such good advice and setting me straight. I'm anxious as
f and hoping this goes well. As the wedding is
literally this weekend and we have a pre party I'll

(08:58):
have to prepare for if I'm still counted as groomsman. Well,
the community would agree that OPI is not the ahle
and that he does need to tell his friend. I
see it as him being an a hole if he doesn't. Anyways,
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. Hi. Everyone, thanks for all the advice on
my original post, because I genuinely never expected it to

(09:19):
go off like that, and it's allowed me to rethink
my actions. AnyWho, I did promise to update after talking
to my best friend, so here it is. After reading
through all the comments and some private messages, I realized
my approach was wrong and wasn't fair to him or
myself to be frank, and was honestly making me look
like the worst mother effort on the planet. So I

(09:40):
ended up sending him a long text explaining the actual
reasons why, starting from the kiss last weekend to his
fiance asking me not to come because of it, also
very loosely mentioning that she didn't want me to tell
him about it. After reading many comments, I did feel
like I wor was for complying in the first place,
but I don't know. I still felt guilty about it,

(10:02):
even telling him that, and even just breaking her trust.
He didn't text back for ages, but called me almost
immediately when he saw it. Wasn't yelling or anything, but
I could hear that he was really emotional. First, he
apologized like ten times for the kiss. He said he
thought it would be just a dumb lab for the
guys and didn't realize how much it crossed the line

(10:23):
for both me and his fiance. He also said he
never wanted me to feel uncomfortable and admitted he'd been
drinking way too much that night. I told him I
completely understood and forgave him for that, at least on
my end. Then When I told him about his fiance's request.
There was a long silence and slightly off topic here,
but I was eating pistachios and the sharp bit of

(10:43):
the shell cut my lip a bit, and it was
so hard to keep quiet, but I had my super
serious combo cab on, so anyways, he just kept repeating, like,
she didn't tell me that, she didn't tell me that.
I swear she didn't tell me that, and said he
wished she'd talk to him to instead of going around him,
and that he hated how everything look. Also said he

(11:05):
had been the one to give her my number as
I had hers, but never texted her, but thought it
was for some surprise plan or present she was planning
on surprising him with. After we talked, his fiance texted
me apologizing for putting me in that position, but she
still stood by that she personally didn't want me there.
She said she didn't want to be thinking about that

(11:26):
on her wedding day, and while she wasn't mad at me,
she just needed the peace of mind to cut along
conversation short. I'm going. My best friend told me he
wanted me there, but also said he understood if I
didn't want to push it with his fiance, but repeatedly
said he wanted me there more than anything. I told
him I loved him and supported him and I'd go,

(11:49):
and that I was sorry for ever considering not going.
He cried, I cried like effing babies, but ended well enough.
Our mutual friends and groomsmen, i'm guessing, are still kind
of salty with me because they don't know the real story,
and I'm not about to spread it around, as it's
not my relationship and not my drama to share. My
best friend did tell me he'll clear the air as

(12:09):
soon as possible prior to the wedding, but until then,
I'm just gonna take the l on looking like a flaky,
effing ahole. Thank you, very very very very very effing
sincerely to everyone that helped me change my mind, and
I'm honestly so effing glad I put it on here
because I could have very well been a effing knob
and have missed my own best friend's wedding. It's this

(12:32):
weekend and we have a pre party which I'm officially
involved with once more, which is great. Thanks so much again, Willop.
I think this is a great update. Everything will be cleared,
but the big part was already cleared between you, the
fiance and your best friend, and you're going to the wedding.
So I hope you guys have a lot of fun,
take care of p and thanks for sharing. Now let's

(12:52):
move on to the next post that also has an update.
This post is from the subredded am I the ahole,
and it's by user original entry seventy eight seventy one.
Am I the acle for not wanting my boyfriend to
factor my son's survivor benefits into our new household budget.
My thirty eight female son, fifteen Mail, receives eleven hundred

(13:14):
dollars a month in Social Security survivor benefits from his
late father, who passed away when my son was five.
My boyfriend, forty mail and I have been in an
on again, off again relationship for a long time. Things
have been good recently, and he's proposed we're planning on
getting a house together. I have my son and he
has three children, but only one of his kids would

(13:35):
be living with us full time, and the house we
are looking at is twenty five hundred dollars a month.
My boyfriend's proposed budget is for him to pay nine
hundred and fifty dollars for me to pay nine hundred
and fifty dollars and for us to use six hundred
dollars from my son's check for the household. He suggests
we can put the remaining five hundred dollars from the

(13:56):
check into savings. My current practice is to give my
son on half of his check five hundred and fifty
dollars for his personal use and save the other half
for him. I think that since he's almost seventeen, he
should have some control over his money. My boyfriend disagrees completely.
He thinks that since we are going to be a family,
all the money should be pulled together for shared expenses.

(14:19):
He thinks I'm wrong and selfish for not wanting to
include the survivor benefits in the main budget. We've been
going back and forth on this, and I'm feeling incredibly
uncomfortable with his expectation. I feel like the benefits are
my son's and should not be used to reduce the
adult's portion of the bills. I feel like he's trying
to make me subsidize the household using money that was

(14:41):
meant for my son's care and future, not to pay
for his own share of the bills. My wrong here?
Is it selfish to keep my son's check separate and
manage it for his benefit alone? Or is my boyfriend's
financial expectation a red flag for our future together? Well, Peter,
your last question, yes, it is most he's definitely a
red flag. All your feelings are not just valid, but

(15:04):
are spot on. That money is your son's survival benefits.
It belongs to him and your boyfriend trying to snatch
it and merge it into the family budget. Na, Na, Na, Na.
This is him showing you who he is. What if
your son didn't have survival benefits, would he be expected
to pay to live with you? Guys? If so, why
doesn't the other kid also have to pay? It's a
slippery slope and there are too many questions to be

(15:26):
handled for this to actually make any kind of sense.
No OPI, you should not do this. It is a
red flag. And what do you guys think? Let me
know in the comments section, and now let's check out
the community comments. Patient Midnight six six four says, so
he wants to pay nine hundred and fifty dollars and
wants you to pay fifteen hundred? Is his child? Going

(15:46):
to kick in five hundred and fifty dollars a month. Also,
is your child going to be on the deed for
his contributions to the mortgage, not the Ahle. If you
do this, he'll find a way to get the other
five hundred someway. Chloe phil says, you're the a hole
if you stay with this guy. No one is entitled
to those survivor benefits except your son. How much is

(16:08):
her or his savings if the boyfriend's kid's going to
contribute nothing? Right, boyfriend sees a way to pay part
of his rent using your son's money. Ah, hell, No,
you need to dump this jackass now. And Opie responds, right,
and I'm totally willing to cut the relationship off about this,
And after reading all the comments, I'm probably just gonna

(16:30):
go ahead and end it, even if he backs on
his statements. After seeing this one, Rainbow Unicorn says, not
the Ahle. That money is for your son. It is
okay for you to use that money for housing your son,
but he is not entitled to ascent of that money.
This is a huge red flag. You are making a
huge mistake by moving in together and accepting a proposal

(16:52):
there is a reason your relationship has been always on
again off again. If a relationship hasn't been stable for
consecutive years, why would you even think to move in
together and marry him. That would be a pretty poor
decision by itself. And now he has his greedy eye
on your son's money. Shake my head. You need to
end this once and for all and call me. Lysos says,

(17:14):
my dad died in a car accident when my mom
was pregnant with me. I was the beneficiary of his
social Security checks. I never saw a single penny. My
mom and her new husband used all that money every
month for eighteen years for expenses. So no, you're not
the ahu. Your boyfriend and my mom are, though, and
Dopey responds, I have a little cousin that that happened

(17:36):
to as well. That's why I'm so dead sick against
doing that. And just to clarify, I never intended on
doing what he asked. I just made this post to
show him how dumb it sounds. I never expected it
to blow up this big. I'm thinking a couple hundred
replies at most, but I've been reading through the commons
since yesterday, and I'm not moving forward with the relationship. Well,

(17:58):
the community's totally backing over. She is in the right end.
They're suggesting that she should drop him, which is something
that she's going to do. So let's move on to
the update to see how this story ends. Following my
original post, I ended the relationship with my ex over
the weekend. The breakup escalated into a heated argument, with
him repeatedly calling and threatening to go to my mother's

(18:20):
and grandmother's homes to cause a scene. I had to
call his mother to calm him down. This was the
final straw for me In the argument, I also discovered
he is not paying child support for his minor child.
Combined with his abusive and manipulative behavior, our engagement and
plans to buy a house are off. For those who

(18:41):
commented about the five hundred dollars, my son is a
very responsible young man whose college is already paid for.
He has a car and a part time job, and
saves a significant portion of his spending money. The issue
was never about the amount, but about my ex's manipulation
regarding our finances to gain control. I am now focused
on my and my family's safety. I have blocked all

(19:04):
contact and I'm documenting all threats in case legal action
is needed. Thank you for your support. I'm choosing my
well being and finally feel a sense of relief and strength.
Will it be good for you? You've made the right choice,
out with the bum and protect your son. So here's
reusing you. The best to you and your son. Thanks
so much for sharing and take care and now let's

(19:26):
finish this video with a mood booster post. This post
is from the subreddit malicious compliance, and it's by user
Captain Underpants. Politicians ignore warnings about publishing everyone's data online.
Back when every business and government was starting to get
their services accessible online for the first time, there was
a new law passed in my state that all local

(19:48):
government public records must be accessible via the web. Those
records held by local government included dog registrations, building plans permits,
property ownership information. Until this point, you had to physically
turn up at the local government offices and have your
name recorded to access such information. But it was free

(20:09):
to access and they were not permitted to deny you.
At the time. I was the webmaster for one of
the local government areas in Australia when this was first proposed.
We highlighted that residents would be very upset by making
this information easier to access and potentially for people to
scrape the entire data set. Tests to prove you were

(20:30):
human were not very reliable back then. This was politics,
so we were somewhat surprised that the politicians didn't see
the potential public backlash. We also wanted to protect our
residents from people who would try to abuse or profit
from mass access to this information. Our warnings were ignored,
so we complied maliciously. I wrote an absolutely brilliant information

(20:54):
portal with the best capture we could implement at the time,
which complied exactly with what the law required. We ensured
the local newspaper knew the exact date and time it
would go online and what would be published. It was
easy to find and put in a lot of time
to ensure news media would be able to easily demonstrate
the potential harm. The following day front page news about

(21:16):
the massive privacy issues this could pose. That morning, we
were told to take it offline, and its stayed offline permanently.
The portal was up for a total of twenty seven hours.
In the aftermath, politicians tried to shift the blame to
our local government leadership, who shifted it to us in
the IT department. We had prepared a paper trail to

(21:37):
ensure that those truly responsible were given all the credit
for the project, and those who rebuffed our warnings had
their emails included in the freedom of information requests made
during the investigation. Willoughby. They wanted the information accessible to everyone.
They got it and also theirs. Thanks so much for sharing,
op And that's it for today's video. Thank you so

(21:59):
much for taking the time to watch it now. If
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