Episode Transcript
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(00:08):
Ce Be Supremes. Welcome to themarrit with Autism Podcast, a podcast as
designed to help neuro diapert and neurotypicalcouples, quote married and single learn how
to develop a happy, healthy ata set of amriage and Christmas trip supple.
Now, before we jump into theshow with our favorite host, property
is Brief Smilth and Pastor Eric Smilty, please enjoy these words from our sponsors.
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Eva, So I am Profitessbrie smithspastor Eric Smith, and welcome to another
episode of Married with Autism. Sotonight we are going to be doing a
live Q and A with Eric.We're going to just be asked scheme just
about his having him share his testimonyright through a series of just questions,
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you know, Q and A tonightjust about living with autism and things like
that and just his journey up untilthis point. And so we're really excited
about tonight. I know you guysare going to get a lot out of
tonight. So that's what we wantedto really talk about, so you know,
we do. We're gonna go aheadand open up with prayer and then
we'll jump right into the Q andA. All right, all right,
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go ahead, bab let's pray havingFather in the name of Jesus, we
just come to you right now.We just first and foremost tell you.
Thank you, God, Thank youfor another day, another opportunity of doing
your purpose God and your kingdom purpose. God. Father, we decrease so
that you increase. God have yourway tonight in the name of Jesus.
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Right now, Father God, justthank you for allowing us to be like
open and transparent about our own testimoniesand our journeys, not just through mayor
but even in our individual lives.God. And I think the further we
know more about our individual lives andlike just display that out here, the
more the people will understand. Soright now, God, I just thank
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you for like first and foremost ourunion, and second of all, just
just some kingdom mandate and this kingdomassignment that you placed upon my heart and
Brianna's heart, like ministering to marriagesnearro diverse marriage marriages and even near typical
marriages. So right now, FatherGod, we just let you take the
way. We let you do whatyou do best. Your Holy spirit just
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move through this room, moved throughthis podcast, and let your holy spirit
do what it does best. God. We love you, we honor you,
and we give awful respect to youGod. And it's in your name
we pray. Amen. Amen,all right. So, like I said,
it's like Q and A. Sothe first question that we have,
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Eric is how how would you describeyour childhood? So can you tell us
like a little bit about your childhood. Yeah, So my childhood, as
everybody knows, I was raised ina two parent household, middle child between
two sisters. And my childhood,the thing that I liked about at the
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best was just my close knitness ofmy family and being able to you know,
during that time I was also ableto it was back at the time
when we were able to play withthe neighborhood kids and everything. So those
are the good things I liked aboutmy childhood. And my childhood was really
I was, you know, seekingto learn things, and I was,
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you know, in that moment,I was exploring the world around me and
wanted to know what it was likearound me, not just within the house
that I grew up in, butalso outside to outside. There were some
good things I learned and some notgood things about the outside world. But
overall, my childhood was it wasa good childhood. That could it have
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been better, Yes, their pieceswere it could have been better, But
I'm pleased to say that my childhoodwas it was the best at it could
be, you know. And plusI had to give respect where respect to
do. Like my mother and father, they did everything they could with the
resources that they had at the timeto you know, raise me up in
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their own household. And I knowthat they did a good job with me
doing that because it takes, likethe old saying, it takes the village
to raise a child. And Iwas surrounded by a village of people,
not just within my neighborhood, butalso with my home church at the time.
That was really my village. Soit really helped my childhood a lot,
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and I really flourished, you know, from there. Okay, so
when were you diagnosed with autism oraspergers as a child? When were you
diagnosed? I was diagnosed at fouryears old. I didn't know at the
time. Plus when you're or whenyou're young, I really don't know much
what's really going on. And Iwas diagnosed at a very young age.
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And I don't know who my momand dad took to at the time when
I had the diagnosis, but theyjust noticed that something was off about me.
They didn't thank God that they didn'twrite me off. But at the
same time, like I would laterencounter that, you know, we'll get
more into that, like being writtenoff by society with you know, going
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into schools and no teachers and youknow, peers, Like I was just
you know a little bit different.And I think I noticed that, you
know, a little bit more whenI was in this was before pre K,
I think it was, you know, pre K, and I was
in like a special special class andit was only like about four or five
kids at the time, and weall had the we all wrote the bus,
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you know, the one with thehandicap bus at the time too.
And that's when I really noticed thatI was just different and like my normal
social interactions weren't weren't what you know, the other kids were, and how
and how to you know, eitherplay with toys or like whether I come
across a topic that interests me butit doesn't interest them. That's when I
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first noticed it about myself. Ohokay, okay, And that's fascinating.
I never knew that. I neverknew as a child you had to ride
the handicap bus. So did youhave to ride that from the time,
like pre K time, all theway up until you graduated or did they
stop it at a certain point youwere able to like ride the regular bus.
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I was able to ride the regularbus. I think I started riding
the regular bus when I wanted tokindergarten. Okay, yes, okay,
okay. So it was like justa short brief period. So tell us
more about like what happened with youin like elementary school, like you know,
elementary school, and then you cankind of get into middle school and
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high school. Like tell us aboutyour del developmental years. Right, how
was your sol interaction with your peersat each level, and then I'll ask
you some more questions. Okay,I got you. I think my interaction
with let me just start with elementaryschool. My interaction with my peers,
it was very I was still tryingto break out into fitting in with the
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other kids for per se, andI always I was always taught by my
parents to you know, do yourschool work. Do always do your homework.
And yeah, the fun part wasthere of like interacting with the kids,
but I didn't know like how todo it, because you know,
when you're like five six years old, there's a lot of unwritten rules that
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you don't understand at that young age. My interactions with especially in elementary school
and I all mentioned like daycare atthe time too, it was very,
very limited and I was only ableto and I think this translation into adulthood
as well too, like only ableto interact with, you know, kids
that were on my level because islike all the other ones, they had
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their own cliques, they wanted tobe, you know, it was like
the cool kids here, and thenyou know the kids that were like the
nerds. So I kind of fitin with the nerds per se. At
that time, the change part wasnot easy, and with each level,
change was not like a great thingfor me because for us, with the
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autism, we're very used to routinesand schedules, and when it came to
change, I think especially going fromone grade to another, from one level
school to the other, it reallyyou know disrupted me because I didn't understand
what that was. And going tomiddle school. Middle school was the age
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where like I still kind of heldto my elementary cell and I had to
learn quick like what you know thekids were in. And of course when
you get to middle school, youknow, the kids were into you know,
hardcore music that was you know thebest for them. They were into
sex, they were into things thatI know, you know, when you're
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like twelve thirteen years old, youshouldn't be into And that was you know,
of course the age where when musicvideos were like everything, and I
stopped watching it at that time too. But middle school it was more of
the same. I think the olderI got, the more I understood the
clicks of the kids and whether itwas you know, in the classroom,
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in the lunch room, you know, on the school bus, everybody had
their own clicks. And like fastforward to high school, it was definitely
more the same thing fitting in withpeople. Like with every level, I
can only gravitate, only gravitate tocertain people that like really had their backs
for me and what was best forme. It was just very very click
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ish, definitely in high school andthe immaturity, and I think for me,
I was very ahead of myself.And another thing with autism, very
like above average intelligence and we likesee things ahead when like everybody else around
you they want to just stay onone level. But like I had to
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learn that for myself first because therewere instances where I didn't let me just
say, I didn't make the bestdecisions, and like being with peers like
falling for their tricks and ruises becauseat that time I didn't have a good
spirit of discernment, and like Ihad to develop my spirit of discernment,
you know at a young age,like even after you know, those phone
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calls and getting in trouble or thosenotes at home, Like I didn't know
any better because like these were allunwritten rules. And when you have unwritten
rules and you get chastised for somethingthat you didn't know, it's very frustrating.
Definitely, those unwritten rules and theclicks I had it coming against me.
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So can you talk to us aboutthe bully then? Like did you
encounter bullying? Was it very hardto make friends because of your own social
interest that you had? Can youtalk a little bit more about that.
Yes, I was bullied, ofcourse the ninth grade year at a Stonewall
Jackson. I was bullied because Iwas just different, you know, they're
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just the That was when you reallysaw like the cool kids, the kids
that were a people with the forguys like the alpha males. And then
of course you had the popular girlsthat they didn't want nothing to do with
me at that time either. AndI was bullied for not for being delayed,
and you know, at that time, they called kids with special needs,
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you know, retarded or slow oroh, you're in that special class.
And it was a label that carredwith me for a long time.
And the two instances where I wasbullied, I was actually kicked out of
school because you know, of fightingand those two incenses. The perpetrators they
didn't graduate, you know, highschool at the time. They had a
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lot of issues on their own.Don't know what they were at the time,
but they did so even though I'mhere now and I ended up lee
graduating back in the nine the bullyingand the effects and the consequences of that
was of course coming home. Igot the lecture in the car, even
in middle school, like when Idid know stuff that was not pleasing to
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mom and dad, like I wouldget the lecture in the car from dad,
and I would get I'm to haveyou clean my house from my mother.
That was you know, both instanceswas like that, and it was
hard for me to understand that andknow. And plus at the time with
the fighting issues Stonewall they had inevery classroom. Zero Tyland's policies and they're
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very arbitrary and they target people youknow, especially people of color and people
with disabilities. So it was adouble whammy for me. And I remember
the first instance where I got introuble, like it was like two of
my teachers and the one who waslike a second mother to me, he
really defended me with a lot ofthings, and I remember my mom and
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dad being in there. They hadto take out off of work, and
the school administrator he didn't want tosee me succeed. He clearly didn't.
He just wanted to write me offand say, oh, he's a bad
kid. He I can tell that'swhat he was thinking about. And then
of course it made my teacher itwas like a second mom to me.
It made her upset and my momhad to calm her down at the time
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be like, hey, just justknow I got this, and they're they're
good friends now too. At thattime, being bullied, you don't you
just don't see the written rules clearon tablets or paper. You. I
mean, but there's really and Ihate to cut you off there, but
there's really no written rules when itcomes to bullying. What statistics and what
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research has shown is that bullies areoftentimes right either there being abused at home
and they pick on weaker people,right, They target weaker or people they
deem to be weaker vessels in orderto make themselves feel good, because,
like I said, they're either dealingwith the trauma at home or they're being
bullied or whatever, right, becausethey're trying to make them they're trying to
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puff themselves up. Theyre trying topuff up their own ego. It's very
fascinating that you've talked about tonight abouthow administration deals with that and even about
parents. I guess because there's somuch I want to tackle even within that.
But the thing is, I'm goingto ask you three questions. Okay,
right, I'm going to ask youthe first one. First, Okay,
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what advice would you give to akid right now that is being bullied
like they're dealing they're they're autistic,and they're being bullied. What advice would
you give them? Like I woulddefinitely first and foremost, if they're being
bullied, do everything you can inyour power to walk away from the situation.
And if you can't walk away,get a trusted adult. And if
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they're not within the school system,and if they're not like really helping you,
if you have parents at home,like only underneath that case, talk
to your parents or have a trustedyou mentor outside of the school system that
you can you trust and talk toand just say, hey, this is
going on. I'm getting bullied,like in the classroom. This is not
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working for me, and just letthem know that, hey, I just
don't feel safe from going to schoolbecause I'm dealing with this on a day
to day basis, and really bereal with them and just say, this
is what I go through on aday to day basis, and I don't
feel like I'm welcome, and Ishould be. My job is to learn,
and it's not to feel like Ihave to defend myself because these other
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kids have their own issues and theyjust want to pick on me or my
other peers. That is my adviceto them. But I just like my
suggestion to you and especially to kidsout there who are being bullied. I
agree with my husband saying one hundredpercent, but also to the people who
are doing the bullying. You gottalook within yourself right and really begin to
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ask myself a question, why amI picking on this person who is defenseless.
You gotta really begin to start toask yourself this question and are you
picking on them because I don't feelgood about myself and so I gotta,
like I said, you gotta puffup your ego. And the only reason
why I can say this is becauseI was once a child and I once
did bullying. Even though I waseven though I was bullied, I did
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bully right and right. It's alwaystwo sides to this, you know what
I mean? And not to beafraid kids to say tell your parents you
know or trust the adult like Ineed help. I need to go talk
to somebody. I have anger issues, I have emotional issues, and I
need to be able to let thisoutlet out. And parents be okay,
well, letting your child allowing yourchild to go see a therapist. Y'all
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know I'm a big, big personwhen it comes to therapy and allowing your
child to be able to go totherapy and discuss this and so that they
can learn now at a young age, because what you don't want to happen
is your child gets thirty, sothey didn't have all this trauma from the
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town they the kindergarten all the wayup into thirty. You know what I
mean. And you're like, whyis my child like going through all this
stuff. You know, they suicidal, you know what I mean, the
in and out of bad relationships,all types of stuff. And it's because
they have never learned to dealt withThey never learned to deal with the stuff
that was going on in childhood.And that's why I always tell people like
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the earlier you can get a childlike That's why in my book The Breeze
Heavenly INVENTUREUS book, in the backof the book I had where you have
parent child interaction or activity questions.This is to begin to have critical conversations
with your child so that it's likeyou know what I mean, So that
you can begin to have these openconversations right at a young age with them,
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so it's not like, oh man, like like like I said,
you get to a to adulthood andeverything just explodes and you like, why
is my child in prison because theycommitted crime or you know, or they
died at a younger or whatever.He is right, because they were never
able to get that out. Andso I think that's an important thing.
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And then two, what advice wouldyou give to parents who of people who
have autism, you know, parentsthat have autists, to children like what
advice would you give them, especiallyif they're watching tonight. Like for the
parents, I would know definitely likelook out for signs that your child is,
like if he's not if or sheis not acting like he normally would
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at home, Like if they're nottalking to you about anything, if they're
like, for example, they're likea talker and you know you just can't
get them to stop talking. Andthen they're like very quiet and they're very
secluded, like in the room andthey just don't want to like say nothing.
Just like get like allow them toopen up, be like hey,
like what's really going on? You'renot yourself? Hey, this is something
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you want to talk to me about, Like, what's really going on?
Because I know something's going on.When you're a parent, you got to
have that spirit of discernment in youbecause every child is different and they're going
to feel they can like open themselvesup to anybody because nine times out of
ten, the trauma that they're dealingwith at that present moment is still affecting
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them. They're still closing themselves offto where even to their own family members
like hey, I don't want totalk about this, but yeah, just
open the you know, open thedoor up for them to just say,
hey, like what's really going onand let them know, Like the home
is supposed to be like the safestplace for you know, them to like
express what's really going on in theirlives, because they shouldn't feel unsafe in
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their own home under that, like, just start the conversation out with them
and know like if they're acting different, like whether they're not no talking as
much, whether they're sleeping often throughoutthe day, or low appetite or eating
more or less than what they normallydo, you know something's going on with
them, right, Okay? Andthen the third group of people, I
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want you to talk to school administrators. Yes, what advice would you give
to school administrators who are dealing withthis very issue right now? Like,
like, we know the school toprison pipeline right because it's targeted towards African
Americans and Latinos and other minorities,but specifically African Americans and Latino and so
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what advice would you give to schooladministrators teachers who are dealing with people that
you know with autistic children, becauseyou know what, this is so crazy.
I saw a couple of weeks agoy'all saw article whereas a principal in
California the little boy, right,I guess he said something, But you
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know, everybody's variation of autism isdifferent. So you like how Eric's functions
doesn't mean that you're going to meetanother person who functions like that. They
may have similar things, like youknow, like similarities, but they're not
always going to come out the exactsame traits. Okay, Well, this
particular little boy, I think hewas like in the video, saw him
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pointing and stuff like that. SoI don't you know what I mean,
I don't know what his variation ofautism is. I just know he was
diagnosed with autism. I literally sawin the video where the principal got mad
and literally put like just just literallyI don't even know if he if he
slapped him. I think he like, look, just pushed them. The
little boy was in his face andhe just went boom like that, And
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I'm just in there, like atone point in time, our teachers and
administrators even trained on this to beable to and not even just autism.
It's like, when are they eventrained when they have kids that have disabilities
in their classroom to be like Okay, this child has a disability, and
I'm staying more outside of just ADHDbecause you know, I feel like every
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black kid these days is labeled withADHD whatever. So when they have a
disability like autism, Aspergers or whateverit is, and this is what's causing
the behavior, you know what Imean, it's like, what advice would
you give to these administrators? Right? Because in my mind, and like
I said, you come up,But what I'm thinking is they need to
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further be educated on autism and Aspergerssyndrome. They need to like really be
educated in that, and like Isaid, the other disabilities and things like
that that are out there that thesekids have. And then number two,
like being able to be compassionate becausethe fact of the matter is you were
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bullied. You were bullied, andthe fact that the administrator was just like,
oh, well, we have azero tolerance policy and I'm just but
it's so so so he can't fightback, he can't defend himself even though
he's being attacked, right, andhe's the victim. But in your mind,
because I'm gonna call a thing athing because because he's an African American,
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you know what I mean, Likewhat was the reason behind that,
you know what I'm saying, Likehe deserved to be protected and y'all did
not protect him, and so thereforehe had to protect himself in some type
of way. And I think wegot to learn to stop doing that because
I'm sorry if I had a child, because me and Eric currently do not
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have children, But if my childis being bullied and they've done everything they
know to do, I'm not gonnasit there and have my child be no
punching bag for somebody. Hello,somebody. I'm not gonna have my child
be nobody's punching bag. So they'regonna have to learn to defend themselves,
right, especially if we're not there. And so for me that I think
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that really bothered me at the factthat the administrator wasn't even willing to even
like cure you out, because I'mpretty sure you guys probably even race you
know, like went to them andsay, hey, my son's going through
this, he's having these issues,and it's like boom, So finally it
escalates this big fight and now allof a sudden, it's like they need
to get out my school. Liketo me, I got I got a
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real bad issue. With that.I'm sorry, it just angers me that.
But what would you what advice wouldyou give cause you now you know
you're on the other side, you'rea grown man, So what advice would
you give to teachers and administrators outthere when they're dealing with kids who are
au tested? This is like quitea complex issue within itself, like especially
(25:45):
for the teachers the administrators, becausewe all know that the funding is not
there and government is who it isand how they want to allocate money and
all that. But that's a wholenother story of different side. But thing
is for the teachers and the administrators. I think it would be good if
within every school system they had liketrained or if they hired like so many
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like autistic you know, teachers thatyou know, deal with the autism spectrum
children, if they like report itto them in a way and say like,
hey, like, how can I, you know, address somebody that
has autism or potentially has it whenI don't know it myself? So then
that eliminates your own biases against themwhen a situation like what I went through
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occurs, and I would definitely meetup with them and be like, hey,
how can we address it to wherelike they're not one they're not getting
into these fights or incidents, andtwo where they can be easily understood,
but like if they do get intoan incident like that, some form of
mediation, Like I know at Stonewallwe had a mediator. He was there
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was only like one person there,but like a mediator to like have someone
that's like very neutral third party andsay hey and just be real with the
kids, be like, this isnot a he said, she said type
thing. Tell me the undisputed true, like what really happened. And then
based on their decision off of likewhat what really happened and the account they
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should they say, Okay, soI know from what i'm you know,
based off of what I hear andwhat I've saw, this is what we're
gonna do and how we're gonna likeaddress the issue. So we got to
get to addressing the root causes ofthese issues instead of just throwing these kids
away in this school to prison pipeline, because you're, you know, the
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system is just letting potential business people, doctors, lawyers and everything down the
list. You're you're just sending them, you know, to jail and to
be locked up. So there justneeds to be a system of checks and
balances in the school system to wherelike everybody is trained on how to deal
with that, because I know it'sa lot that they got to go through
(27:56):
too, right now with the differenttypes of children that are in this world,
especially right now, Yeah, becauseit's like, let's call it things.
Some people's kids is wow, andthey bad. Let they some little
demons running through the schools. Theyare wilding out. But then it's like,
you know what I mean, likeyou got to go back to how
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they being raised at home, Likeyou can't expect your child to only be
raised in school and they trying todo everything they can at school. How
are you raising your child at home? Because it starts at home. You're
the first teacher exactly. And sobut like I said, now every child
is like that, and I thinkwe got they have to they need to
learn to separate the two. Andlike I said, especially when it comes
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to the children with true disabilities.And I'm not saying that ADHD is not
a true disability, and now I'msaying I'm just saying, like autism that
is that is huge, right,It's very complex and for you just to
sit there and be like, Okay, I'm on just do whatever, and
it's like, you can't do that. You can't because some kids, right,
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they're autism. Like I said,some of them, they get very
very withdrawn. And we're gonna talkabout it aerton to talk about not doing
it tonight, but we're gonna talkabout things that trigger them, that can
set them off, you know whatI mean. You don't know what's gonna
set that child off, what triggersthem, you know what I mean.
So you're thinking that this child wegot an attitude problem. And it's like
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and they this, this, thatand the other, and they're having this
tantrum. But it's like, dothey have autism? Like are they getting
mad because certain things are triggering them? Do they have some type of sensory
issues? You know what I mean? Like I'm telling you, it gets
to that delicate, intricate level.So it's like we don't know, you
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don't know, you know what Imean. So that's what I'm saying.
I think that administrators need to trulybe trained on that to be able to
truly be like, oh, okay, this child is going through this.
So I can't necessarily say go tothe principal's office. I'm about to write
you up. It's like, okay, we need to have proceipt. We
need to go ahead and get youcalm down, get you separated, make
sure that you're good, and thenwe send you on your way, like
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you know what I mean, Likenot I'm gonna just send you out of
school, right, you know whatI mean? Like that's not how you
handle that. So well, thankyou for sharing that part, because I
just think that parents needed to youknow, just talking to the parents,
talking to the kids, talking tothe ministror, like people need to hear
this. This is why I thoughtit was very important for people to hear
your story tonight because I'm just likethat always fascinated when you would talk about
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that, but also to talk aboutthe educational piece in school, like did
you struggle a lot in like learningconcepts? Yeah, like did you struggle
a lot and learning the different conceptslike within subjects or you're talking about on
the social level subjects subjects. Ididn't struggle learning concepts with anything that I
learned. This is just how mybrain works. Like if it's a new
(30:52):
concept and I don't know it atfirst, like I'll struggle with it for
a while, I'll like get myhead and I'll get from when I don't
get it because I expect to getit the first time. But then once
I like start doing it like moreand more the repetition, that's when I'm
like, Okay, I know howto do this now. I was pretty
confident with my ability is to graspsomething. I know at first it's not
(31:14):
the best, but when I doit over and over again, I'm like,
wow, I know how to dothis now. And the concept whether
it was like well, a mathproblem or like science, I was always
interested in how things work, likescience like that. That always fascinated me
because I'm an inter hit thinker.I like to think about the specifics on
how things work and why things arethe way that they are. If you
(31:37):
want to know about the concepts,so I grasp them. Okay, that's
what's up. So it was justmainly you just struggled mainly with the social
chief just mainly struggle to grasping socialand norms, social cues and norms.
It was that was my struggle.Okay, Okay, So I know,
(31:59):
so you know I went to highschool, so I know you went to
college and you graduated. Yes,so tell us about your college experience,
Okay, And I forgot to mentionthis. With every you know, from
elementary to like high school, Ihad a support system. So for people
with autism, they had what theycalled the IEP's Individualized Education Plan, and
(32:22):
that really helped me a lot inorder like to pass my classes and subjects
and college. Like when I gotto college, on the other hand,
I had like like once I graduatedhigh school, like the IP stuff,
it was no good. It onlywent to high school. But once I
got to college, my college experience, like within the first year, I
(32:43):
couldn't even pass college outrea when theytold you you couldn't even use a calculator.
I always remember that when I startedcivil engineering, and the thing that
got me the most was like,you know, the social norms. I
was still struggling with that as aneighteen year old person, and I didn't
know that all the men had asystem similar to what I had before,
but of course it's more on anadult no scale, and you're expected to
(33:07):
know, like be more responsible.In college, they had a disability you
know, office to where, andI utilized it. I didn't know about
it until October of that year,and what I you know, how it
helps me is like what I woulddo with every semester, I would go
to my professors and I would tellthem that I have you know, disability.
(33:28):
Of course after class then it wouldsign a paper and I would take
my tests and my tests at thecenter because I needed to reduce some distractions,
and that that helped me a lotwith them, me, you know,
being able to write term papers doingthem like any any other assignment,
or like passing classes, because likethen I couldn't I couldn't fit in like
(33:52):
taking a normal test like the regularkids. They are like a few instances
where I was, but for themost part I was in that distraction free
zone to where like if I madea mistake on something, I could go
back to it and didn't feel likeI was rushed, like if a test
was timed or something, because youknow, when you're like a test taker
and you have autism, sometimes youspend too much time on one question,
(34:15):
then you got to like go backto it and it's just it just racks
your brain. So yeah, definitelymy college experience. On a social level,
I've I started to fit in morewith a certain group of people.
And I fit more in with peopleof faith, like the people of God,
(34:36):
because like I, you know,I started my journey with Christ in
two thousand and two at First BaptistChurch of Manasses and during that time,
I'm so thankful for my youth leadersat the time too. They always told
me that it would be a timewhere we won't be there for you like
that all the time, and Iknew it was coming, and especially within
(34:57):
the college experience, I had onebad experience with the group I was with
and had to get out of there. But like for the most part,
on the social level, they werethe people that I was with. They
were people of faith and I couldlike help know grow them. They helped
grow me, and that's what Ineeded, because I knew I couldn't like
be out there in the world andlike getting in trouble or being in danger
(35:21):
zones because especially like on the outsideof Old Dominion University, there were a
lot of danger zones and I wouldget those text messages on my phone at
night too, right right, Butthat's good. I'm glad you brought that
up because a lot of people don'tknow, you know that colleges have a
disability Resource center and to take advantageof that, because you said, like
(35:42):
your first semester, like you andyour parents didn't know that we were struggling.
I was you were struggling bad,right, I was until you learned
about that. And I think that'sa good thing, like taking advantage of
that, taking advantage of your professorsoff, you know, the office hours,
and so that's good. I'm justglad you were able to get the
accommodations that you needed and you wereable to find your tribe without a tribe
(36:06):
that was comfortable for you and whereyou could like still have like a social
experience and grow and learn. SoI think that's that was really powerful.
Yes, So now we're gonna skip, We're gonna fast for a little bit.
So you graduate college, yes,and now you're like, Okay,
I'm an adult, I'm in thereal world. What do I do?
Can talk? Can you talk aboutthat experience? Because I think a lot
(36:29):
of times and this is what I'veseen. You know, if anybody else
that's watching this that may be autisticor have relatives that are autistic or whatever,
I've noticed there are a lot ofresources for children in autism, but
I don't really see a lot ofresources for adults with autism. Like I
(36:50):
don't really see still social skills foradults. I don't really see like trying
to help them. I mean,find jobs, what they finance is just
different life skills. I really don'tsee them helping adults on that level.
And I think we need more organizationslike that. And I'm telling you I
(37:12):
feel this being birthed in my ownspirit, but there are organizations out there,
please let us know. I wouldlove to just see what you're doing,
especially out here in the DC area, But I have not seen a
lot of things where adults or gettingthat type of help, like I said,
in social skills, because I stillfeel like there's certain things that like
my husband didn't even know and I'mlike, you don't know that, you
(37:35):
know what I mean, social skills, life skills, and was the third
one okay right now? Right now? Finances and I mean a lot of
people, you know though some doeson all that, but you know what
I'm saying, just just just thingsthat's gonna help them to truly succeed that
(37:58):
right, truly succeed in adulthood.And so can we talk about, like
I said, just more about yourcareer journey like your work journey, like
because I know it was a strugglefor you for a while to even find
a good job, Like you couldn'tdo that because you really, like we
just said, you really didn't feellike you had the necessary tools to go
(38:20):
interview properly to a job that youreally might have wanted to get, you
know what I mean. So keptalking about that. Yeah, so I
definitely will. Likewise on the jobfront, I too, once I graduated
Ultimating in December twenty thirteen. Likewise, this was at a time when the
economy was still fragile, and theythe message was that hey, you know,
(38:44):
you did spend all your money anddid a four or five year degree
on what you studied, we werebam booted with the loser. Now,
if you go to go to college, you'll get a good paying job,
which you know, with certain degreesyou do get a better, you know,
paying job versus a high school diploma. But at the same time,
my experience with trying to find ajob after leaving school, it definitely was
(39:06):
difficult, Like I was thinking everythinglike underneath the sun because at the time
they were just telling us to yeah, just get something to just make money
so you can pay off the studentloan debt. And that that's exactly what
I did. Like I was onthat you know, journey of trying to
find work because like I had toyou know, you know, be responsible.
(39:28):
And this is a time, thisis at the time when I'm like,
yeah, I'm graduated college and Ineed to be more responsible now.
I need to you know, getmy life together more. And I had
a series of journey of jobs whereyeah, they were good builders, like
I had one this is before Idid Chick fil A where it was an
office depot and they didn't know theywanted me to locate stuff in the store.
(39:52):
But the store manager at the time, he wasn't the best at being
upfront with me about offering me ajob. And then of course Check,
which I did good with that,did that for a few months, and
Target, you know, it wasgood too. I did that a little
bit after that. I only didthat for a year, and then I
did door to door sales with thelawn company, but that wasn't the best
(40:13):
because it was people's tend to slamdoors in your face. And then think
after that one I did nonother retailjob and I worked at DJ's too doing
that and I was good like withinthat sector. But the disconnect really came
when it came to like interviews andalso like having workplace protections, like for
(40:36):
me right right there. So letme just get to this right now,
the workplace protections. And so thisis going on, think about two years,
yeah, two years, two yearslike after you know, getting out
of school, and I was doingresearch and my mother, she really helped
me do the research on this becausein the state of Virginia there's an agency
(40:57):
called Dar's Department for Aging and RebuiltHative Services, and like I knew nothing
about it. It was the sametype of deal like when I went,
you know, went the ODU,didn't know about their Disability office and I
knew nothing about DOARS, you know, being being state funded. And plus
within my county you know have ayou know support you know system under that
(41:17):
as well, because they work handin hand together. And it took me
like when I got like my lastjob, the last job by before this
current job, I'm at like Ineeded accommodations to learn how to do that
job because it was new to meand it was very it was very physically
intense, and I did it forsix years and I was successful with it
(41:39):
at for the time being, butI didn't know about workplace protections like under
the ADA, and like advocating formyself, I would definitely, I definitely
recommend, like for the adults hereentering into the workplace self advocacy because the
law. Yes, learn, learnthe laws right, know your rights if
(42:00):
that's the if you get anything outof this tonight, parents, adults,
know your rights because these companies arefat And to see how my husband was
treated at this company that he gavesix years from the workplace bullying, the
(42:23):
name calling, tons and to telland to tell him to his face that
we treat you like everybody else.To me, that was wrong. That
was wrong. I'm just sitting therethinking to myself, Okay, I see
that, but he needed accommodations andthe fact that he was supposed to have
(42:45):
certain accommodations and plates and and tome, you guys should have gave him
extra breaks. But like I'm saying, I'm getting into all that tonight.
I just think, like I said, know your rights and be because telling
you if you don't advocate for you, nobody else is right. These companies
just dispose of you like you're nothing. Like she told me this was a
(43:08):
few days ago, baby, thatthey can literally kill you and just put
flowers on your grave. Yeah,work you to death and then all they're
gonna do is send you flowers whenyou die and then replace you with somebody
else in that like race. Youlike that, I mean, And that's
why I tell people, you know, take advantage of your vacation time,
(43:29):
take advantage of your sick time,take advantage like whatever they give you,
you take advantage of that. Youknow, you take care of you.
You make sure that you have selfcare because I'm telling you, these companies
will run you right into the groundand then you're sitting there like you know,
you lost yourself. But to thebut to see that, right,
to see how he was treated atthis company, I was out, I
(43:52):
mean as a white, as aspouse. That really did. And to
feel like men I'm has helped meand I got to hold my tongue.
But there are times I wanted togo up to that job and be like,
let me tell y'all something, letme tell y'all something like you got
the wrong one. But you knowwhat I'm saying, Like I could do
(44:13):
it. It was like, God, like you the man guess stings on
two feet and so it's just like, okay, that is all I can
do is pray. And I couldjust be here and and just give him
some advice if he asked for it. But yeah, I would say.
Any spouses out there, and youknow, do the same thing. Know
your rights. I mean, ifyou don't be afraid to even talk to
a lawyer, you know what Imean, and getting the law involved.
(44:36):
Like if you know some shady stuff'sgoing down, and you know that you're
not being accommodated fairly in the waythat you need to be treated, you,
you know how you're supposed to betreated, go get some help.
Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. And if they try to retali and
companies are not supposed to retaliate againstyou, and if they retaliate against you,
(44:57):
listen. All I can tell y'allis I'm a document queen. Document,
document, document, And how doyou document break? I don't care
how you do it. You canrun a piece of paper, you can
send an email to yourself. Youcan put something like on your if you
have a MacBook, on the notepad. You can write down the date,
(45:19):
the time, and the description ofwhat happened. You can actually put the
names in there, right, Soif you do go seek a lawyer,
that's all all that stuff. It'salready been documented so that it's there.
Like, don't be sitting there sayingI'm gonna go see such and such a
lawyer and then you ain't did notype of documentation right to prove what's been
going on. You see what I'msaying, Right, So I would say
(45:43):
that, But yeah, baby,do you want to talk a little bit
more about that. Yeah, I'mtalking a little bit more. I'm not
going to go too much into thatbecause like for me, that was a
big learning lesson for me knowing theeighty eight, what the law is for
people with disabilities, and uh,just tell you more about my experiences like
working for you know that company forsix years, like since day one,
(46:06):
I had to fight tooth and nailand I'm really literally mean tooth and nail
for accommodations to make sure that Iwas working. I was able to you
know, provide for myself at thetime, you know, you know,
I lived with my mom and daddoing most of those years in like three
years, about two three years Iyou know, that was when we first
got married, and like I foughttooth and nail to like keep that job
(46:30):
and like doing the pandemic, LikeI had to fight tooth and nail to
get them to change my schedule becausea lot of things was going on,
like with me personally and you know, dealing with the pandemic. It just
wasn't helping no me and I neededI needed the mental help. And another
thing too for adults with autism outthere, like with being an employment use
(46:53):
your spirit of discernment. And Ican't tell you this any clear, use
your spirit of discernment with number onewho you share the information with among co
workers, and even evaluate the leadership, Like if the leadership of that company
is not like holding themselves accountable andlike doing what they're supposed to do in
the positions that they're in, gowith a third party person and just like
(47:17):
or a lawyer, like you knowshe talked about and just let that third
party person or that, hey,this is what's really going on here.
And what he means by third partyperson is like a job coach. Yes,
people that are professionals that work withpeople who have disabilities, and they
go and that's their job. Theygo into jobs jobs right of the people
who are disabled, and they makesure that they have the accommodations that they
(47:40):
need and they meet with the employer. That's what they do, that's what
they're supposed to that. I've seensome bad ones, like I know when
we live where we lived before wemoved up here. Yes, that was
that person was a joke. Yeah, So like definitely, you know,
look ato the person, you know, check the rap sheet, make sure
they make sure that they loud too, Like they're gonna like be a good
(48:01):
fit for you. Yes, I'mtelling you, it's like you're still gonna
be doing everything on your own.So yeah, I would definitely make sure
you're even looking into that person.But the person that he has now is
incredible. She is definitely checks onhim regularly, does what she needs to
do. So I like that person. Yes, but yeah, that's just
(48:22):
a little bit of my story onthat one. That's a learning lesson and
I'm definitely applied like the lessons I'velearned from there, Like where I'm currently
at and I had to open andhonest a conversation with my employer now and
he supports me like with everything thatI do, and just the fact that
I'm valued where I'm at now,it just goes to show you a long
(48:44):
way of where I came from.And I will say too, because Eric
wasn't really in his passion, LikeEric is passionate about cars. Yes,
I we're at automotive shop now,Yeah, Like he loves cars like that's
his thing. He will he willtalk about washing the car all day,
y'all, washing it, what hegonna put on the wheels, what he
(49:07):
gonna do on the inside, Likethat's him, you know what I mean.
Or he'll talk about cutting grass likeyou'd be like, I don't care
about grass like Eric's like, butyou're gonna tell you about cutting that grass
and how to maintain it. Okay, vehicles like like that, and he's
good at that. And so Isuggest anybody out there, like, follow
(49:30):
your passion. You know what I'msaying. It's not always about the money,
But what are you truly passionate about? Because eventually the money will come
right if you if you do yourpassion right. What are you passionate about?
What is your what? What doyou feel like your purpose is?
And I told her Eric, Isaid, I really feel like this is
the van you need to stick in, like this is your purpose. This
(49:51):
is why you get favor you knowwhat I mean, with your employer and
even your you know, your clientsand stuff like that. But I'm glad
because I mean to see from wherehe was because he was stressed out all
the time. Like I said,we're going to do a b on triggers,
but to see a person who wasstressed out all the time and like
certain things like triggers would just justyou'd be like, oh my gosh,
(50:14):
you know what I mean. Andlike I said, I want to talk
about that in a different like Isaid, we'll do a different segment on
that, but just to see anautistic person who was going through that and
it's like how do you work throughthat? We'll definitely get into that.
Thank you for sharing tonight. Imean, I know it took a lot
to confess. I'm telling y'all likethis is this has been a long time
(50:36):
to make it because everybody like areyou talking about talking to people about that?
So but I mean to see himlike just be like, yeah,
I'm gonna open up and share.Like God has so much in store for
you. I'm telling you you don'teven know what I'm telling you. Look
he missing it now, y'all.Hey man, Well, like I said,
(51:02):
tonight was good. Tonight, likeI said, really don't have a
scripture tonight. We just, likeI said, I just kind of wanted.
We just wanted to jump in andjust really do a Q and A
and just have him do his testimonyof just what he had to endure thus
far. So but very proud ofyou. Thank you. You're welcome,
(51:22):
babe. All Right, Well,we're gonna go ahead and like we always
do, guys, we're gonna we'regonna pray out and we will see you
guys next week. I guess nextweek we'll talk about just you know,
a little bit of my story andand and and talking about like my upbringing,
and then we'll just talk about justhow it is like just being married
(51:43):
and and and things like that.All right, So futher, God,
just thank you so much for allowingus to come together tonight, Father God,
this beautiful fellowship. Father God,we just want to say thank you
for everyone that's been watching tonight.Father God, we pray a special blessing
of it. Then, Father God, we pray all right now over the
neurodiverse marriages. We pray over neurotypicalmarriages. We pray over people who are
(52:05):
engaged or soon to be engaged,or wanting to be engaged, Father God,
and wanting to be and be foundby their spouses, Father God,
or even to find their spouses,Father God, we pray over all of
them right now. God, wepray a special blessing over them. Father
God. We pray that if anybodyis dealing with anything in their marriage God,
whether it be yeah, whether itbe adultery, Father God, or
(52:29):
if they're dealing with just some justsome typical marriage woes, Father God,
and they don't know, you know, how to speak to their spouse through
communication, whatever it may be,Father God, Father God, we just
pray right now that you will helpheal their marriages, that you will that
you will just help bring them together, Father God and Father God, we
just pray that you just set themon fire again, allow the passion and
(52:52):
the love to be brought back forthwithin their marriages. Father God and Father
God, help the people who arein their single state, Father God,
to get ready for their marriage.Father God, continue to prepare them emotionally,
financially, spiritually, emotionally, FatherGod, mentally, Father God,
whatever they need to be ready forthe marriage. Father God, you get
them ready to be found or tofind their spouse as Father God. So,
(53:16):
Father God, we say thank youfor tonight. Father God. We
also like to pray right now forany parents that may have watched tonight,
or any school administrators who may havewatched tonight, or any teens or young
adults that may have watched this tonightand they were able to just identify with
what they saw through Eric Father God, we pray a special blessing over them,
(53:37):
Father God, especially the parents ofthose autistic children or even this ausistic
teens or even autistic young adults oradults. Father God, we pray a
special blessing over them that you continueto look after them, Father God,
continue to be their caregiver, theirprovider, Father God, everything that they're
in need of. Father God.Surround them with a tribe, God,
(53:59):
a tribe of people who are goingto love them, uplift them, encourage
them, push them. Father God, Father God, we even pray right
now that you will begin to putin people's heart, especially like more adult
centered life skills and social skills,Father God, and employment services Father God,
for people who have autism, FatherGod, so that they can get
(54:20):
what they need. And even inadulthood, Father God. So we prayed
right now that you begin to plantseeds and those people got to you a
call to raise up these different organizationsin this our God and Father God.
We just want to say, thankyou, Lord. When it's seen your
name Jesus, that we pray,Amen and Amen. All right, guys,
well once again, thank you andwe will see you next Thursday.
(54:43):
By bye. Thank you guys forlistening to another episode of We would love
to hear from you regarding certain topicsthat you would like to as life change
your testimonies you would like to shareor information on how you can become against
on the show, Please email usat info at married with Autism dot com.
As always, we love you allwith the love of Christ. Remember
(55:06):
to keep Christ's first in all thatyou do, including your marriage, and
watch the Lord begins to transform yourlife. Be blessed.
Ce Be Supremes. Welcome to themarrit with Autism Podcast, a podcast as
designed to help neuro diapert and neurotypicalcouples, quote married and single learn how
to develop a happy, healthy ata set of amriage and Christmas trip supple.
Now, before we jump into theshow with our favorite host, property
is Brief Smilth and Pastor Eric Smilty, please enjoy these words from our sponsors.
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(01:40):
Eva, So I am Profitessbrie smithspastor Eric Smith, and welcome to another
episode of Married with Autism. Sotonight we are going to be doing a
live Q and A with Eric.We're going to just be asked scheme just
about his having him share his testimonyright through a series of just questions,
(02:05):
you know, Q and A tonightjust about living with autism and things like
that and just his journey up untilthis point. And so we're really excited
about tonight. I know you guysare going to get a lot out of
tonight. So that's what we wantedto really talk about, so you know,
we do. We're gonna go aheadand open up with prayer and then
we'll jump right into the Q andA. All right, all right,
(02:29):
go ahead, bab let's pray havingFather in the name of Jesus, we
just come to you right now.We just first and foremost tell you.
Thank you, God, Thank youfor another day, another opportunity of doing
your purpose God and your kingdom purpose. God. Father, we decrease so
that you increase. God have yourway tonight in the name of Jesus.
(02:51):
Right now, Father God, justthank you for allowing us to be like
open and transparent about our own testimoniesand our journeys, not just through mayor
but even in our individual lives.God. And I think the further we
know more about our individual lives andlike just display that out here, the
more the people will understand. Soright now, God, I just thank
(03:13):
you for like first and foremost ourunion, and second of all, just
just some kingdom mandate and this kingdomassignment that you placed upon my heart and
Brianna's heart, like ministering to marriagesnearro diverse marriage marriages and even near typical
marriages. So right now, FatherGod, we just let you take the
way. We let you do whatyou do best. Your Holy spirit just
(03:35):
move through this room, moved throughthis podcast, and let your holy spirit
do what it does best. God. We love you, we honor you,
and we give awful respect to youGod. And it's in your name
we pray. Amen. Amen,all right. So, like I said,
it's like Q and A. Sothe first question that we have,
(03:58):
Eric is how how would you describeyour childhood? So can you tell us
like a little bit about your childhood. Yeah, So my childhood, as
everybody knows, I was raised ina two parent household, middle child between
two sisters. And my childhood,the thing that I liked about at the
(04:19):
best was just my close knitness ofmy family and being able to you know,
during that time I was also ableto it was back at the time
when we were able to play withthe neighborhood kids and everything. So those
are the good things I liked aboutmy childhood. And my childhood was really
I was, you know, seekingto learn things, and I was,
(04:40):
you know, in that moment,I was exploring the world around me and
wanted to know what it was likearound me, not just within the house
that I grew up in, butalso outside to outside. There were some
good things I learned and some notgood things about the outside world. But
overall, my childhood was it wasa good childhood. That could it have
(05:03):
been better, Yes, their pieceswere it could have been better, But
I'm pleased to say that my childhoodwas it was the best at it could
be, you know. And plusI had to give respect where respect to
do. Like my mother and father, they did everything they could with the
resources that they had at the timeto you know, raise me up in
(05:23):
their own household. And I knowthat they did a good job with me
doing that because it takes, likethe old saying, it takes the village
to raise a child. And Iwas surrounded by a village of people,
not just within my neighborhood, butalso with my home church at the time.
That was really my village. Soit really helped my childhood a lot,
(05:44):
and I really flourished, you know, from there. Okay, so
when were you diagnosed with autism oraspergers as a child? When were you
diagnosed? I was diagnosed at fouryears old. I didn't know at the
time. Plus when you're or whenyou're young, I really don't know much
what's really going on. And Iwas diagnosed at a very young age.
(06:06):
And I don't know who my momand dad took to at the time when
I had the diagnosis, but theyjust noticed that something was off about me.
They didn't thank God that they didn'twrite me off. But at the
same time, like I would laterencounter that, you know, we'll get
more into that, like being writtenoff by society with you know, going
(06:29):
into schools and no teachers and youknow, peers, Like I was just
you know a little bit different.And I think I noticed that, you
know, a little bit more whenI was in this was before pre K,
I think it was, you know, pre K, and I was
in like a special special class andit was only like about four or five
kids at the time, and weall had the we all wrote the bus,
(06:51):
you know, the one with thehandicap bus at the time too.
And that's when I really noticed thatI was just different and like my normal
social interactions weren't weren't what you know, the other kids were, and how
and how to you know, eitherplay with toys or like whether I come
across a topic that interests me butit doesn't interest them. That's when I
(07:13):
first noticed it about myself. Ohokay, okay, And that's fascinating.
I never knew that. I neverknew as a child you had to ride
the handicap bus. So did youhave to ride that from the time,
like pre K time, all theway up until you graduated or did they
stop it at a certain point youwere able to like ride the regular bus.
(07:34):
I was able to ride the regularbus. I think I started riding
the regular bus when I wanted tokindergarten. Okay, yes, okay,
okay. So it was like justa short brief period. So tell us
more about like what happened with youin like elementary school, like you know,
elementary school, and then you cankind of get into middle school and
(07:54):
high school. Like tell us aboutyour del developmental years. Right, how
was your sol interaction with your peersat each level, and then I'll ask
you some more questions. Okay,I got you. I think my interaction
with let me just start with elementaryschool. My interaction with my peers,
it was very I was still tryingto break out into fitting in with the
(08:16):
other kids for per se, andI always I was always taught by my
parents to you know, do yourschool work. Do always do your homework.
And yeah, the fun part wasthere of like interacting with the kids,
but I didn't know like how todo it, because you know,
when you're like five six years old, there's a lot of unwritten rules that
(08:39):
you don't understand at that young age. My interactions with especially in elementary school
and I all mentioned like daycare atthe time too, it was very,
very limited and I was only ableto and I think this translation into adulthood
as well too, like only ableto interact with, you know, kids
that were on my level because islike all the other ones, they had
(09:01):
their own cliques, they wanted tobe, you know, it was like
the cool kids here, and thenyou know the kids that were like the
nerds. So I kind of fitin with the nerds per se. At
that time, the change part wasnot easy, and with each level,
change was not like a great thingfor me because for us, with the
(09:24):
autism, we're very used to routinesand schedules, and when it came to
change, I think especially going fromone grade to another, from one level
school to the other, it reallyyou know disrupted me because I didn't understand
what that was. And going tomiddle school. Middle school was the age
(09:45):
where like I still kind of heldto my elementary cell and I had to
learn quick like what you know thekids were in. And of course when
you get to middle school, youknow, the kids were into you know,
hardcore music that was you know thebest for them. They were into
sex, they were into things thatI know, you know, when you're
(10:05):
like twelve thirteen years old, youshouldn't be into And that was you know,
of course the age where when musicvideos were like everything, and I
stopped watching it at that time too. But middle school it was more of
the same. I think the olderI got, the more I understood the
clicks of the kids and whether itwas you know, in the classroom,
(10:26):
in the lunch room, you know, on the school bus, everybody had
their own clicks. And like fastforward to high school, it was definitely
more the same thing fitting in withpeople. Like with every level, I
can only gravitate, only gravitate tocertain people that like really had their backs
for me and what was best forme. It was just very very click
(10:50):
ish, definitely in high school andthe immaturity, and I think for me,
I was very ahead of myself.And another thing with autism, very
like above average intelligence and we likesee things ahead when like everybody else around
you they want to just stay onone level. But like I had to
(11:11):
learn that for myself first because therewere instances where I didn't let me just
say, I didn't make the bestdecisions, and like being with peers like
falling for their tricks and ruises becauseat that time I didn't have a good
spirit of discernment, and like Ihad to develop my spirit of discernment,
you know at a young age,like even after you know, those phone
(11:35):
calls and getting in trouble or thosenotes at home, Like I didn't know
any better because like these were allunwritten rules. And when you have unwritten
rules and you get chastised for somethingthat you didn't know, it's very frustrating.
Definitely, those unwritten rules and theclicks I had it coming against me.
(11:56):
So can you talk to us aboutthe bully then? Like did you
encounter bullying? Was it very hardto make friends because of your own social
interest that you had? Can youtalk a little bit more about that.
Yes, I was bullied, ofcourse the ninth grade year at a Stonewall
Jackson. I was bullied because Iwas just different, you know, they're
(12:20):
just the That was when you reallysaw like the cool kids, the kids
that were a people with the forguys like the alpha males. And then
of course you had the popular girlsthat they didn't want nothing to do with
me at that time either. AndI was bullied for not for being delayed,
and you know, at that time, they called kids with special needs,
(12:43):
you know, retarded or slow oroh, you're in that special class.
And it was a label that carredwith me for a long time.
And the two instances where I wasbullied, I was actually kicked out of
school because you know, of fightingand those two incenses. The perpetrators they
didn't graduate, you know, highschool at the time. They had a
(13:07):
lot of issues on their own.Don't know what they were at the time,
but they did so even though I'mhere now and I ended up lee
graduating back in the nine the bullyingand the effects and the consequences of that
was of course coming home. Igot the lecture in the car, even
in middle school, like when Idid know stuff that was not pleasing to
(13:28):
mom and dad, like I wouldget the lecture in the car from dad,
and I would get I'm to haveyou clean my house from my mother.
That was you know, both instanceswas like that, and it was
hard for me to understand that andknow. And plus at the time with
the fighting issues Stonewall they had inevery classroom. Zero Tyland's policies and they're
(13:48):
very arbitrary and they target people youknow, especially people of color and people
with disabilities. So it was adouble whammy for me. And I remember
the first instance where I got introuble, like it was like two of
my teachers and the one who waslike a second mother to me, he
really defended me with a lot ofthings, and I remember my mom and
(14:11):
dad being in there. They hadto take out off of work, and
the school administrator he didn't want tosee me succeed. He clearly didn't.
He just wanted to write me offand say, oh, he's a bad
kid. He I can tell that'swhat he was thinking about. And then
of course it made my teacher itwas like a second mom to me.
It made her upset and my momhad to calm her down at the time
(14:31):
be like, hey, just justknow I got this, and they're they're
good friends now too. At thattime, being bullied, you don't you
just don't see the written rules clearon tablets or paper. You. I
mean, but there's really and Ihate to cut you off there, but
there's really no written rules when itcomes to bullying. What statistics and what
(14:54):
research has shown is that bullies areoftentimes right either there being abused at home
and they pick on weaker people,right, They target weaker or people they
deem to be weaker vessels in orderto make themselves feel good, because,
like I said, they're either dealingwith the trauma at home or they're being
bullied or whatever, right, becausethey're trying to make them they're trying to
(15:16):
puff themselves up. Theyre trying topuff up their own ego. It's very
fascinating that you've talked about tonight abouthow administration deals with that and even about
parents. I guess because there's somuch I want to tackle even within that.
But the thing is, I'm goingto ask you three questions. Okay,
right, I'm going to ask youthe first one. First, Okay,
(15:39):
what advice would you give to akid right now that is being bullied
like they're dealing they're they're autistic,and they're being bullied. What advice would
you give them? Like I woulddefinitely first and foremost, if they're being
bullied, do everything you can inyour power to walk away from the situation.
And if you can't walk away,get a trusted adult. And if
(16:03):
they're not within the school system,and if they're not like really helping you,
if you have parents at home,like only underneath that case, talk
to your parents or have a trustedyou mentor outside of the school system that
you can you trust and talk toand just say, hey, this is
going on. I'm getting bullied,like in the classroom. This is not
(16:25):
working for me, and just letthem know that, hey, I just
don't feel safe from going to schoolbecause I'm dealing with this on a day
to day basis, and really bereal with them and just say, this
is what I go through on aday to day basis, and I don't
feel like I'm welcome, and Ishould be. My job is to learn,
and it's not to feel like Ihave to defend myself because these other
(16:48):
kids have their own issues and theyjust want to pick on me or my
other peers. That is my adviceto them. But I just like my
suggestion to you and especially to kidsout there who are being bullied. I
agree with my husband saying one hundredpercent, but also to the people who
are doing the bullying. You gottalook within yourself right and really begin to
(17:11):
ask myself a question, why amI picking on this person who is defenseless.
You gotta really begin to start toask yourself this question and are you
picking on them because I don't feelgood about myself and so I gotta,
like I said, you gotta puffup your ego. And the only reason
why I can say this is becauseI was once a child and I once
did bullying. Even though I waseven though I was bullied, I did
(17:33):
bully right and right. It's alwaystwo sides to this, you know what
I mean? And not to beafraid kids to say tell your parents you
know or trust the adult like Ineed help. I need to go talk
to somebody. I have anger issues, I have emotional issues, and I
need to be able to let thisoutlet out. And parents be okay,
well, letting your child allowing yourchild to go see a therapist. Y'all
(17:57):
know I'm a big, big personwhen it comes to therapy and allowing your
child to be able to go totherapy and discuss this and so that they
can learn now at a young age, because what you don't want to happen
is your child gets thirty, sothey didn't have all this trauma from the
(18:17):
town they the kindergarten all the wayup into thirty. You know what I
mean. And you're like, whyis my child like going through all this
stuff. You know, they suicidal, you know what I mean, the
in and out of bad relationships,all types of stuff. And it's because
they have never learned to dealt withThey never learned to deal with the stuff
that was going on in childhood.And that's why I always tell people like
(18:41):
the earlier you can get a childlike That's why in my book The Breeze
Heavenly INVENTUREUS book, in the backof the book I had where you have
parent child interaction or activity questions.This is to begin to have critical conversations
with your child so that it's likeyou know what I mean, So that
you can begin to have these openconversations right at a young age with them,
(19:04):
so it's not like, oh man, like like like I said,
you get to a to adulthood andeverything just explodes and you like, why
is my child in prison because theycommitted crime or you know, or they
died at a younger or whatever.He is right, because they were never
able to get that out. Andso I think that's an important thing.
(19:25):
And then two, what advice wouldyou give to parents who of people who
have autism, you know, parentsthat have autists, to children like what
advice would you give them, especiallyif they're watching tonight. Like for the
parents, I would know definitely likelook out for signs that your child is,
like if he's not if or sheis not acting like he normally would
(19:47):
at home, Like if they're nottalking to you about anything, if they're
like, for example, they're likea talker and you know you just can't
get them to stop talking. Andthen they're like very quiet and they're very
secluded, like in the room andthey just don't want to like say nothing.
Just like get like allow them toopen up, be like hey,
like what's really going on? You'renot yourself? Hey, this is something
(20:08):
you want to talk to me about, Like, what's really going on?
Because I know something's going on.When you're a parent, you got to
have that spirit of discernment in youbecause every child is different and they're going
to feel they can like open themselvesup to anybody because nine times out of
ten, the trauma that they're dealingwith at that present moment is still affecting
(20:30):
them. They're still closing themselves offto where even to their own family members
like hey, I don't want totalk about this, but yeah, just
open the you know, open thedoor up for them to just say,
hey, like what's really going onand let them know, Like the home
is supposed to be like the safestplace for you know, them to like
express what's really going on in theirlives, because they shouldn't feel unsafe in
(20:52):
their own home under that, like, just start the conversation out with them
and know like if they're acting different, like whether they're not no talking as
much, whether they're sleeping often throughoutthe day, or low appetite or eating
more or less than what they normallydo, you know something's going on with
them, right, Okay? Andthen the third group of people, I
(21:15):
want you to talk to school administrators. Yes, what advice would you give
to school administrators who are dealing withthis very issue right now? Like,
like, we know the school toprison pipeline right because it's targeted towards African
Americans and Latinos and other minorities,but specifically African Americans and Latino and so
(21:38):
what advice would you give to schooladministrators teachers who are dealing with people that
you know with autistic children, becauseyou know what, this is so crazy.
I saw a couple of weeks agoy'all saw article whereas a principal in
California the little boy, right,I guess he said something, But you
(22:00):
know, everybody's variation of autism isdifferent. So you like how Eric's functions
doesn't mean that you're going to meetanother person who functions like that. They
may have similar things, like youknow, like similarities, but they're not
always going to come out the exactsame traits. Okay, Well, this
particular little boy, I think hewas like in the video, saw him
(22:21):
pointing and stuff like that. SoI don't you know what I mean,
I don't know what his variation ofautism is. I just know he was
diagnosed with autism. I literally sawin the video where the principal got mad
and literally put like just just literallyI don't even know if he if he
slapped him. I think he like, look, just pushed them. The
little boy was in his face andhe just went boom like that, And
(22:44):
I'm just in there, like atone point in time, our teachers and
administrators even trained on this to beable to and not even just autism.
It's like, when are they eventrained when they have kids that have disabilities
in their classroom to be like Okay, this child has a disability, and
I'm staying more outside of just ADHDbecause you know, I feel like every
(23:07):
black kid these days is labeled withADHD whatever. So when they have a
disability like autism, Aspergers or whateverit is, and this is what's causing
the behavior, you know what Imean, it's like, what advice would
you give to these administrators? Right? Because in my mind, and like
I said, you come up,But what I'm thinking is they need to
(23:32):
further be educated on autism and Aspergerssyndrome. They need to like really be
educated in that, and like Isaid, the other disabilities and things like
that that are out there that thesekids have. And then number two,
like being able to be compassionate becausethe fact of the matter is you were
(23:52):
bullied. You were bullied, andthe fact that the administrator was just like,
oh, well, we have azero tolerance policy and I'm just but
it's so so so he can't fightback, he can't defend himself even though
he's being attacked, right, andhe's the victim. But in your mind,
because I'm gonna call a thing athing because because he's an African American,
(24:19):
you know what I mean, Likewhat was the reason behind that,
you know what I'm saying, Likehe deserved to be protected and y'all did
not protect him, and so thereforehe had to protect himself in some type
of way. And I think wegot to learn to stop doing that because
I'm sorry if I had a child, because me and Eric currently do not
(24:41):
have children, But if my childis being bullied and they've done everything they
know to do, I'm not gonnasit there and have my child be no
punching bag for somebody. Hello,somebody. I'm not gonna have my child
be nobody's punching bag. So they'regonna have to learn to defend themselves,
right, especially if we're not there. And so for me that I think
(25:02):
that really bothered me at the factthat the administrator wasn't even willing to even
like cure you out, because I'mpretty sure you guys probably even race you
know, like went to them andsay, hey, my son's going through
this, he's having these issues,and it's like boom, So finally it
escalates this big fight and now allof a sudden, it's like they need
to get out my school. Liketo me, I got I got a
(25:23):
real bad issue. With that.I'm sorry, it just angers me that.
But what would you what advice wouldyou give cause you now you know
you're on the other side, you'rea grown man, So what advice would
you give to teachers and administrators outthere when they're dealing with kids who are
au tested? This is like quitea complex issue within itself, like especially
(25:45):
for the teachers the administrators, becausewe all know that the funding is not
there and government is who it isand how they want to allocate money and
all that. But that's a wholenother story of different side. But thing
is for the teachers and the administrators. I think it would be good if
within every school system they had liketrained or if they hired like so many
(26:10):
like autistic you know, teachers thatyou know, deal with the autism spectrum
children, if they like report itto them in a way and say like,
hey, like, how can I, you know, address somebody that
has autism or potentially has it whenI don't know it myself? So then
that eliminates your own biases against themwhen a situation like what I went through
(26:30):
occurs, and I would definitely meetup with them and be like, hey,
how can we address it to wherelike they're not one they're not getting
into these fights or incidents, andtwo where they can be easily understood,
but like if they do get intoan incident like that, some form of
mediation, Like I know at Stonewallwe had a mediator. He was there
(26:52):
was only like one person there,but like a mediator to like have someone
that's like very neutral third party andsay hey and just be real with the
kids, be like, this isnot a he said, she said type
thing. Tell me the undisputed true, like what really happened. And then
based on their decision off of likewhat what really happened and the account they
(27:14):
should they say, Okay, soI know from what i'm you know,
based off of what I hear andwhat I've saw, this is what we're
gonna do and how we're gonna likeaddress the issue. So we got to
get to addressing the root causes ofthese issues instead of just throwing these kids
away in this school to prison pipeline, because you're, you know, the
(27:34):
system is just letting potential business people, doctors, lawyers and everything down the
list. You're you're just sending them, you know, to jail and to
be locked up. So there justneeds to be a system of checks and
balances in the school system to wherelike everybody is trained on how to deal
with that, because I know it'sa lot that they got to go through
(27:56):
too, right now with the differenttypes of children that are in this world,
especially right now, Yeah, becauseit's like, let's call it things.
Some people's kids is wow, andthey bad. Let they some little
demons running through the schools. Theyare wilding out. But then it's like,
you know what I mean, likeyou got to go back to how
(28:17):
they being raised at home, Likeyou can't expect your child to only be
raised in school and they trying todo everything they can at school. How
are you raising your child at home? Because it starts at home. You're
the first teacher exactly. And sobut like I said, now every child
is like that, and I thinkwe got they have to they need to
learn to separate the two. Andlike I said, especially when it comes
(28:41):
to the children with true disabilities.And I'm not saying that ADHD is not
a true disability, and now I'msaying I'm just saying, like autism that
is that is huge, right,It's very complex and for you just to
sit there and be like, Okay, I'm on just do whatever, and
it's like, you can't do that. You can't because some kids, right,
(29:03):
they're autism. Like I said,some of them, they get very
very withdrawn. And we're gonna talkabout it aerton to talk about not doing
it tonight, but we're gonna talkabout things that trigger them, that can
set them off, you know whatI mean. You don't know what's gonna
set that child off, what triggersthem, you know what I mean.
So you're thinking that this child wegot an attitude problem. And it's like
(29:25):
and they this, this, thatand the other, and they're having this
tantrum. But it's like, dothey have autism? Like are they getting
mad because certain things are triggering them? Do they have some type of sensory
issues? You know what I mean? Like I'm telling you, it gets
to that delicate, intricate level.So it's like we don't know, you
(29:45):
don't know, you know what Imean. So that's what I'm saying.
I think that administrators need to trulybe trained on that to be able to
truly be like, oh, okay, this child is going through this.
So I can't necessarily say go tothe principal's office. I'm about to write
you up. It's like, okay, we need to have proceipt. We
need to go ahead and get youcalm down, get you separated, make
sure that you're good, and thenwe send you on your way, like
(30:06):
you know what I mean, Likenot I'm gonna just send you out of
school, right, you know whatI mean? Like that's not how you
handle that. So well, thankyou for sharing that part, because I
just think that parents needed to youknow, just talking to the parents,
talking to the kids, talking tothe ministror, like people need to hear
this. This is why I thoughtit was very important for people to hear
your story tonight because I'm just likethat always fascinated when you would talk about
(30:29):
that, but also to talk aboutthe educational piece in school, like did
you struggle a lot in like learningconcepts? Yeah, like did you struggle
a lot and learning the different conceptslike within subjects or you're talking about on
the social level subjects subjects. Ididn't struggle learning concepts with anything that I
learned. This is just how mybrain works. Like if it's a new
(30:52):
concept and I don't know it atfirst, like I'll struggle with it for
a while, I'll like get myhead and I'll get from when I don't
get it because I expect to getit the first time. But then once
I like start doing it like moreand more the repetition, that's when I'm
like, Okay, I know howto do this now. I was pretty
confident with my ability is to graspsomething. I know at first it's not
(31:14):
the best, but when I doit over and over again, I'm like,
wow, I know how to dothis now. And the concept whether
it was like well, a mathproblem or like science, I was always
interested in how things work, likescience like that. That always fascinated me
because I'm an inter hit thinker.I like to think about the specifics on
how things work and why things arethe way that they are. If you
(31:37):
want to know about the concepts,so I grasp them. Okay, that's
what's up. So it was justmainly you just struggled mainly with the social
chief just mainly struggle to grasping socialand norms, social cues and norms.
It was that was my struggle.Okay, Okay, So I know,
(31:59):
so you know I went to highschool, so I know you went to
college and you graduated. Yes,so tell us about your college experience,
Okay, And I forgot to mentionthis. With every you know, from
elementary to like high school, Ihad a support system. So for people
with autism, they had what theycalled the IEP's Individualized Education Plan, and
(32:22):
that really helped me a lot inorder like to pass my classes and subjects
and college. Like when I gotto college, on the other hand,
I had like like once I graduatedhigh school, like the IP stuff,
it was no good. It onlywent to high school. But once I
got to college, my college experience, like within the first year, I
(32:43):
couldn't even pass college outrea when theytold you you couldn't even use a calculator.
I always remember that when I startedcivil engineering, and the thing that
got me the most was like,you know, the social norms. I
was still struggling with that as aneighteen year old person, and I didn't
know that all the men had asystem similar to what I had before,
but of course it's more on anadult no scale, and you're expected to
(33:07):
know, like be more responsible.In college, they had a disability you
know, office to where, andI utilized it. I didn't know about
it until October of that year,and what I you know, how it
helps me is like what I woulddo with every semester, I would go
to my professors and I would tellthem that I have you know, disability.
(33:28):
Of course after class then it wouldsign a paper and I would take
my tests and my tests at thecenter because I needed to reduce some distractions,
and that that helped me a lotwith them, me, you know,
being able to write term papers doingthem like any any other assignment,
or like passing classes, because likethen I couldn't I couldn't fit in like
(33:52):
taking a normal test like the regularkids. They are like a few instances
where I was, but for themost part I was in that distraction free
zone to where like if I madea mistake on something, I could go
back to it and didn't feel likeI was rushed, like if a test
was timed or something, because youknow, when you're like a test taker
and you have autism, sometimes youspend too much time on one question,
(34:15):
then you got to like go backto it and it's just it just racks
your brain. So yeah, definitelymy college experience. On a social level,
I've I started to fit in morewith a certain group of people.
And I fit more in with peopleof faith, like the people of God,
(34:36):
because like I, you know,I started my journey with Christ in
two thousand and two at First BaptistChurch of Manasses and during that time,
I'm so thankful for my youth leadersat the time too. They always told
me that it would be a timewhere we won't be there for you like
that all the time, and Iknew it was coming, and especially within
(34:57):
the college experience, I had onebad experience with the group I was with
and had to get out of there. But like for the most part,
on the social level, they werethe people that I was with. They
were people of faith and I couldlike help know grow them. They helped
grow me, and that's what Ineeded, because I knew I couldn't like
be out there in the world andlike getting in trouble or being in danger
(35:21):
zones because especially like on the outsideof Old Dominion University, there were a
lot of danger zones and I wouldget those text messages on my phone at
night too, right right, Butthat's good. I'm glad you brought that
up because a lot of people don'tknow, you know that colleges have a
disability Resource center and to take advantageof that, because you said, like
(35:42):
your first semester, like you andyour parents didn't know that we were struggling.
I was you were struggling bad,right, I was until you learned
about that. And I think that'sa good thing, like taking advantage of
that, taking advantage of your professorsoff, you know, the office hours,
and so that's good. I'm justglad you were able to get the
accommodations that you needed and you wereable to find your tribe without a tribe
(36:06):
that was comfortable for you and whereyou could like still have like a social
experience and grow and learn. SoI think that's that was really powerful.
Yes, So now we're gonna skip, We're gonna fast for a little bit.
So you graduate college, yes,and now you're like, Okay,
I'm an adult, I'm in thereal world. What do I do?
Can talk? Can you talk aboutthat experience? Because I think a lot
(36:29):
of times and this is what I'veseen. You know, if anybody else
that's watching this that may be autisticor have relatives that are autistic or whatever,
I've noticed there are a lot ofresources for children in autism, but
I don't really see a lot ofresources for adults with autism. Like I
(36:50):
don't really see still social skills foradults. I don't really see like trying
to help them. I mean,find jobs, what they finance is just
different life skills. I really don'tsee them helping adults on that level.
And I think we need more organizationslike that. And I'm telling you I
(37:12):
feel this being birthed in my ownspirit, but there are organizations out there,
please let us know. I wouldlove to just see what you're doing,
especially out here in the DC area, But I have not seen a
lot of things where adults or gettingthat type of help, like I said,
in social skills, because I stillfeel like there's certain things that like
my husband didn't even know and I'mlike, you don't know that, you
(37:35):
know what I mean, social skills, life skills, and was the third
one okay right now? Right now? Finances and I mean a lot of
people, you know though some doeson all that, but you know what
I'm saying, just just just thingsthat's gonna help them to truly succeed that
(37:58):
right, truly succeed in adulthood.And so can we talk about, like
I said, just more about yourcareer journey like your work journey, like
because I know it was a strugglefor you for a while to even find
a good job, Like you couldn'tdo that because you really, like we
just said, you really didn't feellike you had the necessary tools to go
(38:20):
interview properly to a job that youreally might have wanted to get, you
know what I mean. So keptalking about that. Yeah, so I
definitely will. Likewise on the jobfront, I too, once I graduated
Ultimating in December twenty thirteen. Likewise, this was at a time when the
economy was still fragile, and theythe message was that hey, you know,
(38:44):
you did spend all your money anddid a four or five year degree
on what you studied, we werebam booted with the loser. Now,
if you go to go to college, you'll get a good paying job,
which you know, with certain degreesyou do get a better, you know,
paying job versus a high school diploma. But at the same time,
my experience with trying to find ajob after leaving school, it definitely was
(39:06):
difficult, Like I was thinking everythinglike underneath the sun because at the time
they were just telling us to yeah, just get something to just make money
so you can pay off the studentloan debt. And that that's exactly what
I did. Like I was onthat you know, journey of trying to
find work because like I had toyou know, you know, be responsible.
(39:28):
And this is a time, thisis at the time when I'm like,
yeah, I'm graduated college and Ineed to be more responsible now.
I need to you know, getmy life together more. And I had
a series of journey of jobs whereyeah, they were good builders, like
I had one this is before Idid Chick fil A where it was an
office depot and they didn't know theywanted me to locate stuff in the store.
(39:52):
But the store manager at the time, he wasn't the best at being
upfront with me about offering me ajob. And then of course Check,
which I did good with that,did that for a few months, and
Target, you know, it wasgood too. I did that a little
bit after that. I only didthat for a year, and then I
did door to door sales with thelawn company, but that wasn't the best
(40:13):
because it was people's tend to slamdoors in your face. And then think
after that one I did nonother retailjob and I worked at DJ's too doing
that and I was good like withinthat sector. But the disconnect really came
when it came to like interviews andalso like having workplace protections, like for
(40:36):
me right right there. So letme just get to this right now,
the workplace protections. And so thisis going on, think about two years,
yeah, two years, two yearslike after you know, getting out
of school, and I was doingresearch and my mother, she really helped
me do the research on this becausein the state of Virginia there's an agency
(40:57):
called Dar's Department for Aging and RebuiltHative Services, and like I knew nothing
about it. It was the sametype of deal like when I went,
you know, went the ODU,didn't know about their Disability office and I
knew nothing about DOARS, you know, being being state funded. And plus
within my county you know have ayou know support you know system under that
(41:17):
as well, because they work handin hand together. And it took me
like when I got like my lastjob, the last job by before this
current job, I'm at like Ineeded accommodations to learn how to do that
job because it was new to meand it was very it was very physically
intense, and I did it forsix years and I was successful with it
(41:39):
at for the time being, butI didn't know about workplace protections like under
the ADA, and like advocating formyself, I would definitely, I definitely
recommend, like for the adults hereentering into the workplace self advocacy because the
law. Yes, learn, learnthe laws right, know your rights if
(42:00):
that's the if you get anything outof this tonight, parents, adults,
know your rights because these companies arefat And to see how my husband was
treated at this company that he gavesix years from the workplace bullying, the
(42:23):
name calling, tons and to telland to tell him to his face that
we treat you like everybody else.To me, that was wrong. That
was wrong. I'm just sitting therethinking to myself, Okay, I see
that, but he needed accommodations andthe fact that he was supposed to have
(42:45):
certain accommodations and plates and and tome, you guys should have gave him
extra breaks. But like I'm saying, I'm getting into all that tonight.
I just think, like I said, know your rights and be because telling
you if you don't advocate for you, nobody else is right. These companies
just dispose of you like you're nothing. Like she told me this was a
(43:08):
few days ago, baby, thatthey can literally kill you and just put
flowers on your grave. Yeah,work you to death and then all they're
gonna do is send you flowers whenyou die and then replace you with somebody
else in that like race. Youlike that, I mean, And that's
why I tell people, you know, take advantage of your vacation time,
(43:29):
take advantage of your sick time,take advantage like whatever they give you,
you take advantage of that. Youknow, you take care of you.
You make sure that you have selfcare because I'm telling you, these companies
will run you right into the groundand then you're sitting there like you know,
you lost yourself. But to thebut to see that, right,
to see how he was treated atthis company, I was out, I
(43:52):
mean as a white, as aspouse. That really did. And to
feel like men I'm has helped meand I got to hold my tongue.
But there are times I wanted togo up to that job and be like,
let me tell y'all something, letme tell y'all something like you got
the wrong one. But you knowwhat I'm saying, Like I could do
(44:13):
it. It was like, God, like you the man guess stings on
two feet and so it's just like, okay, that is all I can
do is pray. And I couldjust be here and and just give him
some advice if he asked for it. But yeah, I would say.
Any spouses out there, and youknow, do the same thing. Know
your rights. I mean, ifyou don't be afraid to even talk to
a lawyer, you know what Imean, and getting the law involved.
(44:36):
Like if you know some shady stuff'sgoing down, and you know that you're
not being accommodated fairly in the waythat you need to be treated, you,
you know how you're supposed to betreated, go get some help.
Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. And if they try to retali and
companies are not supposed to retaliate againstyou, and if they retaliate against you,
(44:57):
listen. All I can tell y'allis I'm a document queen. Document,
document, document, And how doyou document break? I don't care
how you do it. You canrun a piece of paper, you can
send an email to yourself. Youcan put something like on your if you
have a MacBook, on the notepad. You can write down the date,
(45:19):
the time, and the description ofwhat happened. You can actually put the
names in there, right, Soif you do go seek a lawyer,
that's all all that stuff. It'salready been documented so that it's there.
Like, don't be sitting there sayingI'm gonna go see such and such a
lawyer and then you ain't did notype of documentation right to prove what's been
going on. You see what I'msaying, Right, So I would say
(45:43):
that, But yeah, baby,do you want to talk a little bit
more about that. Yeah, I'mtalking a little bit more. I'm not
going to go too much into thatbecause like for me, that was a
big learning lesson for me knowing theeighty eight, what the law is for
people with disabilities, and uh,just tell you more about my experiences like
working for you know that company forsix years, like since day one,
(46:06):
I had to fight tooth and nailand I'm really literally mean tooth and nail
for accommodations to make sure that Iwas working. I was able to you
know, provide for myself at thetime, you know, you know,
I lived with my mom and daddoing most of those years in like three
years, about two three years Iyou know, that was when we first
got married, and like I foughttooth and nail to like keep that job
(46:30):
and like doing the pandemic, LikeI had to fight tooth and nail to
get them to change my schedule becausea lot of things was going on,
like with me personally and you know, dealing with the pandemic. It just
wasn't helping no me and I neededI needed the mental help. And another
thing too for adults with autism outthere, like with being an employment use
(46:53):
your spirit of discernment. And Ican't tell you this any clear, use
your spirit of discernment with number onewho you share the information with among co
workers, and even evaluate the leadership, Like if the leadership of that company
is not like holding themselves accountable andlike doing what they're supposed to do in
the positions that they're in, gowith a third party person and just like
(47:17):
or a lawyer, like you knowshe talked about and just let that third
party person or that, hey,this is what's really going on here.
And what he means by third partyperson is like a job coach. Yes,
people that are professionals that work withpeople who have disabilities, and they
go and that's their job. Theygo into jobs jobs right of the people
who are disabled, and they makesure that they have the accommodations that they
(47:40):
need and they meet with the employer. That's what they do, that's what
they're supposed to that. I've seensome bad ones, like I know when
we live where we lived before wemoved up here. Yes, that was
that person was a joke. Yeah, So like definitely, you know,
look ato the person, you know, check the rap sheet, make sure
they make sure that they loud too, Like they're gonna like be a good
(48:01):
fit for you. Yes, I'mtelling you, it's like you're still gonna
be doing everything on your own.So yeah, I would definitely make sure
you're even looking into that person.But the person that he has now is
incredible. She is definitely checks onhim regularly, does what she needs to
do. So I like that person. Yes, but yeah, that's just
(48:22):
a little bit of my story onthat one. That's a learning lesson and
I'm definitely applied like the lessons I'velearned from there, Like where I'm currently
at and I had to open andhonest a conversation with my employer now and
he supports me like with everything thatI do, and just the fact that
I'm valued where I'm at now,it just goes to show you a long
(48:44):
way of where I came from.And I will say too, because Eric
wasn't really in his passion, LikeEric is passionate about cars. Yes,
I we're at automotive shop now,Yeah, Like he loves cars like that's
his thing. He will he willtalk about washing the car all day,
y'all, washing it, what hegonna put on the wheels, what he
(49:07):
gonna do on the inside, Likethat's him, you know what I mean.
Or he'll talk about cutting grass likeyou'd be like, I don't care
about grass like Eric's like, butyou're gonna tell you about cutting that grass
and how to maintain it. Okay, vehicles like like that, and he's
good at that. And so Isuggest anybody out there, like, follow
(49:30):
your passion. You know what I'msaying. It's not always about the money,
But what are you truly passionate about? Because eventually the money will come
right if you if you do yourpassion right. What are you passionate about?
What is your what? What doyou feel like your purpose is?
And I told her Eric, Isaid, I really feel like this is
the van you need to stick in, like this is your purpose. This
(49:51):
is why you get favor you knowwhat I mean, with your employer and
even your you know, your clientsand stuff like that. But I'm glad
because I mean to see from wherehe was because he was stressed out all
the time. Like I said,we're going to do a b on triggers,
but to see a person who wasstressed out all the time and like
certain things like triggers would just justyou'd be like, oh my gosh,
(50:14):
you know what I mean. Andlike I said, I want to talk
about that in a different like Isaid, we'll do a different segment on
that, but just to see anautistic person who was going through that and
it's like how do you work throughthat? We'll definitely get into that.
Thank you for sharing tonight. Imean, I know it took a lot
to confess. I'm telling y'all likethis is this has been a long time
(50:36):
to make it because everybody like areyou talking about talking to people about that?
So but I mean to see himlike just be like, yeah,
I'm gonna open up and share.Like God has so much in store for
you. I'm telling you you don'teven know what I'm telling you. Look
he missing it now, y'all.Hey man, Well, like I said,
(51:02):
tonight was good. Tonight, likeI said, really don't have a
scripture tonight. We just, likeI said, I just kind of wanted.
We just wanted to jump in andjust really do a Q and A
and just have him do his testimonyof just what he had to endure thus
far. So but very proud ofyou. Thank you. You're welcome,
(51:22):
babe. All Right, Well,we're gonna go ahead and like we always
do, guys, we're gonna we'regonna pray out and we will see you
guys next week. I guess nextweek we'll talk about just you know,
a little bit of my story andand and and talking about like my upbringing,
and then we'll just talk about justhow it is like just being married
(51:43):
and and and things like that.All right, So futher, God,
just thank you so much for allowingus to come together tonight, Father God,
this beautiful fellowship. Father God,we just want to say thank you
for everyone that's been watching tonight.Father God, we pray a special blessing
of it. Then, Father God, we pray all right now over the
neurodiverse marriages. We pray over neurotypicalmarriages. We pray over people who are
(52:05):
engaged or soon to be engaged,or wanting to be engaged, Father God,
and wanting to be and be foundby their spouses, Father God,
or even to find their spouses,Father God, we pray over all of
them right now. God, wepray a special blessing over them. Father
God. We pray that if anybodyis dealing with anything in their marriage God,
whether it be yeah, whether itbe adultery, Father God, or
(52:29):
if they're dealing with just some justsome typical marriage woes, Father God,
and they don't know, you know, how to speak to their spouse through
communication, whatever it may be,Father God, Father God, we just
pray right now that you will helpheal their marriages, that you will that
you will just help bring them together, Father God and Father God, we
just pray that you just set themon fire again, allow the passion and
(52:52):
the love to be brought back forthwithin their marriages. Father God and Father
God, help the people who arein their single state, Father God,
to get ready for their marriage.Father God, continue to prepare them emotionally,
financially, spiritually, emotionally, FatherGod, mentally, Father God,
whatever they need to be ready forthe marriage. Father God, you get
them ready to be found or tofind their spouse as Father God. So,
(53:16):
Father God, we say thank youfor tonight. Father God. We
also like to pray right now forany parents that may have watched tonight,
or any school administrators who may havewatched tonight, or any teens or young
adults that may have watched this tonightand they were able to just identify with
what they saw through Eric Father God, we pray a special blessing over them,
(53:37):
Father God, especially the parents ofthose autistic children or even this ausistic
teens or even autistic young adults oradults. Father God, we pray a
special blessing over them that you continueto look after them, Father God,
continue to be their caregiver, theirprovider, Father God, everything that they're
in need of. Father God.Surround them with a tribe, God,
(53:59):
a tribe of people who are goingto love them, uplift them, encourage
them, push them. Father God, Father God, we even pray right
now that you will begin to putin people's heart, especially like more adult
centered life skills and social skills,Father God, and employment services Father God,
for people who have autism, FatherGod, so that they can get
(54:20):
what they need. And even inadulthood, Father God. So we prayed
right now that you begin to plantseeds and those people got to you a
call to raise up these different organizationsin this our God and Father God.
We just want to say, thankyou, Lord. When it's seen your
name Jesus, that we pray,Amen and Amen. All right, guys,
well once again, thank you andwe will see you next Thursday.
(54:43):
By bye. Thank you guys forlistening to another episode of We would love
to hear from you regarding certain topicsthat you would like to as life change
your testimonies you would like to shareor information on how you can become against
on the show, Please email usat info at married with Autism dot com.
As always, we love you allwith the love of Christ. Remember
(55:06):
to keep Christ's first in all thatyou do, including your marriage, and
watch the Lord begins to transform yourlife. Be blessed.
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