My Partner Lied So I’d Keep Paying for His Lifestyle—and I’m Finally Done

Reddit Stories - OP supported her partner financially after moving across the country together, believing his unemployment claims. Months later, she discovers he lied while refusing to work, forcing her to confront betrayal, exhaustion, and whether love is enough to stay.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre reddit stories.
This post is from the subreddit Relationship Advice, and it's
by user interaction CEE eighty six sixteen. I twenty seven
female lost all respect for my partner twenty nine mail.
We moved across the country in April and we were

(00:24):
going to do everything fifty to fifty. He lost his job,
filed for unemployment. He said he was approved, but it's
now December and I've been doing this on my own.
He recently reached out to a representative and said that
things were moving. He left his email logged on my
computer and I saw in his email that it was
denied and he has put in an appeal. The hearing

(00:46):
is set for January. He keeps telling me when I
ask about it, he'll let me know when he hears
something back. I asked him again today after seeing the
email yesterday. These emails are about two weeks old, and
he said to the same thing. This feels like the
ultimate betrayal. I've asked him multiple times to get a

(01:08):
job to help because I'm struggling, and he won't. I'm
locked into a lease. All the bills are in my name.
I feel so defeated, and I'd never want to date again.
I love him and I want so badly for this
to work, but I can't see how it will. How
do I bring this up? After all? What can I
say or do to prevent myself from continuing to be

(01:29):
taking advantage of? Can I repair this? Any advice or
input would be appreciated. Will beep to answer your questions?
How do you bring this up directly? And honestly he's
been lying to you. You need to call him out,
And I don't know if you could actually try to
repair this again. He's been lying to you for months.

(01:50):
Anybody can lose their job it happens. The fact that
he's actually not trying to get another job but just
trying to go for unemployment and getting rejected and lying
to you about it, that's a problem. You've been carrying
the weight for both of you for about eight months
and you just don't want to do it anymore. And
it's absolutely understandable. So to your question of what can

(02:11):
you say or do to prevent getting taken advantage of, Well,
that's mostly on you allowing that to happen. People do
show you who they are if you refuse to see it,
then you will be taking advantage of when they're a
holes like your current boyfriend. To me, this is a
huge red flag and it would be a deal breaker.
Eight months of lying and having me carry all the weight. Yeah,

(02:32):
I'd be out in a second. And what do you
guys think? Let me know in the comment section and
now let's check out the community comments. Kitten Dolly thirteen says,
why did you move across the country. It sounds like
you moved before he lost his job. A self respecting
man would at least be looking for work. He isn't
being honest with you. Talk to him and don't allow

(02:53):
him to manipulate you by complaining that you read that email.
It sounds like he has been lying to you for
a long time. You would be better off alone than
supporting a liar, and Opie responds, Yes, he had a
remote job before we moved. He didn't communicate with his
employer and because of the state we recite in, he

(03:13):
was fired. Dangerous Putting nine to eleven says girl, you're
already on your own. Get rid of the dead weight.
You know you're hoping for a miracle, But why would
he bother to get a job when he knows you'll
do all the heavy lifting. Tell him he has to
get the f out. Don't say you love him because
he doesn't love you. He is showing you how much

(03:34):
he values you by his current behavior and distinctive practice.
One three one says everything's in your name, so that
makes it easier. You're already paying for everything at this point,
his absence will be cheaper for you. He's not making
efforts to get a job. He's continuing to pursue his
unemployment after being rejected, either because he feels so entitled

(03:56):
to it he won't accept reality, or he wants an
excuse to not be actively pursuing working all at your
literal and non expense. If you want to try to
save this, give him your expectations and be direct in
what will happen otherwise and if otherwise happens. Follow through
additional information from OPI's comments. Hey everyone, First, he is

(04:19):
a gamer, and I just want to say that I
don't think being a gamer necessarily means that you are
destined to be a terrible partner. I myself am an
avid gamer, and I have been since I was very
very little. It is one of my main hobbies. Naturally,
I seek out someone who shares that with me because
there's so many great experience to be had when playing

(04:41):
with a partner. With that said, I have many male
friends who are also avid gamers who have girlfriends and
are not terrible partners. My main example being my friend Travis,
who I have known for over ten years and lived
with him and his girlfriend. I am also best friends
with his girlfriend, and oftentimes when I call or tech
to talk to her about my previous relationship problems, she

(05:03):
would often tell me that Travis would never do XYZ
that I had been experiencing. But despite all of that,
I will say that I do think a lot of
partners will use it as a way to distract themselves
from their relationship, and I do not think that it
is a video game that is at fault, but rather
the individual. Also, I've moved because I had been wanting

(05:25):
to move to another state. I previously resided in Texas
for a few years to help out my father with
the remodel of his home. He's a truck driver, and
having an extra pair of hands to keep the house
in order while he was away was a huge help
in getting the house where it needed to be. I
lived there rent free and just saved up my money,
so it was a mutually beneficial thing. Now that the

(05:48):
house has passed the major parts of the remodel, I
had been with my partner for a while and I
had already wanted to move. After we had discussed it,
we agreed to take the next step. We chose this
state because it had a lot better quality of life,
and since the idea of marriage and children were being included,
this state had a much better education system. I had

(06:09):
previously visited this state before, and also have several friends
who reside here, in addition to living out of state
from my immediate family my father for several years previously.
So to sum it up, it was already something I
had been considering for my future for a while and
I had acted on it. He doesn't have friends or
family here, but had expressed his desire to move here

(06:31):
and had told me he was planning on moving from
Texas within the next year or two. So at the
time it seemed like a calculated decision and the next
step for our relationship. The community agrees Opie's partner sucks
that he's a liar and that he's taking advantage of
her and that she should get away from him. So
let's move on to the update to see how this

(06:52):
story ends. Thank you for the people who reached out
and gave me kind words, and thank you to everyone
who gave their opinion an advance. It has helped me
not feel crazy in all of this. So to clarify
and elaborate a few things for those who asked, when
we moved, I paid for everything out of pocket. Although
we signed the lease together, I am the primary lease holder,

(07:12):
but that does not give me grounds to evict. When
he lost his job, I told him that I would
support us, but this was also under the pretense that
his unemployment would come in and would end in October,
thus he would then get another job. At multiple points
during the eight months, I expressed that I was struggling,
to which he responded that unemployment would come in soon.

(07:34):
I make twenty four dollars an hour, and I've been
working forty five plus hour work weeks, but now it's
low season and I'm lucky if I can get thirty seven.
I accepted this under the promise that we would be
getting weekly checks from unemployment. As time went on, I
have become more stressed, so now for the update. I

(07:56):
came home, ordered a pizza. We ate, and I asked
him why he he didn't tell me about the unemployment
appeal and why he lied to me about saying he
hadn't heard anything. He said he didn't want to stress
me out, so I walked away. He followed me all
around our apartment. He said that I was treating him
badly and I was acting unstable. I told him that

(08:17):
we should break up, and I went to go take
a shower. He then followed me up to the bathroom
and refused to leave, so I left. He followed me
all the way to a park about a fifteen minute
walk away and said that I obviously was thinking about
this for a long time and that he knew this
was going to happen. He then asked how I knew

(08:37):
and I didn't answer, so he said that I either
opened his email or went on his computer, and that
I was a crappy person for doing that, and if
I could be upset and break up with them, then
he was way more patient with me than he should
have been in our relationship. He said that he didn't
think I was a bad person, but that I needed
help and I should have gotten it a long time ago,

(08:59):
so after he was done, he just walked back. He
then coordinated me in the bathroom again and demanded a
reason why I was breaking up with him. When I
told him that he was right about everything he said,
unstable and I shouldn't be in a relationship. He went
on to explain that just because I am all of
those things, that doesn't mean that's who I am at
my core. So I just went silent until he left

(09:23):
me alone. It's been a few hours and I've cried
quite a bit. I just wish things were different. You know.
It's like someone here said, I am in love with
the fantasy and promises, not what is actually in front
of me. And to the reditor who implied I was
shallow because I didn't stick it out, I would have
if he had just said he was sorry for lying

(09:44):
to me. Will P, you are right. You are right
to be done when you confronted him. He didn't even apologize,
didn't feel any shame. He went straight to gaslighting and
wouldn't quit. You're treating him badly. You're acting unstable. He's
way more patient than and you. Yeah, OPI good rittance
to this guy. Do whatever you can to get rid

(10:05):
of him. Hopefully he'll figure that out soon and move away.
In the meantime, OPI, here's wishing you the best, Thanks
for sharing and take care, and now let's move on
to the next post that also has an update. This
post is from the subredded am I overreacting and it's
by user east Permit fifty nine thirteen. Am I overreacting?
My boyfriend told me he wants to have good chemistry

(10:28):
with another girl on my birthday. I twenty three female,
just celebrated my twenty third birthday. Last night. My boyfriend
Jake twenty one male, took me out to a bar
with a group of our mutual friends. For the most part,
the night was going great until a girl he knows
from his college classes we'll call her Sophie, showed up.

(10:49):
Jake has mentioned Sophie before, mostly just saying she's cool
and in his study group. When she walked in, Jake
got weirdly focused on her. Later in the night, while
we were getting drinks at the bar just the two
of us, I made a comment about how he seemed distracted.
He laughed it off and said, I'm just trying to

(11:10):
make sure Sophie and I have really good chemistry. I
want us to have a spark, you know. I was stunned.
I asked him what the hell that was supposed to mean,
especially on my birthday. He got defensive immediately and told
me I was acting twenty three, implying I'm being old
and serious, and that chemistry just means he wants them

(11:31):
to be able to joke around so his steady sessions
aren't awkward. I told him that chemistry and sparks are
romantic terms, and saying that to your girlfriend on her
birthday is disrespectful. He called me insecure and said I
was ruining my own birthday over a word choice. He
spent the rest of the night acting distant and ended

(11:52):
up talking to her for a good twenty minutes before
we left. I feel like I'm being gaslit to me,
you don't look for chemistry with another word when you're
in a committed relationship. Am I overreacting? Is this a
maturity gap thing because he's twenty one, or is he
low key telling me he's interested in her? Well, p
I don't think there was anything low key in that

(12:14):
at all. First of all, what is this girl doing
at your birthday? Celebration. It was supposed to be with
your mutual friends, your boyfriend, and yourself from what I understood,
But apparently he invited her, So that's the first question why,
And from everything else in the post, it sounds kind
of obvious that he is interested in her. He's looking
for chemistry, he wants a spark, and believe me, it's

(12:37):
not so the steady sessions aren't so awkward. I don't
know if it's a maturity gap, Opie, but honestly, this
whole thing would have me thinking, is this relationship really
what I want? Based on the way he dismissed you
for your own birthday and did all this other crap,
I'd say this is enough, And what do you guys think?
Let me know in the comments section, and now let's
check out the community comments. He's Blue says it doesn't

(13:01):
matter if he just wants to be friends with her,
ignoring you on your birthday and focusing on someone else's ft.
Jv Emetz says a partner who calls insecure when you
are trying to express your emotions or concerns is not
a real partner. They are either gaslighting you or are
extremely immature and self centered. You are not overreacting. You

(13:23):
have a partner who is looking for his next hookup.
Jax P. Quick says he's trying to line up a
new relationship while forgetting to end the old relationship. He
doesn't want to be alone, so as soon as he
thinks he has an inn with Sophie, he'll take it.
If she rejects him, he'll make excuses and come running back,
even if it was the wrong use of words. His

(13:44):
lack of concern and apology and actually demonizing you for
completely valid thoughts should be a real eye opener for you.
This is not how a good, supportive, loving partner should act.
They would try and clear the air and apologize for
the confusion. He actually sounds like he's stonewalled and degraded.
Your feelings gross, not overreacting. Glittering Swan forty nine to

(14:08):
eleven says, not overreacting. Yep, chemistry and spark are lustful terms.
He's twenty one and emotionally immature. He doesn't see you
in his long term future. He wants fun, and yes,
he's disrespectful for calling you insecure when he knows he's
doing what you called him out on. This disrespect would
have me pulling back from the relationship. Tell him you

(14:29):
hope his chemistry builds with Sophie and that you'll see
him around. Then get out there and start dating again.
And common Director twenty two oh one says, chemistry okay,
whatever spark defensive doesn't pay attention to you on your birthday.
Be careful. You might be temporary for him until he
finds his spark. To be fair twenty one and twenty three,

(14:52):
those things happen, it can happen to you too. Great
age for having fun, so don't waste time with bs.
Push hard for studies and career and have fun, travel,
meet people, make friends, learn new hobbies, have sex. Well,
it's clear the community agrizzop is not overreacting and that
this relationship is probably done for, so let's move on

(15:15):
to the update to see how this story ends. After
reading through the responses on my last post, a lot
of things started to click. So many people pointed out
that chemistry and sparks aren't normal words to use for
a platonic study partner, and especially not something you say
to your girlfriend on her birthday. It made me realize

(15:36):
this wasn't just me being sensitive, so Yesterday, I sat
Jake down to talk about it. Calmly, I explained that
what he said made me feel disrespected and undervalued, and
that wanting chemistry with another woman is a boundary for
me in a relationship. It didn't go the way I hoped.
Instead of apologizing or trying to understand where I was

(15:58):
coming from, he got defensive. He told me I was
suffocating him and said that's because he's twenty one he
should allowed to vibe with whoever he wants. He admitted
that he finds Sophie intellectually stimulating and that they have
a connection he didn't want to suppress just because it
made me uncomfortable. Later on, I found out from a

(16:20):
mutual friend who was there that while I was in
the bathroom on my birthday, Jake was complaining to Sophie
about how serious I am and how he wishes he
had someone who just got his energy. That was kind
of the final straw for me. At that point. It
was clear this wasn't just bad choice of words or

(16:41):
a maturity gap, because he was clearly actively venting to
and bonding with another woman right in front of me
on my birthday. I ended things last night. I told
him that if he was to explore chemistry with Sophie
so badly, he's free to do that as a single man.
Once he realized I was, he tried to backtrack and

(17:02):
said he was just projecting and feeling pressured by my
age and expectations. I blogged him, I'm twenty three, finishing
my degree and I know what I want out of
a relationship. I'm not going to be a placeholder or
a starter girlfriend for someone who doesn't understand basic respect.
It hurts, and my birthday definitely didn't turned out how

(17:23):
I imagined. But I'd rather be single than stay with
someone who's already looking for sparks somewhere else. Smiley face,
good for you for not letting yourself get manipulated, for
standing up for yourself, for showing that you have a spine,
and for knowing what you want. And Jake, good riddance.
So here's wishing you the best of the Thanks for

(17:43):
sharing and take care, and now let's finish this video
with a mood booster post. This post is from the
subreddit petty Revenge and it's by user dra Fixo. Close
to popular pizza place for two days when I was fifteen,
I worked at a very popular pizza place in Canada.
It rhymes with nut. It was run and managed by

(18:04):
a couple college kids that thought they were big stuff
running a pizza joint. Congratulations. I was in between work
and didn't want to work a fast food place, but
my first choice at the local arena fell through because
I had to be sixteen to work with certain chemicals
and stuff they had for the pool months away. But
it was a no go. So I bit the bullet

(18:25):
and applied. I got the job and was hired for
working in the kitchen within a month. They wanted me
to learn how to make dough. I wasn't for it
because that meant I had to come in every weekend
at six am to have dough ready for when they
opened at noon. I said, fine, I'd learned, but I
don't want to do it every weekend. I was a kid.

(18:46):
I enjoyed my weekend time and was much happier working weeknights.
They assured me I would only have to work one
weekend dough shift a month. I said, okay, great, they
got my partner in crime. We'll call Scott to agreed
to the same thing. We both learned and nailed it.
Within two weeks of learning, we were back to back
weekend shifts. I worked every Saturday, Scott every Sunday. Going forward,

(19:10):
I went to my boss and told her and she laughed,
said too bad. They all thought it was hilarious, the
group of them, all servers in their twenties. We were
the joke of the pizza joint. They knew we needed
jobs and wouldn't quit. Then I went home one Saturday
and my parents said the arena had called and wanted
me to come in for another interview. I went and

(19:32):
was told I would be offered the job in two weeks.
The day after my birthday. I asked if they needed
anyone else, and they said yes, And I told him
about my friend Scott and how he worked. He said
to hand in his resume and he'd get it set up.
Time for petty revenge. The next Saturday, I went into
work and sat around and did absolutely nothing. I drank

(19:54):
chocolate milk and hung out in the boots of the restaurant,
twirling my thumbs. They showed up for opened and I
was standing there, apron and name tag in hand. I quit,
I said. My boss laughed and said whatever we were
going to fire you anyways, then commented that if it
were her, she wouldn't have showed up at all and
screwed it over not making any dough. Idiot. I laughed

(20:18):
and said, nah, I hung out all morning and made
no dough, so you still need to pay me for
my shift. Later, the look on her face was gold.
She ended up having to close the store for the
day because they had no doughmade. Then, to top it off,
Scott repeated my quitting method the following day. We worked
together at the arena for the rest of high school

(20:39):
and told that story fondly. Well, OPI, this was perfectly executed.
They lied to you. They get what they deserve. Thanks
so much for sharing, Opie. And that's it for today's video.
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch
it now. If you've gotten to this point in the video,
I assume that you like these stories that I'm reading,

(21:00):
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