Transformed by Grace: How Faith Fueled My Resilience

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
M h.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Were asweeded.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Learn your street up. M m m m.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
M mm hmmm.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
A lot of people are saying that, Okay, sorry guys
for the late delay, but we are here. Okay, I
get a past. It is my birthday month, so happy
birthday to want. But thank you for tuning in to
another wonderful episode of Lupa's Has No Face. The podcast
we talk about real life, real struggles and everything beyond.
I'm your host, Savannah Berts, and we do have our

(01:48):
special gause miss Internet in the building. Hey, y'all, I
want to thank Savannah so much for allowing me to
be on this podcast, and I thank God for her
yes because without her Yes, everybody attached to her assignment
like me wouldn't have this comfortable space to be in
to talk about how LUPUS infected their life.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
So thank you girl.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
You are making chills go through my body like you
are very, very very welcome.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
You are very welcome.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
We're going to be discussing transformation with Grace today, so
thank you for that. Like that means a lot to me.
It just lets me know like I'm I'm who I am,
even though we don't need the validation of everybody, but
it's good to hear that you understand what I'm saying,
like the good and the bad. So thank you for

(02:39):
just sharing that and being authentic, Like I felt every
bit of that and I appreciate that. So and that's
what allows me and my team to do whatever it
is that we need to do because it's people like
you that make us work way more harder, even though
sometimes we feel like we're not being seen.

Speaker 2 (02:56):
You're appreciated. So thank you for coming.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Don't give me much she up here on heard now
listen before I start, it was a lot of people
that was requesting for me to dress like this. I
wasn't purposely trying to dress like this today, but I am, okay,
this is you got. You got a hoodie, you got
some leggings, you got no makeup, you got me in
my raw phase.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Okay, forty wear though, seriod. Looking you. Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
So before we get into all of this, like I said,
I want to welcome you to Lupa's House, My Face podcast,
and before we dive into your story, how are you
feeling today? I'm feeling good. I'm feeling a little bit achey,
but I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
So I'm feeling good.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
So you manageable, you you good with the pain. Okay,
that's that's dope. So for those who may not know
you yet, can you tell us a little bit about
who you are beyond the title of ministry mother and
God prayer?

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Beyond that?

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah, I'm a per who God diagnosed with lupis and
felt like my life was over. Who God took a
wretch out of the world who was wondering if she
should even live and if she was even going to
live some days prayed to die and transformed it from
that nothingness feeling hopeless feeling into a purposeful feeling and

(04:23):
purpose driven just to help others, into just how can
I be there for you and your time of need?

Speaker 2 (04:31):
And what is God showing you and revealing in that pain?
That's how I am. So even though you're going through
all of what you're going through, you still want to
be a help mad to others.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yes, I believe by us helping others, God helps us
find our true purpose and He gives you that passion
and that desire.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
You know, they say you will feel one way in
the world and you'll.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Have different desires and you think it's about the money,
the cars, the fame, and every thing else.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
But as soon as you give your life to Christ
and as soon as.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
You really seek him and he changes your desires, it's
like you have a passion just to help others, just
to serve others, just like Jesus is to serve.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
It, you know.

Speaker 1 (05:13):
So it's not crazy, but you know it's so nice
and unique. I had a lot of people on my show,
a lot of spirits, a lot of people that moved
me good. But it's like it is like everything that
you're saying, like it's just radiating through my body. Like
I don't know what that is right now, but I
know it's authentic, and I know it's something bigger and

(05:33):
better to be just started. It's beewing right now because
it's just like I don't know if it's your boys,
the burbage that you're using, like you really speaking into
my inner soul. Like and I'm not gonna say that
it's crazy. That's unique, and I am thankful that I
say yes to you on my show because you're feeding

(05:54):
me in a way that I don't understand right now.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
It's like I'm feeling it in my body literally, So yeah,
I'm you use something special, Okay. So we're gonna move
on to faith and transformation. The title of this episode
is Transformed by Grace. Can you share what that transformation
looks like for you on a personal and spiritual level?

(06:21):
So for me on a personal level, the transformation, I
used to be all wild. I was always party, party, party, party,
And when I got diagnosed with lupas well. Before I
got diagnosed, I had all the symptoms, right, I had
all the things going on so and all are the
symptoms for people that don't know. So I have fatigue,
joint pain all over. Sometimes I would get like hot

(06:46):
and cold chills. I would be up all the time,
not sleeping, so my sleep was very disturbed, like days
of I having like a couple of hours to sleep
and then just keep running like that.

Speaker 2 (06:58):
It was just so weird.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
And I will also feel nauseous a lot, like I
would feel like I had to throw up, and the
hair coming out thing too. So it was just a
lot of things that I knew weren't my normal self. Yeah,
and how long was that going on before you seek help?

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Almost a year.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
And I was going to the doctor and trying to
figure out what was wrong, and they couldn't find anything.
And then my last doctor was saying she thought it
just might've been fiber milegia or something, because she was like, well,
you saying your bones hurt, It's sound like.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
It could be just fiber milgia.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
You know. She like, I can't see you know, through
your bones or whatever, like, but she like, it looks
like you're in pain. You know, you walk like you're
in pain. That's what she was saying, like, you walk
like you're in pain. So, yeah, it went untreated and
undignosed for a long time. So you started the symptoms
in what year and then you got diagnosed in what year?
How long did it take them? I want to say
twenty sixteen to twenty seventeen.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
That's pretty good. Most why I felt here, I'm gonna
tell I'm sure you did.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Well. That's that's pretty good because most it takes years
sometimes for people to dinose, So that that's really that's
really good. How did your faith first begin to play
a role in your healing, Johnny, especially during your toughest battles. Okay,
so at first I had a different you know, I

(08:26):
was my faith was being tested. So I was trying
not to accept it. As I told you before, like
I was, you know, I ain't claiming that, because that's
what they teach us in the black community, like you know,
don't let nobody put nothing on you. But I had symptoms,
you know, I knew something was wrong. But I was like, well, no,
I'm not claiming that. When I was in the hospital.

(08:48):
I actually checked myself out the hospital early because they
said that they weren't able to give me FMLA and
I worked for injuries. I was like I'm out of here.
I was like I got to get it, get my
money for my family everything else. And they were telling
me like, no, you have you just have blood cloths
all in your lungs. You're actually still you still have
some but some of them have already disappeared by the

(09:09):
war friend and the stuff that were even me by IV.
But they were like, you can't do everything you used
to do. We're telling you that you have an illness,
you have something wrong. And I was like nah, no,
like I wouldn't receive it. So I was fighting against
it for a long time. So my faith was being tested,
and I felt like Where's God, Like why me like
why would he? What did I do to deserve this?

(09:30):
That's how I was feeling. But then once I really
started to lean in God and see what are you
doing in me?

Speaker 2 (09:37):
Father? God? What is going on right now?

Speaker 1 (09:40):
What do you need me to see? Because I got
nothing but time and it's been nothing but it. So
it changed from being hopeless and being mad.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
At God if I can say that, and just feeling
like why me?

Speaker 1 (09:55):
And I just didn't want to be here in that capacity,
like I didn't want to be hurt, and I don't
want to be in pain.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
I don't want sick. I didn't.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
So it went from that to leaning into God, trying
to find him, trying to find a cure, trying to
find out you know, what are you trying to do
in me? Versus always screaming why me? Why me? I'm like, okay,
let me change the way I'm talking to him. Then
he said if he never changed my situation, I needed
to change how I perceived the situation, my mind about

(10:23):
the situation. So God began to work on my mind.
He didn't necessarily just wave some wine and I'm just healed. No,
he gave me the grace to walk through it. So
I'm gracefully broken. He gave me an increase of faith
because by him speaking to me in that season in
my life, I knew that he was still with me.

(10:43):
The Bible says he would never leave us nor forsake us.
So all the times I was sit crying, crying out
and everything else, he was there. He was just just there,
just seeing me going through the stuff, probably waiting on
me to just crawl out to him instead of just
crying up and you know, refusing to take treatment and
all those things.

Speaker 2 (11:03):
Just pray about everything.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
So once I started to lean into him and my
mind changed and started to renew, I started to get better.
And the Bible says, as a man think, it's so
is he. So if I think I'm sick, I'm sick.
If I think I'm healed, I'm healed because mentally I am.
And mentally when we do better, we speak better, we
act better, we react better. Because I know in the world, baby,

(11:27):
if somebody was talking all slick.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
I would pop quick.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
But now since I'm saved, it's like God, be like
just hold on, just be quiet, just wait, because this
person is hurting. They snapping on you, right, but they're
hurting on the inside because something else happened to them.
So my outlook and perception on everything is different now.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah. Yeah, And just like to touch a little bit
on that.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
I truly believe the storm is very necessary in order
to get the glitter on the glen because I feel
like he was waiting on you, and he is waiting
on us to meet him where he needs to take
to the next step. So once we get the glittering glow,
we sustain it and bring people by abundance. I do
believe in that because if it wasn't so hard to obtain,

(12:10):
everybody will have it, right, And I feel like if
your mindset is not there, he's not going to present
you with that because if you are, for example, mishandling
ten thousand dollars, you're going to mishandle a million dollars
right your mindset has not changed. And if your mindset
don't change, you are that same person. So to say,
like when everything is tooken away from you and you

(12:30):
have nothing but faith to lean on, like, I believe
in that I was there.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
I understand that I experience that, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
So I just said that to say for the people
that don't go to church every day, Like I'm very spiritual,
and I feel like I experience I know that I
experience God in a way that people that go to
church every day will never experience them. So I feel
like God Church is wherever you at.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
We are the church. The body of course is the church.
You are the temple. So God is really waiting for
us to reach out to him, and He's always going
to reach back because he loves us just that much.
And to be honest, it's funny that you say that
Holy Spirit met me at home. Holy Spirited met me
in the church. I could I couldn't get out to
the bed. What I was gonna wait tell he was
gonna wait walk. No, he he met me in the

(13:16):
bed where I was at. And so that's when he
began to speak to me that small still voice, And
I'm like that you guy, you know what I'm saying,
because when you first you see hearing God, you have
to make sure that it's him.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yes, lose and like what is going on here? Like self,
you got another voice? This is crazy?

Speaker 1 (13:35):
But yeah, I definitely I get that because God meets
you where you are. Yeah, And I'm not saying don't
go to church because I like to go to church.
I'm not saying that. But what I am saying is
church is everywhere that you go.

Speaker 2 (13:48):

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Your you mentioned god saving grace as a turning point.
Was there a pacific moment when you knew that faith
was going to be your anchor?

Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
As many people Lucas Warriors, I know y'all know this.
We go to the hospital a lot. But it was
one of the times for me when I had to stay.
I believe my humor, God, I've been leveled with your
low and I was like, you know, losing too much
blood and stuff, and so they were like, you definitely
need to stay here and we need to do a
procedure as soon as hospital. But for me, it was

(14:28):
one of my lowest times and just reaching out to God,
and I feel like He gave me grace to go
through that situation because a lot of times family and
friends get tired of you being at the hospital.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
People don't show up for you.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
So a lot of times I was there by myself,
so I had to speak to God. I had no
choice because there was no one else there physically tangibly. So, yeah,
just one of those nights talking to him himoga was low,
had to stay there, and I'm just like, God, if
you just get me off this bed again. I know
I said that every time I'm up here, but if

(15:03):
you just give me all again, God, I promise, I'm
just gonna serve you. And I feel like he heard
any answer because they he came me for three days
and then let me go. So I definitely I feel
like the lowest points always are turning points for me
and God that is so dope. Before we go on
to the next session, I like for my guests to

(15:25):
read the comments. So if you can read the comments
on the screen, they're going to show up over here. Okay,
hey queen, Hey Tashima.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
A lot of them are.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Saying hiay evening, hey ladies, all my queen sisters.

Speaker 2 (15:40):
I don't think nobody asked questions. He said, don't she
look good? We look cute, thank you, thank you?

Speaker 1 (15:47):
And she getting birthday glamb though, y'all, So I'm just
cute for the podcast, but she cute for her beating out. Well,
thank you, thank you. Come on through all the glory. Yep, yes,
God gets it's the Gloriosushima. You know, it's just.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
That Jesus glow.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Thank you guys for tuning in. Please do share. Thank
you so so so much for tuning in. Thank you,
thank you, thank you. So we're going to move over
to overcoming life and trials. You faced some incredible difficulty
challenges from being an adoptee to overcome an abuse and
surviving suicide. What kept you going when giving up as

(16:35):
a kid or you mean, like, give me both because
our views and our perspective change. So as a kid,
give me that and as an adult were you at today?
As a kid, I feel so rejected, you know, not
having my real parents, not having anybody that was really
you know what I'm saying family. I was the five
different Parstter homes before I actually got with a relative,

(16:57):
me and my brother did, and it was just so
weird and it felt like nowhere was home. And I
always used to pray for my parents, like, you know,
send me a mommy and a daddy, you know, because
I was so young. And then like we got abused
in the foster homes and in different places because a
lot of the homes that we were placed in we
were with different races and different people, and I'm not

(17:19):
racist at all. I actually love all people. It's just
that I think a lot of people used to do
it for the money. So when I was younger, I
felt suicidal. That's when I first started feeling like I
didn't want to be here because I was so alone,
and I didn't have parents like everybody else. Everybody else
had a mommy and a daddy. I had a who
is this lady and this man? They just came to

(17:41):
raise me, So it was always weird. Then as a teenager,
I want to say I was with my aunt as
a teenager, but she sent me to my grandmother's house
and we hadn't got acquainted yet, so I really didn't
know her either. And I just felt like I was
being punished my whole life, and I was just felt
like I was wasting space, and I tried to take

(18:03):
my own life. You know, the clear bottle of beer
aspir and I took the whole bottle.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
I did. I took the whole bottle.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
My grannie was going to dialysis at the time, so
I was at her house by myself and unpunishment still,
so I took the whole bottle of aspirint and I
tried to kill myself. But I woke up and it
was really crazy because it was pitch black. But I
remember when I took the pieles, it was light outside,
so I thought I was in hell. So I was
immediately afraid, like I did it and it happened or whatever,

(18:32):
and I was like, I'm in hell now. So but
then I seen like a glimpse of light. Then I
started to feel this peace and this love and this
common sensation and relaxation, and I was just like, what
is this. All of a sudden, the TV just came
on and it was like a pastor preaching, and I
just felt the love of guy in that moment, and
I was like, God did not let me die. And
I was like, I don't know why, Like I was like,

(18:55):
it must be a guy, right, because I didn't. I
wasn't sure if he was real. All the stuff I
went through from the abuse and the trauma and everything else.
And then so for the abusive, you feel comfortable enough,
like was it physically abused, emotional abuse? And when you
were getting your bruised, did you try to reach out
to the people to let them know that you were
Bruce and how was that handled.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
It was physical abuse and verbal abuse. But you know,
they tell a tell us.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
What happens in this house stays in this house, so
you can't run around telling nobody your business. My grandmother
ended up finding out eventually because she told me to
get into it one day and I just stood there
and looked at her eye froze and she was like,
leave the door open, because I know, kid is always
like the plan in the water. You're not about the
play in the water at this house. And I'm like okay,
so I'm just standing there. She's like, no, I said,

(19:39):
take you clothes off, getting sup. So she find out
because she's seeing like bruises and blood and stuff on
all on my legs. So she ended up calling my
aunt and asked her who did that to me? Because
I wouldn't even talk. It was like to the point
where I just stood. I was shocked. I didn't know
what to do. So, yes, it was verbal and it
was physical abuse, and I never really got a chance

(20:00):
to open up about it. Only since I've been grown.
God told me you have a voice, so I started
to speak on stuff.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
But yeah, pretty much, so sorry that that happened to you.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
But it seemed that you are so strong and you
overcame everything because you talk with so much confidence, like
you accepted what happened to you and you healed from it.
That's just how it seemed to me. So it's like
you are able to help other people, and I feel
like you should. You should so as you got older,
what are your thought process from that? So that was
the key version of you. So as of today, in

(20:34):
the beginning, before before I came all the way to christ,
I just feel like I just still feel rejected.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
I still feel like I had a lot of.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Traumas that were unhealed, and I did feel like, you know,
a lot of people that encountered there were mean people
or like something was wrong with them, and then it
made me feel like something was wrong with me or
what did I do to deserve it. This one lady
just told my aunt like she just asked too many questions.
I'm like, that's how I learned, Like I didn't know.

(21:04):
I didn't know that I was even bothering her. So
from me transforming from being a kid feeling rejected of
suicidal as a teen into my adulthood until I got
loopis I would just you know, always try to strive
to do my best and tried to get my whole
life together before I got diagnosed to for loopis. And

(21:25):
when I got diagnosed sal loopus, I was actually married, kids, job,
and I had a business at the same time, so
I was doing so much, I guess, keeping my mind
occupied from all of the trauma and trying to put
my life together because I never had a mammy and
a daddy, so I wanted my kids to have a
mammy and.

Speaker 2 (21:42):
A daddy about me being married and stuff.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
So yeah, and then everything changed, but the trajectory of
how I think in my thinking process and healing process
didn't start untell. I actually got lupis, so I had
to get sick to get well, if that makes sense,
because I wasn't well up here, so it makes plenty
of sense. I definitely understand what was exactly you mean.

(22:04):
I definitely understand that. So would you say that you
dealt with all of your traumas like are so it
helped you? I would say I did. My last trauma
would be when I was in an ability relationship that's
more kind of new. Around this time of the month,
I kind of feel it, and I guess that, and
I just seen my attacker like some weeks ago. I
hadn't seen it in years, but I just seen them

(22:26):
like some weeks ago. And then it brought back some
of those feelings, some of those fearful feelings, like when
people try to ki thill you, you don't feel good when
you see them. Right, So what helped me heal from
the other traumas I realized the Bible says we don't
fight against flesh and blood. So what I'm looking at
didn't hurt me. The people that I loved didn't hurt me.
It was the spirits that possessed them to hurt me,

(22:49):
The spirits that used them as a tool too get
to me, to kill my destiny, to kill my purpose,
to kill whatever God put in me, so that I
won't make it out to help other people everything go
through on life. What I'm noticing is not necessarily for you.
It's for you to be used by God to help
somebody else because he knows they're not that strong. The

(23:09):
same way if somebody would have made me back then
when I first got died, you know, I wasn't strong
at all. Oh baby, I was crying at the dame
of a hat anything hurt. I was just cry and
I'm a sensitive person, but you know it ain't that deep.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
Like girl, you're gonna cry over anything now.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
But now, like you said, I'm more resilient, I'm chronically resilient.
I understand that I can't do everything and be everywhere
at the same time. But what I do understand is
that with the time that I have, I'm gonna be
strategic and I'm gonna be effective because I'm gonna make
sure that I'm using it how I should be with purpose.
You know how strong you gotta be to speak those

(23:47):
words to forgive those people that did those see you
and look at it in the way that you look
at it.

Speaker 2 (23:53):
You know how strong you have to be. Like, I
get it.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
But that's that is results, That is strength, That is
something to actually be proud of. So I commean you
on that. I absolutely appreciation. How have those early life
experience shaped the woman and the ministry you've become today.
The ministry you become today, I feel like because I've

(24:18):
been through so much, I'm relatable to other people, Like
I done been homeless, I didn't been pursuit of happiness homeless,
You know what I mean? Like I done had the
meeting my son the NYPD bathroom because I got into
it with my sister and she put me out her
house when I'm knowing help their pay ther Ain't that crazy?
But so it's like all the situations I have been homeless,

(24:39):
out of my abused out and being abused as a
child and as an adult. You know what I mean
with the domestic situation, And so I know how it
feels to be traumatized by loved ones, but knowing that
we don't fight against them but spirits and sometimes they
just do the best with what they've been given.

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Maybe they got beat by their parents. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
But the only thing I can do is live for today.
A lot of times we let our past hinder our future.
And that's what God was telling me too. He said,
stop looking at.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
What you lost. You still hear you breathing.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
You need to stop looking at what you lost, because
if you keep doing that, you'll never go forward. And
it made a lot of sense, because it's like you're
second to past. You back here, your whole life is
steady going on, and you always still back here.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
So yes, I preach that to my friends, to people.

Speaker 1 (25:28):
I always say like, what you say like is people,
so you forgive them, but you I feel like you
gotta forgive them for yourself for you can continue to
move on happily. Right, And when I talk to people
or when i'm you know, life coaching people, I say
the very same thing, like, you cannot let your past
did take how you moving right now? If you woke

(25:52):
up and you got another chance to make another decision,
a better decision, Like you have another chance. So what
happened to you, how that person and treated you, what
you went through? You giving that person too much credit?
You allowing that person to control your every move without
that person even being in your life. And when I
say like that, people don't understand it. And it's just

(26:12):
like you don't understand. No, I do understand. You got
a choice whether you want to heal and move on
to get better or you want to stay in this
situation and let this be your excuse because a lot
of people let what they went through to be their
excuse to behave and act and the reason why they're stuck.
And how you know what I'm saying, operate like that. No,
you don't get to use that excuse throughout your entire

(26:33):
life that's weak because we have a choice we do.
And for you, you've been through so much. I've been
so much. I can definitely relate to you and for
us to overcome the things that we go through and
people that don't have what we have feeling stuck like, No,
I don't feel I can't feel bad for you.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
I can understand you, I can sympathos with you, and
I can help you.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
But if you keep reverting, for me, I be having to, yeah,
having to separate because you're using too much of my energy,
and they start to make you feel negative because so
much garbage is getting dumped on you.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
So and I noticed that too. Circle matters matters.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
You don't want to have a Debbie Downer, and they
just constantly bring you feet to you negative and then
you will start pouring out the same negative energy. So
it's like you definitely have to be aware of who
your circle is and if they're not being positive, if
they're not trying to heal and they want you to
throw them a pity party every day, then you're gonna
have to separate from them people, because they'll put you

(27:34):
in the mindset of a broken mindset. You know, what
I'm saying, yes, and you don't want to go back there.
So I definitely get that. And I am a friend
that's not a yes friend. I'm gonna tell you, you
know what I'm saying, and you either gotta respect it
that you not you know, Oh my god, that's that's
a whole other episode on this Excuse me on that
particular topic, because people do not understand. They want you

(27:57):
to sit in their misery with them, you know. And
it's like you anything that you think of, dream of,
you can obtain. That consistency is very hard.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
It is.

Speaker 1 (28:07):
We make it look easy, but it is. Sometimes I
don't want to do nothing, but I know I have
to do it. You know what I'm saying that, and
I don't use that. So for a person that's healthy,
stop playing with me. That's that part. That part I
tell people all the time. I said, Lupus warriors are
the strongest people I know. Strongest, Yes, because physically we

(28:30):
be weak sometimes physically and we still move in a
strength alway. So that's why I said it it's all
about up here because without without our brain being renewed
and transform you know it again, with no brain, you did,
you know they say, your brains start working you dead.
You could, you could work with all the other organs.
But if your brain that tells everything else to operate,
it is messed up.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Maybe you're gonna be messed up.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
And that's why it's good, Like the Bible says, to
renew your mind, because.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
Our minds in the world aren't right.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Our minds, like when we're situations, aren't going to be
right because it's feeling the trauma. It's feeling the pain.
Now we operating the pain and then were putting it
on other people. Yeah, like, oh my god, I gotta
have you come back like this. I'm already at home.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Okay, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Many survivors struggle with forgiving their past or even themselves.
What does forgiveness look like in your story? For me,
I would say, and forgiving myself, especially for a lot
of times I beat myself up when I first was
getting diagnosed with lupis and going through all of the

(29:44):
symptoms and all of the things right because I was
always used to being independent, so I became dependent on
others to help me with my kids or to do
whatever it is that I couldn't do, and I felt
real bad and I was really hard on myself, but
I didn't understand what was going on at that time.
But how I gave myself grace and forgave myself. I

(30:05):
started journaling, and so I would look back at times
where I was really really messed up and all I
could do was right for that day, that whole day,
And then I would look at a current time and
I'd be like, look how God brought me out.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
Look how I thought I was gonna be there and
now I'm not.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
So I gotta forgive myself for being too hard on
myself and not having all of the knowledge and the
tools to fight with Lupis. You know what I'm saying.
I didn't have the knowledge in twos, but I wasn't
open minded. I was throwing myself a pitty party.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Why mean you know?

Speaker 1 (30:38):
So it was just like once I got out that tantrum, girl,
I had to then start healing and maturing. I love
how you tell your stay. You just tell it. So
healed and so like listen, I was there. We were
about to do what's the plan today?

Speaker 2 (30:54):
Like you can?

Speaker 1 (30:55):
You can get out of your situation. That's what that says.
I mean when you speak like that, you speak with confidence.
Thank you, you're welcome. Before we move on to living
with lupus and chronic illness. Who want to see some
more comments? That's on the screen, so shema high, you
better explain how those spirits work. Okay, come on, sister.

(31:17):
She could say, that's it. Oh you are so courageous.
God got your cover. Yes, he does. Thank you, Thank you.
I appreciate y'all. Look at the queen le see all
the queens on here showing sister love. Thank y'all for
tuning in. She could said, they're not going to like it,
but you must tell the truth exactly for sure.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
That's true, sis, Thank you, hey brother, my brother. Beyond
good evening, ladies, what is same true? What is that
good eating?

Speaker 1 (31:48):
I don't know what you just putting? Journaling is a tool. Yes,
journaling helps. It's expressing yourself and there ain't nobody gotta
read it for sure, for sure, Thank you guys for
tuning in. Please share, share a share. We really appreciate you.
Thank you so much. We're going to move on to
living with lupus and chronic illness. Living with lupus comes

(32:09):
with its own set of battles physical, mentally, and emotionally,
how has faith guided you through your chronic illness journey?
That's good, that's good right there. Faith got me through
a lot of times. And you know, you said physically,
mentally and spiritually. So spiritually came with renewing the mind,

(32:32):
of course, and the way I did that was through prayer.
And then like the physical part of it, I just
had to accept that it's okay not to be okay.
I don't have to have everything together at one time.
I just need to be patient with myself. So understanding
that it wasn't on my time of a God's time.
It helped me out a lot in that area as

(32:54):
far as physically not being able to do stuff when
I wanted to do stuff, you know, And I would
say just leaning into prayer helped me spiritually grow and
my mental health grew as well, just leaning into God
and just trusting Him and just letting Him do that
work in me that I needed to get done anyway,
whether or not I got diagnosed with lupis anyway, But

(33:15):
with me being so busy, me working and having a business,
in having the kids, in having the husband, where was
the time at to sit with God and say, Lord,
hear me of this trauma from the past. There was
no time. So by God sitting me down and me
getting Loopis, it actually was a blessing. I couldn't see
it at first, but it was a blessing in the storm.

(33:38):
It was a blessing in the storm. Yeah, I used
that storm word so much last year. Wasn't even funny.
Man Ah, that's.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
God is good.

Speaker 1 (33:52):
You don't drop the mic right there, the mic has dropped.
How do you balance your health, your ministry, and being
a mother without losing yourself in the process.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
That's good.

Speaker 1 (34:07):
So the balance that I have now, I would say,
my family always come first, Like you know in the studio,
my baby is here with me right now. That's my shadow,
that's my a one day one. And also just helping
educate them on Loopis. If you if you have Loopis
and you're watching, just always educate your people that you're

(34:28):
inner circle, the people that jam with you, the people
that love you, the people that care for you, and
teach them how to care for you, if that makes sense,
teach them how to love you. And so that's what
I had to do in order to, you know, get
through some of these days and just have helpers just
just have some type of help in regards to the
keys and the other stuff, and always just remembering, you know,

(34:51):
whatever I don't do now, I can get done tomorrow.
There's always another time to do it. Don't just try
to rush and do everything. So just being paid with
myself and creating some type of balance in thereror and
with ministry. I used to always just say yes, yes, yes,
and God is teaching me in this season. You don't
have to always say yes to me, because I'd have
been called you to that. I probably called them to that.

(35:14):
So it's okay to say no. Just just gracefully say no.
You ain't gotta have an attitude. You ain't gotta be saying,
you ain't gotta be nothing. Just gracefully no, I'm doing
something else, you know, So no, say no. Let's practice though,
No no for real, because people will use the heck

(35:34):
out of you, and you look up and you be like,
I don't remember this person ever showing up for me.
I don't remember this person showing up for nothing for
the whole entire year. I don't remember this person asking me,
how are you doing? You understand what I'm saying? Like
people don't understand it's okay to help people, but you
got to return a favor. I feel like a lot

(35:58):
of people say you shouldn't exe for me. I don't
believe in that. I believe in it's a givenness, a
take I have. We have our circle. Our circle is
supposed to feed us in some type of way, form
or fashion, and we are supposed to feed them. If
we are not feeding each other, our circle is pointless
because who.

Speaker 2 (36:17):
Are we feeding off of?

Speaker 1 (36:19):
Who is growing on for who? How are we elevating,
Who's taking other places where, who's sharing information, who's doing anything?
If everybody's just taking And people don't understand, like your
circle builds you, they put you in different rooms. You
know what I'm saying, that's all out of love, no gatekeeping,
you know what I'm saying. Like everybody got their own strength,

(36:39):
and people need to know how to operate in their strength.
If you're not a front person, you gotta be the
back person that you're dope at. But that doesn't mean
that you're not important. And some people feel like if
they don't get that recognition, if it is their business,
they ego getting a way of driving their business away
because they want to be that person like she did this,

(37:01):
she did this, But your team is a representation of
the whole overall thing. And people don't understand that the
back is just as important as the front line. We
all got things that are important, and nobody is less
of a value because everybody helping. Yeah, and people don't
understand why I don't need this and you should know
you should. We are growing adults here. Everybody need help.

(37:23):
Do you think these millionaires and billionaires made it by themselves.
Nobody got it out the mud by themselves. Nobody. People
like to say that in the hood, but we know
nobody got it out the mud. Somebody helped you get there.
That must have been their time expired. They helped you
get there, like people have to help each other to
get to where it is that we need to go.
And it's for us whoever make it to bring to

(37:44):
bring the rest of the crew that's supposed to be
in You know what I'm saying part.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
Right, That's why your circle is important.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Circle is very import is important because say I might
be going through a Lupi square or something.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
You don't want somebody telling you negatives of all day.

Speaker 1 (37:59):
Now you really want to kill yourself and die because you,
like I've.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Been listening to her, I rather just gone on, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
So it's better to have some encouragement and some people
that's on your team that really love you, that's gonna
tell you the truth. Hey man, this is just the
season you're gonna get out this bed. This is just
for today. Wait till tomorrow. You're gonna feel way better,
you know what I'm saying. So we need that positive
we do. We need that and all of that. It's
a little bit, it's a little bit off the top
of all of that day one a ones. Your day

(38:26):
one a one was your day one a one when
you was that person. You are not that person where
you had elevator. Y'all had totally girl a prior. Y'all
have nothing in common. And this person really envies you.
You know that, this person that showed you red flax
so many times. You need to let it go. You
definitely can't grow people because I know I had a
big circle when I was in the world, but then

(38:46):
when I started coming to Christ and gave my life
filly him and I won't walk in Luke Warmer into that.
I lost a lot of people and I didn't go
chasing them either. I say, you know what, if they
want to leave, woman, let them leave, because at the
end of the day that men, God is closing those
doors and then it's some new doors about to open.
It's some people that's gonna respect me for who I am,
and I'm gonna respect them for who they are, and

(39:07):
I'm gonna tell them I love and regardless, you know,
whatever you choose to do with your life. Because we
all have free will. So it's not like with them.
I was even trying to bring them to Christ. I
knew that he had purpose in me. I mean, it's
good if they believe, but even if they don't, that's
on them because God gave them free will. So you know,
but I noticed, you know, friends changed up anyways once.

(39:27):
I couldn't be the party girl every week and every day.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Because when I got diagnosed with sl I couldn't keep
running in no club urnning.

Speaker 2 (39:34):
I ain't had energy to do that.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Body hurting. You know what I'm saying, I'm feeling ausious
out of the time. I don't want to be up
in there with all them people. So it was just
like the separation had to happen anyways because where God
was taking me. But I couldn't see it then. We
never can see it in a moment. That's what's crazy
in a moment, yeap, and it is. It hurts when
we have to let people go, It really do. But
it's like this person is hurting me in this moment,

(39:57):
and I thank God that I literally I call myself.
I'm an all around girl. I can kick it with
you at church. I can kick it with you at birch.
I can go and have tea. I can go to
a conference meeting. I can go to the club, like
I could be in every room and fit in and
fit in perfectly.

Speaker 2 (40:11):

Speaker 1 (40:12):
Like because I have friends that don't go to the
club and you love tea. Okay, okay, okay, I like
you too. So I'm like an all around person And
I feel like when you have authentic friends that understand
how that mindset, they gonna call you be like, hey,
you want to go watch a movie. I go to
my cousin house and we'll go watch movies and I'll

(40:33):
go home. You gotta meet your friends where you are
if you really care for them for real, for real,
like if you really love them, and that's what I said.
I said, I feel like if I could accept them
for who they are and whatever, they should be able
to set me for who I am. But see, God
was showing me because he had already tething like you're
not your friends, and you know how we be thinking
like my friends what they do, but no, he was

(40:54):
letting me know they wasn't my friends.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
And he showed me better than he could tell me.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
Because like you said, situation shouldn't bring you farther apart,
it should actually bring you closer. Because now I'm gonna
try to accommodate where I should be in that season
with you. You know what I'm saying, if I really
love and care for you for sure, Like oh my god,
this is so like we're definitely gonna have to do
a part two, but absolutely for sure. And people that

(41:19):
do that, I feel like we You were the one
that was pouring into them, you were they helped me
so because you didn't feed them in the way that
they need to be fed from you.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
It was cut off time. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
It really probably seemed like it was bad, but it
really wasn't bad for you because it guess where they at.
Those people are gonna be the same spot that they
were three five years later because they ain't got it shit. Yeah,
so it was definitely not meant for you to continue
to stay around. Like, seriously, we're gonna move on to
purpose ministry and God partnership. You tune, you turn pain

(41:56):
into purpose and became a became closer to God. What
does that term.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Mean to you?

Speaker 1 (42:06):
So I would say, you know, the pain was the
suicidal part. The pain is the physical pain we still
endure with loopers and just turning it into purpose. Like
I said, like, how can I help other people renew
and transform their minds? How can I help them in
the season of depression with the loops that they have.
How can I help them find out who they are

(42:28):
in Christ? Because who we are in the world is
not the same person we are in Christ. Remember in
the world, I said I want to be I had
my business, I would work for we energies. I want
to be a motivational speaker. God was like, no, that's
not what you're finna do.

Speaker 2 (42:40):
Girl. Like that just ain't it.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
So when we just lean in, you know what I'm
saying to God, He'll definitely show us what our purpose
is and how we can help others because most of
the times, you know, that's how people start businesses too.
You figure out where you're good at and what serves others,
solving the problem that somebody got. And now hear you
is you don't solve the problem. You got a whole business, yeah,

(43:05):
because you don't solve their problem. So it's all about
helping others. God made it that way. He made us
that way. You know, I'm not gonna get onto the
Bible thing. But people don't understand, Like in lack of
turn to me to say this, excuse me, God was
literally that man and the people that carried out his missions.

(43:28):
They were not good people, but they were good at
what he needed them for. And people don't understand that.
So like, for example, if you got a friend that
you party with and you notice that you can't tell
her your personal business, that's just your party friend. People
be trying to incorporate people in their whole overall life,
but everybody is not meant to be your whole overall life.

(43:50):
I have people that don't even know where I stay at.
They good people to me, that's not where we at
You know what I'm saying, got my every day people.
I got people that would never get that close to me.
You know what I'm saying, because that's just what it is,
And it's not anything that has to do with you.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
It's everything that has to do with me. Boundaries.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
If you were meant to be in that space, you
will be in that space. And another thing you said,
as far as what did you say, I lost my
brain fogging.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
When that happened.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
To do it get out to something. Okay, we're gonna
get back to it. It prob back, yeah, But okay,
how did your experience lead you to creating or step
into your ministry and business work? How did your experience
lead you to create or step into your ministry and
business work? Just similar to what I was talking to

(44:47):
your associate about before you had came. It's basically like,
you know, you'd be doing stuff for free and you
realize that you can get paid for it. Like we said,
solving problems, you do it out of the kind of say,
your heart, So you ended.

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Up doing it for free because you want to help people.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
But in reality, you also have to get paid for
your time, and you have to get paid for whatever
else you're providing. So it's like now you're providing a service.
So just coming from that free space over to a
business mindset and just understanding that we got to eat too,
we gotta live too. So that's that's what I was saying.

Speaker 2 (45:21):
And what that You just jogged my memory, So that's
what I was talking about.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
So so people used to people used to say all
the time, walking on purpose. I'm like, people just talking.
They just be talking, walking in on purpose? You know
what God wanted me to do? That's right before I
understood like people just be talking. Doesn't sound good, right, yeah,

(45:45):
like whatever, like but like like you said, it's something
that you want to do, and it's something I wanted
to do, but God said, like, I'm everything about fashion,
and fashion is everything to me. But God was like, no,
you're gonna start this nonprofit? When I tell you, I
woke up with a whole full name Lupis has no face,

(46:06):
and I'm just like and I don't know where I
had the energy from, but I had got it done,
created everything in one day. Then events started coming up
and I'm just like, where's this money coming from? Like, yo,
I just died in two So this gotta come out
of my pocket. And I'm like, I presented this to
the world, I gotta spend this. So I say that

(46:27):
to say like, at that moment, I understood what walking
to your purpose is like. Even though I like everything
about glam, he allowed me to be a glam girl
in what he wanted me to do because having a
nonprofit organization five on one C three, what that was
not for me. I like to see my funds up front.
That is one of the hardest business that you could

(46:47):
ever have. Writing a book. I wanted to write a book,
but the book that I started it didn't happen. I
wrote the book that he wanted me to wrote in
two days and got published within a month. God living
well with Lupe is right. So it's like everything that
I want to do, he like, no, you're gonna do this.
And what he did was he blocked my memory. He

(47:09):
took away the passion that I thought that I had
for and he put it too something else and put
that into my mind. So it's like when you walking
in your person, God never let you forget what it
is that he wants you to do because it continues
to go in your mind and he when I tell
you the funds was coming from somewhere I don't know,
but I was doing those events. I never stopped. It
was moments where I had it. Even in an hour

(47:32):
or two, I'm like, I just don't want to do this,
and it went and it went well. So I totally
get where you saying walking in your purpose at that
and that five six years ago, that's what I learned.
Walking in your purpose meant like he's speaking to me
in different seasons, and I truly believe when you are obedient,
like it's nothing like being obedient.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Now, don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
I still got a lot of work to do, but
I am damn sure for good being with him.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
Saying like you.

Speaker 1 (48:02):
Know, and then you saying being paid for stuff. I
did a lot of stuff for free, a lot of
stuff because it was on my heart to do it.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
But we gotta eat.

Speaker 1 (48:11):
You take it up hours of my time. So okay,
I've been a life coach for real, But let me
get the credentials behind my name so people can respect it. Right,
So now it's you know, I tell them like, I
just be wrong. Real, you want me to be your
life coach? And it's x Y and z Before you
see god a life coach, you need to see what

(48:32):
it is that they're doing. If they're not doing what
they speaking of, that that's a bad life coach. You know,
I could be running some people away, but I'm gonna
keep it all the way one thousands because your money
is not that important to me, even though I need
to eat. I need you to be the evidence that
I am coaching you on because I am the evidence
of what I am. So I need you to be
able to be dedicated to the time that I need
for you to have for something that you want. So

(48:53):
you gotta be hungry enough to do this blueprint that
I'm doing giving you and educating you and breaking you down,
because you can't life coach anybody if you're not broken
all the way down and don't know who you are,
like how you how you needing somebody else? It don't
work that way. You understand what I'm saying. So I
be real with my people like and they just be like,

(49:13):
you know what I mean. But that's what's gonna make
you even more amazing, coach, is because people don't want
this or I'm faking for you and trying to fix
your life I've on Advan's ant, but I'm not my
life not fixed behind the scenes, or I'm not gonna
be humbled and transparent enough with you to tell you, hey,
look this and that you need to fix in your life.
You want me to coach you like I ain't gonna

(49:34):
take your money. I want you to fix that first
then come back to me. But it's it's it's like
nowadays in society, people think that, oh well, if I
just throw a little money at the situation.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
No, money don't solve your problems.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
When your brain is messed up and when your finances
is messed up, you need to go and get that
fixed first. So it's good that you're just telling them
the truth because people need the truth because.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
I can lie to you all day. Yeah, and what's
that gonna we broke?

Speaker 1 (49:59):
You're gonna your money to operate, you know? And I
went through almost everything that I'm teaching these people, like
my ex knew my business better than I did. Because
you want to know why I'm so spoiled, I'm so this,
I'm so that all I have to do is show
up and perform and do what I speak or whatever.

(50:20):
He knew my books, he knew my market, he knew everything.
So when that relationship got deleted, I was just like,
where's this that?

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Where's that? Say? I gotta pay my sales tax?

Speaker 1 (50:30):
Like he took care of everything for me, and that
I even though I thought that was good, that's not good.
So now can't nobody tell me nothing about my business?
I know the dirtiest job of my business to the
prettiest job of my business. Can't nobody tell me about
nothing that I own? But it took that breakup to

(50:51):
be like, yeah, he knows my business better, what's going on?

Speaker 2 (51:01):
And now nobody's you know yourself now?

Speaker 1 (51:03):
And that's good because it took you from not knowing
to just showing up. You know, women, we gotta we
be spoiling and entitle especially if we're in a relationship
that man better do everything.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
But that's just how we be.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
On Princes's treatment, or just be like but I get
it because it still works felt good, like even though
he wasn't doing it no more. You learned so much
and now you ever to operate in this position effortlessly
by grace and get through it and creating the safe
space for people just like me to come here and
be vulnerable and talk to these people about things that
can help them, Like it's such an amazing space.

Speaker 2 (51:40):
I don't think you understand what God just laid in.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
Your hands and gave and gave you the download to
and he took you said, he gave you brain fall.
This is what I told my friend. I said, God
close every door in my life until I walked through
the one that he was opening. It was like nothing
would work. And you're like, why nothing won't work because
that ain't what I told you to do. So that's
how you know you just got to be. And it's
like when we run from God and we run from
the very things that like the responsibility of it all,

(52:05):
then it's like God will make it come full circle
back around, like and you're still right here and you
still gotta go tell my soul right now, I'm gonna
touch a little bit of this and I'm we're gonna
move to this to juicy. So when you are being
when I was being disobedient, God knew like my heart,

(52:30):
so when I ignored him, like when I tell you,
I have visions everything like it'd be in this moment,
I'm saying things, He putting these thoughts into my mind
and I did not.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
Put it to action.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
I kept ignoring, kept it nord, kept it nord, trying
to love somebody through the pain. Right, it's supposed to
be there in the first place. And when it ended,
when I tell you it was so bad, I'm talking
about Katrina bad. You understand what I'm saying. And that
is the first year that I understood that weapons were

(52:59):
formed against me. But when I was prospered, I never
knew what that meant. But I always said it, but
I really never knew what that meant. I didn knew
what it was meant until I was in that situation.
And what that meant for me is that people was
trying to destroy you. It stressed my whole existence, right,
but guess what.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
So many things was coming in my way. So many
things was opened.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
My book was getting rod, my podcast got open, Like
even though I was going through that storm, so many
doors has been open because I was never supposed to
be with that person in any first place. And I
knew I wasn't supposed to be with that person in
the first place. So he showed me grace, Like next time,
listen to me. And when I tell you the rumors
could have probably destroyed me. They did it. It just

(53:42):
made everything so stronger. That man was probably blacking your blessings.
It happened to me in a relationship. It's like I
was praying to God for some stuff and he didn't
release it until that man was all my life. Like
the next month, I'm like, God, so God, you've been
hearing me. It's just you wasn't gonna release it because
I was in this obedience. You know what I'm saying,
Like you didn't want me him attached to me at all,
and he was speaking to me, and God comes with

(54:02):
no confusion. And I was like, but I promised this,
not promised that. Noh, but we're gonna we gonna say
some of that for glamorous conversations.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
Okay, we're gonna say that to that for conversations.

Speaker 1 (54:17):
What message do you hope others received through your story
and your faith driven mission.

Speaker 2 (54:23):
H that's good.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
I hope that others receive that you have to renew
your mind daily. It is a daily thing to do
that I might wake up one morning my cross might
be like I might have joy no pain. I might
wake up another morning the whole body hurt like I
got here by a semi or bad situations just continue
to happen.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Bless you, baby.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
Bad situations just continue to happen over and over again,
and you're like, dang, here comes something else. So you
never know what you're gonna be dealing with. So just
renew your mind daily, I would say, and allow God
to transform your mind and just just listen. Just make
sure you're being obedi and watch what you feed yourself.
And I'm not just talking about feeding, because you know

(55:05):
our diety helps. Touloupis our mental health. You know that's
connected so tough. When we're mentally going through.

Speaker 2 (55:11):
Distraught, our body starts to react.

Speaker 1 (55:13):
You start to get chest pain, you start to get headaches,
you start to get stomach aches, and so it's all connected.
And so I would say, watch what you feed yourself spiritually,
Watch what you feed yourself watching TV. Watch what you
feed yourself when you read, Watch what you feed yourself
On social media. That's one of the biggest ones too,
because we see so much. Even people like stuffill pop

(55:34):
up on your feet and you're not their friends, so
it could be something negative popping up and you could
just keep saying negative stuff. So we have to make
sure what we're watching on social media as well, what
we're feeding ourselves, and just always staying sharp and always
paying attention because a lot of times we be so
dismissive over things that are happening in our life. By

(55:55):
the time they present a big catastrophe problem, we don't
agnore several red So it's like, really pay attentions to
stuff I would say, and that will help you on
your journey, and just being being renewed in a mind
because as a man thinking so is he so a
lot of the times when I was sick, I was
thinking like, oh, I'm just so sick, it's on never
get better. Well, baby, if I'm in a state of mind,

(56:17):
it's never going to get better because I just said that,
and then I'm speaking, I'm not only thinking that. When
somebody asks me how I'm doing, I'm saying the same thing.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (56:26):
So as long as you are thinking positive, as long
as you know that this is not going to last
that long, this is just first season, and even if
it do last longer, you are not your situation like
we ain't loopis no we have loopus. Loopus doesn't have
us because we get up every day. She get knocked

(56:46):
down nine times, we get up ten. So at the
end of the day, you just just got to be
resilient and persistent because like you just spoke about, even
with business, you have to consistently show up.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
So that's anything in life, we got to.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
Consistently and parenting, we got to consistently show up, and
b business, we gotta consistently show up. In any type
of partnership, you gotta consistently show up. And just think
about it. You have to show up for yourself too,
at home, behind closed doors, anywhere, because think about it,
people can tell when you show up and you haven't
deal to work. Say you show up on your podcast,
you don't know what the heck you doing. They know

(57:18):
you ain't did the work behind closed doors. And now
it's showing in person because now you in front of
everybody else and you can't perform. Yeah, so you gotta
do behind closing work to do the work. Everything you said.
All my guests that I have, I research all my
guests I have. I have to have a phone conversation
because the connection has to be there. You know what

(57:39):
I'm saying. I want this to be a safe space.
This is what this for some people that come on
my show, we built other things together because this is
networking as well. This is like a family. This is
a family for me, Like I love what it is
that I do. You understand what I'm saying? Like I've
been to be very transparent. I think it was last year.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
I done.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Came from a Sarah Jake's conference, okay, Sarah Jenks conference,
came home to warfare. My first born, my prince got
shot six times. How why you understand what I'm saying.
One week I told my producer, I'm like, yo, can
you please tell them X, Y and Z. Everything in
me didn't want to, But I was back on the
next week because I nothing stops.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
I gotta keep going. You know what I'm saying, You
have to.

Speaker 1 (58:27):
Nobody cares about excuses, So you gotta take care of you,
and your people got to take care of you. That's
around you to help you to continue to deal with life.
Stop for a moment, if you need to cry, cry,
if you need to whatever, take that time, but don't
let everything in trouble because time waits for no one.
That's sad to say that, but it doesn't. We don't

(58:47):
excuses don't pay the bills, excuses, don't get what it
is that we need to obtain. It does not, So
we have to depend on God because he is the
only thing that's gonna take us out of that. And
the effect that my son got shot six times and he
doesn't have any formalities or anything. He's still up walking,
breathing everything.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
To me, I just.

Speaker 1 (59:10):
My son is a good kid. But we never know
our kids what they're doing. So I feel like that
was a message for him. You understand what I'm saying,
and I'm grateful for that. But that did create PTSD
for me, you know what I'm saying. That was one
of the fears that I always had and to just
get back in town to wake up to that, it

(59:32):
was unexplainable, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
It was unexplainable. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
So with that being said, yes, whatever you're doing, if
you are nurse, if you're adopted, if you're a podcast,
if you have a cleaning business, you have to always
educate yourself. You can't just start a business just not
read up on it. You got to know the latest things.
You gotta you gotta look at you know your customer service.
You always gotta be sharp, and that's what I do.
That's why my numbers are so high because I try to.

(59:58):
My goal is to be better than I was before.
Even if I reach the goal, it's still I want
to be better than what it is because seasoned people
forget that you should always want to be a student.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
Because when you.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
Forget that you are not a student, that's when you
stop growing. And it's gonna show. It shows that's good.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
So I like that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
I totally agree with you. And before we go into closing,
you want to read some more of these comments. Y'all
showing up today.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Hey y'all, Hey y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
She said, praise God. Oh she's like, praise girl. Don't
get a shot in here. Podcasts never finished. They got
in the spirit. So say I love you, sister. Oh
you're going back to them. It says, I love you, sister, queen.
I definitely understand that, Yes, we all can agree. Everything
changes when you surrender and fully commit to God. My

(01:00:50):
a one still are my oday once, thank you God
for this. That's because they accept that you accept the Christ,
and some of them you bringing them to the church.
So it's like, you know for sure, but as we
just said, the church ain't the same thing as bringing
them to God. Like people got to know the difference.
You know, Holy Spirit will definitely encounter you are a
motivational speaker. Oh thank you Tashima girl.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Don't guess me up. I'm going to do at we
gass you we gats you like this because yes, y'all
showing out with these comments, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:01:26):
Yes, that's how you know it's our dang. Yes, God
got a order mission for each and every one of us.
And that's why I said, I thank her for her Yes,
because it's so many people attached to your assignment. Like Moses,
he never went and guess what, all the people went
and got free.

Speaker 2 (01:01:39):
You gee what I'm saying. So, for sure, people with
lupis need a safe space. They need an outlet.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
They need like to be able to talk about it
and feel like Savannah understands me because she goes through
similar things like me. For sure, I'm not alone. You
get what I'm saying, So that this this space is
super dope. I really appreciate you. I appreciate you guys,
because without child there is that's no me. That's the
thing people forget when we have business. It's our business yet.

(01:02:04):
But without the customers or out the participation, without you guys,
there's nothing for me. So I appreciate you guys for
just trusting everything that I'm doing, aligning with me, believing
in me, seeing the evidence, and just like literally walking
with me and building that bond. Like so I appreciate
you guys as well for sure. Don't don't ever forget that.

(01:02:24):
Like y'all make me go. I y'all make me going.
I don't feel like going, okay, cause I do read things.
I can't get to everybody, but I do read things,
and y'all there's there's no Lucas has no face, nothing,
nonprofit organization, book podcasts will out y'all. Y'all are very
important to everything that I do, and people do not

(01:02:47):
understand that when it comes to the business.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
So thank you. I appreciate y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:02:51):
Real. You know, some people get the business and at
Khaki like they don't need the people when the people
is important. Let me tell you something, when I make it,
because we got organization, that's all. I ain't gonna say
no name. It's because I'm you know that can feed us.
But when I make it, the things that I do
now is gonna be times a thousand. Yeah, you understand
what I'm saying because I get it and I know
it's missing in the community.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
So as long as.

Speaker 1 (01:03:14):
Y'all keep helping me grow and prosper and motivate me,
I got y'all, I got us, and I'm just doing this.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
To me, it's on a small scale.

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
I'm doing a lot of the Christmas gear back the turkey,
y'all say to me, that's on a small scale. I
want to give more, but when it's time for me
to get more, he will allow it out.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
You to believe in that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
Yeah, But even though sometimes we feel like we're making
a small like impact, it really ain't about the numbers
because God left the ninety nine for the one, Like
like you're going to get the one, or you're going
to get the teen, or you're going to get the twin.
It doesn't matter because you're effective in what you do
because God has equipped you for such a time as this,

(01:03:53):
So what you're doing matters and it's a big deal
to God. And sometimes we feel like, well because I
used to always said it's like I just got associate's degree,
you know, because I was no people who have their
masters and their bachelors. And it's like we we we
short slop stop ourselves because we think we're making a
little impact, but imagine not making no impact at all.

(01:04:13):
You know what I'm saying, You're making the difference. You're
making an impact. I've been seeing you all over social
media and a lot of a lot of US advocates, yes,
and a lot of people. But God put you on
my heart. But I mean he sees you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
He didn't tell me to go.

Speaker 1 (01:04:26):
To party party understanding and knowing that God loves you
and he wanted me to be here, and he wanted
you to be doing what you're doing because that's your purpose.

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
That's your purpose.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
And I'm being honest with her, and it's crazy because
I had never met her. I told God, like, no,
I am about to ask her that. You know what
I'm saying, because I was, And it wasn't even about Savannah.
Sometimes we have our situations and we feel like it's ours.
We don't want to we don't want to share, like
we don't want to be vulnerable. We don't want people
to know, Hey, I used to prey kill myself, you know,
stuff like this. We never want people to know that
that's how messed up we was. But somebody out there

(01:05:04):
needs to hear it, and we needed this space. So man,
listen the feeling that you are giving me, you know,
it just confirms even more, you know what I'm saying,
Like even though I feel like people sometimes don't see
a participate whatever they are saying, like you're saying, and
I like, I'm just so graceful for that. I'm so

(01:05:28):
humble for that. Like that, I don't have any words
literally to describe it, because my team tell me how
dope I am. But it's never just hearing it from
an outside person. Somebody would loopen, somebody that's so intelligent,
somebody that's a ministry. You know what I'm saying. You
telling me that, that means I have no words, but
I appreciate you. I thank you for that, and I'm
really I'm graceful for that, like for real, for real,

(01:05:50):
and you doing ministry. Everybody you encounter is ministry, and
you're providing this space. This is ministry right here. You're
giving me a spot to be myself. I never wanted
to tell nobody. I never want to. I never feel
comfortable enough. But God was saying he knew that it
was gonna be you, Like he just knew, he knew
before I knew I had been seeing you. I'm like,

(01:06:11):
they so bold, they so you know what I'm saying,
They were just walking in purpose and I didn't realize that.
You know, in order to be courageous, you have to
first open your mop and speak about stuff, you know
what I'm saying, Like it just don't come to the bowl,
and it sain't gonna just come like that. You just
gotta take it step by step. One day, you might
just tell a friend. Next day you might just you

(01:06:33):
know what I'm saying, be at the store talking to
somebody you don't know, trying to help them. Before you
know it, you were in front of a crowd. You're
in front of a group. Now, you were on the stage,
you were in front of plenty of people. Like every
little step matters because it leads to the big steps.
We don't just run out here and do something, you
know what I'm saying. So when I seeing y'all, I
was just thinking that, you know, like boo, they just

(01:06:55):
they're just that strong, They courageous. They they went forth. No,
it was a process for y'all just like it was
a process for me. Yeah, I don't even know words
behind that, y'all.

Speaker 2 (01:07:07):
Like that's I'm just gonna take that all in. That's
just take it all in. We went in to closing reflections.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
Okay, looking back, what does resilience means to you now
compared to before?

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
Mmmm?

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
Before I would think like when people would say like
resilience or not giving up, I thought that, you know,
that was just like, Okay, they just not gonna stop
trying to do stuff or whatever. Back in the day,
I didn't really understand what resilience was until I got
diagnosed with lupis and I knew that I couldn't give

(01:07:49):
up my babies.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
Was kinnding on me, you know what I'm saying. At
the time. My husband was kind to me.

Speaker 1 (01:07:52):
It was like so many people, my friends, my family,
and when you're the strong one, people don't.

Speaker 2 (01:07:57):
Check on you.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
And that's what I had to realize too. God was
telling me, like, it's not that they don't want to
check on you. Their capacity isn't there, Like they so
used to you being strong for them. They don't know
how to be strong for you. It's not that they
don't know that, they don't love you. They just don't
know how to love you. They don't know how to
be you. You are the strong one. Even with lupis,

(01:08:18):
I was still the strong one, the person that everybody
come to talk to about their problems because they know
you got some information that you're gonna give them that's
gonna help them, or you're gonna motivate them to make
them feel like they can do anything.

Speaker 2 (01:08:31):
And I was that person.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
So now resilience for me mean keep on going, keep
on showing up, but not just show up. Because God
told me, don't just show up. It matters how you
show up. So showing up in the capacity, ready to serve,
showing up putting off whatever else I got going on.
Like you said, when your son got shot, you had

(01:08:54):
to put it all together and steal to the podcast.
That's resilience. And that's the kind of resilience taught me.
No matter what you're carrying, no matter what's going on
in your life, when you show up, don't let this
show show up. Do what you're supposed to do, and
then God will give you the grace to do that.
But that's why prayer is so important, because when we pray,

(01:09:15):
he lifts up that we didn't even know we had.
He just lifting it, just lifting it. So just leaning
on God. That's that's the resilience now, just through him. Man, girl,
you is something else. What scripture affirmation helped you stay
grounded during your darkest times. Well, I'm gonna be totally

(01:09:35):
honest with you. It was the Serenity Prayer, my God.
Because I was I was a mixed fix it like
I said, people come to me with the problem. I
just want to fix everything. And with loopis you. It's
not in your control. So if you keep worrying, keep worrying,
keep worrying, you gonna get it get worse. You know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:09:51):
Now, you having more health problems for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
So I had to put the Serenity Prayer on my
phone screen And at first he used to make me
cry a lot because I used to be like, oh,
I'm not feeling getting emotional right now, just thinking like okay, today,
I can't do anything, but let me read this prayer
to understand that it's not in my hands, but it's
in God's hands. So my darkest days, that's what I

(01:10:14):
used to do, was just read the Serenity Prayer over
and over and over.

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
I want you to send that to me. Will I
want you to send that to me.

Speaker 1 (01:10:22):
The strength in that if you could speak directly to
someone listening who's bat on loopis trauma or hopeless right now,
what would you tell them? I would tell them to
keep on going. There is strength inside of you that
you don't even know that you have. A lot of

(01:10:43):
times we don't know how strong we are until we
have to get through something because we have to write.
So I would say, see, God, don't ever stop praying,
and always remember that the conversation with God is two ways.
You pray to him and you talk to but you
make sure that you make time for him to speak,

(01:11:04):
just sitting in his presence. God, Here I am, Guy,
Here I am. Whether it be when you're in your
car by yourself on away from home, whether it be
while you're at home by yourself. The key is sleep.
Just give God that extra time just to speak to
you and see what it is that He wants for
you to do, or just he might want to comfort you.

(01:11:24):
The Holy Spirit is the best comforter Ever. The times
I was in the hospital by myself, I only had
a Holy Spirit. So it's like just just make sure
that you have ears to hear what the spirit is saying.
And also don't throw yourself a pity party too long.
Give your give yourself grace, even cry. It's okay to cry.

(01:11:45):
You can be in the bed, it's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
But don't do.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
It for weeks. Let it be like two days or
not til or twenty four hours. Don't do too much
because you'll find yourself in depression. But do express yourself
because you don't want to keep it in and then
you float on somebody else because you've been holding that in,
Like the the reason is legitimate. But when we hold

(01:12:09):
stuff in and then we explode on other people, it's
not that person fought.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
That's not so.

Speaker 1 (01:12:14):
Just taking the time out with yourself, being patient with yourself,
and seeking God. I will say those things will help
get you out of your dark moments. I will totally
have to agree with that. Before we end this, do
you have anything that's going on? Do you have a business?
Do you have any tags? How can they get in

(01:12:35):
hold of you? Can you let them know what you
got going on? What's your tags? How can they follow you? Okay,
so I am on social media and so they drew
on Facebook I am also the founder of God's Likes
Ministry and that can be found on Facebook. Under God's Light.
We are definitely doing a lot of things in the

(01:12:57):
community and October seventeenth feeding the homeless and we will
be putting boxes together for single mothers who run out
of food midmonth. So that's the ministry God gave me.
And I will also say this month we're doing a
bonfire for women. It's called the Sisters Released by Fire
because women we go through so much and we wear

(01:13:18):
so many hats and we're just tired and exhausted sometimes.
So this is a safe space for you to come
into and just you know, be yourself. Eat, We're gonna
play games, we're gonna go outside by the fire. We're
going to write down some of our traumas. If people
want to share, they can share. Feel free. We got
the hugs for you, we got the tissues for you.

(01:13:38):
If you needed a shoulder to cry on, We're here
for you. So that's October twenty fifth of it be
at the REU and your restaurant. It's on event Bright
and that event again is called Sisters by the Release
by the Fire. So just put it in a search box.
And even bright. And at the end of the month,
the Queens of the Meal is having a harvest party,

(01:14:00):
so you can find that on the Facebook page Queens
of the Meal. And then to say like whatever we're
doing right now and how you can get involved, right,
So that's all that is so lovely, Tom please drop
our tags the event right, all of that stuff in
there so they can know where to click on to.
I'm definitely gonna share, so send it to me personally.

(01:14:22):
I'm definitely gonna share. That is so dope. I like that.
And if you guys cannot make it because you're busy,
send a couple of dollars just for a donation. We
send you know, we bought so the possible about who
could We got a lot of stuff that we don't see,
so just do something good.

Speaker 2 (01:14:37):
Make a donation.

Speaker 1 (01:14:38):
If you cannot come, support whatever, make a donation toward
what it's going on.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
We will barely appreciate that. I appreciate you all.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
Thank you so much for coming on this show. You've
been such a dope person. I love everything about you.
Your mayor is, the way you speak, your confidence, all
of that, like it's just ready throughout the room. So
I appreciate you so much for coming. I appreciate you
sharing the space with your daughter. I would love to
have you back again. And you guys, thank you so
much for tuning in too. Lupas has on Face podcast.

(01:15:07):
If you miss it, please go to Lupas has on
Face podcast and while you're there, like, share, a subscribe,
comment and we will respond back. But until next time,
love you for free

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