October 4, 2025 • 51 mins
UPLVL Communication is the premier communication system for leaving absolutely no doubt what your partner is saying, why they're saying it, how to respond to them with love and compassion, and what they're looking for on the deepest levels. Finally, understand WHO is speaking and get to the very source of the trigger, conflict, and pain points that would otherwise go unaddressed. It's time to close the communication gap, once and for all.
Social:@Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad
Watch here: Youtube
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
Social:@Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad
Watch here: Youtube
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Should these likes to be brighter? I think we're fine.
Na go to my angle, girls good, go to your
mom's angle. Yeah we good. Go to the wide he
always look pretty. Oh look we're kind of matching. We
can hear it, I mean, Luna, we can hear you.
Thank you, funny.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Can you hear me? Check one?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Two? Sound?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Give us the sounds out? Good? All right, thank you?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Welcome back? Everyone was goodie? What you don't like my intros?
What's good? Y'all? Welcome back to another beautiful episode of
Love Like This. This is your honorable husband. I like that.
I'm your honorable husband, Honorable Joe Jackson, honorable husband Orlando Roy,
(00:59):
the host of Love Like This, and I'm sitting here
with my beautiful fiance.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Sir Mila Mapp.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Give me some player, Sir Mela Map.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
I couldn't think of the female version.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I went with, Sir Madam, honorable Sir.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Madam, Honorable Madam Map.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
No, just madam Madam.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
That makes me sound like like.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I know what you're going to say, and I want
to before before before you say that, I want to
let you know that this episode is engineered by a
ten year old daughter Luna. So Luna is on the
ones and two. She's audio engineering, she's video engineering this episode.
She's doing everything but editing, and so this will be
a very family friendly episode.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Nothing about madam is unfamily friendly.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
You just called yourself a female pimp.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
She doesn't know what any of those words mean, Orlando,
and now she's going to look him up because you
don't know how to not blow up the spot.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Lona, give me a thumbs up. If you know what
a pimp is, she said against her. Okay, good, that's perfect.
That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
They are.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Your mom is a female gangster.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Oh my god, speaking of being a female gangster. I
took Luna to the Tate McCray concert on Saturday, and
you know, I haven't been to like a teener teeny
bopper function, you know, thousands of people in a long time.
But she enjoyed it. The kids enjoyed. It was really fun.
(02:27):
It was at the Forum, so it wasn't the one
next door. Wasn't freaking psycho to get it in and out.
We got like got there right and like right at
the beginning before the girl came on. But while we
were at our seats, you know, my friend and her
daughter were there, so we had four seats right on
the end where the stairwheel was, and so like the
girls were like kind of in the stairwell to look over,
(02:48):
and like my friend's daughter was on her lap. So
there was our fourth seat was empty. So two little
teeny bopper bitches whoa aggressive?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
How old did they look?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I don't know, like give us a range they were.
Let me not say the wrong thing, between sixteen and
twenty one.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Okay, cool, cool, cool cool.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
You know it's hard to tell because yeah, so maybe shit.
So they first of the row is the row is full.
We had already moved four bitches out of the seats
before we sat down, and you know, they kindly asked
them all to move, which is expected. You know, when
people get there, you move. So these two teeny boppers
(03:34):
squeeze by us and put both of their asses in
front of my seat, and I said, yo, I said,
this is my seat. I said, this is my seat.
I know, but nobody, nobody's going to say anything. I said,
I'm saying something. This is my seat. And they were like, okay,
(03:54):
but when when you're ready to sit down, we'll move.
And then I had. I had a moment. I had
like a moment like I will say like ninety eight
percent of me wanted to Karen and be like, get
the fuck up out of my seat. I just asked
you nicely, like please, don't make me ask you again.
And then my third I really wanted to Karen just
go get security like a real Karen would. But I
(04:16):
had a moment of just five seconds of clarity, and
I said, you were once a teeny bopper bitch, and
you've always you've sat in other people's seats, and but
in my mind, I was like, if an adult asked
me to move, I just fucking move. I know I'm
lying and scheming, but these bitches are trying to push back,
and I said, you know what, let me not be
the old bitch at the concert. Let me just let
(04:36):
it ride. But then I looked over at Luna and
she was looking at me like, I know you're not
gonna let these bitches. I was like yeah, she was
looking at me like I'm a punk bitch. I'm like,
you don't try embarrass me in front of my kids.
But I was really being calm because I'm like I'm
at a teen teeny bopper event. Let me chill out.
(04:57):
I want to be the old bitch at the party,
because you know what, were we at a concert? Were
you with us? We had a concert and there's a
bitch acting like such a fucking bitch. We were at
a concert. I think we're a serves concert, I think.
And there was a girl and she was miserable. I
could just tell she was miserable because we were dancing.
And in my mind I was like, how are you
(05:17):
gonna be miserable at the at the concert?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Were you supposed to be?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
It's a party, like so I you know what, I
just I let it ride and I was like and
they squeezed their I was like, don't don't tap me,
don't step in front of me, squeeze your little fucking
pretty large seventeen year lasses to the right. And then
after like two songs like thanks, thank you, and they
(05:42):
scooted back out and they.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Wanted two hits. They just want to enjoy the two hits.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So yeah, I had I could have almost karened, but
I refrained. But you know, I think I told you
that I was gonna come into my full Karen this year,
and maybe I won't do it. On minors, but they
might have been thirty. I don't know. But it was
really when Luna looked over at me, like you punk
ass bitch. I couldn't believe that she was judging me
(06:08):
for letting them. I don't know if she was like,
I can't with you letting it. She was more like
I can't letting him sit there, not like don't let me,
not like I'm scared of my mom. I don't want
her to act crazy because I think she knows it
could go either way. But she was definitely like, just
so you just gonna let this happen. Yeah, literally like
judging me? Were you judging me, Luna?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Judge?
Speaker 3 (06:27):
She said, Yeah, she shook her head. I already knew,
but that's my confession.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I was about to start talking back to you. She
was like, you ain't talking back to them. You you
ain't talking to me like that. You ain't talking back
to them.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
So that's that was my my weekend revelation.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Relations. Okay, well, how was the Tap mccraig concert. It
was what it was.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
For kids, and yeah, it was pretty basic. The outfits
were pretty basic.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Sorry, y Leopard, I'm trying I send me that, send
me the picture on the insert into the picture here
of how how y'all addressed up.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
For the You know, I'm a full believer in, uh
you dress for the occasion.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
So like if you know our family, if we go
to any new movie that's like there's a dress code
and a concert, we're gonna wear the outphit theme a theme.
If there's a theme, we're going in because I like
to dress up. Me and Orlando saw Pretty Woman, I
think last year at Hollywood Cemetery, and I don't think
(07:25):
you dressed up. I think only I dressed up dress up.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I was in a suit and I put on a
white man's wig.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
I don't think you wore that to the movie. But
I wore my full.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah you're a pretty woman, pretty woman. Yeah, I love
because you are a pretty woman.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I'm pretty sure even wore the wig. And this is
just how this is. This is my way of course.
And actually this month we're going to see The Craft
and I fully intend on wearing my nineties high school gear.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
You're going to White Girl.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
So this is the confessions of me. And I'm sure
you've caught on four years in that I dress up
for in theme for evervacasion, including the Tate McCrae concert,
even though I really don't know any of her music,
but Luna pinterested. So I was dressed like every other
teeny bopper at in leopard leopard jersey. Yeah. I think
that's really black and white jersey leopard. Yeah, that was
(08:16):
what I got from the crowd. I did have to
have two double shot.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Drinks because that music is and that crowd is insufferable.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
But everybody was super excited. They were singing along, she
was getting her dance on, so you know, we got in,
we got out, we started walking out the last song,
got right out the parking lot, right into the right
back on the four h five, and it was a success.
She was really happy. She they got their four hundred
dollars T shirts, even got a twenty dollars run from
(08:50):
the man leaving the concert, which I will always support
this the guy concept.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Because he's was He's.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Closer to that then, and it was It was nice.
It was nice to go do that with her. We
also did a movie night this weekend at her school
and it's her last year in fifth grade.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Man shout out to Little lou making it up in
the world.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
When you're high. This is and this is what she did,
the full, the full thing of elementary school. Almost we're
halfway through the semester. You know, I went to that
school K through fifth grade. So I'm like, I'm trying
to get into my parent bag and pure volunteer and
you know, so we did that. We saved for the
whole movie and she enjoyed it.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So that's good. That's good.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Listen, man, And now she's engineering the episode like the
girls growing up fast man.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
She got a job.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
She got a job. Baby, I got a job too.
She's inspired by her dad.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I'm gonna have to get that face. Make that face again. Wait,
wait one.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
More, Yeah, that's the face. Go to YouTube.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Man, We're gonna do these inserts O man, YouTube backslash
love like this.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Yeah, but you know I am. I feel like I'm
really in a good place with our family. And we are.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
And that's why I wanted to bring in the whole
fan today for this because you know, all the things
are upgrading, like the work, the finances coming together. We
just have some good news that the municiar Dad, I
don't know how to fuck you, said dad of Costa Rica.
You know they're building their road. So another property, house,
property in a different country is coming together. The finances
(10:36):
are coming together. I'm giving an overtime. I could literally
work seven days a week, you know what.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I talked to my dad today and I told him
that you really like your new job. You're working over time.
He's like, yeah, tell him, tell him to get all
that money because it's hard out here. People people can't
keep jobs. It's real hard out here. And I was like,
I'm gonna tell.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Him, yeah, man, yeah, yeah. And that's that's one reason why.
One I am grateful that I have the job. But
two I'm also grateful and I want to go hard
with like getting as much money as I can with
as far as like with overtime and stuff like that,
and because I I want to do things for you,
like you held it down for like three years, the
burden of the financial responsibilities, And I was like, I
(11:15):
could work seven days a week. You held it down
for three years. I can go to work on Saturday,
like it's fine, it's fine. And then and I don't
mean in a sense of like you know not, I
do feel the burden of not spending time with you,
but as far as energetically and pushing myself to work
an extra day or two or extra few hours, just
(11:38):
so I can give you what you want. If you
want a new car, if you want to put some
money away for for you know, when retirement age comes,
if you want to get some property in another land,
like I can go an extra few hours at work
to give you what you want shopping spreeze and bags.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
I don't want shopping shoes you sent me. I do
want shoes.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Luna wants close Luna schoo shopping. I can go to
extra day at work, Luna. If you call me Dad,
I'll take you.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Never mind.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
By the way, this is an ongoing jokes joking our household.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
That Luna does not call me Dad. It's so fun.
It's so fun.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
But yeah, and even my baby, My baby has a
wedding coming up that she needs to have to plan
and it needs to be beautiful. She has She's going
wedding dress shopping on her friends who are all excited
to go with her. Like, you have big plans and
I need to finance them.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Oh my god, let me tell you about these big plans.
I mean, I was just looking online and looking at
dresses and there's like there's a fitting room in La
so I signed up and then literally as I'm signing
up there calling me. You know, the salespeople are crazy, like, well,
what's your price range? I'm like under ten thousand dollars.
They're like okay, Like, first of all, I'm lye. I
(12:55):
ain't paying no ten thousand dollars for no motherfucking dress
I'm wearing one time. That's insane. I will make it myself.
I don't know how to sound.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Hey, you know what my cousin did when she got
married and her dress was beautiful. She got her ship
from China. I don't know how to tires is held
up right now.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
But you know I'm going to that side of the world.
Don't let me. Don't let me go. Don't let me
go to Bali and find a dressmaker, because baby I
might come around and my ship. Yeah no, it really
really actually go a lite Bali dressmakers.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I'm telling you. I'm telling you that. But getting your
ship internationally made.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
What do you mean do she flew out there? How
did she get it?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
No, she looked it up. She she I think she
went and got her measurements.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Somewhere and then she.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Sent it in and then boom, and then after she
got it if she had to like do any I.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Mean, honestly, I'm like China size. You are the size
I am, like I am, I am, and I want
to petite dress.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
So petite sare. So let's let's we're going to get
it into the episode. That of of what we're going
to talk about before we even get there, I want
to know I never really asked you, and I'm excited
that you're talking about this now. What is your idea
of like what you would want a wedding dress to look.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Like, like like me, like low back, low front, lacey,
like maybe beaded, but I kind of mostly see through,
maybe high slit, long train, long trains Mermaid and I
went like an extravagant veil, you know, maybe something that
(14:27):
goes up, maybe it's something goes very long. I'm just
I wanted to be classy. But also it would be
crazy if I came like a turtleneck wedding. It would
be like, who is this bitch?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You were naked your whole life to put on clothes
your wedding.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I mean I consider just putting just bedazzling the body,
but that would defeat the purpose.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Your wedding dress is only lower half, and then just
what's the thing that you put over your nipples.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I've been just you know, exploring what that could look like.
But I you know, as much as like getting married
is a uh a fairy tale of the female fairy tale.
I wanted it, but I didn't. I haven't. I didn't
think that deeply into it. So now I'm like face
with a lot of like artistry, and like I'm just yeah,
(15:13):
because I wanted, I'm creative because I haven't put a
lot of emphasis on that. And also it feels a
little bit overwhelming. I'm just like I've been stuck at
colors for a long time. But it is fun and
it's gonna be fun. It's going to be super fun,
super fun. And I know, like all of our friends
are looking forward because I'm.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I hate everybody's giddy.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I don't tell everybody, but where the un couple, the funniest, where.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
The funnest, where the party?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Just call us Mila Orlando party boy.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Okay, we're going to work on that whatever, you know
what I mean. But I was thinking, even if for
your your your what's the veil the veil if it
matches your ring and some tipe where it's like crown,
like a crown, you have a crown type of veil.
I was even thinking, I don't know if this would
look or if this is the New York at me
if it was like kind of like a hood type
of veil and okay, never mind.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
No, I see where you're going like a little red
riding head.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah yeah, but like like not as stiff, but like
you know, flo, I.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Want to veil. I really, I really like like the
Virgin Mary veils like see through, like that's really my thing.
But I don't know, like are we talking, are we
getting eloped? Are we telling people? Is it going to
be a secret? Is it just too well? I would
I have to have a dress for the elopement. But
you know what, I realized if you're talking about we're
considering going in the courthouse or going to Vegas, and
(16:33):
I think the day that we wanted it falls on
a Sunday, so you might have to go to Vegas.
Okay whatever, that's another conversation. But yeah, I just I am.
I think there's a there's not enough people who talk
about see like when like I don't know, being able
(16:54):
to feel happy when things are secure. Sometimes we've we
live a lot in in panic, we live a lot
in fear and scarcity, where a lot of us are
just in fight or flight all the time. So when
you're finally at a place when you're like, oh, are.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Really okay my rent is paid, I can pay my bills.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Yeah, it's such a it's it's it's so telling that
it's taken me a long time too. I mean there's
always like I feel like a lot of times were
when things are always happening, We're looking for the shooter
drop and I'm just finally coming to the space like
everything is okay. I can feel happy. I could feel settled.
This is probably inappropriate to say, but I feel like
(17:44):
a white woman.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I feel so cold.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I feel like.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Outside of the fucked upness of the world. I'm like, wow,
is this what it feels like? You know, you're billing
get paid, that thing's nothing's late, nothing, not one bill
is gonna you know. So I'm like, oh, I'm in partnership.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Something, but I have a autop.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Literally literally that's how I'm feeling. And just to be
love and just to be planning something and to just
to be in partnership and yeah, like it just feels good.
I was in a one time. I was at like
an event and the girl next to me, she was
recently engaged, and I don't know, I was just making
conversation and I was like, do you feel like he's
(18:30):
your soulmate? And she was like I think so, and
I was like maybe I should ask that. I was like, damn,
I should ask that, but like there's definitely like no
question in my mind if you're my soulmate or not,
or if like I'm making the right choice, Like I
(18:51):
just don't have any I don't have any. I just
know it to be real. Actually I looked at another
I was scrolling through my phone today and there was
a groom giving their like speech at their wedding. But
he was like, look, I look good. You look on
you all right, and like you could just see her
(19:11):
whole face was just like annoyed, and I was like,
imagine it. Yeah, Like I was just like, first of all,
I don't know if it was a joke, I don't
really know. But then he was like you I've known
you for sody as my brother, and I'm so thankful.
I'm like you're gonna be more love to these niggas
in the audience. And she looked beautiful, and I could
just see in her face she was fucking irritated. And
I just can't imagine being on my wedding day and
(19:34):
being like, you're so fucking annoying. Do I even like you?
And you just like, yeah, you just try to like
I don't know the word, like subme ror.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah, you're way too nervous for this experience. You're not
really graspy, not even mature enough for this experience. But yeah,
that's not gonna happen. I actually want to cry.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
You better cry.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I want to cry. I'll be so mad at myself
if I don't cry.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
You might be in shock. There's a lot of adrenaline
that happens at things like this. But I'm just I'm
just don't do that.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I really do want to cry, though I would like to.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I want to ugly cry, or I want to I
want to.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
This is mon that's what I want. I want one
of those that's mod right there.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Just don't just don't get that. Just don't get that
Jamaican corn robun.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
That's a staple that's iconic. Okay, you're not anyway.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
What I was going I'm not iconic.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
It is iconic.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
What I was gonna say was, I've been following this
sexologist online and I think I have a good meditation
that you can do to help regulate your nervous systems.
Call me laments, right, so follow me right. What you're
gonna do is a deep breath in and out. When
you breathe out, you're gonna do a pleasurable sound, not
just a hah, but a pleasurable sound. Okay, writing on
three you want to do with me?
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Sure? Okay, like a moan.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, well if you want to call in a moan,
but whatever pleasurable to you. Okay, mat.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Let's do on more and breathe a little bit more,
breath and out and one more and breathe and and release.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I've been doing it at work because even being at work,
I'm like, am I gonna get fired today?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Am I gonna lose this? This is so good?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
What if? What if I lose?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
I can't lose this?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
And I was like, you gotta relax, You're gonna lose.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
It's really it's really working right now and being in
the space that I'm in and just knowing like the
weight of the world and just is good in the
sense of I'm so grateful.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I mean, stability is fucking underrated.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Underrated.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
You cannot We're so used to you are not if
your basic needs are not being met Bill's food shelter,
Like it is this like basic necessities. It's true, Like
that shit is no joke. And I think people underestimate
like just the struggle. And I think also I I've
(22:13):
been there not very long ago, and so I am
like all too familiar with just like the extreme independence
that I've had to. Like like after I turned eighteen,
I was solo.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Baby.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
God the Good Lord didn't even give me a sugar daddy,
which I just didn't get. I was like, I thought
I had a cute face. What the fuck is going on? Literally,
I was just like, wow, God, I was really not
going to look out. Huh. But when you know you
take care of yourself and everything is dependent upon you
for your whole adulthood, it is.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I understand.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Like after I turned eighteen, I had to go start
working a full time job, like seven days a week,
eight hours a day, no summer's off, Like that ship
was a culture shock. I really sat there. I was like,
oh shit, I don't get two months off anymore. Luna
changed the change the camera and goo, I don't get
two months. You know. I got to help the kids
sometimes pay attention. You can't be on your phone at work.
(23:15):
That's one thing I learned too, No phone at.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Work, you'd be on the phone.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
We're trying to teach.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Her, right, But no, I had to jump into my
career at eighteen years old, and it was really a
big shock for me, and I never I never really
felt like I got a break. So I've been in
an adult for a really long time and I understand
like how it would feel to have something good. And
it's not it's not having something good, it's like how
long is this good gonna last? What's gonna take it
(23:41):
away from me? What's gonna happen when I'm gonna lose
it all? And you know that that fear mindset I've
had to like really release. That's why I followed that
that sexologists. You can follow her too on Instagram Meala
on the score map two piece. She's really good that
those Meala moans really help and it just helps reg
bring you down regularly and realize that you need to
be present in the good right now, and scarcity mindset
(24:03):
is also feeling like you're in good right now, but
it can be taken away from you. I've had to
release that from myself.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yeah, like just not even being able to be in
like being in a good space and your body is
not physically acclimating to peace into happiness because it's so
used to running and you know, seducing and scheming or
whatever the fuck. But I am yeah, this has been.
That's been like what I've come to terms with and
just like I really want to be happy. Yeah yeah,
(24:33):
I mean I am happy, but.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Like, no, yeah, no, I trust me.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I understand what body soul, Yeah, encompassing everybody.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Like, because sometimes I tell you, like my body will
be tense and I'd be like, what the fuck are you?
And I'd be like I to literally tell myself like
breathe release nothing. Oh yeah nothing literally, I mean yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
But one of the other things that's helped me.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I regulate, because honestly, the whole regulation of the nervous
system isn't like an overnight thing.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's not something you just go okay.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Scarcina mindset now I'm gonna go cold turkey on Scarcinen mindset,
Like you have to have tools and like a journey
through feeling like hey, I'm I'm out of that space
and I'm entering a new space. It's not just like
I just step into it order. You just step through
a door and now you're just fine.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
You think that you're like, soon's I get that job,
so's I get that check, every reason be fine. But
it literally like if you've been in like your fight
or flight for eighteen twenty thirty years, it's going to
take time to come back and like it's a work right,
because sometimes you people who are perfectly fine. I mean,
you see a lot of Karens on the internet these days,
and you just see what's going on in the world,
(25:47):
and you see so many people who are just angry, hateful, angry,
Like that is a projection of you being a miserable
bitch inside. So like, in order to like really live
a happy, pleasureable life or gasmic life, you got to
really be in tune and in flow with everything is
working out for my benefit. And even when things like
(26:09):
your left or right, I'm straight.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yep, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
But one are the things I can say that help
navigate into this is the us securing like the love
that we have in our relationship through our premarital coaching.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Not even securing it, I would say, just like strategizing
like ways to structure within like conflicts within planning. Yeah,
that was I mean, I'm really grateful for Kenya Case Demons,
the Progressive Love.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Academy, Marriage Jesus.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I honestly like the Progressive Love Academy, up level communication,
the divorce proof club that we are, And it was
really special. It was really special to be with. Like,
first of all, I don't hear a lot of people
doing pre marital counseling with other couples, which was like
pretty eye opening for us because all of the other
couples had been married or been together for some time
(27:13):
some years, And I thought that was pretty that was
pretty cool, like just to be able to see people
who had been had more water under the bridge, had
you know, had kids, and also just to observe when
you don't prioritize your relationship or you don't prioritize communication,
Like it was special to be able to witness, witness
and also participate before it gets to an emergency space.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
I have a question for you, and I'm gonna as
I'm gonna ask a question, I'm gonna answer it first
so you can have some time to think of your answer.
But what was What was one of the things that
you found beneficial about doing a pre mariital counseling with
other couples And one of the things for me, well,
one of the two things for me was one seeing
(27:58):
how the men felt in their relationship and how they reacted.
And I think I believe the other thing for me
was just seeing I wouldn't say the conflicts, but just
seeing how the things that are troublesome in a relationship
are in comparison to like everybody, like how we are
(28:21):
all con seemingly have the same issues in relationship whether
and I feel like it's either fear or communication that
really starts that that really is the core or the
foundation of that causes trouble or causes conflict within a
relationship to get to the point where of like divorce.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
But fear, you said, fear or lack of communication.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, a lot of lack of communication. I think resentment,
which is all like I feel like resentment is lack
of communication because what's not communicated becomes resent, which comes rage,
which becomes illness honestly, which becomes not being able to
regulate your your nervous system, which becomes all always having
an attitude and feeling it in your body and your bones.
So as you're like, I still hate you for that
(29:04):
shit you did last year or last month, and I
haven't said it and I haven't released it, and so
now I'm holding onto it and it's living in my
body and it's festered, it's blocking me. And yeah, like
that's a lot about what tantra is about, like these
energetic blocks, and a lot of times people don't associate
your emotional health and your communication your ability to communicate
(29:25):
with your physical health, but it's definitely one hundred and
twenty percent related. And so like I guess witnessing I
think witnessing people who had been together for a long time,
who maybe on the brink of divorce, but still chose
to show up for that relationship, still choosing to you
know what I mean, Like I thought that that's special,
(29:47):
that's important, like still choosing to say this is hard
and I love you, So let's figure this shit out.
And like, thank God for Kenya because she's really good
at bringing it down to a zero and like giving
you the tools to I think a lot of times
we're in such a rage and such anger we decide
like fuck this person, fuck that, and I think you
(30:10):
think that there's no way out of it, but there
can be when you have a communication structure of creed, you.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Know so, And that's one of the things that that
made me help. That that made me help, That helped
me really buy into the things that she was the
tools that she was giving and teaching us because we
were seeing real time with other couples them going yo,
I was going through this, and then we started doing this,
(30:38):
and we started using this tool and that tool, and
we really like went through it. And hearing their testimonies
live and in real time really made me go, oh, Okay,
now I understand and see like how this.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Can be helpful, how that can be helpful.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
So basically like not to like give it all the way,
but we we I can't give it allway because it's.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
Yeah, but just give a look a little snippet.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
She was teaching us about this thing that's called the animal,
the ego and the higher self, and basically your animal
is just like your raw rage emotion of like how
you feel in the moment, like if you're angry, if
like you're super sad, and it's like this is how
I truly feel. And then like your ego is just
like the story, the story that you make up, the
(31:24):
story that you make up about this person, like Mila
really pissed me off, and then for the rest of it,
I care about me. She doesn't care about me, And
for the rest of my fucking marriage, I'm not gonna
be cared about just like my mom didn't care about me.
And it's always going to be like this and that.
And then your higher self is really accepting that the
animal of how you feel is real and your ego
(31:45):
is real. But you're choosing to accept that they both exist,
and you're choosing to be on a higher plane and
saying that I'm going to be better than these these emotions.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
But I am going to give them a space to
act out. I am going to give them. I am
going to let them come out of the cage. I
am going to hold it. I am going to let it,
you know, because we all need to get out that
visceral reaction because sometimes you may not mean that ship
that you say, but it's still a part of you.
And so it gives you a place to like kind
of integrate all of those pieces of you and acknowledge them,
(32:16):
which a lot of people are like be the Buddha
become all the time, and that ship always ends in effect.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Non violent communication and no violent communication? Is this book
I read?
Speaker 3 (32:24):
It's another it's another form of communicating, like the style
of communication structure.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yeah, but the level is much better, but non violent communication.
I was reading this book and I was realizing that
it was suppressing a certain part of you. It was
suppressing like the part of you that's real, which is anger,
which is being very emotional, which is really feeling deeply
about something. And it was, you know, basically telling you
to like just be better in some type of way.
(32:50):
I don't want this.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
It's it is a good book.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I just I'm just saying that there was a part
of part of it that I didn't, Uh, what's the
work I couldn't connect with, relate to I couldn't relate to. Yes. So,
but the difference with Kenya is she was saying, all
your emotions are valid and are valid and are real,
but I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
And and they're real to you.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, it doesn't mean they're true, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
Real true, Because she was also saying there's like there
is no truth, like your truth is your truth, My
truth is my truth, and like that's just our perspective.
So they're real in our mind, but it doesn't mean
that that's the only truth that exists.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Right, And then we're not saying, like, you know, there
isn't some facts like what's happening.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
We're just saying that there are no facts.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Well, but yeah, that's okay, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
But it was it was to say, like this story
that I'm making up in my mind isn't what's isn't
actually what's happening. In the moment, Mila could have just
went through her day and then through her experience in life,
could have just said one thing and then that one
thing that was to me triggered something in my mind
with something from my past and then made me feel like,
(34:05):
going going forward in the future, then this how it's
going to be. That's not true, but it's a real
feeling within you. And and up level communication gives you
the space to actually vent and say to your partner,
express your partner how you're actually.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Feeling and to do.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
To do that, like you set a little container for
you and your partner so that they can express themselves.
And also you can be heard regardless of if you
feel like what you're saying, what you're feeling and saying
is true. If I feel like Mila is going to
be a fuck up person to me for the rest
of her life, regardless true or not, I get to
express that to her, and then in return, what she
(34:44):
gets to do for me is use one of the
seven more downities to help bring me down. If I'm
raging and I'm at a level ten, she can help
bring me down, which is and we call it soothing,
soothing me down to a one and all the way
down to a zero using these seven diff tools that
she's taught us. So I thought it was a beautiful,
(35:04):
truly beautiful way for me to express myself. And and to
go back to what I was saying earlier about the
men having like similar things happening when we were doing
the pre medal. When we're doing the up Level twelve
week course, is that we get to see how men
(35:24):
really have this suppressive nature about different parts of our emotions.
So we don't really even get to express it. And
now that we have this these tools and we can
set the container, we really get a space where we
get to let it out. We get to rage, and
we get to and release in a very healthy way.
(35:44):
And on top of that, we're not being we're not
releasing and then feeling like it's a detrimental to our relationship,
like it's hertful, like it's harmful. We just get to
release and know that, oh, this is not gonna be
a tit for tat thing. I just get to express
to you and tell you how I really feel and
we can hone in on where it's coming from. And
on top of that, I'm not gonna release and then
be left alone. And that's a scary thing. Feel like, Yo,
(36:08):
after I let her know these things, she's gonna be
so mad that she's gonna leave me. So I have
to keep it to myself. And that which is goes
back to the fear part of the of the of
how your relationship starts going down this road of like
closer to divorce. Because I feel like I had to
keep it within myself because if I don't, we're gonna
You're gonna be so mad that you're gonna want to
(36:29):
leave me. It is such a scary feeling to have
as a man. So it makes us not even want
to express ourselves or tell ourselves or feel like it's
gonna be even reciprocated to our not reciprocated, it's gonna
be yea yeah, accepted by our partner. And and so
just hearing the men express themselves in different ways and
feel and hearing that it's all rooted back into like
(36:50):
that one thing. Girl. It was so helpful to have
up lovel communication to be able to express myself in
that type of way and be heard and then also
be held and pat on the back and saying it's
going to be okay, Orlando and bringing me down to
like a level zero. That shit was very helpful for
me specifically, mostly because growing up I never really got
(37:11):
that from my mom. It was just like my mom
a lot of times really put me in the shut
the fuck up space, like you don't get to express yourself,
you don't get to see how you feel, you don't
get to tell your side of the story.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
She'd have a capacity for that. She that's a lot
of households. I feel like to be seen not her
type childlike childhood and.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
It really but it really like stuck with me a lot.
So that's why that's that's one of the biggest reasons
why the whole twelve week course and like the setting
the container and give me a chance to speak and
express myself really was helpful to me.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah, you know what they say, Uh, our emotions last,
Like the feelings of our emotions really last like three seconds.
It's a story you tell yourself after that that you
choose to hold onto. So it's like the feeling, the
initial visceral feeling is there, but you are actively choosing
to either sit in it or tell yourself a story
(38:09):
that you know allows you to choose that as like
as the the reality. And someone said something to me,
this is the like recently, and they're like, yeah, like,
if someone pisses you off or irritates you, it's because
you're choosing that you're allowing them to do that. And
I had to sit with that for a minute because
it's like, no, what we want to do is be
(38:31):
like you did this to me, and that makes it
so that you don't have to take responsibility for your
own feelings. And a lot of times it's like, well,
if someone said this about you or said this to you, like,
is it true or is that why you're feeling away?
You know, there's always reasons, but it's it's interesting because
I've been actively trying to work on how I choose
(38:51):
to like feel, you know, if someone can piss me off, yes,
but for how long am I going to adopt that
as a truth? You know and let it you know,
or ruin my day or where the fuck I'm at? Honestly? So, yeah,
that was it was I'm grateful, Like I I didn't
know what our plan of action would be, like you know,
obviously we're very blessed that everything that we need shows
(39:13):
up and like perfect timing, including each other, And so
because I met you through the internet two thousand miles
away on separate coast, you know, like literally by divine intervention.
I know when I when I look at how compatible
we are and how much fun we have, and how
(39:36):
good and juicy and rich our relationship has been, and
how healing it has been, and how like, you know,
just good our lives are, and how like we are
on the same page about so many things and spiritually
long term you know, like attractiveness, fun jokes, How good
you aren't soothing me? I realize, I'm like, there's not
(39:56):
a lot I can worry about. Because if God, if
if source brought you to me and allowed me to
discover this love, this far apart, when honestly I didn't
see it coming, how can I not trust the rest
of the process. And even prior to that, Like, I'm
when before meeting you, I was just like, when and
(40:20):
if I find a partner is going to be so easy?
I knew that. I was like, I was like, something
tells me this shit is not as hard as we
make it. People want to make excuses about motherfuckers and
it's this, and it's that, and relationships are hard, and
it is. And I think the biggest part about relationships,
the difficulty of relationships, is having to deal with the
(40:40):
things that come up within you. And that's another thing
this program was really big on. It's like, there's no villains,
there's no victims, nothing, No one's doing anything to me.
No one is doing anything to me, And I'm not
a victim and I'm not a villain. You can't blame
me for how you're feeling, and I can't blame me,
I can soothe you. I can of course correct, I
could take it back or say give you clarity, but ultimately,
(41:04):
no one's doing anything to me. And I feel like,
just like that alone and understanding that that has been
the biggest challenge of the relationship and also saying like
where do where do those feelings come from? But I
just it's been such a sweet journey. And you know,
when you choose to be in a relationship, you choose
(41:26):
to be in love, it should be sweet because I'm
choosing to fucking be here.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
And and to interject, I can agree with you on
the fact of like the relationship scarcity mindset of like,
this relationship is so good, what's gonna happen that's gonna
end it? What is she gonna do that's gonna be
so bad that I can that we cannot come back from?
How how bad is she gonna hurt me? I'm gonna
(41:50):
love so much and dedicate so much, and and and
and open up so much, and then there's gonna be
something that she's gonna do that's gonna be so painful
to me that I'm gonna be so hurt. And that
scarcity mindset within your relationship it isn't.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
It isn't only yeah, it doesn't only apply to like finances,
because even when you first moved here, I was like, wow,
this is really like you know, we'd visit each other
and it's always nice when you visit in my mind
because it's not permanent. It's not permanent. And then you
move and I was like, oh, fuck, Like this is
good right now, but like, what is going to be
that thing? What's gonna be that moment where it's just
not good anymore? It's gonna when am I to get annoyed?
(42:27):
And I'm like I was looking like I was, I was,
I wasn't. I was afraid to be present in the
pleasure fully sometimes because I'm like, when is this shit
gonna die down and go backwards? And it hasn't.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
It hasn't.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
And you know this what we're talking about right now.
It reminds me of that that we're watching Cam new
And on the Internet and we don't do it often
because it is Cam Newton on the Internet, so we
try to limit our Cam new And the intake. We're
watching Cam dow on the Intent when he was talking
to the little therapist lady and he was like, you
know something about him not wanting to be married because like,
(43:01):
the marriage isn't going to go well, and we were talking,
I was like, you see, that kind of mind state
is what makes the marriage go bad because you're already
pre premeditated that the ship isn't going to work, so
you start moving and doing shit.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
That's because you had he had no he had no
real intention of ever showing.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Up in a w Well you didn't.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
But I'm just saying that within this conversation that we're
having right now, when you start thinking, yo, what is
this person going to do to hurt me? You start
nitpicking and looking for a shit to be hurt by,
and then then you go, okay, you know what, if
you're going to do this at this level, that means
you're going to do it at level ten later on.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Make a story, so you know what, let's end it
right now.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
We pushing people away and we make up stories because
sometimes in our mind and our bodies, that is the
most that is at least, that's the route of least pain,
because we're assuming that things are going to fuck up
or and the thing is people are going to fuck up. Yeah,
And there's an exception to that too, like I'm I
I had to like, I'm marrying a human, not fucking
not the idea of my fairy tale person. Like you're
(44:02):
a human at the end of the day, and the
reality of that that hurts. I hate humans. No, I know,
I'm lying. I love humans, but we're flawed and we
and we're not perfect, and like it's just it's not
creating avatar. It's a human. So there's that.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
But relationships aren't hard.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
They are challenging, but they're a lot of people start
at a deficit. You start with someone, you saw the
red flags, you saw the parts that you weren't really
attracted to. There were things, there's always things in the
beginning of a relationship that you have clues that are
not for you, and a lot of us continue but
(44:42):
they're like, oh they're nice or even just even if
there's no problems and it's just like mid and you're like,
they're nice, they're good enough, they're cute enough. I'm not
saying like, not every relationship starts out in movie cinema romance. However,
there is a love level of there's a level of attraction,
(45:05):
there's a level of sexual chemistry, there's a level of
I don't know that you have to be able to come
back to And I think people play themselves by making
excuses in the beginning and settling in the beginning, and
then they're bored and then their eyes are wandering or whatever.
Those things that were this small now get this big
because they were always things, but you ignored them because
they were nice and you were desperate to find love. Actually,
(45:27):
I wrote down a note this was very important in
my notes. I wrote it down this week.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
No desperation and settling really can can put you in
a damaging place. Oh my lord, you really spin just
now too. I got to get to you, little young socrates,
little sexologists.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Desperation breeds bottom feeders. Desperation breeds bottom feeders. When you're desperate,
you're essentially being a bottom feeder. And you don't want that.
You gotta let you gotta let the trash pass when
it's not for you, or not even trash. I'm not
going to give people that if it's not your players
(46:10):
pick up yet. So I think like sometimes people under like, yeah, underestimate,
like letting your lever come to you, you know, And
there's such thing as like being isolated or being too
like too picky. But Linda wasn't my type necessarily. He
had that crop top in that bun.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
And where one crop top where one man, and I.
Speaker 3 (46:27):
Was just like, I'm not chucking for but my heart
was open and I was I recognized that I felt
good with this person, you know what I'm saying, And
I'm like, I'm not going to deny that, especially when
I've been in relationships that did not measure. Yeah. So
the real work is usually when the relationship is so
good and so healthy that you finally get to a
(46:49):
park place where you're not tripping about are they lying?
Are they telling them choos? Are they When you get
to a basic I trust you and you're a good
person and I know you care about me, then that's
when the that's when the real work begins, because then
that is when it's like, oh we can heal together.
Oh there's things in me that I'm this is popping
up for me because I know this person, Oh.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
This, this, this feel good is not going to leave me.
I'm not going to lose this. It's not going to die.
I don't have to worry and whenever it, whenever, whatever
happens to this this moment in this feeling right now.
However it runs its course, I'm going to enjoy in
the moment. And you know one thing about us that
I really love. Whatever moment we were in that felt good,
(47:30):
and I ran this course and it stopped.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
We enjoyed it. But guess what came up next?
Speaker 2 (47:34):
A new beginning to something that felt good, and it
just kept growing and new and newness and ending, and
we just start a new one, a new feel good experience.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
The whole thing feels good and I'm grateful for that.
I feel like love. That was another thing. Even like
before I met you, I was like, if this shit
is not the best ever, why am I doing it?
If I don't feel like genuinely like I wanted a
movie style type love or else, what the fuck is
the point? So I think it's possible. People put a
(48:09):
lot of taint the idea of but long term relationships
could look like as far as fun and people are like,
once you put the title, it couldstry, you stopp being intimate,
You do this, you do that, like the traction dies,
it gets boring. I'm like, fuck all that. Now. If
you're too fun people, you will have a fun relationship.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Basics listen. The answer is in in this somewhere.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
But you know, we we we just love each other
and I love you, and you know, I'm just happy
to have an example of love right in front.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
Of me, which is you.
Speaker 3 (48:47):
Me too. I'm happy that we found each other. Everything's
in flow, it will continue to be in flow. We're free,
we're designing our relationship. We've done the marriage counseling, will
probably revisit that a lot of times. Thank god, we
have the tools planning our wedding. Orlando got a job.
Our kid is healthy. We are healthy. Thank god we
(49:09):
have health insurance in thirty five days.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Yep, speaking of a healthy kid. Let's go feed this
kid sushi. I know she's goddamn hungry. She's tired of
staring at us.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
So we didn't confirm the sushi choice.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
But okay, okay, well I think she deserves some sushi. Right,
give a thumbs W if you deserve some sushi. That's
my girl. I love you.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
I love you too.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Please go on YouTube and follow us YouTube dot com
back sast love like this on Instagram, Houchi, Mom and dad,
follow my beautiful fiance over here, Mila unscored map and
really taking those modalities and those meditations with those Mila moans,
it really is good at regulating your nervous system and
bringing back pleasure into your life. You can follow me
(49:52):
on Instagram and everywhere, Instagram, Twitter, everywhere at.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
W H Underscore Orlando.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
That's my big We should got my back all the time,
Orlando Roy. Yeah, wah on Score Orlando Roy.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
And Kenya Kay Stevens, the founder of the Progressive Love
Academy divorce Proof Club, is launching another set soon, another
topic program, so.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Check her out divorce Proof Crowing Baby insert book right here.
Speaker 3 (50:23):
Love you guys, Thank you for tuning in, Thank you
for the support. Please like and subscribe to this podcast
dm us if you have topic suggestions, advice questions, uh,
ask a sex ALOGI just hump day questions, just messages
and let us know you're listening.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah, man, it really, it really gives us energy and
really keeps us going because it's not easy to work
as much as I am because you know, I've got
a job now and then still feel motivated to come
in here and talk to you people. But we do
love y'all, honestly love like this, before, during, and after
of falling in love, love you, love you, la la
(51:01):
allah like this,
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Should these likes to be brighter? I think we're fine.
Na go to my angle, girls good, go to your
mom's angle. Yeah we good. Go to the wide he
always look pretty. Oh look we're kind of matching. We
can hear it, I mean, Luna, we can hear you.
Thank you, funny.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Can you hear me? Check one?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Two? Sound?
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Give us the sounds out? Good? All right, thank you?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Welcome back? Everyone was goodie? What you don't like my intros?
What's good? Y'all? Welcome back to another beautiful episode of
Love Like This. This is your honorable husband. I like that.
I'm your honorable husband, Honorable Joe Jackson, honorable husband Orlando Roy,
(00:59):
the host of Love Like This, and I'm sitting here
with my beautiful fiance.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Sir Mila Mapp.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Give me some player, Sir Mela Map.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
I couldn't think of the female version.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I went with, Sir Madam, honorable Sir.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Madam, Honorable Madam Map.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
No, just madam Madam.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
That makes me sound like like.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I know what you're going to say, and I want
to before before before you say that, I want to
let you know that this episode is engineered by a
ten year old daughter Luna. So Luna is on the
ones and two. She's audio engineering, she's video engineering this episode.
She's doing everything but editing, and so this will be
a very family friendly episode.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Nothing about madam is unfamily friendly.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
You just called yourself a female pimp.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
She doesn't know what any of those words mean, Orlando,
and now she's going to look him up because you
don't know how to not blow up the spot.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Lona, give me a thumbs up. If you know what
a pimp is, she said against her. Okay, good, that's perfect.
That's what it is.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
They are.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Your mom is a female gangster.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Oh my god, speaking of being a female gangster. I
took Luna to the Tate McCray concert on Saturday, and
you know, I haven't been to like a teener teeny
bopper function, you know, thousands of people in a long time.
But she enjoyed it. The kids enjoyed. It was really fun.
(02:27):
It was at the Forum, so it wasn't the one
next door. Wasn't freaking psycho to get it in and out.
We got like got there right and like right at
the beginning before the girl came on. But while we
were at our seats, you know, my friend and her
daughter were there, so we had four seats right on
the end where the stairwheel was, and so like the
girls were like kind of in the stairwell to look over,
(02:48):
and like my friend's daughter was on her lap. So
there was our fourth seat was empty. So two little
teeny bopper bitches whoa aggressive?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
How old did they look?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I don't know, like give us a range they were.
Let me not say the wrong thing, between sixteen and
twenty one.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Okay, cool, cool, cool cool.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
You know it's hard to tell because yeah, so maybe shit.
So they first of the row is the row is full.
We had already moved four bitches out of the seats
before we sat down, and you know, they kindly asked
them all to move, which is expected. You know, when
people get there, you move. So these two teeny boppers
(03:34):
squeeze by us and put both of their asses in
front of my seat, and I said, yo, I said,
this is my seat. I said, this is my seat.
I know, but nobody, nobody's going to say anything. I said,
I'm saying something. This is my seat. And they were like, okay,
(03:54):
but when when you're ready to sit down, we'll move.
And then I had. I had a moment. I had
like a moment like I will say like ninety eight
percent of me wanted to Karen and be like, get
the fuck up out of my seat. I just asked
you nicely, like please, don't make me ask you again.
And then my third I really wanted to Karen just
go get security like a real Karen would. But I
(04:16):
had a moment of just five seconds of clarity, and
I said, you were once a teeny bopper bitch, and
you've always you've sat in other people's seats, and but
in my mind, I was like, if an adult asked
me to move, I just fucking move. I know I'm
lying and scheming, but these bitches are trying to push back,
and I said, you know what, let me not be
the old bitch at the concert. Let me just let
(04:36):
it ride. But then I looked over at Luna and
she was looking at me like, I know you're not
gonna let these bitches. I was like yeah, she was
looking at me like I'm a punk bitch. I'm like,
you don't try embarrass me in front of my kids.
But I was really being calm because I'm like I'm
at a teen teeny bopper event. Let me chill out.
(04:57):
I want to be the old bitch at the party,
because you know what, were we at a concert? Were
you with us? We had a concert and there's a
bitch acting like such a fucking bitch. We were at
a concert. I think we're a serves concert, I think.
And there was a girl and she was miserable. I
could just tell she was miserable because we were dancing.
And in my mind I was like, how are you
(05:17):
gonna be miserable at the at the concert?
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Were you supposed to be?
Speaker 3 (05:21):
It's a party, like so I you know what, I
just I let it ride and I was like and
they squeezed their I was like, don't don't tap me,
don't step in front of me, squeeze your little fucking
pretty large seventeen year lasses to the right. And then
after like two songs like thanks, thank you, and they
(05:42):
scooted back out and they.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Wanted two hits. They just want to enjoy the two hits.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So yeah, I had I could have almost karened, but
I refrained. But you know, I think I told you
that I was gonna come into my full Karen this year,
and maybe I won't do it. On minors, but they
might have been thirty. I don't know. But it was
really when Luna looked over at me, like you punk
ass bitch. I couldn't believe that she was judging me
(06:08):
for letting them. I don't know if she was like,
I can't with you letting it. She was more like
I can't letting him sit there, not like don't let me,
not like I'm scared of my mom. I don't want
her to act crazy because I think she knows it
could go either way. But she was definitely like, just
so you just gonna let this happen. Yeah, literally like
judging me? Were you judging me, Luna?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Judge?
Speaker 3 (06:27):
She said, Yeah, she shook her head. I already knew,
but that's my confession.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I was about to start talking back to you. She
was like, you ain't talking back to them. You you
ain't talking to me like that. You ain't talking back
to them.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
So that's that was my my weekend revelation.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Relations. Okay, well, how was the Tap mccraig concert. It
was what it was.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
For kids, and yeah, it was pretty basic. The outfits
were pretty basic.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Sorry, y Leopard, I'm trying I send me that, send
me the picture on the insert into the picture here
of how how y'all addressed up.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
For the You know, I'm a full believer in, uh
you dress for the occasion.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
So like if you know our family, if we go
to any new movie that's like there's a dress code
and a concert, we're gonna wear the outphit theme a theme.
If there's a theme, we're going in because I like
to dress up. Me and Orlando saw Pretty Woman, I
think last year at Hollywood Cemetery, and I don't think
(07:25):
you dressed up. I think only I dressed up dress up.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I was in a suit and I put on a
white man's wig.
Speaker 3 (07:30):
I don't think you wore that to the movie. But
I wore my full.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah you're a pretty woman, pretty woman. Yeah, I love
because you are a pretty woman.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I'm pretty sure even wore the wig. And this is
just how this is. This is my way of course.
And actually this month we're going to see The Craft
and I fully intend on wearing my nineties high school gear.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
You're going to White Girl.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
So this is the confessions of me. And I'm sure
you've caught on four years in that I dress up
for in theme for evervacasion, including the Tate McCrae concert,
even though I really don't know any of her music,
but Luna pinterested. So I was dressed like every other
teeny bopper at in leopard leopard jersey. Yeah. I think
that's really black and white jersey leopard. Yeah, that was
(08:16):
what I got from the crowd. I did have to
have two double shot.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Drinks because that music is and that crowd is insufferable.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
But everybody was super excited. They were singing along, she
was getting her dance on, so you know, we got in,
we got out, we started walking out the last song,
got right out the parking lot, right into the right
back on the four h five, and it was a success.
She was really happy. She they got their four hundred
dollars T shirts, even got a twenty dollars run from
(08:50):
the man leaving the concert, which I will always support
this the guy concept.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Because he's was He's.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Closer to that then, and it was It was nice.
It was nice to go do that with her. We
also did a movie night this weekend at her school
and it's her last year in fifth grade.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Man shout out to Little lou making it up in
the world.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
When you're high. This is and this is what she did,
the full, the full thing of elementary school. Almost we're
halfway through the semester. You know, I went to that
school K through fifth grade. So I'm like, I'm trying
to get into my parent bag and pure volunteer and
you know, so we did that. We saved for the
whole movie and she enjoyed it.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So that's good. That's good.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Listen, man, And now she's engineering the episode like the
girls growing up fast man.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
She got a job.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
She got a job. Baby, I got a job too.
She's inspired by her dad.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
I'm gonna have to get that face. Make that face again. Wait,
wait one.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
More, Yeah, that's the face. Go to YouTube.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Man, We're gonna do these inserts O man, YouTube backslash
love like this.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Yeah, but you know I am. I feel like I'm
really in a good place with our family. And we are.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
And that's why I wanted to bring in the whole
fan today for this because you know, all the things
are upgrading, like the work, the finances coming together. We
just have some good news that the municiar Dad, I
don't know how to fuck you, said dad of Costa Rica.
You know they're building their road. So another property, house,
property in a different country is coming together. The finances
(10:36):
are coming together. I'm giving an overtime. I could literally
work seven days a week, you know what.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I talked to my dad today and I told him
that you really like your new job. You're working over time.
He's like, yeah, tell him, tell him to get all
that money because it's hard out here. People people can't
keep jobs. It's real hard out here. And I was like,
I'm gonna tell.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Him, yeah, man, yeah, yeah. And that's that's one reason why.
One I am grateful that I have the job. But
two I'm also grateful and I want to go hard
with like getting as much money as I can with
as far as like with overtime and stuff like that,
and because I I want to do things for you,
like you held it down for like three years, the
burden of the financial responsibilities, And I was like, I
(11:15):
could work seven days a week. You held it down
for three years. I can go to work on Saturday,
like it's fine, it's fine. And then and I don't
mean in a sense of like you know not, I
do feel the burden of not spending time with you,
but as far as energetically and pushing myself to work
an extra day or two or extra few hours, just
(11:38):
so I can give you what you want. If you
want a new car, if you want to put some
money away for for you know, when retirement age comes,
if you want to get some property in another land,
like I can go an extra few hours at work
to give you what you want shopping spreeze and bags.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
I don't want shopping shoes you sent me. I do
want shoes.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Luna wants close Luna schoo shopping. I can go to
extra day at work, Luna. If you call me Dad,
I'll take you.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Never mind.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
By the way, this is an ongoing jokes joking our household.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
That Luna does not call me Dad. It's so fun.
It's so fun.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
But yeah, and even my baby, My baby has a
wedding coming up that she needs to have to plan
and it needs to be beautiful. She has She's going
wedding dress shopping on her friends who are all excited
to go with her. Like, you have big plans and
I need to finance them.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
Oh my god, let me tell you about these big plans.
I mean, I was just looking online and looking at
dresses and there's like there's a fitting room in La
so I signed up and then literally as I'm signing
up there calling me. You know, the salespeople are crazy, like, well,
what's your price range? I'm like under ten thousand dollars.
They're like okay, Like, first of all, I'm lye. I
(12:55):
ain't paying no ten thousand dollars for no motherfucking dress
I'm wearing one time. That's insane. I will make it myself.
I don't know how to sound.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Hey, you know what my cousin did when she got
married and her dress was beautiful. She got her ship
from China. I don't know how to tires is held
up right now.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
But you know I'm going to that side of the world.
Don't let me. Don't let me go. Don't let me
go to Bali and find a dressmaker, because baby I
might come around and my ship. Yeah no, it really
really actually go a lite Bali dressmakers.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I'm telling you. I'm telling you that. But getting your
ship internationally made.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
What do you mean do she flew out there? How
did she get it?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
No, she looked it up. She she I think she
went and got her measurements.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Somewhere and then she.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Sent it in and then boom, and then after she
got it if she had to like do any I.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Mean, honestly, I'm like China size. You are the size
I am, like I am, I am, and I want
to petite dress.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
So petite sare. So let's let's we're going to get
it into the episode. That of of what we're going
to talk about before we even get there, I want
to know I never really asked you, and I'm excited
that you're talking about this now. What is your idea
of like what you would want a wedding dress to look.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Like, like like me, like low back, low front, lacey,
like maybe beaded, but I kind of mostly see through,
maybe high slit, long train, long trains Mermaid and I
went like an extravagant veil, you know, maybe something that
(14:27):
goes up, maybe it's something goes very long. I'm just
I wanted to be classy. But also it would be
crazy if I came like a turtleneck wedding. It would
be like, who is this bitch?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
You were naked your whole life to put on clothes
your wedding.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I mean I consider just putting just bedazzling the body,
but that would defeat the purpose.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Your wedding dress is only lower half, and then just
what's the thing that you put over your nipples.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
I've been just you know, exploring what that could look like.
But I you know, as much as like getting married
is a uh a fairy tale of the female fairy tale.
I wanted it, but I didn't. I haven't. I didn't
think that deeply into it. So now I'm like face
with a lot of like artistry, and like I'm just yeah,
(15:13):
because I wanted, I'm creative because I haven't put a
lot of emphasis on that. And also it feels a
little bit overwhelming. I'm just like I've been stuck at
colors for a long time. But it is fun and
it's gonna be fun. It's going to be super fun,
super fun. And I know, like all of our friends
are looking forward because I'm.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I hate everybody's giddy.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I don't tell everybody, but where the un couple, the funniest, where.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
The funnest, where the party?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Just call us Mila Orlando party boy.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Okay, we're going to work on that whatever, you know
what I mean. But I was thinking, even if for
your your your what's the veil the veil if it
matches your ring and some tipe where it's like crown,
like a crown, you have a crown type of veil.
I was even thinking, I don't know if this would
look or if this is the New York at me
if it was like kind of like a hood type
of veil and okay, never mind.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
No, I see where you're going like a little red
riding head.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yeah yeah, but like like not as stiff, but like
you know, flo, I.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Want to veil. I really, I really like like the
Virgin Mary veils like see through, like that's really my thing.
But I don't know, like are we talking, are we
getting eloped? Are we telling people? Is it going to
be a secret? Is it just too well? I would
I have to have a dress for the elopement. But
you know what, I realized if you're talking about we're
considering going in the courthouse or going to Vegas, and
(16:33):
I think the day that we wanted it falls on
a Sunday, so you might have to go to Vegas.
Okay whatever, that's another conversation. But yeah, I just I am.
I think there's a there's not enough people who talk
about see like when like I don't know, being able
(16:54):
to feel happy when things are secure. Sometimes we've we
live a lot in in panic, we live a lot
in fear and scarcity, where a lot of us are
just in fight or flight all the time. So when
you're finally at a place when you're like, oh, are.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Really okay my rent is paid, I can pay my bills.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
Yeah, it's such a it's it's it's so telling that
it's taken me a long time too. I mean there's
always like I feel like a lot of times were
when things are always happening, We're looking for the shooter
drop and I'm just finally coming to the space like
everything is okay. I can feel happy. I could feel settled.
This is probably inappropriate to say, but I feel like
(17:44):
a white woman.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
I feel so cold.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I feel like.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Outside of the fucked upness of the world. I'm like, wow,
is this what it feels like? You know, you're billing
get paid, that thing's nothing's late, nothing, not one bill
is gonna you know. So I'm like, oh, I'm in partnership.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Something, but I have a autop.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Literally literally that's how I'm feeling. And just to be
love and just to be planning something and to just
to be in partnership and yeah, like it just feels good.
I was in a one time. I was at like
an event and the girl next to me, she was
recently engaged, and I don't know, I was just making
conversation and I was like, do you feel like he's
(18:30):
your soulmate? And she was like I think so, and
I was like maybe I should ask that. I was like, damn,
I should ask that, but like there's definitely like no
question in my mind if you're my soulmate or not,
or if like I'm making the right choice, Like I
(18:51):
just don't have any I don't have any. I just
know it to be real. Actually I looked at another
I was scrolling through my phone today and there was
a groom giving their like speech at their wedding. But
he was like, look, I look good. You look on
you all right, and like you could just see her
(19:11):
whole face was just like annoyed, and I was like,
imagine it. Yeah, Like I was just like, first of all,
I don't know if it was a joke, I don't
really know. But then he was like you I've known
you for sody as my brother, and I'm so thankful.
I'm like you're gonna be more love to these niggas
in the audience. And she looked beautiful, and I could
just see in her face she was fucking irritated. And
I just can't imagine being on my wedding day and
(19:34):
being like, you're so fucking annoying. Do I even like you?
And you just like, yeah, you just try to like
I don't know the word, like subme ror.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Yeah, you're way too nervous for this experience. You're not
really graspy, not even mature enough for this experience. But yeah,
that's not gonna happen. I actually want to cry.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
You better cry.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I want to cry. I'll be so mad at myself
if I don't cry.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
You might be in shock. There's a lot of adrenaline
that happens at things like this. But I'm just I'm
just don't do that.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
I really do want to cry, though I would like to.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I want to ugly cry, or I want to I
want to.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
This is mon that's what I want. I want one
of those that's mod right there.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
Just don't just don't get that. Just don't get that
Jamaican corn robun.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
That's a staple that's iconic. Okay, you're not anyway.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
What I was going I'm not iconic.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
It is iconic.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
What I was gonna say was, I've been following this
sexologist online and I think I have a good meditation
that you can do to help regulate your nervous systems.
Call me laments, right, so follow me right. What you're
gonna do is a deep breath in and out. When
you breathe out, you're gonna do a pleasurable sound, not
just a hah, but a pleasurable sound. Okay, writing on
three you want to do with me?
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Sure? Okay, like a moan.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, well if you want to call in a moan,
but whatever pleasurable to you. Okay, mat.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Let's do on more and breathe a little bit more,
breath and out and one more and breathe and and release.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I've been doing it at work because even being at work,
I'm like, am I gonna get fired today?
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Am I gonna lose this? This is so good?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
What if? What if I lose?
Speaker 1 (21:29):
I can't lose this?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
And I was like, you gotta relax, You're gonna lose.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
It's really it's really working right now and being in
the space that I'm in and just knowing like the
weight of the world and just is good in the
sense of I'm so grateful.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I mean, stability is fucking underrated.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Underrated.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
You cannot We're so used to you are not if
your basic needs are not being met Bill's food shelter,
Like it is this like basic necessities. It's true, Like
that shit is no joke. And I think people underestimate
like just the struggle. And I think also I I've
(22:13):
been there not very long ago, and so I am
like all too familiar with just like the extreme independence
that I've had to. Like like after I turned eighteen,
I was solo.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Baby.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
God the Good Lord didn't even give me a sugar daddy,
which I just didn't get. I was like, I thought
I had a cute face. What the fuck is going on? Literally,
I was just like, wow, God, I was really not
going to look out. Huh. But when you know you
take care of yourself and everything is dependent upon you
for your whole adulthood, it is.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
I understand.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Like after I turned eighteen, I had to go start
working a full time job, like seven days a week,
eight hours a day, no summer's off, Like that ship
was a culture shock. I really sat there. I was like,
oh shit, I don't get two months off anymore. Luna
changed the change the camera and goo, I don't get
two months. You know. I got to help the kids
sometimes pay attention. You can't be on your phone at work.
(23:15):
That's one thing I learned too, No phone at.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Work, you'd be on the phone.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
We're trying to teach.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Her, right, But no, I had to jump into my
career at eighteen years old, and it was really a
big shock for me, and I never I never really
felt like I got a break. So I've been in
an adult for a really long time and I understand
like how it would feel to have something good. And
it's not it's not having something good, it's like how
long is this good gonna last? What's gonna take it
(23:41):
away from me? What's gonna happen when I'm gonna lose
it all? And you know that that fear mindset I've
had to like really release. That's why I followed that
that sexologists. You can follow her too on Instagram Meala
on the score map two piece. She's really good that
those Meala moans really help and it just helps reg
bring you down regularly and realize that you need to
be present in the good right now, and scarcity mindset
(24:03):
is also feeling like you're in good right now, but
it can be taken away from you. I've had to
release that from myself.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yeah, like just not even being able to be in
like being in a good space and your body is
not physically acclimating to peace into happiness because it's so
used to running and you know, seducing and scheming or
whatever the fuck. But I am yeah, this has been.
That's been like what I've come to terms with and
just like I really want to be happy. Yeah yeah,
(24:33):
I mean I am happy, but.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Like, no, yeah, no, I trust me.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I understand what body soul, Yeah, encompassing everybody.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Like, because sometimes I tell you, like my body will
be tense and I'd be like, what the fuck are you?
And I'd be like I to literally tell myself like
breathe release nothing. Oh yeah nothing literally, I mean yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
But one of the other things that's helped me.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I regulate, because honestly, the whole regulation of the nervous
system isn't like an overnight thing.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
It's not something you just go okay.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Scarcina mindset now I'm gonna go cold turkey on Scarcinen mindset,
Like you have to have tools and like a journey
through feeling like hey, I'm I'm out of that space
and I'm entering a new space. It's not just like
I just step into it order. You just step through
a door and now you're just fine.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
You think that you're like, soon's I get that job,
so's I get that check, every reason be fine. But
it literally like if you've been in like your fight
or flight for eighteen twenty thirty years, it's going to
take time to come back and like it's a work right,
because sometimes you people who are perfectly fine. I mean,
you see a lot of Karens on the internet these days,
and you just see what's going on in the world,
(25:47):
and you see so many people who are just angry, hateful, angry,
Like that is a projection of you being a miserable
bitch inside. So like, in order to like really live
a happy, pleasureable life or gasmic life, you got to
really be in tune and in flow with everything is
working out for my benefit. And even when things like
(26:09):
your left or right, I'm straight.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yep, exactly.
Speaker 2 (26:14):
But one are the things I can say that help
navigate into this is the us securing like the love
that we have in our relationship through our premarital coaching.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Not even securing it, I would say, just like strategizing
like ways to structure within like conflicts within planning. Yeah,
that was I mean, I'm really grateful for Kenya Case Demons,
the Progressive Love.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Academy, Marriage Jesus.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
I honestly like the Progressive Love Academy, up level communication,
the divorce proof club that we are, And it was
really special. It was really special to be with. Like,
first of all, I don't hear a lot of people
doing pre marital counseling with other couples, which was like
pretty eye opening for us because all of the other
couples had been married or been together for some time
(27:13):
some years, And I thought that was pretty that was
pretty cool, like just to be able to see people
who had been had more water under the bridge, had
you know, had kids, and also just to observe when
you don't prioritize your relationship or you don't prioritize communication,
Like it was special to be able to witness, witness
and also participate before it gets to an emergency space.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
I have a question for you, and I'm gonna as
I'm gonna ask a question, I'm gonna answer it first
so you can have some time to think of your answer.
But what was What was one of the things that
you found beneficial about doing a pre mariital counseling with
other couples And one of the things for me, well,
one of the two things for me was one seeing
(27:58):
how the men felt in their relationship and how they reacted.
And I think I believe the other thing for me
was just seeing I wouldn't say the conflicts, but just
seeing how the things that are troublesome in a relationship
are in comparison to like everybody, like how we are
(28:21):
all con seemingly have the same issues in relationship whether
and I feel like it's either fear or communication that
really starts that that really is the core or the
foundation of that causes trouble or causes conflict within a
relationship to get to the point where of like divorce.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
But fear, you said, fear or lack of communication.
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Yeah, a lot of lack of communication. I think resentment,
which is all like I feel like resentment is lack
of communication because what's not communicated becomes resent, which comes rage,
which becomes illness honestly, which becomes not being able to
regulate your your nervous system, which becomes all always having
an attitude and feeling it in your body and your bones.
So as you're like, I still hate you for that
(29:04):
shit you did last year or last month, and I
haven't said it and I haven't released it, and so
now I'm holding onto it and it's living in my
body and it's festered, it's blocking me. And yeah, like
that's a lot about what tantra is about, like these
energetic blocks, and a lot of times people don't associate
your emotional health and your communication your ability to communicate
(29:25):
with your physical health, but it's definitely one hundred and
twenty percent related. And so like I guess witnessing I
think witnessing people who had been together for a long time,
who maybe on the brink of divorce, but still chose
to show up for that relationship, still choosing to you
know what I mean, Like I thought that that's special,
(29:47):
that's important, like still choosing to say this is hard
and I love you, So let's figure this shit out.
And like, thank God for Kenya because she's really good
at bringing it down to a zero and like giving
you the tools to I think a lot of times
we're in such a rage and such anger we decide
like fuck this person, fuck that, and I think you
(30:10):
think that there's no way out of it, but there
can be when you have a communication structure of creed, you.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Know so, And that's one of the things that that
made me help. That that made me help, That helped
me really buy into the things that she was the
tools that she was giving and teaching us because we
were seeing real time with other couples them going yo,
I was going through this, and then we started doing this,
(30:38):
and we started using this tool and that tool, and
we really like went through it. And hearing their testimonies
live and in real time really made me go, oh, Okay,
now I understand and see like how this.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Can be helpful, how that can be helpful.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
So basically like not to like give it all the way,
but we we I can't give it allway because it's.
Speaker 1 (31:00):
Yeah, but just give a look a little snippet.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
She was teaching us about this thing that's called the animal,
the ego and the higher self, and basically your animal
is just like your raw rage emotion of like how
you feel in the moment, like if you're angry, if
like you're super sad, and it's like this is how
I truly feel. And then like your ego is just
like the story, the story that you make up, the
(31:24):
story that you make up about this person, like Mila
really pissed me off, and then for the rest of it,
I care about me. She doesn't care about me, And
for the rest of my fucking marriage, I'm not gonna
be cared about just like my mom didn't care about me.
And it's always going to be like this and that.
And then your higher self is really accepting that the
animal of how you feel is real and your ego
(31:45):
is real. But you're choosing to accept that they both exist,
and you're choosing to be on a higher plane and
saying that I'm going to be better than these these emotions.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
But I am going to give them a space to
act out. I am going to give them. I am
going to let them come out of the cage. I
am going to hold it. I am going to let it,
you know, because we all need to get out that
visceral reaction because sometimes you may not mean that ship
that you say, but it's still a part of you.
And so it gives you a place to like kind
of integrate all of those pieces of you and acknowledge them,
(32:16):
which a lot of people are like be the Buddha
become all the time, and that ship always ends in effect.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
Non violent communication and no violent communication? Is this book
I read?
Speaker 3 (32:24):
It's another it's another form of communicating, like the style
of communication structure.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yeah, but the level is much better, but non violent communication.
I was reading this book and I was realizing that
it was suppressing a certain part of you. It was
suppressing like the part of you that's real, which is anger,
which is being very emotional, which is really feeling deeply
about something. And it was, you know, basically telling you
to like just be better in some type of way.
(32:50):
I don't want this.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
It's it is a good book.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
I just I'm just saying that there was a part
of part of it that I didn't, Uh, what's the
work I couldn't connect with, relate to I couldn't relate to. Yes. So,
but the difference with Kenya is she was saying, all
your emotions are valid and are valid and are real,
but I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
And and they're real to you.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
Yeah, it doesn't mean they're true, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
Real true, Because she was also saying there's like there
is no truth, like your truth is your truth, My
truth is my truth, and like that's just our perspective.
So they're real in our mind, but it doesn't mean
that that's the only truth that exists.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
Right, And then we're not saying, like, you know, there
isn't some facts like what's happening.
Speaker 3 (33:37):
We're just saying that there are no facts.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Well, but yeah, that's okay, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (33:43):
But it was it was to say, like this story
that I'm making up in my mind isn't what's isn't
actually what's happening. In the moment, Mila could have just
went through her day and then through her experience in life,
could have just said one thing and then that one
thing that was to me triggered something in my mind
with something from my past and then made me feel like,
(34:05):
going going forward in the future, then this how it's
going to be. That's not true, but it's a real
feeling within you. And and up level communication gives you
the space to actually vent and say to your partner,
express your partner how you're actually.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Feeling and to do.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
To do that, like you set a little container for
you and your partner so that they can express themselves.
And also you can be heard regardless of if you
feel like what you're saying, what you're feeling and saying
is true. If I feel like Mila is going to
be a fuck up person to me for the rest
of her life, regardless true or not, I get to
express that to her, and then in return, what she
(34:44):
gets to do for me is use one of the
seven more downities to help bring me down. If I'm
raging and I'm at a level ten, she can help
bring me down, which is and we call it soothing,
soothing me down to a one and all the way
down to a zero using these seven diff tools that
she's taught us. So I thought it was a beautiful,
(35:04):
truly beautiful way for me to express myself. And and to
go back to what I was saying earlier about the
men having like similar things happening when we were doing
the pre medal. When we're doing the up Level twelve
week course, is that we get to see how men
(35:24):
really have this suppressive nature about different parts of our emotions.
So we don't really even get to express it. And
now that we have this these tools and we can
set the container, we really get a space where we
get to let it out. We get to rage, and
we get to and release in a very healthy way.
(35:44):
And on top of that, we're not being we're not
releasing and then feeling like it's a detrimental to our relationship,
like it's hertful, like it's harmful. We just get to
release and know that, oh, this is not gonna be
a tit for tat thing. I just get to express
to you and tell you how I really feel and
we can hone in on where it's coming from. And
on top of that, I'm not gonna release and then
be left alone. And that's a scary thing. Feel like, Yo,
(36:08):
after I let her know these things, she's gonna be
so mad that she's gonna leave me. So I have
to keep it to myself. And that which is goes
back to the fear part of the of the of
how your relationship starts going down this road of like
closer to divorce. Because I feel like I had to
keep it within myself because if I don't, we're gonna
You're gonna be so mad that you're gonna want to
(36:29):
leave me. It is such a scary feeling to have
as a man. So it makes us not even want
to express ourselves or tell ourselves or feel like it's
gonna be even reciprocated to our not reciprocated, it's gonna
be yea yeah, accepted by our partner. And and so
just hearing the men express themselves in different ways and
feel and hearing that it's all rooted back into like
(36:50):
that one thing. Girl. It was so helpful to have
up lovel communication to be able to express myself in
that type of way and be heard and then also
be held and pat on the back and saying it's
going to be okay, Orlando and bringing me down to
like a level zero. That shit was very helpful for
me specifically, mostly because growing up I never really got
(37:11):
that from my mom. It was just like my mom
a lot of times really put me in the shut
the fuck up space, like you don't get to express yourself,
you don't get to see how you feel, you don't
get to tell your side of the story.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
She'd have a capacity for that. She that's a lot
of households. I feel like to be seen not her
type childlike childhood and.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
It really but it really like stuck with me a lot.
So that's why that's that's one of the biggest reasons
why the whole twelve week course and like the setting
the container and give me a chance to speak and
express myself really was helpful to me.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Yeah, you know what they say, Uh, our emotions last,
Like the feelings of our emotions really last like three seconds.
It's a story you tell yourself after that that you
choose to hold onto. So it's like the feeling, the
initial visceral feeling is there, but you are actively choosing
to either sit in it or tell yourself a story
(38:09):
that you know allows you to choose that as like
as the the reality. And someone said something to me,
this is the like recently, and they're like, yeah, like,
if someone pisses you off or irritates you, it's because
you're choosing that you're allowing them to do that. And
I had to sit with that for a minute because
it's like, no, what we want to do is be
(38:31):
like you did this to me, and that makes it
so that you don't have to take responsibility for your
own feelings. And a lot of times it's like, well,
if someone said this about you or said this to you, like,
is it true or is that why you're feeling away?
You know, there's always reasons, but it's it's interesting because
I've been actively trying to work on how I choose
(38:51):
to like feel, you know, if someone can piss me off, yes,
but for how long am I going to adopt that
as a truth? You know and let it you know,
or ruin my day or where the fuck I'm at? Honestly? So, yeah,
that was it was I'm grateful, Like I I didn't
know what our plan of action would be, like you know,
obviously we're very blessed that everything that we need shows
(39:13):
up and like perfect timing, including each other, And so
because I met you through the internet two thousand miles
away on separate coast, you know, like literally by divine intervention.
I know when I when I look at how compatible
we are and how much fun we have, and how
(39:36):
good and juicy and rich our relationship has been, and
how healing it has been, and how like, you know,
just good our lives are, and how like we are
on the same page about so many things and spiritually
long term you know, like attractiveness, fun jokes, How good
you aren't soothing me? I realize, I'm like, there's not
(39:56):
a lot I can worry about. Because if God, if
if source brought you to me and allowed me to
discover this love, this far apart, when honestly I didn't
see it coming, how can I not trust the rest
of the process. And even prior to that, Like, I'm
when before meeting you, I was just like, when and
(40:20):
if I find a partner is going to be so easy?
I knew that. I was like, I was like, something
tells me this shit is not as hard as we
make it. People want to make excuses about motherfuckers and
it's this, and it's that, and relationships are hard, and
it is. And I think the biggest part about relationships,
the difficulty of relationships, is having to deal with the
(40:40):
things that come up within you. And that's another thing
this program was really big on. It's like, there's no villains,
there's no victims, nothing, No one's doing anything to me.
No one is doing anything to me, And I'm not
a victim and I'm not a villain. You can't blame
me for how you're feeling, and I can't blame me,
I can soothe you. I can of course correct, I
could take it back or say give you clarity, but ultimately,
(41:04):
no one's doing anything to me. And I feel like,
just like that alone and understanding that that has been
the biggest challenge of the relationship and also saying like
where do where do those feelings come from? But I
just it's been such a sweet journey. And you know,
when you choose to be in a relationship, you choose
(41:26):
to be in love, it should be sweet because I'm
choosing to fucking be here.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
And and to interject, I can agree with you on
the fact of like the relationship scarcity mindset of like,
this relationship is so good, what's gonna happen that's gonna
end it? What is she gonna do that's gonna be
so bad that I can that we cannot come back from?
How how bad is she gonna hurt me? I'm gonna
(41:50):
love so much and dedicate so much, and and and
and open up so much, and then there's gonna be
something that she's gonna do that's gonna be so painful
to me that I'm gonna be so hurt. And that
scarcity mindset within your relationship it isn't.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
It isn't only yeah, it doesn't only apply to like finances,
because even when you first moved here, I was like, wow,
this is really like you know, we'd visit each other
and it's always nice when you visit in my mind
because it's not permanent. It's not permanent. And then you
move and I was like, oh, fuck, Like this is
good right now, but like, what is going to be
that thing? What's gonna be that moment where it's just
not good anymore? It's gonna when am I to get annoyed?
(42:27):
And I'm like I was looking like I was, I was,
I wasn't. I was afraid to be present in the
pleasure fully sometimes because I'm like, when is this shit
gonna die down and go backwards? And it hasn't.
Speaker 1 (42:39):
It hasn't.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
And you know this what we're talking about right now.
It reminds me of that that we're watching Cam new
And on the Internet and we don't do it often
because it is Cam Newton on the Internet, so we
try to limit our Cam new And the intake. We're
watching Cam dow on the Intent when he was talking
to the little therapist lady and he was like, you
know something about him not wanting to be married because like,
(43:01):
the marriage isn't going to go well, and we were talking,
I was like, you see, that kind of mind state
is what makes the marriage go bad because you're already
pre premeditated that the ship isn't going to work, so
you start moving and doing shit.
Speaker 3 (43:15):
That's because you had he had no he had no
real intention of ever showing.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Up in a w Well you didn't.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
But I'm just saying that within this conversation that we're
having right now, when you start thinking, yo, what is
this person going to do to hurt me? You start
nitpicking and looking for a shit to be hurt by,
and then then you go, okay, you know what, if
you're going to do this at this level, that means
you're going to do it at level ten later on.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
Make a story, so you know what, let's end it
right now.
Speaker 3 (43:40):
We pushing people away and we make up stories because
sometimes in our mind and our bodies, that is the
most that is at least, that's the route of least pain,
because we're assuming that things are going to fuck up
or and the thing is people are going to fuck up. Yeah,
And there's an exception to that too, like I'm I
I had to like, I'm marrying a human, not fucking
not the idea of my fairy tale person. Like you're
(44:02):
a human at the end of the day, and the
reality of that that hurts. I hate humans. No, I know,
I'm lying. I love humans, but we're flawed and we
and we're not perfect, and like it's just it's not
creating avatar. It's a human. So there's that.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
But relationships aren't hard.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
They are challenging, but they're a lot of people start
at a deficit. You start with someone, you saw the
red flags, you saw the parts that you weren't really
attracted to. There were things, there's always things in the
beginning of a relationship that you have clues that are
not for you, and a lot of us continue but
(44:42):
they're like, oh they're nice or even just even if
there's no problems and it's just like mid and you're like,
they're nice, they're good enough, they're cute enough. I'm not
saying like, not every relationship starts out in movie cinema romance. However,
there is a love level of there's a level of attraction,
(45:05):
there's a level of sexual chemistry, there's a level of
I don't know that you have to be able to come
back to And I think people play themselves by making
excuses in the beginning and settling in the beginning, and
then they're bored and then their eyes are wandering or whatever.
Those things that were this small now get this big
because they were always things, but you ignored them because
they were nice and you were desperate to find love. Actually,
(45:27):
I wrote down a note this was very important in
my notes. I wrote it down this week.
Speaker 2 (45:32):
No desperation and settling really can can put you in
a damaging place. Oh my lord, you really spin just
now too. I got to get to you, little young socrates,
little sexologists.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
Desperation breeds bottom feeders. Desperation breeds bottom feeders. When you're desperate,
you're essentially being a bottom feeder. And you don't want that.
You gotta let you gotta let the trash pass when
it's not for you, or not even trash. I'm not
going to give people that if it's not your players
(46:10):
pick up yet. So I think like sometimes people under like, yeah, underestimate,
like letting your lever come to you, you know, And
there's such thing as like being isolated or being too
like too picky. But Linda wasn't my type necessarily. He
had that crop top in that bun.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
And where one crop top where one man, and I.
Speaker 3 (46:27):
Was just like, I'm not chucking for but my heart
was open and I was I recognized that I felt
good with this person, you know what I'm saying, And
I'm like, I'm not going to deny that, especially when
I've been in relationships that did not measure. Yeah. So
the real work is usually when the relationship is so
good and so healthy that you finally get to a
(46:49):
park place where you're not tripping about are they lying?
Are they telling them choos? Are they When you get
to a basic I trust you and you're a good
person and I know you care about me, then that's
when the that's when the real work begins, because then
that is when it's like, oh we can heal together.
Oh there's things in me that I'm this is popping
up for me because I know this person, Oh.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
This, this, this feel good is not going to leave me.
I'm not going to lose this. It's not going to die.
I don't have to worry and whenever it, whenever, whatever
happens to this this moment in this feeling right now.
However it runs its course, I'm going to enjoy in
the moment. And you know one thing about us that
I really love. Whatever moment we were in that felt good,
(47:30):
and I ran this course and it stopped.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
We enjoyed it. But guess what came up next?
Speaker 2 (47:34):
A new beginning to something that felt good, and it
just kept growing and new and newness and ending, and
we just start a new one, a new feel good experience.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
The whole thing feels good and I'm grateful for that.
I feel like love. That was another thing. Even like
before I met you, I was like, if this shit
is not the best ever, why am I doing it?
If I don't feel like genuinely like I wanted a
movie style type love or else, what the fuck is
the point? So I think it's possible. People put a
(48:09):
lot of taint the idea of but long term relationships
could look like as far as fun and people are like,
once you put the title, it couldstry, you stopp being intimate,
You do this, you do that, like the traction dies,
it gets boring. I'm like, fuck all that. Now. If
you're too fun people, you will have a fun relationship.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
Basics listen. The answer is in in this somewhere.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
But you know, we we we just love each other
and I love you, and you know, I'm just happy
to have an example of love right in front.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
Of me, which is you.
Speaker 3 (48:47):
Me too. I'm happy that we found each other. Everything's
in flow, it will continue to be in flow. We're free,
we're designing our relationship. We've done the marriage counseling, will
probably revisit that a lot of times. Thank god, we
have the tools planning our wedding. Orlando got a job.
Our kid is healthy. We are healthy. Thank god we
(49:09):
have health insurance in thirty five days.
Speaker 2 (49:11):
Yep, speaking of a healthy kid. Let's go feed this
kid sushi. I know she's goddamn hungry. She's tired of
staring at us.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
So we didn't confirm the sushi choice.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
But okay, okay, well I think she deserves some sushi. Right,
give a thumbs W if you deserve some sushi. That's
my girl. I love you.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
I love you too.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Please go on YouTube and follow us YouTube dot com
back sast love like this on Instagram, Houchi, Mom and dad,
follow my beautiful fiance over here, Mila unscored map and
really taking those modalities and those meditations with those Mila moans,
it really is good at regulating your nervous system and
bringing back pleasure into your life. You can follow me
(49:52):
on Instagram and everywhere, Instagram, Twitter, everywhere at.
Speaker 3 (49:57):
W H Underscore Orlando.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
That's my big We should got my back all the time,
Orlando Roy. Yeah, wah on Score Orlando Roy.
Speaker 3 (50:04):
And Kenya Kay Stevens, the founder of the Progressive Love
Academy divorce Proof Club, is launching another set soon, another
topic program, so.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
Check her out divorce Proof Crowing Baby insert book right here.
Speaker 3 (50:23):
Love you guys, Thank you for tuning in, Thank you
for the support. Please like and subscribe to this podcast
dm us if you have topic suggestions, advice questions, uh,
ask a sex ALOGI just hump day questions, just messages
and let us know you're listening.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah, man, it really, it really gives us energy and
really keeps us going because it's not easy to work
as much as I am because you know, I've got
a job now and then still feel motivated to come
in here and talk to you people. But we do
love y'all, honestly love like this, before, during, and after
of falling in love, love you, love you, la la
(51:01):
allah like this,
Popular Podcasts
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.