May 12, 2025 • 39 mins
The Midlife Crisisses are back! On today's episode, Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol) Bradley Hasemayer (@bhaz) and William Drumm (@williamdrumm) discuss our parents getting older.
Follow us on our social media!
Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
and William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
Follow us on our social media!
Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
and William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Midlife Crisises. I'm Tyson, one of the hosts.
Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting, sharing all
of that stuff helps us continue to do this podcast,
and we would appreciate if you would continue to do
that each and every episode. We love you guys so much.
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee I mean nothing at that
(00:23):
guarantee then we will keep doing this. So smash that
subscribe button, that like button, that follow button, whatever buttons
are there, smash them all.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
This quote as well, So.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
It's happening. You're dying or maybe not, but the people
around you might be and it's confusing. How should you
approach it, especially the people you love the most. I'm
talking about your parents. Even if you don't absolutely love
your parents, there's still the reality that the conversation needs
to be had about moving forward. What should you be doing.
How do you have that conversation with your parents? Maybe
(01:10):
you're noticing they're getting a little slow or a little
more forgetful. Is that because they've always been forgetful? Or
is there something recent that's happened. Do you have siblings?
Have you paired up with them? Have you traded notes?
This is the reality of people in their midlife crisis,
raising kids and also questioning what are we doing with
our parents. We're here to talk about it. We don't
have all the answers, but we've got a few, So
(01:32):
join us this week on midlife crisis is all right?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Where midlife crisis is, crisis is happening all day every day.
William might be back from a crisis. William, how are
you holding money?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Holding up great? Dealing with a move right now? We're
moving to a house instead of living in my apartment.
I kind of moved into my apartment in a bit
of a crazy state last year when I was getting divorced,
and living here with my daughter is not ideal, and
(02:07):
I'm trying to get something a little bit more stable
for her. So we're moving into a house next week
and just kind of finishing up getting ready for that.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Which is really exciting.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Yeah, and I've got some crisises of my own. On
this side. We had some repairs and stuff done to
like a little deck that we had, and it's one
of those things where you're like, you drop a pretty
penny and no one knows because you didn't do an
extension to your house. It was like something's broken on
your car, but no one can really see it. You
drop a couple grand and you keep driving and everyone's like,
(02:42):
your pockets look lighter, but nothing's changed. You're like, oh,
I know, I wish, I wish you were different have that.
And then in the midst of that, we had this
huge metal rail that they had to take off the
second story and I was like, I'll help you guys
move it. Well, I didn't realize it was eight million
pounds and I was lifting with my back and not
my legs, and the next thing I know, later that day,
I was like oh, and I was like, my back
(03:03):
was all tweaked up. A couple of days before that,
I was at the dermatologist and they were like burning
off some sun spots, so there's like little like things
on my hands. My back is out. I'm spending money, Yeah,
It's like all of this stuff just happens at once.
It's like when it right, Oh my god, it's non stop.
It's crazy. Why doesn't and those are the crisises? Yeah,
(03:26):
just I don't know why. That's part of the crisis.
Is it's waves, man, It.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Just hits, it just hits back.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Now it's feeling much better. I kind of know what
to do with it. I have a thera gun, which
is this amazing like apparatus which uses percussive therapy to
release some of the tension in the muscle. I've got
like some muscle relaxer that I put on it, use
a heating pad at night, that kind of thing. So
I'm feeling much better now. You've read Healing Back Pain, Yeah,
(03:55):
thank you. Yes, yes I have. I feel like I'm
the one that always brings that up, but yes I have.
Doctor John Sarno. I owned the book. It did wonders
for me. I didn't even have to read it.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I just bought it, set it by my bedside, and
back has been great.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
The closer it gets to your physical body, the more
help it is. You read it.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
It's great that I read. Is the ones that sit
next to my bed and.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I have a divert back of books, don't I don't
read like I should? But that's not the question today.
Bradley has them. I are here today. What I wanted
to talk about is something that people at varying times
in their lives will be dealing with. We've touched on
it a few times, but I wanted to kind of
get the consensus here, or at least some advice and
some thoughts. This is our aging parents. We one day
(04:44):
will be aging parents. Lord willing as well. But how
do you have you had any moments with your parents
where either you and your siblings are like, I don't know, man,
like mom's forgetting some stuff, or Dad seems slower, or
maybe it's an actual event, like my dad had a
stroke randomly a couple of years ago. He's in great shape.
(05:04):
It was just one of these fluke things. It kind
of brings up that idea of like, oh, yeah, they're
not here forever, and you start thinking about, okay, this
is you know, maybe your parents are seventy or eighty.
That means you've got twenty you know, New Year's left
kind of you know, when you start thinking about that,
you're like, wow, it's kind of winding down. So anyway,
you know, how do you address this with your parents?
(05:26):
If you and your siblings or even you are seeing something,
do you wait for them to bring it up? You know,
we'll be coming up in the next probably decade, to
the point of being like, I don't know if you
should be driving dad, you know, like he was driving
my mom's car the other day and it was like
I backed into something and I didn't even see it,
and it was like it's pretty big, you know, like
those types of things.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
And so blame it on the thing too.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Of course, it's always the who put that trash cann
there in the clearly marked trash can space. So anyway, yeah,
I wanted to kind of bring that and see where
you guys are with that, because some people have young parents,
old parents, you know, all that kind of thing. So
I wanted to throw it into the group. And I
know a lot of the people listening and commenting and
(06:07):
sharing and all that kind of stuff are going through
this as well. It's just a numbers game where if
you're in your forties, likely your parents are in their sixties, seventies, eighties.
People are having kids later, which means people are going
to be having this conversation. My son's five, so I'll
be eighty when he's forty basically, So yeah, I want
(06:28):
to throw that in. Cool.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
It's a difficult subject.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
It's definitely starting to materialize for me and my sisters,
and it's really nice to have my sisters to talk
about this kind of stuff with. My mom has been
she was diagnosed with CLL like which is a lymphoma
(06:55):
like fifteen years ago or something like that, thirteen years ago,
and she's never had to get treatments, one of those
cancers that's just like really slow acting. And when she
got it, her doctor said, you know, chances are you'll
probably die from something else related to old age because
it's just that slow of a growing cancer. So she's
(07:16):
had it for thirteen years and she's been doing like transfusions,
but she's been able to keep the symptoms at bay.
But then just recently they came back from being in
Mexico for a while and my mom was just like
super tired and had a headache for like a week
and a fever for like two weeks, and then so
(07:37):
she went in and she just started getting treatment for
the CLL And I'm actually taking her to the hospital
later today just for her treatment.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
So it's weird.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
It's like, especially with something like this for me because
when she first diagnosed with it thirteen years ago, I
was like, I'm gonna have to steel myself, like this
might be it, Like you know what, it was great,
which was just crazy, but like you always go to
the last you know, the worst possible thing was it happens.
And then now thirteen years later, it's like, holy shit,
(08:12):
I can't believe that.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Like I felt like that at the time.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
And now that you're getting treatment, like it's like you're
gonna be fine again. But I don't know, It's it's tough.
It's so weird. Yeah, So me and my sisters are
talking about it a lot lately and trying to figure
it out for ourselves. So I'm really interested in kind
of how you guys have navigated it and then for
(08:37):
here has been But.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Do you talk to your parents about it or no,
just your sisters.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I mean, obviously we talked about her being sick, but yeah,
we don't really talk about like the general like cognitive
decline that is happening or might be happening soon and
like what's next and just the more general stuff about
them getting more advanced in years and it's getting to
(09:06):
the point where we're going to have to soon and
me and my sisters are trying to figure out the
best ways to navigate that, but we're not really there
just yet. So I think that this is good for
me to talk about too and hopefully learn something from
either you guys or from some people listening today.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Oh, you're not learning shit from me. My parents are
over seventy now, so they're like in that age where
you're like, Okay, they're old. But there's days where you
look at them and they're like they're doing great, They're
(09:44):
doing totally fine. And then there's days where you look
at them you're like, you're looking old today. You're definitely chicking, rusty,
you're moving slower, your things aren't. Whatever's happening, and it's earning,
But also like, when do you like, I don't. I
haven't addressed that with my my parents at all. My
(10:07):
dad has had this nagging shoulder injury that he's had
for like twenty years, and he's just like refuses to
get it fixed. I was like, Dad, if you would
have just gotten surgery twenty years ago, you would have
had twenty great years with a pretty good shoulder probably,
But lork.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Tyson gets it from a trust. The doctor's shocking.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
This is shocking.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Well now now the doctor's telling him, like, you may
as well just write it out. If you can do
most of the things you love without like extreme pain,
then be cool. Then whatever. But because I think he
mostly like this extension above his head is like he
can't do stuff like that. Are we still can? Okay,
(10:52):
you froze, I froze. Anyways, I haven't ever talked to
him about it other than like, just take care of
yourselves a little bit, guys, Like that's pretty much it.
I check in on them. I live in a different
state than they do now, which the distance makes a
little trickier. But also like, I'm in business with my dad.
I have a lot of financial stuff wrapped up with him,
(11:12):
and I also like don't fully know if something were
to happen, like, what would happen to yeah, my family
in that instance, in those business ventures. And it's also
a weird thing to bring up and be like, look, hypothetically, dad,
if something happened to me, not to you, to me,
(11:36):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Oh that's good. Put it on yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, what would you have me set up for you? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (11:45):
And then like and then he realized if you if
you were like, let's have a genuine chat. I want
to talk about business stuff. If you pass away, what's
in place? What do I need to know?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
No, I don't think so. I just don't feel comfortable
doing it. I because he's at some point like he
could definitely retire, and he loves working. He loves like
building empires, and that's like he just loves to do it.
It's his social it's his brain, it's his physical, it's
(12:14):
he gets a little bit of everything from it. And
so he just keeps going. But he has one time
just been like, I'm not going to live forever. Why
does it even matter if i'm And I was like, yeah,
that's a good point, Like does it matter? Do you
want to keep doing it?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
But he does, We'll keep want to keep doing it.
So he's definitely had that. He just definitely said that
to me before. But I need to be more proactive
probably on that stuff at some point and just be
like worst case scenario, but inevitable at some point this
is going to happen. What what do I what do
(12:51):
I need? What do you need? What should we? But
I think you just have to have a hard, hard
conversation at point with your parents about this stuff. And
I think it's it's easier for me to give them
advice on their health if they look like they're in
decline or if they are struggling with stuff, and be like, hey,
(13:14):
this helped me. Hey, maybe do these exercises or you know,
go get your shoulder checked out. It may as well
because it's if it's hurting way worse at ninety, why
not have just gotten it taken care of when you
were seventy type of thing. So those are easy, but
the more difficult are if you pass, what do I
(13:37):
need to know?
Speaker 4 (13:39):
What do I get?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
You die?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
What do I get it? Then That's how it always
is going to sound to me, Like it doesn't matter
how you phrase it, that's what it's going to sound.
And I don't want it to sound like that. And
my mom, my mom right now, my grandma. I have
a grandma still alive, and my mom is there with
my grandma and her siblings are already like who gets what?
(14:06):
And how gets what? And who? How much is what?
And all this stuff, and my mom's like, I don't
even want to be involved in it. It's it's like
a lot, and it feels weird, and it does, It
definitely does. And I think that's part of it, because
you know, they're your parents and you want them to
know that you that you love them. But also, like
(14:28):
my dad has given me so much advice throughout my
life financially and business wise especially, and and I'm also
you know, because I'm in business with him, Like I
should probably know some of that stuff is in place
from my peace of mind, but but I don't. I'm
just assuming it's fine.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I wonder if some of these conversations are like those
conversations that you dread having so much, Yes, but they're
not as bad as you think they would be, you
know what I mean. Like I'm just guessing here, but
I wonder if it's actually that terrible or if it's
more like the anticipation of having it and then like
(15:14):
getting it over with. Isn't that that I'm trying to
think about how to address it myself? And I think
that that's a good philosophy to take for it, just
to get it done with, But then also having those conversations.
I think it's probably pretty important to have like a
clear kind of outline of what you want to talk
about with them too, So it's just it doesn't end
(15:35):
up getting too sad or whatever, like keep it to
business stuff, strict stuff, and.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, the most important things.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
I think that's a good call. I also think, you know,
I'm picturing myself walking through this conversation as well. I
think my dad would actually be really open to it,
just the way he is when he was I think
he must have been like twenty three, I think is
when he had me. I was six months old. His
dad was was climbing a tree in the front yard
and cutting off branches and he fell out of the
(16:05):
tree onto the sidewalk and died basically right there.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Rudal.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
He had just had a fight with my dad's brother,
so my uncle, and that always sat with my dad
as like, I never want there to be like a
bad blood moment, you know, And we've had some disagreements,
but there hasn't really even been a bad blood moment.
But he's always so conscious every time we come over
(16:29):
to the house, like we drive up there, you'd fly in.
When we were in New York, or La or whatever.
He would always be like, Hey, can I talk to
you for a minute, And he's like, I just want
you to know how proud of you I am. I
love you so much, and basically like we're good. And
so there's a little bit of that mentality with him
already where it would get sticky and I feel like,
man to man, I could sit down with him and
be like, Dad, let's talk, like how you doing. What's
going on. There's a little bit of pushback with him
(16:50):
where it's like, well, my blood you know, my doctor
says my blood pressures high. But I don't want to
get any of drugs because you know those drugs, like
they just they start you down this path and then
they go here and then they go there. Like okay,
I mean I hear that to some degree, But also
you're not actually cutting out the ice cream and the
bacon that you say you're going to, so we gotta
we got to combat this somehow.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Is he eating those at the same time?
Speaker 4 (17:12):
Yeah, ice cream bacon, It's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
It actually sounds pretty good.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
It does sounds your sweet yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Like some chocolate fudge ice cream with some bacon bits
with bacon.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Yeah, we just came up with that. It's it'll be
called Midlife Crisis and it'll be a bit to Jerry's flavor.
I think it could do well. And then you see
some branding.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
When you buy it. It actually comes with a prescription
for medication.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
It's beautiful. I love sure to some cholesterol meds, like
just taped on the top of it.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah, you know, a little plastic pop out thing the
lid has holding them underneath.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
Oh yeah, that's so good. Yeah. So I think that
there's that where it was like we talk about it,
He's like, oh my yeah, well my cholesterol is a
little bit high. But you know, I don't want to
get on this or loopatora, whatever the things are. But
where it would really be tough is if I talked
to my mom about my dad passing, because I think
for her that's real scary. And I think it could
go either way on the parents, but I think it's
(18:10):
scarier for my mom that my dad passes than my
dad if my mom passes, And that's no knock on
who they are. It's just kind of like I think
any any time that would happen, I think that would
be hard because you've been with this person for virtually ever.
But in that case, I think talking to the person
directly rather than potentially like running it through the significant other,
(18:34):
might be the better way to go.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It's also just hard for for anybody like looking at
their own mortality. You know, it's it's a scary subject.
And when our parents are getting to that age, like
it's got to be on their minds. And I wonder
if we've got a couple of things actually, but I
wonder if it's like a relief for them to talk
(18:57):
about it too.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
In some ways, point just been like you know, almost
like they're having the same conversation on their end, Like
I don't want to bring it up because Bradley will
get scared that we're going to pass away or that
one of my siblings. Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
And also a lot of it kind of is on
the parents too, So I wonder if it's good to
like before you talk to him about it, like don't
set it up like an ambush or whatever, but just
be like, hey, mom, dad, I just want to talk
(19:32):
to you guys about your health and what's going to
happen in the next ten years. And I don't know
if you've had a chance to think about that. But
maybe we could talk about that in two weeks or
something like that. In a week, you know what I mean,
give them time to kind of get their stuff in order, because.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
It's not like it's probably how's your Saturday going?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Good?
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Good? How are you guys? Good? Yeah? What's going to
happen when you die? I just wanted to like check
in real quick. Un we can we couch this for
a little bit late.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
But the funny thing is is when my kids ask
me that, yeah, I have no issue answering that. Is
that because death doesn't seem like it's knocking on my
door yet? Or is that because like as a parent,
I just like want to comfort my kids and let
them know things are going to be okay, and I've
thought of them and taking care of them and doing
my best and and so like, I don't I don't
(20:23):
know it would.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I think because it's still so abstracted, so far away, yeah,
or advanced in age. It's like it's not abstract, it's
like it's coming at you. Yeah, so it's a pretty
different situation.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Well, the good news here is that William's dad listens
to these, so he'll be able to be for this conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But I know all I can think about is should
I tell you not to listen to this episode?
Speaker 4 (20:48):
You have? You have a couple of weeks now with
a buffer you have Now it's a to do list
with an actual date for you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Well, one thing that's hard with my parents is like, oh,
my dad's gonna love this. But my dad's always been
such a crazy driver. But now it's like, what is
because of old age and cognitive things? And what is
because he's from Brooklyn and in the same driver, Like how.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Do you measure that?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
My mom? Like, my mom's always been so forgetful forever.
It's like, Okay, is that is she forgetful because she's
super fucking forgetful or is it because of cognitive shit?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
So right, yeah, that's been going on.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Me and my sister's been talking about that for years
and years, like probably like five years ago. My sister's like, oh,
I think like she forgot this. She's getting older throughout
her keys.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
I'm like, she.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Forgot her keys when we were in diapers, Like this.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
Is not she got me at the mall.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Come on, guys, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
It's funny.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Yeah, you yeah, Tyson. Do you you have siblings?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
I do I have force. Yeah, there's four of us total.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Do you feel like you share this responsibility with them? Like,
is this something you guys like pow wow about or
has it come up or is it more like we'll
just let Tyson figure it out and we're all going
to be no more.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
With my brother, but even then, not that, not hardly
at all. And my sisters, Like, we don't talk about
stuff like that with my.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Two sisters, older brother or younger.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
My brother's younger than me, So it's me and my
brother are sandwiched between two sisters.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
So what about the eldest sister. Do you think that
she feels like more obliged to handle this kind of thing?
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I don't think so. I think me and my brother
are more in that role together as the yeah, as
the head siblings. Maybe that's maybe just how I feel too.
Maybe they feel totally different. Yeah, so yeah, so I
don't know. I don't know how they feel. I don't.
(22:53):
My brother works with my dad daily, so my brother's
in the office, he's my dad all the time, all
that stuff, so he's maybe even feeling it a lot
more than I do. But yeah, for me, it's not
a stress yet. It's like I put it to the
back of my mind and I'm like, all talk about
(23:13):
it at some point, not right now, but when something
more catastrophic than a ten year old shoulder injury happens
or something. I don't know. I'm just procrastinating it because
it feels uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
Yeah, and I think it's I think facing your mortality
is tough. I think especially for guys. I feel like
like my dad, for instance, again, he had a stroke
randomly a couple of years ago, and it was he
was just pushing himself too hard. He was like cutting
the grass and then trying to run in and do
pull ups and come back. And I know it's like
(23:48):
that's just he was just like let's go, let's go,
you know, and he's like by himself.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Was it not a day where he was like I need
to get in better shape and do more things. So
like I think it was that was his routine.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Regular, No, no, no, it was. It was also the
time where he was like I'm heading to the beach
for like a week. I'm not going to have a
chance to like work out, let me get let me
get some of this in we'll be traveling for a while.
But he was also just coming back from having basically
this type of conversation with his mom, who passed away
maybe two years ago now, so it would have been
(24:19):
like seven or eight years after that meeting. But it
was getting her affairs in order, the will, who's the
lawyer to go to, like all that kind of stuff.
So I think emotionally he was stressed out, and then
physically he was stressing his body. But the good news
is he didn't just try to like man up and
sleep it off, because he's like, maybe I'll just take
a nap, and he's like, I'm throwing up in the
(24:40):
shower randomly. This is weird. So he got that taken
care of. But then we were there just for spring break,
just last week, and I was like, hey, Dad, what's
the cut on your hand. He's like, oh, yeah, I
was run through the neighborhood. I wanted to do three laps,
and on the third lap I came down and I
just my feet started going quicker and I just fell
right on the top of my mind head. Well, I
(25:01):
was like, what you didn't even tell anybody. He was
just like he was like yeah. I came in and
the only time I realized that, I decided I need
to take a shower because I got blood all over
my face and my arms and stuff. And took a
shower and came out and your mom was in the
office working and I said, hey, what's up? And she said,
are you okay? And I said, yeah, I think I'm
gonna go take a quick shower. And she's like, you
(25:21):
just took a shower, and he was like, huh, I
guess I did another time we were at home. I
just forgot about this until now I heard at like
three in the morning. My ears are attuned to this
because low will wake up. Right. If you have younger kids,
you're just like you're always at the ready to like
pop up. And so at like three in the morning,
I heard dishes downstairs, and I was like, what in
(25:42):
the world. So I went out to like the landing
and I'm looking down. My dad has he's in like
workout shorts, no shirt, tissue paper up both sides of
his nose with blood coming like like they're red, and
he's doing the dishes. And I'm like, is he asleep
or did he? Like what happened? And I was like, hey, Dad,
(26:06):
and he's like, oh, hey, what's going on. And I
was like, well, it's three in the morning and you've
got a bloody nose and you're doing dishes. You tell me.
And he's like, I just woke up. I couldn't go
back to sleep and figure it. If I'm up, I
may as well do something. And in my nose, you know,
it just kind of gets dry and bleeds. And so
for me, there's these simple little events that kind of
(26:28):
keep popping in. I mean, the stroke wasn't simple. That
was a big deal, lots of doctors, lots of hospital
stuff there, but no lasting effects. But like all these
little simple things that wouldn't be a huge deal in
your forties or even fifties now are a bigger deal.
And so that's kind of what's got me kind of
(26:48):
like wondering, Like because if he had fallen, I mean
he fell right on the top of his head, that
could be a big, big deal at that age, at
at any age. Yeah, And so all of a sudden,
I'm like that that is low on the list of
things to do today.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
So then all of a sudden, it's like, well, you're
just living your life and then one of those smaller
things that wouldn't have been a big deal now is
a huge deal or dad passed or dad has brain
damage or you know whatever, and you're like, what, I
thought we had more? I thought we had ten more christmases.
I thought we had twenty Christmases, you know whatever. So
I don't know that that was part of what kind
of like was the impetus for this question. And and
(27:27):
maybe I think because like Tyson, to your point, maybe
because there's some of these events kind of coming in,
it creates more of an opportunity to kind of be like, hey, dad,
remember this happened, and let's have a talk about you
know what what the plan is or whatever. I don't know,
rather than just like randomly bringing it up like you
were saying with your dad with like how's your shoulder good? So,
and about death, let's talk about Yeah. So, I don't know,
(27:50):
maybe maybe I should be scheduling something with him.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
So my mom, I think that she had a really
hard time, like her parents had a really hard time
when they passed, and stuff wasn't really like properly in
order anything, and it was pretty terrible for her and
her sisters. So because of that, I think that she's
like going to work really hard to make sure that
that doesn't happen when she passes away. So that's what
(28:16):
I mean that A lot of it's kind of on
the parents too to figure this stuff out, because like, yeah,
we should kind of have conversations with them.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
It's important. We need to.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
We don't want to like just have something that we
dread forever and just get it over with. But at
the end of the day, like they make all their
wishes and they decide what has to happen. So if anything,
I think it's good kind of like I was saying
to like let them know that you're thinking about this,
ask them if they want to talk about it sometime soon,
and if they've thought about it themselves, so that maybe
(28:47):
that'll kind of help them to start start getting it
like an idea of what they really want as well.
What I think is terrifying too is like my daughter
reaction when my parents inevitably pass away. I think that's
really scary, Like I don't know, I just loves them
(29:08):
so much, and death is so different and weird for
younger kids. So that's yeah, I dread that almost.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Depends on how old she's because like my grandparents passing.
My grandpa passed when I was like twenty one, and
that was really hard for me, my first grandpa that passed.
And then I still have a grandma who's alive, who's
ninety five, and my grandpa, her husband died like two
(29:38):
years ago at like ninety three, and that was like, yeah,
he's old, like he.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
It hits different when you're forty.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
It gets different when you're forty and when they're nineties
versus yeah, versus when you're twenty and they're seventy four,
Like that was hard. But even at that point, like
my parents, I think like it's devastating, Like if we
had any either minor Rachel's parents, if anything happened to
them right now, it would be devastating for my kids
(30:08):
currently at nine and six years old. But when they're twenty,
twenty five, thirty, that's more part of life now. That's
not that I've probably had some experience somewhere with death
by that point. So I I'm just keeping my fingers
crossed that we get total everybody to the twenties or
thirties before we have to even have a real hard
(30:31):
conversation about stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like that one thing that I've thought about actually just
last night. It's funny that this is coming up, is
that like when my mom got diagnosed with cancer thirteen
years ago, and when my you know, my dad's had
like our open heart surgery and he's he's doing well,
but there was a time too where he was pretty
(30:53):
sick from that.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
It's like.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Selfishly, as a guy, as whatever, it's like, well, my
parents are amazing and I had really a lot of
really great memories with them, and like that would be
really terrible, but also like you know, I love them,
they love me, Like peace out, that's life. But then
(31:17):
last night I was thinking about, like that's a really
selfish take on the whole thing, and maybe the question
that I should be asking is like what does what
do my parents want to do in they're like at
the end of their life, Like what things did they
still want to do with me? Not with me like outside?
(31:39):
You know, it could be as simple as like watching
a movie together or like spending more time doing this
or that. But like that's I think a better way
to ask that or like approach that is like that's
a super selfish way for me, Like my parents were awesome,
like they loved me, blah blah blah. It's more like, Hey,
you guys have such X number of years left? What
can I do to help you do ship that you
(32:01):
want to do that you haven't done, or like spend
that time how you want to spend that time? Like,
how can I help that?
Speaker 4 (32:06):
That's cool? I really like that. That's that's a cool too,
So like a real positive spin on how to get
into that conversation.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
You know, totally Yeah, I think it's a way to
do it. So what are we going to do here, Bradley?
What are you to do with your thoughts here? I'm
just gonna let my thanks listen to this podcast. Then
let's take it.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Let it work for you.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
That's the best thing is that William, anytime we come out,
anytime it's a family thing, you just know somebody's gonna
listen and it's gonna come back and you're going to
have everything's gonna be fine. Bradley and I. We have
to come up with a game plan here. What's your
game plan moving forward?
Speaker 4 (32:43):
I really like, I really like what William just ended
with there, that idea of kind of like setting the
parents up. We're in the midlife and we'll be in
this kind of season for a while. We're we're battling
a war on two fronts. We're raising kids and we're
helping our parents, and you start to lean one way
or the other. I think like, as your parents maybe
(33:04):
you know, get older, old or older now they're in
hospice or whatever. Now you're really involved, or your kids
are super young and you're super involved. So I think
you kind of move in between this kind of vacillate
in this period. We're there, we're in it, and so
we have to embrace that there's no way out of it.
And so I love that kind of positive take that
William has where it's kind of like how you know,
(33:25):
it's just like I would talk to my kids and
be like, what do you want to be when you
grow up? You know, it's kind of like we're asking
the same question. We're just kind of kind of caveat
is Okay, you've only got let's say you've got twenty
years left, what do you guys want to do? Because
I also think for my own life, it's easy just
to get stuck in the like day to day it's like, oh,
I think I'd like to start a business, but like, also,
I got and then you turn around you're like, oh,
(33:47):
there goes five or ten years. Yeah, and if you've
only got twenty ish left, then that's a.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Lot those years. We're on Instagram, crock wasting it, right.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
But you also in an earlier episode, Tyson, you had
even mentioned this too, the idea of like the American
thought of like I'll just work until I can finally retire,
then I'll travel the world. And you're like, at ninety
you're going to take a fourteen hour flight to Sydney. No,
you're not doing that.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I don't even want to do that now. I want
to be in Sydney, but I don't want to take
that flight.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Right. So it's like, if there are things that you
guys want to do to take the cruise, take that
like whatever that is. And then I think William's point too,
is like how can we as siblings, as your kids,
as grand how can we help support that? You know,
is that for Christmas instead of getting you a bunch
of gifts, we all throw in and we, you know,
pay for half of your cruise or you guys wanted to,
(34:41):
I don't know, go visit the you know the five
places that your grandparents got married and then honeymoon whatever
the thing is. Yeah, so I think that's that's a
real positive way that I think we can launch into
that conversation. So good words, William. Yeah, it really was good.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I think for me, I should have a hard conversation,
a direct conversation with my parents. I feel like my
dad is more the one I should talk to because
he knows he's the one that's organizing whatever is being organized.
(35:18):
And what I'd like to do is just ignore it
for longer and have it materialize without me having to
be come to you. But it's and that's probably what
I'm going to do. But I'm telling the audience right now,
I should full time with my dad to have a
direct conversation with him about what will happen when he
(35:43):
inevitably passes, even though I would prefer he never does.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
That's with your situation, Tyson.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
You can also approach it like pretty strictly business, straight business.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Yeah, yeah, some that might make it a little easier,
would it or.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Would it be more superficial?
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Now? I think it's a good way to get in Okay, that's.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
What I think.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Yeah, Okay, because that's the other thing too, is is
like what happens to my finances that are wrapped into
your finances when one of us isn't here. I don't
know who's going to live longer between us two, Like
there's no way of knowing.
Speaker 4 (36:18):
But yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
But yeah, so uh, and I just I think I'm
an eternal optimist. I just assume it's going to be fine.
Everything's going to work out. He's not going to die
for a long time, and my parents are going to
be healthy for a long time, and then everything afterwards
(36:43):
is also going to work out. And most of the
time that's worked out for me because I've just put
that into the universe so hard at every single corner.
And I don't know if that's why, but that's just
how I've always been. And so that's also makes it
hard to have the conversation where I'm like, it's probably
going to be fine and work out anyway, So why
(37:05):
do I want to have this uncomfortable, hard conversation with
my dad, who historically for the last seventy two years
hasn't really like divulging too much personal information even to
his closest people.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Yeah, I'm excited to hear how it goes too excited
for the update. I tell you that much out that
reality show.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Okay, so now now I feel like you guys are
peer pressuring me, but I do think it is good.
I think you do have to have that conversation. I
really wish it was easier. Maybe it's going to be
easy and I'm just stressing about it.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
But making it into something bigger.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
That's it. Anything else before we shut this thing down.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Well that's the optimistic way to look at it is
that's going to be easy anyway you might as well.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's right, Yeah, that is true. So we encourage you
if you're in this same similar situation, have those hard
conversations before you can't have them.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
That's always better. And if you have had these conversations,
how did you do it? Yes, that's going to help
us and that's going to help other people too.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
How did you do and could you have done it better?
Did you execute properly? What was your parents' reaction? I
want to know all of that stuff and maybe that
will be a future podcast from all of us as
we have these conversations with our parents.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yeah cool, So all.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Right, that's it at midlife Crisises, Please like subscribe, follow, share,
all of those things. Chime in in the chat. We've
taken some of these questions that you've had and turned
them into full podcast episodes, and we will continue to
do so. So bring the questions and we'll probably just
(38:47):
ask more questions about the questions, but maybe have some
answers as well. Until next week. I'm Tyson, that's William,
that's Bradley, So thanks.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Dam Is By
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Plans, Friends, Plans, Plans,
Welcome back to Midlife Crisises. I'm Tyson, one of the hosts.
Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting, sharing all
of that stuff helps us continue to do this podcast,
and we would appreciate if you would continue to do
that each and every episode. We love you guys so much.
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee I mean nothing at that
(00:23):
guarantee then we will keep doing this. So smash that
subscribe button, that like button, that follow button, whatever buttons
are there, smash them all.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
This quote as well, So.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
It's happening. You're dying or maybe not, but the people
around you might be and it's confusing. How should you
approach it, especially the people you love the most. I'm
talking about your parents. Even if you don't absolutely love
your parents, there's still the reality that the conversation needs
to be had about moving forward. What should you be doing.
How do you have that conversation with your parents? Maybe
(01:10):
you're noticing they're getting a little slow or a little
more forgetful. Is that because they've always been forgetful? Or
is there something recent that's happened. Do you have siblings?
Have you paired up with them? Have you traded notes?
This is the reality of people in their midlife crisis,
raising kids and also questioning what are we doing with
our parents. We're here to talk about it. We don't
have all the answers, but we've got a few, So
(01:32):
join us this week on midlife crisis is all right?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Where midlife crisis is, crisis is happening all day every day.
William might be back from a crisis. William, how are
you holding money?
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Holding up great? Dealing with a move right now? We're
moving to a house instead of living in my apartment.
I kind of moved into my apartment in a bit
of a crazy state last year when I was getting divorced,
and living here with my daughter is not ideal, and
(02:07):
I'm trying to get something a little bit more stable
for her. So we're moving into a house next week
and just kind of finishing up getting ready for that.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Which is really exciting.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
Yeah, and I've got some crisises of my own. On
this side. We had some repairs and stuff done to
like a little deck that we had, and it's one
of those things where you're like, you drop a pretty
penny and no one knows because you didn't do an
extension to your house. It was like something's broken on
your car, but no one can really see it. You
drop a couple grand and you keep driving and everyone's like,
(02:42):
your pockets look lighter, but nothing's changed. You're like, oh,
I know, I wish, I wish you were different have that.
And then in the midst of that, we had this
huge metal rail that they had to take off the
second story and I was like, I'll help you guys
move it. Well, I didn't realize it was eight million
pounds and I was lifting with my back and not
my legs, and the next thing I know, later that day,
I was like oh, and I was like, my back
(03:03):
was all tweaked up. A couple of days before that,
I was at the dermatologist and they were like burning
off some sun spots, so there's like little like things
on my hands. My back is out. I'm spending money, Yeah,
It's like all of this stuff just happens at once.
It's like when it right, Oh my god, it's non stop.
It's crazy. Why doesn't and those are the crisises? Yeah,
(03:26):
just I don't know why. That's part of the crisis.
Is it's waves, man, It.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Just hits, it just hits back.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Now it's feeling much better. I kind of know what
to do with it. I have a thera gun, which
is this amazing like apparatus which uses percussive therapy to
release some of the tension in the muscle. I've got
like some muscle relaxer that I put on it, use
a heating pad at night, that kind of thing. So
I'm feeling much better now. You've read Healing Back Pain, Yeah,
(03:55):
thank you. Yes, yes I have. I feel like I'm
the one that always brings that up, but yes I have.
Doctor John Sarno. I owned the book. It did wonders
for me. I didn't even have to read it.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
I just bought it, set it by my bedside, and
back has been great.
Speaker 4 (04:10):
The closer it gets to your physical body, the more
help it is. You read it.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
It's great that I read. Is the ones that sit
next to my bed and.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I have a divert back of books, don't I don't
read like I should? But that's not the question today.
Bradley has them. I are here today. What I wanted
to talk about is something that people at varying times
in their lives will be dealing with. We've touched on
it a few times, but I wanted to kind of
get the consensus here, or at least some advice and
some thoughts. This is our aging parents. We one day
(04:44):
will be aging parents. Lord willing as well. But how
do you have you had any moments with your parents
where either you and your siblings are like, I don't know, man,
like mom's forgetting some stuff, or Dad seems slower, or
maybe it's an actual event, like my dad had a
stroke randomly a couple of years ago. He's in great shape.
(05:04):
It was just one of these fluke things. It kind
of brings up that idea of like, oh, yeah, they're
not here forever, and you start thinking about, okay, this
is you know, maybe your parents are seventy or eighty.
That means you've got twenty you know, New Year's left
kind of you know, when you start thinking about that,
you're like, wow, it's kind of winding down. So anyway,
you know, how do you address this with your parents?
(05:26):
If you and your siblings or even you are seeing something,
do you wait for them to bring it up? You know,
we'll be coming up in the next probably decade, to
the point of being like, I don't know if you
should be driving dad, you know, like he was driving
my mom's car the other day and it was like
I backed into something and I didn't even see it,
and it was like it's pretty big, you know, like
those types of things.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
And so blame it on the thing too.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Of course, it's always the who put that trash cann
there in the clearly marked trash can space. So anyway, yeah,
I wanted to kind of bring that and see where
you guys are with that, because some people have young parents,
old parents, you know, all that kind of thing. So
I wanted to throw it into the group. And I
know a lot of the people listening and commenting and
(06:07):
sharing and all that kind of stuff are going through
this as well. It's just a numbers game where if
you're in your forties, likely your parents are in their sixties, seventies, eighties.
People are having kids later, which means people are going
to be having this conversation. My son's five, so I'll
be eighty when he's forty basically, So yeah, I want
(06:28):
to throw that in. Cool.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
It's a difficult subject.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
It's definitely starting to materialize for me and my sisters,
and it's really nice to have my sisters to talk
about this kind of stuff with. My mom has been
she was diagnosed with CLL like which is a lymphoma
(06:55):
like fifteen years ago or something like that, thirteen years ago,
and she's never had to get treatments, one of those
cancers that's just like really slow acting. And when she
got it, her doctor said, you know, chances are you'll
probably die from something else related to old age because
it's just that slow of a growing cancer. So she's
(07:16):
had it for thirteen years and she's been doing like transfusions,
but she's been able to keep the symptoms at bay.
But then just recently they came back from being in
Mexico for a while and my mom was just like
super tired and had a headache for like a week
and a fever for like two weeks, and then so
(07:37):
she went in and she just started getting treatment for
the CLL And I'm actually taking her to the hospital
later today just for her treatment.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
So it's weird.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
It's like, especially with something like this for me because
when she first diagnosed with it thirteen years ago, I
was like, I'm gonna have to steel myself, like this
might be it, Like you know what, it was great,
which was just crazy, but like you always go to
the last you know, the worst possible thing was it happens.
And then now thirteen years later, it's like, holy shit,
(08:12):
I can't believe that.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Like I felt like that at the time.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
And now that you're getting treatment, like it's like you're
gonna be fine again. But I don't know, It's it's tough.
It's so weird. Yeah, So me and my sisters are
talking about it a lot lately and trying to figure
it out for ourselves. So I'm really interested in kind
of how you guys have navigated it and then for
(08:37):
here has been But.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Do you talk to your parents about it or no,
just your sisters.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
I mean, obviously we talked about her being sick, but yeah,
we don't really talk about like the general like cognitive
decline that is happening or might be happening soon and
like what's next and just the more general stuff about
them getting more advanced in years and it's getting to
(09:06):
the point where we're going to have to soon and
me and my sisters are trying to figure out the
best ways to navigate that, but we're not really there
just yet. So I think that this is good for
me to talk about too and hopefully learn something from
either you guys or from some people listening today.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Oh, you're not learning shit from me. My parents are
over seventy now, so they're like in that age where
you're like, Okay, they're old. But there's days where you
look at them and they're like they're doing great, They're
(09:44):
doing totally fine. And then there's days where you look
at them you're like, you're looking old today. You're definitely chicking, rusty,
you're moving slower, your things aren't. Whatever's happening, and it's earning,
But also like, when do you like, I don't. I
haven't addressed that with my my parents at all. My
(10:07):
dad has had this nagging shoulder injury that he's had
for like twenty years, and he's just like refuses to
get it fixed. I was like, Dad, if you would
have just gotten surgery twenty years ago, you would have
had twenty great years with a pretty good shoulder probably,
But lork.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Tyson gets it from a trust. The doctor's shocking.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
This is shocking.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Well now now the doctor's telling him, like, you may
as well just write it out. If you can do
most of the things you love without like extreme pain,
then be cool. Then whatever. But because I think he
mostly like this extension above his head is like he
can't do stuff like that. Are we still can? Okay,
(10:52):
you froze, I froze. Anyways, I haven't ever talked to
him about it other than like, just take care of
yourselves a little bit, guys, Like that's pretty much it.
I check in on them. I live in a different
state than they do now, which the distance makes a
little trickier. But also like, I'm in business with my dad.
I have a lot of financial stuff wrapped up with him,
(11:12):
and I also like don't fully know if something were
to happen, like, what would happen to yeah, my family
in that instance, in those business ventures. And it's also
a weird thing to bring up and be like, look, hypothetically, dad,
if something happened to me, not to you, to me,
(11:36):
I'm sure.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
Oh that's good. Put it on yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Yeah, what would you have me set up for you? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (11:45):
And then like and then he realized if you if
you were like, let's have a genuine chat. I want
to talk about business stuff. If you pass away, what's
in place? What do I need to know?
Speaker 1 (11:54):
No, I don't think so. I just don't feel comfortable
doing it. I because he's at some point like he
could definitely retire, and he loves working. He loves like
building empires, and that's like he just loves to do it.
It's his social it's his brain, it's his physical, it's
(12:14):
he gets a little bit of everything from it. And
so he just keeps going. But he has one time
just been like, I'm not going to live forever. Why
does it even matter if i'm And I was like, yeah,
that's a good point, Like does it matter? Do you
want to keep doing it?
Speaker 3 (12:28):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (12:28):
But he does, We'll keep want to keep doing it.
So he's definitely had that. He just definitely said that
to me before. But I need to be more proactive
probably on that stuff at some point and just be
like worst case scenario, but inevitable at some point this
is going to happen. What what do I what do
(12:51):
I need? What do you need? What should we? But
I think you just have to have a hard, hard
conversation at point with your parents about this stuff. And
I think it's it's easier for me to give them
advice on their health if they look like they're in
decline or if they are struggling with stuff, and be like, hey,
(13:14):
this helped me. Hey, maybe do these exercises or you know,
go get your shoulder checked out. It may as well
because it's if it's hurting way worse at ninety, why
not have just gotten it taken care of when you
were seventy type of thing. So those are easy, but
the more difficult are if you pass, what do I
(13:37):
need to know?
Speaker 4 (13:39):
What do I get?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
You die?
Speaker 1 (13:42):
What do I get it? Then That's how it always
is going to sound to me, Like it doesn't matter
how you phrase it, that's what it's going to sound.
And I don't want it to sound like that. And
my mom, my mom right now, my grandma. I have
a grandma still alive, and my mom is there with
my grandma and her siblings are already like who gets what?
(14:06):
And how gets what? And who? How much is what?
And all this stuff, and my mom's like, I don't
even want to be involved in it. It's it's like
a lot, and it feels weird, and it does, It
definitely does. And I think that's part of it, because
you know, they're your parents and you want them to
know that you that you love them. But also, like
(14:28):
my dad has given me so much advice throughout my
life financially and business wise especially, and and I'm also
you know, because I'm in business with him, Like I
should probably know some of that stuff is in place
from my peace of mind, but but I don't. I'm
just assuming it's fine.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
I wonder if some of these conversations are like those
conversations that you dread having so much, Yes, but they're
not as bad as you think they would be, you
know what I mean. Like I'm just guessing here, but
I wonder if it's actually that terrible or if it's
more like the anticipation of having it and then like
(15:14):
getting it over with. Isn't that that I'm trying to
think about how to address it myself? And I think
that that's a good philosophy to take for it, just
to get it done with, But then also having those conversations.
I think it's probably pretty important to have like a
clear kind of outline of what you want to talk
about with them too, So it's just it doesn't end
(15:35):
up getting too sad or whatever, like keep it to
business stuff, strict stuff, and.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, the most important things.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
I think that's a good call. I also think, you know,
I'm picturing myself walking through this conversation as well. I
think my dad would actually be really open to it,
just the way he is when he was I think
he must have been like twenty three, I think is
when he had me. I was six months old. His
dad was was climbing a tree in the front yard
and cutting off branches and he fell out of the
(16:05):
tree onto the sidewalk and died basically right there.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Rudal.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
He had just had a fight with my dad's brother,
so my uncle, and that always sat with my dad
as like, I never want there to be like a
bad blood moment, you know, And we've had some disagreements,
but there hasn't really even been a bad blood moment.
But he's always so conscious every time we come over
(16:29):
to the house, like we drive up there, you'd fly in.
When we were in New York, or La or whatever.
He would always be like, Hey, can I talk to
you for a minute, And he's like, I just want
you to know how proud of you I am. I
love you so much, and basically like we're good. And
so there's a little bit of that mentality with him
already where it would get sticky and I feel like,
man to man, I could sit down with him and
be like, Dad, let's talk, like how you doing. What's
going on. There's a little bit of pushback with him
(16:50):
where it's like, well, my blood you know, my doctor
says my blood pressures high. But I don't want to
get any of drugs because you know those drugs, like
they just they start you down this path and then
they go here and then they go there. Like okay,
I mean I hear that to some degree, But also
you're not actually cutting out the ice cream and the
bacon that you say you're going to, so we gotta
we got to combat this somehow.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Is he eating those at the same time?
Speaker 4 (17:12):
Yeah, ice cream bacon, It's fantastic.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
It actually sounds pretty good.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
It does sounds your sweet yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Like some chocolate fudge ice cream with some bacon bits
with bacon.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Yeah, we just came up with that. It's it'll be
called Midlife Crisis and it'll be a bit to Jerry's flavor.
I think it could do well. And then you see
some branding.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
When you buy it. It actually comes with a prescription
for medication.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
It's beautiful. I love sure to some cholesterol meds, like
just taped on the top of it.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah, you know, a little plastic pop out thing the
lid has holding them underneath.
Speaker 4 (17:47):
Oh yeah, that's so good. Yeah. So I think that
there's that where it was like we talk about it,
He's like, oh my yeah, well my cholesterol is a
little bit high. But you know, I don't want to
get on this or loopatora, whatever the things are. But
where it would really be tough is if I talked
to my mom about my dad passing, because I think
for her that's real scary. And I think it could
go either way on the parents, but I think it's
(18:10):
scarier for my mom that my dad passes than my
dad if my mom passes, And that's no knock on
who they are. It's just kind of like I think
any any time that would happen, I think that would
be hard because you've been with this person for virtually ever.
But in that case, I think talking to the person
directly rather than potentially like running it through the significant other,
(18:34):
might be the better way to go.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
It's also just hard for for anybody like looking at
their own mortality. You know, it's it's a scary subject.
And when our parents are getting to that age, like
it's got to be on their minds. And I wonder
if we've got a couple of things actually, but I
wonder if it's like a relief for them to talk
(18:57):
about it too.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
In some ways, point just been like you know, almost
like they're having the same conversation on their end, Like
I don't want to bring it up because Bradley will
get scared that we're going to pass away or that
one of my siblings. Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
And also a lot of it kind of is on
the parents too, So I wonder if it's good to
like before you talk to him about it, like don't
set it up like an ambush or whatever, but just
be like, hey, mom, dad, I just want to talk
(19:32):
to you guys about your health and what's going to
happen in the next ten years. And I don't know
if you've had a chance to think about that. But
maybe we could talk about that in two weeks or
something like that. In a week, you know what I mean,
give them time to kind of get their stuff in order, because.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
It's not like it's probably how's your Saturday going?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Good?
Speaker 4 (19:49):
Good? How are you guys? Good? Yeah? What's going to
happen when you die? I just wanted to like check
in real quick. Un we can we couch this for
a little bit late.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
But the funny thing is is when my kids ask
me that, yeah, I have no issue answering that. Is
that because death doesn't seem like it's knocking on my
door yet? Or is that because like as a parent,
I just like want to comfort my kids and let
them know things are going to be okay, and I've
thought of them and taking care of them and doing
my best and and so like, I don't I don't
(20:23):
know it would.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I think because it's still so abstracted, so far away, yeah,
or advanced in age. It's like it's not abstract, it's
like it's coming at you. Yeah, so it's a pretty
different situation.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Well, the good news here is that William's dad listens
to these, so he'll be able to be for this conversation.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
But I know all I can think about is should
I tell you not to listen to this episode?
Speaker 4 (20:48):
You have? You have a couple of weeks now with
a buffer you have Now it's a to do list
with an actual date for you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Well, one thing that's hard with my parents is like, oh,
my dad's gonna love this. But my dad's always been
such a crazy driver. But now it's like, what is
because of old age and cognitive things? And what is
because he's from Brooklyn and in the same driver, Like how.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
Do you measure that?
Speaker 2 (21:16):
My mom? Like, my mom's always been so forgetful forever.
It's like, Okay, is that is she forgetful because she's
super fucking forgetful or is it because of cognitive shit?
Speaker 3 (21:26):
So right, yeah, that's been going on.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Me and my sister's been talking about that for years
and years, like probably like five years ago. My sister's like, oh,
I think like she forgot this. She's getting older throughout
her keys.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
I'm like, she.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Forgot her keys when we were in diapers, Like this.
Speaker 4 (21:42):
Is not she got me at the mall.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Come on, guys, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
It's funny.
Speaker 4 (21:48):
Yeah, you yeah, Tyson. Do you you have siblings?
Speaker 1 (21:52):
I do I have force. Yeah, there's four of us total.
Speaker 4 (21:54):
Do you feel like you share this responsibility with them? Like,
is this something you guys like pow wow about or
has it come up or is it more like we'll
just let Tyson figure it out and we're all going
to be no more.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
With my brother, but even then, not that, not hardly
at all. And my sisters, Like, we don't talk about
stuff like that with my.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Two sisters, older brother or younger.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
My brother's younger than me, So it's me and my
brother are sandwiched between two sisters.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
So what about the eldest sister. Do you think that
she feels like more obliged to handle this kind of thing?
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (22:32):
I don't think so. I think me and my brother
are more in that role together as the yeah, as
the head siblings. Maybe that's maybe just how I feel too.
Maybe they feel totally different. Yeah, so yeah, so I
don't know. I don't know how they feel. I don't.
(22:53):
My brother works with my dad daily, so my brother's
in the office, he's my dad all the time, all
that stuff, so he's maybe even feeling it a lot
more than I do. But yeah, for me, it's not
a stress yet. It's like I put it to the
back of my mind and I'm like, all talk about
(23:13):
it at some point, not right now, but when something
more catastrophic than a ten year old shoulder injury happens
or something. I don't know. I'm just procrastinating it because
it feels uncomfortable.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
Yeah, and I think it's I think facing your mortality
is tough. I think especially for guys. I feel like
like my dad, for instance, again, he had a stroke
randomly a couple of years ago, and it was he
was just pushing himself too hard. He was like cutting
the grass and then trying to run in and do
pull ups and come back. And I know it's like
(23:48):
that's just he was just like let's go, let's go,
you know, and he's like by himself.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
Was it not a day where he was like I need
to get in better shape and do more things. So
like I think it was that was his routine.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Regular, No, no, no, it was. It was also the
time where he was like I'm heading to the beach
for like a week. I'm not going to have a
chance to like work out, let me get let me
get some of this in we'll be traveling for a while.
But he was also just coming back from having basically
this type of conversation with his mom, who passed away
maybe two years ago now, so it would have been
(24:19):
like seven or eight years after that meeting. But it
was getting her affairs in order, the will, who's the
lawyer to go to, like all that kind of stuff.
So I think emotionally he was stressed out, and then
physically he was stressing his body. But the good news
is he didn't just try to like man up and
sleep it off, because he's like, maybe I'll just take
a nap, and he's like, I'm throwing up in the
(24:40):
shower randomly. This is weird. So he got that taken
care of. But then we were there just for spring break,
just last week, and I was like, hey, Dad, what's
the cut on your hand. He's like, oh, yeah, I
was run through the neighborhood. I wanted to do three laps,
and on the third lap I came down and I
just my feet started going quicker and I just fell
right on the top of my mind head. Well, I
(25:01):
was like, what you didn't even tell anybody. He was
just like he was like yeah. I came in and
the only time I realized that, I decided I need
to take a shower because I got blood all over
my face and my arms and stuff. And took a
shower and came out and your mom was in the
office working and I said, hey, what's up? And she said,
are you okay? And I said, yeah, I think I'm
gonna go take a quick shower. And she's like, you
(25:21):
just took a shower, and he was like, huh, I
guess I did another time we were at home. I
just forgot about this until now I heard at like
three in the morning. My ears are attuned to this
because low will wake up. Right. If you have younger kids,
you're just like you're always at the ready to like
pop up. And so at like three in the morning,
I heard dishes downstairs, and I was like, what in
(25:42):
the world. So I went out to like the landing
and I'm looking down. My dad has he's in like
workout shorts, no shirt, tissue paper up both sides of
his nose with blood coming like like they're red, and
he's doing the dishes. And I'm like, is he asleep
or did he? Like what happened? And I was like, hey, Dad,
(26:06):
and he's like, oh, hey, what's going on. And I
was like, well, it's three in the morning and you've
got a bloody nose and you're doing dishes. You tell me.
And he's like, I just woke up. I couldn't go
back to sleep and figure it. If I'm up, I
may as well do something. And in my nose, you know,
it just kind of gets dry and bleeds. And so
for me, there's these simple little events that kind of
(26:28):
keep popping in. I mean, the stroke wasn't simple. That
was a big deal, lots of doctors, lots of hospital
stuff there, but no lasting effects. But like all these
little simple things that wouldn't be a huge deal in
your forties or even fifties now are a bigger deal.
And so that's kind of what's got me kind of
(26:48):
like wondering, Like because if he had fallen, I mean
he fell right on the top of his head, that
could be a big, big deal at that age, at
at any age. Yeah, And so all of a sudden,
I'm like that that is low on the list of
things to do today.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (27:06):
So then all of a sudden, it's like, well, you're
just living your life and then one of those smaller
things that wouldn't have been a big deal now is
a huge deal or dad passed or dad has brain
damage or you know whatever, and you're like, what, I
thought we had more? I thought we had ten more christmases.
I thought we had twenty Christmases, you know whatever. So
I don't know that that was part of what kind
of like was the impetus for this question. And and
(27:27):
maybe I think because like Tyson, to your point, maybe
because there's some of these events kind of coming in,
it creates more of an opportunity to kind of be like, hey, dad,
remember this happened, and let's have a talk about you
know what what the plan is or whatever. I don't know,
rather than just like randomly bringing it up like you
were saying with your dad with like how's your shoulder good? So,
and about death, let's talk about Yeah. So, I don't know,
(27:50):
maybe maybe I should be scheduling something with him.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
So my mom, I think that she had a really
hard time, like her parents had a really hard time
when they passed, and stuff wasn't really like properly in
order anything, and it was pretty terrible for her and
her sisters. So because of that, I think that she's
like going to work really hard to make sure that
that doesn't happen when she passes away. So that's what
(28:16):
I mean that A lot of it's kind of on
the parents too to figure this stuff out, because like, yeah,
we should kind of have conversations with them.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
It's important. We need to.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
We don't want to like just have something that we
dread forever and just get it over with. But at
the end of the day, like they make all their
wishes and they decide what has to happen. So if anything,
I think it's good kind of like I was saying
to like let them know that you're thinking about this,
ask them if they want to talk about it sometime soon,
and if they've thought about it themselves, so that maybe
(28:47):
that'll kind of help them to start start getting it
like an idea of what they really want as well.
What I think is terrifying too is like my daughter
reaction when my parents inevitably pass away. I think that's
really scary, Like I don't know, I just loves them
(29:08):
so much, and death is so different and weird for
younger kids. So that's yeah, I dread that almost.
Speaker 1 (29:16):
Depends on how old she's because like my grandparents passing.
My grandpa passed when I was like twenty one, and
that was really hard for me, my first grandpa that passed.
And then I still have a grandma who's alive, who's
ninety five, and my grandpa, her husband died like two
(29:38):
years ago at like ninety three, and that was like, yeah,
he's old, like he.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
It hits different when you're forty.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
It gets different when you're forty and when they're nineties
versus yeah, versus when you're twenty and they're seventy four,
Like that was hard. But even at that point, like
my parents, I think like it's devastating, Like if we
had any either minor Rachel's parents, if anything happened to
them right now, it would be devastating for my kids
(30:08):
currently at nine and six years old. But when they're twenty,
twenty five, thirty, that's more part of life now. That's
not that I've probably had some experience somewhere with death
by that point. So I I'm just keeping my fingers
crossed that we get total everybody to the twenties or
thirties before we have to even have a real hard
(30:31):
conversation about stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
Like that one thing that I've thought about actually just
last night. It's funny that this is coming up, is
that like when my mom got diagnosed with cancer thirteen
years ago, and when my you know, my dad's had
like our open heart surgery and he's he's doing well,
but there was a time too where he was pretty
(30:53):
sick from that.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
It's like.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Selfishly, as a guy, as whatever, it's like, well, my
parents are amazing and I had really a lot of
really great memories with them, and like that would be
really terrible, but also like you know, I love them,
they love me, Like peace out, that's life. But then
(31:17):
last night I was thinking about, like that's a really
selfish take on the whole thing, and maybe the question
that I should be asking is like what does what
do my parents want to do in they're like at
the end of their life, Like what things did they
still want to do with me? Not with me like outside?
(31:39):
You know, it could be as simple as like watching
a movie together or like spending more time doing this
or that. But like that's I think a better way
to ask that or like approach that is like that's
a super selfish way for me, Like my parents were awesome,
like they loved me, blah blah blah. It's more like, Hey,
you guys have such X number of years left? What
can I do to help you do ship that you
(32:01):
want to do that you haven't done, or like spend
that time how you want to spend that time? Like,
how can I help that?
Speaker 4 (32:06):
That's cool? I really like that. That's that's a cool too,
So like a real positive spin on how to get
into that conversation.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
You know, totally Yeah, I think it's a way to
do it. So what are we going to do here, Bradley?
What are you to do with your thoughts here? I'm
just gonna let my thanks listen to this podcast. Then
let's take it.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
Let it work for you.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
That's the best thing is that William, anytime we come out,
anytime it's a family thing, you just know somebody's gonna
listen and it's gonna come back and you're going to
have everything's gonna be fine. Bradley and I. We have
to come up with a game plan here. What's your
game plan moving forward?
Speaker 4 (32:43):
I really like, I really like what William just ended
with there, that idea of kind of like setting the
parents up. We're in the midlife and we'll be in
this kind of season for a while. We're we're battling
a war on two fronts. We're raising kids and we're
helping our parents, and you start to lean one way
or the other. I think like, as your parents maybe
(33:04):
you know, get older, old or older now they're in
hospice or whatever. Now you're really involved, or your kids
are super young and you're super involved. So I think
you kind of move in between this kind of vacillate
in this period. We're there, we're in it, and so
we have to embrace that there's no way out of it.
And so I love that kind of positive take that
William has where it's kind of like how you know,
(33:25):
it's just like I would talk to my kids and
be like, what do you want to be when you
grow up? You know, it's kind of like we're asking
the same question. We're just kind of kind of caveat
is Okay, you've only got let's say you've got twenty
years left, what do you guys want to do? Because
I also think for my own life, it's easy just
to get stuck in the like day to day it's like, oh,
I think I'd like to start a business, but like, also,
I got and then you turn around you're like, oh,
(33:47):
there goes five or ten years. Yeah, and if you've
only got twenty ish left, then that's a.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Lot those years. We're on Instagram, crock wasting it, right.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
But you also in an earlier episode, Tyson, you had
even mentioned this too, the idea of like the American
thought of like I'll just work until I can finally retire,
then I'll travel the world. And you're like, at ninety
you're going to take a fourteen hour flight to Sydney. No,
you're not doing that.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I don't even want to do that now. I want
to be in Sydney, but I don't want to take
that flight.
Speaker 4 (34:18):
Right. So it's like, if there are things that you
guys want to do to take the cruise, take that
like whatever that is. And then I think William's point too,
is like how can we as siblings, as your kids,
as grand how can we help support that? You know,
is that for Christmas instead of getting you a bunch
of gifts, we all throw in and we, you know,
pay for half of your cruise or you guys wanted to,
(34:41):
I don't know, go visit the you know the five
places that your grandparents got married and then honeymoon whatever
the thing is. Yeah, so I think that's that's a
real positive way that I think we can launch into
that conversation. So good words, William. Yeah, it really was good.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I think for me, I should have a hard conversation,
a direct conversation with my parents. I feel like my
dad is more the one I should talk to because
he knows he's the one that's organizing whatever is being organized.
(35:18):
And what I'd like to do is just ignore it
for longer and have it materialize without me having to
be come to you. But it's and that's probably what
I'm going to do. But I'm telling the audience right now,
I should full time with my dad to have a
direct conversation with him about what will happen when he
(35:43):
inevitably passes, even though I would prefer he never does.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
That's with your situation, Tyson.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
You can also approach it like pretty strictly business, straight business.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Yeah, yeah, some that might make it a little easier,
would it or.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
Would it be more superficial?
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Now? I think it's a good way to get in Okay, that's.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
What I think.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Yeah, Okay, because that's the other thing too, is is
like what happens to my finances that are wrapped into
your finances when one of us isn't here. I don't
know who's going to live longer between us two, Like
there's no way of knowing.
Speaker 4 (36:18):
But yeah, that's true.
Speaker 1 (36:20):
But yeah, so uh, and I just I think I'm
an eternal optimist. I just assume it's going to be fine.
Everything's going to work out. He's not going to die
for a long time, and my parents are going to
be healthy for a long time, and then everything afterwards
(36:43):
is also going to work out. And most of the
time that's worked out for me because I've just put
that into the universe so hard at every single corner.
And I don't know if that's why, but that's just
how I've always been. And so that's also makes it
hard to have the conversation where I'm like, it's probably
going to be fine and work out anyway, So why
(37:05):
do I want to have this uncomfortable, hard conversation with
my dad, who historically for the last seventy two years
hasn't really like divulging too much personal information even to
his closest people.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
Yeah, I'm excited to hear how it goes too excited
for the update. I tell you that much out that
reality show.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Okay, so now now I feel like you guys are
peer pressuring me, but I do think it is good.
I think you do have to have that conversation. I
really wish it was easier. Maybe it's going to be
easy and I'm just stressing about it.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
But making it into something bigger.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
That's it. Anything else before we shut this thing down.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Well that's the optimistic way to look at it is
that's going to be easy anyway you might as well.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
That's right, Yeah, that is true. So we encourage you
if you're in this same similar situation, have those hard
conversations before you can't have them.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
That's always better. And if you have had these conversations,
how did you do it? Yes, that's going to help
us and that's going to help other people too.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
How did you do and could you have done it better?
Did you execute properly? What was your parents' reaction? I
want to know all of that stuff and maybe that
will be a future podcast from all of us as
we have these conversations with our parents.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yeah cool, So all.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
Right, that's it at midlife Crisises, Please like subscribe, follow, share,
all of those things. Chime in in the chat. We've
taken some of these questions that you've had and turned
them into full podcast episodes, and we will continue to
do so. So bring the questions and we'll probably just
(38:47):
ask more questions about the questions, but maybe have some
answers as well. Until next week. I'm Tyson, that's William,
that's Bradley, So thanks.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
Dam Is By
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Plans, Friends, Plans, Plans,
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!