September 26, 2025 • 50 mins
Sentences to finish before getting married
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- One thing I didn't get growing up, but want in my marriage, is...
- My biggest fear in relationships is...
- A safe relationship, to me, looks like...
- The one thing I couldn't accept in a relationship is...
- My role as a partner is to...
- My top three emotional needs are...
- I usually get triggered when...
- When there's conflict, I tend to...
- I believe the purpose of marriage is...
- What I value most in a partner is...
- I feel most loved when...
- One expectation I need to let go of in marriage is...
- A habit I want to bring into marriage is...
- A habit I want to leave behind is...
- To me, intimacy means..
Watch here: Youtube
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Like this. What's good to y'all? That's me the camera,
don't do that. What's good? Y'all?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome back to another boring intro because Orlando can't do
anything exciting on here.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Think about someone just listening audibly and so I'm going
in their ear. It's very annoying.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Okay, well it's good, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome back to another beautiful episode of love like this.
I am your beautiful bad bitch host, Orlando Royce, and
next to me is my wonderful her nipples out fiance
because she doesn't want us to get monetized on YouTube.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
And this is your real nigga wife, Mila.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And now my nipples are covered.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
Now that you said nipples, we definitely won't get monetized
because you know the bots are watching.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Okay, okay, and.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I'm brown and my nipples are camouflage.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I'm put on YouTube. Ayway, let's see what happens to
start this wonderful episode. I wanted to boodoom boom boom,
start with a tower reading. Yeah, and I pulled the
Tower of card.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
It is the.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
The Hermit card. You ready for me to read it?
I'm gonna read it while Miil is still finishing out
her little written project that she got going on over there,
the hermit soul searching introspection, being alone in her guidance,
I know you've done a lot of being alone recently,
since he a boy got a job. The hermit stands
(01:39):
alone on top of a mountain. The snowcapped rain symbolizes
his spiritual missed mastery, growth, and accomplishment. He has chosen
this pass of self discovery and as a result, has
reached a high ened state of awareness. In his right hand,
he holds a lantern with a six pointed star. Inside
it is the Seal of Solomon, a symbol of wisdom.
As the hermit walks his path, the lamp lights his way,
(02:02):
but it only illuminates his next few steps, rather than
the full journey.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Whoops.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
He must step forward to see where to go next,
knowing that not everything will be revealed at once. In
his left hand, the side of the subconscious mind, the
hermit holds a long staff, a sign of his power
and authority, which he uses to guide and balance him.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Hmmm, so well, we don't have to worry about knowing
the full journey, as long as we know are the
next few steps then.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
That's enough.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Oh that was just the description, babe.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Okay, sorry, go down to You know, really, you don't
really do the sign right now, because you know, I
am in the tyro, I'm just a walking amazingness, i
am the symbol, I.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Am the light.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Okay, the hermit upright. The Hermit shows that you are
taking a break from everyday life to draw your energy
and attention inward and find the answers you seek deep
within your soul. Realize that your most profound sense of
truth and knowledge is within yourself and not in the
distractions of the outside world. You leave behind the mundane
(03:09):
to set off on a journey of self discovery, led
by your inner wisdom and guiding light. Now is a
perfect time to go on a weekend retreat or sacred pilgrimage,
anything in which you can contemplate your motivations, personal values
and principles, and get closer to your authentic self. The
Hermit invites you to retreat into your private world and
(03:30):
experience a deep sense of seclusion and introspection. You know
that you need to take this journey alone or with
a small intimate group of spiritual minded people. When you
allow yourself to tune in to your inner guiding a light.
You will hear the answers you need to grow wise
beyond your years. Find your light, shine it on your soul,
(03:51):
and create your unique path. You will see what lies
ahead of you, not miles upon miles, but enough to
know where you step next. From there, take one step
at a time. The hermit often appears when you're at
a pivotal point in your life and considering a new direction.
Through meditation, contemplation, and self examination, you may begin to
(04:13):
reevaluate your personal goals and change your overall course. You
will look at your life with a deeper, more spiritual understanding,
and a few of your priorities will change as a result.
The hermit also represents the desire to turn away from
your oh consumerist or materialistic society to focus on your
inner world. Have you ever seen or read into the wild?
(04:34):
After graduating from university? Top student athlete Christomer.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Thing? Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Finally, the hermit may appear in your life as a
spiritual mentor, here to raise your vibration and enhance their consciousness.
The beauty of this mentor is that while he may
be an expert in his own right, he will teach
you how to find your answers within your self.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I feel that that is that right now.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
I feel like I have been saying this for a
long time and I've never done it, and that I
want to go on a solo trip.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
They're the best.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
I love them even though I feel like I have
You know, my problem is I make friends too easy.
But I don't think I want to do like a
whole week like I would do like Joshua Tree for
like a weekend. And I also have been saying I
want to do mushrooms alone, which I feel like, I
that's deep. It's deep, and I keep saying it. I
(05:32):
haven't done it. It's probably something there and I need.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
To do it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
But if you're saying then it's probably something and you
subconsciously it's like you should do this. But anyway, continue
what you're saying.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Yeah, no, that's why you know, I'm acknowledging that because
that came up. And I think it's also time for
us to do a little mushroom journey.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
And you know, and I do.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
I do microdose a lot at the retreats because we
offer a psilocybin at like experience and so I'll do
like a small dose generally, like as we were guiding,
and sometimes the doses are not so small because I'd
be sensitive. But just in a complete alone space, it
kind of makes me a little intimidated. But because I
(06:17):
have you know, I have, I don't have issues being alone,
but I could get stuck in energy like easily. Like
sometimes I'm super motivated. I'm like my nuts is my hormones.
Sometimes I'm super motivated and I could do things, and
sometimes I'm literally like I have a lot of things
to do, but I can't move, and I've questioned, like
it's something wrong with me.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I have ADHD.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I mean, I definitely have ADHD, but I think that, yeah,
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Sometimes i'd be motivated, sometimes I don't because sometimes I will,
I'll go out to eat by myself, I'll do stuff
by myself.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
But then sometimes I'd be.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Like like l Wednesday, when you went out without me
and you met up with other friends. You said you're
going out alone. Then you met up with people out
of nowhere, But okay, because you were going out without
me without even asking me if I wanted to go.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
But it's fine because then you were motivated to do
that by yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
You had to work at five am.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Continue what you're saying about you, and.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
It's okay to do for me to do things without you, hmm.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Okay, it's a stretch, it's it's acceptable, might be a
little legal.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
And you have had a job. And now I'm really like, fuck,
my friend is gone. My partner in all day crime.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
And when I say crime and cleaning the house and
all day things like let's go to the supermarket.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
You did really step it up today. Make that even
cleaning content, You're like, I'm motivating. You took care of
the crib. It looks great. Give me a fist pump.
I called me your friend. You called me your friend,
you are my friend.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Well, I mean it's more fun to do mundane, how
those chores and how daily things responsibilities with a friend,
like let's go to the supermarket together because we got
to go anyway, or you know, it just makes it
more fun. And so now that I'm alone, I'm like,
I know, there's a lot of things that I know
I need to dive into personally that I want to
(08:16):
like get more into my writing, but my ADHD. So
I've been exploring that sitting with myself and it's true.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Sometimes I don't do shit.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
M You saying.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Your friend when referencing me just made me emotional because
I was thinking about how today I was telling my
the guy I've been shadowing at work because you know,
I'm selling training and shit, so the guy was showing
shadowing at work. I was, uh, just conversation came up
and I was telling him about you, and I was
just like, yeah, man, she's just She's just great. Man,
(08:52):
that's my homie, that's my friend, and like and I
was like, yeah, that's my that's my best friend. I
love hanging out with her. And I was like, that
girl really is my friend. And friendship has always been
such a big deal with us, even to the point
where if I feel like anything within the friendship space
within our relationship is slipping, I'd like to address it
(09:14):
or confront it immediately because that's something that's so important
to me and to us that I want us to
always be able to hold on to that. And I
know I've been telling you, you know, it feels like,
you know, we're kind of slipping or losing out on
our friendship.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
What thank you friend, You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
But I've been saying that you know, I feel like
sometimes are the friendship part of our relationship is slipping.
I feel like I'm gaining you more as a wife,
more and more. But it's not just I'm not saying
it because I feel like you're no longer my friend.
I'm saying it because I feel like there's a shift
and a change within that and I don't want to
(09:55):
lose that part of us, and I always want that
part to stay strong and stay connected with us. So, yeah,
you know, you're my homie man, and you've been one
of the best friends I've ever had in my life.
So it's always good to see you in that light
as my friend as also my lover and my wife.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
I feel like when you said that whatever week, that
was a hurt my feelings and be in my mind,
I'm going to be clear about in my mind, we
were having a discussion about something that I was like,
I think there's a thin line, not a thin line,
but there's an interesting line when it comes to marriages
(10:33):
or partnerships, relationships and the friendship thing. And I think
that obviously the goal is always that you're marrying someone
that you consider a fucking friend, because that's like the
very basic basis foundation of a relationship. But then you
were telling me something and I was just like, yes,
I'm your friend, honesty is great, but do I need
(10:55):
to know this information? And I thought, I think because
I was like, I question if I needed to know
that information or like what was like that You were like,
I don't feel like we're losing our friendship, and I
have thought like maybe that wasn't fair because as much
as I am your friend, there is a level of
when I share something with you or you share something
(11:16):
with me that potentially is going to I don't want
to say it's not going to ever go away, like
I'm going to have that information once you say something,
you can't and hear it like I know, I have
the knowledge. And if it's like some like I'm asking
for a friend, I'm asking the listeners. Is there certain
(11:37):
shit that you were like do I need to know this?
Because in that time, I was like I didn't need
to know that. I could have been my whole life
not hearing that because I'm not gonna be able to
unhear it. And now I'm going to have that in
the back of my mind and some capacity because I'm
human and so like, is there a level of.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Sharing with your partner and.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Being like transparent and obviously if they ask something, speci
answering it, but also like, and I tread on this
lightly because I also don't want you to take it
upon yourself to, uh, how do you say withhold information
because you're like, well, you said you don't, it's going
to be too much to know, and then you take
(12:17):
it upon yourself to not share certain things because I've
said this thing. But in that case, I felt like
there was just absolutely no there was no benefit in
me having that information. And then you saying like, well,
I feel like we're losing our friendship. I'm like, I
feel like that was a low blow.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
I mean, especially because we.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Play all day, hang all day, hang out like voluntarily,
not because.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
We have to.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
I was saying that I understand all those aspects of
our friendship hanging out and being fun and stuff like that,
but then there's also another part of a friendship where
I feel like we should be able to.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Let me take that back. Now.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
We should be able to where I can speak to
you and you can hear me out as a friend,
like where I can talk and it's not about sharing information.
With you and letting you know stuff. But it's also
just about like coming to you about stuff like, hey,
you know, maybe you said something to me that I
didn't really like or that may have hurt my feelings.
And I think that when it comes to us being
(13:19):
in a relationship, it can really be hurtful to hear
that you hurt your partners, You hurt your partner feelings,
and you could take your personal and I don't want
you to always take things personal when I'm coming to
you saying that, hey, you may have done something or
said something that hurt my feelings, but just hear me
out as a friend and we could just chat about it.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
So you're saying, you saying, I feel like our friendship
this part of the friendship because of how I was
delivering something, not because of this other thing that.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
No, no, it wasn't. It has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
It was more so about how I feel like I
could come to you and speak to you about things
and how it can be received not to hurt your
feelings or not to feel like you're failing as a
wife or feeling as a girlfriend a relationship. But I
could just come to you about it and we can
move past it as friends because I feel like I
can just talk to my friends about anything, even if
(14:10):
it's something that they may have done to hurt me
or hurt my feelings, and it doesn't mean that, hey
you hurt me that the relationship needs to end. It's hey,
you hurt me, and we're gonna be You're my best
friend and we're gonna be friends forever. So how can
we figure out how to fix this hurt or fix
this thing that happened so that we can continue our friendship?
(14:31):
That do truly think that you know, your friendships are
something that you work on more to maintain than in relationships.
I think people like feel like, you know, somebody hurt me,
they're not encompassing everything, or we're not compatible, so our
this relationship may not work. Whereas your friends you can
(14:52):
work past things that you can accept your friends for
certain things or who they are because that's just that's
this is my friend and that's my homie.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Now we have we have we have you know, grown
to yeah, we have skinning the game.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
We have grown to a part where we're on another
stratosphere of like our relationship, where we can maintain relationship
friendship intimacy, love, and all these other things as one.
So there is a part of our relationship friendship where
I just want to maintain us being able to just
speak to each other, understand where we're coming from, and
(15:29):
not really take it wholeheartedly and personal as if this
is the end of the world for each of us.
It's just I just want to come and just chat
chat when you'll be like, yeah, you know, some shit happened,
and you know I wasn't really feeling that.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I agree, But if you also I know myself and
I agree, I don't have to take everything personally, and
I know that if you tell me like constructive criticism
or something didn't like, it doesn't mean like I'm the
first girlfriend ever or whatever.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
But I'm also like, you know, I don't forget shit.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
I know, But that's what I'm saying, that you're you're
harboring on a You're crazy, You're harboring.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
On a on a thing or on an angle that
I'm not even like getting at that it has nothing
to do with me telling you something that you for
me feel like you don't you're not comfortable with needing
to know. It's just how you've been reacting to me,
just speaking to you about things that you may have
done or like whatever, just like just whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
And it's so like, you know, we can always just
speak to each other and be like, yo, you know
a bad player. I mean, I mean it like that.
This is how I meant it, and I understand that.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I understand that. I understand that.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
And then sometimes I'm like, don't tell me things that
I'm not going to forget that are going to bother
me because.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
You're still talking about that thing, and I'm like, that's
not what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
Yeah, if you guys are on all ten of you
on Patreon, I'm going to go in there and tell
you so you can tell me if I'm that God anyway.
Welcome to love like this the love cast to where
we won't be bickering for one hour if we don't ficker.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
This is about before, during, and after of falling in love.
Oh and I found the so today we we we
found a list of questions from a page called a
conscious marriage and the listive questions was under the title
of sentences to finish before getting married, And so Miela
(17:32):
wrote down her answers. I wrote down my answers and
we just want to go through with them because we
felt like, hey, you know, if we're about to get married,
maybe this is important. And for people that are not
on the internet all the time and all day we
were like, wow, how randomly we came across something that
is so beautiful that I feel like we.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Can connect to.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
So this is the first time I've got all that.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
Like, my add has so many screenshots and I sent
him so many memes and things we should do, and
this is the first time I wrote it down because
this is my love language, writing in real paper time.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
So because you're an author, I am an author.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
I'm a writer.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
You're such a hater. You're a hater though I noticed
it over the weekend when I was going to launch
my MC career. You hated.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
You like I want to get on the mic and
say something. And I was like, right now, hater.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Ashley was like, where is the mic. That's a real friend,
that's a real naked friend.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I was like, right now, Okay, this is a good time.
Why not?
Speaker 3 (18:39):
It was a perfect time.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I don't think they hired you.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Who gives a fuck?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I did it?
Speaker 3 (18:42):
My friend was DJing anyway, me I'm dropping. I'm dropping.
I'm going to drop a hypno album soon. Don't worry.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Okay, I'm with it as a portray as a friend.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Read that.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Okay, I'll go first, it says to finish the sentence.
So one thing I didn't get growing up but I
want in my marriage is.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
You want me to answer? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
It's funny because we've been talking about my my attention issues.
Someone that's all about me, y seeing seeing my mom
mostly care about my dad and my dad cared about
other women, really hurt and felt as if I got
a lack of attention growing up.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Wow, we have the same trauma. Are you trauma bonding?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Let's get it. That's not healthy, lord, trauma friend.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Mine's is what I want in my marriage that I
didn't get growing up is positive affirmation, praise and yeah,
all about me, my saying my Lord.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
And Savior, Jamila map, the name of the Mother.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
The vagina that's your heart, the vagina and the holy titties,
I will be your mother. I felt like my mom
is highly obsessed with my father, and my father was
highly obsessed with outside.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And so yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah, you know the era of women being so obsessed
with men. I'm actually happy that we're pastor.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I don't think we are. I don't think we are.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I have personal relationships with so many women that I
see the insane obsession with boys with yeah all the time,
like smart women, successful women, beautiful women.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Women with homes, homeless women.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Of women, And honestly, I feel like, I guess in
this relationship it shows up as yeah, I really need
you to give me attention. But in my female and friendships,
when I see those traits, it really irritates me. When
I see women like endlessly obsessed with like having a
man or their man and like h going, like even
(21:01):
if it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Work, I'm morph into their man.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Like it's a trigger for me, and I realize it's
because it's something that I witnessed my mom do. And
it's also why I I feel like I became very
fuck fuck niggas get money because I just was like,
never wanted to be a woman that was obsessed with
my man. I mean, like, I guess it comes out
healthy and not healthy, but like it just it seemed
(21:25):
like some weak ass ship.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Well yeah, well the thing all right, So the thing
about this to even put in more perspective work because
I can't understand where you're coming from. It's not about
just the obsession with your man. It's about obviously I'm obsessed.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, obviously you sess.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
But it's about the fact that it's not reciprocal, Like
you're obsessed with a man that's not even obsessed with you.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
You're giving, or.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
You're not really happy, you're not truly yourself.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yeah, it's like your obsession is going against the.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Grain and maintained your individuality within this relationship. So I
feel like what we've been seeing with with friends and
like people even know and it's like your friend group,
my my own personal friend group, we all see it
the same, where women would lose themselves within their relationship and.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
It's like how how I just I even get the
ick is why would you do that for a man?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
It happens a lot with women.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
I feel like, I feel like because a lot of
our identity and self worth is like connected to their
relationship status, which is socially conditioned and.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Off of up in itself. But yeah, and I think
it's just in general, humans sometimes obsessed in what they
can't have.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Unhealthy.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, it is unhealthy. My biggest fear in relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Is cheating, specifically because my time is.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Being wasted mine is cheating or getting bored.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Oh wow, did you copy of me?
Speaker 4 (22:54):
I stopped looking at your answers after a while, so
I started to ignore them. But that when I think,
I think that would have been like someone leaving me cheating, yeah,
and also getting bored.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
But the thing about the cheating is is not necessarily
the deceit or disrespect is more so the I've given
my time to this person, time that I can never
get back, time where I could have been putting towards
finding the person that wouldn't have never cheated on me,
wouldn't have did me dirty and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
And so that's what I that's what really like hits
my core about cheating is.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And I think going back to our parents, it goes
stems to my mom, like constantly following after my dad
for years up until from I mean, I guess before
I was born up until I can remember my teenage years,
and it's like my dad was married the whole time.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So it's like you wasted so much time of.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Your life, of your life of beings.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Being miserable, not being yourself not doing for you, chasing
and literally running through a man that was never catchable.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
And it's like that when I finally got to an
age where I can really fathom, like how many years
my mom spent going after my dad.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I was.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I was baffled and baffled to the point where it
like really shook my court. I don't even use that
word a lot, but it really shook my core.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Have you ever asked your dad what was you telling
your mom?
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Oh? I don't need to ask.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I'm I know my dad was telling my mom because
I'm my dad's son, and as a smooth talker as
I am, there's times where I get to the point
was like I feel like that came from my dad
and my grandfather because I could just see the smooth talking.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
I'm gonna leave her, I'm gonna be with you, Like,
do you think there's lies? Like I think that, I think.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I don't think he necessarily is saying like I'm gonna
leave my wife and be with you. But it was
kind of like an egging on, like do this for me,
do that for me, making you feel like there's a possibility,
give me some friend.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
You get it, you get it.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So Yeah, that's what really got me about That's what
really gets me about cheating is time wasted. Could you
imagine I can fucking use my time move out to
La be with you, take care of our daughter, and
then like you cheat on me, And I'm like, what
the fuck did I do all that for?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
So yeah that would hurt.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah. A safe relationship to me looks like.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
It's so funny because you were like, do I need
to know all these things? But I put raw honesty,
consistent love, and kindness.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
I'm not saying I don't want raw honesty. I think
you're this is the problem with me trying to.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Give you boundaries.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
A safe relationship to me looks like I can tell
my partner anything about me, past, present, future without shame or.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Fear, and you can. You can.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, And that kindness really like is a is really
a big thing for me because it's just is one
thing to really like. I think I don't know if
it takes energy to be kind to someone. I feel
like this world is really lacking some like kindness, kindness
(26:22):
in the sense of like really looking at somebody and
just really being nice, really having kind words, really being positive.
It's like I think there's a lot of stress on
people these days and they don't really have the energy
to even muster up kindness.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Well, they don't realize that their default is not kindness.
And then you go through your whole life with like
this underlying unhappy tone, and it's because you just couldn't
give yourself kindness so you can give other people kindness.
So just you're overwhelmed with life and it came as
a default of unkindness, and that just makes you an
angry individual.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, I'll read this one, okay. The one thing I
couldn't accept in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Is dishonesty, lying, fake shit.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Dishonestly like, well, good thing, I ain't got none of
else a hypocrite complaining and lack of effort. I cannot
stand hypocrisy. So that's why sometimes when when it seemed
like we we'll have conversation, you're like, well, men do this,
women doing this, and it's like.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
That could be. I don't like that kind of hypocrisy, Like.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Women can get away with stuff that men can, men
can get it with stuff that women can't.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I feel like we all should be held at the
same standard, because we.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
All should be. But historically women are held at a
different standard and men for a certain things.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Now I understand, but then there are also things that
women feel like they can just do and get away
with and it'd be okay. And it's like just because yeah,
the standard has been held where y'all could get away
with it, or y'all there's has been a standard that's
been held where y'all are more oppressed than men have.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Doesn't mean that that's an excuse to then say.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
It's okay for me to be hypocritical or me to
not hold you at the same standard. Is the other
lack of effort is also a big thing for me,
But that's that's rental issue trauma, things of like not
feeling like my mom really was paying attention to me
and most effort was going towards.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Paying attention to my dad. I'm really realizing that this
is bringing up a lot of like childhood trauma.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
As per usual, in today's episode of Childhold Trauma, we
are talking about trauma.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
That's love is but childhood trauma and replay.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
My role as a partner is to.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Be supportive, loving and nurturing, motivational and visionary and.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Birther might I might have to say the most me
response ever, my role as a partner is to be perfect.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
I saw that I didn't like that at all. I'm
not going to be perfect, so I suggest that that's
not your You know what?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
My thing about this perfection shit is, though it's not
that it's not that I feel like I can actually
be perfect when I'm gonna do everything perfectly, right, is
that I feel like I can at least try. We say, oh,
you know, nobody's perfect, and then so people go out
and just like you're like, okay, have flaws and do
all these things, but.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Nobody actually tries. What would happen if we all not
actually be perfect but it tempted to be perfect.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
I think perfectionism is relative, right, Like what you think
is the perfect husband?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Like?
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Is that my version is that what I think is perfect?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Like?
Speaker 3 (29:48):
I think, what does that mean to you?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
It means, well, I don't mean I don't think perfection means.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Not being flawed. I think by human in nature, we
are quote unquote flawed. And if you want to feel flawed,
see flawed as like a negative thing. That's one that's
a that's a whole perspective in itself. But I don't
think perfection is not being flawed. I think it's very
human of us to be flawed. So I think it's
(30:18):
seeing the flawed and challenging that flawedness within you to
be better than your flaws, to be better than your traumas,
to be better and act as, to act on a
better in this than to just sit in it and say, oh, well,
there's nothing this is me. I can't do anything about it.
It's about doing something about it. It's about stepping up,
it's about acting. It's about trying. It's about putting in
(30:40):
the effort, and that in itself is the is. The
is the path towards perfection, not just saying well it
can't happen, so I'm just not gonna try. Yeah, everybody
says that, Yeah, everybody says you can't. Nobody's perfect, but
nobody ever tries to be perfect. Well, how can you
know if nobody could be perfect? If we're all trying,
(31:00):
somebody's got to get it right.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Jesus did.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
My top three emotional needs are.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Being appreciated, being shown that I'm cared for, and my
feelings being heard, not necessarily understood, but just being heard.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
To be appreciated. Out loud, to be cared for and nurtured,
to be encouraged, to be encouraged when I'm doubtful or fearful.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Do you feel like I encourage you? Well?
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, because yeah, okay, I'm glad you feel that, because
I really do try to be encouraging to you, and
I never wanted to make it seem like I'm being
dismissive to what you're feeling at the moment, Like if
you're feeling down or whatever, it's like, I can understand
that you're feeling down or you're not feeling motivated or ambitious,
but I truly do see that you can do the
(31:52):
thing that you may think that you can't do, and
I can accept that I cannot not that I can accept.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I can see where you may feel.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Like you know, I'm going through something right now, and
it's not to dismiss that or make you not feel
like that feeling isn't real. But it's also to let
you know that I see another part of you that
where another part of you where you can do the
thing that you feel like you're you're lacking.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
In love you. I usually get triggered when.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
I mailed at or someone gets aggressive curses or physical violence.
I'm lied to try or manipulated and triggered when someone
threatens to leave.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Mmm, that's a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I usually get triggered when I feel like I'm being
ignored or not considered, childhood trauma, not considering me.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Look at me, mom, Look at me, Mom. I'm here,
consider me.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Even need a female therapist.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I definitely need a female therapist of insurance because I
got a job.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Is it a conflict of interest if we go to
the same therapist.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Even though I do believe your therapist is fire? But
I don't know. I don't know if you be lyings are.
When there's conflict, I tend.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
To take a step back, bake, take a step back,
evaluate in Atlanta, build and build an emotional blockade to
shut down leave.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Mm hmm. Feel that get cold on you? She could
a gag. She'd be getting cold on your boy, Rare, Emila,
I can't. I can't feel you. There's no warmth in
this body. You're just so cold and heartless.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
I like to take a step back, let me go
evaluate and come back.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
And you don't you want to hear this one? This
one's good.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
When there's conflict, I tend to exaggerate the situation. In
my mind. It's a bitch and she's cheating on me,
and she doesn't love me, and she's just like my mom.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
And I'm gonna be going through this for the rest
of my life. And I can't believe I fucking gave
this beautiful, fucking ring to this.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
What is that what she's thinking in your head when
we're fighting?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
God, yeah, that ring be gave me because I'd be like, God,
that fucking proposal was so fucking perfect.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I could never redo this.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
So you're trying to leave me in your head every
time I don't leave you ahead.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
I mean, be like, do I need to leave her
in my head? Because this is bad? I'm going through it.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I don't be going through it. What has been so
bad that you were like? Why I give her that ring?
Speaker 1 (34:44):
My nigga? If you don't listen to one thing?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I said, like, will you be fucking when I be
talking to you on your phone? I'm like, it's gonna
be like this for the rest of my life. She's
never gonna get off Instagram.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Meanwhile, you're on your phone all fucking game day.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Oh I know those games are not work.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Number nine. I believe the purpose of.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Marriage is partnership to grow the family, leave legacy, build
wealth both emotional and tangible wealth, make positive change, and
heal bloodlines.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
MINEU is a lot simpler. I believe the purpose of
marriage is to solidify the commitment of love that we
already have. Yeah, nothing changes, We're just solidifying it. Hey, everybody,
look at us. We're marriage in front of God, our Lord, Savior.
Jamila mapp.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Number you read the rest.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
What I value most in a partner.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Is effort, positivity, effort.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
In kindness. Yeah. I feel most loved when.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
I'm poured into, loved, out, loud, affirmed, supported.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Mine is pretty similar. I feel most loved when someone
is giving effort or going out their way for me. Now,
going out their way for me is important because I
feel like there's a baseline standard that people like do
in relationships, whether it's friendships, romantic relationships, or even like
with your parental relationships or family family dynamics where it's.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Like, okay, well.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
I'm your parents, so I fed you, gave you a house,
gave you clothes, make sure you go to school. But
then there's the effort, the extra effort of like sitting
down and talking to you and figure out, like, how
do you feel what's going on with today in relationship
is like I give you some sex, I kiss you
on your forehead, I cook for you. It's like, but
what is it even like like going on your way?
(36:42):
A good example of what I'm even experiencing right now
is my coworker, the guy that I'm shadowing. He'll he's
he's an explainer. He's an over explainer, but in a
good way where like he'll make sure I get it.
He'll tell me every single detail. And it doesn't even
matter if I've come from a like a transit system
(37:02):
that's larger than the one here in LA or if
I already understood something, He'll make sure he'll say every
single detail.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Like he's even like done things that.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
He doesn't even really he isn't even obligated to do,
like making sure saying things like saying things and acting
on making sure that I get through my probation safely
and get everything done, like just that's not his obligation.
His obligation is just like me to go with him,
train with him and learn as much and for me
to learn as much as I can. But he's making
sure he goes out of his way to make sure
(37:33):
that I get through this process at least the first
four months safely, securely. And on top of that, he's
going out his way to vouch for me to get
overtime because they weren't offering me overtime initially. And he
was like, all right, what can I say and who
can I speak to so that I can like cook
(37:54):
up Orlando so he could work some extra time to
get some extra money in his pocket. Yeah, he's not
obligated to do any of those things. And then on
top of that, he did it in front of everyone,
speaking directly to the director and made the director change
his mind, so now I can get some overtime. Like
you're putting extra money in my pockets over something that's
not your that's not in your job discussion, And so
(38:14):
I could have like really appreciated that.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
That's my guy man, Like, well, I thought you're gonna
say something about me.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
No, I was talking about my work friends. Talk about
my work friends making.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Chopping him off.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
No no, no, no, no, no, wash your clothes, tell
of my other friends.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Give me this sweet what.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
I can get that I worked too, Just kidd okay,
gig one.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Whoa twelve?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Yeah? What does that work? The fuck did I write?
Hold on one second? Twelve? Was?
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
One expectation? Oh, I didn't put it. I didn't cross
my t's and down my eyes. One expectation I need
to let go of in marriage.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
Is that my partner will always say do what I desire,
and if they don't, they don't love me.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Rayasy. My one expectation I need to let go of
in marriage is my partner will understand automatically, giving them
grace and time to see my point of view. So
my expectation is that you're going to automatically understand what
I'm saying and that and that I don't need to
(39:31):
really give you grace to understand, like you're just gonna
get it. I'm gonna say it, you get it, and
that's it.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Yeah, So I had to let that go and give you,
like give things some time to like really rest. And
even sometimes with me, I might not understand immediately, and
I can always come back to say, hey, you know,
I remember that thing that you said or that question
I didn't answer, or here's my answer.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I want to make sure I respect and answer you and.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Let you know that you know, I might not have
gotten it then, but I do underst and where you're
coming from now, and I want, I want to reciprocate
that energy to you and saying in the way that
if I say something to you, I can understand that. Okay,
maybe you're not getting it now and it might need
one or two or three more explanations or more conversations,
instead of feeling like you need to just get it
(40:17):
in the first shot, because you do have ADHD.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
I love you.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
A habit I want to bring into my marriage is.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Full family days, no phones, fun activities, exploring, learning, trying
new things, and also long lover trips annually.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
One habit I want to bring in is kindness, speaking, speaking,
and acting kindly to each other because we're in a
happy place in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
This was not a shot. This is generally how I.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
Felt raw.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Got it, No, but it's it's it's honestly, truly, I
believe is one thing when you're in a stressful like
situation or a stressful part of time and life, and
I can give like grace for understanding the environment. But
when we're in a happy place and in a great
place and like the world is moving forward and we're
(41:19):
moving with it. And then I want us to get
into the habit of feeling like, wow, things are great.
How can I speak greatly today? How can I feel
good today? How can I make other people feel good today,
especially the people that are close to me in my
and in my household.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
But that's something that I want to start implementing with
being an example, so doing it for us and.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
Speaking kind You are good at bringing the positivity and
the kindness and the fun and optimism.
Speaker 4 (41:50):
Yeah, I mean I'm pretty good the optimism too. When
you get dark, I'm like, okay, you're trying.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
You're like the reservoir of optimism, Like whoa, let's let's
really evacuate.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
We're good, We're good.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Everything else has worked out in our favors. Don't start
going dark on me now.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
I don't know. So I don't know, I don't know,
I don't know anymore. I'm tired. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
But now things things have been good, and I wanted
to not only speak but also act on the beautiful
space that we're in, like all smiles around.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
The house, like we'll be find for true start in
the morning. I got work. A habit I want to
leave behind is maybe.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
One job that you gotta go to before seven am
and you don't know what the fuck do I gotta.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
What's number fourteen?
Speaker 1 (42:35):
I habit I want to leave behind.
Speaker 4 (42:37):
Is my defense systems regulating my nervous system, not taking
things personally and being calmcom com com com and then reactive.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
All right, you're gonna like this one, right, listen, listen,
this was good. A habit I want to leave behind
is my tone feeling and feelings of being annoyed, an
assumpsience of not.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Being heard.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Because because I just remember a few days ago, You're like,
you know, when you speak to me, you can have
a specific you'd be having a specific tone.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
And I don't think you really realize the tone that
you have. And I was like, it's not my tone.
I'm just letting you know. I just slowly for me
to write I need to leave behind my tone. That's
me taking accountability, okay, I think.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
Unintentionally, yeah, but definitely the feelings of being annoyed.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
That's some Jamaican shure right there, Like just easily getting
annoyed for fucking anything, any fucking thing.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
It's like, oh, my God, and you just relaxed amount.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
Of well when you used to think it's like not
going your way, used to having bad luck or having
a bad day, like you could fall into that default
even when you find yourself in not bad days. Yeah,
like you'll feel like you'll you'll have a hard time
seeing the sunshine even when the sun is shining.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Right right, And even if things don't go my way immediately,
when they initially or imediately and nothing, it's not a
reason for me to be annoyed at everything.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
It's not really that deep. I need to get out
of my head of feeling like, oh this is terrible
now it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
And also the assumption of not being hurt, because it's
like any little thing that's not like direct paying attention
to me is like, oh, they're not listening to me,
they're ignoring me, just like my mom.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
You do you ever see how my mind is be going?
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Yeah, all minds just be going. And that's the goddamn problem.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
Alright. So last one, I love this one. To me.
Intimacy means.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
Closeness, fun, physical touch, making out, cuddling, laughing, having fun, nasty, free,
freaky sex.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
Oh yea, you either way better than me. Mines was.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
To me, intimacy means speaking and acting with love, which
basically the same thing that you said.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah, that was wonderful. I love doing this because it.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Really got me to get like my mind going, like
my mind flowing of like, let's hold I know I
love you.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
I don't want to marry you.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
I know I have like this, even though you guessed it.
When you get mad of me, see my ring, anyone
to snatch it off my fingers?
Speaker 2 (45:22):
We visited one day, give me hold it, holding your wrist,
like putting a pressure on your own, your your ring
knuckle to your your fingers straightened down and just going no,
the truth comes out.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
But I don't do it.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
I love you because your psychopath and you know, go
extra cycle.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
You got extracycle because you love that fucking ring. One
thing you fucking love is that goddamn ring.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
On your finger.
Speaker 3 (45:46):
Mine hours mine.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
But this, this, there really is something wonderful and beautiful
about being able to write out your feelings on paper.
And so I enjoyed doing this, and when it comes
to writing about you, it really gets me on another
heightened level. And I really, I really enjoy and I
really love it and I love you.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
I love you too.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
It makes you have to reflect on things you generally
probably forget to ask or you know, like I feel
like sometimes we ask inquisitive relationship long term relationship questions
in the beginning of the relationship, because that's when you're
getting to know someone in your building, You're.
Speaker 3 (46:24):
Like, what are your five year plans? What do you
see if your coud you're having any kids do you want?
Speaker 4 (46:28):
But then when you get in and it's like over
a year, over two years, over three years, you forget
to reevaluate and recome back to those questions and re
ask the vision and you know, like be inquisitive and
interested in the person's like vision and so.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Where they're at right now? Yeah, Like you know, you
love together, you grow together, Time goes by and it changes. Yeah,
and it's good to like she's that thing like update,
Like you get to download. There's a new download, there's
a new operating system, and let's see the kind of
person you are now, because whether there's one change or
ten changes, like how do you feel about love now?
Speaker 1 (47:02):
How do you feel about me now? What comes up?
Speaker 2 (47:04):
That's maybe with sitting with you in your past that
may not have come up in the first few months
of our relationship, but now that we're a few years in.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
What comes up for you these days?
Speaker 2 (47:13):
So you know because some of these if you had
asked me maybe a year ago, my answers would have
been differently.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
So it feels good to update and see.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
Where we're at once a month. Checking.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, you want to lead us in on a Mila
Moms real quick, because that was beautiful.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
Okay, Well, wherever you are, if you're not driving, don't
close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose,
a hold tight, more on more release with sound, pleasurable sound.
Release your job, release your shoulders, release whatever the fuck
(47:52):
is going on that you can't control, and take another
deep inhale through your nose, deeper hell with pleasurable sounds.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
Because life is good now. I think about it after
I'm hearing you just now.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
You would have been really good doing a motivation meditative
MCing during the DJ set.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
I guess I was being a hatter.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
That's why you gotta let your haters be a motivators.
And you can follow us on Instagram and ucci mom
and Dad. Make sure you go to YouTube and see
Mela's camouflage nipples at Love like This, Everywhere, Love like This, Patreon,
Love like This. We need to get some content going
over there, but you are going to love everything about us.
Follow me everywhere at w H underscore Orlando Roy, my
(48:45):
beautiful fiance with her big ass ring that I can
never get back off her finger, Mila underscore map that
is on Instagram, Twitter, and oh hey, we have a TikTok.
There's some good content over there, So go on TikTok
at love like this and follow us.
Speaker 3 (49:01):
On Instagram at Huci Mom and dad, I didn't hear.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Who is going to be listening? Just like my mom.
Speaker 3 (49:08):
And follow my content. I've been doing a lot of
stay at home whole wife life content.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Wait, first of all, more importantly than the.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Our content, some about your content and the access sosologists
Wednesdays on hump Days that you've been doing.
Speaker 4 (49:26):
If you have any sex questions, relationship questions and you're
on the gram, come ask me on my personal page.
I've skipped a couple of Wednesdays because the world is insane,
but hump Days ask a sexologist. Ask me anything, be
anonymous and I will answer.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Just love like this, but before doing and after a
falling in love. Love y'all bye
Speaker 3 (49:58):
Like this
Like this. What's good to y'all? That's me the camera,
don't do that. What's good? Y'all?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Welcome back to another boring intro because Orlando can't do
anything exciting on here.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Think about someone just listening audibly and so I'm going
in their ear. It's very annoying.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Okay, well it's good, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome back to another beautiful episode of love like this.
I am your beautiful bad bitch host, Orlando Royce, and
next to me is my wonderful her nipples out fiance
because she doesn't want us to get monetized on YouTube.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
And this is your real nigga wife, Mila.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And now my nipples are covered.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
Now that you said nipples, we definitely won't get monetized
because you know the bots are watching.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Okay, okay, and.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I'm brown and my nipples are camouflage.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
I'm put on YouTube. Ayway, let's see what happens to
start this wonderful episode. I wanted to boodoom boom boom,
start with a tower reading. Yeah, and I pulled the
Tower of card.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
It is the.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
The Hermit card. You ready for me to read it?
I'm gonna read it while Miil is still finishing out
her little written project that she got going on over there,
the hermit soul searching introspection, being alone in her guidance,
I know you've done a lot of being alone recently,
since he a boy got a job. The hermit stands
(01:39):
alone on top of a mountain. The snowcapped rain symbolizes
his spiritual missed mastery, growth, and accomplishment. He has chosen
this pass of self discovery and as a result, has
reached a high ened state of awareness. In his right hand,
he holds a lantern with a six pointed star. Inside
it is the Seal of Solomon, a symbol of wisdom.
As the hermit walks his path, the lamp lights his way,
(02:02):
but it only illuminates his next few steps, rather than
the full journey.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Whoops.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
He must step forward to see where to go next,
knowing that not everything will be revealed at once. In
his left hand, the side of the subconscious mind, the
hermit holds a long staff, a sign of his power
and authority, which he uses to guide and balance him.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Hmmm, so well, we don't have to worry about knowing
the full journey, as long as we know are the
next few steps then.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
That's enough.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Oh that was just the description, babe.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Okay, sorry, go down to You know, really, you don't
really do the sign right now, because you know, I
am in the tyro, I'm just a walking amazingness, i
am the symbol, I.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Am the light.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Okay, the hermit upright. The Hermit shows that you are
taking a break from everyday life to draw your energy
and attention inward and find the answers you seek deep
within your soul. Realize that your most profound sense of
truth and knowledge is within yourself and not in the
distractions of the outside world. You leave behind the mundane
(03:09):
to set off on a journey of self discovery, led
by your inner wisdom and guiding light. Now is a
perfect time to go on a weekend retreat or sacred pilgrimage,
anything in which you can contemplate your motivations, personal values
and principles, and get closer to your authentic self. The
Hermit invites you to retreat into your private world and
(03:30):
experience a deep sense of seclusion and introspection. You know
that you need to take this journey alone or with
a small intimate group of spiritual minded people. When you
allow yourself to tune in to your inner guiding a light.
You will hear the answers you need to grow wise
beyond your years. Find your light, shine it on your soul,
(03:51):
and create your unique path. You will see what lies
ahead of you, not miles upon miles, but enough to
know where you step next. From there, take one step
at a time. The hermit often appears when you're at
a pivotal point in your life and considering a new direction.
Through meditation, contemplation, and self examination, you may begin to
(04:13):
reevaluate your personal goals and change your overall course. You
will look at your life with a deeper, more spiritual understanding,
and a few of your priorities will change as a result.
The hermit also represents the desire to turn away from
your oh consumerist or materialistic society to focus on your
inner world. Have you ever seen or read into the wild?
(04:34):
After graduating from university? Top student athlete Christomer.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Thing? Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Finally, the hermit may appear in your life as a
spiritual mentor, here to raise your vibration and enhance their consciousness.
The beauty of this mentor is that while he may
be an expert in his own right, he will teach
you how to find your answers within your self.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I feel that that is that right now.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
I feel like I have been saying this for a
long time and I've never done it, and that I
want to go on a solo trip.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
They're the best.
Speaker 4 (05:12):
I love them even though I feel like I have
You know, my problem is I make friends too easy.
But I don't think I want to do like a
whole week like I would do like Joshua Tree for
like a weekend. And I also have been saying I
want to do mushrooms alone, which I feel like, I
that's deep. It's deep, and I keep saying it. I
(05:32):
haven't done it. It's probably something there and I need.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
To do it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
But if you're saying then it's probably something and you
subconsciously it's like you should do this. But anyway, continue
what you're saying.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Yeah, no, that's why you know, I'm acknowledging that because
that came up. And I think it's also time for
us to do a little mushroom journey.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
And you know, and I do.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
I do microdose a lot at the retreats because we
offer a psilocybin at like experience and so I'll do
like a small dose generally, like as we were guiding,
and sometimes the doses are not so small because I'd
be sensitive. But just in a complete alone space, it
kind of makes me a little intimidated. But because I
(06:17):
have you know, I have, I don't have issues being alone,
but I could get stuck in energy like easily. Like
sometimes I'm super motivated. I'm like my nuts is my hormones.
Sometimes I'm super motivated and I could do things, and
sometimes I'm literally like I have a lot of things
to do, but I can't move, and I've questioned, like
it's something wrong with me.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I have ADHD.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I mean, I definitely have ADHD, but I think that, yeah,
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Sometimes i'd be motivated, sometimes I don't because sometimes I will,
I'll go out to eat by myself, I'll do stuff
by myself.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
But then sometimes I'd be.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Like like l Wednesday, when you went out without me
and you met up with other friends. You said you're
going out alone. Then you met up with people out
of nowhere, But okay, because you were going out without
me without even asking me if I wanted to go.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
But it's fine because then you were motivated to do
that by yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
You had to work at five am.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Continue what you're saying about you, and.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
It's okay to do for me to do things without you, hmm.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Okay, it's a stretch, it's it's acceptable, might be a
little legal.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
And you have had a job. And now I'm really like, fuck,
my friend is gone. My partner in all day crime.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
And when I say crime and cleaning the house and
all day things like let's go to the supermarket.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
You did really step it up today. Make that even
cleaning content, You're like, I'm motivating. You took care of
the crib. It looks great. Give me a fist pump.
I called me your friend. You called me your friend,
you are my friend.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Well, I mean it's more fun to do mundane, how
those chores and how daily things responsibilities with a friend,
like let's go to the supermarket together because we got
to go anyway, or you know, it just makes it
more fun. And so now that I'm alone, I'm like,
I know, there's a lot of things that I know
I need to dive into personally that I want to
(08:16):
like get more into my writing, but my ADHD. So
I've been exploring that sitting with myself and it's true.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Sometimes I don't do shit.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
M You saying.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Your friend when referencing me just made me emotional because
I was thinking about how today I was telling my
the guy I've been shadowing at work because you know,
I'm selling training and shit, so the guy was showing
shadowing at work. I was, uh, just conversation came up
and I was telling him about you, and I was
just like, yeah, man, she's just She's just great. Man,
(08:52):
that's my homie, that's my friend, and like and I
was like, yeah, that's my that's my best friend. I
love hanging out with her. And I was like, that
girl really is my friend. And friendship has always been
such a big deal with us, even to the point
where if I feel like anything within the friendship space
within our relationship is slipping, I'd like to address it
(09:14):
or confront it immediately because that's something that's so important
to me and to us that I want us to
always be able to hold on to that. And I
know I've been telling you, you know, it feels like,
you know, we're kind of slipping or losing out on
our friendship.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
What thank you friend, You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
But I've been saying that you know, I feel like
sometimes are the friendship part of our relationship is slipping.
I feel like I'm gaining you more as a wife,
more and more. But it's not just I'm not saying
it because I feel like you're no longer my friend.
I'm saying it because I feel like there's a shift
and a change within that and I don't want to
(09:55):
lose that part of us, and I always want that
part to stay strong and stay connected with us. So, yeah,
you know, you're my homie man, and you've been one
of the best friends I've ever had in my life.
So it's always good to see you in that light
as my friend as also my lover and my wife.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
I feel like when you said that whatever week, that
was a hurt my feelings and be in my mind,
I'm going to be clear about in my mind, we
were having a discussion about something that I was like,
I think there's a thin line, not a thin line,
but there's an interesting line when it comes to marriages
(10:33):
or partnerships, relationships and the friendship thing. And I think
that obviously the goal is always that you're marrying someone
that you consider a fucking friend, because that's like the
very basic basis foundation of a relationship. But then you
were telling me something and I was just like, yes,
I'm your friend, honesty is great, but do I need
(10:55):
to know this information? And I thought, I think because
I was like, I question if I needed to know
that information or like what was like that You were like,
I don't feel like we're losing our friendship, and I
have thought like maybe that wasn't fair because as much
as I am your friend, there is a level of
when I share something with you or you share something
(11:16):
with me that potentially is going to I don't want
to say it's not going to ever go away, like
I'm going to have that information once you say something,
you can't and hear it like I know, I have
the knowledge. And if it's like some like I'm asking
for a friend, I'm asking the listeners. Is there certain
(11:37):
shit that you were like do I need to know this?
Because in that time, I was like I didn't need
to know that. I could have been my whole life
not hearing that because I'm not gonna be able to
unhear it. And now I'm going to have that in
the back of my mind and some capacity because I'm
human and so like, is there a level of.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
Sharing with your partner and.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Being like transparent and obviously if they ask something, speci
answering it, but also like, and I tread on this
lightly because I also don't want you to take it
upon yourself to, uh, how do you say withhold information
because you're like, well, you said you don't, it's going
to be too much to know, and then you take
(12:17):
it upon yourself to not share certain things because I've
said this thing. But in that case, I felt like
there was just absolutely no there was no benefit in
me having that information. And then you saying like, well,
I feel like we're losing our friendship. I'm like, I
feel like that was a low blow.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
I mean, especially because we.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Play all day, hang all day, hang out like voluntarily,
not because.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
We have to.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
I was saying that I understand all those aspects of
our friendship hanging out and being fun and stuff like that,
but then there's also another part of a friendship where
I feel like we should be able to.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Let me take that back. Now.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
We should be able to where I can speak to
you and you can hear me out as a friend,
like where I can talk and it's not about sharing information.
With you and letting you know stuff. But it's also
just about like coming to you about stuff like, hey,
you know, maybe you said something to me that I
didn't really like or that may have hurt my feelings.
And I think that when it comes to us being
(13:19):
in a relationship, it can really be hurtful to hear
that you hurt your partners, You hurt your partner feelings,
and you could take your personal and I don't want
you to always take things personal when I'm coming to
you saying that, hey, you may have done something or
said something that hurt my feelings, but just hear me
out as a friend and we could just chat about it.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
So you're saying, you saying, I feel like our friendship
this part of the friendship because of how I was
delivering something, not because of this other thing that.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
No, no, it wasn't. It has nothing to do with that.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
It was more so about how I feel like I
could come to you and speak to you about things
and how it can be received not to hurt your
feelings or not to feel like you're failing as a
wife or feeling as a girlfriend a relationship. But I
could just come to you about it and we can
move past it as friends because I feel like I
can just talk to my friends about anything, even if
(14:10):
it's something that they may have done to hurt me
or hurt my feelings, and it doesn't mean that, hey
you hurt me that the relationship needs to end. It's hey,
you hurt me, and we're gonna be You're my best
friend and we're gonna be friends forever. So how can
we figure out how to fix this hurt or fix
this thing that happened so that we can continue our friendship?
(14:31):
That do truly think that you know, your friendships are
something that you work on more to maintain than in relationships.
I think people like feel like, you know, somebody hurt me,
they're not encompassing everything, or we're not compatible, so our
this relationship may not work. Whereas your friends you can
(14:52):
work past things that you can accept your friends for
certain things or who they are because that's just that's
this is my friend and that's my homie.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Now we have we have we have you know, grown
to yeah, we have skinning the game.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
We have grown to a part where we're on another
stratosphere of like our relationship, where we can maintain relationship
friendship intimacy, love, and all these other things as one.
So there is a part of our relationship friendship where
I just want to maintain us being able to just
speak to each other, understand where we're coming from, and
(15:29):
not really take it wholeheartedly and personal as if this
is the end of the world for each of us.
It's just I just want to come and just chat
chat when you'll be like, yeah, you know, some shit happened,
and you know I wasn't really feeling that.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I agree, But if you also I know myself and
I agree, I don't have to take everything personally, and
I know that if you tell me like constructive criticism
or something didn't like, it doesn't mean like I'm the
first girlfriend ever or whatever.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
But I'm also like, you know, I don't forget shit.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
I know, But that's what I'm saying, that you're you're
harboring on a You're crazy, You're harboring.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
On a on a thing or on an angle that
I'm not even like getting at that it has nothing
to do with me telling you something that you for
me feel like you don't you're not comfortable with needing
to know. It's just how you've been reacting to me,
just speaking to you about things that you may have
done or like whatever, just like just whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
And it's so like, you know, we can always just
speak to each other and be like, yo, you know
a bad player. I mean, I mean it like that.
This is how I meant it, and I understand that.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
I understand that. I understand that.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
And then sometimes I'm like, don't tell me things that
I'm not going to forget that are going to bother
me because.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
You're still talking about that thing, and I'm like, that's
not what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
Yeah, if you guys are on all ten of you
on Patreon, I'm going to go in there and tell
you so you can tell me if I'm that God anyway.
Welcome to love like this the love cast to where
we won't be bickering for one hour if we don't ficker.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
This is about before, during, and after of falling in love.
Oh and I found the so today we we we
found a list of questions from a page called a
conscious marriage and the listive questions was under the title
of sentences to finish before getting married, And so Miela
(17:32):
wrote down her answers. I wrote down my answers and
we just want to go through with them because we
felt like, hey, you know, if we're about to get married,
maybe this is important. And for people that are not
on the internet all the time and all day we
were like, wow, how randomly we came across something that
is so beautiful that I feel like we.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Can connect to.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
So this is the first time I've got all that.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
Like, my add has so many screenshots and I sent
him so many memes and things we should do, and
this is the first time I wrote it down because
this is my love language, writing in real paper time.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
So because you're an author, I am an author.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
I'm a writer.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
You're such a hater. You're a hater though I noticed
it over the weekend when I was going to launch
my MC career. You hated.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
You like I want to get on the mic and
say something. And I was like, right now, hater.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Ashley was like, where is the mic. That's a real friend,
that's a real naked friend.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I was like, right now, Okay, this is a good time.
Why not?
Speaker 3 (18:39):
It was a perfect time.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I don't think they hired you.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Who gives a fuck?
Speaker 1 (18:41):
I did it?
Speaker 3 (18:42):
My friend was DJing anyway, me I'm dropping. I'm dropping.
I'm going to drop a hypno album soon. Don't worry.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Okay, I'm with it as a portray as a friend.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Read that.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Okay, I'll go first, it says to finish the sentence.
So one thing I didn't get growing up but I
want in my marriage is.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
You want me to answer? Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
It's funny because we've been talking about my my attention issues.
Someone that's all about me, y seeing seeing my mom
mostly care about my dad and my dad cared about
other women, really hurt and felt as if I got
a lack of attention growing up.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Wow, we have the same trauma. Are you trauma bonding?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Let's get it. That's not healthy, lord, trauma friend.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Mine's is what I want in my marriage that I
didn't get growing up is positive affirmation, praise and yeah,
all about me, my saying my Lord.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
And Savior, Jamila map, the name of the Mother.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
The vagina that's your heart, the vagina and the holy titties,
I will be your mother. I felt like my mom
is highly obsessed with my father, and my father was
highly obsessed with outside.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And so yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yeah, you know the era of women being so obsessed
with men. I'm actually happy that we're pastor.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
I don't think we are. I don't think we are.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
I have personal relationships with so many women that I
see the insane obsession with boys with yeah all the time,
like smart women, successful women, beautiful women.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Women with homes, homeless women.
Speaker 4 (20:39):
Of women, And honestly, I feel like, I guess in
this relationship it shows up as yeah, I really need
you to give me attention. But in my female and friendships,
when I see those traits, it really irritates me. When
I see women like endlessly obsessed with like having a
man or their man and like h going, like even
(21:01):
if it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Work, I'm morph into their man.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
Like it's a trigger for me, and I realize it's
because it's something that I witnessed my mom do. And
it's also why I I feel like I became very
fuck fuck niggas get money because I just was like,
never wanted to be a woman that was obsessed with
my man. I mean, like, I guess it comes out
healthy and not healthy, but like it just it seemed
(21:25):
like some weak ass ship.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Well yeah, well the thing all right, So the thing
about this to even put in more perspective work because
I can't understand where you're coming from. It's not about
just the obsession with your man. It's about obviously I'm obsessed.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, obviously you sess.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
But it's about the fact that it's not reciprocal, Like
you're obsessed with a man that's not even obsessed with you.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
You're giving, or.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
You're not really happy, you're not truly yourself.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Yeah, it's like your obsession is going against the.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Grain and maintained your individuality within this relationship. So I
feel like what we've been seeing with with friends and
like people even know and it's like your friend group,
my my own personal friend group, we all see it
the same, where women would lose themselves within their relationship and.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
It's like how how I just I even get the
ick is why would you do that for a man?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
It happens a lot with women.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
I feel like, I feel like because a lot of
our identity and self worth is like connected to their
relationship status, which is socially conditioned and.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Off of up in itself. But yeah, and I think
it's just in general, humans sometimes obsessed in what they
can't have.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Unhealthy.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, it is unhealthy. My biggest fear in relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Is cheating, specifically because my time is.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Being wasted mine is cheating or getting bored.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Oh wow, did you copy of me?
Speaker 4 (22:54):
I stopped looking at your answers after a while, so
I started to ignore them. But that when I think,
I think that would have been like someone leaving me cheating, yeah,
and also getting bored.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
But the thing about the cheating is is not necessarily
the deceit or disrespect is more so the I've given
my time to this person, time that I can never
get back, time where I could have been putting towards
finding the person that wouldn't have never cheated on me,
wouldn't have did me dirty and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
And so that's what I that's what really like hits
my core about cheating is.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And I think going back to our parents, it goes
stems to my mom, like constantly following after my dad
for years up until from I mean, I guess before
I was born up until I can remember my teenage years,
and it's like my dad was married the whole time.
Speaker 1 (23:43):
So it's like you wasted so much time of.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
Your life, of your life of beings.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Being miserable, not being yourself not doing for you, chasing
and literally running through a man that was never catchable.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
And it's like that when I finally got to an
age where I can really fathom, like how many years
my mom spent going after my dad.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I was.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
I was baffled and baffled to the point where it
like really shook my court. I don't even use that
word a lot, but it really shook my core.
Speaker 3 (24:20):
Have you ever asked your dad what was you telling
your mom?
Speaker 1 (24:27):
Oh? I don't need to ask.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
I'm I know my dad was telling my mom because
I'm my dad's son, and as a smooth talker as
I am, there's times where I get to the point
was like I feel like that came from my dad
and my grandfather because I could just see the smooth talking.
Speaker 3 (24:42):
I'm gonna leave her, I'm gonna be with you, Like,
do you think there's lies? Like I think that, I think.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I don't think he necessarily is saying like I'm gonna
leave my wife and be with you. But it was
kind of like an egging on, like do this for me,
do that for me, making you feel like there's a possibility,
give me some friend.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
You get it, you get it.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
So Yeah, that's what really got me about That's what
really gets me about cheating is time wasted. Could you
imagine I can fucking use my time move out to
La be with you, take care of our daughter, and
then like you cheat on me, And I'm like, what
the fuck did I do all that for?
Speaker 3 (25:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:19):
So yeah that would hurt.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah. A safe relationship to me looks like.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
It's so funny because you were like, do I need
to know all these things? But I put raw honesty,
consistent love, and kindness.
Speaker 4 (25:37):
I'm not saying I don't want raw honesty. I think
you're this is the problem with me trying to.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Give you boundaries.
Speaker 4 (25:50):
A safe relationship to me looks like I can tell
my partner anything about me, past, present, future without shame or.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Fear, and you can. You can.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Yeah, And that kindness really like is a is really
a big thing for me because it's just is one
thing to really like. I think I don't know if
it takes energy to be kind to someone. I feel
like this world is really lacking some like kindness, kindness
(26:22):
in the sense of like really looking at somebody and
just really being nice, really having kind words, really being positive.
It's like I think there's a lot of stress on
people these days and they don't really have the energy
to even muster up kindness.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Well, they don't realize that their default is not kindness.
And then you go through your whole life with like
this underlying unhappy tone, and it's because you just couldn't
give yourself kindness so you can give other people kindness.
So just you're overwhelmed with life and it came as
a default of unkindness, and that just makes you an
angry individual.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, I'll read this one, okay. The one thing I
couldn't accept in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Is dishonesty, lying, fake shit.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Dishonestly like, well, good thing, I ain't got none of
else a hypocrite complaining and lack of effort. I cannot
stand hypocrisy. So that's why sometimes when when it seemed
like we we'll have conversation, you're like, well, men do this,
women doing this, and it's like.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
That could be. I don't like that kind of hypocrisy, Like.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
Women can get away with stuff that men can, men
can get it with stuff that women can't.
Speaker 1 (27:37):
I feel like we all should be held at the
same standard, because we.
Speaker 3 (27:40):
All should be. But historically women are held at a
different standard and men for a certain things.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Now I understand, but then there are also things that
women feel like they can just do and get away
with and it'd be okay. And it's like just because yeah,
the standard has been held where y'all could get away
with it, or y'all there's has been a standard that's
been held where y'all are more oppressed than men have.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Doesn't mean that that's an excuse to then say.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
It's okay for me to be hypocritical or me to
not hold you at the same standard. Is the other
lack of effort is also a big thing for me,
But that's that's rental issue trauma, things of like not
feeling like my mom really was paying attention to me
and most effort was going towards.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Paying attention to my dad. I'm really realizing that this
is bringing up a lot of like childhood trauma.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
As per usual, in today's episode of Childhold Trauma, we
are talking about trauma.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
That's love is but childhood trauma and replay.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
My role as a partner is to.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Be supportive, loving and nurturing, motivational and visionary and.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
Birther might I might have to say the most me
response ever, my role as a partner is to be perfect.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
I saw that I didn't like that at all. I'm
not going to be perfect, so I suggest that that's
not your You know what?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
My thing about this perfection shit is, though it's not
that it's not that I feel like I can actually
be perfect when I'm gonna do everything perfectly, right, is
that I feel like I can at least try. We say, oh,
you know, nobody's perfect, and then so people go out
and just like you're like, okay, have flaws and do
all these things, but.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Nobody actually tries. What would happen if we all not
actually be perfect but it tempted to be perfect.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
I think perfectionism is relative, right, Like what you think
is the perfect husband?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Like?
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Is that my version is that what I think is perfect?
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Like?
Speaker 3 (29:48):
I think, what does that mean to you?
Speaker 1 (29:50):
It means, well, I don't mean I don't think perfection means.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Not being flawed. I think by human in nature, we
are quote unquote flawed. And if you want to feel flawed,
see flawed as like a negative thing. That's one that's
a that's a whole perspective in itself. But I don't
think perfection is not being flawed. I think it's very
human of us to be flawed. So I think it's
(30:18):
seeing the flawed and challenging that flawedness within you to
be better than your flaws, to be better than your traumas,
to be better and act as, to act on a
better in this than to just sit in it and say, oh, well,
there's nothing this is me. I can't do anything about it.
It's about doing something about it. It's about stepping up,
it's about acting. It's about trying. It's about putting in
(30:40):
the effort, and that in itself is the is. The
is the path towards perfection, not just saying well it
can't happen, so I'm just not gonna try. Yeah, everybody
says that, Yeah, everybody says you can't. Nobody's perfect, but
nobody ever tries to be perfect. Well, how can you
know if nobody could be perfect? If we're all trying,
(31:00):
somebody's got to get it right.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Jesus did.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
My top three emotional needs are.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Being appreciated, being shown that I'm cared for, and my
feelings being heard, not necessarily understood, but just being heard.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
To be appreciated. Out loud, to be cared for and nurtured,
to be encouraged, to be encouraged when I'm doubtful or fearful.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Do you feel like I encourage you? Well?
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Yeah, because yeah, okay, I'm glad you feel that, because
I really do try to be encouraging to you, and
I never wanted to make it seem like I'm being
dismissive to what you're feeling at the moment, Like if
you're feeling down or whatever, it's like, I can understand
that you're feeling down or you're not feeling motivated or ambitious,
but I truly do see that you can do the
(31:52):
thing that you may think that you can't do, and
I can accept that I cannot not that I can accept.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
I can see where you may feel.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Like you know, I'm going through something right now, and
it's not to dismiss that or make you not feel
like that feeling isn't real. But it's also to let
you know that I see another part of you that
where another part of you where you can do the
thing that you feel like you're you're lacking.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
In love you. I usually get triggered when.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
I mailed at or someone gets aggressive curses or physical violence.
I'm lied to try or manipulated and triggered when someone
threatens to leave.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Mmm, that's a good one.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I usually get triggered when I feel like I'm being
ignored or not considered, childhood trauma, not considering me.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Look at me, mom, Look at me, Mom. I'm here,
consider me.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
Even need a female therapist.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
I definitely need a female therapist of insurance because I
got a job.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
Is it a conflict of interest if we go to
the same therapist.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Even though I do believe your therapist is fire? But
I don't know. I don't know if you be lyings are.
When there's conflict, I tend.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
To take a step back, bake, take a step back,
evaluate in Atlanta, build and build an emotional blockade to
shut down leave.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Mm hmm. Feel that get cold on you? She could
a gag. She'd be getting cold on your boy, Rare, Emila,
I can't. I can't feel you. There's no warmth in
this body. You're just so cold and heartless.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
I like to take a step back, let me go
evaluate and come back.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
And you don't you want to hear this one? This
one's good.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
Sure.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
When there's conflict, I tend to exaggerate the situation. In
my mind. It's a bitch and she's cheating on me,
and she doesn't love me, and she's just like my mom.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
And I'm gonna be going through this for the rest
of my life. And I can't believe I fucking gave
this beautiful, fucking ring to this.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
What is that what she's thinking in your head when
we're fighting?
Speaker 2 (34:20):
God, yeah, that ring be gave me because I'd be like, God,
that fucking proposal was so fucking perfect.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
I could never redo this.
Speaker 3 (34:27):
So you're trying to leave me in your head every
time I don't leave you ahead.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
I mean, be like, do I need to leave her
in my head? Because this is bad? I'm going through it.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I don't be going through it. What has been so
bad that you were like? Why I give her that ring?
Speaker 1 (34:44):
My nigga? If you don't listen to one thing?
Speaker 2 (34:46):
I said, like, will you be fucking when I be
talking to you on your phone? I'm like, it's gonna
be like this for the rest of my life. She's
never gonna get off Instagram.
Speaker 4 (34:54):
Meanwhile, you're on your phone all fucking game day.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
Oh I know those games are not work.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Number nine. I believe the purpose of.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Marriage is partnership to grow the family, leave legacy, build
wealth both emotional and tangible wealth, make positive change, and
heal bloodlines.
Speaker 2 (35:16):
MINEU is a lot simpler. I believe the purpose of
marriage is to solidify the commitment of love that we
already have. Yeah, nothing changes, We're just solidifying it. Hey, everybody,
look at us. We're marriage in front of God, our Lord, Savior.
Jamila mapp.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Number you read the rest.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
What I value most in a partner.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Is effort, positivity, effort.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
In kindness. Yeah. I feel most loved when.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
I'm poured into, loved, out, loud, affirmed, supported.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Mine is pretty similar. I feel most loved when someone
is giving effort or going out their way for me. Now,
going out their way for me is important because I
feel like there's a baseline standard that people like do
in relationships, whether it's friendships, romantic relationships, or even like
with your parental relationships or family family dynamics where it's.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
Like, okay, well.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
I'm your parents, so I fed you, gave you a house,
gave you clothes, make sure you go to school. But
then there's the effort, the extra effort of like sitting
down and talking to you and figure out, like, how
do you feel what's going on with today in relationship
is like I give you some sex, I kiss you
on your forehead, I cook for you. It's like, but
what is it even like like going on your way?
(36:42):
A good example of what I'm even experiencing right now
is my coworker, the guy that I'm shadowing. He'll he's
he's an explainer. He's an over explainer, but in a
good way where like he'll make sure I get it.
He'll tell me every single detail. And it doesn't even
matter if I've come from a like a transit system
(37:02):
that's larger than the one here in LA or if
I already understood something, He'll make sure he'll say every
single detail.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Like he's even like done things that.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
He doesn't even really he isn't even obligated to do,
like making sure saying things like saying things and acting
on making sure that I get through my probation safely
and get everything done, like just that's not his obligation.
His obligation is just like me to go with him,
train with him and learn as much and for me
to learn as much as I can. But he's making
sure he goes out of his way to make sure
(37:33):
that I get through this process at least the first
four months safely, securely. And on top of that, he's
going out his way to vouch for me to get
overtime because they weren't offering me overtime initially. And he
was like, all right, what can I say and who
can I speak to so that I can like cook
(37:54):
up Orlando so he could work some extra time to
get some extra money in his pocket. Yeah, he's not
obligated to do any of those things. And then on
top of that, he did it in front of everyone,
speaking directly to the director and made the director change
his mind, so now I can get some overtime. Like
you're putting extra money in my pockets over something that's
not your that's not in your job discussion, And so
(38:14):
I could have like really appreciated that.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
That's my guy man, Like, well, I thought you're gonna
say something about me.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
No, I was talking about my work friends. Talk about
my work friends making.
Speaker 3 (38:26):
Chopping him off.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
No no, no, no, no, no, wash your clothes, tell
of my other friends.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
Give me this sweet what.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
I can get that I worked too, Just kidd okay,
gig one.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Whoa twelve?
Speaker 1 (38:45):
Yeah? What does that work? The fuck did I write?
Hold on one second? Twelve? Was?
Speaker 3 (38:50):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (38:51):
One expectation? Oh, I didn't put it. I didn't cross
my t's and down my eyes. One expectation I need
to let go of in marriage.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
Is that my partner will always say do what I desire,
and if they don't, they don't love me.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Rayasy. My one expectation I need to let go of
in marriage is my partner will understand automatically, giving them
grace and time to see my point of view. So
my expectation is that you're going to automatically understand what
I'm saying and that and that I don't need to
(39:31):
really give you grace to understand, like you're just gonna
get it. I'm gonna say it, you get it, and
that's it.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Yeah, So I had to let that go and give you,
like give things some time to like really rest. And
even sometimes with me, I might not understand immediately, and
I can always come back to say, hey, you know,
I remember that thing that you said or that question
I didn't answer, or here's my answer.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
I want to make sure I respect and answer you and.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
Let you know that you know, I might not have
gotten it then, but I do underst and where you're
coming from now, and I want, I want to reciprocate
that energy to you and saying in the way that
if I say something to you, I can understand that. Okay,
maybe you're not getting it now and it might need
one or two or three more explanations or more conversations,
instead of feeling like you need to just get it
(40:17):
in the first shot, because you do have ADHD.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
I love you.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
I love you.
Speaker 1 (40:26):
A habit I want to bring into my marriage is.
Speaker 4 (40:30):
Full family days, no phones, fun activities, exploring, learning, trying
new things, and also long lover trips annually.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
One habit I want to bring in is kindness, speaking, speaking,
and acting kindly to each other because we're in a
happy place in our relationship.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
This was not a shot. This is generally how I.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
Felt raw.
Speaker 2 (40:56):
Got it, No, but it's it's it's honestly, truly, I
believe is one thing when you're in a stressful like
situation or a stressful part of time and life, and
I can give like grace for understanding the environment. But
when we're in a happy place and in a great
place and like the world is moving forward and we're
(41:19):
moving with it. And then I want us to get
into the habit of feeling like, wow, things are great.
How can I speak greatly today? How can I feel
good today? How can I make other people feel good today,
especially the people that are close to me in my
and in my household.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
But that's something that I want to start implementing with
being an example, so doing it for us and.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
Speaking kind You are good at bringing the positivity and
the kindness and the fun and optimism.
Speaker 4 (41:50):
Yeah, I mean I'm pretty good the optimism too. When
you get dark, I'm like, okay, you're trying.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
You're like the reservoir of optimism, Like whoa, let's let's
really evacuate.
Speaker 1 (41:59):
We're good, We're good.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Everything else has worked out in our favors. Don't start
going dark on me now.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
I don't know. So I don't know, I don't know,
I don't know anymore. I'm tired. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (42:10):
But now things things have been good, and I wanted
to not only speak but also act on the beautiful
space that we're in, like all smiles around.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
The house, like we'll be find for true start in
the morning. I got work. A habit I want to
leave behind is maybe.
Speaker 4 (42:26):
One job that you gotta go to before seven am
and you don't know what the fuck do I gotta.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
What's number fourteen?
Speaker 1 (42:35):
I habit I want to leave behind.
Speaker 4 (42:37):
Is my defense systems regulating my nervous system, not taking
things personally and being calmcom com com com and then reactive.
Speaker 2 (42:49):
All right, you're gonna like this one, right, listen, listen,
this was good. A habit I want to leave behind
is my tone feeling and feelings of being annoyed, an
assumpsience of not.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Being heard.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Because because I just remember a few days ago, You're like,
you know, when you speak to me, you can have
a specific you'd be having a specific tone.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
And I don't think you really realize the tone that
you have. And I was like, it's not my tone.
I'm just letting you know. I just slowly for me
to write I need to leave behind my tone. That's
me taking accountability, okay, I think.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
Unintentionally, yeah, but definitely the feelings of being annoyed.
Speaker 2 (43:32):
That's some Jamaican shure right there, Like just easily getting
annoyed for fucking anything, any fucking thing.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
It's like, oh, my God, and you just relaxed amount.
Speaker 4 (43:41):
Of well when you used to think it's like not
going your way, used to having bad luck or having
a bad day, like you could fall into that default
even when you find yourself in not bad days. Yeah,
like you'll feel like you'll you'll have a hard time
seeing the sunshine even when the sun is shining.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
Right right, And even if things don't go my way immediately,
when they initially or imediately and nothing, it's not a
reason for me to be annoyed at everything.
Speaker 1 (44:02):
It's not really that deep. I need to get out
of my head of feeling like, oh this is terrible
now it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
And also the assumption of not being hurt, because it's
like any little thing that's not like direct paying attention
to me is like, oh, they're not listening to me,
they're ignoring me, just like my mom.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
You do you ever see how my mind is be going?
Speaker 3 (44:22):
Yeah, all minds just be going. And that's the goddamn problem.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
Alright. So last one, I love this one. To me.
Intimacy means.
Speaker 3 (44:34):
Closeness, fun, physical touch, making out, cuddling, laughing, having fun, nasty, free,
freaky sex.
Speaker 1 (44:43):
Oh yea, you either way better than me. Mines was.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
To me, intimacy means speaking and acting with love, which
basically the same thing that you said.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah, that was wonderful. I love doing this because it.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Really got me to get like my mind going, like
my mind flowing of like, let's hold I know I
love you.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
I don't want to marry you.
Speaker 4 (45:14):
I know I have like this, even though you guessed it.
When you get mad of me, see my ring, anyone
to snatch it off my fingers?
Speaker 2 (45:22):
We visited one day, give me hold it, holding your wrist,
like putting a pressure on your own, your your ring
knuckle to your your fingers straightened down and just going no,
the truth comes out.
Speaker 1 (45:34):
But I don't do it.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
I love you because your psychopath and you know, go
extra cycle.
Speaker 2 (45:40):
You got extracycle because you love that fucking ring. One
thing you fucking love is that goddamn ring.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
On your finger.
Speaker 3 (45:46):
Mine hours mine.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
But this, this, there really is something wonderful and beautiful
about being able to write out your feelings on paper.
And so I enjoyed doing this, and when it comes
to writing about you, it really gets me on another
heightened level. And I really, I really enjoy and I
really love it and I love you.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
I love you too.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
It makes you have to reflect on things you generally
probably forget to ask or you know, like I feel
like sometimes we ask inquisitive relationship long term relationship questions
in the beginning of the relationship, because that's when you're
getting to know someone in your building, You're.
Speaker 3 (46:24):
Like, what are your five year plans? What do you
see if your coud you're having any kids do you want?
Speaker 4 (46:28):
But then when you get in and it's like over
a year, over two years, over three years, you forget
to reevaluate and recome back to those questions and re
ask the vision and you know, like be inquisitive and
interested in the person's like vision and so.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
Where they're at right now? Yeah, Like you know, you
love together, you grow together, Time goes by and it changes. Yeah,
and it's good to like she's that thing like update,
Like you get to download. There's a new download, there's
a new operating system, and let's see the kind of
person you are now, because whether there's one change or
ten changes, like how do you feel about love now?
Speaker 1 (47:02):
How do you feel about me now? What comes up?
Speaker 2 (47:04):
That's maybe with sitting with you in your past that
may not have come up in the first few months
of our relationship, but now that we're a few years in.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
What comes up for you these days?
Speaker 2 (47:13):
So you know because some of these if you had
asked me maybe a year ago, my answers would have
been differently.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
So it feels good to update and see.
Speaker 3 (47:22):
Where we're at once a month. Checking.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, you want to lead us in on a Mila
Moms real quick, because that was beautiful.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
Okay, Well, wherever you are, if you're not driving, don't
close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose,
a hold tight, more on more release with sound, pleasurable sound.
Release your job, release your shoulders, release whatever the fuck
(47:52):
is going on that you can't control, and take another
deep inhale through your nose, deeper hell with pleasurable sounds.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
Because life is good now. I think about it after
I'm hearing you just now.
Speaker 2 (48:12):
You would have been really good doing a motivation meditative
MCing during the DJ set.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
I guess I was being a hatter.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
That's why you gotta let your haters be a motivators.
And you can follow us on Instagram and ucci mom
and Dad. Make sure you go to YouTube and see
Mela's camouflage nipples at Love like This, Everywhere, Love like This, Patreon,
Love like This. We need to get some content going
over there, but you are going to love everything about us.
Follow me everywhere at w H underscore Orlando Roy, my
(48:45):
beautiful fiance with her big ass ring that I can
never get back off her finger, Mila underscore map that
is on Instagram, Twitter, and oh hey, we have a TikTok.
There's some good content over there, So go on TikTok
at love like this and follow us.
Speaker 3 (49:01):
On Instagram at Huci Mom and dad, I didn't hear.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Who is going to be listening? Just like my mom.
Speaker 3 (49:08):
And follow my content. I've been doing a lot of
stay at home whole wife life content.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Wait, first of all, more importantly than the.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Our content, some about your content and the access sosologists
Wednesdays on hump Days that you've been doing.
Speaker 4 (49:26):
If you have any sex questions, relationship questions and you're
on the gram, come ask me on my personal page.
I've skipped a couple of Wednesdays because the world is insane,
but hump Days ask a sexologist. Ask me anything, be
anonymous and I will answer.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
Just love like this, but before doing and after a
falling in love. Love y'all bye
Speaker 3 (49:58):
Like this
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It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.