Lux Radio Theatre - The Show-Off

A high-budget anthology series adapting major films and stage plays for radio, often with the original Hollywood stars. It brought cinematic drama into living rooms weekly.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lux Presents Hollywood.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
The Lux Radio Theater brings you the Great Guildersleeve, Eula
Mercle and Beulah Bondy in The show Off, Ladies and Gentlemen,
Your producer, mister Cecil b de.

Speaker 3 (00:29):
Mill greetings from Hollywood, Ladies and Gentlemen. The Knight fibermcghee
and Molly introduced a new character into their show called Guildersleeve.
I'm sure no one could have foreseen the fantastic success

(00:50):
story to which we add another chapter tonight. Mister Gildersleeve
made a great hit with Fibber and Molly's audience and
soon had a radio program of his own. Then came
a series of pictures at our KAO and to night
we've cast him in one of the great comedy hits
of the American theater. It's George Kelly's famous play, The

(01:11):
show Off, And to show off the great Guildersleeve in
the proper setting, we've co starred him with Euna Merkele
and Bulah Bandy. You'll find another name on Guildersleeve's birth certificate,
Harold Perry to be exact, but mister Perry has been
swallowed up by mister Gildersleeve. To the great enjoyment of
the American people. In the show off, he plays Aubrey Piper,

(01:34):
a gentleman with a talent for getting into trouble. Witness
the case of his brother in law's invention, which you'll
hear more about in just a moment. Some inventors are
remembered by every one, the names of others are lost
in the fog of time. The airplane, the electric light,
the wireless any school child knows who was responsible for them.

(01:56):
But nobody knows who invented the wheel, or who invented soap.
Yet some one did invent soap hundreds of years before
it reached the level of perfection.

Speaker 4 (02:09):
That's called lux toilet soap. I'll leave it to you.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
How many modern inventions would you give up before you
do without soap.

Speaker 4 (02:18):
In researchful a picture about.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
Cleopatra, which I made a few years ago, I discovered
that she had several readies in waiting, whose job it
was to help her keep beautiful. But all the wealth
and power of the ancient queen of Egypt didn't serve
her half as well as the queen of any American
home is.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Served by a cake of luck.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Toilet soap.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
But now the show goes on with the show off,
And here's the first act, starring the Great Guildersleeve as
Aubrey Piper, Eyuna Merkel as Amy, and Beulah Bandy as
Missus Fisher. It's eight o'clock on a Wednesday evening, and

(03:06):
Amy Fisher is a flutter with excitement. Eight o'clock Wednesday
is a big moment in Amy's life. For at ten
after a certain party will ring the doorbell of the
little frame house near Philadelphia. Hurriedly, she dad's a powder
puppet her nose, and then hearing the front door open,
she rushes to the head of the stairs.

Speaker 5 (03:27):
Mama, Mama was at the door, Yes it was. It
was your sister. Oh, Mama, when the bell rings, let
me answer it. Hello, Clara house Fray, All right, mamma,
did you see my blue bar pin? It was in
my drawer. Well, look in the drawer. I haven't seen it.
What's all the excitement, Mama, Wednesday night?

Speaker 6 (03:47):
Oh?

Speaker 7 (03:48):
Is that fella still coming here?

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (03:50):
Right on the dock. Such as he is, It looks
like a steady thing. Clara, You're never in your life
heard anybody talk so much. I don't know how Amy
stands him. Pop can hardly stay in the room where
he is.

Speaker 7 (04:01):
Well, doesn't she take him into the parlor?

Speaker 5 (04:03):
She does, yes, but you might just as well leave
him out here because he's not in there five minutes
till he's out here in the kitchen again talking about politics.
You'd think he knew something about it. And the investment business,
he's always talking about that too. That's where he works,
you know, the villain's investment company. He says, he's head
of the sales department. But I says to your brother, Joe,

(04:24):
I says, huh, I don't know how he can be
ahead of anything from the talk of him. Joe says,
he's anough. But you don't dare say anything to Amy
about him. Oh no, She thinks he's Heaven's gift to
the Fisher family. And for all she knows about him,
he could be a tramp in the park, said, with
a villain's company. Well, that's where he works, though, Mom,

(04:44):
how do you know Frank knows him? You're a Frank?

Speaker 7 (04:47):
Uh huh? He says he eats his lunch at the
same place they're at fifteenth in Arch.

Speaker 5 (04:50):
And does he say he knows him?

Speaker 7 (04:52):
Why? Sure?

Speaker 8 (04:53):
He says he's seen him around there for a long time.
Frank calls him carnation Charlie. He says he's always got
a big carnation in his but Noel, and carry's a can.

Speaker 5 (05:01):
That's the one. He's always got it off when he
comes here to I believe in my heart, Clara, that's
what's turned your sister's head. Did Frank say what his.

Speaker 7 (05:11):
Name was, Aubrey Piper?

Speaker 5 (05:12):
I think that's it. Aubrey Piper sounds more like a
place than a man's name. What does he do it? Billings?

Speaker 7 (05:19):
He's a clerk, A clerk.

Speaker 5 (05:20):
I knew it. Head of the sales department.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
Oh, Clara, Oh hello, pap Well has that not arrived yet?

Speaker 5 (05:28):
Not yet? But he will.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
I hope the heaven he stays in the parlor tonight.
I want to read my paper and if he slaps
me on the back once.

Speaker 9 (05:36):
More, I'll kill him.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
That laugh of his enough to drive a man crazy.

Speaker 4 (05:44):
What's that must be?

Speaker 5 (05:45):
Joe? He's down the cellar trying to fix the radio.
Jove is that you?

Speaker 3 (05:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (05:50):
Give me a hand with a set, William pop No.

Speaker 5 (05:52):
I thought he was going to keep it downstairs.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
There isn't enough right, okay, thanks Pop.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
Well, is that screw ball come in yet? Well?

Speaker 7 (06:01):
He certainly is a big hit with his family.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
Laughing, Louie, he's a first class pest, that guy.

Speaker 4 (06:07):
Every time I'm working on something, he sticks his nose
in it. What are you doing? What are you doing
in all that formula I've been working on to prevent rust.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
He got his nose into that the other night too.
Next time he does it, he's going to get sucked.

Speaker 5 (06:21):
Oh there he is now, Amy, put out.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
The light in here and shut the door.

Speaker 10 (06:25):
Maybe you'll think we've gone out.

Speaker 7 (06:27):
Well I gotta go.

Speaker 5 (06:28):
I'll go out the back door. If you don't want
to be here all night, Amy, goodbye, Mom, goodbye, Pop, goodbye.
Be quiet.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Now.

Speaker 5 (06:34):
If he hears a voice in here, he'll pop in
here like a jumpin Jack. Just a minute, Oh.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
Me, hello, Alvey, grieving's on you, little girl? How's every
little thing? Hitting on? All three? Right on the job, Amy,
ten minutes past on the dock. The pride of old
West Philly never misses no.

Speaker 5 (06:57):
Say I'll take your head, Albrey.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Anything to please the ladies. Here you are, and the
boy rode off with many thanks and many a backward
bore one second, little gal one little favor. Never again
will I trouble the bell of old North Philly. How
about a drink of the old aquapura. Huh, that's water
to me.

Speaker 5 (07:18):
I'll be right back. Make yourself comfortable.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
Don't you worry about me? Little girl?

Speaker 5 (07:23):
Amy? Amy, shut that door. What's the matter, Mom, I
just want to get a drink of water for Aubrey
is namy.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
I don't want that fellow popping in here.

Speaker 6 (07:31):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (07:31):
Good evening, ladies and jeans. Stay right where you are, folks,
right where you are going, right out of the next train.
How are you, little mother? Evening? Pop? Hi Joe? Hello, Amy?
Step on the gas with the old aquapura. Man's got
to have a drink. How about it, Pop, you'll stay
with me on that ape? Pop listen. I don't like them,

(07:52):
he slapped on my back. Yes, sir, yes, sir. I
want to tell you this is a very pretty little
picture of domestic felicity, father reading, mother knitting, and little
old Joe Edison Fisher there working eighteen hours a day
to make the rich man richard and the poor man poor.
What about it? Popcorn? Am I rider raving?

Speaker 11 (08:11):
Will you let me alone, or keep your hands to yourself.

Speaker 10 (08:14):
I never saw such a pest in my life.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Eh. What's the matter with popsy wopsy little office feed? Eh?
Mother Fisher? Hm hmm, here's thank you, my dear, blushing
as she gave it, looking down at her feet so
bare and her tattered gown. Yeah, how's that? Mother Fisher?
Can't beat that little old Willie Shakespeare, now, can you? Now? Sir?

(08:37):
I'd like to tell the brothers that that little old
Shakespeare party shook a wicked spear. Well, here's laughter, ladies,
and mister Marconi, my best regards to you. Ah, very
nice indeed, and the sweeter draft from a fairer hand
was never caught. Oh you well, mister Joseph, what are

(08:58):
you doing? What are you doing? Joseph?

Speaker 12 (08:59):
I am fixing something?

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Uh added again a the young inventor himself. Well, mister Joseph,
I want to tell you you're wasting your time. When
you're all through, they'll offer you twenty cents for it
and sell it for twenty million. Take it or leave it?
Sign on the dotted line. Yes, sir, that's exactly what
they did. A little lowd yours truly here twenty Lincoln
and the condas for a formula that would have solved
the greatest problem before the industrial chemical world today.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
What kind of a formula?

Speaker 1 (09:24):
Why? A formula to prevent the rusting of iron and steel?
A solution of vanadium and manganese to be added to
the metal in its molten state instead of applied externally.
Where did you hear that? Eh? He ought my boy
about a rust preventative using vanadium and manganese the lida
of my own. Yeah, you heard it right here in
this room. I was talking about it last Sunday. Oh

(09:46):
you thought of it too. Ay. Just goes to show you, Joe,
great minds running the say shut up, you give me
a swift pain. I love that boy. Yes, mother, fish,
that little boy of yours has got some great ideas.
I was speaking to some of the men who work
under me just the other day, Mother, I said, gentlemen,

(10:06):
the inventive genius in this country is where are you going? Mother?

Speaker 5 (10:11):
I got a touch of the same pain. Good night.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Must be an epidemic around here.

Speaker 5 (10:18):
Oh, Abby, Abby, let's go in the parlor, shall we?

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Yeah? You know, Amy, Sometimes I get a funny feeling
that your folks don't like me. Many brave parts all
asleep in the so be well, be well, a little high,

(10:56):
I guess.

Speaker 5 (10:58):
Oh, yes, mother, do you want something? I just wanted
to tell you that it's nearly twelve o'clock. We're all
going to bed around here.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
I was just about to take my reluctant leave, little mother.

Speaker 5 (11:09):
Well, I don't want to hurry, not at all.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Not at all. In fact, the recent outburst was in
the nature of a farewell concert, a little old song
at twilight, you know, mother Fisher, to soothe the savage beast. Yeah,
come on, Albrey, I'll walk.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
To the gate with you.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Yes, sir, Yes, sir. It's a beautiful night, all right.

Speaker 5 (11:35):
Oh isn't it.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
Look at that moon up there? Amy? Is that a moon?
Or is that a moon? I say it's a moon.

Speaker 5 (11:42):
Oh, it's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah. You know, it's times like this when a man
gets to thinking, Amy Dorsey Aubrey, Yes, sir, that old
moon up there makes you think a lot of things.
A man's got to be pretty careful. Oh, but when
a man's knocked around the world, I have a man
gets pretty wise. When a man meets the right girl,

(12:04):
man knows he's met the right girl. Do you follow me?
I think so, Aubrey, Amy, you think a married couple
can be happy on one hundred dollars a week?

Speaker 5 (12:13):
Oh, Aubrey, Yes, I do.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
Be nice if they had it too, Aubrey.

Speaker 5 (12:22):
Is that how much you were?

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Well? More or less? More or less? Right now it's
a little less. But I'm thinking of putting over a deal, Amy,
just between us two.

Speaker 5 (12:33):
You know, I don't think it makes any difference how
much a man makes. I think when a girl cares
for a man, loves a man, that's all that counts,
the only important thing in the world there should be,
even if he doesn't have a dime.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Don't you well I got two Nichols.

Speaker 5 (12:49):
No, No, I mean, don't you think don't you think
about love?

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Oh? Sure? Ever since I was fourteen, Amy, yes, sir,
it's a little old cupid dart that counts all.

Speaker 5 (13:00):
You can't buy happiness, can you?

Speaker 1 (13:02):
Definitely not? So they say, well, well, well, Amy, what
do you think? Huh about you mean about it? Yeah?
What do you say? Is it a goal? Say? Yes, Amy,
say you'll pull your coffee ration with me?

Speaker 5 (13:18):
Oh you mean while I marry?

Speaker 1 (13:20):
That's the general thought. I'm trying to convey Oh ay.

Speaker 5 (13:23):
Yes, I will aurey anytime you.

Speaker 1 (13:25):
Say, Amy, Amy Piper, Oh, I'm.

Speaker 5 (13:37):
Not gonna let you do it. I won't stand for it. Oh, Mama,
stop it. I'm gonna marry him, and that's all there
is to it. But you don't even know him. You
don't know what he does, or how much he makes
or anything about him.

Speaker 7 (13:48):
I don't have to.

Speaker 5 (13:49):
I know I like him, and that's enough, all right.
But remember this, Amy, be sure that he keeps you,
and you keep him, and don't be coming around here
for your pop to keep you. Mama, don't make me laugh.
Aubrey's got a wonderful position. He makes plenty of money.
Who says so? I just know from the way he

(14:09):
talks he makes at least one hundred dollars a week.
Uh uh? Whoever heard of a clerk making a hundred
a week?

Speaker 12 (14:16):
A clerk?

Speaker 5 (14:17):
Where did you hear that from Frank Hyland? What does
Frank Hyland know about it? Keene was Aubrey Piper and
Frank says he's a clerk down there just like five minute. Oh,
that just shows how much he knows about it. Aubrey
told me he makes one hundred dollars a week. And
what's more, he's gonna swing a great big deal pretty soon.
The only thing he'll ever swing is that Keny carries Amy. Dear,

(14:39):
I'm warning you once and for all, Mama, why don't
you let me make my own life? You took who
you wanted, didn't you? And Clara took the man she wanted. Well,
I'm gonna take what I want, and I want Aubrey, Piper.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
You're like a raise. Hey, Piper, Well, that's a general
idea I was trying to convey, mister Williams.

Speaker 7 (15:05):
What for.

Speaker 1 (15:06):
Well, the way I figured is this a man's gonna
get married. Well, when a man gets married, he's got
to have enough support a wife, right, right? And I
figure about one hundred a week, maybe a little more.
How much do you make now, Piper? Thirty five? Not
very much, mister Williams.

Speaker 9 (15:21):
No, it isn't.

Speaker 10 (15:22):
But this investment business isn't what it used.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
To be either, Yes, sir, But thirty five is all
your worth?

Speaker 2 (15:26):
Piper.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
But mister Williams, what I've seen of your ability gets
more than your worth, Yes, sir.

Speaker 9 (15:30):
How would you like.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Thirty five or nothing at all? No, sir, what makes
you think you're entitled to a raise? Well you don't
have to get married, do you? No? Send put it
off for a while, yes, sir, but that's all, Piper,
that's all goodbye, Yes sir, Yes, sir, Hey, yes sir? Yeah?
Uh look how they call?

Speaker 4 (15:46):
Where did you get the race?

Speaker 1 (15:47):
Oh? The raise? So yes, we talked it over the
boss and I he's going to sleep on it. I
hope he has nightmares.

Speaker 4 (15:53):
See pretty lucky, Piper.

Speaker 1 (15:55):
Well, there's nothing good if you got the right approach. Fred.
I got in a good word for you too.

Speaker 5 (15:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
Oh gee, thanks.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
Well, I'll go to lunch now. Gotta feed the old furnace,
you know, see you around free, Hi Aubrey. Well let's
see hi, Sam. I'll have a ham on rye and
a chocolate crossed it and don't spare the ice cream, Sam.

Speaker 4 (16:22):
Two scoops?

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Oh too, scoop? Sure, what do I care? That's a
Nicolectray Aubrey. Slap it in there, Sam. You know Piper
the old sport himself. Sure one harm on one frosted
Scooper double Aubrey Aubrey, Amy, what are you doing way
down here?

Speaker 5 (16:37):
Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (16:37):
I have to speak to you say, I'm glad you came. Amy.
You know that deal I was talking about, Well, it
didn't go through, honey, I mean, Aubrey, listen. So I
was just thinking maybe if we could postpone getting here.

Speaker 5 (16:47):
Aubrey. I've got to tell you, darling, it's awfully important.
I've done it, Aubrey, done what I've done it. I've
left home. I just I couldn't stand it anymore. And
I just told Mama. I said, I'm leaving Mama.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
And that's that you told mama. Huh. Oh, well, I
was just gonna tell you Amy, that deal. I mean,
where you're gonna live.

Speaker 5 (17:12):
I don't know. I haven't even thought about it.

Speaker 7 (17:16):
I've burned my bridges, Aubrey.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
You burned mine too. Oh well, I guess we better
get married pretty soon then. Huh.

Speaker 5 (17:24):
Oh, Aubrey, do you suppose we could?

Speaker 1 (17:27):
Oh? Sure, you just leave everything to me, Aubrey.

Speaker 5 (17:30):
That'd be wonderful. And it doesn't really make any difference,
does it. I mean we were gonna be married anyway,
And well, you make so much money and all, and oh, Aubrey,
tell me it's all right.

Speaker 1 (17:41):
Oh it's fine, Amy, it's fine. Just a minute, Hey, Samuel, Samuel, Yeah,
cancel out extra scoop? Will you?

Speaker 3 (18:02):
At two of the show off starring the Great Guilder
Sleeve as Aubrey Piper, Beulah Bundy as Missus Fisher, and
Euna Merkel as Amy. Six months have passed and the
romance of Amy and Aubrey has blossomed into marriage. Amy

(18:24):
is too proud to admit it to her family, but
she has discovered her wives sometimes do that. Her mate
is more talk than action. He's not the head of
his department, nor does he earn the expected one hundred
dollars per week. And now in the Piper kitchenette, the
financial question has again reared its ugly head.

Speaker 5 (18:44):
Bills, bills, bills, Aubrey, what are we going to do?

Speaker 1 (18:49):
How's the coffee coming along? Amy? Boy? Can't be late
to work, you know, Aubrey listened to me. Sure, what's
on your mind?

Speaker 5 (18:55):
Aubrey. We've just got to get some money. We can't
go on like this any longer.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
Why we've been getting along fine?

Speaker 5 (19:01):
Have we look at this? We owe thirty dollars to
the butcher, twenty three to the grocer, eight ten to
the milkman, and the janitor was here about the red again.

Speaker 1 (19:10):
I'll speak to him on the way out.

Speaker 5 (19:12):
On your way out, is right? He's gonna throw us
out Friday.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
You mean he's threatened us. Why he can't get away
with that. I'll break the least, That's what I'll do.
How about a piece of toast.

Speaker 5 (19:21):
Honey, Aubrey, he can get away with it.

Speaker 7 (19:24):
We've got to pay up or get out.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
All right, we'll get out. I never liked this place anyway.
The bathtub gurgles. Have you got any peanut butter?

Speaker 5 (19:33):
Aubrey? How can I make you understand?

Speaker 1 (19:36):
Listen, honey, do me a favorite. When you forget about it,
everything's gonna.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
Be fine, is it?

Speaker 1 (19:40):
How you just keep your eye on the boy from
West Philly? That's all now. I didn't want to mention this,
but I'm working on a deal right now that'll put
us right up there on top. Where's the jelly?

Speaker 5 (19:49):
What kind of a deal, Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Never mind, you'll see.

Speaker 5 (19:52):
But I want to know.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Well, it's a little idea I've had in the back
of my head for a long time.

Speaker 5 (19:56):
What idea?

Speaker 1 (19:57):
It's pretty technical, Amy, Aubrey, tell me what is it? Well,
it's a rust preventative a combination of magnesium and vanadium.

Speaker 5 (20:04):
Oh, oh, brat, that's Joe's idea. That's the thing he's
been working on for years.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Oh, beat me to today. Well, the more power to am.

Speaker 9 (20:13):
Oh, good evening to you one and all.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Hello, mother Fisher, Hello, what's the good word? Mother? Been
siphoning it out any gas tanks lately? Where's Amy? Is
she here?

Speaker 5 (20:37):
No? Ain't she home?

Speaker 1 (20:38):
No? I just came by there.

Speaker 5 (20:39):
Well, she ain't been here today.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
She was saying this morning she thought she'd go and
look for a house today. I suppose she hasn't got
back yet. I wanted to take her to the movies.
I got the loan of Harry Albright's car.

Speaker 5 (20:49):
Did you say she was out looking for a house.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah, we got to get out of that place. We're
in the Acme machine. People have bought the whole block.
They're gonna put up a new factory there.

Speaker 5 (20:57):
How soon do you have to get out.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Bridy, I mean as soon as we can find other place.

Speaker 5 (21:01):
I'm afraid you won't find it so easy to get
a place as reasonable as that. Again, in a hurry.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
I don't want a place as reasonable as that. I
want a real home, Mama, Mia, something with ground around it,
or I can do a bit of tennis in the evening.

Speaker 5 (21:12):
Well, if you do, you'll pay for it.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
That's exactly what I expect to do, mother Fisher. Not
giving you a short answer, of course, that's exactly what
I expect to do. And no more of the old
first of the month business for this growing boy. He's
all washed up, signed on the dotted line. I'm gonna buy, mother, buy,
Buy what a house, mother Fisher, a real little home.
You ought to go out along the boulevard some sunday,
some fine little buys out there.

Speaker 5 (21:35):
Well, there's no danger of your going out along the
boulevard except for a walk.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
Well, a lot of people out that way, mother, And
a man's got to live someplace.

Speaker 5 (21:43):
Well, if he's wise, he'll live where he's able to
pay for it. Besides, you haven't got any furniture for
a house, unless you don't mind sitting on the floor.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
No matter of furniture nowadays, little mother, there's a very
inconsequential item.

Speaker 5 (21:53):
It still costs money, don't it.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
Money? Money? That's something that never worries me, I know.

Speaker 5 (21:58):
But it worries me. How are you gonna buy furniture?
When you haven't got any money to even buy a house.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Don't fret, mater. There's things in the wind. Things in
the wind.

Speaker 5 (22:06):
Well there ought to be. There's plenty of it.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
Uh, plenty of what mother?

Speaker 5 (22:14):
Plenty of wind?

Speaker 1 (22:16):
Yeah, right there with the old sense of humor. Eh, well,
I guess I'll move along, yes, mooch. Oh, say if
Amy calls, tell her I got the loan of Harry
Albright's car, Fred Myers, and I on meter her in
front of the riverli at eight bells?

Speaker 5 (22:30):
I suppose you mean eight o'clock.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
Don't you give the lady a cigar? Professor, Well, cheerio,
missus whistler Who missus whistler man's dream of an ideal mother?

Speaker 5 (22:40):
Oh, shut up, you fool.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
Go on, mooch, eh the cheerio gal, many brave hearts
are sleep in the deep. Well well, Jojo the dog
faced boy, how's the lad? Oh?

Speaker 4 (22:56):
I'm okay fine?

Speaker 1 (22:57):
What's the matter, Joe? You look excited? Well?

Speaker 4 (22:59):
I am in a way. Look, Aubrey, can you keep
your mouth shut about something.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
You can trust?

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Me?

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Jose sphinx Piper, My friends call me what sphinks? Sphinx? Oh?

Speaker 6 (23:11):
U Joe what's the big secret? Well, I sold it
sold it sold. What my invention the rest preventative? No, yeah,
I was down at them the grant office all day.
I went over the whole thing with him, and we're
gonna tie it all up Monday morning.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
Nice work, mister Joseph. I hope you got yourself a
good slice of the old Mullah. I think it's all right.

Speaker 4 (23:28):
They're gonna give me fifty thousand dollars for it.

Speaker 1 (23:31):
Fifty thousk Well, not bad, not bad, first offer, I suppose,
first and last. I'm grabbing it. Don't be a sucker, Joe.
Giving the old hard to get treatment. They'll come through
it twice that way. Oh no, this is too good
to fool around with.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
By the way, I'm satisfied. You know we can do
a lot with that money.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
We certainly can. I was talking about the family. Oh,
the family. Yes, course, that's what I'm in. But I
still think you can get more, Joe. What you need
is somebody to go in there and talk to those guys.
Nobody cut it out, will I'm satisfied.

Speaker 4 (24:01):
I'm sorry I mentioned it to you a tour.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
What are you saying right there? Fred? Well, best of luck. Joe,
my boy, don't.

Speaker 4 (24:08):
Forget now, I don't say anything about it.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Mum's the word, Joe, Mum's the word.

Speaker 4 (24:23):
Heying.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
I thought you said you knew how to drive. What's
a matter of Fred. We're getting there, aren't we. Yeah,
but I hate to think what Harry's car is going
to be like. Don't you worried about the car? Fred?
Everything's under control. Yeah, so I hear. It's got a
slipping clutch. That's what it is. Hey, that's a red lights.
You better stop there. Oh boy, you Aubrey. He're about
the world's worst. I think I better get out and walk. Oh,

(24:46):
we'll be there any minute. Just let that little low
light give me the go ahead, Fred, and we'll be
zipping on our way. Here we go, Hey, what what's
the matter? Look out for that car? Look out?

Speaker 4 (24:57):
Look out?

Speaker 1 (25:01):
Oh did you see that guy? He cut right in prelamation,
I'll be that with a Polish car. What a police car?
You slam right into a police car?

Speaker 5 (25:11):
Keep moving, moving on?

Speaker 1 (25:13):
Tell you good evening. Officer had a little brush here
and nothing serious, I hope.

Speaker 11 (25:20):
Eh, oh no, no, you just knocked three of our
wheels off.

Speaker 1 (25:23):
That's all I'd like to take a sock at that, perish.
I take it easy, Mike. You go along and have
that arm fixed. I'll take care of this fellow.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
Go along, all right?

Speaker 1 (25:30):
Did you better report about the car? Don't worry, Mike.
Did that others? John darm get hurt?

Speaker 11 (25:35):
Oh no, I think it's just a little matter of
a broken arm.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
Nothing serious, as you say, broken arm. Well, how did
that happen? I'm not sure, but I think he was
waving to a friend. He threw it out a joint.
Very good. All right, let's see your license license license?
Oh you mean my driver's license?

Speaker 5 (25:53):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I'm sure. Let me see now, that's not it. That's
not it. My draft card for pH pH positively hopeless.
They ain't kidding either. He got me that time. Now
let's see, come on, come on, give me a license. Well, officer,

(26:16):
I'll tell you the truth. You beat me to it
by three days. What are you talking about? Well, I've
been meaning to get a license for some time. As
a matter of fact, I was going down there for
one next tuesday. I just come in it.

Speaker 11 (26:27):
Am I hearing things? Are you trying to tell me
that you don't have a license?

Speaker 1 (26:31):
You got me again, officer. Now I've got you all right.
Get out of that car.

Speaker 5 (26:50):
I can't understand it. I waited at the movies for
over an hour. He wasn't gonna come me. What a
call here, wouldn't He don't ask me what he'd do.
Beginning to get worried, he says, you've got to get
out of that place you're in. Yes, yes, that's what
I was doing today, looking around for something. Did you
see anything?

Speaker 1 (27:09):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (27:09):
I saw a couple of places that were fair, but
they want too much money. You're not really looking for
a house, are you, Amy, Yes, if I can find one.
Aubrey says he will not live in rooms any longer,
and he doesn't want to pay rent. He wants to buy. Amy.
I thought you had a little sense, but you're nearly
as bad as him. You talk awfully, silly mother. You'd

(27:30):
think everybody that was married was living out in the street. Oh,
that's where a good many of 'em would be living. Amy,
only that somebody belonging to him is giving him a hand.
You're ever less and borrowing as it is.

Speaker 7 (27:41):
What always pay it back?

Speaker 5 (27:43):
I mean, you do when you get it, but that's
not the point. Amy, it's the twitch you get one week,
don't lest you till the next. Oh, Mother, let me alone.
If you are trying to make me say I'm sorry
I married Aubrey, well I'm not. I'm glad I married
him and I wouldn't change him for anyone else I
ever met in my life. So there, alright, Amy, But

(28:04):
someday that man's gonna bring trouble on us. I can
feel it my bone. He won't bring trouble, and if
he does, it'll be between him and me. You don't
have to worry, all right, all right, Amy? Is that
you Joe? It's me mo O, Hello, Clara. What you're
doing here?

Speaker 7 (28:20):
Well, I don't know. Isn't Frank here?

Speaker 5 (28:22):
You're Frank?

Speaker 8 (28:23):
He called up the house and said I'd better get
right over here with something about Aubrey.

Speaker 5 (28:27):
What about Aubrey? I don't know.

Speaker 7 (28:29):
I couldn't understand what he was saying.

Speaker 5 (28:32):
Oh, I hear you moving, Amy, Yes we are. We
want a house, a house.

Speaker 7 (28:37):
Oh Amy.

Speaker 5 (28:38):
If you can't pay your rent where you are.

Speaker 7 (28:40):
How do you expect to pay more?

Speaker 5 (28:41):
How do you know I'm not able to pay my
rent where I am. Now, don't you start a fighting?
Oh would. I'd just like to know what business it
is of hers, whether I can pay my rent or not.
Nobody's asking her to pay it.

Speaker 8 (28:51):
Oh no, well, your husband's been to Frank Hyland twice
already to pay a class.

Speaker 5 (28:56):
That's a lot. It is not He's asked him twice
and got it too till I put a stop to it. Mama,
make her take that man.

Speaker 7 (29:02):
I won't it's true?

Speaker 5 (29:03):
Are you hush up?

Speaker 1 (29:04):
Both of you?

Speaker 5 (29:05):
I guess if Clara says it's true, Amy, she must know.
And it just goes to prove what.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
I saw lone.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
I told her. I told her that man would start cup. Well,
now who should have arrived?

Speaker 1 (29:20):
Well, it's Nazi's little mother. Is Amy here for Lamb's sake?

Speaker 5 (29:26):
What's happened to you? What's that bandage on your head?

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Bandy? Oh yes, nothing to get upset about? Beginning to
rain outside.

Speaker 5 (29:32):
Mother, Never mind the rain. The rain didn't do that
to you. I guess you ran into somebody.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Didn't You don't get excited, Mama, I had just a
little misunderstanding on the part of the traffic officer.

Speaker 5 (29:40):
You don't mean to tell me that you ran into
a traffic.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Officer control now, little mother, I assure you there's no
occasion for undue solicitation. Good evening, Clara, What happened to
your head? The veriest trifle, missus Highland? Just a little
spray from the windshield.

Speaker 5 (29:54):
Where's that car you borrowed? Smashed? I guess, ain't it?

Speaker 1 (29:57):
The car I borrowed, Mother Fisher is now on the
hands of the bandit to the law, the judicial gentleman
who collect fines from motorists by ordering them to go
one way and then swearing they told them to go another.

Speaker 5 (30:07):
Never mind your fancy talk. I want to know who
you killed and where's the automobile That someone was fool
enough to lend you.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
The automobile, little mother, is perfectly safe, parked and pasturing
in the courtyard of the police station. So you got arrested, well?
I accompanied the officer as far as the station house. Yes,
And while I was there I told them a few
things about the condition of traffic in this city.

Speaker 5 (30:28):
I guess they told you a few things too, didn't
they repeat.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
The question for the shut up? Yes?

Speaker 7 (30:33):
What did they do find you?

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Well? They were all set to find me when I
got through with them. They didn't have a leg to
stand on. So they trumped up a charge of driving
an automobile without a license.

Speaker 5 (30:42):
Did they take the automobile away from you?

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Nothing of the sort. They simply complied with the usual
procedure in the case of this kind, which is to
release the defendant on bond penning the extent of the
victim's injuries.

Speaker 5 (30:53):
So there was somebody injured.

Speaker 1 (30:54):
Uh, the traffic copter ran into Bate.

Speaker 5 (30:56):
For heaven's sake, couldn't you find anybody but a traffic copter.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
I didn't run into him. Mother, You don't understand the
circumstances of the case.

Speaker 5 (31:04):
Well, I understand this much. They can give you ten
years for a thing like that, and it had just
serve you right if they did too borrowing people's automobiles
and know her know more about running them than I do.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
No time like the present to.

Speaker 7 (31:15):
Learn, mother, Well, you'll have plenty of time from now on.
If that officer seriously injured, he was faking.

Speaker 1 (31:21):
A broken arm around there when I left. It's a
wonder to me. The poor goof wasn't signed on the
dotted line. He ran head on right into me.

Speaker 7 (31:28):
Did they take the cop to the hospital.

Speaker 1 (31:30):
Eh, I believe they did oh.

Speaker 5 (31:32):
Abrey, Oh brave?

Speaker 1 (31:34):
What happened to hell? A little woman herself? Hi? Amy?

Speaker 4 (31:38):
What is it?

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Aubrey? Nothing in the world, baby, I had a little
mix up on Broad and Eary Avenue.

Speaker 5 (31:42):
You didn't get hurt, did you?

Speaker 4 (31:43):
Nothing but a.

Speaker 1 (31:44):
Scratch on the Madula Ablegato. Just a little shake up.

Speaker 5 (31:48):
He nearly killed a traffic officer. That's how much of
a shake up it was. You didn't all Bridge?

Speaker 1 (31:53):
You certainly not, Amy, Your mother's rabe.

Speaker 5 (31:55):
The man's in the hospital. I don't know what more
you want, is he Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (31:59):
You think I'd be here? If he was, you wouldn't be.

Speaker 5 (32:01):
Here, only that someone was fool enough to bail you
out instead of letting you stay there for you couldn't
be killing people? Are you out on bail? Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (32:08):
They always bail a man in the case like this, Amy.
They got my car on their hands. I just got
a call around for it Tuesday morning at ten o'clock.

Speaker 5 (32:15):
I guess you just gotta go down there to a
hearing Tuesday morning at ten o'clock and pay your fine.
I guess that's the automobile you've got to call for.
How much did they find here, Aubrey.

Speaker 1 (32:24):
They didn't find me at all.

Speaker 5 (32:25):
They'll do that Tuesday.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
The time will tell that mother Fisher.

Speaker 5 (32:29):
How much bail did they put you under?

Speaker 7 (32:31):
Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (32:32):
One thousand berries? Amy, A thousand dollars. That's regulation little
chicken feed for the stool pigeons.

Speaker 5 (32:38):
Did you say a thousand dollars?

Speaker 1 (32:41):
That's what I said, mother Fisher, one thousand trifles. I
wouldn't kid you.

Speaker 5 (32:44):
You wouldn't kid anybody that's listened to you for five minutes.
And who did you get to go a thousand dollars
bail for you?

Speaker 1 (32:50):
Don't be alarmed, little mother. I saw that the affair
was kept strictly within the family. What do you mean
your other son in law was kind enough to come forward?
Do you do you mean my husband? That's the gentleman, Clara,
mister Francis X pilot.

Speaker 5 (33:18):
Don't you think you'd better go to bed.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
In a minute. I'm thinking, Amy.

Speaker 5 (33:23):
Is your head hurting you?

Speaker 1 (33:24):
And I'm thinking that hard. Besides, it's just a couple
of little scratches, Aubrey.

Speaker 5 (33:30):
What do you think they'll do to you down there Tuesday?

Speaker 1 (33:32):
I don't worry about that, sweetie.

Speaker 5 (33:34):
Oh but they're getting awfully strict. What if that traffic.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
Cough is hurt bed, It'll only be a fine for
reckless driving, even if they could prove it was reckless driving.
And I can prove it was the officer's fault, it's
a little bit very likely apologizing to me around there
Tuesday morning instead of finding me.

Speaker 5 (33:48):
Oh, I wouldn't care if they only find you, Aubrey,
because I could go back to work until it was paid.

Speaker 1 (33:53):
You'll never go back to work, kid, while I'm on.

Speaker 5 (33:55):
The boat, I wouldn't mind it, Aubrey.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
While you're my wife, Amy, I'm the provider around here.

Speaker 5 (34:00):
You don't think they might do anything else to you?
Do you'll?

Speaker 1 (34:03):
Aubrey, Oh, they might try to take away my license.

Speaker 5 (34:06):
You haven't got a license, have you.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
That's where I fooled them.

Speaker 5 (34:13):
Aubrey, Aubrey, what is it they send them to prison for?

Speaker 1 (34:18):
If? Look, Amy, everything's okay. I've got the whole thing
worked out in my mind right now. All I've got
to do is pay that little old fine, and I'm
as free as the air. Why, it's a cinch.

Speaker 5 (34:27):
How much will the fine be?

Speaker 1 (34:29):
Well, I can't tell. Maybe that thousand berries, one.

Speaker 5 (34:31):
Thousand dollars where you get one thousand dollars?

Speaker 1 (34:34):
Now, stop it, stop it, honey. Look, I'll have that
thousand dollars Monday.

Speaker 5 (34:38):
It's a breeze, a thousand dollars Monday.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
Sure. How Look, if a fellow was gonna sell something
for ten dollars, see, and I knew it was worth
at least twenty dollars. See. But if I went to
the men who were gonna buy it for ten, and
I convinced them they ought to pay twenty, well, I'd
be entired a little commission, now, wouldn't I at least
two percent? Two percent of the difference sign on the
dotted line, and I got my thousand bucks.

Speaker 5 (34:58):
But ore that mean that you'd have to sell something
for one hundred thousand dollars?

Speaker 1 (35:03):
That's the ticket? Amy?

Speaker 5 (35:05):
You mean that somebody's selling something for fifty thousand and
that you can get one hundred.

Speaker 1 (35:09):
Thousand for it, Amy, it's a cinch. Well, how do
you say, little lady, mister Miller ready to see me yet?
Let's see.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
Now you're mister Parker, aren't you.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
That's the name, little lady. Just tell him I'm here
about mister Fisher's invention.

Speaker 5 (35:30):
Oh, I told him that already, Miss.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Potker, Thank you, little lady. I don't know what I
do that here.

Speaker 5 (35:35):
Oh you go on, no, you go on, mist Yes
miss Miller, yes, sir. That door over there, missus.

Speaker 1 (35:45):
Piper, Oh, thank you, thank you. Many brave hearts are
to sleep in the deep, so deep. Ah, good morning,
mister Miller. I can come in Piper's name, Aubrey Piper.
You do sit down, Thank you, mister Miller. I have
come to see you about the rust preventative. So I hear, well,
where's mister Fisher. He was going to be here at
eleven a sign the papers, so I came to ten.

(36:07):
The signing of the papers can wait? I think? Oh,
are you an interested party in this deal, mister Piper,
well slightly, Yes, I'm mister Fisher's business advisor. Oh I see,
well he's a fortunate young man. Oh, very fortunate. And
that's what I like to see, mister Miller, a young
man getting someplace pulling himself up by the seat of
his pants. Yes, mister Miller, it's the American inventive genius

(36:29):
that's put this country where it is today. And I'm
here to state that every right thinking citizen has the duty, no, sir,
the privilege of doing everything in their power to help
the growing boy along. Am I right on? Shake it up, brother,
shake it up just a moment, please, yes, now, no,
that's not beat her on the bush. I'm a man
of a few words, mister Miller, and I can see
that you are too. Now what I like to do
is come straight to the point, sign on the dotted line,

(36:50):
wrap it up and take it away. You know what
this boy has done, just one little idea, you say,
one simple operation. That's true, mister Miller. But we can't
pass it off like that. Oh no, Now, you're a businessman,
mister Miller. Your time is valuable and so is mine.
So let's settle right down now here. Just what are
you talking about? Mister Fisher's invention?

Speaker 4 (37:08):
What else?

Speaker 10 (37:08):
Well, you're a little late. We went all over this
with mister Fisher last week. We're giving him fifty thousand
dollars for it this morning.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
Naw, you hit it, mister Miller, right on the old button.
Fifty thousand dollars a pawfully easily contemptible. Shame on you,
mister Miller. What's that think of it? Put yourself in
this boys play?

Speaker 10 (37:25):
Fifty thousand dollars is a very fair price.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
Not for genius, mister Miller. Geniu is priceless. And I'm
here to stay.

Speaker 10 (37:31):
Wait, wait, please, I might want to stand that you'd
like to call this deal off.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Now now, mister Miller, don't you jump to conclusions. We
want you to have this invention, but at a fair price.
All right, mister Piper. Let's have your proposition, Thank you,
mister Miller. In the first place, we want one hundred
thousand dollars on the line as an advance. Oh really,
A check will do, but cash won't hurt. Number two,
the Miller Grant Company will have to sell it at
their own expense.

Speaker 4 (37:54):
I see.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
And number three, we want one half the net on
every gallon sould is a royalty you are, mister Mill.
That's our proposition and a fair one. You couldn't find.
Am I right or wrong? Shake it up, brother, Shake
it up, mister Piper.

Speaker 10 (38:06):
I'm afraid you're wrong yet, huh, I said you're wrong.
I'll listen here, I'll do the talking.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
Now. Who do you think you are?

Speaker 10 (38:12):
Walking in here trying to bulldoze me out of fifty
thousand dollars. We made a fair price, and we were
ready to stand by it. But I don't like the
way you do business, mister Piper. And you can go
back and tell mister Fisher that he can thank you
for this deal falling through.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
Now what was that? The deal is off. We won't
give you a lead nickel n Nah.

Speaker 10 (38:29):
Wait, I'm sorry, mister Piper. Good morning, but you can't
do that.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Oh yes I can.

Speaker 10 (38:33):
There will no paper signed and there won't be any
paper sign I'll get.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Out, mister Miller. You're making it terrible mistake. You please
get out now. Let's be reasonable. Huh. We'll come down
a little bit. Make it seventy five five, I told you,
I will make it sixty No fifty five, No fifty three,
no fifty two, no fifty one. No, you're a hard man,
mister Miller. And just for that, we won't sell it
to you at all. We'll take our product elsewhere. And

(38:57):
you regret this to the end of your days. Just
remember whatever you hear the Fisher Piper process, that you
could have been in on the ground floor and you
missed your chance. Good morning, sir, this is one of
my bad days.

Speaker 3 (39:19):
Now the curtain rises and the third act of the
show Off starring the Great Guilders leave Una, Michael and Bulabandi.
It's the morning of Aubrey's trial. In the corridor just
off the courtroom, the luckless show off stands, cracking his

(39:42):
knuckles with nervousness.

Speaker 4 (39:44):
For the first time in his life.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
Aubrey is scared with him is his benefactor, A sad faced,
sad eyed man.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
His brother in law Frank Hyron.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
Let's take it easy, Aubrey.

Speaker 13 (39:55):
Don't try to tell the judge's business he finds you.
Just keep your mouth shut. I'll take care of whatever
it costs.

Speaker 1 (40:02):
Gee, Frank, certainly a swell of you to stick by
me like this. Oh it's all right, Well, I can
never do anything for you. Just dip me off.

Speaker 5 (40:10):
Yeah, things certainly been going awful.

Speaker 4 (40:13):
Did you hear about Joe?

Speaker 1 (40:15):
Joe? No, what's him? Out of a Joe?

Speaker 13 (40:17):
He had a deal all set for fifty thousand for
his invention, went down there yesterdy and they wouldn't even
see him.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
Oh, how do you know? No explanation or anything. No, Well,
just goes to show you you can't trust those fellows
as far as you can throw them.

Speaker 5 (40:35):
Yeah, be sure I knew what gum did up?

Speaker 1 (40:38):
So do I? Oh? Hello, Amy, glad you got here kid?

Speaker 5 (40:43):
Oh Frank, Hello, Well, I'll see you later. I got
to get some.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Coffee, no refills, Frank seeing court? Well, honey, alb are
you nervous? Nervous? Who me? Yeah, don't worry.

Speaker 5 (41:00):
It'll come out all right.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
It's not only the trial, Amy, that isn't so much.
I got something else on my mind. Amy, I've just
discovered I'm a terrible heel. Aubrey, that's right. It's an
awful blow to me after all these years.

Speaker 5 (41:14):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (41:15):
Amy? Listen? Remember remember that deal? I was going to
swing a one hundred thousand dollar thing. Yes, it didn't
go through.

Speaker 5 (41:22):
Oh that's all right.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
I hope Joe feels like that. Joe. Yeah, it was
his deal, the invention. I crabbed it for him. Oh Aubrey,
all right, go ahead, give it to me. I deserve
anything I can get.

Speaker 5 (41:34):
But how did it happen?

Speaker 7 (41:35):
How it was all settled?

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Well? Yes, but I went there to talk for Joe. Oh.
I thought I could bluff him into it, Amy, and
instead of that, they bluffed me out. I was only
trying to do a good turn. That's all.

Speaker 5 (41:53):
I guess you can't help it, Aubrey. Guess it's just
the way you're built or something.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Oh, honey, from now on it's going to be I'm
gonna be a brand new heel at man. You wait
and see.

Speaker 5 (42:04):
Oh, what are you gonna tell Joe?

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Joe? Oh, you think I ought to tell him?

Speaker 5 (42:08):
Huh, You've got to tell him you've got to take
your medicine Aubrey.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
All right, I'll face him. I'll face him like a man. Joe,
I'll say, Joe, my boy, I'd rather face my draft board.

Speaker 5 (42:22):
Well, when the trial's over, we'll go up to the house, both.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Of us, Okay. Amy, Of course, that's.

Speaker 5 (42:27):
Just assuming that they'll let you out after the trial.

Speaker 4 (42:30):
Aubrey Piper.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Yes, here I am. Who wants me? Mister stay at Pennsylvania?
Get in here? Oh, brother, here it is.

Speaker 5 (42:44):
Look, Clara, it's in the papers already about Aubrey. You
know it was about Aubrey. If they didn't even mention
his name, what's it a mad motorist? Find one thousand dollars?

Speaker 7 (42:54):
That's him?

Speaker 5 (42:55):
All right.

Speaker 7 (42:56):
I suppose Frank had to pay.

Speaker 5 (42:57):
It to Aubrey Piper of nine three Lehigh Avenue, was
arraigned today before Magistrate Lister to answer to the charges
of reckless driving, injuring a traffic officer, and operating an
automobile without a license. Magistrate Lister heard a plea of
leniency and find the defendant one thousand dollars.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
Look.

Speaker 5 (43:18):
Look, there's his picture, Aubrey's picture, Carnation and all. I'd
like to get my hands on that fool. I'd tell
him a thing or two. Disgrace the whole family.

Speaker 7 (43:31):
Here's your chance.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
H Hi, Clara Belle.

Speaker 7 (43:34):
Come on Ian, Hello, Amy.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
Hello, Well, it's Oliver the said and done sign on
the dotted line, greeting's mother Fisher. You're looking very beautiful
this afternoon. Pretty is a gangsters mile? Yes, sir, shut out, Eh,
that's the matter, mother.

Speaker 5 (43:50):
What they do to a Mamy? Oh, nothing much.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
I'll tell you what they tried to do.

Speaker 5 (43:54):
You keep quiet. Nobody wants to hear what you've got
to say about it at all.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
Well, I told him down there what I had to
say about it, whether they wanted to hear it or not.
I told him plenty.

Speaker 5 (44:01):
And then they find you, didn't they uh a little? Yes,
they find you a thousand dollars it's all right here
in the paper, mad motorists find one thousand dollars?

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Is that what they called me? Why? I'll see him?
Let me see that. Eh, not a bad picture.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
Is it?

Speaker 5 (44:15):
Oh? Give me that paper? What do you want to do?
Put it in your scrap book? Oh, Mama, let's not
fight about it. We're in trouble enough right now. Let's forget.
Oh sure, forget it. It's Joe here. No, he ain't well.
Aubrey wants to see him about something. When he comes,
then we're going home. I'll go make a cup of tea.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Nothing for me, Amy, I couldn't need a thing.

Speaker 5 (44:33):
Who asked it to?

Speaker 1 (44:35):
All right? Mother? All right that you pul Oh.

Speaker 5 (44:39):
Come in, you've got company. Who is it? Oh?

Speaker 1 (44:42):
Hello Aubrey? Oh hi Joe. How do you make out today? Aubrey? Well,
I'll tell you.

Speaker 5 (44:46):
They find him. He's lucky he isn't in the Huskau
right now.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Oh that's too bad, Joe. Listen, I got to speak
to you about something.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
Not now, Aubrey. I'm pretty busy.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Yeah, but it's very important, Joe.

Speaker 5 (44:55):
What could you have to say that? It's important? You
know who he is, don't you?

Speaker 1 (44:59):
Joe?

Speaker 5 (44:59):
He the mad Motris.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
You'll cut it out, mother. What is it? Mom?

Speaker 5 (45:04):
Right here in the paper? Look, I never thought i'd
live to see a thing like this happen.

Speaker 12 (45:09):
You know there's something else in tonight's paper, Mom, But
just cast your.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Eyes on this right here.

Speaker 5 (45:14):
Oh what is it?

Speaker 12 (45:15):
Philadelphia youth makes important chemical discovery. Mister Joseph Fisher of
North Philadelphia perfects RUSS preventative solution.

Speaker 1 (45:24):
How doy I like that? Joe?

Speaker 5 (45:26):
Did they buy that thing from you?

Speaker 4 (45:27):
One hundred thousand dollars?

Speaker 1 (45:28):
Mother?

Speaker 4 (45:29):
They signed for this afternoon in the lawyer's office.

Speaker 5 (45:31):
What Joe, Joe, that's wonderful. Oh, I'll go tell you.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Wait a minute, Wait a minute, what is all this here?

Speaker 7 (45:36):
Read it?

Speaker 5 (45:37):
Joe? I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
Let me see that thing.

Speaker 12 (45:38):
They sent for me to come over there this afternoon
about two o'clock, and they had their contracts all.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Drawn up and everything.

Speaker 5 (45:44):
Oh what did you say about one hundred thousand dollars, Joe?

Speaker 4 (45:47):
That's what they paid for it this afternoon on account.
Then they're to market it for me from their laboratories
and give me half the nest neck.

Speaker 5 (45:54):
What's the next?

Speaker 4 (45:55):
Whatever's left? After all expenses of paper.

Speaker 5 (45:57):
Did they give you any of the money.

Speaker 4 (45:59):
Joe, one hundred thousand dollars? Sure?

Speaker 5 (46:01):
Not in money though, oh not.

Speaker 4 (46:03):
In dollar bills. No, they gave me a check for it. Well, Aubrey,
what do you say?

Speaker 1 (46:08):
Not bad? Not bad? I guess we put it over
he Jose, Uh, what do you mean we?

Speaker 5 (46:14):
Yes? What do you mean we? Who cut you in
on this?

Speaker 1 (46:17):
No? No, mother, you never know.

Speaker 5 (46:18):
Shut up?

Speaker 1 (46:19):
You know.

Speaker 4 (46:19):
It was a funny thing.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Mom.

Speaker 12 (46:20):
When I first talked to the Mill of Grant people,
I was only to get fifty thousand dollars advance.

Speaker 4 (46:24):
Then they called it all off. But today they sent
for me and said, Okay, you win one hundred thousand.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
And they're getting away with manslaughter at.

Speaker 5 (46:31):
That keeps till you. You don't know anything about this
at all.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
I made them think I knew something about it. You
made Who thinks the Miller Grant people? What are you
talking about? Aubrey? Do you know? Certainly? I know what
I'm talking about. I went to see those people yesterday,
and what did you do up there? I told him
they'd have to double the advance if they wanted to
do business with us.

Speaker 5 (46:47):
And what business was it of yours.

Speaker 1 (46:48):
Well, I'm Joe's relative, ain't I who told you you were? Well,
he's got to have somebody tend to his business, doesn't he. Mother,
He's only a lack.

Speaker 5 (46:57):
He doesn't need you to tend to his business for him.
He tended to his is this long before he ever
saw you.

Speaker 1 (47:01):
He never landed on a hundred thousand dollars though, Mother,
he saw me, did he?

Speaker 4 (47:04):
Well? What did you say to them, Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Well, Joe, I simply told him I was acting in
the capacity of business advisor to you, and that if
this discovery of yours was as important as you'd led
me to believe it was, they were simply taking advantage
of your youth by offering you fifty thousand dollars for it,
And that I refuse to allow you to negotiate further
unless they double the advance, sold it at their expense,
and gave us one half the net sign on the
dotted line.

Speaker 5 (47:25):
Holy, I don't believe it.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Well, I certainly have to give you credit, Aubrey. That's
the way the contract reads.

Speaker 1 (47:31):
I told it to him, all right, right from the shoulder.

Speaker 12 (47:33):
Yes, sir, I'll have to give you a little present
of some kind out.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
Of this, Aubrey. You'll not give me any present, Jose.
Give it to your family. They'll need it more than
I will.

Speaker 7 (47:41):
Joe, Joe, is it true?

Speaker 1 (47:43):
I said, sure it is.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
Here's the paper, oh Jee. But Aubrey gets half the credit.
He swung the deal for double the money.

Speaker 5 (47:50):
Aubrey, Oh Aubrey, it's wonderful, darling, you wonderful. Everything's wonderful.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
Nothing at all, I mean nothing at all.

Speaker 7 (48:01):
You do you have? Want some tea? Aubrey?

Speaker 1 (48:04):
A t yes, I Mike Clara, and a sandwich.

Speaker 5 (48:06):
I'll fix you something, A sure anything.

Speaker 4 (48:09):
He wants a Aubrey.

Speaker 1 (48:10):
Well, thanks, folks. Can I help Amy?

Speaker 7 (48:13):
No?

Speaker 5 (48:13):
No, you just sit down there, Aubrey.

Speaker 1 (48:15):
And rest rest. Thank you? Oh Amy. At that newspaper there,
just hand me the financial page.

Speaker 14 (48:23):
Will you Heaven help me from now on, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Next Sunday is the beginning of Boy Scout Week. This
year marks the thirty third birthday of Scouting in this nation,
a third of a century of service. Every Boy Scout
is working for his country, now helping to win the war.
And tonight we join millions of other Americans in saluting
their great work. Our sponsors, the makers of Leux Toilot's soap,

(49:10):
join me in inviting you to be with us again
next Monday night, when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Edward g. Robinson,
Gail Patrick and Ladd Kriegar in the Maltese Fulcombe.

Speaker 4 (49:23):
Missus Ceca beat Mel saying good night to you, Ron Hollywood.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
The Great Guilder sleeve appeared tonight through the courtesy of
the Craft Cheese Company. Duela Bondi will soon be seen
in the Warner Brothers picture Watch on the Rhine, starring
Betty Davis Pardon. Tonight's play were Paula Winslow as Clara,
Jeff Corey as Joe, and Eddie Marr, Norman Field, leo' cleary,
Charles Kine, Arthur Q, Bryan Ken Christy, Sharon Dougla and

(50:00):
Fred mackay.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
Our music was directed by Lewis Silvers.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
And this is your announcer John N. Kennedy reminding you
to tune in next Monday night to hear Edward g. Robinson,
Gale Patrick and LARRD. Kriegar in the Maltese Falcon