February 19, 2025 • 13 mins
In this episode of Mastering Dating, host Waleska Latorre discusses the critical topic of narcissism in relationships, focusing on three distinct types of narcissists: Agentic, Communal, and Vulnerable. She provides insights on how to identify these narcissists through their behaviors and traits, and emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and trusting one's instincts to protect oneself from toxic relationships. The episode aims to equip listeners with the knowledge to recognize red flags and prioritize their emotional well-being in dating.
Takeaways
Narcissists can destroy your love life if not recognized early.
Agentic narcissists crave admiration and lack empathy.
Communal narcissists manipulate by portraying themselves as selfless.
Vulnerable narcissists play the victim to gain sympathy.
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with narcissists.
Trust your gut feelings about someone's behavior.
You cannot change a narcissist; they must want to change themselves.
Recognizing red flags early can save you from heartache.
Self-respect is essential in any relationship.
You deserve healthy, loving relationships free from manipulation.
"Set boundaries, trust your gut."
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mastering-dating--6411894/support.
Takeaways
Narcissists can destroy your love life if not recognized early.
Agentic narcissists crave admiration and lack empathy.
Communal narcissists manipulate by portraying themselves as selfless.
Vulnerable narcissists play the victim to gain sympathy.
Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with narcissists.
Trust your gut feelings about someone's behavior.
You cannot change a narcissist; they must want to change themselves.
Recognizing red flags early can save you from heartache.
Self-respect is essential in any relationship.
You deserve healthy, loving relationships free from manipulation.
"Set boundaries, trust your gut."
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mastering-dating--6411894/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Mastering Dating, broadcasting to eighty five countries worldwide.
With a wealth of experience as a seasoned dating coach,
your host at Mastering Dating has empowered clients globally and
now she's here to share valuable insights with you. So
sit back, relax, and get ready to dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome to Mastering Dating. This is Velaska, your show host.
It's so great to be back for another episode. I'm
excited that you are here with me today. I have
a very important topic to share with you today. Today
we are going to be talking about narcissists and more specifically,
(00:51):
the three types of narcissists that you need to watch
out for and how to recognize them before they completely
destroy your love life. But before we get started, I
just want to make sure to let you guys know
that I have a new Instagram page for Mastering Dating
where I share daily dating tips, red flag alerts, and
(01:14):
all things related to dating and relationships. You definitely don't
want to miss out. You can head on over to
Instagram and just look for Mastering Dating. You'll see me there.
So with that said, let's get started. Agentic narcissist is
the first type of narcissists that I'm going to talk
to you about today. This is the type of person
(01:36):
that most people imagine when they hear the word narcissists.
These individuals have an inflated sense of self importance. They're
in constant search of admiration, and they really truly believe
that they are superior to others. They have completely convinced
(01:56):
themselves that they are the best. So here's some that
you need to watch out for. First of all, they
will dominate conversations and constantly talk about their achievements. They
feel the need to always talk about everything they've achieved
in life. The second thing is that they're going to
crave admiration from you, and if you don't give them that,
(02:19):
they'll probably get upset about it. The third thing to
look out for is that they lack empathy and they'll
even make others feel bad just so that they can
boost their ego. So these are the three common traits
that you will see with an agentic narcissist. I want
to give you an example to help you understand a
(02:39):
little bit better. Let's say that you go on a
date and you spend the entire evening talking about different
things that are important to you, Okay, And then it's
their turn to talk, and they start talking about their achievements.
But they don't just spend a few minutes talking about
the achievements like a regular person would and then move
on to another topic. They stay on the topic of
(03:01):
their achievements, so they keep talking about their promotions, or
how beautiful and fancy their car is, or how big
and fancy their car their house is. Anything that is
considered like an amazing lifestyle that they feel they need
to show off. They will tell you about it so
that they can feel like they're superior. But here's the thing.
They won't ask you about you. They'll share a lot
(03:25):
of information about themselves and their achievements, but they won't
ask anything about you. And if you try to share
something with them, then they'll actually dismiss it or listen
to you and really quickly bring it back to them.
So start talking about them again. Does that sound familiar
to you. I'm very curious if any of you guys
(03:46):
have experienced this before. If it has, let me know,
I'm curious. Reach out to me. There are ways to
reach out to me here on the podcast as well
as on Mastering Dating. If you do happen to follow
me on Mastering Day new Instagram account, please send me
a message let me know that you found me by
listening to my podcast. That would be great so that
(04:07):
I know you're one of my listeners. Okay, let's go
on to the second type of narcissists that is quite common.
This is the communal narcissists. The communial narcissist is a
little bit different. It's not like the agentic narcissists. The
communal narcissist does not focus on personal success or status. Instead,
(04:33):
they view themselves as morally superior and believe they are
more empathetic, kind, selfless more than others, when in reality,
their actions are actually driven by the need for validation. Okay,
here are the science for you to watch out for.
They constantly talk about their generosity and good deeds, they
(04:56):
expect excessive recognition for their selflessness, and they manipulate others
by portraying themselves as deeply caring individuals. This is all
part of the manipulation that they've got going on. So
if you are suspicious that your partner or your date
is a communal narcissist, look out for these scigns. See
(05:17):
if they have any of these signs. Let me give
you an example. Let's say that you're dating someone who
constantly reminds you of all the nice things they've done
for you and others. They're doing that because they expect
praise and admiration from you. They want you to praise
them for their kindness, and if you don't, they'll be
resentful that they didn't receive it from you. They might
(05:40):
guilt trip you into showing appreciation for their supposed generosity.
So that's another one for you to look out for.
Let me know if you've experienced the communal narcissists, and
then we've got the third one. Third one is also
quite different. The third one is the vulnerable narcissists. The
vulnerable narcissist is the most emotionally fragile of all of them.
(06:05):
This type doesn't come off as overtly arrogant, you won't
see that in them, but they still have an excessive
need for attention and validation. They often appear insecure and
hyper sensitive to criticism while secretly believing that they deserve
special treatment. Have you experienced this type before? Let me
give you some science to watch out for. Guys. Okay,
(06:27):
the first one is that they play the victim to
gain sympathy and control. I'm sure that at least some
of you have experienced this before. The second one is
that they are passive aggressive, and they give silent treatments
when things don't go their way. And then the third
thing is that they seem shy or humble, but actually
secretly they believe they are more deserving than others. So
(06:51):
those are the signs for you to look out for. Now,
let me give you an example about this one. The
vulnerable narcissist is different. When you're dating someone who has
these straits, it's going to be a bit different of
an experience for you because this person is going to
be talking about how unfair life is to them, how
(07:12):
unfair life has been to them, kind of like they're
seeking pity from you, right, They want you to feel
bad for them. They suddenly make you feel guilty for
not giving them enough attention, or for spending time with
friends instead of them, and over time you find yourself
walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them. Remember that the
vulnerable narcissist is the most emotionally fragile of all, So
(07:37):
how do you protect yourself. I've shared the three types
of narcissists with you, but how can you actually protect yourself?
This is where it gets tricky. This is where a
lot of us fail and have problems doing that right,
especially when we are already in love with that person
and we didn't even realize that they are narcissists. It's
really easy when you start dating someone to see all
(07:59):
the good in them and not recognize the bad or
I should say, not recognize the negative traits. I don't
want to use the word bad. Let's say the negative traits.
It's really easy to do that. You kind of get
so tempted by their beauty or their looks, or you know,
that special sweet thing they do, and you disregard the
rest of the stuff that's not healthy, and instead you
(08:21):
focus on the good in that person, when really you
should be looking at the bad, the negative traits as well.
I keep saying bad. Try not to use that word.
You should be looking at the negative traits as well,
not just admiring all the good stuff in them, because
this is where we fall into that trap where we
stay and we settle and we just deal with it
(08:41):
because oh, they're so sweet when they wash the dishes
for you, or oh they're so sweet when they pay
for the restaurant bill, or whatever they do that you
love about them, Right, so you stay. You're like, oh,
but he does this, she does that. I'm just going
to stay. It's okay. I'll learn to deal with it.
Or maybe you think, ah, i'll change them, work with
him on that and he'll get better. Or oh, i'll
(09:03):
talk to her. I'm sure she'll stop doing that. Yeah,
sure that works sometimes, but most of the time it doesn't.
You can only change a person when they want to
change themselves. You can't actually really be the person who
changes them. You can seek changes in that person. I
should say, when they're the ones that want to change
and they're actually proactive and take the measurements that they
(09:25):
need to take in order to make that happen. Otherwise
we're going to be dealing with the same person over
and over. It's going to be a repetitive circular motion
of whatever it is that's going on with him or
in your relationship or with her. So how do you
protect yourself? First of all, you've got to set boundaries.
Do not, and I mean do not tolerate disrespect or manipulation.
(09:50):
You've got to have respect for yourself. Many years ago,
I started dating someone who was a narcisst yes, and
I actually realized he was a narcissist quite quickly. Because
my radar is quite strong in that department, I can
notice those things quite quickly, so I knew pretty early
(10:12):
on that he was. But just to give you an example,
he did a lot of these things that I mentioned
to you. He did, you know, the whole thing about
talking about his achievements all the time and wanting to
be praised, and if I didn't give him enough attention,
he would get upset with me or moody. He belittled
me all the time, made me feel like I was,
you know, dumb and didn't know how to do things
(10:33):
correctly or didn't make any sense. He tried to make
me doubt myself and my intelligence and my actions, the
things that I do on a daily basis, my goals,
my dreams. He really tried, but he didn't succeed. One
week after realizing that he was a narcissist, I actually
broke up with him and that was the end of that.
(10:54):
But I saw a lot of these signs that I'm
telling you right now. I refused to accept the disrespect
or the manipulation. I saw it early on, and a
week after ended the relationship. But you've got to trust
your gut. My gut at that time told me that
something filled off, that someone who actually respects me would
(11:16):
not speak to me like that, would not belittle me
like that, and I knew that I deserved better. So
set boundaries. Trust your gut, don't try to fix them.
You can't change a narcissist. You can't even change a
regular healthy person. You cannot change a narcissist. Trying to
do that is just going to exhaust you, So don't
(11:36):
even try. Walk away. The best thing that you can
do to deal with a narcissist is to remove them
from your life. You do not need that kind of
unhealthy crap in your life. Trust me, you don't need that.
We as humans have a hard enough time staying positive
and engaging in positive self talk and feeling you know,
(11:58):
confident and good about life. There's so much crap going
on in this world that can bring us down. Just
look at the news. The last thing you need is
a narcissist trying to bring you down and making you
feel even worse than you feel on certain days. You
don't need that kind of person in your life. You
deserve a lot better. So those are the three types
of narcissists for you to look out for. I really
(12:19):
hope that this episode is helpful for you, guys, and
I'm hoping that with this episode, you'll be able to
distinguish the type of narcissist that you may possibly be
dating and doing what you need to do to get
rid of that person from your life if you know
for a fact that they are a narcissis. So I
appreciate you being here today. If you enjoyed today's episode,
(12:39):
please give me a rating. I could use a rating
from you, and if it's positive, that's even better. Thank
you so much in advance. I love you, guys, and
remember that if you want daily reminders of red flags
and dating advice, you can follow my new Instagram account
at Mastering Dating. I'll be sharing even more insights to
help you spot toxic behaviors and build healthy, loving relationships.
(13:01):
I hope you have a fabulous week. Take care
Welcome to Mastering Dating, broadcasting to eighty five countries worldwide.
With a wealth of experience as a seasoned dating coach,
your host at Mastering Dating has empowered clients globally and
now she's here to share valuable insights with you. So
sit back, relax, and get ready to dive into today's episode.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Welcome to Mastering Dating. This is Velaska, your show host.
It's so great to be back for another episode. I'm
excited that you are here with me today. I have
a very important topic to share with you today. Today
we are going to be talking about narcissists and more specifically,
(00:51):
the three types of narcissists that you need to watch
out for and how to recognize them before they completely
destroy your love life. But before we get started, I
just want to make sure to let you guys know
that I have a new Instagram page for Mastering Dating
where I share daily dating tips, red flag alerts, and
(01:14):
all things related to dating and relationships. You definitely don't
want to miss out. You can head on over to
Instagram and just look for Mastering Dating. You'll see me there.
So with that said, let's get started. Agentic narcissist is
the first type of narcissists that I'm going to talk
to you about today. This is the type of person
(01:36):
that most people imagine when they hear the word narcissists.
These individuals have an inflated sense of self importance. They're
in constant search of admiration, and they really truly believe
that they are superior to others. They have completely convinced
(01:56):
themselves that they are the best. So here's some that
you need to watch out for. First of all, they
will dominate conversations and constantly talk about their achievements. They
feel the need to always talk about everything they've achieved
in life. The second thing is that they're going to
crave admiration from you, and if you don't give them that,
(02:19):
they'll probably get upset about it. The third thing to
look out for is that they lack empathy and they'll
even make others feel bad just so that they can
boost their ego. So these are the three common traits
that you will see with an agentic narcissist. I want
to give you an example to help you understand a
(02:39):
little bit better. Let's say that you go on a
date and you spend the entire evening talking about different
things that are important to you, Okay, And then it's
their turn to talk, and they start talking about their achievements.
But they don't just spend a few minutes talking about
the achievements like a regular person would and then move
on to another topic. They stay on the topic of
(03:01):
their achievements, so they keep talking about their promotions, or
how beautiful and fancy their car is, or how big
and fancy their car their house is. Anything that is
considered like an amazing lifestyle that they feel they need
to show off. They will tell you about it so
that they can feel like they're superior. But here's the thing.
They won't ask you about you. They'll share a lot
(03:25):
of information about themselves and their achievements, but they won't
ask anything about you. And if you try to share
something with them, then they'll actually dismiss it or listen
to you and really quickly bring it back to them.
So start talking about them again. Does that sound familiar
to you. I'm very curious if any of you guys
(03:46):
have experienced this before. If it has, let me know,
I'm curious. Reach out to me. There are ways to
reach out to me here on the podcast as well
as on Mastering Dating. If you do happen to follow
me on Mastering Day new Instagram account, please send me
a message let me know that you found me by
listening to my podcast. That would be great so that
(04:07):
I know you're one of my listeners. Okay, let's go
on to the second type of narcissists that is quite common.
This is the communal narcissists. The communial narcissist is a
little bit different. It's not like the agentic narcissists. The
communal narcissist does not focus on personal success or status. Instead,
(04:33):
they view themselves as morally superior and believe they are
more empathetic, kind, selfless more than others, when in reality,
their actions are actually driven by the need for validation. Okay,
here are the science for you to watch out for.
They constantly talk about their generosity and good deeds, they
(04:56):
expect excessive recognition for their selflessness, and they manipulate others
by portraying themselves as deeply caring individuals. This is all
part of the manipulation that they've got going on. So
if you are suspicious that your partner or your date
is a communal narcissist, look out for these scigns. See
(05:17):
if they have any of these signs. Let me give
you an example. Let's say that you're dating someone who
constantly reminds you of all the nice things they've done
for you and others. They're doing that because they expect
praise and admiration from you. They want you to praise
them for their kindness, and if you don't, they'll be
resentful that they didn't receive it from you. They might
(05:40):
guilt trip you into showing appreciation for their supposed generosity.
So that's another one for you to look out for.
Let me know if you've experienced the communal narcissists, and
then we've got the third one. Third one is also
quite different. The third one is the vulnerable narcissists. The
vulnerable narcissist is the most emotionally fragile of all of them.
(06:05):
This type doesn't come off as overtly arrogant, you won't
see that in them, but they still have an excessive
need for attention and validation. They often appear insecure and
hyper sensitive to criticism while secretly believing that they deserve
special treatment. Have you experienced this type before? Let me
give you some science to watch out for. Guys. Okay,
(06:27):
the first one is that they play the victim to
gain sympathy and control. I'm sure that at least some
of you have experienced this before. The second one is
that they are passive aggressive, and they give silent treatments
when things don't go their way. And then the third
thing is that they seem shy or humble, but actually
secretly they believe they are more deserving than others. So
(06:51):
those are the signs for you to look out for. Now,
let me give you an example about this one. The
vulnerable narcissist is different. When you're dating someone who has
these straits, it's going to be a bit different of
an experience for you because this person is going to
be talking about how unfair life is to them, how
(07:12):
unfair life has been to them, kind of like they're
seeking pity from you, right, They want you to feel
bad for them. They suddenly make you feel guilty for
not giving them enough attention, or for spending time with
friends instead of them, and over time you find yourself
walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them. Remember that the
vulnerable narcissist is the most emotionally fragile of all, So
(07:37):
how do you protect yourself. I've shared the three types
of narcissists with you, but how can you actually protect yourself?
This is where it gets tricky. This is where a
lot of us fail and have problems doing that right,
especially when we are already in love with that person
and we didn't even realize that they are narcissists. It's
really easy when you start dating someone to see all
(07:59):
the good in them and not recognize the bad or
I should say, not recognize the negative traits. I don't
want to use the word bad. Let's say the negative traits.
It's really easy to do that. You kind of get
so tempted by their beauty or their looks, or you know,
that special sweet thing they do, and you disregard the
rest of the stuff that's not healthy, and instead you
(08:21):
focus on the good in that person, when really you
should be looking at the bad, the negative traits as well.
I keep saying bad. Try not to use that word.
You should be looking at the negative traits as well,
not just admiring all the good stuff in them, because
this is where we fall into that trap where we
stay and we settle and we just deal with it
(08:41):
because oh, they're so sweet when they wash the dishes
for you, or oh they're so sweet when they pay
for the restaurant bill, or whatever they do that you
love about them, Right, so you stay. You're like, oh,
but he does this, she does that. I'm just going
to stay. It's okay. I'll learn to deal with it.
Or maybe you think, ah, i'll change them, work with
him on that and he'll get better. Or oh, i'll
(09:03):
talk to her. I'm sure she'll stop doing that. Yeah,
sure that works sometimes, but most of the time it doesn't.
You can only change a person when they want to
change themselves. You can't actually really be the person who
changes them. You can seek changes in that person. I
should say, when they're the ones that want to change
and they're actually proactive and take the measurements that they
(09:25):
need to take in order to make that happen. Otherwise
we're going to be dealing with the same person over
and over. It's going to be a repetitive circular motion
of whatever it is that's going on with him or
in your relationship or with her. So how do you
protect yourself? First of all, you've got to set boundaries.
Do not, and I mean do not tolerate disrespect or manipulation.
(09:50):
You've got to have respect for yourself. Many years ago,
I started dating someone who was a narcisst yes, and
I actually realized he was a narcissist quite quickly. Because
my radar is quite strong in that department, I can
notice those things quite quickly, so I knew pretty early
(10:12):
on that he was. But just to give you an example,
he did a lot of these things that I mentioned
to you. He did, you know, the whole thing about
talking about his achievements all the time and wanting to
be praised, and if I didn't give him enough attention,
he would get upset with me or moody. He belittled
me all the time, made me feel like I was,
you know, dumb and didn't know how to do things
(10:33):
correctly or didn't make any sense. He tried to make
me doubt myself and my intelligence and my actions, the
things that I do on a daily basis, my goals,
my dreams. He really tried, but he didn't succeed. One
week after realizing that he was a narcissist, I actually
broke up with him and that was the end of that.
(10:54):
But I saw a lot of these signs that I'm
telling you right now. I refused to accept the disrespect
or the manipulation. I saw it early on, and a
week after ended the relationship. But you've got to trust
your gut. My gut at that time told me that
something filled off, that someone who actually respects me would
(11:16):
not speak to me like that, would not belittle me
like that, and I knew that I deserved better. So
set boundaries. Trust your gut, don't try to fix them.
You can't change a narcissist. You can't even change a
regular healthy person. You cannot change a narcissist. Trying to
do that is just going to exhaust you, So don't
(11:36):
even try. Walk away. The best thing that you can
do to deal with a narcissist is to remove them
from your life. You do not need that kind of
unhealthy crap in your life. Trust me, you don't need that.
We as humans have a hard enough time staying positive
and engaging in positive self talk and feeling you know,
(11:58):
confident and good about life. There's so much crap going
on in this world that can bring us down. Just
look at the news. The last thing you need is
a narcissist trying to bring you down and making you
feel even worse than you feel on certain days. You
don't need that kind of person in your life. You
deserve a lot better. So those are the three types
of narcissists for you to look out for. I really
(12:19):
hope that this episode is helpful for you, guys, and
I'm hoping that with this episode, you'll be able to
distinguish the type of narcissist that you may possibly be
dating and doing what you need to do to get
rid of that person from your life if you know
for a fact that they are a narcissis. So I
appreciate you being here today. If you enjoyed today's episode,
(12:39):
please give me a rating. I could use a rating
from you, and if it's positive, that's even better. Thank
you so much in advance. I love you, guys, and
remember that if you want daily reminders of red flags
and dating advice, you can follow my new Instagram account
at Mastering Dating. I'll be sharing even more insights to
help you spot toxic behaviors and build healthy, loving relationships.
(13:01):
I hope you have a fabulous week. Take care
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