June 16, 2025 • 36 mins
The Midlife Crisisses are back! On today's episode, Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol) is away so Bradley Hasemayer (@bhaz) and William Drumm (@williamdrumm) will play! They discuss mental health conversations with other men, the "saying goodnight to your bros" challenge, picking a therapist, and more!
Follow us on our social media!
Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
and William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-crisisses/id1779171406
Visit our brand new website!
https://midlifecrisisses.com/
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
Follow us on our social media!
Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
and William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-crisisses/id1779171406
Visit our brand new website!
https://midlifecrisisses.com/
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Midlife Crisises. I'm Tyson, one of the hosts.
Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting, sharing all
of that stuff helps us continue to do this podcast,
and we would appreciate if you would continue to do
that each and every episode.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We love you guys so much.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee, I mean nothing at nice
guarantee then we will keep doing this. So smash that
subscribe button, that like button, that follow button, whatever buttons
are there, smash them all.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive this quote as well.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hey, everybody, welcome to Midlife Crisis is the podcast. Today
we're talking about mental health. How's you doing, how's your
mental health going? What is mental health? Do you have
it there? Do you need a therapist? Are all therapists
the same? What have you learned? When have you taken
a break. We get into all of that today and
we're without Tyson, which means it's a shorter show and
(01:10):
it's even better because it's just me and William join
us on. Midlife Crisis is the podcast this week.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
What's up? Everybody? Welcome to Midlife Crisis Is.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
This is where we talk about the struggles that we're
going through, so hopefully you have something to relate to.
I'm joined today by my friend Bradley. Our other co host,
Tyson is at a super secret, undisclosed location.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
He will be back soon.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yes, yes, Tyson is the third and you know he's
not here so we can say whatever we want about him.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
But at least said what should we talk about?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
And I said, well, this is our chance just to
talk as much shit as we can about.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
About Tyson, that fucking guy. But we didn't. We looked
at our schedules. We didn't have five hours. We didn't
have that time needed to really vet the staff. Yeah right,
that's right. That's a go back to an episode. If
you guys haven't heard that one, it's a really good one.
It's about our insecurities because that's what we do here
on the show. We're so glad you guys are here
(02:07):
with us. Thank you for liking. Thank you for subscribing.
I've actually been looking over some of the numbers. Pretty exciting.
We're growing, which is great. You guys are doing your part.
You're sharing the show, you're sending it to your friends.
Thank you for that. We'll be getting some more questions,
which is great too. Love the engagement. Love hearing from
you guys. That helps us because we know we're on
the right track, and we want to keep doing this
(02:28):
for you guys and for us because it's it's fun.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yeah, like hearing your problems too, Like that's one of
the best parts about it is you know, we think
we got it bad, but some of the comments we've got.
Everybody goes through different things at some point, and it's
awesome to have this community where we can talk about
life as it is, not as we thought it would be,
not as it's glamorized.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
The Yeah, life, just life.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And I want to I want to lead with the question,
and then I'm actually going to bounce back a little
bit because you had something big go on recently. The
question today and this may sync up with it too,
is what are you doing for your mental health? How
is your mental health and are you actively doing anything
about it, or is it like your car you only
do something when it breaks and then you decide I
(03:16):
need to get more sleep, or I need to see
a therapist or whatever. This is coming up for me
because it's summer here in atl I'm a content creator
dad of two and they're both home all the time,
and we've got camps and stuff like that going on.
But it just totally changes my workflow. It changes my
mental flow. My nights. My kids are staying up later,
(03:37):
so I'm not getting as much time just to like
sit and watch something. I'm not able to hang out
with my wife as much, like all this stuff. So
it's like, well, this whole new schedule that you just
get dropped into. And I know it's only eight weeks,
and I know summers go by and kids grow up
and that's all worth noting, But right now there's shrapnel everywhere.
I've got laundry on the bed. My kids are out
at the pool with my wife just to get a
(03:58):
break from me because I anyway anyway, So that that
is happening. So we're getting mental health. But that relates
to you had a major milestone, you turn the big
four to zero. How is your mental health. Now that
you're looking down the barrel of the rest of your life.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
It's a loaded question. Talking about a barrel, definitely a
loaded question.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
This guy dad jokes, you want to escape Dad jokes
here on this show, Guys.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
I turned forty. Let's see a couple of weeks ago.
Now it feels the same. Yeah, I'm not dreading it
nearly as much as when I was leading.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Up to it.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
It's definitely scarier like when you're thirty nine about to
turn forty, though when you're actually forty.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Yeah, it is what it is right in your decade.
There's some good things too.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
It's like, you know, I like measuring my life in
decades for some reason though. I like that, Oh I
have the twenties, thirties, and now the forties, and it's
like a new opportunity to make the most out of
this period of my life. That being said, mental health wise,
I'm getting to that point again where I have let
(05:01):
the thing slip for too long mental health wise, and
I'm trying to claw it back as I need to
as I can. I think the biggest thing is just
it's like you get so caught up in other people's
stuff sometimes friends family, work, everything else that Like over
(05:22):
the years, I've forgot to make space for myself and
like value myself.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
And it's more.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Than like eating well or sleeping or working out, although
that is part of it. It's also just like doing
the things that I like to do for fun, like
things that excite me as a person, find like more community,
like all of these little things, like focused on my daughter,
who's the best daughter ever. She's five years old and
(05:51):
she is incredible. But like since I moved into my
new house four or five weeks ago, i went on
one on water photography trip. I'm an underwater photographer. If
you don't know top in Denver, if.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You're best, tyson the best.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
But because of that and I share custody halftime with
my ex wife, I've had my daughter for almost every
day except for five in the last six weeks or something.
So we moved right before that and it's just been
like no time at all to think about anything except
for work, moving family, And it's kind of catching up
(06:29):
to me again and now I'm like, whoof, I have
got to make some space for myself, Like, yeah, honor myself,
love myself a little bit more, because like if I don't,
then everybody else is going to suffer too.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
So it's like.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I'm at that point where I need to take a
step back again. And folks on self love.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
How would you define mental health? Because that's they I
get thrown around a lot, and I think it's an
easy one to go to. But as we were talking
through this, I was kind of like, what does that
actually even mean?
Speaker 4 (07:03):
Do you?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
What do you think about that?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
I think it can be a lot of different things,
of course, Like I think you can talk about it
more clinically like mental health as far as disorders, impression, anxiety,
diagnosable things, yep, things like that. But then also it's
just like how are you, Like, how do you feel?
Are you sleeping good? Like when you have time to sleep, like,
are you sleeping good? Are you feeling good about yourself?
(07:27):
How's your confidence? How's your Yeah, just your general take
on life. Do you feel like you're able to slow
down and enjoy things or are you're constantly running from
project to project?
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Do you feel.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
In control of your life or does it feel like
it's a roller coaster and you're just trying to catch
up to it all the time. I think those are
some of the most important elements of it for me.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yeah, I think that's good. It's like, you know, I
think for a long time there was no real focus
on it, but I think a lot of that is
pointed toward the idea of like clinical stuff or like
should go to a therapist, which is great, and we've talked,
you know, we're pro therapist on the show. I went
to one for about three years when I was in
LA and it was real formative in me becoming myself
(08:11):
kind of like growing into an adult. But I think
also it's it's the little things that like, you know,
maybe previous generations would just be like, oh, you haven't
a bad day, Sorry, I like got to go do
this thing, like ignore it, push it down. But I
think you make a good points, like kind of that
inner life kind of like how you're feeling, you know.
I think a lot of people just I think you know,
(08:32):
if you're a listener and you've either thought mental health
is like you know, just a term that one political
ideology is made up, and you're like, I don't believe
in this stuff, then I think there's there You're probably
like what does that actually mean? But I think you
know what it means from the standpoint of like you
have a bad day, maybe you're really short with people.
(08:53):
I find my mental health can be demonstrated, like I
I can figure out when I'm not in a great
place when I'm starting to get really short with usually
my wife and my kids or even little stuff. I
don't have road rage. That's never been a thing for me,
but I'll be sitting in traffic and be like, what
is this truck? Just turn? Just turn, you know, and
it's like I can see that my patience level has
(09:14):
gotten so level because so low, and that's like a
major part of my own kind of like interior piece.
I guess like it's it's gone. And I think some
of that happens with for me right now, all the
schedule stuff where it's like when I guess I can
work before sunrise or like, you know, so I have
(09:34):
a five year old and a twelve year old, and
I thought the sleep issues would be with the five
year old because a lot of times he's waking up
he's going through gross burt when that throws off my
night's sleep. I like to get to the gym early,
but if I've been up for you know, from two
to four in the morning. I'm not going to go
try to work out at five, you know, and drop
a weight on my head because I'm asleep. Doesn't work out.
(09:55):
And so then like now he's sleeping really well, which
is great. We're kind of past the two or three
weeks of this like whole growth spurt thing. And now
my daughter's having so much anxiety at night, and she's
like really worried that she's not gonna fall asleep. And
so after five minutes of laying in bed, she's not asleep,
and she's worried about it. So she comes all the
way up the stairs and then she's crying to us.
And that's happened the past two nights in a row,
and I'm just like, what this, what what is happening?
(10:17):
So my sleep hasn't been great, and I think that's
one of those things that I can point to also,
is like when that's not happening, then then I'm just
not as good as nice as I don't have as
much bandwidth. I think maybe for me, like that's where
mental health shows up the most, is like not so
much like how I feel about myself or if I'm
(10:38):
in a funk or whatever, but like if I'm really
impatient with people, I can tell that's coming out of you.
Just you need to walk away. Yeah. Yeah, And I
think I do take care of myself, like you said,
in the real obvious ways. I eat pretty healthy, I
like to work out. But I think I don't schedule.
And this is something that I've learned in the past,
like I actually have to put in my calendar like
(11:01):
mental health time for me, you know, call it whatever
you want, Like, but on Thursday at two to three
is you know, I'm not going to schedule anything during
that time. I'm going to mentally get out. I'm going
to get out of the house. I'm going to go
do whatever, go get a coffee.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It's almost like you would treat yourself on like a
holiday or a birthday or something. But having that in
the calendar I think is so vital because otherwise, when
the rest of the week gets shuffled around, you almost
use that as like a rain day and you're like, oh,
I'll just I'll move it to Thursday at three. I've
got this thing. But you have to really block that off. Yeah,
And I was just thinking recently, like, man, my brain
(11:37):
is tired, you know, I'm just not as sharp.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Kind of how I feel it too.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
It's like in my focus when I'm not taking care
of myself enough, Like my folks isn't as good as
it should be, and like my creativity isn't quite what
I want it to be. So when I start to
notice those things and like time wise too, being late
to appointments and losing things and like all this stuff,
(12:03):
if I'm not doing enough for supporting myself physically, spiritually, emotionally,
all these things combined, then yeah, it's and like I
said earlier, like are you in control of things or just.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Feel like a roller coaster?
Speaker 3 (12:20):
The worse my level of mental health, how much of
taking care of myself, Like that's directly correlated to how
much control I feel like I have of my life
at that moment.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Yeah, excuse me.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
And I was looking up some stats, and you know,
we're in good company. It looks like approximately twenty percent
of adults between forty and sixty five say that they
are experiencing depressive or anxious feelings. And that can be
even a bigger deal than just like you know, taking
a mental break or whatever. Twenty three percent of us
(12:54):
adults experienced mental illness in twenty twenty one. Now how
you define mental illness as different? But that's one in
five adults. That's a lot. That's a lot of us,
you know, that aren't really talking about it or don't
bring it up. And I think maybe it's because it's
a little you know, like I get to see such
this juxtaposition in socialization between how my wife interacts with
(13:14):
her friends and I interact with my friends, and I think,
you know, like when I see people, I know it's
at the gym at five point thirty, I'm not going
to go up and be like, how's your mental health?
Speaker 4 (13:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It's like those are the moments that like I'm trying
to clear my mental health right, and how like leave
me alone. But it's funny because there's a trend going
around where it won't be a trend probably by the
time this airs, but where guys are calling their guy
friends and wishing them a good night. Have you have
you seen this trend? It's hilarious And because the person
(13:46):
receiving the phone call is like, what is everything okay?
So like I would call you and you'd be like hey,
and it's like, hey, what's up? Man? You'd be like
I'm I'm good man, what.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Are you doing?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
And it's like I just wanted to call and we
good night. It's like so awkward because the other friend's
like silence usually in the videos, and then you hear
the person on speakerphone be like you just call in
to say good night, like I because usually guy to guy,
we can't really comprehend, like what a what an odd thing?
I don't call my parents to wish them good night,
(14:18):
you know, I tell my family good night, but you know,
so it's just kind of funny because I think sometimes
we're kind of awkward as guys in our interaction with
each other on those types of topics, even simple stuff,
because that's just not really how we normally naturally relate.
So you kind of have to go out of your
way to ask somebody how they're doing.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Yeah, I mean other than you guys, you and Tyson,
I feel like I very rarely talk about how I'm
actually doing with like any of mine, yeah, my friends
and some of them, some of my really good friends.
I don't know, it's just so difficult for us to
talk about like how we're actually doing, Like we we've
spent a time the time together. We have similar upbringing everything,
(15:04):
but for whatever reason, it's just like, yes, the guy thing, it.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Just doesn't yeah it does. It doesn't just naturally come out.
Yeah Yeah, it's like you gotta you gotta find a
way to get it in there or something like that.
I think I was realizing this too hardly.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Calling them late at night and telling them good night
might not might not be the best.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
That's our that's our challenge. That's our challenge before the
next show, before the next episode, each of us has
to call somebody and report back how that went, if
it was awkward, or what their response was. And it
can't be like a brother. It needs to be like
someone who you're friends with, but are also going to
be like why, they may not even pick up the phone.
Depending on when you call, you may not even get them.
(15:47):
You probably have to call four or five people before
they're going to pick up. I think that's what I'm
going to have to do. Yeah, well, I think.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Also, I've talked about it a little bit.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
He said it's.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Okay, but yeah, it's okay. I think Also time, Yeah,
summertimes crashing and a good friend of ours passed away
from cancer two weeks ago. Just had the more memorial
service yesterday, and I think and she's a mother of four,
and they lived they lived below us when we lived
(16:20):
in the apartments, really close to where we are now,
and it was just crazy. They're ten years younger than us,
and the parents are. And one of the daughters has
been over here a lot because she and Els are close,
and so you know, trying to make space for that
and for them. And I think I've devoted a lot
of mental energy to from this whole situation, which can
(16:43):
also be exhausting, and you don't even realize that you're
tired until you kind of like sit down. I think
that's something that I want to get better at, is
taking scheduled breaks basically to like kind of assess or
ask how I'm My wife is so good about asking
that kind of stuff and like knowing that that should
(17:03):
be asked. I'm just I'm the kind of guy that's like,
we got this big boulder, We're gonna roll it up
the hill. Let's just go, you know. And I'm I'm
not pausing to be like how do I feel right now?
It's just like I got this boulder. I don't care
how I feel.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I got to the.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Boulder, and that has some serious benefits because you got
to get a boulder up the hill. We're the guys
to call. But I think, you know, I didn't even
realize how much being around the whole situation and of course,
you know, lots of tears and also laughs and all
this at the at the ceremony yesterday, the celebration of life,
but literally carrying this because the the the whole community
(17:41):
here really rallied around. But I was kind of the
point person to go between my friend and people that
were like, please, can we help, how can we help?
And so there's just a lot of logistics of that
and being on the phone and texting and can we
get this thing in and do this and set up
this account and all this stuff and yeah, and then
just today as I was just I was driving, I
just turned the radio off because I have an old car,
so I listen to the radio, and I just turned
(18:04):
the radio off and I was just like driving in silence,
and I was like, I need this. I need more
of this, you know. And I think because I don't
ask it of myself, I certainly don't ask it of others.
And I thought I'm gonna check in on William. I'm
just gonna throw this one out there, and I know
our listeners men and women in any age. Really, I
feel like because of the way life is constructed, from
(18:26):
you know, being on your phone to being busy at work,
it's easy just to go, go, go, go go, And
so I thought, let's let's bring it up and hopefully,
you know, with the hope of like if people are listening, sorry,
when people are listening, that it'll be a little bit
of a motivation for them as well, just to take
a second, don't turn us off yet once the episode finishes,
(18:50):
then go silent in the car or your run or whatever.
Have you ever done anything like therapy wise or whatever
that you feel like has been really helpful.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, I'm sorry that you guys are dealing with that,
and that's you know, thanks texting about it a bunch
and yeah, not easy. I think that one thing that
we have to remember when we're dealing with things like this,
especially when they end up being like long term things
(19:23):
like if you've got friends or family who just need
a lot of extra support, and like you're constantly making
headspace for them, time for them, Like that's great, you
should do that, but you need to also be able
to say no sometimes, especially when like you're struggling yourself
and it's like you have all of these other obligations.
(19:45):
You're trying to take care of your own mental health
and like it's like relentless trying to take care of
other people's at the same time.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
So I don't know if to go with that. Recently,
it's like.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
You can only do so much for other people, especially
when it's starting to like negatively impact your work or
your own mental health. And obviously things happen, like deaths.
You got to be there for people. And that's not
really the situation that I'm talking about, but just you
have to.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Realize that.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Everything that you do for people is great, and you
probably can't do everything for somebody, like even if you
can do a little bit, that's great. And yeah, so
I think that we need to keep that in mind,
especially as we get older, our parents are getting older,
like taking care of them more so, just and that's
(20:41):
one thing that I'm talking about. What I'm saying find
more time for myself. Is like I'm really good at
making time for other people, but I'm really bad at
making time for myself to do things that I enjoyed
to do.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
I used to great at it.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
I used to do so much fun stuff all the time,
and then now in my life I just don't really
plan on.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
It is just because you've gotten older and busier and
you're running a business and you have a kid like
all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
That's a big part of it. And the other part
is just that like like it's a blessing doing what
I love. I love making the water, I love doing
underwater photography. But because I love it so much, it's
almost like my job, my hobby, my passion. So it's
like these other things that I used to love to do,
they just kind of got swept aside.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
And I've talked about this a while.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Ago, especially when you know, well you were first starting I was,
I was getting back into this, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
So it's funny. Someone asked me, like I remember, like
a couple of months ago, They're like, what's your hobby?
What do you do for fun? And I was like,
I don't think I have a hobby because I love
my work. I love creating content, but I don't have
like a separate thing that like, well, I have to
do work and I don't like it, so I have
to do this on the side, which I was like,
(22:01):
I guess that's kind of rare because a lot of
people have hobbies. No, Yeah, like pretty rare to not
have like a hobby because a lot of guys are
like I golf, right, or like I. I mean, I
guess maybe like I, you know whatever, run work out, whatever,
Maybe that's my hobby. But it does seem like there's
a lot of people who are in dissatisfied jobs so
they find a hobby to fulfill though, like, yeah, this
(22:23):
is what I like to do. You know, I'm in finance,
who cares. But I love to race boats or I
love to play golf or you know whatever, like I
love to hunt, you know, Like I don't have any
of those hobbies.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
My hobby is a lot easier to not have a
hobby nowadays with with technology.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, that's true. That's true. You can escape without leaving.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I have done a fair amount of therapy after my divorce.
I are during it.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
You know.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
I've done some online therapy before, which was I had
some okay success with kind of went through a few
different therapists, never really found a good one that I
connect with But last year or maybe late twenty twenty three,
I found a guy who I really like, and therapy
wasn't like what I thought it was going to be
(23:14):
at all.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
It's interesting, it was.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
There was a lot less and I think there's different
types of therapy and I think sometimes they're good for things,
some things, you know, it depends on a therapist. But yeah,
this one was really the kind who was like, how
do you think of Like how do you feel about that?
Like what does this mean to you? Like instead of
offering many like pieces of advice, it's more.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
You were going in looking for like basically a coach
to tell you what to do. Yeah, exactly, and he
was more of like wo saw and trying to get
you to figure it out.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Right. Yeah, it has been really good.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Yeah, I think I need to start seeing him again
once again. It just gets so busy with everything. I
think I'm going to go back again. He is very
trusted in some of the new medical therapies like K
therapy and mushroom therapy. Interesting, and he's been trying to
(24:11):
get me to try both of those.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
It sounds interesting, kind of weird.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
The K therapy is really weird, like because he's not
a psychologist ro psychiatrist, right, Yeah, he's a therapist, so
he can't get it.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
So he like gives you a website where you go
online and then you order ketamine online and then they
ship it to you.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
This sounds like a TMU therapist. Sounds like this is
not do you have a certificate's really good?
Speaker 4 (24:39):
He's really good.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, it's just you know, he's open to lots of ideas. Yeah,
but then you just bring in the k and mix
it in water and drink it in front of him,
and then you put on headphones and like a sleep
mask and just sit there for like a half hour
in silence, and then you're not messed up anymore and
(25:00):
you sit up and talk to him a little bit
and go home. And apparently people have like super high
success rates with it, like like really high success rates.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
It doesn't like he's doing anything. It's the drugs and
he's getting paid. You're buying the drugs and you're buying
the therapy. You had to buy the sleep mask too.
It's like you're out all the money and he's like, great,
it's done its job. That's like someone being like I'm
part of your lawn. Care and they just show up
with like a remote control lawnmower and they just stand
(25:32):
there and it just cleans the whole thing. And then
and then you're like, he's like all right on to
the next one. You're like, what, that's it. You didn't
even do anything, you just know Okay.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
He was also talking about mushroom therapy. I think that's
a lot more work for him, because then you get
the mushrooms. Think they're legal in Colorado.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
They're not.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
They're not the word decriminalized. Okay, So for this one,
you get the mushrooms. He comes to your crew, you
eat a bunch of mushrooms together, and he just like
takes care of you. No, he doesn't eat them. He
just like watches you and takes care of you unless
you trip out. But talk about it after.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Dude, this sounds like an HBO show. This does not
sound like a real of course, of course William is
going through this. This is like, that's so funny, man, My.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Therapistening should I should like, is that a thing or
have you guys had experience with that.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
This is the first time I'm hearing about this, So
to me, this is wild because my therapist, you know,
it was years ago, like let's see, oh, it would
have been like twenty ten to like thirteen, like right
around there or nine to twelve, something like that. And
he would actually do a whole thing where it like
so each week I would bring like what's going on
(26:51):
or what like I'm, you know, pissed about something, or
I'm frustrated about something, or I'm sad about something. We
would talk. He would basically just kind of sit there
and be like I could talk about it, So it's
start talking about something. And then he would say, like
where do you feel that in your body? And I
was like, okay, like I feel it in my throat.
And then he would take that as an understanding of like, well,
we have sadness in the throat, we have anxiety on
(27:14):
the shoulders or whatever, like how your body physically responds
to talking about these things. And he would use that
as a way to kind of read me and then
kind of know what to do. But I think he
did a good job of balancing like, you know, how
does that make you feel? What do you want to say?
What do you wish you could say?
Speaker 4 (27:32):
You know?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Instead of you know, being all polite and whatever, what
do you want to say to your mom or to
the teacher or the cop who pulled you over, like
whatever the thing was, and then getting it off your
chest and getting it out almost like a confessional kind
of thing, and then doing it in a non judgmental
place was really helpful because you know, I grew up
in the South. I grew up in you know, I'm
(27:52):
the nice guy, and so you know, you hold a
lot of that, and you can't make mistakes, and you
hold a lot of that and you keep it in
and then you can finally let it out like a
real human should be allowed to do. It's actually really
freeing and like more like establishing of yourself as like
a full fledged person and not just like living how
(28:13):
you think you're supposed to kind of thing. So for me,
that's how it was really helpful, and actually was around
the same time that I was dating a girl who
was my friend. We were really good friends, but it
kind of wasn't working out. I didn't know what to
do with it, and we were able to like look
back at my dating life and realize there was like
a common thread of me basically changing to become who
(28:33):
I felt like that person wanted just to close the
deal to make it official, like, well, yeah, but you're
not like, you know, you're too loud. Okay, I'll be quiet. Great,
does that work? We sign the lines, now can we go?
And then around that same time I met Kirston and
I was becoming more confident, just like, hey, this is me,
take it or leave it, you know. And that took
(28:53):
a while to kind of authentically get to that place.
But that was my experience with therapy, which was very helpful.
But I think, you know, I don't know. There's also
there's grief counselors. There's grief therapists. Like my good friend
who lost his son back in October. He and his
wife are specifically at like a loss grief therapist who
(29:14):
you know, understands the difference between like something really big
going on in your life, you lose someone from cancer
or you know, you lose a child, versus you know,
I'm really angsty trying to deal with my you know,
anxiety about work or you know, I don't know whatever
other other ailments would be. But yeah, sometimes you got
to bring the pros in. You know, sometimes you just
(29:35):
can't do the work yourself, or if you try to
like hang a TV and you think it's all right,
I got this, I'll just do it myself. And you're like,
probably should have seen therapist. I thought I could have
figured this one out, should have hired that one out,
should have contracted out my mental health fixing on that one.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Yeah, And I think that that's a really good point
as far as it makes such a big difference what
kind of therapists you have. Like for myself, there's a
lot of behaviors that I have that are more like
I have five ADHD and some of these things I've
(30:13):
been dealing with are really hard to understand. And if
like a therapist isn't a specialist in that certain arena,
then like a good one won't even try to dwell
it well into that. But like for you, it might
be really important, Like you know, you're noticing these things,
you feel, these things, you're seeing things online that you
(30:35):
can connect with about it. But when you talk to
about the therapist with a therapist he like doesn't like
or they don't they just can't relate to it because
they're not like specialists in that arena and they don't
try to. So I think it's it's important to find
one that like your mental state kind of times with.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, we should, we should find a therapist to be
on the show, because I think there's a lot to
be said about don't I think what you to your point,
people don't think of therapy and they think of it
as one thing. It's almost kind of like, oh, a
doctor is a doctor. It's like, well, that guy's a
heart surgeon and that guy's a pediatrist, and I promise
you they don't know the same stuff. And so there
are therapists that are in different categories. And it's also
(31:18):
kind of like I was talking to someone about this
the other day, like when you start, the part of
the reason it's so hard is it's like you almost
kind of have to date the therapist, Like you have
to go to a couple sessions. Yeah, sometimes it's expensive.
It's like two fifty for a new patient. You're like, oh, okay,
that's out of pocket. Most a lot of insurance doesn't
cover that. And then it's like, okay, we went for
(31:40):
three or four sessions at whatever one hundred and fifty
hundred fiftywo hundred fifty whatever a pop. And then you're like, nah,
just not really jobing. You've got to find somebody else.
It takes work, it takes time, and usually we don't
prioritize that enough to make it that way. I'll go
test drive thirty cars and take a month. When it
(32:00):
comes to my health, my mental health, it's like, I
don't know, I'm probably pretty good, Like I don't think
I have that amount of time to invest, but it
is vital.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
I was talking about how there's some therapists to offer
more advice and there's other ones who offer more.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Like you figure it out, let's talk togure it out.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, some of my good friends are going they go
to marriage therapists counseling every other.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Week or whatever, and they've been doing it for like
two years.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Cool, we did that as well for a little bit.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
And eventually my friend is just like, listen, we're just
going through the same things over and over again, and
you're just asking us like how we feel about it,
and like you're not calling things as they are. You're
like still like so anyway, they left and then he
found a new one and this one is like much
(32:54):
more advice oriented and like calling things out as they
as he sees them. And he's like, yeah, it's so
much better. Like the other one might have helped at
the beginning, but long term didn't help at all. And
this guy, he's offering expertise, which is what we need.
He's not just like trying to get us to talk
about our feelings. He's like giving concrete advice that we
(33:17):
can take home and work on.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Marriage. Yeah, I agree with that. All right, Well, we're
coming up on our time takeaways.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Takeaways are life is too short to run through it
without taking care of yourself. You've got a lot of
other people around you who want your time, and that's fine,
but you also need to make sure that you find
time to nurture your body, your mind and your creativity
(33:49):
and your spirituality and all of that so you can
live a fulfilled life. And also it's important to keep
it up when you're feeling good too, because you don't
want to be on a roll.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
You don't want to.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
You don't want to wait until you're already in emergency
mode before you start handling it. So even if it's
small things every day, make sure that you're taking care
of yourself and making time for yourself.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah, it's like the last The worst time to start
a savings account is when you don't have money when
you broke exactly, we should really start a savings account.
All right, let's make a contribution. No, we don't have
any That's why we should have already had a savings account.
I like that. I think my takeaway as a reminder
that I gotta stop every now and then from pushing
(34:37):
the boulder up the hill and check in. And when
you're a parent or a spouse, or you just have
some close friends, you kind of owe it to them
too to do that kind of thing, to make sure
you're staying as sharp as you can be the best dad,
you can be the best husband or boyfriend or partner,
or you know, even CEO. If you're the CEO of
a company, you owe it to your employees for you
(34:58):
to be sharp and ready and not just pissed off
all the time or whatever. That's part of the success
of that.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
So yeah, and being present, Like like I was saying,
one of the things I noticed what I'm not taking
care of myself is I'm just not as present and
no matter what I'm doing, especially hanging out with my
family or my daughter, like, I want to be present.
I want I don't want her to like see me
daydreaming or like drifting off like and same thing with
being like a boss. You need to be able to
(35:24):
focus on your employees and the situation and what's happening.
And so yeah, take care of yourself because it trickles
down to every single element of your life and all
of your relationships.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
That's good. That's good. All right, guys, not sure if
Tyson will be back for the next one, but we
do have some guests that we've been talking to, so
we'll probably be having some guests on the show soon too,
including maybe we'll start looking for a therapist as well.
Maybe this show needs a therapist. But for now, make
sure you're liking and subscribing. Thanks for all those who are.
(35:58):
Please continue to share the show. We have a good
time doing it. You have fun, William, You have fun
doing the show?
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah, you know it's a highlight for us.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
This show is definitely therapy for me. Like that's it's
really great to have somebody I could talk to about
some stuff that's going on. And I also just love
hearing other stories from the audience about what they're going
on and realizing we're just all going through this together.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Yep, that's the only way to do it. All right, guys,
for now, have a wonderful day. We'll see you next
week and keep on crisis the scene easy, Leo
Welcome back to Midlife Crisises. I'm Tyson, one of the hosts.
Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting, sharing all
of that stuff helps us continue to do this podcast,
and we would appreciate if you would continue to do
that each and every episode.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We love you guys so much.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee, I mean nothing at nice
guarantee then we will keep doing this. So smash that
subscribe button, that like button, that follow button, whatever buttons
are there, smash them all.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive this quote as well.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hey, everybody, welcome to Midlife Crisis is the podcast. Today
we're talking about mental health. How's you doing, how's your
mental health going? What is mental health? Do you have
it there? Do you need a therapist? Are all therapists
the same? What have you learned? When have you taken
a break. We get into all of that today and
we're without Tyson, which means it's a shorter show and
(01:10):
it's even better because it's just me and William join
us on. Midlife Crisis is the podcast this week.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
What's up? Everybody? Welcome to Midlife Crisis Is.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
This is where we talk about the struggles that we're
going through, so hopefully you have something to relate to.
I'm joined today by my friend Bradley. Our other co host,
Tyson is at a super secret, undisclosed location.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
He will be back soon.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yes, yes, Tyson is the third and you know he's
not here so we can say whatever we want about him.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
But at least said what should we talk about?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
And I said, well, this is our chance just to
talk as much shit as we can about.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
About Tyson, that fucking guy. But we didn't. We looked
at our schedules. We didn't have five hours. We didn't
have that time needed to really vet the staff. Yeah right,
that's right. That's a go back to an episode. If
you guys haven't heard that one, it's a really good one.
It's about our insecurities because that's what we do here
on the show. We're so glad you guys are here
(02:07):
with us. Thank you for liking. Thank you for subscribing.
I've actually been looking over some of the numbers. Pretty exciting.
We're growing, which is great. You guys are doing your part.
You're sharing the show, you're sending it to your friends.
Thank you for that. We'll be getting some more questions,
which is great too. Love the engagement. Love hearing from
you guys. That helps us because we know we're on
the right track, and we want to keep doing this
(02:28):
for you guys and for us because it's it's fun.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Yeah, like hearing your problems too, Like that's one of
the best parts about it is you know, we think
we got it bad, but some of the comments we've got.
Everybody goes through different things at some point, and it's
awesome to have this community where we can talk about
life as it is, not as we thought it would be,
not as it's glamorized.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
The Yeah, life, just life.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And I want to I want to lead with the question,
and then I'm actually going to bounce back a little
bit because you had something big go on recently. The
question today and this may sync up with it too,
is what are you doing for your mental health? How
is your mental health and are you actively doing anything
about it, or is it like your car you only
do something when it breaks and then you decide I
(03:16):
need to get more sleep, or I need to see
a therapist or whatever. This is coming up for me
because it's summer here in atl I'm a content creator
dad of two and they're both home all the time,
and we've got camps and stuff like that going on.
But it just totally changes my workflow. It changes my
mental flow. My nights. My kids are staying up later,
(03:37):
so I'm not getting as much time just to like
sit and watch something. I'm not able to hang out
with my wife as much, like all this stuff. So
it's like, well, this whole new schedule that you just
get dropped into. And I know it's only eight weeks,
and I know summers go by and kids grow up
and that's all worth noting, But right now there's shrapnel everywhere.
I've got laundry on the bed. My kids are out
at the pool with my wife just to get a
(03:58):
break from me because I anyway anyway, So that that
is happening. So we're getting mental health. But that relates
to you had a major milestone, you turn the big
four to zero. How is your mental health. Now that
you're looking down the barrel of the rest of your life.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
It's a loaded question. Talking about a barrel, definitely a
loaded question.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
This guy dad jokes, you want to escape Dad jokes
here on this show, Guys.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
I turned forty. Let's see a couple of weeks ago.
Now it feels the same. Yeah, I'm not dreading it
nearly as much as when I was leading.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Up to it.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
It's definitely scarier like when you're thirty nine about to
turn forty, though when you're actually forty.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
Yeah, it is what it is right in your decade.
There's some good things too.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
It's like, you know, I like measuring my life in
decades for some reason though. I like that, Oh I
have the twenties, thirties, and now the forties, and it's
like a new opportunity to make the most out of
this period of my life. That being said, mental health wise,
I'm getting to that point again where I have let
(05:01):
the thing slip for too long mental health wise, and
I'm trying to claw it back as I need to
as I can. I think the biggest thing is just
it's like you get so caught up in other people's
stuff sometimes friends family, work, everything else that Like over
(05:22):
the years, I've forgot to make space for myself and
like value myself.
Speaker 4 (05:29):
And it's more.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
Than like eating well or sleeping or working out, although
that is part of it. It's also just like doing
the things that I like to do for fun, like
things that excite me as a person, find like more community,
like all of these little things, like focused on my daughter,
who's the best daughter ever. She's five years old and
(05:51):
she is incredible. But like since I moved into my
new house four or five weeks ago, i went on
one on water photography trip. I'm an underwater photographer. If
you don't know top in Denver, if.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You're best, tyson the best.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
But because of that and I share custody halftime with
my ex wife, I've had my daughter for almost every
day except for five in the last six weeks or something.
So we moved right before that and it's just been
like no time at all to think about anything except
for work, moving family, And it's kind of catching up
(06:29):
to me again and now I'm like, whoof, I have
got to make some space for myself, Like, yeah, honor myself,
love myself a little bit more, because like if I don't,
then everybody else is going to suffer too.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
So it's like.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I'm at that point where I need to take a
step back again. And folks on self love.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
How would you define mental health? Because that's they I
get thrown around a lot, and I think it's an
easy one to go to. But as we were talking
through this, I was kind of like, what does that
actually even mean?
Speaker 4 (07:03):
Do you?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
What do you think about that?
Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:06):
I think it can be a lot of different things,
of course, Like I think you can talk about it
more clinically like mental health as far as disorders, impression, anxiety,
diagnosable things, yep, things like that. But then also it's
just like how are you, Like, how do you feel?
Are you sleeping good? Like when you have time to sleep, like,
are you sleeping good? Are you feeling good about yourself?
(07:27):
How's your confidence? How's your Yeah, just your general take
on life. Do you feel like you're able to slow
down and enjoy things or are you're constantly running from
project to project?
Speaker 4 (07:40):
Do you feel.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
In control of your life or does it feel like
it's a roller coaster and you're just trying to catch
up to it all the time. I think those are
some of the most important elements of it for me.
Speaker 2 (07:51):
Yeah, I think that's good. It's like, you know, I
think for a long time there was no real focus
on it, but I think a lot of that is
pointed toward the idea of like clinical stuff or like
should go to a therapist, which is great, and we've talked,
you know, we're pro therapist on the show. I went
to one for about three years when I was in
LA and it was real formative in me becoming myself
(08:11):
kind of like growing into an adult. But I think
also it's it's the little things that like, you know,
maybe previous generations would just be like, oh, you haven't
a bad day, Sorry, I like got to go do
this thing, like ignore it, push it down. But I
think you make a good points, like kind of that
inner life kind of like how you're feeling, you know.
I think a lot of people just I think you know,
(08:32):
if you're a listener and you've either thought mental health
is like you know, just a term that one political
ideology is made up, and you're like, I don't believe
in this stuff, then I think there's there You're probably
like what does that actually mean? But I think you
know what it means from the standpoint of like you
have a bad day, maybe you're really short with people.
(08:53):
I find my mental health can be demonstrated, like I
I can figure out when I'm not in a great
place when I'm starting to get really short with usually
my wife and my kids or even little stuff. I
don't have road rage. That's never been a thing for me,
but I'll be sitting in traffic and be like, what
is this truck? Just turn? Just turn, you know, and
it's like I can see that my patience level has
(09:14):
gotten so level because so low, and that's like a
major part of my own kind of like interior piece.
I guess like it's it's gone. And I think some
of that happens with for me right now, all the
schedule stuff where it's like when I guess I can
work before sunrise or like, you know, so I have
(09:34):
a five year old and a twelve year old, and
I thought the sleep issues would be with the five
year old because a lot of times he's waking up
he's going through gross burt when that throws off my
night's sleep. I like to get to the gym early,
but if I've been up for you know, from two
to four in the morning. I'm not going to go
try to work out at five, you know, and drop
a weight on my head because I'm asleep. Doesn't work out.
(09:55):
And so then like now he's sleeping really well, which
is great. We're kind of past the two or three
weeks of this like whole growth spurt thing. And now
my daughter's having so much anxiety at night, and she's
like really worried that she's not gonna fall asleep. And
so after five minutes of laying in bed, she's not asleep,
and she's worried about it. So she comes all the
way up the stairs and then she's crying to us.
And that's happened the past two nights in a row,
and I'm just like, what this, what what is happening?
(10:17):
So my sleep hasn't been great, and I think that's
one of those things that I can point to also,
is like when that's not happening, then then I'm just
not as good as nice as I don't have as
much bandwidth. I think maybe for me, like that's where
mental health shows up the most, is like not so
much like how I feel about myself or if I'm
(10:38):
in a funk or whatever, but like if I'm really
impatient with people, I can tell that's coming out of you.
Just you need to walk away. Yeah. Yeah, And I
think I do take care of myself, like you said,
in the real obvious ways. I eat pretty healthy, I
like to work out. But I think I don't schedule.
And this is something that I've learned in the past,
like I actually have to put in my calendar like
(11:01):
mental health time for me, you know, call it whatever
you want, Like, but on Thursday at two to three
is you know, I'm not going to schedule anything during
that time. I'm going to mentally get out. I'm going
to get out of the house. I'm going to go
do whatever, go get a coffee.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It's almost like you would treat yourself on like a
holiday or a birthday or something. But having that in
the calendar I think is so vital because otherwise, when
the rest of the week gets shuffled around, you almost
use that as like a rain day and you're like, oh,
I'll just I'll move it to Thursday at three. I've
got this thing. But you have to really block that off. Yeah,
And I was just thinking recently, like, man, my brain
(11:37):
is tired, you know, I'm just not as sharp.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Kind of how I feel it too.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
It's like in my focus when I'm not taking care
of myself enough, Like my folks isn't as good as
it should be, and like my creativity isn't quite what
I want it to be. So when I start to
notice those things and like time wise too, being late
to appointments and losing things and like all this stuff,
(12:03):
if I'm not doing enough for supporting myself physically, spiritually, emotionally,
all these things combined, then yeah, it's and like I
said earlier, like are you in control of things or just.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
Feel like a roller coaster?
Speaker 3 (12:20):
The worse my level of mental health, how much of
taking care of myself, Like that's directly correlated to how
much control I feel like I have of my life
at that moment.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Yeah, excuse me.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
And I was looking up some stats, and you know,
we're in good company. It looks like approximately twenty percent
of adults between forty and sixty five say that they
are experiencing depressive or anxious feelings. And that can be
even a bigger deal than just like you know, taking
a mental break or whatever. Twenty three percent of us
(12:54):
adults experienced mental illness in twenty twenty one. Now how
you define mental illness as different? But that's one in
five adults. That's a lot. That's a lot of us,
you know, that aren't really talking about it or don't
bring it up. And I think maybe it's because it's
a little you know, like I get to see such
this juxtaposition in socialization between how my wife interacts with
(13:14):
her friends and I interact with my friends, and I think,
you know, like when I see people, I know it's
at the gym at five point thirty, I'm not going
to go up and be like, how's your mental health?
Speaker 4 (13:25):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
It's like those are the moments that like I'm trying
to clear my mental health right, and how like leave
me alone. But it's funny because there's a trend going
around where it won't be a trend probably by the
time this airs, but where guys are calling their guy
friends and wishing them a good night. Have you have
you seen this trend? It's hilarious And because the person
(13:46):
receiving the phone call is like, what is everything okay?
So like I would call you and you'd be like hey,
and it's like, hey, what's up? Man? You'd be like
I'm I'm good man, what.
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Are you doing?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
And it's like I just wanted to call and we
good night. It's like so awkward because the other friend's
like silence usually in the videos, and then you hear
the person on speakerphone be like you just call in
to say good night, like I because usually guy to guy,
we can't really comprehend, like what a what an odd thing?
I don't call my parents to wish them good night,
(14:18):
you know, I tell my family good night, but you know,
so it's just kind of funny because I think sometimes
we're kind of awkward as guys in our interaction with
each other on those types of topics, even simple stuff,
because that's just not really how we normally naturally relate.
So you kind of have to go out of your
way to ask somebody how they're doing.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Yeah, I mean other than you guys, you and Tyson,
I feel like I very rarely talk about how I'm
actually doing with like any of mine, yeah, my friends
and some of them, some of my really good friends.
I don't know, it's just so difficult for us to
talk about like how we're actually doing, Like we we've
spent a time the time together. We have similar upbringing everything,
(15:04):
but for whatever reason, it's just like, yes, the guy thing, it.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Just doesn't yeah it does. It doesn't just naturally come out.
Yeah Yeah, it's like you gotta you gotta find a
way to get it in there or something like that.
I think I was realizing this too hardly.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Calling them late at night and telling them good night
might not might not be the best.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
That's our that's our challenge. That's our challenge before the
next show, before the next episode, each of us has
to call somebody and report back how that went, if
it was awkward, or what their response was. And it
can't be like a brother. It needs to be like
someone who you're friends with, but are also going to
be like why, they may not even pick up the phone.
Depending on when you call, you may not even get them.
(15:47):
You probably have to call four or five people before
they're going to pick up. I think that's what I'm
going to have to do. Yeah, well, I think.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Also, I've talked about it a little bit.
Speaker 4 (15:56):
He said it's.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Okay, but yeah, it's okay. I think Also time, Yeah,
summertimes crashing and a good friend of ours passed away
from cancer two weeks ago. Just had the more memorial
service yesterday, and I think and she's a mother of four,
and they lived they lived below us when we lived
(16:20):
in the apartments, really close to where we are now,
and it was just crazy. They're ten years younger than us,
and the parents are. And one of the daughters has
been over here a lot because she and Els are close,
and so you know, trying to make space for that
and for them. And I think I've devoted a lot
of mental energy to from this whole situation, which can
(16:43):
also be exhausting, and you don't even realize that you're
tired until you kind of like sit down. I think
that's something that I want to get better at, is
taking scheduled breaks basically to like kind of assess or
ask how I'm My wife is so good about asking
that kind of stuff and like knowing that that should
(17:03):
be asked. I'm just I'm the kind of guy that's like,
we got this big boulder, We're gonna roll it up
the hill. Let's just go, you know. And I'm I'm
not pausing to be like how do I feel right now?
It's just like I got this boulder. I don't care
how I feel.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
I got to the.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Boulder, and that has some serious benefits because you got
to get a boulder up the hill. We're the guys
to call. But I think, you know, I didn't even
realize how much being around the whole situation and of course,
you know, lots of tears and also laughs and all
this at the at the ceremony yesterday, the celebration of life,
but literally carrying this because the the the whole community
(17:41):
here really rallied around. But I was kind of the
point person to go between my friend and people that
were like, please, can we help, how can we help?
And so there's just a lot of logistics of that
and being on the phone and texting and can we
get this thing in and do this and set up
this account and all this stuff and yeah, and then
just today as I was just I was driving, I
just turned the radio off because I have an old car,
so I listen to the radio, and I just turned
(18:04):
the radio off and I was just like driving in silence,
and I was like, I need this. I need more
of this, you know. And I think because I don't
ask it of myself, I certainly don't ask it of others.
And I thought I'm gonna check in on William. I'm
just gonna throw this one out there, and I know
our listeners men and women in any age. Really, I
feel like because of the way life is constructed, from
(18:26):
you know, being on your phone to being busy at work,
it's easy just to go, go, go, go go, And
so I thought, let's let's bring it up and hopefully,
you know, with the hope of like if people are listening, sorry,
when people are listening, that it'll be a little bit
of a motivation for them as well, just to take
a second, don't turn us off yet once the episode finishes,
(18:50):
then go silent in the car or your run or whatever.
Have you ever done anything like therapy wise or whatever
that you feel like has been really helpful.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, I'm sorry that you guys are dealing with that,
and that's you know, thanks texting about it a bunch
and yeah, not easy. I think that one thing that
we have to remember when we're dealing with things like this,
especially when they end up being like long term things
(19:23):
like if you've got friends or family who just need
a lot of extra support, and like you're constantly making
headspace for them, time for them, Like that's great, you
should do that, but you need to also be able
to say no sometimes, especially when like you're struggling yourself
and it's like you have all of these other obligations.
(19:45):
You're trying to take care of your own mental health
and like it's like relentless trying to take care of
other people's at the same time.
Speaker 4 (19:53):
So I don't know if to go with that. Recently,
it's like.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
You can only do so much for other people, especially
when it's starting to like negatively impact your work or
your own mental health. And obviously things happen, like deaths.
You got to be there for people. And that's not
really the situation that I'm talking about, but just you
have to.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Realize that.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Everything that you do for people is great, and you
probably can't do everything for somebody, like even if you
can do a little bit, that's great. And yeah, so
I think that we need to keep that in mind,
especially as we get older, our parents are getting older,
like taking care of them more so, just and that's
(20:41):
one thing that I'm talking about. What I'm saying find
more time for myself. Is like I'm really good at
making time for other people, but I'm really bad at
making time for myself to do things that I enjoyed
to do.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
I used to great at it.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
I used to do so much fun stuff all the time,
and then now in my life I just don't really
plan on.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
It is just because you've gotten older and busier and
you're running a business and you have a kid like
all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
That's a big part of it. And the other part
is just that like like it's a blessing doing what
I love. I love making the water, I love doing
underwater photography. But because I love it so much, it's
almost like my job, my hobby, my passion. So it's
like these other things that I used to love to do,
they just kind of got swept aside.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
And I've talked about this a while.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Ago, especially when you know, well you were first starting I was,
I was getting back into this, but yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
So it's funny. Someone asked me, like I remember, like
a couple of months ago, They're like, what's your hobby?
What do you do for fun? And I was like,
I don't think I have a hobby because I love
my work. I love creating content, but I don't have
like a separate thing that like, well, I have to
do work and I don't like it, so I have
to do this on the side, which I was like,
(22:01):
I guess that's kind of rare because a lot of
people have hobbies. No, Yeah, like pretty rare to not
have like a hobby because a lot of guys are
like I golf, right, or like I. I mean, I
guess maybe like I, you know whatever, run work out, whatever,
Maybe that's my hobby. But it does seem like there's
a lot of people who are in dissatisfied jobs so
they find a hobby to fulfill though, like, yeah, this
(22:23):
is what I like to do. You know, I'm in finance,
who cares. But I love to race boats or I
love to play golf or you know whatever, like I
love to hunt, you know, Like I don't have any
of those hobbies.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
My hobby is a lot easier to not have a
hobby nowadays with with technology.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Yeah, that's true. That's true. You can escape without leaving.
Speaker 4 (22:43):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
I have done a fair amount of therapy after my divorce.
I are during it.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
You know.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
I've done some online therapy before, which was I had
some okay success with kind of went through a few
different therapists, never really found a good one that I
connect with But last year or maybe late twenty twenty three,
I found a guy who I really like, and therapy
wasn't like what I thought it was going to be
(23:14):
at all.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
It's interesting, it was.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
There was a lot less and I think there's different
types of therapy and I think sometimes they're good for things,
some things, you know, it depends on a therapist. But yeah,
this one was really the kind who was like, how
do you think of Like how do you feel about that?
Like what does this mean to you? Like instead of
offering many like pieces of advice, it's more.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
You were going in looking for like basically a coach
to tell you what to do. Yeah, exactly, and he
was more of like wo saw and trying to get
you to figure it out.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Right. Yeah, it has been really good.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Yeah, I think I need to start seeing him again
once again. It just gets so busy with everything. I
think I'm going to go back again. He is very
trusted in some of the new medical therapies like K
therapy and mushroom therapy. Interesting, and he's been trying to
(24:11):
get me to try both of those.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
It sounds interesting, kind of weird.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
The K therapy is really weird, like because he's not
a psychologist ro psychiatrist, right, Yeah, he's a therapist, so
he can't get it.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
So he like gives you a website where you go
online and then you order ketamine online and then they
ship it to you.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
This sounds like a TMU therapist. Sounds like this is
not do you have a certificate's really good?
Speaker 4 (24:39):
He's really good.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, it's just you know, he's open to lots of ideas. Yeah,
but then you just bring in the k and mix
it in water and drink it in front of him,
and then you put on headphones and like a sleep
mask and just sit there for like a half hour
in silence, and then you're not messed up anymore and
(25:00):
you sit up and talk to him a little bit
and go home. And apparently people have like super high
success rates with it, like like really high success rates.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
It doesn't like he's doing anything. It's the drugs and
he's getting paid. You're buying the drugs and you're buying
the therapy. You had to buy the sleep mask too.
It's like you're out all the money and he's like, great,
it's done its job. That's like someone being like I'm
part of your lawn. Care and they just show up
with like a remote control lawnmower and they just stand
(25:32):
there and it just cleans the whole thing. And then
and then you're like, he's like all right on to
the next one. You're like, what, that's it. You didn't
even do anything, you just know Okay.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
He was also talking about mushroom therapy. I think that's
a lot more work for him, because then you get
the mushrooms. Think they're legal in Colorado.
Speaker 4 (25:51):
They're not.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
They're not the word decriminalized. Okay, So for this one,
you get the mushrooms. He comes to your crew, you
eat a bunch of mushrooms together, and he just like
takes care of you. No, he doesn't eat them. He
just like watches you and takes care of you unless
you trip out. But talk about it after.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Dude, this sounds like an HBO show. This does not
sound like a real of course, of course William is
going through this. This is like, that's so funny, man, My.
Speaker 3 (26:22):
Therapistening should I should like, is that a thing or
have you guys had experience with that.
Speaker 2 (26:29):
This is the first time I'm hearing about this, So
to me, this is wild because my therapist, you know,
it was years ago, like let's see, oh, it would
have been like twenty ten to like thirteen, like right
around there or nine to twelve, something like that. And
he would actually do a whole thing where it like
so each week I would bring like what's going on
(26:51):
or what like I'm, you know, pissed about something, or
I'm frustrated about something, or I'm sad about something. We
would talk. He would basically just kind of sit there
and be like I could talk about it, So it's
start talking about something. And then he would say, like
where do you feel that in your body? And I
was like, okay, like I feel it in my throat.
And then he would take that as an understanding of like, well,
we have sadness in the throat, we have anxiety on
(27:14):
the shoulders or whatever, like how your body physically responds
to talking about these things. And he would use that
as a way to kind of read me and then
kind of know what to do. But I think he
did a good job of balancing like, you know, how
does that make you feel? What do you want to say?
What do you wish you could say?
Speaker 4 (27:32):
You know?
Speaker 2 (27:32):
Instead of you know, being all polite and whatever, what
do you want to say to your mom or to
the teacher or the cop who pulled you over, like
whatever the thing was, and then getting it off your
chest and getting it out almost like a confessional kind
of thing, and then doing it in a non judgmental
place was really helpful because you know, I grew up
in the South. I grew up in you know, I'm
(27:52):
the nice guy, and so you know, you hold a
lot of that, and you can't make mistakes, and you
hold a lot of that and you keep it in
and then you can finally let it out like a
real human should be allowed to do. It's actually really
freeing and like more like establishing of yourself as like
a full fledged person and not just like living how
(28:13):
you think you're supposed to kind of thing. So for me,
that's how it was really helpful, and actually was around
the same time that I was dating a girl who
was my friend. We were really good friends, but it
kind of wasn't working out. I didn't know what to
do with it, and we were able to like look
back at my dating life and realize there was like
a common thread of me basically changing to become who
(28:33):
I felt like that person wanted just to close the
deal to make it official, like, well, yeah, but you're
not like, you know, you're too loud. Okay, I'll be quiet. Great,
does that work? We sign the lines, now can we go?
And then around that same time I met Kirston and
I was becoming more confident, just like, hey, this is me,
take it or leave it, you know. And that took
(28:53):
a while to kind of authentically get to that place.
But that was my experience with therapy, which was very helpful.
But I think, you know, I don't know. There's also
there's grief counselors. There's grief therapists. Like my good friend
who lost his son back in October. He and his
wife are specifically at like a loss grief therapist who
(29:14):
you know, understands the difference between like something really big
going on in your life, you lose someone from cancer
or you know, you lose a child, versus you know,
I'm really angsty trying to deal with my you know,
anxiety about work or you know, I don't know whatever
other other ailments would be. But yeah, sometimes you got
to bring the pros in. You know, sometimes you just
(29:35):
can't do the work yourself, or if you try to
like hang a TV and you think it's all right,
I got this, I'll just do it myself. And you're like,
probably should have seen therapist. I thought I could have
figured this one out, should have hired that one out,
should have contracted out my mental health fixing on that one.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Yeah, And I think that that's a really good point
as far as it makes such a big difference what
kind of therapists you have. Like for myself, there's a
lot of behaviors that I have that are more like
I have five ADHD and some of these things I've
(30:13):
been dealing with are really hard to understand. And if
like a therapist isn't a specialist in that certain arena,
then like a good one won't even try to dwell
it well into that. But like for you, it might
be really important, Like you know, you're noticing these things,
you feel, these things, you're seeing things online that you
(30:35):
can connect with about it. But when you talk to
about the therapist with a therapist he like doesn't like
or they don't they just can't relate to it because
they're not like specialists in that arena and they don't
try to. So I think it's it's important to find
one that like your mental state kind of times with.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
Yeah, we should, we should find a therapist to be
on the show, because I think there's a lot to
be said about don't I think what you to your point,
people don't think of therapy and they think of it
as one thing. It's almost kind of like, oh, a
doctor is a doctor. It's like, well, that guy's a
heart surgeon and that guy's a pediatrist, and I promise
you they don't know the same stuff. And so there
are therapists that are in different categories. And it's also
(31:18):
kind of like I was talking to someone about this
the other day, like when you start, the part of
the reason it's so hard is it's like you almost
kind of have to date the therapist, Like you have
to go to a couple sessions. Yeah, sometimes it's expensive.
It's like two fifty for a new patient. You're like, oh, okay,
that's out of pocket. Most a lot of insurance doesn't
cover that. And then it's like, okay, we went for
(31:40):
three or four sessions at whatever one hundred and fifty
hundred fiftywo hundred fifty whatever a pop. And then you're like, nah,
just not really jobing. You've got to find somebody else.
It takes work, it takes time, and usually we don't
prioritize that enough to make it that way. I'll go
test drive thirty cars and take a month. When it
(32:00):
comes to my health, my mental health, it's like, I
don't know, I'm probably pretty good, Like I don't think
I have that amount of time to invest, but it
is vital.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
I was talking about how there's some therapists to offer
more advice and there's other ones who offer more.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Like you figure it out, let's talk togure it out.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
Yeah, some of my good friends are going they go
to marriage therapists counseling every other.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Week or whatever, and they've been doing it for like
two years.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Cool, we did that as well for a little bit.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
And eventually my friend is just like, listen, we're just
going through the same things over and over again, and
you're just asking us like how we feel about it,
and like you're not calling things as they are. You're
like still like so anyway, they left and then he
found a new one and this one is like much
(32:54):
more advice oriented and like calling things out as they
as he sees them. And he's like, yeah, it's so
much better. Like the other one might have helped at
the beginning, but long term didn't help at all. And
this guy, he's offering expertise, which is what we need.
He's not just like trying to get us to talk
about our feelings. He's like giving concrete advice that we
(33:17):
can take home and work on.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Marriage. Yeah, I agree with that. All right, Well, we're
coming up on our time takeaways.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Takeaways are life is too short to run through it
without taking care of yourself. You've got a lot of
other people around you who want your time, and that's fine,
but you also need to make sure that you find
time to nurture your body, your mind and your creativity
(33:49):
and your spirituality and all of that so you can
live a fulfilled life. And also it's important to keep
it up when you're feeling good too, because you don't
want to be on a roll.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
You don't want to.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
You don't want to wait until you're already in emergency
mode before you start handling it. So even if it's
small things every day, make sure that you're taking care
of yourself and making time for yourself.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeah, it's like the last The worst time to start
a savings account is when you don't have money when
you broke exactly, we should really start a savings account.
All right, let's make a contribution. No, we don't have
any That's why we should have already had a savings account.
I like that. I think my takeaway as a reminder
that I gotta stop every now and then from pushing
(34:37):
the boulder up the hill and check in. And when
you're a parent or a spouse, or you just have
some close friends, you kind of owe it to them
too to do that kind of thing, to make sure
you're staying as sharp as you can be the best dad,
you can be the best husband or boyfriend or partner,
or you know, even CEO. If you're the CEO of
a company, you owe it to your employees for you
(34:58):
to be sharp and ready and not just pissed off
all the time or whatever. That's part of the success
of that.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
So yeah, and being present, Like like I was saying,
one of the things I noticed what I'm not taking
care of myself is I'm just not as present and
no matter what I'm doing, especially hanging out with my
family or my daughter, like, I want to be present.
I want I don't want her to like see me
daydreaming or like drifting off like and same thing with
being like a boss. You need to be able to
(35:24):
focus on your employees and the situation and what's happening.
And so yeah, take care of yourself because it trickles
down to every single element of your life and all
of your relationships.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
That's good. That's good. All right, guys, not sure if
Tyson will be back for the next one, but we
do have some guests that we've been talking to, so
we'll probably be having some guests on the show soon too,
including maybe we'll start looking for a therapist as well.
Maybe this show needs a therapist. But for now, make
sure you're liking and subscribing. Thanks for all those who are.
(35:58):
Please continue to share the show. We have a good
time doing it. You have fun, William, You have fun
doing the show?
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah, you know it's a highlight for us.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
This show is definitely therapy for me. Like that's it's
really great to have somebody I could talk to about
some stuff that's going on. And I also just love
hearing other stories from the audience about what they're going
on and realizing we're just all going through this together.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Yep, that's the only way to do it. All right, guys,
for now, have a wonderful day. We'll see you next
week and keep on crisis the scene easy, Leo
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