September 25, 2025 • 22 mins
Relationship Stories - OP’s wife wants to move across the country for a job that pays less than half his income. He refused to relocate, and now she’s furious—claiming he's selfish for not supporting her dream.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre. Reddit stories
is from the subreddatamiy Ahle, and it's by user career
v Family. Am I the ahle for calling my wife
selfish for even considering taking a job across the country
and trying to uproot our family. So my wife was
recently offered a job across the country which requires relocation
(00:27):
but also will have frequent travel obligations. My wife feels
this would be a huge plus to her career, but
the issue is we have two children and my practice
is here. What she will earn is not even half
of what I currently make. She is currently not working,
so I told her if she wants to take the job,
she would have to help with childcare expenses, which would
(00:49):
likely include a nanny because I sometimes work ninety hours,
depending if I have a mandated hospital shift. She feels
this is unfair because she would have to cover her
own living expenses and paying for childcare on top of
that would leave her with very little. This job is
not even providing a relocation bonus. She suggested, we move,
(01:11):
but everything we know is here, our children have their
friends here, and transferring my medical license is not all
that simple. Her final suggestion is she takes the kids,
I stay here and cover the costs of child care
and expenses, because she claims childcare and cost of living
is cheaper, just not cheap enough for her potential salary
(01:33):
to sustain me being a stay at home parent. I
want to support her, but her suggestions seemed half baked
to me. Am I the a whole? NOOPI I don't
think you're the a whole. I think you're right. I
think your wife is being selfish because she's trying to
move everybody's life around what is convenient and good for her, which,
of course I wouldn't have a problem at all if
(01:54):
she was single and had no kids, because she can
move and do whatever she wants. But when you get
married and have you stop being an individual and you
start being a family, and then it's what's best for
the family. And by the way you're describing it, it
does not add up to me at all. There's only
downside except for her having a new job, which would
also require her to be away from the family at times.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Now. I understand she might.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Be frustrated having to stay at home all the time,
but is there any other way, any kind of compromise
for her that wouldn't require uprooting the whole family. Is
there a possibility to find I don't know, a job
or a part time job, or something that she's interested
in that she likes that would actually further her career
as well. But where you guys are, that's where I'd
(02:39):
start looking. But no, I don't think you're the Ahle.
And it's like I tell my kids, sometimes you can't
always do or have what you want. Sometimes you gotta
do what you must. And what do you guys think?
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comments. Love Lola Hart says, not
the Ahle. And it's a bit concerning for the state
(02:59):
of your Marria that your wife suggested that you and
she live in different parts of the country. I could
be way off base, but if she's going from not
working to suddenly wanting to move across the country with
the kids for a career, it's possible she's getting her
ducks in a row prior to asking for a separation.
If she moved with the kids and then filed for divorce,
(03:20):
it's possible you would have to give up your practice
and move to where she is if you want to
see your children. I don't know what kind of career
your wife is looking to have, but I can't imagine
there isn't another opportunity that's more geographically desirable. I would
have a sit down with her and emphasize you want
to support her without ripping your family, and have.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh Luck ten ninety eight says not the aple.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
But unlike everyone here who thinks she's not into the relationship,
I might suggest she is simply tired of being home
so much and wants to have a professional identity outside
the home for her. If she's not working, she might
feel pressure to accept the first job offer she gets,
be because to her it's been a long time coming.
It sounds like financially it wouldn't work, which stinks for her.
(04:06):
But be understanding. Imagine if you were home all the
time and suddenly someone offered you a job you had
longed for, then respond with that awareness in mind. Background
Jelly fourteen twenty two says, not the ahole. I would
understand if you were a stay at home dad, that
would be reasonable. I didn't really get are you completely
against her going to work or this one specifically? If
(04:29):
this one, then you are completely justified, especially considering that
there are kids involved, Ripping them away from their friends
is rude and unnecessary. And Opie responds, I'm not against
her working at all, just not in favor of moving
to a different state, and Bigot says, not the a whole.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
She is currently.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Without jobs, so this isn't some promotion or mandatory location change.
Your own practice would cease to exist for her random
new job at some random I employer. You make more currently,
so if you move, your household income falls. She doesn't
believe that her money is your money for the kids,
but your money is family money. Additional information from Op's comments,
(05:13):
our kids are five and eight. I never said my
wife would be one hundred percent responsible for childcare. I
just said she'd need to help share the costs. Her
stance is that I should cover everything, which is where
we're budding heads.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
If she worked locally, this would be.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Easier to manage. The kids could be in aftercare until
five or six, but I sometimes don't finish until after seven,
and if I'm in an overnight hospital shift, who's picking
them up or watching them?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Then?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
For context on my side, I'm a neurologists specializing in MS.
I run my own practice, and I also work and
teach at our state hospital. I'm the director of the
MS Center and the Neurology Residence program. A lot of
my patients are on Medicaid, and not many other doctors
here take Medicaid at the rates I do. Replacing me
wouldn't be quick or easy. On top of that, the
(06:05):
state she'd be moving us to isn't in the IMLC compact,
so transferring my license wouldn't be simple. I'll admit I
put too much emphasis on my patience when I first
explained it, But the truth is I've known many of
them for years and their families too. You can't help
but form bonds when you're treating chronic illness. But I
(06:25):
hear what people said, Ultimately, the kids need to be
the focus. As for her side, she's an engineer. She
left consulting because she hated it. It's very much a
boys club here, and that's a factor in why she
became a stay at home mom in the first place.
That was her choice, not something I pushed. This new
(06:45):
offerer came through her old professor and mentor, and unlike consulting,
it's actual infrastructure work that she feels has meaning. I
understand why she wants it, but I also know from
what she's told me that around here she wouldn't get
me need full contracts in her field.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's where we're at.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I see the value in her offer, but I'm not
sure the trade offs work for our family.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
All right, Well, the community agrees.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
That'll be is not the Ahle, and we got a
lot more context on the background.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I spoke with that we're kids, and of course they
like it where we are. They are kids. The reason
my wife wants to take this job is because she
feels due to nature of how she got the offer,
her old professor mentor, and that she is also a
female engineer, she understands her position. My wife is free
to do what she pleases. She does not need my permission,
but by no means can she expect us to uproot
(07:42):
everything on the drop of a dime. I would never
ask that of her. I did suggest she tries and
create her own firm here and find like minded individuals
who share a similar experience and create the work environment
she wants. She is concerned she won't be able to
break through the bed of entry. I told her we
could find a means to fund set venture, but logistics
(08:05):
of moving does not make sense at this I would
need at minimum a year to get my affairs in order,
working on research, working on opening an infusion center near
the hospital that would take every insurance. This is a
big one for me since many of the infusion centers
near US don't take certain insurances since they pay so little.
(08:25):
Looking to possibly expand my MS clinic with more providers
who are willing to do this labor of love of
our community, I cannot just drop all of that. I
did tell my wife I have no intention of stopping her,
and if she wishes to go, that is fine, but
I will not be sustaining to households she moves. She
would be responsible for all costs associating with the move.
(08:48):
I will cover our shared expenses and primary residents and
that is all. I will cover everything here and she
would be responsible for her own expenses. I told her
I would probably also lower or get off the credit
cards also, since I know her she would live off
credit if she had to, I threw out the option.
(09:08):
If she can request she works from home. Three out
of the four weeks she is not traveling and we
can take it slow. See what the housing market is like,
see what schools look like. Normal stuff you do before moving.
She was not in favor of waiting since allegedly they
need an answer by October. I have no desire to divorce,
(09:28):
but I am a child of divorce and I was
raised by my dad. Overall, his outlook on divorce has
always been no point fighting if the person has already
checked out. If my wife wants out, I will respect that.
My wife has only been a stay at home parent
for around five years. She worked when we had our
first born and well into the pregnancy of our second.
(09:49):
She took maternity leave and when that was done, went
back to work. Few months after her return, she was
passed for a project or contract she did the legwork
to secure, which led her to and stay home with
the kids. Our kids have been in daycare under grandparents' care.
My mom took two years to help with our first born,
her parents took time off for our second. Our second
(10:12):
has been in academic daycare, as she puts it, since
they were three, So it is not like she does
not get breaks or is always with the children. Alone,
my hours can be chaotic, but I made her well
aware of this when we started to date and progress.
When we started to date, I was already vested in
our community. My gut tells me she is going to
(10:33):
take the job, and yes, it possibly will lead to divorce.
And if that is the case, given how much traveling
she will be doing, I suspect I would be granted
primary custody. I would not take child support from her.
I have no desire or need for it. Sorry for
the stream of consequences, it is slightly disjointed because this
is a frustrating position.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
To be in.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I have no desire to be in this position, but
I have other responsibilities. Cannot just drop without proper notice.
If it comes to divorce, that is the way it
played out, and you just roll with it. As my
parents told me, I will tell my kids just because
they were no longer together does not mean either of
them loved me any less. Granted, it was not a
(11:16):
cross country thing in our case, but parents lived blocks
away from one another was a pretty easy transition on
my part. I hope we can do the same for
our kids if need be. The deal she got as
far as worse than I thought, but it is a
small startup thing with a small team who won the
project since they took a huge cut off their profits,
(11:37):
so pay is actually a lot less than half what
I make, more like one third of what I make
of that so I can see how she cannot afford
to cover any shared expenses.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
She probably will barely be able to.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Cover her own expenses. We will see, but all signs
point to her taking the job, and we just adjust.
But if divorce happens, it happens.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
That is life.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I do love my wife, but she is her own
person with free will. Additional information from Op's comments. Some
people asked about my work hours and how much I'm
actually around, so just to be clear, outside of my
mandated hospital shifts, I'm usually home by seven pm once
the kids are asleep. I'll sometimes log back on around
(12:20):
midnight to two pm to catch up on patient messages
and update notes. Maybe once a month I'll see a
handful of patients on Saturday mornings eight to eleven, just
because that's the only time some working parents can come in.
It's not ideal, but my grandfather had MS and watching
what he went through is a big part of why
I push myself this way. As for the custody piece,
(12:44):
I don't see how her being the primary would even
work with all the travel this new job requires, and
long distance fifty to fifty just isn't realistic either. I
know in my gut that if she takes this job
and moves, the marriage is over, out of sight, out
of mind.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
If it does come to divorce, I won't fight her.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
She'd get half of what she's entitled to, and i'd
probably just buy her out of that house. I don't
want to sweat the little things I've been saving for
the kids since day one, and I have no desire
to request child support. I'd end up chasing down. I'd
rather limit our interactions and let her use whatever money
she has the way she sees fit. Obviously, i'd still
(13:24):
consult an attorney if it came to that. Part of
me can't help wondering if I did something wrong or
if she just.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Hates it here.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
But the truth is I can't change the timetable she's presenting.
I can't beg her to stay, and I'm not going
to uproot everything and move with her at the cost
of my career. It would destroy my professional standing and
the frustrating part is that this isn't even some stable
long term opportunity. The position she's considering is with a
(13:53):
startup that's barely off the ground. From what I've seen,
she'll be lucky to sustain herself from what they're paying,
let alone cover anything else. Well, Pie, it is a
sad thing because even though she might be present in
the kid's life or whatever, you guys probably will end
up in divorce, and she is choosing her career or
kind of a career on a startup that they don't
(14:15):
know is even gonna work, over her family. And honestly,
here my concern is neither you nor her. My concern
is for those kids who are gonna grow up with
the message of my mom left.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
She chose a job over me. That's the truly sad part.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Hopefully something happens that changes this outcome that seems pretty grim.
So here's wishing you and your kids the best. Ope,
Thanks so much for sharing and to take care, and
now let's move on to the next post that also
has an update. This post is from the subredded am
I the a Hole, and it's by user parsnip Capital
thirty two eighty six am I the a hole for
(14:50):
telling my nephew to get it together or find somewhere
else to live. My thirty five female sister, Candy forty
three female, has two children, Tom nineteen male and Leah,
sixteen female. My sister is a drug addict and has
been arrested more than once. I was stuck helping raise
her kids while I lived at home with our parents,
(15:11):
and she essentially abandoned them. Child Services got involved, and
the kids were placed with me when they were seven
and four. I understand the crap that they went through
in their early life was traumatic, and I have had
both of them in therapy for years to help them
through it. Leah is easy, peasy, she's always been. She's
(15:31):
a smart, easygoing girl. Tom is the opposite. He's always
been a bit of a challenge, getting into fights at school,
breaking curfew, stealing candy. I spoke to him, his therapist,
the school counselor. I've done everything I can to nip
this behavior in the bud. I've done everything I can
to nip this behavior in the bud. I've tried grounding him,
taking his electronics, et cetera, but none of these have
(15:55):
ever seemed to work. Recently, Tom was at a party
which was raided by the police. He was passed out
drunk and they found crack and fetanyl at the party
as well. After picking him up at three in the morning,
I told him we needed to talk once he was
sober again, and sent him to bed This morning. I
tried to keep Mike cool while discussing it, but he
(16:16):
brushed the drugs off as no big deal and that
he didn't.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Use any last night, so what was the problem. I
lost my crap at that one.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I told him if he wanted to act like his mother, fine,
but he isn't going to do that in my house.
I told him either he gets his act together or
he gets out. I love him, but he's legally an
adult and his sister is still a minor and my
complete responsibility. I've tried everything I can to help Tom,
and he just doesn't care. He went and complained to
(16:48):
my parents. My dad is on my side, but my
mom thinks I'm being too harsh. I feel justified, but
I wonder if it's because I'm angry. So am I
the a hole? No?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Ope? Are not the ahle.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
He is nineteen years old and he should be accountable.
For his actions. So he either gets his crap together
or he's gonna have to move out. Those are his
two options. And if he went to complain to your
parents and your mom feels like you're being too harsh,
well how about she takes him in. And I understand
it sounds harsh or like you're abandoning him, but the
fact of the matter is, once again, you cannot help
(17:23):
someone who doesn't want that help. They need to take
the first step to want that help before you can
do anything. It doesn't sound like Tom is there. Hopefully
he never does get and he does get his head
out of his ass sooner, but if not, you need
to protect Leah.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
What do you guys think?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Let me know in the comments section and now let's
check out the community comments. I wanna be an EMONI says,
did your mom also think it was too harsh when
CPS got involved because your older sister abandoned her kids,
not the ahle Tom needs a reality check. Leah needs
protection from being traumatized all over again. Being passed out
drunk anywhere isn't safe or healthy behavior. So even if
(18:00):
if it was only having too much alcohol, Tom still
could have ended up choking on his own vomit while
he was unconscious or just quietly died of alcohol poisoning
because his friends were too busy drinking or getting high.
And Opie responds, I'm going to have a talk with
Lee about what's going on when my husband gets home
from work, and I've already made an appointment with her
therapist for Monday. Do Yogurt forty nine sixteen says, your
(18:24):
sister being a drug addict who abandoned her kids after
having been raised by your mom's way kind of proves
your point, and Opia responds, I think my mom feels
guilty about my sister and that's why she's saying I'm
being too harsh on Tom, and out of any says,
your mother can cuddle the drug addict if she cares
so much. So the community agrees that Ope is not
(18:47):
the Ahle. Now let's move on with the update to
see how this story ends. My father brought Tom home
today and he, my husband, and I sat down with Tom.
I apologized for saying he was acting like his mother
and explain it was such a big deal because his
mother's drug use started the same way. He got very
emotional and asked me not to kick him out. I
(19:07):
told him I don't want to kick him out. However,
things can't continue as they have been. I explained my
expectations about him trying to get more hours at work
and helping more around the house. I said, if he
can't get more hours, I'd ask him to cook dinner
twice a week from a recipe I'd provide and all
of the ingredients, of course, and help with house cleaning.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
He agreed.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
My husband brought up school and he said he'd like
to continue in his general arts program, but he hasn't
settled on.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
What degree he wants.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I told him we would look into it with him
later and speak to academic advising about what paths he
may want to consider. I also said that though he's
legally an adult, I want him home by midnight on
weekends for the foreseeable future and at eleven pm on
weekdays until I see enough responsibility to trust him to
stay later safely. I told Tom I love him and
(20:00):
I don't want him to waste his potential because he
has so much to offer, and that I view him
as my own son. He started crying and we had
a nice long hug. I called Leah down from her
room and we told her what our working plan was
going forward. My dad took the kids for ice cream,
and my husband and I are taking them to the
movies tomorrow and then Tom is making dinner and Leah
(20:22):
is going to be his sioux chef. So far things
are looking up. I hope things continue to go well.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Well. B this is a positive update.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
It sounds like you were able to get through to
Tom and as a family, you guys are moving forward.
So here's wishing you guys the best.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Ope.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Thanks so much for sharing and take care and now
let's finish this video with a quick mood booster post.
This post is from the subreddit malicious Compliance, and it's
by user the zero four. My daughter is apparently going
to be a future member. She was about four at
the time, and my wife told her to stop putting
stickers all over the house and she should only put
(20:59):
stickers on paper.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
My daughter argued with her, but my wife.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Was just done picking stickers up all over the house,
especially the kitchen, so it wasn't going anywhere. An hour
or so later, I walk into the kitchen and see
stickers on post it notes, and the postest notes were
stuck all over the refrigerator. She was so proud of
herself it was hilarious and she was absolutely right. Opy
This actually reminds me of a malicious compliance of mind
(21:24):
from when I was like six years old. I don't
remember the context, but my mom punished me with no
TV all day, and later that day I was sitting
down watching TV when my mom heard the TV. She
came to my room and asked, what are you doing
and I said, well, I'm watching TV. And she said,
but you're punished and I said, not anymore. You said,
I couldn't watch TV all day, but it's now nighttime.
She didn't have an argument, but she did learn that
(21:46):
next time it would be no TV until tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
for taking the time to watch it now.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
If you've gotten to this point in the video, I
assume that you like these stories that I'm reading out,
so here there are a couple more that you might enjoy.
And if you don't have any time to watch another
story right now, save it for later. And also, don't
forget to hit that subscribe button.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to lost genre. Reddit stories
is from the subreddatamiy Ahle, and it's by user career
v Family. Am I the ahle for calling my wife
selfish for even considering taking a job across the country
and trying to uproot our family. So my wife was
recently offered a job across the country which requires relocation
(00:27):
but also will have frequent travel obligations. My wife feels
this would be a huge plus to her career, but
the issue is we have two children and my practice
is here. What she will earn is not even half
of what I currently make. She is currently not working,
so I told her if she wants to take the job,
she would have to help with childcare expenses, which would
(00:49):
likely include a nanny because I sometimes work ninety hours,
depending if I have a mandated hospital shift. She feels
this is unfair because she would have to cover her
own living expenses and paying for childcare on top of
that would leave her with very little. This job is
not even providing a relocation bonus. She suggested, we move,
(01:11):
but everything we know is here, our children have their
friends here, and transferring my medical license is not all
that simple. Her final suggestion is she takes the kids,
I stay here and cover the costs of child care
and expenses, because she claims childcare and cost of living
is cheaper, just not cheap enough for her potential salary
(01:33):
to sustain me being a stay at home parent. I
want to support her, but her suggestions seemed half baked
to me. Am I the a whole? NOOPI I don't
think you're the a whole. I think you're right. I
think your wife is being selfish because she's trying to
move everybody's life around what is convenient and good for her, which,
of course I wouldn't have a problem at all if
(01:54):
she was single and had no kids, because she can
move and do whatever she wants. But when you get
married and have you stop being an individual and you
start being a family, and then it's what's best for
the family. And by the way you're describing it, it
does not add up to me at all. There's only
downside except for her having a new job, which would
also require her to be away from the family at times.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Now. I understand she might.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Be frustrated having to stay at home all the time,
but is there any other way, any kind of compromise
for her that wouldn't require uprooting the whole family. Is
there a possibility to find I don't know, a job
or a part time job, or something that she's interested
in that she likes that would actually further her career
as well. But where you guys are, that's where I'd
(02:39):
start looking. But no, I don't think you're the Ahle.
And it's like I tell my kids, sometimes you can't
always do or have what you want. Sometimes you gotta
do what you must. And what do you guys think?
Let me know in the comment section, and now let's
check out the community comments. Love Lola Hart says, not
the Ahle. And it's a bit concerning for the state
(02:59):
of your Marria that your wife suggested that you and
she live in different parts of the country. I could
be way off base, but if she's going from not
working to suddenly wanting to move across the country with
the kids for a career, it's possible she's getting her
ducks in a row prior to asking for a separation.
If she moved with the kids and then filed for divorce,
(03:20):
it's possible you would have to give up your practice
and move to where she is if you want to
see your children. I don't know what kind of career
your wife is looking to have, but I can't imagine
there isn't another opportunity that's more geographically desirable. I would
have a sit down with her and emphasize you want
to support her without ripping your family, and have.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Oh Luck ten ninety eight says not the aple.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
But unlike everyone here who thinks she's not into the relationship,
I might suggest she is simply tired of being home
so much and wants to have a professional identity outside
the home for her. If she's not working, she might
feel pressure to accept the first job offer she gets,
be because to her it's been a long time coming.
It sounds like financially it wouldn't work, which stinks for her.
(04:06):
But be understanding. Imagine if you were home all the
time and suddenly someone offered you a job you had
longed for, then respond with that awareness in mind. Background
Jelly fourteen twenty two says, not the ahole. I would
understand if you were a stay at home dad, that
would be reasonable. I didn't really get are you completely
against her going to work or this one specifically? If
(04:29):
this one, then you are completely justified, especially considering that
there are kids involved, Ripping them away from their friends
is rude and unnecessary. And Opie responds, I'm not against
her working at all, just not in favor of moving
to a different state, and Bigot says, not the a whole.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
She is currently.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Without jobs, so this isn't some promotion or mandatory location change.
Your own practice would cease to exist for her random
new job at some random I employer. You make more currently,
so if you move, your household income falls. She doesn't
believe that her money is your money for the kids,
but your money is family money. Additional information from Op's comments,
(05:13):
our kids are five and eight. I never said my
wife would be one hundred percent responsible for childcare. I
just said she'd need to help share the costs. Her
stance is that I should cover everything, which is where
we're budding heads.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
If she worked locally, this would be.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Easier to manage. The kids could be in aftercare until
five or six, but I sometimes don't finish until after seven,
and if I'm in an overnight hospital shift, who's picking
them up or watching them?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Then?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
For context on my side, I'm a neurologists specializing in MS.
I run my own practice, and I also work and
teach at our state hospital. I'm the director of the
MS Center and the Neurology Residence program. A lot of
my patients are on Medicaid, and not many other doctors
here take Medicaid at the rates I do. Replacing me
wouldn't be quick or easy. On top of that, the
(06:05):
state she'd be moving us to isn't in the IMLC compact,
so transferring my license wouldn't be simple. I'll admit I
put too much emphasis on my patience when I first
explained it, But the truth is I've known many of
them for years and their families too. You can't help
but form bonds when you're treating chronic illness. But I
(06:25):
hear what people said, Ultimately, the kids need to be
the focus. As for her side, she's an engineer. She
left consulting because she hated it. It's very much a
boys club here, and that's a factor in why she
became a stay at home mom in the first place.
That was her choice, not something I pushed. This new
(06:45):
offerer came through her old professor and mentor, and unlike consulting,
it's actual infrastructure work that she feels has meaning. I
understand why she wants it, but I also know from
what she's told me that around here she wouldn't get
me need full contracts in her field.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's where we're at.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I see the value in her offer, but I'm not
sure the trade offs work for our family.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
All right, Well, the community agrees.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
That'll be is not the Ahle, and we got a
lot more context on the background.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
So now let's move on to the update to see
how this story ends.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I spoke with that we're kids, and of course they
like it where we are. They are kids. The reason
my wife wants to take this job is because she
feels due to nature of how she got the offer,
her old professor mentor, and that she is also a
female engineer, she understands her position. My wife is free
to do what she pleases. She does not need my permission,
but by no means can she expect us to uproot
(07:42):
everything on the drop of a dime. I would never
ask that of her. I did suggest she tries and
create her own firm here and find like minded individuals
who share a similar experience and create the work environment
she wants. She is concerned she won't be able to
break through the bed of entry. I told her we
could find a means to fund set venture, but logistics
(08:05):
of moving does not make sense at this I would
need at minimum a year to get my affairs in order,
working on research, working on opening an infusion center near
the hospital that would take every insurance. This is a
big one for me since many of the infusion centers
near US don't take certain insurances since they pay so little.
(08:25):
Looking to possibly expand my MS clinic with more providers
who are willing to do this labor of love of
our community, I cannot just drop all of that. I
did tell my wife I have no intention of stopping her,
and if she wishes to go, that is fine, but
I will not be sustaining to households she moves. She
would be responsible for all costs associating with the move.
(08:48):
I will cover our shared expenses and primary residents and
that is all. I will cover everything here and she
would be responsible for her own expenses. I told her
I would probably also lower or get off the credit
cards also, since I know her she would live off
credit if she had to, I threw out the option.
(09:08):
If she can request she works from home. Three out
of the four weeks she is not traveling and we
can take it slow. See what the housing market is like,
see what schools look like. Normal stuff you do before moving.
She was not in favor of waiting since allegedly they
need an answer by October. I have no desire to divorce,
(09:28):
but I am a child of divorce and I was
raised by my dad. Overall, his outlook on divorce has
always been no point fighting if the person has already
checked out. If my wife wants out, I will respect that.
My wife has only been a stay at home parent
for around five years. She worked when we had our
first born and well into the pregnancy of our second.
(09:49):
She took maternity leave and when that was done, went
back to work. Few months after her return, she was
passed for a project or contract she did the legwork
to secure, which led her to and stay home with
the kids. Our kids have been in daycare under grandparents' care.
My mom took two years to help with our first born,
her parents took time off for our second. Our second
(10:12):
has been in academic daycare, as she puts it, since
they were three, So it is not like she does
not get breaks or is always with the children. Alone,
my hours can be chaotic, but I made her well
aware of this when we started to date and progress.
When we started to date, I was already vested in
our community. My gut tells me she is going to
(10:33):
take the job, and yes, it possibly will lead to divorce.
And if that is the case, given how much traveling
she will be doing, I suspect I would be granted
primary custody. I would not take child support from her.
I have no desire or need for it. Sorry for
the stream of consequences, it is slightly disjointed because this
is a frustrating position.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
To be in.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I have no desire to be in this position, but
I have other responsibilities. Cannot just drop without proper notice.
If it comes to divorce, that is the way it
played out, and you just roll with it. As my
parents told me, I will tell my kids just because
they were no longer together does not mean either of
them loved me any less. Granted, it was not a
(11:16):
cross country thing in our case, but parents lived blocks
away from one another was a pretty easy transition on
my part. I hope we can do the same for
our kids if need be. The deal she got as
far as worse than I thought, but it is a
small startup thing with a small team who won the
project since they took a huge cut off their profits,
(11:37):
so pay is actually a lot less than half what
I make, more like one third of what I make
of that so I can see how she cannot afford
to cover any shared expenses.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
She probably will barely be able to.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Cover her own expenses. We will see, but all signs
point to her taking the job, and we just adjust.
But if divorce happens, it happens.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
That is life.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I do love my wife, but she is her own
person with free will. Additional information from Op's comments. Some
people asked about my work hours and how much I'm
actually around, so just to be clear, outside of my
mandated hospital shifts, I'm usually home by seven pm once
the kids are asleep. I'll sometimes log back on around
(12:20):
midnight to two pm to catch up on patient messages
and update notes. Maybe once a month I'll see a
handful of patients on Saturday mornings eight to eleven, just
because that's the only time some working parents can come in.
It's not ideal, but my grandfather had MS and watching
what he went through is a big part of why
I push myself this way. As for the custody piece,
(12:44):
I don't see how her being the primary would even
work with all the travel this new job requires, and
long distance fifty to fifty just isn't realistic either. I
know in my gut that if she takes this job
and moves, the marriage is over, out of sight, out
of mind.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
If it does come to divorce, I won't fight her.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
She'd get half of what she's entitled to, and i'd
probably just buy her out of that house. I don't
want to sweat the little things I've been saving for
the kids since day one, and I have no desire
to request child support. I'd end up chasing down. I'd
rather limit our interactions and let her use whatever money
she has the way she sees fit. Obviously, i'd still
(13:24):
consult an attorney if it came to that. Part of
me can't help wondering if I did something wrong or
if she just.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Hates it here.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
But the truth is I can't change the timetable she's presenting.
I can't beg her to stay, and I'm not going
to uproot everything and move with her at the cost
of my career. It would destroy my professional standing and
the frustrating part is that this isn't even some stable
long term opportunity. The position she's considering is with a
(13:53):
startup that's barely off the ground. From what I've seen,
she'll be lucky to sustain herself from what they're paying,
let alone cover anything else. Well, Pie, it is a
sad thing because even though she might be present in
the kid's life or whatever, you guys probably will end
up in divorce, and she is choosing her career or
kind of a career on a startup that they don't
(14:15):
know is even gonna work, over her family. And honestly,
here my concern is neither you nor her. My concern
is for those kids who are gonna grow up with
the message of my mom left.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
She chose a job over me. That's the truly sad part.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Hopefully something happens that changes this outcome that seems pretty grim.
So here's wishing you and your kids the best. Ope,
Thanks so much for sharing and to take care, and
now let's move on to the next post that also
has an update. This post is from the subredded am
I the a Hole, and it's by user parsnip Capital
thirty two eighty six am I the a hole for
(14:50):
telling my nephew to get it together or find somewhere
else to live. My thirty five female sister, Candy forty
three female, has two children, Tom nineteen male and Leah,
sixteen female. My sister is a drug addict and has
been arrested more than once. I was stuck helping raise
her kids while I lived at home with our parents,
(15:11):
and she essentially abandoned them. Child Services got involved, and
the kids were placed with me when they were seven
and four. I understand the crap that they went through
in their early life was traumatic, and I have had
both of them in therapy for years to help them
through it. Leah is easy, peasy, she's always been. She's
(15:31):
a smart, easygoing girl. Tom is the opposite. He's always
been a bit of a challenge, getting into fights at school,
breaking curfew, stealing candy. I spoke to him, his therapist,
the school counselor. I've done everything I can to nip
this behavior in the bud. I've done everything I can
to nip this behavior in the bud. I've tried grounding him,
taking his electronics, et cetera, but none of these have
(15:55):
ever seemed to work. Recently, Tom was at a party
which was raided by the police. He was passed out
drunk and they found crack and fetanyl at the party
as well. After picking him up at three in the morning,
I told him we needed to talk once he was
sober again, and sent him to bed This morning. I
tried to keep Mike cool while discussing it, but he
(16:16):
brushed the drugs off as no big deal and that
he didn't.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Use any last night, so what was the problem. I
lost my crap at that one.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I told him if he wanted to act like his mother, fine,
but he isn't going to do that in my house.
I told him either he gets his act together or
he gets out. I love him, but he's legally an
adult and his sister is still a minor and my
complete responsibility. I've tried everything I can to help Tom,
and he just doesn't care. He went and complained to
(16:48):
my parents. My dad is on my side, but my
mom thinks I'm being too harsh. I feel justified, but
I wonder if it's because I'm angry. So am I
the a hole? No?
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Ope? Are not the ahle.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
He is nineteen years old and he should be accountable.
For his actions. So he either gets his crap together
or he's gonna have to move out. Those are his
two options. And if he went to complain to your
parents and your mom feels like you're being too harsh,
well how about she takes him in. And I understand
it sounds harsh or like you're abandoning him, but the
fact of the matter is, once again, you cannot help
(17:23):
someone who doesn't want that help. They need to take
the first step to want that help before you can
do anything. It doesn't sound like Tom is there. Hopefully
he never does get and he does get his head
out of his ass sooner, but if not, you need
to protect Leah.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
What do you guys think?
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Let me know in the comments section and now let's
check out the community comments. I wanna be an EMONI says,
did your mom also think it was too harsh when
CPS got involved because your older sister abandoned her kids,
not the ahle Tom needs a reality check. Leah needs
protection from being traumatized all over again. Being passed out
drunk anywhere isn't safe or healthy behavior. So even if
(18:00):
if it was only having too much alcohol, Tom still
could have ended up choking on his own vomit while
he was unconscious or just quietly died of alcohol poisoning
because his friends were too busy drinking or getting high.
And Opie responds, I'm going to have a talk with
Lee about what's going on when my husband gets home
from work, and I've already made an appointment with her
therapist for Monday. Do Yogurt forty nine sixteen says, your
(18:24):
sister being a drug addict who abandoned her kids after
having been raised by your mom's way kind of proves
your point, and Opia responds, I think my mom feels
guilty about my sister and that's why she's saying I'm
being too harsh on Tom, and out of any says,
your mother can cuddle the drug addict if she cares
so much. So the community agrees that Ope is not
(18:47):
the Ahle. Now let's move on with the update to
see how this story ends. My father brought Tom home
today and he, my husband, and I sat down with Tom.
I apologized for saying he was acting like his mother
and explain it was such a big deal because his
mother's drug use started the same way. He got very
emotional and asked me not to kick him out. I
(19:07):
told him I don't want to kick him out. However,
things can't continue as they have been. I explained my
expectations about him trying to get more hours at work
and helping more around the house. I said, if he
can't get more hours, I'd ask him to cook dinner
twice a week from a recipe I'd provide and all
of the ingredients, of course, and help with house cleaning.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
He agreed.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
My husband brought up school and he said he'd like
to continue in his general arts program, but he hasn't
settled on.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
What degree he wants.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
I told him we would look into it with him
later and speak to academic advising about what paths he
may want to consider. I also said that though he's
legally an adult, I want him home by midnight on
weekends for the foreseeable future and at eleven pm on
weekdays until I see enough responsibility to trust him to
stay later safely. I told Tom I love him and
(20:00):
I don't want him to waste his potential because he
has so much to offer, and that I view him
as my own son. He started crying and we had
a nice long hug. I called Leah down from her
room and we told her what our working plan was
going forward. My dad took the kids for ice cream,
and my husband and I are taking them to the
movies tomorrow and then Tom is making dinner and Leah
(20:22):
is going to be his sioux chef. So far things
are looking up. I hope things continue to go well.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Well. B this is a positive update.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
It sounds like you were able to get through to
Tom and as a family, you guys are moving forward.
So here's wishing you guys the best.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Ope.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Thanks so much for sharing and take care and now
let's finish this video with a quick mood booster post.
This post is from the subreddit malicious Compliance, and it's
by user the zero four. My daughter is apparently going
to be a future member. She was about four at
the time, and my wife told her to stop putting
stickers all over the house and she should only put
(20:59):
stickers on paper.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
My daughter argued with her, but my wife.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Was just done picking stickers up all over the house,
especially the kitchen, so it wasn't going anywhere. An hour
or so later, I walk into the kitchen and see
stickers on post it notes, and the postest notes were
stuck all over the refrigerator. She was so proud of
herself it was hilarious and she was absolutely right. Opy
This actually reminds me of a malicious compliance of mind
(21:24):
from when I was like six years old. I don't
remember the context, but my mom punished me with no
TV all day, and later that day I was sitting
down watching TV when my mom heard the TV. She
came to my room and asked, what are you doing
and I said, well, I'm watching TV. And she said,
but you're punished and I said, not anymore. You said,
I couldn't watch TV all day, but it's now nighttime.
She didn't have an argument, but she did learn that
(21:46):
next time it would be no TV until tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
for taking the time to watch it now.
Speaker 1 (21:54):
If you've gotten to this point in the video, I
assume that you like these stories that I'm reading out,
so here there are a couple more that you might enjoy.
And if you don't have any time to watch another
story right now, save it for later. And also, don't
forget to hit that subscribe button.
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