CLASSIC Mick Williams' Cyber-Line 3.2

This show originally aired July 26, 2008. This is the full 3 hours in parts. Enjoy!

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
But I do think that we dohave to teach the next generation about taxes
in this country. Folks, ifyou have kids, please teach your kids,
because the people who are teaching yourkids right now are the only people
in this country they don't think we'repaying too much. You're gonna have to
homeschool this one. And the besttime you can do this is on Halloween,

(00:22):
because they're gonna put in about eightfull hours of power trick or treating.
They're gonna be toting home a nicebig bag of what should be take
home candy. You just greet yourlittle tiger that they're oh, hey,
that's a nice big bag a candyyou got there, Harry Potter. But

(00:48):
you see now, first of all, just because you made this much candy,
we have to take away this muchincome tax. Then to ensure you'll
have candy in your old age,we pay the Social Security tax. I'll

(01:15):
quit crying. You're gonna see itin fifty sixty years. I'll tell you
what. We'll just put that rightup here. Won't touch it till then.
Okay, level with your grandpa's gonnaeat all that. You'll have your

(01:42):
own grandchildren. Don't worry. Ohlast of all, we can't forget that
state tax candy. Yeah, that'sright. We live in Illinois, don't
we know? What the hell?Here, here's your snickers bar. Okay,

(02:07):
alright, this is funny. Here, hold on just a minute,
payday. Whoa wha, whoa,whoa, whoa whoa. You're gonna eat
that right now, sales tax.You know, I think kids are smarter

(02:30):
than that. Man. I better. If you did that your kid,
you won't even getdressed up the nextyear, probably spend the whole evening on
the couch in front of the tube. And when mom put out that big
bowl of candy for the other kids, they just walk over to that bowl,
dumping in his bag. I'm onwelfare this year. I appreciate it,

(03:06):
But you go doing like they doit on the Discovery Channel. Very
popular song that song yep, theMammals on the Discovery Channel. Hey,
I'm not going at the byeline here. You speak Checklesslovakian some so you know
what pros means? No, wellmighty, Maybe it's either please or thanks,

(03:30):
depending on agenda of the venture onI learned. I learned this trick
on how to pick up women andCheckosslovakian. Oh no, of course you
have to. It's it's a fineline in Checklesslovakian between whether you want it
to be serious or whether you wantto be a pervert. And what you
do is you kind lean up againstthe wall and you you kind of strike

(03:51):
and pose as a big bad wolfand you go, That'sadonia the Rock.
It's like hello, little red ride. It's like you go, does Valadia
by? Actually that's goodbye? That'sright? What is it? Docer?
Does? I always get them?Damn? Too confused? Is goodbye?
So it does? Does Vadonia?My link up o the ro See you

(04:15):
sound like your swave. But thenif you want to like be really scumm
years and it's oh nice, Istay away my basket. My great grandmother
used to speak check. So that'show I learned it. I had a
friend used to used to be boredup for the show. When I first

(04:35):
met her, and she was fromCzechoslovakia and I said to her, I
said, well, which you know, which which part of the republic you're
from? Just what do you mean? And I said you're from the rice
the weed of the corn Republic.And she's like, there's no such thing,
I am just check, and it'slike, okay, whatever. So

(04:55):
she's she's recently married. She wasa foreign exchange student. Her and the
guy fell in love and got marriedand they only been married like a year
or two. And she turned aroundto mention something to him when she got
home, and he fell out ofthe chair rolling around laughing his butt off,
and she couldn't understand it. Andthen he explains the joke. The
next day, she sees me froma cross comp usa and starts walking right

(05:18):
up, balling up her fist andI'm just like, hey, how you
doing, and just socks me rightin the arm, and I went,
what the heck was that for?She stand over her fist, you know,
stuck out, look at me,and she goes, I am not
the rice check. I'm not theweak check, I'm not corn check.
I'm just check. Get it,Yes, ma'am. We're friends. After
that, I couldn't believe, youknow, she was so out of it.

(05:42):
She didn't realize that man when hetold her, I was like,
oh great, oh yeah. Soif you ever see anybody of course,
now it's you know, Czech Republicand Slovak and or Slovenia or whatever it
is now, and they all say, oh no, no, no,
it's too it's two now. We'renot the same. We love each other,
but we just kind of, youknow, they're like kids now is
kind of they grew up in thehouse. Now they don't have their own

(06:03):
little country on the side. SoI'm going home, you know, we'll
come visit mom and dad, butwe're going over here. That's that's kind
of how they treat it now.Yeah. Oh, and you're taking up
Mandarin. Yes, how's that workingfor you? I can order food in
a Chinese restaurant that's not bad.Oh, bits of Japanese. You can

(06:24):
say hello, goodbye? Yeah,where's the rice, get me a beer,
get a hotel, where's the radio? How about a coke? Yeah?
See, you can cheat with Japanesebecause a lot of it's Americanized.
It's just slurred. Well, I'mactually learning Mandarin and Cantonese. Oh,
at the same time. They're teachingme both. Oh man, it's a
little stressful when I go for Chinese. Could be new shoe port, could

(06:48):
be dog. Don't screw it up. So that's only if you're in China.
But yeah, no, I don'tknow. I don't know. Well,
one one slip of the tongue.You know, I wish to bar
on your shoes. You know,you don't know. Just play it safe.
Never order meat. I'll come becauseyou never know what it is.

(07:11):
Oh okay, this is like aslur or from yeah or what it was
doing in the alley last night.Yeah, exactly. Now I'm working on
Vietnamese. Oh good luck. Yeah, it's not that bad. It's a
lot easier than I thought it wouldbe. But everybody's got their little things.
If I say it one way,and it's like my friend, I
say cho ba, which is supposedto be hello, and I say chobo

(07:35):
tintous. I'm not an old woman, you say different because I'm younger.
And there's one for the there's onefor the kid, there's one for her,
which is middle aged, and there'sone for the old lady. Yeah,
and I'm being told that I'm callingher an old lady based on that.
PRIs like miss missus and you knowSenora, you know, I was
like, oh, yeah, yes, of course I used to. I

(07:57):
used to whip out check on theother one. She's like, I have
no clue what you're talking about.And it's like, okay, are you
telling me that because you don't wantme to know the language or you just
really burst in my bubble. Andso one day I didn't even say anything
turn I was doing something, andI guess she just thought she was going
to be real smart. And shesays, so, how's the check coming.

(08:18):
I went, the check is comingfine, thank you in the mail,
and and she goes, oh really, She says, well, why
don't you want you throw some outof that? You know, I just
don't throw it out. I'm notyour check monkey. Come on. And
then something was said and she saidsomething and I said, pro seeum,
and she like her eyes just litup and said, what it's like I

(08:39):
used to be able. Oh wewent we went dancing, and that was
the other thing, and I saidsomething, God, I can't remember it
now. I basically said, wouldyou care to dance? And I practiced
that thing for like a month anda half. Oh it was tanesshinis a
Brava. That's what it was,is the Brava. And her eyes lit
up and said no, it's likefine. Whatever I said, you even

(09:05):
know what I said, And shegoes, would you like to dance?
And I said yes, and I'masked you no. It was like fine,
wasted four four weeks of my lifetrying to learn that one that one
phrase, like an impressor. It'slike, no, whatever, I get
it. Funny. I get alot of funny looks because you know,
I'm you can ask Chris. I'mtall and blonde and people don't expect me

(09:26):
to speak anything other than English.So got that at Comdex English and Valley
Well, you know, it's liketotally like cool. Yeah, I can
do Valley too. I should addthat on there. Yeah, and also
a native of the Valley, Ican still speak Valley girl. I haven't
done Japanese in a while, butthere was a time I could. I
could really do pretty decent basic Japanese. And I was at Condex in two

(09:52):
thousand and I had a conversation witha guy and we're sitting there. He's
doing web pages or something. We'reactually having a conversation Japanese, and his
sister, I guess helps out oras part owner of the company. She's
standing on the back of me andhere's the two of us talking and notices
that the person talking is not Japaneseobviously, and she whips around, looks
me up and down, gives methis look like, who's the pasty white

(10:13):
fat boy who talks our language?And I'm thinking, you know, if
I can only stay in Japanese,I am the pasty white fat boy who
talks your language. Discussion. Shedid not like it. I was like
WHOA. I was like, well, and I learned Spanish, and it's
like, you know, people findout you speak Spanish, they'll talk amongst
themselves, but you know, theyfind out that they speak Spanish, they

(10:35):
don't want to talk to you.So all right, well we're gonna let
you go. We're gonna do theround table, and uh, well,
thank you for having me. You'rewelcome. And what's the website? Real
quick www dot Josh Borgstein fan clubdot com. All right, we'll talk
to you soon, okay, bybye bye, We'll be right back