May 8, 2025 • 21 mins
Relationship Stories - OP invited her teen sister to be a bridesmaid, not MOH, to spare her stress. Years later, her sister secretly excluded OP from her bachelorette party out of resentment, exposing unresolved pain from the past.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost Genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the separated am I the Ahle
and it's my user doctor who lover am I the
Ahle for not having my sister come on the bachelorette
party when she was a bridesmaid. I thirty one female,
had my sister twenty three female in my wedding party
(00:25):
back in twenty seventeen. When my husband and I were
getting things in order from choosing people to have in
our bridal party, I contacted my sister sixteen at the
time about being part of it, as we are very close.
I explained that I would like for her to be
a bridesmaid and not the maid of honor only due
to how young she was and not wanting to stress
(00:47):
her out in any way emotional or financial. I made
sure she was okay with this before contacting the others
I wanted to be in the bridal party. My maid
of honor planned actual rep party for me with a
nice dinner followed by an escape room and a private
room at a karaoke bar. She had already reserved the
(01:08):
room at the bar, and if she canceled, she would
not have gotten part of her money back. Another thing
to understand is all of my bridesmaids except my sister
were in the same location. My sister was two hours away.
After being told about the plan, I called my sister
and explained it to her. I said she could come
(01:29):
up and stay in the spare room at my apartment,
but would not be able to go to the bar
because of her age. I gave her the option of
either doing that or I come down one weekend and
we go on a girl's trip to wherever on my dime.
She chose the latter, saying she understood and was okay
with the agreement. I had the bachelorette party and it
(01:50):
was a blast.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
True to my word.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I went down the next month and my sister and
I went out of town to go shopping and spend
the weekend together. Fast forward till late last year, when
my sister got engaged to the sweetest guy. I was
ecstatic for them and proud of the woman my sister
had become. I got the invite to be part of
the bridesmaid's party, which I was honored by, but she
(02:15):
did not have me to be the maid of honor.
This honestly did not bother me as she is entitled
to having whoever she wants in the party and the
role they play. Then, about a month ago, I got
some pictures from my mom of my sister and her
other bridesmaids. She told me that I missed a great
bachelorette party and that it was upsetting I couldn't come
(02:38):
because of work commitments. I told her I had no
idea what she was talking about. I was informed that
my sister told our parents that I declined to come
to the bachelorette party because I was traveling for work.
I called my sister and asked why she didn't tell
me about the bachelorette party and like to our parents,
(02:59):
she's said that it was to put me in my
place for not changing my bachelorette party plans to be
able to include her and for not making her made
of honor at my wedding.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I was shocked.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I thought that we had gotten past this and she
had been okay with all the choices and accommodations. But
apparently she had been deeply hurt about her not being
my maid of honor and including her at the bachelorette party.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
So read it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Am I the ahle for not having my sister as
my maid of honor and not having my actual maid
of honor, changed the bachelorette plans so she could attend
the whole thing. I understand it is in the past
and it can't be changed now, but now I feel
incredibly guilty for not choosing her as the maid of
honor and changing the party plans at the time.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
OPI.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
You're not the ahle. You were thoughtful, inclusive, and respectful.
You asked your sister's input, accommodated her age, offered an
alternate celebration, and you kept your word.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
OPI.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
What you did was thoughtful accommodation for your sister, unlike
her who decided to exclude you from her own bachelorette
and lie about it to your parents, holding on a
grudge for years and using this as payback. And that's
not just being immature, it's calculated resentment disguised as empowerment, OPI.
The bottom line here is that you are not responsible
(04:22):
for her unresolved feelings and her inability to self regulate.
You handled your wedding with grace. You're not the villain
in her rewritten narrative. If anything, she owes you a
conversation and an apology, not the other way around. What
do you guys think, Let me know in the comments section,
and now let's check out the community comments rocology, Adam says,
(04:44):
not the Ahle. This is why it's always going to
be frustrating involving children in the bridal party. There's a
good reason that ring Bere and Flower Girl are not
considered part of the bridal party.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And it's because they are children's roles.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
What did your sister do for her bacheloret A good
question to ask your sister is if she would have
chosen a high school ready bachelorett party for herself and
make her justify If she tries to say yes, we
can be pretty sure that she would have honored a
teenage member of the bridal party. Right well, no, I
suspect her actual answer, whether she says it or not,
(05:20):
is that she would never have invited a teen to
be a part of a bridal party. Even if she
tells you that her teenage self should have been your
maid of honor, and Opia responds, that's a good question
to ask her. She didn't do anything on her party
that would have excluded a minor as she doesn't really
do alcohol but it probably would have been a different
vibe with a teenager. Thanks historically inaccurate, says not the Ehle.
(05:45):
Instead of acting like an adult and talking to you,
she was petty and childish. Let your parents know exactly
what she did, and depending on how you feel, stepping
back from being a.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Part of the bridal party may be the way to go.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And Opie respond, thanks for the suggestion, but I am
going to leave my parents out of this situation. It
is between her and I, and in any case, I'm
not upset about not being included, just that she lied.
I'm not even upset she tried to get revenge because
I am sure it will come back around someday, whether
it is through regrets or something else. I just was
(06:20):
concerned about my actions in the past being an a
whole move and if I should apologize. Specialist Owl twenty
six sixty says, oh mg, not the Ahle And what
the f Unless you lied and she was upset in
the past about both, then how in the heck would
you have known she was upset? And let's say you
are lying again, I am thinking you're not, and she
(06:41):
was upset this was over eight years ago. Who in
the heck, has a loving relationship with their sister and
waits eight years to get them back. What a terrible
and awful thing to do. You may be proud of
the woman she has become, but I hope she has
some redeeming qualities because I don't see an adult. I
see a brady, spoiled seven year old throwing a town
with a wedding veil on. And Opie responds, I won't lie.
(07:04):
She can be very bratty at times and hold a
grudge like no one I have ever seen, but I
promise she has many redeeming qualities. This is seen in
the fact that her fiance wants to marry her. I
don't want to degrade her character, as this post is
not what that is about. I just needed confirmation if
I was an ahole back then and should apologize now,
(07:26):
it wouldn't change the past, but if I was in
the wrong, I want to at least apologize for the
part I played. Additional information from Opie's comments. Looking back,
I think a lot of this comes down to the
dynamic we grew up with. My sister was the youngest
and definitely treated like the princes of the family. Things
were often rearranged to accommodate her, and I get used
(07:47):
to adjusting quietly, especially around holidays or shared events. I
can see now how that might have fed into her
mindset that everything should bend to her feelings. That context
doesn't excuse her actions, but it explains a lot. What's
hard is realizing this isn't just about my wedding. It's
a pattern. My sister holds onto things for years, even
(08:07):
over petty stuff, and never really says how she feels
until it spills out in passive, aggressive ways. Honestly, it
reminds me of behaviors I used to have that almost
wrecked my own marriage. I had to work hard to
unlearn that kind of grudge. Holy So yeah, I'm concerned
that if she doesn't address this, it could affect a
relationship too.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I know I have my own flaws in this.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I'm a chronic people pleaser, and I didn't always communicate perfectly.
I tried to tell the original story as factually as possible,
knowing we all paint ourselves in the best light. The
feedback I've gotten has shown me ways I could have
handled things differently, and I'm grateful for that, but it
doesn't change the fact I tried to be thoughtful and
inclusive with what I knew then. That said, I'm not
(08:53):
retaliating or trying to turn this into a bigger drama.
I'm going to the wedding being a bridesmaid and using
this as an opportunity to talk to her calmly about
the way she handled it and how it affected me.
If she regrets excluding me, fine, If not, that's also
her choice. But I'm not carrying guilt for a decision
I made with her input just because she bottled up
(09:15):
resentment for years. I do plan to talk to her,
not to rehash the past, but to understand what she
expected and to set the toad for how we handle
conflict going forward. I want to make it clear that
I'm open to hearing her feelings, but not okay with
being lied about or emotionally punished years later. If we're
(09:35):
going to keep a real relationship, we both need to
grow past keeping a silent scorecard. All right, Well, the
community agrees that OPI is not the a whole and
that the sister apparently needs to mature, which OPI absolutely
agrees to. However, OPI wishes to resolve this situation and
not create any more drama by skipping on the wedding.
(09:55):
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends. Thank you all for your comments
and responses, even those that said I was the a hole,
as it gave me different perspectives Clarifying some points. Timeline
party was a month ago, but pictures from her friend
that does photography had just gotten back to my sister,
who sent them to our mother a week later. I
(10:17):
did not get my parents involved any further than they
already were. They could address the issue of being light
to on their own. I did not drop out of
the wedding party, as it would have put her in
a bind.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Wedding was this past weekend.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Despite what she did, I did not see a reason
to put her through that kind of stress and further
exacerbate the problem. So onto the update fake names used.
The weekend after posting the original post, I got lunch
with my sister Emily and her fiance Cooper. My husband
had to work. I first asked what she remembered about
(10:52):
the situation around my bachelorette party, because I thought I
might have forgot or misremembered something. Emily confirmed everything I
had remembered and explained she was agreeable to the arrangements
back then. I asked why years later she felt she
needed to get revenge when she had been okay with
the agreements back then. Turns out, Emily never had a
(11:15):
year long s grudge against me. It happened out of
jealousy her maid of honor. Katie had her wedding last
year where her maid of honor was her older sister,
and later this year, Katie's sister was to be married
with Katie as her maid of honor. Katie romanticized how
it was so sweet that her sister and her could
(11:36):
have such a special connection by being made of honor
for each other. Katie talked it up so much it
got to Emily and made her resent we couldn't have
the same thing because of what I did years ago
with not having her be made of honor. She did
not have me be made of honor because she had
a strong connection with Katie. Fair Enough, I validated her feelings,
(11:58):
but explained that just because she was jealous of something,
she couldn't retroactively take back her agreement from the past
if it was truly acceptable to her at the time.
I told Emily that I would not drop out of
the wedding party, but in exchange, I requested we needed
to see a family therapist, as I couldn't trust that
there were no other situations in which she would act
(12:21):
out like this and we needed to explore it together.
Cooper then requested Emily to either go to therapy or
do coupled therapy because she had not only lied to
him like the rest of our family, but he saw
it as a red flag that she got so jealous
of someone else's happiness to cause this much pain to
her own sister. There were a lot of tears on
(12:43):
her part and maybe mine, but I think we will
get through this. Some of you pointed out that my
actions may be coddling her and to cut her out,
but since this was the first time she did it
to me, I wanted to give her a chance at redemption.
Emily and Cooper are off on their honeymoon. Emily and
I have our first therapy session in three weeks, and
(13:03):
she will be starting individual therapy at the request of
her husband. Thank you, strangers of Reddit. Mighty face well Op,
this is a grounded, forward thinking move. You're not avoiding conflict,
You're setting boundaries, seeking clarity, and creating space.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
For real accountability.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That's exactly how you should handle this in a mature dynamic.
So on that note, here's wishing you the best, Topee.
Thanks for sharing and to take care, and now let's
move on to the next post that also has an update.
This post is from the subredded. Am I the a
Whole and it's by user successful movie thirty two to
twenty five. Am I the Ahle for refusing to take
(13:41):
my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I'll keep this shirt.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I'm eighteen with two sisters, Missy fifteen female and Macy
nineteen female. Macy is high needs, having a four year
old's mindset needing help twenty four to seven. Growing up,
I often felt like I was an afterthought, but I
get my parents were just dealing with the cards they
were given. Missy is usually super independent, but has started
(14:09):
shutting everyone out, kind of like I used to. She's
like two different people out going at school, quiet and
to herself at home. So I've been trying to take
her out more break the chain as best I can.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Missy and I planned this weekend trip to celebrate me
snagging my first car. We both saved up and my
parents were totally cool with it, so I let them know,
and my mom asks if Macie could join.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I shut that down real quick.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Macy's not a fan of trips, especially long ones, and
the whole point was for me and Missy to have
some quality time. My mom agreed reluctantly, but my dad
later pulls me aside, saying it's their chance for a
night alone and it's a way for me to show appreciation.
He said that one night wouldn't rule in our lives.
(15:01):
Now I'm stuck. I feel super crappy for not wanting
to take Macy. But at the same time, how is
it fear to me and Missy? I just need some
unbiased opinions.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Am I the a whole?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Well, it's quite simple. You're not the a whole. This
trip is about you and Missy, something you both need
and earned. It's not about excluding Macy, but finally making
space for your own relationship. Your parents wanting a break
is valid, but it's not your job to provide it.
You're a sibling, not a caregiver. In the endop you
just need to remind the simple truth that setting a
(15:35):
boundary is not selfish, it's healthy. What do you guys think?
Let me know in the comments section and now let's
check out the community comments. Melisabeth Oh nine oh eight says,
not the a whole. Have your parents shown any concern
for Missy? You're a very sweet sibling. Macy is not
your child and it doesn't seem like something she would enjoy.
(15:55):
Your dad is being selfish, and Opie responds, both my
parents do try their best, don't get me wrong. I
feel like they're doing way better with Missy than they
did with me. But you know, it's a sometimes that
our best isn't enough. Type situation consistent Leopard seventy one says,
not the ahle. If your parents would like a night alone,
(16:16):
they need to hire someone qualified to meet Macy's needs
and then have their time alone. This trip is an
opportunity for you and Missy to have time together and
get a break from being class children. Information. Have your
parents made arrangement for Macy's care once they are unable
to care for her? And Dopey responds, I'm not sure,
(16:37):
and if they have, no one's told me. I plan
to talk to them tomorrow about everything. I'll make sure
to add this to everything, and King brett Wald says
not the ahle Dad doesn't get to horn in on
your plans with Missy. Nope, this is a trip that
two of you planned. Do not feel guilty. He's the parent.
Shame on him for the emotional manipulation. Having Macy go
(17:00):
go with you would be terrible for her as well.
Does respite care exist where you live? Your parents should
look into that in addition to someone looking after Macy
while they have an evening out without kids, they could
maybe arrange for a couple of days and just the
four of you could have some time together. What do
they plan to do in the future. There's going to
(17:20):
come a time in three short years when both you
and Missy are living elsewhere. Macy should be eligible for
help from government agencies, and that usually includes group homes,
respite care, and in home care.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Opie's edit.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
A lot of you are asking the same questions, so
I'll go ahead and try to answer them all. Yes,
Macy does have a caregiver all week during the daytime
while everyone is at work or school. I also spend
time with Macy the same I do with Missy. We
watch movies, read books, we color and et cetera. I
definitely will tell them that I am not bringing Macy
(17:55):
on our trip and is a non negotiable, and tell
them that maybe I could watch for a weekend while
they do whatever. I guess when he said appreciation, he
was referring to going half on my car. I will
also tell them that I do not plan to take
care of Mason when they get older or pass away
and they need to start looking for somewhere for her
(18:16):
to go. I definitely will bring up the years worth
of neglect and how sooner or later they will lose
both of their daughters. I really appreciate everyone's advice in
the comments. It's made me feel less alone. I definitely
will be showing them the comments. I'll also do an
update post either after the conversation or after our trip,
depending how it goes well. The community agreed that Opie
(18:40):
wasn't the Ahle, and Opie said she was gonna do
an update, and she did. It's been one and a
half years and here's the update. Hey, so I forgot
I even made this post until I was going through
old screenshots. Life got busy, A lot happened, and I
never came back to update. But since the post reached
a lot of people and honestly helped me more than
I expected, I figured i'd share how things turned out. Yes,
(19:05):
Missy and I went on our trip. It was amazing,
just the two of us, blasting music, grabbing fast food,
staying up late, talking and doing normal sibling stuff without pressure.
We both really needed it. I told my parents Macy
wasn't coming. They weren't thrilled, especially my dad, but they
didn't stop us. When I got home, we had a
real conversation. I told them everything, how I felt invisible
(19:28):
growing up, how Missy was starting to feel the same way,
and how our whole world revolved around Macy. I said
I wouldn't be her future caregiver. That was when their
tone changed. They said Macy would always be their priority.
That told me everything I needed to know. A few
days later, I moved out. It wasn't dramatic. We all
(19:50):
kind of quietly agreed it was time I started college
early and finally got some space. College has been life changing.
I started therapy with helped me work through guilt and
stress I didn't realize I had. I've made new friends
and started figuring out who I am outside of my family.
I still go home sometimes, I still love Macy. That
(20:11):
was never the issue. I just needed to choose myself too.
Missy's doing better now. She's more vocal and plans to
leave for college soon. My parents and I are civil,
but it's different. They've started looking into long term care
options for Macy and they know I won't be stepping
into that role. Thanks to everyone who read or commented
(20:31):
on the original post. You helped me more than you know.
If you're going through something similar, just know you're not selfish.
Choosing yourself is okay. Well it'll be good for you.
You had the trip that you wanted to have with
your sister, and you were able to have a conversation
with your parents. Regardless of the outcome, O Pee, I
think you've done a good job. So here's swishing you
(20:52):
the best in the future. Take care and thanks for sharing.
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
for taking the time to watch it.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Now.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
If you've gotten to this point in the video, I
assume that you like these stories that I'm reading out,
so here are a couple more that you might enjoy.
And if you don't have any time to watch another
story right now, save it for later, and also don't
forget to hit that subscribe button.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost Genre Reddit stories.
This post is from the separated am I the Ahle
and it's my user doctor who lover am I the
Ahle for not having my sister come on the bachelorette
party when she was a bridesmaid. I thirty one female,
had my sister twenty three female in my wedding party
(00:25):
back in twenty seventeen. When my husband and I were
getting things in order from choosing people to have in
our bridal party, I contacted my sister sixteen at the
time about being part of it, as we are very close.
I explained that I would like for her to be
a bridesmaid and not the maid of honor only due
to how young she was and not wanting to stress
(00:47):
her out in any way emotional or financial. I made
sure she was okay with this before contacting the others
I wanted to be in the bridal party. My maid
of honor planned actual rep party for me with a
nice dinner followed by an escape room and a private
room at a karaoke bar. She had already reserved the
(01:08):
room at the bar, and if she canceled, she would
not have gotten part of her money back. Another thing
to understand is all of my bridesmaids except my sister
were in the same location. My sister was two hours away.
After being told about the plan, I called my sister
and explained it to her. I said she could come
(01:29):
up and stay in the spare room at my apartment,
but would not be able to go to the bar
because of her age. I gave her the option of
either doing that or I come down one weekend and
we go on a girl's trip to wherever on my dime.
She chose the latter, saying she understood and was okay
with the agreement. I had the bachelorette party and it
(01:50):
was a blast.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
True to my word.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I went down the next month and my sister and
I went out of town to go shopping and spend
the weekend together. Fast forward till late last year, when
my sister got engaged to the sweetest guy. I was
ecstatic for them and proud of the woman my sister
had become. I got the invite to be part of
the bridesmaid's party, which I was honored by, but she
(02:15):
did not have me to be the maid of honor.
This honestly did not bother me as she is entitled
to having whoever she wants in the party and the
role they play. Then, about a month ago, I got
some pictures from my mom of my sister and her
other bridesmaids. She told me that I missed a great
bachelorette party and that it was upsetting I couldn't come
(02:38):
because of work commitments. I told her I had no
idea what she was talking about. I was informed that
my sister told our parents that I declined to come
to the bachelorette party because I was traveling for work.
I called my sister and asked why she didn't tell
me about the bachelorette party and like to our parents,
(02:59):
she's said that it was to put me in my
place for not changing my bachelorette party plans to be
able to include her and for not making her made
of honor at my wedding.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
I was shocked.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I thought that we had gotten past this and she
had been okay with all the choices and accommodations. But
apparently she had been deeply hurt about her not being
my maid of honor and including her at the bachelorette party.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
So read it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
Am I the ahle for not having my sister as
my maid of honor and not having my actual maid
of honor, changed the bachelorette plans so she could attend
the whole thing. I understand it is in the past
and it can't be changed now, but now I feel
incredibly guilty for not choosing her as the maid of
honor and changing the party plans at the time.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
OPI.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
You're not the ahle. You were thoughtful, inclusive, and respectful.
You asked your sister's input, accommodated her age, offered an
alternate celebration, and you kept your word.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
OPI.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
What you did was thoughtful accommodation for your sister, unlike
her who decided to exclude you from her own bachelorette
and lie about it to your parents, holding on a
grudge for years and using this as payback. And that's
not just being immature, it's calculated resentment disguised as empowerment, OPI.
The bottom line here is that you are not responsible
(04:22):
for her unresolved feelings and her inability to self regulate.
You handled your wedding with grace. You're not the villain
in her rewritten narrative. If anything, she owes you a
conversation and an apology, not the other way around. What
do you guys think, Let me know in the comments section,
and now let's check out the community comments rocology, Adam says,
(04:44):
not the Ahle. This is why it's always going to
be frustrating involving children in the bridal party. There's a
good reason that ring Bere and Flower Girl are not
considered part of the bridal party.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
And it's because they are children's roles.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
What did your sister do for her bacheloret A good
question to ask your sister is if she would have
chosen a high school ready bachelorett party for herself and
make her justify If she tries to say yes, we
can be pretty sure that she would have honored a
teenage member of the bridal party. Right well, no, I
suspect her actual answer, whether she says it or not,
(05:20):
is that she would never have invited a teen to
be a part of a bridal party. Even if she
tells you that her teenage self should have been your
maid of honor, and Opia responds, that's a good question
to ask her. She didn't do anything on her party
that would have excluded a minor as she doesn't really
do alcohol but it probably would have been a different
vibe with a teenager. Thanks historically inaccurate, says not the Ehle.
(05:45):
Instead of acting like an adult and talking to you,
she was petty and childish. Let your parents know exactly
what she did, and depending on how you feel, stepping
back from being a.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Part of the bridal party may be the way to go.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And Opie respond, thanks for the suggestion, but I am
going to leave my parents out of this situation. It
is between her and I, and in any case, I'm
not upset about not being included, just that she lied.
I'm not even upset she tried to get revenge because
I am sure it will come back around someday, whether
it is through regrets or something else. I just was
(06:20):
concerned about my actions in the past being an a
whole move and if I should apologize. Specialist Owl twenty
six sixty says, oh mg, not the Ahle And what
the f Unless you lied and she was upset in
the past about both, then how in the heck would
you have known she was upset? And let's say you
are lying again, I am thinking you're not, and she
(06:41):
was upset this was over eight years ago. Who in
the heck, has a loving relationship with their sister and
waits eight years to get them back. What a terrible
and awful thing to do. You may be proud of
the woman she has become, but I hope she has
some redeeming qualities because I don't see an adult. I
see a brady, spoiled seven year old throwing a town
with a wedding veil on. And Opie responds, I won't lie.
(07:04):
She can be very bratty at times and hold a
grudge like no one I have ever seen, but I
promise she has many redeeming qualities. This is seen in
the fact that her fiance wants to marry her. I
don't want to degrade her character, as this post is
not what that is about. I just needed confirmation if
I was an ahole back then and should apologize now,
(07:26):
it wouldn't change the past, but if I was in
the wrong, I want to at least apologize for the
part I played. Additional information from Opie's comments. Looking back,
I think a lot of this comes down to the
dynamic we grew up with. My sister was the youngest
and definitely treated like the princes of the family. Things
were often rearranged to accommodate her, and I get used
(07:47):
to adjusting quietly, especially around holidays or shared events. I
can see now how that might have fed into her
mindset that everything should bend to her feelings. That context
doesn't excuse her actions, but it explains a lot. What's
hard is realizing this isn't just about my wedding. It's
a pattern. My sister holds onto things for years, even
(08:07):
over petty stuff, and never really says how she feels
until it spills out in passive, aggressive ways. Honestly, it
reminds me of behaviors I used to have that almost
wrecked my own marriage. I had to work hard to
unlearn that kind of grudge. Holy So yeah, I'm concerned
that if she doesn't address this, it could affect a
relationship too.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
I know I have my own flaws in this.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I'm a chronic people pleaser, and I didn't always communicate perfectly.
I tried to tell the original story as factually as possible,
knowing we all paint ourselves in the best light. The
feedback I've gotten has shown me ways I could have
handled things differently, and I'm grateful for that, but it
doesn't change the fact I tried to be thoughtful and
inclusive with what I knew then. That said, I'm not
(08:53):
retaliating or trying to turn this into a bigger drama.
I'm going to the wedding being a bridesmaid and using
this as an opportunity to talk to her calmly about
the way she handled it and how it affected me.
If she regrets excluding me, fine, If not, that's also
her choice. But I'm not carrying guilt for a decision
I made with her input just because she bottled up
(09:15):
resentment for years. I do plan to talk to her,
not to rehash the past, but to understand what she
expected and to set the toad for how we handle
conflict going forward. I want to make it clear that
I'm open to hearing her feelings, but not okay with
being lied about or emotionally punished years later. If we're
(09:35):
going to keep a real relationship, we both need to
grow past keeping a silent scorecard. All right, Well, the
community agrees that OPI is not the a whole and
that the sister apparently needs to mature, which OPI absolutely
agrees to. However, OPI wishes to resolve this situation and
not create any more drama by skipping on the wedding.
(09:55):
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends. Thank you all for your comments
and responses, even those that said I was the a hole,
as it gave me different perspectives Clarifying some points. Timeline
party was a month ago, but pictures from her friend
that does photography had just gotten back to my sister,
who sent them to our mother a week later. I
(10:17):
did not get my parents involved any further than they
already were. They could address the issue of being light
to on their own. I did not drop out of
the wedding party, as it would have put her in
a bind.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Wedding was this past weekend.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Despite what she did, I did not see a reason
to put her through that kind of stress and further
exacerbate the problem. So onto the update fake names used.
The weekend after posting the original post, I got lunch
with my sister Emily and her fiance Cooper. My husband
had to work. I first asked what she remembered about
(10:52):
the situation around my bachelorette party, because I thought I
might have forgot or misremembered something. Emily confirmed everything I
had remembered and explained she was agreeable to the arrangements
back then. I asked why years later she felt she
needed to get revenge when she had been okay with
the agreements back then. Turns out, Emily never had a
(11:15):
year long s grudge against me. It happened out of
jealousy her maid of honor. Katie had her wedding last
year where her maid of honor was her older sister,
and later this year, Katie's sister was to be married
with Katie as her maid of honor. Katie romanticized how
it was so sweet that her sister and her could
(11:36):
have such a special connection by being made of honor
for each other. Katie talked it up so much it
got to Emily and made her resent we couldn't have
the same thing because of what I did years ago
with not having her be made of honor. She did
not have me be made of honor because she had
a strong connection with Katie. Fair Enough, I validated her feelings,
(11:58):
but explained that just because she was jealous of something,
she couldn't retroactively take back her agreement from the past
if it was truly acceptable to her at the time.
I told Emily that I would not drop out of
the wedding party, but in exchange, I requested we needed
to see a family therapist, as I couldn't trust that
there were no other situations in which she would act
(12:21):
out like this and we needed to explore it together.
Cooper then requested Emily to either go to therapy or
do coupled therapy because she had not only lied to
him like the rest of our family, but he saw
it as a red flag that she got so jealous
of someone else's happiness to cause this much pain to
her own sister. There were a lot of tears on
(12:43):
her part and maybe mine, but I think we will
get through this. Some of you pointed out that my
actions may be coddling her and to cut her out,
but since this was the first time she did it
to me, I wanted to give her a chance at redemption.
Emily and Cooper are off on their honeymoon. Emily and
I have our first therapy session in three weeks, and
(13:03):
she will be starting individual therapy at the request of
her husband. Thank you, strangers of Reddit. Mighty face well Op,
this is a grounded, forward thinking move. You're not avoiding conflict,
You're setting boundaries, seeking clarity, and creating space.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
For real accountability.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
That's exactly how you should handle this in a mature dynamic.
So on that note, here's wishing you the best, Topee.
Thanks for sharing and to take care, and now let's
move on to the next post that also has an update.
This post is from the subredded. Am I the a
Whole and it's by user successful movie thirty two to
twenty five. Am I the Ahle for refusing to take
(13:41):
my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I'll keep this shirt.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I'm eighteen with two sisters, Missy fifteen female and Macy
nineteen female. Macy is high needs, having a four year
old's mindset needing help twenty four to seven. Growing up,
I often felt like I was an afterthought, but I
get my parents were just dealing with the cards they
were given. Missy is usually super independent, but has started
(14:09):
shutting everyone out, kind of like I used to. She's
like two different people out going at school, quiet and
to herself at home. So I've been trying to take
her out more break the chain as best I can.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Now.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Missy and I planned this weekend trip to celebrate me
snagging my first car. We both saved up and my
parents were totally cool with it, so I let them know,
and my mom asks if Macie could join.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I shut that down real quick.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Macy's not a fan of trips, especially long ones, and
the whole point was for me and Missy to have
some quality time. My mom agreed reluctantly, but my dad
later pulls me aside, saying it's their chance for a
night alone and it's a way for me to show appreciation.
He said that one night wouldn't rule in our lives.
(15:01):
Now I'm stuck. I feel super crappy for not wanting
to take Macy. But at the same time, how is
it fear to me and Missy? I just need some
unbiased opinions.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Am I the a whole?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Well, it's quite simple. You're not the a whole. This
trip is about you and Missy, something you both need
and earned. It's not about excluding Macy, but finally making
space for your own relationship. Your parents wanting a break
is valid, but it's not your job to provide it.
You're a sibling, not a caregiver. In the endop you
just need to remind the simple truth that setting a
(15:35):
boundary is not selfish, it's healthy. What do you guys think?
Let me know in the comments section and now let's
check out the community comments. Melisabeth Oh nine oh eight says,
not the a whole. Have your parents shown any concern
for Missy? You're a very sweet sibling. Macy is not
your child and it doesn't seem like something she would enjoy.
(15:55):
Your dad is being selfish, and Opie responds, both my
parents do try their best, don't get me wrong. I
feel like they're doing way better with Missy than they
did with me. But you know, it's a sometimes that
our best isn't enough. Type situation consistent Leopard seventy one says,
not the ahle. If your parents would like a night alone,
(16:16):
they need to hire someone qualified to meet Macy's needs
and then have their time alone. This trip is an
opportunity for you and Missy to have time together and
get a break from being class children. Information. Have your
parents made arrangement for Macy's care once they are unable
to care for her? And Dopey responds, I'm not sure,
(16:37):
and if they have, no one's told me. I plan
to talk to them tomorrow about everything. I'll make sure
to add this to everything, and King brett Wald says
not the ahle Dad doesn't get to horn in on
your plans with Missy. Nope, this is a trip that
two of you planned. Do not feel guilty. He's the parent.
Shame on him for the emotional manipulation. Having Macy go
(17:00):
go with you would be terrible for her as well.
Does respite care exist where you live? Your parents should
look into that in addition to someone looking after Macy
while they have an evening out without kids, they could
maybe arrange for a couple of days and just the
four of you could have some time together. What do
they plan to do in the future. There's going to
(17:20):
come a time in three short years when both you
and Missy are living elsewhere. Macy should be eligible for
help from government agencies, and that usually includes group homes,
respite care, and in home care.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Opie's edit.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
A lot of you are asking the same questions, so
I'll go ahead and try to answer them all. Yes,
Macy does have a caregiver all week during the daytime
while everyone is at work or school. I also spend
time with Macy the same I do with Missy. We
watch movies, read books, we color and et cetera. I
definitely will tell them that I am not bringing Macy
(17:55):
on our trip and is a non negotiable, and tell
them that maybe I could watch for a weekend while
they do whatever. I guess when he said appreciation, he
was referring to going half on my car. I will
also tell them that I do not plan to take
care of Mason when they get older or pass away
and they need to start looking for somewhere for her
(18:16):
to go. I definitely will bring up the years worth
of neglect and how sooner or later they will lose
both of their daughters. I really appreciate everyone's advice in
the comments. It's made me feel less alone. I definitely
will be showing them the comments. I'll also do an
update post either after the conversation or after our trip,
depending how it goes well. The community agreed that Opie
(18:40):
wasn't the Ahle, and Opie said she was gonna do
an update, and she did. It's been one and a
half years and here's the update. Hey, so I forgot
I even made this post until I was going through
old screenshots. Life got busy, A lot happened, and I
never came back to update. But since the post reached
a lot of people and honestly helped me more than
I expected, I figured i'd share how things turned out. Yes,
(19:05):
Missy and I went on our trip. It was amazing,
just the two of us, blasting music, grabbing fast food,
staying up late, talking and doing normal sibling stuff without pressure.
We both really needed it. I told my parents Macy
wasn't coming. They weren't thrilled, especially my dad, but they
didn't stop us. When I got home, we had a
real conversation. I told them everything, how I felt invisible
(19:28):
growing up, how Missy was starting to feel the same way,
and how our whole world revolved around Macy. I said
I wouldn't be her future caregiver. That was when their
tone changed. They said Macy would always be their priority.
That told me everything I needed to know. A few
days later, I moved out. It wasn't dramatic. We all
(19:50):
kind of quietly agreed it was time I started college
early and finally got some space. College has been life changing.
I started therapy with helped me work through guilt and
stress I didn't realize I had. I've made new friends
and started figuring out who I am outside of my family.
I still go home sometimes, I still love Macy. That
(20:11):
was never the issue. I just needed to choose myself too.
Missy's doing better now. She's more vocal and plans to
leave for college soon. My parents and I are civil,
but it's different. They've started looking into long term care
options for Macy and they know I won't be stepping
into that role. Thanks to everyone who read or commented
(20:31):
on the original post. You helped me more than you know.
If you're going through something similar, just know you're not selfish.
Choosing yourself is okay. Well it'll be good for you.
You had the trip that you wanted to have with
your sister, and you were able to have a conversation
with your parents. Regardless of the outcome, O Pee, I
think you've done a good job. So here's swishing you
(20:52):
the best in the future. Take care and thanks for sharing.
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
for taking the time to watch it.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Now.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
If you've gotten to this point in the video, I
assume that you like these stories that I'm reading out,
so here are a couple more that you might enjoy.
And if you don't have any time to watch another
story right now, save it for later, and also don't
forget to hit that subscribe button.
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