Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:15):
Welcome to Love Light and Wisdom with your host Shashawa.
Love Light and Wisdom inspires listeners to tune into their
authentic selves and create a happier and healthier life, take
control and experience true happiness. So please welcome the host
of Love Light and Wisdom, Shashawa.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello everybody, I'm Shoshanna Auberbach, your hostess of Love Light
and Wisdom, and you're watching me live on Bold Brave TV.
On this program today, we're going to be talking about
reclaiming your inner child's lost parts. We've been doing a
ten part series on Anger, Friend or Foe, and we
(01:04):
left off with shows about betrayal, including betrayal of yourself.
But what happens to those parts of you that get
lost when you are betrayed, especially as a young child,
which affects you into your adulthood or you betray yourself.
And that's what we're going to be talking about in
(01:26):
today's new series, reclaiming the lost parts of your inner child.
The inner child is the part of you that rules
the roost, and in today's program, I'm going to give
you some insights, perspectives, tips and techniques to befriend and
heal your inner child. So I'm going to introduce myself first,
(01:52):
Shoshana Aberbach. I'm a sol licensed social worker and licensed
music therapist in the state of New York. I'm an
adjunct psychology professor, Sir. I am a certified practitioner of
the Body Coode Belief Code and Emotion Code healing Modalities,
and a certified mindfulness and Formed professional. I have produced
two albums of my own songs, which I hope you
(02:14):
will listen on YouTube. So I do offer private sessions
and consultations, and I welcome you to give me a
call and look me up at www. Dot Authentic Radiance,
dot life, Authentic Radiance dot life and help you authentically
(02:35):
radiate your true, loving inner child self. So let's move
forward with the slides. Please. These are some of the
topics that we've been discussing on lovelight and wisdom, including
energy healing, energy awareness, and how to deal with very
difficult and challenging emotions. You do not have to stay
(02:55):
stuck in anger, depression, and dell and feeling uncomfortable and unhappy.
And that's why we're here to share our love, our light,
and our wisdom to help you move forward with clarity
and confidence. Let's go to the next slide place and again,
here are my two albums of healing songs. I wrote
(03:19):
the words, the music, the arrangements, and I hope that
you will listen to these songs. And there are some
inner child songs on them as well, so I invite
you to look those up. And let's move forward. So
we are going to be talking about the inner child.
(03:39):
Let's first talk about what is the healthy child as
you were meant to be, that free spirited, playful, resilient,
good self esteem with secure bonding. Have you ever seen
little kids, I mean, just learning how to walk. What
do they do when they fall down because they don't
quite have the you know, the weight shifting from one
(04:02):
side to the other. They just get up and keep going.
So why is it hard for us to do that
later in life, especially as adults. Look at this picture
on the left side, it's called I don't speak French.
I think it's rue mefittare. Look at the face, facial
(04:24):
expression on this young child, so confident I was sent
to buy the wine. I'm coming home. Mommy is going
to be so pleased with me. I know who I
am and what I'm doing. I love the self confidence
that this photograph exudes and the photograph on the right side, happy, joyful,
(04:48):
playful children just jumping, skipping and have popping along. This
is the healthy child as you were meant to be.
So what happened to that child in perhaps you or
people you know? Many people lost touch with this part
(05:08):
of themselves. Let's go to the next slide please, as
in who's ruling the roost? It's your inner child. So
you see an adult here in a baby's clothing, because
that's who's really ruling the roost. You see chronologically an adult,
(05:31):
but really inside that adult many times is an inner
child that's crying, yearning out, hurting and wanting to be healed.
And that's what's operating in the back of your mind,
in your unconscious mind, and that's what shows up when
you least expect it. So that's what we're going to
(05:54):
be discussing today. What is the inner child? And help
you understand that and give you some tips about perspectives
so that you can be more integrated and live a happier,
healthier life. Let's move to the next slide place, So
(06:14):
what are the lost parts and why do they need
to be reclaimed at all. What's the benefit? Well, we
all have this built in program that God designed our bodies.
It's called homeostasis. Homeostasis we like things within a certain
(06:34):
range to keep balance in our bodies, such as our
body temperature, blood sugar, or blood pressure. And when we
get out of balance, our body has certain mechanisms in
it designed to put us back into balance. So there
is this built in need to be whole, to be
(06:56):
in balance, to be integrated and healthy. So are why
else do we need to reclaim those lost parts of ourselves?
Because we need to rewire the brain and the nervous
system to respond to stress differently. We're not designed to
(07:17):
be on the go fight or flight, ready to run
when the saber tooth tiger so to speak, is coming
after us. That's not our normal way of being. We
want balance and peace. That's why we need to reclaim
those lost parts so we have that balance in peace,
(07:40):
not hypervigilant, as they called her, on the defensive, on
guarded all the time. Those parts need healing and integration.
They want to be heard, validated, witnessed, let out and expressed.
But the environment around a person a milieure does not
(08:03):
always allow for that or allow for that safely, so
as an adult, you can create that for yourself. And
until these lost parts are healed, they are the background
program operating in our unconscious minds and ruling the roost.
You may think you are saying and doing, saying what
(08:24):
you are saying, and thinking what you're thinking, and doing
what you're doing, but there's really the background program operating,
and that's your unhealed parts, your inner child. So when
we want to present ourselves as what I call congruent,
what's inside is outside, and what's outside matches what's inside.
(08:47):
This is another reason why these lost parts need to
be reclaimed and healed, because they affect one's thinking. As
I explained, it's called the axis mundi. How a person
operates in this world they're mo in other words, their
self and their world relationships are all affected by this. Remember,
(09:09):
as we talked about in the first couple of videos
in this podcast series, thoughts are waveforms, so like attracts,
like like you are sending out a broadcast signal from
your and your sending out to someone else whose dial
is picking up your signals. So we want to have
(09:30):
the optimal signal, not the dysfunctional signal, because according to
the law of attraction, that's what you're going to pick up.
And then people wonder why they pick up toxic people.
They attract toxic opportunities, things that don't work out in
their lives as they had hoped, and they feel unhappy
(09:51):
and dissatisfied with themselves in their life. So these are
some of the many reasons that the lost parts of
the inner child need to be reclaimed so you can
have a happier, healthier life. Let's learn some more about
what is the inner child on the next slide. This
book is what when I was introduced to it by
(10:14):
a therapist, is called the so called Bible of Inner
Child Psychology, and it was written by a woman who's
not only a clinical psychologist but also an art therapist.
Recover of your Inner Child And as you can see
on the front cover, let me out. As we were
just talking about, let me out so I can be
(10:37):
creative and heal you. So the inner child, according to
the description of the book on Amazon, is the part
that lives within all of us. It's the part that
of us that feels emotions and is playful, intuitive, and creative.
Like the children we saw earlier in the program. It's
(10:59):
usually hidden under our grown up personas the inner child
holds the key to intimacy and relationships, as I just
explained in the Physical and Emotional Wellbeing, Recovery from addictions,
and the creativity and wisdom of our inner selves. So
(11:20):
I highly recommend if you're interested in inner child work
to look at this book and consider buying it for yourself.
There are a lot of other good books out there,
as we'll see in the next slide. John Bradshaw spoke
a lot about the inner child in his PBS TV
(11:45):
series and in his books, especially this one called Homecoming.
Let's first go to Let's what does he described as
the inner child? Let's start there. We first see the
world through the eyes of a little child, and that
inner child remains with us throughout our lives, no matter
(12:06):
how outwardly grown up and powerful we become. So in
other words, there's a big Shoshana and a little show
Shanna operating inside the big show Shauna. If our vulnerable
child was hurt, abandoned, shamed, or neglected, that child's pain,
(12:27):
grief and anger live on within us. I believe that
this neglected, wounded inner child part of the past is
the major source of human misery, he says, Then the
healed inner child becomes a source of vitality and creativity,
enabling us to find new joy and energy in living.
(12:51):
And I bring this wisdom to you because I have
experienced this myself, pretty much on target with what he's said.
And even if you grow up in a so called functional,
healthy family, there are childhood wounds that still need to
be healed. And especially if the person grew up in
(13:13):
a dysfunctional family where there was an absent or inconsistently
present a caregiver, an addicted parent, a mentally ill parent, abandonment, poverty,
whatever it was, especially the inner child is even more
(13:35):
wounded and in need of healing. The ap American Journal
of Psychotherapy defines the inner child as referring to the
child the patient once was and with whom the patient might,
to some extent, have lost touch with on the way
to adulthood. Did you ever notice what happens to the
(13:57):
books as you grow older? What happened to the picture.
The objective is to help patients reconnect with this inner
child to free themselves from maladaptive, emotional and behavioral patterns.
Maladaptive patterns or patterns of behavior that we think are
adaptive and serving us, but in the end they are
(14:21):
actually maladaptive. They do not serve us well. In the end,
they may have helped us survive, but they are not
meant to be perpetuated through the rest of our lives
because they just don't serve us in ways that we
may not understand. And that's where it helps to contact
(14:43):
someone like me and let's discuss what's going on with
you and schedule a consultation, behave I'm sorry, belief code,
a body code or emotion code session, or an intuitive
reading to understand tho parts of you so that you
can lead a happier, healthier life and be more integrated
(15:06):
with your adult self and your inner child. Let's go
to the next slide, please, So this child looks very unhappy,
and when we come back, we're going to talk more
from our break. We're going to talk more about why
is this child so unhappy not only as a child,
(15:28):
but also into adulthood, even though she grew up to
be an adult person in an adult body, but still crying, sobbing,
very upset inside. So we're going to come back in
two minutes. This has been Shoshana Aberbach, your hostess of Love,
(15:49):
Light and Wisdom and where you're watching me live on
Bold Brave TV. See you and if you and by
the way, if you have any questions or comments, please
contact us through the chat.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
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Speaker 2 (18:07):
Hello everybody, I'm Shoshanna Auberbach, your Hostess of Love, Light
and Wisdom, and you're watching me live on Bold Brave TV.
We're talking about reclaiming the parts of your the lost
parts of your inner child. And we've been talking about
what is the inner child, that little part of you
(18:28):
that even though you're in an adult body is still
operating within you. And if you were sad and upset,
as you see in the picture of this child as
a child, more frequently than not, that child is still
operating in a person even as an adult and ruling
the roost. So let's move forward with some other and
(18:52):
more information about what are the lost parts of the
self the previous slide place. There we go. So the
premise here is that feelings are a person's truth. Feelings
are a person's truth, and when our feelings are dismissed
and validated, we got upset. And we may not know
(19:14):
that they've been invalidated or dismissed, because that takes conscious awareness,
and sometimes a person is just so used to that
they don't realize consciously that it's happening, and this makes
the inner child very upset, and then people don't understand
why they're miserable, even as adults. So that's what we're
(19:36):
here for today, is to raise your consciousness. So these
feelings rule your roost, not your thoughts. So what are feelings?
Feelings are biochemical reactions neurotransmitters, which are chemical messengers throughout
the body, and these are released in the brain and
(20:00):
they are also operating within the prefrontal I'm sorry. They
are part of the amygdala, which is where you actually
feel your emotions in your brain, and they are part
of your intuition system. The amygdala, by the way, is
(20:20):
the place where you feel especially fear and anxiety, along
other as well as other feelings, and it works five
times faster than the thinking part of your brain, which
is the prefrontal cortex. So that's why sometimes people have
knee jerk reactions. They have to rethink, like why did
I do that? Or direct you know, I wish I
(20:43):
could have not said that, But you can rewrite the
script many times. And just as an example of how
this operates is let's look at babies. They operate by feeling,
by their sensory memory, not by thinking until they start
reaching probably over five years old, five and ten years
(21:08):
old according to Jean Piaget. So the lost parts, is
I see them, are what happened to one's unexpressed voice
and feelings that were squashed by other people and caregivers.
And sometimes this was intentionally and sometimes not. So what
(21:31):
this leads to is what I call adaptive or maladaptive
thoughts and behaviors that served a purpose to help you survive,
but later on they became maladaptive when you went to
look for a partner, for example, or in the workplace,
(21:53):
moodiness but you don't have friends, turning to addictions and substances.
These were maladaptive adaptive at first, that became maladaptive later
in life. It is a stress response. They are a
stress response to brain and wiry wiring your brain. And
(22:17):
when a person is under stress, for I would say
a good part of the time, especially in their very
early childhood. That's the template that is set up in
their early life and everything is mirrored on that template. So,
for example, it might be hard for an adult who
(22:40):
was constantly under stressed and had to grow up being
hyper vigilant to relax. It's just not part of their wiring.
But the brain is an amazing mechanism that can be rewired,
especially through mindfulness practices and energy healing. So again I
(23:00):
invite you to look me up at www. Dot Authentic Radiance,
dot life and let's discuss how these modalities that I
practice can help you. Other reasons why the lost parts
got squashed or what happens afterwards is you created a
(23:21):
story which is real to you because you were the
one creating it and the need to create it and
adapt to a stress a full situation. But it's really
an illusion that's not necessarily true. It's an illusion, right fear,
false evidence appearing real, false evidence appearing real. And so
(23:50):
again it served you for a time, but it's really
a story that's false. And again, I've lived this myself
and it's a hard breakthrough, but it is also very
liberating when you realize what's going on. And living that
(24:11):
illusory story until you find out the truth or heal
or recreate your life is part of that, perpetuating the
pain of the inner child and the invalidation of one's
of thoughts and feelings. So it takes courage to heal.
(24:33):
And author John Gray, who also wrote Mena from Mars,
wrote another book called what you Feel, you can Heal.
And that's why we're here to help you get prospective
and consciousness, conscious awareness so that you can feel and
(24:54):
you can heal. And if you can feel the pain,
yeah it doesn't feel pretty, but you know what, it's
better than not feeling it, and it means that you're
alive and not in denial. And your healing journal journey
will be much easier if you have the courage to
feel the pain. Let's move to the next slide. What
(25:20):
are some other parts of the lost self involving It's again,
it's a young child's response to a traumatic event. It
was meant to help you survive, survive witnessing domestic violence
of your caregivers, survive an absent parent or inconsistently present
(25:45):
parent due to mental their mental illness or addictions, alcoholism,
drug use, etc. Abandonment. These feelings got lost in the
shuffle because you had to survive. You didn't have a parent.
You needed food, clothing, shelter, love, you know, connection, You
(26:09):
needed somebody to explain life to you. And that person
wasn't there or not there consistently enough, or didn't care
to be. Sometimes they did have it, many times they
were absorbed in their own drug use or whatever was
going on with them, and they couldn't be fully present
(26:31):
consistently enough, that's the key word, consistently enough. So your
feelings got lost, they got put into the on the
back burner, and you were always in survival mode. You
could not thrive the painful feelings that you experienced. In
validation dismissal, anger, hurt, confusion, guilt, shame, got stuck or
(26:57):
were and were unexpressed and not or not allowed to
be expressed, so you internalize those message I'm not important,
So I'm going to dismiss and bypass my own feelings
because of the modeling that I grew up with, or
(27:18):
you grew up with, or a person grew up with.
You dismiss your own feelings. My feelings don't matter to
my mother or father, caregiver, whomever, so therefore I don't
matter and my feelings don't matter. And then people grow
up feeling depressed, detached, dissociated, miserable and unhappy and don't
(27:41):
understand why until they have some insights or they get
professional help. So again, please look me up at www
Dot Authentic radiance dot life, and let's talk about how
you can reclaim your life lost parts and lead a
(28:01):
more integrated, congruent, happier, healthier life. Let's go to the
next slide, please, So these lost parts of you were repressed.
That means they were blocked out of your consciousness. Suppressed
means they were pushed down. Repressed is just block it
(28:22):
out of my consciousness like the old videotape, splice, splice
and connect or discard that part and reconnect. That's what
repression is. But the feelings don't go away. It leads
to fragmentation. These parts of you are still floating around
(28:42):
in your unconscious subconscious minds. A person can become dissociated,
not fully integrated. Dissociation means numbing out, checking out because
the reality is too painful and they may turn to
substances for relief of their emotional pain. Shame is another
(29:08):
expression of what happens to these lost parts. Shame versus guilt.
Shame is I feeling I am a bad person versus
guilt I did something wrong. Shame is much harder to
heal because there's an inherent feeling of low self esteem
(29:30):
and faultiness with the self versus I did something wrong
that I can still have good self esteem despite that.
Lost parts can also be buried under a ton of anger.
Now remember, anger, as we've discussed in the last ten
(29:50):
shows on this program, is a very complex emotion that
be can be comprised of many other emotions such as frustration, futility, disappointment, rejection, invalidation, dismissal,
(30:11):
and the main message here is you don't matter. And
when a person is told you don't matter, it's very
painful and sometimes they have to repress or suppress those emotions,
but they don't go away. They provide a shaky foundation
(30:32):
for adulthood, like a big tree with shallow roots. And
this is why some very evolved people from my experience,
can't function well in life and relationships. They know a
lot of information, but they have very poor people's skills.
They are dissociated from their lowest chakras because everything goes
(30:54):
up into the head and it's unsafe to feel. Life
is safer in your head than in your body, where
those feelings lurk. And we're going to come back after
the break and talk more about how you can reclaim
these lost parts of yourself now that you have some
conscious awareness of them, hopefully. And this has been Showshanna
(31:17):
Auberbach on Love, Light and Wisdom and you're watching me
live on Bold Brave TV. See in a few.
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Speaker 2 (33:27):
Hi everybody, I'm Shoshanna Auberbach, your hostess of Love, Light
and Wisdom on Bold Brave TV, and we've been talking
about reclaiming the lost parts of your inner child. In
this segment, we're going to now come to some more
understanding how these parts got lost, and then we're going
(33:47):
to give you some tips and techniques so you can
recognize and deal with them, hopefully in a healthier health
and a healthier way, so that you can be live
your best life. So you see here there is again
the adult in a child's clothing, because we're all little kids.
(34:12):
We're all little so and sos walking in the big
so and sos little show Shanna in The Big Show, Shauna,
and there is grief there, especially for persons who grew
up in dysfunctional homes. So who is really crying is it?
Who's really crying is the little child inside of you,
(34:36):
even if you're one hundred years old. A little child
is the person who needs healing and attention and love.
So why are they crying? Because there was a trauma
and distress of some kind that caused the lost parts,
as we discussed, and David Kessler, a grief expert, says,
(34:57):
in trauma, there's grief. What is the grief that a
person's inner child may be feeling. It's mourning losses. Acknowledging
and validating the pain takes a lot of courage, and
that's why we're here mourning what you wanted and couldn't get.
Even if there were a good reason for it, it
(35:19):
was still maybe very upsetting to you as a child,
and those feelings remain. They can be healed, and that's
why we're here to talk about that. The trauma may
have involved association, which is numbing out and checking out
because the reality and emotional pain is too painful to
(35:40):
deal with the loss of what you wanted I wanted
that piece of candy. I wanted whatever you wanted as
a child. I wanted to go to I wanted to
go out. I didn't want to go to sleep. I
wanted to play with my friend. Whatever it is you
want it, you didn't get what you wanted. What it
(36:04):
was you wanted meant a lot to you. So it's
the loss of what you wanted. Maybe that's even love
or to be held, the loss of relationship as you
thought you knew it, Like, Hello, what happened to this
person who was giving me comfort and holding me and
(36:27):
making me feel safe and warm? You know what happened
to that person? So it's the absence mourning of the
regular and responsive caregiver. The loss of trust if you
don't have it with your primary caregiver, can be learned
later in life, but it's much harder and shows up
(36:50):
in the quality of one's relationships, personal work, relationships, relationship
with self. It was also mourning the loss of life
as you knew it. There were seminal life altering, defining
moments or events, such as the birth of a sibling.
This is especially hard for an oldest child, or perhaps
(37:13):
the death or abandonment of a parent or a sibling
or another person who was close to the child, or
the child was hurt, and like I will never trust anybody,
I will never like dogs. Whatever it was, these are
(37:36):
life defining moments. I will always stay angry, and they
stick with you through your adulthood and they can be
healed through a lot of attention and time and effort.
So please look me up at www. Dot Authentic radiance,
dot life. And let's talk about that. And it's also
(37:58):
the loss of safety, and this safety to express one's
feelings and be who you really are. Let's learn some
more on the next line. So how did these parts
get lost? We talked again about guilt versus shame. Guilt
is I did something bad, I can still feel I'm
(38:18):
a good person, a healthy person. Whereas shame is I
am feeling I am a bad person, I'm defective. Lost
parts get lost again through not enough consistent that's the
keyword here, consistent, nurturing and validation. We talked about repression,
(38:41):
blocking things out, suppression, pushing feelings down, inhibition. You got
yelled at, scolded, shamed when you tried to dare, try
to express yourself. It was unsafe. You got dismissed and validated.
It forced you to shift your focus to other things,
(39:02):
to dealing with the crisis in your life. Maybe you
got your attention, went to school and work or providing
for basic needs, and those inner child feelings got pushed
to the back burner. Sometimes people just give up from futility.
What's the use of trying to talk to him or
(39:23):
her mom, dad, spouse, whomever. Giving up on unmet needs
that were not met by the caregiver, or again, the
absence of a responsive caregiver. Even if there were a
so called good reason and not the child's fault, it
can still be traumatic for the child. We talked about
(39:47):
dissociation and being an exile from yourself, checking out, numbing
out because of pain roles that were forced onto a child,
such as rescuer, I'm too tired, you take care of
dinner and feed the kids, which is also bypassing one's needs,
(40:08):
getting stuck in anger. It's a stress response to witnessing
behavior that made the child feel unsafe or unwanted. So
these are some of the ways that your lost parts
get lost. Let's learn some more. But they show up
(40:29):
in later in life because you're crying out for safety
and help and love. So they show up as mootiness,
depression and irritability, unhappiness and feeling lost. And I have
treated in counseling people who are very evolved, very smart
(40:51):
and brilliant, but they feel empty inside and they don't
understand why because they had a part of them fire.
One particular patient, at five years old, had an emotionally
distant mother and that's still operating in his psyche somewhere.
(41:12):
Somatic complaints, backache, neckgate, neck ache, indigestion. These are examples
of somatic complaints. Rage and anger, temper reactivity, rigidity, stubbornness,
oppositional behaviors, passive aggressiveness, undermining codependent behaviors where you're depending
(41:35):
on someone else's validation for your self esteem. Dutyful obedience, Okay,
I'll do it anyway, you know, but underneath you were
murmuring and very resentful, kind of forced and strong armed
him to it. People feel vulnerable to being manipulated. They're mistrusting,
(42:00):
paranoid in some ways, gullible. On the other end of
the spectrum, they are unable to protect and defend themselves.
They are like a dishrag. Whatever you say, okay, they
have no sense. Their sense of self is being pleasing people,
pleasing someone else, approval seeking, feeling victimized, feeling unworthy. They
(42:26):
turn to heart seeking behaviors, which is substance used, clinging
to toxic partners, thrill and danger seeking behaviors, cutting oneself
to get that dopamine rush, and even self harm and suicide. Unfortunately,
let's learn some more. They also show up later in
(42:48):
life and work in personal relationships again maladaptive behaviors such
as stubbornness, uncooperative, a passive, aggressive, hostility, self centeredness, codependence,
not not living in integrity with oneself, not knowing what
that is, perhaps feeling lost and in exile, just drifting.
(43:13):
It's a very sad state to live in. They suffer
with low self esteem and feeling unworthy. They may even
have something called the impostor syndrome feeling lost inside, will
putting on the happy face mask, or being a workaholic
because they feel inadequate inside and yes, I can do this,
(43:34):
Oh if I just work, you know. And they live
to go to work. They don't work to live. They
live to work because they need that structure. They don't
have any other source of validation. Including internally pessimism. I'll
always be stuck like this, life will never change. I'll
(43:55):
always be angry and miserable and put down in a victim.
Well again, this can be changed with a lot of
help and awareness and willingness to do that. So these
are some of the ways that these lost parts show
up in life. They are maladaptive to teach you to survive.
I'm sorry, they're adaptive to teach you to survive, but
(44:17):
later in life they are maladaptive. They don't serve you.
Let's learn some more in the next live please. So
this can be from what we call in psychology and
insecure versus a secure attachment. An insecure attachment is that
you are not bonded securely with your caregiver. Maybe a
(44:41):
caregiver was ill, mentally ill, had an addiction problem. For
whatever reason, that caregiver could not be The keyword is
consistently enough responsive, so it made the child feel anxious,
whereas a secure bond again consistently enough bonding and responsiveness
(45:04):
helps people grow up into adults with good social intelligence
and healthy relationships. Let's learn some more on the next
slide before we take our break. This is another portrayal
of the same idea. Whereas people who may have avoidant
attachment styles, they are afraid to get close. They are disorganized,
(45:31):
I want it, but I don't want it, you know, vacillating,
and for a person who's trying to form a relationship,
it can be very frustrating. They're unpredictably, unpredictably on and off.
They can also be anxious and resistant. I'm not sure
like commitment phobic versus the secure attachment in which a
(45:55):
person learns to trust the world through a responsive, consistently
responsive caregiver and can take that out into the world.
So I hope that you now understand better what happens
to your lost parts and how they show up and why,
And when we come back from our break, we're going
(46:16):
to give you some tips to reclaim those lost parts
of your inner child. This has been Shoshanna Auberbach speaking
to you live on Bold Brave TV. You're watching Love,
Light and Wisdom. See you in a few minutes.
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Speaker 2 (48:34):
Welcome back to Lovelight and Wisdom. I'm your hostess, Shoshanna Auberbach,
and you're watching me live on Bold Brave TV. We've
been talking about reclaiming the lost parts of your inner child,
how they got lost, what is the inner child, and
how they show up, especially when you least expect it.
So now in the last segment of our program, I'd
(48:57):
like to give you some tips to help you reclaim
your lost parts again. It took a long time for
them to get lost, and you grew up perhaps or
person grows up for many years, so it takes time
to reclaim them. But you can get started today. With
these tips. First of all, get some professional help. It's
(49:21):
really important to do that. With a licensed professional. You
can schedule a free discovery call with me about the
emotion code, body code and belief code. I also can
guide you through this process using EFT emotional freedom technique,
tapis punk, sorry, acupressure technique, music therapy, or an intuitive reading.
(49:48):
I am also a licensed social worker working under supervision.
So there are also some other techniques to help give
you the tools and perhaps inspire courage for you to
heal safely. Playfulness, creative arts therapy, try some music therapy,
art therapy, dance therapy, journaling. Give those lost parts and
(50:12):
suppressed parts of yourself a voice and reclaim your voice.
Even if it seems childish, it's not childish, it's your
inner voice. I wanted that candy, I wanted to go away.
I wanted to whatever it was you want. I wanted love.
(50:33):
I wanted Mommy to hug me. I Journaling can help
you reclaim your lost parts, the voice that was suppressed.
Prayer and meditation helps people. God give me the courage
to heal the parts of me that I'm not even
aware of that need healing, but are showing up and
(50:55):
making me feel uncomfortable. Listening to music that reflects your feelings.
There's a lot of good music out there, whether it's
instrumental or vocal. Embrace those hurt and lost parts of yourself.
They need healing, and yes, that's called self parenting. Giving
yourself a hug and giving those parts a hug they
(51:18):
really need it. Have compassion on them and accept them,
and acknowledge and validate the pain you are facing and
the courage to face that pain. Let's go to the
next line for some more tips about reclaiming those lost
parts of yourself. So it starts with awareness. Identify and
(51:40):
acknowledging your feelings. That alone can be a very difficult journey.
It can be done. Identify knowledge those feelings at a
pivotal defining moment, especially the painful ones such as abandonment, heartbreak,
can rage what really got you going two. Identify the
(52:06):
beliefs that you developed about life because of the experiences
you had at that age when these life defining pivotal
moments happened to you. For example, i will always feel stuck,
life will never change, I'm not lovable, I'll always be
angry and miserable. Three. Identify and acknowledge your unmet needs
(52:30):
at that time. I needed love, protection, nurturing, validation. What
was it you needed? Four? Identify and acknowledge what you
needed then? So you had unmet needs, and what was
it you needed? I needed? I didn't have enough love
(52:53):
from my mother, father, whomever. And what was my need?
I needed to be heard, I needed validated. I needed
to feel safe. I needed to feel I'm okay. There's
a very subtle difference. Five. Reflect How can I give
that to myself now? Or rewrite the script? How can
(53:14):
I give myself the love, the validation to be heard,
to hear myself, to speak up? Even because the brain
Dovens doesn't differentiate in a timeline. So if you do
this now as an adult, it will heal your inner
child because you're off still operating as if you were one, two,
(53:38):
three years old, So you can heal that even if
you're doing it much later in life. I also encourage
you to go back five minutes before the event and
imagine or visualize a different outcome. And if you can't
remember what five minutes like was like before that life
(54:00):
defining moment happened, visualize a different outcome anyway. Imagine your caregiver,
your parent, your mother, father, grandmother, whomever a is happy
healing you, holding you, telling you the world is a
good and safe place. If they said something harsh to you,
(54:22):
I'll imagine them saying I'm sorry, that was the wrong thing.
I know I hurt you very deeply. These can also
be very healing scripts to rewrite what happened, and your
mind will again go back to that original hurt full
(54:42):
time and recalibrate and rewire itself. So let's go to
the last slide, and I'm just reminding you about the
healthy child you were meant to be, and hopefully by
recla these taking these five steps to reclaiming these lost parts,
(55:04):
you will be on your road to recovery of your
lost parts and the unhappy inner child that can be
playful once again and confident, feeling good about life, having
a secure bond with yourself, be resilient and happy. So
(55:28):
I invite you to maybe replay this and we're going
to talk more about the lost parts of the inner
child and reclaiming that and our program next week. Full
slide please and full screen. These are my services. Please
(55:48):
look me up. So I hope today's program has been
so helpful and I love this one of my favorite signs.
You are never too old to have a happy childhood.
What you've learned today with my sharing my love light
and wisdom with you has put you back on this
path to having the happy childhood that you deserve and
(56:12):
can still have. So again, this has been Shoshana Auberbach
speaking to you live on Bold Brave TV, and I
hope you have a wonderful week full of good health
and healing, happiness, health and peace and creative, spiritual and
lots and lots of love and healing and playful. Let's
(56:34):
be playful and joyful. That's part of our healing process.
Healing does not have to be always so serious. So
I invite you to look me up www dot Authentic,
Radiance dot life, and also my look at the other
programs in this series. And I hope to see you
(56:55):
again next week on Love Light and Wisdom Saloman Blessing.
Have a beautiful week.
Speaker 1 (57:04):
This has been Love Light and Wisdom with your host Shashana.
Shashana's proven approach takes the guesswork out of healing with
user friendly techniques that resonate deeply with her clients.
Speaker 3 (57:19):
Tune in to.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
Love, Light and Wisdom Mondays at ten am Eastern to
hear Shashana discuss her techniques and learn how to apply
them in your own life. Be You, Be Happy, Believe music.
Excerpt from My Carry You in My Heart Forever by
Shoshana Offerbach, copyright twenty twenty four. All rights reserved.
Welcome to Love Light and Wisdom with your host Shashawa.
Love Light and Wisdom inspires listeners to tune into their
authentic selves and create a happier and healthier life, take
control and experience true happiness. So please welcome the host
of Love Light and Wisdom, Shashawa.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Hello everybody, I'm Shoshanna Auberbach, your hostess of Love Light
and Wisdom, and you're watching me live on Bold Brave TV.
On this program today, we're going to be talking about
reclaiming your inner child's lost parts. We've been doing a
ten part series on Anger, Friend or Foe, and we
(01:04):
left off with shows about betrayal, including betrayal of yourself.
But what happens to those parts of you that get
lost when you are betrayed, especially as a young child,
which affects you into your adulthood or you betray yourself.
And that's what we're going to be talking about in
(01:26):
today's new series, reclaiming the lost parts of your inner child.
The inner child is the part of you that rules
the roost, and in today's program, I'm going to give
you some insights, perspectives, tips and techniques to befriend and
heal your inner child. So I'm going to introduce myself first,
(01:52):
Shoshana Aberbach. I'm a sol licensed social worker and licensed
music therapist in the state of New York. I'm an
adjunct psychology professor, Sir. I am a certified practitioner of
the Body Coode Belief Code and Emotion Code healing Modalities,
and a certified mindfulness and Formed professional. I have produced
two albums of my own songs, which I hope you
(02:14):
will listen on YouTube. So I do offer private sessions
and consultations, and I welcome you to give me a
call and look me up at www. Dot Authentic Radiance,
dot life, Authentic Radiance dot life and help you authentically
(02:35):
radiate your true, loving inner child self. So let's move
forward with the slides. Please. These are some of the
topics that we've been discussing on lovelight and wisdom, including
energy healing, energy awareness, and how to deal with very
difficult and challenging emotions. You do not have to stay
(02:55):
stuck in anger, depression, and dell and feeling uncomfortable and unhappy.
And that's why we're here to share our love, our light,
and our wisdom to help you move forward with clarity
and confidence. Let's go to the next slide place and again,
here are my two albums of healing songs. I wrote
(03:19):
the words, the music, the arrangements, and I hope that
you will listen to these songs. And there are some
inner child songs on them as well, so I invite
you to look those up. And let's move forward. So
we are going to be talking about the inner child.
(03:39):
Let's first talk about what is the healthy child as
you were meant to be, that free spirited, playful, resilient,
good self esteem with secure bonding. Have you ever seen
little kids, I mean, just learning how to walk. What
do they do when they fall down because they don't
quite have the you know, the weight shifting from one
(04:02):
side to the other. They just get up and keep going.
So why is it hard for us to do that
later in life, especially as adults. Look at this picture
on the left side, it's called I don't speak French.
I think it's rue mefittare. Look at the face, facial
(04:24):
expression on this young child, so confident I was sent
to buy the wine. I'm coming home. Mommy is going
to be so pleased with me. I know who I
am and what I'm doing. I love the self confidence
that this photograph exudes and the photograph on the right side, happy, joyful,
(04:48):
playful children just jumping, skipping and have popping along. This
is the healthy child as you were meant to be.
So what happened to that child in perhaps you or
people you know? Many people lost touch with this part
(05:08):
of themselves. Let's go to the next slide please, as
in who's ruling the roost? It's your inner child. So
you see an adult here in a baby's clothing, because
that's who's really ruling the roost. You see chronologically an adult,
(05:31):
but really inside that adult many times is an inner
child that's crying, yearning out, hurting and wanting to be healed.
And that's what's operating in the back of your mind,
in your unconscious mind, and that's what shows up when
you least expect it. So that's what we're going to
(05:54):
be discussing today. What is the inner child? And help
you understand that and give you some tips about perspectives
so that you can be more integrated and live a happier,
healthier life. Let's move to the next slide place, So
(06:14):
what are the lost parts and why do they need
to be reclaimed at all. What's the benefit? Well, we
all have this built in program that God designed our bodies.
It's called homeostasis. Homeostasis we like things within a certain
(06:34):
range to keep balance in our bodies, such as our
body temperature, blood sugar, or blood pressure. And when we
get out of balance, our body has certain mechanisms in
it designed to put us back into balance. So there
is this built in need to be whole, to be
(06:56):
in balance, to be integrated and healthy. So are why
else do we need to reclaim those lost parts of ourselves?
Because we need to rewire the brain and the nervous
system to respond to stress differently. We're not designed to
(07:17):
be on the go fight or flight, ready to run
when the saber tooth tiger so to speak, is coming
after us. That's not our normal way of being. We
want balance and peace. That's why we need to reclaim
those lost parts so we have that balance in peace,
(07:40):
not hypervigilant, as they called her, on the defensive, on
guarded all the time. Those parts need healing and integration.
They want to be heard, validated, witnessed, let out and expressed.
But the environment around a person a milieure does not
(08:03):
always allow for that or allow for that safely, so
as an adult, you can create that for yourself. And
until these lost parts are healed, they are the background
program operating in our unconscious minds and ruling the roost.
You may think you are saying and doing, saying what
(08:24):
you are saying, and thinking what you're thinking, and doing
what you're doing, but there's really the background program operating,
and that's your unhealed parts, your inner child. So when
we want to present ourselves as what I call congruent,
what's inside is outside, and what's outside matches what's inside.
(08:47):
This is another reason why these lost parts need to
be reclaimed and healed, because they affect one's thinking. As
I explained, it's called the axis mundi. How a person
operates in this world they're mo in other words, their
self and their world relationships are all affected by this. Remember,
(09:09):
as we talked about in the first couple of videos
in this podcast series, thoughts are waveforms, so like attracts,
like like you are sending out a broadcast signal from
your and your sending out to someone else whose dial
is picking up your signals. So we want to have
(09:30):
the optimal signal, not the dysfunctional signal, because according to
the law of attraction, that's what you're going to pick up.
And then people wonder why they pick up toxic people.
They attract toxic opportunities, things that don't work out in
their lives as they had hoped, and they feel unhappy
(09:51):
and dissatisfied with themselves in their life. So these are
some of the many reasons that the lost parts of
the inner child need to be reclaimed so you can
have a happier, healthier life. Let's learn some more about
what is the inner child on the next slide. This
book is what when I was introduced to it by
(10:14):
a therapist, is called the so called Bible of Inner
Child Psychology, and it was written by a woman who's
not only a clinical psychologist but also an art therapist.
Recover of your Inner Child And as you can see
on the front cover, let me out. As we were
just talking about, let me out so I can be
(10:37):
creative and heal you. So the inner child, according to
the description of the book on Amazon, is the part
that lives within all of us. It's the part that
of us that feels emotions and is playful, intuitive, and creative.
Like the children we saw earlier in the program. It's
(10:59):
usually hidden under our grown up personas the inner child
holds the key to intimacy and relationships, as I just
explained in the Physical and Emotional Wellbeing, Recovery from addictions,
and the creativity and wisdom of our inner selves. So
(11:20):
I highly recommend if you're interested in inner child work
to look at this book and consider buying it for yourself.
There are a lot of other good books out there,
as we'll see in the next slide. John Bradshaw spoke
a lot about the inner child in his PBS TV
(11:45):
series and in his books, especially this one called Homecoming.
Let's first go to Let's what does he described as
the inner child? Let's start there. We first see the
world through the eyes of a little child, and that
inner child remains with us throughout our lives, no matter
(12:06):
how outwardly grown up and powerful we become. So in
other words, there's a big Shoshana and a little show
Shanna operating inside the big show Shauna. If our vulnerable
child was hurt, abandoned, shamed, or neglected, that child's pain,
(12:27):
grief and anger live on within us. I believe that
this neglected, wounded inner child part of the past is
the major source of human misery, he says, Then the
healed inner child becomes a source of vitality and creativity,
enabling us to find new joy and energy in living.
(12:51):
And I bring this wisdom to you because I have
experienced this myself, pretty much on target with what he's said.
And even if you grow up in a so called functional,
healthy family, there are childhood wounds that still need to
be healed. And especially if the person grew up in
(13:13):
a dysfunctional family where there was an absent or inconsistently
present a caregiver, an addicted parent, a mentally ill parent, abandonment, poverty,
whatever it was, especially the inner child is even more
(13:35):
wounded and in need of healing. The ap American Journal
of Psychotherapy defines the inner child as referring to the
child the patient once was and with whom the patient might,
to some extent, have lost touch with on the way
to adulthood. Did you ever notice what happens to the
(13:57):
books as you grow older? What happened to the picture.
The objective is to help patients reconnect with this inner
child to free themselves from maladaptive, emotional and behavioral patterns.
Maladaptive patterns or patterns of behavior that we think are
adaptive and serving us, but in the end they are
(14:21):
actually maladaptive. They do not serve us well. In the end,
they may have helped us survive, but they are not
meant to be perpetuated through the rest of our lives
because they just don't serve us in ways that we
may not understand. And that's where it helps to contact
(14:43):
someone like me and let's discuss what's going on with
you and schedule a consultation, behave I'm sorry, belief code,
a body code or emotion code session, or an intuitive
reading to understand tho parts of you so that you
can lead a happier, healthier life and be more integrated
(15:06):
with your adult self and your inner child. Let's go
to the next slide, please, So this child looks very unhappy,
and when we come back, we're going to talk more
from our break. We're going to talk more about why
is this child so unhappy not only as a child,
(15:28):
but also into adulthood, even though she grew up to
be an adult person in an adult body, but still crying, sobbing,
very upset inside. So we're going to come back in
two minutes. This has been Shoshana Aberbach, your hostess of Love,
(15:49):
Light and Wisdom and where you're watching me live on
Bold Brave TV. See you and if you and by
the way, if you have any questions or comments, please
contact us through the chat.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
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Speaker 2 (18:07):
Hello everybody, I'm Shoshanna Auberbach, your Hostess of Love, Light
and Wisdom, and you're watching me live on Bold Brave TV.
We're talking about reclaiming the parts of your the lost
parts of your inner child. And we've been talking about
what is the inner child, that little part of you
(18:28):
that even though you're in an adult body is still
operating within you. And if you were sad and upset,
as you see in the picture of this child as
a child, more frequently than not, that child is still
operating in a person even as an adult and ruling
the roost. So let's move forward with some other and
(18:52):
more information about what are the lost parts of the
self the previous slide place. There we go. So the
premise here is that feelings are a person's truth. Feelings
are a person's truth, and when our feelings are dismissed
and validated, we got upset. And we may not know
(19:14):
that they've been invalidated or dismissed, because that takes conscious awareness,
and sometimes a person is just so used to that
they don't realize consciously that it's happening, and this makes
the inner child very upset, and then people don't understand
why they're miserable, even as adults. So that's what we're
(19:36):
here for today, is to raise your consciousness. So these
feelings rule your roost, not your thoughts. So what are feelings?
Feelings are biochemical reactions neurotransmitters, which are chemical messengers throughout
the body, and these are released in the brain and
(20:00):
they are also operating within the prefrontal I'm sorry. They
are part of the amygdala, which is where you actually
feel your emotions in your brain, and they are part
of your intuition system. The amygdala, by the way, is
(20:20):
the place where you feel especially fear and anxiety, along
other as well as other feelings, and it works five
times faster than the thinking part of your brain, which
is the prefrontal cortex. So that's why sometimes people have
knee jerk reactions. They have to rethink, like why did
I do that? Or direct you know, I wish I
(20:43):
could have not said that, But you can rewrite the
script many times. And just as an example of how
this operates is let's look at babies. They operate by feeling,
by their sensory memory, not by thinking until they start
reaching probably over five years old, five and ten years
(21:08):
old according to Jean Piaget. So the lost parts, is
I see them, are what happened to one's unexpressed voice
and feelings that were squashed by other people and caregivers.
And sometimes this was intentionally and sometimes not. So what
(21:31):
this leads to is what I call adaptive or maladaptive
thoughts and behaviors that served a purpose to help you survive,
but later on they became maladaptive when you went to
look for a partner, for example, or in the workplace,
(21:53):
moodiness but you don't have friends, turning to addictions and substances.
These were maladaptive adaptive at first, that became maladaptive later
in life. It is a stress response. They are a
stress response to brain and wiry wiring your brain. And
(22:17):
when a person is under stress, for I would say
a good part of the time, especially in their very
early childhood. That's the template that is set up in
their early life and everything is mirrored on that template. So,
for example, it might be hard for an adult who
(22:40):
was constantly under stressed and had to grow up being
hyper vigilant to relax. It's just not part of their wiring.
But the brain is an amazing mechanism that can be rewired,
especially through mindfulness practices and energy healing. So again I
(23:00):
invite you to look me up at www. Dot Authentic Radiance,
dot life and let's discuss how these modalities that I
practice can help you. Other reasons why the lost parts
got squashed or what happens afterwards is you created a
(23:21):
story which is real to you because you were the
one creating it and the need to create it and
adapt to a stress a full situation. But it's really
an illusion that's not necessarily true. It's an illusion, right fear,
false evidence appearing real, false evidence appearing real. And so
(23:50):
again it served you for a time, but it's really
a story that's false. And again, I've lived this myself
and it's a hard breakthrough, but it is also very
liberating when you realize what's going on. And living that
(24:11):
illusory story until you find out the truth or heal
or recreate your life is part of that, perpetuating the
pain of the inner child and the invalidation of one's
of thoughts and feelings. So it takes courage to heal.
(24:33):
And author John Gray, who also wrote Mena from Mars,
wrote another book called what you Feel, you can Heal.
And that's why we're here to help you get prospective
and consciousness, conscious awareness so that you can feel and
(24:54):
you can heal. And if you can feel the pain,
yeah it doesn't feel pretty, but you know what, it's
better than not feeling it, and it means that you're
alive and not in denial. And your healing journal journey
will be much easier if you have the courage to
feel the pain. Let's move to the next slide. What
(25:20):
are some other parts of the lost self involving It's again,
it's a young child's response to a traumatic event. It
was meant to help you survive, survive witnessing domestic violence
of your caregivers, survive an absent parent or inconsistently present
(25:45):
parent due to mental their mental illness or addictions, alcoholism,
drug use, etc. Abandonment. These feelings got lost in the
shuffle because you had to survive. You didn't have a parent.
You needed food, clothing, shelter, love, you know, connection, You
(26:09):
needed somebody to explain life to you. And that person
wasn't there or not there consistently enough, or didn't care
to be. Sometimes they did have it, many times they
were absorbed in their own drug use or whatever was
going on with them, and they couldn't be fully present
(26:31):
consistently enough, that's the key word, consistently enough. So your
feelings got lost, they got put into the on the
back burner, and you were always in survival mode. You
could not thrive the painful feelings that you experienced. In
validation dismissal, anger, hurt, confusion, guilt, shame, got stuck or
(26:57):
were and were unexpressed and not or not allowed to
be expressed, so you internalize those message I'm not important,
So I'm going to dismiss and bypass my own feelings
because of the modeling that I grew up with, or
(27:18):
you grew up with, or a person grew up with.
You dismiss your own feelings. My feelings don't matter to
my mother or father, caregiver, whomever, so therefore I don't
matter and my feelings don't matter. And then people grow
up feeling depressed, detached, dissociated, miserable and unhappy and don't
(27:41):
understand why until they have some insights or they get
professional help. So again, please look me up at www
Dot Authentic radiance dot life, and let's talk about how
you can reclaim your life lost parts and lead a
(28:01):
more integrated, congruent, happier, healthier life. Let's go to the
next slide, please, So these lost parts of you were repressed.
That means they were blocked out of your consciousness. Suppressed
means they were pushed down. Repressed is just block it
(28:22):
out of my consciousness like the old videotape, splice, splice
and connect or discard that part and reconnect. That's what
repression is. But the feelings don't go away. It leads
to fragmentation. These parts of you are still floating around
(28:42):
in your unconscious subconscious minds. A person can become dissociated,
not fully integrated. Dissociation means numbing out, checking out because
the reality is too painful and they may turn to
substances for relief of their emotional pain. Shame is another
(29:08):
expression of what happens to these lost parts. Shame versus guilt.
Shame is I feeling I am a bad person versus
guilt I did something wrong. Shame is much harder to
heal because there's an inherent feeling of low self esteem
(29:30):
and faultiness with the self versus I did something wrong
that I can still have good self esteem despite that.
Lost parts can also be buried under a ton of anger.
Now remember, anger, as we've discussed in the last ten
(29:50):
shows on this program, is a very complex emotion that
be can be comprised of many other emotions such as frustration, futility, disappointment, rejection, invalidation, dismissal,
(30:11):
and the main message here is you don't matter. And
when a person is told you don't matter, it's very
painful and sometimes they have to repress or suppress those emotions,
but they don't go away. They provide a shaky foundation
(30:32):
for adulthood, like a big tree with shallow roots. And
this is why some very evolved people from my experience,
can't function well in life and relationships. They know a
lot of information, but they have very poor people's skills.
They are dissociated from their lowest chakras because everything goes
(30:54):
up into the head and it's unsafe to feel. Life
is safer in your head than in your body, where
those feelings lurk. And we're going to come back after
the break and talk more about how you can reclaim
these lost parts of yourself now that you have some
conscious awareness of them, hopefully. And this has been Showshanna
(31:17):
Auberbach on Love, Light and Wisdom and you're watching me
live on Bold Brave TV. See in a few.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Did you know that your beliefs create your entire reality?
But it's the subconscious beliefs that do most of the creating.
Belief Shifter and life coach Charaz can help you identify
those limiting beliefs and eliminate them, often in a single session.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Like it was almost instant, Like I had relief right away.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Creating better help, relationships, careers and finances. Let Sharaz help
you step out of safety and into awareness.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
Definitely something's happening like a flow inside it.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Do good, whether in person or online. Sharaz provides personal
coaching belief shifting. Visit Charras at Energeticmagic dot com or
call four one six five to nine seven four two
nine Energetic Magic on the BBM Global Network Tuesdays at
seven pm Eastern. Find your greater happiness, Be well, be aware,
(32:21):
be magical.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse.
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(32:45):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the Caring Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging adults Wednesday evenings, six
Pacific seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I
answer these questions and share tips for managing stress, family,
real relationships, health, wellbeing, and more. Podcasts and transcripts of
The Carrying Generation are on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com,
(33:08):
plus my caregiving library online caregiver support programs and programs
for corporations interested in supporting working caregivers. Help, hope and
support for caregivers is here on The Carrying Generation and
Pamela Dwilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Hi everybody, I'm Shoshanna Auberbach, your hostess of Love, Light
and Wisdom on Bold Brave TV, and we've been talking
about reclaiming the lost parts of your inner child. In
this segment, we're going to now come to some more
understanding how these parts got lost, and then we're going
(33:47):
to give you some tips and techniques so you can
recognize and deal with them, hopefully in a healthier health
and a healthier way, so that you can be live
your best life. So you see here there is again
the adult in a child's clothing, because we're all little kids.
(34:12):
We're all little so and sos walking in the big
so and sos little show Shanna in The Big Show, Shauna,
and there is grief there, especially for persons who grew
up in dysfunctional homes. So who is really crying is it?
Who's really crying is the little child inside of you,
(34:36):
even if you're one hundred years old. A little child
is the person who needs healing and attention and love.
So why are they crying? Because there was a trauma
and distress of some kind that caused the lost parts,
as we discussed, and David Kessler, a grief expert, says,
(34:57):
in trauma, there's grief. What is the grief that a
person's inner child may be feeling. It's mourning losses. Acknowledging
and validating the pain takes a lot of courage, and
that's why we're here mourning what you wanted and couldn't get.
Even if there were a good reason for it, it
(35:19):
was still maybe very upsetting to you as a child,
and those feelings remain. They can be healed, and that's
why we're here to talk about that. The trauma may
have involved association, which is numbing out and checking out
because the reality and emotional pain is too painful to
(35:40):
deal with the loss of what you wanted I wanted
that piece of candy. I wanted whatever you wanted as
a child. I wanted to go to I wanted to
go out. I didn't want to go to sleep. I
wanted to play with my friend. Whatever it is you
want it, you didn't get what you wanted. What it
(36:04):
was you wanted meant a lot to you. So it's
the loss of what you wanted. Maybe that's even love
or to be held, the loss of relationship as you
thought you knew it, Like, Hello, what happened to this
person who was giving me comfort and holding me and
(36:27):
making me feel safe and warm? You know what happened
to that person? So it's the absence mourning of the
regular and responsive caregiver. The loss of trust if you
don't have it with your primary caregiver, can be learned
later in life, but it's much harder and shows up
(36:50):
in the quality of one's relationships, personal work, relationships, relationship
with self. It was also mourning the loss of life
as you knew it. There were seminal life altering, defining
moments or events, such as the birth of a sibling.
This is especially hard for an oldest child, or perhaps
(37:13):
the death or abandonment of a parent or a sibling
or another person who was close to the child, or
the child was hurt, and like I will never trust anybody,
I will never like dogs. Whatever it was, these are
(37:36):
life defining moments. I will always stay angry, and they
stick with you through your adulthood and they can be
healed through a lot of attention and time and effort.
So please look me up at www. Dot Authentic radiance,
dot life. And let's talk about that. And it's also
(37:58):
the loss of safety, and this safety to express one's
feelings and be who you really are. Let's learn some
more on the next line. So how did these parts
get lost? We talked again about guilt versus shame. Guilt
is I did something bad, I can still feel I'm
(38:18):
a good person, a healthy person. Whereas shame is I
am feeling I am a bad person, I'm defective. Lost
parts get lost again through not enough consistent that's the
keyword here, consistent, nurturing and validation. We talked about repression,
(38:41):
blocking things out, suppression, pushing feelings down, inhibition. You got
yelled at, scolded, shamed when you tried to dare, try
to express yourself. It was unsafe. You got dismissed and validated.
It forced you to shift your focus to other things,
(39:02):
to dealing with the crisis in your life. Maybe you
got your attention, went to school and work or providing
for basic needs, and those inner child feelings got pushed
to the back burner. Sometimes people just give up from futility.
What's the use of trying to talk to him or
(39:23):
her mom, dad, spouse, whomever. Giving up on unmet needs
that were not met by the caregiver, or again, the
absence of a responsive caregiver. Even if there were a
so called good reason and not the child's fault, it
can still be traumatic for the child. We talked about
(39:47):
dissociation and being an exile from yourself, checking out, numbing
out because of pain roles that were forced onto a child,
such as rescuer, I'm too tired, you take care of
dinner and feed the kids, which is also bypassing one's needs,
(40:08):
getting stuck in anger. It's a stress response to witnessing
behavior that made the child feel unsafe or unwanted. So
these are some of the ways that your lost parts
get lost. Let's learn some more. But they show up
(40:29):
in later in life because you're crying out for safety
and help and love. So they show up as mootiness,
depression and irritability, unhappiness and feeling lost. And I have
treated in counseling people who are very evolved, very smart
(40:51):
and brilliant, but they feel empty inside and they don't
understand why because they had a part of them fire.
One particular patient, at five years old, had an emotionally
distant mother and that's still operating in his psyche somewhere.
(41:12):
Somatic complaints, backache, neckgate, neck ache, indigestion. These are examples
of somatic complaints. Rage and anger, temper reactivity, rigidity, stubbornness,
oppositional behaviors, passive aggressiveness, undermining codependent behaviors where you're depending
(41:35):
on someone else's validation for your self esteem. Dutyful obedience, Okay,
I'll do it anyway, you know, but underneath you were
murmuring and very resentful, kind of forced and strong armed
him to it. People feel vulnerable to being manipulated. They're mistrusting,
(42:00):
paranoid in some ways, gullible. On the other end of
the spectrum, they are unable to protect and defend themselves.
They are like a dishrag. Whatever you say, okay, they
have no sense. Their sense of self is being pleasing people,
pleasing someone else, approval seeking, feeling victimized, feeling unworthy. They
(42:26):
turn to heart seeking behaviors, which is substance used, clinging
to toxic partners, thrill and danger seeking behaviors, cutting oneself
to get that dopamine rush, and even self harm and suicide. Unfortunately,
let's learn some more. They also show up later in
(42:48):
life and work in personal relationships again maladaptive behaviors such
as stubbornness, uncooperative, a passive, aggressive, hostility, self centeredness, codependence,
not not living in integrity with oneself, not knowing what
that is, perhaps feeling lost and in exile, just drifting.
(43:13):
It's a very sad state to live in. They suffer
with low self esteem and feeling unworthy. They may even
have something called the impostor syndrome feeling lost inside, will
putting on the happy face mask, or being a workaholic
because they feel inadequate inside and yes, I can do this,
(43:34):
Oh if I just work, you know. And they live
to go to work. They don't work to live. They
live to work because they need that structure. They don't
have any other source of validation. Including internally pessimism. I'll
always be stuck like this, life will never change. I'll
(43:55):
always be angry and miserable and put down in a victim.
Well again, this can be changed with a lot of
help and awareness and willingness to do that. So these
are some of the ways that these lost parts show
up in life. They are maladaptive to teach you to survive.
I'm sorry, they're adaptive to teach you to survive, but
(44:17):
later in life they are maladaptive. They don't serve you.
Let's learn some more in the next live please. So
this can be from what we call in psychology and
insecure versus a secure attachment. An insecure attachment is that
you are not bonded securely with your caregiver. Maybe a
(44:41):
caregiver was ill, mentally ill, had an addiction problem. For
whatever reason, that caregiver could not be The keyword is
consistently enough responsive, so it made the child feel anxious,
whereas a secure bond again consistently enough bonding and responsiveness
(45:04):
helps people grow up into adults with good social intelligence
and healthy relationships. Let's learn some more on the next
slide before we take our break. This is another portrayal
of the same idea. Whereas people who may have avoidant
attachment styles, they are afraid to get close. They are disorganized,
(45:31):
I want it, but I don't want it, you know, vacillating,
and for a person who's trying to form a relationship,
it can be very frustrating. They're unpredictably, unpredictably on and off.
They can also be anxious and resistant. I'm not sure
like commitment phobic versus the secure attachment in which a
(45:55):
person learns to trust the world through a responsive, consistently
responsive caregiver and can take that out into the world.
So I hope that you now understand better what happens
to your lost parts and how they show up and why,
And when we come back from our break, we're going
(46:16):
to give you some tips to reclaim those lost parts
of your inner child. This has been Shoshanna Auberbach speaking
to you live on Bold Brave TV. You're watching Love,
Light and Wisdom. See you in a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
Did you know that your beliefs create your entire reality,
But it's the subconscious beliefs that do most of the creating.
Belief shifter and life coach Charraz can help you identify
those limiting beliefs and eliminate them, often in a single session.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
Like it was almost instant, Like I had relief right away.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
Creating better, help relationships, careers, and finances. Let Sharraz help
you step out of safety and into awareness.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
Definitely, something's happening. It's like a flow inside.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
Yeah, it's good, whether in person or online. Sharaz provides
personal coaching belief shifting. Visit Charras at Energeticmagic dot com
or call four one six five to nine seven four
two nine Energetic Magic on the BBM Global Network Tuesdays
at seven pm Eastern. Find your greater happiness, Be well,
(47:27):
be aware, be magical.
Speaker 4 (47:33):
Are you struggling to care for elderly parents or a spouse.
Do you wonder if being a caregiver is making you sick?
Are you worried about taking time off work to care
for elderly parents and balance work life and caregiving? Has
caregiving become exhausting and emotionally draining? Are you an aging
adult who wants to remain independent but you're not sure how.
(47:53):
I'm Pamela d Wilson. Join me for the Caring Generation
radio show for caregivers and aging Adults Wednesday evenings, six Pacific,
seven Mountain, eighth Central, and nine Eastern, where I answer
these questions and share tips for managing stress, family relationships, health, wellbeing,
and more. Podcasts and transcripts of The Carrying Generation are
on my website Pamela Dwilson dot com, plus my caregiving library.
(48:18):
Online caregiver support programs and programs for corporations interested in
supporting working caregivers.
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Help, hope and support for.
Speaker 4 (48:25):
Caregivers is here on The Carrying Generation and Pamela d
Wilson dot com.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Welcome back to Lovelight and Wisdom. I'm your hostess, Shoshanna Auberbach,
and you're watching me live on Bold Brave TV. We've
been talking about reclaiming the lost parts of your inner child,
how they got lost, what is the inner child, and
how they show up, especially when you least expect it.
So now in the last segment of our program, I'd
(48:57):
like to give you some tips to help you reclaim
your lost parts again. It took a long time for
them to get lost, and you grew up perhaps or
person grows up for many years, so it takes time
to reclaim them. But you can get started today. With
these tips. First of all, get some professional help. It's
(49:21):
really important to do that. With a licensed professional. You
can schedule a free discovery call with me about the
emotion code, body code and belief code. I also can
guide you through this process using EFT emotional freedom technique,
tapis punk, sorry, acupressure technique, music therapy, or an intuitive reading.
(49:48):
I am also a licensed social worker working under supervision.
So there are also some other techniques to help give
you the tools and perhaps inspire courage for you to
heal safely. Playfulness, creative arts therapy, try some music therapy,
art therapy, dance therapy, journaling. Give those lost parts and
(50:12):
suppressed parts of yourself a voice and reclaim your voice.
Even if it seems childish, it's not childish, it's your
inner voice. I wanted that candy, I wanted to go away.
I wanted to whatever it was you want. I wanted love.
(50:33):
I wanted Mommy to hug me. I Journaling can help
you reclaim your lost parts, the voice that was suppressed.
Prayer and meditation helps people. God give me the courage
to heal the parts of me that I'm not even
aware of that need healing, but are showing up and
(50:55):
making me feel uncomfortable. Listening to music that reflects your feelings.
There's a lot of good music out there, whether it's
instrumental or vocal. Embrace those hurt and lost parts of yourself.
They need healing, and yes, that's called self parenting. Giving
yourself a hug and giving those parts a hug they
(51:18):
really need it. Have compassion on them and accept them,
and acknowledge and validate the pain you are facing and
the courage to face that pain. Let's go to the
next line for some more tips about reclaiming those lost
parts of yourself. So it starts with awareness. Identify and
(51:40):
acknowledging your feelings. That alone can be a very difficult journey.
It can be done. Identify knowledge those feelings at a
pivotal defining moment, especially the painful ones such as abandonment, heartbreak,
can rage what really got you going two. Identify the
(52:06):
beliefs that you developed about life because of the experiences
you had at that age when these life defining pivotal
moments happened to you. For example, i will always feel stuck,
life will never change, I'm not lovable, I'll always be
angry and miserable. Three. Identify and acknowledge your unmet needs
(52:30):
at that time. I needed love, protection, nurturing, validation. What
was it you needed? Four? Identify and acknowledge what you
needed then? So you had unmet needs, and what was
it you needed? I needed? I didn't have enough love
(52:53):
from my mother, father, whomever. And what was my need?
I needed to be heard, I needed validated. I needed
to feel safe. I needed to feel I'm okay. There's
a very subtle difference. Five. Reflect How can I give
that to myself now? Or rewrite the script? How can
(53:14):
I give myself the love, the validation to be heard,
to hear myself, to speak up? Even because the brain
Dovens doesn't differentiate in a timeline. So if you do
this now as an adult, it will heal your inner
child because you're off still operating as if you were one, two,
(53:38):
three years old, So you can heal that even if
you're doing it much later in life. I also encourage
you to go back five minutes before the event and
imagine or visualize a different outcome. And if you can't
remember what five minutes like was like before that life
(54:00):
defining moment happened, visualize a different outcome anyway. Imagine your caregiver,
your parent, your mother, father, grandmother, whomever a is happy
healing you, holding you, telling you the world is a
good and safe place. If they said something harsh to you,
(54:22):
I'll imagine them saying I'm sorry, that was the wrong thing.
I know I hurt you very deeply. These can also
be very healing scripts to rewrite what happened, and your
mind will again go back to that original hurt full
(54:42):
time and recalibrate and rewire itself. So let's go to
the last slide, and I'm just reminding you about the
healthy child you were meant to be, and hopefully by
recla these taking these five steps to reclaiming these lost parts,
(55:04):
you will be on your road to recovery of your
lost parts and the unhappy inner child that can be
playful once again and confident, feeling good about life, having
a secure bond with yourself, be resilient and happy. So
(55:28):
I invite you to maybe replay this and we're going
to talk more about the lost parts of the inner
child and reclaiming that and our program next week. Full
slide please and full screen. These are my services. Please
(55:48):
look me up. So I hope today's program has been
so helpful and I love this one of my favorite signs.
You are never too old to have a happy childhood.
What you've learned today with my sharing my love light
and wisdom with you has put you back on this
path to having the happy childhood that you deserve and
(56:12):
can still have. So again, this has been Shoshana Auberbach
speaking to you live on Bold Brave TV, and I
hope you have a wonderful week full of good health
and healing, happiness, health and peace and creative, spiritual and
lots and lots of love and healing and playful. Let's
(56:34):
be playful and joyful. That's part of our healing process.
Healing does not have to be always so serious. So
I invite you to look me up www dot Authentic,
Radiance dot life, and also my look at the other
programs in this series. And I hope to see you
(56:55):
again next week on Love Light and Wisdom Saloman Blessing.
Have a beautiful week.
Speaker 1 (57:04):
This has been Love Light and Wisdom with your host Shashana.
Shashana's proven approach takes the guesswork out of healing with
user friendly techniques that resonate deeply with her clients.
Speaker 3 (57:19):
Tune in to.
Speaker 1 (57:20):
Love, Light and Wisdom Mondays at ten am Eastern to
hear Shashana discuss her techniques and learn how to apply
them in your own life. Be You, Be Happy, Believe music.
Excerpt from My Carry You in My Heart Forever by
Shoshana Offerbach, copyright twenty twenty four. All rights reserved.
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