Episode 4 Emotional Baggage with Eric and Bre

Emotional Baggage

Episode Transcript

(00:08):
Ce Be Supremes. Welcome to themarrit with Autism Podcast, a podcast as
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(01:40):
everyone, welcome to Married with Autism. We are your hosts. Profit is
Pree Smith, pastor Eric Smith.All right, and this is episode four,
So tonight we are going to bediscussing emotional baggage, right And I've
been very excited like leading up tothis topic because I believe like this is

(02:06):
the topic that's going to set alot of people free in their marriage,
because I feel like a lot ofmarriages have been combined by this topic that
we're going to discuss. So,like I said, without further ado,
y'all know how we do, We'regoing to jump right into prayer and then
we're going to jump right into thetopic. All right ahead, Ben,

(02:28):
let's just pray Heavenly Father. Wejust come to you tonight, Lord,
just with an open heart and anopen mind. God Father, I just
thank you for just using us asyour tools. We decrease so that you
increase follow God, the Lord,we just asked that you allow the Holy
Spirit to just not just penetrate ourown hearts, but penetrate the heart of
others that are listening on this LiveGod, in the name of Jesus,

(02:51):
and right now, follow God,we just thank you for just allowing us
to teach on this subject of emotionalbaggage. For we believe this is something
that will set free every marriages andevery marriage that is on this earth,
and it will set you know,free, free the hindrances that like easily
you know, keep keep us downin marriages relationships. So right now,

(03:14):
Father God, we just glorify you. We just thank you for this opportunity.
We don't take this lightly, Wedon't take this a ministry assignment lightly.
We just humble ourselves before you andwe're we are nothing but just mere
vessels just doing the work that youcalled us to do at this moment and
even outside of this moment. God, So we just thank you, We
glorify you, and we honor andin Jesus name, we do pray.

(03:37):
Amen. Amen. So I guessI want to start a little bit with
me and then Eric will jump intohim. I know. With me,
Okay, so if we if wego back to last weekcause you know,
we like to build, and sowe were talking about, you know,
being married in the first year ofmarriage, right, And I would say,

(04:00):
right when we came into the marriage, I knew that we were going
to need some type of counseling.Now, did we already do pre marital
counseling? Yes, And I suggestother people should do that as well.
I believe pre mederal counseling helps youto see see things before you get into
the marriage, so that it helpsyou, right, it helps you catch

(04:21):
your blind spots. I will say, I like to say it like that.
But I knew for me and him, just because of his diagnosis with
the autism the aspergers, that weneeded to be that we needed like professional
help from a clinician, like rightfrom a clinical standpoint, and I needed
to know, like, Okay,how do I communicate with my husband because

(04:44):
it seems like we keep butting heads. So, yeah, we were together
for like what at that time,I think of like a year and a
half two Yeah, year and ahalf two years or something like that.
We were together, but we likewe were arguing a lot, like we
because I felt like he wasn't pickingup what I was dropping. I would
sit there and be like, Okay, I know I told him this one

(05:08):
time, or I've told him thislike several times already, like I'm repeating
myself. Stuff like that would triggerme. I'm like, listen, I
don't feel like I should have torepeat myself five or six times. And
once I tell you something once ortwice, you should get it, you
know what I mean. But that'sjust how my thought process was, right,
So I was very impatient. Littlethings would just set me off the

(05:30):
hand of everything. And so Iwas like, Okay, I tell Eric,
I said listen. Week one,I said, babe, we gonna
have to get some marriage counselor.And I immediately went out and he agreed.
At least he agreed with me.Guys. You know, I know
some people they've talked to their partnersabout it. They say they don't want
no counseling. Okay, But atleast he was willing to be like,
Okay, I'm willing to do thiswith you. And so at that particular

(05:56):
moment in time, I went outand I found this excellent, excellent marriage
counselor, doctor Deborah Resendez. Ifyou ever watched this shout out to you
or if you ever listened to thisshout out to you. But yes,
So we found her online and shereally began to just kind of you know.
She she met with us, andI loved it because it was nobody

(06:18):
that we knew. So she didn'tknow anything about me, she didn't know
anything about Eric. It was veryunbiased, and I love that. I
know my old pastors at the timehad offered to counsel us. But I
felt like there was some biases therebecause you've you've known me, I've been
in your congage four years. Youknow what I'm saying. You know,
you know a little bit about Eric. But I was I want somebody who

(06:40):
does not know us, And likeI said, I want somebody from a
clinical perspective, because although yes,this is a this is partly a spiritual
issue, this is also dealing withpeople's cog of of functioning. And we
need more skills, you see whatI'm saying, Like, I need skills
that are going to like particularly pertainto that. And so we went out

(07:00):
and we started doing that. Nowduring the first cup, I'm telling you
like you, But the thing is, I will say this when we started
to do the work. We didthe work. So even when we were
going to counsel, like she toldus we needed to implement something. Me
and Eric was like implementing things likeimmediately. It wasn't like okay, yeah,
she told us to do that,and we just wrote it in a

(07:21):
notebook and just kept it moving.Like no, we were putting in the
work for our marriage to work.And I think that's a lot of issues
a lot of people don't understand.Like marriage is work. It is and
you have to be willing to putthe work in. If you're not willing
to put the work in and makethe changes and make the adjustments that you
need along the way, it's notgoing to work. It's just not.

(07:42):
And so in that, like Isaid, we were talking and a lot
of what I noticed was we weregetting to the root of things and the
route for me was the trauma piecewas the trauma piece, and it was
all okay because like I told you, I have really bad anger issues.
I was abused, So most peopleknow my story, but some people don't.

(08:05):
I was abused as a child.I watched my mother get abused by
my father in the house. I'vewatched how their relationship dynamic was and so
I me, I can only speakfor me. I did not have a
good example of what a healthy relationshipor what a healthy marriage should look like,
right because my parents ended up divorcingby the time I was like fifteen

(08:26):
sixteen years old. Where Eric,on the other hand, he had an
exemplary example of what marriage should looklike and what a healthy relationship looks like.
And so with that, like Isaid, when we'll jump more into
it, I want Eric to kindof go into his spiel a little bit
about yeah whatever else. Yeah.So thinking off of that, I,

(08:50):
you know, we were we hadopposite like upbringing, and she just talked
about her upbringing seeing the example ofwhat love was in her house and it
wasn't the best type of love.And whereas like me, on the other
hand, I've had a great example, like you know, my parents are
still together been married for thirty eightyears right now. So I had a

(09:11):
healthy example of what a marriage is. And I saw like what they did
and how they know, interacted andtreated each other. And not only that,
but even at my former church,my former pastor, he would always
recognize you anniversaries too, and theguys had to you know, get the
number right on that and you know, just seeing that and those like two

(09:33):
type of environments it really helped me, really prepared me for our marriage right
here, and the emotional baggage itwas, I'm not gonna lie, it
was a shocker to me. Likeonce I got together with her, and
you know, she was for bothof us, it was like like for
me it was it was for me. It was a shocker in the sense

(09:56):
of like she was always reacting.She was alw I was angry at the
world, And what's wrong with thisgirl here? She's always angry about something.
I'm like, I ain't do nothingwrong to her, Like I just
did something simple or just answer herquestion, and that that fuse just set
off like like that, and I'mlike, what's wrong with this shit here?
Am I really supposed to be withher? Even before we got married,

(10:16):
and even right after we got married, I'm like, I don't know
if I really need to be withher like that because she got mad over
we would get mad over small stuff, and I'm like, like, what
why would I get Why would shebe so mad over something really small?
Like I know, I hate tosay the story all the time, story.

(10:39):
Okay, that has a place inthe context, and we're gonna get
into that. Okay, Yeah,so I'm gonna hold off on that,
but he is right, it couldbe anything. It was just any little
thing that would just trigger me.But like when we were in the counseling,
I realized, and what she helpedme to realize was you're not a

(11:01):
bad person. You're a victim,and you have never been able to deal
with your trauma in a healthy way, and so you have always been reactive,
right, And so even with that, I was very guarded in our
relationship. Actually, we both werein the relationship where we didn't want to

(11:22):
even open up to each other,and we both were seen seeing the world
in our own way. The worldneed to be like, yeah, like
I saw the world in one way. Eric saw the world another way,
and it was just like, ohmy gosh. It got to the point
though there. Let's see, Idon't know how many months we were into
it. Yeah, I don't know. I think we probably run the therapy

(11:43):
off for about about three or fourmonths into it at that particular moment in
time. It was probably around thistime. And yeah, the fall two
years ago, that's when I endedup breaking my hip, and I didn't
know I was. It was unbeknownstto me that I had broken my hip,
but I just knew. I waslike, why can I not Like
I woke up one morning and Iliterally cannot walk, Like, I was
like, why can I not walk? Well, I had asked my husband.

(12:07):
This is the story. He wasgonna tell you that. Yes,
I had asked my husband to goand buy me some food. I think
it was I don't think it waschicken wings, but I had told him
to go buy me some food.I think it was a steak sandwich.
I told him buy me some foodand to get me some fries, and
I think a sprite or something.Well, anyways, when I got my

(12:31):
food, and at this time toome and my the marriage counselor decided she
she looked at both of us andsaid, I know that you guys are
doing the marriage therapy, she said, but I suggest that you guys begin
to do individual therapy. And forme, she said, you need to
try my therapist that can help yougo back and begin to go over those

(12:52):
pieces and hit those roots so thatwhen Eric does certain things, you're not
so easily triggered and it takes youback or you're reacting in a certain way
because you know, and I sufferfrom a lot of PTSD growing up and
even into adulthood. Like some peopleknow me well, and there'd be times

(13:15):
where I could be with you andif something is triggered in my mind like
a stronghold, you know, likesomething is triggered automatically, I'm reliving that
in my mind. Sometimes it waslike I would be answering it in the
exact same way that I answered itas a child or as a teen or

(13:35):
a young adult, and it wasso traumatic to me. Sometimes I'd be
like, okay, Brian, you'rean adult, process through this and tell
it to you know, like stop. And sometimes I could, but I
couldn't do it all the time.I'm literally I was stuck there. And
so anyways, I'm working with thetrauma therapist and that day Eric did not
know I was working with my traumatherapists and we were doing some heavy work,

(13:56):
like heavy work. So when hecame back, I'm already like on
tin because she's, like I said, she's she's pulling up roots. I
when you get to the roots,boy, it's ugly. Okay, So
I'm mad, like, look,I'm manifested at that point, I'm at
a level ten. And so ereit comes in the house. He gives
me this food. My order isnot right. I flip off the hend.

(14:20):
I flipped off the handle to thepoint where I was like, I
think I was cussing the man out. You were crazy the house I was,
And imagine right and that I listen, I'm the adrenaline must have kicked
in at that point because I havea I'm not I don't know, I
have a broken in. Okay,I'm literally happy. I'm like hoppy.

(14:45):
He is out the door, outdown the hill, cost me more at
my car out, you know whatI mean, And and I'm just sitting
there when I came back. Itwas crazy because when I came back in
the house, it was almost likeI blacked out because I was like what
just happened? And it was likeI was like, did I really just
do that? It was like awhole different personality just came over me,

(15:09):
which I believe, you know,demonic force. But I was just like,
oh my gosh, you know whatI mean. And I remember calling
on my homegirls, who is alicensed clinical social worker and she's working on
her PhD. Now. I remembercalling her on the phone because I couldn't
call my my trauma therapist, youknow, right then, and I was

(15:30):
just like processing with her, andshe was like says, blah blah blah.
You know, so she's helping meto process and calm down and all
that, and all I knew wasI ended up saying, I'm in so
much pain. I'm in so muchpain. And I remember praying to the
Lord and I was like, Lord, I got to get to the doctor,
but I don't know, I can'tget myself to the doctor. And
so next thing, you know,Eric comes back and I ended up telling

(15:54):
them, like, man, myhip hurts. Now, mind you any
man, most men would have beenlike, listen, Sis, I'm out
of here. This marriage is done. I don't know what's wrong with you,
but clearly you need to get someextra help. And then it ain't
got nothing to do with me.But he sat there and told me,
he said, God told me tocome back. And I think that right

(16:18):
there, it was like it's sopowerful now thinking about it, like the
Lord told him to come back,and he was obedient enough to do that.
Because I'm telling you I'm like,I don't know how I would have
got to the doctor, Like Iprobably would have had to call out like
an ambulance, you know what Imean. It would have been so bad,
Like I look back on that now, but it was just like I
was in so much pain. Iwas in physical pain, I was in
emotional pain, I was in spiritualpain. And I mean, it's not

(16:42):
an excuse because I don't believe thatyou should ever get to the level of
abuse right where you're abusing people,you're dogging people out, you're talking,
you know what I mean, crazywanting to put your hands on people,
like you should never get to thatpoint. And so I remember even talking.
I mean, I am you know, I'm real. I'm real.
So I remember going to the marriagetherapist on our next session and I was

(17:04):
like, listen, this happened.And at that moment in time, I'm
thinking she about to say you gotto go to anger management. And I
was ready for it. I meanI was, I was like, Okay,
you got anger issues. And shelooked at me and she said,
and I'm glad she did this becauseshe helped me and she doesn't even know,
but she looked at me and shesaid, she said, you have
to understand that you were a victim, and now what's happening is as you're

(17:32):
going back through this trauma, it'sbeing you know, it's like it's unlocking
some things and now you're able tofinally, you know what I'm saying,
like express yourself. So it wasn'tlike she was like beating me up.
She said, that's just that's justShe's like, that's a normal response for
a person who has been traumatized todo that. And I was like,
wow, I never thought about itlike that. And so from there though,

(17:53):
like I said, we just kindof kept working at it, kept
working at it, and I waslike I was determined even though I'm in
pain, and like, you know, I'm in pain, and it was
like the Lord was showing me likeI needed my husband cause you know,
I was used to just doing everythingmyself. I was used to doing everything
myself, and at that time,because I had a broken hip, my

(18:14):
husband had to help bathe me andtake me out the tub like a sixty
year old woman. My husband hadto help me put my jeans on and
my pants on and help clothe mebecause I couldn't do it. I literally
couldn't. My hip was broke atthirty and so that was a very humbling
experience. God had to take methrough the fire, but I felt like

(18:34):
he was bringing all that up becausehe saw the ministry, he saw the
purpose for us. But he knewif I don't deal with this now,
this is gonna be worse down theline, and this is not going to
end the way you know what Imean like it's supposed to. And so
even though I went through all that, like I'm appreciative of it because,

(18:56):
like I said, we learned howto communicate, We learned how to trust
each other. I started to learnto appreciate him and to be more patient
with him. I'm telling you,it was like, oh my God,
Like in the Bible where Jacob wrestledwith the Angel, and you know,
Jacob was this one way and thenafter you wrestled with the Angel, God
changed his name to Israel. That'sexactly what the Lord did to me,

(19:18):
he said, after I broke myhip, and I was like starting to
calm down and mellow out. Thisis the time where I always tell y'all,
like I had that vision where Godtook me to the heavenly realm and
and live and and and literally waslike, you know you're gonna you're gonna
get this together. Use I'm gonnatake you out of here his hype thing.
And he was also showing me dreamsabout the type of woman that Eric
needed and so and warning me too. So it was just a lot,

(19:44):
you know what I'm saying. Butlike I said, I look back on
that time now through all that thatI'm like, Okay, it had to
happen that way, like I said, in order for me to be free,
Like I will say, that setoff that allowed for one level of
freedom. Amen, that allowed forone level of freedom, But the full
freedom that I got was this year, right when me and my husband went

(20:08):
together and we did deliverate and toget that level of freedom, to be
free from a spirit of rejection thathad tormented me my entire life since I
was a little girl. That waspowerful because I had always defined myself and

(20:29):
I'm getting emotion on y'all, butI had always defined myself from that perspective
like this victim, like why doesn'tpeople why don't people like me? Or
why do people treat me the waythat they do? Or why do people
walk away but for real, likeI would really have these types of the
conversations with myself. But I realizednow, like I said, it works

(20:53):
all together Roman's eighty eight, sucha true scripture. All that work together
for my good, because I couldn'tbe sitting right here and being vulnerable on
a Facebook page right and telling ourtestimony to be like, if I got
through this, you can get throughthis. If there's something going on your

(21:14):
marriage, you can get through it. And even if you are with somebody
who has autism or as burgers,right, it doesn't give you the right
to discount them, try to goget some help. And so for me,
like I said, this is justbeing real, Like this is why
I'm like, Okay, let's tellthe real story. And I don't have
nothing against you, know everything,y'all know we Bible based people, we

(21:38):
scripture, right, But I alsofeel like sometimes people need to hear your
story, and they need to hearyour testimony because your testimony will preach.
And so yeah, like I said, I just I just really wanted to
talk about that tonight because like Isaid, there's so many marriages that are
like that, like broken marriages,and people are like I feel like I'm
stuck and I don't know what todo right, And like I said,

(22:00):
we had to learn to come togetherand pray. We had to learn to
come together and and and and createa vision that was that was interdependent as
well as independent from each other.But I mean, I love it because,
like I said, during that timeand and literally doing the work and
walking through that with our therapists,and I'm not gonna lie. We went

(22:22):
weekly and then eventually we went biweekly. But then in the beginning,
right in the beginning, we werewe were strong. I was like,
listen, every week, we gottawe got to do this and so,
and that's what we did. Butyou have to be willing to do the
work. You've got to be putwilling to put that work in because it
takes two to tango. You can'tdo it all by yourself, and your
partner can't either. But don't everthink that we didn't pray, because we

(22:45):
prayed too, right, Like wehad to pray, you know what I
mean. And it was crazy becauseI was getting profittic messages during that time,
like the Devil's after your marriage.The Devil's after your marriage. You
have to pray because he is heis trying to get you guys a divorce.
And I'm like, well, I'mI live it every day, but
thank you for for ferbing it evenmore, you know. And and then,

(23:07):
like I said, the other propheticword that I got was You're gonna
see in two years why the devilfought you so hard. But I know
it's for you, guys. Ourmarriage, yes, we love each other,
but this ministry is for you guys. It's to help you, guys.
And even though yeah we're young,we're young into this, but I'm
telling you a lot of stuff anda lot of stuff he did, you

(23:32):
know what I mean. And andthat's why I feel like like we can
just like I said, we justwe just talk, you know, just
have a real conversation. But I'mgonna let Eric. Like I said,
I got emotional. Likewise, Idid the behavior the therapy I did along

(23:52):
with the Mayor's therapy, and itwas CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, and for
me, it was more understanding whyI did the things that I did and
think the way that I think,and the bondage that was holding me like
way down was you know, asyou guys know, my autism. I
was no labeled so much specifically withinthe school system, you know, whether

(24:15):
it's by like how my social skillswere or how grades were, and like
as I got older, you know, it became harder for me to be
a different person, Like I wantedto fit in, like with the rest
of the kids. And you know, a lot of the journey, I
didn't have a good journey, LikeI got in trouble. I didn't want
to hear hear from mom and dadwhen I came home. I didn't want

(24:37):
to hear, you know, thephone call, whether it was you know,
yelling her at her lungs out atme or Dad lecturing me, like
no disrespect to you, Mom andDad. I became good right now,
but I'm not here. I'm herenow. But you know, the point
is, like I had to gothrough a lot of you know, barriers
and like stigmas that the world justplaced upon me. They didn't think that

(24:57):
I would make it out of Andthis is no formerly named Stonwall Jackson High
School, my high school. Ididn't think I would make it out of
there, but I did anyway.And I thought when you have a disability,
they have special accommodations, like forclasses and I had it for college
as well, and definitely in thejob market I did too. And with

(25:19):
all of that together and like learninga marriage, it was really difficult for
me to understand that, hey,you have a wife now, like you're
learning first you have to learn abouthow to be sociable in the world,
and learning these set of rules likethat that was the thing that got me
the most, these like unwritten rules, like I always like things written in

(25:41):
a rule book, like down theline, like hey, do this,
do that, don't do this,don't do that, because if you guys
don't know, we are autistic.People are very black and white. We
think very you know, strictly,and we're full of routines. But like
I had to learn, I thinkthis whole experience, but you know she
went through and even what I wentthrough, because we were in this together.

(26:03):
I had to learn that. Ittaught me to know not look at
things so strictly as black and white, because not everything is a right and
wrong answer, Like every situation isdifferent. So I had to learn how
to adapt and learn like the triggers, like what triggered her, Like I
first and foremost had to learn whattriggered her, and I had to learn

(26:26):
what triggered me. And I'm justgonna, you know, put this out
there. It doesn't trigger me alot, but sometimes, like I still
get triggered with finances, like whensomething doesn't go right, because I'm like,
I work hard for this, andthis is what they do to me,
like you know certain like world systems, and I'm now learning that,
Okay, you're your own man,Eric, you go on your own two

(26:49):
feet. You you have a wifeto take care of your own family.
And the CBT just really helped tounlike why I thought the way that I
know thought and did the things thatI did, and it just freed me
from like preconceived notions that the worldput on you know me specifically, you
know African American males in the worldwhere we're just constantly ostracized. We're constantly

(27:15):
written as a label, and theyconstantly want to send us to two places,
as you guys know, either sixfeet underneath the ground or behind bars.
And so it was like I hadall this stuff coming against me,
and as my wife said, thedevil was fighting so hard, even before
we got married, was fighting sohard to keep us, you know,

(27:36):
from being together, to keep usfrom doing, you know what we're doing
right here and right now, Andit was just like I had to fight
so hard for not just for her, but you know, the Lord he
kept us together. He still livesand if it wasn't for God, we'd
be in different places and we'd beI don't know if I told you this
before, but the God took meto heaven one time to literally I'll just

(28:00):
say real quick, and he tookme to heaven to where he showed me
how I would have been if Ididn't have a disability, and I was.
I was pretty nasty. I wasvery disrespectful to my mom and dad,
Like I didn't do anything around thehouse. I didn't honor them or
anything like that. And me andher were together, but we weren't married.

(28:22):
We were fornicating. I was Iwas a cheater. I was,
you know, very abusive, andyou know, even at the end of
that dream, like after Jesus tookme to heaven, I was arrested because
I did like a terrible assault onher in the dream. So the Lord
was just showing me, hey,if you were like this, if you
didn't have it, because at thetime I hated having a disability, I

(28:45):
thought it was such a crippling thingthat, oh, and you're always going
to be like this, and evenit affected me so much to even where
I was last workings, I hadto fight tooth and nail for accommodations.
And that's a whole enough story anotherday, Yes it is. But anyway,
I just had to you know,the Lord was just showing me how

(29:07):
it really would have been, youknow, without it, because I'm not
gonna lie. I really hated havinga disability. I did not want it
to you know, I didn't wantto keep, you know, stuck in
this label that you know, theworld is just stamped on me. It
wasn't until like the Deliverance, whenwe went to Deliverance earlier this year that
I remember the apostle of the houseand as he was a we did renunciations

(29:33):
at the end of every uh everyservice. Yes, he went through a
timeline, and I think I rememberbeing on the ground and he went through
a timeline like from like when wewere born, like because you know those
spirits and that trauma is transferred tous even in the womb when we were
born, and immediately thought about myselflike I thought about myself. He went

(29:56):
from every age from like childhood allthe way up to adulthood. That the
parts that got me the most was, like my young childhood, the labels
and and this is hitting me nowtoo, being told that you know,
you don't fit in with a certaincrowd of people, or being told that
you will you feel that this,you feel at that, and being told

(30:18):
that you had once you hit thisage you should be here or you should
be there like and that was specificallyin like my twenties, like my early
twenties, because that's the age wherewe think, oh, I should have
life all together, I should haveit all figured out. And it even
goes back to the conversation had witha good friend about that too. And
this was before before I even mether, Brianna. And it's just I

(30:42):
just got set free from all ofthat and I got set free from and
even like three months ago, Igot set free from the label of autism
because it once that I got setfree from that, and then and I'm
allowed to like express myself and speakto myself, not just to myself but
to others like what I went through. Once I've gotten freed from that,

(31:06):
it's like, wow, I reallyfeel better. About myself. So it
was a lot of insecurity on myend too that I wasn't you know,
I didn't feel like I was goodenough as a man to her. But
through that I would say I dida good job being there for her when
she needed it the most. Iwas there the most. And even like

(31:26):
in the middle of that story thatshe talked about with the hip thing,
I could have easily just said,oh, she messed up or I can't
deal with her. I could havedid some other stuff in the world.
I could have been out there doingmy own self. It was my savior.
God just said, hey, youneed to go back home to her.
You need to This is worth fightingfor. And at first I was

(31:48):
like you sure about this. Guy'slike yeah, go home. I'm like,
okay, God, it's just yeah, my story and her story,
it just came together. This iswhy we're here. We're here to help
help marriages that are on the brinkof divorce or that are just splitting apart
for some odd reason, and forus to share our stories. I just

(32:08):
prayed to God that this really notjust helps you, but puts everybody on
the path of healing and restoration.Not as much needed because don't. And
I will say this, don't.Don't let the enemy split be the reason
that y'all split apart. You justcan't afford to be split apart because of

(32:29):
something small. I mean, wejust can't. But we if we did
it, y'all can do it aswell. But that that's what I wanted
to bring out, man, Amen. And there was a lot of good
points you brought up in that becauseI believe because we both kind of had
a similar story, and you know, I would always I would always joke
with her, but I was beingso serious. I'm like, I know
you had like a physical disability whereyou had physical autism, but it literally

(32:51):
felt like I had a spiritual autism. I remember, because it was like
I always felt like I did notbelong. It was like I felt like
I didn't in like I was theblack sheep. And I understood with his
pain where he was coming from withfeeling like, oh, man, I'm
the underdog or I'm the misfit,so nobody really cares what I have to

(33:12):
say, or I feel ashamed andI'm embarrassed about my life. But now
I realize I'm like, no,it just made me who I am,
right and I'm so happy that myhusband got delivered from the label, like
you know, of having that oppressionme on him, like, oh my
god, I'm so scared. Idon't want to minister to anybody about autism.
I don't want to ever help,you know what I mean, because

(33:35):
I'm embarrassed. I'm still ashamed.I'm still working this out. But when
that finally broke off in him,I'm telling you, it's like a level
of freedom that came cause, likehe said, now I can speak freely
about my experiences and not worry aboutwhat people think me. And that's the
place where we have to get tothe place where we're unashamed, right,
and don't be afraid to ask forhelp. That was the point that was

(33:55):
really the point of this whole message. Don't be afraid to ask for him
help. I'm not saying go toyour best guy friend or your best girlfriend,
and you know that they out therein the world doing them and they
ain't even committed in their own relationship. I ain't talking about that. I'm
talking about getting some real help.And I loved it because the conference that

(34:15):
I went to this past weekend,it taught like they taught one of the
sermon topics was Jesus and therapy.A lot of people think that because you
have Jesus, you don't need therapy. And although a part of that is
true, because I know that Godcan heal us from anything and everything,
right, he is the great Iam. There's some people like myself where

(34:37):
God will force them to go througha process. He's not going to heal
them right away. He didn't donaming like that in the Bible. Remember
when he told naming to go Deppseven times in that nasty Jordan river.
That was a process for him,but it was increasing his faith and every
time he kept doing it, hewas getting healed. He was getting it,
you know what I'm saying, untilhe finally got his healing. And
so we have to understand, likeGod is going to do different things for

(35:00):
different people for different reasons. Wedon't know. We ain't got that's not
for us to know. We're justhere to enjoy the journey into what are
the lessons that we learned from eachand everything. So I will say,
if you are out there and you'relike, man, you know you need
some help, go see a therapist. It is okay. But I'm also
gonna tell you as well, getsome deliverance. It is okay, we

(35:23):
did both. We got therapy anddeliverance. And I believe that you should
still stay in therapy because the therapycan help you maintain your deliverance. Right,
But yes, get deliverance too,because there are spirits out there that
are trying to attach to this.But that's a whole different topic for another
day. Like my husband said,well, we pray that you enjoyed this.

(35:45):
And I'm my husband wanted to endon a scripture tonight, and so
I'm gonna let him do the scriptureand then we'll be pne out here tonight.
Guy. So the scripture I havefor tonight is Hebrews twelve, well
one through two, and just goingto do it from the King James version,
and it says to the title frontof patience, and it says,

(36:07):
wherefore, seeing we also are compassedabout with so great a cloud of witness,
let us lay aside every week andthe sin which doth so easily beset
us, and let us run withpatience the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, the author andfinisher of our faith, who for

(36:29):
the joy that was set before himendured the cross, despising the shame,
and it's set down at the righthand of the throne of God. And
the scripture immediately came to our mindbecause you know, since we were talking
about emotional baggage, you just thinkabout it as weight, heavy weight,
like on your shoulder or that you'reyou're carrying one way or another and you

(36:52):
can't walk or run, like gowhere you need to go. That weight
is still weighing you down and it'smaking you go slower. But we're at
a point in our marriage right now, I'm gonna be transparent where that that
weight that we just all that weightwe just discussed about on this live like

(37:13):
as we went through the journey,the weight just dropped off of us,
Like we were able to just dropthat weight way down down on cliff wherever
we don't see it no more.And then we're like running and like starting
to go faster on this journey thatwe're on. And it's yeah, we
just kept cast as oute every weightthat besets us and like focusing on you

(37:35):
know, as the Bible says throughoutyou know the prize. I know Paul
says it in one of his letterstoo, we focus on the prize that
is ahead of us and pressing towardsthe mark. So that that scripture just
really spoke to me because we,like, we had a lot of weight
we had to shed. I don'tcare if you think about weight like being
like on your shoulder as bricks orweights around your midsection that you just had

(37:59):
to lose and like, no,no longer, No, you don't need
to pick it back up. Iknow we didn't. My more of the
storyted is the way that you hadbefore it's gone. No need to look
back at it, No need topick it back up, because I know
we didn't and it and it's rayedus from a lot of those issues we

(38:21):
just discussed the night on This LiveMan. Yeah, like my husband said,
that's the key. Once that weighthas been lifted, and when the
burden has dropped, don't go andpick it back up. Right. That
goes for if you if certain things, old friendships, environments, had it
your sind vices, right, don'tpick it back up. Don't pick it

(38:45):
back up. The Bible says,what keep pressing forward towards things ahead,
forgetting the things in the past.We have to Yep, we have to
keep pressing forward we have to andnot seeing that me and him have not
had any other challenges. We havechallenges. I don't want to say all
the childs because we ain't speaking thatover ourselves, but we do have challenges

(39:06):
that come about. But we knowthat the testing of our faith is what
is producing, is producing our characterto do what to be more conformed to
the image of Christ. And sothat's just how we have to look at
things, y'all. But like Isaid, I pray that tonight helped you
guys. I mean, I knowit was like I feel like another way

(39:29):
kind of came off just us justtalking tonight. It just felt good to
just have that release. I knownext week, please join us again.
For next week, tune in.My husband's actually going to be talking about
his testimony a little bit. I'llprobably even be asking him a few questions
just about his childhood, right becausethis is married with autism. So I

(39:50):
want to make sure you know,if there's anybody any parents out there that
is listening, any couples, ifyou're engaged, to be engaged dating,
if you're men, I read thatcertain questions are being hit on and so
and like I said, I thinkEric has a beautiful testimony that the world
needs to hear, and so nextweek will be the focus on him and

(40:14):
his journey. So please come backnext week and hear that. Well,
we're gonna go ahead and close outlike I said, this has been such
a beautiful time. Like I said, come back next week all right,
and we're gonna close out on prayer. Father God, just thank you so
much for allowing us to just comeon here tonight. Father God, thank
you even for the weight that evenlifted off of me and Eric tonight,

(40:37):
I felt that release. Lord,So we just want to say thank you
for that guy. Now, FatherGod, I'll even pray right now for
anybody else out there who may bedealing with weights God, whatever they may
be in their life God, whetherit be friendships, family relationships, if
it's even jobs, God, whateverit is that's causing them finances, God,

(40:59):
whatever it is has caused them tobe weighed down. God, Father
God, we ask that today thatthey will drop their burdens God at your
feet, Father God, and thatthey will take your yoke God, because
you said that your yoke is light, Father God. So Father God,
right now we just pray, wetoss our burdens at your feet, Father

(41:20):
God, and we just say thankyou for allowing us to be together tonight,
Father God, and Father God,we even just like to pray right
now for the marriages. We continueto pray and cover all the marriages God,
every marriage out there that is neurodiverse, even neurotypical marriages. God,
we pray over the marriages that youwill keep them in covenant, Father

(41:44):
God, in the name of JesusGod and Father God, we even pray
right now for any spouses that maybe dealing with abuse in any kind of
any type of abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, sexual
abuse, financial, whatever it is, God, whatever form of a you
say maybe going in. Father God, we pray right now for the spouse.
We pray for the victim and theperpetrator, Father God. And so

(42:07):
right now God, we pray thatyou help them, God, that you
help them to see. And forthe most important, Father God, we
pray for their safety. God inthe name of Jesus. So Father God,
we say thank you and we honoryou for that. And Lord,
we just pray that this message goesout for the north, southeast, and
west, Father God, and andand goes out to the people that need

(42:30):
to hear it the most. Andit's in Jesus name that we pray.
Amen and a Amen man. Allright guys. Well, like I said,
thank you guys for joining us againfor another episode of Marriage with Autism
until next week see guys later.Bye. Thank you guys for listening to
another episode of MARS. We wouldlove to hear from you regarding certain topics

(42:53):
that you would like to feel readinglife changing testimony you would like to share,
or information on how you can become against on the show. Please
email us at HIPO at Married withAutism dot com. As always, we
love you all with the love ofChrist. Remember to keep Christ first in
all that you do, including yourmarriage, and watch the Lord begin to
transform your life. Be blessed.