HP Hates Me - Corey Haim: Me, Myself and I - Midnight Viewing

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Guess what. Corey Haym and Corey Feldman are giving out
their personal numbers. If you call one nine hundred nine
oh nine thirty seven hundreds, you can listen to their
private phone messages and get their personal number, where you
can leave them a message of your own. Two dollars
of first minute, forty five cents each additional minute. Ask
your parents before you call one nine hundred nine oh
nine thirty seven hundred.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
If you call me right now, I'll give you my
private number.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
You call that number and you'll hear a recording, and
I'll give you my personal number if you call that,
and we'll wrap.

Speaker 4 (01:10):
Welcome back. I don't know if I can welcome you back.
I mean, here we are again. I can say that.
I guess midnight viewers, welcome to HP Hates Me. You
know when I named the show then I thought, oh,
that's funny. It rhymes, it's kind of clever, and it's

(01:34):
a fun little thing to call the show. It's true,
HP Hates Me. Proof is in the pudding HP the
Man who Hates Me? How are you my friend? Question Mark?

Speaker 5 (01:46):
You know what I'd have to say the way I'm
feeling nowadays would probably be intense, powerful.

Speaker 4 (01:53):
Have you got that new Jack swing?

Speaker 5 (01:56):
That's an exact quote from the entertainment We're about to
die say.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
HP, I struggled. I really struggled with this one. This
one almost broke me. So I'm I think the rest
of this series is going to be smooth sailing.

Speaker 5 (02:10):
Would you could be any worse than this? Could you?

Speaker 4 (02:12):
Please tell our listeners what we watched? And first of all,
as always, anything we discussed on any of the shows
we except for Tales of the Dark Side, you gotta
really search for that one. But any of the shows
that we discussed here on this show, you can get
on YouTube. So go seek this out immediately and fucking
suffer through it because I did. Oh my god, No don't.

(02:35):
Oh no, I want you to suffer with me. Misery
Loves Company, Spend the night with Stephen King.

Speaker 5 (02:40):
It is. This is readily available on YouTube. This is
called Corey Hame, Me, Myself and I. This is from
nineteen eighty nine. Now it's no secret to or maybe
younger people may not know Corey Hame or understand his story,
but those of us who grew up with Corey Haym's
movies and saw his downfall understand that he was. He

(03:04):
had a really tough life. There's no getting around that
he was abused as a child actor in ways that
it's hard for anybody to fathom. Okay, this led to
serious drug and alcohol problems, mainly drug He may not
have even had an alcohol issue. I take that back.
I think it was mainly drugs, but he was hooked

(03:28):
on drugs for most of his life. In this case,
fresh out of his first stint in rehab, he made
this video called Me Myself and I. This was marketed
as something to sell to teeny boppers who couldn't get
enough of the teen idol Corey Haym. But people who

(03:51):
watch this, adults, people who don't have his teen scene
magazine pictures all over their wall, understand that this is
actually not a piece of fluff. This was an attempt
to show the world in Hollywood, in particular FA them alone,
that Corey Ham was sober, in good shape, and ready

(04:12):
to work. That was the really some total purpose of
this was to prove to his peers in Hollywood that hey,
I know, you guys heard that I was in rehab
and I'm not. Maybe I wasn't doing so well, but hey,
look at me. Now, I look great, don't I. I
can do all these things. I can play sports, I
can act, I can I can model. I am ready

(04:34):
to go back to work, and in fact we'll talk
about it. But he says those very words in the
midst of this movie. So, but let's take the conceit
that this is just a fluff piece, which it's really not.
This was him just being filmed verite style, doing his things.

Speaker 4 (04:52):
Very generous.

Speaker 5 (04:53):
I am Verite's high falutin word to describe what's going
on here. But it's a day in the life of
Corey Haynes. He's playing tennis, he's playing hockey, he's going
for a drive in his Alpha Romeo convertible he's modeled.

Speaker 4 (05:08):
This whole thing is completely insidious. The idea here is
that they're selling stuff, basically to his fan club. This
is a video of a day in the life of Corey.
He's good again all as well, But really it is
just an attempt to let the industry know I'm ready
to work. It is so boneheaded. Please continue, we'll get

(05:30):
into it.

Speaker 5 (05:31):
As I said, this was from nineteen eighty nine, and
the thing of it is ultimately aside from dream a
Little Dream, which I think actually was filmed before this. Yes,
it's worth noting that Corey Hame never really acted in
a true big budget movie ever again after this, unless
you count. He had a Don't Blink you Know miss

(05:54):
a cameo in Dicky Roberts Former Child Star, and also
a brief cameo in Crank High Voltage, that Jason Statham sequel.
Do you remember that movie?

Speaker 4 (06:04):
I remember it, but I don't remember him in it.

Speaker 5 (06:06):
He's a mulleted boyfriend of Amy Smart who gets his
ass kicked. It's literally a five minute scene. He's not
in it very much. But my point is the gambit
didn't work. In the least, people understood the problems that
this guy had and they were manifold. He never really
He did a lot of low budget direct to video movies.

(06:29):
He famously tried. He think it's got so dire that
he tried to sell a tooth and clumps of hair
on eBay because he was for a while, he was homeless.
He was in such dire straits. So it's a very
sad tale. That much is not in dispute at all.
But let's take the conceit of this movie. In quotes,

(06:53):
in and of the time that it was presented, And
we'll go with that because we all understand he had
a fucked up life. But at the end of the day,
you are responsible for your choices, and he made a
fuckload of bad choices, starting with this movie.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
Making this movie, which was your Corey, my Corey.

Speaker 5 (07:11):
If we're talking Lost Boys, which auld e zenith.

Speaker 4 (07:14):
Of you, and I am talking overall overall for time
at the time, let's say, well around so yeah, let's
say let's say license to drive. At that point, who
are you favor.

Speaker 5 (07:31):
Look, if I'm being perfectly honest, it was Corey Feldman,
because look at he was in the Goonies.

Speaker 4 (07:38):
Mouth. He was Mouth, He's in Gremlins.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
He was in.

Speaker 5 (07:42):
Gremlins, he was in Stand by Me, and he, truth
be told, he is great in all of these, Wasn't
He was also in the Burbs, Wasn't he?

Speaker 4 (07:50):
He sure was. He's not as great in that. He
is great in all of these though.

Speaker 5 (07:55):
So look, if I say that at the time I
was would have been on the Feldin's side. That people
don't remember that. They only see the nutcase that is
playing these awful guitar solos with this terrible band, somebody
who fancies himself a pop star for the new millennium,
and he's awful. He's a whack job. He's got that

(08:17):
group the was it like Feldman's Angels or Cory's Angels.
This weird cult that he has of these beautiful women
that he keeps in his house and he monitors what
they eat and what they wear. He's not a good guy.
I'm not saying that, but I'm saying, if you're telling
me in the eighties who my favorite actor was, between
Haim and Feldman, I'm going Feldman, how about you?

Speaker 4 (08:39):
I liked Feldman, but I as an actor, I think
I appreciated Haym more because he was the star of
Silver Bullet, which is a Stephen King adaptation of his
novel or his novelette cycle of the were Wolf. I
loved him in that. I loved Lucas, thought that was great.
He was great in that. What's the thing he did

(09:00):
right before Lost Boys? One other thing?

Speaker 3 (09:03):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (09:04):
Firstborn?

Speaker 4 (09:04):
Oh my god, he's the little brother in First Born too. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (09:08):
I have a great anecdote about Firstborn. I don't have
ever heard this story about what happened that This will
make you sympathize with him a little bit.

Speaker 4 (09:15):
So it was Peter Weller like just smacking him around
all over the set.

Speaker 5 (09:20):
Yes, how did you know?

Speaker 3 (09:22):
I didn't.

Speaker 4 (09:22):
I just figured.

Speaker 5 (09:23):
The story goes that this was Hames's first feature. Firstborn
nineteen eighty four, he was thirteen years old. After a
good take, he went to congratulate. Peter Weller responded by
throwing Hame against the wall and shouting at him never
to talk to him. After a take, he had to
have three crew members separate them. Now Wellder apologized later

(09:47):
and chalked it up to method acting, but the end
result was Haines was terrified, and which may work because
that was the point was Peter Weller was a bad guy.
So you can say it it's method acting, but come on,
he's a thirteen year old kid.

Speaker 4 (10:03):
That's beyond the pale. But actually not without the realm
of possibility with that guy. I know somebody who used
to see mister Weller. That's all romantic. I mean, like
you can, I guess call it romantically. Okay, yeah, there's
yeah anyway, okay, And what she said was God forbid,

(10:24):
you were talking when Peter Weller sponts Peter Weller on
a television because he's like, shut up and turns it
on and turns the volume up and then stares in
rapt attention watching himself.

Speaker 5 (10:36):
And the best actors actually hate seeing themselves, like they
refuse to watch their own performances.

Speaker 4 (10:42):
That made the viewers. If you want that actual story,
you can write to me. I'll tell you. I'll tell
you the whole thing.

Speaker 5 (10:48):
Did you know he had a cameo and Batman and
Robin I didn't know that.

Speaker 4 (10:52):
I didn't know that he was a biker gang man.
I was gonna say he must have been one of
the gang members. Yeah, Yeah, Joel Schumacher throwing him some work.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
He went from Lucas to a TV show called Roomies.
This is Bert Young Paulie from Rocky. A forty two
year old marine sergeant and a fourteen year old fish
obsessed genius strike a perfect and reciprocal balance as college
freshman roommates.

Speaker 2 (11:16):
He's a forty two year old EGS marine, He's a
fourteen year old boy genius.

Speaker 4 (11:21):
Together, they'll trash the freshman class in Rubies premiering Friday.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
Hey, he's an old guy, he's a young guy. They're
in college together. How wacky is that?

Speaker 4 (11:32):
God, the eighties are just rife with He's a garbage man,
she's he's germaphobe, that's right.

Speaker 5 (11:39):
How will they ever get along? But I think you
and I can agree that The Lost Boys was the
highlight of his career bar none.

Speaker 4 (11:48):
Absolutely, My God, was there a bigger picture? I don't
think so, it's definitive.

Speaker 5 (11:53):
I mean we obviously it's one of our favorites.

Speaker 4 (11:56):
Everyone listening to this has seen Lost Boys, but they
might not have seen Lucas.

Speaker 5 (12:01):
In fact, if memory serves, you're the one who introduced
me to Lost Boys because I wasn't much of a
horror fan in high school, and I remember you showing
me a double feature of Lost Boys and Near Dark
to prove to me that Near Dark was the superior
vampire film. And of course you were right, as always, so.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
Not always, but in that case, definitely, Near Dark is
a superior vampire movie. Came out the same year it
was a Revelation, So as I was a senior Dark,
I got to see Near Dark completely cold. Okay. I
had a friend, Brian McMahon, whose father was police officer,
who used to get us into movies for free. He
would just flash his badge at the box office and

(12:44):
would take it. There you go. So every Saturday he
would take Brian and I to the movies and we
would watch a double feature. And on that day we
saw I knew we were going to see this Charlie
Sheen horse stealing movie with I forget this name. It's
called like Wasteland or something like that. And after that
we sat down to a movie I knew nothing about.

(13:06):
I'd never heard of. It just started and suddenly that
half the cast of aliens is on screen and their vampires.
Holy shit, it's great.

Speaker 5 (13:14):
In fact, I'm gonna insist people who haven't seen Near
Dark pause this podcast. Go watch Near Dark. It's got
nothing to do with Corey ham or what we're discussing here,
but do yourself a favor and see it. It is.
It transcends horror. It's just a great fucking movie.

Speaker 4 (13:30):
Yeah, you're gonna need it. You're gonna need it as
a palate cleanser after you watch the YouTube version of
Corey ham Me myself and kill me already you will.

Speaker 5 (13:39):
So this was actually a released video. This had a
box It had an inscription from Corey on the back
saying dear fans, thanks for your support. I hope you
enjoy this as much as we enjoyed making it. Love
Corey Hame. This wasn't just some industry like I always
had this image in my mind that this was just
something that was passed around in the industry. Somebody got

(14:01):
a hold of this tape. But it was never. No,
this was a released video that you could rent in
video stores with copy on the back and a case
and everything. So this video Father Malone was written and
co directed by Brooke McCarter. Now, I know we've talked
a little bit about this ahead of time. You have
a story about Brooke mcarter, do you not?

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Now?

Speaker 5 (14:22):
Who is Brook macarter? Tell everybody Brooke.

Speaker 4 (14:24):
Mcarter is one of the Lost Boys. He is the
death by stereo lost boy kill Marcoys.

Speaker 3 (14:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
Yeah, And he also showed up in a new Twilight
Zone episode. He was quite good in I mean, he
was a good actor. Actually he's passed away since then.
He died of liver cancer.

Speaker 5 (14:41):
Who that's sad.

Speaker 4 (14:43):
Now many years ago. One of my earlier podcasts is
called Dark Destinations. It is a radio drama basically, and
it takes place Each episode takes place in a different
fictional environment, and one of them takes place in Santa Carla.
And at the time, I was trying to popularize the show,
and I joined a Facebook group of Lost Boys and

(15:03):
oh my god, okay, so yeah, I had seen this
meme that was showing the Lost Boys from the movie
all young and beautiful and perfect, and then a shot
of them fifteen years later where they all looked old
and fat, and underneath it said party all night, never
grow old, never die, It's fun to be a vampire.
That was funny. I posted in the group and I

(15:24):
got shelacked. Man, I had people threatening my life.

Speaker 5 (15:29):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (15:31):
Yeah, I got a voice message on Facebook from this
lunatic because evidently Brooke Macarter. I had known this at
the time. Brook Macarter had already passed away from liver cancer.
But they were just like, how dare you His family
could see this? They're on here and blah blah blah,

(15:52):
And I like took it down because there was such vitriol.
But then the same person then sent it to Brooke
Macarter's family to call me out. He said, this person
was like, you need to take this down because it
might offend the family if they see it, and then
when I did he sent it to the family.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
What a lunatic. Yeah, that's the definition of a social
justice warrior right there.

Speaker 4 (16:18):
Insanity anyway, Brook macart.

Speaker 5 (16:19):
Wow, Now the thing is like, I never read that
Corey Feldman memoir. I think it's called choreography.

Speaker 4 (16:26):
God almighty, how could anyway?

Speaker 5 (16:28):
But he may be an unreliable narrator in this case,
but according to him, it's my understanding that he didn't
have a very high opinion of Brooke McCarter. I think
because at the time that this video was made, Brooke
McCarter was living with Ham, and he was acting as
a kind of manager slash life coach, and I think

(16:49):
in Feldman's way of thinking, he was a hanger on
somebody who was not good for Corey Ham and an
enabler in some way.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
I wonder how much as writer director of this video
he received for a fee.

Speaker 5 (17:01):
How much he received for as payment. Yeah, I don't know,
because I don't have any idea of how much this
thing actually sold or how popular it was in its day.

Speaker 4 (17:10):
I'm just saying, was the motivation here to rehabilitate Corey's
career or was it to make a buck on Corey
when you still could, because if he actually got rehabilitated
and started starring in movies, that was the last time
you were going to see him.

Speaker 5 (17:24):
It's look, I've seen this probably more than any one
person should have watched it, and I can't answer that question.
It's still there's mysteries around this thing that will never
be solved, and the direction is definitely a big one.
But so he's interesting that one of his co stars
and the Lost Boys directed this thing. Directing is an

(17:45):
odd word to use because just to describe this, I'll
get into the nuts and bolts, but this thing could
not be any more eighties. The actual look of it,
because it's it switches between color and black and white
and that high speed shutter stroby thing, which immediately marks

(18:06):
it as a late eighties artifact. And it's not just
Corey talking to the camera. There's some interview bits in
him talking in voiceovers, but an awful lot of it
is just it's almost like he's filming the behind the
scenes of what it is he's trying to direct. So
if he's trying to film Corey playing tennis, it's not

(18:29):
enough to just show him playing tennis. He has to
show the camera operators setting up on the court with
the steady cam crab walking backwards while Corey does sets
up a shot. Okay, let's try that one again, and
they do another shot. It's I don't know any teeny
bopper who would have had the patience to sit through

(18:49):
this thing, because it's not just Corey being Corey. It's
like you're getting a making of at the same time.
It's unlike anything else I've ever seen fa them alone
in that respect.

Speaker 4 (19:02):
I guess in that regard, it is a breakthrough. While
you're watching the final product.

Speaker 5 (19:08):
And throughout, by the way, there is this incessant new
Jack swing groove playing.

Speaker 4 (19:14):
I don't know, and I mentioned it it was interminable.

Speaker 5 (19:18):
It's so weird. It's like somebody got themselves in an
eight o eight drum machine and it's just like the
swing beat with the with a bass playing and there's
no vocals. It's just it's like you're on and you're
in an elevator circle nineteen eighty nine and it's that
version of Musaic playing over the elevator. It's very it's grating,
there's no other word for it. It just gets so annoying.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
But maybe when we wear a too long coat.

Speaker 5 (19:45):
Start doing the Roger Rabbit dance.

Speaker 4 (19:47):
Move, and any a too like a zoot suit, pocket.

Speaker 5 (19:52):
Chain, like parachute pants, and vanilla ice because he has
a vanilla ice look to him at times. He's got
like the sort.

Speaker 4 (20:01):
Of Africa medallion fashioned in leather.

Speaker 5 (20:06):
So we start out there's a sequence. If we're going
to break this up into chunks, the first chunk of
this movie is footage of Corey playing a lot of sports.
He plays hockey. He's wearing a custom Bruins jersey Amster.
It Saysmesister Hamster twenty two on the back. It's like

(20:28):
his own personal Bruins jersey. And by by playing, I
mean he's mainly skating around and taking one on one
shots at the goal. There's an Elvis vibe to some
of this, Father Malone, because it's like Elvis.

Speaker 4 (20:42):
That's the way it is.

Speaker 5 (20:43):
It's people whose job it is to make him look good,
whether he's playing tennis or like I said, he's playing hockey.
There's a goalie who's missing every shot that he's shooting
at him. There's a bit where he's playing baseball and
they're just shagging grounders and whatever else. But it's all
of these people who are there in service to Corey Haim.

(21:07):
But I can't imagine any of them weren't aware of
his serious substance abuse problems, because it's on full display here.
As much as he says to the camera, hey, I'm good,
I'm ready to work, you can see by his interview footage,
like there's a sequence that they repeat back. They go

(21:27):
back to several times of him on a couch and
he's getting.

Speaker 4 (21:31):
I had a hard time watching this scene.

Speaker 5 (21:33):
It was hard because he's getting They're giving him questions
like at one point, I have some of this written
down here. He there's one of them. He fidgets, He
makes odd facial expressions. He's getting these rambling kind of
adult responses, which if your goal is to convey health

(21:53):
and well being, this is conveying the exact opposite message.
Because at one point he says, this is a direct couit.
He says, so as far as my fans up there
being in, like help Corey, where's our Corey? On the
whole misconception thing from the people out there, they have
every right to feel the way they do, and things
are great with me. As you see, I'm in very

(22:14):
good shape now and on the ball things are happening
me saying that doesn't do justice to the facial ticks
that he's got going on. In the ram, he says
it there things are. I'm in very good shape now.
That's not something you say in a fluff piece. He's
sending a message to people saying hire me. I'm good

(22:35):
and he's not good.

Speaker 4 (22:36):
I thought he was a cokehead. He's clearly on fucking
depressants here. He's half liitted, he's he's forcing every word out.
He really has to think about everything he's saying.

Speaker 5 (22:47):
I do think that there are parts that he is
on cocaine, because there's a sequence where he's in front
of a bank of keyboards.

Speaker 4 (22:54):
Oh and we'll get there, we'll.

Speaker 5 (22:57):
Talk about that. That's another one of these and yettes
is him playing music and giving his thoughts on music.
For example, this is an infamous quote from this he said.
The interview asks what current music he likes, and he
says inexplicably, he says, I'm into that Japanese funk, that
funky hip jam thing.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
Now.

Speaker 5 (23:18):
Years later, in two thousand and four, Hame was interviewed
for Vice magazine. The person there was doing a They
were going to make a movie about Alfie's. Have you
ever heard of Alfie's? The club Alfie's from back then?
Father Malone. No, there is an interesting story here. Apparently
there was a club run by a guy named Alfi
that catered specifically to child stars.

Speaker 4 (23:41):
Oh, in the Roosevelt Hotel.

Speaker 5 (23:44):
Yes, like Scott, they had their own version of kind
of the brat pack. It was Corey Ham, Corey Feldman,
Alissa Milano, Scott Grimes was in the group. And I
don't know if she was in it, But so this
person was.

Speaker 4 (24:02):
About that girl from Small Wonder? Was she allowed the robot?

Speaker 5 (24:07):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (24:08):
It all sounds very dark.

Speaker 5 (24:10):
Alf to me?

Speaker 4 (24:11):
Was alf running around them?

Speaker 2 (24:12):
There?

Speaker 5 (24:13):
Who is the guy who was on? Who's addicted to heroin?

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Max?

Speaker 5 (24:17):
Something? The star of alf Was it?

Speaker 4 (24:20):
Not the star? It was one of the writers?

Speaker 5 (24:22):
No, No, the one of the writers was. But that
guy Max what's his name? He had a drug problem too.

Speaker 4 (24:31):
So hit a night for young teens? Was Danny Pintaro
allowed in?

Speaker 5 (24:36):
No? I don't know.

Speaker 4 (24:37):
You didn't have an Alissa Milano hook up? Come on?

Speaker 3 (24:40):
No?

Speaker 5 (24:40):
I think Alissa Milano dated Corey Ham for a time.
So anyway, this writer, this person from Vice was interviewing
Corey ham for this thing about Alfie's that apparently never
really manifested itself. But he asks him, he says, he
asks Corey Hame up front. He says, what's Japanese funk
and replies, Oh, I was just messing around at the time.

(25:03):
Japanese funk was Japanese funk, It's whatever. There's no such
thing as Japanese funk, which tells me that he didn't
know what the hell he was saying during that interview
in nineteen eighty nine. He couldn't even remember what he
was talking about.

Speaker 4 (25:15):
Yeah, okay, speaking back now to the direction that you mentioned,
the direction quote unquote going on in this how could
this not be just a quick cash grab or was
Brooke McCarter also completely blitzed because anyone can see how
fucking high he is in every fucking scene in this movie.

(25:38):
It's let's get your rehabilitated, we'll put out this fucking
thing and then the industry will know. Meanwhile, everyone had
to be stoned because I don't understand how this got out.

Speaker 5 (25:49):
It's really remarkable because the more it's like he doff
protests too much. The more he tries to convey an
image of stability and health, the more or he's doing
the exact opposite, because, like you said, he's giving these
very heavily lided interviews. He's manic at some points, he's

(26:09):
giving weird answers to some of these interview questions. It
just doesn't make any sense why you would want this
to come out.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
He shows he's a menace. And when he gets behind
the wheel of a car with the fucking camera rig
strap to it so he's driving around, he can't even see.

Speaker 5 (26:23):
That's so great because this is half behind the scenes.
There's an extended sequence where you see them trying to
attach the.

Speaker 4 (26:31):
Camera onto the car to dummies.

Speaker 3 (26:33):
There are a bunch of.

Speaker 5 (26:34):
Dummies, and as he's driving, he's just driving for no
real reason. He's just talking as he's driving. How much
he loves La. The camera, I swear is shaking so much.
If you've ever tried to drive, I did this once
when I first had a camera phone. I tried to
prop a cat in my phone on my dashboard as
I drove, just to see like a steady camshot. No,

(26:56):
it just vibrates all to hell and you can't make
out anything. That's what happened here. These lunkheads tried to
bolt this camera on this Alpha Romeo, and it's not
only do you have the danger of this piece of
equipment falling off on the highway, but very likely Corey
Haym himself is under the influence. He shouldn't be driving.

(27:17):
It's crazy, Father Malone.

Speaker 4 (27:19):
This is an insane piece of entertainment.

Speaker 3 (27:22):
HV.

Speaker 5 (27:23):
It's dangerous. I wrote here, Now, like I said, I've
seen this many times. I wrote. At one point, I said,
we're only fourteen minutes into this video, and it feels
like three hours because east because not a lot happens.
I maybe over selling what transpires, but it's like they'll
be the thesis of a segment, will be like I said, sports,

(27:45):
or it'll be cars, and it will be a good
I don't know, eight minutes ten minutes devoted to that.
Here's them putting a camera on the car. Here's him
getting in the car, here's him driving, Here's him talking
about the sound editor who's sitting with them in the car,
and it's it just goes on and on. Nothing really happens.

(28:07):
But again the irony is nothing's happening. But everything is
up there on the screen. You just have to open
your eyes and see how this poor soul is acting.

Speaker 4 (28:19):
I don't know and written what was written. Shouldn't one
actor have recognized another actor and needs a fucking script
or all actors just like I'll just wing it.

Speaker 5 (28:30):
Well, my guess is this was written in a manner
not unlike how they wrote the movie Head. Remember the
famous story about how the monkeys wrote Head.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
They went up to Joshua Tree and they locked themselves
in a cabin and they all took acid.

Speaker 5 (28:45):
Yeah, like Bob Raefelson was there, Jack Nicholson was there,
and they just went, Hey, wouldn't it be funny if
we were dandriff in some guy's head? Wouldn't that be hilarious?
Now it will? As a side note, I fucking love Head.
I think it's brilliant. So in that case, they captured
lightning in the bar despite themselves. But I suspect the
making of this not to not to speak ill of

(29:06):
the dead, because as you said, both McMasters and McCarter
excuse me, and Haim are both dead sadly, But I
don't think there was a lot of thought put into
how this was going to be made. I think they
just sat around and said, hey, man, let's have I
got it.

Speaker 6 (29:25):
We'll have a sequence where you're like, you're playing hockey
and you look great and you're hitting shots into the goal,
and then you're talking about how much it's a team sport,
and the fact that it's a team sport means that, hey,
filmmaking is a team sport too, So read between the lines.

Speaker 5 (29:39):
I'm a team player. And then we'll have you like
modeling because you show how good you That is what
I think happened the two of them Cabana, just hashing
this out while under the influence, that's my guess.

Speaker 4 (29:52):
Like Quentin Tarantino and Paul Thomas Anderson on coke in
that room thing. You ever hear that story?

Speaker 3 (29:56):
No?

Speaker 5 (29:57):
What is it?

Speaker 4 (29:58):
Fiona Apple, who is dead. Paul Thomas Anderson at the
time says said something to the effect of, you don't
know what hell is unless you've been in a room
with Quinton Tarantino and balth Thamas Anderson, like both high
on cocaine and talking about themselves.

Speaker 5 (30:12):
Seriously. I mean that now, Quentin Tarantino is such a
cuddly guy. He's an elder Statesman for that type of filmmaking.
But yeah, I can imagine him talking your air off, chattering,
even not on cocaine. He's probably a lot to take in.
But I digress. So, like I said, there's a sports thing.
There's a whole sequence where he's just floating in his pool.
He does nothing else. He dives into the pool, he

(30:34):
floats in the pool, he talks about how much he
loves his pool, and this just keeps going on and on.
He plays on his keyboard. We talked about that.

Speaker 4 (30:43):
We didn't really talk about that. Tell us, how would
you describe his musical stylings.

Speaker 5 (30:48):
You know what, here's the thing. You might be surprised
by this.

Speaker 4 (30:51):
He's actually a pretty good player.

Speaker 5 (30:52):
Yes, that's what I was going to say. He I
was all prepared to say, Oh, he's just hitting random
keys on the thing and letting the sampler dude, the
heavy lifting. That's that may be true for part of this,
but there is a part of this musical sequence, this interlude,
where you can actually see that he actually is playing

(31:13):
like he's just he's not playing a song. He's just
he's got a chord sequence and he keeps repeating it,
and he goes back to it, and then he's got
this annoying sampler that just keeps repeating vocal phrases because
that's what was popular in the eighties. But I was
actually surprised, and looking at it with a different lens,
he actually had a little bit of a skill at

(31:34):
the keyboard. I was actually surprised by that. It doesn't
make mean the music was good, but there was a
rhyme and reason to it.

Speaker 4 (31:42):
I guess that was my question, what do you think
of that music?

Speaker 5 (31:45):
And maybe the music's terrible, Make no mistake, it's incessantly
repeating and looping. It's literally it's like he had a
bar of music and he just keeps the drum machine
just keeps looping back, and the melody just keeps looping back,
and the bass keeps looping back. And again there's this
elevis element where there's guys behind him, ay, oh yeah, right,

(32:07):
you're cool, like they're, if not pretending to groove, at
least trying to appreciate what he's doing. But again, there's nothing.
This movie is all about the subtext. The text is meaningless.
The subtext is really what we're all about.

Speaker 4 (32:23):
Jammin On the one rest in Peace, Malcolm Jamal Warner.

Speaker 5 (32:29):
I actually not only that, I did actually make a
joke here. I wrote this down. There's at one point
during his fashion shoot, he's wearing a leather jacket with
skeletons painted on the back, and he takes it off
to reveal what I can only describe as a Gordon
Gartrell type shirt. I love using Gordon Gartrell as a
reference Father Malone, because it may be not that I

(32:50):
was a big Cosby show nerd, but that between the
Stevie wonder Jamin on the One and the Gordon Gartrell episode,
those to me are perfection. The Gordon Gartrell is hilarious.
Do you remember that episode?

Speaker 4 (33:06):
I absolutely remember that with that designer shirt.

Speaker 5 (33:09):
Yeah, Denise was supposed to. She said I can make
you because they were the shirts were super expensive. They
were like hundreds of dollars, and Denise said, I can
make you one of those for thirty bucks. And he's like, done,
do it and he puts it on and it's so
over the top ridiculous. One sleeve is too long, one
sleeve is too short, the buttons and the collar don't

(33:30):
line up. They're all and it's this great reveal where
he comes out and he's screaming at Denise about this
terrible shirt. Look in all seriousness, Malcolm Jamal Warner, we
lost a really good actor, a good comic actor, and
a very good comedic actor, and a fabulous musician to boot.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
No joke, not accusing you of joking. And I agree with
that sentiment.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
One.

Speaker 4 (33:55):
If you watched most recently on Key and Peel, he
keeps showing up as this like black Republican and like
jeans and one of those those stupid leather jackets. And
I'm pissed, royally pissed.

Speaker 5 (34:09):
It's so good he was he It's funny because there's
an interesting dichotomy here. We bring up Malcolm Jamal Warner
and we're talking about Corey Haim. They both are child actors.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
Who do you think the Cosby kids were in that nightclub?

Speaker 5 (34:26):
Probably not, because I don't think mister Cosby, which is
what they all had to call him, Like even now,
these kids quote unquote are like in their fifties and
they still call him mister Cosby, which I think is interesting.
But no, I don't think any of them could be
in those clubs. Remember Lisa Bney did Angel Heart and
she was kicked off of like a different world, like

(34:47):
she that ruined her standing with Cosby.

Speaker 4 (34:50):
Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but then she showed back up
on the Cosby Show.

Speaker 5 (34:56):
She did she married that naval nerd. What was that
guy's name?

Speaker 4 (35:01):
Who cares? He was terrible. I just remember that. At
one point as a joke, all of the characters came
in and they were wearing shirts that's a PG or
R or something like that, and then she came in
wearing an X because angel Hart had been rated X
initially because of the sex scene between her and Mickey Rourke.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (35:19):
Did I tell you when I met Lisa Bonet one time?

Speaker 5 (35:22):
You never told me the story.

Speaker 4 (35:23):
So this is I was working at the New Wilshire
Theater in Cinta, Monica between fourteenth and Nuclid Street, and
it was a matinee on a Sunday, and it was
so early in the morning and I had just cut
the movie had just ended, and I had come downstairs
and Lisa Bonet came out and said, can you help
me find my glasses? And it was like a goddess. Man.
There are very few people I've met who people described

(35:47):
the IT factor. They just glow. You just want to
do anything for them, and she was one of those people.
And so I went in and I found her glasses.
I was so excited to find her glasses for like
her champion. And then I gave her glasses and she
said thank you very much, and it was I was
on them. I'm still on cloud nine.

Speaker 5 (36:07):
Yeah, yeah, you have the sunshine shining down on you.

Speaker 4 (36:10):
Oh my god, this is like nineteen ninety two, ninety three,
by the way, like Lisa Bonett just oh my short hair,
just gorgeous, that her skin was so man.

Speaker 5 (36:20):
She was beautiful. She was beautiful. She would not I
know she went back to Cosby eventually, but but she
did her own thing. Remember she she did Playboy. She
married Lenny Kravitz. Remember that they did Beautiful.

Speaker 4 (36:32):
Performer, And Zoe Kravitz is their child, beautiful.

Speaker 5 (36:37):
And fucking talented as hell.

Speaker 4 (36:39):
Fucking ay Man Jason Momo is a fucking idiot.

Speaker 5 (36:43):
I know, huh blew it, he blew it. But I
just think it's interesting we're talking about these child actors,
and again it's there's been some dispute over what actually
happened to Corey Hame. I know Corey Feldman has his
side of the Red and he's gone on record is
saying what he believes, and I guess we take him

(37:04):
at his word because he apparently knew him better than anybody.
But at a minimum, he had a shitty life. I'm
sure he was fairly unsupervised. I don't think he had
a lot of parental oversight from what was happening to him.
But having said that, like I said, I do believe
that ultimately we have a responsibility to make good choices.

Speaker 4 (37:27):
And I don't know, I.

Speaker 5 (37:29):
Guess it's up for debate whether any of this could
have been avoided or if he maybe he had just
that type of addictive personality and he couldn't maybe he
was faded to be to end up like this. It's sad,
but this kind of nakedly ambitious means of upping his
standing in Hollywood. It's it is sad that he had
to resort to that. But it's a little bit I

(37:51):
don't know, there's a what's the word I'm looking for.
It's it's a little sneaky and a little bit absurd
that he would try to pull this over on Hollywood
because no who, no one's going to fall for this.

Speaker 4 (38:01):
It's one person. This is my point. This isn't It
wasn't done in a vacuum. This isn't like a video
that escaped onto the internet. There was no internet. This
is something they crafted. So it's not only this group
of idiots. At a certain point, they have to hand
it to somebody else who's going to master the tape,
and there had to be an executive at some company somewhere.

(38:23):
Was everyone so nakedly thinking that this was going to
be a best seller, that they were going to make
a lot of money off of it, or that it
was going to rehabilitate his career, and then they would
be on a gravy train like I At no point
did anyone say he's completely fucked up in this every
fucking scene.

Speaker 5 (38:41):
Yeah, there no movie. The thing is like you, if
you watch the crappiest midnight movie that you can possibly
imagine something that looks like it was who made this?
The fact is actually fuck Wim. I blanking on his name.
I'm married to Meredith. Soalnger now patnallsas he has a

(39:01):
great bit he talks about deathbed, the bed that eats people.
He has this great run where but it's true that
you're seeing this, thinking it's this piece of crap, But
there are dozens of people behind the scenes making this movie,
lighting it. There's somebody bringing in bagels, right, somebody who
who caters this.

Speaker 4 (39:22):
Well, nobody says to make a bad movie.

Speaker 5 (39:24):
But my point is that we're watching this the quality
is really it's like having it's like a camcorder from
nineteen eighty nine. It just doesn't look very good. It
looks like somebody did this as a home movie. But
when you watch it, there's no denying that there are photographers.
There are tons of cameramen. Yeah, this is a big artist.

Speaker 4 (39:45):
They had to like call ahead to the sports facility
and say Corey Haym's going to be coming over beyond
the ice and we're going to be filming. Like permits
were probably worked out like christ this.

Speaker 5 (39:56):
There are vehicles that have to be rented. There's costuming
that has to because there's a whole sequence where he
just models a bunch of costumes, including this Gordon Guard
Trail type shirt.

Speaker 4 (40:05):
So to hire a makeup artist to come make him
up while he rambles on hairstylist.

Speaker 5 (40:10):
There's even there's even this weird shot of somebody pumping
air into the alligator float that he then floats on
on the pool. It's like, why would you film that
someone literally with one of those little things to fill
it up there. It's insane, But you're right. At no
point that anybody or maybe someone didn't they were overruleed.

(40:30):
But it doesn't. It seems like nobody was the adult
on a set saying what the fuck are we doing here?
Look at him. He can barely speak without falling asleep
right there on the couch. He looks terrible. He's not
making any sense. He's a danger to himself. Why the
fuck are we here? That never happened.

Speaker 4 (40:53):
Yeah, this isn't Let's just get him through the gig.
This is let's rehabilitate his career.

Speaker 5 (40:59):
Or probably more likely, Hey, maybe there's money to be made.
He has a big fan base. Girls love him. Let's
put this out under the guys that it's a day
in the life of this guy, and we'll kill two
birds with one stone. We'll restore his standing in Hollywood
and make a few bucks in the bargain. I don't
have I couldn't find any sales figures for this thing.

(41:21):
I somehow I doubt that it made a lot of money. Look,
I saw this thing for years. I didn't even know
that this was a released piece of media. I thought
this was just some video cassette that had been passed
around Hollywood that somehow leaked out. They thought this thing
was going to sell.

Speaker 4 (41:38):
Yeah, I didn't know it was either. I saw it
in Los Angeles, like at a party. Somebody was like,
you've never seen that, and they like popped it in.
So I assumed, like you did, that this was just
something being passed around.

Speaker 5 (41:49):
Yeah, just some like the Trogs tape, something that like they.

Speaker 4 (41:52):
Cast the Spirit of Christmas. That was the same era
that videotape was actually being passed around. That was actual
viral video.

Speaker 5 (42:01):
Yeah, yeah, and that made the South Park guys right,
that was what lit the flame.

Speaker 4 (42:06):
Oh my god. And you know what I did what
everyone did. As soon as that tamp got into my hand,
somebody let me borrow it, I duped it and handed
it back, and then somebody passed it on and on. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:16):
Yeah, that's that was That's the very definition of viral.
But this, I just don't know anyone who could watch
this and not just see through all of the ridiculousness
of it and say This is really sad video. There's
no there's nothing funny about it, especially now knowing that
he never regained any sort of standing. He just he

(42:38):
never got back to Hollywood. I know, like I said,
he'd done a few cameos and things here and there.
But the way, have you ever seen him in Dicky
Roberts former child actor?

Speaker 3 (42:48):
No?

Speaker 4 (42:49):
I is he in the poker scene?

Speaker 3 (42:52):
No?

Speaker 5 (42:52):
I think he's only at the end, so the wrap
up the end.

Speaker 4 (42:54):
I don't think I got to the end. So sorry,
David spaed I love you, but I couldn't get through that.

Speaker 5 (43:01):
This is in its own way, this is every bit
is sad as what we're talking about here, the ending
of Dicky Roberts is as the credits are rolling, it's
basically we are the World Style sing along featuring oh.

Speaker 4 (43:15):
Yeah yeah, Eithan Barry Williams hamming it up.

Speaker 5 (43:19):
Yeah, there's the Brady Boys are there, Gary Coleman of course,
is there. Todd Bridges, Adam Rich from Ada is enough
who looked really bad. Laife Garrett is there and they're
all it's the conceit is. They're singing this We Are
the World Style Ballad. But it's all about how if
you come up to me and you call me by

(43:40):
my character's name, I will knock you the fuck out.
That's literally, and that's I guess there's something funny about
seeing Roge from What's Happening say something like that. That's
the whole humor of it. But it's just sad man.
And then they cut to and it's clearly Feldman and
ham are there at a different time because they're not
part of the larger chorus. It's just a shot of

(44:02):
them singing into a microphone, the two of them. You
can't even understand what Corey Haym says. Feldman says something
about how he doesn't know karate but he knows crazy,
that line, that sort of James Brown line. And then
Corey Hame says something I had to rewind. I'm like,
what the fuck did he just say? He just looks
awful and it's sad. I know he was on the

(44:22):
two Cory's television show. That kind of helped.

Speaker 4 (44:26):
Cory Feldman's naked attempt to make money off of his
ailing friend Oof. That's by the way, let's talk about
that for a second. Sure, Cory Feldman has been posting
on this I'm a victim thing. Now, granted, his parents
stole all of his money. That's fucked up, right, absolutely,

(44:47):
But everything after that, everything after say Lost Boys, was
all him and he keeps Earlier, you mentioned Hame suffered
some rather horrible sexual assaults as a young actor. It
feels to me that Corey Feldman has conflated that past
with his own. He seems to be drafting off of

(45:09):
the actual victimhood of Corey Haim and claiming that he
deserves the same sort of I.

Speaker 7 (45:16):
Don't know what sympathy sympathy, Yeah, I agree, I look
the problem one of the problems with Corey Feldman is
that the guy just can't get out of his own
fucking way.

Speaker 5 (45:27):
For everything that he does that seems to be sympathetic,
and maybe you give him kind of a break, he
does something that just makes you go, I don't I
have no sympathy for you.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
Hello, I'm Corey Felman. Did you know that crack cocaine
has become a national concern. This drug is an epidemic
sweeping across the country. Crack cocaine is knocking on the
doors of many communities, and I'm concerned about the effect
it's having in our society, Please lend a helping hand
by joining me and others in the fight to get
crack cocaine off the streets. Be a KHJ TV Starr

(46:06):
don't use drugs.

Speaker 5 (46:08):
I don't know if he does it anymore, But he
used to actually have his compound was run as Corey's Angels,
where he would get these beautiful blonde women off the
street who wanted to make something of themselves in Hollywood.
He would take them in, but then he would control
what they ate. It was a fucking cult, is what

(46:29):
it was. And that alone is enough for me to say,
you know what, you don't get the benefit of the
doubt anymore. I get it, you were abused and the
system fucked you over. But I'm going to say it
again in the context of Corey Feldman, there's a reason
why he's not making these big movies anymore. I just
don't think. I think Hollywood is you know what, You're

(46:50):
too much for us. No what you bring to the table,
It's not worth it anymore for us to put you
in this movie.

Speaker 4 (46:57):
It's just not his response to being not blacklisted. I
don't think there's anything any such thing anymore. But his
response to no longer being hired because he had been
treated like a joke, one of the Corey's, the teeny
bopper guy from the eighties. His response was to become
even bigger. His response was to become an even bigger joke. Yeah,

(47:21):
he weave her hair, stopped dancing like Michael Jackson, takes
some acting classes. It's been a while, and get back
in the game, Corey.

Speaker 5 (47:31):
But Michael Jackson thing just kills me. As I was
diving down the rabbit hole for this. In preparation, I
told you that I rewatched the Dream a Little Dream
that the dance sequence that he does in the gym,
he dances for Meridith Salinger's character. And I know that
he has said he's claimed that I'm not dancing like

(47:53):
Michael Jackson. It's just that we both learned at the
same time. And no, he's doing Michael Jackson every time
he does. He's got the same like shoes with the
pantcuffs that come up too high, he's got the hat,
he's got the stringy hair that comes down his face.
He's doing all of the Michael Jackson moves. And it's

(48:14):
just come on, man, what are you doing?

Speaker 4 (48:16):
You ever listen to that Goonies commentary with the cast. Yes,
Josh Brolin, Josh Brolin always a hero, Cory, are you
still dancing around like Michael Jackson?

Speaker 5 (48:26):
God bless Brolin. That's awesome.

Speaker 4 (48:29):
I've always been a fan of that guyn.

Speaker 5 (48:31):
Corey Feldman is, So he didn't it didn't have to
end this way with him, because as we already had
talked about, he's good in stand By Me, he's really
good and I like him. And Lost Boys he's actually funny,
and Lost Boys he's sort of proto. Yeah, he's good.

(48:52):
At some point he went from doing that to doing
like Meatballs for and snow Boarding Academy or whatever other
fuck movies that I.

Speaker 4 (49:02):
Mean, high school forever, right, how dare you?

Speaker 5 (49:09):
It's just he had he could have done it. I
know he had his own battle to substance abuse and
all that kind of stuff, but he's The fact is
he's still here and Corey ham isn't. And there's value
in that. That's something actually to be admired when you
think about it, somebody who survived. But at the same time,
he just seems like such an asshole that I don't know.

(49:33):
I guess I'll give him a hand for surviving, but
not much more than.

Speaker 4 (49:36):
That he's a bigger tragedy and that he actually had promise.

Speaker 5 (49:40):
We had talked briefly about the Lifetime movie. There was
a two Corey's Lifetime movie, one of these bad, badly
casted sort of a Matthew Bright, very surface level, lurid movies.
You saw it, didn't you.

Speaker 4 (49:56):
I've seen enough of it.

Speaker 5 (49:58):
Yeah, And what was your assessment of Corey Feldman in
that it was.

Speaker 4 (50:03):
The catalyst for my theory that he is drafting on
the actual torment and grief and brutalization of his friend
and treating it as his own and playing the victim
when he's just a guy who was a bit of
a dickhead who had a substance abuse problem for a while,

(50:23):
and yes, his parents stole all of his money. Nevertheless,
he's in a unique position to make a lot of
by just behaving because Richard Donner is nothing if not
a fucking loyal human being and would have put him
in every fucking movie in the nineties, every single one
of them.

Speaker 8 (50:39):
There was this thing with Corey Feldman and he was
getting a he was he was crying, and he was
going like, I'm just I'm just so worried about everything
that's going on with me right now, and you know
it happened, and I'm really worried. And I can hear
the producer of Camera go that was great, Corey. Can
you just say this weekend because that's when the he

(51:00):
goes what yeah, go problem.

Speaker 5 (51:04):
I think your exact words to me were Feldman is
actually the villain of this whole thing. He's really the
villain of this and the guys of him trying to
be or on the surface being the friend, the brother,
if you will, to Corey Hame, He's actually the one
who maybe wasn't always looking out for his best interests.

Speaker 4 (51:24):
How about tank all of the money that you're going
to make on your Cory's series and put him in
fucking rehab.

Speaker 5 (51:32):
He needed it. I know the official word on what
he died of was. I think they said he died
of pneumonia.

Speaker 4 (51:38):
He died of heart he I don't know that he ever.

Speaker 5 (51:42):
Conquered his substance abuses.

Speaker 4 (51:44):
Sir, not He's overdosed on something or other.

Speaker 5 (51:47):
Yeah, sad, sad, but we will always have this time
capsule of him at seventeen, seventeen years old. Father malone
and already has been.

Speaker 4 (51:56):
That's really difficult. That's awful, Yeah, seriously.

Speaker 5 (52:00):
And the way that this ends the way that this
Vanity project, if you hear lim it limps over the
finish line, it's a darkly lit PSA style bit where
Hame is going over the resume of movies that he's made,
and he it ends with basically him doing a stay
in school type PSA. He's look, I know it's very glamorous.

(52:24):
It looks like it's glamorous to be an actor, but
stay in school, do your thing. It was very out
of line. Like the whole preceding video that we've just
watched is how glamorous it is to be an actor.
Look at I'm wearing. I'm wearing wardrobe, fancy clothes. I
got my Gordon Gartrell, I'm in my pool, I'm playing tennis.

(52:45):
Look how glamorous it is. And then he's like, oh,
but don't you know, do as I say, don't do
as I do. At the end, I was like, what
the fuck is this thrown in bullshit?

Speaker 4 (52:54):
It should have been a video of him working at McDonald's.
He went out with his hanging out with his mom
and dad.

Speaker 5 (53:02):
I will say this speaking of that there's.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
Way with a dog doing something normal and not just
coked up, fucking lunacy.

Speaker 5 (53:10):
The one sort of truly sad bit that sad in
and of the moment and not something that requires some
retrospect is the off screen interviewer at one point asks
Hame if he could relive one day, what would it be.
His response, father, Malone, do you remember this? Do you
remember this part of the video. He talks about this

(53:32):
little stuffed animal that his mother got him before he
was born. That's a dog that he had since he
was before he was born, and there was a security blanket.
He took it eddy everywhere he went. He was making
a TV movie with Liza Minelli nineteen eighty five Is
a Time to Live. He was fourteen years old. He
had it with him. He left it in this hotel

(53:53):
room and the maid somehow took the bed sheets away
and this stuffed animal was wrapped up in them and
it was gone forever. This little stuffed animal that he
had since he was a baby, that was his security blanket,
was thrown away during this movie. He says that would
be the day that he would relive. Don't you find

(54:15):
that fucking wrenching. This one. It's like Rosebud, It's like
something out of Citizen Kane. The one thing that he
would relive is getting back this fucking stuffed animal that
he had since he was a baby. That to me,
that kind of got to me. He doesn't express it
like that, he doesn't cry or anything. He just off
Handley says, yeah, that would be the day that I
would relive. I'm like, that's fucking sad.

Speaker 4 (54:38):
Did that happen while he was filming Lost Boys, because
it's just three years prior.

Speaker 5 (54:43):
He was It was in eighty five. It was two
years before Lost.

Speaker 4 (54:47):
Boys, Okay, but he's recording this in nineteen eighty eight
now at least. Yeah, I came out in eighty nine.

Speaker 5 (54:54):
He was seventeen when he made.

Speaker 4 (54:55):
This, so it's only three years ago. He's saying, I
want to go back to that time three years ago
when I lost animal. But if I asked, I actually
tuned out during this part HP because as soon as
he's as soon as he brought up a stuff down line,
I went, this is for teeny boppers. Okay.

Speaker 5 (55:10):
I guess you could look at it that way, but
I'm choosing to look at it. If I asked you, like, hey,
is there a day like to relive this? Probably something
like hey, this was a sliding doors moment that I
know would have changed my life for one way or another.
I know I would have said that, But this is
such a minor, nonsensical thing that happened to him. I
guess I'm taking him at his word that he really

(55:33):
does fucking miss this stuffed animal, and how sad that's
the thing he would go back and change.

Speaker 4 (55:39):
Yeah, but he's also high. That's it.

Speaker 5 (55:43):
That's true too. I guess you can't overlook that.

Speaker 4 (55:46):
I don't really take anything he said in this video
as any sort of concrete proof of anything.

Speaker 5 (55:53):
He's apparently the most unreliable of narrators. Yeah, I guess
that's what we're looking at here. Interesting other side note,
this is another story that has nothing to do with
anything this interview that he did with with Vice magazine.
Do you remember father belone New York Seltzer when we
were kids.

Speaker 4 (56:09):
Of course, it was delicious.

Speaker 5 (56:11):
It was delicious. They don't make it anymore. I don't
think there was a commercial.

Speaker 4 (56:15):
Haym have something to do with it. Was he busted drinking?
New York Seltzer and that child nightclub was Tina you
others allowed into the child nightclub? She was Actually she
was part of this group of kids child Steine Bateman
there No. I think she was charging us about the
terrors of AI way back then.

Speaker 5 (56:34):
So, but Haines does figure into this. I thought this
was interesting in the context of this interview. Randy Miller
was the president of New York Seltzer. The commercial Do
you remember the commercial for New York Seltzer. It was
a guy jumping off of the roof of a hotel
with a New York Seltzer in his hand. Do you
remember this?

Speaker 4 (56:52):
No, you don't remember this.

Speaker 5 (56:54):
It was David Coverdale from White Snake saying the theme
to this, it's like a hair metal theme. There's nothing
in the world like New York Seltzer. And while this
is all happening, you see this guy, Randy Miller. He
has They show him with Tiger on a chain. He's like, hey,
I'm a badass dude. And he jumps off of this
hotel with a New York Seltzer and he was like, hey, cheers.

(57:16):
Corey Ham was there for that. He was friends with
this guy Randy Miller and he was there, he was
on the ground, like watching this guy do this, do
this stunt. Randy Miller somehow figures into this ALFI character.
I don't know exactly how, but that came up during
the context and I was just like, fuck, I haven't
thought of New York Seltzer in decades. That's so hilarious.

Speaker 4 (57:35):
I have no objection to seeing Corey Ham again in
the future. I just can't ever bear to see him
like this again.

Speaker 5 (57:41):
It is look all things, all kidding aside, all jokes aside,
It is a sad look at a star who's completely
lost his way. It's just no way around it, and
even sadder to know that he never found his way.
That's really the ultimate wrenching aspect this whole thing is

(58:01):
if he went back, if he mounted a comeback and
was bigger and better than ever, we could look at
this and laugh about it and say, all right, that
was just a blip in the radar.

Speaker 4 (58:10):
Yeah, remember that time he tried to convince everyone not
that you were clean when you were clearly fucked up. Yeah,
Charlie Sheen.

Speaker 5 (58:18):
Winning It would have been because people Charlie Sheen, although
he's not necessarily considered the most stable of individuals. People
don't talk about that when he went off the deep
end and he was talking about tiger blood and all
that kind of stuff. But he made it through. But
Corey Hame never made it through. That's sad.

Speaker 4 (58:36):
No, he needed a friend, like a really good friend,
like somebody else named Corey to fucking put out a
steadying hand instead of trying to recruit blondes to be
his personal army. Gross really gross, Okay, so gross Feldman.

Speaker 5 (58:52):
Oh, yeah, he's completely He just seems greasy and not unsavory.
He's a very unsavory character, that's my impression.

Speaker 4 (58:59):
I bet his tongue is out of his mouth a
lot of times, Like, I bet that's like a sexy
move for him.

Speaker 5 (59:05):
I showed you. I forwarded you that at a video
from The Two Cory's there's a moment in the two
Corey TV Show that he's giving his wife a Valentine's
Day present and it's not a ring, it's not jewelry,
it's not flowers. The wife comes home and outside is
Cory with a ten piece band singing the worst song

(59:28):
ever because he believes he's a good singer and he's not.
Corey Feldman, I'm here to tell you cannot sing. He's terrible.
And not only that, he gets into her face when
the big finish happens in the song and he's doing
the scats sing and I love you baby, he is
so close, He's probably a half inch away from his
wife's face. And I felt such sympathy for her in

(59:51):
that moment, because she has to pretend that she's overcome
with emotion at this display when I'm sure inside of
her skin is crawling, because how could it not? Father
them alone when he's singing an inch from your face. Hey,
she married him and then she very quickly divorced him,
so who can blame her?

Speaker 4 (01:00:10):
I want a divorce from Corey Feldman now too.

Speaker 5 (01:00:14):
I think I think the world wants to divorce Corey
Feldman and has so for a long time. Everyone everyone
dislikes him, except for that guy from lymp Biscuit Fred Durst.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
Yeah, are they buddies?

Speaker 5 (01:00:26):
They are buddies. He brought him, fred Durst brought him
on tour with Limp Biscuit in their most recent tour.
He was like one of the opening acts.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
Did it all for the nookie?

Speaker 5 (01:00:37):
Did it for something? See Fred Durst bugs me too.

Speaker 4 (01:00:40):
Remember Wes Borland and his creepy gulishness out of a
completely out of place in that band, like he's in
the wrong band.

Speaker 5 (01:00:49):
The thing about it is when Limp Biscuit was popular
in the nineties, there was no wink and a smile
at the audience. They believed in every bullshit song they sang.
They took it seriously. So for them now, like now,
if you look at footage of them performing, it's, oh,
here's Fred Durst. He's wearing another wacky wig and he's singing.

(01:01:12):
He's singing like a lounge singer. You don't get to
be part of that. You don't get to say that
you're part of the joke. Now, you don't get to
do that.

Speaker 4 (01:01:21):
I felt that way about Shatner. Yeah, like everyone loves
Shatner now, like curmudgeon le old Shatner because everyone at
certain point, we're going to love you because you're just
old and haven't died yet. But when Shatner's reframed himself
as that sort of I'm completely in love with myself
narcissistic actor, I was like, no, you are that. Fuck you.

(01:01:42):
You seemed like a nightmare. Your entire career. You don't
get to coast on being the nightmare now, you don't
get to continue your popularity.

Speaker 5 (01:01:49):
You're not wrong. I will say. He did an album
with Ben Folds called has Been. This was before he
really let that part of his persona take over. It's
have you ever heard it?

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
Father?

Speaker 4 (01:02:00):
B Alone? Has no No, It's Ben Folds or William Shatner.

Speaker 5 (01:02:06):
It's a very good album, and the reason for that
is because it actually was kind of a peek behind
what everybody thought they knew about him. There's a song
on there he found his wife drowned in the pool
she had I don't know she led herself.

Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
I unfortunately heard the nine one one tape.

Speaker 5 (01:02:25):
There's a song on there where he's actually basically singing
a song to her. It's called what have You Done?
It's heavy stuff, it's him grappling with This was two
thousand and four, so this was already twenty one years ago.
So even then he was like grappling with the idea
that I'm old, I don't have very much longer to go.
What have I done with myself? Who am I? And

(01:02:47):
what do I have to say for myself? I thought?
He since has gone on to refute that and make
a lot of bullshit, like he did a blues album,
which is awful, but at the time at least it
felt refreshed to see him going, you know what, that
thing that I do, that sort of cover it's all bullshit.
This is really who I am. I'm a sensitive guy

(01:03:07):
who's scared about a lot of stuff. I thought it
was really brave at the time. No, you're not buying
it at all.

Speaker 4 (01:03:16):
Nope, here's what I want to know. How does his
blues album stack up against Steven Sigalla's blues album.

Speaker 5 (01:03:22):
It's worse. It's much, much worse. We've talked about this
on a Noise Junkies album episode. Stephen Sigal is terrible,
objectively terrible, but at least there's still an element with
Shatner of I'm trying this, but there's still a wink
and a smile, like, hey, this is definitely William Shatner
the character doing a blues album and what that entails.

(01:03:44):
And plus he has all these like guest performers come
in like Slash or whoever else like stuff like that.
Whereas there's something admirable about Stephen Sigal saying, yeah, this
is my music. Man, take it or leave it. It's terrible.
I will leave it, thank you very much. At least
the guy stands by it without artifice.

Speaker 4 (01:04:05):
Yeah, I'll say again, the music on that on his
album is good. He's just surrounded himself with a really
good musicians. We're gonna say that's a bad album. How
could you?

Speaker 5 (01:04:14):
He's just he's so hard to take seriously. At least Shatner,
you know what you're getting, which is this is a
guy who's he's dined out on his persona for decades
and that'll never change. Whereas Segal is just predominantly known
as an asshole who gave up his US citizenship to
go to Russia. Just a weird guy.

Speaker 4 (01:04:36):
Fuck that guy. Yeah, he should have been killed by
a predator.

Speaker 5 (01:04:42):
He wouldn't let it happen. It would be in his
contract that he had to beat the predator with his hopketo.
That's it, the sticky hands, the martial art that he practiced.

Speaker 4 (01:04:51):
Steven Sage's best movie executive order.

Speaker 5 (01:04:57):
Is that the one with Kurt Russell.

Speaker 4 (01:04:58):
Yeah it it is, because he dies twenty minutes into
the movie. He gets sucked out of the plane's Yeah,
oh my God, this movie's great.

Speaker 5 (01:05:06):
So let's let's try to wrap this up. There's not
much more to say about this that it's very look
if you can sit through it, it is very interesting
to see the lengths that he would go to to
try and rescue his career, and as a cautionary tale alone,
it's worth visiting. But at the end of the day,

(01:05:29):
if we're gonna if the conceit of this series is
that I hate you because I'm giving you this entertainment
that can't possibly be entertaining, I guess mission accomplished.

Speaker 4 (01:05:39):
Then huh, oh my god, such a mission accomplished. And listen, listeners.
If you consider me your friend and then you go
watch this based on my recommendation, then you know what
it's like to have HB hate you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
Two.

Speaker 5 (01:05:53):
It can only go up from here, though, father alone,
it can only get better. I can't imagine it's much worse.

Speaker 4 (01:05:58):
Than this can't get much like.

Speaker 5 (01:06:01):
In comparison, the Billy Crystal Show that we reviewed last
time was like a walk in the park compared to.

Speaker 4 (01:06:06):
This wildly popular. That episode was Oh yeah, people like
you hating me? I guess nice.

Speaker 5 (01:06:13):
They just it's such an interesting idea. The thing is ultimately,
when you and I do shows like Yaucha FESTP Series
is like that, we want things to be good, we
want to be entertained, and we want to pass on
those good pieces of entertainment to you the listener. So
it's a unique spin on that to present you with

(01:06:35):
things that I'm pretty certain you're going to hate.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
It's odd you fucking knocked it out of the park
with this one. Mat not only because of the subject matter,
not only because it was interminable and because I've just
hated my life, but this one was also so melancholic
in a way that like it's going to be hard
to beat. So please, whatever the next thing is, can
it not involve ultimate tragicy I'll do my best, all right?

(01:07:03):
Until then, where can people find you, mister HP?

Speaker 5 (01:07:07):
All right, on the lighter side of the entertainment spectrum.
You can can hear me on the Night Mister Walters
Taxi Podcast, which I co host with Father Malone. Here
of course, I'm an occasional guest on the Culture Cast
with Christashu. I host the Noise Junkies music podcast, and
I have a band campsite hpmusicplace dot bandcamp dot.

Speaker 4 (01:07:28):
Com as for me. If you're listening on the Patreon page,
thank you so much. It's probably where you're hearing this first.
Come on, suckers, get on that Patreon page. You can
hear this thing weeks early. Check in. Tune in every Monday,
that's Father Malone's weekly round up where I reviewed the
latest in streaming and theatrical releases. And every Friday. It

(01:07:49):
is a rotating show, a wheel of shows. It's Tell
Some the Dark Side reviews, and it's also Fusco Fest,
and it's also Yauca Fest looking at the Predator movie.
So check us out on.

Speaker 3 (01:08:01):
All of those.

Speaker 4 (01:08:02):
And I'm gonna leave you with a bit of music here.
Who's the singer what I want to be?

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Can you wrap?

Speaker 3 (01:08:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (01:08:07):
What's that going about?

Speaker 4 (01:08:08):
Put me one time?

Speaker 8 (01:08:09):
You know?

Speaker 5 (01:08:12):
And won't you say?

Speaker 4 (01:08:12):
At the party?

Speaker 2 (01:08:13):
Jamming on the one can and jamming on the one
Yemen on.

Speaker 3 (01:08:17):
The baby cannon on the one baby baby Lady lay

(01:09:00):
be

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HP Hates Me - Corey Haim: Me, Myself and I

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}HP Hates Me - Corey Haim: Me, Myself and I