November 17, 2025 • 41 mins
Listen as Milah & Orlando discuss their experience with pre-marital coaching.
Social: @Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad @Progressive_love_academy
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
Social: @Milah_Mapp @Wh_orlandoroye @Hoochiemomanddad @Progressive_love_academy
Patreon: Patreon.com/LoveLikeThis
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I think some of you guys for them to come
on here.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
This is a divorce club. I'm very excited about it,
and I'm excited to have.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
People who are actually willing to share their life with
us here on YouTube in front of the entire world.
I got twelve couples in Divorce Proof Club. One of
them one is willing to come live. I do twelve
couples every three months, and I have done that for
the past two years here at Divorce Proof Club. This
(00:39):
is season seven, and we actually do stop divorces. Would
you guys think if y'all were married, this might stop
your divorce? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Luckily, Luckily we're not trying to stop divorce to one
divorce even the conversation.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
And that's why I'm so happy y'all are here, because
people get to see prevented their care as well, and
people who care enough to want to prevent, Like, why
isn't that more people who really want to do the
work up front? But maybe they think they are doing it.
Do you think that most people think we are doing
the work.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
I think they think they have.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
That.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
You say you think they don't think they have to
do any work.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I think they think that they have it already, they
got it?
Speaker 4 (01:24):
Did they think we're in love? We're about to get married.
That's all we need is love.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Did you hear the guy on the call tonight when
I said, well, why did you get married?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
What was the purpose? And what his response was? It
was nothing? It was like because I wanted to be
with you forever? Is that everybody's thought? Why are y'all
getting married? Prior to this course? Don't say nothing from
this course? Why would you all want to get married?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Like?
Speaker 3 (01:51):
What would be the purpose?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I think because we wanted to uh have a partnership
that healed our generational lineage.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Anyone, Well, y'all were closer to the purpose.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
When I say the purpose is growth, it sounds like
you wanted to get together to grow beyond your old patterns,
your old lineage that is deep.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Is that really it? Orlando was for you? Or did
you learn that? How did you come across that thought pattern?
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Honestly, I just wanted to be happy.
Speaker 6 (02:23):
I wanted to be happy, and I thought that having
somebody by your side can like bring this happiness because
like finding happiness is a sole person alone, it's much
harder than doing it with somebody. So I thought, like,
you know, being married and finding somebody will bring this
(02:43):
like other level of joining happiness to your life.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
That you can't access unless you have somebody.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
But within doing that, I think that I thought that
like not having tools but just being yourself wasn't enough.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
So I didn't really I don't really need anything. I
didn't even need to.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
I just thought like, oh, yeah, I'm a guy and
just being me enough, and you know you should look
at me and just one respect me and be loyal
to me, right.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Just because you're a guy, just because you're you're a
great guy.
Speaker 6 (03:15):
Yeah, I'm a great guy of a man, so you
should respect and be loyal. And I don't really need
any tools to help this relationship. Just loving me is enough,
and I think that's how a lot of men might
go about it.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
So when you think about now what you're picking up here,
I want you know tonight we are going to use
the tools.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Every week we use the tools, guys.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
We're using up level communication, which you can see in
my background, which is a framework, the only actual communication
framework written by a person of African American descent. So
there are three major frameworks. Non violent communication you've heard
of that.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, we're kind of we read that one.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
What did you think?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I liked the observation of your own feelings, So I
don't think a lot of people take the time to
observe their own feelings and then to the request what
they need.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Don't think a lot of people take that time.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
But the book overall is kind of very sterile, and
there's a lot of just like repetitive examples that I
don't really think make it easier to implement.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Right, Yeah, what do you think?
Speaker 5 (04:22):
For me?
Speaker 6 (04:22):
It was I don't think it really gig you the
range and option to touch.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
On all your emotions.
Speaker 6 (04:29):
I felt like it was a lot of suppression on
what we would call like the animal and your anger emotion.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
And I think that.
Speaker 6 (04:36):
All your emotions like were important, So it didn't really
give me a space to like touch in on all
my emotions on how to communicate all my emotions non violently.
It was more about it kind of felt kind of
felt like, hey, in a perfect a perfect world, put
yourself in a perfect space and then express yourself as
like I won't.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Always be in a perfect space in a perfect environment all.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
The time, right, so there's non communication on the far
left spectrum.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Then there's radical honesty. Have you heard of that one?
Speaker 5 (05:06):
Yes, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Realize it was a like a formal like communication system,
like non violent communication.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I thought it would just be honest.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, it's the actual formal mode of communication that says
I will say whatever the fuck I want.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
You know, it's like I'm radically honest.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
But the concern with both of those in my view,
and we're up level in my view, in my egos,
from my egos perspective is the best because they don't
make you determine who is speaking right. So I'm being
radically honest with you. And I think I'm telling the
what the.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Truth, knowing that there's more than one truth and that
someone can feel totally different from you and that's valid.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And not me knowing myself that I'm not sharing the truth.
I think I'm sharing the truth. That is a problems.
That's the centrifugal communication problem. Yeah, and that no one
in either of those segments identify this yet and Lilo me,
a black girl from Detroit, has come up with a
up level communication. I just think I'm a fabulous being.
(06:12):
I love it and I love that you all are
going to show us how it works.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Tonight, you're going to vent.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Last week we heard a nice hefty vent from sister
Mala and me went out in and we're proud of
that that you were vulnerable enough to do that. Now,
let me show everybody because they're probably like, if they're
watching for the first time, they're.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Saying, what exactly is this? What is a vent?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And we have a very specific way. You're looking at
the folder right now that I use for my class.
Got that Virgo rising. Everything is needed here and everything
is tailored and measured. So when we talk about an
up level vent, we're talking about a venting person and
a witness. Who is going to be the venting person
(07:00):
since tonight and who is gonna be the witness?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yes, so they know their role in the conversation.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
That's first. Next, he's going to set up a container.
So let's hear you do all steps of the up
level container and set up your container. Oh men, I
meant to tell you that last week Jimmy, I felt like,
oh my gosh, I should have stopped her and made
her set up a tighter container.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I think you set up a tighter container.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Isn't that a good question.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
So, when I really am about to go off for real,
for real and I really have a dark vent, I'm
out of ten, I'm gonna set up a real big container,
like you've really done nothing wrong. I know that I'm
crazy right now, Like I feel like I could just explode,
like I really want to hit you, But I know
that that's wrong, and I know that this is gonna
(07:50):
be a big vent.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
You have done nothing wrong. I know that this is
just my ego lying. Okay, are you okay with this?
Do you have space for that? It's big? You see
what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
You get you give more emphasis on the fact that
you know it's nobody's fault. You know that I'm here
and this is not your responsibility.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yes, not just going through it real fast like nobody's
anything wrong. This is just my egos speaking. I'm at
level ten. Are you ready well that you know?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I just I really make a bigger container if the
vent is bigger, does that make sense? Yeah? Is that
your daughter that y'all looking at? No child?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
He got the game on?
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Oh? I was like, what's going on? Because I was thinking,
if that's your daughter, are you teaching her yet? Okay?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
So I want to hear that I feel like this.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I feel like this is the this is the part
that I'm in right now. I mean, wait about like
learning this program is that I'm seeing it come, like
I'm seeing where it would be useful, and like my relationships,
like my business partner, like my kid. And now I'm like, Okay, well,
how do I enforce this in a in a container.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
With someone who that doesn't know it yet?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And then be And I think that sometimes the hardest
thing learn something new and then being strong enough to
implement it into new relationships and new areas of your
life and avoid going back into old patterns and saying, listen,
I know we have a lot to get through right now,
but this is what I learned, and I think this
would be beneficial and like bringing these types of conversations
(09:20):
to new spaces because I love it and I think
it's important. But I think sometimes when feelings are super heightened,
it's harder to have the wherewithal to be like, Okay,
we're going to do this newest form of communication, my
new teacher, can you taught me something new?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Listen to me?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Listen that guys, No, it's so hard to implement it
with people who haven't known it yet in the moment,
it would have to be like, these are the ways
I have this as my onboarding for my company, like
all of my coders in Nairobi the event, because from
the beginning of our relationship this was in their employee handbook.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
So I understand you're saying, but yes.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
And then play a handbook of my friends and family.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yes, I taught my family. I use thanksgivings to do it.
Christmas is to do it. When nobody's arguing, Hey, we're
gonna play.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
This game, and that's how we do it. I need
to make cards, don't I Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
That would be a good one. And I'm trying to
make cards. A thousand decks for the low.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm gonna do that, and then you put out one
when it's time. This is the next?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Which one do you want? Oh? I'm gonna do it?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Okay, all right, So let's hear your setup. You're gonna
set up your up level container.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Let's see how it's done.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Can I bet to you right now?
Speaker 6 (10:46):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Sure? Yes, this is right now?
Speaker 6 (10:52):
Yes, Okay, this is my ego speaking. I'm at about
a level four.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Nobody's done anything wrong.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
And I just want to let you know that it's
really annoying.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And wait a minute, hold on just a second. She's
going to get prepared by getting a piece of paper
and a pin.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
She's going to take notes.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
You didn't anything else to say. Who's speaking lovelier.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So your ego speaking, You're at a level four. She's
ready to hold space.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 6 (11:33):
It's been really annoying in an adjustment of just how
fucking friendly you are. You don't have to be all
over in everybody's face, make a friend everywhere, and it's
been challenging to watch you and feel like you don't
have good discernment in choosing who your friends are.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
Like everybody just has access to you.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
I think that's one been one of my least attractive
traits when it comes to you. Just everybody has access
to you, and everybody can kind of like come in
and just infiltrate, and because of that access to you,
it kind of makes it feel like they had access
to me. And I just don't think that I don't
(12:16):
necessarily life feel like anybody can just be able to
come in and touch us, to touch our energy, and
I feel like you let people in that don't need
to be there.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
Yeah, that's quite fat.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Thank you for venting. How can I suite you?
Speaker 5 (12:42):
Can you ask me open end the question?
Speaker 7 (12:49):
Do you.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Mentioned that my friendliness is the least attractive thing about me?
Did you all? Is that something you always felt or
is this a feeling that developed recently? Okay, well.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Have you.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
We can't hear you, baby.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
You know I'm not going to fucking open ending questions?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
How how now? Hold on? Hold on? Did you ask
him an open ended question?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
He said it was yes or no.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
I think I asked her if she can ask me
an open question?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
You mentioned that this is my your least favorite traitor
about me? Have you always felt that way? Or is
this something that developed recently? So I guess that is
a yes or no question?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Yeah, just ask him how? Why why he feels that way?
Or what do you want to know about it?
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Why do you feel this way?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Do you feel this is like an overall arching belief
or is this in a specific situation that you feel
this way?
Speaker 6 (13:53):
This isn't an over arching belief like I said, it's
really just uh, it's really just.
Speaker 8 (14:02):
A protection thing where I don't want to see you
feel hurt or feel like somebody got to you that
wasn't even that important.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
You can be sensitive, empathetic and have a lot of
feelings towards people, especially how they treat and act towards you.
And I don't want anybody to have that kind of
access to you where they can make you feel a way,
or make you feel any other emotion other than good.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
And so I don't like seeing that.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
And another part of that is after they do something
that you don't like, you come, come, You're going to
come complain back to me, and I don't really like.
Speaker 5 (14:41):
Care and complaining.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Okay, how do you how does it make you feel?
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Thank you for sharing?
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Where are you at now?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
I am down to a two?
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Okay, sue you further?
Speaker 5 (14:55):
Can you just give me a hug and a kiss?
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Yes? What are you feeling now?
Speaker 5 (15:09):
I am down to a zero?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Wonderful? That was a quickie? I love quickies. So what
did you say?
Speaker 6 (15:20):
This one really stood out to me because after I
learned about proclivity, I was I was okay, Like I
used to really feel a way about that her friendliness,
and then after a while I got to a point
where I got it got kind of manageable with me,
Like you.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Realize your.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Let let's let's let's walk them slowly into the concept,
because I think that they're hearing what you're saying, like, wow,
I do that too, But I don't know that everybody
watching would understand what the word proclivity means.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
So let's let's pull up one of your charts. You
don't have one here yet? Right?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
No?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Yeah, he did it, had them on to the level first.
It was ours, it's both of ours, but this is
on there.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Okay? Is this it right here?
Speaker 4 (16:12):
I think? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
So these are the next steps when you are processing,
when we move from up level and again, all of
this is available in.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
My book Up Level Communication, which is sort of a
jokey book because you're not going to read this book
and really do it, but you can understand the process.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Okay, doing it is what they're doing. We're doing it
in community. So Orlando, is this on your list already?
This is a list of Orlando's triggers from our club?
Is this on your list already?
Speaker 5 (16:49):
Though?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
All right, so tell me the trigger again.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Friendliness me specifically being too friendly? Yeah, which is honestly
triggering for me.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Oh good, then you'll counter vent in a bit.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
All right, I'm going to put this one up higher
so that we can actually we'll leave it down here.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
So these are patterns, proclivities, or potentials.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
These are three types of reflections that we use here
with our tool, the three way mirror. So in this
second slot, you're going to tell us that you think
this is a proclivity. Yeah, So can you explain to
anybody who might not understand what is a proclivity?
Speaker 6 (17:32):
Proclivity is when you feel a way or you're angry
about somebody else doing something that you yourself also portray
and do.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yes, most psychologists call this projection, right, So my.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Proclivity, well in this is that I am also friendly
as hell.
Speaker 6 (17:53):
And I realized, like I was saying, when I realized
what proclivity is, I thought about this one specifically, and
I realized stem from that I was never the priority
or got the most attention in my house for my mom,
because any attention that came to me always was associated
or averted back.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
To her being all into my dad. So I never
felt like prioritized.
Speaker 6 (18:18):
So now I've grown to be a person that really
likes attention from the people that I like it from,
and when Miela is giving somebody else attention. I am
getting my feelings about it because I like the attention
and I like to feel prioritized. So it's not necessarily
(18:38):
her her friendliness that bothers me is that I'm not
getting the attention that I want at the moment that
I wanted.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
So this is a proclivity and a pattern.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Yes, a proclivity and a pattern.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Nice, look at that, double whammy? Yeah, doubleheader? All right,
and so real life, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
You just realize that.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Yeah, no, I was saying.
Speaker 6 (19:03):
I realized that, and I was able to align it
with proclivity when we learned it a week ago. And
so now like understanding and explaining my feelings on things
have become a lot easier and a lot better with
knowing or having the knowledge.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Of these things.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Wow, I'm so happy to hear that, because you know,
it used to be that Jamila's doing something. Yeah, and
she's doing this and I have to stop her from
doing it.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
So now what is it? Where's the focus and energy?
Speaker 7 (19:36):
The focus and energy is loving her for loving people?
I would, yeah, acceptance.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
And I would I kind of want I do.
Speaker 6 (19:52):
I do know that I actually want my person to
be a nice and kind person, and usually the nice
and kind, people are friendly, and people gravit to them,
and people do gravitate to her because she has traits
of someone that you will gravitate to. Like she listens well,
she asks questions, She's she's caring, she's empathetic, and these
are she's fun, and these are all traits that people
(20:16):
gravitate to. So it's not that I'm even mad at
her for having these traits, because these are the traits
that I love about her and that made me fall
in love with her. And it's more so about what
happened to me as a child where I wasn't prioritized
and realizing that she.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Can do both.
Speaker 6 (20:35):
That she can be friendly, she can give somebody else
her attention in time and still also be prioritizing me
at the moment, and doing one doesn't mean that the
other is being taken away from me.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Oh wait, how does that make you feel? Jami?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Love To know that this is the route he's gonna
take with this instead of projecting it.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
Makes me feel grateful because there is.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
He has the ability to examine the entire scope of
the initial statement.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Yes, love that. Oh my god, what if all men
did this and all.
Speaker 7 (21:17):
Yeah, I thought about that too, like, Wow, we all
had this, We escaped so many things.
Speaker 6 (21:22):
Because one of the things that puts pressure on my
mind since we got engaged was thinking, Oh, is it
going to be like this forever? Am I gonna be
uncomfortable forever? Am I going to be upset forever? Before
we got engaged, I was just like, Okay, that's annoying,
but it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
And it really wasn't.
Speaker 6 (21:38):
But now that once we got engaged, I started thinking
about the things that aren't that big of a deal
and thinking like, oh, is this gonna be not that
big of a deal forever? And ten years is going
to go from not that big of a deal to
really being like standing on my sitting on my chest.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (21:52):
So now that I like I have this understanding, I
don't I have one less thing that's on my mind
that's weighing on me, One less worry and one less
pressure on the relationship. And I feel like as time
goes on, if this thing sits there and weighs there
and every time I see her being friendly, it's going
to get worse and worse and worse and build up
and build up to a place that it never had
to be and the whole time, it was never real's
(22:14):
fault in the first place, it was my mom's.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Indeed, that is so different, and then it's not even
really your mom's fault per se.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
The experience you had conditioned you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Ow oh, so that gives you hope to actually get married,
because that's what everybody think is now, I don't need
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Why I get married. I'm not dealing with no day,
you know, because they're like, I don't want to be
uncomfortable like this, Like she's triggering me and she won't stop.
Speaker 7 (22:45):
Yeah, it's like, okay, so.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Welcome to life.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Yes, but but but life without the tool, it is
almost impossible to deal with being triggered like that every day.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
And I think that we're taught that they should they
really should change. If they love you, they will stop
doing that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, right, A lot of men and help me with this, Jamila,
because you talk to a lot of people with your
podcast and tell them about your podcast.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
We always got to talk about your podcast on here.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I have a podcast called Good Mom's Bad Choices, and
I also have a podcast with my love here called
A Love Like This, And we're doing a lot of
talking about a lot of shit, mom, shit, women, shit, growth,
evolution and Orland and I are talking about just the
discovery of healthy ways to have a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
So when you think about what's happening online and people
feel this gender war, I just don't think it's a
gender war. I think it's a pulling away.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
From systems that don't work so that we can find
systems that do.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Because I'm not in a gender war. I just haven't
been for twenty years. I'm like, what is there my fighting?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I'm looking at myself in my partner.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
I like men.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Yeah, I like myself, So I like everybody around me
because they're my reflection. Right, Oh oh was that too far?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
No, I'm tired of the gender wars. And I also
feel like it's like, yeah, it's a it's a breaking
away from like our car archaic stereotype, like the care
stereotypes that we've been socialized and conditioned to believe.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
And I think we're also like at the brink of
it where people are starting to wake up.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
And so, like I said, the men, the patriarchy is shifting,
and it's it's harder for them to let go because
they've been privileged from it. They've been When you've afforded
the privilege of the system, it's harder to release it.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
It's harder to pluck.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
These bitches their hose. They want to fucking suck, and
so do I. But that's not the point.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
That's what you've been conditioned to believe for so so long.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
So I do think like it's it's it seems like
it's men hate women because a little bit they do.
But eventually the new belief systems are going to come
in and they're gonna see that partnership is way way
more productive than ownership.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Right, partnership is way more productive and effective than ownership.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Everyone. I love that. So you got a counter event.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I hope I didn't talk you off the ledge of
feeling your feelings about what he said.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Now I can have I have a little sum sum
to say good.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
But I was gonna say being talked off the ledge.
Now that you know about processing, it talks you off
the ledge of real heavy events, doesn't it, because you're
thinking and knowing.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
I already started processing before I've had the event.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
There you are, but we're not gonna do that because
that's called bypassing. So let's get into the event.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
Do you have space for me to vent? Yes, okay,
I'm at A four. This is my ego speaking maybe
some of my animal and no one's done anything wrong.
But I you know, based on the things that you said,
A I realized that statement.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Can you take notes? Take notes?
Speaker 1 (26:30):
That statement triggers the fuck out of me because I've
been told by other insecure relationships that I'm too friendly,
I'm too friendly, I'm too friendly, and I went, fucking world,
has friendly ever been a negative fucking attribute?
Speaker 4 (26:45):
You want a bitch, You want a fucking non friendly bitch,
you want an evil bitch.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
I don't know what kind of bitch you want. But
one of the things I can agree that I could
probably have more discernment. And I know you know that
I've learned that this last year in the friendships that
I've you know, been I've allowed in our space.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
But I also feel like this is my superpower. This
is who I am.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
This is deeply ingrained and who I am because this
is a part of my purpose. People do gravitate towards
me easily because this is a part of my messaging.
This is how I relate to the world and this
is what gives me energy. I really would like you
to take some time to reflect on the fact that, Maggie,
you are very fucking friendly.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Too, and I think that we are actually like.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
The dynamic of our friendships right now is you live
in a city where I'm from. All of my friends
are here, your friends are somewhere else, so you're living
a little bit. You've plopped yourself out of your world
into mine. And I have a lot of female friends
and I share you with a lot of those friends,
as I would love you too. I want you to
be the man in our tribe. I want people to
(27:55):
depend on you. I want people to feel comfortable with
you and come, you know, take have advice from you,
spend time with you. That is something that I do enjoy. However,
if we're talking about being friendly, and shit, you're very
friendly specifically to all my friends. You're everybody's boyfriend, and
that is annoying sometimes. However, I recognize that this is
(28:16):
a part of who you are, and this is part
of the reason that I love you, and the part
of the reason we get along so well is because
we're both friendly fucking people. I don't know if you've
ever dated a mean ass bitch. But I've dated a
mean ass man and it was not fun. People wanted
to come over. He's acting like a dick. He's in
the back room. I don't even know why. What's the problem.
We mesh on the fact that we are people people.
(28:37):
Our house is a safe haven for our friends and
for our people. People feel comfortable coming to us individually
or together, and that's a blessing. And I really would
like you to recognize that before attacking my character and
saying the one the thing you hate most about me
is my friendliness.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
I think you should be more intentional with your words,
and I think that at it's a projection because I
do give you a lot of the tension. That's it.
Speaker 5 (29:08):
Thank you for rening it's Hamia suit here.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
Can you give me a simulation?
Speaker 5 (29:17):
Sure? What would you like me to simulate?
Speaker 4 (29:19):
I like you to say, Mila, I love how friendly
you are.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Actually, your friendliness is what brought me here. This is
why I'm here because you're so friendly. And I love
the way you love your community and your friends and
the way you love me. And I recognize how much
attention you give me while being friendly.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
Despite the fact that you might have made two bad.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Friendship decisions in the last six months, actually the last
three years too, just too bad friendship decisions, and you
were on board.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
I didn't force you to be any of those friends hips.
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Yeah, well me, I gotta let you know. I love
your friendliness.
Speaker 6 (30:07):
Honestly, That's the reason why I moved all the way
across the country from New York to LA because you
were friendly. You were friendly to me, and I loved it.
You also allow me to be friends with your friends,
your group of friends in LA and even titled me
the tribal husband because you want me to be as
(30:28):
friendly as you are, because you loved with some assholes
before and they're me. You don't like me and people,
I mean you, you've only had two bad friendships that
pop up in the last three years, but who's really counting.
Then that's not really important because think about the plethora
of all the other good relationships that we've had within
(30:51):
those years, and that's amazing. And honestly, I was on
board for those bad friendships too, So you're not even
at fault to to play it, I mean partially, and
it could be my fault also because I'd be cooking
for everybody and making them feel welcome and coming to
our safe haven and making them feel friendly.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
So I be on board with on the on the
friendly ship.
Speaker 6 (31:10):
So I just wanted to know that, yes, you're not alone, Ivan,
it's my fault as well.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
Thank you, You're welcome. What level are you right now?
Speaker 3 (31:20):
I'm not a one.
Speaker 5 (31:21):
Okay. Is there anywhere else that I can see you
right now?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (31:25):
Can you?
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I mean, I'm I'm sure you've been called friendly in
some of your relationships from your ex bitches.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Can you give me some empathy about the statement that
you just made.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
Of course, Mila, I empathize with you being called too
friendly and things like that. I understand how you may
feel getting that from not only from a stranger, but
even from somebody that you love.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I've also been told in.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
My past or past relationship that I am too friendly
and or are very flirtatious.
Speaker 5 (32:02):
So and all all the time I thought I was
very safe and platonic and just being.
Speaker 6 (32:08):
Nice, and it was taken another way that I wasn't
trying to put off or wasn't my intentions. So yeah,
once again, I understand where you're coming from with hearing
the words to friends, and how.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
It could be triggering, especially as a woman.
Speaker 5 (32:28):
Especially as a woman, and how how it can just
come off based on, you know.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Coming from men, and how friendly can be synonymous with her.
Speaker 5 (32:38):
And how friendly?
Speaker 6 (32:39):
Can I understand how friendly you taking it as friendly
could be synonymous or how because then maint it that
with that kind of intention, So I empathize with you.
I can see how it could be taken the wrong way.
And I've also been in those positions and it's been
uncomfortable to hear that when that my attention.
Speaker 5 (33:01):
So thank you, You're welcome. But let's support you at all,
support you at all?
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Yes, another one?
Speaker 5 (33:12):
One?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
You had one? She was at one before?
Speaker 4 (33:16):
Can you give me a case?
Speaker 5 (33:22):
How does that support you?
Speaker 4 (33:23):
It supports me a lot?
Speaker 2 (33:24):
And madam zero, right, Well, let's process that little that
little trigger.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
Pooh, we like that one.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I understand we have such triggers around being called anywhere
near a hole, don't.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
We, And the fact that friendly, I know that friendly
is synonymous for being a hole. The trauma that I
have is that's what men do.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Yeah. Yeah, so y'all were sharing a sheet here, Yeah,
I'll make my own, okay, So let's have your trigger.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
But go back up right there, I have you already have.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
It, Jay leaving without announcing unfairness. Taking with that, okay,
imbalance unfairness.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
I don't like for someone to ask something of me
that they won't they don't expect of themselves.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
Okay, but let's specifically do a different trigger here.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
The trigger is I don't like, let's do the whole
I don't like being called anything that might even insinuate.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Yeah, m hm, yes, but it's behaviors that I see
that you possess.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Oh, I was talking about the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get Okay, Okay, that's my trigger.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
You're right, yeah, and I want to dig into a
hard one. I'm doing this on purpose because I know
you can do that. All right, So let's let's find out.
Is that a pattern of proclivity or a potential?
Speaker 4 (35:00):
You call me home?
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Is that approclivity I'm triggering when you call me a
home because I'm a home.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
I couldn't.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
No, I'm doing it from my perspective.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yes, he's doing it from she's doing it from her Orlando.
She's gonna think about this, hush uh a process for her.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
I think it's a pattern.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
Okay, so when is the first time you felt triggered
around that concept?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Maybe I think growing up just being called fast because
I wanted to wear makeup, I had cleavage, I'm a
sensual I was a sentual young lady because I'm a
sensual adult woman and I'm a woman. So I think
growing up hearing my grandma called me fast asking about
my outfit selections, and just people in my community make comments,
(35:57):
even as like a young girl, Yeah, that must.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Have been really painful. Why were they so uptight and.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Life as they're black? I think that's cultural and also
I think Christianity. My grandma's a Christian and just systematically
what we've been told is this equals this in the
black community. Specifically, you're outside wearing glitter and makeup and
(36:24):
their parents aren't calling them hosts.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
And it wasn't fair because we would be going looking
on homely and they would be, oh, it's thirteen, we're fifteen,
we can wear this, you know.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Yeah, I'm wearing fucking stockings.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yes, stockings was a no no, that was something off
like you don't need stockings, but you could wear tights, right, Ah,
that was the worst. So this pattern, this is a
pain living within you.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
You realize that, and it's a it's an app running
that you're going to always call that to you because
you haven't cleared your register.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
You really believe what your grandma said? If you didn't,
it wouldn't bother you, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:12):
I guess I don't.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
I think I'm good at suppressing, so I don't feel
like it bothered me. But obviously if in my thirties
or in my twenties a man is making comments and
it triggers me to that extent.
Speaker 4 (37:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, you never discredited her and credited yourself. You're still
in a shame loop with that that she started, right,
So what are some remedies?
Speaker 4 (37:39):
I think? Oh, like the ones who've gone over are
just the ones.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Any there's millions of remedies I have too, the eft
and the lay thing that we do in the club.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Yeah, I think EFT. I think also just empowering my
daughter doing it differently. Yeah, time my grandma, my dad
was at my house. My daughter was like six, and
he came over and her and her friend were wearing
like my shoes.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
They're in the house, in the house, walking around the
shoes because they're emulating what they see.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
And my dad was like, take that off. He looks
like a little houccie. You're a little hood rat. And
I was like, why the fuck would you call these
six year old's fucking houccies. And he's made this big
deal And.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
At the time he was like in my house using
my key, and I was like, Yo, you gotta go,
you gotta get out. Yeah, I'm like, I like, whatever
way we went about this when I was six is
not what's about to happen here. I don't appreciate that
you gotta go. And it was painful, and I made
him give me my keyback to do because I have.
I feel like there's also this in debt, debt to
(38:43):
your parents to always show up.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
For them because they fed you and you were alive.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
However, I think that was me shifting the trajectory of
how my boundaries and what my what my daughter's experience
was going to be.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Yeah, yep, I'm gonna find another word for boundaries. But
I love that you said that. It's just saying like,
that's not where I live.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I don't live in the dimension you live in, so
please don't bring that dimension here. However, at some point
you're gonna be like, I don't care what dimension you
bring here, Like I live in the fifth dimension and
I can educate you on that, you know.
Speaker 4 (39:20):
Like it doesn't trigger me so irrid, like so angry.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Yeah, it wouldn't even trigger You'd be like, huh, what
are you talking about? Like we live on a whole
other planet. There's nothing wrong with Look, you guys look great.
These guys are just old folkus. They still on the
old program.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
You know.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
It's like funny, but that's not until you really let
that little girl, you know, she's the one inside of you.
Like nobody's gonna do that, you know, Like, you know,
it's just.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Like defending myself now that I can now that I'm
an adult, now I can say something, but I'm still
probably coming from that space of being eleven or twelve
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Eleven or twelve at grown and now you can yet
now you can say it, but it's really actually nothing,
like it was a lie from the first place, right, Yeah?
Speaker 4 (40:11):
Am I going to react that strongly to something that
I know is a lie?
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Like, No, I don't know if I said you got
green scales, what would you think? Nothing? Sometimes right, So
that's where you want to get to. You see that difference?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, all right, well you guys. I am so proud
we are at the end of our forty five minute session.
For y'all to sit and stay after a one and
a half hour class is beautiful. Everybody watching This is
the Voice Proof Club. I do it every three months.
We enroll again for August. I'll put the link in
the bio. And if you want to do this on
(40:49):
YouTube instead of coming to my club and paying the
price to be in my club.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
You can do it.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
I love taking people on YouTube and doing live like
I'll coach anybody.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
You bring the worst case to me, Jamila for real, I.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Got you, got you for real advocating for this guys,
so you need to advocate for yourselves too.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
All right, thank you so much for presenting Divorceproof club
work here on YouTube and I will see everybody next week.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Good night, Lah like this
Like this.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I think some of you guys for them to come
on here.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
This is a divorce club. I'm very excited about it,
and I'm excited to have.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
People who are actually willing to share their life with
us here on YouTube in front of the entire world.
I got twelve couples in Divorce Proof Club. One of
them one is willing to come live. I do twelve
couples every three months, and I have done that for
the past two years here at Divorce Proof Club. This
(00:39):
is season seven, and we actually do stop divorces. Would
you guys think if y'all were married, this might stop
your divorce? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Luckily, Luckily we're not trying to stop divorce to one
divorce even the conversation.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
And that's why I'm so happy y'all are here, because
people get to see prevented their care as well, and
people who care enough to want to prevent, Like, why
isn't that more people who really want to do the
work up front? But maybe they think they are doing it.
Do you think that most people think we are doing
the work.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
I think they think they have.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
That.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
You say you think they don't think they have to
do any work.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I think they think that they have it already, they
got it?
Speaker 4 (01:24):
Did they think we're in love? We're about to get married.
That's all we need is love.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Did you hear the guy on the call tonight when
I said, well, why did you get married?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
What was the purpose? And what his response was? It
was nothing? It was like because I wanted to be
with you forever? Is that everybody's thought? Why are y'all
getting married? Prior to this course? Don't say nothing from
this course? Why would you all want to get married?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Like?
Speaker 3 (01:51):
What would be the purpose?
Speaker 1 (01:53):
I think because we wanted to uh have a partnership
that healed our generational lineage.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Anyone, Well, y'all were closer to the purpose.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
When I say the purpose is growth, it sounds like
you wanted to get together to grow beyond your old patterns,
your old lineage that is deep.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Is that really it? Orlando was for you? Or did
you learn that? How did you come across that thought pattern?
Speaker 5 (02:21):
Honestly, I just wanted to be happy.
Speaker 6 (02:23):
I wanted to be happy, and I thought that having
somebody by your side can like bring this happiness because
like finding happiness is a sole person alone, it's much
harder than doing it with somebody. So I thought, like,
you know, being married and finding somebody will bring this
(02:43):
like other level of joining happiness to your life.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
That you can't access unless you have somebody.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
But within doing that, I think that I thought that
like not having tools but just being yourself wasn't enough.
Speaker 5 (02:57):
So I didn't really I don't really need anything. I
didn't even need to.
Speaker 6 (03:00):
I just thought like, oh, yeah, I'm a guy and
just being me enough, and you know you should look
at me and just one respect me and be loyal
to me, right.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Just because you're a guy, just because you're you're a
great guy.
Speaker 6 (03:15):
Yeah, I'm a great guy of a man, so you
should respect and be loyal. And I don't really need
any tools to help this relationship. Just loving me is enough,
and I think that's how a lot of men might
go about it.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
So when you think about now what you're picking up here,
I want you know tonight we are going to use
the tools.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Every week we use the tools, guys.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
We're using up level communication, which you can see in
my background, which is a framework, the only actual communication
framework written by a person of African American descent. So
there are three major frameworks. Non violent communication you've heard
of that.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, we're kind of we read that one.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
What did you think?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I liked the observation of your own feelings, So I
don't think a lot of people take the time to
observe their own feelings and then to the request what
they need.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Don't think a lot of people take that time.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
But the book overall is kind of very sterile, and
there's a lot of just like repetitive examples that I
don't really think make it easier to implement.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Right, Yeah, what do you think?
Speaker 5 (04:22):
For me?
Speaker 6 (04:22):
It was I don't think it really gig you the
range and option to touch.
Speaker 5 (04:27):
On all your emotions.
Speaker 6 (04:29):
I felt like it was a lot of suppression on
what we would call like the animal and your anger emotion.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
And I think that.
Speaker 6 (04:36):
All your emotions like were important, So it didn't really
give me a space to like touch in on all
my emotions on how to communicate all my emotions non violently.
It was more about it kind of felt kind of
felt like, hey, in a perfect a perfect world, put
yourself in a perfect space and then express yourself as
like I won't.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
Always be in a perfect space in a perfect environment all.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
The time, right, so there's non communication on the far
left spectrum.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Then there's radical honesty. Have you heard of that one?
Speaker 5 (05:06):
Yes, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Realize it was a like a formal like communication system,
like non violent communication.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I thought it would just be honest.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, it's the actual formal mode of communication that says
I will say whatever the fuck I want.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
You know, it's like I'm radically honest.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
But the concern with both of those in my view,
and we're up level in my view, in my egos,
from my egos perspective is the best because they don't
make you determine who is speaking right. So I'm being
radically honest with you. And I think I'm telling the
what the.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Truth, knowing that there's more than one truth and that
someone can feel totally different from you and that's valid.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
And not me knowing myself that I'm not sharing the truth.
I think I'm sharing the truth. That is a problems.
That's the centrifugal communication problem. Yeah, and that no one
in either of those segments identify this yet and Lilo me,
a black girl from Detroit, has come up with a
up level communication. I just think I'm a fabulous being.
(06:12):
I love it and I love that you all are
going to show us how it works.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
Tonight, you're going to vent.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Last week we heard a nice hefty vent from sister
Mala and me went out in and we're proud of
that that you were vulnerable enough to do that. Now,
let me show everybody because they're probably like, if they're
watching for the first time, they're.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Saying, what exactly is this? What is a vent?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
And we have a very specific way. You're looking at
the folder right now that I use for my class.
Got that Virgo rising. Everything is needed here and everything
is tailored and measured. So when we talk about an
up level vent, we're talking about a venting person and
a witness. Who is going to be the venting person
(07:00):
since tonight and who is gonna be the witness?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Yes, so they know their role in the conversation.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
That's first. Next, he's going to set up a container.
So let's hear you do all steps of the up
level container and set up your container. Oh men, I
meant to tell you that last week Jimmy, I felt like,
oh my gosh, I should have stopped her and made
her set up a tighter container.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I think you set up a tighter container.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Isn't that a good question.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
So, when I really am about to go off for real,
for real and I really have a dark vent, I'm
out of ten, I'm gonna set up a real big container,
like you've really done nothing wrong. I know that I'm
crazy right now, Like I feel like I could just explode,
like I really want to hit you, But I know
that that's wrong, and I know that this is gonna
(07:50):
be a big vent.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
You have done nothing wrong. I know that this is
just my ego lying. Okay, are you okay with this?
Do you have space for that? It's big? You see
what I'm saying?
Speaker 1 (08:01):
You get you give more emphasis on the fact that
you know it's nobody's fault. You know that I'm here
and this is not your responsibility.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yes, not just going through it real fast like nobody's
anything wrong. This is just my egos speaking. I'm at
level ten. Are you ready well that you know?
Speaker 3 (08:17):
I just I really make a bigger container if the
vent is bigger, does that make sense? Yeah? Is that
your daughter that y'all looking at? No child?
Speaker 4 (08:27):
He got the game on?
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Oh? I was like, what's going on? Because I was thinking,
if that's your daughter, are you teaching her yet? Okay?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
So I want to hear that I feel like this.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I feel like this is the this is the part
that I'm in right now. I mean, wait about like
learning this program is that I'm seeing it come, like
I'm seeing where it would be useful, and like my relationships,
like my business partner, like my kid. And now I'm like, Okay, well,
how do I enforce this in a in a container.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
With someone who that doesn't know it yet?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
And then be And I think that sometimes the hardest
thing learn something new and then being strong enough to
implement it into new relationships and new areas of your
life and avoid going back into old patterns and saying, listen,
I know we have a lot to get through right now,
but this is what I learned, and I think this
would be beneficial and like bringing these types of conversations
(09:20):
to new spaces because I love it and I think
it's important. But I think sometimes when feelings are super heightened,
it's harder to have the wherewithal to be like, Okay,
we're going to do this newest form of communication, my
new teacher, can you taught me something new?
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Listen to me?
Speaker 2 (09:36):
Listen that guys, No, it's so hard to implement it
with people who haven't known it yet in the moment,
it would have to be like, these are the ways
I have this as my onboarding for my company, like
all of my coders in Nairobi the event, because from
the beginning of our relationship this was in their employee handbook.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
So I understand you're saying, but yes.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
And then play a handbook of my friends and family.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yes, I taught my family. I use thanksgivings to do it.
Christmas is to do it. When nobody's arguing, Hey, we're
gonna play.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
This game, and that's how we do it. I need
to make cards, don't I Yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:19):
That would be a good one. And I'm trying to
make cards. A thousand decks for the low.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I'm gonna do that, and then you put out one
when it's time. This is the next?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Which one do you want? Oh? I'm gonna do it?
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Okay, all right, So let's hear your setup. You're gonna
set up your up level container.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Let's see how it's done.
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Can I bet to you right now?
Speaker 6 (10:46):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Sure? Yes, this is right now?
Speaker 6 (10:52):
Yes, Okay, this is my ego speaking. I'm at about
a level four.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Nobody's done anything wrong.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
And I just want to let you know that it's
really annoying.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And wait a minute, hold on just a second. She's
going to get prepared by getting a piece of paper
and a pin.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
She's going to take notes.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
You didn't anything else to say. Who's speaking lovelier.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
So your ego speaking, You're at a level four. She's
ready to hold space.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 6 (11:33):
It's been really annoying in an adjustment of just how
fucking friendly you are. You don't have to be all
over in everybody's face, make a friend everywhere, and it's
been challenging to watch you and feel like you don't
have good discernment in choosing who your friends are.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
Like everybody just has access to you.
Speaker 6 (11:56):
I think that's one been one of my least attractive
traits when it comes to you. Just everybody has access
to you, and everybody can kind of like come in
and just infiltrate, and because of that access to you,
it kind of makes it feel like they had access
to me. And I just don't think that I don't
(12:16):
necessarily life feel like anybody can just be able to
come in and touch us, to touch our energy, and
I feel like you let people in that don't need
to be there.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
Yeah, that's quite fat.
Speaker 4 (12:35):
Thank you for venting. How can I suite you?
Speaker 5 (12:42):
Can you ask me open end the question?
Speaker 7 (12:49):
Do you.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Mentioned that my friendliness is the least attractive thing about me?
Did you all? Is that something you always felt or
is this a feeling that developed recently? Okay, well.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Have you.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
We can't hear you, baby.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
You know I'm not going to fucking open ending questions?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
How how now? Hold on? Hold on? Did you ask
him an open ended question?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
He said it was yes or no.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
I think I asked her if she can ask me
an open question?
Speaker 1 (13:28):
You mentioned that this is my your least favorite traitor
about me? Have you always felt that way? Or is
this something that developed recently? So I guess that is
a yes or no question?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Yeah, just ask him how? Why why he feels that way?
Or what do you want to know about it?
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Why do you feel this way?
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Do you feel this is like an overall arching belief
or is this in a specific situation that you feel
this way?
Speaker 6 (13:53):
This isn't an over arching belief like I said, it's
really just uh, it's really just.
Speaker 8 (14:02):
A protection thing where I don't want to see you
feel hurt or feel like somebody got to you that
wasn't even that important.
Speaker 6 (14:13):
You can be sensitive, empathetic and have a lot of
feelings towards people, especially how they treat and act towards you.
And I don't want anybody to have that kind of
access to you where they can make you feel a way,
or make you feel any other emotion other than good.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
And so I don't like seeing that.
Speaker 6 (14:32):
And another part of that is after they do something
that you don't like, you come, come, You're going to
come complain back to me, and I don't really like.
Speaker 5 (14:41):
Care and complaining.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Okay, how do you how does it make you feel?
Speaker 5 (14:46):
Thank you for sharing?
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Where are you at now?
Speaker 5 (14:49):
I am down to a two?
Speaker 4 (14:51):
Okay, sue you further?
Speaker 5 (14:55):
Can you just give me a hug and a kiss?
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Yes? What are you feeling now?
Speaker 5 (15:09):
I am down to a zero?
Speaker 3 (15:12):
Wonderful? That was a quickie? I love quickies. So what
did you say?
Speaker 6 (15:20):
This one really stood out to me because after I
learned about proclivity, I was I was okay, Like I
used to really feel a way about that her friendliness,
and then after a while I got to a point
where I got it got kind of manageable with me,
Like you.
Speaker 4 (15:35):
Realize your.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Let let's let's let's walk them slowly into the concept,
because I think that they're hearing what you're saying, like, wow,
I do that too, But I don't know that everybody
watching would understand what the word proclivity means.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
So let's let's pull up one of your charts. You
don't have one here yet? Right?
Speaker 1 (16:03):
No?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
Yeah, he did it, had them on to the level first.
It was ours, it's both of ours, but this is
on there.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Okay? Is this it right here?
Speaker 4 (16:12):
I think? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (16:14):
So these are the next steps when you are processing,
when we move from up level and again, all of
this is available in.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
My book Up Level Communication, which is sort of a
jokey book because you're not going to read this book
and really do it, but you can understand the process.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Okay, doing it is what they're doing. We're doing it
in community. So Orlando, is this on your list already?
This is a list of Orlando's triggers from our club?
Is this on your list already?
Speaker 5 (16:49):
Though?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
All right, so tell me the trigger again.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Friendliness me specifically being too friendly? Yeah, which is honestly
triggering for me.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Oh good, then you'll counter vent in a bit.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
All right, I'm going to put this one up higher
so that we can actually we'll leave it down here.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
So these are patterns, proclivities, or potentials.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
These are three types of reflections that we use here
with our tool, the three way mirror. So in this
second slot, you're going to tell us that you think
this is a proclivity. Yeah, So can you explain to
anybody who might not understand what is a proclivity?
Speaker 6 (17:32):
Proclivity is when you feel a way or you're angry
about somebody else doing something that you yourself also portray
and do.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Yes, most psychologists call this projection, right, So my.
Speaker 5 (17:46):
Proclivity, well in this is that I am also friendly
as hell.
Speaker 6 (17:53):
And I realized, like I was saying, when I realized
what proclivity is, I thought about this one specifically, and
I realized stem from that I was never the priority
or got the most attention in my house for my mom,
because any attention that came to me always was associated
or averted back.
Speaker 5 (18:12):
To her being all into my dad. So I never
felt like prioritized.
Speaker 6 (18:18):
So now I've grown to be a person that really
likes attention from the people that I like it from,
and when Miela is giving somebody else attention. I am
getting my feelings about it because I like the attention
and I like to feel prioritized. So it's not necessarily
(18:38):
her her friendliness that bothers me is that I'm not
getting the attention that I want at the moment that
I wanted.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
So this is a proclivity and a pattern.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
Yes, a proclivity and a pattern.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Nice, look at that, double whammy? Yeah, doubleheader? All right,
and so real life, go ahead.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
You just realize that.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
Yeah, no, I was saying.
Speaker 6 (19:03):
I realized that, and I was able to align it
with proclivity when we learned it a week ago. And
so now like understanding and explaining my feelings on things
have become a lot easier and a lot better with
knowing or having the knowledge.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Of these things.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Wow, I'm so happy to hear that, because you know,
it used to be that Jamila's doing something. Yeah, and
she's doing this and I have to stop her from
doing it.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
So now what is it? Where's the focus and energy?
Speaker 7 (19:36):
The focus and energy is loving her for loving people?
I would, yeah, acceptance.
Speaker 5 (19:47):
And I would I kind of want I do.
Speaker 6 (19:52):
I do know that I actually want my person to
be a nice and kind person, and usually the nice
and kind, people are friendly, and people gravit to them,
and people do gravitate to her because she has traits
of someone that you will gravitate to. Like she listens well,
she asks questions, She's she's caring, she's empathetic, and these
are she's fun, and these are all traits that people
(20:16):
gravitate to. So it's not that I'm even mad at
her for having these traits, because these are the traits
that I love about her and that made me fall
in love with her. And it's more so about what
happened to me as a child where I wasn't prioritized
and realizing that she.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Can do both.
Speaker 6 (20:35):
That she can be friendly, she can give somebody else
her attention in time and still also be prioritizing me
at the moment, and doing one doesn't mean that the
other is being taken away from me.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Oh wait, how does that make you feel? Jami?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Love To know that this is the route he's gonna
take with this instead of projecting it.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
Makes me feel grateful because there is.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
He has the ability to examine the entire scope of
the initial statement.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Yes, love that. Oh my god, what if all men
did this and all.
Speaker 7 (21:17):
Yeah, I thought about that too, like, Wow, we all
had this, We escaped so many things.
Speaker 6 (21:22):
Because one of the things that puts pressure on my
mind since we got engaged was thinking, Oh, is it
going to be like this forever? Am I gonna be
uncomfortable forever? Am I going to be upset forever? Before
we got engaged, I was just like, Okay, that's annoying,
but it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
And it really wasn't.
Speaker 6 (21:38):
But now that once we got engaged, I started thinking
about the things that aren't that big of a deal
and thinking like, oh, is this gonna be not that
big of a deal forever? And ten years is going
to go from not that big of a deal to
really being like standing on my sitting on my chest.
Speaker 5 (21:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (21:52):
So now that I like I have this understanding, I
don't I have one less thing that's on my mind
that's weighing on me, One less worry and one less
pressure on the relationship. And I feel like as time
goes on, if this thing sits there and weighs there
and every time I see her being friendly, it's going
to get worse and worse and worse and build up
and build up to a place that it never had
to be and the whole time, it was never real's
(22:14):
fault in the first place, it was my mom's.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Indeed, that is so different, and then it's not even
really your mom's fault per se.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
The experience you had conditioned you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Ow oh, so that gives you hope to actually get married,
because that's what everybody think is now, I don't need
a relationship.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Why I get married. I'm not dealing with no day,
you know, because they're like, I don't want to be
uncomfortable like this, Like she's triggering me and she won't stop.
Speaker 7 (22:45):
Yeah, it's like, okay, so.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Welcome to life.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
Yes, but but but life without the tool, it is
almost impossible to deal with being triggered like that every day.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
And I think that we're taught that they should they
really should change. If they love you, they will stop
doing that.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah, right, A lot of men and help me with this, Jamila,
because you talk to a lot of people with your
podcast and tell them about your podcast.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
We always got to talk about your podcast on here.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I have a podcast called Good Mom's Bad Choices, and
I also have a podcast with my love here called
A Love Like This, And we're doing a lot of
talking about a lot of shit, mom, shit, women, shit, growth,
evolution and Orland and I are talking about just the
discovery of healthy ways to have a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
So when you think about what's happening online and people
feel this gender war, I just don't think it's a
gender war. I think it's a pulling away.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
From systems that don't work so that we can find
systems that do.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Because I'm not in a gender war. I just haven't
been for twenty years. I'm like, what is there my fighting?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I'm looking at myself in my partner.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
I like men.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Yeah, I like myself, So I like everybody around me
because they're my reflection. Right, Oh oh was that too far?
Speaker 1 (24:22):
No, I'm tired of the gender wars. And I also
feel like it's like, yeah, it's a it's a breaking
away from like our car archaic stereotype, like the care
stereotypes that we've been socialized and conditioned to believe.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
And I think we're also like at the brink of
it where people are starting to wake up.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
And so, like I said, the men, the patriarchy is shifting,
and it's it's harder for them to let go because
they've been privileged from it. They've been When you've afforded
the privilege of the system, it's harder to release it.
Speaker 4 (24:55):
It's harder to pluck.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
These bitches their hose. They want to fucking suck, and
so do I. But that's not the point.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
That's what you've been conditioned to believe for so so long.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
So I do think like it's it's it seems like
it's men hate women because a little bit they do.
But eventually the new belief systems are going to come
in and they're gonna see that partnership is way way
more productive than ownership.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Right, partnership is way more productive and effective than ownership.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Everyone. I love that. So you got a counter event.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I hope I didn't talk you off the ledge of
feeling your feelings about what he said.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Now I can have I have a little sum sum
to say good.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
But I was gonna say being talked off the ledge.
Now that you know about processing, it talks you off
the ledge of real heavy events, doesn't it, because you're
thinking and knowing.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
I already started processing before I've had the event.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
There you are, but we're not gonna do that because
that's called bypassing. So let's get into the event.
Speaker 4 (26:03):
Do you have space for me to vent? Yes, okay,
I'm at A four. This is my ego speaking maybe
some of my animal and no one's done anything wrong.
But I you know, based on the things that you said,
A I realized that statement.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Can you take notes? Take notes?
Speaker 1 (26:30):
That statement triggers the fuck out of me because I've
been told by other insecure relationships that I'm too friendly,
I'm too friendly, I'm too friendly, and I went, fucking world,
has friendly ever been a negative fucking attribute?
Speaker 4 (26:45):
You want a bitch, You want a fucking non friendly bitch,
you want an evil bitch.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
I don't know what kind of bitch you want. But
one of the things I can agree that I could
probably have more discernment. And I know you know that
I've learned that this last year in the friendships that
I've you know, been I've allowed in our space.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
But I also feel like this is my superpower. This
is who I am.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
This is deeply ingrained and who I am because this
is a part of my purpose. People do gravitate towards
me easily because this is a part of my messaging.
This is how I relate to the world and this
is what gives me energy. I really would like you
to take some time to reflect on the fact that, Maggie,
you are very fucking friendly.
Speaker 4 (27:29):
Too, and I think that we are actually like.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
The dynamic of our friendships right now is you live
in a city where I'm from. All of my friends
are here, your friends are somewhere else, so you're living
a little bit. You've plopped yourself out of your world
into mine. And I have a lot of female friends
and I share you with a lot of those friends,
as I would love you too. I want you to
be the man in our tribe. I want people to
(27:55):
depend on you. I want people to feel comfortable with
you and come, you know, take have advice from you,
spend time with you. That is something that I do enjoy. However,
if we're talking about being friendly, and shit, you're very
friendly specifically to all my friends. You're everybody's boyfriend, and
that is annoying sometimes. However, I recognize that this is
(28:16):
a part of who you are, and this is part
of the reason that I love you, and the part
of the reason we get along so well is because
we're both friendly fucking people. I don't know if you've
ever dated a mean ass bitch. But I've dated a
mean ass man and it was not fun. People wanted
to come over. He's acting like a dick. He's in
the back room. I don't even know why. What's the problem.
We mesh on the fact that we are people people.
(28:37):
Our house is a safe haven for our friends and
for our people. People feel comfortable coming to us individually
or together, and that's a blessing. And I really would
like you to recognize that before attacking my character and
saying the one the thing you hate most about me
is my friendliness.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
I think you should be more intentional with your words,
and I think that at it's a projection because I
do give you a lot of the tension. That's it.
Speaker 5 (29:08):
Thank you for rening it's Hamia suit here.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
Can you give me a simulation?
Speaker 5 (29:17):
Sure? What would you like me to simulate?
Speaker 4 (29:19):
I like you to say, Mila, I love how friendly
you are.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Actually, your friendliness is what brought me here. This is
why I'm here because you're so friendly. And I love
the way you love your community and your friends and
the way you love me. And I recognize how much
attention you give me while being friendly.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
Despite the fact that you might have made two bad.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Friendship decisions in the last six months, actually the last
three years too, just too bad friendship decisions, and you
were on board.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
I didn't force you to be any of those friends hips.
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Yeah, well me, I gotta let you know. I love
your friendliness.
Speaker 6 (30:07):
Honestly, That's the reason why I moved all the way
across the country from New York to LA because you
were friendly. You were friendly to me, and I loved it.
You also allow me to be friends with your friends,
your group of friends in LA and even titled me
the tribal husband because you want me to be as
(30:28):
friendly as you are, because you loved with some assholes
before and they're me. You don't like me and people,
I mean you, you've only had two bad friendships that
pop up in the last three years, but who's really counting.
Then that's not really important because think about the plethora
of all the other good relationships that we've had within
(30:51):
those years, and that's amazing. And honestly, I was on
board for those bad friendships too, So you're not even
at fault to to play it, I mean partially, and
it could be my fault also because I'd be cooking
for everybody and making them feel welcome and coming to
our safe haven and making them feel friendly.
Speaker 5 (31:06):
So I be on board with on the on the
friendly ship.
Speaker 6 (31:10):
So I just wanted to know that, yes, you're not alone, Ivan,
it's my fault as well.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
Thank you, You're welcome. What level are you right now?
Speaker 3 (31:20):
I'm not a one.
Speaker 5 (31:21):
Okay. Is there anywhere else that I can see you
right now?
Speaker 1 (31:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (31:25):
Can you?
Speaker 1 (31:27):
I mean, I'm I'm sure you've been called friendly in
some of your relationships from your ex bitches.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Can you give me some empathy about the statement that
you just made.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
Of course, Mila, I empathize with you being called too
friendly and things like that. I understand how you may
feel getting that from not only from a stranger, but
even from somebody that you love.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I've also been told in.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
My past or past relationship that I am too friendly
and or are very flirtatious.
Speaker 5 (32:02):
So and all all the time I thought I was
very safe and platonic and just being.
Speaker 6 (32:08):
Nice, and it was taken another way that I wasn't
trying to put off or wasn't my intentions. So yeah,
once again, I understand where you're coming from with hearing
the words to friends, and how.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
It could be triggering, especially as a woman.
Speaker 5 (32:28):
Especially as a woman, and how how it can just
come off based on, you know.
Speaker 4 (32:33):
Coming from men, and how friendly can be synonymous with her.
Speaker 5 (32:38):
And how friendly?
Speaker 6 (32:39):
Can I understand how friendly you taking it as friendly
could be synonymous or how because then maint it that
with that kind of intention, So I empathize with you.
I can see how it could be taken the wrong way.
And I've also been in those positions and it's been
uncomfortable to hear that when that my attention.
Speaker 5 (33:01):
So thank you, You're welcome. But let's support you at all,
support you at all?
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Yes, another one?
Speaker 5 (33:12):
One?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
You had one? She was at one before?
Speaker 4 (33:16):
Can you give me a case?
Speaker 5 (33:22):
How does that support you?
Speaker 4 (33:23):
It supports me a lot?
Speaker 2 (33:24):
And madam zero, right, Well, let's process that little that
little trigger.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
Pooh, we like that one.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I understand we have such triggers around being called anywhere
near a hole, don't.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
We, And the fact that friendly, I know that friendly
is synonymous for being a hole. The trauma that I
have is that's what men do.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Yeah. Yeah, so y'all were sharing a sheet here, Yeah,
I'll make my own, okay, So let's have your trigger.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
But go back up right there, I have you already have.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
It, Jay leaving without announcing unfairness. Taking with that, okay,
imbalance unfairness.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (34:09):
I don't like for someone to ask something of me
that they won't they don't expect of themselves.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
Okay, but let's specifically do a different trigger here.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
The trigger is I don't like, let's do the whole
I don't like being called anything that might even insinuate.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Yeah, m hm, yes, but it's behaviors that I see
that you possess.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Oh, I was talking about the whole thing.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get Okay, Okay, that's my trigger.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
You're right, yeah, and I want to dig into a
hard one. I'm doing this on purpose because I know
you can do that. All right, So let's let's find out.
Is that a pattern of proclivity or a potential?
Speaker 4 (35:00):
You call me home?
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Is that approclivity I'm triggering when you call me a
home because I'm a home.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
I couldn't.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
No, I'm doing it from my perspective.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yes, he's doing it from she's doing it from her Orlando.
She's gonna think about this, hush uh a process for her.
Speaker 4 (35:23):
I think it's a pattern.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
Okay, so when is the first time you felt triggered
around that concept?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Maybe I think growing up just being called fast because
I wanted to wear makeup, I had cleavage, I'm a
sensual I was a sentual young lady because I'm a
sensual adult woman and I'm a woman. So I think
growing up hearing my grandma called me fast asking about
my outfit selections, and just people in my community make comments,
(35:57):
even as like a young girl, Yeah, that must.
Speaker 3 (36:01):
Have been really painful. Why were they so uptight and.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Life as they're black? I think that's cultural and also
I think Christianity. My grandma's a Christian and just systematically
what we've been told is this equals this in the
black community. Specifically, you're outside wearing glitter and makeup and
(36:24):
their parents aren't calling them hosts.
Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
And it wasn't fair because we would be going looking
on homely and they would be, oh, it's thirteen, we're fifteen,
we can wear this, you know.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Yeah, I'm wearing fucking stockings.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
Yes, stockings was a no no, that was something off
like you don't need stockings, but you could wear tights, right, Ah,
that was the worst. So this pattern, this is a
pain living within you.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
You realize that, and it's a it's an app running
that you're going to always call that to you because
you haven't cleared your register.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
You really believe what your grandma said? If you didn't,
it wouldn't bother you, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (37:12):
I guess I don't.
Speaker 1 (37:12):
I think I'm good at suppressing, so I don't feel
like it bothered me. But obviously if in my thirties
or in my twenties a man is making comments and
it triggers me to that extent.
Speaker 4 (37:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, you never discredited her and credited yourself. You're still
in a shame loop with that that she started, right,
So what are some remedies?
Speaker 4 (37:39):
I think? Oh, like the ones who've gone over are
just the ones.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
Any there's millions of remedies I have too, the eft
and the lay thing that we do in the club.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Yeah, I think EFT. I think also just empowering my
daughter doing it differently. Yeah, time my grandma, my dad
was at my house. My daughter was like six, and
he came over and her and her friend were wearing
like my shoes.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
They're in the house, in the house, walking around the
shoes because they're emulating what they see.
Speaker 4 (38:11):
And my dad was like, take that off. He looks
like a little houccie. You're a little hood rat. And
I was like, why the fuck would you call these
six year old's fucking houccies. And he's made this big
deal And.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
At the time he was like in my house using
my key, and I was like, Yo, you gotta go,
you gotta get out. Yeah, I'm like, I like, whatever
way we went about this when I was six is
not what's about to happen here. I don't appreciate that
you gotta go. And it was painful, and I made
him give me my keyback to do because I have.
I feel like there's also this in debt, debt to
(38:43):
your parents to always show up.
Speaker 4 (38:45):
For them because they fed you and you were alive.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
However, I think that was me shifting the trajectory of
how my boundaries and what my what my daughter's experience
was going to be.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Yeah, yep, I'm gonna find another word for boundaries. But
I love that you said that. It's just saying like,
that's not where I live.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
I don't live in the dimension you live in, so
please don't bring that dimension here. However, at some point
you're gonna be like, I don't care what dimension you
bring here, Like I live in the fifth dimension and
I can educate you on that, you know.
Speaker 4 (39:20):
Like it doesn't trigger me so irrid, like so angry.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
Yeah, it wouldn't even trigger You'd be like, huh, what
are you talking about? Like we live on a whole
other planet. There's nothing wrong with Look, you guys look great.
These guys are just old folkus. They still on the
old program.
Speaker 4 (39:37):
You know.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
It's like funny, but that's not until you really let
that little girl, you know, she's the one inside of you.
Like nobody's gonna do that, you know, Like, you know,
it's just.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Like defending myself now that I can now that I'm
an adult, now I can say something, but I'm still
probably coming from that space of being eleven or twelve
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
Eleven or twelve at grown and now you can yet
now you can say it, but it's really actually nothing,
like it was a lie from the first place, right, Yeah?
Speaker 4 (40:11):
Am I going to react that strongly to something that
I know is a lie?
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Like, No, I don't know if I said you got
green scales, what would you think? Nothing? Sometimes right, So
that's where you want to get to. You see that difference?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Yeah, all right, well you guys. I am so proud
we are at the end of our forty five minute session.
For y'all to sit and stay after a one and
a half hour class is beautiful. Everybody watching This is
the Voice Proof Club. I do it every three months.
We enroll again for August. I'll put the link in
the bio. And if you want to do this on
(40:49):
YouTube instead of coming to my club and paying the
price to be in my club.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
You can do it.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
I love taking people on YouTube and doing live like
I'll coach anybody.
Speaker 3 (40:59):
You bring the worst case to me, Jamila for real, I.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Got you, got you for real advocating for this guys,
so you need to advocate for yourselves too.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
All right, thank you so much for presenting Divorceproof club
work here on YouTube and I will see everybody next week.
Speaker 3 (41:16):
Good night, Lah like this
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