The Curse Stops Here: #Mydeathsavedmylife

Join us for an inspiring conversation with special guest Jessie Blessed as she shares a deeply personal narrative of a generational curse, detailing how mental health struggles and institutionalization have impacted the women in her family. This powerful story is about the lasting impact of mental illness on families, but more importantly, it’s about resilience, healing, and transformation.

Thank you for tuning in to "Lupus Has No Face," a podcast dedicated to sharing real stories and insights on living with Lupus and other invisible illnesses. Join your host, Savannah Burks, as she explores the struggles and triumphs of individuals navigating their health journeys, all while juggling life's many challenges. Don't miss an episode! Subscribe, listen, and share on all major podcast platforms. For more content and updates, follow us on social media and join the conversation.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:13):
Rang waited thirty her Street up.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
M m.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
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Speaker 3 (00:41):
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Speaker 1 (00:58):
Hmmm. Hello you guys, thank you for tuning in to

(01:24):
another wonderful episode of Lucas has on Face Podcast with
your wonderful hosts Savannah and our lovely beautiful guest today
just bless hey your friends.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
Hello, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Before we get away from everything, you guys, we will
be talking about.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
My death saved my life and the curse stops here. Yes,
that is dope. The curse stops here and my death
saved my life. That's that's that's a lot. Yeah, we're
gonna jump into it, but not so fast. Who is

(02:17):
just blessed?

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Jesse. Blessed is one.

Speaker 4 (02:26):
I have four daughters. I have four daughters and then
I have a granddaughter. Oh that's first thing.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
I'm a mama. I'm a mother first.

Speaker 4 (02:36):
I'm a model, a makeup artist, and I enjoy cooking.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
I just love him. No, I didn't. I ain't cooked today.
I cooked yesterday.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
That sometimes be the best, especially like greens and stuff
like that. Yes, I'm hungry, so I producer. I'm hungry.
Back there, give me some food. No, okay? So a
mother a cook, a makeup artist, a model. The model

(03:11):
thing is it's just show y'all. Walk is today for
if y'all ain't seen her walk, Baby, y'all walk is
a killer. You just be swinging that thing. That wagon
be going like it'd be like every every step she
takes a model runway.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
So I have to give it up to Crystal starts
like she man. She did her thing with me. Yeah,
she did her thing with me. And over the years,
since twenty fifteen, I have did over like one hundred
and fifty shaws in and out the country.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
In and out the country. Well, let's talk about that
real quick. Where did you do your model on that?

Speaker 4 (03:54):
So I started here in Milwaukee. My first show was
at the Grand and then I went to New York
Fashion Week. I went to London Fashion Week and let
me see, oh, I went to Chicago Fashion Week and

(04:15):
I still got some opportunities that's coming up.

Speaker 3 (04:18):
Take me with you next time because I love fashion
show may be going down, so you be working. I
like to be in the mix of it. A little
different for you.

Speaker 4 (04:28):
Yeah, it's it's a bit different because it's it'll be
a lot going on, like it's it's it's a whole
day of just sheanetic. When it comes to modeling, uh,
it's make up here. You gotta rehearsal like a couple
of times before the show.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Then the little jitters come, well, yeah, I love it.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
I see you just glow when you're talking about it.
For those that are like inspiring models, what would you
say to especially like the plus size models, who would
you say it? In my word of encouragement, what would
you say to them?

Speaker 4 (05:06):
You could do it like plus size, it's in and
you can do it like if you if that's something
that you really want to pursue, you know, you gotta
get connected with you know, some of the models that's
out here or some people that's still coaching, and do

(05:28):
it like it's it's it's if it's a dream of
yours to it.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
I love it. I love it. And as you guys know,
this is Lupi's Awareness Month. Today is the word I
lose truck my day. Today's May twenty seven. Today is
the twenty seven day of Lupis Awareness Month and Luba's
has No Face has been going hard. I had to
get myself and my team a pat on the back.
We have been amazing and not only shout out to
my team. I want to get my community a shout out,

(05:56):
the nation a shoutout because we haven't shown out. I
don't want to name anybody, but you know, if you've
been a part of Lupa's has No Face any way,
form a fashion shout out to you. But I'm definitely
gonna get my hats off to Dj Boogie because he
be having my music banging. Okay, I will shout out
to him because he's the only music producer, I'm the
only music I'm gonna calling him the music engineer on

(06:19):
my team. So shout out to Dj Bud. We'll be
making it happen even when he in a building. When
he not, he makes it happen. So that's my dug.
And before we get to get into this lovely story
of yours, tomorrow, please do meet us at Brownstone. We
are having another Lupa's Has No Face event. It's gonna
be an informational event, but it's gonna be a happy

(06:40):
hour and my drink called the Purple Butterfly will be
on the menu, so please ask for the Purple Butterfly.
It's gonna be from four to nine, four to nine,
Come see me, come see us.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (06:56):
Shout out to Johnna and Brownstone for even having this
event and believe in a mission. So shout out to
you guys as well, and just come learn to see
what is lupus is all about. Come join a community
and just spread the word in any way, uh way possible,
so we can start finding a cure to end his

(07:17):
ugly invisible illness that we have. And I wanted to
use this platform for the lovely Lady to tell your
story because your story it resonates with me personally as
a warrior. My death saved my life, not to the

(07:39):
fact or how how yours is, but uh for the
people that know. When I first told my story, me
being in a coma at a young age and having
to learn how to re walk talk all over again.
So it was kind of in reverse, you know what
I'm saying, Like it was kind of like I die

(08:00):
before I started living because I was so young and
questioning God as to why he will even give me
something to this magnitude at a young age. But then
as carrying it, people like, oh you don't like you
have loop is that's why I was born? I thank
him for the illness because it could be much worse.
So I believe that I was giving his illness to

(08:22):
help others in a way that's just beyond my understanding,
but enough of understanding to where I can educate the world.
So that's why I wanted you to in the months
Oopa's awareness with your beautiful story and your shirt line
that is called what I want you to say.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
It out live my death saved my life?

Speaker 3 (08:46):
What she is futuring today? And where can't that be
purchased at?

Speaker 4 (08:52):
You can reach out to me at any time in
box me and I, you know, hook you up and
get you get you a shirt because you know what,
the thing about my death saved my life. I created
this because throughout my healing, I have feel like I
today I feel like I have died probably one hundred times.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
Okay, like it's.

Speaker 4 (09:18):
So many things Like after I like I feel like
I heal from this, then God will show me something else,
you know, and the dying process it has literally allowed
me to now live like it has literally saved me
and allowed me to just be free living purpose and
things of that nature. But when people buy this shirt,

(09:41):
I don't want them to like have kind of like
the same story.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
I have.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
What you just said, like what happened to you when
it came to you, know you going through whatever you
went through, Like that's that's still a death and it
saved your life. And then as you come back up
now you're doing you you walking in your purpose. But
that had to happen. So it's like nothing happens on accident.

(10:11):
Everything happens like it's a purpose.

Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's a reason for that.

Speaker 4 (10:16):
So I just when it comes to this shart, it's
a broad it's not a just the one thing. It's
not just about like the healing part. It's about whatever
it resonates within you.

Speaker 3 (10:29):
I love that. Yeah, I love that, and it can
be for anything, a teenager, any anybody because it's very broad.
But you didn't tell them your tags. Where can they
Is it a number that they can reach out to?
So what type of number?

Speaker 2 (10:46):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (10:46):
Whatever do you want to get the people so they
can Okay?

Speaker 4 (10:48):
So I'm Jesse Blessed on Facebook, I'm Jesse Blessed on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
I'm Jesse Blessed on Instagram. He blessed eighty six.

Speaker 4 (11:01):
Yeah, and my tag is my depth saved my life
when it comes to my T shirts and like I said,
you can always reach out to me if you would
like a shirt. I do have some other shirts that's
coming up, but I think we're gonna talk about that
a little bit later.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
Yeah, so make sure you get a shirt support the
mission and Tom please do drop those tags so they
can know how to reach her. So let's get into it.
The curse, the curse. What is the curse?

Speaker 2 (11:40):
Oh, the curse?

Speaker 4 (11:43):
And I never really on this healing journey, I could
never like figure out like what. Always had these conversations,
be like God, what is the curse that's on my family?
And one day in the gym. That's why I stay
in the gym. I just love it is It's like oxygen, imy,

(12:03):
it is like water. I have to have it every day.
But I was I was asking him, I was questioning.
I'm asking him over and over and over, praying and fasting,
like God, what is this curse that needs to be broken.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Off of my off of my family?

Speaker 4 (12:22):
And he as I've been going through this journey, he
has given me bits and pieces of what this curse is.
But just a couple of days ago, he ended it
and he just told me exactly what it was, and
the curse that was on my family was mental illness.
It was it was always mental illness. And it started

(12:45):
from my grandmother, which is on this picture right here
of what I I can resonate or I can connect
myself to, which that's what I know that it started
with her.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
If I could just share my story just a little bit.

Speaker 4 (13:06):
When I was five years old, I remember going to
a place which I thought was kind of like a
nursing home or something like that, every Saturday, going to
see her, and I was I was just so happy
just to see her. And we would go and we
would just sit with her, watch TV with her.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
I would feed her and things of that nature.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
But I never understood like why she really wasn't having
a conversation with me, Like she didn't actually know my name.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
She knew it I was her granddaughter.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
But she actually she could not communicate or do any
too much of anything. And I at that moment, I
didn't really understand like exactly what.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
Was going on.

Speaker 4 (13:55):
At the time, I got a little older and my
mother talked told me, like, you know, we all go
see your grandmother and the mentitution, and I'm like, what
is the mentitution?

Speaker 2 (14:04):
And she started to explain to.

Speaker 4 (14:06):
Me what that was and what was going on with
my grandmother and how long she had been up in there,
And I'm like, what to make a long story short, she.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
When I was eleven years old.

Speaker 4 (14:18):
Well, my mother told me that she went up in
there when she was eight years old. She was going
through a divorce with her husband and she had a
nervous breakdown because he had left. So she then went
into the mentitution. She did not leave out the menstitution.

(14:41):
She actually died there, wow, when I was ten years old.

Speaker 3 (14:46):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (14:47):
So that was a long period of time of us
just going there seeing her. So that after she passed away,
I just kind of, you know, did my own thinking time.
I was like eleven, and I just felt like the
pressure coming up on me suicide or thoughts and things
of that nature. And my first suicide attempt was actually

(15:10):
at eleven, a year after she passed, and it kind
of went on for so many years. My mother she
didn't she wasn't big on therapy or she didn't kind
of really understand it, so she just kind of winged
and like, Okay, well, what's going on with you. We
had small conversations that wasn't really a conversation to really have.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
And as the.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
Years went on, I asked, I'm like, Mama, like I
want to get into therapy because like I heard somebody
talk about it.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
So I was like, I want to get into therapy.

Speaker 4 (15:43):
She was like, well, you know, Wayne, you know wa
ain going to no therapy putting them people in our business.
I said like, I need some help, and she was like, well,
you know, you know the white fox, they just want
to be in your bus.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
This da da da da da.

Speaker 4 (16:02):
Until I was seventeen, and that was like my third
time trying to commit suicide.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
And I actually, when you were committing trying to commit
these attempts, what actually were you doing and what was
bringing it on? So like what were you thinking at
that moment to to an attempt and what did you
do and what did you do after?

Speaker 4 (16:25):
Anyways, felt like it wasn't it was no reason for
me to be on this.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Earth, but like what brought that on? So like if
you were just I don't know, like having family time, right,
like what would be going on in your mental state
to where you need to depart from whatever you was
doing to try to do those attempts.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
So I had a lot of things that transpired in
my childhood, and because it wasn't dealt with, it's just like, okay,
we're not going to talk about it, so I might
as well just leave here.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
And it was just it was just like moments like.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
If you don't mind me, because you know, everybody all
over the world is going to be listening to this
and we're talking like oh, they were like what happened
in our childhood? Like what what calls that? We know
that she was feeling this way, but what happened? Do
you mind?

Speaker 2 (17:29):
Okay, yeah, I don't mind.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
So me being molested at five years old all the
way to the eleven, that's what took a toll out
on me because of the simple fact that it wasn't
dealt properly. It wasn't dealt with properly. And even for
the fact of people that think that I was lying,

(17:56):
it's just like, you know, what's the point, Like, okay,
we're we're not going to deal with them a less station.
You feel like a lie. I always felt like the
outcasts of the family. I never felt like I fitted
in and just not being heard. It was just like, okay,
what's the point of still being here.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
So was it somebody close to home that we're doing it?

Speaker 2 (18:17):
Yes, yes, it was my stepfather.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
And your mom just did not want to hear that.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah. She actually she was like, you're dreaming. It's a dream.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
You felt just I can I can imagine how you feel.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
She just said, you know, it's a dream, go back
to sleep. It's wow, Like that didn't happen to you.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
I'm sorry you went through that.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
So as of today, yeah, you and your mom are
you speaking?

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Oh? Yeah, me and my mother is in a much
better play.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
Has she accepted it? Did she ever say? Did she
accept what actually really happened? Happened?

Speaker 4 (19:00):
Yes, And throughout my healing journey, I was able to
go and have that conversation with my mother later and
come to realize that she did what was done to her.
So when she went and had that conversation, it was
brought to her the same way.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
So she only did what she was.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
What she knew to Wow.

Speaker 4 (19:23):
Yeah, so when she went and told that she was
being molested, nobody believed her.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
So okay, you know.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
You know, it's always very interesting how our family dynamics
from back in the day, how they handle those situations
and swelled things under the rug and you know, say
those certain things even to their own child that they
carry for nine months two in today's world, after all
this time that you know your child went through all

(19:54):
of these loneliness and darkness because I can only imagine
only to not be in her by their protector, they provider.
And now you have to be grown to say, oh, well,
the same thing happened to me. It's almost like, why

(20:15):
don't a light bull pop in the head that this
is your child? But for some of our reason and
it's for another day because it take us away off topic.
I don't know why back in the day that the
women were so they chose they men over their children
in a lot of the situations, and some are still
with them to this day. It's almost like that was

(20:38):
the norm back then, that was you know what I mean.
And it's like, no, that is not right, you know
what I mean. So I applaud you on doing the
work for yourself and changing the dynamics of your family
that you have, your immediate family, and just having the
courage to just sit here in front of the world
to tell your story, because somebody's gonna look at this

(20:59):
and be like you know somebody. Sometimes people hold on
to that that angers for so long that it just
eats at them from the inside out and it's not healthy.
Like you got to forgive a person for yourself, not
technically for them, because you gotta forget to heal to
in order to move on to live your life because
you'll be stuck. Right, So even the healing part, the forgiveness,

(21:22):
you know, the letting go, because if you don't, your
family dynamics is going to be screwed up because you're
not going to know who you are. And I feel
like that, right.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yeah, you do. I did.

Speaker 4 (21:36):
I had to basically forgive my mother. I had to
come from a place of understanding that that was how
she chose to deal with it. I have I can
make the choice to not if that was to knock
at my door, to not do the same thing, so
that curse is broken. No, my child come to me.

(22:00):
You say someone touched you, Oh, it's it happened.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
It happened. That's just what it is.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
And it is so funny too, not to kind of
like before you get back on top of it's so
funny because different cultures. One culture didn't believe the kid
stay with the fathers and the other culture used it
as some type of weapon of control, you know what

(22:28):
I'm saying. So it's just really interesting on how the
molestation works on different sides of the culture. Yes, you
know what I mean. So it's pretty interesting. That's that's
something that I probably wouldn't want to talk about. I
don't know how that would do on this show. But
that's that's a pretty dope topic. Okay. So what steps

(22:51):
have you took in to break the generation or pattern
or navigating cycles in your life.

Speaker 4 (22:57):
The steps that I have took is being and very
intentional on my my healing journey. Working out.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
We've been seeing that working.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
Out, working out like that's that's my thing.

Speaker 4 (23:15):
And doing the work, like doing the work, making sure
I have me myself in therapy anytime I feel like
some triggers come up, you know, alone putting my kids
in therapy. It look, this is normal. Therapy is normal, yes,
And doing the work is normal. Just making sure I

(23:36):
just put me first and loving on me, taking care
of me.

Speaker 2 (23:43):
I just I don't know.

Speaker 4 (23:44):
I'm just in that place of just me and making
sure I'm good because at the end of the day,
my goal is to be the best vision what God
has created me to be.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
I love that. I definitely, yeah, I love it. I
love it.

Speaker 4 (24:02):
That's that's just my purpose and and just you know,
share my my journey with people.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
That's been my thing to do. I want to share
my journey.

Speaker 3 (24:12):
No, why not?

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Because I can say you have to be ready, you you.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
Really have when is ready?

Speaker 4 (24:23):
Though somewhere in my mind I thought I had to be.
It looked in a certain way. Way, Yeah, it looked
a certain way. But at the end of the day,
I was just like, okay, now, oh no, it's you
know it doesn't it even this right here, It's just like, okay, God,
it's not.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
How do you feel? Do you feel relaxed or are
you still tense? Are you holding back? Are you how
do you feel right now? I feel okay, okay, that's good.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
We will never be ready for anything in life, never
nothing Like I had to come and realize that we
never would bring you just gotta do it, you know
what I'm saying. And people like you don't understand you
know what I'm going through. No, you don't understand that.
I do understand. That's why I'm able to tell you
to just do it because life time, the clock don't stop,

(25:17):
but we get older. You understand what I'm saying. So
just whatever it is in life is do it. The
nose is not what makes you. I believe the yes
this is what makes you. You will get a million no's.
And I feel like those nose built up like stimilar character.

(25:38):
It builds up that momentum like Okay, they said no
to this? Why did they say no to this? I
feel like that no give you more more power, you
know what I mean? And I feel like you may
get a million o's and three yeses. And those three yeses,
it's taking you to a place that changed your whole life.
So it's like, never be too afraid of putting yourself

(25:59):
out there, like putting yourself first, you know what I mean.
I think a lot of people are afraid of that
because people talk. The world is gonna talk no matter what.
That's just what it is. Yeah, and once you cancel
that outside noise, you'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
This is my first step.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
Well, I'm happy that you taken in first look.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
And this is not the end.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
I know, I know it's not the end. You're gonna
look at this and you gonna be live what what?

Speaker 2 (26:28):
What?

Speaker 3 (26:31):
What role does community support play in your journey to
stop the curse?

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Ah?

Speaker 4 (26:38):
So for a while I have not allowed people in
because of what I went through.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
Why But now.

Speaker 4 (26:46):
I'm letting people in, you know, And I feel like
community has played a big part on where I'm at
now because I thought I could do the work on
my own, but just pushing me out here and let
me know that there's other opportunities and look, there's ways

(27:06):
that just can't Look, you need to do this, and
you and just encouraging me, Like my community is everything
and they have, you know, pour it into me so
many things.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
That I didn't even know I needed in this moment.

Speaker 4 (27:24):
Like community has gotten me where I am today of
just stepping out my shield and want to just do
whatever God has called me to do.

Speaker 3 (27:35):
And that is so dope because people it's so scared
of the world and what they will do with the
information that they have trusted the other person with. And
it's like, no, once you own who you are and
you are able to tell your truth, nobody can tell
your truth better than you can tell your truth. So

(27:57):
who cares? Yeah, I did do that, I own that.
Next you know what I mean, so it's like, what
are they really actually doing and what are you really
actually scared of? I think it just plays in your head.
In people's heads, you want to you know what I mean,
like to have that courage to kind of like or
make it feel that you're different, you know what I mean,

(28:19):
or people maybe won't believe you, like it was on
your child. But it is a community out here, and
that's what people don't understand. Like community makes everything happen.
Nobody in this world does anything and win by themselves.
It's always a team, whether you see it or not.

Speaker 4 (28:35):
So I think my reason of holding back and when
it came to my story, was more of protecting the
people that.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
Was the perpetrators.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
But what about you?

Speaker 4 (28:52):
Oh yeah, that's that's what I had to come to. Yeah.
One day, I remember I was in a gym, and
this is where I have my conversations. My downloads come
a lot of my feeling I've been dealing with for
like the last three months. God been dealing with me

(29:13):
on this thing of rejection. So he was having a
conversation with me and he was like, Okay, so you're
not telling your story because of such and such and such,
But you're rejecting yourself from what's next because okay, because

(29:34):
you don't want to you know, you don't want to
put no names out here. We don't have to put
no names out here. But your story is your story,
Your truth is your truth. And at the end of
the day, if these people love you.

Speaker 2 (29:47):
And if and if they want the.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
Best for you, they wouldn't mind you telling your story
because it's not like it's today. It's the past and
this is where I'm at today. But yeah, I was.
I held back on my story to protect every perpetrator
or anybody that played a role in what happened or.

Speaker 2 (30:10):
How I got to this point, Like, yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:14):
You protected them and you need a protection from there.

Speaker 4 (30:17):
Yeah, yeah, but that was I think that was something
I learned or I took on as a child. Yeah,
I took that on as a child. You protect the
people that hurt you.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
That sound right coming.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
So when you asked me the other day, like you're
ready to tell yourself, I was like yes, Like yeah,
like this this is my first step of Look, no,
I'm not protecting nobody. My truth is my truth. I
know what happened to me, I'm living through it. I'm
healing through it, and look, this is what it is,

(31:00):
and it's me also taking.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
My power back. Ah, yes, no, this is.

Speaker 4 (31:06):
Me taking my power back so that I can do
the rest of the work.

Speaker 2 (31:11):
Because healing is an ongoing journey. It doesn't stop. I
think it stops when God calls us home.

Speaker 3 (31:21):
Stop for question to ask about that, because I don't
know who I was having this conversation with, and I
know it probably at least two people. Right, somebody said,
I don't know who what you just said, healing never stops, right, No,
And for me, I said, well, how come how come

(31:42):
helen never stops? Right? This person said, because you constantly
healing from the things, the trauma that was created. So
then I said, okay, I understand that, I said, but
how you're still not telling me how right? So then

(32:03):
they proceeded to say, well, if you healed, then that
means you never you don't need God. And if you
healed such and such and such using your words such
and such and such and such. And I'm like, well,
that's not true, right, I hear with what she was saying,
but I'm like, hmm, that's not how I look at it.
This is how I look at it. Trauma was created.

(32:27):
You heal from that trauma. When you're healed from something,
it no longer can trigger you or put you back
into the space that you once was. So if you
heal from that, how can you be? And if God
deliver you from that, right, because he's our everything, right,

(32:49):
deliver healer all of that.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
Right.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
So if he's all of these things like we say
that he is, why is healing a forever thing? That?
To me, that means trauma, it is created. And I'm
gonna continue to go through this, this turmerol or whatever
you want to call it, my whole entire life because
I'm never healing from what I've actually been through. And

(33:14):
I just don't think that sounds right. I feel like
you heal, you are healing. People don't want to own
their healing journey. They don't want to own that they
came up out of that shell, Like, yeah, that happened
to me. I dealt with that. I'm reborn again. You
know what I'm saying. I am heal from that alcoholism
and all of that. No, you did heal from that,

(33:36):
You heal from that. Why do you gotta keep holding
on to that? No, you are healed from that. That's
how I view it, because how are you study fighting
that every single day of your life. That's crazy to me.
That don't even make sense to me.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
So my the way I view it.

Speaker 4 (33:52):
To me, it's not that I'm still healing from this,
but because life gonna keep life, and I'm always healing
from something.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
But that's not true. Okay, this is wait, no, no,
let me take that back.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
My opinion.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
That's not true. And this is why I feel that's
not true.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
Right.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
I feel like God created your life. If you go
left and he created your life, if you go right, right,
you got we have a choice.

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (34:21):
Things happen in our life for a reason why. We
don't know why. Right, We don't know, right, And sometimes
it's not always God. That's what people got to understand.
We have a god, we have a devil, right, So
it's not always God's work, but he does step in
and intervene to save us.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Right.

Speaker 3 (34:40):
So my thing is, you go through, you go through,
you go through, and we always go through before we
actually become successful, right, something always happening and then boom, breakthrough.
But success comes with a whole nother set of issues.
Success is not all glittering, gleam. It looks that way,

(35:02):
but being successful comes with problems. So I feel like
he has to make sure we are ready for what
we are asking for it. So if our mental capacity
can handle it on this surface of level, and when
he give us what we want on the bigger levels,
we are ready to we are prepared for it and

(35:22):
we can sustain it. He's just not gonna give it
to us and we can't sustain what we ask for.
We want to sustain the glitter and the glam, and
then we're gonna deal with that and then we're gonna
have another breakthrough again. So I just feel like it's
those breakthroughs that he gives us. He makes us ready
for the things that we want because we feel like, oh,
having money, it's just everything that's not everything that money

(35:46):
comes actually comes with problems. People don't understand that. You
know what I'm saying, People like I said, you got
to be able to you want to sustain the gland
that you that you're asking for it from him. So
that's why I say what I say, because if you
are not never heal, you can never tell your story
to help other people. So if you're not healed. How

(36:07):
do you all here teaching somebody and you not healed?

Speaker 2 (36:13):
You know what I'm saying, But I.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
And I respect what you said, but that's how I
see it. I'm kind of like, well, I feel like this.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
I guess I just I looked at it that way
because like, Okay, I healed from this, but now I'm
healing from this.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
You know I'm healing from this. Let's just say.

Speaker 4 (36:33):
I get married and my spouse passed away, I'm gonna
be healing from that. Like I just feel like it's
always gonna be something that you're healing from that.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
God want us to. Yeah, but you do have you
healed from that? That?

Speaker 4 (36:52):
Yeah, that thing, I'm healed from that. But like I said,
throughout this journey, I have, like I said, I feel
like i'vene died about one hundred times because it's so
many things.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
It's like it's layers to this. It is, it's layers.

Speaker 4 (37:07):
So when I'm saying, I'm I'm gonna always be healing
because it's always I feel like I'm always unpacking something.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
I'm always unpacking something.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
But if that's the and another thing, this is so good,
it's for you to always unpack, right, yeah, but if
you always unpacking, how can he use you as his vessel?

Speaker 2 (37:33):
So I have my moments while I'm not unpacking anything.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
That's what I wanted you to say. That's exactly what
I wanted you to say. Okay, that's the exact thing
what I wanted to do.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
That's what I'm getting.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
That's like okay now, okay, because I was like, hold
on now, yeah, I.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
Guess that's just what I've been feeling like for the
last four years since I've been on this journey, Like
I feel like, you know, I'm unpacking this, I'm healing this,
and then you know, I have my moment, I have
my time and it's like okay, well God, and then
God will shown me something else like Okay, we need
to deal with this. We need to deal with this.

(38:15):
And then, to be honest, I didn't have my moments
where I want to unpack that right now, so I
have to come back to it. I just had to
come back to it with that. So I think I'll
get to point a time of my journey where I
can see it from your point of view, like Okay.

Speaker 3 (38:39):
You already answered that. Okay, he gonna show you. Okay,
that's just my old hand, that's just how you know
what I'm saying. That's like I have a whole invisible illness,
and some people that have invisible illness, they feel like
they wouldn't they just will forever be for healing from it.
And it's kind of like you gotta find a beauty,

(39:00):
you gotta find We never see the beauty and something
we actually what we go through until later. And sometimes
everybody don't get to see the beauty of what they
went through. M hmm, but some do. And it's like,
now in hindsight, I'm I'm glad I went through that,

(39:21):
and you know what I'm saying. And it's clear because
he comes to you. You've been telling me, you've been
hearing him for so like just back to back to back.
He comes to you when your mind is clear, so
you're not always unpacking, you're not always healing, you are
very clear and relaxed.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
Yeah, and that's you know what.

Speaker 4 (39:40):
I'm glad that you said that, because at this point
in the time of my life, I wouldn't take back anything
like everything happened for a reason, Like I literally know
that I would not be the woman that I am today.
If these things didn't transpire my life, if I didn't
witness certain things, if I didn't go through certain things,

(40:04):
even what you know, we're talking about mental illness, if
it in you know, if it didn't passed down from
my grandmother, which she was the first of her siblings
that had like a very she went through mental illness very,
you know bad. I feel like all of us have

(40:24):
some type of mental illness, but some have severe, you know.
And then it transferred to me, and I'm the oldest
of my siblings. Then it transferred to my daughter and
she's the oldest of her siblings. So I think it
all happened for a reason. And I don't. I don't.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
I would not take back anything that has happened.

Speaker 4 (40:47):
Like I'm in that place, but I'm still I'm packing
to things. I wouldn't lie, I wouldn't lie, but I
know I'm at the end, honey, ooh, Jesus.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (41:03):
No, I love it because I just be having questions
and I'm not always right. But that's just that's how
I see it. You know what I'm saying. So but what
you say is like I'll be hearing I'm not heah, yeah,
but I'll be like, but but how and why?

Speaker 2 (41:18):
You know what I mean? Like why?

Speaker 4 (41:22):
Those are good questions because then it at that moment,
it allows the other person to take little notes and
see things from a different perspective, like nah.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
Nah, no, we ain't gonna be on this journey forever.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
That's right, because you got something else to do. Yeah,
you got another book. Look, this book is closed, ready
to be told, and everything else aligned behind it, and
everything a mission behind it. Now you got your other
book ready to go? Yeah, yes you do. What message
do you hope to convey to others through your story.

Speaker 4 (42:00):
That regardless of whatever you done been through, it does
not matter, Like this is just part.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Of my story.

Speaker 4 (42:09):
God is gonna see you through it if you lean
on him and surrender to the path that He has
for you and do the work, do the work whatever
that look like for you.

Speaker 2 (42:25):
Everybody's journey is different.

Speaker 4 (42:28):
But healing, that is one thing that all of us,
we all must do. I don't care if you've been
through like trauma. There's no good, there's no big and
no small trauma. We all have been through something and
we all gotta unpack it, and we all got to
heal from it and choose life.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
Choose life.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
I love that, I really really really do love that
because it's bigger than us. You don't understand what I'm
saying like it's bigger than us. And you know, you
may get some people on here to look like, who
is you know how she is equipped to speak on

(43:14):
that level? Right? So let me tell you how I'm
equipped to speak. Don't speaking because I've experienced him now,
I'm not holy than now I do me. We all
know that He knows I do me to its best right,

(43:34):
and I'm gonna continue. But I'm very spiritual and I
always have it since I was a younger. I always
have visions and I'm very faithful. Do I go to
church everything? No, I can't tell you the last time
I've been to church, But I don't know the people
that do go to church. I grew up in church.
But for me, my opinion is church is wherever you

(43:56):
are at. Okay, that's me, And it's people that is
in church that would never and have not experienced him himself.
I have hear him clearly. See people that go there

(44:18):
can never tell you that they heard it. I'm not
saying awe, but a lot of people that goes there
every day and just holier than now. Most haven't experienced him.
It's not all about tradition for me, my opinion, you
know what I'm saying. And don't get me wrong, I couldn't.

(44:42):
We had a problem upstairs when he diagnosed me with this,
I'm like.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Why would you do this?

Speaker 3 (44:49):
I don't believe in God, Like, why would you do this?
You know? I have my moments with him. For a
very long time. I was angry. I was everything that
you can probably ever think of. You have a choice.
I had a choice, you know what I mean, And
I couldn't be angry forever. In long story short, I
accepted it. Once I accepted, I started, you know, educating

(45:13):
and doing all of the things, and not because I
wanted to be close to him, not that I it
was even praying in those moments, but it's really when
you have nothing else, like nothing else, it's Him. And
that's when I understood what faith this really is and

(45:34):
purpose and things get revealed to me when it's time to.
And that's why I always talk the way that I
do because I experienced it. I was one of those
people when people be like, oh God told me to
do this guys, and I'll be like these people, these
people just say God told them to do everything like whatever,
you know what I mean? Or this was this is

(45:55):
just a purpose. I used to be like these people
is crazy. But I actually experienced it on my own.
You know what I'm saying, Lupis has on face. It
was nothing that I wanted to do. It was brought
to me the man himself, and I'm like, well, you
know what I'm saying. I'm fashion. I think it's you know,

(46:16):
health care stuff like that. But I took it on
and every time I didn't want to do it would
be an event three five hours. I'm not going I'm
not And I did it. Like when I tell you,
it was things that I can't explain to you this
day to even make the events happen, And it happened.
He meets you where you are when it's for you,
when he wants you to carry out something and you're

(46:38):
doing it. And I have a love for what I
feel in love with this, you know what I'm saying.
I never envisioned on running a nonprofit organism. That's one
of the hardest business you can run your life.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
You got to spend your own funds for a very
long time, all types of stuff. So it's like when
it's really something that comes from him, you know. And
I was able to experience that. I was able to
hear his voice, hear him talk to me like, because
when you're still, you have to be able to be still.
You got to be able to be quiet, sitting quiet.
You gotta be able to be your own thoughts, you

(47:13):
know what I'm saying. So I was I'm fortunate to
continue that journey with him, and that's why I speak
so proudly of him, because baby done got me through
so much and before it's just like I A'm praying
over my foot like I used to be so, but
now I'll be proud with it, you know what I'm saying, Like,
y'all be you know, my boy be having me. So

(47:35):
that's how that's how he's talking to him. So I
understand what you say with that, and I just, you know,
just keep the faith like everything that glitters is not easy.
And people see you all well put together, they don't know, yo, sir,
they don't know what you've been through. They don't know
what you're carrying. You know what I'm saying because god

(47:57):
work is never easy, never easy, like your I think,
I see, I think you should be writing a book.
If you asked me, how does this mission aligns with
the conversation about mental health and healing? Okay, question, how

(48:18):
does your mission aligns with mental health and healing?

Speaker 2 (48:25):
My mission? Is you speaking like purpose? Just my mission?

Speaker 3 (48:30):
Yes? How does it aligns with it? Like like like
your mom, I mean, your grandmother have mental health issues
and your death, my death saved my life. How does
that resonate with how does that go together?

Speaker 2 (48:45):
Like?

Speaker 4 (48:45):
Oh, it all coincides with each other with mental health.
I really believe that what I'm doing right now, which
is the work and out eating better, healing and doing
just the work overall, it it all ties to mental illness.
Like I feel like if my family would have had

(49:09):
these things back then, you know, I feel like we
could have sorted some things out if we was you know, fit,
you know, just working out, moving the body and things
of that nature. Watching what we was, you know, putting
our in our diet, putting inside of us, and you

(49:31):
know it's it's I feel like it all coincide, it
all goes together, and it's all gonna come together.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
I don't know how this thing looks.

Speaker 4 (49:41):
This is just the beginning for me, but I know
that all of it is going to align to where
God has taken me.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
I love the fact that you can say you don't know.
A lot of people don't want to say that they
don't know and sound crazy to try to explain.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
I know, I don't know. I just know that.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
It's in you. You could tell it's in you though
you know what I'm saying. You feel it more than
anything to be able to even Yeah, it's a feeling.

Speaker 4 (50:12):
Yeah, it's just a feeling. I just get up and
I do what God tell me to do. I know
that it's helping me on this journey or what I'm on.
But if you was to ask me, no, I don't know,
and I'm not a friend, I'll be telling God, I
don't know what you're doing.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
I don't. I really don't. I don't know what you're
doing what you got me out here doing.

Speaker 4 (50:36):
But but I surrender and I submit to whatever.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
That is, your own way, your own path.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 3 (50:46):
What misconceptions do you think people have about individuals trying
to break free from their past? What misconceptions.

Speaker 2 (50:58):
Mmmm, that's a good one. What's the misconception.

Speaker 3 (51:07):
Do you think people have about individuals? So what is
it that? What misconception I can probably have about you
trying to break free from your past?

Speaker 2 (51:18):
Mmmm?

Speaker 3 (51:21):
Or people that have these judgments they two cents their opinions.

Speaker 4 (51:34):
Some people just be like, you know, you know, your
past is your past and it is what it is.
And you know, some people be like, it's not that.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
Serious, you know, So that right there? So some some
people misconceptions from your past is it's not that serious?

Speaker 2 (51:52):
Yeah, it's not that serious. Why are you doing all
of that?

Speaker 4 (51:54):
Like it doesn't take all that you know, mental illness
runs in your family. A set it and live with it. No,
I'm not gonna accept it. I'm not just gonna live
with I'm gonna do something about it.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
So that's the that's the thing for me.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
And the fact that you I just want to correct
you because you said you're not gonna say that you
are you did accept it because you are doing something
about it because you're not. Yeah yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
It was more of like them saying just accept it
and just allow it to be.

Speaker 3 (52:27):
Oh okay, you.

Speaker 4 (52:28):
Allowed to be Oh yeah, you're diagnosed with this, this
this Okay, that's you.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
No, that's not me. That, that's not.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
Things happen in my past, and I'm choosing for these
things not to control my life and have power and
control over me. So these are the things that I'm
gonna do. No, it's that's not that is that is
something that happened, that's the past. I'm gonna figure out
how to unfold these things and not allow it to

(53:00):
go with me where I'm going.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
No, I said those people are close to you, then
it's not your people. That's just my opinion again.

Speaker 2 (53:09):
Oh no, no.

Speaker 4 (53:13):
And that's the thing, Like you know, on this journey,
I have actually had to separate myself from my entire family.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
Let's talk about that. When you are growing and you
are being fed the proper way, you do have to
leave people behind because they are not aligning well who
you are today. And it's okay for you. You supposed
to change. You was not supposed to be who you

(53:40):
are with the year before your begging and kind ain't
supposed to be looking to say, Ain't nothing supposed to
be looking the same unless you are just done with
everything and you are nowhere goes nowhere nothing, So they
should expect change out of you. That's number one. Change
is okay, it's not number two, you know, until you

(54:01):
are at your best, like you said, And how did
it feel when you had to lead those people on
and do those people still continue to try to come back?

Speaker 2 (54:11):
Oh my god?

Speaker 4 (54:12):
So how did it feel when God came and told me?
When I had a conversation with him and I told him, like, God,
how do I like, how do I maneuver through this?
He said, You're gonna have to leave your family behind?
I said my family. He was like, yeah, your family,

(54:33):
And in my mind, I'm like, what about my mama?
He was like, your mama too? She got to be
put on the back burner too. How did that feel?
Oh my god, it felt like a death, Like that's
all I knew. Like I never knew how much of

(54:55):
an impact that that my entire family had on me
until I had to leave them.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
I felt like somebody that was on.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
Drugs, Like I had to go through a whole what
they call.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
It when you're on drugs and you have to go
to what.

Speaker 4 (55:18):
I had to go like for real, because that was
a part of my life for so long. So to
leave them behind was very scary to me. Have they
tried to reach out the first year. Yeah, they tried
to reach out, but my boundaries and my cutoff game
is so cold, and.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
These are that nature with me. No more like they don't.

Speaker 4 (55:41):
It's all she she thinks she's you know, and Jessica
this and Jessica that.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
No.

Speaker 4 (55:47):
I just want it better for me, and I wanted
better for my kids and my brain.

Speaker 3 (55:53):
You do think you all of that? You are all
of that? Yeah, and two cents and two bags of
chips and however they call it, yes you are, Yeah
I am.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
No.

Speaker 4 (56:03):
I just wanted better. I wanted to break the curves
these what y'all allow? What's okay with y'all? What's the
normal for y'all? It's not gonna be normal for my kids,
and it's not gonna be normal for my grandkids. So
I choose me, and I tried to like periodically kind
of like reach y'all, check upon them.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
Oh just a little bit.

Speaker 4 (56:25):
You know how you guys doing da da da da da,
And that don't work.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
They be like, you know, how did you get where
you are today? And da da da da da, you.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
Know, And I try to like give them knowledge and
just let them know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
And it's like, Nah, they ain't ready, That's what I said.
Let me keep going.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
Nah, it's a snake. Like a snake shed you gotta shede.
The higher you reach, the higher you go, you go.
They don't. It's just gonna happen, and you gotta be
okay with them. And it definitely get lonely at the top.
It gets lonely at the top. But when you there's

(57:07):
no amount of money can put a price on a
peace of mind, and people, people will drain you. Okay,
I'm at a point in my life right now if
I got to keep repeating the same thing over and
over with you again, or we're talking about the same
topic over and over and over again, and you telling

(57:28):
me about the same trauma over and over again, I
got a problem with that. You want to know why,
because I know that was so much in my life
and I choose to grow, to heal, to fix, and
you choose to continue to make excuse I can't. I
don't want nobody like that around me. You are draining
my energy and I don't like continue to have those

(57:51):
type of conversations over and over again, and people may
look at it like you shallow, No, like I cannot.
I can no longer allow people to drain me if
I cannot drain Now you know what I mean. If
if if I pour into your cup and you can't

(58:14):
pour it in my cup, we can't be with each other.
I don't want to be around you. If you can't
maneuver how I'm maneuvering with you, there's no reason for
us to be. If I can't eat off your plate
like you eat off my plate, what's the purpose. Yes,
my circle have to provide for me, and I have
to provide for them. Everybody you see me with, we

(58:37):
gotta be able to feed each other. I don't care
what nobody saying. We got to be able to take
from each other. They got to be able to take
for me too. I don't want nobody that I cannot
take from and nobody should be around me that they
cannot take from me.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
That's that's just what it is.

Speaker 4 (58:53):
Because of the simple fact that I have done too
much work to get here where I'm at. I'm not
You're not gonna drag me back there, you know, And
I have a three rule. We're gonna talk about whatever
that one topic is three times and.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
I gave you advice on this.

Speaker 4 (59:13):
You are choosing, like you said, this, this is a choice.
Healing is a choice.

Speaker 3 (59:19):
It is and you choose it every day every time
you wake up.

Speaker 4 (59:24):
You I choose it every single day. And like you
the also the other fracture just saying it's lonely at
the top. It very is, but it's there's a piece
it is, there's a piece that.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
I'm okay with this.

Speaker 4 (59:38):
I'm okay until God align me with the people that's
like you said, that poor that that that they they
give off exactly what I'm look, I'm pouring into your cup,
you're pouring into minds. We have these conversations all the time.
We're on the same journey, We're on the same path.

(59:59):
If it's not that, then I don't I don't have
to tell you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
Growing is everything. I do not want to be in
the same space as I was the year before, for
how and why?

Speaker 4 (01:00:08):
I feel sorry for people that and I guess sorry
in a weird way for people that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Don't want to grow, like.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
How to stay mindset, like they don't want to do
the work. It's hard though, Like I'm not gonna lie.
It's hard. Oh yes, it's hard. It's very worth it's
very well worth it. It's hard being successful. It's hard
being consistent. I'm not gonna sit up here and even
front like it is. It's very hard being consistent and persistent.

(01:00:40):
It is. It drains you being hard, being persistent and
being consistent. That's why you got to have people around
you that's gonna put into you, that's gonna lift you
back up, to give you that energy back, you know
what I'm saying, Or being able to be away from
the world an hour a day for God to put
back into you. Because it's hard. But once you get that,

(01:01:01):
I didn't, and it makes you just go harder and
hard and harder because it's gonna be at a point
in time where you're not gonna have to work. It's hard.
It's gonna work itself. But until you reach that, you
gotta continue to work it, you know what I'm saying,
and continue to rest self care. You know, your time
is very valuable. So for me, I'm around people I

(01:01:23):
love our door. I know that's gonna bring me a
good time. I'm gonna bring them a good time. I
pick and choose who I want to be around.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Yeah, you fear me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:36):
I pick and choose who get my energy.

Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
Sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
I go out my way to be in spaces and
places to support people. So you're not gonna not at
this age before then maybe, But I do what I
want when I want. I ride my own way. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
And you gotta be okay with that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
Yes, and you really do you You have.

Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
Got to have those friends. It's gonna pour into you.
That's gonna be like, yes, just you is doing it, girl,
not that envy messy type of stuff. You know that
that that see you, that know you, like, oh, you're
not being your self today? What's going on? You want
to go to your favorite ice cream, somebody to pick
you up, somebody that pays attention to you. You need that.
Everybody needs somebody here and everybody is being used, but

(01:02:25):
be used the proper way. We all are being used,
and it's okay to be used, but be used. It's
a healthy way to be used. Yes, But people don't
understand it that they look at that as no, you
your mindset is totally corrupt.

Speaker 5 (01:02:41):
Like we all uses each other. It's for us to
use each other. Yes, that's that's the way life is.
It's a give and take, take and give. You know,
that's that's just the way life goes. But you gotta
know you, you gotta be you gotta be cautious of
the people that's, you know, draining you and making from you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
And then you.

Speaker 4 (01:03:01):
Also got to be aware of the people that's pouring
into you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:06):
Like, oh, listen, let me tell you something. My discernment
is so so crazy. Let me tell something. You got
one time to be weird with me, you or move
my energy because my energy don't lie, don't. I don't
care if I can't prove it. My energy do not lie.
I will not talk to you. I will respect you,
hi if you're in a circle. But as far as

(01:03:26):
getting to know me, you better know whatever the world knows,
because this you will not be. You know what I'm saying.
I would just sit and be like and talk to
you like we're not doing that. Yeah, you can be
woman or man enough to come over and try to
have a conversation, and I would. I would definitely tell
you why. But I still don't want to master with
you because you already show me yourself. And that's that's

(01:03:47):
one thing about people. When somebody show you who they
are one time. Believe it. They only sorry because you
cut them in those moments. That's who they are in
that moment. People really don't know how they're going to
react unless they are in those moments. So if somebody
show you any malicious behaviors, that's who they are. Believe it,

(01:04:14):
because if you continue, then it's on you. It's okay
when you don't know stuff, you can't hold yourself accountable,
but when you are aware of the behavior, you can
no longer complain about what you are going through and
how this person is doing you, because now you need
to be holding yourself accountable for even dealing with some
bullcrip like that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Because you're allowing it this. This is something. You want
this on yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:04:38):
Once you are aware, you are accountable, you gotta hold
yourself accountable. But people don't want to talk about that.
I'll be chilling.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
Because sometimes like how are you?

Speaker 4 (01:04:52):
That's like me going through what I was going through
with my family, and I'm gonna still stick around them
because family is family.

Speaker 2 (01:04:58):
Family is everything.

Speaker 4 (01:04:59):
No no, no, no, no no no no in another.

Speaker 3 (01:05:04):
No, you know, I do love that word. Family is everything. However,
for me, just because you loved does not make you family.
So family is everything to me. Who I choose to
make my family. That's that's it, that's it. Just because
you're we're born that.

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
I'm talking about, that that blood family that feel like
you should stick around just because and allow them to
just do whatever, say whatever to you because we're blood.

Speaker 3 (01:05:35):
No, no, you respect me.

Speaker 4 (01:05:37):
No, No, I'm gonna you know, leave y'all behind and
gotta you know, seeing my family way.

Speaker 3 (01:05:43):
You aren't even leaving it behind, your leaving them exactly
where they're at. How can families create a supportive environment
for those looking to change unhealthy dynamics?

Speaker 1 (01:06:03):
All?

Speaker 3 (01:06:03):
Can families create a supportive environment for those looking to
change unhealthy dynamics?

Speaker 2 (01:06:15):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (01:06:16):
How can they? How can they change it? Having those uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (01:06:21):
Conversations there you go, piod.

Speaker 4 (01:06:26):
Because me and my kids have uncomfortable conversations like for
real and and I And it's because I create that
safe space where they can come and tell me whatever.
That that's the way it becomes healthy. Like we have
to get up out of this the elephant in the room,
and we're not gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk

(01:06:47):
about this elephant. We're gonna put it on the table
and and just being open and honest with each other
and then just you know, making sure that having those
follow up conversations too, because a lot of this it
takes multiple conversations. It's not just that one conversation for sure,

(01:07:12):
And some conversations that me and my daughters have had,
we have had to cut it off and come back
to it, you know. So to me, that's the way
of you know, just that healthy dynamic of just creating
that same space and having those uncomfortable conversations that we
just don't want to have.

Speaker 3 (01:07:33):
For sure. I advocate for uncomfortable conversations. I feel like
that's the only way to grow. People don't like having
uncomfortable conversations because of they quote unquote trauma, And that's
a word that I feel like people overly use. I
don't like it. They don't want to talk, they don't
want to use their voice, you know what I mean,

(01:07:54):
because when they did, this happened and it's like you
gotta get out of that, Like you gotta get out
of that, or you have that uncomfortable conversation and they
shut down you understaying. It's kind of like, you know
what I mean, so, I truly believe being being uncomfortable
period overall.

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
Yeah, like.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
Being uncomfortable period. People be thinking they're grown, you know,
ain't grown. They ain't can't even have an uncomfortable conversation
without getting mad. Boys be elevator, not be like, keep
it cute. It's okay, I'm not mad. They get mad,

(01:08:42):
they get to get triggered, and all types of stuff like, oh,
can you describe how breaking the curse has impacted your
mental and emotional well being?

Speaker 4 (01:09:00):
Some breaking a curse, how has it impacted me? Like
emotionally mentally I'm free, Like I am free living life
that has That's how it has impacted me. And I'm

(01:09:20):
I'm just being Jessica like overall. Like Look, that's all
I can say is I'm I'm at peace. I'm happy.
Everything that I have done, I wouldn't take it back.
I would do it all over again. I would do this. Yeah,

(01:09:40):
I don't. I don't have to wear a mask some more.

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
I don't talk about that mask. My girlfriend shout out
to Michel d my girl. It was just in New York.
She spoke on one of the world large d World
largest stage is uh ted talk and it was masks off.

Speaker 4 (01:10:03):
I don't have to wear that mask no more. I'm
living in my truth. I am authentically who I am.
You can like it or love it. That's that's just it.
You could take me how I am, and I'm gonna
keep I'm gonna just keep on going, and I'm gonna
keep waking up every day choosing me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (01:10:25):
So on that note, what will you lead the people with?
What is a takeaway that you would give to the
people about breaking the curses in your family or even
with themselves? Right, Because breaking the curses, that's that's that's
that's huge within itself. And my death saved my life.

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
So what would I leave the people with? Ah mhm.

Speaker 4 (01:10:57):
That curse it gotta be broken, some somebody gotta break it.
And nine times out of ten, if you feel this
urge within you and and your uncomfortable, you feel like
the black sheep, and you know, and your family and
things of that nature, it's for you to break that curse.
And it's not gonna be easy, it's very much. It's

(01:11:17):
not because you're doing something probably that your mama didn't
you know.

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
She couldn't break it.

Speaker 4 (01:11:22):
Your grandmama couldn't break it your granddaddy or you know,
your father or whomever.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
But it's worth it and you got it.

Speaker 4 (01:11:31):
Like if God, if God could get me through this,
you can do it too. It's and it's actually it's
it's very it's very necessary. When it comes to my
death saying my life, I would say what I would
give to you, guys, is that choosing to die not

(01:11:52):
just from people, places and things, but from yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:11:57):
What And again, at first.

Speaker 4 (01:12:01):
When I made this shirt, I thought it was just
more of people, places than things, until I got to
the end and come to realize that I had to
die for myself in order to live. And I came
to realize that I was part of the problem, if

(01:12:23):
not the problem. So I say, do the work. What
I want for everybody is to heal, heal, heal, heal, heal,
and whatever that is, wherever that looks like, however, you know,
create your own path, your own journey, Get locked in

(01:12:45):
with God, your own personal relationship with him, and.

Speaker 2 (01:12:48):
Heal and everything gonna be okay. I promise you.

Speaker 4 (01:12:54):
It's ugly. Not it's ugly, but it's worth it and
it's necessary.

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
Girl.

Speaker 5 (01:13:01):
You got me over here, like whoa there with some very.

Speaker 3 (01:13:09):
Powerful words. Girl, I don't my god. Well, you heard
the beautiful model, the mother that soon to be author.
I'm putting it on her name. You heard what she said,

(01:13:30):
just just do it. It was so lovely having you.
I'm definitely gonna have to bring you back.

Speaker 4 (01:13:39):
Sitting here with you. I you know you created a
safe space for me. Thank you, and yeah, you know
what I want to chose to do this interview with
nobody else.

Speaker 3 (01:13:53):
Say it again? Now that just warns my heart.

Speaker 2 (01:13:57):
Yeah, it's guys divide.

Speaker 4 (01:14:00):
I know it's some other people that God is gonna
ligne me up with, but this was orchestrated by God
and I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:14:10):
Girl, she got the dog lorn on my eyes tearing up.
Don't be messing moment's scare of now? Now girl, hold on?

Speaker 2 (01:14:18):
Where am I that? Oh? My god?

Speaker 3 (01:14:23):
Think you know what? That means so so much to
me because I work hard and I'm at a place
right now where I'm so thankful where I can say no.
I don't have to just say yes to everything that
comes my way, and I'll pick and choose, and it
aligned it the right way. In it, I felt that

(01:14:44):
it was gonna be strong. I'm like, what I hadn't
came back like come here? You know, so I felt
everything that you was saying. I feel like you need
to take tell it more on more platform. Is because
people are going through the secrets now. People are eighty
years old and having told their story. You know, people

(01:15:05):
gonna die with that. You want to see what I'm saying.
So I feel like when you tell your story, you're
gonna be helping people in their own way. Like I said,
whether it's forgiveness or whatever it is, is gonna resonate
with so many people because so many people went through it,
you know what I mean, So it's very necessary to

(01:15:26):
talk about it. I applaud you on doing the work
because a lot of people don't do the shadow work.
A lot of people don't hold their self accountable, you know.
And you've been killing it in the gym. I need
to go with you. You've been killing the gym. So
I love your persistence and your consistence. I'll see you
every day. I'll be stalking you, like yo, she there again,
she had the track gym and track and what what

(01:15:48):
I'm done with her?

Speaker 1 (01:15:49):
You know?

Speaker 3 (01:15:50):
So I applaud you on that you really are you
really seem to be happy? I feel like you are
happy inside it out, like and you smile just it
makes me smile. So like, I'm real big on energy.
So just keep going and I cannot wait to see
what the new thing is. Just remember I went the
exclusive first, so when it drop, your new your new

(01:16:13):
venture drop, I need that exclusive here first. Well until then,
you guys, meet me at Brownstone tomorrow. It's still Lupu's
Awareness Month and it's also Mental Health Awareness Month as well.
But we do not hear about lupus too often. That's
in our face, and we want to get this out
to the nation. Come join us at Brownstone. Shout out

(01:16:34):
to Johnna for having us Happy Hour from four to nine.
Make sure you order that purple butterfly and yeah, purple
butterflies so I'll see you see you tomorrow until then.
Tune in every Wednesday at six thirty pm.