April 21, 2025 • 36 mins
The Midlife Crisisses are back! On today's episode, Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol) Bradley Hasemayer (@bhaz) and William Drumm (@williamdrumm) discuss coming to peace with not being where you want to be in life, finding a balance between letting go of your big dreams, and whether or not letting *should* run your life is a good thing or a bad thing.
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Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
and William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-crisisses/id1779171406
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
Follow us on our social media!
Midlife Crisisses (@midlifecrisisses)
Tyson Apostol (@tysonapostol)
Bradley Hasemeyer (@bhaz)
and William Drumm (@williamdrumm)
Subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts and leave a review!https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/midlife-crisisses/id1779171406
Got a question for us? Send it to - midlifecrisisses@gmail.com!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Midlife Crisis Is. I'm Tyson, one of
the hosts. Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting,
sharing all of that stuff helps us continue to do
this podcast, and we would appreciate if you would continue
to do that each and every episode.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We love you guys so much.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee, I mean nothing at.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Nice guarantee to Okay, then we will keep doing this.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
So smash that subscribe button, that like button, that follow button,
whatever buttons are there, smash them all.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive this quote as well.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Yay you failed, Yes, that's right. We all struggle with it.
We figure what are we doing with our life? Where
we wanted to be is not where we are, but
maybe where we are is better than where we wanted
to It's very confusing. You could argue it is a
crisis today on Midlife Crisises, we're talking about this. We're
talking about how do you balance that tension inside you
and where you want to be and where you think
(01:10):
you should be and should you should on your shoulds
or should you just leave your shoulds alone? We get
into all that on the episode. Thanks for joining us.
Excited about this week? I just should my pants twice.
Welcome to the Midlife Crisis Is Podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I'm Tyson Apostle, one of the three co hosts, all handsome,
I'm the only one wearing a hat today. I am
here with the top underwater photographer from all of the
state of Colorado, William Drum William, how's it going.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
I've got really good news. I went to New Mexico
last weekend this photography, and now I'm also the top
undwater photographer from all of the great state of New Mexico.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
So it's been a big week for me.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Is that just Newer Mexico now? Because you were it?
Now it's new worth the newst of Mexico's.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
You're picking off states one by one, bro, just other
underwater photographers better keep an eye out for you coming
into their state. Don't hold your breath a whole four corners. Yeah,
that would be impressive.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Let me tell you right now, of all the underwater photographers,
I know you're the only one.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
So you are top top dogg in Arizona for me.
You got Georgia. I'll give you Georgia. Yep. Moving on
it ownage.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I'm so glad to have you guys here. Thanks so
much for joining the show. Make sure you like and subscribe.
We've had some fun comments and some people interacting with
us there. Also, make sure you're following us on Instagram
at Midlife crisises Uh. It's a great place to go
because we're getting more and more involved there. We link
up little sizzles from each of these episodes, so if
you're thinking, I wonder what episode maybe I should go
(02:56):
back and watch. That's basically like a table of contents
for all the different shows, which is a great way
to do that. And on top of that, you can
interact with us directly and you can message us and
we'll message you back, and it's all things are good.
We're posting on stories and doing all the stuff. They're
bringing that life into that account thanks to William. Really
William really pushing that, which we appreciate. Good job, buddy,
(03:19):
He's the young.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Really, we're trying to like help build this community as
much as we can, and we don't have a million
questions either, So we would love to answer your questions
about things that you're going through in your midlife challenges
you're facing, kind of how we've dealt with stuff, any
advice we might have, or just to make fun of you.
So we would love to hear your comments and questions
(03:41):
about what's going on with you so that we can bring.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Some light into the darkness that is the mid darkness.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Done dun Well, that's a good way to tee it up,
because oh, Tyson, go ahead, you're gonna say no, no,
I was gonna say a good way to tee it up,
because those are both internal and external struggles that we'll
be addressing.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
One of them.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
For me, my question this week is the internal struggle
of this idea of I've made it or making it,
you know, reaching this goal, reaching this place that you
that you know, career wise, life wise, whatever, And is
it okay to just kind of like give up on
that and just kind of float and let it be
what it is, or is it important that we aspire
(04:24):
and we continue to motivate ourselves, like I need to
make half a million this year, and I need to
get thirty thousand followers, And it's different than New Year's resolutions.
We had a whole episode about that, and I think
a lot of that was like personal growth or whatever.
But I find myself looking back on where I thought
I would be in my career at this point, and
I'm not there, And so I guess sometimes I struggle
(04:44):
with the shoulds, you know, and improv. One of the
first rules is don't should all over yourself out should yourself?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, should your pants?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Don't should your pants because you'd be like, oh, I
should have said this, I should have said that. In
your lives, it's easy to be like, oh I should
be at this point, or I should have this, or
I should you know, whatever that is. And so I
wonder about because I think about like, in some ways,
eighteen year old Bradley would be like, what this is?
What this is where we're at. That's not what the dream?
(05:15):
That wasn't the goal, that wasn't the dream. In our
society is so built on this like follow your dreams,
do your dreams. If you just show up, you can
if you can dream it, you can do it. And
that's just not true. And I don't regret where I am,
and I'm not mad at where I am. But my
question is like, where do I go from here? Do
I just keep going?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So a couple things. First of all, to address the
don't should all over yourself? Oh yeah, I disagree. I
think you should should all over yourself because it trains
you for the next time you're in that position, because
I do the same thing. I'm like, oh, I had
such a great zinger there. I would come from reality TV.
There's moments where I've said stuff on TV and I'm
known for my wit and candor, and sometimes even I'm like, oh, dang,
(05:58):
you know what would have been even better? You know
what wording would have gone better in this burn? And
I think doing the the not to the degree that
you're tormenting yourself over it, but to the degree that
you thought about it and you came up with something better,
and then the next time you have a response in the.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Can like boom, get them way to go.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So I think to that degree, yeah, I think you
should should on yourself a bit. And I'm sure William
in photography there's moments where he's looked at photos and thought,
you know, would have made this photo cooler if I
would have done this or this, And next time I'm
in that position, I will do that.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
I should that you shouldn't. He says, I should, but
you don't.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But really, Bradley, it's
a great question. It's a really good question because you're
really working with two opposites and both of them are
so important, and you know, in therapy a lot of
the times they're more going towards the don't should on yourself, like,
you know, be happy with what you have.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
All that kind of stuff is important. Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Right, which is important, and especially when you're going through
traumatic periods of your life, when you're going through something
that's kind of the mind state that you want to have.
But I think that, like for myself and for a
lot of people who are seeking whatever mastery of whatever
they're doing, whether it's business or health or whatever, I
(07:25):
think that you kind of have to keep pushing towards
that higher aspiration because it's so easy to get caught
up in the cycle of being like, well, yeah, I
didn't do that, but it's okay, Like I'm still you know,
I'm happy with what I am whatever. But then that
is not like a growth mindset. That's like acceptance mindset,
which nothing wrong with acceptance. You've got to do some
(07:46):
acceptance too, But I think it's a lot of it's
just about where you're at in your life. And if
you want to keep pushing towards that better, bigger place,
which there's nothing wrong with that, then you have to
look at yourself and be critical yourself, and you can't
(08:07):
be overly accepting of everything in your life. So I
don't know for me, especially right now. I you know,
I went through a really hard time last year. I
got divorced last year, and the year before that was
really hard to became a single father, like all these
changes in my life. So I think that at that
(08:28):
time it was really helpful for my therapist to be like, hey,
look like you've done great, You're doing a great place,
You're you know, just be happy with where you are.
And at that time that was really important and helped
me deal with stuff. But I don't want to just
give up be like, Okay, yeah, you know exactly, I'm
here where I am, And I think that I don't
(08:50):
know for anybody who wants to just get better and
be like a master of what they're doing. It's really
important that you strive for that, and that's kind of
the accepted like the opposite of not shooting on yourself,
like you have to you have to keep that in
mind with everything you do, or else you'll fall into
complacency and just accept things as they are, which is fine.
(09:13):
Like that's probably fine for the majority of people, but
not for.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Us, not for our runners.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I should be better at that, like I should really,
I should really like recurial myself.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
You should be more critical. I'm opposite. I think differently
on this.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I think that if you are constantly striving for the
financial gains, the more followers this and that, you're never
going to be happy. You're going to get that goal,
and you're going to think, oh no, not half a million,
I need two million.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Oh now I'm living.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
A faster life. I should I got to go for
five million. The goal should be joy and happiness first
for yourself, and then if if you have people you're
responsible for, your spouse, your kids, make sure and figure
out how to also help them in their pursuit of
joy and happiness, and then a lot of things will
(10:12):
fall into place. If you love taking underwater photographs and
that is your passion, then find as many opportunities as
you can to take those photographs and to improve and
that will bring you joy, but that will also bring
you success in that medium. And so I think too
many people are so focused on the finish line that
(10:34):
is never going to get there until you die. Like, honestly,
the finish line keeps getting further and further away. Like
if you would have said, yeah, as an eighteen year
old boy, if you would have said to me, like
how much money would I have to pay you a
year to stop trying everything? I would have been like,
I don't know, thirty grand. I'll just live off thirty
(10:55):
grand a year for the rest of my life. I
think that's enough. Like that now, like, yeah, that is
I would.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Be even live I couldn't even live that. Yeah, yeah exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And then if you would have asked me at twenty five,
I would have said, yeah, sixty K and then and
even that, and it's all the same. And so I
think that too many people focus on these things ensure.
The other thing is we talk about, oh, do the
thing that makes you happy, but sometimes jobs fucking suck
(11:30):
and you got to do them.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
You can't not do them, so all the time.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Question for the man, but but it, but find your
people in that job, or find a thing that you like,
or focus on the positives of the job and realize
that that isn't the finish line. You're not at the
finish line at this shitty job. You're hopefully, you know,
getting something out of it, learning something. At least you're
making money so that you can start pursuing other passions
(12:01):
and go from there. And I think that that's really
the most success I've had in my life, and probably
the most joy I've had in my life has been
from doing things that I love to do. Hasn't come
from making a bunch of money. It hasn't come from,
(12:21):
you know, getting some accolades somewhere or something. It just
comes from enjoying the moment and seeking out those moments
to enjoy.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
So for you, Tyson, is it is it just like
let's just keep on going or like how do you
how do you I guess, how do you motivate yourself
to either stay on track like with you know, whatever
you're at eighty five percent, like like you know, success
or whatever? How do you keep doing that or do
you have something that's the carrot at the end of
the stick that says, Okay, well this is other than
(12:53):
joy and happiness, right, Like those seem like that's kind
of like coasting a little bit in your car, as
it were.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, I mean I have things I have to pay for,
Like I have a mortgage, so I pay it off.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I not even mean like numbers wise, I mean, oh
we got balloons. Yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
I mean like for Survivor stuff, right, or like, is
there like I really want to be on like a
couple more shows or and if that doesn't happen, then
that sucks.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
I'm angling toward that.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Or it's just like I'm just gonna likes as opportunities
come my way, I'm gonna feel those and we'll see
what happens.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Yeah, you can't. I can't rely on outside sources for
my success and joy.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I can't go be.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like, oh, I hope the largest most evil, corrupt network
in the world calls me back and gives me a job,
only to then forget about me for a decade, Like
what is the point? Like that would make me miserable,
So I just have to assume it's not gonna happen,
and if it does, then I can weigh my options
on whether or not it's worth going in my opinion,
(13:55):
and then do that. But I have to come up
with my own things for me myself. And so it's
not Yeah, we all need money to live, and it
would be great if we were all billionaires and could
afford everything and not have to stress about that, But
that's not how it is. And so you have to
(14:16):
do things that maybe aren't that fun or that great
and sometimes are miserable. But and I tell this to
young kids all the time, that nieces and nephews.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Should I go to college? What should I do?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I was like, if you don't know in those moments
what to do, just make progress somewhere. Yeah, move to
a different state. Now you're learning, you're out on your own,
you're struggling, you're trying to like and who knows who
you're going to come across and what new experience you're
going to have. That then motivates you to go another direction.
But as long as you're putting us one foot in
(14:50):
front of the other as often as you can, when
in those moments of confusion, you're going to be totally fine,
And I think that that's like a lot of people
younger than us are scared about that, and we did
the same thing and we were scared too, and our
parents did that, and we're all just winging it. And
it's not like we have the answers. It's just like
(15:13):
we've taken those steps when we didn't know which direction
we were going to go, we still moved forward and
now we're here. Like, I wasn't my plan when I
was ten years old to be on reality TV.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That didn't even exist. Wasn't even my plan six months
before I.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Went on reality TV to go on reality TV that
still was a stupid idea to me. I was trying
to be a pro cyclist, which I liked. I didn't love,
but I loved it more than working a corporate job.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So I chose that path.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
And it was hard and it was brutal, and it
was depressing a lot of times. But in those moments,
I was like, I could be doing this, or it
could be in a cubicle somewhere taking phone calls, and
I prefer this some.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
People don't somewhere either in an office or on a bike.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Al yeah, exactly. And it wasn't all that. I had
a lot of freedom. I had a lot of you know,
control my own schedule, and when I was successful, it
was very fun. But you had those dips where it
kind of sucked. But then you'd look at it and
be like, so many people would love to be in
this position where I'm riding through the Swiss Alps on
(16:22):
a Wednesday morning eating a croissant out of my back
pocket as I'm you know, at the at the top
of one of the climbs, the piece.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Exactly so yeah, I and so like.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
But because I did that, and because I did those
things that I thought or that I was interested in
and would bring me joy or was like the lesser
of two evils. Sometimes I got selected to be on
reality TV because they were like this guy's interest in
and he's pursuing these things because he I doesn't want
(17:00):
to just be like trapped in a thing that he
knows he's not going to be happy in. So and
then they they'd let here like this was. I never
planned for any of this path to be. It just
became because I lived, and because I put a foot
in front of the other one, especially in those hard
moments when you don't want to. That's when you need
(17:23):
to keep like put your head down and just fucking
mow through whatever shit you got to get through to
keep going.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Yeah, and like I agree with all that. Part of
it is like what your goals are, like if they're
healthy goals or or maybe unhealthy goals, like something like
striving to make a million dollars or whatever is probably
not like really a healthy goal, But something like trying
(17:54):
to make up some more money so you can buy
a good house for your family and your family can
grow up in the place where you want. That's more healthy.
And I think that like it's got to be both,
Like you have to constantly be growing or else you're
going to stagnant and you're not going to be happy.
(18:15):
And really, like the happiness comes from the journey, it
doesn't come from the destination. So if you you have
to be working towards something and hopefully that's towards something
that makes you happy, it's like something that's a good,
strong goal for you and your family. But the opposite
is just like accepting everything as it is and then
(18:36):
not pushing for that growth. And that's kind of what
I mean, Like you still got to keep pushing because
re else like what's the point for me? Like you
got to keep pushing, But at the same time, you
can't account for what other people are going to do.
You can't account for what this company is going to do,
Like yeah, you're going to do.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Just make something happen that's so out of your control,
like Tyson said, and that's what you're said to with that.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
So it's like a more fati like you gotta love
your fate, but you also, for me, still have to
strive for something better, like be happy with what you're at,
but realize that the journey is like where the happiness lives,
it's not in the destination. So you still want to
have those things that you're working towards while also appreciating
(19:23):
what you have and loving your fate no matter what
it's delt you. And I think that that's where kind
of the secret Sauces is appreciating life as is but
not accepting it, but still working towards something better.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
I think some of this I was just trying to,
like in retrospect, I was trying to figure out, like
why this question, why did this come up? And I
think it had has to do with recently, we were
watching SNL had like a fiftieth birthday kind of thing
and had a celebration. They did like a behind the
scenes where they interviewed all these different people, you know,
surprising cast auditions, people who didn't make it, you know,
(20:04):
Kevin Hart, shoot, Stephen Colbert. There were people like that,
Jim Carrey, people that you would be like, oh wow,
they would have been awesome on there.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
And then it started getting me thinking.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
I was like, oh, yeah, there was this girl I
met who took me on like a tour there one time.
So I went back through my old emails and I
found her email and then she had I just moved
to LA and then she connected me with basically who's
one of the major producer runners now who's on that documentary?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
And we had emailed and she was like, yes, send
me your stuff and let's take a look and whatever.
And I was like, oh, and I see I saw
in my email that I responded and said I'll send
you something soon, and I didn't, at least not in
that email thread.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
And I was like, what what am I now? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Exactly, But then there was a right exactly but then
there was also like, hey, sorry, this got lost in
the inbox then, But then there's also I didn't have
anything to send. I wasn't ready there. I didn't I
couldn't have actually shown anything. Maybe I could have come
up with like a funny character or something, but like,
you know, so there was a part of me that
(21:16):
was kind of like, and Kirson and I talk about
this too, is like in the career that we thought
we wanted. And I'll say it that way, because I
don't know everything about everything, maybe I would have hated it. Tyson,
like you were saying, you get to that point sometimes
and you're like I thought this was it and it's not.
And I guess, as to William's point, that's why you're
supposed to enjoy the journey and not the destination, because
it's it's always moving and when you get there usually
(21:37):
it's not as good as you want. But we talked
about this in a career, yeah, or or it just
keeps moving, And there was a part of me that,
you know, like when Jimmy Fallon got the Tonight Show,
I had a we were just like randomly chatting Kirson
n I and she was basically like even though you
would be great in that role and you've done stand
up and you've done things, you know, I was years
(21:58):
behind where he was from a standpoint of like notoriety
and this kind of thing, and I could not have
even really been in the room with that. I could
have potentially if there was just like a blind audition
type of thing, but there was the thought of like,
that's gone that role for like for the next fifteen years.
He's got it, and you'll continue to age and that
(22:19):
won't be available. And SNL is a similar kind of case.
It's like even if now they call it and they're
like come to SNL and'll be like, no, I can't
do that, like fifteen hour days, sleeping in the office.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I have a family. I guess stuff I gotta do.
You know, do you know how much adderall all of
them take.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Oh, it's got to be like like finance bros. Like
there's just there's no stopping those those people and what
they have to do and pull on turn and it's amazing.
And look, even that's not pure guarantee of whatever you
call success, Like that could just be a stop for somebody.
That could be the peak Brothers that was you know,
Will Ferrell or whatever takes off from there. But then
(22:56):
someone like a She Sherry O Terry, who's great and
really funny, is now like not as quite of a
household name. So anyway, it just started getting me thinking,
because when I first moved to LA it was like
I had like, all right, an X number of years
Sitcom and let's get on SNL and let like all
these things, and I needed those to push me to
move me because otherwise I would just go out there
(23:16):
and be like, I'm gonna surf and we'll just kind
of see what happens, and then ten years later, I
haven't done anything but work in restaurants.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Or you're a pro surfer or I am a pro surfer.
I love that, Tyson. That's so good.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
That's the kind of openness that I also want to
have moving forward, which is I love like one foot
in front of the other. Yeah, I love that because
I think there is so much value in this leads
to that, which leads to that, which leads to that.
And I'm the kind of person that looks and says,
dang it, like what would that have been a little
(23:48):
bit right? And that's even why I moved to La.
It was like, I don't want to regret. I don't
want to wake up At the time I thought so
old at forty in my bed, you know, But when
I was twenty, I was like, I don't want to
wake up like almost dead at forty and wake up
in my.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Bed and be like I should have moved to La
exactly and not have that regret.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
So, you know, I did. I did, you know, play
play the game, but I don't know. There was just
a part of me that was kind of like, so
what now those things are off the table, right and
and so we're doing this and I'm doing content creation,
and you know, do I keep going that way?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Are off the table?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I think you just keep doing the thing you're doing,
and keep doing the things that you enjoy. That's fair,
and keep maintaining your happiness and making sure that your
family's healthy and happy. And you don't know who you're
going to cross paths with. Mike White, who wrote The
White Lotus, keeps having people from Survivor are from his
season of Survivor because he was on Survivor a decade ago, right,
(24:44):
He keeps having those people make cameos on the White Lotus.
So there's been like ten survivor contestants that are the cameos.
So it's like, you don't know in your path it's
going to cross with somebody, and you know you've left
an impression on them that is great enough for them
to also pull you up the wrong with them as
(25:05):
they're like, you know, who'd be great for this, Bradley.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah. Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Accepting things that didn't work out, but not like you
still have to hold yourself accountable when when it's your fault,
you know what I mean, Because if you just accept
everything like I should I should have done No, wait,
I mean I shouldn't have done anything. I can't should
all over myself, it's great. You got to at least
like have the level of uh. I mean, it's kind
(25:32):
of a different form.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Of accountability to accountability, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Like, yeah, I accept that that happened, but I still
realized that it was my fault in this situation. And
that's not always the case at all, but in those
cases where it is like if you don't ever hold
yourself accountable for it, then there's no like real possible
growth in the future from or from the like whatever
you might want to.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
Call it you don't learn from your mistakes, right, like
the teach our goods.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
And I also think too many people are so focused
on the destination the finish line, but the finish line
doesn't get there, and the finish line can change. And
also when you're putting one step in front of the other,
you can take back. You can like I've sacrificed my
(26:25):
physical health a little bit to raise kids, but I
was moving forward as a father, but I was moving
moving backward physically. And so now there's moments where I'm like, Okay,
now I got to get in shape and now I'm
moving forward physically as well and trying so like it's
a constant like give and take, but make progress doing
(26:46):
something somewhere.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
That's a really good point because it's not like you're
just moving this like two by four with like forward
and your entire life is progressing equally at the same time.
It's actually more like these almost like.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
One at a time, and then yes, drops back a
little bit and yeah, yeah, but keep pushing one of
the things forward.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah, I think that's progressed. I like that.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
I like that there's you can look at some area
of your life that you're still moving forward. And I
think maybe that's part of that balance William that you
were talking about, where it's like you can't just sit
on your sofa and be like the world is out
to get me and I'll never succeed anything and I'm done.
And then the other side of that, of course, is
like I never sleep, I never eat. Nothing's good enough,
push forward, like, you know, kill that thing so we
(27:32):
can keep moving. So I like that kind of mental
image Tyson of like, you know, Okay, that's okay that
that's falling backwards, because that's that's at the cost.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Benefit of this.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
The benefit of the family is taking a boring job
so we can get a house for stability. Okay, that
seems like a step back career wise, but it's an
advancement for my family, who you know, previously we were
like we don't know if we're eating this month. Oh
we had a good month. Somebody came in at the
last minute. Great for every client, stakes for everybody. Yeah, yeah,
So that's good like that.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Yeah, And I think that especially people who are obsessed
with certain goals in their career or with their finances,
like that's just one element of everything. It's like there's
your body, your health, your spiritual well being, your relationships,
your community, and your career, your family all that. So yeah,
(28:26):
I think Tyson's right as long as you're moving forward
in some of those one of those and that's important
the most important things and not sacrificing the most important things.
And I think that that's what happens with a lot
of really successful people, is they just forget about everything
else except for that singular focus, which might help them
(28:47):
focus on that one or might help them succeed in
that one area. But that's not for me. That's not
like a whole life. That's not the kind of life
I want to live. Like, these other elements are just
as important career, So I think that that's really well
satisfied as making moves forward in one of those areas,
even if sometimes the other areas take a small step back,
(29:10):
as long as you're not forgetting about them and you're
still working towards this like better version of you. I
don't know, it's just a happy version of you that's
working on some sort of a journey in all of
those elements of your life.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Yeah, see you guys, it works. Our podcast works. We've
come up with a nice sorting of how to figure
this out internally. At least, I think this is good.
I feel really good about this. Thank you guys.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Well, the last thing I want to say is take opportunity.
Take advantage of opportunities, take advantage of experiences. If someone
asks you to do something, if someone gives you a
cool opportunity you never had, If someone offers you a
cool experience you haven't had, take it as much as
you can because you never know what that will springboard into.
(30:00):
People I think are focused on I want to be
an actor and I want to be on this thing,
and so what is the most direct line from where
I'm at now to the show I want to be
on or the thing I want to do? And then
they forego all the other things they enjoy to try
to get there. But if they would have just taken
(30:20):
those experiences that they enjoy and that they're interested in,
they probably would have gotten there. Like you're in La,
I'm so focused. All I want to do is get
on this show. I'm going to all the auditions. But
I also love yoga. I also love working out, but
they don't have time for that. But guess what you
know who goes to yoga directors, Yeah, producers, Yeah, you know,
(30:42):
you know who works out those same people, you know who.
It's like, build a network in the things you love,
and then those opportunities just pop out at any given moment.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
You don't know who's going to beware.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
And so it's like so many people I've met through pickleball.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Through poker, through church, through.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
All of those different mediums of networks, and that helps
a lot. So I think when you focus so hard
on getting to that goal or that finish line, you
miss so many opportunities to actually have achieved that by
skipping the things that you enjoy to try and get.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
It, and you miss life. You can't go back, you
can't rewind, you can't say, let me try it again.
I was too focused.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So, yeah, the line isn't straight. The line to whatever
finish line or goal you have is not straight.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's zigzags. There's forks in the road.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Both forks probably get there, or we'll get you to
something like. That's just life. And if you are not
capitalizing on those forks in the road and on those zigzags,
then you're missing the whole point of it.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And it's so much harder to get like anywhere by
yourself than work with other people. And I think that nowadays,
with social media and everybody being connected to their devices
all the time, crazy stuff in the news, all this,
I think it's a lot harder to find community than
it used to be. And I think that there's something
we've talked about a bit in the past, but really
(32:16):
those interactions, those people that you meet along the way
where you're talking about Tyson, they can all be shortcuts
to where you're trying to go. Like, it's going to
be much harder or impossible to get to some of
those destinations without people who've already done it, people who
have seen it. And the amount of opportunities that you
(32:36):
pass up by trying to do things by yourself instead
of actually taking time to find community, to network all
all those things is huge. And I think I mean,
for myself, I've never really had like a really strong mentor,
and part of that because I haven't really looked for
and spent the time. But I think that that's like
(32:57):
it works. It's like that's so like.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
So yeah, I think, yeah, that's a good way to
say yourself.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Yeah, And not only are those people shortcuts, but they
could be introductions to the new goal, to the new
thing you love, to a pivot to a fork in
the road that you uh like the avert or more
even yeah, that you never ever even considered. So yeah,
I think so many people struggle with this, and they
(33:27):
look at people that seemingly have all their shit together,
and it's like, nobody really does, unless you were a
multi billionaire trust fund baby who was just put as
CEO of their dad's company when they were whatever age.
And then I mean then that's only one aspect. Again,
(33:47):
that's financial, so everybody else.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
You could argue that person didn't do that alone.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah, they definitely at all, probably not happy, and they
probably don't have that feeling of success, but like who knows.
I'm not you to judge those people. I'm just saying, like,
take the zigzags, take the forks in the road, meet people,
pursue things that you love and enjoy as often as possible.
And if you have to work a shitty job to
(34:15):
you know, keep moving forward. Work that shitty job because
shitty jobs don't last forever.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
And accept your l's but still hold yourself accountable for them.
Like there's got to be an acceptance and it can't
ruin your life. You got to learn toward like live
with it, but don't just brush it off like you
didn't have any responsibility because or else.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
That's not You're never going to learn, You're never going
to grow. Yeah, it's good stuff, guys, Thank you, thank you.
That was a great question on Boom. That was a
great question.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Yeah, so many people struggle with that, and we all do.
We're all still growing. I'm still taking the forks in
the road and the zigzags and figuring it out. Uh.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, I'm trying to learn acceptance. I'm still trying to
learn lessons. Sometimes it takes me messing up over and
over and over again before I can learn that lesson.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
So like feeding your dog rotisserie chicken, Yes, it takes
you a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, to figure that one out. Just loves it so much,
it's just going to do it. It's it's hard, it's fine. Yeah,
that's all nowadays of course fare other food. It's just
like humans. It's worse for us exactly. That's so true.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
So all right, that has been a riveting episode of
midlife crisises again. Please show us your love and support, like, comment, subscribe.
We're on Instagram, we're on social media platforms, we're on YouTube. Comment,
ask us your questions and we will get them answered.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Anything else, that's it.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Just that we're really excited for building this community, and
we just want to hear all of your problems too,
because they probably make our problems seem like nothing. So
let's hear your worst things in your life.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Also, if we're building a network here, who's to say
that through this network you don't in the future become
the president of the United States.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Work, good work, Okay, till next week, see you everybody,
Welcome back to Midlife Crisis Is. I'm Tyson, one of
the hosts. Thank you so much for liking, subscribing, commenting,
sharing all of that stuff helps us continue to do
this podcast, and we would appreciate if you would continue
to do that each and every episode.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
We love you guys so much.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
We want to keep doing this and that is one
of the ways to guarantee, I mean nothing at.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Nice guarantee to Okay, then we will keep doing this.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
So smash that subscribe button, that like button, that follow button,
whatever buttons are there, smash them all.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And we really want to hear for you guys too.
We want to hear about your midlife crisises. We want
to know what kind of stuff you are going through
so that we can talk about it and share our
insights about trying to survive this quote as well.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
So let's get into it.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Yay you failed, Yes, that's right. We all struggle with it.
We figure what are we doing with our life? Where
we wanted to be is not where we are, but
maybe where we are is better than where we wanted
to It's very confusing. You could argue it is a
crisis today on Midlife Crisises, we're talking about this. We're
talking about how do you balance that tension inside you
and where you want to be and where you think
(01:10):
you should be and should you should on your shoulds
or should you just leave your shoulds alone? We get
into all that on the episode. Thanks for joining us.
Excited about this week? I just should my pants twice.
Welcome to the Midlife Crisis Is Podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
I'm Tyson Apostle, one of the three co hosts, all handsome,
I'm the only one wearing a hat today. I am
here with the top underwater photographer from all of the
state of Colorado, William Drum William, how's it going.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
I've got really good news. I went to New Mexico
last weekend this photography, and now I'm also the top
undwater photographer from all of the great state of New Mexico.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
So it's been a big week for me.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Is that just Newer Mexico now? Because you were it?
Now it's new worth the newst of Mexico's.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
You're picking off states one by one, bro, just other
underwater photographers better keep an eye out for you coming
into their state. Don't hold your breath a whole four corners. Yeah,
that would be impressive.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Let me tell you right now, of all the underwater photographers,
I know you're the only one.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
So you are top top dogg in Arizona for me.
You got Georgia. I'll give you Georgia. Yep. Moving on
it ownage.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
I'm so glad to have you guys here. Thanks so
much for joining the show. Make sure you like and subscribe.
We've had some fun comments and some people interacting with
us there. Also, make sure you're following us on Instagram
at Midlife crisises Uh. It's a great place to go
because we're getting more and more involved there. We link
up little sizzles from each of these episodes, so if
you're thinking, I wonder what episode maybe I should go
(02:56):
back and watch. That's basically like a table of contents
for all the different shows, which is a great way
to do that. And on top of that, you can
interact with us directly and you can message us and
we'll message you back, and it's all things are good.
We're posting on stories and doing all the stuff. They're
bringing that life into that account thanks to William. Really
William really pushing that, which we appreciate. Good job, buddy,
(03:19):
He's the young.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Really, we're trying to like help build this community as
much as we can, and we don't have a million
questions either, So we would love to answer your questions
about things that you're going through in your midlife challenges
you're facing, kind of how we've dealt with stuff, any
advice we might have, or just to make fun of you.
So we would love to hear your comments and questions
(03:41):
about what's going on with you so that we can bring.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Some light into the darkness that is the mid darkness.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Done dun Well, that's a good way to tee it up,
because oh, Tyson, go ahead, you're gonna say no, no,
I was gonna say a good way to tee it up,
because those are both internal and external struggles that we'll
be addressing.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
One of them.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
For me, my question this week is the internal struggle
of this idea of I've made it or making it,
you know, reaching this goal, reaching this place that you
that you know, career wise, life wise, whatever, And is
it okay to just kind of like give up on
that and just kind of float and let it be
what it is, or is it important that we aspire
(04:24):
and we continue to motivate ourselves, like I need to
make half a million this year, and I need to
get thirty thousand followers, And it's different than New Year's resolutions.
We had a whole episode about that, and I think
a lot of that was like personal growth or whatever.
But I find myself looking back on where I thought
I would be in my career at this point, and
I'm not there, And so I guess sometimes I struggle
(04:44):
with the shoulds, you know, and improv. One of the
first rules is don't should all over yourself out should yourself?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, should your pants?
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Don't should your pants because you'd be like, oh, I
should have said this, I should have said that. In
your lives, it's easy to be like, oh I should
be at this point, or I should have this, or
I should you know, whatever that is. And so I
wonder about because I think about like, in some ways,
eighteen year old Bradley would be like, what this is?
What this is where we're at. That's not what the dream?
(05:15):
That wasn't the goal, that wasn't the dream. In our
society is so built on this like follow your dreams,
do your dreams. If you just show up, you can
if you can dream it, you can do it. And
that's just not true. And I don't regret where I am,
and I'm not mad at where I am. But my
question is like, where do I go from here? Do
I just keep going?
Speaker 2 (05:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
So a couple things. First of all, to address the
don't should all over yourself? Oh yeah, I disagree. I
think you should should all over yourself because it trains
you for the next time you're in that position, because
I do the same thing. I'm like, oh, I had
such a great zinger there. I would come from reality TV.
There's moments where I've said stuff on TV and I'm
known for my wit and candor, and sometimes even I'm like, oh, dang,
(05:58):
you know what would have been even better? You know
what wording would have gone better in this burn? And
I think doing the the not to the degree that
you're tormenting yourself over it, but to the degree that
you thought about it and you came up with something better,
and then the next time you have a response in the.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Can like boom, get them way to go.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
So I think to that degree, yeah, I think you
should should on yourself a bit. And I'm sure William
in photography there's moments where he's looked at photos and thought,
you know, would have made this photo cooler if I
would have done this or this, And next time I'm
in that position, I will do that.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
I should that you shouldn't. He says, I should, but
you don't.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But really, Bradley, it's
a great question. It's a really good question because you're
really working with two opposites and both of them are
so important, and you know, in therapy a lot of
the times they're more going towards the don't should on yourself, like,
you know, be happy with what you have.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
All that kind of stuff is important. Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Right, which is important, and especially when you're going through
traumatic periods of your life, when you're going through something
that's kind of the mind state that you want to have.
But I think that, like for myself and for a
lot of people who are seeking whatever mastery of whatever
they're doing, whether it's business or health or whatever, I
(07:25):
think that you kind of have to keep pushing towards
that higher aspiration because it's so easy to get caught
up in the cycle of being like, well, yeah, I
didn't do that, but it's okay, Like I'm still you know,
I'm happy with what I am whatever. But then that
is not like a growth mindset. That's like acceptance mindset,
which nothing wrong with acceptance. You've got to do some
(07:46):
acceptance too, But I think it's a lot of it's
just about where you're at in your life. And if
you want to keep pushing towards that better, bigger place,
which there's nothing wrong with that, then you have to
look at yourself and be critical yourself, and you can't
(08:07):
be overly accepting of everything in your life. So I
don't know for me, especially right now. I you know,
I went through a really hard time last year. I
got divorced last year, and the year before that was
really hard to became a single father, like all these
changes in my life. So I think that at that
(08:28):
time it was really helpful for my therapist to be like, hey,
look like you've done great, You're doing a great place,
You're you know, just be happy with where you are.
And at that time that was really important and helped
me deal with stuff. But I don't want to just
give up be like, Okay, yeah, you know exactly, I'm
here where I am, And I think that I don't
(08:50):
know for anybody who wants to just get better and
be like a master of what they're doing. It's really
important that you strive for that, and that's kind of
the accepted like the opposite of not shooting on yourself,
like you have to you have to keep that in
mind with everything you do, or else you'll fall into
complacency and just accept things as they are, which is fine.
(09:13):
Like that's probably fine for the majority of people, but
not for.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Us, not for our runners.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
I should be better at that, like I should really,
I should really like recurial myself.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
You should be more critical. I'm opposite. I think differently
on this.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
I think that if you are constantly striving for the
financial gains, the more followers this and that, you're never
going to be happy. You're going to get that goal,
and you're going to think, oh no, not half a million,
I need two million.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Oh now I'm living.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
A faster life. I should I got to go for
five million. The goal should be joy and happiness first
for yourself, and then if if you have people you're
responsible for, your spouse, your kids, make sure and figure
out how to also help them in their pursuit of
joy and happiness, and then a lot of things will
(10:12):
fall into place. If you love taking underwater photographs and
that is your passion, then find as many opportunities as
you can to take those photographs and to improve and
that will bring you joy, but that will also bring
you success in that medium. And so I think too
many people are so focused on the finish line that
(10:34):
is never going to get there until you die. Like, honestly,
the finish line keeps getting further and further away. Like
if you would have said, yeah, as an eighteen year
old boy, if you would have said to me, like
how much money would I have to pay you a
year to stop trying everything? I would have been like,
I don't know, thirty grand. I'll just live off thirty
(10:55):
grand a year for the rest of my life. I
think that's enough. Like that now, like, yeah, that is
I would.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Be even live I couldn't even live that. Yeah, yeah exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And then if you would have asked me at twenty five,
I would have said, yeah, sixty K and then and
even that, and it's all the same. And so I
think that too many people focus on these things ensure.
The other thing is we talk about, oh, do the
thing that makes you happy, but sometimes jobs fucking suck
(11:30):
and you got to do them.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
You can't not do them, so all the time.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Question for the man, but but it, but find your
people in that job, or find a thing that you like,
or focus on the positives of the job and realize
that that isn't the finish line. You're not at the
finish line at this shitty job. You're hopefully, you know,
getting something out of it, learning something. At least you're
making money so that you can start pursuing other passions
(12:01):
and go from there. And I think that that's really
the most success I've had in my life, and probably
the most joy I've had in my life has been
from doing things that I love to do. Hasn't come
from making a bunch of money. It hasn't come from,
(12:21):
you know, getting some accolades somewhere or something. It just
comes from enjoying the moment and seeking out those moments
to enjoy.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
So for you, Tyson, is it is it just like
let's just keep on going or like how do you
how do you I guess, how do you motivate yourself
to either stay on track like with you know, whatever
you're at eighty five percent, like like you know, success
or whatever? How do you keep doing that or do
you have something that's the carrot at the end of
the stick that says, Okay, well this is other than
(12:53):
joy and happiness, right, Like those seem like that's kind
of like coasting a little bit in your car, as
it were.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Yeah, I mean I have things I have to pay for,
Like I have a mortgage, so I pay it off.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I not even mean like numbers wise, I mean, oh
we got balloons. Yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
I mean like for Survivor stuff, right, or like, is
there like I really want to be on like a
couple more shows or and if that doesn't happen, then
that sucks.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
I'm angling toward that.
Speaker 4 (13:19):
Or it's just like I'm just gonna likes as opportunities
come my way, I'm gonna feel those and we'll see
what happens.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Yeah, you can't. I can't rely on outside sources for
my success and joy.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
I can't go be.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like, oh, I hope the largest most evil, corrupt network
in the world calls me back and gives me a job,
only to then forget about me for a decade, Like
what is the point? Like that would make me miserable,
So I just have to assume it's not gonna happen,
and if it does, then I can weigh my options
on whether or not it's worth going in my opinion,
(13:55):
and then do that. But I have to come up
with my own things for me myself. And so it's
not Yeah, we all need money to live, and it
would be great if we were all billionaires and could
afford everything and not have to stress about that, But
that's not how it is. And so you have to
(14:16):
do things that maybe aren't that fun or that great
and sometimes are miserable. But and I tell this to
young kids all the time, that nieces and nephews.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Should I go to college? What should I do?
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I was like, if you don't know in those moments
what to do, just make progress somewhere. Yeah, move to
a different state. Now you're learning, you're out on your own,
you're struggling, you're trying to like and who knows who
you're going to come across and what new experience you're
going to have. That then motivates you to go another direction.
But as long as you're putting us one foot in
(14:50):
front of the other as often as you can, when
in those moments of confusion, you're going to be totally fine,
And I think that that's like a lot of people
younger than us are scared about that, and we did
the same thing and we were scared too, and our
parents did that, and we're all just winging it. And
it's not like we have the answers. It's just like
(15:13):
we've taken those steps when we didn't know which direction
we were going to go, we still moved forward and
now we're here. Like, I wasn't my plan when I
was ten years old to be on reality TV.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That didn't even exist. Wasn't even my plan six months
before I.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Went on reality TV to go on reality TV that
still was a stupid idea to me. I was trying
to be a pro cyclist, which I liked. I didn't love,
but I loved it more than working a corporate job.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
So I chose that path.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
And it was hard and it was brutal, and it
was depressing a lot of times. But in those moments,
I was like, I could be doing this, or it
could be in a cubicle somewhere taking phone calls, and
I prefer this some.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
People don't somewhere either in an office or on a bike.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Al yeah, exactly. And it wasn't all that. I had
a lot of freedom. I had a lot of you know,
control my own schedule, and when I was successful, it
was very fun. But you had those dips where it
kind of sucked. But then you'd look at it and
be like, so many people would love to be in
this position where I'm riding through the Swiss Alps on
(16:22):
a Wednesday morning eating a croissant out of my back
pocket as I'm you know, at the at the top
of one of the climbs, the piece.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Exactly so yeah, I and so like.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
But because I did that, and because I did those
things that I thought or that I was interested in
and would bring me joy or was like the lesser
of two evils. Sometimes I got selected to be on
reality TV because they were like this guy's interest in
and he's pursuing these things because he I doesn't want
(17:00):
to just be like trapped in a thing that he
knows he's not going to be happy in. So and
then they they'd let here like this was. I never
planned for any of this path to be. It just
became because I lived, and because I put a foot
in front of the other one, especially in those hard
moments when you don't want to. That's when you need
(17:23):
to keep like put your head down and just fucking
mow through whatever shit you got to get through to
keep going.
Speaker 3 (17:33):
Yeah, and like I agree with all that. Part of
it is like what your goals are, like if they're
healthy goals or or maybe unhealthy goals, like something like
striving to make a million dollars or whatever is probably
not like really a healthy goal, But something like trying
(17:54):
to make up some more money so you can buy
a good house for your family and your family can
grow up in the place where you want. That's more healthy.
And I think that like it's got to be both,
Like you have to constantly be growing or else you're
going to stagnant and you're not going to be happy.
(18:15):
And really, like the happiness comes from the journey, it
doesn't come from the destination. So if you you have
to be working towards something and hopefully that's towards something
that makes you happy, it's like something that's a good,
strong goal for you and your family. But the opposite
is just like accepting everything as it is and then
(18:36):
not pushing for that growth. And that's kind of what
I mean, Like you still got to keep pushing because
re else like what's the point for me? Like you
got to keep pushing, But at the same time, you
can't account for what other people are going to do.
You can't account for what this company is going to do,
Like yeah, you're going to do.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Just make something happen that's so out of your control,
like Tyson said, and that's what you're said to with that.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
So it's like a more fati like you gotta love
your fate, but you also, for me, still have to
strive for something better, like be happy with what you're at,
but realize that the journey is like where the happiness lives,
it's not in the destination. So you still want to
have those things that you're working towards while also appreciating
(19:23):
what you have and loving your fate no matter what
it's delt you. And I think that that's where kind
of the secret Sauces is appreciating life as is but
not accepting it, but still working towards something better.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
I think some of this I was just trying to,
like in retrospect, I was trying to figure out, like
why this question, why did this come up? And I
think it had has to do with recently, we were
watching SNL had like a fiftieth birthday kind of thing
and had a celebration. They did like a behind the
scenes where they interviewed all these different people, you know,
surprising cast auditions, people who didn't make it, you know,
(20:04):
Kevin Hart, shoot, Stephen Colbert. There were people like that,
Jim Carrey, people that you would be like, oh wow,
they would have been awesome on there.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
And then it started getting me thinking.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
I was like, oh, yeah, there was this girl I
met who took me on like a tour there one time.
So I went back through my old emails and I
found her email and then she had I just moved
to LA and then she connected me with basically who's
one of the major producer runners now who's on that documentary?
Speaker 2 (20:32):
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
And we had emailed and she was like, yes, send
me your stuff and let's take a look and whatever.
And I was like, oh, and I see I saw
in my email that I responded and said I'll send
you something soon, and I didn't, at least not in
that email thread.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
And I was like, what what am I now? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Exactly, But then there was a right exactly but then
there was also like, hey, sorry, this got lost in
the inbox then, But then there's also I didn't have
anything to send. I wasn't ready there. I didn't I
couldn't have actually shown anything. Maybe I could have come
up with like a funny character or something, but like,
you know, so there was a part of me that
(21:16):
was kind of like, and Kirson and I talk about
this too, is like in the career that we thought
we wanted. And I'll say it that way, because I
don't know everything about everything, maybe I would have hated it. Tyson,
like you were saying, you get to that point sometimes
and you're like I thought this was it and it's not.
And I guess, as to William's point, that's why you're
supposed to enjoy the journey and not the destination, because
it's it's always moving and when you get there usually
(21:37):
it's not as good as you want. But we talked
about this in a career, yeah, or or it just
keeps moving, And there was a part of me that,
you know, like when Jimmy Fallon got the Tonight Show,
I had a we were just like randomly chatting Kirson
n I and she was basically like even though you
would be great in that role and you've done stand
up and you've done things, you know, I was years
(21:58):
behind where he was from a standpoint of like notoriety
and this kind of thing, and I could not have
even really been in the room with that. I could
have potentially if there was just like a blind audition
type of thing, but there was the thought of like,
that's gone that role for like for the next fifteen years.
He's got it, and you'll continue to age and that
(22:19):
won't be available. And SNL is a similar kind of case.
It's like even if now they call it and they're
like come to SNL and'll be like, no, I can't
do that, like fifteen hour days, sleeping in the office.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
I have a family. I guess stuff I gotta do.
You know, do you know how much adderall all of
them take.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Oh, it's got to be like like finance bros. Like
there's just there's no stopping those those people and what
they have to do and pull on turn and it's amazing.
And look, even that's not pure guarantee of whatever you
call success, Like that could just be a stop for somebody.
That could be the peak Brothers that was you know,
Will Ferrell or whatever takes off from there. But then
(22:56):
someone like a She Sherry O Terry, who's great and
really funny, is now like not as quite of a
household name. So anyway, it just started getting me thinking,
because when I first moved to LA it was like
I had like, all right, an X number of years
Sitcom and let's get on SNL and let like all
these things, and I needed those to push me to
move me because otherwise I would just go out there
(23:16):
and be like, I'm gonna surf and we'll just kind
of see what happens, and then ten years later, I
haven't done anything but work in restaurants.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Or you're a pro surfer or I am a pro surfer.
I love that, Tyson. That's so good.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
That's the kind of openness that I also want to
have moving forward, which is I love like one foot
in front of the other. Yeah, I love that because
I think there is so much value in this leads
to that, which leads to that, which leads to that.
And I'm the kind of person that looks and says,
dang it, like what would that have been a little
(23:48):
bit right? And that's even why I moved to La.
It was like, I don't want to regret. I don't
want to wake up At the time I thought so
old at forty in my bed, you know, But when
I was twenty, I was like, I don't want to
wake up like almost dead at forty and wake up
in my.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Bed and be like I should have moved to La
exactly and not have that regret.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
So, you know, I did. I did, you know, play
play the game, but I don't know. There was just
a part of me that was kind of like, so
what now those things are off the table, right and
and so we're doing this and I'm doing content creation,
and you know, do I keep going that way?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
Are off the table?
Speaker 1 (24:23):
I think you just keep doing the thing you're doing,
and keep doing the things that you enjoy. That's fair,
and keep maintaining your happiness and making sure that your
family's healthy and happy. And you don't know who you're
going to cross paths with. Mike White, who wrote The
White Lotus, keeps having people from Survivor are from his
season of Survivor because he was on Survivor a decade ago, right,
(24:44):
He keeps having those people make cameos on the White Lotus.
So there's been like ten survivor contestants that are the cameos.
So it's like, you don't know in your path it's
going to cross with somebody, and you know you've left
an impression on them that is great enough for them
to also pull you up the wrong with them as
(25:05):
they're like, you know, who'd be great for this, Bradley.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Yeah. Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Accepting things that didn't work out, but not like you
still have to hold yourself accountable when when it's your fault,
you know what I mean, Because if you just accept
everything like I should I should have done No, wait,
I mean I shouldn't have done anything. I can't should
all over myself, it's great. You got to at least
like have the level of uh. I mean, it's kind
(25:32):
of a different form.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Of accountability to accountability, right yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Like, yeah, I accept that that happened, but I still
realized that it was my fault in this situation. And
that's not always the case at all, but in those
cases where it is like if you don't ever hold
yourself accountable for it, then there's no like real possible
growth in the future from or from the like whatever
you might want to.
Speaker 4 (25:55):
Call it you don't learn from your mistakes, right, like
the teach our goods.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
And I also think too many people are so focused
on the destination the finish line, but the finish line
doesn't get there, and the finish line can change. And
also when you're putting one step in front of the other,
you can take back. You can like I've sacrificed my
(26:25):
physical health a little bit to raise kids, but I
was moving forward as a father, but I was moving
moving backward physically. And so now there's moments where I'm like, Okay,
now I got to get in shape and now I'm
moving forward physically as well and trying so like it's
a constant like give and take, but make progress doing
(26:46):
something somewhere.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
That's a really good point because it's not like you're
just moving this like two by four with like forward
and your entire life is progressing equally at the same time.
It's actually more like these almost like.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
One at a time, and then yes, drops back a
little bit and yeah, yeah, but keep pushing one of
the things forward.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Yeah, I think that's progressed. I like that.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
I like that there's you can look at some area
of your life that you're still moving forward. And I
think maybe that's part of that balance William that you
were talking about, where it's like you can't just sit
on your sofa and be like the world is out
to get me and I'll never succeed anything and I'm done.
And then the other side of that, of course, is
like I never sleep, I never eat. Nothing's good enough,
push forward, like, you know, kill that thing so we
(27:32):
can keep moving. So I like that kind of mental
image Tyson of like, you know, Okay, that's okay that
that's falling backwards, because that's that's at the cost.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
Benefit of this.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
The benefit of the family is taking a boring job
so we can get a house for stability. Okay, that
seems like a step back career wise, but it's an
advancement for my family, who you know, previously we were
like we don't know if we're eating this month. Oh
we had a good month. Somebody came in at the
last minute. Great for every client, stakes for everybody. Yeah, yeah,
So that's good like that.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Yeah, And I think that especially people who are obsessed
with certain goals in their career or with their finances,
like that's just one element of everything. It's like there's
your body, your health, your spiritual well being, your relationships,
your community, and your career, your family all that. So yeah,
(28:26):
I think Tyson's right as long as you're moving forward
in some of those one of those and that's important
the most important things and not sacrificing the most important things.
And I think that that's what happens with a lot
of really successful people, is they just forget about everything
else except for that singular focus, which might help them
(28:47):
focus on that one or might help them succeed in
that one area. But that's not for me. That's not
like a whole life. That's not the kind of life
I want to live. Like, these other elements are just
as important career, So I think that that's really well
satisfied as making moves forward in one of those areas,
even if sometimes the other areas take a small step back,
(29:10):
as long as you're not forgetting about them and you're
still working towards this like better version of you. I
don't know, it's just a happy version of you that's
working on some sort of a journey in all of
those elements of your life.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
Yeah, see you guys, it works. Our podcast works. We've
come up with a nice sorting of how to figure
this out internally. At least, I think this is good.
I feel really good about this. Thank you guys.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Well, the last thing I want to say is take opportunity.
Take advantage of opportunities, take advantage of experiences. If someone
asks you to do something, if someone gives you a
cool opportunity you never had, If someone offers you a
cool experience you haven't had, take it as much as
you can because you never know what that will springboard into.
(30:00):
People I think are focused on I want to be
an actor and I want to be on this thing,
and so what is the most direct line from where
I'm at now to the show I want to be
on or the thing I want to do? And then
they forego all the other things they enjoy to try
to get there. But if they would have just taken
(30:20):
those experiences that they enjoy and that they're interested in,
they probably would have gotten there. Like you're in La,
I'm so focused. All I want to do is get
on this show. I'm going to all the auditions. But
I also love yoga. I also love working out, but
they don't have time for that. But guess what you
know who goes to yoga directors, Yeah, producers, Yeah, you know,
(30:42):
you know who works out those same people, you know who.
It's like, build a network in the things you love,
and then those opportunities just pop out at any given moment.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
You don't know who's going to beware.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
And so it's like so many people I've met through pickleball.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Through poker, through church, through.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
All of those different mediums of networks, and that helps
a lot. So I think when you focus so hard
on getting to that goal or that finish line, you
miss so many opportunities to actually have achieved that by
skipping the things that you enjoy to try and get.
Speaker 4 (31:25):
It, and you miss life. You can't go back, you
can't rewind, you can't say, let me try it again.
I was too focused.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
So, yeah, the line isn't straight. The line to whatever
finish line or goal you have is not straight.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
It's zigzags. There's forks in the road.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Both forks probably get there, or we'll get you to
something like. That's just life. And if you are not
capitalizing on those forks in the road and on those zigzags,
then you're missing the whole point of it.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
And it's so much harder to get like anywhere by
yourself than work with other people. And I think that nowadays,
with social media and everybody being connected to their devices
all the time, crazy stuff in the news, all this,
I think it's a lot harder to find community than
it used to be. And I think that there's something
we've talked about a bit in the past, but really
(32:16):
those interactions, those people that you meet along the way
where you're talking about Tyson, they can all be shortcuts
to where you're trying to go. Like, it's going to
be much harder or impossible to get to some of
those destinations without people who've already done it, people who
have seen it. And the amount of opportunities that you
(32:36):
pass up by trying to do things by yourself instead
of actually taking time to find community, to network all
all those things is huge. And I think I mean,
for myself, I've never really had like a really strong mentor,
and part of that because I haven't really looked for
and spent the time. But I think that that's like
(32:57):
it works. It's like that's so like.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
So yeah, I think, yeah, that's a good way to
say yourself.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
Yeah, And not only are those people shortcuts, but they
could be introductions to the new goal, to the new
thing you love, to a pivot to a fork in
the road that you uh like the avert or more
even yeah, that you never ever even considered. So yeah,
I think so many people struggle with this, and they
(33:27):
look at people that seemingly have all their shit together,
and it's like, nobody really does, unless you were a
multi billionaire trust fund baby who was just put as
CEO of their dad's company when they were whatever age.
And then I mean then that's only one aspect. Again,
(33:47):
that's financial, so everybody else.
Speaker 4 (33:49):
You could argue that person didn't do that alone.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Yeah, they definitely at all, probably not happy, and they
probably don't have that feeling of success, but like who knows.
I'm not you to judge those people. I'm just saying, like,
take the zigzags, take the forks in the road, meet people,
pursue things that you love and enjoy as often as possible.
And if you have to work a shitty job to
(34:15):
you know, keep moving forward. Work that shitty job because
shitty jobs don't last forever.
Speaker 3 (34:21):
And accept your l's but still hold yourself accountable for them.
Like there's got to be an acceptance and it can't
ruin your life. You got to learn toward like live
with it, but don't just brush it off like you
didn't have any responsibility because or else.
Speaker 2 (34:36):
That's not You're never going to learn, You're never going
to grow. Yeah, it's good stuff, guys, Thank you, thank you.
That was a great question on Boom. That was a
great question.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Yeah, so many people struggle with that, and we all do.
We're all still growing. I'm still taking the forks in
the road and the zigzags and figuring it out. Uh.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
Yeah, I'm trying to learn acceptance. I'm still trying to
learn lessons. Sometimes it takes me messing up over and
over and over again before I can learn that lesson.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
So like feeding your dog rotisserie chicken, Yes, it takes
you a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Yeah, to figure that one out. Just loves it so much,
it's just going to do it. It's it's hard, it's fine. Yeah,
that's all nowadays of course fare other food. It's just
like humans. It's worse for us exactly. That's so true.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
So all right, that has been a riveting episode of
midlife crisises again. Please show us your love and support, like, comment, subscribe.
We're on Instagram, we're on social media platforms, we're on YouTube. Comment,
ask us your questions and we will get them answered.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Anything else, that's it.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Just that we're really excited for building this community, and
we just want to hear all of your problems too,
because they probably make our problems seem like nothing. So
let's hear your worst things in your life.
Speaker 1 (36:05):
Also, if we're building a network here, who's to say
that through this network you don't in the future become
the president of the United States.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Work, good work, Okay, till next week, see you everybody,
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