May 5, 2025 • 41 mins
The Midlife Crisisses are back! On today's episode, Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol) Bradley Hasemayer (@bhaz) and William Drumm (@williamdrumm) discuss how to talk to your kids about religion, the dynamic when you and your partner have different beliefs, and the role of extended family.
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Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
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Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-crisisses/id1779171406
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Midlife Crisises. I'm Tyson, one of the hosts.
Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting, sharing all
of that stuff helps us continue to do this podcast,
and we would appreciate if you would continue to do
that each and every episode. We love you guys so much.
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee, I mean nothing at that
(00:23):
guarantee then we will keep doing this. So smash that
subscribe button, that like button, that follow button, whatever buttons
are there, smash them all.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive this quote as well.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So let's get into it. Question this week on Midlife
Crisises podcast is religion. How do you raise your kids
around religion and all these different religions and belief systems
and what's our approach? And you know, we all have
different answers and we all come from different backgrounds, so
this will be a humdinger of an episode.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
The guy with the last name Apostle is least Involved.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Welcome to midlife Crisis Disease, everybody. This is the show
where we talk about all the challenges we're going through
in this phase of our life and try to commiserate
and help you guys as well, and occasionally like have
fun doing it. So I'm here today with my friend Bradley.
How are you. What's up?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I'm doing great, William. I've got my dog in my
lap here joining us today. This is Legos. I'm excited
to be here. Going through some minor crisises myself. I
know this isn't I assume this is not the question today,
but the past probably two weeks Lowick, my five year
old has been up from one am to three am,
(01:51):
and it's just pure torture for me. I just I'm
not good after I go to sleep. I'm a terrible
human being.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, why is he such a hater?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I mean I think he's going through a growth spurt,
which is always Yeah, like he says he has what's
what we've what we've called stretchy legs. Yeah, so I
come in and do like massaging to his legs. He
is autistic, so sometimes the way his brain works is
very different. And so he'll just wake up and like
one o'clock he's ready to roll and he's like, he's like, hey,
(02:22):
you know this funny thing happened in school today. I'm like,
what what are we talking about? And then I'm like,
it's time to go to sleep. He's like okay. And
then not two seconds after I get back under the covers,
which is really worse. I would rather just sit at
the foot of his bed. I get like like, oh
maybe this one, this time will be okay, this this
one will work. That's what crazy is, doing the same
(02:43):
thing over and over and expecting different results. And I
was just like, oh, okay, great this is and then
he's like dad, Dad, And it's not far it's just
down the hall. It's like his room right there. So
I walk in and he's like, I want a different blanket,
and I'm like, you gotta be kidding. I'm like, I
know none of the blankets are going to be okay.
We've been through this. We've done the Russian Roulette of
blankets and nobody wins. You don't win, I don't win.
(03:05):
The blankets don't win. Anyway, I'm going through that. But
We're glad you guys have joined along. Thank you for liking,
thank you for subscribing, thank you for following. Make sure
you're finding us on Instagram as well. We're a lot
more active over there, getting some great dms and messages
and comments and all of that. At midlife crisises, we
(03:25):
got our own crisis is going on, and the best
way to do that is just to get into it.
Each week, one of us brings a question that the
others don't know, or maybe we've had a slight hat
tip but not enough time to really create a full fledged,
all thought out argument. So we're really all just kind
of doing this together, just like our midlife crisis is anyway, So,
(03:46):
without further ado, I think Tyson is this week Tyson
with the most popular hat in all of Phoenix.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
It could be. I've gotten so many compliments on it.
I I this is a question I've dealt with throughout
my entire as a parent pretty much from the get go,
And it was a question that I think one of
William's friends had suggested and he texted it. And so
the question is, as parents, how should we approach religion
(04:21):
in our lives with our kids? And I come from
a Mormon upbringing. Very religious, I wouldn't say very, very
very strict Mormon, like my parents wanted to go to church.
We had to go to church every week, but we
went early so we could get the back row. So
my parents would go early to get the back row
(04:43):
first and first out, first and first out, take naps
during the sermons. Totally fund totally fine. My mom, I
guess later in life, told us she was always embarrassed
that her family of six was all asleep on the
back row except for her and no extra regulars. Church
is doing something Wednesday, No thank you. The apostles are
(05:04):
not showing up to that. We do Sundays only. But
you had to. If we're living under my parents' roof,
you had to go to church each and every week
with the family. And now I'm not that I'm far
from that. Each and every week I don't go to church.
It's the new best Sunday of my life. But with
kids and questions of kids, you have to approach religion.
(05:28):
You have to. There has to be some conversation. And
I think we're all different probably in our religious affiliations
and beliefs and acceptances and stuff like that. So what
is the approach here with religion and child rearing? William?
Do you have an approach? Have you made any approach whatsoever?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I mean, myself, I'm really not religious at all. How
did you grow kind of? So my parents were both
raised like strict Catholic, so that's why they're not Catholics,
to Catholic school and all that forever, so they I
think they have some pretty challenging memories from their childhood
(06:14):
going to Catholic school and being based Catholic. But my
parents really wanted us to have community and you know,
some sort of a spiritual thing when we were kids.
So they found the Unitarian Universalists Church, which is kind
of like they teach like all religions. It's like basically
for people who don't really know what they want to believe,
(06:36):
or they just like want a really inclusive, accepting kind
of community to go to every Sunday.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Like all religions like Islam, every single facet or is
it Christian based or what is it? No?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I think it's it's complicated, but I think Unitarian was
Christian based at one point and then like they like
merged with Universalists. I don't really know. Maybe the other
way around, but it's multi denominational, so like in children
Sundays to school, one week we would learn about Moses.
The next week we might learn about Jesus or one
(07:11):
of the prophets, or we might learn about you know,
some sort of Hinduist pale something like that. So it
was really all of it. And it's kind of a
cool approach because I just tried to tell like good
moral lessons from all these different world religions. And it
was really fun too. Like as kids growing up, we
(07:32):
had a lot of and I'm not even kids, like
high school we would go to or middle school, high
school we would go to all these retreat retreats. We
went to New Mexico and Arizona and like lived on
a novel Hoo reservation and a Hopie reservation and like
all these really cool things. Uh So I liked it.
But it's coming up for me now in my life
(07:54):
as well for a couple of reasons, not necessarily with
myself a little bit in that I still am looking
for community. I think, like a lot of people in
this phase of life, it's harder and harder to find community.
And also just in this world we're living in where
people will spend so much time on screens and away
from me people. I think I do miss some of
(08:16):
that being around people for the community aspect. But I'm
divorced and my daughter Rowan's four years old, and I
have her halftime, and she goes to church with her grandma,
which is it's fine, but it's also like, I mean,
it's definitely fine, but I don't know their church. I
(08:37):
don't know anything about it really, and because of my
parents' tough experiences with their upbringing with church, and because honestly,
just like I see a lot of really damaging things
that are happening in American society with a claim that
it's for Christian purposes. And yeah, so it's hard for
(08:58):
me to figure out how to navigate, like whether I'm
okay with that if I want to check it out,
go up and see it, if I want to talk
to them. So that's the one way and the other ways.
I'm thinking about possibly going back to the Unitarian Church too.
With throwing.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Okay boom, yeah, I think you do raise some good
points with the network, especially the community, Like religion is
really a fast track into a network or a very
tight knit network of like Mormonism. You can go anywhere
in the world where Mormonism is allowed, which is most everywhere,
(09:37):
and then walk into church and be like, I need
a place to live, and they'd find I mean, it's
not necessarily a free place or something, but they would
be like, oh, we have a member who actually has
a place for rent. You got it, You're in whatever.
Like you could go anywhere and immediately have this network
of open arms, and so that is a really powerful thing.
(09:58):
And yeah, like that aspect, and a lot of people
that I know, they go to church that don't necessarily
believe in the stuff they're preaching at that church, are
there to be part of the club and they like
being part of the network. So not a bad approach. Bradley,
what's your stance, your upbringing and your approach as a parent.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yeah, I think William does make some good points. I
remember going to retreat. So I grew up going to
church Christian church. I grew up. I guess we were
going to a Baptist church for a while, and then
we moved to a Presbyterian church and within like what
we would call like the Evangelical church, right, which is
like or the Protestant Church. Versus Catholicism, because I grew
(10:44):
up just going to like let's just go to the
church that's kind of closest to us. My parents didn't
have any deep theological you know, like, oh, well, you
know there's predestination with Presbyterian that there's a predetermined number
of people we believe that, or Baptists that you know,
Baptism is the way, or you know, like all these
different things. So my parents were just like this seems
(11:04):
close and it takes a village. So raising kids, you
got to find your village. And church is a great place.
Like you said, Tyson, fast track is a great way
to say.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
It, Like I could definitely use some some village in
my child.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah. So, so I grew up going to church.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I was.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I was pretty involved. It was youth grews. Every Sunday
we went to church, you know. And this was also
back in the day when you had to dress up.
Like now my kids we go to church and it's
like you can just wear like T shirt and pants
or shorts or whatever.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
For me, we were wearing.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
He had we didn't have to, but we were wearing
oversize Oh.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yes, we were just like it was your Sunday best.
That was the whole thing, right, and when you got
home and that always a tie, even kids. Yeah, And
I think it's.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Just a cultural ship fun thing about it too.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
What's that way?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I think that could be a fun thing about it too.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
No, dressing it was fun once. I like it now
because I don't go to church hardly at all unless
I'm supporting family members. And and then I dress up.
I'm like, oh, this is kind of fun to dress
up once every eight months.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
For the three like freelance bros, We're like, what is
this is? This is dressing up this this is a
clean shirt. So this is like, I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
A funeral a couple of years ago, and was like,
I don't have any clothes acceptable for the occasion. And
I went and I did his best I could back
with this sports coat. No, I didn't have a black suit.
And I was like, I have no church clothes.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah, what a revelation. Yeah, because your I mean my
closet I had. I didn't have a huge rotation, but
it was guaranteed every Sunday we were going. And this
was also I grew up in the South. Nothing even
opened on Sundays until like at least twelve o'clock. You
couldn't even there was no cafe. There was no you're
gonna go get breakfast anywhere. That wasn't even a thing.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It was like I made brunch didn't exist there.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I mean, not that we took part in. Horrifying Yeah,
I know. Then you moved to LA and there's like
brunch on Tuesday at two. It's like, ye act, You're like.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
What is plain? What's everybody doing? Was?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
No one?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
No one's doing anything?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Is what it is?
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, but I loved it. I loved the youth group.
I had some great friends that came out. I'm still
really good friends with some of the guys who I
met when I was in middle school youth group at
my church. And so, you know, for me, that was
a major part of my life. I never felt to
my parents' credit, I ever felt like they were like,
you have to believe this stuff. Oh sorry, I thought
(13:40):
my phone was on silent. That's my wife screener. Yeah,
that'll be a crisis for later. Yeah, why why were
you crisis? And then my dog is having a crisis anyway. Yeah,
So you know, for me, it was a major part
of my life, major part of my upbringing. My parents
were never like you have to believe this stuff, but
(14:00):
they were like you have to go kind of like Tyson,
like you know that kind of thing of like you
have to be here, you have to be a part
of this. This is what our family does. As long
as you live under the roof, this is what we do.
And couldn't really like leave the roof. That wasn't really
an option, so it was just a funny expression. Yeah.
So yeah, And then as I grew up, I just
I stayed in my faith, so I kept going to
(14:21):
church and kept doing the things that. In fact, my
first like job was working for a nonprofit. It was
a Christian group called Young Life, but it wasn't church based,
so it was like it wasn't about theological differences. It
wasn't Catholic or Protestant, it wasn't you know, Baptist, whatever.
(14:41):
It was just like, you know, we love kids and
we love Jesus, and here we go.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
So you're not gay?
Speaker 3 (14:47):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Sorry?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
No, well that's you know what. So that's I felt like.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I've got some some friends who were in Young Life
and basically did everything that they possibly could for and
then one of them came out as gay, and they
just like it was really brutal. They just wanted nothing
to do with him. Like, yeah, I tried to tell
him that he had to change, and like, like he
could change. It wasn't like, you know, a choice, it
(15:13):
was a choice that he could change.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Yeah, yeah, No, And that gets that gets to what
you're talking about in terms of like worldview, because you
look around and you're like, well, people are saying that
guy is a Christian and I don't want anything to
do with that guy. Or my friend is gay and
he was treated this way by that group, or I
mean the church in general owes a lot of apologies
to a lot of people, and I think any church
(15:37):
that doesn't believe that, I think is like maybe not
the best place to be because there has to be
some self awareness and accountability in the way that people
have been dealt with. I mean, going back to the Crusades,
don't believe what we're gonna We're gonna kill you. What
hang on, let's slow that down. How does that jive
with like the Bible I'm reading, you know, So it's
(15:57):
it's of course it is full of of messed up
people because it's people but you know, I was kind
of I had was at a crossroads because I grew
up Protestant Christian in the South right, and in the
South it's also different. It's very cultural. Everybody went to
church on Sunday, Like, you know, even if you killed
someone on Saturday, you're still going to church on Sunday,
(16:17):
like you're going to be there. And not that I know,
but you know, I know you're saying, here's saying. And
then eventually I meet Kirston and she's Catholic, and so
my perception of that was like, oh, you know, Catholic
is probably what your perception or at least what your
parents experience was, which is like very strict. It's a
bunch of rules. There's no love. It's like you got
to do this stuff. There's guilt exactly like that whole concept.
(16:40):
And so I was like, yeah, that's not for me,
but I was like, I also love you, so I'll
check it out. So eventually, you know, on Sundays we
were double dipping. I was, I was making up for
Tyson Church on Sunday. To churches. It's crazy in LA
should should have.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Been pretty long. What's that aren't Catholic? Sermons pretty long.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
No, at least not the ones that is. I looked
them up by filter how long short to long? Yeah, exactly,
list them short to yeah. So you know, I knew
growing up that because faith was a part of my life,
it would be a part of my kids. But I
didn't know that it was going to be like, oh,
I guess Catholic will also be a part of my faith.
(17:27):
So I had to ask a lot of questions, do
a lot of research, talk to priests, talk to pastors,
figure out where I land on that. And I'm still
technically in the middle. I'm not technically Catholic, even though
we've resorted to just going to a Catholic church now
instead of trying to you have a kid, you're lucky
to even get out the door to go to target
much more, you know, get to a church on time.
(17:50):
You're not doubling up. Yeah, So we kind of had
to make a compromise there.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
So I think for me, I do like the ceremony
of the Catholic Church.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
There's there is something really interesting about what I've seen
with some of my friends who you know now the
Christian Church. In a lot of ways, a lot of
these churches are smoke and uh and you know it's
like fireworks and like it's a rock show and like
it's a it's a whole show hill song. It's a
super popular one.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
What'd you say to that sounds awesome?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Well, it is really cool Royal gemstones.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
That's exactly. I actually read an article by Relevant Magazine,
which is a pretty cool publication, and they were saying, like, hey,
if you're a Christian and you don't like this show,
you should look at yourself again because the irony and
satire is actually spot on, Like unfortunately this is two
real guys. Yeah, And so you know there's a lot
of that. But then you know, there's there's other aspects
(18:44):
to my faith that you know, I didn't have growing
up because Catholicism is so like liturgical and a lot
more quiet and you know, and and peaceful and in spirit.
You know, there's a lot more spirit and I think
we lose that in our world of like I can
explain everything, here's how everything works. So you see a
rise of spirituality, I think you have to acknowledge that
(19:05):
to some degree, whether it's a faith, or it's stones,
or it's the you know, the stars or whatever it is,
there's something else outside of ourselves, I think, And so
for me, we just kind of kirsinar are both on
the same page of like, this is how we're going
to do it, but we also are aware that, like
you know, if ellis at some point when she moves
(19:27):
out and goes to college is like I'm done, I'm
not going to church anymore. You know, we're still going
to love her and she's still welcome in our home.
And if you know the we're not creating that type
of boundary or border.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Are you going to be upset or are you going
to encourage her to go back to church? Are you
going to be a little bit like worried for her
well being? If yeah, is there going to be any
of that or is it going to be total like
acceptance of her choice.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
I think it would be. I think for me it
would be similar to like if she's like I am
just going to eat junk food. I'm done eating healthy,
I'm just doing fast food and I'm going to eat
snacks whenever I want, and it's going to be twinkies,
there would be a little bit of like go for it,
live your life, and also like it might make you sick.
(20:15):
It might not be the best choice based on my experience,
you know what I mean. So I think there would
be a little bit of like I would ask why.
I think as a parent, that's one of the best
questions you can always ask, even of yourself. We're going
to Grandma's again for Christmas. I hate going. It's a
long trip. Let's ask why, why are we doing this
to ourselves? And I think that gets to the heart
(20:37):
of no matter who's asking, because I think saying Grandma
kind of brought something into my brain. Tyson you mentioned
before too, is like, and I think this was one
of the questions, is like, what about other people outside
of your family, William, you were talking about, like if
it's a grandparent or an uncle or somebody that's throwing
shade or saying like you should do this, you shouldn't
do that at the very least. And I find this
(20:59):
across the board. When you become that family, you're setting
new traditions, new guidelines, new rules. Your job is to
pick the good stuff that you had one thing, ten things,
whatever growing up, or that you've experienced through a mentor
through friends, through books, and create that new business basically
and then if somebody wants to say no, you should
(21:19):
be doing it this way, I respectfully decline, like, this
is our family. And then at some point you let
your kids make their own decisions, and you'd hope that
you have not taught them what to think, but how
to think, and then from there it's kind of on them.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
So if she decided to try a different church, Buddhism,
would you still like see it in like, oh, well
that's not as good, Like that's I would just want
to he would.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I would be open to find out why, you know.
I certainly wouldn't shame her or say no. I mean,
I think there's great value in an understanding of world religions,
and it's a lot of what any religion believes Christians, Catholics, whatever, Buddhists.
It all sounds crazy if you write it down.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
We have we have a creeze on like the same
thing like from seven thousand years ago, and it's just
been changing some degree. I think it must be a
lot of it. Yeah, yeah, I feel like even.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Within the church, yeah, exactly, even within the church you
have all these splinters, yeah, you know, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist,
you know, and then even within Presbyterian, you have PC
A PC, US A E PC. There's like all these divisions.
So it's like I feel like it all roots back
to you know, the all these tributaries come back to
this one point. So I would I would ask her why.
(22:43):
I would want to know why. I think for me,
I would be like, if she didn't have a good reason,
that would be what I would worry about. Is this
just to piss me off? Or like you not piss
me of? Like is it? Is it just because you
got bored or you're like trying to whatever. But if
it was like no, I really think that this is quest. Yeah,
is this a better way to live? And especially for kids,
because we know no matter how old your kids are,
(23:06):
from four year old up to Elis at eleven, as parents,
when we tell them something, most of the time, they
got to figure it out for themselves. Yeah, they still
got to learn They still got to learn it. That's
a great way to say, you tell them, but they
still got to learn it.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah. So let me tell share a little bit about
where this question came from, because who'say that it came
from one of my friends and it did? It came
from my friend who's also pretty non religious, but his
whole family is very religious, and lately there's been some fights.
I don't know if the fights this awkward moments clicked
(23:43):
where like the family's over for dinner and they want
to say grace before dinner and my friend and his wife,
well don't want to say grace. They're not religious, they're
not trying to raise their kids religious. And my friend
is like, you know whatever, like well no, so yeah,
(24:03):
he's like, if my family's here and they want to
say a prayer, it's fine. But his wife is like, no, like,
your family cannot be saying prayers at dinner, like that
is not who we are. We don't believe in that.
Why would we be doing that in front of our kid?
So that's kind of the question is how do you
navigate or another question, how do you navigate family members
(24:24):
who are trying to religion, like in still religion or
even something as simple as saying grace when you are
not against it, And is that okay? Like is that
okay for your uncle to come over and say a
religious prayer and thank Jesus and all these things even
(24:45):
if you don't believe in that, or is that your
place to say we don't believe in that.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
I'm in that position and I've been in that position
for a long time. That's my exact position in life.
I'm pretty indifferent. I'm pretty Are you the friend, No,
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Did you anonymously?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I am a friend? No? But I am relatively indifferent
to religion. I think my stance is so I grew
up Mormon, like I said, taught that Mormonism was the
only true faith and everybody else was wrong, and also
we should feel sorry for them, and also we should
(25:21):
try to help them be Mormons too. And that's how
I grew up. And I never questioned that until, you know,
and I just like hated going to church every Sunday.
I just always hated it. And I just started thinking,
you know, like, is it a waste of time if
we're all just focused on like what's after this life?
(25:41):
If we're just like, what is it is? I'm trying
to figure out what happens after death? And you spend
so much time and so much energy like living your
life assuming that this thing is after death, but not
fully knowing and trying to figure it out. And I
was like, I'm just going to live now in this thing,
and then I'll deal with the after death stuff, if
and when it comes and whatever it is, then I'll
(26:02):
approach it. But at this point, like it's just a
guessing game and it's a roll of the dice. And
so I just stepped away from the church, and I
was like, you know what, maybe truth is relative. Some
people they love this and they need this, and this
for them is their truth, and.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
That be for me a universalis thing was too, It's like,
we have no idea what actually happens after you die,
so they might as well live a good life.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, And so but I've had to cross and my
wife also grew up Mormon, and neither of us are practicing,
and we don't necessarily want that for our kids. And
I think my parents just did the best that they
could and the thing that they knew and that that
they thought was the best for us. So I don't
have any animosity. I have friends who are definitely hold
animosity for their upbringing religiously, thinking that their parents were
(26:43):
tricking them or the community was tricking them or whatever
or controlling them. And I don't feel any of that.
I think my parents tried their hardest and did their
best and they thought the best thing for their kids
was being Mormon, and so but we've we've had to
cross those bridges with family, Like my family knows that,
(27:04):
you know, we don't do anything religious. My kids have
questions about it, and I try to be open and
I say, you know what, after death, I don't know
what happens. People that tell you with certainty that what's
going to happen are the ones that know the least,
probably in my opinion. But here's a lot of different
belief systems, and the beauty of life is that we
can explore all of those belief systems and we can
(27:26):
choose one that we like and that we want to celebrate,
and that is good for us and that's like part
of being human here. But as far as like the
religious boundaries, I've also had to set those with my
extended family. My parents are very hands off, like no
prayers in our house. Okay, no prayers. We just get
(27:47):
to eat bon appetite, let's do it. They have no issues,
they've never had an issue. They've never been like, actually,
my food needs to be blessed, like they haven't had that.
Rachel's parents were a little more pushback initially when we
first had Bergen, they demanded that it be it we
have a Mormon baby blessing for this baby, and we
(28:08):
didn't really want it. And then my dad was like, well,
you should give the blessing, Tyson, you're the father. And
I was like, well, I'm not qualified by the Mormon
Church now because I've been away for so long. And
my dad was like, this transcends that you're the father,
and Rachel's family was like, no, unless it's official on
the records of the Mormon Church, we're not even attending it.
(28:29):
And so we were at a crossroads there and so
then Rachel's dad was like, well, I'll give it because
then I'm qualified, and I was like, no, you won't
because of this approach. I will have my dad do it.
So my dad did the first one, and then we
didn't even do a second one. Nobody even brought it
up because we did have that conversation in issue right.
And so for me, if my kids want to go
(28:50):
to church, I will support them in exploring that. I
don't want anybody to force them to go to church.
I don't want grandparents to be like, well I'm taking
you here. But if my child is like I want
to go to church with Grandma and Grandpa. Great, go
go explore. Ask the questions and I will do my
best to answer it. And I try to be open,
but also like, you know, they're like, is Jesus real?
(29:12):
Did he get resurrected? Did he come back to life?
I was like, the only one.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Easter this Easter, this weekend, big question.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
My kids are scared of. My oldest kid especially has
a fear of dying. And she was very intrigued by
the Jesus coming back to life. And I was like,
you know, that's.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Like there's an now.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yes, wait, I heard about this guy three days after
and I can do the only one that's performed that
trick in the history of mankind so far.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
And but I was like, but I'm willing to give
you three, four or five days outside of burial to
give it an attempt if you want. But and that
was her request, was, let's wait, give me three or
four days. Yeah, that's so cute, Yeah, but also sad
and sorry.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah. So I'm like, that's where the saying saved by
the bell came from. Do you guys know that? Oh no,
They used to bury a fair amount of people prematurely
before they were actually dead. So they installed bells within
the coffins with like a breathing tube so that if
people are buried alive, they could I do that idea.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah, So my approach, Yeah, my approach here has been like,
stand firm in what I believe, but also what I
believe might be wrong, but there's no way to prove
whose beliefs are right, and so let them explore what
they want. I have friends.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
When they're like so young, it's like you have to
do what you for that say. When I was before
my divorce, I didn't really want my daughter going to
church with their grandma. Yeah, But now that I'm divorced,
I can't say anything like it's it's totally out. So
it's the strange situation for me. I'm not very supportive
(31:00):
of it. It's my ex wife's mom. Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Then you just have to do your share on your side,
and that's I have friends right now who go to
church to be part of the club, but they teach
things there that they don't fully believe, and so they
bring the kids home like a faith off. Yeah, wins
some Bible dashing, But my friends come home and go
(31:26):
over like what they learned in church and say, as
a family, we don't really support the anti whatever movements
that they're doing at church. We like church. We there's
good things at church, but there are things that we
for ourselves don't believe as far as what they're teaching.
And so I was like, that's another way to live.
(31:48):
But who knows. Maybe down the road, either the kids
are like, well the church is right and you're wrong
because the church said they're right, or maybe they swing
the other way, or maybe it's perfectly fine. I don't
know the balance, and you won't know the balance and
tell they're an adult. So the best thing you can
do as a parent is the best for your children
that you, as their parents think. And if like out
(32:12):
of their your control of Rome going to church with Grandma,
then that's fine. Have a conversation with her about it,
about if she enjoys it, about what she learns there,
and then you input what you think is best for
their upbringing in that moment. And that's I think what
most loving parents do and how they approach it. And
(32:32):
some parents believe wholeheartedly in the faith and the church
and whatever, and their diehards on it and they think
that that's going to be the best for their children,
and they go that way, and I can't fault people
for that, but that's not my way. And so there's
boundaries to be made, there's conversations to be had, and
that's going to exist throughout because my family until recently
(32:57):
was like, hey, so church, like, when are you like
prodigal son? Here's a storgy of the prodigal Son. And
finally I just like, Mom, I don't go to church
because I hate it and I don't think it's true.
I always hated going to church growing up. It was
always miserable, it was always a fight. I hated putting
on church clothes. I hated going to church, and I
only heard the same stuff over and over and over again,
(33:17):
and it was boring. And so I was like, and
with Mormonism, like, the thing that they ask you to
do is pray and God will give you an answer
of whether it's true or not. So rather than do that,
I just say I prayed and got a really bad
feeling about it. And then nobody can say anything.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
To you, right, right, you can't bring that wrong.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah, Well, he combated the only way we were going
to tell him to dang it.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
I thought that was going to work. It's like in
Elf when when Elf is trying to prove that that
the Santa at the mall is not the real Santa.
He's like, if you're really saying it, what song did
I sing to you on your birthday?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Like exactly happy birthday? And he's like, oh, so good.
I think I think people should take consolation that to
some degree, every family goes through this, because yes, even
even in like a Christian faith, there are tenants that people.
There are people who are who are Christian who are
like dinosaurs didn't exist. There are people in Christian who
(34:18):
are like, we're only a two thousand year old world.
There are Christians who are like the planet is flat,
you know, like there are things that you will hear
at a church that you're like, m I don't know
about that for our family, And the same can be
said for hanging out with other families. I mean you
could you can watch how like a family down the
street disciplines their kid or doesn't. I remember we were
(34:38):
living we were living in Phoenix, and those family that
we love, they were super cool down the street, but
they parented so different and the kid was like, I
went a popsicle. No, I went a popsicle.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
No.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
I went about okay, fine, just get a popsicle and go.
And I saw Ellis go like that's a possibility, you know,
and I was like, Nope, not under this roof, and
like you just that's that's a part of it too.
So whether you've never walked through the doors of a
church or you know, you were a priest who's listening
to our podcast, Like, I feel like every family to
(35:09):
some degree walks through these differences. So I don't think,
don't feel the pressure that like, my family's not perfect
because we've got tension with my in laws about how
we you know, you have tension within your own family,
you know, you know, there's certain things that I think
my wife is like fully gung ho, one hundred percent
(35:29):
believes this is it, hang your hat on it, and
I'm kind of like, I don't know, I don't know
about that, And so we have to figure out how
to communicate that to our kids so that they can choose,
but also not like choose mom or choose daw. I
think dad is right because I'm gonna you know, that
kind of thing. So anyway. For anyone that thinks that
either A this doesn't apply to them, or be they're
(35:50):
the only ones this does apply to, I promise you everything.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Somebody has this into any capacity. And William for your friend,
if his spouse is very adamant about not praying and
not having the extended family pray while they're over in
public for the food or whatever blessing they're doing, I
think he my opinion, he should talk to his family
(36:15):
about that and say, hey, we don't necessarily believe that
in our house. We're not going to do that. We
have no problem with you doing it in your home.
If for me, if my parents were like, let's say
a blessing, I would have no issue being like, yeah,
you say it, I don't want to because you know,
food's always healthy over here without those.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
You could also look at it like a cultural thing.
If you went to Japan and they were like, take
your shoes off, and you'd be like, we don't do
that in my house. We keep our shoes on. You'd
be like, that's insulting.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
So there's doing in somebody else's house. But you could
if you were talking about yeah, in their house, you
abide by their rules. And sometimes they have to stay
what their rules are.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yeah yeah, and then if they're in their house, they
should buy it by your rules. Yeah. And part of
it's like the family members doing it on purpose because
they know that it's an issue.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
And they're trying their.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
View Jesus Christ, and they like say, like even though
maybe we normally say that much a.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Twenty minute salvation prayer, right, yeah, they know that's just
like this saved for our stomach.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Even though the people here are unbelieving food.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
There's anyone here who's the mother of a child or
two who's sitting across from me and doesn't believe.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Yeah, yeah, give so.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I think we's a big deal. Like if like what
you were saying, Tyson, Like if you guys want to
say a prayer, that's fine, but also the biggest the
bigger thing is just it's your house, Like make sure
your family is respecting your rules your house. Yes, yeah,
talk with your partner and if if if they really
don't want it, then don't do it, and don't let
your family do it, because that's just respect. Correct.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
I think the same page as the key, you got
to be a unified front.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Yes, yeah, and uh yeah, and you should support your
spouse in those moments as they would support you, because
that's more important to your household than having your extended
family come in and have their will every whatever, however
often they come over.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
And what did we learn about divorced parents, co parents?
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Co parents here at a faithop a Bible bash.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
You gotta just instill those values when you get a chance.
Just just get in there so that they went out
in the long run.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
That's right. I think I have an open conversation with
with Rome and see what she's learning ongoing. Yes, that's
parents in general. Like Bergen goes to church with her
grandparents hardly ever, but when she goes, I said, what
did you learn at church? What did you think about it?
What did Like? I am fine doing that and yeah, uh.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, but it's a slippery slope because like she likes
going for the cookies the next thing, I, oh, she
might be completely sorry.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah not if you're having these conversations with her all
the time, you're then that's.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Kind of getting too I don't think that it's like
that bad of a place, but it might be good
for me to also look into that a little bit
more too.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Yeah, and see what they're learning. And also yeah, I think, yeah,
you can only do what you can do on your
side over there, William.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
So I mean, I am watching the new season of
Handmaid's Tale. So maybe that's why I'm a little zealous
right now about religion.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Anything cult like, Well, I think we did a good
job here. I think, yeah, we're all on the same page.
It's interesting that William seems to be more against organized religion. A.
Bradley is more for it if it's the right fit,
and I am mostly indifferent but leading to not celebrating
(39:59):
it because A it's probably not true, and be I'd
rather just watch TV on Sundays.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
The guy with the last name Apostle is least involved
in religion in a belief system. It's so great, so great.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I'm hoping to get into Heaven based on my last
name alone.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
One hundred percent. That's how people get into Harvard. What's
the difference.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
That's true? That is true? All these Harvard suckers at
the Pearly Gates as I just strut on through, show
them my driver's license.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I'm in God's Like, let's see Survivor.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
Yes, you were on Survivor.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
Come on in you're in your buddy, and I'll be like,
oh dang, it was all it's all here. Shoot, well
Jesus hilarious joke. It was just so far fetched. It
was hard for me to really believe all of it.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Even you thought I was kidding, right, I mean, give on,
had you fooled? I've been in it the whole time?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Bruh yeah a year.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
I am up.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Okay, thank you all. Religion is a sensitive to the subject,
and sorry if we offended anybody, but also like, get
over yourselves. See you next week.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
Bye, guys.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
Let's hear your questions about religion. If you guys got them,
we are really starting to build this community, so keep
hitting us up. We love getting messages from you. Enjoy
your week so
Welcome back to Midlife Crisises. I'm Tyson, one of the hosts.
Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting, sharing all
of that stuff helps us continue to do this podcast,
and we would appreciate if you would continue to do
that each and every episode. We love you guys so much.
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee, I mean nothing at that
(00:23):
guarantee then we will keep doing this. So smash that
subscribe button, that like button, that follow button, whatever buttons
are there, smash them all.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive this quote as well.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So let's get into it. Question this week on Midlife
Crisises podcast is religion. How do you raise your kids
around religion and all these different religions and belief systems
and what's our approach? And you know, we all have
different answers and we all come from different backgrounds, so
this will be a humdinger of an episode.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
The guy with the last name Apostle is least Involved.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Welcome to midlife Crisis Disease, everybody. This is the show
where we talk about all the challenges we're going through
in this phase of our life and try to commiserate
and help you guys as well, and occasionally like have
fun doing it. So I'm here today with my friend Bradley.
How are you. What's up?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I'm doing great, William. I've got my dog in my
lap here joining us today. This is Legos. I'm excited
to be here. Going through some minor crisises myself. I
know this isn't I assume this is not the question today,
but the past probably two weeks Lowick, my five year
old has been up from one am to three am,
(01:51):
and it's just pure torture for me. I just I'm
not good after I go to sleep. I'm a terrible
human being.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, why is he such a hater?
Speaker 3 (02:01):
I mean I think he's going through a growth spurt,
which is always Yeah, like he says he has what's
what we've what we've called stretchy legs. Yeah, so I
come in and do like massaging to his legs. He
is autistic, so sometimes the way his brain works is
very different. And so he'll just wake up and like
one o'clock he's ready to roll and he's like, he's like, hey,
(02:22):
you know this funny thing happened in school today. I'm like,
what what are we talking about? And then I'm like,
it's time to go to sleep. He's like okay. And
then not two seconds after I get back under the covers,
which is really worse. I would rather just sit at
the foot of his bed. I get like like, oh
maybe this one, this time will be okay, this this
one will work. That's what crazy is, doing the same
(02:43):
thing over and over and expecting different results. And I
was just like, oh, okay, great this is and then
he's like dad, Dad, And it's not far it's just
down the hall. It's like his room right there. So
I walk in and he's like, I want a different blanket,
and I'm like, you gotta be kidding. I'm like, I
know none of the blankets are going to be okay.
We've been through this. We've done the Russian Roulette of
blankets and nobody wins. You don't win, I don't win.
(03:05):
The blankets don't win. Anyway, I'm going through that. But
We're glad you guys have joined along. Thank you for liking,
thank you for subscribing, thank you for following. Make sure
you're finding us on Instagram as well. We're a lot
more active over there, getting some great dms and messages
and comments and all of that. At midlife crisises, we
(03:25):
got our own crisis is going on, and the best
way to do that is just to get into it.
Each week, one of us brings a question that the
others don't know, or maybe we've had a slight hat
tip but not enough time to really create a full fledged,
all thought out argument. So we're really all just kind
of doing this together, just like our midlife crisis is anyway, So,
(03:46):
without further ado, I think Tyson is this week Tyson
with the most popular hat in all of Phoenix.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
It could be. I've gotten so many compliments on it.
I I this is a question I've dealt with throughout
my entire as a parent pretty much from the get go,
And it was a question that I think one of
William's friends had suggested and he texted it. And so
the question is, as parents, how should we approach religion
(04:21):
in our lives with our kids? And I come from
a Mormon upbringing. Very religious, I wouldn't say very, very
very strict Mormon, like my parents wanted to go to church.
We had to go to church every week, but we
went early so we could get the back row. So
my parents would go early to get the back row
(04:43):
first and first out, first and first out, take naps
during the sermons. Totally fund totally fine. My mom, I
guess later in life, told us she was always embarrassed
that her family of six was all asleep on the
back row except for her and no extra regulars. Church
is doing something Wednesday, No thank you. The apostles are
(05:04):
not showing up to that. We do Sundays only. But
you had to. If we're living under my parents' roof,
you had to go to church each and every week
with the family. And now I'm not that I'm far
from that. Each and every week I don't go to church.
It's the new best Sunday of my life. But with
kids and questions of kids, you have to approach religion.
(05:28):
You have to. There has to be some conversation. And
I think we're all different probably in our religious affiliations
and beliefs and acceptances and stuff like that. So what
is the approach here with religion and child rearing? William?
Do you have an approach? Have you made any approach whatsoever?
Speaker 2 (05:52):
I mean, myself, I'm really not religious at all. How
did you grow kind of? So my parents were both
raised like strict Catholic, so that's why they're not Catholics,
to Catholic school and all that forever, so they I
think they have some pretty challenging memories from their childhood
(06:14):
going to Catholic school and being based Catholic. But my
parents really wanted us to have community and you know,
some sort of a spiritual thing when we were kids.
So they found the Unitarian Universalists Church, which is kind
of like they teach like all religions. It's like basically
for people who don't really know what they want to believe,
(06:36):
or they just like want a really inclusive, accepting kind
of community to go to every Sunday.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Like all religions like Islam, every single facet or is
it Christian based or what is it? No?
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I think it's it's complicated, but I think Unitarian was
Christian based at one point and then like they like
merged with Universalists. I don't really know. Maybe the other
way around, but it's multi denominational, so like in children
Sundays to school, one week we would learn about Moses.
The next week we might learn about Jesus or one
(07:11):
of the prophets, or we might learn about you know,
some sort of Hinduist pale something like that. So it
was really all of it. And it's kind of a
cool approach because I just tried to tell like good
moral lessons from all these different world religions. And it
was really fun too. Like as kids growing up, we
(07:32):
had a lot of and I'm not even kids, like
high school we would go to or middle school, high
school we would go to all these retreat retreats. We
went to New Mexico and Arizona and like lived on
a novel Hoo reservation and a Hopie reservation and like
all these really cool things. Uh So I liked it.
But it's coming up for me now in my life
(07:54):
as well for a couple of reasons, not necessarily with
myself a little bit in that I still am looking
for community. I think, like a lot of people in
this phase of life, it's harder and harder to find community.
And also just in this world we're living in where
people will spend so much time on screens and away
from me people. I think I do miss some of
(08:16):
that being around people for the community aspect. But I'm
divorced and my daughter Rowan's four years old, and I
have her halftime, and she goes to church with her grandma,
which is it's fine, but it's also like, I mean,
it's definitely fine, but I don't know their church. I
(08:37):
don't know anything about it really, and because of my
parents' tough experiences with their upbringing with church, and because honestly,
just like I see a lot of really damaging things
that are happening in American society with a claim that
it's for Christian purposes. And yeah, so it's hard for
(08:58):
me to figure out how to navigate, like whether I'm
okay with that if I want to check it out,
go up and see it, if I want to talk
to them. So that's the one way and the other ways.
I'm thinking about possibly going back to the Unitarian Church too.
With throwing.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Okay boom, yeah, I think you do raise some good
points with the network, especially the community, Like religion is
really a fast track into a network or a very
tight knit network of like Mormonism. You can go anywhere
in the world where Mormonism is allowed, which is most everywhere,
(09:37):
and then walk into church and be like, I need
a place to live, and they'd find I mean, it's
not necessarily a free place or something, but they would
be like, oh, we have a member who actually has
a place for rent. You got it, You're in whatever.
Like you could go anywhere and immediately have this network
of open arms, and so that is a really powerful thing.
(09:58):
And yeah, like that aspect, and a lot of people
that I know, they go to church that don't necessarily
believe in the stuff they're preaching at that church, are
there to be part of the club and they like
being part of the network. So not a bad approach. Bradley,
what's your stance, your upbringing and your approach as a parent.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Yeah, I think William does make some good points. I
remember going to retreat. So I grew up going to
church Christian church. I grew up. I guess we were
going to a Baptist church for a while, and then
we moved to a Presbyterian church and within like what
we would call like the Evangelical church, right, which is
like or the Protestant Church. Versus Catholicism, because I grew
(10:44):
up just going to like let's just go to the
church that's kind of closest to us. My parents didn't
have any deep theological you know, like, oh, well, you
know there's predestination with Presbyterian that there's a predetermined number
of people we believe that, or Baptists that you know,
Baptism is the way, or you know, like all these
different things. So my parents were just like this seems
(11:04):
close and it takes a village. So raising kids, you
got to find your village. And church is a great place.
Like you said, Tyson, fast track is a great way
to say.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
It, Like I could definitely use some some village in
my child.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah. So, so I grew up going to church.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
I was.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I was pretty involved. It was youth grews. Every Sunday
we went to church, you know. And this was also
back in the day when you had to dress up.
Like now my kids we go to church and it's
like you can just wear like T shirt and pants
or shorts or whatever.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
For me, we were wearing.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
He had we didn't have to, but we were wearing
oversize Oh.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Yes, we were just like it was your Sunday best.
That was the whole thing, right, and when you got
home and that always a tie, even kids. Yeah, And
I think it's.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Just a cultural ship fun thing about it too.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
What's that way?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
I think that could be a fun thing about it too.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
No, dressing it was fun once. I like it now
because I don't go to church hardly at all unless
I'm supporting family members. And and then I dress up.
I'm like, oh, this is kind of fun to dress
up once every eight months.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
For the three like freelance bros, We're like, what is
this is? This is dressing up this this is a
clean shirt. So this is like, I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
A funeral a couple of years ago, and was like,
I don't have any clothes acceptable for the occasion. And
I went and I did his best I could back
with this sports coat. No, I didn't have a black suit.
And I was like, I have no church clothes.
Speaker 3 (12:44):
Yeah, what a revelation. Yeah, because your I mean my
closet I had. I didn't have a huge rotation, but
it was guaranteed every Sunday we were going. And this
was also I grew up in the South. Nothing even
opened on Sundays until like at least twelve o'clock. You
couldn't even there was no cafe. There was no you're
gonna go get breakfast anywhere. That wasn't even a thing.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It was like I made brunch didn't exist there.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I mean, not that we took part in. Horrifying Yeah,
I know. Then you moved to LA and there's like
brunch on Tuesday at two. It's like, ye act, You're like.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
What is plain? What's everybody doing? Was?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
No one?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
No one's doing anything?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Is what it is?
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, but I loved it. I loved the youth group.
I had some great friends that came out. I'm still
really good friends with some of the guys who I
met when I was in middle school youth group at
my church. And so, you know, for me, that was
a major part of my life. I never felt to
my parents' credit, I ever felt like they were like,
you have to believe this stuff. Oh sorry, I thought
(13:40):
my phone was on silent. That's my wife screener. Yeah,
that'll be a crisis for later. Yeah, why why were
you crisis? And then my dog is having a crisis anyway. Yeah,
So you know, for me, it was a major part
of my life, major part of my upbringing. My parents
were never like you have to believe this stuff, but
(14:00):
they were like you have to go kind of like Tyson,
like you know that kind of thing of like you
have to be here, you have to be a part
of this. This is what our family does. As long
as you live under the roof, this is what we do.
And couldn't really like leave the roof. That wasn't really
an option, so it was just a funny expression. Yeah.
So yeah, And then as I grew up, I just
I stayed in my faith, so I kept going to
(14:21):
church and kept doing the things that. In fact, my
first like job was working for a nonprofit. It was
a Christian group called Young Life, but it wasn't church based,
so it was like it wasn't about theological differences. It
wasn't Catholic or Protestant, it wasn't you know, Baptist, whatever.
(14:41):
It was just like, you know, we love kids and
we love Jesus, and here we go.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
So you're not gay?
Speaker 3 (14:47):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Sorry?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
No, well that's you know what. So that's I felt like.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I've got some some friends who were in Young Life
and basically did everything that they possibly could for and
then one of them came out as gay, and they
just like it was really brutal. They just wanted nothing
to do with him. Like, yeah, I tried to tell
him that he had to change, and like, like he
could change. It wasn't like, you know, a choice, it
(15:13):
was a choice that he could change.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Yeah, yeah, No, And that gets that gets to what
you're talking about in terms of like worldview, because you
look around and you're like, well, people are saying that
guy is a Christian and I don't want anything to
do with that guy. Or my friend is gay and
he was treated this way by that group, or I
mean the church in general owes a lot of apologies
to a lot of people, and I think any church
(15:37):
that doesn't believe that, I think is like maybe not
the best place to be because there has to be
some self awareness and accountability in the way that people
have been dealt with. I mean, going back to the Crusades,
don't believe what we're gonna We're gonna kill you. What
hang on, let's slow that down. How does that jive
with like the Bible I'm reading, you know, So it's
(15:57):
it's of course it is full of of messed up
people because it's people but you know, I was kind
of I had was at a crossroads because I grew
up Protestant Christian in the South right, and in the
South it's also different. It's very cultural. Everybody went to
church on Sunday, Like, you know, even if you killed
someone on Saturday, you're still going to church on Sunday,
(16:17):
like you're going to be there. And not that I know,
but you know, I know you're saying, here's saying. And
then eventually I meet Kirston and she's Catholic, and so
my perception of that was like, oh, you know, Catholic
is probably what your perception or at least what your
parents experience was, which is like very strict. It's a
bunch of rules. There's no love. It's like you got
to do this stuff. There's guilt exactly like that whole concept.
(16:40):
And so I was like, yeah, that's not for me,
but I was like, I also love you, so I'll
check it out. So eventually, you know, on Sundays we
were double dipping. I was, I was making up for
Tyson Church on Sunday. To churches. It's crazy in LA
should should have.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Been pretty long. What's that aren't Catholic? Sermons pretty long.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
No, at least not the ones that is. I looked
them up by filter how long short to long? Yeah, exactly,
list them short to yeah. So you know, I knew
growing up that because faith was a part of my life,
it would be a part of my kids. But I
didn't know that it was going to be like, oh,
I guess Catholic will also be a part of my faith.
(17:27):
So I had to ask a lot of questions, do
a lot of research, talk to priests, talk to pastors,
figure out where I land on that. And I'm still
technically in the middle. I'm not technically Catholic, even though
we've resorted to just going to a Catholic church now
instead of trying to you have a kid, you're lucky
to even get out the door to go to target
much more, you know, get to a church on time.
(17:50):
You're not doubling up. Yeah, So we kind of had
to make a compromise there.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
So I think for me, I do like the ceremony
of the Catholic Church.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
There's there is something really interesting about what I've seen
with some of my friends who you know now the
Christian Church. In a lot of ways, a lot of
these churches are smoke and uh and you know it's
like fireworks and like it's a rock show and like
it's a it's a whole show hill song. It's a
super popular one.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
What'd you say to that sounds awesome?
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Well, it is really cool Royal gemstones.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
That's exactly. I actually read an article by Relevant Magazine,
which is a pretty cool publication, and they were saying, like, hey,
if you're a Christian and you don't like this show,
you should look at yourself again because the irony and
satire is actually spot on, Like unfortunately this is two
real guys. Yeah, And so you know there's a lot
of that. But then you know, there's there's other aspects
(18:44):
to my faith that you know, I didn't have growing
up because Catholicism is so like liturgical and a lot
more quiet and you know, and and peaceful and in spirit.
You know, there's a lot more spirit and I think
we lose that in our world of like I can
explain everything, here's how everything works. So you see a
rise of spirituality, I think you have to acknowledge that
(19:05):
to some degree, whether it's a faith, or it's stones,
or it's the you know, the stars or whatever it is,
there's something else outside of ourselves, I think, And so
for me, we just kind of kirsinar are both on
the same page of like, this is how we're going
to do it, but we also are aware that, like
you know, if ellis at some point when she moves
(19:27):
out and goes to college is like I'm done, I'm
not going to church anymore. You know, we're still going
to love her and she's still welcome in our home.
And if you know the we're not creating that type
of boundary or border.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Are you going to be upset or are you going
to encourage her to go back to church? Are you
going to be a little bit like worried for her
well being? If yeah, is there going to be any
of that or is it going to be total like
acceptance of her choice.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
I think it would be. I think for me it
would be similar to like if she's like I am
just going to eat junk food. I'm done eating healthy,
I'm just doing fast food and I'm going to eat
snacks whenever I want, and it's going to be twinkies,
there would be a little bit of like go for it,
live your life, and also like it might make you sick.
(20:15):
It might not be the best choice based on my experience,
you know what I mean. So I think there would
be a little bit of like I would ask why.
I think as a parent, that's one of the best
questions you can always ask, even of yourself. We're going
to Grandma's again for Christmas. I hate going. It's a
long trip. Let's ask why, why are we doing this
to ourselves? And I think that gets to the heart
(20:37):
of no matter who's asking, because I think saying Grandma
kind of brought something into my brain. Tyson you mentioned
before too, is like, and I think this was one
of the questions, is like, what about other people outside
of your family, William, you were talking about, like if
it's a grandparent or an uncle or somebody that's throwing
shade or saying like you should do this, you shouldn't
do that at the very least. And I find this
(20:59):
across the board. When you become that family, you're setting
new traditions, new guidelines, new rules. Your job is to
pick the good stuff that you had one thing, ten things,
whatever growing up, or that you've experienced through a mentor
through friends, through books, and create that new business basically
and then if somebody wants to say no, you should
(21:19):
be doing it this way, I respectfully decline, like, this
is our family. And then at some point you let
your kids make their own decisions, and you'd hope that
you have not taught them what to think, but how
to think, and then from there it's kind of on them.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
So if she decided to try a different church, Buddhism,
would you still like see it in like, oh, well
that's not as good, Like that's I would just want
to he would.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
I would be open to find out why, you know.
I certainly wouldn't shame her or say no. I mean,
I think there's great value in an understanding of world religions,
and it's a lot of what any religion believes Christians, Catholics, whatever, Buddhists.
It all sounds crazy if you write it down.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
We have we have a creeze on like the same
thing like from seven thousand years ago, and it's just
been changing some degree. I think it must be a
lot of it. Yeah, yeah, I feel like even.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
Within the church, yeah, exactly, even within the church you
have all these splinters, yeah, you know, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist,
you know, and then even within Presbyterian, you have PC
A PC, US A E PC. There's like all these divisions.
So it's like I feel like it all roots back
to you know, the all these tributaries come back to
this one point. So I would I would ask her why.
(22:43):
I would want to know why. I think for me,
I would be like, if she didn't have a good reason,
that would be what I would worry about. Is this
just to piss me off? Or like you not piss
me of? Like is it? Is it just because you
got bored or you're like trying to whatever. But if
it was like no, I really think that this is quest. Yeah,
is this a better way to live? And especially for kids,
because we know no matter how old your kids are,
(23:06):
from four year old up to Elis at eleven, as parents,
when we tell them something, most of the time, they
got to figure it out for themselves. Yeah, they still
got to learn They still got to learn it. That's
a great way to say, you tell them, but they
still got to learn it.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Yeah. So let me tell share a little bit about
where this question came from, because who'say that it came
from one of my friends and it did? It came
from my friend who's also pretty non religious, but his
whole family is very religious, and lately there's been some fights.
I don't know if the fights this awkward moments clicked
(23:43):
where like the family's over for dinner and they want
to say grace before dinner and my friend and his wife,
well don't want to say grace. They're not religious, they're
not trying to raise their kids religious. And my friend
is like, you know whatever, like well no, so yeah,
(24:03):
he's like, if my family's here and they want to
say a prayer, it's fine. But his wife is like, no, like,
your family cannot be saying prayers at dinner, like that
is not who we are. We don't believe in that.
Why would we be doing that in front of our kid?
So that's kind of the question is how do you
navigate or another question, how do you navigate family members
(24:24):
who are trying to religion, like in still religion or
even something as simple as saying grace when you are
not against it, And is that okay? Like is that
okay for your uncle to come over and say a
religious prayer and thank Jesus and all these things even
(24:45):
if you don't believe in that, or is that your
place to say we don't believe in that.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
I'm in that position and I've been in that position
for a long time. That's my exact position in life.
I'm pretty indifferent. I'm pretty Are you the friend, No,
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Did you anonymously?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I am a friend? No? But I am relatively indifferent
to religion. I think my stance is so I grew
up Mormon, like I said, taught that Mormonism was the
only true faith and everybody else was wrong, and also
we should feel sorry for them, and also we should
(25:21):
try to help them be Mormons too. And that's how
I grew up. And I never questioned that until, you know,
and I just like hated going to church every Sunday.
I just always hated it. And I just started thinking,
you know, like, is it a waste of time if
we're all just focused on like what's after this life?
(25:41):
If we're just like, what is it is? I'm trying
to figure out what happens after death? And you spend
so much time and so much energy like living your
life assuming that this thing is after death, but not
fully knowing and trying to figure it out. And I
was like, I'm just going to live now in this thing,
and then I'll deal with the after death stuff, if
and when it comes and whatever it is, then I'll
(26:02):
approach it. But at this point, like it's just a
guessing game and it's a roll of the dice. And
so I just stepped away from the church, and I
was like, you know what, maybe truth is relative. Some
people they love this and they need this, and this
for them is their truth, and.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
That be for me a universalis thing was too, It's like,
we have no idea what actually happens after you die,
so they might as well live a good life.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, And so but I've had to cross and my
wife also grew up Mormon, and neither of us are practicing,
and we don't necessarily want that for our kids. And
I think my parents just did the best that they
could and the thing that they knew and that that
they thought was the best for us. So I don't
have any animosity. I have friends who are definitely hold
animosity for their upbringing religiously, thinking that their parents were
(26:43):
tricking them or the community was tricking them or whatever
or controlling them. And I don't feel any of that.
I think my parents tried their hardest and did their
best and they thought the best thing for their kids
was being Mormon, and so but we've we've had to
cross those bridges with family, Like my family knows that,
(27:04):
you know, we don't do anything religious. My kids have
questions about it, and I try to be open and
I say, you know what, after death, I don't know
what happens. People that tell you with certainty that what's
going to happen are the ones that know the least,
probably in my opinion. But here's a lot of different
belief systems, and the beauty of life is that we
can explore all of those belief systems and we can
(27:26):
choose one that we like and that we want to celebrate,
and that is good for us and that's like part
of being human here. But as far as like the
religious boundaries, I've also had to set those with my
extended family. My parents are very hands off, like no
prayers in our house. Okay, no prayers. We just get
(27:47):
to eat bon appetite, let's do it. They have no issues,
they've never had an issue. They've never been like, actually,
my food needs to be blessed, like they haven't had that.
Rachel's parents were a little more pushback initially when we
first had Bergen, they demanded that it be it we
have a Mormon baby blessing for this baby, and we
(28:08):
didn't really want it. And then my dad was like, well,
you should give the blessing, Tyson, you're the father. And
I was like, well, I'm not qualified by the Mormon
Church now because I've been away for so long. And
my dad was like, this transcends that you're the father,
and Rachel's family was like, no, unless it's official on
the records of the Mormon Church, we're not even attending it.
(28:29):
And so we were at a crossroads there and so
then Rachel's dad was like, well, I'll give it because
then I'm qualified, and I was like, no, you won't
because of this approach. I will have my dad do it.
So my dad did the first one, and then we
didn't even do a second one. Nobody even brought it
up because we did have that conversation in issue right.
And so for me, if my kids want to go
(28:50):
to church, I will support them in exploring that. I
don't want anybody to force them to go to church.
I don't want grandparents to be like, well I'm taking
you here. But if my child is like I want
to go to church with Grandma and Grandpa. Great, go
go explore. Ask the questions and I will do my
best to answer it. And I try to be open,
but also like, you know, they're like, is Jesus real?
(29:12):
Did he get resurrected? Did he come back to life?
I was like, the only one.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Easter this Easter, this weekend, big question.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
My kids are scared of. My oldest kid especially has
a fear of dying. And she was very intrigued by
the Jesus coming back to life. And I was like,
you know, that's.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Like there's an now.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yes, wait, I heard about this guy three days after
and I can do the only one that's performed that
trick in the history of mankind so far.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
And but I was like, but I'm willing to give
you three, four or five days outside of burial to
give it an attempt if you want. But and that
was her request, was, let's wait, give me three or
four days. Yeah, that's so cute, Yeah, but also sad
and sorry.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah. So I'm like, that's where the saying saved by
the bell came from. Do you guys know that? Oh no,
They used to bury a fair amount of people prematurely
before they were actually dead. So they installed bells within
the coffins with like a breathing tube so that if
people are buried alive, they could I do that idea.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah, So my approach, Yeah, my approach here has been like,
stand firm in what I believe, but also what I
believe might be wrong, but there's no way to prove
whose beliefs are right, and so let them explore what
they want. I have friends.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
When they're like so young, it's like you have to
do what you for that say. When I was before
my divorce, I didn't really want my daughter going to
church with their grandma. Yeah, But now that I'm divorced,
I can't say anything like it's it's totally out. So
it's the strange situation for me. I'm not very supportive
(31:00):
of it. It's my ex wife's mom. Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Then you just have to do your share on your side,
and that's I have friends right now who go to
church to be part of the club, but they teach
things there that they don't fully believe, and so they
bring the kids home like a faith off. Yeah, wins
some Bible dashing, But my friends come home and go
(31:26):
over like what they learned in church and say, as
a family, we don't really support the anti whatever movements
that they're doing at church. We like church. We there's
good things at church, but there are things that we
for ourselves don't believe as far as what they're teaching.
And so I was like, that's another way to live.
(31:48):
But who knows. Maybe down the road, either the kids
are like, well the church is right and you're wrong
because the church said they're right, or maybe they swing
the other way, or maybe it's perfectly fine. I don't
know the balance, and you won't know the balance and
tell they're an adult. So the best thing you can
do as a parent is the best for your children
that you, as their parents think. And if like out
(32:12):
of their your control of Rome going to church with Grandma,
then that's fine. Have a conversation with her about it,
about if she enjoys it, about what she learns there,
and then you input what you think is best for
their upbringing in that moment. And that's I think what
most loving parents do and how they approach it. And
(32:32):
some parents believe wholeheartedly in the faith and the church
and whatever, and their diehards on it and they think
that that's going to be the best for their children,
and they go that way, and I can't fault people
for that, but that's not my way. And so there's
boundaries to be made, there's conversations to be had, and
that's going to exist throughout because my family until recently
(32:57):
was like, hey, so church, like, when are you like
prodigal son? Here's a storgy of the prodigal Son. And
finally I just like, Mom, I don't go to church
because I hate it and I don't think it's true.
I always hated going to church growing up. It was
always miserable, it was always a fight. I hated putting
on church clothes. I hated going to church, and I
only heard the same stuff over and over and over again,
(33:17):
and it was boring. And so I was like, and
with Mormonism, like, the thing that they ask you to
do is pray and God will give you an answer
of whether it's true or not. So rather than do that,
I just say I prayed and got a really bad
feeling about it. And then nobody can say anything.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
To you, right, right, you can't bring that wrong.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Yeah, Well, he combated the only way we were going
to tell him to dang it.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
I thought that was going to work. It's like in
Elf when when Elf is trying to prove that that
the Santa at the mall is not the real Santa.
He's like, if you're really saying it, what song did
I sing to you on your birthday?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Like exactly happy birthday? And he's like, oh, so good.
I think I think people should take consolation that to
some degree, every family goes through this, because yes, even
even in like a Christian faith, there are tenants that people.
There are people who are who are Christian who are
like dinosaurs didn't exist. There are people in Christian who
(34:18):
are like, we're only a two thousand year old world.
There are Christians who are like the planet is flat,
you know, like there are things that you will hear
at a church that you're like, m I don't know
about that for our family, And the same can be
said for hanging out with other families. I mean you
could you can watch how like a family down the
street disciplines their kid or doesn't. I remember we were
(34:38):
living we were living in Phoenix, and those family that
we love, they were super cool down the street, but
they parented so different and the kid was like, I
went a popsicle. No, I went a popsicle.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
No.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
I went about okay, fine, just get a popsicle and go.
And I saw Ellis go like that's a possibility, you know,
and I was like, Nope, not under this roof, and
like you just that's that's a part of it too.
So whether you've never walked through the doors of a
church or you know, you were a priest who's listening
to our podcast, Like, I feel like every family to
(35:09):
some degree walks through these differences. So I don't think,
don't feel the pressure that like, my family's not perfect
because we've got tension with my in laws about how
we you know, you have tension within your own family,
you know, you know, there's certain things that I think
my wife is like fully gung ho, one hundred percent
(35:29):
believes this is it, hang your hat on it, and
I'm kind of like, I don't know, I don't know
about that, And so we have to figure out how
to communicate that to our kids so that they can choose,
but also not like choose mom or choose daw. I
think dad is right because I'm gonna you know, that
kind of thing. So anyway. For anyone that thinks that
either A this doesn't apply to them, or be they're
(35:50):
the only ones this does apply to, I promise you everything.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Somebody has this into any capacity. And William for your friend,
if his spouse is very adamant about not praying and
not having the extended family pray while they're over in
public for the food or whatever blessing they're doing, I
think he my opinion, he should talk to his family
(36:15):
about that and say, hey, we don't necessarily believe that
in our house. We're not going to do that. We
have no problem with you doing it in your home.
If for me, if my parents were like, let's say
a blessing, I would have no issue being like, yeah,
you say it, I don't want to because you know,
food's always healthy over here without those.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
You could also look at it like a cultural thing.
If you went to Japan and they were like, take
your shoes off, and you'd be like, we don't do
that in my house. We keep our shoes on. You'd
be like, that's insulting.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
So there's doing in somebody else's house. But you could
if you were talking about yeah, in their house, you
abide by their rules. And sometimes they have to stay
what their rules are.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yeah yeah, and then if they're in their house, they
should buy it by your rules. Yeah. And part of
it's like the family members doing it on purpose because
they know that it's an issue.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
And they're trying their.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
View Jesus Christ, and they like say, like even though
maybe we normally say that much a.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Twenty minute salvation prayer, right, yeah, they know that's just
like this saved for our stomach.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
Even though the people here are unbelieving food.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
There's anyone here who's the mother of a child or
two who's sitting across from me and doesn't believe.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
Yeah, yeah, give so.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I think we's a big deal. Like if like what
you were saying, Tyson, Like if you guys want to
say a prayer, that's fine, but also the biggest the
bigger thing is just it's your house, Like make sure
your family is respecting your rules your house. Yes, yeah,
talk with your partner and if if if they really
don't want it, then don't do it, and don't let
your family do it, because that's just respect. Correct.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
I think the same page as the key, you got
to be a unified front.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Yes, yeah, and uh yeah, and you should support your
spouse in those moments as they would support you, because
that's more important to your household than having your extended
family come in and have their will every whatever, however
often they come over.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
And what did we learn about divorced parents, co parents?
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Co parents here at a faithop a Bible bash.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
You gotta just instill those values when you get a chance.
Just just get in there so that they went out
in the long run.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
That's right. I think I have an open conversation with
with Rome and see what she's learning ongoing. Yes, that's
parents in general. Like Bergen goes to church with her
grandparents hardly ever, but when she goes, I said, what
did you learn at church? What did you think about it?
What did Like? I am fine doing that and yeah, uh.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah, but it's a slippery slope because like she likes
going for the cookies the next thing, I, oh, she
might be completely sorry.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Yeah not if you're having these conversations with her all
the time, you're then that's.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Kind of getting too I don't think that it's like
that bad of a place, but it might be good
for me to also look into that a little bit
more too.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Yeah, and see what they're learning. And also yeah, I think, yeah,
you can only do what you can do on your
side over there, William.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
So I mean, I am watching the new season of
Handmaid's Tale. So maybe that's why I'm a little zealous
right now about religion.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Anything cult like, Well, I think we did a good
job here. I think, yeah, we're all on the same page.
It's interesting that William seems to be more against organized religion. A.
Bradley is more for it if it's the right fit,
and I am mostly indifferent but leading to not celebrating
(39:59):
it because A it's probably not true, and be I'd
rather just watch TV on Sundays.
Speaker 3 (40:06):
The guy with the last name Apostle is least involved
in religion in a belief system. It's so great, so great.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
I'm hoping to get into Heaven based on my last
name alone.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
One hundred percent. That's how people get into Harvard. What's
the difference.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
That's true? That is true? All these Harvard suckers at
the Pearly Gates as I just strut on through, show
them my driver's license.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I'm in God's Like, let's see Survivor.
Speaker 3 (40:34):
Yes, you were on Survivor.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
Come on in you're in your buddy, and I'll be like,
oh dang, it was all it's all here. Shoot, well
Jesus hilarious joke. It was just so far fetched. It
was hard for me to really believe all of it.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
Even you thought I was kidding, right, I mean, give on,
had you fooled? I've been in it the whole time?
Speaker 2 (40:55):
Bruh yeah a year.
Speaker 3 (40:57):
I am up.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Okay, thank you all. Religion is a sensitive to the subject,
and sorry if we offended anybody, but also like, get
over yourselves. See you next week.
Speaker 3 (41:10):
Bye, guys.
Speaker 2 (41:11):
Let's hear your questions about religion. If you guys got them,
we are really starting to build this community, so keep
hitting us up. We love getting messages from you. Enjoy
your week so
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