November 10, 2025 • 40 mins
Listen as Milah & Orlando discuss their experience with pre-marital coaching.
Social: @Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad @Progressive_love_academy
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
Social: @Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad @Progressive_love_academy
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, Hi everybody, I'm excited to be back here again.
This is Divorce Proof Club and we just had a
high energy divorce Proof Club. I'm going to let Orlando
and Mela tell you more about it. My name is
Kenny K. Stevens, and of course I'm the world's best
love coach. I stopped divorces and I support couples in
(00:27):
having forever relationships and I also turned couples into communities
if they so choose. So, Orlando and Mela, I want
to find out how your session was tonight. I know
last week y'all vented tonight. What did y'all vent about?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Give me the rundown?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Me let me before you do that. I want to
just say that Orlando and Mala have their own podcast.
I want them to tell us about that real quick
before they tell us about the club.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Yes, our podcast is called Love Like This is about
the before, during, and after falling in love. My beautiful
meal right here is a certified tantric.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Sexologist, practitioner practitionary.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
P sexologist, and she has learned a lot of tools
that has helped us in our relationship. One of the
things that I've said is that it doesn't help us.
The tools aren't supposed to stop us from arguing, but
it makes the arguments a lot shorter and it's very helpful.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
And we are basically.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Moving through this world and through relationship with just our
bare hands, no tools or things to help us out.
So we wanted to start a podcast, so we call
it our Love Cast, where it's partially our love journal
and also partially just talking about our adventures, vacations and
experiences so that people can hear us, understand that we're
(01:57):
going through, relate to it, and then also hear how
we overcome and go about things and hopes that it
can help them as well.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
It's basically documenting us designing our relationship and seeking, you know,
other couples and other communities to see what's working for them.
Neither of us have a blueprint to long term relationships.
We've both come through from tumultuous parentships that we've witnessed,
and just the exploration of figuring out how the fuck
(02:25):
you make this shit work and you know, and making
it passionate and loving and honest and real always, and
so it's just a community investigation on designing your own love.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
But in the name of the podcast one more time?
Speaker 5 (02:40):
Is love like this?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Love like this? You never knew.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Love like this? Beople love it.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
That's what I really enjoy being on yours podcast. So
now Jamila and Orlando are inside of my container, and
it is a tight container. Y'all tell them about that homework,
Tell them about what y'all have to do on a
weekly basis. Do you feel accountable in my club?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Definitely have to be accountable. It's not a club you
come to in half ass. But it's also been really like,
I've really been enjoying it. There's other couples in it.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
We're actually the first and the only couple that is
pre marital. We decided to do this, of course, pre marital.
We just got engaged, so kind of stepping in gaining
the tools versus waiting till there's a big emergency or
a blow up or we're ten or twenty years in
to be like what the fuck. So this has been
a it's an interesting perspective to be the first couple
(03:38):
that's in the beginning stages of the relationship. It's also
been like super insightful and helpful for us. And yeah,
I really have been enjoying it and learning how to
connect to each other as humans, argue with each other
as humans from like a love space and not a
space of defense or with barriers.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
That.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yes, So one of the things that they said is
that we organize the arguments. The arguments are unavoidable. The
problem is the chaos, okay, the chaos of back and
forth and slamming doors and running out and you know,
sometimes fights and sometimes you know. So what we do
with the up level communications system, and you guys are
gonna show us some of your up level skills tonight.
(04:19):
But what we do with this up level system is
we teach the couples how to have a discussion. That
would have been an argument, and it's more like what
would you call it, Orlando, It would have been an argument,
but now.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
It's, Oh, it would have been an argument, but now
it's a I don't know, essentral energy.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Resolution path.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, it's an essensual energetic resolution path. I am gonna
use that. Can I have that copyright?
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I call up level the contra of communication.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
I dis agree with that too. Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I loved it. So look today, what I wanted you
want to do is let us know, first of all,
do you have any events that you want to do,
because we can go ahead and take your VENT show everybody.
How we have that entra communication.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
We didn't have any events really per se, but we
did have something that I guess annoyed me more so,
maybe even annoyed both of us. But I realized so
one thing actually realized.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
We know we did vent. But before the.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Event, I was saying that it's hard to sometimes vent
because it's easier to portray the emotion when I'm in
like in it, but when it's just like, oh, well,
speak about it now, and if I don't feel the
exact same way, then it's hard for me to like
portray how I actually feel, and it just feels like
I'm just notnching, just like mentioning, like what's happening. But
(06:03):
I realized today that like when speaking about it, the
emotions start to stir up and come out, and it's
good because then it's it's still sitting there even though
it's not at the forefront.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah, I will, I will say starting the simulation, practicing this,
having the homework of practicing it every day.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I mean, obviously we're not finding every day, so.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
There's not generally a big issue but finding ways to
dissect the conversation, even when when the issues are very small,
I realize are powerful because what happens usually is you
bypass it because it's not big enough, it's not quite
an argument, so.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
You're annoyed about it. You didn't feel like, go out
of my nerves.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
But that's what I just keep moving, which obviously is fine,
but it will still it will still live somewhere even
though it's not been addressed. So but in the conversation,
even for things that are maybe a zero, you know,
a three is it's not a ten, but it's still
is getting me and getting us into the habit of
big or small.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Let's like it's fun to dig into it versus not.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, And I find that, you know, we have learned
so much to just take the feeling in the moment
if we're upset or angry and just try to put
it somewhere, like you're saying, just stuff it down, you know,
because we haven't had a space to share the emotion,
and especially right in the moment, like you be working,
busy with kids and that, and so you just put
it away. Our system hopefully supports you all in the moment.
(07:26):
Next time, tomorrow that you're in the moment, say wait
a minute, I feel triggered. I need to vent right now.
Do you feel like Orlando, that you could do that?
Speaker 5 (07:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:37):
I could do that, And actually with this system before
it was harder to do it because I felt I
would be too.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Explosive, or you don't want to start an argument.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
And I don't want to start an argument, or like yeah,
I don't want to start anything. If the day is
going fine, then we start an argument.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Day is ruined.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
If the day it is ruined and we're beef, and
then it's going to get even worse. So it's like's nothing. No,
I was looking at it as there's no positive outcome
to this.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yes, now, the positive outcome to this is that when
my clients event they might start at a level ten
and your partner is measuring with each suiting that you're
gonna get down and move towards a goal. I think
men like that? Do men like that?
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Orlando?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Actually, so that was the other thing that I noticed today.
Before I wasn't really focused like it being goal orientated.
But when you said that the not necessarily the goal,
but the point of it all is just to make
the person.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
Feel better and I didn't. Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Really the resolution wasn't like a necessity, but it didn't
help to like understand like the point of it all, Like, Okay,
if I can, I don't need to solve her problems
right now or solve the problems in the relationship right now.
But if we can get to a point where we
feel better, which is the point of it is just
to feel better, then the resolution can come about much
(09:05):
easier than if we're in like a shaky place.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
That's so good for those who are watching who may
not understand, because see, we in the deep, we on
a deeper level, right, We're talking subterranean emotional control and
power and emotional intelligence.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
That's what I teach.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
So what he's saying is that typically when you are
having these back and forth with your partner, you're trying
to get to a resolution, a solution, like what are
we going to do about this? And what we learned
today is that your ego has no solutions. Up level says,
your ego is never going to have the solution. What
(09:42):
we're trying to do with your ego is what Jamila.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Listen to it, hear it, and susee it.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yes, cred it into our full selves, versus not recognizing it,
ignoring it, not hearing anything that it says, avoiding h And.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Usually when partners argue, it's ego to ego, they're just
arguing ego to ego. So not only do they not
have solutions, but they're not even holding each other's ego.
Can y'all show us what it looks like do a
dance number right now, but what it looks like to
hold each other ego? Look at old babies hold that ego.
(10:21):
We love that animal, we love that ego. There's nothing
wrong with you. So they may have just had an
ego thing. They may have just vented and they can
hold each other. Today I did a vent to my husband.
What did y'all think of that? I vented it to
my husband because I feel like I want to sleep
(10:42):
in his room more? And usually did y'all expect it?
Did y'all think we were about to start fighting when we
had that? I mean, how did you process the fact
that we can have a conversation like that?
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Ay me in Orlanta, I've been watching We watched the
whole season is Seeking Brother Husbands.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
And literally we just finished it like two days ago.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So I did have questions about your feelings in that realm,
and so it was a I knew it was genuine
and it was real, and it also felt like you
know a lot of times you go into containers with
teachers who are teaching it but.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Not walking in it.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It made me know that, I mean, this weekend last week,
that you're truly vulnerable even with us, even with the
classmates you don't know super well. You know, we're come
from a background of like, we keep our business our business.
They're not going to be embarrassing me in these streets
type shit. But it made me understand how important it
is to have vulnerability in general with your community, even
(11:41):
in a relationship sense, just to be able to learn
from other people and take and be like, okay, this
is not yes, I can empathize with that. I understood
what you meant, you know, and seeing him not taking
it super personally, but just you know, giving you what
you wanted and you being able to be that vulnerable
in front of all of the students and the people
watching was refreshing and also lets you know that even
when things get that's something that generally that could go
(12:03):
very wrong. I Actually, when I thought about it, I
thought about my own parents and if they would.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Have had UP level, and you know, and just.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
How when you're not taught to tame your animal, how
fucking toxic it can be, and how people lose years
and years and years and years and years of their
lives and their relationships allowing the animal to rule their
entire existence.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Wow, you said a word, hallelujah.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I couldn't believe that.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
When I got married, I wasn't that wasn't automatic. I
mean I would spend nights and nights and nights sleeping
downstairs on the floor because I just felt unheard, or
just days and days and weeks and weeks inside of
the same argument, the same discussion. I couldn't believe that
this was marriage. I couldn't believe. I said, what is this?
(12:51):
This is shit, It's not marriage. It was terrible. Have
you been in a relationship like that before, Orlando, A
relationship where you think up could have helped both?
Speaker 5 (13:03):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
I think I've been in relationships where I think UP
level could have held. I don't think it could have
kept the relationship going, but it could have kept the
like the relations between me and the other person like
peaceful and positive, like I could I could see how
we could be in a space where me and somebody
(13:24):
from the past, we could have been in a space
where we're at a more positive level and we're speaking,
and then we can see that we're just not compatible
and we don't need to continue like a romantic relationship
instead of things getting heated and very like just heated
and high energy and then just like ending on a
really bad note.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
Yes, absolutely, what about you, Mila, I would say no,
just because it also requires that the people that are
entering into the up level have a understanding of just the.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Importance of emotional awareness, like emotional maturity. And I haven't
been in relationships with men that way, you know, even
back what you said about you know, the other husbands
you have, you don't even lay with anyone if they
If we're not even speaking the same language on step one,
there's no way we can even get.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
To step ten.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I've been in relationships that are not safe. We're not
speaking the same language because you just refuse to see
me as a human And so no, it wouldn't have
been it wouldn't have been beneficial there. But with someone
who desires growth, and it has emotional maturity.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
It changes the game.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Yeah, I told them on the class today. I was like,
I'm not having sex with anybody who doesn't have breed
and constitution. That's just the foundation. Then building up level
on top of that, and you all haven't even got
to battery, and then y'all haven't got to nine expressions
of love. I have eighty tools that I've written. My
ancestors give me these tools, and so when I write
(14:54):
them and then they're added to my liturgy, that means
the men around me have to level up. I remember
teaching my husband up level because the ancestors gave it
to me, and I remember at first he was like, no,
So I'm not sure if what y'all are saying is
absolutely completely accurate. I think people who don't have emotional
intelligence intelligence don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
How to get it.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Yeah, they don't know how to get I think anyone
can have it.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I think some people, I think men sometimes choose not
to get it because it's like it's like a white
person acknowledging racism, you would then not benefit You're not
benefiting from the system anymore.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
So of course you're like, I can't.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
See I can't hear I'm Stevie wonder because you're sitting
from the patriarchy, you know what I'm saying. So I
think I think you're right, but they would want to
not be blind in depth.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Okay, So then I'm gonna put you all to the
test tonight because it sounds like the two of you,
y'all don't have vents tonight. You all have been working
on your relationship.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
We dealt with oh, you do have one?
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Well, No, we had a e vent, which so the
reason why I say well is because we had an
event that I didn't think was like that big of
a deal, but went down a road and we were
talking about how I was coming from work, I had
to go pick up our daughter Luna, and then I
had to ask, oh, well we could I guess we
(16:14):
could replay it again because we did it during the
class today.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
So do you still feel up about it?
Speaker 5 (16:23):
No? I don't feel up about it.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
I was just I was noting that there was something
that I realized because we went through the vent, so
we set the container.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
I was about it.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
I was at about a level five and my vent
was that I asked Mila if she can walk? Basically,
like a five minute walk two blocks down to go
to what's the place raising Kanes to get us some
food because I'll be coming from work, then i have
to go pick up our daughter and then I'll come home.
Speaker 5 (16:49):
And what I was asking her was can she go
get it?
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And she was like, now it's my event because now
I'm annoyed.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Re annoying.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
Let me let me tell you what I was dating
at that Actually she can go some food.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
And she said, well, I have the car.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
It's easier for if I went through the driveway and
got the food the drive through. So what I was
saying to her during the event was it was really
frustrating because I'm doing other things too. I'm picking up
our daughter and I have tasks to do. When I'm
just asking you to do one test that I have
multiple tasks to do. And basically at the end of it,
(17:24):
when she she counter vented and she was saying, you know,
she's used to being a single mom and that she
is used to like doing everything from start.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
If you're going to do the task, just do the
whole test.
Speaker 5 (17:36):
Do the whole test.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Don't then ask me to walk a block to get
food when all you have to do is stop by
the drive through on your way home.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
But y'all are venting outside of container, both of you.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Well, yeah, I'm just trying to No you're.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Not no, no, no, no, you guys are venting outside
of container. That's not going to fly here. So who
wants to vent first?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
All right, I'll do I want to do a counter
counter event.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
We didn't have time, so I'll start with that. I'll
do that right now.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Start from the beginning. Say what you said, sure may, yes,
you may. Then I have time and space and opportunities.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
You have done wrong. This is my this is my
ego speaking.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
And I am at a level two and I just
wanted to let you know because in your cound event,
you made a statement saying that when you're a single mom,
you would do things from start to finish and within
the event, I also expressed to you that it's not
(18:46):
about doing things from start to finish. I was looking
at it as just the us helping each other out.
And I wanted to let you know that you aren't
a single mom anymore. You aren't in a space where
where things have to be done from start to finish
or fully completed, or one person has to do one
whole thing and the other person has to do their
(19:08):
whole thing. I truly, honestly believe that we are now
in a space where we both lean on each other, me, you.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
And our daughter.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
So I think that you being in the space and
mindset of a single mom doesn't really actually match up
or actually help our situation that we're in right now,
because you're taking a single mom mentality in a space
where you're an engaged woman with a family. And so
(19:38):
I think it within this event today and you making
that statement, it took me back to just a bunch
of times of me speaking to you or asking something
of you, and I can see how your mentality is
that of with what you said, a single mom, and
how it can I think it can be detrimental to
(20:02):
our relationship because you're processing or moving within the space
of a relationship that you're another no longer in, or
a space that you're no longer in your life. And
I'm looking at it as we are operating in a
space of being in a relationship as two people that
can count on each other, lean on each other and
depending on each other and come to the success of
(20:26):
a goal together. And I think that when if you
look at it in a space of being a single mom,
it feels one like I'm being not considered and only
your point of view is considered, and two that you're
not realizing the entirety of our relationship and you're stuck
(20:47):
within the past. I've completed my venture?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Okay, how can I support you? How can I?
Speaker 5 (20:54):
Susie?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Thank you for sharing?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Thank you for sharing? How can I?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
Susie?
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Can you do a repeat of what I have said
to just summarize? Can you summarize what I've said to you?
Speaker 5 (21:07):
Sure that.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
You would like for me to not live in this
reality of my past situation, which is me doing everything myself,
and you would like me to be more of a
team player when you asked me to assist you and
whatever it is, even if it's ten percent of the
job and maybe not very convenient.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You would like me to.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Be more open and enthusiastic when you're doing so much
to help already, to just go the extra mile of
completing the task if you so request.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Thank you, t Ehord, thank.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
You for sharing, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I am now ask him?
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Does that support you at all?
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Does that support you all?
Speaker 5 (22:00):
Yes? It does support me. It has brought me down
to about one.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Now, let's try that again, because you guys got to
get these little micro steps. So when you finish your
vent and she said thank you for sharing, you ask
for your soothing. Now you've finished, she's finished your soothing, tell.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Her thank you for sharing, Thank you for sharing. Is
there anything I could do to bring you down to zero?
How can I soothie?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I am currently down to a one, But I think
an open ended question of you, asking an open ended
question would be very helpful in this moment.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
I really understand the open ended questions.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Open ended questions are open ended, So an open ended
question is not a yes or no that's closed. In
open ended question, ask about how somebody feels about this,
what they think about this?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
What are there?
Speaker 3 (22:56):
You know?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
You want to know. You're curious about what he said,
so you want to know more.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Do you feel like if I would be more enthusiastic
and agreeable when you ask me to ask me for
help that it could that's a yes or no?
Speaker 3 (23:19):
I know, I don't definitely kind.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I know you want to know how you feel or what?
Speaker 5 (23:28):
I know? You don't really like to know? How man?
Speaker 3 (23:33):
How do you feel?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
How does it make you feel when I don't how
does it make you feel?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
And I don't do the ten percent that you're asking me.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
It doesn't make me.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
I guess it makes me feel unappreciated that you can't
realize your your your focus is only on the ten
percent and not the ninety percent that I've done. It's
more so about like what happened you've done, instead of
realizing what I have done and saying, like maybe for
the last ten percent, I just need a little help.
(24:13):
Like I'm climbing up a mountain and I made it
like ninety percent of the way, and for like the
last ten percent, I just need you to hold hold
out your hand and help me up that like last cliff,
Like I've done a lot during the day, and I'm
not making excuses for not being able to make up
the other ten percent, And I'm not even making excuses
(24:35):
for you being a supermom. I think it was beautiful
and it was amazing that you were able to climb
Mount Everest all by yourself, like from bottom to top.
Speaker 5 (24:45):
I think it was wonderful.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
I just don't think that you have to keep climbing
mountains and then you don't have to cleep climbing mountains
by yourself. You don't have to put yourself in a
space of when things were hard and you had to
push through. I believe that you in a much different
relationship now and you can go about it or find
out how we can go about it that is best
(25:06):
for our current relationship. And I'm of the mindset and
I'm not saying that your mindset is wrong. I'm not
saying that you you thinking that somebody should complete a
task from like start to finish.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
That's a very good mindset to have.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
I just think that I'm of the mindset of thinking
about how we are as one and I can lean
on you and you can lean on me, and you're
the mindset of like you, I can just go about
things and get things done by myself. You go by
things getting done by yourself, and that's what helps like
the entirey and the whole of the relationship.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
And so I don't think it's a right or wrong thing.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
I just think that we have our mindset about how
we go about tasks or completing something or goals within
our relationship is just different.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Thank you, for sure.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Can I share something?
Speaker 2 (25:57):
No, he's the venting person he has. You're supporting him,
so tell him thank.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
You for sharing, Thank you for sharing where you ask him?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Ask him does that support you at all? To get
that out?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Does that support you at all to get that out?
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Yes? That actually does SuperM me. I'm a lot. It
was very helpful that I can just express no.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
No, no, no, no, no. These are closing questions at all,
yes or no.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
Yes. That does help me a lot. I am now
down to a sierra.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Wonderful, wonderful, you all are getting it. We're not going
to add a lot of side conversation in between those stops,
because that's going to turn into a circular argument. And
it's his floor. When the venting person's on the floor,
all attention goes to them. It's nothing about you, your opinion,
your your interjections, nor your anything unless he asked you
(26:51):
an open ended question. All right, So do you have
a countervent? Missus Jamila?
Speaker 3 (26:58):
I do?
Speaker 5 (26:58):
Can I event No, Okay, I'm just gonna I guess
you can.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Set up your container.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I know it's nobody's fault. I'm not mad at you.
This is my ego speaking. I'm at a three. I
just I can't understand, for the life of me. I
know we had a long night. I know you did
a lot, but why would you ask a woman to
(27:29):
walk anywhere in eighty degree weather?
Speaker 3 (27:32):
And you just it's just a fifteen minute add on
your stop. I just can't phantom whid you would have
asked just.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
A little old me to walk on foot to the
corner to get fast food. And also in this event,
I realized that in addition to me being a single
mom and getting shit done in completion for a long
time growing up, I heard a lot don't half acid?
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Why are you half asking it? Don't half ad?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
And so I realized this is also stemming from a
need to complete things, to feel seen, to feel like
uh appreciated. And I recognize that it's stemming from there.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Yes, thank you for venture I'm sharing that. Is there
anything that I can do to help soothe you in
this moment?
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Can you.
Speaker 5 (28:41):
Give me a simulation? A simulation? Okay, ask her?
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Ask her what would you like me to simulate?
Speaker 5 (28:50):
What would you like me to simulate?
Speaker 3 (28:51):
My love, I would like you to say, you're right,
I know it's so hot. You such a little lady.
I don't want you to have to walk anywhere.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
You are one hundred percent right, I get it. Now.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
How can I ever ask a beautiful quean royal princess
like yourself to take such a mundane task of peasantry?
Speaker 6 (29:16):
That's crazy. What kind of grown man would not take
it upon himself to go hunt and gather and produce
meal for you and our child?
Speaker 3 (29:30):
What kind of all right?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
All right, all right, now, she said, she wanted you
to simulate saying that she's such a lady.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
And how are you.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Just give her what she needs? You're good, you're good, But.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
Go ahead, you I'm setting a bad president for our daughter.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
And you are a queen and to be shown as
such a beautiful woman, and you've been a strong single
mom long enough and now you need.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
To be treated.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Okay, okay, Now wait a minute, she asked. When you
hear a simulation, she's going to tell you what she
want you to say. You're gonna say that you've done well.
Just that's it, is it? Tell him thank you for sharing,
Thank you for sharing? Ask her? Does that support you?
Speaker 5 (30:11):
Know? All that supports you at all?
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (30:13):
And now to zero? Can I have a kiss? Then?
Speaker 5 (30:16):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Oh that was great? So tell me how does it
feel coming from like that five to that zero.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
You know that simulation that the theatrics of that simulation
actually really helps. I was actually waning, like if it
can even like be productive, but like just the theatrics
and just it kind of it kind of makes me
puts me in the space of like realizing how minute
like the shit is like when we do do the simulation,
(30:47):
And it also kind of makes me understand like where
she's coming from. Like I just want you to like
feel like this towards me and my thing is always
never to be in like the guessing mode of like
where you used to your emotions are, so it's helpful
in that type of way.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
And for you, Jamila, how did the simulation feel even
though you know it's not real, But he said it
He's willing to soothe your animal in that way.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I liked that today you said the simulation it is theatrical.
You are soothing someone by any means necessary. It doesn't
necessarily it doesn't necessarily mean it's real. And honestly, him
saying it back to me made me believe that he
kind of understood what the fuck I was talking about.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Whether he really believed it or not, it made me
feel better.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
That's what an apology is. It's just a simulation because
the person be or may not be sorry, but if
they say, oh, I'm so sorry. That's why I always
ask for apologies and simulations. Like you know, it's just
it's not about whether it's real, it's about that they're
willing to do it. Have you ever seen a little
baby like note and you might be like, oh, I
(32:00):
think it's ugly, but be like.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Oh, you are.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Soothing an ego, that's south an ego.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
We're kids, like.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Mom, we are all those kids. We always have that.
That is what the ego is as a child, you know,
and so being able to soothe that, I'm so glad
you all have that part. Do that, you'll just save
days and weeks and for the stuff to build up
and explode and just soothe each other every day. It's
(32:36):
the same as sex. It's better to me, like I
need that ansects, you know, like give me Bob, I
don't want just one. Look. I really appreciate you all
coming on here like this. You're so brave to come
in front of my YouTube and just be you, be
(32:58):
how you are and show us process. We're gonna get
deeper next week because we got more events coming, but
you all do your homework and we'll see you again
next week. Is there anything you want to say before
we go? Did you enjoy the class tonight?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Yeah, it's it's starting to, like I guess, in the
simplest way of saying, make more and more sense. And
I'm starting to see how it's even applical, applicable on
a wider range. I can I could have. I could
understand it before, but now like all the things are
starting to like click in my head of like how
different ways to use it. And I know we're very
like you know, joky and stuff like that, but we
(33:34):
do take this like very seriously and we do the
joking part is really just finding the joy in like
the resolution and then all of these things.
Speaker 5 (33:43):
So yeah, I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
One thing I'll ask you, Jamilah, could you speak very
you know you're you're outspoken. One thing that I have
a vent about, Yeah, this is event. Can y'all host
space for a minute.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yeah, it'll take thirty seconds.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Nobody's doing anything wrong. This is just my little sad
baby ego crying. I'm at a level three, but I
really feel bad because a lot of people miss out
on my classes because I'm.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Polyamorous, and they think, like, I can't go.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
To what she's doing because she's Polly. We gonna end
up Polly, you know, we gonna And I that makes
me like, right now, and I say it.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
My heart is just crushed.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
It's like if they only knew that this is not
I don't teach Polly. I teach human relationships and I'm
the best in the world at it. And I just
feel like I've been doing it for eighteen years and
to just you see what I'm saying, have that class
with seven people, I want seventy people in there, seventy couples,
you know. And so I get a little sad about
(34:44):
that that's my events.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
How can we, Suzie Kenyon, could.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
You simulate doing an announcement for the whole world about
like how this is not even you never even talked
about Polly in the class like this is and why
they would want to do this.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
As to.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Non poly monogamous people couple in this class, I honestly
highly recommend this for any couple, whether you're Polly, whether
you're strictly monogamous.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
It's such a joy.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
To get to experience communication on this level without the ego,
without the barriers up to see your partner as a
human and honestly, it brings me so much joy to
see eight five seven other black people taking the time
to invest in shifting their understanding and shifting the programming.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
And the fact that you created this for.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Your relationship and used it in real time and saw
it through to know that it work and made Carlgan
on board and wrote the book and offered it to
others is an amazing offering. I'm so grateful for you
and for your bravery, and for the ancestors for gifting
you with this, but even more for you taking the
(36:06):
message and spreading it. And I know that there will
be tens and thousands of people seeking this system of
communication because we don't have a choice. In order to
preserve our relationships, our love, our humanity, this is the
only way if you invest in reprogramming the how you
(36:26):
communicate with the people you love.
Speaker 5 (36:29):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
That's so supportive. I'm down to a one. Can you
give me some empathy, Orlando about being misclassified and being
feared when you're just like not even scary.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
I can I can understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
I've had moments in my own past where.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
I've been misunderstood under the realm of like being misclassified,
and it's all truly and honestly what I've realized come
down to miscommunication of how we've missed each other.
Speaker 5 (37:08):
But but it was really I can really understand.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Where you're coming from with with how you're feeling, and
I truly empathize for you because I've been in the
same boat as well.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 5 (37:23):
Does that help you?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
That's very helpful. I feel down to a point five
when do y'all ask me an opening question about what
my event was, I'm just testing. I'm testing Jamila because
she's working on her opening, you know, for help you.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
I'm trying.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
All friend.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
If you want to help with the question, you say
it out loud. Help you.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
I'm trying to think, do you recognize that now? It's
probably yes or no too.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
This is good and the open ending questions help us
to really start to think about what we want to
know about what the person said, like tell me more
about this part, or what did you feel about this?
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Has there ever been a time outside of this communications
systems that you felt misunderstood and an outsider based on
being unique and different and maybe having a different understanding
of self.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
What are your feelings on being misunderstood from an outsider
and having different feelings on yourself?
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I love those. That's the same. That's good, you guys.
Speaker 4 (38:41):
The person was a yes or no. I switched it
over to make it like open ended for you.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Y'all work together on that. That was great. Yeah, I
felt it before. I felt it before. What I feel
about it. I think I've felt it before in childhood.
Just I was always the girl who was the teacher
in his class. It's time class. Everybody, come in, Everybody
get your books. I made them lessons and they would
be like balling up paper thrown at me. Like So,
(39:07):
I think it's just like a deeper wound of feeling
misunderstood in what I really am, which is a consummate teacher.
And I love that whole energy of sharing information and
having epiphanies and but from childhood I have had that
sort of feeling that it wouldn't be embraced. So I think,
Polly or not, I will be experiencing this and it's
(39:28):
just something I'm working on.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Yeah, thank you for.
Speaker 5 (39:31):
Sharing, sharing has that is that? Is this helpful?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Helpful? This has been so helpful. And I did it
on YouTube. I'm down to a zero and I thank y'all.
We got to wrap it up because it's ten and
believe it or not, I have clients in Singapore right.
Speaker 5 (39:47):
Now, so I gotta go out. Okay, I really enjoyed this.
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I like your hair.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
It's beautiful like this.
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
All right, Hi everybody, I'm excited to be back here again.
This is Divorce Proof Club and we just had a
high energy divorce Proof Club. I'm going to let Orlando
and Mela tell you more about it. My name is
Kenny K. Stevens, and of course I'm the world's best
love coach. I stopped divorces and I support couples in
(00:27):
having forever relationships and I also turned couples into communities
if they so choose. So, Orlando and Mela, I want
to find out how your session was tonight. I know
last week y'all vented tonight. What did y'all vent about?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
Give me the rundown?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Me let me before you do that. I want to
just say that Orlando and Mala have their own podcast.
I want them to tell us about that real quick
before they tell us about the club.
Speaker 4 (01:00):
Yes, our podcast is called Love Like This is about
the before, during, and after falling in love. My beautiful
meal right here is a certified tantric.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
Sexologist, practitioner practitionary.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
P sexologist, and she has learned a lot of tools
that has helped us in our relationship. One of the
things that I've said is that it doesn't help us.
The tools aren't supposed to stop us from arguing, but
it makes the arguments a lot shorter and it's very helpful.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
And we are basically.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Moving through this world and through relationship with just our
bare hands, no tools or things to help us out.
So we wanted to start a podcast, so we call
it our Love Cast, where it's partially our love journal
and also partially just talking about our adventures, vacations and
experiences so that people can hear us, understand that we're
(01:57):
going through, relate to it, and then also hear how
we overcome and go about things and hopes that it
can help them as well.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
It's basically documenting us designing our relationship and seeking, you know,
other couples and other communities to see what's working for them.
Neither of us have a blueprint to long term relationships.
We've both come through from tumultuous parentships that we've witnessed,
and just the exploration of figuring out how the fuck
(02:25):
you make this shit work and you know, and making
it passionate and loving and honest and real always, and
so it's just a community investigation on designing your own love.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
But in the name of the podcast one more time?
Speaker 5 (02:40):
Is love like this?
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Love like this? You never knew.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Love like this? Beople love it.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
That's what I really enjoy being on yours podcast. So
now Jamila and Orlando are inside of my container, and
it is a tight container. Y'all tell them about that homework,
Tell them about what y'all have to do on a
weekly basis. Do you feel accountable in my club?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
Definitely have to be accountable. It's not a club you
come to in half ass. But it's also been really like,
I've really been enjoying it. There's other couples in it.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
We're actually the first and the only couple that is
pre marital. We decided to do this, of course, pre marital.
We just got engaged, so kind of stepping in gaining
the tools versus waiting till there's a big emergency or
a blow up or we're ten or twenty years in
to be like what the fuck. So this has been
a it's an interesting perspective to be the first couple
(03:38):
that's in the beginning stages of the relationship. It's also
been like super insightful and helpful for us. And yeah,
I really have been enjoying it and learning how to
connect to each other as humans, argue with each other
as humans from like a love space and not a
space of defense or with barriers.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
That.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yes, So one of the things that they said is
that we organize the arguments. The arguments are unavoidable. The
problem is the chaos, okay, the chaos of back and
forth and slamming doors and running out and you know,
sometimes fights and sometimes you know. So what we do
with the up level communications system, and you guys are
gonna show us some of your up level skills tonight.
(04:19):
But what we do with this up level system is
we teach the couples how to have a discussion. That
would have been an argument, and it's more like what
would you call it, Orlando, It would have been an argument,
but now.
Speaker 4 (04:31):
It's, Oh, it would have been an argument, but now
it's a I don't know, essentral energy.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
Resolution path.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Yeah, it's an essensual energetic resolution path. I am gonna
use that. Can I have that copyright?
Speaker 5 (04:58):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I call up level the contra of communication.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
I dis agree with that too. Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I loved it. So look today, what I wanted you
want to do is let us know, first of all,
do you have any events that you want to do,
because we can go ahead and take your VENT show everybody.
How we have that entra communication.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
We didn't have any events really per se, but we
did have something that I guess annoyed me more so,
maybe even annoyed both of us. But I realized so
one thing actually realized.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
We know we did vent. But before the.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Event, I was saying that it's hard to sometimes vent
because it's easier to portray the emotion when I'm in
like in it, but when it's just like, oh, well,
speak about it now, and if I don't feel the
exact same way, then it's hard for me to like
portray how I actually feel, and it just feels like
I'm just notnching, just like mentioning, like what's happening. But
(06:03):
I realized today that like when speaking about it, the
emotions start to stir up and come out, and it's
good because then it's it's still sitting there even though
it's not at the forefront.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah, I will, I will say starting the simulation, practicing this,
having the homework of practicing it every day.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I mean, obviously we're not finding every day, so.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
There's not generally a big issue but finding ways to
dissect the conversation, even when when the issues are very small,
I realize are powerful because what happens usually is you
bypass it because it's not big enough, it's not quite
an argument, so.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
You're annoyed about it. You didn't feel like, go out
of my nerves.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
But that's what I just keep moving, which obviously is fine,
but it will still it will still live somewhere even
though it's not been addressed. So but in the conversation,
even for things that are maybe a zero, you know,
a three is it's not a ten, but it's still
is getting me and getting us into the habit of
big or small.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Let's like it's fun to dig into it versus not.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, And I find that, you know, we have learned
so much to just take the feeling in the moment
if we're upset or angry and just try to put
it somewhere, like you're saying, just stuff it down, you know,
because we haven't had a space to share the emotion,
and especially right in the moment, like you be working,
busy with kids and that, and so you just put
it away. Our system hopefully supports you all in the moment.
(07:26):
Next time, tomorrow that you're in the moment, say wait
a minute, I feel triggered. I need to vent right now.
Do you feel like Orlando, that you could do that?
Speaker 5 (07:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:37):
I could do that, And actually with this system before
it was harder to do it because I felt I
would be too.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Explosive, or you don't want to start an argument.
Speaker 4 (07:47):
And I don't want to start an argument, or like yeah,
I don't want to start anything. If the day is
going fine, then we start an argument.
Speaker 5 (07:53):
Day is ruined.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
If the day it is ruined and we're beef, and
then it's going to get even worse. So it's like's nothing. No,
I was looking at it as there's no positive outcome
to this.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yes, now, the positive outcome to this is that when
my clients event they might start at a level ten
and your partner is measuring with each suiting that you're
gonna get down and move towards a goal. I think
men like that? Do men like that?
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Orlando?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Actually, so that was the other thing that I noticed today.
Before I wasn't really focused like it being goal orientated.
But when you said that the not necessarily the goal,
but the point of it all is just to make
the person.
Speaker 5 (08:37):
Feel better and I didn't. Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Really the resolution wasn't like a necessity, but it didn't
help to like understand like the point of it all, Like, Okay,
if I can, I don't need to solve her problems
right now or solve the problems in the relationship right now.
But if we can get to a point where we
feel better, which is the point of it is just
to feel better, then the resolution can come about much
(09:05):
easier than if we're in like a shaky place.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
That's so good for those who are watching who may
not understand, because see, we in the deep, we on
a deeper level, right, We're talking subterranean emotional control and
power and emotional intelligence.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
That's what I teach.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
So what he's saying is that typically when you are
having these back and forth with your partner, you're trying
to get to a resolution, a solution, like what are
we going to do about this? And what we learned
today is that your ego has no solutions. Up level says,
your ego is never going to have the solution. What
(09:42):
we're trying to do with your ego is what Jamila.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
Listen to it, hear it, and susee it.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Yes, cred it into our full selves, versus not recognizing it,
ignoring it, not hearing anything that it says, avoiding h And.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Usually when partners argue, it's ego to ego, they're just
arguing ego to ego. So not only do they not
have solutions, but they're not even holding each other's ego.
Can y'all show us what it looks like do a
dance number right now, but what it looks like to
hold each other ego? Look at old babies hold that ego.
(10:21):
We love that animal, we love that ego. There's nothing
wrong with you. So they may have just had an
ego thing. They may have just vented and they can
hold each other. Today I did a vent to my husband.
What did y'all think of that? I vented it to
my husband because I feel like I want to sleep
(10:42):
in his room more? And usually did y'all expect it?
Did y'all think we were about to start fighting when we
had that? I mean, how did you process the fact
that we can have a conversation like that?
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Ay me in Orlanta, I've been watching We watched the
whole season is Seeking Brother Husbands.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
And literally we just finished it like two days ago.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
So I did have questions about your feelings in that realm,
and so it was a I knew it was genuine
and it was real, and it also felt like you
know a lot of times you go into containers with
teachers who are teaching it but.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Not walking in it.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
It made me know that, I mean, this weekend last week,
that you're truly vulnerable even with us, even with the
classmates you don't know super well. You know, we're come
from a background of like, we keep our business our business.
They're not going to be embarrassing me in these streets
type shit. But it made me understand how important it
is to have vulnerability in general with your community, even
(11:41):
in a relationship sense, just to be able to learn
from other people and take and be like, okay, this
is not yes, I can empathize with that. I understood
what you meant, you know, and seeing him not taking
it super personally, but just you know, giving you what
you wanted and you being able to be that vulnerable
in front of all of the students and the people
watching was refreshing and also lets you know that even
when things get that's something that generally that could go
(12:03):
very wrong. I Actually, when I thought about it, I
thought about my own parents and if they would.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Have had UP level, and you know, and just.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
How when you're not taught to tame your animal, how
fucking toxic it can be, and how people lose years
and years and years and years and years of their
lives and their relationships allowing the animal to rule their
entire existence.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Wow, you said a word, hallelujah.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I couldn't believe that.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
When I got married, I wasn't that wasn't automatic. I
mean I would spend nights and nights and nights sleeping
downstairs on the floor because I just felt unheard, or
just days and days and weeks and weeks inside of
the same argument, the same discussion. I couldn't believe that
this was marriage. I couldn't believe. I said, what is this?
(12:51):
This is shit, It's not marriage. It was terrible. Have
you been in a relationship like that before, Orlando, A
relationship where you think up could have helped both?
Speaker 5 (13:03):
I don't.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
I think I've been in relationships where I think UP
level could have held. I don't think it could have
kept the relationship going, but it could have kept the
like the relations between me and the other person like
peaceful and positive, like I could I could see how
we could be in a space where me and somebody
(13:24):
from the past, we could have been in a space
where we're at a more positive level and we're speaking,
and then we can see that we're just not compatible
and we don't need to continue like a romantic relationship
instead of things getting heated and very like just heated
and high energy and then just like ending on a
really bad note.
Speaker 7 (13:42):
Yes, absolutely, what about you, Mila, I would say no,
just because it also requires that the people that are
entering into the up level have a understanding of just the.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
Importance of emotional awareness, like emotional maturity. And I haven't
been in relationships with men that way, you know, even
back what you said about you know, the other husbands
you have, you don't even lay with anyone if they
If we're not even speaking the same language on step one,
there's no way we can even get.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
To step ten.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I've been in relationships that are not safe. We're not
speaking the same language because you just refuse to see
me as a human And so no, it wouldn't have
been it wouldn't have been beneficial there. But with someone
who desires growth, and it has emotional maturity.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
It changes the game.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
Yeah, I told them on the class today. I was like,
I'm not having sex with anybody who doesn't have breed
and constitution. That's just the foundation. Then building up level
on top of that, and you all haven't even got
to battery, and then y'all haven't got to nine expressions
of love. I have eighty tools that I've written. My
ancestors give me these tools, and so when I write
(14:54):
them and then they're added to my liturgy, that means
the men around me have to level up. I remember
teaching my husband up level because the ancestors gave it
to me, and I remember at first he was like, no,
So I'm not sure if what y'all are saying is
absolutely completely accurate. I think people who don't have emotional
intelligence intelligence don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
How to get it.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Yeah, they don't know how to get I think anyone
can have it.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I think some people, I think men sometimes choose not
to get it because it's like it's like a white
person acknowledging racism, you would then not benefit You're not
benefiting from the system anymore.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
So of course you're like, I can't.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
See I can't hear I'm Stevie wonder because you're sitting
from the patriarchy, you know what I'm saying. So I
think I think you're right, but they would want to
not be blind in depth.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Okay, So then I'm gonna put you all to the
test tonight because it sounds like the two of you,
y'all don't have vents tonight. You all have been working
on your relationship.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
We dealt with oh, you do have one?
Speaker 4 (15:53):
Well, No, we had a e vent, which so the
reason why I say well is because we had an
event that I didn't think was like that big of
a deal, but went down a road and we were
talking about how I was coming from work, I had
to go pick up our daughter Luna, and then I
had to ask, oh, well we could I guess we
(16:14):
could replay it again because we did it during the
class today.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
So do you still feel up about it?
Speaker 5 (16:23):
No? I don't feel up about it.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
I was just I was noting that there was something
that I realized because we went through the vent, so
we set the container.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
I was about it.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
I was at about a level five and my vent
was that I asked Mila if she can walk? Basically,
like a five minute walk two blocks down to go
to what's the place raising Kanes to get us some
food because I'll be coming from work, then i have
to go pick up our daughter and then I'll come home.
Speaker 5 (16:49):
And what I was asking her was can she go
get it?
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And she was like, now it's my event because now
I'm annoyed.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Re annoying.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
Let me let me tell you what I was dating
at that Actually she can go some food.
Speaker 5 (17:02):
And she said, well, I have the car.
Speaker 4 (17:03):
It's easier for if I went through the driveway and
got the food the drive through. So what I was
saying to her during the event was it was really
frustrating because I'm doing other things too. I'm picking up
our daughter and I have tasks to do. When I'm
just asking you to do one test that I have
multiple tasks to do. And basically at the end of it,
(17:24):
when she she counter vented and she was saying, you know,
she's used to being a single mom and that she
is used to like doing everything from start.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
If you're going to do the task, just do the
whole test.
Speaker 5 (17:36):
Do the whole test.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Don't then ask me to walk a block to get
food when all you have to do is stop by
the drive through on your way home.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
But y'all are venting outside of container, both of you.
Speaker 5 (17:45):
Well, yeah, I'm just trying to No you're.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Not no, no, no, no, you guys are venting outside
of container. That's not going to fly here. So who
wants to vent first?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
All right, I'll do I want to do a counter
counter event.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
We didn't have time, so I'll start with that. I'll
do that right now.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Start from the beginning. Say what you said, sure may, yes,
you may. Then I have time and space and opportunities.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
You have done wrong. This is my this is my
ego speaking.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
And I am at a level two and I just
wanted to let you know because in your cound event,
you made a statement saying that when you're a single mom,
you would do things from start to finish and within
the event, I also expressed to you that it's not
(18:46):
about doing things from start to finish. I was looking
at it as just the us helping each other out.
And I wanted to let you know that you aren't
a single mom anymore. You aren't in a space where
where things have to be done from start to finish
or fully completed, or one person has to do one
whole thing and the other person has to do their
(19:08):
whole thing. I truly, honestly believe that we are now
in a space where we both lean on each other, me, you.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
And our daughter.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
So I think that you being in the space and
mindset of a single mom doesn't really actually match up
or actually help our situation that we're in right now,
because you're taking a single mom mentality in a space
where you're an engaged woman with a family. And so
(19:38):
I think it within this event today and you making
that statement, it took me back to just a bunch
of times of me speaking to you or asking something
of you, and I can see how your mentality is
that of with what you said, a single mom, and
how it can I think it can be detrimental to
(20:02):
our relationship because you're processing or moving within the space
of a relationship that you're another no longer in, or
a space that you're no longer in your life. And
I'm looking at it as we are operating in a
space of being in a relationship as two people that
can count on each other, lean on each other and
depending on each other and come to the success of
(20:26):
a goal together. And I think that when if you
look at it in a space of being a single mom,
it feels one like I'm being not considered and only
your point of view is considered, and two that you're
not realizing the entirety of our relationship and you're stuck
(20:47):
within the past. I've completed my venture?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Okay, how can I support you? How can I?
Speaker 5 (20:54):
Susie?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Thank you for sharing?
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Thank you for sharing? How can I?
Speaker 5 (20:58):
Susie?
Speaker 4 (21:00):
Can you do a repeat of what I have said
to just summarize? Can you summarize what I've said to you?
Speaker 5 (21:07):
Sure that.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
You would like for me to not live in this
reality of my past situation, which is me doing everything myself,
and you would like me to be more of a
team player when you asked me to assist you and
whatever it is, even if it's ten percent of the
job and maybe not very convenient.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
You would like me to.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Be more open and enthusiastic when you're doing so much
to help already, to just go the extra mile of
completing the task if you so request.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Thank you, t Ehord, thank.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
You for sharing, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
I am now ask him?
Speaker 2 (21:57):
Does that support you at all?
Speaker 3 (21:59):
Does that support you all?
Speaker 5 (22:00):
Yes? It does support me. It has brought me down
to about one.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Now, let's try that again, because you guys got to
get these little micro steps. So when you finish your
vent and she said thank you for sharing, you ask
for your soothing. Now you've finished, she's finished your soothing, tell.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Her thank you for sharing, Thank you for sharing. Is
there anything I could do to bring you down to zero?
How can I soothie?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
I am currently down to a one, But I think
an open ended question of you, asking an open ended
question would be very helpful in this moment.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
I really understand the open ended questions.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Open ended questions are open ended, So an open ended
question is not a yes or no that's closed. In
open ended question, ask about how somebody feels about this,
what they think about this?
Speaker 5 (22:55):
What are there?
Speaker 3 (22:56):
You know?
Speaker 2 (22:57):
You want to know. You're curious about what he said,
so you want to know more.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
Do you feel like if I would be more enthusiastic
and agreeable when you ask me to ask me for
help that it could that's a yes or no?
Speaker 3 (23:19):
I know, I don't definitely kind.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
I know you want to know how you feel or what?
Speaker 5 (23:28):
I know? You don't really like to know? How man?
Speaker 3 (23:33):
How do you feel?
Speaker 2 (23:37):
How does it make you feel when I don't how
does it make you feel?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
And I don't do the ten percent that you're asking me.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
It doesn't make me.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
I guess it makes me feel unappreciated that you can't
realize your your your focus is only on the ten
percent and not the ninety percent that I've done. It's
more so about like what happened you've done, instead of
realizing what I have done and saying, like maybe for
the last ten percent, I just need a little help.
(24:13):
Like I'm climbing up a mountain and I made it
like ninety percent of the way, and for like the
last ten percent, I just need you to hold hold
out your hand and help me up that like last cliff,
Like I've done a lot during the day, and I'm
not making excuses for not being able to make up
the other ten percent, And I'm not even making excuses
(24:35):
for you being a supermom. I think it was beautiful
and it was amazing that you were able to climb
Mount Everest all by yourself, like from bottom to top.
Speaker 5 (24:45):
I think it was wonderful.
Speaker 4 (24:46):
I just don't think that you have to keep climbing
mountains and then you don't have to cleep climbing mountains
by yourself. You don't have to put yourself in a
space of when things were hard and you had to
push through. I believe that you in a much different
relationship now and you can go about it or find
out how we can go about it that is best
(25:06):
for our current relationship. And I'm of the mindset and
I'm not saying that your mindset is wrong. I'm not
saying that you you thinking that somebody should complete a
task from like start to finish.
Speaker 5 (25:19):
That's a very good mindset to have.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
I just think that I'm of the mindset of thinking
about how we are as one and I can lean
on you and you can lean on me, and you're
the mindset of like you, I can just go about
things and get things done by myself. You go by
things getting done by yourself, and that's what helps like
the entirey and the whole of the relationship.
Speaker 5 (25:41):
And so I don't think it's a right or wrong thing.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
I just think that we have our mindset about how
we go about tasks or completing something or goals within
our relationship is just different.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Thank you, for sure.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Can I share something?
Speaker 2 (25:57):
No, he's the venting person he has. You're supporting him,
so tell him thank.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
You for sharing, Thank you for sharing where you ask him?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Ask him does that support you at all? To get
that out?
Speaker 3 (26:12):
Does that support you at all to get that out?
Speaker 5 (26:14):
Yes? That actually does SuperM me. I'm a lot. It
was very helpful that I can just express no.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
No, no, no, no, no. These are closing questions at all,
yes or no.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
Yes. That does help me a lot. I am now
down to a sierra.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
Wonderful, wonderful, you all are getting it. We're not going
to add a lot of side conversation in between those stops,
because that's going to turn into a circular argument. And
it's his floor. When the venting person's on the floor,
all attention goes to them. It's nothing about you, your opinion,
your your interjections, nor your anything unless he asked you
(26:51):
an open ended question. All right, So do you have
a countervent? Missus Jamila?
Speaker 3 (26:58):
I do?
Speaker 5 (26:58):
Can I event No, Okay, I'm just gonna I guess
you can.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Set up your container.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I know it's nobody's fault. I'm not mad at you.
This is my ego speaking. I'm at a three. I
just I can't understand, for the life of me. I
know we had a long night. I know you did
a lot, but why would you ask a woman to
(27:29):
walk anywhere in eighty degree weather?
Speaker 3 (27:32):
And you just it's just a fifteen minute add on
your stop. I just can't phantom whid you would have
asked just.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
A little old me to walk on foot to the
corner to get fast food. And also in this event,
I realized that in addition to me being a single
mom and getting shit done in completion for a long
time growing up, I heard a lot don't half acid?
Speaker 3 (27:57):
Why are you half asking it? Don't half ad?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
And so I realized this is also stemming from a
need to complete things, to feel seen, to feel like
uh appreciated. And I recognize that it's stemming from there.
Speaker 4 (28:20):
Yes, thank you for venture I'm sharing that. Is there
anything that I can do to help soothe you in
this moment?
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Can you.
Speaker 5 (28:41):
Give me a simulation? A simulation? Okay, ask her?
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Ask her what would you like me to simulate?
Speaker 5 (28:50):
What would you like me to simulate?
Speaker 3 (28:51):
My love, I would like you to say, you're right,
I know it's so hot. You such a little lady.
I don't want you to have to walk anywhere.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
You are one hundred percent right, I get it. Now.
Speaker 4 (29:07):
How can I ever ask a beautiful quean royal princess
like yourself to take such a mundane task of peasantry?
Speaker 6 (29:16):
That's crazy. What kind of grown man would not take
it upon himself to go hunt and gather and produce
meal for you and our child?
Speaker 3 (29:30):
What kind of all right?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
All right, all right, now, she said, she wanted you
to simulate saying that she's such a lady.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
And how are you.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Just give her what she needs? You're good, you're good, But.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
Go ahead, you I'm setting a bad president for our daughter.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
And you are a queen and to be shown as
such a beautiful woman, and you've been a strong single
mom long enough and now you need.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
To be treated.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Okay, okay, Now wait a minute, she asked. When you
hear a simulation, she's going to tell you what she
want you to say. You're gonna say that you've done well.
Just that's it, is it? Tell him thank you for sharing,
Thank you for sharing? Ask her? Does that support you?
Speaker 5 (30:11):
Know? All that supports you at all?
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (30:13):
And now to zero? Can I have a kiss? Then?
Speaker 5 (30:16):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Oh that was great? So tell me how does it
feel coming from like that five to that zero.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
You know that simulation that the theatrics of that simulation
actually really helps. I was actually waning, like if it
can even like be productive, but like just the theatrics
and just it kind of it kind of makes me
puts me in the space of like realizing how minute
like the shit is like when we do do the simulation,
(30:47):
And it also kind of makes me understand like where
she's coming from. Like I just want you to like
feel like this towards me and my thing is always
never to be in like the guessing mode of like
where you used to your emotions are, so it's helpful
in that type of way.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
And for you, Jamila, how did the simulation feel even
though you know it's not real, But he said it
He's willing to soothe your animal in that way.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
I liked that today you said the simulation it is theatrical.
You are soothing someone by any means necessary. It doesn't
necessarily it doesn't necessarily mean it's real. And honestly, him
saying it back to me made me believe that he
kind of understood what the fuck I was talking about.
Speaker 3 (31:33):
Whether he really believed it or not, it made me
feel better.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
That's what an apology is. It's just a simulation because
the person be or may not be sorry, but if
they say, oh, I'm so sorry. That's why I always
ask for apologies and simulations. Like you know, it's just
it's not about whether it's real, it's about that they're
willing to do it. Have you ever seen a little
baby like note and you might be like, oh, I
(32:00):
think it's ugly, but be like.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Oh, you are.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Soothing an ego, that's south an ego.
Speaker 3 (32:10):
We're kids, like.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
Mom, we are all those kids. We always have that.
That is what the ego is as a child, you know,
and so being able to soothe that, I'm so glad
you all have that part. Do that, you'll just save
days and weeks and for the stuff to build up
and explode and just soothe each other every day. It's
(32:36):
the same as sex. It's better to me, like I
need that ansects, you know, like give me Bob, I
don't want just one. Look. I really appreciate you all
coming on here like this. You're so brave to come
in front of my YouTube and just be you, be
(32:58):
how you are and show us process. We're gonna get
deeper next week because we got more events coming, but
you all do your homework and we'll see you again
next week. Is there anything you want to say before
we go? Did you enjoy the class tonight?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Absolutely?
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Yeah, it's it's starting to, like I guess, in the
simplest way of saying, make more and more sense. And
I'm starting to see how it's even applical, applicable on
a wider range. I can I could have. I could
understand it before, but now like all the things are
starting to like click in my head of like how
different ways to use it. And I know we're very
like you know, joky and stuff like that, but we
(33:34):
do take this like very seriously and we do the
joking part is really just finding the joy in like
the resolution and then all of these things.
Speaker 5 (33:43):
So yeah, I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
One thing I'll ask you, Jamilah, could you speak very
you know you're you're outspoken. One thing that I have
a vent about, Yeah, this is event. Can y'all host
space for a minute.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
Yeah, it'll take thirty seconds.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Nobody's doing anything wrong. This is just my little sad
baby ego crying. I'm at a level three, but I
really feel bad because a lot of people miss out
on my classes because I'm.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Polyamorous, and they think, like, I can't go.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
To what she's doing because she's Polly. We gonna end
up Polly, you know, we gonna And I that makes
me like, right now, and I say it.
Speaker 3 (34:20):
My heart is just crushed.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
It's like if they only knew that this is not
I don't teach Polly. I teach human relationships and I'm
the best in the world at it. And I just
feel like I've been doing it for eighteen years and
to just you see what I'm saying, have that class
with seven people, I want seventy people in there, seventy couples,
you know. And so I get a little sad about
(34:44):
that that's my events.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
How can we, Suzie Kenyon, could.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
You simulate doing an announcement for the whole world about
like how this is not even you never even talked
about Polly in the class like this is and why
they would want to do this.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
As to.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Non poly monogamous people couple in this class, I honestly
highly recommend this for any couple, whether you're Polly, whether
you're strictly monogamous.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
It's such a joy.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
To get to experience communication on this level without the ego,
without the barriers up to see your partner as a
human and honestly, it brings me so much joy to
see eight five seven other black people taking the time
to invest in shifting their understanding and shifting the programming.
Speaker 3 (35:42):
And the fact that you created this for.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Your relationship and used it in real time and saw
it through to know that it work and made Carlgan
on board and wrote the book and offered it to
others is an amazing offering. I'm so grateful for you
and for your bravery, and for the ancestors for gifting
you with this, but even more for you taking the
(36:06):
message and spreading it. And I know that there will
be tens and thousands of people seeking this system of
communication because we don't have a choice. In order to
preserve our relationships, our love, our humanity, this is the
only way if you invest in reprogramming the how you
(36:26):
communicate with the people you love.
Speaker 5 (36:29):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
That's so supportive. I'm down to a one. Can you
give me some empathy, Orlando about being misclassified and being
feared when you're just like not even scary.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
I can I can understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
I've had moments in my own past where.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
I've been misunderstood under the realm of like being misclassified,
and it's all truly and honestly what I've realized come
down to miscommunication of how we've missed each other.
Speaker 5 (37:08):
But but it was really I can really understand.
Speaker 4 (37:13):
Where you're coming from with with how you're feeling, and
I truly empathize for you because I've been in the
same boat as well.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 5 (37:23):
Does that help you?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
That's very helpful. I feel down to a point five
when do y'all ask me an opening question about what
my event was, I'm just testing. I'm testing Jamila because
she's working on her opening, you know, for help you.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
I'm trying.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
All friend.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
If you want to help with the question, you say
it out loud. Help you.
Speaker 3 (37:54):
I'm trying to think, do you recognize that now? It's
probably yes or no too.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
This is good and the open ending questions help us
to really start to think about what we want to
know about what the person said, like tell me more
about this part, or what did you feel about this?
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Has there ever been a time outside of this communications
systems that you felt misunderstood and an outsider based on
being unique and different and maybe having a different understanding
of self.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
What are your feelings on being misunderstood from an outsider
and having different feelings on yourself?
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I love those. That's the same. That's good, you guys.
Speaker 4 (38:41):
The person was a yes or no. I switched it
over to make it like open ended for you.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Y'all work together on that. That was great. Yeah, I
felt it before. I felt it before. What I feel
about it. I think I've felt it before in childhood.
Just I was always the girl who was the teacher
in his class. It's time class. Everybody, come in, Everybody
get your books. I made them lessons and they would
be like balling up paper thrown at me. Like So,
(39:07):
I think it's just like a deeper wound of feeling
misunderstood in what I really am, which is a consummate teacher.
And I love that whole energy of sharing information and
having epiphanies and but from childhood I have had that
sort of feeling that it wouldn't be embraced. So I think,
Polly or not, I will be experiencing this and it's
(39:28):
just something I'm working on.
Speaker 3 (39:29):
Yeah, thank you for.
Speaker 5 (39:31):
Sharing, sharing has that is that? Is this helpful?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
Helpful? This has been so helpful. And I did it
on YouTube. I'm down to a zero and I thank y'all.
We got to wrap it up because it's ten and
believe it or not, I have clients in Singapore right.
Speaker 5 (39:47):
Now, so I gotta go out. Okay, I really enjoyed this.
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I like your hair.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
It's beautiful like this.
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