December 25, 2025 • 22 mins
Relationship Stories - OP’s life and business were secretly sabotaged by his wife’s family through anonymous online attacks. Years later, his wife confessed she’d known the truth all along—shattering his trust and shaking their entire marriage.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost genre reddit stories.
This post is from the subreddit Relationship Advice, and it's
by user throw a Ray draft Cassette. I, twenty seven
male discovered my wife's thirty female family was behind my
vicious cyberbullying attack. My wife knew, but she hid it
for years. How do I move past this? My twenty
(00:27):
seven male marriage is in a really bad spot after
a deep breach of trust. I don't know how to
recover or how to trust my wife thirty female again.
For some context, We've been together seven years and married five.
We have a child to male. We met at a
con I thought her cosplay was amazing, struck up a conversation,
(00:48):
and the rest is history. She's the most loving, unselfish,
and decent person I've ever met. Our relationship was never
without its challenges. Our biggest obstacle was her family. My
presence was unwelcome. They're very close knit, and if one
doesn't accept you, then you're not getting far. There are
a few family members who broke away from the pack,
(01:11):
but no one hardly acknowledges them. They are no contact
in the black Sheep. I didn't know how my wife's
family was, but I did know family was extremely important
to her. Her whole upbringing was based on family, so
I tried everything in my power to make it work.
They didn't really put up with me until our sun
(01:32):
Between our wedding planning and shortly before the wedding, I
was the target of some relentless and vicious cyberbullying. It
got personal, fake bad reviews polluted my business profile too.
It cost me some potential clients. I didn't know where
it came from or why. I couldn't find a solution.
I'd report, but it'd take a while for anything to
(01:52):
be done, or there'd be more accounts coming out for
another round. The whole thing impacted my life and my
mental health. It took My wife was incredibly supportive. She
was my rock and my best friend. I loved her
even more for her care and how she held me down.
Then the trolling and everything stopped. I wanted nothing more
(02:13):
than to move on. I put it all behind me
until the other day my wife confessed that her family
was behind the harassment. I didn't believe her at first,
but she was serious and showed me proof in their
family group chat. It felt like I was right back
there again. They were gloating and justifying themselves, saying stuff
(02:35):
like some people gotta learn the hard way, and if
he wants to join the fold, here's his initiation. I
knew I wasn't their favorite person, but I never realized
they hated me and would go to such extremes. I
asked my wife when she did find out and if
she was a part of it. She swore she wasn't
and that she'd never do that to me. She claims
(02:56):
she didn't initially know it was her family until a
few months after our wedding. One of my sisters in law,
twenty eight female, left a profile up on her phone
and my wife saw it. She confronted her family and
made them stop. I asked why she was telling me
everything now. She said it was weighing on her, and
(03:16):
she opened up to her eldest sister, thirty five female,
one of the family's black sheep. She threatened to tell
me the truth if my wife didn't. Nothing my wife
said made it better. She knew for years what her
family did and hid it from me. She kept everything quiet.
It hurts more coming from her because she knew firsthand
(03:37):
my pain. I was pretty numb My wife was anxious
and kept pushing for me to say something. I told
her there wasn't anything she could say right now that
would make it okay. What she did was no better
than her family. They made my life hell, and her
first instinct was to cover for them. She started crying
(03:58):
and begged me to understand. She said it wasn't like that,
and she was trying to make things right with as
little damage as possible and men relationships. I wasn't very
receptive to her. She wasn't reaching me. I couldn't help
her or myself. I told her I needed some time
to clear my head. She was against it. She said
(04:18):
we could work through this together, but I was firm
on space. Space isn't a request she's respected. I'm really
trying to understand her side. I'm trying to move past it,
but I feel so betrayed. I trusted her more than anyone.
I'm my most vulnerable with her. I kept opening up
(04:38):
to her about the incident, even after she knew the truth.
She encouraged me to let it go and not allow
it to have any claim on me. I thought she
had my best interest in mind. Now I just see
it as her attempt to protect her family. Yet again,
I haven't confronted anyone involved. I don't think they're worth it,
but I've made it clear they're no longer allowed to
(04:59):
see our son until further notice. Now I'm getting texts
about how I'm depriving my child of grandparents and aunts
overpast family' spats. One of the hardest parts is the
distance from my wife. She's my best friend and partner
in every way. Now we're almost only communicating about our
son and other household necessities. She's hurt by my rejection.
(05:22):
She's been crying often. I don't know if I'm being
unfair to her. I hate all of this. I want
to make our marriage work, but I'm questioning our relationship
up to now. I'm just really lost. I need an
outside perspective. How do I navigate this situation and move
forward for my marriage and myself? Ah OPHI, this absolutely sucks.
(05:43):
Your wife did betray you. She knew her family was
behind this harassment. She watched you suffer. She did comfort
you while she knew what was going on, and the
only reason she confessed is because she was under threat.
It's not the guilt that was weighing on her it's
knowing what would have happened if she wasn't the one
to tell you. So, yeah, I understand your pain. It's
(06:04):
not what her family did, is that she hid it
from you, that she was complicit in it. Now you
say that you're willing to work through this because you
love your wife and you want to stay in the marriage.
If I was in your shoes and that was my mindset,
which I couldn't say for sure, it would be because
huge betrayal. But anyways, then the baseline for any kind
(06:24):
of let's see if we can work through this would
be your family's absolutely banned from our lives from here
until the end of the world. There's no coming back
from that one, and there's no renegotiating this point. They
disappear forever. And her response to that would tell you
where her heart truly is and what decision you need
to make. And it's not that you're giving her the
ultimatum of you either choose your family or you choose me.
(06:47):
You're just studying a boundary that her family, considering what
they did to you, are no longer welcomed around you
or your son. The end gold being towards rebuilding trust
and what do you guys think? Let me know in
the comments section, and now let's check out the community comments.
Gino Flower says, I think what is bothering me most
(07:08):
is that your wife is still not getting it. She
doesn't understand how vile her family is, and if they
did it once, they could do it again. They took
your money, your peace of mind, you'd confidence even though
she stopped it. She never told you, leaving you to
wonder why and who and past family spats. It's not
like this was a little tiff and they apologized and
(07:30):
you won't let it go. I'd suggest therapy for you both,
and I don't even know. At the very least you'll
learn how to co parent together. If you can't save
the marriage, maybe a therapist can get her to see
how huge this is. And Dopey responds, I don't know.
It's like my wife's not getting where I'm coming from,
or just doesn't want to go there. Her family never
(07:52):
even apologized. They're making it out like I'm holding grudges.
Buzzy and Vutka says, personal, I don't think I could
come back from this. Your wife defended people who tried
to ruin your life for no reason. These aren't just
some strangers, These are her family. What if something similar
happens in the future, could you count on your wife
(08:14):
being there for you, sticking up for you, and taking
your side. I highly doubt it, ninety sixty five says,
so her idea of making things right is to lie
to you for years, providing cover for the awful, awful
people who did this to you. Any decent partner would
cut that family off without a backwards glance. I am
(08:34):
so sorry, Opie, you must be reeling and Dopy responds.
She said she thought she was protecting me and that
she handled the situation with her family. I just don't
see anything she did as for my benefit. I see
it more as she was protecting her family yet again
before anything else. Moozi Choo says, she let them hurt you.
(08:56):
You were hurt because her family is messed up. Then
she covered it up and did not defend you or
seek justice. Now you're stuck because you're married and you
have a child together. She thinks now that she's been honest,
which she was forced to do by a black chep
sister who is the only one who has any morals,
her conscience is clear and you have to just let
(09:16):
it go. Don't. If she doesn't respect your request for
space another boundary she is bulldozing, then move out. I'd
be gone. This won't get better. You can't trust her
and she'll always cover for them. She isn't your partner
and introvert T says you need therapy individual and couples.
Part of why she did what she did is because
(09:38):
of familial influence and she needs to learn how to
cut those apron strings. Therapy can help, and Opie responds,
I'm open to therapy. Something needs to change. I just
wish she wouldn't continue to choose her family at every
wrong turn. The community is torn between therapy or couple's
counseling and dropping out. Moving on, don't. He's leaning more
(10:01):
towards therapy. So now let's move on to the update
to see how this story ends. Thank you to everyone
who reached out. I twenty seven male, wasn't able to
reply to everyone, but it was appreciated. It solidified my
wake up call and helped me see I was overthinking.
I wanted to give an update earlier this week. My wife,
thirty female, and I were able to regroup and hash
(10:24):
stuff out I was glad I took the space I did, because,
even though this situation is still hurtful and feels like
a massive betrayal, I was in a better position to talk.
My wife thought I was calling it quits, but I
told her we were at a crossroads and needed to
talk things out. She apologized for what her family did
and her role in it. She said she never intended
(10:47):
to hurt me. She had convinced herself she was protecting
me from more pain. She realizes now she was largely
protecting herself. She admitted she was afraid of telling me
the truth because she thought it wouldn't just end the wedding,
but that I'd end the relationship. She lost other relationships
and friendships over her family. She didn't want to lose
(11:07):
me too. Over the years, she wanted to tell me,
but kept talking herself out of it, and then the
cover up kept getting bigger and she didn't know how
to confess. I told her I didn't agree with her choice,
and I wished she had more trusted me and our relationship.
I meant it too, I wouldn't have just ditched her.
She asked where do we go from here and promised
(11:28):
no matter the outcome, there wouldn't be any more secrets
between us. I told her I wanted to work on
our marriage, but things needed to change. We couldn't survive
with her family looming, and I didn't want our son
exposed to them. She asked what I needed of her.
I was never big on ultimatums, and I don't really
consider this as one, but I was adamant that any
(11:50):
path of us moving forward together would mean radical boundaries
with her family. She was honest that the thought of
making this big of a move against her her family
was scary, but said, if it's between them and us,
or our son to male, then she chooses us. Her
agreement was major for me because I really didn't know
where she'd land if she had to choose. I never
(12:12):
wanted to put her in that position, but after everything
her family did, I feel there was no other way.
The reason I have hoped that my wife is being
for real is because she sent a text to their
group chat stating to stop blowing up my phone and
that the no access to our son until further notice
is a joint decision she fully supports. I didn't expect
(12:33):
that of her. She did it on her own of
course they didn't like it. Now she's labeled as disrespectful
and unngrateful, and how the black sheep eldest sister thirty
five female and I are poisoning her against them. It
was also said what kind of mail takes a woman
away from her family over a spet. This isn't a spat,
(12:54):
nor do I have anything to prove about manhood. They
led a whole campaign designed to ruin my life. Their
actions are chilling to me. These are the same people
who looked me in the eye with a straight face
while everything was going on. This is about protecting my family.
My family has gone low contact. Her family has this
(13:14):
mindset that significant others or friends come and go, and
it's family who is the constant and where loyalty should be.
They can't seem to compute that my wife, our son,
and I are the core family, their extended family, and
they don't have a claim over our son. Being involved
with him is a privilege, not a rite. I don't
(13:35):
know what their exact issue is with me, but only
really tolerated me because of our son. When I first
met them, one of my wife's siblings, twenty eight female,
said they thought my wife was settling for me because
of age and that she could do better. They're a
very tight knit group, and if one doesn't like you,
then you're not getting far with the rest. It felt
(13:56):
like once their minds were made up, there was nothing
I could do. I've long since stopped trying to make
sense of any of their reasonings. It's a rabbit hole.
Our plan is to move to a new area to
create a healthier distance, cement boundaries, and have a fresh start.
I brought up therapy too. It's something we've been discussing.
We'll be officially starting that soon. I think moving away
(14:18):
will be beneficial for us. It's something my eldest sister
in law had advised us on during the wedding planning.
She was encouraging my wife to move and create our
own space away from their families isolating circle. I know
my wife is more than just her family. I've seen
it firsthand. She shines so bright when away from their influence.
(14:39):
That's what I meant when I said she was the
most loving, unselfish, and decent person I've ever met. If
I'm being honest, I don't know how things will turn out.
I'm still hurt. I still feel betrayed and my wife's
facing her own challenges and low contact. But I want
to be hopeful. I don't want to close the door.
I'm hoping we can heal together. Thank you again to
(15:02):
everyone for the support I found. Not everything is as
isolating as with the majority of my in laws. It
means more than you know, Willoughby. If your goal is
to try to keep your marriage afloat and you're gonna
work on it, this is the only logical step her
family needs to get out. Your sister in law is
absolutely right moving away, starting fresh, no phone numbers, no address,
(15:24):
just absolutely dropping out of the map is the best
way to go. Then you can focus on your marriage.
So here's swishing you both the best. Opee, take care
and thanks for sharing. And now let's move on to
the next post that also has an update. This post
is from the subreddeda I the butt face, and it's
by user embarrassed map seventy ninety am I the butt
(15:46):
face for refusing to swap vacation days with my coworker
who has kids. Hi twenty five mail work in a
small office. We have a vacation calendar based on schedule
provided back in January. I booked a week off in
September for a trip with my friends and wife. A
coworker thirty two, female with two kids, asked me last
(16:07):
week if I can swap because she forgot to book
her kid's fall break. I told her I couldn't. It's
been planned for months. I've already bought tickets and my
friends arranged time off too. She got upset and said
people without kids, she'd be more flexible. You don't understand
how hard it is for parents. I told her, I
(16:28):
respect that, but it's not my responsibility to fix her mistake.
Now some co workers are saying I should have just
given her the week because kids come first. Others agree
with me. So am I the butt face? Not at all, Opie.
Of course you're not the butt face. Your coworkers are right.
Kids do come first. But context matters, and this situation
(16:50):
is the wrong context to say that. The fact of
the matter is that your co worker fed up. That's it.
She dropped the ball. It happens. Learn to use your
calendar app and get over it. But you don't get
to make your coworker pay for your mistake, OPI, No,
You've got your tickets it's been planned. That's it. Having
said all that, O be, I would still maybe talk
(17:11):
to your manager about it, just to make sure he's
in the know that it could get toxic. And what
do you guys think? Let me know in the comments section,
and now let's check out the community comments. Benisi and
Vidra says you should absolutely give her the days if
she pays for your flights, your wife's flights, your friends' flights,
and all the accommodations and any day trips you've booked.
(17:31):
I consider this only fair. Why are people this entitled
just because they popped out a few kids? Janet in
Spain says, not the ahole. Having kids is a choice
and is not a get out of jail free card
of entitlement to take advantage of others. She forgot to book.
That's her problem, and you have zero obligation to fix
(17:51):
that problem for her. Yeah, if those people who say
people without kids should be more flexible, our life is
just as important to us as there's a to them.
This is a hill to die on and RSGK says,
not the butt face. You're correct that it's not your fault.
She didn't plan ahead. The people saying you should sacrifice
all your long ago made plans because kids come first.
(18:14):
Are total huge butt faces. So our parents who think
co workers should bend their lives around them, community agrees
OP is not the butt face. So now let's move
on to the update to see how this story ends.
So update about what happened in the end. By the way,
I was already on trip by the time of this post.
(18:34):
My co worker went to our manager again. He backed
me up, saying I booked ahead and planned properly. Some
people even asked if she'd be willing to cover my
non refundable flights and hotel. She said yes, but only
after her next paycheck because she was on edge from
her trip expenses. She also said I don't know how
(18:57):
expensive it is to raise children, as if that should
be my problem. I told her flat out no, if
I canceled my trip, I'd be completely at her mercy
to pay me back, and she had zero obligation to
actually do it. Not worth the risk. That should have
been the end, But of course she started telling people
that I refused to swap, even after she generously offered
(19:21):
to pay. I won't lie. I started doubting myself and
felt like the office villain for a bit, but I
decided to ignore it because it was just a few
days until my trip. When I got back, though, I
found out her little smear campaign had backfired. Word of
what she'd been saying got back to the manager and
he wasn't amused. Instead of brushing it off, he called
(19:44):
a team meeting on the same day and made it
clear that spreading lies and harassing coworkers wouldn't be tolerated. Then,
in front of everyone, he asked her directly if she
had anything she wanted to say to me. She looked embarrassed,
mumbled in up, and admitted she might have exaggerated things.
(20:04):
It wasn't traumatic, but it was enough to make it
clear to everyone that she'd been lying and stirring the pot. Honestly,
that quiet, awkward apology in front of the whole team
felt better than any big confrontation could have. After that,
she hasn't said a word to me about vacation days,
and I finally feel like the whole thing is over
(20:26):
look at this. She just keeps going to school, doesn't
She Learning to plan ahead and don't start crap in
the office two very important lessons. Happy you had a
f on trip opm. Here's wishing you the best, thanks
for sharing and to take care. And now let's finish
this video with a quick mood booster post. This post
is from the subreddit malicious Compliance and it's by user
(20:47):
cure Jabs. Stopped doing what I wasn't paid for. I
worked in a big company. I did the developer tech
lead job, project manager's job, and a big part of
team leader's job. I asked multiple times to have a
raise and also less work that didn't work. When I
said I did all of that, my manager just answered, yes,
you do a spectacular work, but we don't ask you
(21:10):
to do all of this, so I don't know why
you should get paid more than other people. Well, I
stopped doing extras and focused on my job. For three months.
Everything collapsed bit by bit except the projects I was
working on. When I was asked by the clients, I
just answered, oh, I'm not in charge of that. You
should contact X or the manager, not me. I was
(21:34):
asked to come into the manager's office. Why is everything
falling apart? You need to do something. It's not my job.
For years, you didn't ask yourself how it happened that
everything worked so fine? So I stopped doing what was
not in my contract. Now you ask why it's not
working anymore. The answer is just that I let things
fall down, and I'm glad I did, because only now
(21:56):
you notice the work I did. He was really confused.
You've got to raise pretty fast. Nicely done, Op, you
showed him something he should have already known. Thanks for sharing, Op,
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
for taking the time to watch it now. If you've
gotten to this point in the video, I assume that
(22:17):
you like these stories that I'm reading out, so here
are a couple more that you might enjoy. And if
you don't have any time to watch another story right now,
save it for later. And also, don't forget to hit
that subscribe button.
Hi everybody, and welcome back to Lost genre reddit stories.
This post is from the subreddit Relationship Advice, and it's
by user throw a Ray draft Cassette. I, twenty seven
male discovered my wife's thirty female family was behind my
vicious cyberbullying attack. My wife knew, but she hid it
for years. How do I move past this? My twenty
(00:27):
seven male marriage is in a really bad spot after
a deep breach of trust. I don't know how to
recover or how to trust my wife thirty female again.
For some context, We've been together seven years and married five.
We have a child to male. We met at a
con I thought her cosplay was amazing, struck up a conversation,
(00:48):
and the rest is history. She's the most loving, unselfish,
and decent person I've ever met. Our relationship was never
without its challenges. Our biggest obstacle was her family. My
presence was unwelcome. They're very close knit, and if one
doesn't accept you, then you're not getting far. There are
a few family members who broke away from the pack,
(01:11):
but no one hardly acknowledges them. They are no contact
in the black Sheep. I didn't know how my wife's
family was, but I did know family was extremely important
to her. Her whole upbringing was based on family, so
I tried everything in my power to make it work.
They didn't really put up with me until our sun
(01:32):
Between our wedding planning and shortly before the wedding, I
was the target of some relentless and vicious cyberbullying. It
got personal, fake bad reviews polluted my business profile too.
It cost me some potential clients. I didn't know where
it came from or why. I couldn't find a solution.
I'd report, but it'd take a while for anything to
(01:52):
be done, or there'd be more accounts coming out for
another round. The whole thing impacted my life and my
mental health. It took My wife was incredibly supportive. She
was my rock and my best friend. I loved her
even more for her care and how she held me down.
Then the trolling and everything stopped. I wanted nothing more
(02:13):
than to move on. I put it all behind me
until the other day my wife confessed that her family
was behind the harassment. I didn't believe her at first,
but she was serious and showed me proof in their
family group chat. It felt like I was right back
there again. They were gloating and justifying themselves, saying stuff
(02:35):
like some people gotta learn the hard way, and if
he wants to join the fold, here's his initiation. I
knew I wasn't their favorite person, but I never realized
they hated me and would go to such extremes. I
asked my wife when she did find out and if
she was a part of it. She swore she wasn't
and that she'd never do that to me. She claims
(02:56):
she didn't initially know it was her family until a
few months after our wedding. One of my sisters in law,
twenty eight female, left a profile up on her phone
and my wife saw it. She confronted her family and
made them stop. I asked why she was telling me
everything now. She said it was weighing on her, and
(03:16):
she opened up to her eldest sister, thirty five female,
one of the family's black sheep. She threatened to tell
me the truth if my wife didn't. Nothing my wife
said made it better. She knew for years what her
family did and hid it from me. She kept everything quiet.
It hurts more coming from her because she knew firsthand
(03:37):
my pain. I was pretty numb My wife was anxious
and kept pushing for me to say something. I told
her there wasn't anything she could say right now that
would make it okay. What she did was no better
than her family. They made my life hell, and her
first instinct was to cover for them. She started crying
(03:58):
and begged me to understand. She said it wasn't like that,
and she was trying to make things right with as
little damage as possible and men relationships. I wasn't very
receptive to her. She wasn't reaching me. I couldn't help
her or myself. I told her I needed some time
to clear my head. She was against it. She said
(04:18):
we could work through this together, but I was firm
on space. Space isn't a request she's respected. I'm really
trying to understand her side. I'm trying to move past it,
but I feel so betrayed. I trusted her more than anyone.
I'm my most vulnerable with her. I kept opening up
(04:38):
to her about the incident, even after she knew the truth.
She encouraged me to let it go and not allow
it to have any claim on me. I thought she
had my best interest in mind. Now I just see
it as her attempt to protect her family. Yet again,
I haven't confronted anyone involved. I don't think they're worth it,
but I've made it clear they're no longer allowed to
(04:59):
see our son until further notice. Now I'm getting texts
about how I'm depriving my child of grandparents and aunts
overpast family' spats. One of the hardest parts is the
distance from my wife. She's my best friend and partner
in every way. Now we're almost only communicating about our
son and other household necessities. She's hurt by my rejection.
(05:22):
She's been crying often. I don't know if I'm being
unfair to her. I hate all of this. I want
to make our marriage work, but I'm questioning our relationship
up to now. I'm just really lost. I need an
outside perspective. How do I navigate this situation and move
forward for my marriage and myself? Ah OPHI, this absolutely sucks.
(05:43):
Your wife did betray you. She knew her family was
behind this harassment. She watched you suffer. She did comfort
you while she knew what was going on, and the
only reason she confessed is because she was under threat.
It's not the guilt that was weighing on her it's
knowing what would have happened if she wasn't the one
to tell you. So, yeah, I understand your pain. It's
(06:04):
not what her family did, is that she hid it
from you, that she was complicit in it. Now you
say that you're willing to work through this because you
love your wife and you want to stay in the marriage.
If I was in your shoes and that was my mindset,
which I couldn't say for sure, it would be because
huge betrayal. But anyways, then the baseline for any kind
(06:24):
of let's see if we can work through this would
be your family's absolutely banned from our lives from here
until the end of the world. There's no coming back
from that one, and there's no renegotiating this point. They
disappear forever. And her response to that would tell you
where her heart truly is and what decision you need
to make. And it's not that you're giving her the
ultimatum of you either choose your family or you choose me.
(06:47):
You're just studying a boundary that her family, considering what
they did to you, are no longer welcomed around you
or your son. The end gold being towards rebuilding trust
and what do you guys think? Let me know in
the comments section, and now let's check out the community comments.
Gino Flower says, I think what is bothering me most
(07:08):
is that your wife is still not getting it. She
doesn't understand how vile her family is, and if they
did it once, they could do it again. They took
your money, your peace of mind, you'd confidence even though
she stopped it. She never told you, leaving you to
wonder why and who and past family spats. It's not
like this was a little tiff and they apologized and
(07:30):
you won't let it go. I'd suggest therapy for you both,
and I don't even know. At the very least you'll
learn how to co parent together. If you can't save
the marriage, maybe a therapist can get her to see
how huge this is. And Dopey responds, I don't know.
It's like my wife's not getting where I'm coming from,
or just doesn't want to go there. Her family never
(07:52):
even apologized. They're making it out like I'm holding grudges.
Buzzy and Vutka says, personal, I don't think I could
come back from this. Your wife defended people who tried
to ruin your life for no reason. These aren't just
some strangers, These are her family. What if something similar
happens in the future, could you count on your wife
(08:14):
being there for you, sticking up for you, and taking
your side. I highly doubt it, ninety sixty five says,
so her idea of making things right is to lie
to you for years, providing cover for the awful, awful
people who did this to you. Any decent partner would
cut that family off without a backwards glance. I am
(08:34):
so sorry, Opie, you must be reeling and Dopy responds.
She said she thought she was protecting me and that
she handled the situation with her family. I just don't
see anything she did as for my benefit. I see
it more as she was protecting her family yet again
before anything else. Moozi Choo says, she let them hurt you.
(08:56):
You were hurt because her family is messed up. Then
she covered it up and did not defend you or
seek justice. Now you're stuck because you're married and you
have a child together. She thinks now that she's been honest,
which she was forced to do by a black chep
sister who is the only one who has any morals,
her conscience is clear and you have to just let
(09:16):
it go. Don't. If she doesn't respect your request for
space another boundary she is bulldozing, then move out. I'd
be gone. This won't get better. You can't trust her
and she'll always cover for them. She isn't your partner
and introvert T says you need therapy individual and couples.
Part of why she did what she did is because
(09:38):
of familial influence and she needs to learn how to
cut those apron strings. Therapy can help, and Opie responds,
I'm open to therapy. Something needs to change. I just
wish she wouldn't continue to choose her family at every
wrong turn. The community is torn between therapy or couple's
counseling and dropping out. Moving on, don't. He's leaning more
(10:01):
towards therapy. So now let's move on to the update
to see how this story ends. Thank you to everyone
who reached out. I twenty seven male, wasn't able to
reply to everyone, but it was appreciated. It solidified my
wake up call and helped me see I was overthinking.
I wanted to give an update earlier this week. My wife,
thirty female, and I were able to regroup and hash
(10:24):
stuff out I was glad I took the space I did, because,
even though this situation is still hurtful and feels like
a massive betrayal, I was in a better position to talk.
My wife thought I was calling it quits, but I
told her we were at a crossroads and needed to
talk things out. She apologized for what her family did
and her role in it. She said she never intended
(10:47):
to hurt me. She had convinced herself she was protecting
me from more pain. She realizes now she was largely
protecting herself. She admitted she was afraid of telling me
the truth because she thought it wouldn't just end the wedding,
but that I'd end the relationship. She lost other relationships
and friendships over her family. She didn't want to lose
(11:07):
me too. Over the years, she wanted to tell me,
but kept talking herself out of it, and then the
cover up kept getting bigger and she didn't know how
to confess. I told her I didn't agree with her choice,
and I wished she had more trusted me and our relationship.
I meant it too, I wouldn't have just ditched her.
She asked where do we go from here and promised
(11:28):
no matter the outcome, there wouldn't be any more secrets
between us. I told her I wanted to work on
our marriage, but things needed to change. We couldn't survive
with her family looming, and I didn't want our son
exposed to them. She asked what I needed of her.
I was never big on ultimatums, and I don't really
consider this as one, but I was adamant that any
(11:50):
path of us moving forward together would mean radical boundaries
with her family. She was honest that the thought of
making this big of a move against her her family
was scary, but said, if it's between them and us,
or our son to male, then she chooses us. Her
agreement was major for me because I really didn't know
where she'd land if she had to choose. I never
(12:12):
wanted to put her in that position, but after everything
her family did, I feel there was no other way.
The reason I have hoped that my wife is being
for real is because she sent a text to their
group chat stating to stop blowing up my phone and
that the no access to our son until further notice
is a joint decision she fully supports. I didn't expect
(12:33):
that of her. She did it on her own of
course they didn't like it. Now she's labeled as disrespectful
and unngrateful, and how the black sheep eldest sister thirty
five female and I are poisoning her against them. It
was also said what kind of mail takes a woman
away from her family over a spet. This isn't a spat,
(12:54):
nor do I have anything to prove about manhood. They
led a whole campaign designed to ruin my life. Their
actions are chilling to me. These are the same people
who looked me in the eye with a straight face
while everything was going on. This is about protecting my family.
My family has gone low contact. Her family has this
(13:14):
mindset that significant others or friends come and go, and
it's family who is the constant and where loyalty should be.
They can't seem to compute that my wife, our son,
and I are the core family, their extended family, and
they don't have a claim over our son. Being involved
with him is a privilege, not a rite. I don't
(13:35):
know what their exact issue is with me, but only
really tolerated me because of our son. When I first
met them, one of my wife's siblings, twenty eight female,
said they thought my wife was settling for me because
of age and that she could do better. They're a
very tight knit group, and if one doesn't like you,
then you're not getting far with the rest. It felt
(13:56):
like once their minds were made up, there was nothing
I could do. I've long since stopped trying to make
sense of any of their reasonings. It's a rabbit hole.
Our plan is to move to a new area to
create a healthier distance, cement boundaries, and have a fresh start.
I brought up therapy too. It's something we've been discussing.
We'll be officially starting that soon. I think moving away
(14:18):
will be beneficial for us. It's something my eldest sister
in law had advised us on during the wedding planning.
She was encouraging my wife to move and create our
own space away from their families isolating circle. I know
my wife is more than just her family. I've seen
it firsthand. She shines so bright when away from their influence.
(14:39):
That's what I meant when I said she was the
most loving, unselfish, and decent person I've ever met. If
I'm being honest, I don't know how things will turn out.
I'm still hurt. I still feel betrayed and my wife's
facing her own challenges and low contact. But I want
to be hopeful. I don't want to close the door.
I'm hoping we can heal together. Thank you again to
(15:02):
everyone for the support I found. Not everything is as
isolating as with the majority of my in laws. It
means more than you know, Willoughby. If your goal is
to try to keep your marriage afloat and you're gonna
work on it, this is the only logical step her
family needs to get out. Your sister in law is
absolutely right moving away, starting fresh, no phone numbers, no address,
(15:24):
just absolutely dropping out of the map is the best
way to go. Then you can focus on your marriage.
So here's swishing you both the best. Opee, take care
and thanks for sharing. And now let's move on to
the next post that also has an update. This post
is from the subreddeda I the butt face, and it's
by user embarrassed map seventy ninety am I the butt
(15:46):
face for refusing to swap vacation days with my coworker
who has kids. Hi twenty five mail work in a
small office. We have a vacation calendar based on schedule
provided back in January. I booked a week off in
September for a trip with my friends and wife. A
coworker thirty two, female with two kids, asked me last
(16:07):
week if I can swap because she forgot to book
her kid's fall break. I told her I couldn't. It's
been planned for months. I've already bought tickets and my
friends arranged time off too. She got upset and said
people without kids, she'd be more flexible. You don't understand
how hard it is for parents. I told her, I
(16:28):
respect that, but it's not my responsibility to fix her mistake.
Now some co workers are saying I should have just
given her the week because kids come first. Others agree
with me. So am I the butt face? Not at all, Opie.
Of course you're not the butt face. Your coworkers are right.
Kids do come first. But context matters, and this situation
(16:50):
is the wrong context to say that. The fact of
the matter is that your co worker fed up. That's it.
She dropped the ball. It happens. Learn to use your
calendar app and get over it. But you don't get
to make your coworker pay for your mistake, OPI, No,
You've got your tickets it's been planned. That's it. Having
said all that, O be, I would still maybe talk
(17:11):
to your manager about it, just to make sure he's
in the know that it could get toxic. And what
do you guys think? Let me know in the comments section,
and now let's check out the community comments. Benisi and
Vidra says you should absolutely give her the days if
she pays for your flights, your wife's flights, your friends' flights,
and all the accommodations and any day trips you've booked.
(17:31):
I consider this only fair. Why are people this entitled
just because they popped out a few kids? Janet in
Spain says, not the ahole. Having kids is a choice
and is not a get out of jail free card
of entitlement to take advantage of others. She forgot to book.
That's her problem, and you have zero obligation to fix
(17:51):
that problem for her. Yeah, if those people who say
people without kids should be more flexible, our life is
just as important to us as there's a to them.
This is a hill to die on and RSGK says,
not the butt face. You're correct that it's not your fault.
She didn't plan ahead. The people saying you should sacrifice
all your long ago made plans because kids come first.
(18:14):
Are total huge butt faces. So our parents who think
co workers should bend their lives around them, community agrees
OP is not the butt face. So now let's move
on to the update to see how this story ends.
So update about what happened in the end. By the way,
I was already on trip by the time of this post.
(18:34):
My co worker went to our manager again. He backed
me up, saying I booked ahead and planned properly. Some
people even asked if she'd be willing to cover my
non refundable flights and hotel. She said yes, but only
after her next paycheck because she was on edge from
her trip expenses. She also said I don't know how
(18:57):
expensive it is to raise children, as if that should
be my problem. I told her flat out no, if
I canceled my trip, I'd be completely at her mercy
to pay me back, and she had zero obligation to
actually do it. Not worth the risk. That should have
been the end, But of course she started telling people
that I refused to swap, even after she generously offered
(19:21):
to pay. I won't lie. I started doubting myself and
felt like the office villain for a bit, but I
decided to ignore it because it was just a few
days until my trip. When I got back, though, I
found out her little smear campaign had backfired. Word of
what she'd been saying got back to the manager and
he wasn't amused. Instead of brushing it off, he called
(19:44):
a team meeting on the same day and made it
clear that spreading lies and harassing coworkers wouldn't be tolerated. Then,
in front of everyone, he asked her directly if she
had anything she wanted to say to me. She looked embarrassed,
mumbled in up, and admitted she might have exaggerated things.
(20:04):
It wasn't traumatic, but it was enough to make it
clear to everyone that she'd been lying and stirring the pot. Honestly,
that quiet, awkward apology in front of the whole team
felt better than any big confrontation could have. After that,
she hasn't said a word to me about vacation days,
and I finally feel like the whole thing is over
(20:26):
look at this. She just keeps going to school, doesn't
She Learning to plan ahead and don't start crap in
the office two very important lessons. Happy you had a
f on trip opm. Here's wishing you the best, thanks
for sharing and to take care. And now let's finish
this video with a quick mood booster post. This post
is from the subreddit malicious Compliance and it's by user
(20:47):
cure Jabs. Stopped doing what I wasn't paid for. I
worked in a big company. I did the developer tech
lead job, project manager's job, and a big part of
team leader's job. I asked multiple times to have a
raise and also less work that didn't work. When I
said I did all of that, my manager just answered, yes,
you do a spectacular work, but we don't ask you
(21:10):
to do all of this, so I don't know why
you should get paid more than other people. Well, I
stopped doing extras and focused on my job. For three months.
Everything collapsed bit by bit except the projects I was
working on. When I was asked by the clients, I
just answered, oh, I'm not in charge of that. You
should contact X or the manager, not me. I was
(21:34):
asked to come into the manager's office. Why is everything
falling apart? You need to do something. It's not my job.
For years, you didn't ask yourself how it happened that
everything worked so fine? So I stopped doing what was
not in my contract. Now you ask why it's not
working anymore. The answer is just that I let things
fall down, and I'm glad I did, because only now
(21:56):
you notice the work I did. He was really confused.
You've got to raise pretty fast. Nicely done, Op, you
showed him something he should have already known. Thanks for sharing, Op,
And that's it for today's video. Thank you so much
for taking the time to watch it now. If you've
gotten to this point in the video, I assume that
(22:17):
you like these stories that I'm reading out, so here
are a couple more that you might enjoy. And if
you don't have any time to watch another story right now,
save it for later. And also, don't forget to hit
that subscribe button.
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