My Mom Wants A Grandchild So Bad That She Chose My Ex And His Kid Over Me

Relationship Stories - OP ended a toxic relationship, but her mother clung to the ex’s child as if he were her own grandchild. As the emotional replacement became clearer, OP chose no contact to protect herself.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost Genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the Subreddadam the Ahole, and it's
by user jesse ka am I the Ahle for cutting
my mom out of my life because she chose my
ex over her own daughter. I, thirty eight female, was
in a two year relationship with a jealous, narcissistic man

(00:25):
who had a young son. During those two years, my
parents absolutely adored both him and his child. They even
took his son during school holidays and treated him like family.
When I finally ended the relationship because his jealousy and
control became unbearable, my parents were devastated. I had to
explain my reasons in front of my eggs, and during

(00:48):
that conversation he actually said in front of my parents
that his jealousy wouldn't have happened if I were bedlife
had been better. Yes, he really said that. Who was
extremely attached to his son, insisted on keeping contact and
even offered to continue having him during school holidays. I

(01:09):
wasn't against it. The kid needed stability and structure, something
his dad didn't give him. For information, his kid was
an accident and he never wanted him out of pity,
I also let my ex stay in the small apartment
we co owned because he was still in an internship
and needed time to find a place. Long story short,

(01:29):
things escalated, Police involved, and he eventually moved out three
months later into an apartment with his new girlfriend. Since
January twenty twenty three, we've had zero contact, thank god.
Fast forward to Easter twenty twenty three. At the family table,
my mom casually tells his son that she'd gladly invite
his dad and girlfriend over to the house. I was stunned, hurt,

(01:53):
and asked why the hell would she do this. She
answered back, it's for the well being of the kid.
To keep things it's nice. Then December comes, I arrived
for Christmas and to notice my mom still has photos
of my ex displayed. Again, I say nothing, but during dessert,
his son asks my dad if he's going to drink

(02:14):
the wine his dad gave him as a gift, and
my dad replies, he'll wait to drink it with him
here at the house. That was it for me. I
walked away from the table, furious and hurt. My parents
followed me to talk. I expressed how devastated I was
that they kept prioritizing my ex and dismissing everything their
own daughter went through mentally and physically. My dad realized

(02:39):
what he did and apologized sincerely immediately. My mom didn't.
She told me it was her house and she had
the right to invite whomever she wanted. I told her
a family home should be a safe place, and I
clearly didn't feel safe anymore. So I left and I
haven't gone back since. In November twenty twenty four, she
sent me a tube letter, no apology, just telling me

(03:02):
I should return to therapy. I confronted her in person,
and for twenty five minutes she repeated the same thing.
I can welcome whomever I love into my home. So
I walked away again. At Christmas twenty twenty four, her
twin sister asked if I was coming, and when I
asked if my ex would be there, she said the

(03:23):
same thing as my mom. It's my house, I'll invite
who I want. So I cut contact with her too. Yes,
she also had a good relationship with my ex and
his son too. I only talk to my dad now
we are in twenty twenty five, and he keeps saying
that I should get over it, and it's not such
a big deal. I'm questioning myself. So here I am

(03:44):
am I the akle for going no contact with my
mom because she chose my ex over me, OPI. In
my opinion, no, you're not the ahle. You didn't cut
contact with your mom because you're being petty or anything
like that. No, you cut contact with her because you
were pretty detecting yourself. Because apparently your mom wants grandchildren
so much that she's willing to choose your abuser over

(04:06):
you just to satisfy that need. So no, OPI, I
don't blame you. Your mom is being absolutely selfish here.
I mean the fact that you had to give them
explanations as to why you decided to end the relationship,
and even though you told them everything that went on,
she still chooses to invite him so she can have
the kid at the house and her excuse of saying,

(04:27):
it's my hopes to get to invite who I want. Yeah,
but also not everybody has to go to your house,
and you are very right to not go to her
house anymore, op because you don't feel safe there. And
your dad did apologize, but apparently now he's just minimizing it,
you know, to keep the peace I'd ask him to
stop that. What do you guys think, Let me know
in the comments section, and now let's check out the

(04:49):
community comments form. Successful eleven twenty two says, not the Ahole.
I don't blame you at all, and it was inappropriate
for your parents to develop that kind of bond with
his kid to begin with. You were never married and
only together for two years, Yet they're treating this child
like their own and Opie responds, yes, my mom is

(05:11):
quite frustrated that I'm child free. I've got my tube tides,
and I guess she decided to get a grand child
overroad in another way. Thank you for your answer, very helpful.
Apprehensive War ninety six twelve says, not the Ahle. Your
mother got too attached to this child. Considering how short
your relationship was. When the relationship turned abusive, you should

(05:33):
have cut all contact immediately, including with this child. While
it is admirable you wanted him to have stability, that
was never your responsibility to provide, and you don't have
to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. You
didn't set firm boundaries in the beginning, so no one
has taken your boundaries seriously, even maintaining contact with your

(05:54):
dad after his apology kept the door open to your
boundaries being stepped over because he appalledzed but downplays what
is occurring and functions as a spokeperson for your mother.
You need to develop a backbone of titanium steel when
extricating yourself from an abusive relationship. You cannot allow them
the tiniest foothold, and your mother's ongoing connection to that

(06:16):
man is a giant one. And dope, he responds, Wow,
that was very precise and direct. This right here went
straight to eye opening in clarity. Yes, I agree, it
was never my responsibility and I will continue to progress
on my boundaries. Thank you very much for this clear insight.
MJCU seventy two. Seventy two says, sounds like Dad needs

(06:39):
to be added to the no contact list as well,
not the ahole and DOPEI responds, thank you very much,
much appreciated. As he asks for forgiveness a few years back,
I don't feel like cutting him just yet. I guess
it's difficult for my dad to be in the middle
of both of us, me and his wife, which I understand,
but I must agree that recently I almost did, but

(07:01):
gave him a last chance. I have set up some boundaries,
as I refused to give my new address to avoid
unsolicited mail, and told him it was the last time
he ever let his wife leave me a message on
his personal whatsap or I would blog him too. Bulky's
son twenty three seventy three says, your parents and my
parents would be best friends with their near identical behavior. Lemeo,

(07:24):
I am so sorry you've had to endure that you
are most certainly not the ahole. I know you can
feel crazy when your family is surrounding you, all saying
get over it and minimize it, to the point where
you even doubt yourself. Would she do this if he
had sexually assaulted you. What he did violated you, but
not in a sexual way. It's still painful, and she's

(07:45):
choosing to allow the offender into what should be a
safe place for you. This isn't normal behavior at all,
and I'm glad you're not letting it go. Continue to
advocate for yourself as far as your dad is concerned,
explain mental and emotional assault is not something you just
get over. It's trauma, and they aren't allowing you to heal.
By repeatedly trying to put the offender in your safe circle,

(08:07):
and Opie responds, thank you very much. We did go
to family therapy many years ago, but it was specially
for the relationship between my brother and father. I always
felt like I didn't belong in the session group as
everything was mostly turning around to them both. I wonder
if she would accept to go through a family therapy again,
this time with me and her in the center of attention.

(08:28):
But it is worth a try. Thank you, and delilo
Le Memmee says, your mom suggested therapy. You should counter
with family therapy. A therapist would be able to knock
some sense into that woman. Her priority is her own family,
and she's choosing a man who abused you and uses
his child as an excuse. She is choosing his child
over her own. She doesn't realize that the son may

(08:50):
grow up and leave with no biological ties to them,
but you're in their life forever unless you go no contact.
What she's doing is emotional and mental abuse to you,
and she doesn't even realize it. If she won't go
to family therapy, I suggest you dropped a letter with
a therapist and give it to your mom. Explain you
did what she counseled, and this is the response you

(09:12):
and your therapist have come up with. See what she
does with that. The community agrizop is not the ahole,
and Ope got a pretty good idea as to what
to do next. So let's move on to the update
to see how this story ends. This morning, I woke
up to tons of comments and I'm still reading through them.
Thank you all for your help and insights. I really

(09:32):
appreciate it. I had already talked to my friends and
have the support of one of my cousins, but you
never really know if they're being fully honest with you
or just supporting you because they care. So getting perspectives
from people out of my circle helped me realize that
this situation is really toxic and that I'm right to
protect myself. This gives me also the opportunity of collecting

(09:54):
data because my dad sixty seven keeps insisting that the
family should get back to together and have dinner. He
told me that my mom sixty one didn't appreciate being
told what to do in her own home and still
can't understand why I'm distant. I told him that she
probably has Alzheimer's or not willing to look herself in
the mirror. That I needed to remind him that she

(10:16):
made her choice when she chose my ex over me,
and that everyone around me also finds her behavior not good. Recently,
he told me that family and friends don't understand my
own behavior towards them. I told him that if he
refuses to understand, I'll go public with the story and
let people judge for themselves. Like I said, I don't

(10:36):
know if it will bring a light up, but always
good to try. Some suggested family therapy, while others said
it wouldn't help. I'm still thinking about it. Fifteen years ago,
we did therapy for issues between my dad and brother,
but I felt completely left out because everything revolved around them.
Maybe therapy could help with confrontation, or maybe it's better

(10:58):
to fully go no contact and protect my piece. I
still have to decide. But this event happened a few
months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. I cried with relief,
but also felt anger. My brother was diagnosed early and
got all the support he needed. Meanwhile, when I struggled
in school, I was called lazy. Later, at twenty one,
I was diagnosed with dyslexia, which proved my mom wrong

(11:20):
after years of dismissing me. When she learned recently through
my dad about my ADHD diagnosis, she took my dad's
phone and left a message in our private conversation saying
it was not new that I had been tested at
six and that I shouldn't make such a fuss. I
was furious and felt betrayed. My brother got supported. I

(11:41):
felt that I got neglected. That was the last straw
any remaining trust shattered. So I really wonder if family
therapy could repair this. I've started setting boundaries. I refused
to give them my new address to avoid unsolicited visits
or mail, and I'm protecting my piece as much as possible.
Some of you said that if my dad tells me

(12:02):
to get over it, it means he's siding with my mom.
He's still not sure and wondering. I think he's trying
to avoid conflict more than anything. He has his own
way of thinking and seems to struggle to see the
full picture. Part of me wonders if I'm making excuses
because it's hard to cut ties with someone who apologized
and validated my feelings. But also I feel that he

(12:23):
was never diagnosed too. To clarify more details, according to
my dad, my ex never came to their house. The
problem is, I don't know if I can trust him.
I don't know if he's saying this to convince me
to come back, or if it's actually true. It still
doesn't mean they didn't invite him. Now. As I said
in the comments, I'm child free and add my tubes

(12:44):
tied a long time ago. I love kids, I work
with them, and I accepted my excess child with open arms.
But my mom always wanted to be a grandma. I
always said my brother would have kids, but not me. So,
as many of you pointed out, she's fulfitting her grandma
dream with my excess child. And she also seems to
have a savior complex trying to save the child from

(13:04):
his home. I mean she knew about my excess violent behavior.
I told her and even showed her physical evidence the
first mark in the bed frame, the hole he kicked
in the door, proof of his anger management. Also about
my excess new girlfriend and his child, I heard he
didn't let her get too close. My interpretation is that
he wanted to make sure the holidays stayed his keeping

(13:27):
the child with my parents and preventing a bond with
the new girlfriend. To this day, the child still spends
school holidays with my parents. Now, a few months ago,
I confronted my dad about something else. Another woman contacted
me because she was dating my ex a few months
back and felt that something was off. She found my
contact information through social media. To avoid responsibility and being

(13:51):
authentic as usual, my ex told her he was struggling
emotionally because his mother had recently died. She hadn't. I
still have access to her social media, and she is
posting it was just another manipulative lie. My dad doubted
the story until I showed him the messages. I don't
know if he ever told my mom. It took me

(14:12):
two years and a half to reconstruct my life after
this bad relationship, and I have found a new family
with the real man who is caring, loving and protective,
someone who treats me with respect and trustworthy. I feel
like every time I tried to set boundaries, I'm made
to feel like I'm the problem. But reading everyone's comments

(14:32):
has helped me see that my feelings are valid and
that stepping back doesn't make me a bad person. Take
care of all of you and again gratitude to all.
Will it be good for you for doing the work
of finally setting up some boundaries and standing by them.
And if keeping those boundaries to keep you safe means
that unfortunately your mom and dad will be in the

(14:52):
no contact list, then that's how it has to be.
So here's wishing you the best of p Thanks so
much for sharing and take care and now let's on
to the next post that also has an update. This
post is from the subredded am I overreacting and it's
by user sunny Skies. Am I overreacting for telling my
coworker to stop talking in a baby voice? I read

(15:13):
it longtime lurker, first time posting. I twenty two female
have an odd coworker twenty two female, and like the
title says, she does talk in a baby voice. When
I first came to work at our company, she was
quiet and never talked to me, and I understand I
am new why would she want to talk to me,
But me, being the person I am, I wanted to
try to have a relationship with my coworker because we

(15:35):
are going to be desk to desk, so I would
just start out by complimenting her on her clothes and
got us to start talking. From there, I finally had
my foot in the door, and now I don't have
to sit in a quiet, awkward space with her. Until
one day she started speaking in a baby voice, and
at first I thought it was a joke, but there

(15:56):
was no joke that was made. It was just her
speaking to me, and I just awkwardly laughed and I
just went back to what I was doing. I thought
it was a one time thing, maybe she was making
a joke and it just didn't land for me. But
I was wrong. It was not a one time thing.
Almost every day now she at least speaks in a
baby voice once, and it is starting to make me

(16:18):
feel uncomfortable because now she will come over to me
and talk to me in the baby voice and just
start acting strange, such as walking by my desk, stopping
staring at me, and walking away waiting for me when
I go on my lunch And recently I was talking
to another coworker and she comes over to grab a
cup of coffee. She turns to look at us, stares,

(16:40):
scoots over and says, do you know I play in
the baby voice, laughs, and walks away. My other coworker
was stunned, but then we both laughed awkwardly and we
tried to go back to our conversation. So, Reddit, am
I overreacting if I tell her to stop talking in
a baby voice because it is making me uncomfortable? Well

(17:02):
it will be in my opinion, no, because she's clearly
choosing to do so willingly. It's not like she has
some sort of impediment that makes her talk like this.
So of course you can set a boundary. You can
kindly ask it to please address you not talking in
a baby voice. Hopefully she'll hear you out and understand
and stop it. And if she brushes your request aside
and keeps talking to you in a baby voice and

(17:22):
making things awkward, and you can always go to HR
and at least file a report. What do you guys think?
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comments. Okay. Collection thirty one seventeen says,
I'm curious about something. When you say baby voice, do
you mean she has that ariana grande way of talking
where it is very sweet, soft, a little girl sounding,

(17:43):
or how you would talk to a baby, Because I
get your point, if it really sounds like the way
you would talk to a baby. It's strange and a
little gross dangerous. Son ninety nine eighty two says if
nineteen female actually had this problem in high school, this
girl would not stop talking with a baby voice. At
the time, I never said anything, but if it were

(18:03):
me now, I would say why a baby voice? If
you don't mind me asking with as much kindness as
I can muster. Firebird five six two says I would
look at her and say, why are you talking to
me with a baby voice? This can start a dialogue
and small Princess nine two eight says HR exists for

(18:24):
a reason, and I really hope your company has it
or something close. What started as weird sounds like it's
evolving into a weird type of hostile work environment. At
the very least, I would tell your or her supervisor.
In general, the community agrees UPI is not overreacting. So
now let's move on to the update to see how
this story ends. I read it, I talked to my coworker.

(18:46):
I never thought this would have happened, but here goes.
I grabbed my coworker aside and said I needed to
talk to her. She followed me to the breakroom and
I asked her about why she's sometimes spoke in a
baby voice whenever she was around me. She looked at
me and began to like and I was caught way
of guard. She was laughing so hard that she started snorting.
She eventually stopped, but it felt like she was laughing forever.

(19:09):
Then she walked out of the break room and came
back with our other co worker, and they were laughing together.
At this point, you are probably as confused as I am.
Turns out it was a prank because I was new
to the company and they were waiting to see how
long until I broke I started working here in August.
I'm beyond words, and I am embarrassed because this was

(19:30):
all just a prank. But genuinely felt weird about this coworker,
and come to find out it was a prank because
I was new. I smiled awkwardly and laughed because I
didn't know what else to do. All I can say
is that I am embarrassed that it took this long
for me to realize it was a prank. Well, but
I've just got one question. Did you laugh like internally?

(19:51):
Did you find it funny? Because if you didn't, then
it wasn't a prank and your co workers are a
holes honestly for doing this, And personally, I don't know
if I could trust these people, or at least it
take me a long time before I can truly trust them.
In any CASEO peep, here's wishing you the best. Thanks
for sharing and take care and now let's finish this
video with a mood booster post. This post is from

(20:11):
the subreddit petty Revenge and it's by user courage. OK
two ninety nine, don't clean the kitchen. Guess supper will
be very late. Then. I have teenagers and a hubby
who works from home. I work a demanding job with
fairly long hours, but I don't mind cooking when I
get back, as I enjoy it and can whip up
a meal in under twenty minutes if I need to.

(20:31):
So the deal is I'll cook and hubby and kids
get clean up duty. The problem is that they're all
extremely messy and aren't at all bothered by a dirty,
messy kitchen, whereas a dirty kitchen is the one thing
that really upsets me. So after a long, hard day
at work, I'd get back to a filthy, dirty kitchen
and have to clean it before I could start cooking.

(20:54):
I got tired of nagging and screaming. It just elevated
my stress levels. So I would get some food at work,
arrive home, sit on a couch and read my book.
After a while, someone would ask what was for supper.
I would say I don't know, I can't really do
much in a dirty kitchen, and carry on reading my book.
I would not end up cooking that evening, as it

(21:15):
got too late and everyone else would have to have
cheese on toast, much to their disgust. Now when I
get home, the kitchen is spotless and the dishwasher is on.
Problem solved. Fantastic. Ope, this was not a petty revenge
in my opinion, this was a lesson for your kids
and husband to learn to contribute to home life. Great job,

(21:38):
op Thanks for sharing, and that's it for today's video.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch it. Now.
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