2x04 | Mamen Avellana, el valor de la independencia económica

Fue hijastra y madrastra. De la primera experiencia guarda un maravilloso recuerdo, de la segunda todo lo contrario. Se separó del padre de su hija pero está muy orgullosa de que ella pueda tenerlos a todos cerca. Tienen una relación ejemplar: el padre, su hija, su madrastra y ahora también los hermanos de su hija. Un ejemplo de amor. Y hablamos mucho también de independencia económica, de lo importante que es tener esa libertad y no depender de nadie. 

¡Bienvenida al reino, Mamen!

Conviértete en un seguidor de este podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/madrastra-sin-hijos--5829144/support.

Episode Transcript

(00:04):
Madrastras without children, a podcast ofClara montesinos or o o o or welcome

(00:36):
to the kingdom mamen hazelnut how aboutthe enchanted good morning from Germany, you
come to the kingdom Yes, exactlyfrom Munich. Well, the last name
will sound, because the last intervieweeis your sister and exactly and me,
when your sister started telling me everyguy in this family, I think I

(00:57):
' m gonna make a lot ofuse of it. Yeah, I think
so. I think you can fuckall of us. You' re all
going through the microphones. Besides thatsince we are practically a family of women,
well, look wonderful, wonderful,Well, you are, you have
been stepdaughter, You are stepdaughter,although you are stepdaughter, that ara you
will tell us, but you havealso been stepmothers, I have been stepdaughter,

(01:19):
yes then, although ana told usher version. To me, what
I like most about this podcast isthat everyone tells their story, of course
it' s different how they livedit and how they felt. And so,
to begin with, at the beginning, you your parents split up,
yes and you marry one or you' re going to live with a woman

(01:42):
yes exactly. And I, besides, I lived it a little differently because
I was very small when month youseem separated. I was the smallest then,
of course to me, I practicallydon' t remember anything about my
father living with us. I wasvery small, then I lived longer.
Let' s say separation. Ithink I' ve lived it more as

(02:04):
normal, because they were always separated. I practically remember having a father at
home. You don' t rememberyour parents, four brothers together, I
don' t remember. I rememberwhat they tell me, but I don
' t remember it was almost verysmall and then your life was with your
mother, with my mother exactly,and then my father saw it from time
to time. The relationship with myfather and mother difficult. Yes, my

(02:27):
mother was a difficult person. Thenno yes, weekends from time to time.
But that' s how I don' t remember almost on vacation.
No, I actually remember on theweekends and I remember when she and our
stepmother, with Mary Joseph, werethe one who was the one who invested
the most, the one who investedthe most in that we all got together.

(02:50):
She was the one who wasn't called, she was the one
who was coming, she was theone who had a hairdresser and I was
going and combing and stuff like thatand she had kids. When she got
together, she had no children,but she was much younger than my father.
Then we saw her pretty much becauseher hairdresser was near my school and

(03:10):
she was the one, well Idon' t know. Also, I
remember that she, my mother,didn' t have much money and she
had me, for example, onceI was going on an end- of
- year trip, she bought mea cool swimsuit, so maybe my mother
would have bought a more normal swimsuitand she would take me to the English
court and clear for us then itwas because she bought us the cool stuff,

(03:36):
she clear accurate. Then I rememberher. And then, of course,
she didn' t remember how oldshe was, but suddenly she was
already quite older. She got pregnantand suddenly suddenly we had a little sister
and then she was when she wantedto see us the most and she took
a lot of care that we sawMarta, that we went to be with

(03:59):
them. Yeah, I remember havinga lot of relationship with her, especially
when the baby was born. Sure, and you and you when you were
talking about her. What my stepmotheris like. It' s not like
I' m laughing at you whenwe were talking about this podcast. I
remember. The first time my daughtercalled her stepmother' s wife that I
told Marisol, Sandra is not yourstepmother. Madrastra is when, for if

(04:26):
I die, it will be yourstepmother and she got me my daughter studies
right away I sacked myself to giveme clearly of what, of which I
had no reason that I was notright. Then I, my father'
s wife, have always called MaryJoseph and I have not considered her a
stepmother. From that point of view. Of course I considered her, because

(04:47):
my father' s wife, whoendured my father, who I imagine would
be difficult and that when she hada daughter, she was our sister'
s mother, because we have alwaysconsidered our mother as a sister. Sure.
Of course it is good that,besides, it is clear that in
other words, it is sister,although if it is of the father or

(05:08):
of the mad if you have fatheror mother, in common it is sister,
it is manastra. That' swhen you don' t agree is
father, the exact mother. Andbesides, I believe in Spain, I
see it as much more liberal thanin other countries. We, because we
are a family, do not havea group in Whatsapp that we call extended
family, that is, they arethe family, for all who are all

(05:29):
well have welcomed well. I havea group that we are Pattsword family.
You know that one week we're not retaliates that we didn' t
put together in the end. I' ve already done this, because that
' s the same thing. Thenwhen Martha was born, for that relationship
with them, but of course wehave not lived with them. My sister
and my brother know they' velived with my father, but I don
' t. Not me. Iwas going a lot to mine. I

(05:50):
think it' s gonna be sosmall. When they got divorced, I
went more to mine. Then Idid see them, but I have never
lived with them. And of coursewith your sister, Marta hadn' t
lived sleeping together either. And notall of that. I had Marta when
my daughter Marta was born She wasan opper in Munich. Then I had

(06:10):
her at my house a lot onthe weekends when my daughter Marta was born,
because that, she was in ahouse in Munich and came a lot
and helped me with the baby.So I had a year with her a
little more relationship. And that andnow that she' s had a baby,
we have more relationship. Also howwell, I don' t mean,

(06:30):
it' s accurate like a sisteryou haven' t seen so much.
But in the end it' syour sister' s clear, of
course, of course, and nowhaving a baby, because more clearly,
of course, and nieces also understandcousins. So clear is that a baby,
all of a sudden, in afamily where everyone is already older,
a baby, because it gives alot of joy to everything, of course,

(06:51):
of course and how your mother's relationship with Mary Joseph was,
because or no longer that there was. Besides, I remember that once we
were with Marta, she would havewalked, but she was little, she
would be three or four years oldat most. And it' s just

(07:12):
that I' ll always remember itbecause it was so good. That day
with a little pink coat and inthe end we took her home and said,
well nothing to see my mother seeher And that' s it and
of course, my mother saw alittle angel come in. That' s
how my mother started taking toys outof her. Then there, more or
less, we forced my mother alittle bit into the relationship with that one.
And then my father is that whenthey even split up, because we

(07:35):
were all together and the other daywe were watching videos, that is my
sister, passing to the digital system, that is my mother and there is
Marta' s mother and there isMarta de Pequeñita and there is my brother
with his wife. We' reall there, so they weren' t
friends, let' s say,but they weren' t enemies, they

(07:57):
couldn' t share an exact space. Yeah, Christmas and stuff like that,
especially when he broke up with mydad, so to come over at
Christmas to be with us or familydinners or meals, things like that,
yeah, everybody well received, I' m fine, that' s fine,
yeah, and then you' regetting better off getting married or hanging

(08:18):
out with someone exactly. And thenI already had I didn' t get
married, but I in Germany alreadymet my daughter' s father and I
had Marisol and then we split up. But then when he, he later
remarried and had children, that is, my daughter has stepmother and not stepbrothers,
not because they are one of thosesame father, but she has brothers.

(08:39):
On the other hand, yes,and then I got together with a
couple that he did, that hehad a son exactly the same age as
my daughter, that took only aweek, that they were always laughing at
hotels because they thought they were twinsfor the year, but then they saw
that the day was a week ofsaying. This that we don' t
have to explain there isn' tthat we' re that pachual family.

(09:01):
And then to them when I suddenlywas a stepmother, because this child did,
who came every second weekend and twoweeks on vacation and Christmas and stuff
like that. And when in thefirst relationship that your daughter, that Mari
sun we wait for you in thepodcast Yes yes, Mario has also told
me that ye, mom, youhave to greet me and I say by

(09:22):
God that that is no longer,because Mario, you are greeted and invited
to the episode that here we needyou to tell your story of exact stepdaughter
when that happened, that you separateyourself from your first partner, daughter,
from your daughter' s father,how you receive Marisol' s stepmother as
mother. Let' s see,I split up in a way that we

(09:46):
are let' s say model separationfor all our friends, we see we
split up because deep down we werejust very close friends. Then we'
re still very close. For me, my daughter' s father, Robert,
is part of my family and willalways be. The apartment we have
on the beach is shared by bothof us and, of course, Christmas,
He always spent it with us andwith Marisol and Phenomenal, then we

(10:11):
decided that Marisol was the first andthat Marisol could only be happy with two
parents and the two parents were friends. And then, of course, we,
phenomenal and I remember that sometimes myfriends told me. Oh, Roberto
' s been with a girl inthe apartment and I was saying, well,
I think it' s very good, that he reagagas his life.
Then he had some girlfriends. Marisolmet some and already this final one that

(10:35):
he married. Sounds good to me. I, then, when they told
me that Marisol needed a dress forthe wedding, because obviously, we went
to buy it. We prepared everythingthen phenomenal And already when he also had
children, because phenomenal, because Marisolhas always wanted to have brothers and I
didn' t want to anymore andlook, so I always say that I

(10:56):
delegated it to Sandra and then therewe are. I received it well and
found it phenomenal because I evidently wantedhim to be happy. And the truth
is that Sandra has taken my daughtertoo in a way to see. I
think it' s impossible to dothe best we' ve done. Many
friends tell me that they know separatepeople and they say that you are a

(11:22):
very, very special case. Thereis every truth that there is every story
and there is every drama that complicatesyour life completely and in this way it
is like the best. It's true that of course you have to
have a good starting relationship, thatis, clear, but accurate for them.
I told you until recently that itwas the communion of Mario Sol'
s brother Nico and I also liketo make cakes so I went to Vienna,

(11:46):
saw them the cake and of course, I was invited and there was
the whole family, everyone and ofcourse, people look like saying how weird.
But for us it' s normalfor me to be invited or when
you went to communion and everything normaland birthdays. And then Marisol' s
little sister, when I come inthrough the door, comes with the brush

(12:07):
that I make her braids and alwaystells me her mother and I don'
t know what mania has that yourhair better poor and I comb fatal.
But, well, she' sso committed and always comes to me with
the brush. Oh, Carmen,comb me, you' re combing me.
And so we are, so onemore. And now, for example,
this Christmas, as Marisol was inToledo, was a bit of a
mess we were making with Christmas andin the end they invited me to spend

(12:31):
Christmas with them in Vienna and wewere all spending Christmas. Then I came
to Spain, other than pimps.We are a family really as welcoming,
not yes and everyone for everyone andI already tell you to me, I
thank you very much that you havereceived my daughter in a way to see
that it is impossible to do better. And we' re all friends,

(12:54):
because of what we really are andthere as you had custody when she was
little, you had it and Iwas going on the weekends or how you
had to see it. I gotcustody wrong, I' ve always had
it and I did and besides,Marisol calls my name, I did it
because Robert lived in Vienna and itwas more practical. I didn' t

(13:16):
do it for taking anything away fromhim. Then I have always been clear
because he according to me of city, he did not already live well to
us. We were going and wewere coming. We have jobs where we
travel a lot, so where weare from Monday to Friday, more or
less it doesn' t matter.I had a job like that, too.
Then I' ve always had custody. We' ve never had shared
custody of her, but I've never made a decision without asking her

(13:41):
father and everything to see education.We' ve shared it. So she
was on a weekend, yeah,weekend, not at first. I already
took her to the airport, thenthe train took her. Then that'
s how old I was. She, she was five or six, five
she got. Then I took herto the airport and he picked her up
from the airport. Then the littlered sign is the exact neck. Then,

(14:03):
when he was older, I tookher on the train and he picked
her up from the train. Andthen there came a moment that you already
told Beth on the subway because shewas old enough. Get back on the
train and then the holidays. Shespent a lot of vacations with her father
and went buff Mari and has onlytraveled with her father to everyone more than
me. With me it was moreto come to Spain. It was the

(14:24):
clear family clear, but finally verywell perfect. And then, when the
babies were born, because then shewent more to see her brothers and spent
more vacations with them and someone elsethe apartment And, well, everything,
either, and, and then thatrelationship, that perfect relationship, that perfect
gratification, you start another exact relationship. And that different relationship. And that

(14:46):
relationship, how you introduce your daughter, her stepfather, her stepfather, what
we did, we went, wetook the two kids to the movies the
first time. I also remember thatwe went to see Fu Panda and then
each to his case, that hewent away a little bit, little by
little, but nothing. Marisol isvery used to a family from all over

(15:09):
the world. Go in and out, then she doesn' t know how
to be like this together. Ithink she' s not good. He
' ll tell you if he comes. For her it was the most normal
thing. So, little by littlewe presented each other exactly and your relationship
with his son, with the sonof the relationship was from day one,

(15:31):
horrifying. Yeah, awful. I, moreover, coming from a family where
we all went a little bit tothe heapnet and everyone was suddenly received to
have an unbearable child every second weekend, making my life impossible, not the
following and a former woman insulting me, screaming at me, making my life,

(15:54):
and to him clearly, of course, in a way that is,
burdening everything that can be burdened andof course, as my sister said,
you don' t have to tellyourself anything, because, as I don
' t speak in Spanish, theydon' t understand you. And the
truth is, the truth is,I' ve come up with a lot
that now, looking at it thatI' ve separated, looking at it

(16:15):
from afar, I think I don' t know how I put up with
all that. I should have sentthem all to hell, because they made
my life impossible for fourteen years.Every four years I was not for fourteen
years because there came a moment thatthe son no longer came, he did
not want to come, because Iknow he did make it big, not
small, he did not want tocome, but he did not want to

(16:37):
see us, because you started withhim and you went to live together exactly
At first, he had a pool. He split up and went to a
flat first, but then we boughtthe house and then we came together and
obviously made his son a room thatI remember, plus I tried everything I
could to see. I left andhe liked the war of galaxies very much.
I went to buy him posts fromKorea, the whole room to make

(16:59):
him feel good in our house.But from the very first moment it was
a torture. The truth. Thetruth is that I, when they already
fought and decided, but with everyone, treated their father the same and the
grandparents made them ugly. The poorgrandparents, they gave me a pity and
a sea lion. Heaven to them, the false grandparents I say, but
their own unbearable grandson and I,when I was about ten years old or

(17:27):
so when he said they didn't want to come anymore. The truth
is, I was glad that Itook a break. On weekends it was
horrifying, the holidays horrifying fights continuousand good to make you squeak continuously.
Whatever you did was wrong, butbecause I was challenging you all the time,
either I didn' t or Iwas answering you more and doing things.

(17:48):
I know that came a little bitfrom his mother' s education.
But to see you, for example, I came a moment when the poor
boy, when he came home,wore clothes, all broken, all faith,
wore pajamas that he was short ofclothes, which is a subject.
Yeah, you really see some nonsense,' cause the one who loses the
kid is the kid. I wasn' t anything from the other world.

(18:12):
We went to Zara and bought someof that stuff. Well, then,
once on a Sunday, because Christofdid not want to put one of the
pajamas in the bag okay, becauseat night the good mother called and montú
and a scandal, because as itoccurred to me to buy clothes from her

(18:33):
son and so I said, becauseyou put decent clothes on the poor kid,
but well or things like that wewant to go skiing and in the
morning we were going to pick himup, she calls and says that she
has the flu and can not goand of course, poor Marisol me arisol.
That' s what Marisol told usthat it was heaven, and besides,
she' s not the same age. They got along well with each

(18:56):
other. The poor woman came alonewith us to ski, because the child
did not come, but she wantedher to come. Besides, the holidays,
it was all paid for and itwas the ski holiday in Germany,
always in February and a week togo skiing. Yeah, and stuff like
that. And I arrived a momentthat already quite soon we stopped spending the

(19:17):
holidays together, that he took christophato his son, with the grandparents and
they were with them, because thetimes that we have come to Spain was
already told you was to see,it was not every day, Yes there
were moments well, but in generalthey did not enjoy the vacation and well,
ugly of all colors, even whenthe weekends did not come the time

(19:41):
that was left with his son.And for excuses, but there' s
just that I' ve twisted myfoot playing baseball, I just don'
t know how to make excuses,and of course I swallowed the bad mood
that your son made him those uglyones. Or I only called him when
I was clear, I also calledyou when I wanted money. I remember

(20:02):
one day from the father, Isay I call him and I was listening
and something like I do to him, Mr Juncindos, Gin sant and so
he says yes, yes and youWi would call him the father is that
he wanted a new bike. SoI mean, stuff like that, but
good stuff. The walk, thisand this you talked about with your husband
at that moment of hearing had tosee one thing that I think many stepmothers

(20:26):
should not of course not be all, but for many madrasas or at least
for me, you have to acceptthat you are number two. You'
re always number two. The songoes first, especially parents who have regrets
of conscience, of having separated andsuch of having done wrong, because he

(20:47):
himself had a very bad relationship withhis father. Then, he had always
wanted to be a better father thanhis own father and was a bad father
in reality. Then that doesn't make up for not splitting up.
But, of course, I wasalways behind it. Then it was always
necessary to organize everything according to whatthe son wanted and I knew that at

(21:10):
the last minute he would cancel.But of course I couldn' t go
alone father. Sometimes you don't see it, I didn' t
see it exactly. That' snot gonna happen. And of course,
the few times I thought of sayingsomething, I' d see you clearly
He would take his son' sside. Then I say good, for
you will manage, because having achild like that the truth. I know

(21:33):
a son is a son. Notme. The truth is, I don
' t know what I' ddo if my daughter treated me like that,
but I don' t know.But of course I, obviously I
was in number two and Marisol wastreated differently than Vincent' s everything,

(21:53):
he was forgiven for bad grades inschool when he was misbehaving He was always
so bad that the poor guy hassuch bad luck with the mother that he
has such, I don' tknow what. And poor Marisol and I,
when we split up, remember thatI apologize to her You' re

(22:15):
listening to stepmothers with no children.If she hadn' t seen it in

(22:40):
time, the pressure she lived underon the part that she had to be
perfect get good grades and everything perfectAnd the other and the other didn'
t, And the other one didn' t, And I remember that she
was happy when we separated, Momtold me, Tora you don' t

(23:00):
see it, but you' llsee how deep down she did you a
favor. So, that' swhat she said, because the pressure we
lived with, that' s notgood for anyone. That' s what
an eighteen- year- old girltold me, my mother, well,
now young, yes, but thereare times when we get more exact actions.
But I' m telling you andhe came to see a stepmother exercising,
but exercising very badly, and Itried everything and at night, making

(23:23):
birthday cakes with fondant making him alcohol, millennial and stuff like that, because
the child liked, of course,buying the food he liked. Yeah,
like it matters one more member ofthe family, not even more, trying
to make it okay for there tobe no fights. But of course,

(23:44):
he was. But also with hisfather, not just with me, he
' s all of them. Hecame in re of the day he didn
' t want to come, becauseday to day he lived with his mother,
of course from school, the shower, everything and his mother I imagine
he would talk terrible because once hewas counting he was little and said that

(24:04):
his father had never taken him inarms. And I say I' ve
seen a lot of pictures where you' re in your arms. So what
your mother told you, I don' t know Look at the pictures.
Of course you know that, soI guess the mother with aunt lied everything
I could exactly. I talked toher practically nothing, practically just because any

(24:26):
attempt to talk to her, Ihad almost nothing to do with her,
because they were just insults and thingslike that. Then I don' t
see that. No, of course, it' s necessary for her ex
to swallow them I didn' thave to swallow that and nothing, like

(24:48):
a lot that she, once she' d forgotten something, I' d
take her to the door to knock, leave her and leave and that'
s it, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah. Nothing I do with
her Nothing about the relationship. Butshe missed it, because deep down,
my family have always welcomed everyone clearly, of course, so she missed it.
They are the ones who lose themost, that is, the ones
who have that attitude. He doeslose a lot, obviously, and then

(25:11):
you make the children lose that theyhave a chance to come to Spain,
from good, from more families,to the family of a sister, from
a sister who would have been Marisol, but of course and to destroy the
relationship with a father. I'd drop the face of shame. I
am more proud than I am inlife, when I have interviewed a lot
of work and always ask people whatthey are most proud of in life and

(25:36):
they can tell me something if theywant, that it is not work,
that it is personal, and Ihave always thought about how I would answer
that question. Yes, well,one of the things I' m most
proud of in life is that,despite a separation, my daughter is clear
to us all and can love everyone. You can ask your father, your
brothers, your stepmother and whoever youcome to. And if Robert were to

(26:00):
separate from Sandra, then the nextone would also take her and Sandra would
also stay, that is, we' re all together. Of course,
of course, oyster and then,that is, the fact that you separated
greatly affected the relationship with the son. It' s not that good we
had no relationship the last few years. I had no more than Christmas at

(26:22):
grandparents' house than I went twoor three days, yes, but very
little, because he came the minimumthat I always said only comes the minimum
for the money and the gift.Yeah, but let' s go I
saw him maybe two days a year, his father too or not because good
with him he lived with us.But then when we split up, I

(26:45):
just didn' t split up ina very EASY way, so I haven
' t talked to him again.When we went to the notary and bought
him his share of the house.It was the last time he came to
pick up his stuff at the house. Yes, it was the last time
I talked to him and since ourwhole circle of friends have not spoken to

(27:06):
him again, not because of theseparation, but because of the way we
do it. Yes, well,we don' t know anything about him,
his son, or anyone else.And Mary just erased them all from
Facebook and from the social media network. I think Mari Soul has contact with
Christop. I figured birthdays with amities, things like that with parents. I

(27:29):
do have contact, because they broketheir hearts that we had separated. The
mother has always been a very goodperson who has taken me as a daughter.
Then, of course, but nothingEaster birthdays. Me how they are
and things like that. I don' t have that either, but I

(27:52):
do have the contact because I promisedhim. When we split up, I
told her you calmly, that Iam still part of your family and then
she must when I send her picturesof Marisol, which is something that grandmothers
do like badly and that at firstmore now has passed more than two years,
two years and a half an hour, every time a little less,
but I follow now than her birthdayin June. He always sends her a

(28:12):
gift, I send her flowers.So I try to be a little bit,
a little bit exact, that doesn' t sit down, that doesn
' t sit sideways, because I' m already telling you the example.
It hasn' t been like thatin my family. In my family all
who are parts we always say hazelnutis made, is not born? So
when you' re born upside down, you don' t do it,

(28:33):
but, well, it doesn't matter, it' s also done.
And we, when you' realready part of the family, you
' re already part of the family, it doesn' t go away anymore
and everything that' s happened hasgone wrong and you' re gone.
But that' s why I haveboth examples. I have examples of people
who have been able to be astepmother in a perfect and very good way

(28:56):
and I myself a good one,it has been a torture. And I
' m actually super happy, andbesides, I' m not talking to
that kid anymore. It' sjust that I don' t care exactly
what he' s got. Youdon' t expect one day I might
not apologize, but I said oystersI didn' t know anything or what
was told. I know it's not the truth. I don'

(29:17):
t expect it, I don't want it, because I think Mira.
I was talking at first, Iwent a couple of times to a
psychologist. Then the typical thing yourfriends tell you you separate you go to
the physical psychologist or three times andI say I know you have to forgive,
but I just don' t wantto forgive. And the psychologist told
me no where it' s written, that you have to forgive and you
don' t have to forgive,you don' t have to forgive,

(29:38):
make life impossible. I was ifI had done anything. It' s
not that I don' t expectit, I don' t think it
will come, but already, butneither do I give it or that asking
forgiveness, I wasn' t goingto throw it out, but I don
' t expect it and I don' t want it. And the truth
is, with those kind of people, I could have, if I had
been able to choose, I wouldn' t have wanted my daughter to never

(30:00):
have contact with those kind of people. The thing is, my daughter is
older and I wasn' t goingto do the same thing her ex-
me had done. If Christop wantsto have contact with her, having her
isn' t my thing, that' s her will, because she'
s older, she' s twenty- one. But if I had been
a little girl and I could havechosen, I wouldn' t have wanted

(30:22):
her to meet people like that,of course, they' re not bad
- hearted people. Yeah, that' s why I' m telling you
forgiving is one thing. You haveto forgive people with a bad heart.
I don' t think so anymore, and I' m telling you my
family. No one is like that. We always fight like everyone else,
we' re always arguing, butwe are. I always say our family,
we' re a unit. And, well, I' ve lived

(30:45):
it personally with the separation that Iwas fatal to my sister saying I catch
a plane and twenty what you dothere alone and come here and everyone we
' re going to lean on witheverything, but to see, as they
say, in wealth and poverty andin sickness and in health for everyone,
for everything, for everything. Ofcourse, then, they don' t

(31:07):
deserve to be part of our family, no, not totally. Yeah,
it' s true, it's just that the thing about forgiveness is
like they all want us to besuper good. But someone who' s
putting my eye in the ledon allthe time because I have to forgive him.
Of course, yes, yes,and the stepmothers who suffer so much
for the children. I think tosee is very difficult and it is easier

(31:29):
said than done, but I thinkthey should analyze the couple situation that they
have because they are the second alwaysto go after some children, besides that
they are making your life impossible.You have to think about it. That
' s what you want for yourlife, always being the second and always
behind people who are treating you badly. Of course, it' s easier

(31:51):
to say what to do. Yeah, yeah, but me, but I
really think people should think about that. What kind of relationship I' m
clear about where I' m alwaysgoing to be. I want this for
life, of course. I wantthis for life, of course, because
I don' t know. Iwant you to not, what do you
do at the wedding when the kidsare older to see if they would have

(32:12):
followed me with Christoph. Besides,for example, on my daughter' s
graduation day, yes, we wentthere you were together this yes my daughter
' s father, Robert and Sandra, clear Christop and I also, the
photographer laughed a lot, because nowwe were talking to the parents, now,
with the stepfathers, now I mean, we took pictures with everyone,
that is, if now everyone,now only the madra is the father,
only the stepfather. So, atthe graduation of his son, I was

(32:35):
not invited, but you were togetherin the big one and his son and
it was two or three weeks aftermine. I didn' t invite myself
there. But that' s whereyour partner played a part. He went,
but my son didn' t sayhey, if I go, I
come my wife. That' swhy I tell you, it was always
the second, for if I tellyou, for woe that we don'
t want trouble, hear, forhe messes, but if everyone was educated.

(32:58):
There' s no trouble. Andbesides, if you plant yourself,
if you take my side, there' s always going to be trouble.
So that' s why I alwaysthink who has a situation like this where
you hide your partner and go onlythe husband, who goes alone with the
kids, alone on the weekends oronly on vacation, and always leaves the
woman home because there' s nomess, because there' s no fight

(33:19):
and that you already know how myexe is there, you know how she
is. There' s yours youknow there you know. Yeah, I
know. But let it stand clear, because deep down, she' s
been married two years to you andme fourteen. I' m clearer.
That' s clear. Then therecomes a time to think about it if
it' s what you want,then I tell you no, I always

(33:40):
thought I' d see people haveto project what you do when they have,
when your kids and your stepchildren areolder and there' s a wedding
you' re not going to goto the children' s wedding, as
you' ve seen growing up.Of course or that they have children you
are not going to be the grandmotherof children who have been born of a

(34:01):
child with which it is that youare always going to be hiding behind,
not clear, and I see,in fourteen years I did not see any
kind of improvement at best. It' s a special case, but there
must be everything, you must dothings in between. Sure, there'
s everything and everything. But it' s true that with what you'
re saying this first, first episode, not the trailer of this podcast.

(34:22):
When I started it, what Iwas counting on was that we' re
always the stepmothers or the ones behindor the ones next door, but it
' s never the ones that arefirst accurate. So I, that'
s why I give voice to stepmothers. From now on, we' re
first and we' re the onesin the exact do- arren. And
you, to see the podcast iscalled a stepmother without children, which may
be easier. But when You havea child of yours and the children come

(34:45):
together, things become much more complicated, because suddenly, it is not You
who is behind or on the side, but Your child. Also your daughter
always has to be on the sideand then you don' t see it
and I already tell you too manyyears late to see it. And the
truth is, I wasn' tthe one who separated me He stopped,
but in time and seeing it justlike that your daughter was right? No,

(35:07):
my daughter was right? My daughterwas right? And he misses it
clearly truth is that they his family, because it was not just him,
it was also his sister, itwas everyone. Then you say what happens
that I' m here to see. I remember a situation that we were
going in the car, which wasa matter of I don' t know

(35:35):
what was going on with some moneyfrom the father who had a house,
my partner' s father was fineand he called his sister and I don
' t know what was a moneything. Yeah, uh, it wasn
' t one thing I wanted meto buy a flat for the son and
I was thinking about seeing we gottwo and we bought him a flat one.
You have to buy one flat fromanother. And I remember the sister
I think she thought I wasn't listening. We were in the car

(35:58):
and we were hands- free,so I listened to him, yes,
because the money, because the dadisn' t giving you the money to
take all of it, and Iput myself in that way I say to
God that I' m vice presidentof a company and of course, five
times more than she is. Idon' t, I certainly don'
t need anyone' s money,of course, but things like that,
but it' s logical. Youhave, you live with two children,

(36:22):
one is yours and another your stepson, but you treat them equally. But
they don' t throw you inthe face like you' re there taking
advantage of it. I' vebeen faced with incredible things. And what
my sister has is a perfect summarythat says screw' em. Yeah,
fuck them, of course because they' ve missed it. They' ve
missed it. And the truth isthat we are doing just as well without

(36:44):
them and our family I tell youwe are a family that we have shown
with very good example how we canbring everyone together. And my brother has
remarried and we also have another stepmotherthere. On the other hand, and
this is the same a woman whohas two sons, he has two daughters.

(37:04):
And when we make a pa andwe' re all in the pile,
all together. And so it isthat with what you told this couple
that you separated and such for fourteenyears, even if it is in the
first year, if he puts theneeds of his ex a, then yours
stays with her. Because you're making it clear to me that the

(37:27):
important thing here is that she angersus or that your stepson, who'
s not well educated. Of course, of course she doesn' t have
a job and poor little ones thatyou know is that you' re more
independent, she doesn' t havea job anymore, because she wants it
clearly. Yes, it is truethat I had a job, but it
also costs me about this to getup in the morning and work it clear
and that is that she cannot thisand so and that I have to give

(37:47):
her this and this money and that, because it is that she and see
she does not work and has allthe time in the world. And I
' ve spent my life with babysitters, looking for people who take care
of my daughter when I was goingon a business trip. I have a
very responsible job. Where I travela lot, where I put my daughter
to take care of someone and stufflike that, yeah. In the end,

(38:09):
each one has his life of mylife and organizes how he can best.
Of course, I don' tforce anyone, but that' s
what' s poor, and ofcourse you have, you have better education.
You know, but I' vebeen thinking about going to college,
too You know, I might havemore outings, but I' ve been
looking for them. I' mgood. And besides, you want the

(38:30):
same thing for your child, thatis, you want your child not to
work, not to have a goodeducation, not to take advantage, that
you have a stepmother, that canoffer him stability, that can offer him
an education. Travels because jolling havea life Spain, Germany, that is
very cool and soaks a lot,but to a super- utilized family and
then in the background you say becauseyou will already manage the luck that I

(38:53):
have that my daughter has had quitewell. He was old too. He
was almost nineteen years old, thatis, no more, he was nineteen
already. Yeah, and he hada good time. And I don'
t think I' ve missed Christofvery much and certainly won' t miss
him and the stories either, becauseshe has the examples of us, of
the family here, of the Spanishfamily and of the family in Vienna,

(39:17):
and she already has enough brothers.And besides, I think I don'
t know if everyone thinks the sameabout the father of their children, but
I' ve been very lucky.I think I' ve chosen the perfect
father for my daughter, my daughter, despite having that past for you.
Yeah, yeah, but not thatcouple relationship thing, it' s not

(39:38):
the same thing, but I've always considered Robert the perfect father for
my daughter. If one could choose, yes, what I seek in the
father of my children. He isthe perfect father, loves his daughter and
his daughter goes first and has never, ever, ever left us aside.

(40:00):
The first one to call when Marisoltold him we were separated. The first
one I called to tell me youneed help, you need money, and
I said no. No, Idon' t need anything, but thank
you. No, but of coursenot to know you' re here.
Thank you for calling and telling meto come to Vienna and you' re
here. You' re entertaining,so I' m telling you. That

(40:22):
' s why I' m tellingyou, the stepfather thing, having the
perfect father, you don' thave to have the perfect stepfather, and
then you split up and get backtogether. Not now I am, as
I say, going to buy acat very well, for hear Manol already
say of Brahma, I now goto mine, but I have friends family,

(40:45):
of course, yes, yes,but not that not now to your
teacher, that is, your stepmotherstage, because I am now not know
I am now only mother and Iam say aunt of my daughter' s
brothers. I say I' mnot an adrastra, but I' m
an aunt. Sure, I'm like an aunt. Of course when
you were Madrastra, the child,this wonderful wonderful one referred to you as

(41:10):
Madrastra. No, no, CarmenAmelia, yes, yes, yes,
when you consider yourself you said orI have a daughter and stepchild, because
the truth is that at first,yes, at the beginning, because besides,
we always present them as our children, because I already tell you in
the hotels people thought when they aimedthem and saw the year of birth and

(41:30):
then they said hui one is tenand an other of seventeen, and we
said that that is not that twins, of course and such. But there
we always presented them as our children. Actually, and my partner presented Marisol
as his daughter, especially when atthe end that he had more relationship with

(41:51):
her than with his own son,he presented her as his daughter. Yeah,
from everywhere, but well, whenyou told your family, your friends,
your environment, that you were goingto start a relationship, or that
you were starting a relationship that hada child, and how they got it.
Well, it was WII' scare that it wasn' t well,

(42:12):
but it' s just that wehaven' t had an example in
my house of fairytale adrastras who throwyou ashes if they don' t let
you go to prom Ya. That' s not it, we haven'
t lived it then. I thinkeveryone, I thought so too. I
remember at the beginning that I saidchristof you don' t worry that this
is a matter of time and everyonewhen you open your doors, everyone feels

(42:38):
good. And so I was alittle wrong about that too, but I
' ve always thought that opening yourheart there' s room for everyone,
but there are people who don't want and who want. There are
things you can' t force.But no one thought it was going to
be this bad in reality and you' d come up with everything you'

(43:00):
ve been through now for good andfor bad to start a relationship with someone
who has children. Yeah, yeah, yeah,' cause I' ve
always thought about all the cases Ihave around my family, just this one
went wrong. Everyone else, I' m telling you right now. Today
at noon, we will all eattogether nieces, half nieces, sisters'

(43:22):
boyfriends, brothers' exes and inmy house everyone, even friends. If
you want everyone is well perceived,then I don' t care. I
imagine that at our age and nowI am fifty- five years old,
I imagine that any couple I findmy age will have older and older children.

(43:44):
It' s not the same thingas the education part. You want
that not now, twenty years later, I think that things have changed now
is that everyone is divorced. Nowit' s harder to find a couple
who' ve been together forever.Yeah, that' s right. If
I look at my friends like that, if any of them have to wear
that one together forever. But ingeneral, I think it would be hard

(44:07):
to see to find someone of ourages who I don' t have a
previous life. Of course, yes, yes, he has lived, yes,
but where he goes in the backgroundTo me to see, for they
would be, more brothers. ForMarisol he has always wanted a lot of
brothers, because he would already havethem and if your daughter in the future

(44:29):
starts a relationship with someone who haschildren, you would say hey eye to
see that the kegle I would notgive to Marisol if I started, if
I were a stepmother. To seemother' s advice none, because I
think I' m the only one, the last person to give advice anymore.
That' s my sister calling theaunt. Or it' s better

(44:50):
for advice. But I told youbefore that I would tell you all the
stepmothers, think from the first momentif I want to live and be the
second always then and above all,if they are young at an age when
they may also have children. Hedoesn' t know good too if the

(45:15):
question here was obviously Mari Sol wasn' t Christo' s daughter, but
I think looking at him more thinkingI don' t know I would think
about it if I was younger now, yes with young children, a couple.
If I' d think about itall along, I' d be

(45:37):
thinking about it not from the veryfirst moment. It depends how they come,
but I' d think about itif I was going to spend so
many years of distress again, becauseto see life can be very beautiful and
so much overwhelmed for what you alreadyknow that I think you have to think
well if the relationship is worth it. If it' s worth it,
well, you have to fight foreverything, it doesn' t have to

(45:58):
be easy either. Of course,not anymore, and it' s also
true that there are relationships, becauselike your ex- husband' s case
with Sandra, with his wife,who is Marisol' s stepmother, but
from what you' ve told me, I understand it' s a normal
relationship. That is to say,surely that, although children must always be
taken into account, that is alwaysthe children, but to know if it

(46:21):
is not always the second. Insome cases, Sandras was the first.
Yeah, yeah, and I mean, it depends on the relationship It'
s also because I don' tforce that. We didn' t force
it, that Robert didn' t, that is, not just Marison,
didn' t have to decide.Robert didn' t have to decide between
your family, you and Marisol Youhaven' t been pricking at all exactly.
And, for example, I remember, Sandra and Marisol left. He

(46:45):
gave him a gift when he turnedeighteen on a trip to Paris one weekend
and they left alone and that's cool. For example, I remember
when we had to buy the suitfor the dress, for the end-
of- year dance. Well,well, that' s no longer a
matter of Madras, trans matter ofmother. Going with your daughter, she
' s 18 years old, boughta party dress. Also then I told

(47:08):
Sandra and she went to buy Mirasometimes there is because she has another relationship,
she has a relationship more of youfriend than mother, it' s
that the mother is different. Mydaughter doesn' t say she doesn'
t love me, but if she' s listening to me, yes,
she loves me. But yes,I' m the one who educates her,

(47:30):
I' m the one who saysno, I' m the one
who says things, the others butthe ones I want, the aunts.
So, the stepmother is more forthe festival. So I think it'
s easier about all those ages thatare difficult as a young girl. Yeah,
it' s easier, it's easier. And then I told
Sandra I' m desperate. Hejust doesn' t listen to me and

(47:52):
you go and I sent her toVienna and they bought the grace. It
is that they bought the dress thatI would have chosen from the cabbage that
I said with the cut that Iexplained to her, that is, in
the background, it is not thatgood, but the process is true that
sometimes if it does not come fromthe mother, it comes from a stepmother,
an aunt, a ta is different, it is different, come exact,

(48:15):
then it is not the wrong thenand I already tell you in that
house they have received my daughter always. So I' m completely happy,
of course, but that' salso knowing how to play cards well,
that is, if there is agood relationship and your daughter is lucky enough
to have a stepmother, who isa normal person who loves her yes and
that, because there are many conflicts, there are times that mothers are like

(48:39):
very possessive of this my daughter hasto do with me. That' s
right, she' s my daughterand your daughter is a person who has
to do things with other people.Sure, then and so on, you
open up the fan better, andI' ve never been a madrasa of
those. See, I' vealways been called a bad mother, because
I' ve always worked a lot. The concept of the mother in Germany

(49:00):
is very soon. You' rea bad mother because you let your kids
in day care be five and ahalf. I' ve worked a lot.
Of course, then I' vegiven him other examples, I'
ve given him an example of anindependent woman, let' s give a
worker, then if I have aperson there who helps me with the tasks
of mother, because say no.And besides, I think Sandra is also

(49:22):
very smart, because I, tosee I don' t know exactly,
but I think that if Robert hadto choose, Roberto would have put Mariso
the first one also already clear,then she has also been very smart man.
I imagine you must also have himat the price of the hu came
out of having true appreciation for AniSol. If not to see that I

(49:44):
am, I don' t doubtit, because they get along very well
and treat it very well, evenI already tell you too, but also
very smart to do so, becauseI believe that Robert would never have married
anyone, that there was no one, that there would not be that his
daughter, because I already tell youis that he is the perfect father.
If we always thank you, Sandra, and I think she tells me it

(50:08):
' s that ari Sola is thefavorite daughter and I say no, not
that I love them all equally.But it has also been the first clear
and the first many years, becausethe families are from one to the other
two years, but many years beinga daughter one, being an only daughter,
because that is a father- daughterrelationship and has a very special relationship.

(50:30):
Besides, I don' t thinkthat Robert was more of any that
I imagine I love them all equally, but that we even make the jokes
these then yes, but it's not the same thing to be.
I mean, when there are kidsat home. Obviously, the first things
are children. You give daughters solittle, of course the first are the

(50:50):
children and such, but be thesecond for the ex- wife. It
' s something we stepmothers have tosay, not exactly, although it always
goes as I gave it is theboy' s, of course or the
girl' s and there' salways going to be something you say oysters
is deciding a woman that I don' t even know and live. I
don' t know where my lifeis, because there' s something they

(51:12):
decide, but at least in yourrelationship with a couple, that your partner
puts you in the right place.But I also think I' ve had
a bit of luck from the pointof view. I also think that one
thing that is never talked about,but that in this type of issue is
very important, is the situation withmoney. Of course, in general,

(51:32):
women usually have children, stop workingor work in less responsible jobs. So,
when they split up, they lookthere at best, with two or
three small children, the husband who' s gone, who was the one
who won, let' s saythe win the most, whatever it was,
and suddenly they see that they needto ask for money, ask them

(51:55):
to keep asking. Of course I' ve never had that before. I
didn' t need a euro frommy daughter' s father. Man,
he did give him, but it' s not like I gave him,
but I wouldn' t have neededhim. I could take my daughter and
leave if I wanted to live,if the relationship had been fatal, I
want to forget my daughter' sfather. You could have made your life

(52:15):
quiet. Of course, then Ithink that we, all of us,
are lucky enough for my daughter's stepmother' s wife is a lawyer,
she also has enough pay. Wedon' t compete from that point
of view, because I imagine thatin families and that I have seen,
in families that I won' tname, because they do speak Spanish and

(52:37):
they hear that the father has togive the money to his daughters secretly and
under the table, like already sothat he doesn' t see the woman
that is giving them money. Andthat I, I find very sad.
And I, I don' tknow how I would have reacted if I
had needed it. It is alsovery easy to say from the point of
view that I have never needed clearmoney, because I have earned it then,

(52:59):
of course. It' s veryeasy as vice president of a company
with a salary that I can livewith, make your life perfect with everything
that is left and vacation and clearand everything and we don' t have
to ask for anything. And youneed a computer, because I go and
I buy it you need a bikeI go and I buy it is very
easy. But and that' swhat I think that' s a subject

(53:22):
that people never always talk about,but that' s a very difficult subject.
Man, I just see a lotof that stuff. I see him
a lot with separated friends who suddenlyhave a baby and I' m already
with three kids at home working halfa day as a secretary. Yeah,
you work half- assed secretary thesedays. You can' t do that.

(53:43):
You live clear and then you needyour ex to be giving you money
for your kids. You' recontinually asking, and that also brings you
to the ex- wife, too, into a situation. I think it
' s a disgraceful situation, becauseyou' re like a pedigree, like
there give me this and you're going to tell me that now we

(54:06):
have a baby and the baby hasto first, so obviously thanks that I
' ve never had that situation that' s why I' ve been clear
that money, suddenly, when youdon' t have and when you have
some kids that you have that littleones that depend on you clearly is that
suddenly there' s no love oranything anymore, or that' s the

(54:30):
first thing is that I need theseneeds to be covered and if the father
doesn' t meet, or ifyou have to be behind you hear that
you have to pay me this andthen it already starts clear if you see
that he also has another son andyes that he has money for the other
son, of course, there that' s fiction, of course and also,
for example, and for the children, suddenly you might have a cochazo
and I already know that it's not the most important thing in life.
But a child who grows up ina house where there is a cochazon,

(54:52):
where one on vacation always goes tothe beach suddenly vain and such and
always traveling and flying peace, whenI know where and is that and this
and that and suddenly have a motherwho doesn' t know how to get
to the end of the month andsuddenly, maybe have lived in a house
with garden that is very common inGermany, suddenly see you, a small
flat where you have to share roomwith your brother. I mean, of

(55:14):
course that' s causing trouble.I guess I don' t know that
from the front line, but Iknow it from friends. Of course I
know from friends who suddenly come tohelp me fix my résumé. I'
m gonna write it down because Ineed another job, because where I work,
I can' t not vote.I don' t get it and

(55:36):
with the pension I get, Idon' t get it, and you
know, and I do see that, and I guess it' s really
hard how you' re going tobe friends and spend Christmas together and have
a glass of champagne if you're fighting over those clears, of course
you know that' s why allthe stepmothers and traces in this family group,

(56:00):
we didn' t need any lessmy partner' s ex that she
didn' t work. She did, she saw herself in the situation all
of a sudden that the person whoearned the money was leaving and she didn
' t want to work. Sure, then, of course you can suddenly
find a job. But that meansyou, too, as in the Councils,
which gives you better ana than yousay about yourself and your daughter.

(56:24):
One of the tips would also beas independent as it seems. You'
re lying today, in two thousandtwenty- four, you' re talking.
Yes, it must be said exactly, because I have seen two years
ago that they separated from me fromone day to another without warning. Yeah,
he had a heartbroken, but hehad the Vienna Bank account. Of

(56:49):
course, let' s say,yeah, imagine your heart broken and having
to leave home because you can't afford it. It' s another
problem. It' s much morepainful. I think you live, but
that' s no longer stepmothers,mothers or anything. My mother always said
children are for mothers. When youhave a child, think carefully that you

(57:10):
might have to take care of iton your own. Of course, then,
the idea of being independent seems tobe a lie that there in the
two thousand twenty- four in Germany, more than in Spain, in Germany
people stop working. I don't know. They' re a little
stepped on. Women are much moreclassic than here in Spain, and you
become dependent on a husband right away. Sure, that really makes things worse.

(57:34):
That makes it very difficult to bea good stepmother in a future that
we say clearly, that makes itvery difficult, because you' re always
going to be dependent on someone.And then, even if you' re
looking for a new couple and kidsand so we go, I see it
harder. Sure, I see moredifficult. Of course you' re independent,
because people come and go depending onwhat they want. But not because

(57:55):
they will contribute more or less,but not only that, being independent,
also being flexible, having just everyonewho treats you well is welcome. Regardless
of that they are the children ofwhom it is that, perhaps, the
children of some friends. I havefriends all my life whose daughters call me

(58:19):
aunt and I feel like an auntto them and they' re heaven and
I love them and they love me. I mean, it' s no
longer a matter of stepmother, motheror father. The questions also a advice
to say, the family is notlike before you signed a paper and only
the blood said that you like blood. Family is the people who treat you

(58:42):
well and that your door is alwaysopen for them and your heart clear,
and that would be the advice Iwould give my daughter. Open your heart
to whoever comes. But if theytreat you badly, think about it,
of course, think about it.Yeah, yeah, well, mamen.
Thank you so much for telling usyour story, for coming to the kingdom

(59:04):
and we wait here for your daughterto tell her story and ask her wants,
she wants me to believe she does. Yeah, let me stay.
So nothing. Thank you so much. Nice to meet you on the podcast.
Thank you very much. Of course, until then, you have heard

(59:27):
Madrastras without children, subscribe and sharethis Kingdom so that it will be ever
greater, the Kingdom of all