August 16, 2024 • 8 mins
In this episode, I discuss the ways in which you can identify and deal with toxic relationships. This episode is available in video format on Spotify and audio format on all other platforms. To work with me visit https://www.masteringdating.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Mastering Dating, broadcasting to eighty five countries worldwide.
With a wealth of experience as a seasoned dating coach,
your host at Mastering Dating has empowered clients globally and
now she's here to share valuable insights with you. So
sit back, relax, and get ready to dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hi, everyone, welcome back to Mastering Dating.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Today.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I want to talk about how to deal with recognizing
a healthy person a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
When we see one.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
So, if we are used to always being with toxic
people and toxic relationships, it's very hard to recognize something
healthy when we see it, and that could be for
several reasons. Perhaps we do recognize it, but we don't
know how to deal with it because we're not used
to it.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
It's foreign to us.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We have no idea how to be with someone who's
healthy for us, we have no idea how to be
in a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Or maybe we don't recognize it.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
We're so used to being an unhealthy relationships that are
toxic for us that we're not able to see a
healthy person or the potential of a healthy relationship when
it's there presented.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
In front of us.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Right, So, we have to find a way to work
with this in a way that is good for us,
because what can happen is that if we start something
new with someone who is healthy and provides us with
the potential of a healthy relationship, we sometimes can jeopardize
it because we're not used to it.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
It's so foreign to us.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
The whole idea of being with someone who's good for
us is so unknown. Maybe we get scared and we
do something to jeopardize that new connection, that new relationship,
and we scare that person off, or maybe we break
things off with them.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Because we don't know how to be present, how to
be fully present in a healthy relationship with a healthy
connection with someone.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Who's good for us. Or maybe you feel that you
don't deserve it.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
You feel that you don't deserve a healthy person, a
healthy relationship. Maybe you feel that you deserve toxic.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Patterns in your life.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
It can be for so many different reasons that you
possibly can end up scaring that person off or breaking
things off with them because you just aren't ready for it.
You aren't ready to put yourself in a vulnerable place.
But let's say that you do want to have a
healthy relationship. Now you feel that you, for the most part,
are ready for it, but part of you is still scared.
(02:43):
Part of you is worried that you're going to jeopardize it,
or part of you is worried that.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
That person is not being truthful.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Sometimes when we see someone and we meet them and
get to know them and we see that they're wonderful,
we have a hard time believing that it's possible. You
have a hard time believing that they really exist. How
is it that they actually like me? Is this really true?
Is this person being honest? Is he really into me?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Does she really like me? Or is she's just kind
of toying me along?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
You know?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Is this really happening? Pinch me? Am I dreaming? You
kind of have that reaction right when.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
You're not used to meeting people that are healthy for you,
and this is a big sign that if you do this,
this is a sign that you are used to meeting
people that are unhealthy for you. You're used to being
in connections and relationships with people that are not good
for you. So this is a big task that you
have to deal with. You have to find a way
to work around it. So how do you work around this?
(03:41):
Will you do the inner work. You do the inner work,
you sit down with your journal, you write about it,
write about how you feel. Always check in with you
with yourself. How do you feel? How do they make
you feel? Do you feel like you want to run away?
Do you feel like you want to jeopardize things or
break up with them?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
How are you feeling down?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Maybe you feel like you don't want to be with
them because you're scared.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
You're afraid that you'll end up hurt.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Maybe you feel that it's so unknown, so different, that
you're going to fail. So let me get myself out
of this situation now. Let me stop talking to that
person now, because I'm going to fail anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I'm not going to succeed at this.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
There are so many different thoughts that could go through
your mind, so many different emotions that you can feel,
And this is why it's important to journal about it.
And definitely, you know, talk to someone, talk to a friend,
talk to a therapist, talk to a coach, anything to
help you work through it if you feel that you
need it. So how do you feel? How does that
(04:44):
person make you feel? If you feel like running away?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Why do you feel like running away? Write it down?
If you feel like you want to stick it out? Why?
How do they make you feel?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
What is different about this that makes you want to
stick it out? So many questions ask When you meet
someone who is really good for you and you don't
know it yet, you kind of have a shock. You're like, whoa, Okay,
why are they interested in me?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Why do they like me? Why do they want to
get to know me? Is this for real?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Right?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
So, maybe you don't feel that you deserve it. Maybe
you feel that you're going to screw it up, so
let's get out of it now. Maybe you feel that
they're joking with you.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Maybe you feel that they're not being honest with you,
they're not being real with you, they're actually going to
end up breaking up with you. There could be so
many reasons. You could have some past trauma that you're
working through, some childhood trauma, abandonment issues. There could be
so many different possibilities as to why you feel the
way you feel and why you have this reaction to
(05:44):
this healthy person where it makes you feel like you've
got to run away as fast as you can, or
maybe it just makes you feel like you've got to
work on yourself. You want to do the inner work
because because they make you feel alive, you recognize it,
you feel different, You recognize that you're not the same
when you're with them. You recognize that they bring out
(06:06):
something and you that feels freaking awesome, and you want
to explore it more. You want to know more about it,
so you stick it out, right, So what do you
do next?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
You start working on some of those.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Inner struggles so that you don't end up leaving that person,
breaking up with them, running away, hurting them, doing any
of those things that could jeopardize this new connection, this
relationship that.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
You just started.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
So when you know, when you can recognize that they're
good for you and you feel good with them because
they just kind of bring something out of you that
feels so darn good, then you.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Will want to work on it.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
You will want to do something that you can, anything
that you can to remain in that relationship and keep working.
And if they're actually really a healthy partner, they will
support you in all of this. They will support you
with your inner work, because that's what a good partner does.
A good partner supports you, allow you to be you
(07:01):
at the same time as working on those inner struggles,
and so should they I'm sure they have something they're
struggling with because we're all human and we all struggle
with something. So together, you can work on your own
inner struggles and work together in the relationship to make
it strong, to make it survive any type of challenge
that you come across.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
No matter what, you can.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Turn this relationship into this really strong, amazing, beautiful foundation
that will be so impossible or nearly impossible to destroy.
So see this as an opportunity to strengthen the connection
that you have. If you like today's video, subscribe to
Mastering Dating and be sure to come back
Welcome to Mastering Dating, broadcasting to eighty five countries worldwide.
With a wealth of experience as a seasoned dating coach,
your host at Mastering Dating has empowered clients globally and
now she's here to share valuable insights with you. So
sit back, relax, and get ready to dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Hi, everyone, welcome back to Mastering Dating.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Today.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I want to talk about how to deal with recognizing
a healthy person a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
When we see one.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
So, if we are used to always being with toxic
people and toxic relationships, it's very hard to recognize something
healthy when we see it, and that could be for
several reasons. Perhaps we do recognize it, but we don't
know how to deal with it because we're not used
to it.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
It's foreign to us.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
We have no idea how to be with someone who's
healthy for us, we have no idea how to be
in a healthy relationship.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Or maybe we don't recognize it.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
We're so used to being an unhealthy relationships that are
toxic for us that we're not able to see a
healthy person or the potential of a healthy relationship when
it's there presented.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
In front of us.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Right, So, we have to find a way to work
with this in a way that is good for us,
because what can happen is that if we start something
new with someone who is healthy and provides us with
the potential of a healthy relationship, we sometimes can jeopardize
it because we're not used to it.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
It's so foreign to us.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
The whole idea of being with someone who's good for
us is so unknown. Maybe we get scared and we
do something to jeopardize that new connection, that new relationship,
and we scare that person off, or maybe we break
things off with them.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Because we don't know how to be present, how to
be fully present in a healthy relationship with a healthy
connection with someone.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Who's good for us. Or maybe you feel that you
don't deserve it.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
You feel that you don't deserve a healthy person, a
healthy relationship. Maybe you feel that you deserve toxic.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Patterns in your life.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
It can be for so many different reasons that you
possibly can end up scaring that person off or breaking
things off with them because you just aren't ready for it.
You aren't ready to put yourself in a vulnerable place.
But let's say that you do want to have a
healthy relationship. Now you feel that you, for the most part,
are ready for it, but part of you is still scared.
(02:43):
Part of you is worried that you're going to jeopardize it,
or part of you is worried that.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
That person is not being truthful.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Sometimes when we see someone and we meet them and
get to know them and we see that they're wonderful,
we have a hard time believing that it's possible. You
have a hard time believing that they really exist. How
is it that they actually like me? Is this really true?
Is this person being honest? Is he really into me?
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Does she really like me? Or is she's just kind
of toying me along?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
You know?
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Is this really happening? Pinch me? Am I dreaming? You
kind of have that reaction right when.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
You're not used to meeting people that are healthy for you,
and this is a big sign that if you do this,
this is a sign that you are used to meeting
people that are unhealthy for you. You're used to being
in connections and relationships with people that are not good
for you. So this is a big task that you
have to deal with. You have to find a way
to work around it. So how do you work around this?
(03:41):
Will you do the inner work. You do the inner work,
you sit down with your journal, you write about it,
write about how you feel. Always check in with you
with yourself. How do you feel? How do they make
you feel? Do you feel like you want to run away?
Do you feel like you want to jeopardize things or
break up with them?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
How are you feeling down?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Maybe you feel like you don't want to be with
them because you're scared.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
You're afraid that you'll end up hurt.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Maybe you feel that it's so unknown, so different, that
you're going to fail. So let me get myself out
of this situation now. Let me stop talking to that
person now, because I'm going to fail anyway.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I'm not going to succeed at this.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
There are so many different thoughts that could go through
your mind, so many different emotions that you can feel,
And this is why it's important to journal about it.
And definitely, you know, talk to someone, talk to a friend,
talk to a therapist, talk to a coach, anything to
help you work through it if you feel that you
need it. So how do you feel? How does that
(04:44):
person make you feel? If you feel like running away?
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Why do you feel like running away? Write it down?
If you feel like you want to stick it out? Why?
How do they make you feel?
Speaker 2 (04:54):
What is different about this that makes you want to
stick it out? So many questions ask When you meet
someone who is really good for you and you don't
know it yet, you kind of have a shock. You're like, whoa, Okay,
why are they interested in me?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Why do they like me? Why do they want to
get to know me? Is this for real?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Right?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
So, maybe you don't feel that you deserve it. Maybe
you feel that you're going to screw it up, so
let's get out of it now. Maybe you feel that
they're joking with you.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Maybe you feel that they're not being honest with you,
they're not being real with you, they're actually going to
end up breaking up with you. There could be so
many reasons. You could have some past trauma that you're
working through, some childhood trauma, abandonment issues. There could be
so many different possibilities as to why you feel the
way you feel and why you have this reaction to
(05:44):
this healthy person where it makes you feel like you've
got to run away as fast as you can, or
maybe it just makes you feel like you've got to
work on yourself. You want to do the inner work
because because they make you feel alive, you recognize it,
you feel different, You recognize that you're not the same
when you're with them. You recognize that they bring out
(06:06):
something and you that feels freaking awesome, and you want
to explore it more. You want to know more about it,
so you stick it out, right, So what do you
do next?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
You start working on some of those.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Inner struggles so that you don't end up leaving that person,
breaking up with them, running away, hurting them, doing any
of those things that could jeopardize this new connection, this
relationship that.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
You just started.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
So when you know, when you can recognize that they're
good for you and you feel good with them because
they just kind of bring something out of you that
feels so darn good, then you.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Will want to work on it.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
You will want to do something that you can, anything
that you can to remain in that relationship and keep working.
And if they're actually really a healthy partner, they will
support you in all of this. They will support you
with your inner work, because that's what a good partner does.
A good partner supports you, allow you to be you
(07:01):
at the same time as working on those inner struggles,
and so should they I'm sure they have something they're
struggling with because we're all human and we all struggle
with something. So together, you can work on your own
inner struggles and work together in the relationship to make
it strong, to make it survive any type of challenge
that you come across.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
No matter what, you can.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Turn this relationship into this really strong, amazing, beautiful foundation
that will be so impossible or nearly impossible to destroy.
So see this as an opportunity to strengthen the connection
that you have. If you like today's video, subscribe to
Mastering Dating and be sure to come back
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