August 16, 2025 • 20 mins
Reddit Relationship Stories - OP found something in her husbands's blazer pocket that got her top investigate him and she found out about a second secret life her husband has had for almost their whole marriage.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded Relationship Advice and it's
by user throw away London Mom. I female forty four,
hired an investigator and have discovered my husband's male forty seven,
of fear and sex addiction.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What on earth do I do next?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
My husband male forty seven and I female forty four
have been married for just over a decade, and it
has been, for the most part, a loving marriage centered
around our two beautiful children. Of course, I've had grievances.
He travels a lot for work, is constantly glued to
his phone, and sometimes would abruptly pop out for errands
(00:46):
that he has always been incredibly vague about. Initially, these
didn't concern me too much. He has a very demanding
job that has allowed us to have a lifestyle I
never thought possible. His job meant that I I could
leave work to be with the children, take us on
wonderful holidays, send the children to a great school.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I always felt that.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Complaining to him about his work, phone, computer, and random
emergencies would be so selfish considering everything he does for us. However,
two weeks ago I started getting really suspicious after I
had found a condom in the inside pocket of his blazer.
There was no reason for him to have it there,
(01:29):
as we only ever have sex at home, and frankly,
it isn't something we do as often as we used to.
This prompted me to do something I never thought I
would do, but I found an opportunity to get into
his phone when he wasn't looking. I'm not sure what
I was looking for. I first looked at his photos
but couldn't find anything. Then I thought I would check
(01:50):
his messaging apps What's Up Telegram. Both were password locked,
which I found very odd. Only I message could be accessed,
but there was barely anything there. At this point I
had a sinking feeling something was up. Last year, a
friend was in a similar situation and used a digital
investigator to learn more about her absent and secretive fiance.
(02:14):
The investigator found out that this man had been living
a complete double life with a long term girlfriend in
Edinburgh and unbelievably a whole business he had set up
and was earning money from. She had no idea about
the business or all the money he was earning from it,
and no doubt spending on his girlfriend I asked for
(02:36):
the investigator's details and requested that they pulled together anything
and everything they could find about my husband. The investigator
spent about a week digging online and came back to
me with a report that changed my life forever. I
got a call from the investigator warning me that my
husband's report would be.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
A very difficult read.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
He said that I should open it in private at
a time when I would be able to process it fully.
Since I received it, I have barely been able to eat,
sleep properly, take care of the kids, or speak to him.
And yet he is so absent minded he doesn't even
realize something is wrong. It turns out that my husband
of over ten years has been one having an affair
(03:23):
with a woman fifteen years is junior. Two financing this
woman's lifestyle and her failed business venture. Three attending sex
parties with her where they have sex with other partners.
Four posting in a revolting online sex forum, including pictures
of his genitals and details his addiction to smut and
(03:45):
escorts to his creepy online friends. And five, based on
his posts online, he's clearly been spending thousands on escorts
as far back as seven years ago. I have no idea, yeah,
where to go from here. I don't know what to do.
I have no idea how to confront him about this
(04:06):
or if I should see a lawyer first. I know
the obvious decision is to simply divorce, but our children
are nine and seven. I have loved him since we
first met fourteen years ago, and I know that I
have a place in his heart too, in spite of
these actions. If he is truly an addict, then maybe
there is a way to get through this, if he
(04:28):
agrees to treatment. I am a complete mess and I
can't talk about this to anyone in person yet. Any
advice you have for me would be really appreciated.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Opie.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you are
not powerless. Your husband didn't just cheat, He lied, manipulated,
and built a double life at your expense. There is
no coming back from this. First, I would consult a
lawyer immediately to understand my rights and secure my financial
future before he realizes what's coming. He's been funneling money
(05:01):
into another woman's life. You should refuse to let him
jeopardize yours. Second, I would get support, legal, emotional, and practical.
A therapist, a trusted friend, or someone who can help
me stay clear headed. And finally, I would take action,
not ask for explanations. He made his choices, you should
make yours. No begging, no arguing, Prepare your exit on
(05:24):
your own terms. After what he did to you, after
what he's been doing to you. This marriage is over,
but your life isn't. Don't let his betrayal define yours.
And what do you guys think? Let me know in
the comments section, and now let's move on with the
community comments. S New Recipes ninety eight ninety one says,
if you stay, you are showing your kids that this
(05:45):
is how adult relationships work. Betrayal, disrespect, and lack of
love is what they will seek in their adult relationships.
If you leave, you show them that being treated this
way is unacceptable and that betrayal has consequences and choosing
yourself respect is always a priority. Buddy Inevitable sixty three
eight says, one, talk to a lawyer before you do anything.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Two.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
No, this is not something that will be fixed or
cured via therapy. Therapy only works if the person does
the work. It isn't a magical cure that resolves giant issues.
Just because you schedule an appointment and show up. The
reality is you have been married to someone who was
capable and willing to light to your face systematically.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Therapy doesn't just fix that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
In fact, if he has a personality disorder, which I
suspect based on your post about his.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Behavior, he likely will never change. Three.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Do more research into pathological love relationships. Briefly ask yourself
these questions. Does he have difficulties with empathy, egotism, exploitiveness,
aggrandized sense of self, distorted perceptions of self and others,
self serving, boundary violations, blame shifting, low remorse, low accountabdity,
motivated by power, control or personal gain. Just a brief
(06:59):
place to start exploring who you are actually married to
and for talk to a lawyer and the therapist before
doing anything. Someone who specializes in pathological love relationships, ideally
lyra Leon, says therapy will not work because he clearly
is reveling in his addiction and secretive lifestyle and he
(07:21):
shows little remorse for it. Escorts, sex parties and financing
a mistress is way too far.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
That man does not love you.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
You're a living caretaker for his children and home that
he can occasionally have sex with two. Lawyer up protect
your own finances in lifestyle and your children's future. And
Flumpspoon says when someone cheats on their partner, the important
thing to bear in mind, as well as their actions,
is their motivation. In this case, your partner appears to
(07:50):
set no value on fidelity and view women and sex
as something disposable to be purchased at whim. This is
not something that can be fixed with therapy. You deserve
someone you can trust well. I think the community came
with good advice for OPI. Basically, this is it. You
need to protect yourself and your kids and see how
you can get out as quickly as possible. Of course,
lawyer up. So now let's move on to the update
(08:13):
to see how this story ends. Firstly, I'd just like
to thank almost every single one of you who has
commented to leave me advice or message me privately. I
took a lot of advice on board, especially legally speaking,
and this has proven to be of great benefit. I
apologize for my long absence and lack of replies. I
hope the update below can explain it. I chose to
(08:36):
wait until after New Years as I did not want
to rob the children of one last Christmas and New
Year's holiday as a family. In the meantime, I researched
solicitors and sought recommendations from trusted friends. Rather humiliatingly, I did,
after much urging on this website, also schedule and go
through with an STI test. It was horrifically embarrassing, but
(08:59):
I am relieved to say that it came back negative.
I don't know how I could have coped if he
had gotten me sick because of his revolting actions. He
made my job incredibly easy by flying out for a
work trip, not that anything he says could ever be trusted.
On the second of January, and I immediately got the
(09:19):
ball rolling. Met with this solicitor, packed up all of
his belongings into six suitcases, had the logs changed, and
spoke to a child psychologist to work out the best
way to explain things to the kids, who are far
too young to understand the full picture. Of course, fast
forward to a week later, and upon his return, I,
(09:41):
having made sure the children were picked up by my
mother after school, greeted him to a hallway full of
suitcases and divorce papers. I had printed out the report
in full and started walking him through it before he
started breaking down in tears and excuses. It was a
composed he was unbelievably stressed, and that if I left
(10:04):
him he would have no choice but to marry the
other woman, whereas he would end it immediately if I
were to take him back. This last part was truly
the nail in the coffin. I don't think he even
realized just how manipulative a comment that was to make.
After hours of back and forth and of his groveling,
he gave up. He was left at the bottom of
(10:26):
the stairs in the entrance to our home with the suitcases,
waiting for a cab to take him to God knows where.
There is still a lengthy legal process ahead, and unfortunately
it turns out that him being unfaithful etc. Doesn't really
impact how assets might be divided following the legal battle. However,
I'm confident that my solicitor will get the outcome I
(10:47):
need to keep the house and live independently. In terms
of the children, I would rather not discuss them so
as to keep it private. But it has been an
incredibly difficult adjustment and sometimes I do feel guilty. As
for myself, I am still completely heartbroken, and frankly, I
don't ever hope to find love again. I just don't
think I can quite trust like that again. Finally, I'd
(11:10):
just like to add that while most comments have been
lovely and supportive, I did get a number of comments
in private messages blaming me for my soon to be
ex husband's behavior, claiming I did not give him sufficient
sexual attention and that I shouldn't complain because he provided
me with.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
A certain lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Firstly, these comments are awful and betray a repulsive worldview
with regards to sex, intimacy, and marriage. Secondly, our ailing
sex life was not my doing and was at times
a criticism I myself had of our relationship, not the
other way around. Thirdly, just because someone provides you with
a lifestyle doesn't entitle them to treat you as if
(11:50):
you were nothing, with no respect and no honesty. I
would have hoped all would be aware of that. OPI
don't mind the haters. You took your hour back, chose
dignity over deception, and proved that your worth is not
up for negotiation. You are walking away with your head
held high. Don't forget that. Thanks for sharing, Opient, Take
(12:11):
care Now let's move on to the next post that
also has an update. This post is from the subred
datam I the Ahle, and it's by user dear Hovercraft
thirty seven forty nine. Am I the a hole for
telling my father and stepmother that I'll exchange the gift
they bought for my daughter. My daughter is turning five
(12:32):
later this month. We have a trip coming up, so
we decided to have her birthday party last Saturday instead.
When we got home after the party, we helped our
daughter open her gifts. The only ones she didn't open
were the ones we realized were jewelry or clothing. She
doesn't care about those only the toys, which me and
my husband opened without her. Those were gifted mostly by
(12:53):
family members. The jewelry department mainly consisted of necklaces and bracelets.
The sole exception was a pair of earrings gifted by
my father and his wife. My daughter's ears aren't pierced.
We didn't pierce them when she was born, nor do
we intend to do so anytime soon. We want to
let her decide whether she wants to, and she's never
(13:16):
expressed any interest, so me and my husband already knew
we'd be exchanging the earrings. Usually we don't tell people
were exchanging a gift they bought for us. This time
is different. My stepmother has been pestering me about piercing
my daughter's ears since she was born. There's always a
different reason why. First it was because.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
People wouldn't know she was a girl if we didn't.
Then it turned into she'll get jealous of her friends
and so on.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
But she always makes the point that girls need to
have their ears pierced. She brings it up almost every
time we see her. My father usually doesn't comment on it,
but has backed her up a few times. Also, my
stepmother's never complaint about my oldest son's appearance, so I
know this is rooted in sexism or it could be cultural.
(14:06):
When my father called us the next day to ask
what we thought of the ear rings, I told them
they looked nice. My stepmother joined in and asked, so
you're getting her ears pierced. I tried to dodge the question,
but she later asked it again, so I told him no.
I looked at the store's website and found a matching
necklace which will exchange the ear rings for There's a
(14:28):
price difference, but i'll cover it well. They weren't happy. Apparently,
my stepmother started crying. My father told me offer thinking
about exchanging a thoughtful gift he bought for his granddaughter
and said it was wrong of me to dismiss my
stepmother's opinion like that. In return, I told him I
couldn't take her insistence anymore and she needed to stop
(14:48):
obsessing over my daughter's ears. It escalated into a fight.
My husband, while one hundred percent on my side, otherwise,
thinks I didn't need to tell them.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Am I the a hole?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Well, Pie, I don't think you're the aple, but I
also think you don't need.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
To return them or exchange them. Keeping them doesn't mean
that you're going to pierce her ears right away or
anything like that.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
In my case, I come from a country where I
can confidently say most girls do get their ears pierced
when they're born.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's a cultural thing.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Now. In my family, there is a tradition that grandparents
gift a newborn granddaughter ear rings, and my first child
was a girl. But just like you, my wife and
I talked about it and we decided against peers seeing
her ears. However, my mom still gave us earrings, and
we thanked her for them. They're very nice and said
we would keep them in a safe place until my
(15:38):
daughter had her ears pierced, and then she could wear
them if she wanted. Now, as opposed to your step mom,
my mom said cool, and she's never brought it up again.
And that's why I don't think you're the acle, because
your step mother has been annoying about this whole thing,
so shutting her down is the right thing to do.
But I still think you could keep them for your
daughter in the future. And what do you guys think.
(15:59):
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comment. Tangerine Bouquet says, not the ahole. Honestly,
I'd never let them babysit your daughter unsupervised because of
that level of insistence your stepmother pushed. This is a
more than reasonable boundary to hold. No, you will not
be piercing your daughter's ears. It wasn't a gift. It
(16:20):
was an attempted manipulation. Even if it were his side
of the family, your husband would be out of line here.
This is an example of needing to tell them that
the gift was inappropriate because they knew full well.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
It was kudo.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Komainu says, not the a hole. If you hadn't returned
to the ear rings, they would have been forever used
as the pretexts for bringing up your daughter getting her
ears pierced so she can wear them. They bought them
for that purpose. You weren't being rude, You were rejecting rudeness.
They jammed their foot in your closing door like a
pushy salesman who won't accept no for an answer. You
(16:57):
are removing the foot so the door can be closed.
Bulbasor Ranch says, not the ahle. It's ridiculous. They tried
to manipulate their bizarre desire to pierce your daughter's ears
by gifting you this. They knew what they were doing
and don't like being called out on it. It's not
their kid, so they don't get to decide anything about
(17:18):
parenting it. Get your stepmother a gift she can't use
and see how she likes it. Tell her you think
she needs to take up scuba diving and get her
a dive mask. All gifts going forward are things she
can't use, and when she questions that, you can tell
her that it's a thoughtful gift. And you've decided she
needs to get into scuba diving and supple. Honey says
(17:41):
I would literally never leave.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Them alone with her.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
They will pierce her ears in a heartbeat, and Opie responds,
they're never alone with her. My father still works and
doesn't have enough time to babysit. My stepmother has never
been alone with a child for more than two hours.
Her words, not mine, so we wouldn't ask her to
stay with our kids either. Opie's edit, the party took
(18:04):
place at a kid's party venue, not at our home.
We're not from the US, and it's not common to
open gifts in front of guests around here. Well, the
community agrees that Opie is not the Aho, So now
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. I want to thank everyone who commented on
my previous post. A few days after I wrote, I
(18:26):
called my father. I told them that both him and
his wife were out of line and that any further
attempts to overrule my and my husband's parenting will have consequences.
We are both more than willing to limit their contact
with our children if they don't stay in their lane.
We did end up fighting about it. But I put
(18:46):
my foot down. Eventually, my father agreed. A few days later,
he sent me an apology via text and offered to
cover the prize difference between the earrings and the necklace.
I declined. I also dicus to the situation with my husband.
We both agreed to check whatever gifts our kids get
from my father and his wife in the future, better
(19:07):
safe than sorry. My husband and I exchanged the earrings
for the matching necklace during the weekend. Our girl loved it.
We filmed her wearing it and thanking my father and
his wife and sent them the video. My father sent
us an audio You're welcome, honey, I love you, et cetera.
In response. My stepmother didn't reply, nor do I expect
(19:29):
her to. Also, you guys are absolutely right. There's no
way in hell either of them are ever babysitting my kids.
But yeah, I think this is over. Thank you for
reassuring me that I was right to hold my ground.
Will it be good for you for setting hard boundaries
And your girl loves the necklace, so here's wishing you
the best in the future, and thanks for sharing. And
(19:51):
that's it for today's video. Thank you so much for
taking the time to watch it now. If you've gotten
to this point in the video, I assume that you
like these stories that I'm reading out, so here are
a couple more that you might enjoy.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
And if you.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Don't have any time to watch another story right now,
save it for later. And also don't forget to hit
that subscribe button.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the subredded Relationship Advice and it's
by user throw away London Mom. I female forty four,
hired an investigator and have discovered my husband's male forty seven,
of fear and sex addiction.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
What on earth do I do next?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
My husband male forty seven and I female forty four
have been married for just over a decade, and it
has been, for the most part, a loving marriage centered
around our two beautiful children. Of course, I've had grievances.
He travels a lot for work, is constantly glued to
his phone, and sometimes would abruptly pop out for errands
(00:46):
that he has always been incredibly vague about. Initially, these
didn't concern me too much. He has a very demanding
job that has allowed us to have a lifestyle I
never thought possible. His job meant that I I could
leave work to be with the children, take us on
wonderful holidays, send the children to a great school.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I always felt that.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Complaining to him about his work, phone, computer, and random
emergencies would be so selfish considering everything he does for us. However,
two weeks ago I started getting really suspicious after I
had found a condom in the inside pocket of his blazer.
There was no reason for him to have it there,
(01:29):
as we only ever have sex at home, and frankly,
it isn't something we do as often as we used to.
This prompted me to do something I never thought I
would do, but I found an opportunity to get into
his phone when he wasn't looking. I'm not sure what
I was looking for. I first looked at his photos
but couldn't find anything. Then I thought I would check
(01:50):
his messaging apps What's Up Telegram. Both were password locked,
which I found very odd. Only I message could be accessed,
but there was barely anything there. At this point I
had a sinking feeling something was up. Last year, a
friend was in a similar situation and used a digital
investigator to learn more about her absent and secretive fiance.
(02:14):
The investigator found out that this man had been living
a complete double life with a long term girlfriend in
Edinburgh and unbelievably a whole business he had set up
and was earning money from. She had no idea about
the business or all the money he was earning from it,
and no doubt spending on his girlfriend I asked for
(02:36):
the investigator's details and requested that they pulled together anything
and everything they could find about my husband. The investigator
spent about a week digging online and came back to
me with a report that changed my life forever. I
got a call from the investigator warning me that my
husband's report would be.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
A very difficult read.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
He said that I should open it in private at
a time when I would be able to process it fully.
Since I received it, I have barely been able to eat,
sleep properly, take care of the kids, or speak to him.
And yet he is so absent minded he doesn't even
realize something is wrong. It turns out that my husband
of over ten years has been one having an affair
(03:23):
with a woman fifteen years is junior. Two financing this
woman's lifestyle and her failed business venture. Three attending sex
parties with her where they have sex with other partners.
Four posting in a revolting online sex forum, including pictures
of his genitals and details his addiction to smut and
(03:45):
escorts to his creepy online friends. And five, based on
his posts online, he's clearly been spending thousands on escorts
as far back as seven years ago. I have no idea, yeah,
where to go from here. I don't know what to do.
I have no idea how to confront him about this
(04:06):
or if I should see a lawyer first. I know
the obvious decision is to simply divorce, but our children
are nine and seven. I have loved him since we
first met fourteen years ago, and I know that I
have a place in his heart too, in spite of
these actions. If he is truly an addict, then maybe
there is a way to get through this, if he
(04:28):
agrees to treatment. I am a complete mess and I
can't talk about this to anyone in person yet. Any
advice you have for me would be really appreciated.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Opie.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you are
not powerless. Your husband didn't just cheat, He lied, manipulated,
and built a double life at your expense. There is
no coming back from this. First, I would consult a
lawyer immediately to understand my rights and secure my financial
future before he realizes what's coming. He's been funneling money
(05:01):
into another woman's life. You should refuse to let him
jeopardize yours. Second, I would get support, legal, emotional, and practical.
A therapist, a trusted friend, or someone who can help
me stay clear headed. And finally, I would take action,
not ask for explanations. He made his choices, you should
make yours. No begging, no arguing, Prepare your exit on
(05:24):
your own terms. After what he did to you, after
what he's been doing to you. This marriage is over,
but your life isn't. Don't let his betrayal define yours.
And what do you guys think? Let me know in
the comments section, and now let's move on with the
community comments. S New Recipes ninety eight ninety one says,
if you stay, you are showing your kids that this
(05:45):
is how adult relationships work. Betrayal, disrespect, and lack of
love is what they will seek in their adult relationships.
If you leave, you show them that being treated this
way is unacceptable and that betrayal has consequences and choosing
yourself respect is always a priority. Buddy Inevitable sixty three
eight says, one, talk to a lawyer before you do anything.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Two.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
No, this is not something that will be fixed or
cured via therapy. Therapy only works if the person does
the work. It isn't a magical cure that resolves giant issues.
Just because you schedule an appointment and show up. The
reality is you have been married to someone who was
capable and willing to light to your face systematically.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Therapy doesn't just fix that.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
In fact, if he has a personality disorder, which I
suspect based on your post about his.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Behavior, he likely will never change. Three.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Do more research into pathological love relationships. Briefly ask yourself
these questions. Does he have difficulties with empathy, egotism, exploitiveness,
aggrandized sense of self, distorted perceptions of self and others,
self serving, boundary violations, blame shifting, low remorse, low accountabdity,
motivated by power, control or personal gain. Just a brief
(06:59):
place to start exploring who you are actually married to
and for talk to a lawyer and the therapist before
doing anything. Someone who specializes in pathological love relationships, ideally
lyra Leon, says therapy will not work because he clearly
is reveling in his addiction and secretive lifestyle and he
(07:21):
shows little remorse for it. Escorts, sex parties and financing
a mistress is way too far.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
That man does not love you.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
You're a living caretaker for his children and home that
he can occasionally have sex with two. Lawyer up protect
your own finances in lifestyle and your children's future. And
Flumpspoon says when someone cheats on their partner, the important
thing to bear in mind, as well as their actions,
is their motivation. In this case, your partner appears to
(07:50):
set no value on fidelity and view women and sex
as something disposable to be purchased at whim. This is
not something that can be fixed with therapy. You deserve
someone you can trust well. I think the community came
with good advice for OPI. Basically, this is it. You
need to protect yourself and your kids and see how
you can get out as quickly as possible. Of course,
lawyer up. So now let's move on to the update
(08:13):
to see how this story ends. Firstly, I'd just like
to thank almost every single one of you who has
commented to leave me advice or message me privately. I
took a lot of advice on board, especially legally speaking,
and this has proven to be of great benefit. I
apologize for my long absence and lack of replies. I
hope the update below can explain it. I chose to
(08:36):
wait until after New Years as I did not want
to rob the children of one last Christmas and New
Year's holiday as a family. In the meantime, I researched
solicitors and sought recommendations from trusted friends. Rather humiliatingly, I did,
after much urging on this website, also schedule and go
through with an STI test. It was horrifically embarrassing, but
(08:59):
I am relieved to say that it came back negative.
I don't know how I could have coped if he
had gotten me sick because of his revolting actions. He
made my job incredibly easy by flying out for a
work trip, not that anything he says could ever be trusted.
On the second of January, and I immediately got the
(09:19):
ball rolling. Met with this solicitor, packed up all of
his belongings into six suitcases, had the logs changed, and
spoke to a child psychologist to work out the best
way to explain things to the kids, who are far
too young to understand the full picture. Of course, fast
forward to a week later, and upon his return, I,
(09:41):
having made sure the children were picked up by my
mother after school, greeted him to a hallway full of
suitcases and divorce papers. I had printed out the report
in full and started walking him through it before he
started breaking down in tears and excuses. It was a
composed he was unbelievably stressed, and that if I left
(10:04):
him he would have no choice but to marry the
other woman, whereas he would end it immediately if I
were to take him back. This last part was truly
the nail in the coffin. I don't think he even
realized just how manipulative a comment that was to make.
After hours of back and forth and of his groveling,
he gave up. He was left at the bottom of
(10:26):
the stairs in the entrance to our home with the suitcases,
waiting for a cab to take him to God knows where.
There is still a lengthy legal process ahead, and unfortunately
it turns out that him being unfaithful etc. Doesn't really
impact how assets might be divided following the legal battle. However,
I'm confident that my solicitor will get the outcome I
(10:47):
need to keep the house and live independently. In terms
of the children, I would rather not discuss them so
as to keep it private. But it has been an
incredibly difficult adjustment and sometimes I do feel guilty. As
for myself, I am still completely heartbroken, and frankly, I
don't ever hope to find love again. I just don't
think I can quite trust like that again. Finally, I'd
(11:10):
just like to add that while most comments have been
lovely and supportive, I did get a number of comments
in private messages blaming me for my soon to be
ex husband's behavior, claiming I did not give him sufficient
sexual attention and that I shouldn't complain because he provided
me with.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
A certain lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Firstly, these comments are awful and betray a repulsive worldview
with regards to sex, intimacy, and marriage. Secondly, our ailing
sex life was not my doing and was at times
a criticism I myself had of our relationship, not the
other way around. Thirdly, just because someone provides you with
a lifestyle doesn't entitle them to treat you as if
(11:50):
you were nothing, with no respect and no honesty. I
would have hoped all would be aware of that. OPI
don't mind the haters. You took your hour back, chose
dignity over deception, and proved that your worth is not
up for negotiation. You are walking away with your head
held high. Don't forget that. Thanks for sharing, Opient, Take
(12:11):
care Now let's move on to the next post that
also has an update. This post is from the subred
datam I the Ahle, and it's by user dear Hovercraft
thirty seven forty nine. Am I the a hole for
telling my father and stepmother that I'll exchange the gift
they bought for my daughter. My daughter is turning five
(12:32):
later this month. We have a trip coming up, so
we decided to have her birthday party last Saturday instead.
When we got home after the party, we helped our
daughter open her gifts. The only ones she didn't open
were the ones we realized were jewelry or clothing. She
doesn't care about those only the toys, which me and
my husband opened without her. Those were gifted mostly by
(12:53):
family members. The jewelry department mainly consisted of necklaces and bracelets.
The sole exception was a pair of earrings gifted by
my father and his wife. My daughter's ears aren't pierced.
We didn't pierce them when she was born, nor do
we intend to do so anytime soon. We want to
let her decide whether she wants to, and she's never
(13:16):
expressed any interest, so me and my husband already knew
we'd be exchanging the earrings. Usually we don't tell people
were exchanging a gift they bought for us. This time
is different. My stepmother has been pestering me about piercing
my daughter's ears since she was born. There's always a
different reason why. First it was because.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
People wouldn't know she was a girl if we didn't.
Then it turned into she'll get jealous of her friends
and so on.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
But she always makes the point that girls need to
have their ears pierced. She brings it up almost every
time we see her. My father usually doesn't comment on it,
but has backed her up a few times. Also, my
stepmother's never complaint about my oldest son's appearance, so I
know this is rooted in sexism or it could be cultural.
(14:06):
When my father called us the next day to ask
what we thought of the ear rings, I told them
they looked nice. My stepmother joined in and asked, so
you're getting her ears pierced. I tried to dodge the question,
but she later asked it again, so I told him no.
I looked at the store's website and found a matching
necklace which will exchange the ear rings for There's a
(14:28):
price difference, but i'll cover it well. They weren't happy. Apparently,
my stepmother started crying. My father told me offer thinking
about exchanging a thoughtful gift he bought for his granddaughter
and said it was wrong of me to dismiss my
stepmother's opinion like that. In return, I told him I
couldn't take her insistence anymore and she needed to stop
(14:48):
obsessing over my daughter's ears. It escalated into a fight.
My husband, while one hundred percent on my side, otherwise,
thinks I didn't need to tell them.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Am I the a hole?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Well, Pie, I don't think you're the aple, but I
also think you don't need.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
To return them or exchange them. Keeping them doesn't mean
that you're going to pierce her ears right away or
anything like that.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
In my case, I come from a country where I
can confidently say most girls do get their ears pierced
when they're born.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's a cultural thing.
Speaker 1 (15:17):
Now. In my family, there is a tradition that grandparents
gift a newborn granddaughter ear rings, and my first child
was a girl. But just like you, my wife and
I talked about it and we decided against peers seeing
her ears. However, my mom still gave us earrings, and
we thanked her for them. They're very nice and said
we would keep them in a safe place until my
(15:38):
daughter had her ears pierced, and then she could wear
them if she wanted. Now, as opposed to your step mom,
my mom said cool, and she's never brought it up again.
And that's why I don't think you're the acle, because
your step mother has been annoying about this whole thing,
so shutting her down is the right thing to do.
But I still think you could keep them for your
daughter in the future. And what do you guys think.
(15:59):
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comment. Tangerine Bouquet says, not the ahole. Honestly,
I'd never let them babysit your daughter unsupervised because of
that level of insistence your stepmother pushed. This is a
more than reasonable boundary to hold. No, you will not
be piercing your daughter's ears. It wasn't a gift. It
(16:20):
was an attempted manipulation. Even if it were his side
of the family, your husband would be out of line here.
This is an example of needing to tell them that
the gift was inappropriate because they knew full well.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
It was kudo.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Komainu says, not the a hole. If you hadn't returned
to the ear rings, they would have been forever used
as the pretexts for bringing up your daughter getting her
ears pierced so she can wear them. They bought them
for that purpose. You weren't being rude, You were rejecting rudeness.
They jammed their foot in your closing door like a
pushy salesman who won't accept no for an answer. You
(16:57):
are removing the foot so the door can be closed.
Bulbasor Ranch says, not the ahle. It's ridiculous. They tried
to manipulate their bizarre desire to pierce your daughter's ears
by gifting you this. They knew what they were doing
and don't like being called out on it. It's not
their kid, so they don't get to decide anything about
(17:18):
parenting it. Get your stepmother a gift she can't use
and see how she likes it. Tell her you think
she needs to take up scuba diving and get her
a dive mask. All gifts going forward are things she
can't use, and when she questions that, you can tell
her that it's a thoughtful gift. And you've decided she
needs to get into scuba diving and supple. Honey says
(17:41):
I would literally never leave.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Them alone with her.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
They will pierce her ears in a heartbeat, and Opie responds,
they're never alone with her. My father still works and
doesn't have enough time to babysit. My stepmother has never
been alone with a child for more than two hours.
Her words, not mine, so we wouldn't ask her to
stay with our kids either. Opie's edit, the party took
(18:04):
place at a kid's party venue, not at our home.
We're not from the US, and it's not common to
open gifts in front of guests around here. Well, the
community agrees that Opie is not the Aho, So now
let's move on to the update to see how this
story ends. I want to thank everyone who commented on
my previous post. A few days after I wrote, I
(18:26):
called my father. I told them that both him and
his wife were out of line and that any further
attempts to overrule my and my husband's parenting will have consequences.
We are both more than willing to limit their contact
with our children if they don't stay in their lane.
We did end up fighting about it. But I put
(18:46):
my foot down. Eventually, my father agreed. A few days later,
he sent me an apology via text and offered to
cover the prize difference between the earrings and the necklace.
I declined. I also dicus to the situation with my husband.
We both agreed to check whatever gifts our kids get
from my father and his wife in the future, better
(19:07):
safe than sorry. My husband and I exchanged the earrings
for the matching necklace during the weekend. Our girl loved it.
We filmed her wearing it and thanking my father and
his wife and sent them the video. My father sent
us an audio You're welcome, honey, I love you, et cetera.
In response. My stepmother didn't reply, nor do I expect
(19:29):
her to. Also, you guys are absolutely right. There's no
way in hell either of them are ever babysitting my kids.
But yeah, I think this is over. Thank you for
reassuring me that I was right to hold my ground.
Will it be good for you for setting hard boundaries
And your girl loves the necklace, so here's wishing you
the best in the future, and thanks for sharing. And
(19:51):
that's it for today's video. Thank you so much for
taking the time to watch it now. If you've gotten
to this point in the video, I assume that you
like these stories that I'm reading out, so here are
a couple more that you might enjoy.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
And if you.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Don't have any time to watch another story right now,
save it for later. And also don't forget to hit
that subscribe button.
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