August 27, 2025 • 20 mins
Iris is relieved that her overworked roommate is finally taking vacation days, though she expresses this through typical sarcastic concern about his health and rent payments. When someone from his office repeatedly interrupts their peaceful morning with "urgent" work calls, Iris's territorial instincts kick in as she fiercely protects what's hers from unwanted intrusions. ◆ ---------------------{ ◈ }--------------------- ◆ 💜 Patreon: / methodswitch 💜 Links: https://methodswitch.carrd.co/ ◆ ---------------------{ ◈ }--------------------- ◆ Scene 1 - Waking Up: 0:00 Scene 2 - Cuddling On The Couch: 12:58 ◆ ---------------------{ ◈ }--------------------- ◆ SFX: Epidemic Sound ◆ ---------------------{ ◈ }--------------------- ◆ #goth #f4m #roleplay
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Mornin sleepy head, Look who's finally awake at the reasonable
hour of ten thirty. Here, drink this. You look less
like a zombie when you're caffeinated. You know, I have
to admit something, and don't let this go to your head.
(00:24):
But I'm actually glad you're taking these few days off. Finally.
I was starting to think you were trying to work
yourself to death just to escape paying rent. Well, newsflash, idiot,
you can't escape your financial obligations to me that easily.
(00:46):
You're mine, which means you're stuck here, whether you're breathing
or not. But seriously, you needed this. You've been looking
like a walking corpse for weeks, all stressed and exhausted.
I don't like seeing what's mine running on fumes. Don't
(01:09):
give me that look. I'm not being nice. I'm being practical.
A dead roommate can't split the utilities. So what's the
plan for to day? And please don't tell me it
involves you checking your work email every five minutes like
some kind of corporate zombie. Good because I may have
(01:36):
already changed your work notification settings, and by may have,
I mean I definitely did while you're sleeping don't ask
me how you're mind to protect even from your own
workaholic tendencies, and you have a lot of those. What ugh,
(02:02):
If you must know you left your phone unlocked, that's
basically an invitation. Besides, someone needs to make sure you
actually rest instead of obsessing overspreadsheets or whatever boring nonsense
you do all day. Speaking of which, that's just the
(02:23):
weather alert. See, the world didn't end it because you're
not immediately available to corporate overlords. Now you know what
we should do today? Absolutely nothing productive. I'm thinking couch
(02:44):
bad movies and making sure you remember what relaxation feels like.
And before you start whining about being bored, remember that
boredom is a luxury. It means nothing is actively trying
to kill you or demand quarterly reports. Plus, I like
(03:06):
having you here where I can keep an eye on you,
where you belong, I mean, where I can make sure
you're not doing anything stupid like answering work calls on
your vacation. Speaking of which, whose number is that Jessica
(03:33):
from accounting, the one who bats her eyes at what's mine?
Don't you dare answer that? I'm serious, don't even think
about it? Why is she calling you on your day
(03:56):
off at ten thirty in the morning. What possible reason
could miss coffee and eyelashes have for bothering my human
during his vacation time. You're looking at that phone like
you're actually considering answering it. Have you lost your mind?
(04:17):
Your mine, which means your time off is mine, not hers.
She doesn't get to steal what belongs to me just
because she has your work number. At least she stopped.
Maybe she got the hint. She's calling again the audacity
(04:42):
give me that phone. Oh you want to protect your
precious phone from me, fine, but if you answer that call,
I'm going to have some very choice words for Miss Jessica,
and trust me, she won't like me vocabulary I can
(05:05):
simell your indecision from here. You're actually debating whether to
answer her call. Aren't you let me make this simple
for you once again? You belong to me, This apartment
is my territory, Your vacation time is under my protection,
(05:28):
and that woman is not welcome to intrude. Ah, there
crisis averted now. As I was saying before, we were
rudely interrupted by little miss boundary issues? Are you kidding me? Right? Now?
(05:53):
That's it. Give me the phone now, I'm going to
count to three. If you answer that call, there will
be consequences, and not the fun kind. One. Two, Thank you,
(06:19):
finally showing some sense. Three calls in five minutes. Three
What part of vacation data does she not understand? I
bet she's calling about some urgent project that could absolutely
wait until you're back at work. They always do that,
(06:40):
make everything seem like a crisis, so you'll come running
back with a good little worker bee. Well, not on
my watch. You belong here with me, not solving other
people's problems on your off time. Now she's texting, what
does it say? We really need to talk to you
(07:04):
about the Morrison account? Of course she does. Oh no,
the Morrisan account. Surely the world will end if this
isn't addressed immediately at ten forty five on a Tuesday morning.
You know what this is, right, This is her excuse
to get your attention. I've seen how she looks at
(07:26):
you at those office parties you drag me to like
you're a piece of meat. She wants to sink her
teeth into Well, too bad for her, You're already claimed
and I don't share another text? What now? It's really important. Oh,
(07:50):
it's really important. Well in that case, no, still, No,
here's what we're going to do. You're going to turn
that phone off, completely off, and you're going to leave
it off until you have to go back to work.
(08:10):
You're giving me that look again, the one that says
you're thinking, I'm being unreasonable. I am not being unreasonable.
I'm protecting what's mine. You work yourself to the bone,
you come home exhausted every night, and the one time
(08:31):
you take a few days off, she's harassing you with
calls and texts. You need this break, you need to rest.
And if I have to be the bad guy to
make sure that happens, then fine, I'll be the bad guy.
Oh that's it. I swear to God, y'all keep playing
(08:52):
with me. Work. Hello, Jessica, this is Iris, his girlfriend.
He's unavailable permanently for you. Oh you didn't know he
had a girlfriend, Well now you do. And just so
we're crystal clear, he belongs to me, His time belongs
(09:13):
to me, his attention belongs to me. So I suggest
you find someone else to help with your really important
Morrison account, maybe someone who's actually single and actually at work. No,
(09:34):
he won't be calling you back ever. Have a terrible day. There,
hm problem solved. You're staring at me. What she wouldn't
take the hint someone had to be direct. Don't look
(09:57):
at me like that. Fine, maybe I was a little harsh,
and maybe I shouldn't have answered your phone without asking,
and maybe I shouldn't have called you your girlfriend without
(10:17):
checking if that was okay, But I'm not sorry about
protecting your vacation, time your mind to take care of,
and that includes making sure you actually rest, like I've
said countless times already. Look, I know I got intense,
but seeing her name on your phone, knowing she's trying
(10:39):
to drag you back into work mode when you finally
finally have a few days to yourself, it made something
in my chest feel all tight and angry, like someone
was trying to steal what belongs to me, because you
do belong to me. We established this, even if I
(11:03):
may have jumped the gun on the girlfriend thing. I mean,
unless you want to make that official, because I meant
what I said to her your mine in every way
that matters. Ah, It's just a news notification from when
(11:29):
I turned it back on to make sure it was working.
See the world is still spinning without you being on call. Look,
here's what we're going to end up doing. We're turning
off that phone, no exceptions. You're going to spend the
next few days being lazy and useless and wonderful. You're
(11:53):
going to remember what it feels like to be a
person instead of an employee. And I'm going to take
care of you because you're mine and what's mine gets protected,
fed and forced to relax, whether they like it or not.
And if you want, well, you can talk about the
(12:15):
girlfriend thing later when I'm not running on protective rage
and caffeine. But right now, I'm making you breakfast, real breakfast,
not whatever caffeinated sadness you usually grab on your way
to work. And for the record, I'm sorry to go
(12:35):
so territorial, but I'm not sorry about hating Jessica. She
can find her own human to bother. I am the
only one that can be yours, and I'm keeping it
that way. Now, come help me not burn these eggs,
you disaster of a human scooch over idiot. Make room
(13:03):
for the person who actually pays attention to what's on
TV instead of falling asleep five minutes into every movie.
What are we watching anyway? Some nature documentary about Oh wolves,
how ironic? Oh, don't give me that. Look. I didn't
(13:27):
pick it on purpose. I didn't change the channel when
I first turned on the TV, though. I have to say,
these wolves have a terrible hunting technique. Too much howling,
not enough stealth. Hey, if you're a wolf, you could
probably do better than that. What are you doing? Oh,
(13:53):
you're you're using me as a pillow. Now, I mean,
I guess that's fine. I am exceptionally comfortable. I guess
it's the wolf genetics. We're naturally warmer and apparently more
huggable than regular humans. Not like I'm trying to be huggable,
(14:18):
it's just biology. I guess careful with Oh, you meant
to touch my tail? It's not that fluffy. It's just
well maintained and warm and maybe a little soft because
(14:41):
I use good conditioner. Fine, it's fluffy happy. Now. You know,
most people would find it weird that their roommate has
a tail, but you you just accept it like it's
the the most natural thing in the world when it
(15:02):
clearly isn't. Somehow you make all the weird parts of
me feel normal. You know this documentary is actually pretty boring.
Rules don't sit around having dramatic staredowns like this. We're
(15:25):
more practical. We find it belongs to us and we
keep it close. Is this even a documentary or is
this some type of weird movie? Are you? Are you
nestling me like an actual puppy? And here I thought
(15:46):
I was the one with animal instincts in this relationship.
You're being very cuddly for someone who's supposed to be
watching educational television. Not that I'm complaining. You're always so
tense and stressed from work. It's nice thing you actually
relax for once. Mm hmmm. Your hair has gotten longer.
(16:13):
I like it gives me more to play with when
you're being impossible or to grab. Especially Oh, now they're
howling at the moon. How cliche. Real wolves have much
more sophisticated communication than that, though I have to admit
(16:35):
there is something appealing about the whole calling to your
pack thing and letting everyone know what territory is yours.
Good thing you're already here with me saves me the
trouble of having to hell for you. You're getting sleepy,
(16:57):
aren't you? Hi can tell, especially after eating breakfast. Your
breathing is slowing down, and you're doing that thing where
you try to burrow into whatever's softest and warmest. That's me,
by the way. I'm the softest and warmest thing you've
got access to. Well, I'm here and you might as
(17:24):
well take advantage of that. Hey, stop playing with my
tail so much where you're going to put yourself to sleep? Helltho,
actually that might not be a bad thing. You need
the rest. Let me turn this down. A bad educational
(17:48):
programming about my distant relatives isn't worth keeping you awake?
You know it is realized. This is the first time
I've seen you properly relaxed in what seems like months.
(18:09):
Usually you're checking your phone or thinking about work or
stressing about something. But right now you have no distractions,
no Jessica calling, no urgent emails, just you and me
and terrible nature documentaries. Your breathing is getting really deep.
(18:34):
Now are you actually falling asleep on me? Well, after
all that coffee I made you this morning, you being
sleepy enough to pass out on the couch. It proves
a point. This is what real relaxation looks like. I
guess here, not me. That's better. Now you won't get
(19:04):
a crick in your neck from sleeping at a weird
angle your mind. You're all all mine, you know that,
and I'm gonna make sure you get all the rest
you need, even if it means spending the entire afternoon
(19:25):
as your personal pillow and heating pad. This is actually
kind of nice having you here, warm and safe and
completely relaxed. No stress, no worries, just peaceful. I could
(19:49):
get used to this, having you home, taking care of
you properly instead of watching you work yourself to death.
Enjoy your nap. Sleep tight, my cute idiot,
Mornin sleepy head, Look who's finally awake at the reasonable
hour of ten thirty. Here, drink this. You look less
like a zombie when you're caffeinated. You know, I have
to admit something, and don't let this go to your head.
(00:24):
But I'm actually glad you're taking these few days off. Finally.
I was starting to think you were trying to work
yourself to death just to escape paying rent. Well, newsflash, idiot,
you can't escape your financial obligations to me that easily.
(00:46):
You're mine, which means you're stuck here, whether you're breathing
or not. But seriously, you needed this. You've been looking
like a walking corpse for weeks, all stressed and exhausted.
I don't like seeing what's mine running on fumes. Don't
(01:09):
give me that look. I'm not being nice. I'm being practical.
A dead roommate can't split the utilities. So what's the
plan for to day? And please don't tell me it
involves you checking your work email every five minutes like
some kind of corporate zombie. Good because I may have
(01:36):
already changed your work notification settings, and by may have,
I mean I definitely did while you're sleeping don't ask
me how you're mind to protect even from your own
workaholic tendencies, and you have a lot of those. What ugh,
(02:02):
If you must know you left your phone unlocked, that's
basically an invitation. Besides, someone needs to make sure you
actually rest instead of obsessing overspreadsheets or whatever boring nonsense
you do all day. Speaking of which, that's just the
(02:23):
weather alert. See, the world didn't end it because you're
not immediately available to corporate overlords. Now you know what
we should do today? Absolutely nothing productive. I'm thinking couch
(02:44):
bad movies and making sure you remember what relaxation feels like.
And before you start whining about being bored, remember that
boredom is a luxury. It means nothing is actively trying
to kill you or demand quarterly reports. Plus, I like
(03:06):
having you here where I can keep an eye on you,
where you belong, I mean, where I can make sure
you're not doing anything stupid like answering work calls on
your vacation. Speaking of which, whose number is that Jessica
(03:33):
from accounting, the one who bats her eyes at what's mine?
Don't you dare answer that? I'm serious, don't even think
about it? Why is she calling you on your day
(03:56):
off at ten thirty in the morning. What possible reason
could miss coffee and eyelashes have for bothering my human
during his vacation time. You're looking at that phone like
you're actually considering answering it. Have you lost your mind?
(04:17):
Your mine, which means your time off is mine, not hers.
She doesn't get to steal what belongs to me just
because she has your work number. At least she stopped.
Maybe she got the hint. She's calling again the audacity
(04:42):
give me that phone. Oh you want to protect your
precious phone from me, fine, but if you answer that call,
I'm going to have some very choice words for Miss Jessica,
and trust me, she won't like me vocabulary I can
(05:05):
simell your indecision from here. You're actually debating whether to
answer her call. Aren't you let me make this simple
for you once again? You belong to me, This apartment
is my territory, Your vacation time is under my protection,
(05:28):
and that woman is not welcome to intrude. Ah, there
crisis averted now. As I was saying before, we were
rudely interrupted by little miss boundary issues? Are you kidding me? Right? Now?
(05:53):
That's it. Give me the phone now, I'm going to
count to three. If you answer that call, there will
be consequences, and not the fun kind. One. Two, Thank you,
(06:19):
finally showing some sense. Three calls in five minutes. Three
What part of vacation data does she not understand? I
bet she's calling about some urgent project that could absolutely
wait until you're back at work. They always do that,
(06:40):
make everything seem like a crisis, so you'll come running
back with a good little worker bee. Well, not on
my watch. You belong here with me, not solving other
people's problems on your off time. Now she's texting, what
does it say? We really need to talk to you
(07:04):
about the Morrison account? Of course she does. Oh no,
the Morrisan account. Surely the world will end if this
isn't addressed immediately at ten forty five on a Tuesday morning.
You know what this is, right, This is her excuse
to get your attention. I've seen how she looks at
(07:26):
you at those office parties you drag me to like
you're a piece of meat. She wants to sink her
teeth into Well, too bad for her, You're already claimed
and I don't share another text? What now? It's really important. Oh,
(07:50):
it's really important. Well in that case, no, still, No,
here's what we're going to do. You're going to turn
that phone off, completely off, and you're going to leave
it off until you have to go back to work.
(08:10):
You're giving me that look again, the one that says
you're thinking, I'm being unreasonable. I am not being unreasonable.
I'm protecting what's mine. You work yourself to the bone,
you come home exhausted every night, and the one time
(08:31):
you take a few days off, she's harassing you with
calls and texts. You need this break, you need to rest.
And if I have to be the bad guy to
make sure that happens, then fine, I'll be the bad guy.
Oh that's it. I swear to God, y'all keep playing
(08:52):
with me. Work. Hello, Jessica, this is Iris, his girlfriend.
He's unavailable permanently for you. Oh you didn't know he
had a girlfriend, Well now you do. And just so
we're crystal clear, he belongs to me, His time belongs
(09:13):
to me, his attention belongs to me. So I suggest
you find someone else to help with your really important
Morrison account, maybe someone who's actually single and actually at work. No,
(09:34):
he won't be calling you back ever. Have a terrible day. There,
hm problem solved. You're staring at me. What she wouldn't
take the hint someone had to be direct. Don't look
(09:57):
at me like that. Fine, maybe I was a little harsh,
and maybe I shouldn't have answered your phone without asking,
and maybe I shouldn't have called you your girlfriend without
(10:17):
checking if that was okay, But I'm not sorry about
protecting your vacation, time your mind to take care of,
and that includes making sure you actually rest, like I've
said countless times already. Look, I know I got intense,
but seeing her name on your phone, knowing she's trying
(10:39):
to drag you back into work mode when you finally
finally have a few days to yourself, it made something
in my chest feel all tight and angry, like someone
was trying to steal what belongs to me, because you
do belong to me. We established this, even if I
(11:03):
may have jumped the gun on the girlfriend thing. I mean,
unless you want to make that official, because I meant
what I said to her your mine in every way
that matters. Ah, It's just a news notification from when
(11:29):
I turned it back on to make sure it was working.
See the world is still spinning without you being on call. Look,
here's what we're going to end up doing. We're turning
off that phone, no exceptions. You're going to spend the
next few days being lazy and useless and wonderful. You're
(11:53):
going to remember what it feels like to be a
person instead of an employee. And I'm going to take
care of you because you're mine and what's mine gets protected,
fed and forced to relax, whether they like it or not.
And if you want, well, you can talk about the
(12:15):
girlfriend thing later when I'm not running on protective rage
and caffeine. But right now, I'm making you breakfast, real breakfast,
not whatever caffeinated sadness you usually grab on your way
to work. And for the record, I'm sorry to go
(12:35):
so territorial, but I'm not sorry about hating Jessica. She
can find her own human to bother. I am the
only one that can be yours, and I'm keeping it
that way. Now, come help me not burn these eggs,
you disaster of a human scooch over idiot. Make room
(13:03):
for the person who actually pays attention to what's on
TV instead of falling asleep five minutes into every movie.
What are we watching anyway? Some nature documentary about Oh wolves,
how ironic? Oh, don't give me that. Look. I didn't
(13:27):
pick it on purpose. I didn't change the channel when
I first turned on the TV, though. I have to say,
these wolves have a terrible hunting technique. Too much howling,
not enough stealth. Hey, if you're a wolf, you could
probably do better than that. What are you doing? Oh,
(13:53):
you're you're using me as a pillow. Now, I mean,
I guess that's fine. I am exceptionally comfortable. I guess
it's the wolf genetics. We're naturally warmer and apparently more
huggable than regular humans. Not like I'm trying to be huggable,
(14:18):
it's just biology. I guess careful with Oh, you meant
to touch my tail? It's not that fluffy. It's just
well maintained and warm and maybe a little soft because
(14:41):
I use good conditioner. Fine, it's fluffy happy. Now. You know,
most people would find it weird that their roommate has
a tail, but you you just accept it like it's
the the most natural thing in the world when it
(15:02):
clearly isn't. Somehow you make all the weird parts of
me feel normal. You know this documentary is actually pretty boring.
Rules don't sit around having dramatic staredowns like this. We're
(15:25):
more practical. We find it belongs to us and we
keep it close. Is this even a documentary or is
this some type of weird movie? Are you? Are you
nestling me like an actual puppy? And here I thought
(15:46):
I was the one with animal instincts in this relationship.
You're being very cuddly for someone who's supposed to be
watching educational television. Not that I'm complaining. You're always so
tense and stressed from work. It's nice thing you actually
relax for once. Mm hmmm. Your hair has gotten longer.
(16:13):
I like it gives me more to play with when
you're being impossible or to grab. Especially Oh, now they're
howling at the moon. How cliche. Real wolves have much
more sophisticated communication than that, though I have to admit
(16:35):
there is something appealing about the whole calling to your
pack thing and letting everyone know what territory is yours.
Good thing you're already here with me saves me the
trouble of having to hell for you. You're getting sleepy,
(16:57):
aren't you? Hi can tell, especially after eating breakfast. Your
breathing is slowing down, and you're doing that thing where
you try to burrow into whatever's softest and warmest. That's me,
by the way. I'm the softest and warmest thing you've
got access to. Well, I'm here and you might as
(17:24):
well take advantage of that. Hey, stop playing with my
tail so much where you're going to put yourself to sleep? Helltho,
actually that might not be a bad thing. You need
the rest. Let me turn this down. A bad educational
(17:48):
programming about my distant relatives isn't worth keeping you awake?
You know it is realized. This is the first time
I've seen you properly relaxed in what seems like months.
(18:09):
Usually you're checking your phone or thinking about work or
stressing about something. But right now you have no distractions,
no Jessica calling, no urgent emails, just you and me
and terrible nature documentaries. Your breathing is getting really deep.
(18:34):
Now are you actually falling asleep on me? Well, after
all that coffee I made you this morning, you being
sleepy enough to pass out on the couch. It proves
a point. This is what real relaxation looks like. I
guess here, not me. That's better. Now you won't get
(19:04):
a crick in your neck from sleeping at a weird
angle your mind. You're all all mine, you know that,
and I'm gonna make sure you get all the rest
you need, even if it means spending the entire afternoon
(19:25):
as your personal pillow and heating pad. This is actually
kind of nice having you here, warm and safe and
completely relaxed. No stress, no worries, just peaceful. I could
(19:49):
get used to this, having you home, taking care of
you properly instead of watching you work yourself to death.
Enjoy your nap. Sleep tight, my cute idiot,
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