May 22, 2025 • 39 mins
In this heartfelt and honest episode of Love Like Crazy, Stacey sits down with her three beautiful daughters-in-law for some real girl talk about the in-law relationship dynamic. From fears of stepping into the role of “mother-in-law” to navigating those first few years of blending families, they get into the nitty-gritty of what it really takes to build trust, communicate well, and keep Christ at the center of it all.
Whether you’re a soon-to-be in-law, navigating a strained relationship, or simply want to strengthen your family dynamic, this episode is full of wisdom, laughter, and truth. The conversation spans topics like setting healthy boundaries with grandparents, confronting miscommunication with grace, and the power of humility, prayer, and respect in maintaining peace across generations.
It’s raw, it’s real, and it reminds us that healthy family relationships are possible with intentionality, honesty, and love.
Whether you're a young family seeking encouragement or simply love uplifting stories of faith and family, this episode offers heartfelt wisdom, humor, and inspiration.
Don’t forget to:
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Podcast Produced by Hi Hello Labs
Website: hihellolabs.com
Whether you’re a soon-to-be in-law, navigating a strained relationship, or simply want to strengthen your family dynamic, this episode is full of wisdom, laughter, and truth. The conversation spans topics like setting healthy boundaries with grandparents, confronting miscommunication with grace, and the power of humility, prayer, and respect in maintaining peace across generations.
It’s raw, it’s real, and it reminds us that healthy family relationships are possible with intentionality, honesty, and love.
Whether you're a young family seeking encouragement or simply love uplifting stories of faith and family, this episode offers heartfelt wisdom, humor, and inspiration.
Don’t forget to:
- Like, subscribe, and leave a comment with future topic suggestions
- Share this episode with friends or anyone facing a tough season
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Podcast Produced by Hi Hello Labs
Website: hihellolabs.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hey everyone, and welcome to the Love Like Crazy Podcast.
I'm joined again today with my three beautiful daughter in laws,
and we recently had a discussion just a little bit
of girl talk here sitting around in my home. And
so today we want to talk a little bit more
about like our relationship, like the in law relationship, because
(00:45):
I have three sons and they've married into the Coleman crew,
and so we're gonna we're just gonna like kind of
get to the nitty gritty, okay, girls, So welcome, welcome
back to the Love Like Crazy Podcast. So, you know,
we talked early in the earlier episode about having to
(01:05):
pass the baton, you know, as the as the mother
in law when the three of you got married, and
I kind of said, hey, I'm passing the baton. He's
all yours, you know, and and so what whatever happens,
that's for y'all. And I felt like I had, you know,
done done my job. PJ and I We've done our
(01:27):
job raising them, and now time for them to step
out and start their own their own life and your
own family with with the three of you. And so
so I think about how, you know, whenever, especially Brittany,
you know, you were the first one to marry Tyler,
(01:47):
our oldest son. And I just remember like literally having
some anxiety and some fear over becoming a mother in law.
And I'm sure that we have some of our listeners
that they have they have faced the same thing, or
maybe they have a son that is our daughter that's
(02:08):
about to get married and so maneuvering into what is
like a new relationship. And I remember telling my cousin
I was I was visiting some of my family and
I said, she said, oh, how exciting, you know, with
the wedding and everything. And I said, yeah, but I'm
really nervous about becoming a mother in law. What if
(02:29):
I'm not really good at this? And she says, oh,
you are going to make the best mother in law?
And I said, really, do you think like I really
needed somebody to like let me know that, because I
really was kind of worried. I didn't want I didn't
want any of you to not like me, you know.
(02:49):
I didn't want there to to be like a bad
a bad relationship or or kickstart off the bad way.
And I think there's a lot of people that you know,
realize being an in law has gotten a bad rap, right,
and so let's talk about maybe some of the things
(03:11):
that could maybe some advice or are things that we
could talk about that would help someone to have a
better in law relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Okay, so before we really start getting into the nitty gritty,
I have a question for you. Okay, So when we
three started dating your sons and you know, going into
marriage with them, how on your end, how did you
feel and how did you go about that?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Well? I think one of the things is with Brittany
living in Arkansas and Tyler going away to school and
meeting her in Arkansas, I didn't feel like I really
had as much time before they got married to really
like get to know you like I didn't. I didn't
feel like I really got to know you better until
(04:00):
we walked through a natural disaster together, you know, the
flood that happened on the weekend of your wedding. I
do feel like with you, Sarah and Kayla, that I
had more of a time to build a relationship with
y'all because you lived here and during your dating you,
(04:21):
you were here at the house a lot, where my
interaction with Brittany was like FaceTime, or if we made
a trip to Arkansas, and then and then we went
into planning this, this wedding and everything, and so that
if there's something that I could say, oh, I wish
that I would have had more time to work to,
you know, to build on our relationship and to feel
(04:44):
like that I knew you even better. So I felt
like once you know, once all of all of you
were married, like it was that that passing of the baton,
and that I was to a place where I felt
secure enough in knowing, hey, all right, you've got this,
(05:06):
you know, and I was I was passing that on
to y'all.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I do think that even though we did live so close,
like I lived a street over and Sarah only lived
like five minutes away, I think we still had to
make it a point even through because we were both
in college, we were off, you know, so busy with
our lives that we did have to still be very
intentional with spending time with y'all, because we would come
(05:33):
over and we would spend time with the boys, or
we would go and do things together. But to build
that relationship with you and PJ both, I think that
it still did take time and effort and being intentional
with having those conversations and getting to know y'all better
and y'all getting to know us better. And so I
think that we did have to make it a point
(05:55):
to have those conversations of like, Okay, what was your
family like whenever you were growing up? And tell me
about what you're going through right now, what are your
future plans, and also talking about just life in general,
asking you for advice when we need it, and you
giving your ideas to us whenever we have a situation
going on or an event going on to go to.
(06:16):
So yeah, I think that we still had to put
in some effort.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
It's funny to look back at the beginning stages of dating,
like I'd come over to your house to see Bryce
and we'd all kind of be in the living room,
but then Bryce would make his way to his room
and it would just be me and Miss Stacy on
the couch talking for hours on it.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Oh yeah, especially like being in college, we were always
up late and Miss Stacey is a night out too.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
I think we all are night yes, And.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I remember multiple times like just being here at like
late at night, and then like you said, like Ree
would fall asleep on the couch and it's just me
and Miss Stacy talking or all of us sitting on
the couch talking. Yeah, and I think that just being
able to spend that quality time together is super important.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, you know, I and those kind of things I
have just I enjoyed that, you know, and being able
to you know, have have some some conversations that I
think it reassured me that, Okay, yes, this is the person,
you know, for my son. I told the boys from
(07:21):
when they were younger that I was praying for who
they were going to marry. So I've prayed for y'all
for a very long time. And then, of course Brittany
knows this that I was also praying that I would
have three girls that would join the family that would
also love each other. And then so it was just
(07:41):
me and Brittany for for a season until the boys,
you know, they started dating Sarah and Kayla. And so
when I had even told Brittany, you know, she knew
this that not only had I prayed for y'all, but
also that all of my girls would get along with
each other. And it just so happened that that Kayla
(08:03):
and you and Sarah started dating Bryce and Reese, that
you guys had been like close friends for like from
child kindergarten really a new childhood, but all the way
to kindergarten, and so you already had forged this close
relationship with each other. And then so it was it
(08:24):
was me and Brittany merging, you know, with with your
close relationship, and which I think that we we've done
a good job of that. I think in any kind
of in law relationship, though, it is something that you
have to be intentional, like to want to spend time
with each other, you know, and and we have our
family nights that that. But but like we said in
(08:47):
an earlier episode, it gets kind of loud with all
the kids and and so there's not always that one
on one conversation. But I think it's good that that
we do have sometimes maybe where we where it is
just girls, you know, where we can spend just some
girl time together, you know. And then it goes into
(09:08):
like just the just the importance of the find the
family dynamic and how that that in itself y'all being
close and us you know, getting to know each other
and and forging you know, a healthy in law relationship,
then there's peace in our family, you know, I mean,
(09:30):
we we honestly don't. I mean, we have had our disagreements.
I don't want to pretend, you know, to everybody that
that we've never disagreed on anything or are never like,
you know, maybe been a little sideways with each other
and then we you know, need to talk it out
or or whatever. Does anybody have an example?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I want to know, Actually, first, what did it feel like?
From y'all's perspective of it? Was like, I don't know
if y'all felt like this. It felt like teams, Like
it was like me and Stacy versus Yeah, Kayla and
Sarah when they were coming in the family, because it
had been us for years at that point, and so
then when y'all are coming in and we were both like,
who are these girls?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Girl?
Speaker 4 (10:12):
And she's approaching it, I think from the perspective of
a protective mom, right like are these girls going to be? Who?
My son's Mary? And I'm approaching it from the perspective
of one, can they get along with us and just
come in and mesh? But then two like can we
be friends? Because I knew that had been your prayer
for years, is that she would have daughter in laws
(10:32):
that just blended you know that we wouldn't argue and
we would just get along for the best part, you know.
So what was y'all's perspective of stepping in?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
I think that for me personally, I felt like it
can definitely be intimidating coming into a new family just
in general, Like you have your family who you're so
close with, and then you're having to go out of
your comfort zone and put yourself out there and make
yourself known and vulnerable in front of people who you want.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
To accept you and they don't.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, exactly, And so I don't know if you can
attest to this too, but I feel like I was
definitely very like nervous, especially with y'all being pastors and
being so known in the community. It was wasn't intimidating
in a bad way, but it was intimidating in a
good way. I was like, oh, like I realized that
I now have, you know, a standard, which everyone has
(11:26):
a standard going into a new family, and you should
have that standard that you live up to. But I
think that it definitely taught me a lot about like
having more integrity with myself being in college and being
young and me and Reice being more known in the
community and not only are we having the whole family
accept us, but it's almost like the whole.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Church if you married to that.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, definitely, I in no way would have ever thought
that that was was how you felt. So this this
is good. I'm glad you are sharing that.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
That was I think part of my perspective too, because
I mean, none of us grew up with families that
were pastors, right, and so once I had stepped in,
I had to learn how to wear that mantle. And
it is a heavy mantle that you know, it's a
heavy mantle.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
To marry a pique.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
And the parents are the senior pastors of a church
that are well known in the community. It is like
holy cow, Like it's like a standard that you put
on yourself and then it's like everything's even more refined
through the church lens. It's you know, it's a heavy mantle.
So then I was looking at it from that perspective
too when they were coming in of like can they
wear this mantle so to speak of? You know, like
(12:41):
I was just like, I want you guys to understand
what you're stepping into and not that it's like prim
and proper and everything's perfect, you know, but just the integrity,
like you were saying behind it.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Yeah, I feel like even though it could have been intimidating,
you know, I'm just a people person in general, So
like coming into it, I'm like, oh, there's like already
a sister in law. That's a new best friend, you know, Like, oh,
mother in law, that's another new best friend.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Okay, I'm glad you be that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
And I think that also, like not just saying like
oh I was intimidated, so to speak, but knowing that
y'all had that close knit relationship already for years, and
I think that, like you were talking about, y'all had
established that y'all kind of worked things out on Like,
you know, you were stepping into being a mother in
law for the first time, and you were stepping into
(13:33):
being a daughter in law for the first time. And
then also with the dynamic of us being closer, how
did that make you you both feel, with us already
establishing a relationship and then wanting to like build more
relationships with us individually as well.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
First go ahead, okay, I well, I think when y'all
were stepping in two we were early pregnant with live
or right around then, like you were at mayor, and
yet we were having lived so there was a lot
of transition that I think I just want people to understand,
Like there was the mother in law, and then now
she's Steven into Anna, yeah, and then there's two girls
(14:10):
coming in.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Like it was like there was a lot of change.
There was a lot of time. There really was.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
But I think for me, I think my my first
response was I got defensive innocence because.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I was like, you reguarding your territory one I.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Think one hundred percent, and you would probably agree with that.
I was in a sense, and I think too, like
I had told you growing up, my parents were really busy,
and there's nothing wrong with that. But in the same breath,
it's something that I had always craved, was to have
a really close relationship with another figure, and like I
was like, this can be. We can be besties for
the rest of these for the rest of our lives.
(14:49):
And so then when you guys stepped in, it was
like I finally felt like I got that need filled
innocence and I was like, are they coming to take
it away? You know? So I think my my first
thing was I got defensive, and then you guys were
super close and so then naturally you guys are getting
to know miss Stacy and then it made me feel
like it's three on one, you know. But I think
(15:10):
looking back now, I'm like, that is totally the enemy's
tactic to come in and start disrupting family and set
it off on a bad foundation.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
And let me just tell you, like, I feel like
the enemy was trying to step in and you know,
put a damper on that relationship because we have all
had to have like a conversation of like what our
intentions are and what a lot of it is muscommunication
most of that. Yeah, we've had to sit down and
have a hard conversation of like, okay, like these were
(15:41):
my intentions and this is how you took it. How
can we work from this? It was, yeah, and it
was totally out of our comfort zone and we didn't
want to do it, but we knew that, Okay, I'm
about to marry Reese and I'm going to be in
this family, and so to do that, I'm not I
don't mean personally, I don't want to have any type
(16:01):
of disagreements. And so we took it upon ourselves to
totally do something out of our comfort zone. Have a
hard conversation of like, Okay, I noticed that this was
your intention, and now I apologize and I humble myself
and realize, like, okay, this is all coming from a
place of like you said, a huge thing of change
and you were about to have your first kid and
(16:24):
we were all getting engaged, or I think you had
already had lived I think so.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
And so I think that looking.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Back now, and we talk about it all the time.
We laugh about it all the time. I think we
all three do, because like, how silly were we to
let the enemy try to step in and take away
from that season of us just coming together. And now,
I mean, we're all best friends and we spend a
lot of time together, and so we talk every single day.
(16:52):
And so I think that my advice for people who
might be going through the same thing is to have
that hard conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it may make
you feel, no matter if you think that the outcome
is not going to be what you want it to be,
you need to have those conversations. If that's going to
be your family and you want that relationship, you.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Have to work for it. Yeah, I think it's no
secret that the enemy loves to attack families and much
less in law perspectives. Yes, from that, and then we're
all women, so it's just like.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
There's hormones involved, and oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
It's the perfect breeding ground for the enemy to come
in and make disruptions and cause a little havoc, you know.
But like Kayla said, I think if there's anybody that's
listening and you have sister in laws or just even
a family member, I think it's important to keep in
mind that the enemy does like to keep whispering those
lies in creating that disruption, But it's on you as
(17:47):
a believer to step in and intervene and take that
ground back and to have those conversations. Because I'm like,
it was so uncomfortable and we laugh about it all
the time. Yeah, But at the same time, I think
that honestly, that conversation is something that changed the trajectory
for now because now it's.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Like a day and I'm like, hello, yeah, yeah, to
piggyback on what you're saying. I think in any relationship,
but especially in the in law realm, just communication is key.
You know, Like there's so many things that happen day
to day that can be taken in the wrong way. Yeah,
but what's saying like you just gotta nip at the
(18:26):
but you gotta go straight to you know, the problem
or what you're feeling upset about, and you know, communicate
that and don't let the devil speak into that and
just put lies into your mind. You know.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yeah, you know I think I think about whenever, you know,
for me thinking about becoming a mother in law, I
had the thought, well, all three of you you still
have your moms that that you're very close to and involved.
You know, they're very involved in your lives and stuff
like that. And so I know when I had when
(19:02):
I got married, my mom had just passed away. And
so I think that was probably the root of my
fear of like becoming a mother in law, Like, hey,
am I gonna am I gonna be good at this?
Are we gonna you know, have close relationships? And so
I begin to pray about that, and what the Lord
(19:23):
showed me was that even though all three of you
still have your mom, you all need me. Am I
really my relationship with y'all is it's different. It's different,
and it's and I say special, you know that.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, it's kind of like one is not overshadowing the other.
You know, they're both unique in their own ways. Yes,
we get some things from our own mothers, but we're
getting other things from you. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, that that is that it is not a competition
kind of thing, and that it's it's neat, and that
it's important and and of course I mean being that
I raised three sons to have three girls. I mean
that absolutely adds to you know, adds to my life
for sure. And and it's you know, it's it's important
(20:14):
to maybe like appreciate where I appreciate the role, you know,
as an as an in law, you know what what
is my role? And can we have that communication? And
those misunderstandings are going to happen, you know, because we
might perceive something that was said the wrong way or
(20:35):
is being able to like talk through those things. And
I think I've even told y'all before, like I'm probably
going to say something or do something that's going to
hurt your feelings. It's not going to be my intention ever,
because my heart is not to ever hurt you, you know,
but I may I may say something and I know
I have, I know I have, and I've even had
(20:55):
to go back and apologize, you know, to my sons, like,
you know, I did not mean that, and I I
am so sorry. And and there even to be the
the from my end the conversations not only with the
three of you as the daughter in laws, but also
with my adult sons, you know. And then that if
(21:18):
there is some kind of I don't know, not not
a clash, but a situation that needs to be addressed normally,
you know, and this this is the healthier way to
deal with that. You you and your husband you talk
about it, and then normally he's the one that comes
in and talks to me or his dad or whatever,
(21:39):
you know, which would be the same as if there's
an issue on, you know, with your family, some misunderstanding
or whatever. Then whatever you you and your husband talk about,
then you go on behalf to your family.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
You know that.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
And I think that in itself helps to keep down
any other conflicts yeah that might occur, you know, within
the in law relationships. So I think that in itself
is something to be mindful about to where you're keeping
a peace.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
I think too that you're really good about You're very
good about humbling yourself and admitting when you're wrong. And
then I think us too, were you know what I mean.
So I think it's it comes down to as well,
like you're very good about if you even think that
you said something offensive, you're not afraid to apologize for it.
In the same breadth, what advice would you give to
(22:34):
any moms or mother in laws, anybody like that that
might be dealing with an offense from a daughter in law,
a son in law, their own kid, Like, what advice
would you give to them?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Well, I think the main thing is that, and I
know that I've done this in other relationships that I've had,
is maybe my expectation, what I'm expecting that other person
to give me, maybe they can't. They can't get that
I'm just expecting too much, you know. And so I
think that in this aspect, just like not overly expecting
(23:12):
certain things that just maybe that that person can't give,
you know, and to have some grace, have some grace
in the relationship. You know. I know that I had
one of your husbands. I'm not gonna say who, but
one of them, you know, came to me really wasn't
that long ago, and we were just having a conversation
(23:35):
and he brought up something that that I had said,
are are done? And and it I guess was perceived
and all of a sudden, I just said, well, I
had no idea, you know, I really I didn't know
that I had, you know, said or done something that.
(23:57):
But but yet when he when we talked about it,
I was like, oh, I see that. I see why
we had a disagreement or there was a conflict, or
it might just be something that I've said or done
and there's not a conflict, but yet it hurt hurt
your feelings, you know what I'm saying. But I may
not in any way even know that I said or
(24:20):
did something that hurt your feelings, you know. So that's
where the communication comes in and being able to like
talk about it. And I mean, that doesn't happen overnight,
you know, and there might be ones listening going that
that just isn't gonna happen with the in laws that
I have, or are the relationships that I have in
my family are are too difficult. I definitely think it's
(24:41):
something that needs to be prayed about, you know, And
there are some situations that we just need to let
it go, like it's really we shouldn't make a big
deal out of it, and that in itself is nippitted
in the butt, you know, when we let it go.
And because you don't want to hold bitterness or unforgiveness,
because that's the devil's playground big time, and that happens
(25:03):
in in our you know, in our minds, that's where
the battlefield is for sure. And so that what I
guess would be would be my advice would be, don't
don't have these overly grand expectations for someone that that
maybe they can't they're not there to meet all of
(25:24):
your all of your needs are empty voids that you
might have in your own life.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
Yeah, I think too that there's factors sometimes that are
out of our control, right, Like if there is listeners
that are like that's not even a possibility, like my
end laws hate me, or they don't talk to me,
or maybe it's your own parents and maybe there's just tension,
I don't know, whatever it may be. I certainly think
that there is factors that you can't always control, that
(25:49):
you can't pray for those people, right, And I think
it's your responsibility to just lay it at the at
the foot of the cross and just let the Lord
do it. You know, I'm like, there's even with people,
and I can't control everybody, and I can't control everything,
but I can control me my response, my tone, and
my posture towards them. So I would just encourage anybody
(26:10):
too that's listening that might be in that boat. It's
not your burden to wear all of their problems and
how they're treating you or your spouse or anything like that.
But it is your job to pray for them.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
We just talked on Sunday about praying for your enemies.
So but it is your job to pray for them,
and it's your job to lay it at the foot
of the cross and leave it there.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
And I think it could also be a testimony of
walking in obedience and what the Lord is calling us. Yeah,
kind of like we were talking about earlier. It might
not be comfortable in the moment, and it might not
be something that you really want to do or the
conversation you want to have, but walking in obedience and
knowing like, Okay, maybe it is me and I didn't
realize or maybe I said something, and coming from a
(26:53):
place where our intentions are well, especially as women, I
think that we tend to overthink a lot, and we
tend to sort of have this idea that people's intentions
are sometimes out to get us because our brains are
just telling us that and the enemy is trying to
tell us that. But I think that walking in obedience
of the Lord and saying okay, like I know that
(27:13):
I have to die to myself, yeah, and humble myself
and be like maybe it could be something that I
said or something that I did that I didn't realize,
and having that hard conversation and laying it at the
feet of the Lord. If you can't have that hard conversation,
I think it's a testimony to obedience.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Well, and I think too that a lot of times
in certain families that the key thing is to not
brush things and sweep it under the brag. Yeah. And
too many times it's like people would just rather Okay,
I'm just gonna pretend like this didn't even happen, don't
(27:53):
even confront it. And I'm definitely I'm one that in
times past, I don't I don't want to confront anything,
and I don't want to be confronted, you know, and
would probably get more defensive, you know, with whatever was
coming at me. But truthfully, the healthy way of settling
things or handling things is to address it if possible,
(28:18):
if it is something that can be addressed and talked through,
instead of just like pretending it doesn't happen or it
didn't happen, because surely something else is going to come
along and it's going to happen, and then it's gonna compound,
and then it's just going to make the anger or
the bitterness or whatever, you know, even even worse. Okay,
And one more thing that I want to bring up
(28:40):
before we end this episode is maybe talking about having
some healthy boundaries where where the grandchildren are concerned in
the parenting aspect, because I know sometimes that can be
a conflict with you know, your parents or your in
law to where you know you're choosing to discipline or
(29:04):
parent in a certain way, but you either have the
support or you don't have the support.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Yeah, I think it comes down to a mutual respect,
you know, which starts from each side respect for each
other and making sure that what we want for discipline
for our kids is healthily communicated. But then I think
it's too a posture on yaws and in respect of
(29:33):
we're going to respect what you guys are asking us
to do from that standpoint. So for me personally, my
parents are one that ones that don't listen to our
boundaries whatsoever. If I'm like, don't give them the oria,
They've got five in their hands. And if I say please,
don't do that, they're doing it, you know. But on
the same breadth of that, it's in this household, it's
(29:56):
very different. I feel like you guys healthily respect what
we ask and how we are choosing to discipline our kids.
But again, I think that's been communicated on our end.
But also you guys asking questions, Hey, what's the game plan?
What are we doing in this instance? And honestly, if
we're having a family night and something happens, you guys
are very quick to ask, Hey, this just happened. How
(30:17):
are we dealing with it? Even with like sleepovers, Hey,
if the kids get out of bed, or if someone
sasses off Olivia or something like that, you know, it's
how do you want us to do with this? So
I think it's having.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
The expectations, the expectations and the boundaries are there that
are set and clear. Yeah, Like recently, I mean, Livy,
y'all had to take her to the dentist and Todder
made the role no gummies, and then I'm like, well,
that's what you get when you come to Nana's house
is the gummies, you know. And so I'm like, I'm
going to respect that you don't understand.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
And you know, it's hard on y'all's into because grandparents
are like the fun house where anything and everything goes.
But I think it just comes down to having boundaries
that are they're not gray, they're not blured. They're black
and they're white, and they are setting stone. And our
kids have had to learn I feel like at a
pretty young age, just because we go to Nan and
Papus or just because we go to Gig and Pops,
(31:10):
the boundary isn't changing. You know. It's not like it disappears.
It's sane and it's remaining and making sure everybody is
on the same boat again, just healthily and clearly communicating
this expectations and asking questions when you don't know, but
you guys do a great job at it.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Well, I definitely do try to be mindful of that,
like that if there is something that you're correcting, and
I want, like Sarah, whenever you bring your babies like, okay,
what what is your plan? What has changed in their schedules?
I want it. I want to write it down. I
need I need some points to follow because I want
to be able to, like if you have them on
(31:45):
a schedule, I want to try my best. I can't
promise that that's going to happen when they're you know,
here and not at home, but you know, I do
try to like use the same kind of terminology in
addressing them, you know, and the same the same wording
to where they they don't think that they can get
(32:06):
away with something. That's the That's the thing is that
a lot of times kids are like, oh, I'm away
from mom and Dad, I can get away with that.
But then all of a sudden we come in with like,
you know, we got the hammer, just just like the
same rules, like just like mom and dad. But I
do think too, there is a little leeway with grandparents
that you know, you know, you don't like for your
(32:27):
kids to go to McDonald's, but it's a special treat
Papa get to take you.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
And Papa got me a happy mail with a coke.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I was like he what, yeah, yeah, And so it's like,
well it's just every now and then, so so not
not to not to spoil them, but I mean that
I guess kind of part of our job description is
to spoil you know, our kids and our grandkids for sure,
but yeah, just just to like be be on the
(32:57):
same page as is as a healthy is a healthy thing,
I think for sure.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
If I can add an example to that, I know
my kids are kind of young for all the discipline
disciplinary but with Margaret, I feel like I might have
taken the pass fire from her at a younger age
than most parents do.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
I love the I'm like, please don't take that away from.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
So going off of that, you know, we would bring
Margaret over and she still will fuss as babies do,
and Nana will joke and be like, well if she
had a pacifier, But at the end of the day,
Nana is not going to give her the pacifier because
mom and dad took the past fire from her and
said no more passifire. So I think you've done a
(33:48):
great job in respecting you know what we want.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
That's where I too, feel like when it comes down
to spoiling some because that is what grandparents are supposed
to do. And I think and I know like we've
said before, like you don't have kids yet, but we
know what's coming. But I think there is an understanding
that we all know grandparents spoil grandkids and that's okay.
But I think it comes down to, as you guys
have respected us, it's like we also respect and I
(34:14):
think appreciate in essence that there is spoiling because it's like, no,
I'm not going to take my kids. It's McDonald's. And
if you do, that's fine, that's your choice, but it's not.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
But I did ask for her somebody she really wants
to go to McDonald's, can we do that? I suggested
chick fil A? But you know she wanted something else.
Speaker 4 (34:32):
Well that's because I feed her Chick fil A?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And so do you think that that was harder for
you to be able to humble yourself and have to ask,
you know, so to speak, permission to be able to
do things with the kids.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
I don't really look at it like that. I just
I look at it as we need to stay on
the same page. And so to text Brittany and say, hey,
this is what she's wanting to do. Because I took
Livy out for a day, just me and her and
we were doing some things and I said I would
take you to lunch. I think in that situation or
even even some other situations when when I have them,
(35:12):
you know, to myself, it's basically I'm texting just to
I think it's back up, like I want to be
a support to y'all with whatever you're trying to enforce.
And and therefore it's you know, and it's it's a
respect thing, like like you were saying, it's it's just
being able to respect each other. And so it's some
(35:33):
people might think that, well, I you know, it's too
too much of a prideful thing to like ask or
or or be concerned, you know, with what the parents
are wanting, because sometimes it can be well, you know,
in my generation, we did this, you know. And and
I mean honestly, I'm generator. I'm Generation X, all right,
(35:57):
love the eighties m TV generation, you know, and there
are really speaking from my generation, there are really some
different takes that that your generation has on parenting. And
and so even though even though that it may be different,
(36:19):
our goal is the same. We want to support you
in raising productive little human beings, you know, and that
they all love Jesus you know. So my main focus
as the grandparent is more about sowing seeds in their
hearts towards the Lord, you know, and helping you in
(36:40):
that way. But to do that you have to be
in agreement with not necessarily in agreement, because you may
parent in a way that I may not fully agree with. Okay,
are I may want I may want to do it differently,
but I try to to help as the best that
(37:04):
I can, you know, with that, And and of course,
I mean we have the relationship that I can say,
I don't know why you do it like that, but okay,
you know kind of thing, and I can make my suggestions.
But that doesn't mean that you're going to give them
the pacifier back, you know. But though I know that's
that's a limited time for for that and it's and
(37:26):
it's doesn't need to be forever, but but you know,
it's helpful when they're crying and I don't know what
to do with them, give them a pacifier.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
So I think it just comes down to clearly communicating
and your communications respect and the respect comes to trust.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
And and the boundaries then are there and everybody is
on the same page for sure. Well, this has been
a great conversation. I know that you know, like we said,
in law relationships can get a bad rap and and
there's all kinds of I'm sure other examples that we
could give or that that others are like, this is
(38:02):
what's happening in my family at the time. You know,
it just comes back to, like we said, the communication
and being respectful of each other and just praying and
trusting the Lord with all of our relationships, but including
our in law relationships for sure. So I love you
(38:25):
all so much. I mean, y'are beautiful and I couldn't
be any prouder for all three of my boys to
have y'all. I mean, really really, I love you too.
And listen, we're just so happy that you joined us
for this episode of Love Like Crazy. Thank you for
joining in on our girl talk here with my beautiful
(38:46):
daughter in laws. And we would just want to remind you,
you know, follow, subscribe, share, you know, get the word out.
Maybe there's some others in your family that you need
this episode, or some others who need to hear this
discussion about in law relationships, and so we hope that
you'll continue to tune in to the Love Like Crazy
(39:07):
podcast
Hey everyone, and welcome to the Love Like Crazy Podcast.
I'm joined again today with my three beautiful daughter in laws,
and we recently had a discussion just a little bit
of girl talk here sitting around in my home. And
so today we want to talk a little bit more
about like our relationship, like the in law relationship, because
(00:45):
I have three sons and they've married into the Coleman crew,
and so we're gonna we're just gonna like kind of
get to the nitty gritty, okay, girls, So welcome, welcome
back to the Love Like Crazy Podcast. So, you know,
we talked early in the earlier episode about having to
(01:05):
pass the baton, you know, as the as the mother
in law when the three of you got married, and
I kind of said, hey, I'm passing the baton. He's
all yours, you know, and and so what whatever happens,
that's for y'all. And I felt like I had, you know,
done done my job. PJ and I We've done our
(01:27):
job raising them, and now time for them to step
out and start their own their own life and your
own family with with the three of you. And so
so I think about how, you know, whenever, especially Brittany,
you know, you were the first one to marry Tyler,
(01:47):
our oldest son. And I just remember like literally having
some anxiety and some fear over becoming a mother in law.
And I'm sure that we have some of our listeners
that they have they have faced the same thing, or
maybe they have a son that is our daughter that's
(02:08):
about to get married and so maneuvering into what is
like a new relationship. And I remember telling my cousin
I was I was visiting some of my family and
I said, she said, oh, how exciting, you know, with
the wedding and everything. And I said, yeah, but I'm
really nervous about becoming a mother in law. What if
(02:29):
I'm not really good at this? And she says, oh,
you are going to make the best mother in law?
And I said, really, do you think like I really
needed somebody to like let me know that, because I
really was kind of worried. I didn't want I didn't
want any of you to not like me, you know.
(02:49):
I didn't want there to to be like a bad
a bad relationship or or kickstart off the bad way.
And I think there's a lot of people that you know,
realize being an in law has gotten a bad rap, right,
and so let's talk about maybe some of the things
(03:11):
that could maybe some advice or are things that we
could talk about that would help someone to have a
better in law relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Okay, so before we really start getting into the nitty gritty,
I have a question for you. Okay, So when we
three started dating your sons and you know, going into
marriage with them, how on your end, how did you
feel and how did you go about that?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Well? I think one of the things is with Brittany
living in Arkansas and Tyler going away to school and
meeting her in Arkansas, I didn't feel like I really
had as much time before they got married to really
like get to know you like I didn't. I didn't
feel like I really got to know you better until
(04:00):
we walked through a natural disaster together, you know, the
flood that happened on the weekend of your wedding. I
do feel like with you, Sarah and Kayla, that I
had more of a time to build a relationship with
y'all because you lived here and during your dating you,
(04:21):
you were here at the house a lot, where my
interaction with Brittany was like FaceTime, or if we made
a trip to Arkansas, and then and then we went
into planning this, this wedding and everything, and so that
if there's something that I could say, oh, I wish
that I would have had more time to work to,
you know, to build on our relationship and to feel
(04:44):
like that I knew you even better. So I felt
like once you know, once all of all of you
were married, like it was that that passing of the baton,
and that I was to a place where I felt
secure enough in knowing, hey, all right, you've got this,
(05:06):
you know, and I was I was passing that on
to y'all.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I do think that even though we did live so close,
like I lived a street over and Sarah only lived
like five minutes away, I think we still had to
make it a point even through because we were both
in college, we were off, you know, so busy with
our lives that we did have to still be very
intentional with spending time with y'all, because we would come
(05:33):
over and we would spend time with the boys, or
we would go and do things together. But to build
that relationship with you and PJ both, I think that
it still did take time and effort and being intentional
with having those conversations and getting to know y'all better
and y'all getting to know us better. And so I
think that we did have to make it a point
(05:55):
to have those conversations of like, Okay, what was your
family like whenever you were growing up? And tell me
about what you're going through right now, what are your
future plans, and also talking about just life in general,
asking you for advice when we need it, and you
giving your ideas to us whenever we have a situation
going on or an event going on to go to.
(06:16):
So yeah, I think that we still had to put
in some effort.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
It's funny to look back at the beginning stages of dating,
like I'd come over to your house to see Bryce
and we'd all kind of be in the living room,
but then Bryce would make his way to his room
and it would just be me and Miss Stacy on
the couch talking for hours on it.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Oh yeah, especially like being in college, we were always
up late and Miss Stacey is a night out too.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
I think we all are night yes, And.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I remember multiple times like just being here at like
late at night, and then like you said, like Ree
would fall asleep on the couch and it's just me
and Miss Stacy talking or all of us sitting on
the couch talking. Yeah, and I think that just being
able to spend that quality time together is super important.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, you know, I and those kind of things I
have just I enjoyed that, you know, and being able
to you know, have have some some conversations that I
think it reassured me that, Okay, yes, this is the person,
you know, for my son. I told the boys from
(07:21):
when they were younger that I was praying for who
they were going to marry. So I've prayed for y'all
for a very long time. And then, of course Brittany
knows this that I was also praying that I would
have three girls that would join the family that would
also love each other. And then so it was just
(07:41):
me and Brittany for for a season until the boys,
you know, they started dating Sarah and Kayla. And so
when I had even told Brittany, you know, she knew
this that not only had I prayed for y'all, but
also that all of my girls would get along with
each other. And it just so happened that that Kayla
(08:03):
and you and Sarah started dating Bryce and Reese, that
you guys had been like close friends for like from
child kindergarten really a new childhood, but all the way
to kindergarten, and so you already had forged this close
relationship with each other. And then so it was it
(08:24):
was me and Brittany merging, you know, with with your
close relationship, and which I think that we we've done
a good job of that. I think in any kind
of in law relationship, though, it is something that you
have to be intentional, like to want to spend time
with each other, you know, and and we have our
family nights that that. But but like we said in
(08:47):
an earlier episode, it gets kind of loud with all
the kids and and so there's not always that one
on one conversation. But I think it's good that that
we do have sometimes maybe where we where it is
just girls, you know, where we can spend just some
girl time together, you know. And then it goes into
(09:08):
like just the just the importance of the find the
family dynamic and how that that in itself y'all being
close and us you know, getting to know each other
and and forging you know, a healthy in law relationship,
then there's peace in our family, you know, I mean,
(09:30):
we we honestly don't. I mean, we have had our disagreements.
I don't want to pretend, you know, to everybody that
that we've never disagreed on anything or are never like,
you know, maybe been a little sideways with each other
and then we you know, need to talk it out
or or whatever. Does anybody have an example?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I want to know, Actually, first, what did it feel like?
From y'all's perspective of it? Was like, I don't know
if y'all felt like this. It felt like teams, Like
it was like me and Stacy versus Yeah, Kayla and
Sarah when they were coming in the family, because it
had been us for years at that point, and so
then when y'all are coming in and we were both like,
who are these girls?
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Girl?
Speaker 4 (10:12):
And she's approaching it, I think from the perspective of
a protective mom, right like are these girls going to be? Who?
My son's Mary? And I'm approaching it from the perspective
of one, can they get along with us and just
come in and mesh? But then two like can we
be friends? Because I knew that had been your prayer
for years, is that she would have daughter in laws
(10:32):
that just blended you know that we wouldn't argue and
we would just get along for the best part, you know.
So what was y'all's perspective of stepping in?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
I think that for me personally, I felt like it
can definitely be intimidating coming into a new family just
in general, Like you have your family who you're so
close with, and then you're having to go out of
your comfort zone and put yourself out there and make
yourself known and vulnerable in front of people who you want.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
To accept you and they don't.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, exactly, And so I don't know if you can
attest to this too, but I feel like I was
definitely very like nervous, especially with y'all being pastors and
being so known in the community. It was wasn't intimidating
in a bad way, but it was intimidating in a
good way. I was like, oh, like I realized that
I now have, you know, a standard, which everyone has
(11:26):
a standard going into a new family, and you should
have that standard that you live up to. But I
think that it definitely taught me a lot about like
having more integrity with myself being in college and being
young and me and Reice being more known in the
community and not only are we having the whole family
accept us, but it's almost like the whole.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
Church if you married to that.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, definitely, I in no way would have ever thought
that that was was how you felt. So this this
is good. I'm glad you are sharing that.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
That was I think part of my perspective too, because
I mean, none of us grew up with families that
were pastors, right, and so once I had stepped in,
I had to learn how to wear that mantle. And
it is a heavy mantle that you know, it's a
heavy mantle.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
To marry a pique.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
And the parents are the senior pastors of a church
that are well known in the community. It is like
holy cow, Like it's like a standard that you put
on yourself and then it's like everything's even more refined
through the church lens. It's you know, it's a heavy mantle.
So then I was looking at it from that perspective
too when they were coming in of like can they
wear this mantle so to speak of? You know, like
(12:41):
I was just like, I want you guys to understand
what you're stepping into and not that it's like prim
and proper and everything's perfect, you know, but just the integrity,
like you were saying behind it.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
Yeah, I feel like even though it could have been intimidating,
you know, I'm just a people person in general, So
like coming into it, I'm like, oh, there's like already
a sister in law. That's a new best friend, you know, Like, oh,
mother in law, that's another new best friend.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Okay, I'm glad you be that. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
And I think that also, like not just saying like
oh I was intimidated, so to speak, but knowing that
y'all had that close knit relationship already for years, and
I think that, like you were talking about, y'all had
established that y'all kind of worked things out on Like,
you know, you were stepping into being a mother in
law for the first time, and you were stepping into
(13:33):
being a daughter in law for the first time. And
then also with the dynamic of us being closer, how
did that make you you both feel, with us already
establishing a relationship and then wanting to like build more
relationships with us individually as well.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
First go ahead, okay, I well, I think when y'all
were stepping in two we were early pregnant with live
or right around then, like you were at mayor, and
yet we were having lived so there was a lot
of transition that I think I just want people to understand,
Like there was the mother in law, and then now
she's Steven into Anna, yeah, and then there's two girls
(14:10):
coming in.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Like it was like there was a lot of change.
There was a lot of time. There really was.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
But I think for me, I think my my first
response was I got defensive innocence because.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
I was like, you reguarding your territory one I.
Speaker 4 (14:27):
Think one hundred percent, and you would probably agree with that.
I was in a sense, and I think too, like
I had told you growing up, my parents were really busy,
and there's nothing wrong with that. But in the same breath,
it's something that I had always craved, was to have
a really close relationship with another figure, and like I
was like, this can be. We can be besties for
the rest of these for the rest of our lives.
(14:49):
And so then when you guys stepped in, it was
like I finally felt like I got that need filled
innocence and I was like, are they coming to take
it away? You know? So I think my my first
thing was I got defensive, and then you guys were
super close and so then naturally you guys are getting
to know miss Stacy and then it made me feel
like it's three on one, you know. But I think
(15:10):
looking back now, I'm like, that is totally the enemy's
tactic to come in and start disrupting family and set
it off on a bad foundation.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
And let me just tell you, like, I feel like
the enemy was trying to step in and you know,
put a damper on that relationship because we have all
had to have like a conversation of like what our
intentions are and what a lot of it is muscommunication
most of that. Yeah, we've had to sit down and
have a hard conversation of like, okay, like these were
(15:41):
my intentions and this is how you took it. How
can we work from this? It was, yeah, and it
was totally out of our comfort zone and we didn't
want to do it, but we knew that, Okay, I'm
about to marry Reese and I'm going to be in
this family, and so to do that, I'm not I
don't mean personally, I don't want to have any type
(16:01):
of disagreements. And so we took it upon ourselves to
totally do something out of our comfort zone. Have a
hard conversation of like, Okay, I noticed that this was
your intention, and now I apologize and I humble myself
and realize, like, okay, this is all coming from a
place of like you said, a huge thing of change
and you were about to have your first kid and
(16:24):
we were all getting engaged, or I think you had
already had lived I think so.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
And so I think that looking.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Back now, and we talk about it all the time.
We laugh about it all the time. I think we
all three do, because like, how silly were we to
let the enemy try to step in and take away
from that season of us just coming together. And now,
I mean, we're all best friends and we spend a
lot of time together, and so we talk every single day.
(16:52):
And so I think that my advice for people who
might be going through the same thing is to have
that hard conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it may make
you feel, no matter if you think that the outcome
is not going to be what you want it to be,
you need to have those conversations. If that's going to
be your family and you want that relationship, you.
Speaker 4 (17:11):
Have to work for it. Yeah, I think it's no
secret that the enemy loves to attack families and much
less in law perspectives. Yes, from that, and then we're
all women, so it's just like.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
There's hormones involved, and oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
It's the perfect breeding ground for the enemy to come
in and make disruptions and cause a little havoc, you know.
But like Kayla said, I think if there's anybody that's
listening and you have sister in laws or just even
a family member, I think it's important to keep in
mind that the enemy does like to keep whispering those
lies in creating that disruption, But it's on you as
(17:47):
a believer to step in and intervene and take that
ground back and to have those conversations. Because I'm like,
it was so uncomfortable and we laugh about it all
the time. Yeah, But at the same time, I think
that honestly, that conversation is something that changed the trajectory
for now because now it's.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Like a day and I'm like, hello, yeah, yeah, to
piggyback on what you're saying. I think in any relationship,
but especially in the in law realm, just communication is key.
You know, Like there's so many things that happen day
to day that can be taken in the wrong way. Yeah,
but what's saying like you just gotta nip at the
(18:26):
but you gotta go straight to you know, the problem
or what you're feeling upset about, and you know, communicate
that and don't let the devil speak into that and
just put lies into your mind. You know.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Yeah, you know I think I think about whenever, you know,
for me thinking about becoming a mother in law, I
had the thought, well, all three of you you still
have your moms that that you're very close to and involved.
You know, they're very involved in your lives and stuff
like that. And so I know when I had when
(19:02):
I got married, my mom had just passed away. And
so I think that was probably the root of my
fear of like becoming a mother in law, Like, hey,
am I gonna am I gonna be good at this?
Are we gonna you know, have close relationships? And so
I begin to pray about that, and what the Lord
(19:23):
showed me was that even though all three of you
still have your mom, you all need me. Am I
really my relationship with y'all is it's different. It's different,
and it's and I say special, you know that.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Yeah, it's kind of like one is not overshadowing the other.
You know, they're both unique in their own ways. Yes,
we get some things from our own mothers, but we're
getting other things from you. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
Yeah, that that is that it is not a competition
kind of thing, and that it's it's neat, and that
it's important and and of course I mean being that
I raised three sons to have three girls. I mean
that absolutely adds to you know, adds to my life
for sure. And and it's you know, it's it's important
(20:14):
to maybe like appreciate where I appreciate the role, you know,
as an as an in law, you know what what
is my role? And can we have that communication? And
those misunderstandings are going to happen, you know, because we
might perceive something that was said the wrong way or
(20:35):
is being able to like talk through those things. And
I think I've even told y'all before, like I'm probably
going to say something or do something that's going to
hurt your feelings. It's not going to be my intention ever,
because my heart is not to ever hurt you, you know,
but I may I may say something and I know
I have, I know I have, and I've even had
(20:55):
to go back and apologize, you know, to my sons, like,
you know, I did not mean that, and I I
am so sorry. And and there even to be the
the from my end the conversations not only with the
three of you as the daughter in laws, but also
with my adult sons, you know. And then that if
(21:18):
there is some kind of I don't know, not not
a clash, but a situation that needs to be addressed normally,
you know, and this this is the healthier way to
deal with that. You you and your husband you talk
about it, and then normally he's the one that comes
in and talks to me or his dad or whatever,
(21:39):
you know, which would be the same as if there's
an issue on, you know, with your family, some misunderstanding
or whatever. Then whatever you you and your husband talk about,
then you go on behalf to your family.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
You know that.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
And I think that in itself helps to keep down
any other conflicts yeah that might occur, you know, within
the in law relationships. So I think that in itself
is something to be mindful about to where you're keeping
a peace.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
I think too that you're really good about You're very
good about humbling yourself and admitting when you're wrong. And
then I think us too, were you know what I mean.
So I think it's it comes down to as well,
like you're very good about if you even think that
you said something offensive, you're not afraid to apologize for it.
In the same breadth, what advice would you give to
(22:34):
any moms or mother in laws, anybody like that that
might be dealing with an offense from a daughter in law,
a son in law, their own kid, Like, what advice
would you give to them?
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Well, I think the main thing is that, and I
know that I've done this in other relationships that I've had,
is maybe my expectation, what I'm expecting that other person
to give me, maybe they can't. They can't get that
I'm just expecting too much, you know. And so I
think that in this aspect, just like not overly expecting
(23:12):
certain things that just maybe that that person can't give,
you know, and to have some grace, have some grace
in the relationship. You know. I know that I had
one of your husbands. I'm not gonna say who, but
one of them, you know, came to me really wasn't
that long ago, and we were just having a conversation
(23:35):
and he brought up something that that I had said,
are are done? And and it I guess was perceived
and all of a sudden, I just said, well, I
had no idea, you know, I really I didn't know
that I had, you know, said or done something that.
(23:57):
But but yet when he when we talked about it,
I was like, oh, I see that. I see why
we had a disagreement or there was a conflict, or
it might just be something that I've said or done
and there's not a conflict, but yet it hurt hurt
your feelings, you know what I'm saying. But I may
not in any way even know that I said or
(24:20):
did something that hurt your feelings, you know. So that's
where the communication comes in and being able to like
talk about it. And I mean, that doesn't happen overnight,
you know, and there might be ones listening going that
that just isn't gonna happen with the in laws that
I have, or are the relationships that I have in
my family are are too difficult. I definitely think it's
(24:41):
something that needs to be prayed about, you know, And
there are some situations that we just need to let
it go, like it's really we shouldn't make a big
deal out of it, and that in itself is nippitted
in the butt, you know, when we let it go.
And because you don't want to hold bitterness or unforgiveness,
because that's the devil's playground big time, and that happens
(25:03):
in in our you know, in our minds, that's where
the battlefield is for sure. And so that what I
guess would be would be my advice would be, don't
don't have these overly grand expectations for someone that that
maybe they can't they're not there to meet all of
(25:24):
your all of your needs are empty voids that you
might have in your own life.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
Yeah, I think too that there's factors sometimes that are
out of our control, right, Like if there is listeners
that are like that's not even a possibility, like my
end laws hate me, or they don't talk to me,
or maybe it's your own parents and maybe there's just tension,
I don't know, whatever it may be. I certainly think
that there is factors that you can't always control, that
(25:49):
you can't pray for those people, right, And I think
it's your responsibility to just lay it at the at
the foot of the cross and just let the Lord
do it. You know, I'm like, there's even with people,
and I can't control everybody, and I can't control everything,
but I can control me my response, my tone, and
my posture towards them. So I would just encourage anybody
(26:10):
too that's listening that might be in that boat. It's
not your burden to wear all of their problems and
how they're treating you or your spouse or anything like that.
But it is your job to pray for them.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
That's right.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
We just talked on Sunday about praying for your enemies.
So but it is your job to pray for them,
and it's your job to lay it at the foot
of the cross and leave it there.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
And I think it could also be a testimony of
walking in obedience and what the Lord is calling us. Yeah,
kind of like we were talking about earlier. It might
not be comfortable in the moment, and it might not
be something that you really want to do or the
conversation you want to have, but walking in obedience and
knowing like, Okay, maybe it is me and I didn't
realize or maybe I said something, and coming from a
(26:53):
place where our intentions are well, especially as women, I
think that we tend to overthink a lot, and we
tend to sort of have this idea that people's intentions
are sometimes out to get us because our brains are
just telling us that and the enemy is trying to
tell us that. But I think that walking in obedience
of the Lord and saying okay, like I know that
(27:13):
I have to die to myself, yeah, and humble myself
and be like maybe it could be something that I
said or something that I did that I didn't realize,
and having that hard conversation and laying it at the
feet of the Lord. If you can't have that hard conversation,
I think it's a testimony to obedience.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Well, and I think too that a lot of times
in certain families that the key thing is to not
brush things and sweep it under the brag. Yeah. And
too many times it's like people would just rather Okay,
I'm just gonna pretend like this didn't even happen, don't
(27:53):
even confront it. And I'm definitely I'm one that in
times past, I don't I don't want to confront anything,
and I don't want to be confronted, you know, and
would probably get more defensive, you know, with whatever was
coming at me. But truthfully, the healthy way of settling
things or handling things is to address it if possible,
(28:18):
if it is something that can be addressed and talked through,
instead of just like pretending it doesn't happen or it
didn't happen, because surely something else is going to come
along and it's going to happen, and then it's gonna compound,
and then it's just going to make the anger or
the bitterness or whatever, you know, even even worse. Okay,
And one more thing that I want to bring up
(28:40):
before we end this episode is maybe talking about having
some healthy boundaries where where the grandchildren are concerned in
the parenting aspect, because I know sometimes that can be
a conflict with you know, your parents or your in
law to where you know you're choosing to discipline or
(29:04):
parent in a certain way, but you either have the
support or you don't have the support.
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Yeah, I think it comes down to a mutual respect,
you know, which starts from each side respect for each
other and making sure that what we want for discipline
for our kids is healthily communicated. But then I think
it's too a posture on yaws and in respect of
(29:33):
we're going to respect what you guys are asking us
to do from that standpoint. So for me personally, my
parents are one that ones that don't listen to our
boundaries whatsoever. If I'm like, don't give them the oria,
They've got five in their hands. And if I say please,
don't do that, they're doing it, you know. But on
the same breadth of that, it's in this household, it's
(29:56):
very different. I feel like you guys healthily respect what
we ask and how we are choosing to discipline our kids.
But again, I think that's been communicated on our end.
But also you guys asking questions, Hey, what's the game plan?
What are we doing in this instance? And honestly, if
we're having a family night and something happens, you guys
are very quick to ask, Hey, this just happened. How
(30:17):
are we dealing with it? Even with like sleepovers, Hey,
if the kids get out of bed, or if someone
sasses off Olivia or something like that, you know, it's
how do you want us to do with this? So
I think it's having.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
The expectations, the expectations and the boundaries are there that
are set and clear. Yeah, Like recently, I mean, Livy,
y'all had to take her to the dentist and Todder
made the role no gummies, and then I'm like, well,
that's what you get when you come to Nana's house
is the gummies, you know. And so I'm like, I'm
going to respect that you don't understand.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
And you know, it's hard on y'all's into because grandparents
are like the fun house where anything and everything goes.
But I think it just comes down to having boundaries
that are they're not gray, they're not blured. They're black
and they're white, and they are setting stone. And our
kids have had to learn I feel like at a
pretty young age, just because we go to Nan and
Papus or just because we go to Gig and Pops,
(31:10):
the boundary isn't changing. You know. It's not like it disappears.
It's sane and it's remaining and making sure everybody is
on the same boat again, just healthily and clearly communicating
this expectations and asking questions when you don't know, but
you guys do a great job at it.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Well, I definitely do try to be mindful of that,
like that if there is something that you're correcting, and
I want, like Sarah, whenever you bring your babies like, okay,
what what is your plan? What has changed in their schedules?
I want it. I want to write it down. I
need I need some points to follow because I want
to be able to, like if you have them on
(31:45):
a schedule, I want to try my best. I can't
promise that that's going to happen when they're you know,
here and not at home, but you know, I do
try to like use the same kind of terminology in
addressing them, you know, and the same the same wording
to where they they don't think that they can get
(32:06):
away with something. That's the That's the thing is that
a lot of times kids are like, oh, I'm away
from mom and Dad, I can get away with that.
But then all of a sudden we come in with like,
you know, we got the hammer, just just like the
same rules, like just like mom and dad. But I
do think too, there is a little leeway with grandparents
that you know, you know, you don't like for your
(32:27):
kids to go to McDonald's, but it's a special treat
Papa get to take you.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
And Papa got me a happy mail with a coke.
Speaker 1 (32:36):
I was like he what, yeah, yeah, And so it's like,
well it's just every now and then, so so not
not to not to spoil them, but I mean that
I guess kind of part of our job description is
to spoil you know, our kids and our grandkids for sure,
but yeah, just just to like be be on the
(32:57):
same page as is as a healthy is a healthy thing,
I think for sure.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
If I can add an example to that, I know
my kids are kind of young for all the discipline
disciplinary but with Margaret, I feel like I might have
taken the pass fire from her at a younger age
than most parents do.
Speaker 1 (33:17):
I love the I'm like, please don't take that away from.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
So going off of that, you know, we would bring
Margaret over and she still will fuss as babies do,
and Nana will joke and be like, well if she
had a pacifier, But at the end of the day,
Nana is not going to give her the pacifier because
mom and dad took the past fire from her and
said no more passifire. So I think you've done a
(33:48):
great job in respecting you know what we want.
Speaker 4 (33:52):
That's where I too, feel like when it comes down
to spoiling some because that is what grandparents are supposed
to do. And I think and I know like we've
said before, like you don't have kids yet, but we
know what's coming. But I think there is an understanding
that we all know grandparents spoil grandkids and that's okay.
But I think it comes down to, as you guys
have respected us, it's like we also respect and I
(34:14):
think appreciate in essence that there is spoiling because it's like, no,
I'm not going to take my kids. It's McDonald's. And
if you do, that's fine, that's your choice, but it's not.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
But I did ask for her somebody she really wants
to go to McDonald's, can we do that? I suggested
chick fil A? But you know she wanted something else.
Speaker 4 (34:32):
Well that's because I feed her Chick fil A?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
And so do you think that that was harder for
you to be able to humble yourself and have to ask,
you know, so to speak, permission to be able to
do things with the kids.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
I don't really look at it like that. I just
I look at it as we need to stay on
the same page. And so to text Brittany and say, hey,
this is what she's wanting to do. Because I took
Livy out for a day, just me and her and
we were doing some things and I said I would
take you to lunch. I think in that situation or
even even some other situations when when I have them,
(35:12):
you know, to myself, it's basically I'm texting just to
I think it's back up, like I want to be
a support to y'all with whatever you're trying to enforce.
And and therefore it's you know, and it's it's a
respect thing, like like you were saying, it's it's just
being able to respect each other. And so it's some
(35:33):
people might think that, well, I you know, it's too
too much of a prideful thing to like ask or
or or be concerned, you know, with what the parents
are wanting, because sometimes it can be well, you know,
in my generation, we did this, you know. And and
I mean honestly, I'm generator. I'm Generation X, all right,
(35:57):
love the eighties m TV generation, you know, and there
are really speaking from my generation, there are really some
different takes that that your generation has on parenting. And
and so even though even though that it may be different,
(36:19):
our goal is the same. We want to support you
in raising productive little human beings, you know, and that
they all love Jesus you know. So my main focus
as the grandparent is more about sowing seeds in their
hearts towards the Lord, you know, and helping you in
(36:40):
that way. But to do that you have to be
in agreement with not necessarily in agreement, because you may
parent in a way that I may not fully agree with. Okay,
are I may want I may want to do it differently,
but I try to to help as the best that
(37:04):
I can, you know, with that, And and of course,
I mean we have the relationship that I can say,
I don't know why you do it like that, but okay,
you know kind of thing, and I can make my suggestions.
But that doesn't mean that you're going to give them
the pacifier back, you know. But though I know that's
that's a limited time for for that and it's and
(37:26):
it's doesn't need to be forever, but but you know,
it's helpful when they're crying and I don't know what
to do with them, give them a pacifier.
Speaker 4 (37:34):
So I think it just comes down to clearly communicating
and your communications respect and the respect comes to trust.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
And and the boundaries then are there and everybody is
on the same page for sure. Well, this has been
a great conversation. I know that you know, like we said,
in law relationships can get a bad rap and and
there's all kinds of I'm sure other examples that we
could give or that that others are like, this is
(38:02):
what's happening in my family at the time. You know,
it just comes back to, like we said, the communication
and being respectful of each other and just praying and
trusting the Lord with all of our relationships, but including
our in law relationships for sure. So I love you
(38:25):
all so much. I mean, y'are beautiful and I couldn't
be any prouder for all three of my boys to
have y'all. I mean, really really, I love you too.
And listen, we're just so happy that you joined us
for this episode of Love Like Crazy. Thank you for
joining in on our girl talk here with my beautiful
(38:46):
daughter in laws. And we would just want to remind you,
you know, follow, subscribe, share, you know, get the word out.
Maybe there's some others in your family that you need
this episode, or some others who need to hear this
discussion about in law relationships, and so we hope that
you'll continue to tune in to the Love Like Crazy
(39:07):
podcast
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