February 20, 2025 • 38 mins
Mike George helps families rewrite their caregiving story – from one of sacrifice and exhaustion to one of joy, strength and resilience. A family caregiver himself for 3 decades, Mike intimately understands the burdens of supporting the primary care of a loved one. But he also knows the tremendous fulfillment it can bring. This lived experience led him to create The Soaring Families WayTM, a proven method that can be every family’s reliable companion on their journey to joy. He is a speaker, author, and co-founder of Soaring Families whose mission is to redefine caregiving for families.
Mike share's his story of care for his son, how he and his wife created a bigger team of caregivers around them and teach others to do so.
Find more about Soaring Families and The Pink Book here: https://www.soaringfamilies.com/
Mike welcomes you to email him directly: mike@soaringfamilies.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/love-doesn-t-pay-the-bills--5692861/support.
Mike share's his story of care for his son, how he and his wife created a bigger team of caregivers around them and teach others to do so.
Find more about Soaring Families and The Pink Book here: https://www.soaringfamilies.com/
Mike welcomes you to email him directly: mike@soaringfamilies.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/love-doesn-t-pay-the-bills--5692861/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Welcome to love doesn't pay the bills. I am Lisa Chute.
I am a family caregiver. With me today is Mike George.
Mike Coff's families rewrite their caregiving story from one of
sacrifice and exhaustion to one of joy, strength, and resilience.
A family caregiver himself for three decades, Mike intimately understands
the burdens of supporting the primary care of a loved one,
(00:32):
but he also knows the tremendous fulfillment it can bring.
This lived experience led him to create the Soaring Family's Way,
a proven method that can be every family's reliable companion
on their journey to joy. He is a speaker, author,
and co founder of Soaring Families, whose mission is to
redefine caregiving for families. So it is a medical father,
(00:54):
a medical parent here and welcomed Mike George.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's great to be here, Lisa, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah, tell us your own words about your caregiving experiences
on a personal level and some of the things you've experienced.
It's been a very long time for you, so obviously
can't share everything, but an overview. Sure.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So, I have three young adult children, I guess they're
sort of young. They're in their thirties. And our youngest
Ben was born with complex needs. We had no idea
until an hour or so after he was born, and
we had I mean intologists come and tell us how
(01:36):
many issues were involved. He had a large liver and spleen,
his head was too small, and his blood platelets were
dangerously low, and she even went so far as to
say he may not live the day. And so it
was needless to say, it was a huge shock, and
honestly we we thought in the beginning that they must
(01:58):
have their wrong baby because we had just seen and
he looked fine to us. But in fact it was him,
and he had lots of issues and lots of medical
I guess treatment that had to be done to even
pull him out of that danger zone, and so began
(02:18):
basically a life of twenty four hour care. In early days,
there were a lot more medical issues than the than
there are today. Fortunately, epilepsy's one of them.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Seizures.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I don't know if you've ever had to witness a seizure,
but it's a very disturbing event to see, especially when
it's your child.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
My daughter dealing was on ketogenic diet for nine years
due to epilepsy. Very familiar.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, yeah, so, I mean we were we had I
remember one year there was probably seventy five seizure episodes
we had to deal with, and eventually it got to
the point where calling nine to one one and getting
an ambulance wasn't good for anybody. So we found a
way and to navigate to manage them at home and
(03:04):
only the most serious ones did we ever have to
call nine one one. They still happen today. They're well controlled,
but nevertheless they kind of pop up without warning. There
doesn't seem to be any sort of lead up or
trigger other than if he's if he's one well, which
fortunately is not you know, a frequent thing. I mean
(03:24):
all of that to say is that you know, he
does require twenty four hour care. Someone has to be
with him all the time. He can't feed, clothe their dress,
or you know, toilet himself. It's personal care on every
aspect that you can think of. That being said, then
(03:46):
is what we would say, a genius trapped in a
body that doesn't work, and so our job is to
provide him the support and the and the team around
him in the right environment for him to learn and
succeed and you know, follow the normative pathways of life,
and in so far that he actually is a university graduate.
(04:07):
And that's a whole story unto itself, but it just
shows that with the right amount of support around him,
Ben can do all the hard work if you just
give him, you know, the right environment to do it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But I love it that you're going into what's usually
my next question is what's amazing about your care recipient?
What's amazing about Ben?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, sorry, yeah, But I guess all that
to say is that the only way we achieved all
those things, and Ben achieved all those things, is by
having a fabulous care team around them. And that's what
we have learned to be the biggest enabler. And essentially
that was a big decision point for us to actually
(04:49):
hire people to come into the home to do things
that we thought we should be doing. But at the
end of the day, we can't be there twenty four
hours a day, every day, all the time. And so
it really came down to, you know, Ben needs the
best care and who can provide that care and most
of the time it's us, but it can't be all
(05:09):
the time. So that's what we help families to do.
That's what we've learned the biggest lesson in our life,
and to show them how to, you know, they don't
have to do everything themselves, and that there are good
people out there who that you can find to help
to you know, get you through that that tough day
or that tough month, and be the right support at
(05:30):
the right time.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, you said on your website caregiving is not a
solo act. I completely agree. The only way that it
works for my daughter and our family is that there's
three of us caregivers for one care recipient, plus some
outside non family member caregivers on occasion. And you know,
(05:54):
when you think about somebody needing two, three, up to
four point two full time jobs worth of time, one
or two people can't do all of that. So I
think it's it's kind of crazy that we put these
expectations on ourselves. Like you said that you thought there
(06:14):
was a point you and as your wife, you and
your wife should be doing everything. And I think for
a lot of us that's really true. So how do
you help people build their team and trust in a
team of additional people and recruit the right people.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah, it's it's well, I guess the short answer is
we've we've been doing this for thirty years ourselves, so
we basically developed a formula that we follow to build
our team, which we call team then, and it's it's
a step by step process for you to actually find
the right person. Number one, how do you know that
(06:54):
they're the right person? Number two is how do you
get your home organized? Because that home becomes their workplace
that you're that you're hired the person you're hiring, so
you have to take it, you have to see it
from that perspective, And how do you get yourself organized
to set those boundaries and make sure that it becomes
an efficient workplace for the person you hire so they
(07:16):
can do their job well. And then the third piece
around it is how do you help the people you've
hired bring their best every day? And there is some
I guess people leadership skills that you they're not hard
to learn. But you know, you have people in your home,
you have you've basically become an employer, whether you.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Literally not quite frequently literally.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, And so whether you're paying them directly or paying
an agency or it doesn't matter. They're they're in your
home right or you're if it's for your parents, then
you're in your parents home. So there are some things
you can do to kind of make it a win
win for everybody. So those are the I guess the
pillars that we show families how to wrap their minds
(08:00):
around and take them through step by step. It is
work to do it. It's not magic. And suddenly you
post a position and all these wonderful people show up
at your door.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
You know that is not the case.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
That's not the case. Yeah, sadly, and I think, well,
I know COVID had a major impact on I guess
what you could call the resource pool of people who
are available. It's starting to pick up back to where
it was before COVID. But nevertheless, there is a process
(08:35):
you go through. If you think you can do it
in a weekend and have someone start start on a
Friday and then people show up on a Monday, that's
not the case. You really need probably six to eight
weeks of going through the process to find the right
people that are going to be a good fit. So
if you have that expectation in your mind, then you
(08:56):
know you can reasonably be successful on finding some one
you know, to do that, and then we also show
families how to onboard them, if you will, right, how
do they what are they going to do on day
one when they show up? Right, it's it's they don't
know your family member, they don't know your home other
than what you've probably told them, and so how do
(09:17):
you get them up to speed as quickly as possible
so that they can you know, number one, you can
trust that they're going to do the job well, and
number two that they're comfortable doing what they're what they're
doing right. So it's it might sound like a lot,
but we've been doing it forever, and you know, we've
got the formula figured out and we use it every time,
(09:37):
and we've got hundreds of families who will follow this
formula and some people who have never hired someone before
and now they've got two or three people on their
care team, and you know, they it's amazing results. The
relief and the you know sort of the I guess
the time they get back to themselves is beyond what
(09:59):
they would have thought. There is you know, people, it's
people are funny. It's that they know that's what they
need to do, but making that decision, reaching that decision
point is tough because it requires change in what they're
going to do and how that's going to handle it.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Not only change, but you yourself also said this is work. Right?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Who knew that it is work?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
That hrs work? Like you're performing HR functions?
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah you are, Yeah for sure. I mean you don't
have to be an HR expert, but there is that
aspect that you've right and and we've kind of helped
develop the guidelines and the advice so that you don't
have to start from a blank page. Yeah. But at
the same time, it's you know, having that coming to terms.
As my father used to say, with that decision. You
(10:47):
know what, I can't continue to do it all myself forever,
Like what if I, you know, break my leg, what
if I get ill? Like who's going to You don't
want to get to the point, you know, to the
eleventh hour and then suddenly say, oh, now.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
What do I do?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
It's too late then, right, And so if you can
try to try to step back and see that it's
not about you the caregiver, it's about the person you're
caring for, then when you look at it in those terms,
to think, Okay, how can I get the best possible
care for my child or my parent. Then you're not
(11:24):
part of It's not all about you anymore, it's about them.
It becomes an easier thought process for you to go
through and say, Okay, yeah, you're right, they've got to
have the right care.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
How do I do that?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
And that helps you in making that decision and going
down that road to say, you know what it's going
to be. It's going to be different, it's going to
be a change, but in the end, it's going to
be a whole life better than if I just did
it myself.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I think getting more support around. I think of us
as a unit, you know, like it's not about the
care recipient. It's not about the caregiver, but it has
to be about both and as a unit and having
enough support for the caregiver for us to have a
break or to have our times off, or to have
(12:10):
confidence that when we're not able to do this, someone
else is ready. Sure these kinds of things are good
for us and and they're good for our care recipient.
There's a lot of overlap there. We have our different
different interests and needs and wants and everything, but there's
a lot of overlap. Most of the time with us
(12:31):
as a unit.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Definitely. Yeah. And the other analogy I like to draw
on is that I would say caregiving is a team sport,
and that it's you know, not one person can play
all the different positions on that team, not at the
same time anyway, right, So if you look at it
in those terms, then you know it's all about how
do I win? And the winning is how do I
(12:55):
get the best care for, you know, for my family member.
And so what people do I need on my team
to do this? Really well? Who can you know me
as as a family caregiver? What roles and what positions
can I play? Maybe I can play them all, maybe
I'm good at the mall, but I can't do them
all at the same time forever. So I need to
sort of step back and see, well, I'll do this part,
(13:17):
but then I need someone to help me with this
other part.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And then once you kind of start down that road
and look at it in terms of, you know, where
do I need the most help now and start having
someone come in, then it will have an impact that
you hadn't imagined before, and suddenly you'll have a little
more time to yourself to think about it and see
it in different terms, and then it actually becomes a
(13:41):
much more fulfilling experience for you. And then there are
things that you probably couldn't see before on where you
need the help, and then it just starts to you know,
it becomes a positive feedback loope from there.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, let's talk a little more about recruitment piece. So
somebody's may the decision I'm ready to have a non
family caregiver come in. I want to hire somebody, Especially, like,
can you talk to people who have had some experiences
where they tried to hire somebody and they either didn't
(14:17):
find anybody or had a horrible experience and they're you know,
disappointed and not trusting that process understandably, Like how do
you how do you regain trust? How do you make
sure it's going to go well and you're going to
find the best possible non family caregivers.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
So I think there's there's always a risk that going
to bring you're going to bring someone in and it
won't work out right. But if you if you follow
you know, I guess a structured process of vetting people,
chances are you're going to get someone who's who's going
(14:58):
to work out at least in part. But where it
starts though, is you as the caregiver, understanding and really
thinking about, you know, what type of person do I want?
What are they actually going to do in this role?
And it usually starts with where do I need the
most help. So if it's companionship only because you can't
(15:20):
be there, you know, because you're working or whatever, depending
on the level of care. If it's I need someone
to you know, company my son or my dad to
medical appointments, that's another sort of role that you can
if you're thinking about that's different from doing hands on
personal care. So understanding what it is that you really
(15:43):
want this person to do is the first step you
have to follow.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Yeah, for example, in my family, it works out really
well to have non family members arrange outings outside the
house and provide the transportation and everything necessary to support
my daughter going places and doing things out of the house,
and then myself and my husband providing more of the intimate,
you know, assistance with an ask getting and all of
(16:09):
this kind of stuff. The person, all of my daughter's
caregivers do need to be prepared to some extent for
those really personal, direct hands on care if for no
other reason then my daughter might have to go to
the toilet and she does need support to make sure
she's safe on and off the toilet. But as much
as possible, reserving those kind of more personal things for
(16:32):
the family works for us and the evening time period.
I'm also just by my nature a real introvert and
homebody kind of person, and it's just much more comfortable
for me to do those parts of things than to
(16:53):
necessarily be finding all the places to go and all
the things to see and people to talk to.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
So that's exactly it. I mean, where or is it
that fits for you right now where your daughter isn't
in her life and you are in your life where
you need that support and just exactly what you said.
So finding someone that can accompany those outings and do
those things is different from someone who needs to, you know,
do all meal prep and do sort of home care,
(17:20):
you know, hygiene and medical care and things like that.
That's a different type of person. So finding the right
person means you understanding exactly the type of person you
want and what they're going to do right. And so
what that means is that you need to spend some
time and basically craft a job description, you know, what
type of behaviors do do they need to exhibit? What
(17:41):
sort of level of experience do they need to have?
You know, do they need to if they're going an outing,
do they are you comfortable with them supplying their own
vehicle or do they drive your own vehicle? And all
those details you need to write down. You need to
spend some time figure out what that looks like because
what happens is that but that becomes your question set,
(18:02):
That becomes your guidelines and structure around how you're going
to interview them. Right because you've said I need these
these ten things, you know, then you evaluate do they
meet how close do they meet you know, those ten
things as you go through and evaluate whether you have resumes,
whether you talk to people, whatever the process it is
(18:22):
that you need to follow, and from there you basically
filter out the people that don't meet those and you
get down to, you know, one or two people that
then you need to say, you know what, you know,
could I leave my my family member alone with this person?
You know? Do I think they can do that? If
you're hesitating with that question from the beginning, then you
(18:46):
probably don't want to hire them. But if it's saying,
you know what, I think with a little bit of experience,
they could probably do this. Let's go, let's figure it out, right,
And then you then move on to once you've kind
of vetted them and got the short list is then
you sort of invite them into the home to meet
who they're going to be caring for, right, and you
(19:06):
see what your what your family member's reaction is to
this person, and kind of get a sense for you know,
how do they how do they conduct themselves when they
come into your home?
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Right?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Is it really awkward? You know, they will be a
little awkward because of course it's like an interview, they've
never sort of met anybody. But beyond those things, you
can kind of tell and have a sense for did
that really work or not? Is this going to work?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Right?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
So, if you do all those steps, the chances are
and you feel good about them, and this person actually
does want to come work for you, then chances are
are you're going to get a pretty good experience with
the person you hire. If you try to short circuit
and fast track some of those things, you'll probably miss
(19:51):
some things that may not produce the best results in
the end. As I say, there's no guarantee that just
because you go through all these that you're some and
it's going to come in and they're not going to
work out. But you've done enough, uh, you know, validation
and vetting and reference checking and all of that to say,
you know, that's about all I can humanly do to
(20:13):
see if this person's going to work out or not.
And then as you go through, you know, we we
usually recommend at least a three month probationary period where
you're sort of training them and see if they're getting
loose to used to what's going to happen. And you know,
if they kind of pass the test in the actual
(20:33):
hands on work, probably it's going to work out, you know,
for the for the longer term.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Sure, we're going to take a break. Now, please stay
right here and we'll be right back. Thank you for
sticking around. We continue our conversation. I don't want to
unnecessarily hammer the same point, but I'm really super interested
in the part, you know, before we even get applicants,
(20:59):
like how do we even get applicants because a lot
of us, you know, there is a work force shortage
for this kind of worker, and a lot of us
find that you know, we put out an ad or
we start asking around with people we know and there's
just tumbleweeds or no. So do you do you have
(21:20):
any guidance on that really early step of like getting
applicants getting people interested in your position. Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Absolutely, So there are different avenues you can pursue. You know,
the best way, and it's not you don't always get
a really good answer, but if you know someone well
that can refer somebody, you can short circuit a lot
of that that you feel good about that they're a
good person. Right, that doesn't produce you know, a dozen candidates,
(21:52):
but you know that should be an avenue that you
still pursue. Right, people that you know and trust that
they know someone well and know your situation.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
The sec that are the last tires we've had, or
were people that were in our lives already in some way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And the other thing too, is if you have someone
you've hired, let's say, let's say it's not your first
one and they've been around in your home for a
while and they're really good, you can ask them like,
do you know anybody? Because there tends to be people
who are in the industry that kind of know of others,
depending on how long they've been in the industry, right,
So that's one step. Another thing is you can host
(22:34):
positions at you know, community colleges or places where they
actually train you know, PSWs or nursing assistants or any
people like that that have programs that do it. Often
they are more than happy to provide you with, you know,
(22:54):
sort of a list of people who are when they graduate,
they're going to be looking for work, or maybe they
graduated a few years ago and you know what, the
student was amazing. I don't know if this person's working,
and so you start to get you know, a list
of people or potential people through that.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Now. So typically in the United States, you're in Canada,
so it might be a bit different. Typically in the
United States, the only training that a DSP or PSW
has is generally provided by the organization that hires them
shortly after, and it's very limited. So they're you know,
(23:31):
in terms of going to schools, maybe you're looking at
people who are in programs to be a teacher and
specifically looking at working with students with the developmental disabilities
as a teacher. A lot of those folks are looking
for that teacher job as opposed to esp title. But
(23:52):
sometimes while they're in school that works out.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Or they're training to be an ot A, p T
A speech.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Therapist Sopactally, I would say though that sort of those
professional designations there beyond you know, the the rate that
you could pay.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Sometimes it works while they're in college and while they're
in their training.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
It's true, it's true. Yeah, yeah, I guess there there
are you know. My my point is that if you
if there are schools or there are training facilities that
you can reach out to, depending on where you live,
that might have a line to the you know these
people that are there. The other alternative, and what we
do is you can actually post on a job site
(24:37):
like Indeed, and that's typically what we would do. It
costs some money to post it. It's just like posting
and you know, putting an ad in Facebook to boost
it you to get the right amount of people, but
it's it's usually short short lived. You don't have to
spend a whole lot of money to get that out there.
But again, it starts with you understanding exactly the type
(24:57):
of person you need writing.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
That job that you're literally literally going to post on
the job board. That's right.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
You have to think of it in those terms. It
is a you know, it's the most important hire you're
ever going to do, So you've got to spend some
time and get your head around what type of person
do I want?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Right?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
And if you do that work and you know, put
put your feelers out in all those different channels, you'll
find some people that you know you'll want to actually
talk to. You'll also find a whole lot of people
that aren't qualified that just apply to everything right, And
no matter how specific you get, you will get some
(25:38):
people who they don't have any experience and yet they've
applied to your job. So it is a you know,
it can waste your time a little bit, but most
of the time you can filter it out and kind
of know right off the bat that this person is
a possibility or not.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, And honestly, with the DSPs, the non family DSPs
that we hire in my family, we're still providing enough
supervision and oversight and we're always nearby that those positions.
It can work out to how somebody with no experience,
but it has to be somebody whose heart is really
(26:15):
in it and I want to hear some kind of
story of why they've intentionally chosen to go this direction
and work with my daughter and what their interest really is.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Absolutely, and that goes to the fit of the position, right,
I mean, you could you know, Sally might be a
registered nurse, but she doesn't fit into my home environment.
So she might have the technical qualifications, but she's not
a good fit from a personality or an attitude or whatever. Right,
So all those pieces are really really important. I Mean.
(26:46):
The other thing that we often recommend too is there
are a lot of home care agencies that are out
there that have staff to do it right, and they've
done all the legwork to hire people right, but you
still need to go through the same process of you
know this is that develop a relationship with with whoever
(27:07):
the hiring manager is or or whatever that role or
that title is in the agency, and say I'm looking
for this type of person your job description that you
already have, right, And I don't want you just to
send anybody over. I want if you have a couple
of candidates, I'd like to interview them. I want to
make sure that they're a fit. Some agencies will be sure,
no problem, and other agencies as well you know, we
(27:29):
don't normally do that, and if they say that to you,
you keep moving on. You don't let them because that
will be a problem down the road. But again you
can still they're a source of possible candidates, and how
you work with an agency can actually be you know,
a really good experience for you, right, because they can
(27:50):
take away some of that you know, sort of HR
and all the administrative stuff around paying them. They tend
to be a little more expensive depending on the type
of care you're looking for, but it's a balance, right,
It depends on you know, how urgent your need is,
what you're looking for, and how much time you have
to sort of manage all of this.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Yeah, and some agencies in Oregon here anyway that work
through Medicaid, homework community services for people with intellectual disability
are pretty reliant on the families to recruit and bring
the employees to the agency. Some do more work in
(28:35):
terms of actively recruiting and having a pool of workers
that they have brought on sure for they meet the family.
So if one agency doesn't work for you, you can
certainly look for other agencies. That's a very good point,
and you can choose between an agency route or a
(28:55):
direct through the state route where the family entirely manages it.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah, honestly, you know, every state is different in every province. Again,
it is different of how this all kind of works out.
But if you it starts with you knowing who you want,
and then it's trying different channels, and honestly, someone will
show up if you're if you're clear on who you need,
that person will show up sooner or later.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah. Sometimes, you know, sometimes we we get one one
part of what we need from someone else and another
part from a different place. And you might you might
be finding that you're using things together, but if you
keep looking, you do find more and more of what
you need.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah, And it becomes down to what can you live with?
What's you know, what's a reasonable amount of support and
care that you have? Are people working well together or not?
And there's no sort of one size fits all in
any of this stuff. But if you keep the mindset
(30:03):
that you know as you as the family caregiver, that
you are in charge, you can decide whether this is
going to work or not. You don't have to accept
the first person that walks through the door. And yeah,
if it doesn't work out, then you're back to square
one and trying to do it all over again. But
you know, there's a balance for everything. And I can
(30:25):
tell you that having done this for thirty years, you'll
have some really great people, and you'll have some people
that you know, maybe what did I miss there? That
they're not the best person, but you can live with them.
And then there's people that once in a blue moon
you kind of say, holy moly, that bad person's not
working out any Cut your losses and move on right.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Along with the building the job description. I know your
company helps people with being prepared with their orientation manuals
and essentially they're their directions to the employee. Yeah, can
you tell us about how you do that? You have
to make called the pink Book exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Yeah, So the Pink Book started a long time ago
when Ben was young. My father in law had a
serious car accident. He was an emergency surgeon, and my
wife and I we needed to go to the hospital
see what was going on, and so we didn't have
anybody at the time, and so we asked a neighbor
to come. She actually was a nurse and she said, sure,
I'll stay. You know, harbor long you need. But before
(31:31):
we left, she said, okay, what if Ben wakes up?
What means does he take? How do I do you know?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
What does he eat?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
And just some basic questions. And it was a sort
of all a color drained from our face and realized that,
oh my god, it's all in our heads. No one
else knows how to manage his care. And so the
next day, when we got back from the hospital, we
started writing those sort of essential care details down and
we found a pink binder lying in a drawer and
(31:59):
we shoved it in a all those instructions in a
pink binder, and so began the Pink Book. The name
just kind of stuck and it made sense. It was
a you know, pink's easy color to see and find.
And so what we've done over the years is we've
actually built sort of that book into a set of
professionally designed templates that any family caregiver can use, and
(32:20):
every family caregiver should use to get all that essential
information out of your head or from scrap pieces of
paper and put it and organize it into a manual,
a caregiving guide that's yours. It's something that you have
built that is about how care is delivered in your home, right,
(32:40):
and you know things around basic things around medications. Pretty
much everyone has some sort of medication that they have
to manage, whether it's every day, whether it's every month, whatever.
That looks like. There's things around nutrition. Maybe there's a
certain way you need to prepare this meal, or certain
allergies and certain things you have to avoid. Got to
(33:00):
write that stuff down. And then there's things like care routines,
is okay, what happens in the morning, how do I
what are the steps you go through? And you know,
if the person needs a lot of support from a
personal care point of view, what does that look like?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
How do you do that?
Speaker 2 (33:15):
When do you do that? That all that information you
need to write down and put it in the Pink
book because then it then it does a couple of things.
One is it now becomes available as a reference and
really the sort of the lifeline of how you manage care,
so that if someone else needed to step in they
(33:35):
could with or with little training. You know you've got
that or documented and you kind of know the essentials.
It also is good for training someone you hire. Right,
this is the reference guide of how care is delivered
here in the home. These are all the important things
with you know, contact lists and nutrition guides and everything
(33:57):
that you put in this in this pink book. And
the third thing is that once you start the sort
of the thought process of writing it down, you start
to look at it from a different point of view
and see that then you start to question and say, well,
why do we do it that way? Why can't we
simplify it? And you know, do these three steps instead
of these six And it becomes a way for you
(34:19):
to improve how care is delivered, to make it more
effective for everybody. And it becomes a living document right
as care needs change, you simply keep it up to
data and you change it as you know, maybe you
have different medications and you change those. Then it's not
sort of one and done, but it becomes that reference
point that you can easily manage all that information and
(34:42):
keep it up to date. And you know, at the beginning,
we just thought it's just it just made sense to
keep it all in one place. And then as we
built this and our sun Bends Pink Books pretty it
is quite extensive. But I can tell you that everybody
that we hire, some people are more adept to it
than others. But they'll every time they show up, they'll
(35:05):
haul out the pink book just to refresh their memory
and say, oh, yeah, this is what we do at
this time, right, And it becomes that support for your
caregiver and a support for you because then you know
that care is going to be delivered consistently no matter
who's there.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And it's part of your process for yourself then of
reflecting on if you've if you are doing things in
a consciously chosen way that that really works.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Absolutely, yeah, yeah, And I mean we've had caregivers come
in and they have their they've depending on their experience level,
they'll challenge why do you do that? And then if
you don't have a really good answer, then you think, well,
you know, you're right, maybe we should change that. And
you know, it becomes an open opportunity and open invitation
(35:54):
to make things better because that's really what it's all about, right,
It's how do I deliver the best care and what
does that look like? And of course you involve the
person who's being cared for, Like if they don't like
what you're doing, then you obviously you got to change it.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
But it's a.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Really simple yet you know, high impact way of keeping
all that information together and making sure that it's all
you know, done properly and and and the way that
you want care delivered. Right, that's really really important.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Great, that's a really great note to end on. Do
you have anything else we didn't cover that you particularly
want to add? And then please share where people can.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Find you so you know anything around you know, building
your care team. We're eager to help you.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Help you do that.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
We've got, you know, three decades of experience, lots of scars,
and lots of learnings and lots of expertise to help
you through that. Our website is Soaringfamilies dot com.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Start there.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
We have some free guides to help you with all
kinds of different things. And if you're interested in the
Pink Book, the Pink Book is a new pink Book
dot com. You can get more information around what that is.
And if you do actually purchase the Pink Book, we
give you this are basically our caregiver support formula training
that I talked about, right, It's included because we want
(37:16):
you to be successful, right And even if you're not
ready for hiring somebody, at least you can start with
the Pink Book and then once you get that organized,
you probably see things a little differently and you might
see that, yeah, you know what, maybe I need to
start down that road. And if you want to reach
me by email, it's simply Mike at Soaringfamilies dot com.
(37:37):
Happy to hear from you and we're.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Here to help. Thank you so much, Thanks for coming on,
Thanks for what you do for your.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Son and so many the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Yeah, I'm Lisa Hudy and this has left us and
pay the bills making family caregiving visible. If you've enjoyed
the show, please tell a friend thanks for listening.
Welcome to love doesn't pay the bills. I am Lisa Chute.
I am a family caregiver. With me today is Mike George.
Mike Coff's families rewrite their caregiving story from one of
sacrifice and exhaustion to one of joy, strength, and resilience.
A family caregiver himself for three decades, Mike intimately understands
the burdens of supporting the primary care of a loved one,
(00:32):
but he also knows the tremendous fulfillment it can bring.
This lived experience led him to create the Soaring Family's Way,
a proven method that can be every family's reliable companion
on their journey to joy. He is a speaker, author,
and co founder of Soaring Families, whose mission is to
redefine caregiving for families. So it is a medical father,
(00:54):
a medical parent here and welcomed Mike George.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
It's great to be here, Lisa, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Yeah, tell us your own words about your caregiving experiences
on a personal level and some of the things you've experienced.
It's been a very long time for you, so obviously
can't share everything, but an overview. Sure.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So, I have three young adult children, I guess they're
sort of young. They're in their thirties. And our youngest
Ben was born with complex needs. We had no idea
until an hour or so after he was born, and
we had I mean intologists come and tell us how
(01:36):
many issues were involved. He had a large liver and spleen,
his head was too small, and his blood platelets were
dangerously low, and she even went so far as to
say he may not live the day. And so it
was needless to say, it was a huge shock, and
honestly we we thought in the beginning that they must
(01:58):
have their wrong baby because we had just seen and
he looked fine to us. But in fact it was him,
and he had lots of issues and lots of medical
I guess treatment that had to be done to even
pull him out of that danger zone, and so began
(02:18):
basically a life of twenty four hour care. In early days,
there were a lot more medical issues than the than
there are today. Fortunately, epilepsy's one of them.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Seizures.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I don't know if you've ever had to witness a seizure,
but it's a very disturbing event to see, especially when
it's your child.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
My daughter dealing was on ketogenic diet for nine years
due to epilepsy. Very familiar.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, yeah, so, I mean we were we had I
remember one year there was probably seventy five seizure episodes
we had to deal with, and eventually it got to
the point where calling nine to one one and getting
an ambulance wasn't good for anybody. So we found a
way and to navigate to manage them at home and
(03:04):
only the most serious ones did we ever have to
call nine one one. They still happen today. They're well controlled,
but nevertheless they kind of pop up without warning. There
doesn't seem to be any sort of lead up or
trigger other than if he's if he's one well, which
fortunately is not you know, a frequent thing. I mean
(03:24):
all of that to say is that you know, he
does require twenty four hour care. Someone has to be
with him all the time. He can't feed, clothe their dress,
or you know, toilet himself. It's personal care on every
aspect that you can think of. That being said, then
(03:46):
is what we would say, a genius trapped in a
body that doesn't work, and so our job is to
provide him the support and the and the team around
him in the right environment for him to learn and
succeed and you know, follow the normative pathways of life,
and in so far that he actually is a university graduate.
(04:07):
And that's a whole story unto itself, but it just
shows that with the right amount of support around him,
Ben can do all the hard work if you just
give him, you know, the right environment to do it.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
But I love it that you're going into what's usually
my next question is what's amazing about your care recipient?
What's amazing about Ben?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, sorry, yeah, But I guess all that
to say is that the only way we achieved all
those things, and Ben achieved all those things, is by
having a fabulous care team around them. And that's what
we have learned to be the biggest enabler. And essentially
that was a big decision point for us to actually
(04:49):
hire people to come into the home to do things
that we thought we should be doing. But at the
end of the day, we can't be there twenty four
hours a day, every day, all the time. And so
it really came down to, you know, Ben needs the
best care and who can provide that care and most
of the time it's us, but it can't be all
(05:09):
the time. So that's what we help families to do.
That's what we've learned the biggest lesson in our life,
and to show them how to, you know, they don't
have to do everything themselves, and that there are good
people out there who that you can find to help
to you know, get you through that that tough day
or that tough month, and be the right support at
(05:30):
the right time.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, you said on your website caregiving is not a
solo act. I completely agree. The only way that it
works for my daughter and our family is that there's
three of us caregivers for one care recipient, plus some
outside non family member caregivers on occasion. And you know,
(05:54):
when you think about somebody needing two, three, up to
four point two full time jobs worth of time, one
or two people can't do all of that. So I
think it's it's kind of crazy that we put these
expectations on ourselves. Like you said that you thought there
(06:14):
was a point you and as your wife, you and
your wife should be doing everything. And I think for
a lot of us that's really true. So how do
you help people build their team and trust in a
team of additional people and recruit the right people.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah, it's it's well, I guess the short answer is
we've we've been doing this for thirty years ourselves, so
we basically developed a formula that we follow to build
our team, which we call team then, and it's it's
a step by step process for you to actually find
the right person. Number one, how do you know that
(06:54):
they're the right person? Number two is how do you
get your home organized? Because that home becomes their workplace
that you're that you're hired the person you're hiring, so
you have to take it, you have to see it
from that perspective, And how do you get yourself organized
to set those boundaries and make sure that it becomes
an efficient workplace for the person you hire so they
(07:16):
can do their job well. And then the third piece
around it is how do you help the people you've
hired bring their best every day? And there is some
I guess people leadership skills that you they're not hard
to learn. But you know, you have people in your home,
you have you've basically become an employer, whether you.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Literally not quite frequently literally.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, And so whether you're paying them directly or paying
an agency or it doesn't matter. They're they're in your
home right or you're if it's for your parents, then
you're in your parents home. So there are some things
you can do to kind of make it a win
win for everybody. So those are the I guess the
pillars that we show families how to wrap their minds
(08:00):
around and take them through step by step. It is
work to do it. It's not magic. And suddenly you
post a position and all these wonderful people show up
at your door.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
You know that is not the case.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
That's not the case. Yeah, sadly, and I think, well,
I know COVID had a major impact on I guess
what you could call the resource pool of people who
are available. It's starting to pick up back to where
it was before COVID. But nevertheless, there is a process
(08:35):
you go through. If you think you can do it
in a weekend and have someone start start on a
Friday and then people show up on a Monday, that's
not the case. You really need probably six to eight
weeks of going through the process to find the right
people that are going to be a good fit. So
if you have that expectation in your mind, then you
(08:56):
know you can reasonably be successful on finding some one
you know, to do that, and then we also show
families how to onboard them, if you will, right, how
do they what are they going to do on day
one when they show up? Right, it's it's they don't
know your family member, they don't know your home other
than what you've probably told them, and so how do
(09:17):
you get them up to speed as quickly as possible
so that they can you know, number one, you can
trust that they're going to do the job well, and
number two that they're comfortable doing what they're what they're
doing right. So it's it might sound like a lot,
but we've been doing it forever, and you know, we've
got the formula figured out and we use it every time,
(09:37):
and we've got hundreds of families who will follow this
formula and some people who have never hired someone before
and now they've got two or three people on their
care team, and you know, they it's amazing results. The
relief and the you know sort of the I guess
the time they get back to themselves is beyond what
(09:59):
they would have thought. There is you know, people, it's
people are funny. It's that they know that's what they
need to do, but making that decision, reaching that decision
point is tough because it requires change in what they're
going to do and how that's going to handle it.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Not only change, but you yourself also said this is work. Right?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Who knew that it is work?
Speaker 1 (10:22):
That hrs work? Like you're performing HR functions?
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah you are, Yeah for sure. I mean you don't
have to be an HR expert, but there is that
aspect that you've right and and we've kind of helped
develop the guidelines and the advice so that you don't
have to start from a blank page. Yeah. But at
the same time, it's you know, having that coming to terms.
As my father used to say, with that decision. You
(10:47):
know what, I can't continue to do it all myself forever,
Like what if I, you know, break my leg, what
if I get ill? Like who's going to You don't
want to get to the point, you know, to the
eleventh hour and then suddenly say, oh, now.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
What do I do?
Speaker 2 (11:03):
It's too late then, right, And so if you can
try to try to step back and see that it's
not about you the caregiver, it's about the person you're
caring for, then when you look at it in those terms,
to think, Okay, how can I get the best possible
care for my child or my parent. Then you're not
(11:24):
part of It's not all about you anymore, it's about them.
It becomes an easier thought process for you to go
through and say, Okay, yeah, you're right, they've got to
have the right care.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
How do I do that?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
And that helps you in making that decision and going
down that road to say, you know what it's going
to be. It's going to be different, it's going to
be a change, but in the end, it's going to
be a whole life better than if I just did
it myself.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
I think getting more support around. I think of us
as a unit, you know, like it's not about the
care recipient. It's not about the caregiver, but it has
to be about both and as a unit and having
enough support for the caregiver for us to have a
break or to have our times off, or to have
(12:10):
confidence that when we're not able to do this, someone
else is ready. Sure these kinds of things are good
for us and and they're good for our care recipient.
There's a lot of overlap there. We have our different
different interests and needs and wants and everything, but there's
a lot of overlap. Most of the time with us
(12:31):
as a unit.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Definitely. Yeah. And the other analogy I like to draw
on is that I would say caregiving is a team sport,
and that it's you know, not one person can play
all the different positions on that team, not at the
same time anyway, right, So if you look at it
in those terms, then you know it's all about how
do I win? And the winning is how do I
(12:55):
get the best care for, you know, for my family member.
And so what people do I need on my team
to do this? Really well? Who can you know me
as as a family caregiver? What roles and what positions
can I play? Maybe I can play them all, maybe
I'm good at the mall, but I can't do them
all at the same time forever. So I need to
sort of step back and see, well, I'll do this part,
(13:17):
but then I need someone to help me with this
other part.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And then once you kind of start down that road
and look at it in terms of, you know, where
do I need the most help now and start having
someone come in, then it will have an impact that
you hadn't imagined before, and suddenly you'll have a little
more time to yourself to think about it and see
it in different terms, and then it actually becomes a
(13:41):
much more fulfilling experience for you. And then there are
things that you probably couldn't see before on where you
need the help, and then it just starts to you know,
it becomes a positive feedback loope from there.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, let's talk a little more about recruitment piece. So
somebody's may the decision I'm ready to have a non
family caregiver come in. I want to hire somebody, Especially, like,
can you talk to people who have had some experiences
where they tried to hire somebody and they either didn't
(14:17):
find anybody or had a horrible experience and they're you know,
disappointed and not trusting that process understandably, Like how do
you how do you regain trust? How do you make
sure it's going to go well and you're going to
find the best possible non family caregivers.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
So I think there's there's always a risk that going
to bring you're going to bring someone in and it
won't work out right. But if you if you follow
you know, I guess a structured process of vetting people,
chances are you're going to get someone who's who's going
(14:58):
to work out at least in part. But where it
starts though, is you as the caregiver, understanding and really
thinking about, you know, what type of person do I want?
What are they actually going to do in this role?
And it usually starts with where do I need the
most help. So if it's companionship only because you can't
(15:20):
be there, you know, because you're working or whatever, depending
on the level of care. If it's I need someone
to you know, company my son or my dad to
medical appointments, that's another sort of role that you can
if you're thinking about that's different from doing hands on
personal care. So understanding what it is that you really
(15:43):
want this person to do is the first step you
have to follow.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Yeah, for example, in my family, it works out really
well to have non family members arrange outings outside the
house and provide the transportation and everything necessary to support
my daughter going places and doing things out of the house,
and then myself and my husband providing more of the intimate,
you know, assistance with an ask getting and all of
(16:09):
this kind of stuff. The person, all of my daughter's
caregivers do need to be prepared to some extent for
those really personal, direct hands on care if for no
other reason then my daughter might have to go to
the toilet and she does need support to make sure
she's safe on and off the toilet. But as much
as possible, reserving those kind of more personal things for
(16:32):
the family works for us and the evening time period.
I'm also just by my nature a real introvert and
homebody kind of person, and it's just much more comfortable
for me to do those parts of things than to
(16:53):
necessarily be finding all the places to go and all
the things to see and people to talk to.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
So that's exactly it. I mean, where or is it
that fits for you right now where your daughter isn't
in her life and you are in your life where
you need that support and just exactly what you said.
So finding someone that can accompany those outings and do
those things is different from someone who needs to, you know,
do all meal prep and do sort of home care,
(17:20):
you know, hygiene and medical care and things like that.
That's a different type of person. So finding the right
person means you understanding exactly the type of person you
want and what they're going to do right. And so
what that means is that you need to spend some
time and basically craft a job description, you know, what
type of behaviors do do they need to exhibit? What
(17:41):
sort of level of experience do they need to have?
You know, do they need to if they're going an outing,
do they are you comfortable with them supplying their own
vehicle or do they drive your own vehicle? And all
those details you need to write down. You need to
spend some time figure out what that looks like because
what happens is that but that becomes your question set,
(18:02):
That becomes your guidelines and structure around how you're going
to interview them. Right because you've said I need these
these ten things, you know, then you evaluate do they
meet how close do they meet you know, those ten
things as you go through and evaluate whether you have resumes,
whether you talk to people, whatever the process it is
(18:22):
that you need to follow, and from there you basically
filter out the people that don't meet those and you
get down to, you know, one or two people that
then you need to say, you know what, you know,
could I leave my my family member alone with this person?
You know? Do I think they can do that? If
you're hesitating with that question from the beginning, then you
(18:46):
probably don't want to hire them. But if it's saying,
you know what, I think with a little bit of experience,
they could probably do this. Let's go, let's figure it out, right,
And then you then move on to once you've kind
of vetted them and got the short list is then
you sort of invite them into the home to meet
who they're going to be caring for, right, and you
(19:06):
see what your what your family member's reaction is to
this person, and kind of get a sense for you know,
how do they how do they conduct themselves when they
come into your home?
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Right?
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Is it really awkward? You know, they will be a
little awkward because of course it's like an interview, they've
never sort of met anybody. But beyond those things, you
can kind of tell and have a sense for did
that really work or not? Is this going to work?
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Right?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
So, if you do all those steps, the chances are
and you feel good about them, and this person actually
does want to come work for you, then chances are
are you're going to get a pretty good experience with
the person you hire. If you try to short circuit
and fast track some of those things, you'll probably miss
(19:51):
some things that may not produce the best results in
the end. As I say, there's no guarantee that just
because you go through all these that you're some and
it's going to come in and they're not going to
work out. But you've done enough, uh, you know, validation
and vetting and reference checking and all of that to say,
you know, that's about all I can humanly do to
(20:13):
see if this person's going to work out or not.
And then as you go through, you know, we we
usually recommend at least a three month probationary period where
you're sort of training them and see if they're getting
loose to used to what's going to happen. And you know,
if they kind of pass the test in the actual
(20:33):
hands on work, probably it's going to work out, you know,
for the for the longer term.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Sure, we're going to take a break. Now, please stay
right here and we'll be right back. Thank you for
sticking around. We continue our conversation. I don't want to
unnecessarily hammer the same point, but I'm really super interested
in the part, you know, before we even get applicants,
(20:59):
like how do we even get applicants because a lot
of us, you know, there is a work force shortage
for this kind of worker, and a lot of us
find that you know, we put out an ad or
we start asking around with people we know and there's
just tumbleweeds or no. So do you do you have
(21:20):
any guidance on that really early step of like getting
applicants getting people interested in your position. Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Absolutely, So there are different avenues you can pursue. You know,
the best way, and it's not you don't always get
a really good answer, but if you know someone well
that can refer somebody, you can short circuit a lot
of that that you feel good about that they're a
good person. Right, that doesn't produce you know, a dozen candidates,
(21:52):
but you know that should be an avenue that you
still pursue. Right, people that you know and trust that
they know someone well and know your situation.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
The sec that are the last tires we've had, or
were people that were in our lives already in some way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
And the other thing too, is if you have someone
you've hired, let's say, let's say it's not your first
one and they've been around in your home for a
while and they're really good, you can ask them like,
do you know anybody? Because there tends to be people
who are in the industry that kind of know of others,
depending on how long they've been in the industry, right,
So that's one step. Another thing is you can host
(22:34):
positions at you know, community colleges or places where they
actually train you know, PSWs or nursing assistants or any
people like that that have programs that do it. Often
they are more than happy to provide you with, you know,
(22:54):
sort of a list of people who are when they graduate,
they're going to be looking for work, or maybe they
graduated a few years ago and you know what, the
student was amazing. I don't know if this person's working,
and so you start to get you know, a list
of people or potential people through that.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Now. So typically in the United States, you're in Canada,
so it might be a bit different. Typically in the
United States, the only training that a DSP or PSW
has is generally provided by the organization that hires them
shortly after, and it's very limited. So they're you know,
(23:31):
in terms of going to schools, maybe you're looking at
people who are in programs to be a teacher and
specifically looking at working with students with the developmental disabilities
as a teacher. A lot of those folks are looking
for that teacher job as opposed to esp title. But
(23:52):
sometimes while they're in school that works out.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Or they're training to be an ot A, p T
A speech.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Therapist Sopactally, I would say though that sort of those
professional designations there beyond you know, the the rate that
you could pay.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Sometimes it works while they're in college and while they're
in their training.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
It's true, it's true. Yeah, yeah, I guess there there
are you know. My my point is that if you
if there are schools or there are training facilities that
you can reach out to, depending on where you live,
that might have a line to the you know these
people that are there. The other alternative, and what we
do is you can actually post on a job site
(24:37):
like Indeed, and that's typically what we would do. It
costs some money to post it. It's just like posting
and you know, putting an ad in Facebook to boost
it you to get the right amount of people, but
it's it's usually short short lived. You don't have to
spend a whole lot of money to get that out there.
But again, it starts with you understanding exactly the type
(24:57):
of person you need writing.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
That job that you're literally literally going to post on
the job board. That's right.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
You have to think of it in those terms. It
is a you know, it's the most important hire you're
ever going to do, So you've got to spend some
time and get your head around what type of person
do I want?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Right?
Speaker 2 (25:17):
And if you do that work and you know, put
put your feelers out in all those different channels, you'll
find some people that you know you'll want to actually
talk to. You'll also find a whole lot of people
that aren't qualified that just apply to everything right, And
no matter how specific you get, you will get some
(25:38):
people who they don't have any experience and yet they've
applied to your job. So it is a you know,
it can waste your time a little bit, but most
of the time you can filter it out and kind
of know right off the bat that this person is
a possibility or not.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, And honestly, with the DSPs, the non family DSPs
that we hire in my family, we're still providing enough
supervision and oversight and we're always nearby that those positions.
It can work out to how somebody with no experience,
but it has to be somebody whose heart is really
(26:15):
in it and I want to hear some kind of
story of why they've intentionally chosen to go this direction
and work with my daughter and what their interest really is.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Absolutely, and that goes to the fit of the position, right,
I mean, you could you know, Sally might be a
registered nurse, but she doesn't fit into my home environment.
So she might have the technical qualifications, but she's not
a good fit from a personality or an attitude or whatever. Right,
So all those pieces are really really important. I Mean.
(26:46):
The other thing that we often recommend too is there
are a lot of home care agencies that are out
there that have staff to do it right, and they've
done all the legwork to hire people right, but you
still need to go through the same process of you
know this is that develop a relationship with with whoever
(27:07):
the hiring manager is or or whatever that role or
that title is in the agency, and say I'm looking
for this type of person your job description that you
already have, right, And I don't want you just to
send anybody over. I want if you have a couple
of candidates, I'd like to interview them. I want to
make sure that they're a fit. Some agencies will be sure,
no problem, and other agencies as well you know, we
(27:29):
don't normally do that, and if they say that to you,
you keep moving on. You don't let them because that
will be a problem down the road. But again you
can still they're a source of possible candidates, and how
you work with an agency can actually be you know,
a really good experience for you, right, because they can
(27:50):
take away some of that you know, sort of HR
and all the administrative stuff around paying them. They tend
to be a little more expensive depending on the type
of care you're looking for, but it's a balance, right,
It depends on you know, how urgent your need is,
what you're looking for, and how much time you have
to sort of manage all of this.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Yeah, and some agencies in Oregon here anyway that work
through Medicaid, homework community services for people with intellectual disability
are pretty reliant on the families to recruit and bring
the employees to the agency. Some do more work in
(28:35):
terms of actively recruiting and having a pool of workers
that they have brought on sure for they meet the family.
So if one agency doesn't work for you, you can
certainly look for other agencies. That's a very good point,
and you can choose between an agency route or a
(28:55):
direct through the state route where the family entirely manages it.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah, honestly, you know, every state is different in every province. Again,
it is different of how this all kind of works out.
But if you it starts with you knowing who you want,
and then it's trying different channels, and honestly, someone will
show up if you're if you're clear on who you need,
that person will show up sooner or later.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah. Sometimes, you know, sometimes we we get one one
part of what we need from someone else and another
part from a different place. And you might you might
be finding that you're using things together, but if you
keep looking, you do find more and more of what
you need.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Yeah, And it becomes down to what can you live with?
What's you know, what's a reasonable amount of support and
care that you have? Are people working well together or not?
And there's no sort of one size fits all in
any of this stuff. But if you keep the mindset
(30:03):
that you know as you as the family caregiver, that
you are in charge, you can decide whether this is
going to work or not. You don't have to accept
the first person that walks through the door. And yeah,
if it doesn't work out, then you're back to square
one and trying to do it all over again. But
you know, there's a balance for everything. And I can
(30:25):
tell you that having done this for thirty years, you'll
have some really great people, and you'll have some people
that you know, maybe what did I miss there? That
they're not the best person, but you can live with them.
And then there's people that once in a blue moon
you kind of say, holy moly, that bad person's not
working out any Cut your losses and move on right.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Along with the building the job description. I know your
company helps people with being prepared with their orientation manuals
and essentially they're their directions to the employee. Yeah, can
you tell us about how you do that? You have
to make called the pink Book exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Yeah, So the Pink Book started a long time ago
when Ben was young. My father in law had a
serious car accident. He was an emergency surgeon, and my
wife and I we needed to go to the hospital
see what was going on, and so we didn't have
anybody at the time, and so we asked a neighbor
to come. She actually was a nurse and she said, sure,
I'll stay. You know, harbor long you need. But before
(31:31):
we left, she said, okay, what if Ben wakes up?
What means does he take? How do I do you know?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
What does he eat?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
And just some basic questions. And it was a sort
of all a color drained from our face and realized that,
oh my god, it's all in our heads. No one
else knows how to manage his care. And so the
next day, when we got back from the hospital, we
started writing those sort of essential care details down and
we found a pink binder lying in a drawer and
(31:59):
we shoved it in a all those instructions in a
pink binder, and so began the Pink Book. The name
just kind of stuck and it made sense. It was
a you know, pink's easy color to see and find.
And so what we've done over the years is we've
actually built sort of that book into a set of
professionally designed templates that any family caregiver can use, and
(32:20):
every family caregiver should use to get all that essential
information out of your head or from scrap pieces of
paper and put it and organize it into a manual,
a caregiving guide that's yours. It's something that you have
built that is about how care is delivered in your home, right,
(32:40):
and you know things around basic things around medications. Pretty
much everyone has some sort of medication that they have
to manage, whether it's every day, whether it's every month, whatever.
That looks like. There's things around nutrition. Maybe there's a
certain way you need to prepare this meal, or certain
allergies and certain things you have to avoid. Got to
(33:00):
write that stuff down. And then there's things like care routines,
is okay, what happens in the morning, how do I
what are the steps you go through? And you know,
if the person needs a lot of support from a
personal care point of view, what does that look like?
Speaker 1 (33:14):
How do you do that?
Speaker 2 (33:15):
When do you do that? That all that information you
need to write down and put it in the Pink
book because then it then it does a couple of things.
One is it now becomes available as a reference and
really the sort of the lifeline of how you manage care,
so that if someone else needed to step in they
(33:35):
could with or with little training. You know you've got
that or documented and you kind of know the essentials.
It also is good for training someone you hire. Right,
this is the reference guide of how care is delivered
here in the home. These are all the important things
with you know, contact lists and nutrition guides and everything
(33:57):
that you put in this in this pink book. And
the third thing is that once you start the sort
of the thought process of writing it down, you start
to look at it from a different point of view
and see that then you start to question and say, well,
why do we do it that way? Why can't we
simplify it? And you know, do these three steps instead
of these six And it becomes a way for you
(34:19):
to improve how care is delivered, to make it more
effective for everybody. And it becomes a living document right
as care needs change, you simply keep it up to
data and you change it as you know, maybe you
have different medications and you change those. Then it's not
sort of one and done, but it becomes that reference
point that you can easily manage all that information and
(34:42):
keep it up to date. And you know, at the beginning,
we just thought it's just it just made sense to
keep it all in one place. And then as we
built this and our sun Bends Pink Books pretty it
is quite extensive. But I can tell you that everybody
that we hire, some people are more adept to it
than others. But they'll every time they show up, they'll
(35:05):
haul out the pink book just to refresh their memory
and say, oh, yeah, this is what we do at
this time, right, And it becomes that support for your
caregiver and a support for you because then you know
that care is going to be delivered consistently no matter
who's there.
Speaker 1 (35:19):
And it's part of your process for yourself then of
reflecting on if you've if you are doing things in
a consciously chosen way that that really works.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Absolutely, yeah, yeah, And I mean we've had caregivers come
in and they have their they've depending on their experience level,
they'll challenge why do you do that? And then if
you don't have a really good answer, then you think, well,
you know, you're right, maybe we should change that. And
you know, it becomes an open opportunity and open invitation
(35:54):
to make things better because that's really what it's all about, right,
It's how do I deliver the best care and what
does that look like? And of course you involve the
person who's being cared for, Like if they don't like
what you're doing, then you obviously you got to change it.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
But it's a.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
Really simple yet you know, high impact way of keeping
all that information together and making sure that it's all
you know, done properly and and and the way that
you want care delivered. Right, that's really really important.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
Great, that's a really great note to end on. Do
you have anything else we didn't cover that you particularly
want to add? And then please share where people can.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Find you so you know anything around you know, building
your care team. We're eager to help you.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Help you do that.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
We've got, you know, three decades of experience, lots of scars,
and lots of learnings and lots of expertise to help
you through that. Our website is Soaringfamilies dot com.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Start there.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
We have some free guides to help you with all
kinds of different things. And if you're interested in the
Pink Book, the Pink Book is a new pink Book
dot com. You can get more information around what that is.
And if you do actually purchase the Pink Book, we
give you this are basically our caregiver support formula training
that I talked about, right, It's included because we want
(37:16):
you to be successful, right And even if you're not
ready for hiring somebody, at least you can start with
the Pink Book and then once you get that organized,
you probably see things a little differently and you might
see that, yeah, you know what, maybe I need to
start down that road. And if you want to reach
me by email, it's simply Mike at Soaringfamilies dot com.
(37:37):
Happy to hear from you and we're.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Here to help. Thank you so much, Thanks for coming on,
Thanks for what you do for your.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Son and so many the opportunity.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Yeah, I'm Lisa Hudy and this has left us and
pay the bills making family caregiving visible. If you've enjoyed
the show, please tell a friend thanks for listening.
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