November 12, 2025 • 58 mins
Listen as Milah & Orlando discuss their experience with pre-marital coaching.
Social: @Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad @Progressive_love_academy
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
Social: @Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad @Progressive_love_academy
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Like this tonight is our Divorce Proof Club Live. That
is a special night. It happens every Thursday night. And
I'm getting much better, y'all. I am trying to get better.
So I think that we are going live yay, Okay,
So there it is. I'm getting much better at getting
this stream up, y'all, Please forgive me. I started YouTube
(00:28):
in two thousand and seven. I started my YouTube, and
I just never did much with it because I was
always dealing with face freaking book and it was such
a huge thing back then. Remember two thousand and seven. Facebook,
That's when it came out, and so I stopped. I
started ignoring YouTube and going to Facebook and just never
(00:48):
got back to it. Then YouTube advanced so rapidly. I
was like, ah, wait for me. I'm excited to have
Jamila and Orlando with us here tonight. And I'm really, really,
really happy for you guys to be able to see
their progress. They are moving at the speed of lightning. Y'all.
You're not even married yet. Look at you. Yeah, I
(01:13):
know you all will be able to teach others who's
like going trying to do stuff like these tools that
you all are learning. I'm just so excited that you
all are on this journey. How was your evening tonight?
Now we moved from vent into process, and venting is
one thing everybody thinks. I want to vent. I gotta
(01:33):
get my emotions off, I want to share. I want
you to hold space. But what's next? What do you
all think about up level processing? That's the next step
in this journey.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
It feels like it's the meeting in the potatoes, meating
the potatoes, like the It feels like the venting was
the tip of the iceberg, which was very important to
set the container and to recognize who's speaking. But this
sessing part, it seems like it's digging past the surface,
which is the problem.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I mean, not the problem, but the resolution. Rather. I
was excited to get to this part.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Good in Orlando, you're a man. You like to fix things.
You know how men say I don't want you to
get emotional because I want to just fix it. I
want to fix your emotion. Well this is a fix,
isn't it. Yeah?
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Yeah, this feels good because now we get to like
understand like where it comes from, and then I can
go and like do what I dig around and do
what I can do. What I can so that not
only I can like try and help fix it or
like not make like the same mistakes again, if I
know where it all comes from.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Right, and now is the fix where you thought the
fix would be? Because when men say they want to
fix it, aren't they saying they want to fix the
woman who's emotional?
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Yeah, fix problem, change her, change whatever it is.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
And this kind of feels like things can like stay
where it's at, but we can approach it much differently.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
And I don't have to change who you are, change
the core of some kind of solution.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Right. We haven't tried it yet because in class I
said I wanted you all to do yours here, But
I think this is what we have to do tonight.
I would love for you to do a minivent. Then
we're gonna pull those triggers from the minivent and process
those triggers.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Okay, how y'all feeling?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yeah, that's why I want to do that. Y'all got
a vent for us tonight?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
I do?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Can I do you have space for me to vent?
Right now? Okay? I'm at a.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Eight.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I no one said anything wrong.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
It's nobody's fault. This is my.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Animal and egos speaking, I am so fucking irritated and
annoyed by the level of cleanliness that you think is clean.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
And then you're like, I did so much you were
out of town.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
I felled the clothes, I washed clothes, but there's always
so much more to complete when I get here.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I'm so sick.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Of you and Luna half ass fucking cleaning around this
motherfucker and then like it's clean. And I know that
you have eyes, and I know that you see when
I clean what it looks like. And I know that
what you see when you clean what it looks like.
And I know that we're all doing a lot, and
I just feel like I pay a week. I pay
a lot of money in rent, and if I'm paying
(04:48):
fucking three grand a month thirty six thousand dollars a year,
we should come home to a place that's comfortable. And
I shouldn't have to go fucking piss in the bathroom
that looks like a public restroom. I shouldn't have to
see your fucking hair layer on the fucking sink and
on the fucking floor, and your fucking toothpaste spit in
the fucking bathroom, and fucking splattered shit on the mirror,
(05:09):
Like these are basic things, very basic things that I
know you can see with.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Your eyes, and I know when you know.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Maybe I'm not the like, the most top notch tidy,
but I know that when I clean, you know what
the fuck it looks like. So I know you know
the standard. I hate the fuck that you're gonna tell me.
I folded all the clothes, but I don't know where
your shit goes. So I didn't put it away because
guess what, when I fold close or when I put
clothes away, I know where all of your shit goes
(05:35):
because I've lived with you for three fucking years, and
I put it there.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
So it doesn't take but a very.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Small ounce of effort to fucking just say, where does
this go? Like if I need to label shit, I will,
But as a person who lives here, as an adult
who lives here, even this fucking ten year old who
lives here, everybody needs to know where everything goes. I
am not the person solely responsible for my shit, just
like I'm not on respond. I can put your shit away,
I can put away, I could put sheets away. I
(06:02):
know where everything goes, just like I know that the
fucking hair.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Doesn't belong on the bathroom floor.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
The fucking all this sheet on this fucking wood floor
or whatever aluminum vinel, whatever the fuck it is, doesn't
fucking belong there.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I know what it takes to take.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
A fucking room and sweep it across this motherfucker or
fucking vacuum.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
These are very small things that I'm asking for.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I work really hard. I worked really hard for this place.
I've been in really fucked up situations as far as
like living spaces. It's taking me a long time to
find stability by myself.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
No one's helping me. I don't get any handouts, no
one's helping pay this rent.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And so I think that I'm owed the respect of
at least everybody having the same fucking expectation of cleanliness.
So if I go out of town, you should take notes.
And if I go out of town and i'm you're like,
I've done so much. I take the kid to school
and I've done this, and the clothes are clean. But
I come home and all the fucking clothes are just
(07:04):
sprawled out in the living room, and I still have
to come home and fucking put the shit away and
fucking clean the toilet and fucking sweep the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
I don't want to hear how much you've done when
you haven't completed the task.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
It's annoying.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
We all should want to live in a place that's comfortable,
and for me, for my clarity to even function every day,
I need to wake up to a clean space. We
could all do better at it, but I just need
that when you make an effort, that the effort be
an actual fucking ten and not a fucking six. It
makes absolutely no sense. I just lifted up the fucking
(07:41):
toilet seat and it looks like a public restroom.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
What the fuck?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
It's irritating as fuck. I've made this point a lot,
and you say that you understand or thank you for
cleaning up. It looks so clean when you do it. Yeah, motherfucker.
So get on board, my nigga clean up the way that.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I clean up, and it's not rocket science. I'm not
asking you to be that.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I've even invested in people coming to help clean shit
up organize shit on more than one occasion, including your closet, So.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
If I ask you to keep it up, that is
a small ass. If I've invested in the person cleaning
the fucking shit.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
We are adults. I don't want clutter. I don't want
shit all over the fucking counters. I'm a clutteriss person,
and I'm trying to get out of it. I'm trying
to go to this bare minimum place.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Stop watching the game and take the fucking notes.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
And so if I.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Need you to make sure that things are away, you're
always making fun of me.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
People are coming over and now I'm scattering.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, motherfucker, because there's a standard to which a thirty
fucking something year old woman.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Wants to live. And I don't want to have to
scatter when someone comes over.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But if I say, get the shit off the counters,
put it in a designated place, please have enough respect
for me to do that as the head of household,
as someone who has had traumatic experiences with keeping a place,
being evicted, living with people. I really this is very
fucking important to me keeping my space in a certain manner.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Okay, that's my thing.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Thank you for venting? How can I soothe it?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
So one moment for everybody watching, he said, thank you
so much for venting. Did y'all hear that? He said,
thank you for expressing that, and now he wants to
know how he can support her.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Go right ahead, can you repeat back for me what
I said.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
You said that you would like for me to clean
at a certain standard that you feel is clean, clean
in a way where you feel that is similar to
how you clean and at a certain level.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
It's not about how the house was left.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
It's about about how you came back to the house,
and it doesn't it's not really even about the amount
that I've done. You want to see me do the
full work in your eyes, where everything is cleaned out
a certain standard and the job being finished in totality
all the way through.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
What level are you now?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
You're gonna wait for her to say thank you for sharing.
When you finish, let there be air, Let there be space.
She's gonna thank you for that. Repeat back, thank him
for sharing, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I'm at about a six and.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
A half, all right, for everybody who's watching. She's checking
in with her level. She started this event at a
level eight of frustration, and her partner is brave enough
to hold space for her frustration. And now he's given
her a soothing Oh, he's going to ask, how else
(11:03):
can I support.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
You you're at a six. How else can it support you?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Can you.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Provide some empathy for what I'm saying from where I'm
coming from, for having a house that I worked really
hard for wanting it.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
To stay in a certain space, I can provide empathy
for how you feel.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
I totally one.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Hundred percent understand how it feels to be living in
a space where it doesn't feel like the cleanliness is
at a level, where is at a standard that I
feel is important being in a space, in your own space,
where it's clean.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
And it feels good to come home. It doesn't It
doesn't feel.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Does It just doesn't feel good to be out in
the world working doing whatever the person of the world
then come home and not feel comfortable in your own home.
This is a place of peace and comfort, and you
should feel like that. You should feel that you come
here because that is what a home should feel like.
So I empathize if you've also been in the space
where you know it just seems like there's always something
(12:10):
else to be clean because the person there didn't want
to take the extra step to make sure like the
whole job is done, and it just feels like whatever
is left wasn't that big a deal.
Speaker 5 (12:20):
It can't be done. And also I can empathize with
the fact that of.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Like being paid attention to and just little things of
just knowing where things go because I pay attention to
the other person.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
So I can empathize with how you feel.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I think you're supposed to bring up us time.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Sorry, thank him for sharing, thank you for sharing. Are
you concerned about the way that he delivered that empathy?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
No, I just thought that empathy.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
You have to like bring up us something separate than
what we're talking about, where it triggered the same I did.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I said that there's been times that I've been in
a place where feeling someone did the extra step to
clean up like.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Whatever was left.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Okay, I didn't hear that thank you for sharing. I'm
at a one moment.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
When you tell him thank you for sharing, you take
your pause. He's going to ask you.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Thank you for sharing. Welcome, we'll lovelay you by now.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
I'm at a four.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
Okay. Is there any other way that I can continue
to support it? Sooth you?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yes? Can you can you answer an open ended question?
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Yes? I can answer an open ended question.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
Do you know I asked just a question that it's
not a year so now so hard for me do
nice question?
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Is he's trying to ask an open ended question, open
d questions or not yes or no questions, So she
has to ask him something deep or how he feels
about something, what do he thinks about something?
Speaker 3 (14:09):
What do you think or how do you feel about me.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Being anal or just being specific about the way that
I would like for you to clean or for our
house to look.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
Honestly, I can understand the level of cleanliness that you
want the house to be. I just also think that
it's a bit unfair because you are a walking clothing tornado.
You leave the reason why I honestly truly do try
to get to everything in the house. But when you
(14:45):
go to places like New York or you go to
Costa Rica when you're getting ready, what you do is
you leave clothes everywhere and anywhere. So on top of
going to get the kid, on top of editing and
doing work for your studio, on top of cooking dinner
for you to then happen to also clean up. It's
(15:06):
quite It's not hard, but it's quite challenging to get
to everything at the standard.
Speaker 5 (15:10):
That you feel you want it to be at.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
So yeah, I can get it clean to the standard
that you want to get to, but I have to
then overcome everything that you the way that you've left
the house, I can understand, like the bathroom could be
a lot better. I just can't get to the bathroom
because by the time I get to laundry, cooking, living room, bedroom,
take holding down the kid, helping her with giving her
(15:36):
attention to helping her recurr room or whatever she needs.
I haven't had the time. And it's not a matter
of standard or cleanliness. I just it's really a matter
of time, and I just can't get to everything because
I only have twenty four hours in the day. And
so yeah, I think I've also made it easier for
you to clean because I've gotten to all these things.
You know, all you really have to pay attention to
is making the bed, putting your own clothes away in
(15:56):
the bathroom, and I have the whole of the house
to take care of. But that's just how honestly how
I feel, And it doesn't take away from understanding your point.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
That's that's the fact. That was a sorry end of
my answer.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yes, Now, remember when you ask an open ended question.
You're giving your partner free reign to answer with their ego,
So that's what you have to expect. With the open
ended question. You asked them what did they think? So
now thank him for sharing, you for sharing, You're welcome
ask her? Does that support her at all?
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Does that support you at all?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (16:38):
I don't have to say.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
If it takes you up, you can say that that
wasn't supportive. It actually took me up.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Okay, I'm sorry before okay?
Speaker 5 (16:49):
And how else can I support or it helps you?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
There?
Speaker 5 (16:53):
I can also ask you.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
She's at a level for y'all.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Can you ask them and open ended question?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Yes, I can ask your opening in the question, how
do you feel about the work that I have done
with keeping the space clean.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I'm really grateful for the work that you do do.
I'm really grateful for the where you show up. I'm
really grateful for our meals. I'm really grateful for your
support with Luna. You're picking her up.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Even when I'm not here. I'm grateful that I can
trust you to do that. I'm grateful that you are
attentive and loving to her like she is your own child.
I'm grateful for your love and your words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I'm very grateful for all of those things, for you
supporting the studio and my business and me in more
ways than one hundred, I am beyond, beyond, over the
moon grateful for all of those things. We both have
jobs in the household. No, I can't do that.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
We both have jobs in the household, and we have
to perform those jobs in addition to keeping the house clean.
And I am grateful, and maybe I should affirm those
gratitudes more before showing so much focus on the bathroom
(18:16):
and on the floors and all the things that are
bothered I'm bothered by. I recognize that I could do that.
But welcome to adulthood, baby.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Tail her, tail her, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
Thank you for sharing that. Does that help support trun anyway?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Kind I'm out of three.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
I understand that anywhere else I can support or help
you do.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Can you offer me a simulation?
Speaker 5 (18:48):
Would you like?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I would like you to say.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I'm really grateful for for our space and how beautifully
it's decorated because of your decorative skills, and I I'm
going to try harder at knowing where your clothes go
so that we both can contribute to putting clothes away.
(19:18):
I'm going to go try harder at not leaving my
little fucking cares everywhere on the floors, and not leaving
my spit in the think and cleaning out the tap,
the things that I know you're bothered by, because I
know that these specific things affect your mood and your
attitude and they drive you crazy. I apologize for telling
(19:41):
you I don't need to know where your shit goes,
and I'm going to make an even harder effort at
figuring it out and doing the things to complete the tasks.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Even when sometimes I do leave for a.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Long period of time and there's a lot of duties
to do, I'm gonna try.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
My heart is to at least clean up to your standard.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Okay, Mila, I appreciate you and everything you've done for
this house and the rent that you pay. I'm very
honestly amazed at how beautiful you've made this house. It's
literally HGTV or the Home Channel like level of until
(20:25):
you're decorating, Mila Martha Stewart, I will make way more
of an effort to make sure that the house that
you have provided for us clean and beautiful. I will
make sure that I do things like where a bond
and so my psy and here ends don't end up
(20:45):
all over the bathroom and all over the place. I
will spit anywhere else but the sink, so that it's
not all over the place and I'm not leaving like
spit stains and sank. Cleaning the tub is very important
because how can you be clean in a dirty makes
no sense? And I want to make sure that I'm.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Making where your clothes go a priority.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
After I do the laundry and full of cloth, I
need to make sure I know where your clothes go,
and that needs to be your priority, like literally like.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
Def Con five priority, making sure I know where you're closed.
So I'm not simulating.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
So I want to make sure that I'm taking all
these things into consideration and also very seriously because I
see the amount of emotion that you have behind it
and how important it is to you. Thank you for sure,
and thank you. I hope that was helpful. Does that
help sue you in any way?
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Yes, I'm met it too.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Wow, she's down from an eight to it too, y'all?
Speaker 5 (21:46):
Is there anywhere else that I can support you in
this moment?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
I'm going to ask you question, Okay, is there anything
that I could do that could make this.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Easier for you? For example, getting.
Speaker 7 (22:04):
Maybe a little handheld vacuum in the bathroom so you
could just clean up your hairs immediately after they're all
over the floor on a daily basis, or maybe leave
gloves and a sponge next to the sink so you
could do it just you know.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Is there anything that I could do that could maybe
assist you outside of when I leave for a trip
and I may leave my clothes places.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I can Is there what ways can I assist you?
Speaker 4 (22:31):
I think the best way to assist me is for
us to just have specific room responsibilities, like if you
would take care of the bathroom in the bedroom and
I take care of the living room and the kitchen,
Because to me, regardless of whoever leaves a pleat in
the sink in the kitchen, I'm cleaning it up without
any questions asked.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Regardless of whoever leaves a sock.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
On the couch and living room, I'm going to clean
it up without any questions asked. So I think it
may be easier if we have specific room responsibilities and
also shut away the finger pointing of what people should
do in certain spaces. So regardless of like how trash
you leave the kitchen, I will clean the kitchen without
any complaint. And so that that's what I think would
(23:14):
be helpful for.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
For us in that way.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
Does that help soothe you in anyway? I'll support you
in anyway?
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Um, yes, what I bring you to okay, to.
Speaker 5 (23:40):
Help bring you? Help help you?
Speaker 3 (23:46):
M empathy, empathy repeat back opening question, open into question.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I can support you too, Maybe that would be how okay?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Can you give me empathy? Ken you? Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
I definitely empathize with you. Oh my god. You just
feel like that breadwinner who wants the person to really
take their position and to the person who reached the
benefits of your toil to take their position and really
understand that they have to go above and beyond and
(24:26):
show because you're going above and beyond and showing and proving.
So it's almost like, why would the solution include me?
Like I'm not, you know, like my solution that I'm
bringing to the table doesn't include you. Really, It's like
I have to do this, you have to do that.
It's like da da da, I get what you're saying.
I empathize with you. Definitely been in that situation as
(24:48):
a breadwinner woman myself. It is like, well, men get
a wife, lie, and they get a wife, I guess
because they are bread What if I'm the bread winner?
Can I get like wifely duties? Can I get? You
said this society? It's hard. I understand, and I empathize
(25:08):
with him too. But I'm trying to empathize with you,
like we have to do. Wives have to do whatever
it takes because they're in the home. When a man
get in a home, it's like they don't have the
same thought. Why not we have that thought? So it's hard,
(25:30):
it's so it's excruciating to really not feel supported when
you are doing what it needs to take to support
and have a household, you know, financially. So I empathize.
I'm in the same position.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Does that support you at all?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I'm out of one?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
How else can we support you?
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Can you give me a hug?
Speaker 5 (25:58):
Yes I can?
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Okay, Yes, I'm out of Sierra.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, well that was a big vent, Orlando. How did
you handle that? I mean, she laid it down and
I'm so happy, Like you're becoming a storm writer Orlando.
Speaker 5 (26:29):
That's what the too?
Speaker 1 (26:32):
What did you say?
Speaker 5 (26:33):
I wrote down some triggers too while she was on venting.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Good and see, this is what it takes like, this
is the storm writer. This is listening and hearing your
partner and soothing them. Do you have a counter vent?
Speaker 5 (26:49):
I actually do not.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Wonderful, Well, let's process her vent because we got to
process those triggers. So I'm going to open up a
fresh document and share with everybody. You're processing now. Remember,
if you're watching this, this is up level communication. It's
really really fun, right would you all say it's fun?
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, it's fun to understand.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
It's fun to be able to have a space for
your animal and your ego to event. It's fun to
know that you're not going to be in trouble or
be hell it be held personally against you. Yeah, it's
fun to know that it's actually theatrical to vent. It's
fun to know that all of the issues in which
you project are actually you're own.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Yeah, it feels more like a theater than like a battle.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Improv.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah, improv. That's cute. Well, good and see, I think
men hearing you say that, it is fun to hold
space for the feminine emotion. It's a game changer, and
I really appreciate your bravery for being here, Orlando, and
you too. I'm Jamila for sharing out loud. You understand
(28:05):
what you're going through. So let's look at I'm trying
to close some tabs because I'd be having a thousand
tabs open.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Because if I hadn't closed the tab I'm gonna forget
what I was doing.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Me too, It's like my desk organizer.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
He too, And then my computer won't start and I'm fucks.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
All the tabs closed. Then I'm so unhertated, like what
am I.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Supposed to be doing? Okay, well, good, We're gonna look
at this chart now. Remember everybody in the Divorce Proof
Club gets my tools, and I think my tools are
amazing because they're gonna help this couple to literally process
their emotion. Okay, so we're gonna start with some of
Jamila's triggers. Jamila and Orlando, do either of you all
(28:54):
remember some of the triggers I wrote yours your trigger?
Oh go ahea?
Speaker 3 (29:00):
It based on this event, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Based on this event.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
My trigger is coming home and things are not clean
to my standard.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
Mm hmm. I wrote that down cleanliness for her and standard.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
What else.
Speaker 5 (29:17):
Effort effort?
Speaker 1 (29:19):
You feel like when he's you're triggered when he's not
making an effort. Yeah, yeah, and it's really that he's
not appearing to make an effort. Yeah, in my opinion, yep,
in your opinion. Okay, And what else triggered you? I
(29:41):
thought you said something about what are you gonna say?
I think you said something about everyone needs to know
where everything goes. It's like your trigger, it's not It's
more than the EF.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Trigger is not you saying I don't know not knowing.
My trigger is someone telling me I don't know.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
That's triggering for me, me saying that, Yeah, I just
felt it. It's very triggering for me.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Okay, why why is that triggering for you? What is it?
What is the trigger?
Speaker 4 (30:24):
It's the fact that I can't I have to be
perfect and I have to be on point. I can't
just not know something like, I have to be aware
and know everything. And but if I do know everything,
or I think I know everything, and then I make
the wrong decision, then I'm also at fault. So I
feel the trigger is like feeling like I'm gonna lose,
lose situation regardless.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
But you don't know where everything goes.
Speaker 5 (30:47):
That's what I'm saying. I can't say that I don't know,
and that's triggering.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
But you don't.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
You don't even ask, like, hey can I can? I
can you show me where things go?
Speaker 4 (30:54):
But I have I have a step when I said, hey,
if I knew where you let me know where things? Oh,
you told me to just pay attention and then I
would know.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Okay, that would be that would be a part of
his vent and a part of his processing. So the
one that I pulled out was I'm triggered when I
feel alone in the caretaking of my life.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
I don't feel alone in the caretaking of my life.
I feel very partnered. I feel like there's a lot
of contribution. I just don't feel like in this specific
area that it is to the standard that it should be.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
Well, you should also mention the other the other trigger,
which is half assing. That's that's I think that'll be
more accurate of I feel triggered when I feel you're
half assing.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Okay, but it was something that you said that you're
thirty years old and you said that you want to
live your trigger when you're not feeling like you have.
It's a standard. Do we write the standard in there?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
I feel like I feel like all my friends.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Have nannies and housekeepers and shit and very clean houses,
and I would like to also maintain that standard without
a housekeeper in my household for clarity.
Speaker 5 (32:16):
That's that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Yes, that's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Okay, Oh, you're one where that I wrote down was
having to take on someone else's.
Speaker 5 (32:28):
Emotions before your own.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Like, like, if you have to come and say, you know,
the house looks a certain type of way or it
doesn't look up to my standard, I'm going to express
that to you before I have to take on the
fact that you've cleaned the house.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
So I have to give you gratitude or something like
uh like that bothers me.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
Yeah, it bothers you that you can't even you can't
even express yourself. You have to give to somebody else's
for you. You can say, like, hey, you know, this
really isn't that clean?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. That's a good one
to pull. That she had to put your emotions first,
even though she comes in the house she's upset, but
in order she has to coddle in order to ever
even get to her feelings.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
Okay, that was good, that's true.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
That's very good. All right. So I think that that's
a good amount of triggers here. So when we trigger,
when we list our triggers, we're going to use the
three way mirror. If you want to know how to
use the three way mirror, you can easily read up
level communication, or you can come into divorce proof club
like Orlando and Mila have. So coming home and things
(33:46):
are not clean to your standard? Is that a pattern?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
I have a question? Can you can? Can there be
more than one mirror? Like? More than one?
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Of course?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
I think this is a pattern and a probablivity and
maybe a potential.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Yeah, secret, hint, it's always all three. Okay, okay, so
how is this a pattern for you?
Speaker 2 (34:12):
When I'm growing up, I had a lot of responsibility
in my household. I'm the older sibling. My brother has
down syndrome. I was responsible for him a lot. My
parents went out a lot, and I had to do
a lot to be like I had freedom, but I
had more chores than any of my friends.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
I was like Cinderella, Like I.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Had to clean the kitchen a lot, and I also
have like a thing where before people come home, I
do clean quickly, heavily, because I think there's an expectation
of whoever's coming home should come home to a clean house.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Who made you Cinderella in your house?
Speaker 3 (34:52):
And why my parents?
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Because they didn't want to fucking take responsibility for shit?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Okay, were you the oldest or was there anybody else
to help?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
You know?
Speaker 5 (35:08):
Okay? The house and her little brother all at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Okay, So the pattern really comes from how would they
behave when they came home and the house was not right?
Speaker 3 (35:19):
I would like get cursed out and like shit talk too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, So you see that she has taken on Like
we say, we don't want to become our parents, but
we do because we are learning by watching them. So
this whole coming into the house, she expects it not
to be clean. She expects to have to say all
this stuff. This is a scene from her life that
(35:46):
she's very used to. Would you say that's true?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Yeah, But also I also say it's true because of
this pattern. A lot of times, if you leave and
you come back, is the house not clean?
Speaker 5 (35:59):
No? Not all the time?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Okay, Well, you're so the pattern is dual. You're saying
you put yourself under undue pressure because you learned that
you had to do that. But and also the pattern
is three minutes.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Okay, Rolanda's like, I'll be home in twenty minutes.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I generally like frantically clean, because this is my my pattern.
I'll be like, let me show you how clean I
can get it in twenty minutes. Let me show you
what I've been doing while you are gone. And not
all the time, but I would say ninety percent of
the time.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Yeah. True.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
So in order to avoid your parents' wrath, you cleaned
up real quick, and b you expect and act out
your parents' pathology both sides. Yeah, yeah, when when when
you come home?
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (36:54):
All right, yelled at the way her parents yelled at her.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Yep, I wait, no.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
To curse you out about the bathroom?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
All right? Well, why did you say proclivity?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Because maybe I'm not always the tidiest and it bothers
me that I am not like super organized. But I'll like,
I could wait and I'll let it build up and
then I like go crazy. But on on a regular basis,
sometimes I feel like I have a lot on my plate.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
I'm doing a lot of shit.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I'm taking care of a lot of shit, and so
I don't always get to it, but I would like to.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
All Right, So she's really yelling at you, she's yelling
at herself. M h. She doesn't like that part of herself.
So she went to the bathroom.
Speaker 5 (37:45):
Yeah, but I pretty much know her. I think I
think I could finish this out for her.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Why did she say this is a potential.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
So it's the fear of living with somebody and like
this being how they going to be forever?
Speaker 5 (38:00):
I think, oh, well not.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
I think she's lived with somebody before and they weren't
really the cleanest and it got to the point where
things were got so bad they had to like split
apart and he had to move out. But it never
got to the point where he changed and got clean
before that. So it was like, if this is going
(38:22):
to be a forever thing, you're not where any pants.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
Are from now.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
If this is going to be a forever thing, then
is he going to be am I going to be
like this untidy or this like dirty or not live
up to this.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
Clean standard for forever?
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Because the person before that she lived with never got
to that point.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Okay, so that's a pattern. Why did you say this
was a potential. I thought you said potential because you
wish that it was okay for you to just sit
around and not feel all this pressure, like he doesn't
feel this pressure.
Speaker 5 (38:57):
Oh okay.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
I thought potential was like she was worried about the
future of of like me being like this.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
No, in terms of that's a pattern where she's been
through this.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
I said potential because I mentioned that I have friends
that have housekeepers that their house is always super tidy,
like a fucking magazine, and I go over there and
then I'm like, I see that, and then I come
here and I'm like, there's probably a level of projection
and jealousy that they have, And I would like our house.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
To be at the same standard, even though I don't.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Necessarily have I don't have a housekeeper, not the housekeeper.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
Like his cleaning abilities to be to a housekeeper standards.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
And he would like she would like for you to
actually go to housekeeping school and.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
The chef of the house for the mathematician, because I'm
the kids homework housekeeping.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Do they have a housekeeping school?
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I think so? Yeah, why not they have etiquette school.
But the thing is is that she's not gonna get
none of that until she cleans up this pattern. Where
is the pattern happening when we talk about patterns, is
happening within us? These stories are already in your mind,
that your house is not clean, that it's that you
(40:29):
have to frantically clean it up, that you're going to
get in trouble if it's not clean, that it's never
clean enough, like all of those things came with you
from age seven age fourteen, That that is going to
be a melee when people come home. That is you
know all of that. So these are your old affirmations. Basically,
you learned I am at fault and that.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
People are judging me if people come over, and it's
not like people are judging me. Yeah, I always thinking
that people are talking.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah, And she thought that before she met you, Orlando,
So it doesn't matter what you do. And then the
next thing she really believes is that I am I
am not I'm not clean. That's what her parents taught her.
If they were yelling at you and saying this and
(41:22):
this and that it's not right Cinderella style, that means
you learn I'm not.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
Clean, right, onsibility falls on me.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Yep, and it's all my fault.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
Nobody's doing anything. But if I didn't do this one thing,
it's still my fault.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
Yep. And then you also learn your old affirmation was
it's a melee when we walk in the house, that
melee that happens with you and the feeling and the
tension all that. That's a learned You saw that one
hundred times, didn't you. What's a melee when your parents
walked in the house and there was a problem. Was
they're a melee?
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Yeah, like an issue?
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, yes, so there should be and are usually a melee.
We're coming home, that's in your that's a program.
Speaker 5 (42:16):
It's kind of like the quarrel before the fight.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Yes, you expect that, and I'm expecting when he comes
home and sees that the house is clean, like, oh wow,
the house is so clean. Ah, because it doesn't look
like when I clean. But when you come home you notice,
oh it's so clean. It looks totally different than when
I left when I do clean.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Yeah, well, you have a lot of affirmations running. These
are programs. These are the old programs that are running.
And this is what you believe is true. So until
you change these programs, that's like deleting the app. You
got to delete these apps. They run it running run,
You know how people pick up the phone and just
(43:02):
close all these apps.
Speaker 5 (43:03):
These are all the old tabs, yes.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Have all the.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Running slow your stuff running slow. Not so as you
delete these apps and replace them with new affirmations like I.
Speaker 5 (43:23):
Am not you?
Speaker 1 (43:25):
What did you say?
Speaker 5 (43:26):
I told the affirmation I told them before was I'm
not your dad, I'm not your parents.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Well what is the real new affirmation from what your
parents taught you about your value?
Speaker 5 (43:38):
You?
Speaker 4 (43:39):
I'm not It's not my fault when I don't know,
I'm Things aren't the way I want.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Them to be, right, I mean, what about I am enough?
Speaker 5 (43:51):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
I am clean enough, I am good enough. And everyone
sees my intrind sick value.
Speaker 5 (44:02):
Mhm. My efforts are noticed, My efforts are noticed.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
My house is a palace of cleanliness. Belong belongs on AHGTV.
So these are the new apps that you're going to download,
but youre is too much space on your computer. You
gott to delete these old ones in order to get
(44:31):
the new thing. You can try to change him all
day and send him to housekeeping school and do but
your programs, if they still run in the house, can
be clean as hell, and that melee has to happen.
It's it's what you expect. Okay, good, I am So
how do you feel about this? How do you feel
(44:52):
about looking at this a new way? Remedies are next
week we are going to give you the remedies like
emotional freedom technique lace m hm, her child work. This
is how you delete the programs.
Speaker 5 (45:06):
You know.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
We're gonna do that together next week.
Speaker 5 (45:09):
I love this, This is great.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
Why do you Why do you feel so exuberant, Orlando?
That wasn't even your thing? Oh? Is it because she's
not gonna look at you to change in order to
get herself feeling right?
Speaker 3 (45:25):
No, I'm looking for change.
Speaker 4 (45:26):
I mean I think I think it's not that it's
not that I can't change, it's that the pathway to
the change has been very like like a melee and
very hospital and very like aggressive.
Speaker 5 (45:38):
And when it's.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
Like when you're doing that much to make sure that hey,
she noticed like look look baby, but look at the stove.
Look how clean the stove is. And it's like I
don't give a fuck about the stove. My ship is
not away. It's like, but I work so hard on
the stone so you can see it. So it's like
when I think this would help like certain be noticed,
(46:00):
and then that would give me even more motivation to
take care of other parts of the house, like and
put my like instead of putting the twenty four to
seven effort to it, I'll put a twenty five eight
effort towards it.
Speaker 5 (46:11):
Like to make sure like these things are like done.
Speaker 4 (46:14):
But when it's not viewed that way, and I'm viewed
like a Cinderella or a housemaid, and it's like I
can't compete with your friend's housekeepers, It's like that's why
I feel like it's a lose lose situation, because I'm
putting a position against people that I can't compete against.
Like housekeepers don't live with you. They don't have to also,
like you know, cuddle your friends and sleep with your
(46:36):
friends and make sure they're take on other emotional aspects
of them.
Speaker 5 (46:40):
They just have to come clean leave.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
And if that was my only job and I didn't
have to like do anything else for you, then yeah,
maybe I would be The house will be spotless.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Right, but you're still you're focusing on your vent that
you didn't do. In her case, there's nothing wrong with
the motherfucking house. Yeah, it's that she has these built
in expectations and a built in wrath, an invisible wrath
(47:11):
that's gonna come for her. Who cares what the house
looks like?
Speaker 5 (47:16):
Right?
Speaker 1 (47:17):
He only cares because of her parents disposition. So that's
something she has to work on.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
And I think our inner child sometimes conflicts, like I
have this complex. His is like, don't blame me, look
what I've done, give me, give me gratitude for what
I have done. And I'm like coming in like his mother,
like my own mother or father, and I'm like, what
the fuck have you done? And he's like, whoa, can
you even see what I have done? And a lot
(47:45):
of times I can't because my parents didn't see what
the fuck I had done this, So I'm like, I
have a standard that is some like it's conflicting with
each other.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Our inner children are sometimes.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Like yeah, as all that show that you all are
also perfectly matched because the conditionings overlap that you have
to clear up. So if she wasn't triggering your thing
of you know, the blame people are blaming me almost
all my fault. I gotta do better. She's she's triggering
that perfectly, and you're triggering her thing. I'll be trying
(48:23):
to tell people that's all love is. That's why it's
so ugly, triggering each other. That's what love is the most.
The biggest trigger is who you're most attracted.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
To, and usually the triggers is what we run from.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Yes, you're trying to find somebody who won't trigger you.
You will never. If you do, you won't be attracted
to them. You'd be like, nah, they're too nice. You know.
I be hating when nice guys quote unquote nice guys
are like people think we're too nice. That's not true.
(48:56):
You just aren't going with the women who you know
what I'm saying, this woman triggered by you? You're looking.
I think those men are looking for a certain look.
But there's a lot of women who would be loving
them and be in a relationship with them. But anyways,
I want to do one of your triggers before we go.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Me.
Speaker 5 (49:16):
Let's look at the list.
Speaker 4 (49:21):
Number you're ready, Yeah, and my number one biggest trigger
is being ignored.
Speaker 5 (49:29):
I am yep, all right?
Speaker 1 (49:32):
And where in that story was she ignoring you. Why
did you write that down?
Speaker 5 (49:38):
Ignoring the effort that I made?
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Okay, so you were triggered when she ignores the efforts
that I make. Great, So is that a pattern?
Speaker 5 (49:50):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (49:51):
Is that a pattern? Okay, tell me your story of
when that has first happened with you.
Speaker 4 (49:57):
When I was a kid, I never got to express myself.
I was always shut down, and I took that as
a way of like, my emotions or how I feel
or whatever I have to say is being ignored. I
really didn't really get to speak or express myself in
the magnitude that I got until I actually met Mila.
(50:20):
So anytime that she lets me allows me to she's
allowed me to speak and really express myself on a
very deep emotional level.
Speaker 5 (50:29):
So when it gets to.
Speaker 4 (50:32):
It gets to a point where she's ignoring me about something,
then I feel as if I'm never gonna I'm losing
the person that finally gets me to speak and I'm
never going to find this again. So I'm gonna It's
like I finally reached this place where I feel great
and it feels good, and if I lose it, then
I'm never going to get it back. Because she's the
only one that has it.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Wow, So I hear a few more conditionings in there.
But let's let's stick to this. This is great. You
never got to express yourself. You always shut down. Whatever
you had to say was ignored. But what about your efforts?
Speaker 5 (51:09):
My efforts are I really also recognized? Is always being Oh?
Speaker 4 (51:14):
Well, the thing is like my mom had a very
tumultuous like relationship with my dad, and I was just
like always a trigger and a reminder to my mom
of my dad.
Speaker 5 (51:24):
So anything that I did do was never good enough
because she was always focused.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
On what could she be mad about when it came
to me, because she was angry with my dad.
Speaker 3 (51:35):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
So there's no way you could have won.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
It was a no win situation, which is why the
lose lose situation is so it's so deep and like
it really affects me a lot because I have to
I have to be right, and I have to know
what's going on and give the right answer. If I
don't give the right answer, then it's going to be
a problem, and then that retriggers the always being wrong.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
And if you do give the right answer, you're still
your dad's child, So it's still.
Speaker 5 (52:06):
Gonna be on, Well, you did this, but you didn't
do this.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
So that's why we're talking about a hair in the
bathroom because your pattern is that there was no win. Yeah,
hair in the bathroom is gonna be there. It's probably
gonna be there after you cleaned up, because you cleaned
in the bathroom.
Speaker 5 (52:27):
I did clean, but enough, I did clean the bathroom.
I cleaned the top once she came home.
Speaker 4 (52:31):
So and then the only reason why the hair is
there is because she took my hair out and then
I had to.
Speaker 5 (52:35):
Go in the bathroom and like.
Speaker 1 (52:39):
Hair there, that is I got here.
Speaker 5 (52:41):
It's just the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (52:42):
But the point is, it's like this consistent cycle of
like being perfect, being perfect, and regardless of my perfection,
the illusion of being perfect, and regardless of that, there's
always going to be something that's shown that's shows my imperfection.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
These are the affirmations. These are the apps. Look at
the apps you're running. I have to be perfect. No
matter what I do, I lose. There will always be
a flaw in me.
Speaker 5 (53:17):
Life isnt fair.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Life is not fair. That is not fair. Life is
not fair. These are running apps, running apps, and so
your reality. You look into your reality and there are
those proofs. Right, so when we heal, we're gonna do eft.
You understand, We're gonna do lacing, We're gonna do inner
(53:42):
child work. This is the only way. That's why they're
telling men, you gotta go to therapy. You gotta go
to therapy. But I don't know if therapy be doing
this right. This is not time we can talk away.
Speaker 4 (53:53):
Right, and funny enough, I've had to I have to
be perfect was one of my old ones, and I've
actually before we started this, I've had I've had to
say to myself, I am perfect regardless of what I do.
That's actually have been like one of my affirmations before
we started the program. But I've changed like what perfection
looks like to me. So it's like, regardless of what
(54:17):
I do, I am still perfect and I'm fine, and
I'm great, m have greatness within me.
Speaker 1 (54:23):
Yeah, okay, I put perfection means constantly growing actually.
Speaker 5 (54:29):
The nail on the head. That's actually what I would say,
all right.
Speaker 1 (54:33):
I love when people make that little shift of what
perfection actually means. Because the tree is perfect because it's constantly.
Speaker 4 (54:41):
Evolving, right, I'm always willing to evolve, So That's why
I've like viewed like you know, that's where the perfection
I mean comes from that.
Speaker 5 (54:49):
I fact, I'm always willing to listen, learn and grow.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
Okay, so life is so fair to me. I am
always recognized and celebrated. These are new programs that we're
gonna put in right. Yes, yeah, look at how easy
this is. Look at how clean and neat that is.
(55:13):
Look at how these stories fit together. Wow, I'm so
in love with this you all. Let me tell y'all
something next week and the week after that's when we're
doing this actual inner child work, the actual ceremony of that.
You all are gonna see a lot of shifts in
your relationship. I'm excited me to thank you all so
(55:37):
much always for being here for the after party. This
is the worst proof club where we do this with
seven couples. I'm about to enroll in divorce Proof Club again,
maybe in July or August. I do it whenever I
want to. I do it whenever spirit tells me to. Like,
I don't work for anybody but myself and for these couples,
for this world, for these people who want love to
(56:00):
be sustainable, and it is sustainable with the right tools, right, guys, Yeah,
it is.
Speaker 5 (56:07):
All right.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
Well, I'll see you out next week. If you are
have any questions and you're watching, you can always go
to Progressive Loove Academy dot com. And if you want
to know more about up Level, go to up level
dot com. If you want to see me on their podcast,
Mila or Orlando have a podcast, tell them about that
real quick.
Speaker 4 (56:25):
Yes, it's called love like this is about that before, during,
and after falling love. I feel like we all need
some level of guidance and we just talk about our
experiences of what we've been through going through life and
the tools that we've achieved throughout that, from up leveling,
from our own.
Speaker 3 (56:42):
The ones that we're figuring out.
Speaker 5 (56:44):
We're figuring it out.
Speaker 4 (56:45):
So we just want to talk about our own things
and just hopefully not hopefully, but it ends up being
relatable to everyone.
Speaker 5 (56:51):
And then we're all in this together.
Speaker 4 (56:53):
So we just have a group of listeners that we
call a group of lovers, and we're all just in
this together trying to figure out love and not in
the the basis of it all is to just not.
Speaker 5 (57:01):
Do it a lot.
Speaker 1 (57:03):
Wow. Costa Rica is on board and on deck. I
will put up some stuff about that. Are y'all still
going to Costa Rica? You sure are?
Speaker 2 (57:10):
June The Couples Retreat Tanta Couples Retreat in the Caribbean
side of Costa Rica the fourteenth.
Speaker 5 (57:17):
June fourteenth to the nineteenth. It's fun.
Speaker 2 (57:21):
We're gonna be doing friendship sexy shit, and it's super
deeply discounted right now.
Speaker 3 (57:26):
So if you're looking for a lever's trip in June.
Speaker 5 (57:28):
Come join us and we take care of you from
beginning to end.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
All right, I'm gonna have to find out about the discount.
I might need to be there thank one of.
Speaker 3 (57:36):
Your lovers or all three.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
Yeah, right, but that would cause me to pay more,
you know, I just bring people. Were gonna hook you.
Speaker 3 (57:44):
Up because you're healthy on us out tremendous right right.
Speaker 5 (57:47):
We need you there, But now it's.
Speaker 3 (57:49):
Gonna be a facilitator, like can you we need let
me ask you a question.
Speaker 1 (57:53):
You need to talk about that very seriously. I would
love to go.
Speaker 5 (57:56):
Yeah, we'd love to have you there.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
Yeah, we'll see y'all next week. Bye, everybody, La la lah.
Speaker 2 (58:07):
Like this
Like this tonight is our Divorce Proof Club Live. That
is a special night. It happens every Thursday night. And
I'm getting much better, y'all. I am trying to get better.
So I think that we are going live yay, Okay,
So there it is. I'm getting much better at getting
this stream up, y'all, Please forgive me. I started YouTube
(00:28):
in two thousand and seven. I started my YouTube, and
I just never did much with it because I was
always dealing with face freaking book and it was such
a huge thing back then. Remember two thousand and seven. Facebook,
That's when it came out, and so I stopped. I
started ignoring YouTube and going to Facebook and just never
(00:48):
got back to it. Then YouTube advanced so rapidly. I
was like, ah, wait for me. I'm excited to have
Jamila and Orlando with us here tonight. And I'm really, really,
really happy for you guys to be able to see
their progress. They are moving at the speed of lightning. Y'all.
You're not even married yet. Look at you. Yeah, I
(01:13):
know you all will be able to teach others who's
like going trying to do stuff like these tools that
you all are learning. I'm just so excited that you
all are on this journey. How was your evening tonight?
Now we moved from vent into process, and venting is
one thing everybody thinks. I want to vent. I gotta
(01:33):
get my emotions off, I want to share. I want
you to hold space. But what's next? What do you
all think about up level processing? That's the next step
in this journey.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
It feels like it's the meeting in the potatoes, meating
the potatoes, like the It feels like the venting was
the tip of the iceberg, which was very important to
set the container and to recognize who's speaking. But this
sessing part, it seems like it's digging past the surface,
which is the problem.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
I mean, not the problem, but the resolution. Rather. I
was excited to get to this part.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Good in Orlando, you're a man. You like to fix things.
You know how men say I don't want you to
get emotional because I want to just fix it. I
want to fix your emotion. Well this is a fix,
isn't it. Yeah?
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Yeah, this feels good because now we get to like
understand like where it comes from, and then I can
go and like do what I dig around and do
what I can do. What I can so that not
only I can like try and help fix it or
like not make like the same mistakes again, if I
know where it all comes from.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Right, and now is the fix where you thought the
fix would be? Because when men say they want to
fix it, aren't they saying they want to fix the
woman who's emotional?
Speaker 5 (02:48):
Yeah, fix problem, change her, change whatever it is.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
And this kind of feels like things can like stay
where it's at, but we can approach it much differently.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
And I don't have to change who you are, change
the core of some kind of solution.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Right. We haven't tried it yet because in class I
said I wanted you all to do yours here, But
I think this is what we have to do tonight.
I would love for you to do a minivent. Then
we're gonna pull those triggers from the minivent and process
those triggers.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
Okay, how y'all feeling?
Speaker 1 (03:26):
Yeah, that's why I want to do that. Y'all got
a vent for us tonight?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
I do?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Can I do you have space for me to vent?
Right now? Okay? I'm at a.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Eight.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I no one said anything wrong.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
It's nobody's fault. This is my.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Animal and egos speaking, I am so fucking irritated and
annoyed by the level of cleanliness that you think is clean.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
And then you're like, I did so much you were
out of town.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
I felled the clothes, I washed clothes, but there's always
so much more to complete when I get here.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
I'm so sick.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Of you and Luna half ass fucking cleaning around this
motherfucker and then like it's clean. And I know that
you have eyes, and I know that you see when
I clean what it looks like. And I know that
what you see when you clean what it looks like.
And I know that we're all doing a lot, and
I just feel like I pay a week. I pay
a lot of money in rent, and if I'm paying
(04:48):
fucking three grand a month thirty six thousand dollars a year,
we should come home to a place that's comfortable. And
I shouldn't have to go fucking piss in the bathroom
that looks like a public restroom. I shouldn't have to
see your fucking hair layer on the fucking sink and
on the fucking floor, and your fucking toothpaste spit in
the fucking bathroom, and fucking splattered shit on the mirror,
(05:09):
Like these are basic things, very basic things that I
know you can see with.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Your eyes, and I know when you know.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
Maybe I'm not the like, the most top notch tidy,
but I know that when I clean, you know what
the fuck it looks like. So I know you know
the standard. I hate the fuck that you're gonna tell me.
I folded all the clothes, but I don't know where
your shit goes. So I didn't put it away because
guess what, when I fold close or when I put
clothes away, I know where all of your shit goes
(05:35):
because I've lived with you for three fucking years, and
I put it there.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
So it doesn't take but a very.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Small ounce of effort to fucking just say, where does
this go? Like if I need to label shit, I will,
But as a person who lives here, as an adult
who lives here, even this fucking ten year old who
lives here, everybody needs to know where everything goes. I
am not the person solely responsible for my shit, just
like I'm not on respond. I can put your shit away,
I can put away, I could put sheets away. I
(06:02):
know where everything goes, just like I know that the
fucking hair.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
Doesn't belong on the bathroom floor.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
The fucking all this sheet on this fucking wood floor
or whatever aluminum vinel, whatever the fuck it is, doesn't
fucking belong there.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
I know what it takes to take.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
A fucking room and sweep it across this motherfucker or
fucking vacuum.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
These are very small things that I'm asking for.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
I work really hard. I worked really hard for this place.
I've been in really fucked up situations as far as
like living spaces. It's taking me a long time to
find stability by myself.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
No one's helping me. I don't get any handouts, no
one's helping pay this rent.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And so I think that I'm owed the respect of
at least everybody having the same fucking expectation of cleanliness.
So if I go out of town, you should take notes.
And if I go out of town and i'm you're like,
I've done so much. I take the kid to school
and I've done this, and the clothes are clean. But
I come home and all the fucking clothes are just
(07:04):
sprawled out in the living room, and I still have
to come home and fucking put the shit away and
fucking clean the toilet and fucking sweep the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
I don't want to hear how much you've done when
you haven't completed the task.
Speaker 3 (07:17):
It's annoying.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
We all should want to live in a place that's comfortable,
and for me, for my clarity to even function every day,
I need to wake up to a clean space. We
could all do better at it, but I just need
that when you make an effort, that the effort be
an actual fucking ten and not a fucking six. It
makes absolutely no sense. I just lifted up the fucking
(07:41):
toilet seat and it looks like a public restroom.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
What the fuck?
Speaker 2 (07:46):
It's irritating as fuck. I've made this point a lot,
and you say that you understand or thank you for
cleaning up. It looks so clean when you do it. Yeah, motherfucker.
So get on board, my nigga clean up the way that.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
I clean up, and it's not rocket science. I'm not
asking you to be that.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I've even invested in people coming to help clean shit
up organize shit on more than one occasion, including your closet, So.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
If I ask you to keep it up, that is
a small ass. If I've invested in the person cleaning
the fucking shit.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
We are adults. I don't want clutter. I don't want
shit all over the fucking counters. I'm a clutteriss person,
and I'm trying to get out of it. I'm trying
to go to this bare minimum place.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Stop watching the game and take the fucking notes.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
And so if I.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Need you to make sure that things are away, you're
always making fun of me.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
People are coming over and now I'm scattering.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, motherfucker, because there's a standard to which a thirty
fucking something year old woman.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Wants to live. And I don't want to have to
scatter when someone comes over.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But if I say, get the shit off the counters,
put it in a designated place, please have enough respect
for me to do that as the head of household,
as someone who has had traumatic experiences with keeping a place,
being evicted, living with people. I really this is very
fucking important to me keeping my space in a certain manner.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Okay, that's my thing.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Thank you for venting? How can I soothe it?
Speaker 1 (09:16):
So one moment for everybody watching, he said, thank you
so much for venting. Did y'all hear that? He said,
thank you for expressing that, and now he wants to
know how he can support her.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Go right ahead, can you repeat back for me what
I said.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
You said that you would like for me to clean
at a certain standard that you feel is clean, clean
in a way where you feel that is similar to
how you clean and at a certain level.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
It's not about how the house was left.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
It's about about how you came back to the house,
and it doesn't it's not really even about the amount
that I've done. You want to see me do the
full work in your eyes, where everything is cleaned out
a certain standard and the job being finished in totality
all the way through.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
What level are you now?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
You're gonna wait for her to say thank you for sharing.
When you finish, let there be air, Let there be space.
She's gonna thank you for that. Repeat back, thank him
for sharing, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I'm at about a six and.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
A half, all right, for everybody who's watching. She's checking
in with her level. She started this event at a
level eight of frustration, and her partner is brave enough
to hold space for her frustration. And now he's given
her a soothing Oh, he's going to ask, how else
(11:03):
can I support.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
You you're at a six. How else can it support you?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Can you.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Provide some empathy for what I'm saying from where I'm
coming from, for having a house that I worked really
hard for wanting it.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
To stay in a certain space, I can provide empathy
for how you feel.
Speaker 5 (11:23):
I totally one.
Speaker 4 (11:23):
Hundred percent understand how it feels to be living in
a space where it doesn't feel like the cleanliness is
at a level, where is at a standard that I
feel is important being in a space, in your own space,
where it's clean.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
And it feels good to come home. It doesn't It
doesn't feel.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Does It just doesn't feel good to be out in
the world working doing whatever the person of the world
then come home and not feel comfortable in your own home.
This is a place of peace and comfort, and you
should feel like that. You should feel that you come
here because that is what a home should feel like.
So I empathize if you've also been in the space
where you know it just seems like there's always something
(12:10):
else to be clean because the person there didn't want
to take the extra step to make sure like the
whole job is done, and it just feels like whatever
is left wasn't that big a deal.
Speaker 5 (12:20):
It can't be done. And also I can empathize with
the fact that of.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Like being paid attention to and just little things of
just knowing where things go because I pay attention to
the other person.
Speaker 5 (12:33):
So I can empathize with how you feel.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I think you're supposed to bring up us time.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Sorry, thank him for sharing, thank you for sharing. Are
you concerned about the way that he delivered that empathy?
Speaker 3 (12:47):
No, I just thought that empathy.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
You have to like bring up us something separate than
what we're talking about, where it triggered the same I did.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
I said that there's been times that I've been in
a place where feeling someone did the extra step to
clean up like.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Whatever was left.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Okay, I didn't hear that thank you for sharing. I'm
at a one moment.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
When you tell him thank you for sharing, you take
your pause. He's going to ask you.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Thank you for sharing. Welcome, we'll lovelay you by now.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
I'm at a four.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
Okay. Is there any other way that I can continue
to support it? Sooth you?
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Yes? Can you can you answer an open ended question?
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Yes? I can answer an open ended question.
Speaker 6 (13:43):
Do you know I asked just a question that it's
not a year so now so hard for me do
nice question?
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Is he's trying to ask an open ended question, open
d questions or not yes or no questions, So she
has to ask him something deep or how he feels
about something, what do he thinks about something?
Speaker 3 (14:09):
What do you think or how do you feel about me.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Being anal or just being specific about the way that
I would like for you to clean or for our
house to look.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
Honestly, I can understand the level of cleanliness that you
want the house to be. I just also think that
it's a bit unfair because you are a walking clothing tornado.
You leave the reason why I honestly truly do try
to get to everything in the house. But when you
(14:45):
go to places like New York or you go to
Costa Rica when you're getting ready, what you do is
you leave clothes everywhere and anywhere. So on top of
going to get the kid, on top of editing and
doing work for your studio, on top of cooking dinner
for you to then happen to also clean up. It's
(15:06):
quite It's not hard, but it's quite challenging to get
to everything at the standard.
Speaker 5 (15:10):
That you feel you want it to be at.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
So yeah, I can get it clean to the standard
that you want to get to, but I have to
then overcome everything that you the way that you've left
the house, I can understand, like the bathroom could be
a lot better. I just can't get to the bathroom
because by the time I get to laundry, cooking, living room, bedroom,
take holding down the kid, helping her with giving her
(15:36):
attention to helping her recurr room or whatever she needs.
I haven't had the time. And it's not a matter
of standard or cleanliness. I just it's really a matter
of time, and I just can't get to everything because
I only have twenty four hours in the day. And
so yeah, I think I've also made it easier for
you to clean because I've gotten to all these things.
You know, all you really have to pay attention to
is making the bed, putting your own clothes away in
(15:56):
the bathroom, and I have the whole of the house
to take care of. But that's just how honestly how
I feel, And it doesn't take away from understanding your point.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
That's that's the fact. That was a sorry end of
my answer.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yes, Now, remember when you ask an open ended question.
You're giving your partner free reign to answer with their ego,
So that's what you have to expect. With the open
ended question. You asked them what did they think? So
now thank him for sharing, you for sharing, You're welcome
ask her? Does that support her at all?
Speaker 5 (16:35):
Does that support you at all?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (16:38):
I don't have to say.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
If it takes you up, you can say that that
wasn't supportive. It actually took me up.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Okay, I'm sorry before okay?
Speaker 5 (16:49):
And how else can I support or it helps you?
Speaker 4 (16:51):
There?
Speaker 5 (16:53):
I can also ask you.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
She's at a level for y'all.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Can you ask them and open ended question?
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Yes, I can ask your opening in the question, how
do you feel about the work that I have done
with keeping the space clean.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I'm really grateful for the work that you do do.
I'm really grateful for the where you show up. I'm
really grateful for our meals. I'm really grateful for your
support with Luna. You're picking her up.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Even when I'm not here. I'm grateful that I can
trust you to do that. I'm grateful that you are
attentive and loving to her like she is your own child.
I'm grateful for your love and your words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
I'm very grateful for all of those things, for you
supporting the studio and my business and me in more
ways than one hundred, I am beyond, beyond, over the
moon grateful for all of those things. We both have
jobs in the household. No, I can't do that.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
We both have jobs in the household, and we have
to perform those jobs in addition to keeping the house clean.
And I am grateful, and maybe I should affirm those
gratitudes more before showing so much focus on the bathroom
(18:16):
and on the floors and all the things that are
bothered I'm bothered by. I recognize that I could do that.
But welcome to adulthood, baby.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Tail her, tail her, Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
Thank you for sharing that. Does that help support trun anyway?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Kind I'm out of three.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
I understand that anywhere else I can support or help
you do.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Can you offer me a simulation?
Speaker 5 (18:48):
Would you like?
Speaker 3 (18:49):
I would like you to say.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
I'm really grateful for for our space and how beautifully
it's decorated because of your decorative skills, and I I'm
going to try harder at knowing where your clothes go
so that we both can contribute to putting clothes away.
(19:18):
I'm going to go try harder at not leaving my
little fucking cares everywhere on the floors, and not leaving
my spit in the think and cleaning out the tap,
the things that I know you're bothered by, because I
know that these specific things affect your mood and your
attitude and they drive you crazy. I apologize for telling
(19:41):
you I don't need to know where your shit goes,
and I'm going to make an even harder effort at
figuring it out and doing the things to complete the tasks.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
Even when sometimes I do leave for a.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Long period of time and there's a lot of duties
to do, I'm gonna try.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
My heart is to at least clean up to your standard.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Okay, Mila, I appreciate you and everything you've done for
this house and the rent that you pay. I'm very
honestly amazed at how beautiful you've made this house. It's
literally HGTV or the Home Channel like level of until
(20:25):
you're decorating, Mila Martha Stewart, I will make way more
of an effort to make sure that the house that
you have provided for us clean and beautiful. I will
make sure that I do things like where a bond
and so my psy and here ends don't end up
(20:45):
all over the bathroom and all over the place. I
will spit anywhere else but the sink, so that it's
not all over the place and I'm not leaving like
spit stains and sank. Cleaning the tub is very important
because how can you be clean in a dirty makes
no sense? And I want to make sure that I'm.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Making where your clothes go a priority.
Speaker 4 (21:09):
After I do the laundry and full of cloth, I
need to make sure I know where your clothes go,
and that needs to be your priority, like literally like.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
Def Con five priority, making sure I know where you're closed.
So I'm not simulating.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
So I want to make sure that I'm taking all
these things into consideration and also very seriously because I
see the amount of emotion that you have behind it
and how important it is to you. Thank you for sure,
and thank you. I hope that was helpful. Does that
help sue you in any way?
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Yes, I'm met it too.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Wow, she's down from an eight to it too, y'all?
Speaker 5 (21:46):
Is there anywhere else that I can support you in
this moment?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
I'm going to ask you question, Okay, is there anything
that I could do that could make this.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Easier for you? For example, getting.
Speaker 7 (22:04):
Maybe a little handheld vacuum in the bathroom so you
could just clean up your hairs immediately after they're all
over the floor on a daily basis, or maybe leave
gloves and a sponge next to the sink so you
could do it just you know.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Is there anything that I could do that could maybe
assist you outside of when I leave for a trip
and I may leave my clothes places.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
I can Is there what ways can I assist you?
Speaker 4 (22:31):
I think the best way to assist me is for
us to just have specific room responsibilities, like if you
would take care of the bathroom in the bedroom and
I take care of the living room and the kitchen,
Because to me, regardless of whoever leaves a pleat in
the sink in the kitchen, I'm cleaning it up without
any questions asked.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
Regardless of whoever leaves a sock.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
On the couch and living room, I'm going to clean
it up without any questions asked. So I think it
may be easier if we have specific room responsibilities and
also shut away the finger pointing of what people should
do in certain spaces. So regardless of like how trash
you leave the kitchen, I will clean the kitchen without
any complaint. And so that that's what I think would
(23:14):
be helpful for.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
For us in that way.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
Does that help soothe you in anyway? I'll support you
in anyway?
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Um, yes, what I bring you to okay, to.
Speaker 5 (23:40):
Help bring you? Help help you?
Speaker 3 (23:46):
M empathy, empathy repeat back opening question, open into question.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
I can support you too, Maybe that would be how okay?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Can you give me empathy? Ken you? Oh?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
I definitely empathize with you. Oh my god. You just
feel like that breadwinner who wants the person to really
take their position and to the person who reached the
benefits of your toil to take their position and really
understand that they have to go above and beyond and
(24:26):
show because you're going above and beyond and showing and proving.
So it's almost like, why would the solution include me?
Like I'm not, you know, like my solution that I'm
bringing to the table doesn't include you. Really, It's like
I have to do this, you have to do that.
It's like da da da, I get what you're saying.
I empathize with you. Definitely been in that situation as
(24:48):
a breadwinner woman myself. It is like, well, men get
a wife, lie, and they get a wife, I guess
because they are bread What if I'm the bread winner?
Can I get like wifely duties? Can I get? You
said this society? It's hard. I understand, and I empathize
(25:08):
with him too. But I'm trying to empathize with you,
like we have to do. Wives have to do whatever
it takes because they're in the home. When a man
get in a home, it's like they don't have the
same thought. Why not we have that thought? So it's hard,
(25:30):
it's so it's excruciating to really not feel supported when
you are doing what it needs to take to support
and have a household, you know, financially. So I empathize.
I'm in the same position.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
Does that support you at all?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
I'm out of one?
Speaker 1 (25:52):
How else can we support you?
Speaker 3 (25:54):
Can you give me a hug?
Speaker 5 (25:58):
Yes I can?
Speaker 3 (26:01):
Okay, Yes, I'm out of Sierra.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, well that was a big vent, Orlando. How did
you handle that? I mean, she laid it down and
I'm so happy, Like you're becoming a storm writer Orlando.
Speaker 5 (26:29):
That's what the too?
Speaker 1 (26:32):
What did you say?
Speaker 5 (26:33):
I wrote down some triggers too while she was on venting.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Good and see, this is what it takes like, this
is the storm writer. This is listening and hearing your
partner and soothing them. Do you have a counter vent?
Speaker 5 (26:49):
I actually do not.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Wonderful, Well, let's process her vent because we got to
process those triggers. So I'm going to open up a
fresh document and share with everybody. You're processing now. Remember,
if you're watching this, this is up level communication. It's
really really fun, right would you all say it's fun?
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, it's fun to understand.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
It's fun to be able to have a space for
your animal and your ego to event. It's fun to
know that you're not going to be in trouble or
be hell it be held personally against you. Yeah, it's
fun to know that it's actually theatrical to vent. It's
fun to know that all of the issues in which
you project are actually you're own.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Yeah, it feels more like a theater than like a battle.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
Improv.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
Yeah, improv. That's cute. Well, good and see, I think
men hearing you say that, it is fun to hold
space for the feminine emotion. It's a game changer, and
I really appreciate your bravery for being here, Orlando, and
you too. I'm Jamila for sharing out loud. You understand
(28:05):
what you're going through. So let's look at I'm trying
to close some tabs because I'd be having a thousand
tabs open.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Because if I hadn't closed the tab I'm gonna forget
what I was doing.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Me too, It's like my desk organizer.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
He too, And then my computer won't start and I'm fucks.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
All the tabs closed. Then I'm so unhertated, like what
am I.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
Supposed to be doing? Okay, well, good, We're gonna look
at this chart now. Remember everybody in the Divorce Proof
Club gets my tools, and I think my tools are
amazing because they're gonna help this couple to literally process
their emotion. Okay, so we're gonna start with some of
Jamila's triggers. Jamila and Orlando, do either of you all
(28:54):
remember some of the triggers I wrote yours your trigger?
Oh go ahea?
Speaker 3 (29:00):
It based on this event, right, yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Based on this event.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
My trigger is coming home and things are not clean
to my standard.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
Mm hmm. I wrote that down cleanliness for her and standard.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
What else.
Speaker 5 (29:17):
Effort effort?
Speaker 1 (29:19):
You feel like when he's you're triggered when he's not
making an effort. Yeah, yeah, and it's really that he's
not appearing to make an effort. Yeah, in my opinion, yep,
in your opinion. Okay, And what else triggered you? I
(29:41):
thought you said something about what are you gonna say?
I think you said something about everyone needs to know
where everything goes. It's like your trigger, it's not It's
more than the EF.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Trigger is not you saying I don't know not knowing.
My trigger is someone telling me I don't know.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Yep.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
That's triggering for me, me saying that, Yeah, I just
felt it. It's very triggering for me.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Okay, why why is that triggering for you? What is it?
What is the trigger?
Speaker 4 (30:24):
It's the fact that I can't I have to be
perfect and I have to be on point. I can't
just not know something like, I have to be aware
and know everything. And but if I do know everything,
or I think I know everything, and then I make
the wrong decision, then I'm also at fault. So I
feel the trigger is like feeling like I'm gonna lose,
lose situation regardless.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
But you don't know where everything goes.
Speaker 5 (30:47):
That's what I'm saying. I can't say that I don't know,
and that's triggering.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
But you don't.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
You don't even ask, like, hey can I can? I
can you show me where things go?
Speaker 4 (30:54):
But I have I have a step when I said, hey,
if I knew where you let me know where things? Oh,
you told me to just pay attention and then I
would know.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
Okay, that would be that would be a part of
his vent and a part of his processing. So the
one that I pulled out was I'm triggered when I
feel alone in the caretaking of my life.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
I don't feel alone in the caretaking of my life.
I feel very partnered. I feel like there's a lot
of contribution. I just don't feel like in this specific
area that it is to the standard that it should be.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
Well, you should also mention the other the other trigger,
which is half assing. That's that's I think that'll be
more accurate of I feel triggered when I feel you're
half assing.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
Okay, but it was something that you said that you're
thirty years old and you said that you want to
live your trigger when you're not feeling like you have.
It's a standard. Do we write the standard in there?
Speaker 3 (31:59):
I feel like I feel like all my friends.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Have nannies and housekeepers and shit and very clean houses,
and I would like to also maintain that standard without
a housekeeper in my household for clarity.
Speaker 5 (32:16):
That's that's interesting.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
Yes, that's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Okay, Oh, you're one where that I wrote down was
having to take on someone else's.
Speaker 5 (32:28):
Emotions before your own.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Like, like, if you have to come and say, you know,
the house looks a certain type of way or it
doesn't look up to my standard, I'm going to express
that to you before I have to take on the
fact that you've cleaned the house.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
So I have to give you gratitude or something like
uh like that bothers me.
Speaker 4 (32:54):
Yeah, it bothers you that you can't even you can't
even express yourself. You have to give to somebody else's
for you. You can say, like, hey, you know, this
really isn't that clean?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. That's a good one
to pull. That she had to put your emotions first,
even though she comes in the house she's upset, but
in order she has to coddle in order to ever
even get to her feelings.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
Okay, that was good, that's true.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
That's very good. All right. So I think that that's
a good amount of triggers here. So when we trigger,
when we list our triggers, we're going to use the
three way mirror. If you want to know how to
use the three way mirror, you can easily read up
level communication, or you can come into divorce proof club
like Orlando and Mila have. So coming home and things
(33:46):
are not clean to your standard? Is that a pattern?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
I have a question? Can you can? Can there be
more than one mirror? Like? More than one?
Speaker 1 (33:55):
Of course?
Speaker 2 (33:57):
I think this is a pattern and a probablivity and
maybe a potential.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Yeah, secret, hint, it's always all three. Okay, okay, so
how is this a pattern for you?
Speaker 2 (34:12):
When I'm growing up, I had a lot of responsibility
in my household. I'm the older sibling. My brother has
down syndrome. I was responsible for him a lot. My
parents went out a lot, and I had to do
a lot to be like I had freedom, but I
had more chores than any of my friends.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
I was like Cinderella, Like I.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
Had to clean the kitchen a lot, and I also
have like a thing where before people come home, I
do clean quickly, heavily, because I think there's an expectation
of whoever's coming home should come home to a clean house.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
Who made you Cinderella in your house?
Speaker 3 (34:52):
And why my parents?
Speaker 2 (34:54):
Because they didn't want to fucking take responsibility for shit?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Okay, were you the oldest or was there anybody else
to help?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
You know?
Speaker 5 (35:08):
Okay? The house and her little brother all at the
same time.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
Okay, So the pattern really comes from how would they
behave when they came home and the house was not right?
Speaker 3 (35:19):
I would like get cursed out and like shit talk too. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, So you see that she has taken on Like
we say, we don't want to become our parents, but
we do because we are learning by watching them. So
this whole coming into the house, she expects it not
to be clean. She expects to have to say all
this stuff. This is a scene from her life that
(35:46):
she's very used to. Would you say that's true?
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Yeah, But also I also say it's true because of
this pattern. A lot of times, if you leave and
you come back, is the house not clean?
Speaker 5 (35:59):
No? Not all the time?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Okay, Well, you're so the pattern is dual. You're saying
you put yourself under undue pressure because you learned that
you had to do that. But and also the pattern
is three minutes.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Okay, Rolanda's like, I'll be home in twenty minutes.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
I generally like frantically clean, because this is my my pattern.
I'll be like, let me show you how clean I
can get it in twenty minutes. Let me show you
what I've been doing while you are gone. And not
all the time, but I would say ninety percent of
the time.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Yeah. True.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
So in order to avoid your parents' wrath, you cleaned
up real quick, and b you expect and act out
your parents' pathology both sides. Yeah, yeah, when when when
you come home?
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (36:54):
All right, yelled at the way her parents yelled at her.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
Yep, I wait, no.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
To curse you out about the bathroom?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
All right? Well, why did you say proclivity?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
Because maybe I'm not always the tidiest and it bothers
me that I am not like super organized. But I'll like,
I could wait and I'll let it build up and
then I like go crazy. But on on a regular basis,
sometimes I feel like I have a lot on my plate.
Speaker 3 (37:25):
I'm doing a lot of shit.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
I'm taking care of a lot of shit, and so
I don't always get to it, but I would like to.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
All Right, So she's really yelling at you, she's yelling
at herself. M h. She doesn't like that part of herself.
So she went to the bathroom.
Speaker 5 (37:45):
Yeah, but I pretty much know her. I think I
think I could finish this out for her.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Why did she say this is a potential.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
So it's the fear of living with somebody and like
this being how they going to be forever?
Speaker 5 (38:00):
I think, oh, well not.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
I think she's lived with somebody before and they weren't
really the cleanest and it got to the point where
things were got so bad they had to like split
apart and he had to move out. But it never
got to the point where he changed and got clean
before that. So it was like, if this is going
(38:22):
to be a forever thing, you're not where any pants.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
Are from now.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
If this is going to be a forever thing, then
is he going to be am I going to be
like this untidy or this like dirty or not live
up to this.
Speaker 5 (38:34):
Clean standard for forever?
Speaker 4 (38:36):
Because the person before that she lived with never got
to that point.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Okay, so that's a pattern. Why did you say this
was a potential. I thought you said potential because you
wish that it was okay for you to just sit
around and not feel all this pressure, like he doesn't
feel this pressure.
Speaker 5 (38:57):
Oh okay.
Speaker 4 (38:58):
I thought potential was like she was worried about the
future of of like me being like this.
Speaker 1 (39:05):
No, in terms of that's a pattern where she's been
through this.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
I said potential because I mentioned that I have friends
that have housekeepers that their house is always super tidy,
like a fucking magazine, and I go over there and
then I'm like, I see that, and then I come
here and I'm like, there's probably a level of projection
and jealousy that they have, And I would like our house.
Speaker 3 (39:32):
To be at the same standard, even though I don't.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
Necessarily have I don't have a housekeeper, not the housekeeper.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
Like his cleaning abilities to be to a housekeeper standards.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
And he would like she would like for you to
actually go to housekeeping school and.
Speaker 4 (39:56):
The chef of the house for the mathematician, because I'm
the kids homework housekeeping.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Do they have a housekeeping school?
Speaker 1 (40:06):
I think so? Yeah, why not they have etiquette school.
But the thing is is that she's not gonna get
none of that until she cleans up this pattern. Where
is the pattern happening when we talk about patterns, is
happening within us? These stories are already in your mind,
that your house is not clean, that it's that you
(40:29):
have to frantically clean it up, that you're going to
get in trouble if it's not clean, that it's never
clean enough, like all of those things came with you
from age seven age fourteen, That that is going to
be a melee when people come home. That is you
know all of that. So these are your old affirmations. Basically,
you learned I am at fault and that.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
People are judging me if people come over, and it's
not like people are judging me. Yeah, I always thinking
that people are talking.
Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah, And she thought that before she met you, Orlando,
So it doesn't matter what you do. And then the
next thing she really believes is that I am I
am not I'm not clean. That's what her parents taught her.
If they were yelling at you and saying this and
(41:22):
this and that it's not right Cinderella style, that means
you learn I'm not.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
Clean, right, onsibility falls on me.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Yep, and it's all my fault.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
Nobody's doing anything. But if I didn't do this one thing,
it's still my fault.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
Yep. And then you also learn your old affirmation was
it's a melee when we walk in the house, that
melee that happens with you and the feeling and the
tension all that. That's a learned You saw that one
hundred times, didn't you. What's a melee when your parents
walked in the house and there was a problem. Was
they're a melee?
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:01):
Yeah, like an issue?
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, yes, so there should be and are usually a melee.
We're coming home, that's in your that's a program.
Speaker 5 (42:16):
It's kind of like the quarrel before the fight.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Yes, you expect that, and I'm expecting when he comes
home and sees that the house is clean, like, oh wow,
the house is so clean. Ah, because it doesn't look
like when I clean. But when you come home you notice,
oh it's so clean. It looks totally different than when
I left when I do clean.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Yeah, well, you have a lot of affirmations running. These
are programs. These are the old programs that are running.
And this is what you believe is true. So until
you change these programs, that's like deleting the app. You
got to delete these apps. They run it running run,
You know how people pick up the phone and just
(43:02):
close all these apps.
Speaker 5 (43:03):
These are all the old tabs, yes.
Speaker 3 (43:08):
Have all the.
Speaker 1 (43:12):
Running slow your stuff running slow. Not so as you
delete these apps and replace them with new affirmations like I.
Speaker 5 (43:23):
Am not you?
Speaker 1 (43:25):
What did you say?
Speaker 5 (43:26):
I told the affirmation I told them before was I'm
not your dad, I'm not your parents.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Well what is the real new affirmation from what your
parents taught you about your value?
Speaker 5 (43:38):
You?
Speaker 4 (43:39):
I'm not It's not my fault when I don't know,
I'm Things aren't the way I want.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Them to be, right, I mean, what about I am enough?
Speaker 5 (43:51):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
I am clean enough, I am good enough. And everyone
sees my intrind sick value.
Speaker 5 (44:02):
Mhm. My efforts are noticed, My efforts are noticed.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
My house is a palace of cleanliness. Belong belongs on AHGTV.
So these are the new apps that you're going to download,
but youre is too much space on your computer. You
gott to delete these old ones in order to get
(44:31):
the new thing. You can try to change him all
day and send him to housekeeping school and do but
your programs, if they still run in the house, can
be clean as hell, and that melee has to happen.
It's it's what you expect. Okay, good, I am So
how do you feel about this? How do you feel
(44:52):
about looking at this a new way? Remedies are next
week we are going to give you the remedies like
emotional freedom technique lace m hm, her child work. This
is how you delete the programs.
Speaker 5 (45:06):
You know.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
We're gonna do that together next week.
Speaker 5 (45:09):
I love this, This is great.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
Why do you Why do you feel so exuberant, Orlando?
That wasn't even your thing? Oh? Is it because she's
not gonna look at you to change in order to
get herself feeling right?
Speaker 3 (45:25):
No, I'm looking for change.
Speaker 4 (45:26):
I mean I think I think it's not that it's
not that I can't change, it's that the pathway to
the change has been very like like a melee and
very hospital and very like aggressive.
Speaker 5 (45:38):
And when it's.
Speaker 4 (45:40):
Like when you're doing that much to make sure that hey,
she noticed like look look baby, but look at the stove.
Look how clean the stove is. And it's like I
don't give a fuck about the stove. My ship is
not away. It's like, but I work so hard on
the stone so you can see it. So it's like
when I think this would help like certain be noticed,
(46:00):
and then that would give me even more motivation to
take care of other parts of the house, like and
put my like instead of putting the twenty four to
seven effort to it, I'll put a twenty five eight
effort towards it.
Speaker 5 (46:11):
Like to make sure like these things are like done.
Speaker 4 (46:14):
But when it's not viewed that way, and I'm viewed
like a Cinderella or a housemaid, and it's like I
can't compete with your friend's housekeepers, It's like that's why
I feel like it's a lose lose situation, because I'm
putting a position against people that I can't compete against.
Like housekeepers don't live with you. They don't have to also,
like you know, cuddle your friends and sleep with your
(46:36):
friends and make sure they're take on other emotional aspects
of them.
Speaker 5 (46:40):
They just have to come clean leave.
Speaker 4 (46:43):
And if that was my only job and I didn't
have to like do anything else for you, then yeah,
maybe I would be The house will be spotless.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Right, but you're still you're focusing on your vent that
you didn't do. In her case, there's nothing wrong with
the motherfucking house. Yeah, it's that she has these built
in expectations and a built in wrath, an invisible wrath
(47:11):
that's gonna come for her. Who cares what the house
looks like?
Speaker 5 (47:16):
Right?
Speaker 1 (47:17):
He only cares because of her parents disposition. So that's
something she has to work on.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
And I think our inner child sometimes conflicts, like I
have this complex. His is like, don't blame me, look
what I've done, give me, give me gratitude for what
I have done. And I'm like coming in like his mother,
like my own mother or father, and I'm like, what
the fuck have you done? And he's like, whoa, can
you even see what I have done? And a lot
(47:45):
of times I can't because my parents didn't see what
the fuck I had done this, So I'm like, I
have a standard that is some like it's conflicting with
each other.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Our inner children are sometimes.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Like yeah, as all that show that you all are
also perfectly matched because the conditionings overlap that you have
to clear up. So if she wasn't triggering your thing
of you know, the blame people are blaming me almost
all my fault. I gotta do better. She's she's triggering
that perfectly, and you're triggering her thing. I'll be trying
(48:23):
to tell people that's all love is. That's why it's
so ugly, triggering each other. That's what love is the most.
The biggest trigger is who you're most attracted.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
To, and usually the triggers is what we run from.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Yes, you're trying to find somebody who won't trigger you.
You will never. If you do, you won't be attracted
to them. You'd be like, nah, they're too nice. You know.
I be hating when nice guys quote unquote nice guys
are like people think we're too nice. That's not true.
(48:56):
You just aren't going with the women who you know
what I'm saying, this woman triggered by you? You're looking.
I think those men are looking for a certain look.
But there's a lot of women who would be loving
them and be in a relationship with them. But anyways,
I want to do one of your triggers before we go.
Speaker 4 (49:14):
Me.
Speaker 5 (49:16):
Let's look at the list.
Speaker 4 (49:21):
Number you're ready, Yeah, and my number one biggest trigger
is being ignored.
Speaker 5 (49:29):
I am yep, all right?
Speaker 1 (49:32):
And where in that story was she ignoring you. Why
did you write that down?
Speaker 5 (49:38):
Ignoring the effort that I made?
Speaker 1 (49:40):
Okay, so you were triggered when she ignores the efforts
that I make. Great, So is that a pattern?
Speaker 5 (49:50):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (49:51):
Is that a pattern? Okay, tell me your story of
when that has first happened with you.
Speaker 4 (49:57):
When I was a kid, I never got to express myself.
I was always shut down, and I took that as
a way of like, my emotions or how I feel
or whatever I have to say is being ignored. I
really didn't really get to speak or express myself in
the magnitude that I got until I actually met Mila.
(50:20):
So anytime that she lets me allows me to she's
allowed me to speak and really express myself on a
very deep emotional level.
Speaker 5 (50:29):
So when it gets to.
Speaker 4 (50:32):
It gets to a point where she's ignoring me about something,
then I feel as if I'm never gonna I'm losing
the person that finally gets me to speak and I'm
never going to find this again. So I'm gonna It's
like I finally reached this place where I feel great
and it feels good, and if I lose it, then
I'm never going to get it back. Because she's the
only one that has it.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Wow, So I hear a few more conditionings in there.
But let's let's stick to this. This is great. You
never got to express yourself. You always shut down. Whatever
you had to say was ignored. But what about your efforts?
Speaker 5 (51:09):
My efforts are I really also recognized? Is always being Oh?
Speaker 4 (51:14):
Well, the thing is like my mom had a very
tumultuous like relationship with my dad, and I was just
like always a trigger and a reminder to my mom
of my dad.
Speaker 5 (51:24):
So anything that I did do was never good enough
because she was always focused.
Speaker 4 (51:29):
On what could she be mad about when it came
to me, because she was angry with my dad.
Speaker 3 (51:35):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (51:36):
So there's no way you could have won.
Speaker 4 (51:38):
It was a no win situation, which is why the
lose lose situation is so it's so deep and like
it really affects me a lot because I have to
I have to be right, and I have to know
what's going on and give the right answer. If I
don't give the right answer, then it's going to be
a problem, and then that retriggers the always being wrong.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
And if you do give the right answer, you're still
your dad's child, So it's still.
Speaker 5 (52:06):
Gonna be on, Well, you did this, but you didn't
do this.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
So that's why we're talking about a hair in the
bathroom because your pattern is that there was no win. Yeah,
hair in the bathroom is gonna be there. It's probably
gonna be there after you cleaned up, because you cleaned
in the bathroom.
Speaker 5 (52:27):
I did clean, but enough, I did clean the bathroom.
I cleaned the top once she came home.
Speaker 4 (52:31):
So and then the only reason why the hair is
there is because she took my hair out and then
I had to.
Speaker 5 (52:35):
Go in the bathroom and like.
Speaker 1 (52:39):
Hair there, that is I got here.
Speaker 5 (52:41):
It's just the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (52:42):
But the point is, it's like this consistent cycle of
like being perfect, being perfect, and regardless of my perfection,
the illusion of being perfect, and regardless of that, there's
always going to be something that's shown that's shows my imperfection.
Speaker 1 (53:05):
These are the affirmations. These are the apps. Look at
the apps you're running. I have to be perfect. No
matter what I do, I lose. There will always be
a flaw in me.
Speaker 5 (53:17):
Life isnt fair.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Life is not fair. That is not fair. Life is
not fair. These are running apps, running apps, and so
your reality. You look into your reality and there are
those proofs. Right, so when we heal, we're gonna do eft.
You understand, We're gonna do lacing, We're gonna do inner
(53:42):
child work. This is the only way. That's why they're
telling men, you gotta go to therapy. You gotta go
to therapy. But I don't know if therapy be doing
this right. This is not time we can talk away.
Speaker 4 (53:53):
Right, and funny enough, I've had to I have to
be perfect was one of my old ones, and I've
actually before we started this, I've had I've had to
say to myself, I am perfect regardless of what I do.
That's actually have been like one of my affirmations before
we started the program. But I've changed like what perfection
looks like to me. So it's like, regardless of what
(54:17):
I do, I am still perfect and I'm fine, and
I'm great, m have greatness within me.
Speaker 1 (54:23):
Yeah, okay, I put perfection means constantly growing actually.
Speaker 5 (54:29):
The nail on the head. That's actually what I would say,
all right.
Speaker 1 (54:33):
I love when people make that little shift of what
perfection actually means. Because the tree is perfect because it's constantly.
Speaker 4 (54:41):
Evolving, right, I'm always willing to evolve, So That's why
I've like viewed like you know, that's where the perfection
I mean comes from that.
Speaker 5 (54:49):
I fact, I'm always willing to listen, learn and grow.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
Okay, so life is so fair to me. I am
always recognized and celebrated. These are new programs that we're
gonna put in right. Yes, yeah, look at how easy
this is. Look at how clean and neat that is.
(55:13):
Look at how these stories fit together. Wow, I'm so
in love with this you all. Let me tell y'all
something next week and the week after that's when we're
doing this actual inner child work, the actual ceremony of that.
You all are gonna see a lot of shifts in
your relationship. I'm excited me to thank you all so
(55:37):
much always for being here for the after party. This
is the worst proof club where we do this with
seven couples. I'm about to enroll in divorce Proof Club again,
maybe in July or August. I do it whenever I
want to. I do it whenever spirit tells me to. Like,
I don't work for anybody but myself and for these couples,
for this world, for these people who want love to
(56:00):
be sustainable, and it is sustainable with the right tools, right, guys, Yeah,
it is.
Speaker 5 (56:07):
All right.
Speaker 1 (56:07):
Well, I'll see you out next week. If you are
have any questions and you're watching, you can always go
to Progressive Loove Academy dot com. And if you want
to know more about up Level, go to up level
dot com. If you want to see me on their podcast,
Mila or Orlando have a podcast, tell them about that
real quick.
Speaker 4 (56:25):
Yes, it's called love like this is about that before, during,
and after falling love. I feel like we all need
some level of guidance and we just talk about our
experiences of what we've been through going through life and
the tools that we've achieved throughout that, from up leveling,
from our own.
Speaker 3 (56:42):
The ones that we're figuring out.
Speaker 5 (56:44):
We're figuring it out.
Speaker 4 (56:45):
So we just want to talk about our own things
and just hopefully not hopefully, but it ends up being
relatable to everyone.
Speaker 5 (56:51):
And then we're all in this together.
Speaker 4 (56:53):
So we just have a group of listeners that we
call a group of lovers, and we're all just in
this together trying to figure out love and not in
the the basis of it all is to just not.
Speaker 5 (57:01):
Do it a lot.
Speaker 1 (57:03):
Wow. Costa Rica is on board and on deck. I
will put up some stuff about that. Are y'all still
going to Costa Rica? You sure are?
Speaker 2 (57:10):
June The Couples Retreat Tanta Couples Retreat in the Caribbean
side of Costa Rica the fourteenth.
Speaker 5 (57:17):
June fourteenth to the nineteenth. It's fun.
Speaker 2 (57:21):
We're gonna be doing friendship sexy shit, and it's super
deeply discounted right now.
Speaker 3 (57:26):
So if you're looking for a lever's trip in June.
Speaker 5 (57:28):
Come join us and we take care of you from
beginning to end.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
All right, I'm gonna have to find out about the discount.
I might need to be there thank one of.
Speaker 3 (57:36):
Your lovers or all three.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
Yeah, right, but that would cause me to pay more,
you know, I just bring people. Were gonna hook you.
Speaker 3 (57:44):
Up because you're healthy on us out tremendous right right.
Speaker 5 (57:47):
We need you there, But now it's.
Speaker 3 (57:49):
Gonna be a facilitator, like can you we need let
me ask you a question.
Speaker 1 (57:53):
You need to talk about that very seriously. I would
love to go.
Speaker 5 (57:56):
Yeah, we'd love to have you there.
Speaker 1 (57:58):
Yeah, we'll see y'all next week. Bye, everybody, La la lah.
Speaker 2 (58:07):
Like this
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