August 7, 2025 • 47 mins
In this episode of “Louisiana Unfiltered” Megan Kelly joins Kiran Chawla as they discuss the recent domestic violence related murder/suicide in East Baton Rouge Parish.
Domestic Abuse Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
Visit www.thehotline.org for 24/7 support and information on domestic violence.
Chapters
02:01 Understanding the Cycle of Abuse
05:21 The Risks of Leaving
07:49 Real Stories of Survival
13:56 The Central Case Breakdown
15:54 The Aftermath of Violence
24:09 The Second Chance
27:13 Understanding Emotional Abuse
34:35 The Impact of Domestic Violence
37:46 Resources for Help
41:41 Financial Independence Matters
44:38 Call to Action for Safety
Local Sponsors for this episode include:
Neighbors Federal Credit Union:
Another Chance Bail Bonds:
Dudley DeBosier Injury Lawyers
Sound and Editing for this audio podcast by Envision Podcast Production:
Domestic Abuse Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
Visit www.thehotline.org for 24/7 support and information on domestic violence.
Chapters
02:01 Understanding the Cycle of Abuse
05:21 The Risks of Leaving
07:49 Real Stories of Survival
13:56 The Central Case Breakdown
15:54 The Aftermath of Violence
24:09 The Second Chance
27:13 Understanding Emotional Abuse
34:35 The Impact of Domestic Violence
37:46 Resources for Help
41:41 Financial Independence Matters
44:38 Call to Action for Safety
Local Sponsors for this episode include:
Neighbors Federal Credit Union:
Another Chance Bail Bonds:
Dudley DeBosier Injury Lawyers
Sound and Editing for this audio podcast by Envision Podcast Production:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode is sponsored by Deli de Bojer injury lawyers
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Our team is here to protect your rights and get results.
You focus on healing, We'll handle the rest. Called four
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Responsible attorney James Pelcha Beton Rouge.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We see the headlines, we hear the stories, maybe even
whispered in our friend's circle, but we never think it
would happen to us until it does. Domestic violence it's
a crisis that touches us all, whether you're a victim
(00:54):
yourself or someone you love is struggling to leave. Louisian
ranks fifth in the nation for murders connected to domestic violence.
Fifth let that sink in, and yet most people don't
know how to see it coming until it's too late,
until you're left wondering if you could have done more,
(01:17):
if you should have said something, if you could have
saved a life. This week has been devastating for the
bat Ruge area. Several domestic violence cases, two ending with
women killed by their boyfriends. In this episode. We're talking
about domestic violence, what it is, why it happens, and
(01:42):
what you can do to help. I'm Kiaran Challa and
this is Louisiana Unfiltered. Welcome back everyone. This week we
(02:04):
are joined by one of our amazing reporters, Megan Kelly. Meghan,
thanks for joining.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Us, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Love being him well, and some of our listeners will
probably recognize you number one. Obviously you're one of our reporters,
but number two, you and I have talked domestic violence
in the past, and unfortunately, Megan, actually no, I don't
mean unfortunately. Fortunately, you are a survivor yourself of domestic violence.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, I am, I am.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
And you know what, it's every single time something like
this happens or another situation happens, it's just like it
is such a knife to the heart every single time.
And you know, we had this discussion earlier today when
we were talking like the stories are all the same.
They're all the aggression, the control, all the all of
(03:00):
the symptoms are always there, maybe just with a different
name or cash to it. It's always the isolation from
the family. Always, Oh, you know, it happened before, But
then we've decided to forget and then ended up in
the same situation.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It is such a disciple. It's painful to watch.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
It is And Megan, I would assume that anytime it
comes in the news that we had another domestic violence
case and in this case, and we're going to get
to that in just a second and break it down
for you guys, But we did.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
We had a murder suicide, We had a murder attempted suicide.
Does it kind of rehash all that pain for you again, Megan,
And I guess being a survivor, there's got to be
a part of you that's kind of buried it away
and pushed it out and you're done, You've moved on
with your new life. But does it bring it back
(03:54):
up when something like this comes to light again?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
It does? It doesn't every single time.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
I can't say it brings it up in a way
where it just really like obsessed me or takes me back.
It brings it back up, And I just fall to
my knees because I think, if not for grace where
you know there would I would be in the same situation.
And so many people are also in the same situation.
I know so many other survivors probably feel the same way,
(04:22):
but it just like just reognites that passion to like
want to share this message and tell people and warm
people and say, listen, if this is you, if you
are in this situation, if you see these signs like
this is where it's headed.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Very very very rarely.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Does it ever turn around and go in the opposite direction.
I'm saying rarely, because you know what, anything could happen.
I'm not gonna give up complete hope, but very rarely
does it all of a sudden turn around and you
go back and it actually gets better and that person
actually is not violent or.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Manipulative or control it. Very rarely does that happen.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
And something else that I'm sure we'll talk more about this,
especially for those who are moms who are or parents
who are in this situation. You are teaching your child
a system of violence. You are teaching your child control, narcissism, manipulation,
All these things are normal, and they will end up
repeating that same pattern. Most people end up marrying someone
(05:20):
who is just like their father. I married someone who's
just like my dad. That happens to be a great thing,
but that is what happens. Typically whenever women grow up
or anyone grows up and finds a partner.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
So it's important for us to set the example. Even
though it's can be difficult and scary, it matters well.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
And I guess men and women are built very differently.
Women are going to be a little more emotional than men,
and not all men are not It's not that all
men don't have emotions. Women we love with all our heart,
and I can't even say that for all women, but
women more so. When a man comes back and says
(06:01):
I love you, I'm messed up, I'm so sorry, I
didn't mean it, you do. You believe him, and you
take him back despite a protective order. And Megan, in
this very first case that we're going to discuss, the
one that happened on Sunday morning in Central, that is
exactly the case. She had a protective order against him,
(06:22):
and despite that, she took him back in. They were
back to living together, and now they're both gone.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I think it's really important to say this, and we've
talked about this again to also, but it's important for
women to understand that when you leave, when you'd make
that big stand, when you go to the police, when
it is in that time that you are at the
most risk. Now that risk may come across as I'm
(06:51):
so sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done this,
But understand, like the heart behind narcisism and control is
control trying to manipulate. They're trying to make you feel safe.
Let that guard back down so that they can come
back in. But rest assure like you are still in danger.
And now that person is more angry because you messed
(07:13):
up the control. You threw a monkey wrench in their plan.
You went to the police, or you left, or you
walked out, And so once they're back in a second time,
that second time it's much harder and it's going to
end far worse. So it's important to understand that when
you walk out, when you leave, when you need a
solid backup plan, a place of hiding, a place where
you are not going to come back. I had a
(07:35):
friend who went through a domestic situation. Her husband threw
her up against a tub. It was horrible. She ran,
went to a friend's house. He was riding around, called
the friends with a gun in the car. Her mom
came in, took them and.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
They left the state and have not been back since
and that was over a year ago. Like that is
the plan.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
And they told friends that they were going somewhere else
and then went in completely opposite direction, just in case
the friends came that told the husband you know, oh
she said she went here. They went in a different direction,
And like, these are the kind of steps you have
to take because someone in that is that violent.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
They are ready to get even they are ready to
come back, even with restraint in orders.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, well, and just think about us, everybody who's listening.
We've all gotten into an argument, be it with your mom,
your dad, your child, your husband, your boyfriend, a friend.
We've all gotten into an argument. When you lose your cool,
you're willing to say things that you probably did not mean.
And that's a simple argument. But when you're a violent person,
(08:39):
you cannot control your temper in that very moment. And
in fact, Megan, this is something I've always asked myself.
The cases where it ends up where it is and
it ends up being an attempted suicide where the person
after they turned the gun on themselves did not end
up killing themselves. They've now survived what's going through their
(08:59):
mind when they've had the time to cool down, and
they killed their beat, a spouse or a girlfriend or whatnot,
and now they have survived.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Well, I imagine, because I know from my perspective, every
time there's an argument or a fight or hitting or
anything of the sort, all of a sudden, like the
main person that I fell in love with reappeared, right.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
So it's almost like.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
There were two different people that I was dealing with,
this crazy.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Version and then like the normal version.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
And so like again, sometimes when you get angry and
you get really upset, you're not thinking rationally.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
You know, you're not thinking.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
And that's why it's always important, even with their spouse
or a friend or anyone, to just say, you know what,
let me walk away, give me a minute. You know,
your fight or flight's going, you know, and so you
have to separate. But I imagine in a situation like this,
once all of us the dust is settled, they're probably
sitting there going, what in the world did I just do?
(09:57):
I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry. All this stuff,
which I'm not gonna say, isn't sincere I'm not. But
at the core of it, like you can't trust the
other side. It's just like the incredible greenhol You know,
I don't know if you've got if you're an Avenger person,
I'm like slightly obsessed with the vendors, But you know,
the Greenhle he.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Is, he's so cool and he's so nice, and he
saw all.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
These things until that one trigger comes and all of
a sudden, he just it's a different person. He's literally
fighting with And I feel like that's typically what it
looks like for an abuser, and once the hulk is gone,
then all of a sudden, you have that regular person.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
That you are correct And Megan, I want to make
sure we stress that it's not women who are victims
of domestic violence. Only majority of cases women are victims,
but there are those rare cases where men are the victims.
We've had it happen right in our local area and
go ahead, no.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
One hundred percent, And that was one of the hardest
cases that and stories I've ever written, and talking to
that mom, I remember his name was Steven and his
ex girlfriend and they've been together for years and she
said it was always toxic through high school and then
she lured them away allegedly with a few other guys,
(11:12):
and they shot them and left them there. Just before
they were about to have a custody battle.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
So they have a child together, and they have a
child together, a beautiful son. You know, it's sad. It's
not just women.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
It is statistically more women than miss but it's everyone.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yes, And I guess one of the main reasons we're
even doing this podcast for this week is number one,
it's been a pretty violent week in the bout metro area,
should I say, for domestic violence, and we're getting to
that just a second on breaking those down for you.
But number two, us as a staff here Unfiltered, we
discussed ways that how do we go past simply reporting it.
(11:53):
We have a voice, Let's use that voice, and maybe
we need to be stern and tell the men and
women out there that if you are in this situation,
you've got to get out or you risk your life.
And I know that's really tough to say, Megan, but
it's like you heard it in our meeting, but maybe
sometimes things need to be set. It's called tough love.
(12:16):
But that was our whole goal, and we are we're
working forwards, getting all sorts of resources and trying to
find out what is the best way to tell this
story and We're going to do a deep dive in
domestic violence, so make sure you catch that on our
platform of Unfilled with Kieran. Download our app if you
don't already have it. And if you missed the podcast
with Meghan that we did what maybe two months ago,
(12:39):
go back and listen to that podcast. It's Megan's story
of what all she endured and how she got out
of it, and the willpower it took to get out
of it, but how easy it was to get involved,
and how distant you become from your friends and family
and methodically how it's done. So please go take a
listen to that. If you have not already heard it, Oh.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Something we should reshare just pop up or something? Yes?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Yes, So we've done so many stories on domessic violence,
on the survivors and people who have gone through it,
and when you go through it and when you look
at it again, everything is so the same. And from
our perspective as journalists when we're talking about these things,
it's almost like just the frustration. Sometimes I wish our
(13:28):
meetings could be recorded. Sometimes not all yeah, but you know,
I wish that those could be recorded and you could
hear the passion everyone is just like, please stop doing this,
Please get putting yourself in these positions are allowing us
to continue.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Please do something. You have to stop, you have to
walk away. Yep.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Well, and it's like we said in that meeting that
if we save one life, if we get one woman
or a man to get out, we have done our jobs.
So migan, let's kind of get started. We're in Central
It is Sunday, August the iRED, it's ab around nine
point forty in the morning, and East bount Ridge deputies
respond to our Lean Avenue at Watson Drive that's off
(14:12):
a Blackwater road for people who are familiar with this area,
and deputies arrive and find a woman who is dead
on scene. They also find a man and very quickly
they learned that this was going to end up being
a domestic violence case. And the reason I know that, Megan,
is because deputies were familiar with this address and that said.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
And that's sad, and that's it's said.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Also you can imagine for deputies perspective, you know, deputies, police,
all law enforcement, because when they've gone out there and
they've seen it and they you know, warn them and
all the things, and then to go back there and
to see this that that had to have been rather
tough for them.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yep. So fifty four year old Paul Varnado he this
is all according to deputies, that he ended up shooting
and killing his girlfriend, Elena Singleton, who was also fifty four,
and then turned the gun on himself. So in this
case it was a murdered suicide. Megan, I happened to
know Elena's distant family, So when I got that text
(15:24):
from one of my friends saying, oh my god, this
is my extended family, I guess earlier. It's like I
told you that you think that it can't ever touch you,
but it did in the weirdest ways. It does touch you.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
It does, and you know you think, oh, this won't
happen to me, This won't happen, and that is sadly,
that is what traps people into these situations because they
believe all these things that happened to other women. It's
the story over there, you know, it's the story. It's
them them, It's not really me, but it could be anyone.
(16:00):
Anyone at all can fall for this. It's not something
that only people who have grown up without that issues,
or people who have low self esteem.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Or people this.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
It's literally anyone, anyone at all, can fall prey to
these types of manipulations, and sadly, there are typically signs
that lead to this that they miss or that they
choose to ignore rather well.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And so, Megan, let's go a little bit further that
after we learned who the I don't want to say suspect.
That's not the right word. The gunman, I guess if
that's the right word. But the man in this relationship,
Paul Varnadou I did. I ran his name through the
(16:46):
system because I had a friend tell me that he
had just recently been released. Okay, well, that piqued my
interest as a reporter, released for what? So started doing
a little digging, and lo and behold, June twenty fourth
of this year, not even two months ago, he ended
up beating Elena Singleton and tossed her down the stairs.
(17:12):
Let that sink in tossed her down the stairs, And
I guess I want to read some of what we
did find that. The argument reportedly began after Varnado accused
Singleton of taking his keys.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
And cell phone.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
She told deputies that she did not have them, but
that Varnado got really mad and that he took her
keys instead, so, fearing his temper, she tried to leave
through the back door. That's when, according to all this
informations obviously coming from the arrest warrant, he quote grabbed
her and began man handling her on the back porch.
(17:54):
During that specific struggle, Singleton told deputies that he threw
her down the stairs, which caused the bruising. But then, Megan,
it gets better. Deputies arrive. They're questioning Varnado about why
does your girlfriend have all these bruises, and he said
that it was from Singleton crawling under their trailer earlier
(18:16):
that day. The deputy said, no, that's not even possible.
That those bruises were very very new. Megan, don't want
to pause right there for a second, but the line
to deputies that I didn't do anything. She was under
the trailer and that's where all those bruises are from.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Of course, the narcissm, the lying, the manipulation, and just
there's never a situation where they are wrong. It's never
a situation in an argument and a discussion or anything.
They are always right. You are always the one who's wrong.
That in itself are's just tailtale taps. Now, I'm not
going to say that every narciss is an abuser. I'm
(19:00):
not gonna say that, but there are tailtale signs that
are always consistent. It's not me, it was you, or
if they have done something wrong to offen you, somehow
you made me do it. Oh, I wouldn't have done
it if you wouldn't have done this. Man, the times
that I've heard that one, and it's so believable too,
because I mean, I like to consider myself an intelligent woman.
(19:23):
You know, I've always kind of felt that way. I
would know without doubt or confront him and somehow it
would be turned on if you hadn't made me do this,
or if he'd hit me, and then I was upset.
I mean, you were upset, but if you hadn't done this,
I wouldn't have been that angry.
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Speaker 4 (21:02):
So you've got to imagine in this situation as intense
as it is to be thrown down a set of stairs.
Now that in itself tells you how serious this is.
If you think about the Greenholk analogy, he must have
come back with the most intense Oh my gosh, I'm
(21:22):
so sorry. I love you so much. I don't know
what happened. If you just would have been honest with
me about those.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Keys, I wouldn't have gotten that angry. I love you.
I would never want to hurt you.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
And I'm not even gonna say that these things aren't
things that he believes right.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
He may truly believe this.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
But again, like you have to also look at the
value of you, the value of your children and say
that matters that much more. My mom used to always
teach us when we are coming up, especially as girls,
It's like, you gotta love yourself about that much more,
you know, because sometimes people will come hum a different thing.
(21:59):
But you have to have love and respect for yourself.
And I don't say that in a judgmental way because
I was in that situation too. It's true, you know,
you have to have that level of care and respect
for yourself and say, listen, enough is enough.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Well, Megan, and we've discussed this in the past, and
we were talking about what other angles we want to
include when it comes to domestic violence, but we talked
about mental and emotional control and the mental and emotional
abuse as well. And oddly, when we ended up with
all women left in the meeting. Every woman agreed that
the mental and emotional torture and abuse is actually worse
(22:37):
than the physical because physically you don't see those bruises,
but words do have meanings, and you feel, I don't
know if trap is the right word, but it's like
you get pulled right back.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
In because sadly, a lot of us as women, and
this goes back to our high school days, junior high days,
all those things, but a lot of us as women
are already telling ourselves these negative things. Right, I'm not
pretty enough, I don't look good enough. I don't know
that he would really like me.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Am I this? Am I worthy of this?
Speaker 4 (23:14):
You know, as all these things, we already have that
playing in the back of our minds. And so when
someone else comes along and then reaffirms it, somewhere deep
down subconsciously, we're just it's validated, right, It's validated inside
of us. So that in itself is a whole nother
talk show, but that also plays a role into how
(23:36):
we end up in this situation. No, our confidence and
our validation is not dependent on someone else, a man,
a woman, anyone else.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
But when you have someone.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
That you love so much and allegedly loves you so much.
Then speaking the same things that your own mind subconsciously
is concerned, it puts you in a position to.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Maybe I do deserve this.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
You're correct, And so let's go back to the central case.
He ends up arrested. He's charged with domestic abuse battery,
and I have not even started to tell you about
his first case. This is now his second case. So
he's arrested. His bond is set at five thousand dollars
this time, and there's still that question of is that
(24:23):
too low? But it's domestic abuse battery, This isn't murder,
it's and how is a judge supposed to know at
that time this guy is going to end up killing someone?
So there's the question of did the judge do enough?
Did the commissioner do enough? But the commissioner did, in
this case say that the bond will not even be
allowed until a protective order is put in place. That
(24:46):
protective order was signed on June the twenty sixth. Two
days later, on June twenty eighth, is when he bonded out.
Let that sink in now Megan. June twenty eighth, he
bonded out August third, But let's go back to it.
She had a protective order. What good did the protective
(25:09):
order do when she allowed him back in the house.
And that is not a victim blaming thing. It's it's
like what you just said, it is not a victim
blaming at all. It's just you get pulled back in.
But that protective order is in place for a reason.
A deputy cannot do anything when they come to your
house and you say, well, I invited him back in. Well,
(25:30):
at the end of the day, who are you gonna
side with. You're gonna take your boyfriend's side, not the deputy.
So deputies can't do much. And I'll even add this,
her family begged her not to let him back in,
the bruises that she had. They begged her, do not
(25:50):
do this again. Get out, get out, get out, get out.
And August third, here we are lost to school.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
From a family's perspective, even the neighbors, because he said
at one point that he had her outside on the
back porch, so you imagine neighbors probably have seen or
her or something. A lot of people play it a
lot of roles in this situation. But again, like it
comes down to the victim's decision. I've had enough, this
(26:24):
is enough. And again I don't say this in judgment
because I stayed a year after I had a knife
drawn on me. I stayed a year after, didn't walk,
didn't I mean, I still can't even contemplate that and
think that in my head now, but I did. So
it is not a case of judgment. But at some
point you have to listen and you have to understand,
(26:47):
and the best thing you can do is know the
signs and understand that this is not something that is
going to simply change. This is something you have to
stand up for yourself. The family said something about it,
the police came, and I'm sure the police were like, ma'am, listen,
don't take this guy back. You know, she probably had
friends that were saying the same thing. But at the
(27:08):
end of the day, as a victims person, we have
to make that decision for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yep, yep. Well, and then Megan, let me add on
to that. So, like I said that, that was his
second domestic violence arrests, second domestic abuse battery arrests. Should
I say back in twenty twenty two September, he at
that time was married to his wife of fifteen years.
They live at Perkins Road. They get into an argument
and while she's trying to clean the house, he loses
(27:35):
as cool. He goes out on the balcony and at
this time I don't know if this is their child
or only the wife. A young man, a son goes
and intervenes and says, hey, you're not going to talk
to my mom like that. You're not going to disrespect
my mom. This is all according to the arrest warrant.
He starts to lose his caol with the child, well
(27:58):
as any mother would do. She still in between this
her son and her husband, and that's when he pushed
her out the way. She ended up falling to the ground.
The deputies came arrested him and he's charged with domestic abuse, battery.
Bond because it was his first time. Twenty five hundred
(28:21):
dollars and remember you only got to pay ten percent,
well twelve percent exactly.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
That was my next question. When you have a bond,
exactly how much is it is it.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
That you have to pay twelve percent?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
So a little north of two hundred and fifty dollars
is all you have to pay, and you're out of jail.
And granted, obviously he wasn't married to her anymore, so
maybe she was able to get out of this. And
I would love to know what her thought process is
right now that Oh my god, had I stayed, could
I have been that person? So they separated, they divorced,
(28:54):
and he was in a relationship with Elena Singleton, and
I guess he lost his pool one day and just
couldn't take any more. And I'll even add this part, Megan.
I've been told that she had her keys in her
hand when she died, so for all we know, they
got into an argument. And the last time too, she
tried to get out the back door when he came
(29:15):
to her and started manhandling her and threw her down
the stairs. How do we know this time she wasn't
trying to get out as well, and before she could
get out, he shot.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Her that her I didn't know about the keys.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
That yeah, like she was trying and in the back
of my mind, in the back of her mind. For
all we know, she she knew, but we won't ever know.
And she leaves behind two boys, two adult boys. But
(29:47):
where do you even begin?
Speaker 4 (29:49):
And you know, the most frustrating thing has to be
for the family. I shared this whenever we talked before.
In my situation, my sister and I are very close, Yes,
my brother as well, my sister and I. We shared
a room our whole lives and not anything that she wanted,
but here we are anyway, And I'm emotional when my
(30:12):
sister is incredibly not emotional. She's a big hearted person,
but she's not like, don't hug me, don't do this.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
I'm not crying, you know, she's that person.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
And our situation had gotten to the point where she
went to our pastor and bawling her eyes out and
begging him to not agree to marry us. You know,
it was it was desperate. We weren't talking and still
sharing a room.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
It was. It was really rough.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
And so I look at it from the family perspective
of how gut wrenching it is to watch someone that
you love so dearly continue to go through something like this.
And in my situation, my family didn't know at that
point that it was abuse. They knew something was wrong
and that things are not okay, but they didn't know
the extent of it. So these sons in this situation,
(30:57):
they knew obviously that it was violent. If your mom
is thrown down the stairs, a police are called, obviously
they know that this is not okay, that things are
really really wrong here. And as sons wanting to protect
your mom, that's got to be incredibly difficult. And again,
no one can make that choice for you.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
But here you you're right, You're right.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And again to our listeners, I will stress go back
and listen to the podcast we did with Megan where
she shared her entire story and she goes into depth
about that that it was actually her sister crying that
finally tipped her off that something's off here. So go
back and listen to that, well, Megan, that happens Sunday morning.
So Sunday night, the Livingston Pair of Sheriff's Office is
(31:43):
now working a domestic where a man, after beating his girlfriend, spouse,
whatever the relationship was, is now on the run. The
Livingston Sheriff's Office never did update that case, so we
don't know if that man was caught or not, but
(32:04):
they put out this mass alert that heads up, we're
looking for this person. Everybody just be careful. But another
domestic case right there. Fast forward to Monday, morning, six
forty five in the morning. Now we're in Baker another
murder of the girlfriend. And after he shot her, he
(32:26):
turned the gun on himself, shot himself in the head,
survived that injury, transported to the hospital, but listed in
critical condition. So this is where I was saying, Megan,
if he survives, he has to live with the fact
that he killed his girlfriend. Not only that he's going
to jail for murder. And but why was it even
(32:53):
worth it? You lost your cool, but then you killed
somebody else and you tried to yourself. And I'll even
go a little bit further and add this, we don't
know if he's going to survive. He was shot to
the head. He shot himself in the head, enlisted in
critical condition. So that's if he survives. Those are what
(33:14):
the things he's got to do. Who knows what kind
of injury he's got to the brain where specifically he
shot himself, if he's ever going to be right again,
or if he is in a coma, or what happens.
But to me, it is two lives lost. Even though
technically it's labeled as an attempted suicide, to me, that
is another murder suicide.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
It absolutely is. And you know, you have to think
when you're dealing with the brain injury. If he does live,
what value of life will he have? Will he remember
even what happened? Will he even I mean, will he
have amnesia? Will he know anything at all?
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Well? I mean, will he be a vegetable?
Speaker 4 (33:52):
Will he be someone who's normal? We don't know what
situation again, because we don't know the injury, but I
guarantee you, let's say that he were to come back
and make a full recovery in this situation, it's going
to be again like the Greenholk situation.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I didn't realize, because again, when you're that much rage,
you don't necessarily have all the control of your you know,
your normal faculties. You're angry, you're passionate, you're doing these
things out of rage. You know, maybe you really do
love this person as best as you know how to love,
but you also don't have control of your motions and
(34:32):
control of how you handle in situations. And here we are,
and that's why we can't stay with people in these
situations because they can't be trusted.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Well, and Megan, you actually dove into this that Louisiana
rinks as the fifth worst when it comes to domestic
violence murders. Can we can we dig into that statistic
a tad bit more.
Speaker 4 (34:56):
Wow, fifth worse and this has been for the last
several years now that we've held that spot. And domestic
violence murders where someone actually kills the other person.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
So that's just a murders.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
That's not to say, just domestic violence situations. Right, So
I don't know this guy for where we are on that,
but that's for murders where people are actually taking someone
else's life. And the truth of the matter is when
you're in a situation like this and domestic violence situation
and relationship, you don't know that this is going to
(35:29):
be the time.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Where you die exactly.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
It's not a first degree offense most of the time,
a lot of the time it's not. It's in the
heat of the moment, second degree situation where all of
a sudden, I get so angry, I get to this
point and boot, you know, and you never know if
or when that moment's going to come.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
You never know.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
Obviously, it happens a lot in Louisiana. If we're ranked
so high.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Nationally, yep, yep. And even even then, Megan, I want
you to talk a tad bit more about the case
where we had the man, and I say man, he
was a student, actually a young student who was a victim.
We're so used to hearing its women, and again, it
is a lot of the victims when it comes to
(36:15):
domestic violence or women, but it is not uncommon to
have men who are victims of this as well.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
Yes, so in that situation, they started dating when they
were really young. I believe it was thirteen or fourteen
that they started, and then they were kind of on again,
off again. But in every aspect of this relationship, the
mom said it was always toxic. I cannot unhear her
saying that. She said it was always toxic between the
(36:46):
two of them. They split up for a while and
then got back together and.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Ended up having a child.
Speaker 4 (36:51):
So you know, when you are in a toxic situation
and the woman is the one who is the manipulator,
you know. I don't want to put any stereotypes on
women in general. I will say, when you have a
child and that you care for and you want to
keep I know, I'd barely like sharing my kids with
(37:12):
the grandparents if y'all.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
Listen. I love y'all, but you know I want my
kids all the time.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
So imagine being in a situation with someone that you're
arguing with all the time. That just adds to the
emotion and adds to the manipulation as to all these traits.
And they were getting ready to go into a court
session to fight for custody. And I believe it was
like the next day that he was supposed to shop
in court, which is why his parents knew something's not right,
(37:40):
because he loved his child so passionately that he never
would have missed that. So she lured him away. And
that part I'm wondering how the luring happened. I don't know,
because if you're in a situation where you're arguing, or
you're fighting, or you're not necessarily friends, I don't know
why you would go with someone in that situation. But again,
(38:02):
the manipulation also, to add to what we just said,
you never know when it's going to flip on you
or when this is going to happen. It's like a
terrible game of Russian roulette. You're like, oh, okay, maybe
they just want to go out. Maybe they just want
to talk. We don't know if there are always these signs,
you just never know. These are not people that you
(38:26):
can trust. And again, like we're saying, it's not just women.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Well, and it's also that thought process of this can
never happen to me. Yes, until it does this.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Case, this isn't going to be my story.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Yep. And again, Megan, our whole purpose for doing this
podcast is if we can. If you guys are listening
and you know somebody, you have a loved one, you
have a friend a long distance I don't care, whatever
relationship or whoever it might be, and maybe they need
(39:02):
to hear it. Maybe you need to let them know that, hey,
your life actually matters. Reach out to that person. Sometimes
you just need a phone call. Maybe reach out to
somebody and check on them and say how you doing.
You haven't heard from one of your girlfriends in a
long time, but you guys used to talk all the time,
and she's going to really quiet lately. Check on her.
(39:24):
Maybe something is wrong. I know we've discussed this in
depth in the podcast that you and I did, but still,
if there are people who don't have the time to
go back and listen to that one and maybe missed it.
Talk to us about maybe some of the signs that
they need to be looking for. We've kind of discussed
the friends element that you haven't heard from someone in
(39:44):
a while, do your part, But what about the person
who's in it, maybe they don't want to admit it.
What are some things to look for.
Speaker 4 (39:53):
Well, we talked a lot about control, right and manipulation,
But one of the main aspects of control is finances,
because you know, a man is going to especially if
you're in a situation where he's a breadwinner, he's the
one who makes the money. She stays home with the kids,
you know, or maybe she just stays home. Now she's
(40:15):
in a position where what what do I do? How
can I survive?
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Where can I go? And a lot of.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
People will stay in a situation because of that, because yes,
this is bad, but what's worse is me being on
the streets with my children, you know, And yes that
is bad too. That it is tough. It's a tough situation,
there's no doubt. But the truth of the matter is, like,
there are shelters, there are homes. That spoke with one
of the shelters locally here, the Irish Center that has
(40:45):
unbelievable options for women who are in need of help.
Things I didn't even realize, things that didn't know.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
But it's true.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
People will stay in situations because of financial security and
financial reasons, and you know, they are dependent.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
My mom made my sister and I like it.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Like you guys are going to get a degree, You're
going to do this, You're going to do all that,
not necessarily to say, well.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
I'm not gonna depend on man, I'm not. But you
never know.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
Also, if you're in a situation and something happens to
your husband, yes, you know, what if your husband passes away.
What if your husband is all of a sudden in
a car act and it's sick, you can't do anything
like It's important to be able to have skills and
to learn something that you can provide for yourself.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
There's so many stay at home jobs.
Speaker 4 (41:33):
Here now nowadays, there's so many things that you can
do from home and make a life for yourself. It's
important to do that. It's important to not be in
a situation, especially if you are sensing that this could
be controlling or manipulative or abusive. You have to find
a way to start bringing an income for yourself.
Speaker 5 (41:54):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
I was always raised Megan that I had to stand
up on my own two feet. I am not to
depend on anybody, my parents, my brother, my husband, whoever
it might be. I've got to stand up on my
own two feet. And yea to all the parents who
are out there listening. And if you've got young kids,
teach them the exact same thing. You shouldn't. Like Megan said,
(42:15):
it's not only domestic violence. How do you know something
doesn't happen to your spouse or you've had a long
term relationship and all of a sudden you break up,
Then what.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
And what and what You've got to be able to
do that.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
I'm in a situation now I will infore my husband
he basically does everything. I wake up and breathe and
make the house pretty and feed the kids most of
the time, you know, And I'm happy for that, and
that's wonderful. If tomorrow I had to do it all
on my own, God forbid, like I could do it,
I can't.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
I can do it.
Speaker 4 (42:49):
I have a degree, I have jobs, I have no
a resource and connections.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
I could do it.
Speaker 4 (42:55):
And that's where you have to be in a you know,
even if you have no education at all, and you're like, well,
I don't even know where to start. There is always
something you can get on canvas tomorrow and start making
something and selling it to somebody. There is always something.
We live in a time now, like maybe back in
nineteen eighties, it might have been a lot more difficult
for a mom to make it on their own right.
(43:15):
But today you get a phone, you can work, that's true.
You can start bringing in some money. You can call,
you can be an assistant to someone who just checks
their emails. There are many ways to bring in money.
And even if you're in a good situation, it never
hurts to just have something else on, you know, have
extra income coming in.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
And to anybody out there, like when you were talking
about the financial dependency, there there are resources out there, guys.
Right here in our bout and Roage area, we've got
a beautiful center called IRIS. The nonprofit's name is IRIS.
Patty Freeman is the executive director, and they stay so busy.
In fact, they've built a new shelter and it's open
(44:00):
men and women, and a lot of people who have pets.
They will not part from their pets. I know, I
wouldn't they even have now a shelter where there's a
certain wing where you can bring your pets, you can
bring your kids. It is completely anonymous. In fact, I
don't even know where this shelter is even though we've
reported on it. So there is help out there. But
(44:21):
at the end of the day, you have to make
that decision to get out. And until you make that decision,
you're going to stay put. And this sounds really harsh, Megan,
but I'm going to go back to what we stress
this morning. Either get out or risk your life.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Sadly, that is that is the case. I hate that.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
I hate it that it sounds so harsh, and I
hate that it sounds so abrupt, But so does a
phone call, you know, from the cops to your family.
That's pretty abrupt. And that's harsh too, And I would
much write be harsh on this in and say listen,
even if you're like I don't think this person would
hit me, hurt me. Understand what abuse means abuse. If
(45:12):
you break down the word ab us e, it's abuse,
abnormal use any situation where you are treated in a
way that you should not be treated. Someone is using
you in a way that is abnormal.
Speaker 3 (45:26):
It is abuse.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
You should not be in a situation where there is
abuse pregnant present, excuse me. You have to understand and
know that financial abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, all these
things are symptoms of something that shouldn't be abnormal use.
You have to understand that. And even if you've grown
(45:50):
up and that's what you have seen and that's what
you've been accustomed to. That's something that we talked about
with Angela Gabriel who was shot nine times I believe
it was, and Sir Vibe miraculously, she said that in
her life growing up, she used to see that kind
of things pattern with her family and with her mom,
and they would get in arguments and they would fight
(46:10):
and yeah, I'll throw things and all stuff.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
And so it was just something that was normal normal.
But too be clear, that is not normal at all.
It is not at all. It is abnormal, which is
abnormal use, which means abuse. Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Well, if you are someone you love is in a
dangerous relationship, please do not wait. Help is out there
called the National Domestic Violence Hotline at one eight hundred
seven nine nine safe. That's one eight hundred seven nine
nine seven two three three. You can also text start
(46:54):
to eight eight seven eight eight, or visit the hotline
dot org for twenty four seven confidential support. You're not alone,
you're not to blame, and you deserve to be safe.
I'm Karen Challa and this has been Louisiana unfiltered
This episode is sponsored by Deli de Bojer injury lawyers
fighting for those who've been hurt and deserve to be heard,
from crashes on the road to injuries on the job.
Our team is here to protect your rights and get results.
You focus on healing, We'll handle the rest. Called four
four four four four four four, or visit delidboja dot com.
Responsible attorney James Pelcha Beton Rouge.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We see the headlines, we hear the stories, maybe even
whispered in our friend's circle, but we never think it
would happen to us until it does. Domestic violence it's
a crisis that touches us all, whether you're a victim
(00:54):
yourself or someone you love is struggling to leave. Louisian
ranks fifth in the nation for murders connected to domestic violence.
Fifth let that sink in, and yet most people don't
know how to see it coming until it's too late,
until you're left wondering if you could have done more,
(01:17):
if you should have said something, if you could have
saved a life. This week has been devastating for the
bat Ruge area. Several domestic violence cases, two ending with
women killed by their boyfriends. In this episode. We're talking
about domestic violence, what it is, why it happens, and
(01:42):
what you can do to help. I'm Kiaran Challa and
this is Louisiana Unfiltered. Welcome back everyone. This week we
(02:04):
are joined by one of our amazing reporters, Megan Kelly. Meghan,
thanks for joining.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Us, Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Love being him well, and some of our listeners will
probably recognize you number one. Obviously you're one of our reporters,
but number two, you and I have talked domestic violence
in the past, and unfortunately, Megan, actually no, I don't
mean unfortunately. Fortunately, you are a survivor yourself of domestic violence.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, I am, I am.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
And you know what, it's every single time something like
this happens or another situation happens, it's just like it
is such a knife to the heart every single time.
And you know, we had this discussion earlier today when
we were talking like the stories are all the same.
They're all the aggression, the control, all the all of
(03:00):
the symptoms are always there, maybe just with a different
name or cash to it. It's always the isolation from
the family. Always, Oh, you know, it happened before, But
then we've decided to forget and then ended up in
the same situation.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
It is such a disciple. It's painful to watch.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
It is And Megan, I would assume that anytime it
comes in the news that we had another domestic violence
case and in this case, and we're going to get
to that in just a second and break it down
for you guys, But we did.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
We had a murder suicide, We had a murder attempted suicide.
Does it kind of rehash all that pain for you again, Megan,
And I guess being a survivor, there's got to be
a part of you that's kind of buried it away
and pushed it out and you're done, You've moved on
with your new life. But does it bring it back
(03:54):
up when something like this comes to light again?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
It does? It doesn't every single time.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
I can't say it brings it up in a way
where it just really like obsessed me or takes me back.
It brings it back up, And I just fall to
my knees because I think, if not for grace where
you know there would I would be in the same situation.
And so many people are also in the same situation.
I know so many other survivors probably feel the same way,
(04:22):
but it just like just reognites that passion to like
want to share this message and tell people and warm
people and say, listen, if this is you, if you
are in this situation, if you see these signs like
this is where it's headed.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Very very very rarely.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Does it ever turn around and go in the opposite direction.
I'm saying rarely, because you know what, anything could happen.
I'm not gonna give up complete hope, but very rarely
does it all of a sudden turn around and you
go back and it actually gets better and that person
actually is not violent or.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Manipulative or control it. Very rarely does that happen.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
And something else that I'm sure we'll talk more about this,
especially for those who are moms who are or parents
who are in this situation. You are teaching your child
a system of violence. You are teaching your child control, narcissism, manipulation,
All these things are normal, and they will end up
repeating that same pattern. Most people end up marrying someone
(05:20):
who is just like their father. I married someone who's
just like my dad. That happens to be a great thing,
but that is what happens. Typically whenever women grow up
or anyone grows up and finds a partner.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
So it's important for us to set the example. Even
though it's can be difficult and scary, it matters well.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
And I guess men and women are built very differently.
Women are going to be a little more emotional than men,
and not all men are not It's not that all
men don't have emotions. Women we love with all our heart,
and I can't even say that for all women, but
women more so. When a man comes back and says
(06:01):
I love you, I'm messed up, I'm so sorry, I
didn't mean it, you do. You believe him, and you
take him back despite a protective order. And Megan, in
this very first case that we're going to discuss, the
one that happened on Sunday morning in Central, that is
exactly the case. She had a protective order against him,
(06:22):
and despite that, she took him back in. They were
back to living together, and now they're both gone.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I think it's really important to say this, and we've
talked about this again to also, but it's important for
women to understand that when you leave, when you'd make
that big stand, when you go to the police, when
it is in that time that you are at the
most risk. Now that risk may come across as I'm
(06:51):
so sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done this,
But understand, like the heart behind narcisism and control is
control trying to manipulate. They're trying to make you feel safe.
Let that guard back down so that they can come
back in. But rest assure like you are still in danger.
And now that person is more angry because you messed
(07:13):
up the control. You threw a monkey wrench in their plan.
You went to the police, or you left, or you
walked out, And so once they're back in a second time,
that second time it's much harder and it's going to
end far worse. So it's important to understand that when
you walk out, when you leave, when you need a
solid backup plan, a place of hiding, a place where
you are not going to come back. I had a
(07:35):
friend who went through a domestic situation. Her husband threw
her up against a tub. It was horrible. She ran,
went to a friend's house. He was riding around, called
the friends with a gun in the car. Her mom
came in, took them and.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
They left the state and have not been back since
and that was over a year ago. Like that is
the plan.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
And they told friends that they were going somewhere else
and then went in completely opposite direction, just in case
the friends came that told the husband you know, oh
she said she went here. They went in a different direction,
And like, these are the kind of steps you have
to take because someone in that is that violent.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
They are ready to get even they are ready to
come back, even with restraint in orders.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, well, and just think about us, everybody who's listening.
We've all gotten into an argument, be it with your mom,
your dad, your child, your husband, your boyfriend, a friend.
We've all gotten into an argument. When you lose your cool,
you're willing to say things that you probably did not mean.
And that's a simple argument. But when you're a violent person,
(08:39):
you cannot control your temper in that very moment. And
in fact, Megan, this is something I've always asked myself.
The cases where it ends up where it is and
it ends up being an attempted suicide where the person
after they turned the gun on themselves did not end
up killing themselves. They've now survived what's going through their
(08:59):
mind when they've had the time to cool down, and
they killed their beat, a spouse or a girlfriend or whatnot,
and now they have survived.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Well, I imagine, because I know from my perspective, every
time there's an argument or a fight or hitting or
anything of the sort, all of a sudden, like the
main person that I fell in love with reappeared, right.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
So it's almost like.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
There were two different people that I was dealing with,
this crazy.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Version and then like the normal version.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
And so like again, sometimes when you get angry and
you get really upset, you're not thinking rationally.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
You know, you're not thinking.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
And that's why it's always important, even with their spouse
or a friend or anyone, to just say, you know what,
let me walk away, give me a minute. You know,
your fight or flight's going, you know, and so you
have to separate. But I imagine in a situation like this,
once all of us the dust is settled, they're probably
sitting there going, what in the world did I just do?
(09:57):
I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry. All this stuff,
which I'm not gonna say, isn't sincere I'm not. But
at the core of it, like you can't trust the
other side. It's just like the incredible greenhol You know,
I don't know if you've got if you're an Avenger person,
I'm like slightly obsessed with the vendors, But you know,
the Greenhle he.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Is, he's so cool and he's so nice, and he
saw all.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
These things until that one trigger comes and all of
a sudden, he just it's a different person. He's literally
fighting with And I feel like that's typically what it
looks like for an abuser, and once the hulk is gone,
then all of a sudden, you have that regular person.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
That you are correct And Megan, I want to make
sure we stress that it's not women who are victims
of domestic violence. Only majority of cases women are victims,
but there are those rare cases where men are the victims.
We've had it happen right in our local area and
go ahead, no.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
One hundred percent, And that was one of the hardest
cases that and stories I've ever written, and talking to
that mom, I remember his name was Steven and his
ex girlfriend and they've been together for years and she
said it was always toxic through high school and then
she lured them away allegedly with a few other guys,
(11:12):
and they shot them and left them there. Just before
they were about to have a custody battle.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
So they have a child together, and they have a
child together, a beautiful son. You know, it's sad. It's
not just women.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
It is statistically more women than miss but it's everyone.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yes, And I guess one of the main reasons we're
even doing this podcast for this week is number one,
it's been a pretty violent week in the bout metro area,
should I say, for domestic violence, and we're getting to
that just a second on breaking those down for you.
But number two, us as a staff here Unfiltered, we
discussed ways that how do we go past simply reporting it.
(11:53):
We have a voice, Let's use that voice, and maybe
we need to be stern and tell the men and
women out there that if you are in this situation,
you've got to get out or you risk your life.
And I know that's really tough to say, Megan, but
it's like you heard it in our meeting, but maybe
sometimes things need to be set. It's called tough love.
(12:16):
But that was our whole goal, and we are we're
working forwards, getting all sorts of resources and trying to
find out what is the best way to tell this
story and We're going to do a deep dive in
domestic violence, so make sure you catch that on our
platform of Unfilled with Kieran. Download our app if you
don't already have it. And if you missed the podcast
with Meghan that we did what maybe two months ago,
(12:39):
go back and listen to that podcast. It's Megan's story
of what all she endured and how she got out
of it, and the willpower it took to get out
of it, but how easy it was to get involved,
and how distant you become from your friends and family
and methodically how it's done. So please go take a
listen to that. If you have not already heard it, Oh.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Something we should reshare just pop up or something? Yes?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
Yes, So we've done so many stories on domessic violence,
on the survivors and people who have gone through it,
and when you go through it and when you look
at it again, everything is so the same. And from
our perspective as journalists when we're talking about these things,
it's almost like just the frustration. Sometimes I wish our
(13:28):
meetings could be recorded. Sometimes not all yeah, but you know,
I wish that those could be recorded and you could
hear the passion everyone is just like, please stop doing this,
Please get putting yourself in these positions are allowing us
to continue.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Please do something. You have to stop, you have to
walk away. Yep.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Well, and it's like we said in that meeting that
if we save one life, if we get one woman
or a man to get out, we have done our jobs.
So migan, let's kind of get started. We're in Central
It is Sunday, August the iRED, it's ab around nine
point forty in the morning, and East bount Ridge deputies
respond to our Lean Avenue at Watson Drive that's off
(14:12):
a Blackwater road for people who are familiar with this area,
and deputies arrive and find a woman who is dead
on scene. They also find a man and very quickly
they learned that this was going to end up being
a domestic violence case. And the reason I know that, Megan,
is because deputies were familiar with this address and that said.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
And that's sad, and that's it's said.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Also you can imagine for deputies perspective, you know, deputies, police,
all law enforcement, because when they've gone out there and
they've seen it and they you know, warn them and
all the things, and then to go back there and
to see this that that had to have been rather
tough for them.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Yep. So fifty four year old Paul Varnado he this
is all according to deputies, that he ended up shooting
and killing his girlfriend, Elena Singleton, who was also fifty four,
and then turned the gun on himself. So in this
case it was a murdered suicide. Megan, I happened to
know Elena's distant family, So when I got that text
(15:24):
from one of my friends saying, oh my god, this
is my extended family, I guess earlier. It's like I
told you that you think that it can't ever touch you,
but it did in the weirdest ways. It does touch you.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
It does, and you know you think, oh, this won't
happen to me, This won't happen, and that is sadly,
that is what traps people into these situations because they
believe all these things that happened to other women. It's
the story over there, you know, it's the story. It's
them them, It's not really me, but it could be anyone.
(16:00):
Anyone at all can fall for this. It's not something
that only people who have grown up without that issues,
or people who have low self esteem.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Or people this.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
It's literally anyone, anyone at all, can fall prey to
these types of manipulations, and sadly, there are typically signs
that lead to this that they miss or that they
choose to ignore rather well.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
And so, Megan, let's go a little bit further that
after we learned who the I don't want to say suspect.
That's not the right word. The gunman, I guess if
that's the right word. But the man in this relationship,
Paul Varnadou I did. I ran his name through the
(16:46):
system because I had a friend tell me that he
had just recently been released. Okay, well, that piqued my
interest as a reporter, released for what? So started doing
a little digging, and lo and behold, June twenty fourth
of this year, not even two months ago, he ended
up beating Elena Singleton and tossed her down the stairs.
(17:12):
Let that sink in tossed her down the stairs, And
I guess I want to read some of what we
did find that. The argument reportedly began after Varnado accused
Singleton of taking his keys.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
And cell phone.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
She told deputies that she did not have them, but
that Varnado got really mad and that he took her
keys instead, so, fearing his temper, she tried to leave
through the back door. That's when, according to all this
informations obviously coming from the arrest warrant, he quote grabbed
her and began man handling her on the back porch.
(17:54):
During that specific struggle, Singleton told deputies that he threw
her down the stairs, which caused the bruising. But then, Megan,
it gets better. Deputies arrive. They're questioning Varnado about why
does your girlfriend have all these bruises, and he said
that it was from Singleton crawling under their trailer earlier
(18:16):
that day. The deputy said, no, that's not even possible.
That those bruises were very very new. Megan, don't want
to pause right there for a second, but the line
to deputies that I didn't do anything. She was under
the trailer and that's where all those bruises are from.
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Of course, the narcissm, the lying, the manipulation, and just
there's never a situation where they are wrong. It's never
a situation in an argument and a discussion or anything.
They are always right. You are always the one who's wrong.
That in itself are's just tailtale taps. Now, I'm not
going to say that every narciss is an abuser. I'm
(19:00):
not gonna say that, but there are tailtale signs that
are always consistent. It's not me, it was you, or
if they have done something wrong to offen you, somehow
you made me do it. Oh, I wouldn't have done
it if you wouldn't have done this. Man, the times
that I've heard that one, and it's so believable too,
because I mean, I like to consider myself an intelligent woman.
(19:23):
You know, I've always kind of felt that way. I
would know without doubt or confront him and somehow it
would be turned on if you hadn't made me do this,
or if he'd hit me, and then I was upset.
I mean, you were upset, but if you hadn't done this,
I wouldn't have been that angry.
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Speaker 4 (21:02):
So you've got to imagine in this situation as intense
as it is to be thrown down a set of stairs.
Now that in itself tells you how serious this is.
If you think about the Greenholk analogy, he must have
come back with the most intense Oh my gosh, I'm
(21:22):
so sorry. I love you so much. I don't know
what happened. If you just would have been honest with
me about those.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Keys, I wouldn't have gotten that angry. I love you.
I would never want to hurt you.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
And I'm not even gonna say that these things aren't
things that he believes right.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
He may truly believe this.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
But again, like you have to also look at the
value of you, the value of your children and say
that matters that much more. My mom used to always
teach us when we are coming up, especially as girls,
It's like, you gotta love yourself about that much more,
you know, because sometimes people will come hum a different thing.
(21:59):
But you have to have love and respect for yourself.
And I don't say that in a judgmental way because
I was in that situation too. It's true, you know,
you have to have that level of care and respect
for yourself and say, listen, enough is enough.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Well, Megan, and we've discussed this in the past, and
we were talking about what other angles we want to
include when it comes to domestic violence, but we talked
about mental and emotional control and the mental and emotional
abuse as well. And oddly, when we ended up with
all women left in the meeting. Every woman agreed that
the mental and emotional torture and abuse is actually worse
(22:37):
than the physical because physically you don't see those bruises,
but words do have meanings, and you feel, I don't
know if trap is the right word, but it's like
you get pulled right back.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
In because sadly, a lot of us as women, and
this goes back to our high school days, junior high days,
all those things, but a lot of us as women
are already telling ourselves these negative things. Right, I'm not
pretty enough, I don't look good enough. I don't know
that he would really like me.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Am I this? Am I worthy of this?
Speaker 4 (23:14):
You know, as all these things, we already have that
playing in the back of our minds. And so when
someone else comes along and then reaffirms it, somewhere deep
down subconsciously, we're just it's validated, right, It's validated inside
of us. So that in itself is a whole nother
talk show, but that also plays a role into how
(23:36):
we end up in this situation. No, our confidence and
our validation is not dependent on someone else, a man,
a woman, anyone else.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
But when you have someone.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
That you love so much and allegedly loves you so much.
Then speaking the same things that your own mind subconsciously
is concerned, it puts you in a position to.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
Maybe I do deserve this.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
You're correct, And so let's go back to the central case.
He ends up arrested. He's charged with domestic abuse battery,
and I have not even started to tell you about
his first case. This is now his second case. So
he's arrested. His bond is set at five thousand dollars
this time, and there's still that question of is that
(24:23):
too low? But it's domestic abuse battery, This isn't murder,
it's and how is a judge supposed to know at
that time this guy is going to end up killing someone?
So there's the question of did the judge do enough?
Did the commissioner do enough? But the commissioner did, in
this case say that the bond will not even be
allowed until a protective order is put in place. That
(24:46):
protective order was signed on June the twenty sixth. Two
days later, on June twenty eighth, is when he bonded out.
Let that sink in now Megan. June twenty eighth, he
bonded out August third, But let's go back to it.
She had a protective order. What good did the protective
(25:09):
order do when she allowed him back in the house.
And that is not a victim blaming thing. It's it's
like what you just said, it is not a victim
blaming at all. It's just you get pulled back in.
But that protective order is in place for a reason.
A deputy cannot do anything when they come to your
house and you say, well, I invited him back in. Well,
(25:30):
at the end of the day, who are you gonna
side with. You're gonna take your boyfriend's side, not the deputy.
So deputies can't do much. And I'll even add this,
her family begged her not to let him back in,
the bruises that she had. They begged her, do not
(25:50):
do this again. Get out, get out, get out, get out.
And August third, here we are lost to school.
Speaker 4 (26:00):
From a family's perspective, even the neighbors, because he said
at one point that he had her outside on the
back porch, so you imagine neighbors probably have seen or
her or something. A lot of people play it a
lot of roles in this situation. But again, like it
comes down to the victim's decision. I've had enough, this
(26:24):
is enough. And again I don't say this in judgment
because I stayed a year after I had a knife
drawn on me. I stayed a year after, didn't walk,
didn't I mean, I still can't even contemplate that and
think that in my head now, but I did. So
it is not a case of judgment. But at some
point you have to listen and you have to understand,
(26:47):
and the best thing you can do is know the
signs and understand that this is not something that is
going to simply change. This is something you have to
stand up for yourself. The family said something about it,
the police came, and I'm sure the police were like, ma'am, listen,
don't take this guy back. You know, she probably had
friends that were saying the same thing. But at the
(27:08):
end of the day, as a victims person, we have
to make that decision for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yep, yep. Well, and then Megan, let me add on
to that. So, like I said that, that was his
second domestic violence arrests, second domestic abuse battery arrests. Should
I say back in twenty twenty two September, he at
that time was married to his wife of fifteen years.
They live at Perkins Road. They get into an argument
and while she's trying to clean the house, he loses
(27:35):
as cool. He goes out on the balcony and at
this time I don't know if this is their child
or only the wife. A young man, a son goes
and intervenes and says, hey, you're not going to talk
to my mom like that. You're not going to disrespect
my mom. This is all according to the arrest warrant.
He starts to lose his caol with the child, well
(27:58):
as any mother would do. She still in between this
her son and her husband, and that's when he pushed
her out the way. She ended up falling to the ground.
The deputies came arrested him and he's charged with domestic abuse, battery.
Bond because it was his first time. Twenty five hundred
(28:21):
dollars and remember you only got to pay ten percent,
well twelve percent exactly.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
That was my next question. When you have a bond,
exactly how much is it is it.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
That you have to pay twelve percent?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
So a little north of two hundred and fifty dollars
is all you have to pay, and you're out of jail.
And granted, obviously he wasn't married to her anymore, so
maybe she was able to get out of this. And
I would love to know what her thought process is
right now that Oh my god, had I stayed, could
I have been that person? So they separated, they divorced,
(28:54):
and he was in a relationship with Elena Singleton, and
I guess he lost his pool one day and just
couldn't take any more. And I'll even add this part, Megan.
I've been told that she had her keys in her
hand when she died, so for all we know, they
got into an argument. And the last time too, she
tried to get out the back door when he came
(29:15):
to her and started manhandling her and threw her down
the stairs. How do we know this time she wasn't
trying to get out as well, and before she could
get out, he shot.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Her that her I didn't know about the keys.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
That yeah, like she was trying and in the back
of my mind, in the back of her mind. For
all we know, she she knew, but we won't ever know.
And she leaves behind two boys, two adult boys. But
(29:47):
where do you even begin?
Speaker 4 (29:49):
And you know, the most frustrating thing has to be
for the family. I shared this whenever we talked before.
In my situation, my sister and I are very close, Yes,
my brother as well, my sister and I. We shared
a room our whole lives and not anything that she wanted,
but here we are anyway, And I'm emotional when my
(30:12):
sister is incredibly not emotional. She's a big hearted person,
but she's not like, don't hug me, don't do this.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
I'm not crying, you know, she's that person.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
And our situation had gotten to the point where she
went to our pastor and bawling her eyes out and
begging him to not agree to marry us. You know,
it was it was desperate. We weren't talking and still
sharing a room.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
It was. It was really rough.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
And so I look at it from the family perspective
of how gut wrenching it is to watch someone that
you love so dearly continue to go through something like this.
And in my situation, my family didn't know at that
point that it was abuse. They knew something was wrong
and that things are not okay, but they didn't know
the extent of it. So these sons in this situation,
(30:57):
they knew obviously that it was violent. If your mom
is thrown down the stairs, a police are called, obviously
they know that this is not okay, that things are
really really wrong here. And as sons wanting to protect
your mom, that's got to be incredibly difficult. And again,
no one can make that choice for you.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
But here you you're right, You're right.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
And again to our listeners, I will stress go back
and listen to the podcast we did with Megan where
she shared her entire story and she goes into depth
about that that it was actually her sister crying that
finally tipped her off that something's off here. So go
back and listen to that, well, Megan, that happens Sunday morning.
So Sunday night, the Livingston Pair of Sheriff's Office is
(31:43):
now working a domestic where a man, after beating his girlfriend, spouse,
whatever the relationship was, is now on the run. The
Livingston Sheriff's Office never did update that case, so we
don't know if that man was caught or not, but
(32:04):
they put out this mass alert that heads up, we're
looking for this person. Everybody just be careful. But another
domestic case right there. Fast forward to Monday, morning, six
forty five in the morning. Now we're in Baker another
murder of the girlfriend. And after he shot her, he
(32:26):
turned the gun on himself, shot himself in the head,
survived that injury, transported to the hospital, but listed in
critical condition. So this is where I was saying, Megan,
if he survives, he has to live with the fact
that he killed his girlfriend. Not only that he's going
to jail for murder. And but why was it even
(32:53):
worth it? You lost your cool, but then you killed
somebody else and you tried to yourself. And I'll even
go a little bit further and add this, we don't
know if he's going to survive. He was shot to
the head. He shot himself in the head, enlisted in
critical condition. So that's if he survives. Those are what
(33:14):
the things he's got to do. Who knows what kind
of injury he's got to the brain where specifically he
shot himself, if he's ever going to be right again,
or if he is in a coma, or what happens.
But to me, it is two lives lost. Even though
technically it's labeled as an attempted suicide, to me, that
is another murder suicide.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
It absolutely is. And you know, you have to think
when you're dealing with the brain injury. If he does live,
what value of life will he have? Will he remember
even what happened? Will he even I mean, will he
have amnesia? Will he know anything at all?
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Well? I mean, will he be a vegetable?
Speaker 4 (33:52):
Will he be someone who's normal? We don't know what
situation again, because we don't know the injury, but I
guarantee you, let's say that he were to come back
and make a full recovery in this situation, it's going
to be again like the Greenholk situation.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
I didn't realize, because again, when you're that much rage,
you don't necessarily have all the control of your you know,
your normal faculties. You're angry, you're passionate, you're doing these
things out of rage. You know, maybe you really do
love this person as best as you know how to love,
but you also don't have control of your motions and
(34:32):
control of how you handle in situations. And here we are,
and that's why we can't stay with people in these
situations because they can't be trusted.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Well, and Megan, you actually dove into this that Louisiana
rinks as the fifth worst when it comes to domestic
violence murders. Can we can we dig into that statistic
a tad bit more.
Speaker 4 (34:56):
Wow, fifth worse and this has been for the last
several years now that we've held that spot. And domestic
violence murders where someone actually kills the other person.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
So that's just a murders.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
That's not to say, just domestic violence situations. Right, So
I don't know this guy for where we are on that,
but that's for murders where people are actually taking someone
else's life. And the truth of the matter is when
you're in a situation like this and domestic violence situation
and relationship, you don't know that this is going to
(35:29):
be the time.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Where you die exactly.
Speaker 4 (35:32):
It's not a first degree offense most of the time,
a lot of the time it's not. It's in the
heat of the moment, second degree situation where all of
a sudden, I get so angry, I get to this
point and boot, you know, and you never know if
or when that moment's going to come.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
You never know.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
Obviously, it happens a lot in Louisiana. If we're ranked
so high.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Nationally, yep, yep. And even even then, Megan, I want
you to talk a tad bit more about the case
where we had the man, and I say man, he
was a student, actually a young student who was a victim.
We're so used to hearing its women, and again, it
is a lot of the victims when it comes to
(36:15):
domestic violence or women, but it is not uncommon to
have men who are victims of this as well.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
Yes, so in that situation, they started dating when they
were really young. I believe it was thirteen or fourteen
that they started, and then they were kind of on again,
off again. But in every aspect of this relationship, the
mom said it was always toxic. I cannot unhear her
saying that. She said it was always toxic between the
(36:46):
two of them. They split up for a while and
then got back together and.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Ended up having a child.
Speaker 4 (36:51):
So you know, when you are in a toxic situation
and the woman is the one who is the manipulator,
you know. I don't want to put any stereotypes on
women in general. I will say, when you have a
child and that you care for and you want to
keep I know, I'd barely like sharing my kids with
(37:12):
the grandparents if y'all.
Speaker 3 (37:13):
Listen. I love y'all, but you know I want my
kids all the time.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
So imagine being in a situation with someone that you're
arguing with all the time. That just adds to the
emotion and adds to the manipulation as to all these traits.
And they were getting ready to go into a court
session to fight for custody. And I believe it was
like the next day that he was supposed to shop
in court, which is why his parents knew something's not right,
(37:40):
because he loved his child so passionately that he never
would have missed that. So she lured him away. And
that part I'm wondering how the luring happened. I don't know,
because if you're in a situation where you're arguing, or
you're fighting, or you're not necessarily friends, I don't know
why you would go with someone in that situation. But again,
(38:02):
the manipulation also, to add to what we just said,
you never know when it's going to flip on you
or when this is going to happen. It's like a
terrible game of Russian roulette. You're like, oh, okay, maybe
they just want to go out. Maybe they just want
to talk. We don't know if there are always these signs,
you just never know. These are not people that you
(38:26):
can trust. And again, like we're saying, it's not just women.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Well, and it's also that thought process of this can
never happen to me. Yes, until it does this.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Case, this isn't going to be my story.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Yep. And again, Megan, our whole purpose for doing this
podcast is if we can. If you guys are listening
and you know somebody, you have a loved one, you
have a friend a long distance I don't care, whatever
relationship or whoever it might be, and maybe they need
(39:02):
to hear it. Maybe you need to let them know that, hey,
your life actually matters. Reach out to that person. Sometimes
you just need a phone call. Maybe reach out to
somebody and check on them and say how you doing.
You haven't heard from one of your girlfriends in a
long time, but you guys used to talk all the time,
and she's going to really quiet lately. Check on her.
(39:24):
Maybe something is wrong. I know we've discussed this in
depth in the podcast that you and I did, but still,
if there are people who don't have the time to
go back and listen to that one and maybe missed it.
Talk to us about maybe some of the signs that
they need to be looking for. We've kind of discussed
the friends element that you haven't heard from someone in
(39:44):
a while, do your part, But what about the person
who's in it, maybe they don't want to admit it.
What are some things to look for.
Speaker 4 (39:53):
Well, we talked a lot about control, right and manipulation,
But one of the main aspects of control is finances,
because you know, a man is going to especially if
you're in a situation where he's a breadwinner, he's the
one who makes the money. She stays home with the kids,
you know, or maybe she just stays home. Now she's
(40:15):
in a position where what what do I do? How
can I survive?
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Where can I go? And a lot of.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
People will stay in a situation because of that, because yes,
this is bad, but what's worse is me being on
the streets with my children, you know, And yes that
is bad too. That it is tough. It's a tough situation,
there's no doubt. But the truth of the matter is, like,
there are shelters, there are homes. That spoke with one
of the shelters locally here, the Irish Center that has
(40:45):
unbelievable options for women who are in need of help.
Things I didn't even realize, things that didn't know.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
But it's true.
Speaker 4 (40:54):
People will stay in situations because of financial security and
financial reasons, and you know, they are dependent.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
My mom made my sister and I like it.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Like you guys are going to get a degree, You're
going to do this, You're going to do all that,
not necessarily to say, well.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
I'm not gonna depend on man, I'm not. But you
never know.
Speaker 4 (41:13):
Also, if you're in a situation and something happens to
your husband, yes, you know, what if your husband passes away.
What if your husband is all of a sudden in
a car act and it's sick, you can't do anything
like It's important to be able to have skills and
to learn something that you can provide for yourself.
Speaker 3 (41:31):
There's so many stay at home jobs.
Speaker 4 (41:33):
Here now nowadays, there's so many things that you can
do from home and make a life for yourself. It's
important to do that. It's important to not be in
a situation, especially if you are sensing that this could
be controlling or manipulative or abusive. You have to find
a way to start bringing an income for yourself.
Speaker 5 (41:54):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
I was always raised Megan that I had to stand
up on my own two feet. I am not to
depend on anybody, my parents, my brother, my husband, whoever
it might be. I've got to stand up on my
own two feet. And yea to all the parents who
are out there listening. And if you've got young kids,
teach them the exact same thing. You shouldn't. Like Megan said,
(42:15):
it's not only domestic violence. How do you know something
doesn't happen to your spouse or you've had a long
term relationship and all of a sudden you break up,
Then what.
Speaker 3 (42:27):
And what and what You've got to be able to
do that.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
I'm in a situation now I will infore my husband
he basically does everything. I wake up and breathe and
make the house pretty and feed the kids most of
the time, you know, And I'm happy for that, and
that's wonderful. If tomorrow I had to do it all
on my own, God forbid, like I could do it,
I can't.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
I can do it.
Speaker 4 (42:49):
I have a degree, I have jobs, I have no
a resource and connections.
Speaker 3 (42:54):
I could do it.
Speaker 4 (42:55):
And that's where you have to be in a you know,
even if you have no education at all, and you're like, well,
I don't even know where to start. There is always
something you can get on canvas tomorrow and start making
something and selling it to somebody. There is always something.
We live in a time now, like maybe back in
nineteen eighties, it might have been a lot more difficult
for a mom to make it on their own right.
(43:15):
But today you get a phone, you can work, that's true.
You can start bringing in some money. You can call,
you can be an assistant to someone who just checks
their emails. There are many ways to bring in money.
And even if you're in a good situation, it never
hurts to just have something else on, you know, have
extra income coming in.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
And to anybody out there, like when you were talking
about the financial dependency, there there are resources out there, guys.
Right here in our bout and Roage area, we've got
a beautiful center called IRIS. The nonprofit's name is IRIS.
Patty Freeman is the executive director, and they stay so busy.
In fact, they've built a new shelter and it's open
(44:00):
men and women, and a lot of people who have pets.
They will not part from their pets. I know, I
wouldn't they even have now a shelter where there's a
certain wing where you can bring your pets, you can
bring your kids. It is completely anonymous. In fact, I
don't even know where this shelter is even though we've
reported on it. So there is help out there. But
(44:21):
at the end of the day, you have to make
that decision to get out. And until you make that decision,
you're going to stay put. And this sounds really harsh, Megan,
but I'm going to go back to what we stress
this morning. Either get out or risk your life.
Speaker 3 (44:44):
Sadly, that is that is the case. I hate that.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
I hate it that it sounds so harsh, and I
hate that it sounds so abrupt, But so does a
phone call, you know, from the cops to your family.
That's pretty abrupt. And that's harsh too, And I would
much write be harsh on this in and say listen,
even if you're like I don't think this person would
hit me, hurt me. Understand what abuse means abuse. If
(45:12):
you break down the word ab us e, it's abuse,
abnormal use any situation where you are treated in a
way that you should not be treated. Someone is using
you in a way that is abnormal.
Speaker 3 (45:26):
It is abuse.
Speaker 4 (45:28):
You should not be in a situation where there is
abuse pregnant present, excuse me. You have to understand and
know that financial abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, all these
things are symptoms of something that shouldn't be abnormal use.
You have to understand that. And even if you've grown
(45:50):
up and that's what you have seen and that's what
you've been accustomed to. That's something that we talked about
with Angela Gabriel who was shot nine times I believe
it was, and Sir Vibe miraculously, she said that in
her life growing up, she used to see that kind
of things pattern with her family and with her mom,
and they would get in arguments and they would fight
(46:10):
and yeah, I'll throw things and all stuff.
Speaker 3 (46:12):
And so it was just something that was normal normal.
But too be clear, that is not normal at all.
It is not at all. It is abnormal, which is
abnormal use, which means abuse. Yep, yep.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Well, if you are someone you love is in a
dangerous relationship, please do not wait. Help is out there
called the National Domestic Violence Hotline at one eight hundred
seven nine nine safe. That's one eight hundred seven nine
nine seven two three three. You can also text start
(46:54):
to eight eight seven eight eight, or visit the hotline
dot org for twenty four seven confidential support. You're not alone,
you're not to blame, and you deserve to be safe.
I'm Karen Challa and this has been Louisiana unfiltered
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