September 11, 2025 • 41 mins
What happens when Love, mushrooms, and late-night revelations collide? Orlando and Milah return to the mic with raw honesty and unfiltered laughs. From psilocybin epiphanies about self-worth and attention to navigating career shifts, family dynamics, and the pressures of “showing up.” They unpack the messy, magical layers of love and identity. It’s part comedy, part late-night confessional. If you’ve ever wondered how Love, psychedelics, and everyday life lessons intersect to shape partnership, this is your episode. Pour a nightcap, press play, and step into the lifestyle behind the love.
Social:@Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad
Watch here: Youtube
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
Social:@Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad
Watch here: Youtube
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Let's go, y'all, welcome back to another beautiful episode of
Love Like This. I am the one and only your
beautiful host, Orlando Roy. Right next to me is my
a fiance.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hi, everybody, this is Mila mapp Roy.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Nice hyphen a it right there, because you know you're
an author, so you need toph.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
I can't take your whole last name. No, you know,
we've discussed. We discussed the reasons why, because I'm highly popular,
highly publicized my last name, so I can only do
a hyphen dal. I can't do the whole thing. That's
that's the pay, the cost you pay when you funk
with a real boss.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Okay, I like the accent. That was nice.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yes, yeah, hi guys, I missed you.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
You know, Mila needed to take a little brizze because
at the time when we released, Oh, I hope y'all
liked those episodes of Lifts of Lifestyle, those little bonus
episodes that we shared with y'all. It had some real insightful,
great conversations. So I hope y'all. You know, y'all had
a month breakaway from Love Like This. We hitch out
(01:19):
with our little side. What do you call it spin.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Off, our spinoff podcast, Let.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Me But Ship. Before that, you were doing solo for
like three weeks, So I feel like I haven't been
here in a long time. I guess in April or May.
I came back for like one episode. But thank you
for holding it down.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best. But we're back.
You know, we're the Beyonce of relationships.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
We're relationships is back, and we're happy to be back.
We needed a little break because around the time in
the summer we were doing the Couples retreating, so much
is going on, so boom h y'all was on bonus episodes.
I hope y'all really enjoyed it, and you know, we
we were honestly, honestly, I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
During the Coups retreat, we did some We had a.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Mushroom experience and a little bit of shrooms, and I
had a revelation about my need for attention and where
it stems from. And it made me really think about
made me re evaluate my need for attention, where it
stems from. And then I thought to myself, I don't
(02:33):
really feel like podcasting anymore.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Is that is that the revelation that came about it was.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Like, what is why the enlightenment? Ooh, enlightenment is a
good words.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
See that's you got to keep the spiritual ones around,
so they give it a spiritual word enlighten.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It is not spiritual, it's historical.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Okay, fine, but I had I had this enlightenment and
figuring out like what is the why behind my actions
and everything I'm doing? Like when it comes to like
four other people podcasting, Grilling was one of them, no,
because it was like like Grilling being the person that
brings people around, like the center of attention, Like do
(03:11):
I really feel like I need to muster up the
energy to cook for other people? Like just doing things
for other people? Like I just really have to think
about what is the why behind all of this and
where it's stemmed from. And you know, I realized that
it came from my need from attention for my dad
that I never got like growing up, and so I'm
(03:31):
like searching it from other places and stuff like that,
what do I need to do to get views and attention?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Blah blah blah, And then it made me.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Realize, what is why do I even want to do that.
Do I really want to do that because I want
to help other people? Do I want to do that
because I want this information to help other people, or
whatever the case may be, Or do I really want
to do it just because I want people to see
me do something and I want people to recognize and
acknowledge me for doing something.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
And so I was in the space of.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Battling the why behind everything that I do, literally down
to whatever action it was. And so it made me
just really sit with myself, honing and restructure like how
I approach anything and everything.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
So what conclusion did you come to? I mean, obviously
you've continued to girl.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Since the yeah and we're.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Here, Yeah, So what have like in that reevaluation and
that you know that understanding of like the root of
which you're motivated by? What have you come to the conclusion.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Of that.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Most of the things that I do had like an
eighty five percent value of wanting to do this to
help other people or just for the good of the people,
and then like the fifteen percent is like Okay, if
I do it this way, if I do it yeah,
if I do it this way, I'm going to get
attention like this or people are gonna view like this,
or this is gonna get the views and or this
(05:06):
is this is going to get people to like see
me doing this thing.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
And afterwards, I.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It was a slight adjustment, but I started to I
started to rethink or like naturally, instead of think the
thought of hey, this will give me a little bit
more attention, it just became one hundred percent more so
what can I do to that that that can help
other people, which also helped me not rush or push ourself,
(05:39):
push myself to like, hey, we need to record an episode.
Right we were coming off the couples retreat.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And it was it was the hectic. It was hectic.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
It was a lot going on, Like it was a
lot of movement going to Costa Rica coming back. It's
not usually I go to Costa Rica when you're just
doing a retreat and I could be on the side helping,
But it's different when you're also within it and then
having to come back to the States and decide like, hey,
you know this podcast, let's get some episodes together. I'll
push myself and drain myself to edit because you know
(06:09):
how long editing takes just from seeing me do it,
Because you don't edit.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I can edit, but you doubt edit.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
It did not because I pay people to edit.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
The help the hell. But yeah, I would push myself
and drain myself. And then once I've drained of my
energy because I've pushed myself because I feel like there's
a need to do this, because the people need to
see me doing these things and we have to and
it's just like, wow, do you.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Do I mean, I have a question. Do I mean,
outside of that revelation, do you feel like, because this
is something that I've observed as your woman, do you
feel like if you're doing something, then it proves that
you're being productive, it proves that you're like like it
means that I'm not lazy, or it means something like
(07:00):
because I feel like sometimes your productivity is tied to
your self worth and like, by the way, uh, you
know some things have changed. Daddy here got a j
oh busy.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And not any o j O busy, but something that's
really in my trade and in my expertise because you know,
the boy got expertises.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
My baby got expertises, more than one expertise tises and
he's getting a check outside the household. Okay, baby, not
from my editing dollars, which I know has been stressing
you a lot. I mean, we've we've been gone for
a while, so there's a lot to talk about, and
I'm sure we'll get to it all. But I know that,
(07:44):
you know, I don't know if you guys know, or
if you're just joining us or wherever you're at in
the journey. Orlando moved to la three years ago.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Three years ago.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
After leaving a job that he had been with for
like a decade since he was eighteen. He teen years
so he had a trade as a working an electrical
working at the MTA in New York City, and he
moved here because look at me, got that wet wet.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
It's a family show man.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Sorry, just kidding, kids, it's not a family show. And
you know, shifted a lot of shit, you know, moved
in with us, became a dad pretty rapidly, started working
for Good Moms, my other podcast, and really just showed
up and supported us and always here at the studio.
(08:36):
So that's where he was doing for like three years.
And you know, recently he has been looking for work
outside of that space, outside of you know, podcasting, and
he recently, after six months of auditions. After six months
of interviews and tests, he has been hired with the
(08:57):
Los Angeles Metropolitan Transtransit Authority.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I'm very proud of you. I know this is something
that's been weighing on you and stress. And baby, we
all got motherfucking insurance. I know my friends are so
sign to me hearing me say that.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
But if insurance, if you're living in America.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
God damn it, this is a fucking I might as
well have one of the goddamn lottery I mentioned play
the lotto? Is it still?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Is?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
It still?
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Is?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Something they say tonight?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
So can I still play?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah? I think so?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Anyway, ad D, you're asking me, did it tie to myself?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
For I was just I noticed that you get really
anxious and like just do a lot, and I'm a
very slow burner. I have to remitate on things for
a long time. I and that is a source of
my anxiety, like bitch, can you move? And also like
it's been a sort It's so interesting how we show
(09:59):
up differently becau because last year I was like kind
of hesitant or reluctant about like showing up for love
like this just because it's not something I'm used to.
I'm used to showing up in another space with another
co host, and not even literally another space, it's literally
this exact space, literally the spot. But I was just
(10:22):
I was noticing my own reluctancy and just how I
was showing up and my fear around showing up in
a different space, and how it like it showed up
in my personality and how I showed up on the podcast,
which I like apologize for. But I am just much
more I don't know, I don't want to say calculated,
(10:43):
but I'm you know what I've been, and I'm not
this way anymore because I'm denouncing this part of me
but like attached to making other people feel comfortable and
I just like had to let that go. And also
just like yes, I feel like our love and the
things that we have to say are important. I feel
(11:03):
like people need to hear, like dig into relationships and
love on this level like we do, because I think
that is what's going to save the world. I think
like that's how you change generational shit, that's how you
change lineages, especially for people of color. I feel like
love and sex and intimacy and vulnerability is not something
that we get like an opportunity and communication to dig into,
(11:25):
so that this is really important to me. But I
had to evaluate that personally to remember why am I
showing up here? Because for a minute, I was like,
am I just doing it because Orlando is fucking making
me because he's acting crazy? And I also was like, well,
we're not gonna get rich tomorrow, like relax because I
don't know if anyone knows anything about podcasting, but it's
not get rich tomorrow fucking mode modality. But I don't
(11:48):
know if I use that word right for that moment.
But I also because I know how extroverted you are
and like you like attention just in general, I think
more than more than me in that way. But I
think that one of the things that I was concerned
about about, like A, you crashing out of just being
(12:11):
overly productive just because you feel like you need to
do something, and b I was you also show up
in our relationship that way, and I don't I don't
like I'm I'm the receiver of it, so I get
the benefits of it. You really pride yourself on being
like the best boyfriend or the best fiance, the best husband,
and I love that about you, and it makes me
put fire underneath my ass. But sometimes I'm like, do
(12:34):
you need that? Do you need to be the best
because you're trying to prove something to somebody, and that
would scare me because I'm like, okay, when when that does,
when that runs out, then like who who's there?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Who is?
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Who shows up?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
So yes to answer your question that you asked twenty
minutes ago.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Sorry I'm long winded. That's why a podcaster, motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
But no, it was tied to not only my self worth.
Predict productivity was tied not only to my self worth,
but also to my masculinity. Like I felt as if
as a man, I need to be doing something, working
towards something, using my hands, picking up tools, building something,
growing something, not just fucking actioning women whether they bring
to the table.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I need to be doing something.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And within doing that, it's like, Yeah, my girl's gonna
see that I'm this great man, and then she's gonna
be want to be a great woman to me because
she's gonna recognize kind of mind that man I am.
And you know what if she didn't recognize it today,
guess what tomorrow, I'm gonna go harder, which.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Just get me anxiety because I'm like, the fuck I
can't what am I doing this? I can compete with this, right,
don't shit the fuck down? And I need to rest.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
And I had this immense love also with that, which
is like also this big.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
It's like a rocket.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Fuel of driving force like behind it, behind this this
forceful need for you to recognize how much of a
man I'm being and how much like how much I
deserve because look how great I'm being to you and
how much you need to step it up to as
a woman, and just like.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
You, how you're going to motivate me by being.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
By an example of perfection? Whoa lazy?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Did it work? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Look how great you are? You're white.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
The part is I'm completely motivated by someone like telling
me I can't. Last night he was like joking, I guess,
talking about like I don't know how to be a wife.
I was like, fuck you, I don't want to be
a wife. And then I made like a seven course
lunch with.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Nice sticky notes of like I love you. She made
a salad. She was like, here's your sauce to toss
your salad, wink and shit like that.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
It's great, and.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Then I was like up late, thinking I'm nuts.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Challenge challenge, acceptments.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
But also on the other end of that, sometimes I
do think like what if I can't compare to this?
What if you like are like this bitch is not
trying hard enough? And then I'm like and then you
leave me?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
So boom no, well whoa, so all right, let's really
beckon now.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
But but it you're right, it did tie into that,
like that, that attention, wanting, the attention and recognition for
my masculineness, for my husband, my boys, boyfriend, like worthiness. Right,
it was a driving force and it is great, but
it can be intense when it's like used in the
(15:25):
wrong way or it's not or doesn't have the right
intention of the right I'm backing behind it, and so yeah,
I can see how a lot of times it can
come off intense because it's like this doesn't feel loving,
This just feels like women to recognize that you're doing
really good.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Right now, or if I would say one thing like
critical or criticizing that, it's like, what are you talking?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Don't you realize how great I'm doing and how hard
I'm working for you? Why would you even criticize that like.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Like oh okay, well Pop won't say anything else.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, yeah, Whereas now it's just like, hey, I'm just
doing this thing. And like I said, a lot of
it was back eighty five percent of like truly love
and wanting to just want to do good, but that
little fifteen percent can really take it to another intensity.
So with with that happening during around the Couples of treat,
(16:20):
it really made me re evaluate everything that I was
doing and going through and how I was doing it.
Because even when I first moved here, I was going
through like a depression and I didn't really like shake
off that depression until like late two thousand and three,
maybe early.
Speaker 6 (16:36):
Two thousand and four, twenty three two sorry twenty twenty
three in depresses two thousand and three, damn really, But
late twenty twenty three, early twenty twenty four I started
to shake off like this low level depression that's just
like been lingering.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
And then in like two thousand and five, like maybe
late January, I started like feeling like it coming back.
And then just just a little recap because the last
time you heard from us was after Jamaica when we
had like our amazing Jamaica trip. But going back to
(17:12):
New York and then travel in Jamaica really rejuvenated me.
It really gave me the energy I needed to feel like, yo,
I can do this, I could push through. And then
after that, after I went home to Jamaica and we
had that amazing Jamaica trip. Like we've had nothing but
blessings on blessings on. Blessings come right after the one,
right after the other. I did my final, my final
(17:35):
testing for my job and got through that, got through
the drug testing. We did our first couples retreat together,
we went camping. Then I started work like and then
work has been so smooth, so easy going, like, it's
been a really good like process, even in these like
(17:57):
first three weeks of orientation. And today, ladies and gentlemen,
come close, come here, come here, today's ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Your boy got his first check.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I got my first payment from the La Metro, And
it feels so fucking good to be back in this
space knowing that we're good. We're gonna be able to
take this money and put it in so many different places.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
And you know, today I was sitting down.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
With my coworker and I was showing him, like, you know,
all the different ways you could like move your money
and all these things that I got set up. And
I found out that I have like five different, say,
five different places that I'm able to put my money
that can all grow on its own without me even
touching it.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So I can make we can make money while we're sleeping.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
That's beautiful. And that's a different podcast because you will
go on and on and on.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
About Yeah, yeah, that's that's a whole other conversation. Honestly,
I think that's a really big conversation, a really good conversation.
I have planning, family planning and future planning, and we're
going to get into that in another episode.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
But before we get into that, I do want to
say one thing to you. I want to tell you
where we just like lays over all that you said
and my love, you are doing an amazing job.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You always do an amazing job. You always go beyond
and above for me and for Luna and for our
family and for good moms and honestly and everything that
you do, you go above and beyond, even if it's grilling,
even if it's driving, even if it's whatever the fuck
it is, and I deeply appreciate that, and I see
(19:28):
you and I'm grateful for you, and I'm often wondering
how the fuck am I going to compare to this?
And I really do appreciate you just taking pride in
the role of a father, a family man, a husband,
of lover, a friend because you do it flawlessly. And
(19:51):
I do have the best boyfriend slash fiance slash future
husband because you really love me down and and I couldn't.
I often ask myself how the fuck did I get
so lucky? Because you do you do the damn thing,
and I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful for you,
and I'm just grateful to be able to witness a
(20:12):
man that just values and takes pride in the roles
of husband and father, because I feel like that's like
a lost art maybe. And yeah, there's a lot of
men talking about what do you bring to the table
and blah blah blah, baby mam is this And you know,
(20:33):
like all these weird niggas that live in their mom's
basements are on Instagram and on Twitter just talking shit.
So when there's like so much of that that I see,
it's a breath of fresh air. And I'm sure not
only just for me who gets to experience you, but
for those who get to just observe from the outside
(20:53):
in that men like you exist and that there are
men like you out there. And yeah, I'm really grateful.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
I love you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And
yeah after this.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
And you have nothing improved to anyone exactly you are.
You are valuable, You're worthy, You're deserving of all the
blessings that are bestowed upon you. And like whoever doesn't
see that as fucking blind Stevie Wonder, I mean really
like Ray Charles, because we all know Stevie Wonder maybe
can see a little bit. According to Orlando, my.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Theory is Stevie Wonder can see.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
I know you can a little bit, a little bit,
but yeah, you don't you You have excelled in all
of the ways far past whatever the fuck you ever
try to prove to your mom or to your dad
or to your family. And I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
So yeah, being being rejuvenated going back home to Jamaica.
I love the homewand and also on this couples with
treat having this microdosing on shrewms and just having this
this Eureka moment of like where this thing stems from
and just reevaluating, re evaluate, re evaluating. I guess I'm
(22:09):
too Jamaica to say that word, reevaluing to speaking.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Pods us, come on, come on, come on, come on,
But just assessing where where it stems from.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
And then just changing how I show up and my
expectations of other people in the world because I no
longer I'll move am moving from the space of wanting
attention and wanting viewership for my things that I'm doing,
just and just knowing that what I'm doing is enough,
regardless of if it's being.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Seen or not.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
And then like another like kind of more petty level,
finally you admit it because I've been telling you for years, Wow,
you need a lot of attention. Boo. Remember when I
first you're not the man for me, We're going to
be just friends. And I was like, you need a
lot of attention. And I don't I don't know if
I said this to you, but in my head, I
was like, here's a lot of atten I tell Erica,
(23:09):
he's a lot of attention, and I don't know if
I'm like prepared for.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
That, and and oh, well, I realized I didn't really
give a backstory to this.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Backstory to this is my dad.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
When my mom and dad had me, my dad was
married to another woman, and while he was married to
the other woman, cheated on her with my mom and
I was the first born. Right after that, maybe like
a year later, my little brother was born to his
into his marriage. So growing up, it was more always
(23:40):
more about my little brother getting the attention because he
was seen as the main child or the real child.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
And now it's just seen you're the one out of wedlock,
right right, and so doing that, well, it's not doing
that with that happening.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I always strive for like attention from my dad, and
I will continuously do things for attention for my dad.
And one of the one of the things, the main
things I always remember I did was I went to
a vocational high school because I once I saw on
the on like the high school like all the things
that they offer. One of the things was h fact
my dad was has his own HVAC company, so he
(24:18):
was already in a trade. I said, I'm going to
a trade school, a trade vocational high school, learn a trade,
because then my dad is going to recognize all the
things that I'm doing that it's so similar to him.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
It never worked, and.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I don't know, he's very proud of you.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Well he no. My cousin Kiara told her that he's
proud of me. He never told me.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
But within doing that, I learned, I learned my electrical trade,
and I learned how much I love electrical and learning
that electrical trade I did so I loved it so much.
I did so well at it that I was able
to ex of my electoral class and they propelled me
into the apprenticeship that got me the job with the
(25:04):
New York City Transit and got me all the experience
to then apply to La Metro and get the job
that I have today.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
So it's like, it's really crazy how.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Like that big full circle moment came together with also
this realization of where my need for attention comes together
at the time where this was all happening. So it
was it was, I will say, a heavy moment for
me to take on and to really for me to
really sit back and think about like how I just
show up in the world and the reason why I
(25:34):
show up that way. But I was able to process
it all through and you know we were here to
where we are now here.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Psilocybin, honest to fucking guy.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
No, but I think, uh yeah, psilocybin. And also the
beauty of being able to just observe yourself, sit in
it and let the awareness come to you without judging it.
I think a lot of times we don't even get
to that point because we're too basically like being sensitive
about judging ourselves or observing ourselves and evaluating and being
(26:16):
like huh, you know, and instead of taking it. I
mean like not personally, it is personal, but I recognize,
like this is a prime example of you picking the
parents that you need to like go through whatever lesson
you need in this lifetime. And I know people like
(26:37):
some people agree with this, some people don't, but you know,
they say, you pick your parents, and sometimes it's for
the lesson that you need, and like before you come down,
you pick it because that's what that's the lesson you're
gonna need, and that's the parents that's going to provide it.
But look at how like this domino effect of which
once was like stemming from like this deep need for
approval from him kind of has benefit to do in
(27:00):
a way that now you have your own family, and
who gives a fuck if you ever hear this motherfucker
tell you that he's proud of you. Hopefully we do,
But like I think, a lot of us are waiting
for our parents to do and to say things so
that we can finally, I don't know, like itch that
scratch and feel that that approval or that acceptance or
(27:22):
that love. And for a lot of us, we're not
going to get it. It's not coming, but it will
come in other ways. You will be validated in other
ways if you allow yourself, you know, to still be
expansive enough to experience love in other ways and to
observe yourself, and you'll find that often the things that
(27:45):
you were searching for leads you to other places and
you make get the things that you want from your
parents or from you know, childhood needs. But sometimes, and
I read this in a meme recently, a lot that
read I've reposted this that the person you choose to
live your life with in partnership is not dating you.
(28:05):
It's dating the childhood version of you.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
You're dating You're you're dating your inner child, not your
outer adult.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Yes, and there's a lot of and I've now I've
talked about this before, but there's been a lot of
times and arguments that I'm wrecking, like I'm consoling him
and and vice versa, and I'm like, oh, this is
not even stemming from me. This is not even stemming
from this, this very recent argument, or this very recent
(28:31):
miscommunication and misunderstanding. This is a deep cry from a
five year old or a three year old, or like
whatever the fuck it is. And same for me, there's
times where I'm in places and I'm like, oh, this
is much deeper than I thought it was. And it's
interesting to be in like a safe relationship and to
be able to just recognize the type like how deep
(28:55):
the healing when you are triggered when it's triggered by
someone you're very close to in love with, because that's
where you feel safest. We are not ever put in
a position outside of living in the household with your
parents until marriage, until you coexist with like your romantic
(29:16):
partner and live with them, like you will be triggered
in a parent child relationship. This is like literally what
it's for because in other instances, you like you're it's
like low level relationships you're not living with each other,
you're in college. You can you can you can bounce out,
you can back up, you can be like, I'm good
on this. But it's not until like deep adulthood, where
(29:37):
you're settled into a family ship where you're like, oh,
this is the first time I'm refaced with these triggers again.
And then we are we find ourselves here and sometimes
we're able to handle it, or we have the tools,
or we search for the tools, and sometimes we run
the other way. But the biggest lesson in that is
if it, if you don't, if you don't deal with
it in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
You're gonna deal it other one in different.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Form and a different vessel and a different motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah, I love your baby, and thank you for seeing
me through this, and thank you for holding me through
the tears.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yeah, so well. And also.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Phil also, and also I think we're both in a place.
I think this this year has like its just releasing,
releasing the approval of anybody outside of ourselves.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, releasing those old baggages, unclogging, unclogging those past blockages
that are inside you. I've realized this year that if
you don't heal and you don't process all that shit
that's happened in the past.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It really it really.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Clogs up a part of your body somewhere inside of you.
There's that clog. And I learned and I learned something
from Couples of treat How how like you go through
the process of body tapping. Shout out to Shakim, Me, Shaquim,
Erica and Mila, all four of us we through a
Couples of treat this summer, which was beautiful. Shout out
(31:15):
to the five couples. Five couples, right, five couples that
came to the Couples of Treat. Yeah, And during our
men's workshop, one of the things that we did was
body tapping and hikim as these asking these questions of
like where do certain things feel? Where do you see
these things? And like, you know you hold onto that
space and tap that space. I'm realizing that you know,
(31:36):
we have our clogs somewhere inside of our body. And
if you really want to feel lighter, you want to
move through the world, and you have to unclog that space.
You have to heal that space, and you'll find like
how the energy and your insize just feel like they're
flowing a lot better. You don't feel like you're walking
with like you know, those old school cartoons with the
chain and ball when you're in jail. You don't feel
(31:58):
like you're walking with this weight on you. And it's
because you're able to make those things move the energy
and let it flow out of your body. It's not
holding you back, and that that thing that's holding you
back really stops you from conversations that you can have.
It really stops you from loving at the level that
you can It really stops you from just being at
(32:22):
your higher self that you can be because you're held
on to these past things that is not even your
reality anymore, this past situation that you're not even living anymore,
that you're not in this house that you're not in anymore,
and you're not realizing the space that you're in, this
new space that you're in with people that love you
and care about you, because you're holding onto these griefs, well,
(32:42):
these dead moments that's happened already.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
The body keeps the score, body keeping the score, and
a lot of times we are bypassing things because in childhood,
that's the safest way, that's the way we know is
to is to push down into surprise, and sometimes the body,
through the body hides it from you because it's the
emotions are too big to process. But as adults, they'll stop,
they're still there, will begin to emerge because you're safe
(33:05):
enough hopefully you have the tools hopefully to move through them.
But like just like dancing, just like you know, even
even massages, I think like tntra. Part of tantra is
starting the dialogue with your body. And once you start
to do that, you can better identify where you're holding stuff.
(33:25):
When things come up that make you uncomfortable, Where do
they sit? When you have something that you want to
say but you don't say it and you suppress it,
where does it sit, like where does it live? And
once you can like identify that in your body and
you're not like prone to leave your body and numb
out and not feel anything, which is something like I'm
very good at that, you can start to process those emotions.
(33:49):
And I and like just studying TNTRA and just starting
the communication with my body, I've recognized like in massages,
I'm like, oh shit, hey, I'm about let the massage
therapist know I'm about to cry and letting that shit
out and feeling comfortable enough to release it, and being
in relationships and being amongst people and community that you
(34:10):
feel comfortable enough to just for absolutely no fucking reason
except that it's coming up right now that I need
to cry. And sometimes you may not even know what
the fuck you're crying about or what that rage or
whatever needs to come out of you. It may be
something so distant, so far back, that you don't even
fucking know, but honoring the fact that it needs to
come out and letting it do that is like where
(34:31):
the magic happens and where the medicine happens. And so
I just I highly recommend you know, tapping in with
yourself literally tapping, but also just listening and quieting and
your mind enough to observe literally what happens in the
body when something uncomfortable happens.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna let you know right now.
The cheet code of this relationship has also been dating
that trick specialists and sexologists because the Mila has.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Honestly found different ways of how.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
To hold space for me, how to hold space for
my emotions, and how to help me process my emotions
in how she shows how she shows up for me.
So if you really want to take advantage of processing
those clocked emotions or those those places within you, if
you're listening right now and you feel like, yo, I
can relate to this, and there might be something that
(35:30):
I need to process and you can't figure out why
you can't really go to a doctor and have them
do an X ray and like physically see what's wrong.
Then it's your time to come to a tantric practitioner
like Gilla matt Roy to see to just see where
(35:51):
the clock is, how to help process it.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
And this is the one for you to help you
do that.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
And I'll be the first to say on some real shit,
I this was not something that I have been well
well versed in. I am not someone who has been
who prior to this training and prior to this practice,
because you could be trained, but if you ain't practicing,
it don't matter and it's still a process. Like I'm
(36:18):
not going to sit here like I'm a fucking expert.
Do I have the tools? Absolutely? Do I always use them? No?
But it is a means to knowing them, and then
you'll start to utilize them. You'll start to practice and
it's helped. It helps me be more vulnerable. It helps
me because a lot of times when men are crying,
(36:39):
I just want to be like, oh shut up, man up, nigga,
And I know it's toxic of me. I'm just being honest.
It's helped me hold space for myself a lot of
times when we were shutting other people out. It's because
we need We haven't really given ourselves space to feel,
so it's how to let anybody else feel. But yeah, babe,
(37:02):
I'm proud of you know. We're not perfect people that
we are Slowly but surely we utilize the things that
we've learned. Oh, which brings me to another thing which
we've also completed since we've been gone, which was see
can you kay Stevens's Progressive Love Academy talk about it
(37:28):
twelve weeks Maybe. Yes, we are divorce proof. Before we
even got married, we were the first couple, pre marital
couple to do the Divorce Club, the Divorce Proof Club,
and it was that was really a game changer too,
having those touls. This is what this is about, that too,
(37:49):
this entire podcast. If you haven't recognized whether you're single,
whether you're partnered. It's about sacking as many motherfucking tools,
asking as many people, as many specialists as we possibly can.
You have to figure this ship out, because I do not,
We do not have all the answers. But if we
(38:10):
put everybody's ship in one pile, every expert friends, every
successful relationship, every failed relationship in one ball, hopefully we
can figure it out. And this is really what this
podcast is about for us. It's about exploring all the mechanisms,
all the modalities, all the means of healing, of communication,
(38:32):
of vulnerability, of intimacy, of connection, so that we could
heal ourselves and our parents, and even if it's not
them directly, but that we can shift, shift ship and
change shit for our kids. Because isn't that the whole
point anyway?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Wow, man, I'm happy. I'm happy that we got to
do this episode. Man, I had some ship to get
off my chest. Man, it's so great. It's felt so good,
and I am rejuvenated. I feel recharged, I feel re energized.
I'm back, I feel back in the podcasting space. I
feel like talking to the people again. So yeah, I
(39:12):
love your baby, and I want to say thank you,
thank you for just everything I can't even pinpoint one
thing that I want to thank you for. I want
to thank you for everything, and I want to thank
you for showing up today and how we've been showing
up for each other. And yeah, that the Force Fools
Club Primo Calm Coaching has been wonders in our relationship
(39:33):
and in our communication, and we are.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Always here to help y'all.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
And honestly, you go on Instagram and follow us at
UCI mom and dad, and if you have any questions
at any time, our dms are always open, like Miela
is always always open and welcoming to answering any questions.
Where there it's tantric where's relationship, I am always here
to respond to you, no worries, like.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
We male perspective perspective, relationship perspective. And also I'm really,
I really want to tap into having more couples on,
you know, whether that be like virtually just tapping with
all the couples to see what's working and what's not,
because I think that's also the sauce A lot of
us grew up in the realm of like we don't
tell our business, and I think that that has been
(40:21):
detrimental and we have to tell our business to know
what the fuck works and what doesn't. So just ending this,
ending this cultural uh, just bullshit of like nobody we
have no problems. We have no problems. Don't ask, don't tell,
and that's that's crazy. We all have problems. We all
(40:42):
are going to have bump heads. We're fucking human. And
the sooner we talk about it, the more we can
normalize finding answers.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Boom, give me some love. You love you.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
And I love you guys. Genuinely. Thank you for all
of the people who reached out and said they missed
me on the podcast while I was gone, and just
thank you for everybody who supported us and you know, listens
and encourages us.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
To do this. Yeah, because yeah, I really make it
easier to come back and do this. But follow me.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
Follow me at w H Underscore Orlando Roy, follow my
beautiful fiance right here, Mila Underscore, map tangient practitioner and sexologist,
and follow us on Instagram and Hucci Mom and Dad
and on YouTube. Look for the podcast everywhere at Love
like This wo man, Wow, I love your baby
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Allah like this
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Let's go, y'all, welcome back to another beautiful episode of
Love Like This. I am the one and only your
beautiful host, Orlando Roy. Right next to me is my
a fiance.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hi, everybody, this is Mila mapp Roy.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Nice hyphen a it right there, because you know you're
an author, so you need toph.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
I can't take your whole last name. No, you know,
we've discussed. We discussed the reasons why, because I'm highly popular,
highly publicized my last name, so I can only do
a hyphen dal. I can't do the whole thing. That's
that's the pay, the cost you pay when you funk
with a real boss.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Okay, I like the accent. That was nice.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Yes, yeah, hi guys, I missed you.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
You know, Mila needed to take a little brizze because
at the time when we released, Oh, I hope y'all
liked those episodes of Lifts of Lifestyle, those little bonus
episodes that we shared with y'all. It had some real insightful,
great conversations. So I hope y'all. You know, y'all had
a month breakaway from Love Like This. We hitch out
(01:19):
with our little side. What do you call it spin.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Off, our spinoff podcast, Let.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Me But Ship. Before that, you were doing solo for
like three weeks, So I feel like I haven't been
here in a long time. I guess in April or May.
I came back for like one episode. But thank you
for holding it down.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm trying my best. I'm trying my best. But we're back.
You know, we're the Beyonce of relationships.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
We're relationships is back, and we're happy to be back.
We needed a little break because around the time in
the summer we were doing the Couples retreating, so much
is going on, so boom h y'all was on bonus episodes.
I hope y'all really enjoyed it, and you know, we
we were honestly, honestly, I'm not gonna lie to y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
During the Coups retreat, we did some We had a.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Mushroom experience and a little bit of shrooms, and I
had a revelation about my need for attention and where
it stems from. And it made me really think about
made me re evaluate my need for attention, where it
stems from. And then I thought to myself, I don't
(02:33):
really feel like podcasting anymore.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Is that is that the revelation that came about it was.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Like, what is why the enlightenment? Ooh, enlightenment is a
good words.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
See that's you got to keep the spiritual ones around,
so they give it a spiritual word enlighten.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
It is not spiritual, it's historical.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Okay, fine, but I had I had this enlightenment and
figuring out like what is the why behind my actions
and everything I'm doing? Like when it comes to like
four other people podcasting, Grilling was one of them, no,
because it was like like Grilling being the person that
brings people around, like the center of attention, Like do
(03:11):
I really feel like I need to muster up the
energy to cook for other people? Like just doing things
for other people? Like I just really have to think
about what is the why behind all of this and
where it's stemmed from. And you know, I realized that
it came from my need from attention for my dad
that I never got like growing up, and so I'm
(03:31):
like searching it from other places and stuff like that,
what do I need to do to get views and attention?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Blah blah blah, And then it made me.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Realize, what is why do I even want to do that.
Do I really want to do that because I want
to help other people? Do I want to do that
because I want this information to help other people, or
whatever the case may be, Or do I really want
to do it just because I want people to see
me do something and I want people to recognize and
acknowledge me for doing something.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
And so I was in the space of.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Battling the why behind everything that I do, literally down
to whatever action it was. And so it made me
just really sit with myself, honing and restructure like how
I approach anything and everything.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
So what conclusion did you come to? I mean, obviously
you've continued to girl.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Since the yeah and we're.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Here, Yeah, So what have like in that reevaluation and
that you know that understanding of like the root of
which you're motivated by? What have you come to the conclusion.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Of that.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Most of the things that I do had like an
eighty five percent value of wanting to do this to
help other people or just for the good of the people,
and then like the fifteen percent is like Okay, if
I do it this way, if I do it yeah,
if I do it this way, I'm going to get
attention like this or people are gonna view like this,
or this is gonna get the views and or this
(05:06):
is this is going to get people to like see
me doing this thing.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
And afterwards, I.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It was a slight adjustment, but I started to I
started to rethink or like naturally, instead of think the
thought of hey, this will give me a little bit
more attention, it just became one hundred percent more so
what can I do to that that that can help
other people, which also helped me not rush or push ourself,
(05:39):
push myself to like, hey, we need to record an episode.
Right we were coming off the couples retreat.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And it was it was the hectic. It was hectic.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
It was a lot going on, Like it was a
lot of movement going to Costa Rica coming back. It's
not usually I go to Costa Rica when you're just
doing a retreat and I could be on the side helping,
But it's different when you're also within it and then
having to come back to the States and decide like, hey,
you know this podcast, let's get some episodes together. I'll
push myself and drain myself to edit because you know
(06:09):
how long editing takes just from seeing me do it,
Because you don't edit.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I can edit, but you doubt edit.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
It did not because I pay people to edit.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
The help the hell. But yeah, I would push myself
and drain myself. And then once I've drained of my
energy because I've pushed myself because I feel like there's
a need to do this, because the people need to
see me doing these things and we have to and
it's just like, wow, do you.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Do I mean, I have a question. Do I mean,
outside of that revelation, do you feel like, because this
is something that I've observed as your woman, do you
feel like if you're doing something, then it proves that
you're being productive, it proves that you're like like it
means that I'm not lazy, or it means something like
(07:00):
because I feel like sometimes your productivity is tied to
your self worth and like, by the way, uh, you
know some things have changed. Daddy here got a j
oh busy.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And not any o j O busy, but something that's
really in my trade and in my expertise because you know,
the boy got expertises.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
My baby got expertises, more than one expertise tises and
he's getting a check outside the household. Okay, baby, not
from my editing dollars, which I know has been stressing
you a lot. I mean, we've we've been gone for
a while, so there's a lot to talk about, and
I'm sure we'll get to it all. But I know that,
(07:44):
you know, I don't know if you guys know, or
if you're just joining us or wherever you're at in
the journey. Orlando moved to la three years ago.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Three years ago.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
After leaving a job that he had been with for
like a decade since he was eighteen. He teen years
so he had a trade as a working an electrical
working at the MTA in New York City, and he
moved here because look at me, got that wet wet.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
It's a family show man.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Sorry, just kidding, kids, it's not a family show. And
you know, shifted a lot of shit, you know, moved
in with us, became a dad pretty rapidly, started working
for Good Moms, my other podcast, and really just showed
up and supported us and always here at the studio.
(08:36):
So that's where he was doing for like three years.
And you know, recently he has been looking for work
outside of that space, outside of you know, podcasting, and
he recently, after six months of auditions. After six months
of interviews and tests, he has been hired with the
(08:57):
Los Angeles Metropolitan Transtransit Authority.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I'm very proud of you. I know this is something
that's been weighing on you and stress. And baby, we
all got motherfucking insurance. I know my friends are so
sign to me hearing me say that.
Speaker 4 (09:15):
But if insurance, if you're living in America.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
God damn it, this is a fucking I might as
well have one of the goddamn lottery I mentioned play
the lotto? Is it still?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Is?
Speaker 3 (09:27):
It still?
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Is?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Something they say tonight?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
So can I still play?
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Yeah? I think so?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Anyway, ad D, you're asking me, did it tie to myself?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
For I was just I noticed that you get really
anxious and like just do a lot, and I'm a
very slow burner. I have to remitate on things for
a long time. I and that is a source of
my anxiety, like bitch, can you move? And also like
it's been a sort It's so interesting how we show
(09:59):
up differently becau because last year I was like kind
of hesitant or reluctant about like showing up for love
like this just because it's not something I'm used to.
I'm used to showing up in another space with another
co host, and not even literally another space, it's literally
this exact space, literally the spot. But I was just
(10:22):
I was noticing my own reluctancy and just how I
was showing up and my fear around showing up in
a different space, and how it like it showed up
in my personality and how I showed up on the podcast,
which I like apologize for. But I am just much
more I don't know, I don't want to say calculated,
(10:43):
but I'm you know what I've been, and I'm not
this way anymore because I'm denouncing this part of me
but like attached to making other people feel comfortable and
I just like had to let that go. And also
just like yes, I feel like our love and the
things that we have to say are important. I feel
(11:03):
like people need to hear, like dig into relationships and
love on this level like we do, because I think
that is what's going to save the world. I think
like that's how you change generational shit, that's how you
change lineages, especially for people of color. I feel like
love and sex and intimacy and vulnerability is not something
that we get like an opportunity and communication to dig into,
(11:25):
so that this is really important to me. But I
had to evaluate that personally to remember why am I
showing up here? Because for a minute, I was like,
am I just doing it because Orlando is fucking making
me because he's acting crazy? And I also was like, well,
we're not gonna get rich tomorrow, like relax because I
don't know if anyone knows anything about podcasting, but it's
not get rich tomorrow fucking mode modality. But I don't
(11:48):
know if I use that word right for that moment.
But I also because I know how extroverted you are
and like you like attention just in general, I think
more than more than me in that way. But I
think that one of the things that I was concerned
about about, like A, you crashing out of just being
(12:11):
overly productive just because you feel like you need to
do something, and b I was you also show up
in our relationship that way, and I don't I don't
like I'm I'm the receiver of it, so I get
the benefits of it. You really pride yourself on being
like the best boyfriend or the best fiance, the best husband,
and I love that about you, and it makes me
put fire underneath my ass. But sometimes I'm like, do
(12:34):
you need that? Do you need to be the best
because you're trying to prove something to somebody, and that
would scare me because I'm like, okay, when when that does,
when that runs out, then like who who's there?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Who is?
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Who shows up?
Speaker 1 (12:49):
So yes to answer your question that you asked twenty
minutes ago.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Sorry I'm long winded. That's why a podcaster, motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
But no, it was tied to not only my self worth.
Predict productivity was tied not only to my self worth,
but also to my masculinity. Like I felt as if
as a man, I need to be doing something, working
towards something, using my hands, picking up tools, building something,
growing something, not just fucking actioning women whether they bring
to the table.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
I need to be doing something.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
And within doing that, it's like, Yeah, my girl's gonna
see that I'm this great man, and then she's gonna
be want to be a great woman to me because
she's gonna recognize kind of mind that man I am.
And you know what if she didn't recognize it today,
guess what tomorrow, I'm gonna go harder, which.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Just get me anxiety because I'm like, the fuck I
can't what am I doing this? I can compete with this, right,
don't shit the fuck down? And I need to rest.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
And I had this immense love also with that, which
is like also this big.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
It's like a rocket.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Fuel of driving force like behind it, behind this this
forceful need for you to recognize how much of a
man I'm being and how much like how much I
deserve because look how great I'm being to you and
how much you need to step it up to as
a woman, and just like.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
You, how you're going to motivate me by being.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
By an example of perfection? Whoa lazy?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Did it work? Yes?
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Look how great you are? You're white.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
The part is I'm completely motivated by someone like telling
me I can't. Last night he was like joking, I guess,
talking about like I don't know how to be a wife.
I was like, fuck you, I don't want to be
a wife. And then I made like a seven course
lunch with.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Nice sticky notes of like I love you. She made
a salad. She was like, here's your sauce to toss
your salad, wink and shit like that.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
It's great, and.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Then I was like up late, thinking I'm nuts.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Challenge challenge, acceptments.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
But also on the other end of that, sometimes I
do think like what if I can't compare to this?
What if you like are like this bitch is not
trying hard enough? And then I'm like and then you
leave me?
Speaker 1 (14:58):
So boom no, well whoa, so all right, let's really
beckon now.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
But but it you're right, it did tie into that,
like that, that attention, wanting, the attention and recognition for
my masculineness, for my husband, my boys, boyfriend, like worthiness. Right,
it was a driving force and it is great, but
it can be intense when it's like used in the
(15:25):
wrong way or it's not or doesn't have the right
intention of the right I'm backing behind it, and so yeah,
I can see how a lot of times it can
come off intense because it's like this doesn't feel loving,
This just feels like women to recognize that you're doing
really good.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Right now, or if I would say one thing like
critical or criticizing that, it's like, what are you talking?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Don't you realize how great I'm doing and how hard
I'm working for you? Why would you even criticize that like.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Like oh okay, well Pop won't say anything else.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, yeah, Whereas now it's just like, hey, I'm just
doing this thing. And like I said, a lot of
it was back eighty five percent of like truly love
and wanting to just want to do good, but that
little fifteen percent can really take it to another intensity.
So with with that happening during around the Couples of treat,
(16:20):
it really made me re evaluate everything that I was
doing and going through and how I was doing it.
Because even when I first moved here, I was going
through like a depression and I didn't really like shake
off that depression until like late two thousand and three,
maybe early.
Speaker 6 (16:36):
Two thousand and four, twenty three two sorry twenty twenty
three in depresses two thousand and three, damn really, But
late twenty twenty three, early twenty twenty four I started
to shake off like this low level depression that's just
like been lingering.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
And then in like two thousand and five, like maybe
late January, I started like feeling like it coming back.
And then just just a little recap because the last
time you heard from us was after Jamaica when we
had like our amazing Jamaica trip. But going back to
(17:12):
New York and then travel in Jamaica really rejuvenated me.
It really gave me the energy I needed to feel like, yo,
I can do this, I could push through. And then
after that, after I went home to Jamaica and we
had that amazing Jamaica trip. Like we've had nothing but
blessings on blessings on. Blessings come right after the one,
right after the other. I did my final, my final
(17:35):
testing for my job and got through that, got through
the drug testing. We did our first couples retreat together,
we went camping. Then I started work like and then
work has been so smooth, so easy going, like, it's
been a really good like process, even in these like
(17:57):
first three weeks of orientation. And today, ladies and gentlemen,
come close, come here, come here, today's ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Your boy got his first check.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
I got my first payment from the La Metro, And
it feels so fucking good to be back in this
space knowing that we're good. We're gonna be able to
take this money and put it in so many different places.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
And you know, today I was sitting down.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
With my coworker and I was showing him, like, you know,
all the different ways you could like move your money
and all these things that I got set up. And
I found out that I have like five different, say,
five different places that I'm able to put my money
that can all grow on its own without me even
touching it.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So I can make we can make money while we're sleeping.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
That's beautiful. And that's a different podcast because you will
go on and on and on.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
About Yeah, yeah, that's that's a whole other conversation. Honestly,
I think that's a really big conversation, a really good conversation.
I have planning, family planning and future planning, and we're
going to get into that in another episode.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
But before we get into that, I do want to
say one thing to you. I want to tell you
where we just like lays over all that you said
and my love, you are doing an amazing job.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You always do an amazing job. You always go beyond
and above for me and for Luna and for our
family and for good moms and honestly and everything that
you do, you go above and beyond, even if it's grilling,
even if it's driving, even if it's whatever the fuck
it is, and I deeply appreciate that, and I see
(19:28):
you and I'm grateful for you, and I'm often wondering
how the fuck am I going to compare to this?
And I really do appreciate you just taking pride in
the role of a father, a family man, a husband,
of lover, a friend because you do it flawlessly. And
(19:51):
I do have the best boyfriend slash fiance slash future
husband because you really love me down and and I couldn't.
I often ask myself how the fuck did I get
so lucky? Because you do you do the damn thing,
and I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful for you,
and I'm just grateful to be able to witness a
(20:12):
man that just values and takes pride in the roles
of husband and father, because I feel like that's like
a lost art maybe. And yeah, there's a lot of
men talking about what do you bring to the table
and blah blah blah, baby mam is this And you know,
(20:33):
like all these weird niggas that live in their mom's
basements are on Instagram and on Twitter just talking shit.
So when there's like so much of that that I see,
it's a breath of fresh air. And I'm sure not
only just for me who gets to experience you, but
for those who get to just observe from the outside
(20:53):
in that men like you exist and that there are
men like you out there. And yeah, I'm really grateful.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
I love you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And
yeah after this.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
And you have nothing improved to anyone exactly you are.
You are valuable, You're worthy, You're deserving of all the
blessings that are bestowed upon you. And like whoever doesn't
see that as fucking blind Stevie Wonder, I mean really
like Ray Charles, because we all know Stevie Wonder maybe
can see a little bit. According to Orlando, my.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Theory is Stevie Wonder can see.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
I know you can a little bit, a little bit,
but yeah, you don't you You have excelled in all
of the ways far past whatever the fuck you ever
try to prove to your mom or to your dad
or to your family. And I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
So yeah, being being rejuvenated going back home to Jamaica.
I love the homewand and also on this couples with
treat having this microdosing on shrewms and just having this
this Eureka moment of like where this thing stems from
and just reevaluating, re evaluate, re evaluating. I guess I'm
(22:09):
too Jamaica to say that word, reevaluing to speaking.
Speaker 5 (22:14):
Pods us, come on, come on, come on, come on,
But just assessing where where it stems from.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
And then just changing how I show up and my
expectations of other people in the world because I no
longer I'll move am moving from the space of wanting
attention and wanting viewership for my things that I'm doing,
just and just knowing that what I'm doing is enough,
regardless of if it's being.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Seen or not.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
And then like another like kind of more petty level,
finally you admit it because I've been telling you for years, Wow,
you need a lot of attention. Boo. Remember when I
first you're not the man for me, We're going to
be just friends. And I was like, you need a
lot of attention. And I don't I don't know if
I said this to you, but in my head, I
was like, here's a lot of atten I tell Erica,
(23:09):
he's a lot of attention, and I don't know if
I'm like prepared for.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
That, and and oh, well, I realized I didn't really
give a backstory to this.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Backstory to this is my dad.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
When my mom and dad had me, my dad was
married to another woman, and while he was married to
the other woman, cheated on her with my mom and
I was the first born. Right after that, maybe like
a year later, my little brother was born to his
into his marriage. So growing up, it was more always
(23:40):
more about my little brother getting the attention because he
was seen as the main child or the real child.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
And now it's just seen you're the one out of wedlock,
right right, and so doing that, well, it's not doing
that with that happening.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
I always strive for like attention from my dad, and
I will continuously do things for attention for my dad.
And one of the one of the things, the main
things I always remember I did was I went to
a vocational high school because I once I saw on
the on like the high school like all the things
that they offer. One of the things was h fact
my dad was has his own HVAC company, so he
(24:18):
was already in a trade. I said, I'm going to
a trade school, a trade vocational high school, learn a trade,
because then my dad is going to recognize all the
things that I'm doing that it's so similar to him.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
It never worked, and.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
I don't know, he's very proud of you.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Well he no. My cousin Kiara told her that he's
proud of me. He never told me.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
But within doing that, I learned, I learned my electrical trade,
and I learned how much I love electrical and learning
that electrical trade I did so I loved it so much.
I did so well at it that I was able
to ex of my electoral class and they propelled me
into the apprenticeship that got me the job with the
(25:04):
New York City Transit and got me all the experience
to then apply to La Metro and get the job
that I have today.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
So it's like, it's really crazy how.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
Like that big full circle moment came together with also
this realization of where my need for attention comes together
at the time where this was all happening. So it
was it was, I will say, a heavy moment for
me to take on and to really for me to
really sit back and think about like how I just
show up in the world and the reason why I
(25:34):
show up that way. But I was able to process
it all through and you know we were here to
where we are now here.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Psilocybin, honest to fucking guy.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
No, but I think, uh yeah, psilocybin. And also the
beauty of being able to just observe yourself, sit in
it and let the awareness come to you without judging it.
I think a lot of times we don't even get
to that point because we're too basically like being sensitive
about judging ourselves or observing ourselves and evaluating and being
(26:16):
like huh, you know, and instead of taking it. I
mean like not personally, it is personal, but I recognize,
like this is a prime example of you picking the
parents that you need to like go through whatever lesson
you need in this lifetime. And I know people like
(26:37):
some people agree with this, some people don't, but you know,
they say, you pick your parents, and sometimes it's for
the lesson that you need, and like before you come down,
you pick it because that's what that's the lesson you're
gonna need, and that's the parents that's going to provide it.
But look at how like this domino effect of which
once was like stemming from like this deep need for
approval from him kind of has benefit to do in
(27:00):
a way that now you have your own family, and
who gives a fuck if you ever hear this motherfucker
tell you that he's proud of you. Hopefully we do,
But like I think, a lot of us are waiting
for our parents to do and to say things so
that we can finally, I don't know, like itch that
scratch and feel that that approval or that acceptance or
(27:22):
that love. And for a lot of us, we're not
going to get it. It's not coming, but it will
come in other ways. You will be validated in other
ways if you allow yourself, you know, to still be
expansive enough to experience love in other ways and to
observe yourself, and you'll find that often the things that
(27:45):
you were searching for leads you to other places and
you make get the things that you want from your
parents or from you know, childhood needs. But sometimes, and
I read this in a meme recently, a lot that
read I've reposted this that the person you choose to
live your life with in partnership is not dating you.
(28:05):
It's dating the childhood version of you.
Speaker 1 (28:08):
You're dating You're you're dating your inner child, not your
outer adult.
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Yes, and there's a lot of and I've now I've
talked about this before, but there's been a lot of
times and arguments that I'm wrecking, like I'm consoling him
and and vice versa, and I'm like, oh, this is
not even stemming from me. This is not even stemming
from this, this very recent argument, or this very recent
(28:31):
miscommunication and misunderstanding. This is a deep cry from a
five year old or a three year old, or like
whatever the fuck it is. And same for me, there's
times where I'm in places and I'm like, oh, this
is much deeper than I thought it was. And it's
interesting to be in like a safe relationship and to
be able to just recognize the type like how deep
(28:55):
the healing when you are triggered when it's triggered by
someone you're very close to in love with, because that's
where you feel safest. We are not ever put in
a position outside of living in the household with your
parents until marriage, until you coexist with like your romantic
(29:16):
partner and live with them, like you will be triggered
in a parent child relationship. This is like literally what
it's for because in other instances, you like you're it's
like low level relationships you're not living with each other,
you're in college. You can you can you can bounce out,
you can back up, you can be like, I'm good
on this. But it's not until like deep adulthood, where
(29:37):
you're settled into a family ship where you're like, oh,
this is the first time I'm refaced with these triggers again.
And then we are we find ourselves here and sometimes
we're able to handle it, or we have the tools,
or we search for the tools, and sometimes we run
the other way. But the biggest lesson in that is
if it, if you don't, if you don't deal with
it in this relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
You're gonna deal it other one in different.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Form and a different vessel and a different motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Yeah, I love your baby, and thank you for seeing
me through this, and thank you for holding me through
the tears.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yeah, so well. And also.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Phil also, and also I think we're both in a place.
I think this this year has like its just releasing,
releasing the approval of anybody outside of ourselves.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, releasing those old baggages, unclogging, unclogging those past blockages
that are inside you. I've realized this year that if
you don't heal and you don't process all that shit
that's happened in the past.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It really it really.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Clogs up a part of your body somewhere inside of you.
There's that clog. And I learned and I learned something
from Couples of treat How how like you go through
the process of body tapping. Shout out to Shakim, Me, Shaquim,
Erica and Mila, all four of us we through a
Couples of treat this summer, which was beautiful. Shout out
(31:15):
to the five couples. Five couples, right, five couples that
came to the Couples of Treat. Yeah, And during our
men's workshop, one of the things that we did was
body tapping and hikim as these asking these questions of
like where do certain things feel? Where do you see
these things? And like, you know you hold onto that
space and tap that space. I'm realizing that you know,
(31:36):
we have our clogs somewhere inside of our body. And
if you really want to feel lighter, you want to
move through the world, and you have to unclog that space.
You have to heal that space, and you'll find like
how the energy and your insize just feel like they're
flowing a lot better. You don't feel like you're walking
with like you know, those old school cartoons with the
chain and ball when you're in jail. You don't feel
(31:58):
like you're walking with this weight on you. And it's
because you're able to make those things move the energy
and let it flow out of your body. It's not
holding you back, and that that thing that's holding you
back really stops you from conversations that you can have.
It really stops you from loving at the level that
you can It really stops you from just being at
(32:22):
your higher self that you can be because you're held
on to these past things that is not even your
reality anymore, this past situation that you're not even living anymore,
that you're not in this house that you're not in anymore,
and you're not realizing the space that you're in, this
new space that you're in with people that love you
and care about you, because you're holding onto these griefs, well,
(32:42):
these dead moments that's happened already.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
The body keeps the score, body keeping the score, and
a lot of times we are bypassing things because in childhood,
that's the safest way, that's the way we know is
to is to push down into surprise, and sometimes the body,
through the body hides it from you because it's the
emotions are too big to process. But as adults, they'll stop,
they're still there, will begin to emerge because you're safe
(33:05):
enough hopefully you have the tools hopefully to move through them.
But like just like dancing, just like you know, even
even massages, I think like tntra. Part of tantra is
starting the dialogue with your body. And once you start
to do that, you can better identify where you're holding stuff.
(33:25):
When things come up that make you uncomfortable, Where do
they sit? When you have something that you want to
say but you don't say it and you suppress it,
where does it sit, like where does it live? And
once you can like identify that in your body and
you're not like prone to leave your body and numb
out and not feel anything, which is something like I'm
very good at that, you can start to process those emotions.
(33:49):
And I and like just studying TNTRA and just starting
the communication with my body, I've recognized like in massages,
I'm like, oh shit, hey, I'm about let the massage
therapist know I'm about to cry and letting that shit
out and feeling comfortable enough to release it, and being
in relationships and being amongst people and community that you
(34:10):
feel comfortable enough to just for absolutely no fucking reason
except that it's coming up right now that I need
to cry. And sometimes you may not even know what
the fuck you're crying about or what that rage or
whatever needs to come out of you. It may be
something so distant, so far back, that you don't even
fucking know, but honoring the fact that it needs to
come out and letting it do that is like where
(34:31):
the magic happens and where the medicine happens. And so
I just I highly recommend you know, tapping in with
yourself literally tapping, but also just listening and quieting and
your mind enough to observe literally what happens in the
body when something uncomfortable happens.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
And ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna let you know right now.
The cheet code of this relationship has also been dating
that trick specialists and sexologists because the Mila has.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Honestly found different ways of how.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
To hold space for me, how to hold space for
my emotions, and how to help me process my emotions
in how she shows how she shows up for me.
So if you really want to take advantage of processing
those clocked emotions or those those places within you, if
you're listening right now and you feel like, yo, I
can relate to this, and there might be something that
(35:30):
I need to process and you can't figure out why
you can't really go to a doctor and have them
do an X ray and like physically see what's wrong.
Then it's your time to come to a tantric practitioner
like Gilla matt Roy to see to just see where
(35:51):
the clock is, how to help process it.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
And this is the one for you to help you
do that.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
And I'll be the first to say on some real shit,
I this was not something that I have been well
well versed in. I am not someone who has been
who prior to this training and prior to this practice,
because you could be trained, but if you ain't practicing,
it don't matter and it's still a process. Like I'm
(36:18):
not going to sit here like I'm a fucking expert.
Do I have the tools? Absolutely? Do I always use them? No?
But it is a means to knowing them, and then
you'll start to utilize them. You'll start to practice and
it's helped. It helps me be more vulnerable. It helps
me because a lot of times when men are crying,
(36:39):
I just want to be like, oh shut up, man up, nigga,
And I know it's toxic of me. I'm just being honest.
It's helped me hold space for myself a lot of
times when we were shutting other people out. It's because
we need We haven't really given ourselves space to feel,
so it's how to let anybody else feel. But yeah, babe,
(37:02):
I'm proud of you know. We're not perfect people that
we are Slowly but surely we utilize the things that
we've learned. Oh, which brings me to another thing which
we've also completed since we've been gone, which was see
can you kay Stevens's Progressive Love Academy talk about it
(37:28):
twelve weeks Maybe. Yes, we are divorce proof. Before we
even got married, we were the first couple, pre marital
couple to do the Divorce Club, the Divorce Proof Club,
and it was that was really a game changer too,
having those touls. This is what this is about, that too,
(37:49):
this entire podcast. If you haven't recognized whether you're single,
whether you're partnered. It's about sacking as many motherfucking tools,
asking as many people, as many specialists as we possibly can.
You have to figure this ship out, because I do not,
We do not have all the answers. But if we
(38:10):
put everybody's ship in one pile, every expert friends, every
successful relationship, every failed relationship in one ball, hopefully we
can figure it out. And this is really what this
podcast is about for us. It's about exploring all the mechanisms,
all the modalities, all the means of healing, of communication,
(38:32):
of vulnerability, of intimacy, of connection, so that we could
heal ourselves and our parents, and even if it's not
them directly, but that we can shift, shift ship and
change shit for our kids. Because isn't that the whole
point anyway?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Wow, man, I'm happy. I'm happy that we got to
do this episode. Man, I had some ship to get
off my chest. Man, it's so great. It's felt so good,
and I am rejuvenated. I feel recharged, I feel re energized.
I'm back, I feel back in the podcasting space. I
feel like talking to the people again. So yeah, I
(39:12):
love your baby, and I want to say thank you,
thank you for just everything I can't even pinpoint one
thing that I want to thank you for. I want
to thank you for everything, and I want to thank
you for showing up today and how we've been showing
up for each other. And yeah, that the Force Fools
Club Primo Calm Coaching has been wonders in our relationship
(39:33):
and in our communication, and we are.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Always here to help y'all.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
And honestly, you go on Instagram and follow us at
UCI mom and dad, and if you have any questions
at any time, our dms are always open, like Miela
is always always open and welcoming to answering any questions.
Where there it's tantric where's relationship, I am always here
to respond to you, no worries, like.
Speaker 3 (39:58):
We male perspective perspective, relationship perspective. And also I'm really,
I really want to tap into having more couples on,
you know, whether that be like virtually just tapping with
all the couples to see what's working and what's not,
because I think that's also the sauce A lot of
us grew up in the realm of like we don't
tell our business, and I think that that has been
(40:21):
detrimental and we have to tell our business to know
what the fuck works and what doesn't. So just ending this,
ending this cultural uh, just bullshit of like nobody we
have no problems. We have no problems. Don't ask, don't tell,
and that's that's crazy. We all have problems. We all
(40:42):
are going to have bump heads. We're fucking human. And
the sooner we talk about it, the more we can
normalize finding answers.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Boom, give me some love. You love you.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
And I love you guys. Genuinely. Thank you for all
of the people who reached out and said they missed
me on the podcast while I was gone, and just
thank you for everybody who supported us and you know, listens
and encourages us.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
To do this. Yeah, because yeah, I really make it
easier to come back and do this. But follow me.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
Follow me at w H Underscore Orlando Roy, follow my
beautiful fiance right here, Mila Underscore, map tangient practitioner and sexologist,
and follow us on Instagram and Hucci Mom and Dad
and on YouTube. Look for the podcast everywhere at Love
like This wo man, Wow, I love your baby
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Allah like this
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