February 12, 2025 • 31 mins
As we step into the week of Valentine's, Stacey and Jay have wanted to re-share one of their most listened to episodes. In the latest heartwarming episode of Love Like Crazy, hosts Jay and Stacy Coleman delve into the transformative power of love languages. As they unravel the nuances of words of affirmation, acts of service, and heartfelt acts of gift-giving, the Colemans share personal stories that bring these concepts to life.
The Colemans' discussion is not confined to the romantic sphere; they emphasize the universal application of love languages in deepening connections with family, friends, and even oneself.
With a blend of personal anecdotes and insights into the biblical essence of love, they paint a vivid picture of how small gestures, tailored to an individual's love language, can significantly impact the depth and quality of relationships. Listeners are guided chapter by chapter, beginning with the basics of love languages and culminating in the revelation of the often overlooked but equally important physical touch.
Their message is clear: understanding and speaking your loved one's love language is not just an act of affection—it's a catalyst for extraordinary bonds. With practical advice, including a recommendation to take the love languages quiz, the Colemans ensure that listeners have the tools to start transforming their relationships, one love language at a time.
Connect with Jay and Stacey: https://www.lovelikecrazypodcast.com/
Podcast produced by Hi Hello Labs
Website: hihellolabs.com
The Colemans' discussion is not confined to the romantic sphere; they emphasize the universal application of love languages in deepening connections with family, friends, and even oneself.
With a blend of personal anecdotes and insights into the biblical essence of love, they paint a vivid picture of how small gestures, tailored to an individual's love language, can significantly impact the depth and quality of relationships. Listeners are guided chapter by chapter, beginning with the basics of love languages and culminating in the revelation of the often overlooked but equally important physical touch.
Their message is clear: understanding and speaking your loved one's love language is not just an act of affection—it's a catalyst for extraordinary bonds. With practical advice, including a recommendation to take the love languages quiz, the Colemans ensure that listeners have the tools to start transforming their relationships, one love language at a time.
Connect with Jay and Stacey: https://www.lovelikecrazypodcast.com/
Podcast produced by Hi Hello Labs
Website: hihellolabs.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hey everyone, and welcome to the Love Like Crazy Podcast.
We're your hosts, Jay and Stacy Coleman. Thank you for
joining us today, Thank you for listening in. We just
appreciate all of our viewers and all of your response
and feedback. We just appreciate it. Listen today. We have
a great topic. It's going to be my favorite topic
I think to talk about because and I've been waiting
(00:44):
sometime to be able to talk about this. But Jay,
I want you to jump in and help me set
the stage for this.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm sitting here thinking as you said that today we
have a great topic. Like it seems like every.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Episode they're all great, and you need to listen to
all of them.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, because the podcast is about building a stronger marriage
and family. And I know that this is an episode
out of everyone that we do, this is the one
that you've been talking the most about. This is the
one that you're the most excited about. You've been prepping
and playing and I'm probably going to lean on you
more so in this. I'm going to just let you
go forward and.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Run with Well, you baited me in one of the
first episodes that we did. You mentioned something about the
love languages, and I said, oh, you're going to talk
about that, and you said, no, I'm not. We're just
referencing it.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
And then you came back and said, I want to
do an episode where I.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Get we get to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Go forward. So today we're going to dive off into
this here in just a moment, we're going to talk
about the five love languages, talk about what it really
means to love, how you feel one another's love. Before
I do that, I do want to take a quick
moment to let you guys know, if you're enjoying this podcast,
make sure you like, subscribe, you share, you give us
a review. We love to read the different thoughts that
(01:59):
you have about the podcast, and so it's great to
have you guys as our listeners, those of you who
are watching on YouTube as our viewers. And today I
want to start off with this verse first John four,
seven and eight. It says, dear friends, let us love
one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves
has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does
(02:20):
not love does not know God, because God is love. Now,
when you look at that verse, you see it in
our relationships. It is very important what love looks like
because it's an indicator of a lot of different things
in our life. So here's the question, why do we
have love issues? Why do we have issues feeling people's love?
(02:42):
Why do we have issues with making other people feel
our love? And I believe, and you're going to back
this up here in just a moment, it's because we
speak different languages. There is a language that we have
where we feel somebody's love towards us. And I think
back to whenever I was in high school. I think
you took a four line language.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, I started to take a foreign language, which was French,
and I was in that class for just a few
weeks and decided I needed to be in choir. And
it benefited me for me to take choir because I
ended up with a music degree, music.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Degree, And you want have wound up being a worship
pastor for many many years. You had a studio teaching
piano and voice lessons for many many years. So I'm
glad you did not take French.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well, I kind of wished I had learned a little
bit of it. A few years ago when we went
to Paris and I could not read or understand any
of the signs.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Well, let me say this to you.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I'm talking about it, but they spoke a little bit
of English.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I'm talking about a learner to speak another language. And
I did take French in high school.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And you remember a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Of it, No, I do not. I remember one Christmas
song that we learned, and I remember probably Lufran. That's
pretty much it. That's do you speak French? And that's
as far as I can get in it. I struggled
with it. The reason why I struggled with it is
because it was not native to me. It was not
my native language. And oftentimes, whenever it comes to speaking
one another's love language, if the way that somebody speaks
(04:11):
love or tries to make you feel their love is
not native to you, it's not your language, then quite
naturally it's something you're going to struggle in that regard.
So when you think about that, there's a lot of frustration,
oftentimes within marriage, oftentimes within different relationships because we don't
really understand one another's love language.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Do you think that once you understand each other's love language,
which we're going to get into this in just a second,
then it's going to come easier. And then also it
takes work. Just like if I would have stuck with
French class, it was going to take a lot of
work for me to learn that language. So once you
can identify each other's love language, then you have to
(04:51):
work at it.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I went on a mission strip years ago and it
was in the Congo and while we're there, the native
language for a lot of them there was was French.
And so I would get up. You know, there was
I don't know, fifty sixty seventy thousand people at these
meetings and I would get up and I remember I
would say, you know, Paul vu and uh, you know
(05:13):
that I found out what I was saying. It really
they didn't quite you know, comprehend and it caused a
lot of confusion. Let's just say, okay, okay. So when
something's not native to you, you struggle in that regards.
When it comes to your love language, it can be
frustrating if you don't quite know how to speak each
other's love language. But as you said, it builds your marriage.
(05:35):
As you work on it, it builds your marriage. So
tell us about the book Gary Chapman wrote this book.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yes, so there is a book by the author Gary
Chapman called The Five love languages, and there's the five
love languages you know, for your marriage. And if you're
if you're watching.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
If you're watching on YouTube, you can see this book.
This is the and I always, I often joke he
wrote the five Love language and then there were some
follow up books behind this one, the different you know
topics that he took and ran with it, and he
did a good job.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Of that, and the one. Yes. This book has sold
like over twenty million copies. So most seriously, that's what
it says. That's what it says on there. So you know,
if if you've never heard of it, I hope you'll
you'll really grab a hole to all the things that
we're about to talk about. And if you have heard
of this, maybe this is like a refresher course.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I actually referenced this book quite often whenever I do
marital counseling, even whenever I do pre medal counseling. I
referenced this book because we got our hands on this
probably year fifteen eighteen somewhere around and there, and you
read it and then you came to me and said
you need to read this book. And I remember getting
(06:51):
a hold of it and reading it and having it
was like my eyes were opened up. The reason why
is because I remember, specifically when we first got married,
I was one who loved to give gifts, and I
would buy you flowers, I would buy you address, I
would buy you different things. And whenever I would do
that for you, you didn't respond in the way that
I expected. You'd just be like, oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I think I told you something like, don't waste your
money on flowers.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Not at first, but the more I bought you flowers, eventually.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yes I did. It's a nice surprise from time and time.
But gifts was not my love language.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It wasn't And actually I would get frustrated because I'm
doing this to express my love to you, and you
would not reciprocate quite in the way that I you know,
like you wouldn't gush. You would be like, oh my gosh,
this is amazing, and so as a result, I would
get frustrated. It wasn't until after we got our hands
and read this and realized now I understand because if
(07:47):
I would have spoke your love language in a way
that you you would have gushed. You would have been like,
oh God, you're the greatest.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Person, right, Well, so yes, it was this book, but
the first love lifeguage book that I read that really
truly opened my eyes to minister to my children. There's
one called the Five Love Languages for Children. It was
a blue book. I remember sharing it with a lot
of the moms early on when we started pastoring the church,
(08:17):
and because I was so excited to have all this
information and then be able to realize, Okay, there are
different ways to feel the love tank for my children
and my spouse.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So give our listeners an idea if they haven't read
the book. What do you when you say love tank,
fill the love? What does that even mean?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Well, because there are different languages, and if we're not
speaking the proper love language that someone might have, like
you were trying to speak love to me through gifts,
that wasn't really how I received it. So it's it's
how we give and receive love that is important that
(08:59):
will either fill our love tank are empty it out.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
So to clarify, each person has a tank, a love.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Tank, I love tank yeah quotes yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
And that love tank either stays full or half full
or empty. And as a spouse, do you want to
try and keep your spousees love tank as full as
you can.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Right, and it's very helpful. What I discovered with my
children was very helpful, especially even in the way that
I disciplined them. Once I had an understanding of how
they were receiving my love and also giving their lives.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Well, and I was going to say this earlier. I
jokingly responded, you had all these companion books that Love
lifel U to kind of make fun of kids, teenagers,
Husband's Life, the Five Love Languages figure German Shepherd. You
know all these different things because you know, I get it.
You write all these different books. It's spent off books
of the original but it was really really helpful with
to you in regards of your children. So if you're
(09:58):
listening today to this podcast, I highly recommend get your
hands on the book The Five Love Languages. And you
highly recommend getting your hand on the book The Five
Love Languages of Your Children.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
For children. I mean they have all types, even for singles.
So if there's some single people listening, there's.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
That that love tank full.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Right, So it's all in how we give and we
receive love. So let me let me just go ahead
and kind of tell you that the five Love Languages
that the author mentions in this book, and and I
can kind of give examples for each because as I
was as I was going over in this very helpful.
As I was going over this, I realized that out
(10:40):
of the five of us in our family, meaning me
and you and our three sons, we each have as
a primary love language one of these five. Like, so
I have an example for each. So the first one
is words of encouragement or words of affirmation. Is that
what is sometimes said, and that is that the person
(11:02):
who has that primary love language. And I'm saying primary
because you can have your primary love language and then
a secondary one as well. Okay, but if it's your
primary love language, then.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Then this is the primary way that you feel someone
else's love and how.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Your love tank is to be filled up.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Okay, So what were some examples of that? What did
you say?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Affirmation?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Affirmation?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, words of encouragement or affirmation. Is that that that
if that's your love language, then and it's not to
be like, you know, oh, please build me up or whatever,
but it's hey, you're you're doing a great job, you're awesome,
you know, those type of things that can just affirm
them in whatever situation.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
You are the dream spouse that I always prayed for.
Is that?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah? Okay, okay, that's a good one. That's a good one. Well,
I realized that this happens to be the love language
of our oldest son. And so I remember when he
was learning the guitar. We're both he and I are
both musicians, and so we're always on the worship team,
(12:12):
and I was training him for many years in that,
and he was learning the guitar, and I just was
constantly affirming him in that because I knew it was
something that he loved, something he was working on, and
I was very excited, you know that that was a
goal of his. And it has paid off tremendously because
(12:33):
he is now our worship leader at our church, and
so affirmation is a big part and that encourages him
and feels his love tank.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
So words of affirmation or encouragement, you're talking about our
oldest son, but it's words as you used to build that.
Correct me if I'm wrong. It can have the opposite
effect as well. If their love language is words of
affirmation of encouragement, if you speak discouraging words to them,
you could tear them all.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
You're going to empty that loved tank. I'm glad you
brought that up, because that is something that needs to
be identified, that there is the positive and the negative
to this, that when you are not speaking in the
love language that your spouse, or your children, or your friends,
whoever it is that they need, it depletes them and
(13:18):
can make them feel unloved. I suppose. So.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
In other words, while he's playing his guitar, he's learning,
he's growing in this. If you say he's like, hey,
how do you think I'm doing with this? If you say, look,
you're a garbage guitar proper, you're.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Really like tearing him apart and being criticized.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You're the worst guitar player I've ever heard my entire life.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
So if he's not, he's really really good. He's really
really good.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I'm giving that. I'm giving that as a just a
goofy example of the sense that that would be something
that would be detrimental for Oh, it would.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
It would absolutely diplenish his love tank and cause him
to be so so discouraged, and ultimately, when his love
language is not me and spoken, it can just be
decimating to the person.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Okay, So words of affirmation or encouragement.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yes, okay, so that's the first one. The second one
is acts of service.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Now this is I'm gonna go ahead and throw this
out there because I do know this. You asked me
before we started recording this episode, do you know what
my love language is? And I told you, well, it
used to be words of affirmation, but it shifted a
little bit, probably in the last ten years. Now. I
think it probably always was this, but now there's more
of an awareness there that you realize acts.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Of service is your last Yes, yes, acts of service
is definitely mine. And what that does is the loudest
way that you can speak That love language is just
by doing for that person.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
And here's what that looks like if you I don't
know what it is, but in the morning, you love it.
Whenever I get up and I make you a piece
of toast with peanut butter on it, and you know,
sometimes I have time to do that. I try to
make time to do that as often as possible. You
like it. Whenever on you know, I make lunch for you,
you like it. Whenever I wash the dishes, you like it.
(15:10):
Whenever I take your vehicle and wash your vehicle. And
what that is it really is just serving you, honoring
you and serving you and cherishing you.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah, and so those things are like needed for me.
So I've recognized that, you know, when you do that
for me, when other people do certain things for me,
I'm like, oh, like I feel really really loved.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
You feel valued, loved and appreciated.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
But then also I want you to take note that
whatever your primary love language is, and that's the way
you receive it. A lot of times, that's the way
you give love initially, that's your first go to of
how you want to give love out. And so I
tend to. I tend to want to serve other people.
(15:58):
I'm always you.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Know, wanting to gifts.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I give gifts and stuff like that. I think people thought, oh,
gifts must be your love language, and I was like, no,
giving it and being of service to someone or helping
someone with a need, that is really how I'm giving
love mainly.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Like you want to pick me up a gift somewhere, I.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Would like, well, I won't turn away again.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
As pro home depot.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
See, all my friends listening are gonna think, oh, Jay
bought her address and she was like, don't give me gifts,
and they're not going to want to know you can
still give me gifts.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Okay, friends, well I know what the gifts to in
this day and age. You like, I'm not going to
buy you flowers. I'm going to get you a gift
card for massage.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
So yes, oh amen, Okay, that's great, that's great. So
you know when I'm saying that, like acts of service
is is how I also give love. And I look
at my oldest son when I said his his love
language was words of encouragement. He is the biggest in
courage aer he really is. That is also how he
gives love. And so you know what, just just be thinking,
(17:07):
you know, of the of the ones in your family, like, okay,
which one of these could be their love language.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
We wanted to take a break hearing today's episode to
share some exciting news for all of the married and
soon to be married couples. Stacey and I will be
hosting the lovel Like Crazy Marriage Conference on February twenty
third and twenty fourth at Journey Church at Greenwow Springs, Louisiana.
Don't miss this opportunity in investing your marriage, spend time
together and strengthen your family bonds. Save your seat today
(17:36):
at Takedo Journey dot TV. We can't wait to see
you there as we learn to love like crazy.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
The third love language is this. It's a gift giving.
We've mentioned that quite a few times.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I already talked talked about this one somewhat right.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
So if that is your primary love language, then bringing
them something of any It doesn't have to be riped
up with a bow, okay, but just your thoughtfulness and
thinking of them and saying, hey, I picked this up
for you. I heard that you might need this, or
I mean that like is great for someone who has
(18:11):
that love language, and what it communicates to them is
that when you're a part, then that means that, oh,
you're thinking of me, yeah, you know. So our youngest son,
that is his love language. And the time that really
jumped out to me when I noticed that that was
(18:33):
that was truly his primary love language. When he was
in kindergarten. He came home one day and he said, Mama,
my teacher gave everybody brand new crayons, like a brand
new box of crayons, and he was so it was
like probably halfway through the school year, and he was
so excited like that, I mean, that was a big
(18:55):
gift to him, and he was just like so happy
about it. I didn't have the heart to tell him
that Mama was the one that bought all the crayons
and sent him to school and the teacher gave him
out the new set of crayons halfway through the school year,
and I really wanted to take credit. No, no, Mama
gave you those crayons. But he received that love from
(19:17):
his teacher because of that gift that she offered to
them in class.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
You know what's funny about this is that Reese and
his bride Kayla we call KK. They've been married now
for going on three years. Three years, and I think
it was kind of a neat thing to sit back
and watch because she took care of him in this regards.
From the time they were dating forward. She would bring
him little gifts here and there, and I really thought
(19:44):
that that was because we knew his love language his gifts,
but obviously she figured that out rather quickly and she
speaks his love language very very well. The cool part
was she would bring him things like gummy bears and candy,
and when they were away, I would sneak in his
room and I would.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Eat them so telling on yourself.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
My love language is gonna bears.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Okay, so we've got words of encouragement, acts of service,
gift giving. The fourth one is quality time and Jay,
that is your primary. It is love language.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
It is for sure.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
So when you you know, that tells someone that you're
taking time for them, that you're taking time to slow down,
to acknowledge them and to connect with them. And so
just a little tidbit to all the ladies out there
that you know, trying to have quality time with someone
(20:38):
during Monday night football or something like that is not
gonna work. That's not gonna work. So but I do
know one of the things that works for you is
that you you love it. If we'll just go run
errands together.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Go grocery shopping together, run errands together, go for a
walk together. You did something this past year in Carlos.
Maybe we can put a picture up of this up
on YouTube if you're if you're listening to this, go
to YouTube and watch the video. If my wife will
allow this, well you have to. Now I've spoken it
into his existence. Last year I asked you, Hey, we
(21:14):
were at the camp and I said, hey, will you
go honey? I left the duck hunt. I said, will
you go duck hunting with me? And she's in the
all the time we've been married thirty one years, she's
only gone duck hunting with me twice before. One time
we went and we got up at four o'clock in
the morning and went and you, if you rememer correctly,
(21:34):
you slept the entire time and then when you finally
woke up, I was like, okay, let's go. The other
time we went out in the duck line and it
just started pouring down rain and you got soaked.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Now it's like I did not want to do this yet.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
So that was many years ago, and she was like,
I'm never doing this again. Well, this time was just
me and her at the camp and I asked her
and she said, yeah, I'll go out with you. So
we went out. We sat in the dug line, and
we had a great time and we visited, we laughed,
we cut up. And what it was was that meant
something to me because you actually were taking time to
go with me to do something that I love to do.
So you were speaking my love language in a very
(22:08):
great way.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Yeah, so we're going to have to pull out that
picture your body.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
I can't remember if you were wearing makeup in the picture. Not.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Oh well, but you.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Had some cameo on.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
It just doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
You had some camo on.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah, that's right, that's right. So yeah, I definitely got
all in to go hunting with you that time. But
if if you have you know, your spouse, are your children,
that is their love language, then whatever it is that
they love to do, like you were talking about that's
a hobby of yours to go duck hunting. Then whatever
your person, you know, their favorite thing to do, then
(22:45):
make plans to do spend quality time with them doing that.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Okay, so words of encouragement or affirmation, acts of service,
gift giving, quality time. Okay. The last one, now, I
want to talk about this one because I love this. Okay,
I have a miner in this.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Last Yeah, okay, you have a six language. What it does?
So the fifth one is physical touch.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Now, most people think when you talk about physical touch,
you're talking about sex.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Right, And that's not. That's not what it can be.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Let me throw that out there for for hope, for
everybody out there, because all the guys are like, yeah,
that's my love language. It's not. It's not necessarily that
so tell us what we're talking about here.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
So if if it is your primary love language physical touch,
that means that you that person will feel your love
through the closeness, through holding hands, hugging, that kind of thing,
any any type of physical physical contact. Right, And so
that happens to be our middle son's love language. And
(23:47):
I recognize this when they were really young, when I
when I first read the book, and he is definitely
one that was just when he was little, a cuddler,
just very very easy. Our grandson is the same way.
So so I recognized this that that would help him
(24:09):
to like really have a good day at school. I
would wake him up first and spend some time with
him and just snuggle and give him all the cuddles
and everything before I woke up his brothers and then
we got ready for school. So that was when he
was little, okay. But also it changed, it shifted when
he was a teenager, okay. And so which makes me
(24:32):
think there's also a five love languages for teenagers. So
parents of teenagers, there's hope, Okay, read that book. That
will help you. So for my middle son, being the
physical touch was his love language. I told him as
a teenager, I said, look, I don't want to embarrass you.
(24:52):
You know, I'm not going to come up and hug you,
and I definitely don't want to do that in front
of your your friends. So I told him, I said, listen,
when you need a hug, you come to me when
you need a hug. And so from time to time
he would just sometimes he'd come over and give me
a hug. Now he's how tall.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Now he's six foot five.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He's six foot five, okay, so he hovers over me.
But even to this day, when he doesn't like give
me a bear hug, he just kind of leans on
me or like raps his side arm around me and
squeezes and so that is that is his you know,
that's his love language. That's what helps him.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And straight up, we're all in our family, we're all tall.
I'm six three sixty five, res Is, he's a little taller,
me a little short of the price and taller six foots.
We're all big guys. And you know, for to have
him grab you and hug.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
You, yeah, I'm the shortest one out of all that
are you guys eight?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
So it was it was kind of a cool thing
to see big old guy grab his mama hug.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
But I mean and still to this day, of course,
all my boys are huggers because in our family we
say hugs are free, so we take advantage of that.
So all of these different love languages can be so
very helpful, like I said, to give that kind of love,
to receive that kind of love, and it also helps
to lessen relational conflicts when you know how to speak
(26:20):
the other person's love language. So I just want to
encourage our listeners to, you know, maybe search out the
love language, learn about it a little bit more, be
able to identify for your children, for your spouse, for
your friends, other family members. I have found that it
has also helped shift things with other family members as
(26:41):
well once I identify that love language, because if we're
not speaking it in the right way, it can cause issues.
So I would like to recommend not only the books
that you can buy to read, but also if you
go to their website at five loove Languages dot com
and it's the number five Fivelove Languages dot com, they
(27:02):
have a quiz that you can take that will help
you to determine your primary and secondary love language.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Well, uh so I do want to take some time,
so I highly encourage you to read the books, take
the quiz.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think even the quiz is in the back of
some of the books.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
And husband's listen to me, don't don't have the mindset
of this is a woman's thing. No, this really helped
me as a husband, understand my wife in a better way,
be able to speak her love language, and it built
our marriage and also with our kids as well. You know, absolutely,
so I do want to take a little bit of
time to be able to talk about the sixth love language.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Okay, I'm sorry, I forgot now.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
And I jokingly say that I'm going to write a
book called the sixth Love Language. Really, I came up
with this. H and Gary Chapman, if you're listening to
Love Like Crazy podcast, yes, I would partner with you
to write this book. And the sixth love Language is
base off of whenever you know, quality time. That's my
(28:04):
love language. And I have a I do enjoy holding
hands with my wife. I do enjoy hugging her, so
physical touch. So I created I joined them together and
created the sixth love language quality touch.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Okay, And that it sounds just something that would come
from a man.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
And here was the mindset. I don't want to just
hold your hand, I want to make out with you. Okay,
uh so it was a joke, but the bottom line
is this is.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
All every man is thinking. This.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Every man is thinking like, that's my love language. Quality.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
There it is.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I want to I don't want just physical touch, I
want quality.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
They don't even have to take the quiz.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
They just already know they know what their love language
is right off the back. So you know, that's that's
fun to laugh about that and cut up. But seriously,
understanding your spouse's love language so important. Speaking in their
love lange will build your marriage, It'll make it strong,
it'll make it healthy. Underunderstanding your kids love languages and
speaking that build your family and make it stronger.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yes, I'm so excited that we got to talk about
this topic because I mean, if we're gonna have a
podcast called Love Like Crazy, we have to talk about
the love languages. Well, doubt and.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
This is in your wheelhouse.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I kind of in my wheelhouse. I'll chime in, but
I'm back at I'll talk about it anytime.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
When you talk about a pastor, you know, allowing something
because pastors can talk Okay, we can teach, we can talk,
but I knew that this was in your wheelhouse, and
I back off. I'll let you just do your thing.
And what I like about it is you help everybody
have a better understanding that every person has a love tank.
And here's one of the things. Your love tank is
either full or it's depleted. It's going down on empty.
(29:43):
Think about it in regards with like a gas tank
for a car. Your car can move forward and it's
got power as long as it has gas. Okay, and
you're watching that gas gage. Three quarters of tank, half tank,
and if you're anything like my wife, she will draw
that tank down to like I've got like three mile
was left in the tank. Then I got to fill
it up for again because I acts of service serving you.
(30:06):
But I like to keep the tank in my truck
as full as possible. So you want to keep the
love tank within your spouse, your kids as full as possible.
So it's important to speak to others LOVELI yes, very
very important.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Thank you for letting me share.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I figured you'd enjoy that. You got anything else you.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Want to share, just go into that website and take
the quiz at five love languages dot com or buy
the book.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Okay, Gary Chapman, if you're listening, we are telling everybody
about your book, and let's get together and write that book.
The six Love Language by j Colemans slash Gary Chapman. Okay,
there you go, Hey listen. Hope you guys have enjoyed
this podcast day. We've had a lot of fun cutting
up but great gave some great information to help build
your marriage and build your family and make it stronger
(30:49):
and healthier every single day. So if you have enjoyed
this episode, like, subscribe, share, let everybody know, help us
build this podcast, get the word out, and until next time,
I'm Jay and I'm Stacy and this is love like Crazy.
Hey everyone, and welcome to the Love Like Crazy Podcast.
We're your hosts, Jay and Stacy Coleman. Thank you for
joining us today, Thank you for listening in. We just
appreciate all of our viewers and all of your response
and feedback. We just appreciate it. Listen today. We have
a great topic. It's going to be my favorite topic
I think to talk about because and I've been waiting
(00:44):
sometime to be able to talk about this. But Jay,
I want you to jump in and help me set
the stage for this.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I'm sitting here thinking as you said that today we
have a great topic. Like it seems like every.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Episode they're all great, and you need to listen to
all of them.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Well, because the podcast is about building a stronger marriage
and family. And I know that this is an episode
out of everyone that we do, this is the one
that you've been talking the most about. This is the
one that you're the most excited about. You've been prepping
and playing and I'm probably going to lean on you
more so in this. I'm going to just let you
go forward and.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Run with Well, you baited me in one of the
first episodes that we did. You mentioned something about the
love languages, and I said, oh, you're going to talk
about that, and you said, no, I'm not. We're just
referencing it.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
And then you came back and said, I want to
do an episode where I.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Get we get to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Go forward. So today we're going to dive off into
this here in just a moment, we're going to talk
about the five love languages, talk about what it really
means to love, how you feel one another's love. Before
I do that, I do want to take a quick
moment to let you guys know, if you're enjoying this podcast,
make sure you like, subscribe, you share, you give us
a review. We love to read the different thoughts that
(01:59):
you have about the podcast, and so it's great to
have you guys as our listeners, those of you who
are watching on YouTube as our viewers. And today I
want to start off with this verse first John four,
seven and eight. It says, dear friends, let us love
one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves
has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does
(02:20):
not love does not know God, because God is love. Now,
when you look at that verse, you see it in
our relationships. It is very important what love looks like
because it's an indicator of a lot of different things
in our life. So here's the question, why do we
have love issues? Why do we have issues feeling people's love?
(02:42):
Why do we have issues with making other people feel
our love? And I believe, and you're going to back
this up here in just a moment, it's because we
speak different languages. There is a language that we have
where we feel somebody's love towards us. And I think
back to whenever I was in high school. I think
you took a four line language.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, I started to take a foreign language, which was French,
and I was in that class for just a few
weeks and decided I needed to be in choir. And
it benefited me for me to take choir because I
ended up with a music degree, music.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Degree, And you want have wound up being a worship
pastor for many many years. You had a studio teaching
piano and voice lessons for many many years. So I'm
glad you did not take French.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well, I kind of wished I had learned a little
bit of it. A few years ago when we went
to Paris and I could not read or understand any
of the signs.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Well, let me say this to you.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I'm talking about it, but they spoke a little bit
of English.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I'm talking about a learner to speak another language. And
I did take French in high school.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And you remember a lot.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Of it, No, I do not. I remember one Christmas
song that we learned, and I remember probably Lufran. That's
pretty much it. That's do you speak French? And that's
as far as I can get in it. I struggled
with it. The reason why I struggled with it is
because it was not native to me. It was not
my native language. And oftentimes, whenever it comes to speaking
one another's love language, if the way that somebody speaks
(04:11):
love or tries to make you feel their love is
not native to you, it's not your language, then quite
naturally it's something you're going to struggle in that regard.
So when you think about that, there's a lot of frustration,
oftentimes within marriage, oftentimes within different relationships because we don't
really understand one another's love language.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Do you think that once you understand each other's love language,
which we're going to get into this in just a second,
then it's going to come easier. And then also it
takes work. Just like if I would have stuck with
French class, it was going to take a lot of
work for me to learn that language. So once you
can identify each other's love language, then you have to
(04:51):
work at it.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
I went on a mission strip years ago and it
was in the Congo and while we're there, the native
language for a lot of them there was was French.
And so I would get up. You know, there was
I don't know, fifty sixty seventy thousand people at these
meetings and I would get up and I remember I
would say, you know, Paul vu and uh, you know
(05:13):
that I found out what I was saying. It really
they didn't quite you know, comprehend and it caused a
lot of confusion. Let's just say, okay, okay. So when
something's not native to you, you struggle in that regards.
When it comes to your love language, it can be
frustrating if you don't quite know how to speak each
other's love language. But as you said, it builds your marriage.
(05:35):
As you work on it, it builds your marriage. So
tell us about the book Gary Chapman wrote this book.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yes, so there is a book by the author Gary
Chapman called The Five love languages, and there's the five
love languages you know, for your marriage. And if you're
if you're watching.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
If you're watching on YouTube, you can see this book.
This is the and I always, I often joke he
wrote the five Love language and then there were some
follow up books behind this one, the different you know
topics that he took and ran with it, and he
did a good job.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Of that, and the one. Yes. This book has sold
like over twenty million copies. So most seriously, that's what
it says. That's what it says on there. So you know,
if if you've never heard of it, I hope you'll
you'll really grab a hole to all the things that
we're about to talk about. And if you have heard
of this, maybe this is like a refresher course.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I actually referenced this book quite often whenever I do
marital counseling, even whenever I do pre medal counseling. I
referenced this book because we got our hands on this
probably year fifteen eighteen somewhere around and there, and you
read it and then you came to me and said
you need to read this book. And I remember getting
(06:51):
a hold of it and reading it and having it
was like my eyes were opened up. The reason why
is because I remember, specifically when we first got married,
I was one who loved to give gifts, and I
would buy you flowers, I would buy you address, I
would buy you different things. And whenever I would do
that for you, you didn't respond in the way that
I expected. You'd just be like, oh, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I think I told you something like, don't waste your
money on flowers.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Not at first, but the more I bought you flowers, eventually.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Yes I did. It's a nice surprise from time and time.
But gifts was not my love language.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It wasn't And actually I would get frustrated because I'm
doing this to express my love to you, and you
would not reciprocate quite in the way that I you know,
like you wouldn't gush. You would be like, oh my gosh,
this is amazing, and so as a result, I would
get frustrated. It wasn't until after we got our hands
and read this and realized now I understand because if
(07:47):
I would have spoke your love language in a way
that you you would have gushed. You would have been like,
oh God, you're the greatest.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Person, right, Well, so yes, it was this book, but
the first love lifeguage book that I read that really
truly opened my eyes to minister to my children. There's
one called the Five Love Languages for Children. It was
a blue book. I remember sharing it with a lot
of the moms early on when we started pastoring the church,
(08:17):
and because I was so excited to have all this
information and then be able to realize, Okay, there are
different ways to feel the love tank for my children
and my spouse.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
So give our listeners an idea if they haven't read
the book. What do you when you say love tank,
fill the love? What does that even mean?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Well, because there are different languages, and if we're not
speaking the proper love language that someone might have, like
you were trying to speak love to me through gifts,
that wasn't really how I received it. So it's it's
how we give and receive love that is important that
(08:59):
will either fill our love tank are empty it out.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
So to clarify, each person has a tank, a love.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Tank, I love tank yeah quotes yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
And that love tank either stays full or half full
or empty. And as a spouse, do you want to
try and keep your spousees love tank as full as
you can.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Right, and it's very helpful. What I discovered with my
children was very helpful, especially even in the way that
I disciplined them. Once I had an understanding of how
they were receiving my love and also giving their lives.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Well, and I was going to say this earlier. I
jokingly responded, you had all these companion books that Love
lifel U to kind of make fun of kids, teenagers,
Husband's Life, the Five Love Languages figure German Shepherd. You
know all these different things because you know, I get it.
You write all these different books. It's spent off books
of the original but it was really really helpful with
to you in regards of your children. So if you're
(09:58):
listening today to this podcast, I highly recommend get your
hands on the book The Five Love Languages. And you
highly recommend getting your hand on the book The Five
Love Languages of Your Children.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
For children. I mean they have all types, even for singles.
So if there's some single people listening, there's.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
That that love tank full.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Right, So it's all in how we give and we
receive love. So let me let me just go ahead
and kind of tell you that the five Love Languages
that the author mentions in this book, and and I
can kind of give examples for each because as I
was as I was going over in this very helpful.
As I was going over this, I realized that out
(10:40):
of the five of us in our family, meaning me
and you and our three sons, we each have as
a primary love language one of these five. Like, so
I have an example for each. So the first one
is words of encouragement or words of affirmation. Is that
what is sometimes said, and that is that the person
(11:02):
who has that primary love language. And I'm saying primary
because you can have your primary love language and then
a secondary one as well. Okay, but if it's your
primary love language, then.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Then this is the primary way that you feel someone
else's love and how.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Your love tank is to be filled up.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Okay, So what were some examples of that? What did
you say?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Affirmation?
Speaker 2 (11:26):
Affirmation?
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Yeah, words of encouragement or affirmation. Is that that that
if that's your love language, then and it's not to
be like, you know, oh, please build me up or whatever,
but it's hey, you're you're doing a great job, you're awesome,
you know, those type of things that can just affirm
them in whatever situation.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
You are the dream spouse that I always prayed for.
Is that?
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah? Okay, okay, that's a good one. That's a good one. Well,
I realized that this happens to be the love language
of our oldest son. And so I remember when he
was learning the guitar. We're both he and I are
both musicians, and so we're always on the worship team,
(12:12):
and I was training him for many years in that,
and he was learning the guitar, and I just was
constantly affirming him in that because I knew it was
something that he loved, something he was working on, and
I was very excited, you know that that was a
goal of his. And it has paid off tremendously because
(12:33):
he is now our worship leader at our church, and
so affirmation is a big part and that encourages him
and feels his love tank.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
So words of affirmation or encouragement, you're talking about our
oldest son, but it's words as you used to build that.
Correct me if I'm wrong. It can have the opposite
effect as well. If their love language is words of
affirmation of encouragement, if you speak discouraging words to them,
you could tear them all.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
You're going to empty that loved tank. I'm glad you
brought that up, because that is something that needs to
be identified, that there is the positive and the negative
to this, that when you are not speaking in the
love language that your spouse, or your children, or your friends,
whoever it is that they need, it depletes them and
(13:18):
can make them feel unloved. I suppose. So.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
In other words, while he's playing his guitar, he's learning,
he's growing in this. If you say he's like, hey,
how do you think I'm doing with this? If you say, look,
you're a garbage guitar proper, you're.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Really like tearing him apart and being criticized.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
You're the worst guitar player I've ever heard my entire life.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
So if he's not, he's really really good. He's really
really good.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I'm giving that. I'm giving that as a just a
goofy example of the sense that that would be something
that would be detrimental for Oh, it would.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
It would absolutely diplenish his love tank and cause him
to be so so discouraged, and ultimately, when his love
language is not me and spoken, it can just be
decimating to the person.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
Okay, So words of affirmation or encouragement.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yes, okay, so that's the first one. The second one
is acts of service.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Now this is I'm gonna go ahead and throw this
out there because I do know this. You asked me
before we started recording this episode, do you know what
my love language is? And I told you, well, it
used to be words of affirmation, but it shifted a
little bit, probably in the last ten years. Now. I
think it probably always was this, but now there's more
of an awareness there that you realize acts.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Of service is your last Yes, yes, acts of service
is definitely mine. And what that does is the loudest
way that you can speak That love language is just
by doing for that person.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
And here's what that looks like if you I don't
know what it is, but in the morning, you love it.
Whenever I get up and I make you a piece
of toast with peanut butter on it, and you know,
sometimes I have time to do that. I try to
make time to do that as often as possible. You
like it. Whenever on you know, I make lunch for you,
you like it. Whenever I wash the dishes, you like it.
(15:10):
Whenever I take your vehicle and wash your vehicle. And
what that is it really is just serving you, honoring
you and serving you and cherishing you.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Yeah, and so those things are like needed for me.
So I've recognized that, you know, when you do that
for me, when other people do certain things for me,
I'm like, oh, like I feel really really loved.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
You feel valued, loved and appreciated.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
But then also I want you to take note that
whatever your primary love language is, and that's the way
you receive it. A lot of times, that's the way
you give love initially, that's your first go to of
how you want to give love out. And so I
tend to. I tend to want to serve other people.
(15:58):
I'm always you.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Know, wanting to gifts.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I give gifts and stuff like that. I think people thought, oh,
gifts must be your love language, and I was like, no,
giving it and being of service to someone or helping
someone with a need, that is really how I'm giving
love mainly.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Like you want to pick me up a gift somewhere, I.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Would like, well, I won't turn away again.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
As pro home depot.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
See, all my friends listening are gonna think, oh, Jay
bought her address and she was like, don't give me gifts,
and they're not going to want to know you can
still give me gifts.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Okay, friends, well I know what the gifts to in
this day and age. You like, I'm not going to
buy you flowers. I'm going to get you a gift
card for massage.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
So yes, oh amen, Okay, that's great, that's great. So
you know when I'm saying that, like acts of service
is is how I also give love. And I look
at my oldest son when I said his his love
language was words of encouragement. He is the biggest in
courage aer he really is. That is also how he
gives love. And so you know what, just just be thinking,
(17:07):
you know, of the of the ones in your family, like, okay,
which one of these could be their love language.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
We wanted to take a break hearing today's episode to
share some exciting news for all of the married and
soon to be married couples. Stacey and I will be
hosting the lovel Like Crazy Marriage Conference on February twenty
third and twenty fourth at Journey Church at Greenwow Springs, Louisiana.
Don't miss this opportunity in investing your marriage, spend time
together and strengthen your family bonds. Save your seat today
(17:36):
at Takedo Journey dot TV. We can't wait to see
you there as we learn to love like crazy.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
The third love language is this. It's a gift giving.
We've mentioned that quite a few times.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I already talked talked about this one somewhat right.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
So if that is your primary love language, then bringing
them something of any It doesn't have to be riped
up with a bow, okay, but just your thoughtfulness and
thinking of them and saying, hey, I picked this up
for you. I heard that you might need this, or
I mean that like is great for someone who has
(18:11):
that love language, and what it communicates to them is
that when you're a part, then that means that, oh,
you're thinking of me, yeah, you know. So our youngest son,
that is his love language. And the time that really
jumped out to me when I noticed that that was
(18:33):
that was truly his primary love language. When he was
in kindergarten. He came home one day and he said, Mama,
my teacher gave everybody brand new crayons, like a brand
new box of crayons, and he was so it was
like probably halfway through the school year, and he was
so excited like that, I mean, that was a big
(18:55):
gift to him, and he was just like so happy
about it. I didn't have the heart to tell him
that Mama was the one that bought all the crayons
and sent him to school and the teacher gave him
out the new set of crayons halfway through the school year,
and I really wanted to take credit. No, no, Mama
gave you those crayons. But he received that love from
(19:17):
his teacher because of that gift that she offered to
them in class.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
You know what's funny about this is that Reese and
his bride Kayla we call KK. They've been married now
for going on three years. Three years, and I think
it was kind of a neat thing to sit back
and watch because she took care of him in this regards.
From the time they were dating forward. She would bring
him little gifts here and there, and I really thought
(19:44):
that that was because we knew his love language his gifts,
but obviously she figured that out rather quickly and she
speaks his love language very very well. The cool part
was she would bring him things like gummy bears and candy,
and when they were away, I would sneak in his
room and I would.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
Eat them so telling on yourself.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
My love language is gonna bears.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Okay, so we've got words of encouragement, acts of service,
gift giving. The fourth one is quality time and Jay,
that is your primary. It is love language.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
It is for sure.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
So when you you know, that tells someone that you're
taking time for them, that you're taking time to slow down,
to acknowledge them and to connect with them. And so
just a little tidbit to all the ladies out there
that you know, trying to have quality time with someone
(20:38):
during Monday night football or something like that is not
gonna work. That's not gonna work. So but I do
know one of the things that works for you is
that you you love it. If we'll just go run
errands together.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Go grocery shopping together, run errands together, go for a
walk together. You did something this past year in Carlos.
Maybe we can put a picture up of this up
on YouTube if you're if you're listening to this, go
to YouTube and watch the video. If my wife will
allow this, well you have to. Now I've spoken it
into his existence. Last year I asked you, Hey, we
(21:14):
were at the camp and I said, hey, will you
go honey? I left the duck hunt. I said, will
you go duck hunting with me? And she's in the
all the time we've been married thirty one years, she's
only gone duck hunting with me twice before. One time
we went and we got up at four o'clock in
the morning and went and you, if you rememer correctly,
(21:34):
you slept the entire time and then when you finally
woke up, I was like, okay, let's go. The other
time we went out in the duck line and it
just started pouring down rain and you got soaked.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Now it's like I did not want to do this yet.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
So that was many years ago, and she was like,
I'm never doing this again. Well, this time was just
me and her at the camp and I asked her
and she said, yeah, I'll go out with you. So
we went out. We sat in the dug line, and
we had a great time and we visited, we laughed,
we cut up. And what it was was that meant
something to me because you actually were taking time to
go with me to do something that I love to do.
So you were speaking my love language in a very
(22:08):
great way.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
Yeah, so we're going to have to pull out that
picture your body.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
I can't remember if you were wearing makeup in the picture. Not.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Oh well, but you.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Had some cameo on.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
It just doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
You had some camo on.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah, that's right, that's right. So yeah, I definitely got
all in to go hunting with you that time. But
if if you have you know, your spouse, are your children,
that is their love language, then whatever it is that
they love to do, like you were talking about that's
a hobby of yours to go duck hunting. Then whatever
your person, you know, their favorite thing to do, then
(22:45):
make plans to do spend quality time with them doing that.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Okay, so words of encouragement or affirmation, acts of service,
gift giving, quality time. Okay. The last one, now, I
want to talk about this one because I love this. Okay,
I have a miner in this.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Last Yeah, okay, you have a six language. What it does?
So the fifth one is physical touch.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Now, most people think when you talk about physical touch,
you're talking about sex.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
Right, And that's not. That's not what it can be.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Let me throw that out there for for hope, for
everybody out there, because all the guys are like, yeah,
that's my love language. It's not. It's not necessarily that
so tell us what we're talking about here.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
So if if it is your primary love language physical touch,
that means that you that person will feel your love
through the closeness, through holding hands, hugging, that kind of thing,
any any type of physical physical contact. Right, And so
that happens to be our middle son's love language. And
(23:47):
I recognize this when they were really young, when I
when I first read the book, and he is definitely
one that was just when he was little, a cuddler,
just very very easy. Our grandson is the same way.
So so I recognized this that that would help him
(24:09):
to like really have a good day at school. I
would wake him up first and spend some time with
him and just snuggle and give him all the cuddles
and everything before I woke up his brothers and then
we got ready for school. So that was when he
was little, okay. But also it changed, it shifted when
he was a teenager, okay. And so which makes me
(24:32):
think there's also a five love languages for teenagers. So
parents of teenagers, there's hope, Okay, read that book. That
will help you. So for my middle son, being the
physical touch was his love language. I told him as
a teenager, I said, look, I don't want to embarrass you.
(24:52):
You know, I'm not going to come up and hug you,
and I definitely don't want to do that in front
of your your friends. So I told him, I said, listen,
when you need a hug, you come to me when
you need a hug. And so from time to time
he would just sometimes he'd come over and give me
a hug. Now he's how tall.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
Now he's six foot five.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He's six foot five, okay, so he hovers over me.
But even to this day, when he doesn't like give
me a bear hug, he just kind of leans on
me or like raps his side arm around me and
squeezes and so that is that is his you know,
that's his love language. That's what helps him.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And straight up, we're all in our family, we're all tall.
I'm six three sixty five, res Is, he's a little taller,
me a little short of the price and taller six foots.
We're all big guys. And you know, for to have
him grab you and hug.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
You, yeah, I'm the shortest one out of all that
are you guys eight?
Speaker 2 (25:52):
So it was it was kind of a cool thing
to see big old guy grab his mama hug.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
But I mean and still to this day, of course,
all my boys are huggers because in our family we
say hugs are free, so we take advantage of that.
So all of these different love languages can be so
very helpful, like I said, to give that kind of love,
to receive that kind of love, and it also helps
to lessen relational conflicts when you know how to speak
(26:20):
the other person's love language. So I just want to
encourage our listeners to, you know, maybe search out the
love language, learn about it a little bit more, be
able to identify for your children, for your spouse, for
your friends, other family members. I have found that it
has also helped shift things with other family members as
(26:41):
well once I identify that love language, because if we're
not speaking it in the right way, it can cause issues.
So I would like to recommend not only the books
that you can buy to read, but also if you
go to their website at five loove Languages dot com
and it's the number five Fivelove Languages dot com, they
(27:02):
have a quiz that you can take that will help
you to determine your primary and secondary love language.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Well, uh so I do want to take some time,
so I highly encourage you to read the books, take
the quiz.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I think even the quiz is in the back of
some of the books.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
And husband's listen to me, don't don't have the mindset
of this is a woman's thing. No, this really helped
me as a husband, understand my wife in a better way,
be able to speak her love language, and it built
our marriage and also with our kids as well. You know, absolutely,
so I do want to take a little bit of
time to be able to talk about the sixth love language.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Okay, I'm sorry, I forgot now.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
And I jokingly say that I'm going to write a
book called the sixth Love Language. Really, I came up
with this. H and Gary Chapman, if you're listening to
Love Like Crazy podcast, yes, I would partner with you
to write this book. And the sixth love Language is
base off of whenever you know, quality time. That's my
(28:04):
love language. And I have a I do enjoy holding
hands with my wife. I do enjoy hugging her, so
physical touch. So I created I joined them together and
created the sixth love language quality touch.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Okay, And that it sounds just something that would come
from a man.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
And here was the mindset. I don't want to just
hold your hand, I want to make out with you. Okay,
uh so it was a joke, but the bottom line
is this is.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
All every man is thinking. This.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Every man is thinking like, that's my love language. Quality.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
There it is.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
I want to I don't want just physical touch, I
want quality.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
They don't even have to take the quiz.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
They just already know they know what their love language
is right off the back. So you know, that's that's
fun to laugh about that and cut up. But seriously,
understanding your spouse's love language so important. Speaking in their
love lange will build your marriage, It'll make it strong,
it'll make it healthy. Underunderstanding your kids love languages and
speaking that build your family and make it stronger.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yes, I'm so excited that we got to talk about
this topic because I mean, if we're gonna have a
podcast called Love Like Crazy, we have to talk about
the love languages. Well, doubt and.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
This is in your wheelhouse.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
I kind of in my wheelhouse. I'll chime in, but
I'm back at I'll talk about it anytime.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
When you talk about a pastor, you know, allowing something
because pastors can talk Okay, we can teach, we can talk,
but I knew that this was in your wheelhouse, and
I back off. I'll let you just do your thing.
And what I like about it is you help everybody
have a better understanding that every person has a love tank.
And here's one of the things. Your love tank is
either full or it's depleted. It's going down on empty.
(29:43):
Think about it in regards with like a gas tank
for a car. Your car can move forward and it's
got power as long as it has gas. Okay, and
you're watching that gas gage. Three quarters of tank, half tank,
and if you're anything like my wife, she will draw
that tank down to like I've got like three mile
was left in the tank. Then I got to fill
it up for again because I acts of service serving you.
(30:06):
But I like to keep the tank in my truck
as full as possible. So you want to keep the
love tank within your spouse, your kids as full as possible.
So it's important to speak to others LOVELI yes, very
very important.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Thank you for letting me share.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I figured you'd enjoy that. You got anything else you.
Speaker 1 (30:20):
Want to share, just go into that website and take
the quiz at five love languages dot com or buy
the book.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Okay, Gary Chapman, if you're listening, we are telling everybody
about your book, and let's get together and write that book.
The six Love Language by j Colemans slash Gary Chapman. Okay,
there you go, Hey listen. Hope you guys have enjoyed
this podcast day. We've had a lot of fun cutting
up but great gave some great information to help build
your marriage and build your family and make it stronger
(30:49):
and healthier every single day. So if you have enjoyed
this episode, like, subscribe, share, let everybody know, help us
build this podcast, get the word out, and until next time,
I'm Jay and I'm Stacy and this is love like Crazy.
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