August 6, 2025 • 40 mins
Think self-harm is only about physical scars? Think again. This podcast dives into the hidden, less obvious forms of self-harm that many of us silently battle every day. From binge eating and starving yourself to drowning in negative thoughts, overworking to burnout, risky sexual behavior, and escaping through alcohol or drugs — these habits are more than just coping mechanisms; they’re cries for help wrapped in everyday actions.
We unpack the emotional triggers behind these behaviors, reveal their dangerous consequences, and most importantly, offer real, healthier alternatives to break the cycle. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a loop of self-sabotage or wondered why some habits just won’t quit, this episode is your wake-up call — raw, relatable, and empowering.
Whether you’re struggling yourself or want to understand a loved one better, this podcast is a must-listen for anyone seeking self-awareness, healing, and genuine self-care. Tune in, share with your circle, and take the first step toward a kinder, stronger you.
Keywords: self-harm behaviors, non-physical self-harm, emotional self-harm, binge eating, burnout, negative thoughts, risky sexual behavior, substance abuse coping, self-care podcast, mental health awareness, breaking self-harm cycle, emotional triggers, healing habits.
Ready to break free from hidden self-harm? Subscribe now and start your journey to self-awareness and healing today!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mindbenders-brain-teasers-philo-psych--6019641/support.
We unpack the emotional triggers behind these behaviors, reveal their dangerous consequences, and most importantly, offer real, healthier alternatives to break the cycle. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a loop of self-sabotage or wondered why some habits just won’t quit, this episode is your wake-up call — raw, relatable, and empowering.
Whether you’re struggling yourself or want to understand a loved one better, this podcast is a must-listen for anyone seeking self-awareness, healing, and genuine self-care. Tune in, share with your circle, and take the first step toward a kinder, stronger you.
Keywords: self-harm behaviors, non-physical self-harm, emotional self-harm, binge eating, burnout, negative thoughts, risky sexual behavior, substance abuse coping, self-care podcast, mental health awareness, breaking self-harm cycle, emotional triggers, healing habits.
Ready to break free from hidden self-harm? Subscribe now and start your journey to self-awareness and healing today!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/mindbenders-brain-teasers-philo-psych--6019641/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, let's unpack this. When we talk about self harm,
what images immediately flood your mind? For many of us,
it's clear visible wounds, the kind that leave physical scars.
We can point to undeniable evidence of pain. But what
if I told you that some of the deepest, most
pervasive forms of self harm leave no visible marks at all.
(00:20):
They're quiet, insidious habits we might brush off or even
cleverly justify to ourselves, you know, rationalizing them as normal, necessary,
or even productive.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah, that justification piece is huge.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yeah, they hurt us just as profoundly, if not more so,
because they operate subtly, often unconsciously, sort of in the
shadows of our daily lives. This deep dive today isn't
about judgment or pointing fingers, not at all. Instead, it's
about recognition, about pulling back the curtain on these subtle,
often unconscious behaviors that might be holding us back, even
damaging us, without us truly realizing their true debilitating nature.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Absolutely, it's about awareness.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
And here's the kicker prizing truth. For many of us,
these aren't just patterns for someone else out there, many
of us, perhaps all of us, at different points in
our lives. Engage in these very behaviors without fully grasping
this significant long term toll they take on our well being.
It's a journey into the hidden landscape of self inflicted struggles.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
What's truly fascinating here is precisely that nuance you're highlighting.
It really is. We often begin with coping mechanisms, strategies
initially adopted, perhaps even unintentionally, to provide comfort, maybe a
brief escape from overwhelming emotions, or even a desperately needed
sense of control during challenging, chaotic times.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
You know right. They start as survival tools.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Almost exactly. But the insidious part is how these very
mechanisms designed for survival can subtly, almost imperceptibly, morph into
something detrimental. They transition from a temporary balm to a
damaging pattern that actively works against our deeper well being,
sort of eroding us from the inside out. This raises
an important question for all of us to consider. How
do we differentiate a temporary lapse, a moment of weakness,
(02:04):
a bad day, a momentary indulgence, from a damaging, entrenched pattern.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
That's the tricky part, isn't it. Where's the line?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And perhaps even more importantly, Why do these patterns emerge
in the first place. Why do we, as intelligent, self
preserving beings gravitate towards actions that, in the long run,
inflict pain and harm even when we consciously desire health, happiness,
and peace.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
It seems so counterintuitive, it does.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Our mission today is to shed light on these often
hidden habits, to understand their complex roots, to see their
true multifaceted impact, and crucially, to explore clear, actionable pathways
to healthier, more self compassionate choices. This isn't about shaming.
It's about gaining knowledge, fostering radical self awareness, and empowering ourselves,
empowering you listening to make different, more intentional choices for
(02:52):
our own.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Thriving Absolutely, and we're starting our deep dive into these
behaviors by looking at something incredibly fundamental to our lives.
One thing we engage with multiple times a day our
relationship with food.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Hmmm, yes, so fundamental.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
It's a fascinating place to begin because food is so
deeply tied to both our physical sustenance obviously, but also
to our emotional comple our memories, our culture. It holds
immense psychological.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Weight, it really does. It's loaded, but.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
What happens when that relationship becomes distorted, when food isn't
just about hunger anymore, but about something much deeper, much
more complicated. We're going to look at two distinct yet
equally impactful ends of the spectrum here, both involving food,
but in completely opposite ways. Both can be quiet forms
of self harm. First up, let's talk about a behavior
(03:42):
many of us can relate to on some level, even
if we don't fully identify with its extreme form, binge eating.
We've all had those days, haven't we? That moment when
stress hits you, like a sudden unexpected downpour, or frustration
boils over, or maybe a wave of profound sadness just
washes in.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Oh, absolutely, those emotional tsunamis.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
And before you know it, you're not just reaching for
a snack because your stomach rumbled. No, you're reaching for
that specific comfort food, the one that promises a momentary reprieve,
a soothing balm for the internal.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Chaos that go too item.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
You might find yourself eating continuously, almost compulsively, barely even
tasting the food, just mechanically moving it from the backage
to your mouth, and then suddenly it's all gone, just uggone,
the bag is empty, the container scraped clean. A brief
fleeting sense of something anything washes over you, but it
vanishes just as quickly as it appeared.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Indeed, the core of this, if we connect this to
the deeper psychological picture, is that this kind of emotional
eating is a prime example of well emotional regulation gone awry,
Gone awry.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Research reveals it's often our brain's subconscious attempt to deal
with overwhelming feelings that we simply haven't learned how to
process in a healthier, more adaptive manner. When our emotions
feel too big, too painful, or just too confusing. Food
offers something tangible, something immediate, that we can exert control over,
or at least that offers a powerful, albeit temporary distraction.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Right feels like doing something.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It becomes a pseudo solution, a very accessible and immediate
response to internal chaos. What the research unpacks here is
that the immediate payoff is a transient, often dopamine driven rush.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
The dopamine Yeah that sugar or fat hits your brain's
reward centers, releasing a burst of dopamine that creates a
fleeting sense of pleasure or calm. This is why I
can feel good in the moment. There's a genuine neurological
soothing effect happening that second. Yeah, but that feeling, as
you said, is almost always fleeting. It's an illusion of
control or escape that quickly dissipates, often replaced by a
(05:47):
fresh wave of distress. And interestingly, for some food can
also unconsciously morph into a form of self punishment, a
way to internalize and express feelings of unworthiness or guilt,
like I feel bad, so I'll make myself feel physically
bad too.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And that transient good feeling that's the cruel trick, isn't it.
It really is, because after that brief, momentary relief, the
long term consequences start to set in, and they go
far beyond just that fleeting moment of comfort. Physically, we're
talking about things like significant weight gain, often leading to
increased inflammation in the body, and a cascade of chronic
(06:21):
health issues like type two diabetes, heart disease, and digestive
problems that can be chronic and debilitating.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
The physical toll is undeniable.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
The gut brain axis, our body's super high wave of communication,
becomes imbalanced. Further affecting mood and energy. It's all connected, connected,
but it's not just the physical toll. The emotional aftermath
is often just as heavy, if not heavier. That transient
good feeling always fades, and it's almost invariably replaced by
a crushing wave of guilt, shame, and a perpetuation of
(06:51):
the very feelings one tried so desperately to escape in
the first place.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Its cycle is vicious.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
It creates a self reinforcing vicious cycle where the act
of coping actually compounds the original distress. You feel bad,
you eat, you feel worse, you eat more.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
It's a classic example of a short term coping strategy
creating profound long term detriment. It really is. The brain
learns to associate the temporary numbing sensation that dopamine hit
with the active eating, reinforcing the pattern through a powerful
neurological feedback loop even as the negative consequence.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Is mount so your brain chemistry starts working against you.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Precisely. It's a complex interplay between physiological hunger cues and
emotional distress signals, where the latter often overpower the former,
leading to a disconnection from true bodily needs. You lose
touch with what real hunger feels like.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So how do we begin to shift out of this
powerful pattern? It sounds daunting, it.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Can feel that way, but awareness is the key first step.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
The first crucial step is awareness, and it's simpler than
it sounds. If you find yourself reaching for food when
you're not genuinely hungry, the key question to ask yourself
is am I really hungry? Or am I trying to
distract myself from something else? In time?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Just pausing to ask that question it's powerful.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
It's a simple question, but it's profoundly powerful in interrupting
that automatic, often subconscious impulse if it's the latter, If
you realize you're seeking distraction or comfort. The good news
is there are so many practical, evidence based alternatives that
can genuinely help you process those emotions without resorting to food.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yes, building a toolkit of alternatives.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
For instance, try journaling. Getting those swirling thoughts and turbulent
feelings out on paper can be incredibly cathartic because it
externalizes the internal chaos, creating a sense of distance and clarity.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
It helps organize the internal noise.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Or talk to someone you trust, a friend, a family member,
or a professional sometimes just articulating what you're feeling. Putting
words to the nameless dread can immediately lessen its intensity
and activate the social coregulation part of your brain, which
is immensely soothing.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
That human connection is vital. We're wired for it.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Another simple yet powerful act, step outside for a walk,
even a short stroll, can activate your vagual nerve, which
helps calm your nervous system. Change your scenery, introduce fresh air,
and generate endorphins, all of which work together to shift
your emotional state.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Change your physiology, change your state. Simple but effective.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
The core message here is vital. Your body absolutely deserves
nourishment for fuel and vitality. But food by itself is
never the sustainable answer to emotional pain.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Never.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's a tool for physical sustenance, not emotional healing, and
recognizing that distinction is the first step towards reclaiming your power. Now,
on the flip side of that coin, we find a different,
equally insidious form of self harm related to food. Not
eating at all, Yes, the other extreme, Some of us
experience the exact opposite reaction when stress or overwhelm hits.
(09:49):
Instead of reaching for food, our appetite just vanishes. Poof gone.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
The thought of food might even feel nauseating.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Exactly Suddenly, hours, even a full day can pass and
you realize you haven't eaten a single thing. You might
even find yourself telling yourself that food isn't important right now,
that you're too busy or too stressed, or that somehow
skipping meals will make the emotional pain just go away
or help you regain a sense of control over a
chaotic situation.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
That illusion of control, again.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's a subtle form of self deception, isn't it. We
convince ourselves that ignoring our body's most basic, fundamental need
is a viable strategy for coping with emotional distress.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Precisely, what the research reveals here is that while it
may feel like a conscious choice, sometimes a significant loss
of appetite under acute or chronic stress is often a
very real physiological response.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It's the body reacting yes.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
When our minds perceive a threat, real or imagined, our
bodies go into a fight or flight mode, activating the
sympathetic nervous system and the HPA axis the hypothalamic pituitary
adrenal axis. This floods your system with cortisol and adrenaline,
diverting energy away from non essential functions like digestion and metabolism,
leading to that feeling of a knot in your stomach.
(11:02):
It literally shuts down hunger signals for a bit.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Okay, so there's a biological reason there is.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
However, actively ignoring that response when it lingers, or consciously
or unconsciously deprioritizing meals when your mind is already struggling,
actively harms the body and actually perpetuates the stress response.
It keeps you stuck in that survival mode.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So you're making it worse. Essentially, you are.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
This raises an important question. When our minds are in distress,
overwhelmed by emotional challenges, how often do we fail to
meet our body's basic vital requirements, ironically making the mental
struggle even harder. The cruel truth is that skipping meals
doesn't make the emotional pain go at all. It just
compounds it. It leaves your body and mind profoundly drained,
(11:46):
creating cognitive fog, reducing mental clarity, and making it even
harder to cope with the very distress you're trying to escape.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
You can't think straight when you haven't eaten, and the
consequences are far reaching and deeply impactful. The physical of
prolonged nutrient deprivation quickly manifests persistent bone deep fatigue, severe
mood swings due to blood sugar imbalances and nutrient deficiencies.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
That hangry feeling but chronic.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Exactly, and a significantly weakened immune system leaving you vulnerable
to illness. Think about it. Your body is suffering when
it's deprived of the essential nutrients and energy it needs to.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Function optimally, it's running on empty.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
This in turn creates a vicious cycle. A weakened, malnourished
body is far less equipped to handle emotional distress. Its
resilience is significantly diminished, making you more susceptible to further stress, anxiety,
and even depression.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
The body and mind are inseparable here.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
It's like trying to run complex software program on a
computer with a critically low battery and a sputtering hard drive.
You'll inevitably crash.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Great analogy.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
The brain, which is the primary organ for emotional processing
and executive function, relies heavily on consistent energy and nutrient intake.
When that's compromised, cognitive function, emotional regulation, and even our
capacity for optimism are all severely.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Diminished, everything gets harder.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's a silent suffering that directly impacts our mental well
being and often goes unnoticed by others because, unlike binge eating,
there might not be obvious external signs initially. So if
you find yourself struggling to eat when you're feeling overwhelmed,
the key is to start incredibly small, gently reintroducing nourishment.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Small steps are crucial. No pressure.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Don't pressure yourself to eat a full, elaborate meal that
can feel overwhelming. Think small, nutrient dense options that require
minimal effort to prepare and consume. A smoothie, for instance,
is easy to drink and can be packed with a
surprising amount of vitamins, minerals, and calories.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Liquid calories can be easier.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Sometimes a handful of nuts can provide quick energy, healthy
fats and protein without feeling like a heavy meal. Even
just a favorite piece of fruit can be enough to
break the cycle of deprivation and get some much needed
fuel into your system, signaling to your boy that it's
safe to receive nourishment.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Just something small to restart the engine.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
This is such an important empathetic reminder your body deserves
and absolutely needs consistent care, especially when your mind is struggling.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Especially then.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Nourishment is not a luxury or a reward. It is
a fundamental necessity for your physical and mental health, and
prioritizing it is a profound act of self care. It's
a foundational step towards healing and resilience. Okay, let's transition
from these external behaviors involving food, which are so tied
to our physical bodies, to something much more internal, yet
(14:35):
equally impactful and pervasive, the quiet, insidious battles we wage
within our own minds. Here's where it gets really interesting
and profoundly personal. We are arguably our own harshest critics,
aren't we. Oh?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Definitely, that inner critic can be relentless.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
The inner voice can be a powerful force. It can
push us, challenge us, and sometimes even drive us to
achieve incredible things, reaching heights we never thought possible.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
It can be motivating. Share.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
So, what happens when that inner critics stops being a
constructive voice for improvement and instead morphs into a constant, destructive.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Echo m hm? When it crosses the line?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
What happens when it becomes less about healthy self reflection
and more about tearing ourselves down. Brick by painful brick
hashtag hashtag tag tag two point one the insidious nature
of internal dialogue. Think about it. Consider someone struggling with addiction,
trying desperately to break free. Every time they slip up,
(15:29):
that insidious voice might whisper, I'll never get this under control.
This is who I am. I'm just fundamentally flawed.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That feeling of hopelessness, it's crushing.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
It's not that they want to fail, but they're losing
faith in themselves. Brick by painful brick. As that narrative
takes root.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
The belief becomes reality.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Or consider athletes who constantly compare themselves to others, thinking
I'm not good enough. I'll never be as good as them,
even when they're achieving incredible feats, seemingly invincible to the
outside world.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
The comparison trap. It's everywhere.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Maybe after a failed exam, a mispromotion, or a relationship setback,
you hear that familiar refrain in your own head. Maybe
I'm just not tut out for this. I'll never make it.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I'm a failure, that catastrophizing voice.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Here's the thing about negative thoughts, and this is a
crucial distinction. They will always always show up. They're part
of the human experience, transient electrical signals in the brain,
like clouds passing across the sky.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Thoughts aren't facts, that's key.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
But the core issue, the moment where they become a
profound form of self harm. Isn't there a mere presence.
It's when we entertain them, when we actively allow them
to take root, to settle in our minds, and when
we let them define us, dictating our potential, our.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Worth, and our future, when we give them power, when
we believe them. What the research unpacks here is how
our internal monologue, which is meant to guide us, help
us process the world and plan for the future, can
subtly turn into a self sabotaging script.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
A script we play on repeat exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Negative thoughts are indeed normal. They're often automatic, quick fire
neural responses. But letting them take root, giving them space
to grow into firm beliefs, is where the profound self
harm begins. This represents a fundamental loss of faith in oneself,
a surrender to an inner narrative that can become more
powerful than reality.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Itself, wow, more powerful than reality.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
If we connect this to the bigger picture, it's about
the self fulfilling prophecy of our own beliefs. Our internal
narrative doesn't just reflect our reality, it actively shapes it.
Think about cognitive distortions, common irrational thought patterns like catastrophizing
this is the worst thing ever, all or nothing thinking.
If it's not perfect, it's a total failure, or personalization.
(17:40):
Everyone is judging me.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Those thinking traps.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
When we repeatedly engage in these, we are literally rewiring
our neural pathways. Every time you entertain a negative thought,
you strengthen that connection, making it easier for that thought
to fire next time, making it harder to perceive opportunities
or success.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You're grooving that negative pathway deeper.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Precisely, this process creates the reality they predict, profoundly impacting
our capacity to act, to persevere, and to believe in
future success. This race is an important question. Why do
we often cling to these defeating thoughts even when they
cause us so much pain?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah? Why do we do that?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Why do we give so much credence to a voice
that actively undermines our potential? Often it's a distorted sense
of protection, perhaps a fear of disappointment. If I expect
the worst, I won't be hurt or it's a learned
pattern of self criticism ingrained from past experiences or childhood messages.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It feels familiar.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
It feels familiar even if it's painful, and familiarity, even
with discomfort, can be surprisingly compelling. It's like choosing the devil.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
You know, and the consequences are devastating and pervasive. When
you consistently entertain these thoughts, when you allow them to
become your inner truth, it pulls you down into a
suffocating spiral.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
It really does.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
It erodes your motivation, stifles creativity, and directly impacts your
performance and every area of your life, from work to relationships.
It directly diminishes your overall well being. That feeling of defeat,
instead of being a temporary setback or a momentary feeling,
becomes a dominant, pervasive state, a heavy weight you carry.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Constantly, like a constant background noise of negativity.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
It's like wearing an invisible backpack filled with self doubt
and negativity everywhere you go, constantly weighing you down and
obscuring your true capabilities.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
The insidious nature is that it's an invisible injury. There's
no cast or bandage to indicate the intense internal struggle,
no outward sign to elicit sympathy or support.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Nobody sees it.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yet the erosion of self worth and confidence can be
far more debilitating than any physical injury, profoundly limiting potential,
extinguishing hope, and preventing one from even attempting new challenges.
It keeps you playing small.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
So how do we begin to counter this pervasive, often
lifelong narrative. It feels like such a huge task.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
It's a practice, It takes conscious effort.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
The source offers incredibly action advice rooted in cognitive behavioral principles.
Instead of letting that critical voice pull you down, actively
counter it with truth, with evidence, with more compassionate.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Perspective, talk back to it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
For instance, when that voice says you'll never get this
under control, your truth, your internal counter narrative can be
No matter how many times I feel defeated, I can
get back up. I have done it before, and I
will do it again. Every small step forward is progress.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Acknowledge the feeling, challenge the thought.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It's about consciously building an internal counter narrative, one rooted
in resilience, self compassion, and objective reality. Celebrate every single win,
even the tiny ones that might seem insignificant to others.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yes, small winds matter.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Did you get out of bed today when you didn't
want to. That's a win. Did you have a difficult
conversation and get through it, That's a win. Acknowledging these
small victories helps rewire your brain to see your capacity
for success, reinforcing positive neural pathways with a burst.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Of dopamine, build positive evidence.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Bank, and don't forget the challenges you've already overcome. Take
a moment to reflect on past struggles, past impossibilities that
you navigated and conquered. Remind yourself you will get through
this too.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Draw on your own history of resilience.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
This isn't just wishful thinking. It's a powerful act of
remembering your own inherent resilience, your track record of survival
and triumph. Keep your head high, because truly you're doing
far better than you think. You survive every single challenge
up until this point, and that inherent strength is still
within you. Let's transition now from those internal thought patterns
(21:35):
that silent battle within our own minds to a very
common external action that surprisingly often masks a deeper form
of self harm over work. So what does this all
mean when we look at our seemingly insatiable modern drive
for success and achievement, the hustle culture in a world
that often almost compulsively celebrates the hustle, where busyness is
(21:57):
worn as a badge of honor and chronic exauctionismhow seen
as a sign of dedication. Is it truly possible that
sometimes being productive can actually be a deeply personal, hidden
form of self harm.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It absolutely can. It's a paradox.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
It sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it. We're constantly told to strive
to achieve, to always be doing more, to maximize our output,
but at what cost to our bodies, our minds, and
our souls? Hashtags tag tag tag three point one work
as an escape mechanism. Think about the relatable scenario many
of us find ourselves in. You're pushing yourself relentlessly. You're
(22:30):
staying up late, pulling all nighters, skipping meals, barely getting.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Any sleep, or running on fumes.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Your schedule is packed to the brem a relentless cascade
of tasks. You're in a constant state of motion of doing,
always responding, always on amsr whe and when someone asks why,
you might tell yourself it's necessary that you're just ambitious,
that you're simply committed to your goals, or that you
have no choice.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I have to do this the justifications we create.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
But beneath that veneer of ambition often lies a very different,
very human, and deeply vulnerable motive. You're unconsciously using productivity
as an elaborate, demanding mechanism to avoid uncomfortable, often painful emotions.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Work is an anesthetic.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Perhaps it's unresolved grief you haven't processed, a deep seated
loneliness you don't want to acknowledge, or a persistent nagging
feeling of not enough that whispers from within. Work becomes
the perfect socially acceptable distraction, a seemingly noble excuse to
avoid truly sitting with yourself, with your feelings, and with
the discomfort of your inner world. It provides a temporary
(23:32):
sense of control when other areas of life feel chaotic.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
It feels productive, so it feels okay. But its avoidance.
What the research unpacts here is how easily we can
mistake intense activity for genuine progress in our emotional lives.
It's like confusing motion with direction.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Ooh, I like that motion versus direction.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
The analysis reveals that this overproductivity serves a very specific,
albeit destructive purpose. It nuns those negative feelings and creates
a constant distraction from an under lying emptiness, anxiety, or discomfort.
It's an avoidance coping strategy, pure and simple. The core truth,
which is often hard to swallow amidst our achievement driven culture,
is that work, no matter how much you do, will
(24:12):
not magically fill that existential void.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
It just won't.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
It won't erase loneliness, it won't heal deep seated hurt,
and it certainly won't in and of itself make you
feel inherently worthy or loved. That has to come from within.
This raises an important question for all of us. How
do we distinguish healthy ambition, the kind that fuels growth, creativity,
and genuine satisfaction, from a compulsive, relentless drive that is
(24:37):
fueled by emotional avoidance and societal pressure.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Where is that line again? It's blurry?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
It is We live in a society that regrettably often
encourages and even glorifies this kind of self neglect. Telling us.
Our worth is tied to our productivity, perpetuating this dangerous
cycle and making it hard to step off the hamster wheel.
The dopamine system, which naturally rewards goal achievement, can be disregulated.
It gets hijacked, driving a continuous, unsatisfying pursuit of external
(25:04):
validation through work rather than seeking genuine internal fulfillment and.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Connection, chasing the next achievement high and the cruel inevitable
consequence of this relentless pursuit burnout trash. It's not just
feeling tired, it's a complete physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion
that leaves you feeling utterly depleted, hollowed out. You're constantly
on edge, snapping at people you care about forgetting important things,
(25:30):
experiencing brain fog, and feeling like a mere shell of
your former self.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Everything feels like too much effort.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Your body constantly aches a dull, persistent throb in your muscles, headaches,
digestive issues, and your mind is perpetually foggy, unable to focus, concentrate,
or think clearly.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
The body screaming for a break.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
The sustain activation of the stress response, the chronic elevation
of cortisol takes a massive toll on every system in
your body, leading to what's known as allostatic load base.
The wear and tear from chronic stress.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Right, cumulative damage.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
And here's the ultimate irony, the most painful twist. Despite
being completely depleted physically and emotionally, you still feel like
you're not doing enough right.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
The guilt persists.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
That's because, as the source points out, overwork isn't just
about the sheer workload. It's profoundly about what you're desperately
trying to escape or prove, and the cost to your relationships,
your physical health, your mental well being, and your overall
quality of life is immeasurable. It ships away at your
very essence, leaving you empty.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
It's a tragic paradox. The very activity meant to make
one feel valuable ends up rendering them valueless to themselves,
isolated and depleted. Yeah, the body, with its incredible capacity
to adapt, eventually reaches a breaking point. It keeps the score,
as they say, and it eventually demands payment for that
sustained neglect, often through chronic illness, a complete collapse of
(26:53):
physical or mental health, or a profound loss of joy
and meaning in life.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So what's the revolutionary thought, the vital shift in perspective
we need to embrace here. It feels almost radical in
today's world.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
It is radical in a way.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
You deserve rest, not as a reward that you earn
only after you've exhausted yourself to the walk, after you've
pushed past all reasonable limits.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
No, rest is not earned, it's required.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Rest is a fundamental, non negotiable necessity, a biological imperative
for healing, repair, and creative thought. Slowing down doesn't mean
you're weak, quite the opposite.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
It takes strength to rest.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
It means you are strong enough to defy societal pressures,
to listen to your body, and to prioritize your well being.
It means you are brave enough to chose self preservation
over self destruction. If you've been drowning in work, constantly
pushing yourself, take a brave moment to ask yourself this
crucial question, what exactly am I running from by keeping
(27:50):
myself this busy?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
So with that question, see what comes up.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
The answer might be uncomfortable, deeply personal, and require courage
to face, but it's the first essential step towards true
healing and a more authentic life. And remember it is
absolutely okay and a sign of immense strength to seek support,
whether through therapy, by talking openly and honestly with a
trusted friend, or by engaging in personal growth practices that
help you reconnect with yourself and your deeper needs.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Asking for help is strength, not weakness.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
The message is clear and empowering. Quality rest is not
a luxury. It is a necessity, a foundational element of
a thriving life, and you unequivocally deserve every bit of it.
Let's transition now from the pressures of external achievement and productivity,
which often feels so public and visible, to the deeply private,
often risky realm of intimacy and coping mechanisms that can
(28:40):
be deceptively disguised as pleasure or relief.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
M we'll be get into more sensitive territory.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
These are areas that can be shrouded in silence and shame,
making them incredibly difficult to identify as harmful to oneself.
Here's where it gets really interesting and often much more personal,
moving into areas that are frequently shrouded in silence and
can feel incredibly vulnerable to discuss.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Definitely, these topics carry a lot of weight.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
We explore how even acts of intimacy or seemingly casual
choices about substances can mask deeper, more profound forms of
self harm. These behaviors are often disguised as pleasure, stress relief,
or a temporary escape from pain, making them incredibly difficult
to identify as harmful to oneself, even for the person
engaging in them.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
The disguise is part of the problem.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Sex at its healthiest can be a beautiful expression of
genuine connection, a profound stress reliever, and a source of
deep mutual pleasure.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
It can be wonderful, absolutely a vital part of human
experience for many.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yes, it can offer a fleeting moment of forgetting everything,
a temporary numbing of pain, or a desperate attempt to
feel wanted, desired, or seen, even for a short while.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It can serve those functions temporarily.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
But the crucial distinction here, the shifting intention, is what
transforms it from intimacy into injury, into a form of
self harm. Is it about seeking genuine connection, mutual pleasure,
emotional bonding, and a healthy exchange of vulnerability, or is
it about something else entirely?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
What's the underlying driver?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Perhaps punishing ones self for past perceived wrongs, internalizing shame,
or using one's body as a means to an end,
a way to chase an external validation that never truly
fills the internal void.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Using sex to cope.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Essentially, when you find yourself engaging in increasingly risky behaviors,
unprotected sex with multiple partners, extreme fetishes that go beyond
healthy exploration and into self degradation or humiliation, or an
escalating pattern of anonymous hookups with strangers, it may no
longer be about pleasure at all.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
The pattern becomes compulsive, maybe desperate.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
At that point, as research suggests, it's often self harm
in disguise, a way to act out internal pain or
disconnect from difficult emotions.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
If we connect this to the broader psychological picture, it's
about the commodification of self and the internalizing of external validation.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Commodification of self.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Explain that a bit suggests that instead of valuing your
intrinsic worth as a whole person, you begin to treat
your body or parts of yourself as an object or
a transaction, something to be used, exchanged, or even punished.
You disconnect from its inherent value. Okay, after the brief
pleasure or momentary distraction ends, what's often left is a
profound sense of regret, a heavy weight of shame, or
(31:21):
the painful feeling of being used, even if the dynamic
was technically consensual.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
That empty feeling afterwards.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
This raises an important question for self reflection. When does
the pursuit of fleeting, gratification or the avoidance of discomfort
become an act of deep self betrayal, a sacrifice of
one's own inherent worth and.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Safety, a betrayal of self that's powerful.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Beyond the immediate emotional fallout. There are significant physical risks.
The obvious dangers of STIs, unwanted pregnancy, and tragically, even
physical injury from non consensual or extreme acts. But it
doesn't stop there. The psychological damage can be even more
insidious and long lasting. That's so you start to internalize
the belief that your body is merely a vessel for
(32:05):
other's pleasure, or that your value as a person is
intrinsically tied to what you can offer sexually. This deeply
erodes your sense of self worth from the inside out,
leading to feelings of emptiness, detachment, and an inability to
form truly healthy, reciprocal intimate relationships. Often these behaviors are
a subconscious re enactment of past trauma, or a way
to exert a twisted form of control when real control
(32:27):
feels absent.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
It's complex, and that right there is the core truth
you need to remember, a truth to reclaim and hold onto.
Your body isn't just for others to use to derive
pleasure from or to project their desires onto.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
It's not an object.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Your body is fundamentally, unequivocally yours. It is a sacred
vessel for your life. Your experience is your spirit. It
deserves love, it deserves respect, and above all, it deserves
care from you and from you.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
First, self respect is paramount.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Reclaiming that truth, asserting your body autonomy, and setting boundaries
that protect your physical and emotional well being is an
act of radical self care and profound self respect. It's
about recognizing your inherent value beyond any external validation or
fleeting sensation. This is perhaps one of the most common
and widely recognized coping mechanisms in our society, yet its
(33:18):
true nature as a form of self harm often gets overlooked, normalized,
or ignored until it's too late.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
So normalized, especially alcohol.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
It starts innocently enough, doesn't it. One drink to take
the edge off is RESTful day, just to relax a
few more, to forget a painful conversation, dull and overwhelming feeling,
or escape nagging anxieties. That's slippery slope, and before you
know it, the bottle's empty or the stash is gone,
and often so are you, drained and hollowed out, left
with more problems than you started with. Initially, there's that
(33:47):
temporary high, that illusion of freedom and relief. You might
feel lighter, more care free, maybe even completely numb to
the emotions you're trying so desperately to outrun.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
The substance provides a temporary buffer. But the harsh reality,
which always arives, often with a vengeance, is that the
high invariably wears off always, and when it does, all
those problems you try to escape are still there waiting
for you, often compounded by the physical discomfort of headaches, nausea,
or exhaustion, the emotional weight of regret, and a crushing
(34:19):
wave of anxiety, a phenomenon known as anxiety.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Oh, anxiety is real that next day dread.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
It's a temporary reprieve that comes with a lingering, escalating cost.
What the research unpacks here is how the brain, particularly
its reward pathways, learns to associate that temporary relief with
a destructive pattern. Substances hijack the brain's natural dopamine system,
creating an artificial sense of well being that the brain
then craves, making it harder and harder to break free
(34:46):
from the cycle.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
So it rewires your brain's reward system.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Absolutely, it's not just about the substance itself. It's profoundly
about why you keep reaching for it. If alcohol drugs
have become your go to way to cope with every challenge,
to make life feel even remotely bearable, to numb the noise,
then it's more than just a habit or an occasional indulgence.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
It's crossed a line.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
It is undeniably morphed into a profound form of self harm,
slowly eroding your capacity for true wellbeing, and.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
The long term effects are devastating, eroding your well being
from every angle, impacting virtually every system in your body.
Over time, Consistent substance use messes with your memory, making
it harder to recall events, learn new things, or even
sustain coherent thoughts.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Cognitive impairment is significant.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
It significantly weakens your immune system, leaving you vulnerable to
illness and impairing your body's ability to heal. It tragically
worsens underlying anxiety and depression, amplifying the very feelings you
sought to suppress, often creating a deeper chemical imbalance.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
In the brain, making the original problem much worse.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
And perhaps most painfully, it can severely hurt the relationships
you care about most, isolating you from the very people
who could offer true support and connection.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Addiction thri is an isolation.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Slowly insidiously, you might even start to believe that you
need it, that you can't get through each day without it,
that it's your only way to cope, a dangerous belief
that traps you in a psychological prison.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
The dangerous belief that one needs the substance to function
becomes a powerful psychological prison, a deeply ingrained habit loop
that's hard to break. Feeling trapped, it becomes a crutch
that eventually breaks the leg it was meant to support,
leading to increasing tolerance and dependence. The true cost is
the erosion of self reliance, the blunting of genuine emotions,
(36:33):
and the deepening of the emotional wounds it was originally
meant to mask. It prevents real healing. It's a profound
act of self betrayal, prioritizing a temporary illusion over lasting
healing and wholeness.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
But hear this empowering truth, a truth that can be
your guiding light. You do not need alcohol or drugs
to feel okay. You truly don't.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
There are other ways, healthier.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Ways that feeling of relief, of calm, a freedom that
you briefly experience those whor states your brain is inherently
capable of achieving without external substances. What you need, what
you deserve is a healthier and more sustainable way to
deal with everything you're going through, a way that builds
you up rather than tearing you.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Down, building resilience, not dependents.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Your emotions need expression. They need to be acknowledged, felt, processed,
and understood, not suppressed or numbed into oblivion. Trying to
ignore them only makes them louder, more persistent, and more
painful in the long run.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Feelings just want to be felt.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
And reaching out for support, whether to a therapist who
can help you develop healthy coping skills like cognitive behavioral
therapy or dialectical behavior therapy, to a support group like
AA or NA where you find community and understanding, or
to a trusted loved one doesn't make you weak. It
makes you incredibly strong.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Reaching out is courage personified.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
It shows courage, profound self awareness, and a fierce commitment
to your own well being and recovery. You deserve more
than a temporary escape. You deserve real, sustainable healing. You
deserve to feel whole again, truly present in your life.
Hashtag tag tag outro. If you stayed with us through
this deep dive, absorbing these often uncomfortable truths and reflecting
on your own habits, that says something profoundly powerful about you.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It really does. It shows commitment.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
The very fact that you're here questioning and reflecting on
these often hidden habits truly shows your strength, your courage,
and your deep commitment to understanding yourself and living a
more authentic, self compassionate life. We've explored how self harm
isn't always visible, how it can subtly hide and habits
we might justify or simply overlook, mistakenly thinking they're harmless
(38:35):
coping mechanisms, just.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Ways of getting by. And now you know more and
knowing more Recognizing these patterns for what they are gives
you choices, It gives you agency, It empowers you to
make different decisions.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Knowledge is power.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Right, absolutely, this raises an important question for your own reflection.
What small, intentional step, even a tiny one, can you
choose to take today to honor your body and mind
in a way you might have overlooked or neglected until now.
Perhaps it's a moment of mindful eating, or gently challenging
a persistent negative thought, or allowing yourself a moment of
(39:09):
true rest, or reaching out for genuine connection instead of isolation.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Just one small thing, Every.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Small step, however incremental it may feel, every single moment
of awareness, truly counts. Continue taking each little step towards
self improvement because the journey of healing and growth is
built on these consistent, compassionate actions. It's not about perfection,
it's about progress.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
So consider this as you move forward from our conversation today.
If these habits, these quiet forms of self harm, are
often an attempt to escape or numb what we're feeling,
to build a fortress against discomfort.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
Which they often are.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
What if the most courageous, most radical act we could
undertake isn't to run faster or hide deeper in our distractions,
but to gently, compassionately turn towards.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
That discomfort term towards not a way.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
To simply acknowledge it, to sit with it, to allow
ourselves to feel it without judgment or immediate.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Reactive action, just allow it to be there.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
What new possibilities, what profound healing, What genuine freedom might
open up for us when we choose radical self acceptance,
unconditional positive regard for ourselves over the temporary, fleeting escape.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
That's the real work and the real freedom.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
It's an ongoing journey of self discovery, a continuous process
of becoming, and we're so glad you're on it with us.
Okay, let's unpack this. When we talk about self harm,
what images immediately flood your mind? For many of us,
it's clear visible wounds, the kind that leave physical scars.
We can point to undeniable evidence of pain. But what
if I told you that some of the deepest, most
pervasive forms of self harm leave no visible marks at all.
(00:20):
They're quiet, insidious habits we might brush off or even
cleverly justify to ourselves, you know, rationalizing them as normal, necessary,
or even productive.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Yeah, that justification piece is huge.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Yeah, they hurt us just as profoundly, if not more so,
because they operate subtly, often unconsciously, sort of in the
shadows of our daily lives. This deep dive today isn't
about judgment or pointing fingers, not at all. Instead, it's
about recognition, about pulling back the curtain on these subtle,
often unconscious behaviors that might be holding us back, even
damaging us, without us truly realizing their true debilitating nature.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Absolutely, it's about awareness.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
And here's the kicker prizing truth. For many of us,
these aren't just patterns for someone else out there, many
of us, perhaps all of us, at different points in
our lives. Engage in these very behaviors without fully grasping
this significant long term toll they take on our well being.
It's a journey into the hidden landscape of self inflicted struggles.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
What's truly fascinating here is precisely that nuance you're highlighting.
It really is. We often begin with coping mechanisms, strategies
initially adopted, perhaps even unintentionally, to provide comfort, maybe a
brief escape from overwhelming emotions, or even a desperately needed
sense of control during challenging, chaotic times.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
You know right. They start as survival tools.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Almost exactly. But the insidious part is how these very
mechanisms designed for survival can subtly, almost imperceptibly, morph into
something detrimental. They transition from a temporary balm to a
damaging pattern that actively works against our deeper well being,
sort of eroding us from the inside out. This raises
an important question for all of us to consider. How
do we differentiate a temporary lapse, a moment of weakness,
(02:04):
a bad day, a momentary indulgence, from a damaging, entrenched pattern.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
That's the tricky part, isn't it. Where's the line?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And perhaps even more importantly, Why do these patterns emerge
in the first place. Why do we, as intelligent, self
preserving beings gravitate towards actions that, in the long run,
inflict pain and harm even when we consciously desire health, happiness,
and peace.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
It seems so counterintuitive, it does.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Our mission today is to shed light on these often
hidden habits, to understand their complex roots, to see their
true multifaceted impact, and crucially, to explore clear, actionable pathways
to healthier, more self compassionate choices. This isn't about shaming.
It's about gaining knowledge, fostering radical self awareness, and empowering ourselves,
empowering you listening to make different, more intentional choices for
(02:52):
our own.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Thriving Absolutely, and we're starting our deep dive into these
behaviors by looking at something incredibly fundamental to our lives.
One thing we engage with multiple times a day our
relationship with food.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Hmmm, yes, so fundamental.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
It's a fascinating place to begin because food is so
deeply tied to both our physical sustenance obviously, but also
to our emotional comple our memories, our culture. It holds
immense psychological.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Weight, it really does. It's loaded, but.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
What happens when that relationship becomes distorted, when food isn't
just about hunger anymore, but about something much deeper, much
more complicated. We're going to look at two distinct yet
equally impactful ends of the spectrum here, both involving food,
but in completely opposite ways. Both can be quiet forms
of self harm. First up, let's talk about a behavior
(03:42):
many of us can relate to on some level, even
if we don't fully identify with its extreme form, binge eating.
We've all had those days, haven't we? That moment when
stress hits you, like a sudden unexpected downpour, or frustration
boils over, or maybe a wave of profound sadness just
washes in.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Oh, absolutely, those emotional tsunamis.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
And before you know it, you're not just reaching for
a snack because your stomach rumbled. No, you're reaching for
that specific comfort food, the one that promises a momentary reprieve,
a soothing balm for the internal.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Chaos that go too item.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
You might find yourself eating continuously, almost compulsively, barely even
tasting the food, just mechanically moving it from the backage
to your mouth, and then suddenly it's all gone, just uggone,
the bag is empty, the container scraped clean. A brief
fleeting sense of something anything washes over you, but it
vanishes just as quickly as it appeared.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Indeed, the core of this, if we connect this to
the deeper psychological picture, is that this kind of emotional
eating is a prime example of well emotional regulation gone awry,
Gone awry.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
That's a good way to put it.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Research reveals it's often our brain's subconscious attempt to deal
with overwhelming feelings that we simply haven't learned how to
process in a healthier, more adaptive manner. When our emotions
feel too big, too painful, or just too confusing. Food
offers something tangible, something immediate, that we can exert control over,
or at least that offers a powerful, albeit temporary distraction.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Right feels like doing something.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It becomes a pseudo solution, a very accessible and immediate
response to internal chaos. What the research unpacks here is
that the immediate payoff is a transient, often dopamine driven rush.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
The dopamine Yeah that sugar or fat hits your brain's
reward centers, releasing a burst of dopamine that creates a
fleeting sense of pleasure or calm. This is why I
can feel good in the moment. There's a genuine neurological
soothing effect happening that second. Yeah, but that feeling, as
you said, is almost always fleeting. It's an illusion of
control or escape that quickly dissipates, often replaced by a
(05:47):
fresh wave of distress. And interestingly, for some food can
also unconsciously morph into a form of self punishment, a
way to internalize and express feelings of unworthiness or guilt,
like I feel bad, so I'll make myself feel physically
bad too.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And that transient good feeling that's the cruel trick, isn't it.
It really is, because after that brief, momentary relief, the
long term consequences start to set in, and they go
far beyond just that fleeting moment of comfort. Physically, we're
talking about things like significant weight gain, often leading to
increased inflammation in the body, and a cascade of chronic
(06:21):
health issues like type two diabetes, heart disease, and digestive
problems that can be chronic and debilitating.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
The physical toll is undeniable.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
The gut brain axis, our body's super high wave of communication,
becomes imbalanced. Further affecting mood and energy. It's all connected, connected,
but it's not just the physical toll. The emotional aftermath
is often just as heavy, if not heavier. That transient
good feeling always fades, and it's almost invariably replaced by
a crushing wave of guilt, shame, and a perpetuation of
(06:51):
the very feelings one tried so desperately to escape in
the first place.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Its cycle is vicious.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
It creates a self reinforcing vicious cycle where the act
of coping actually compounds the original distress. You feel bad,
you eat, you feel worse, you eat more.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
It's a classic example of a short term coping strategy
creating profound long term detriment. It really is. The brain
learns to associate the temporary numbing sensation that dopamine hit
with the active eating, reinforcing the pattern through a powerful
neurological feedback loop even as the negative consequence.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Is mount so your brain chemistry starts working against you.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Precisely. It's a complex interplay between physiological hunger cues and
emotional distress signals, where the latter often overpower the former,
leading to a disconnection from true bodily needs. You lose
touch with what real hunger feels like.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
So how do we begin to shift out of this
powerful pattern? It sounds daunting, it.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Can feel that way, but awareness is the key first step.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
The first crucial step is awareness, and it's simpler than
it sounds. If you find yourself reaching for food when
you're not genuinely hungry, the key question to ask yourself
is am I really hungry? Or am I trying to
distract myself from something else? In time?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Just pausing to ask that question it's powerful.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
It's a simple question, but it's profoundly powerful in interrupting
that automatic, often subconscious impulse if it's the latter, If
you realize you're seeking distraction or comfort. The good news
is there are so many practical, evidence based alternatives that
can genuinely help you process those emotions without resorting to food.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yes, building a toolkit of alternatives.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
For instance, try journaling. Getting those swirling thoughts and turbulent
feelings out on paper can be incredibly cathartic because it
externalizes the internal chaos, creating a sense of distance and clarity.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
It helps organize the internal noise.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
Or talk to someone you trust, a friend, a family member,
or a professional sometimes just articulating what you're feeling. Putting
words to the nameless dread can immediately lessen its intensity
and activate the social coregulation part of your brain, which
is immensely soothing.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
That human connection is vital. We're wired for it.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Another simple yet powerful act, step outside for a walk,
even a short stroll, can activate your vagual nerve, which
helps calm your nervous system. Change your scenery, introduce fresh air,
and generate endorphins, all of which work together to shift
your emotional state.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Change your physiology, change your state. Simple but effective.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
The core message here is vital. Your body absolutely deserves
nourishment for fuel and vitality. But food by itself is
never the sustainable answer to emotional pain.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Never.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It's a tool for physical sustenance, not emotional healing, and
recognizing that distinction is the first step towards reclaiming your power. Now,
on the flip side of that coin, we find a different,
equally insidious form of self harm related to food. Not
eating at all, Yes, the other extreme, Some of us
experience the exact opposite reaction when stress or overwhelm hits.
(09:49):
Instead of reaching for food, our appetite just vanishes. Poof gone.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
The thought of food might even feel nauseating.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Exactly Suddenly, hours, even a full day can pass and
you realize you haven't eaten a single thing. You might
even find yourself telling yourself that food isn't important right now,
that you're too busy or too stressed, or that somehow
skipping meals will make the emotional pain just go away
or help you regain a sense of control over a
chaotic situation.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
That illusion of control, again.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's a subtle form of self deception, isn't it. We
convince ourselves that ignoring our body's most basic, fundamental need
is a viable strategy for coping with emotional distress.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Precisely, what the research reveals here is that while it
may feel like a conscious choice, sometimes a significant loss
of appetite under acute or chronic stress is often a
very real physiological response.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
It's the body reacting yes.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
When our minds perceive a threat, real or imagined, our
bodies go into a fight or flight mode, activating the
sympathetic nervous system and the HPA axis the hypothalamic pituitary
adrenal axis. This floods your system with cortisol and adrenaline,
diverting energy away from non essential functions like digestion and metabolism,
leading to that feeling of a knot in your stomach.
(11:02):
It literally shuts down hunger signals for a bit.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Okay, so there's a biological reason there is.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
However, actively ignoring that response when it lingers, or consciously
or unconsciously deprioritizing meals when your mind is already struggling,
actively harms the body and actually perpetuates the stress response.
It keeps you stuck in that survival mode.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So you're making it worse. Essentially, you are.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
This raises an important question. When our minds are in distress,
overwhelmed by emotional challenges, how often do we fail to
meet our body's basic vital requirements, ironically making the mental
struggle even harder. The cruel truth is that skipping meals
doesn't make the emotional pain go at all. It just
compounds it. It leaves your body and mind profoundly drained,
(11:46):
creating cognitive fog, reducing mental clarity, and making it even
harder to cope with the very distress you're trying to escape.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
You can't think straight when you haven't eaten, and the
consequences are far reaching and deeply impactful. The physical of
prolonged nutrient deprivation quickly manifests persistent bone deep fatigue, severe
mood swings due to blood sugar imbalances and nutrient deficiencies.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
That hangry feeling but chronic.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Exactly, and a significantly weakened immune system leaving you vulnerable
to illness. Think about it. Your body is suffering when
it's deprived of the essential nutrients and energy it needs to.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Function optimally, it's running on empty.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
This in turn creates a vicious cycle. A weakened, malnourished
body is far less equipped to handle emotional distress. Its
resilience is significantly diminished, making you more susceptible to further stress, anxiety,
and even depression.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
The body and mind are inseparable here.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
It's like trying to run complex software program on a
computer with a critically low battery and a sputtering hard drive.
You'll inevitably crash.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Great analogy.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
The brain, which is the primary organ for emotional processing
and executive function, relies heavily on consistent energy and nutrient intake.
When that's compromised, cognitive function, emotional regulation, and even our
capacity for optimism are all severely.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Diminished, everything gets harder.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
It's a silent suffering that directly impacts our mental well
being and often goes unnoticed by others because, unlike binge eating,
there might not be obvious external signs initially. So if
you find yourself struggling to eat when you're feeling overwhelmed,
the key is to start incredibly small, gently reintroducing nourishment.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Small steps are crucial. No pressure.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Don't pressure yourself to eat a full, elaborate meal that
can feel overwhelming. Think small, nutrient dense options that require
minimal effort to prepare and consume. A smoothie, for instance,
is easy to drink and can be packed with a
surprising amount of vitamins, minerals, and calories.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Liquid calories can be easier.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Sometimes a handful of nuts can provide quick energy, healthy
fats and protein without feeling like a heavy meal. Even
just a favorite piece of fruit can be enough to
break the cycle of deprivation and get some much needed
fuel into your system, signaling to your boy that it's
safe to receive nourishment.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Just something small to restart the engine.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
This is such an important empathetic reminder your body deserves
and absolutely needs consistent care, especially when your mind is struggling.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Especially then.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Nourishment is not a luxury or a reward. It is
a fundamental necessity for your physical and mental health, and
prioritizing it is a profound act of self care. It's
a foundational step towards healing and resilience. Okay, let's transition
from these external behaviors involving food, which are so tied
to our physical bodies, to something much more internal, yet
(14:35):
equally impactful and pervasive, the quiet, insidious battles we wage
within our own minds. Here's where it gets really interesting
and profoundly personal. We are arguably our own harshest critics,
aren't we. Oh?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Definitely, that inner critic can be relentless.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
The inner voice can be a powerful force. It can
push us, challenge us, and sometimes even drive us to
achieve incredible things, reaching heights we never thought possible.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
It can be motivating. Share.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
So, what happens when that inner critics stops being a
constructive voice for improvement and instead morphs into a constant, destructive.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Echo m hm? When it crosses the line?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
What happens when it becomes less about healthy self reflection
and more about tearing ourselves down. Brick by painful brick
hashtag hashtag tag tag two point one the insidious nature
of internal dialogue. Think about it. Consider someone struggling with addiction,
trying desperately to break free. Every time they slip up,
(15:29):
that insidious voice might whisper, I'll never get this under control.
This is who I am. I'm just fundamentally flawed.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
That feeling of hopelessness, it's crushing.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
It's not that they want to fail, but they're losing
faith in themselves. Brick by painful brick. As that narrative
takes root.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
The belief becomes reality.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Or consider athletes who constantly compare themselves to others, thinking
I'm not good enough. I'll never be as good as them,
even when they're achieving incredible feats, seemingly invincible to the
outside world.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
The comparison trap. It's everywhere.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Maybe after a failed exam, a mispromotion, or a relationship setback,
you hear that familiar refrain in your own head. Maybe
I'm just not tut out for this. I'll never make it.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
I'm a failure, that catastrophizing voice.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Here's the thing about negative thoughts, and this is a
crucial distinction. They will always always show up. They're part
of the human experience, transient electrical signals in the brain,
like clouds passing across the sky.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Thoughts aren't facts, that's key.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
But the core issue, the moment where they become a
profound form of self harm. Isn't there a mere presence.
It's when we entertain them, when we actively allow them
to take root, to settle in our minds, and when
we let them define us, dictating our potential, our.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Worth, and our future, when we give them power, when
we believe them. What the research unpacks here is how
our internal monologue, which is meant to guide us, help
us process the world and plan for the future, can
subtly turn into a self sabotaging script.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
A script we play on repeat exactly.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Negative thoughts are indeed normal. They're often automatic, quick fire
neural responses. But letting them take root, giving them space
to grow into firm beliefs, is where the profound self
harm begins. This represents a fundamental loss of faith in oneself,
a surrender to an inner narrative that can become more
powerful than reality.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Itself, wow, more powerful than reality.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
If we connect this to the bigger picture, it's about
the self fulfilling prophecy of our own beliefs. Our internal
narrative doesn't just reflect our reality, it actively shapes it.
Think about cognitive distortions, common irrational thought patterns like catastrophizing
this is the worst thing ever, all or nothing thinking.
If it's not perfect, it's a total failure, or personalization.
(17:40):
Everyone is judging me.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Those thinking traps.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
When we repeatedly engage in these, we are literally rewiring
our neural pathways. Every time you entertain a negative thought,
you strengthen that connection, making it easier for that thought
to fire next time, making it harder to perceive opportunities
or success.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
You're grooving that negative pathway deeper.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Precisely, this process creates the reality they predict, profoundly impacting
our capacity to act, to persevere, and to believe in
future success. This race is an important question. Why do
we often cling to these defeating thoughts even when they
cause us so much pain?
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Yeah? Why do we do that?
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Why do we give so much credence to a voice
that actively undermines our potential? Often it's a distorted sense
of protection, perhaps a fear of disappointment. If I expect
the worst, I won't be hurt or it's a learned
pattern of self criticism ingrained from past experiences or childhood messages.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
It feels familiar.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
It feels familiar even if it's painful, and familiarity, even
with discomfort, can be surprisingly compelling. It's like choosing the devil.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
You know, and the consequences are devastating and pervasive. When
you consistently entertain these thoughts, when you allow them to
become your inner truth, it pulls you down into a
suffocating spiral.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
It really does.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
It erodes your motivation, stifles creativity, and directly impacts your
performance and every area of your life, from work to relationships.
It directly diminishes your overall well being. That feeling of defeat,
instead of being a temporary setback or a momentary feeling,
becomes a dominant, pervasive state, a heavy weight you carry.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Constantly, like a constant background noise of negativity.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
It's like wearing an invisible backpack filled with self doubt
and negativity everywhere you go, constantly weighing you down and
obscuring your true capabilities.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
The insidious nature is that it's an invisible injury. There's
no cast or bandage to indicate the intense internal struggle,
no outward sign to elicit sympathy or support.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Nobody sees it.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yet the erosion of self worth and confidence can be
far more debilitating than any physical injury, profoundly limiting potential,
extinguishing hope, and preventing one from even attempting new challenges.
It keeps you playing small.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
So how do we begin to counter this pervasive, often
lifelong narrative. It feels like such a huge task.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
It's a practice, It takes conscious effort.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
The source offers incredibly action advice rooted in cognitive behavioral principles.
Instead of letting that critical voice pull you down, actively
counter it with truth, with evidence, with more compassionate.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Perspective, talk back to it.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
For instance, when that voice says you'll never get this
under control, your truth, your internal counter narrative can be
No matter how many times I feel defeated, I can
get back up. I have done it before, and I
will do it again. Every small step forward is progress.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Acknowledge the feeling, challenge the thought.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
It's about consciously building an internal counter narrative, one rooted
in resilience, self compassion, and objective reality. Celebrate every single win,
even the tiny ones that might seem insignificant to others.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yes, small winds matter.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Did you get out of bed today when you didn't
want to. That's a win. Did you have a difficult
conversation and get through it, That's a win. Acknowledging these
small victories helps rewire your brain to see your capacity
for success, reinforcing positive neural pathways with a burst.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Of dopamine, build positive evidence.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Bank, and don't forget the challenges you've already overcome. Take
a moment to reflect on past struggles, past impossibilities that
you navigated and conquered. Remind yourself you will get through
this too.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Draw on your own history of resilience.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
This isn't just wishful thinking. It's a powerful act of
remembering your own inherent resilience, your track record of survival
and triumph. Keep your head high, because truly you're doing
far better than you think. You survive every single challenge
up until this point, and that inherent strength is still
within you. Let's transition now from those internal thought patterns
(21:35):
that silent battle within our own minds to a very
common external action that surprisingly often masks a deeper form
of self harm over work. So what does this all
mean when we look at our seemingly insatiable modern drive
for success and achievement, the hustle culture in a world
that often almost compulsively celebrates the hustle, where busyness is
(21:57):
worn as a badge of honor and chronic exauctionismhow seen
as a sign of dedication. Is it truly possible that
sometimes being productive can actually be a deeply personal, hidden
form of self harm.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It absolutely can. It's a paradox.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
It sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it. We're constantly told to strive
to achieve, to always be doing more, to maximize our output,
but at what cost to our bodies, our minds, and
our souls? Hashtags tag tag tag three point one work
as an escape mechanism. Think about the relatable scenario many
of us find ourselves in. You're pushing yourself relentlessly. You're
(22:30):
staying up late, pulling all nighters, skipping meals, barely getting.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Any sleep, or running on fumes.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Your schedule is packed to the brem a relentless cascade
of tasks. You're in a constant state of motion of doing,
always responding, always on amsr whe and when someone asks why,
you might tell yourself it's necessary that you're just ambitious,
that you're simply committed to your goals, or that you
have no choice.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I have to do this the justifications we create.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
But beneath that veneer of ambition often lies a very different,
very human, and deeply vulnerable motive. You're unconsciously using productivity
as an elaborate, demanding mechanism to avoid uncomfortable, often painful emotions.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Work is an anesthetic.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
Perhaps it's unresolved grief you haven't processed, a deep seated
loneliness you don't want to acknowledge, or a persistent nagging
feeling of not enough that whispers from within. Work becomes
the perfect socially acceptable distraction, a seemingly noble excuse to
avoid truly sitting with yourself, with your feelings, and with
the discomfort of your inner world. It provides a temporary
(23:32):
sense of control when other areas of life feel chaotic.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
It feels productive, so it feels okay. But its avoidance.
What the research unpacts here is how easily we can
mistake intense activity for genuine progress in our emotional lives.
It's like confusing motion with direction.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Ooh, I like that motion versus direction.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
The analysis reveals that this overproductivity serves a very specific,
albeit destructive purpose. It nuns those negative feelings and creates
a constant distraction from an under lying emptiness, anxiety, or discomfort.
It's an avoidance coping strategy, pure and simple. The core truth,
which is often hard to swallow amidst our achievement driven culture,
is that work, no matter how much you do, will
(24:12):
not magically fill that existential void.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
It just won't.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
It won't erase loneliness, it won't heal deep seated hurt,
and it certainly won't in and of itself make you
feel inherently worthy or loved. That has to come from within.
This raises an important question for all of us. How
do we distinguish healthy ambition, the kind that fuels growth, creativity,
and genuine satisfaction, from a compulsive, relentless drive that is
(24:37):
fueled by emotional avoidance and societal pressure.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Where is that line again? It's blurry?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
It is We live in a society that regrettably often
encourages and even glorifies this kind of self neglect. Telling us.
Our worth is tied to our productivity, perpetuating this dangerous
cycle and making it hard to step off the hamster wheel.
The dopamine system, which naturally rewards goal achievement, can be disregulated.
It gets hijacked, driving a continuous, unsatisfying pursuit of external
(25:04):
validation through work rather than seeking genuine internal fulfillment and.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
Connection, chasing the next achievement high and the cruel inevitable
consequence of this relentless pursuit burnout trash. It's not just
feeling tired, it's a complete physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion
that leaves you feeling utterly depleted, hollowed out. You're constantly
on edge, snapping at people you care about forgetting important things,
(25:30):
experiencing brain fog, and feeling like a mere shell of
your former self.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Everything feels like too much effort.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Your body constantly aches a dull, persistent throb in your muscles, headaches,
digestive issues, and your mind is perpetually foggy, unable to focus, concentrate,
or think clearly.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
The body screaming for a break.
Speaker 1 (25:50):
The sustain activation of the stress response, the chronic elevation
of cortisol takes a massive toll on every system in
your body, leading to what's known as allostatic load base.
The wear and tear from chronic stress.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Right, cumulative damage.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
And here's the ultimate irony, the most painful twist. Despite
being completely depleted physically and emotionally, you still feel like
you're not doing enough right.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
The guilt persists.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
That's because, as the source points out, overwork isn't just
about the sheer workload. It's profoundly about what you're desperately
trying to escape or prove, and the cost to your relationships,
your physical health, your mental well being, and your overall
quality of life is immeasurable. It ships away at your
very essence, leaving you empty.
Speaker 2 (26:31):
It's a tragic paradox. The very activity meant to make
one feel valuable ends up rendering them valueless to themselves,
isolated and depleted. Yeah, the body, with its incredible capacity
to adapt, eventually reaches a breaking point. It keeps the score,
as they say, and it eventually demands payment for that
sustained neglect, often through chronic illness, a complete collapse of
(26:53):
physical or mental health, or a profound loss of joy
and meaning in life.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So what's the revolutionary thought, the vital shift in perspective
we need to embrace here. It feels almost radical in
today's world.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
It is radical in a way.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
You deserve rest, not as a reward that you earn
only after you've exhausted yourself to the walk, after you've
pushed past all reasonable limits.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
No, rest is not earned, it's required.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Rest is a fundamental, non negotiable necessity, a biological imperative
for healing, repair, and creative thought. Slowing down doesn't mean
you're weak, quite the opposite.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
It takes strength to rest.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
It means you are strong enough to defy societal pressures,
to listen to your body, and to prioritize your well being.
It means you are brave enough to chose self preservation
over self destruction. If you've been drowning in work, constantly
pushing yourself, take a brave moment to ask yourself this
crucial question, what exactly am I running from by keeping
(27:50):
myself this busy?
Speaker 2 (27:51):
So with that question, see what comes up.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
The answer might be uncomfortable, deeply personal, and require courage
to face, but it's the first essential step towards true
healing and a more authentic life. And remember it is
absolutely okay and a sign of immense strength to seek support,
whether through therapy, by talking openly and honestly with a
trusted friend, or by engaging in personal growth practices that
help you reconnect with yourself and your deeper needs.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Asking for help is strength, not weakness.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
The message is clear and empowering. Quality rest is not
a luxury. It is a necessity, a foundational element of
a thriving life, and you unequivocally deserve every bit of it.
Let's transition now from the pressures of external achievement and productivity,
which often feels so public and visible, to the deeply private,
often risky realm of intimacy and coping mechanisms that can
(28:40):
be deceptively disguised as pleasure or relief.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
M we'll be get into more sensitive territory.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
These are areas that can be shrouded in silence and shame,
making them incredibly difficult to identify as harmful to oneself.
Here's where it gets really interesting and often much more personal,
moving into areas that are frequently shrouded in silence and
can feel incredibly vulnerable to discuss.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
Definitely, these topics carry a lot of weight.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
We explore how even acts of intimacy or seemingly casual
choices about substances can mask deeper, more profound forms of
self harm. These behaviors are often disguised as pleasure, stress relief,
or a temporary escape from pain, making them incredibly difficult
to identify as harmful to oneself, even for the person
engaging in them.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
The disguise is part of the problem.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Sex at its healthiest can be a beautiful expression of
genuine connection, a profound stress reliever, and a source of
deep mutual pleasure.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
It can be wonderful, absolutely a vital part of human
experience for many.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Yes, it can offer a fleeting moment of forgetting everything,
a temporary numbing of pain, or a desperate attempt to
feel wanted, desired, or seen, even for a short while.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It can serve those functions temporarily.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
But the crucial distinction here, the shifting intention, is what
transforms it from intimacy into injury, into a form of
self harm. Is it about seeking genuine connection, mutual pleasure,
emotional bonding, and a healthy exchange of vulnerability, or is
it about something else entirely?
Speaker 2 (30:05):
What's the underlying driver?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Perhaps punishing ones self for past perceived wrongs, internalizing shame,
or using one's body as a means to an end,
a way to chase an external validation that never truly
fills the internal void.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
Using sex to cope.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Essentially, when you find yourself engaging in increasingly risky behaviors,
unprotected sex with multiple partners, extreme fetishes that go beyond
healthy exploration and into self degradation or humiliation, or an
escalating pattern of anonymous hookups with strangers, it may no
longer be about pleasure at all.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
The pattern becomes compulsive, maybe desperate.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
At that point, as research suggests, it's often self harm
in disguise, a way to act out internal pain or
disconnect from difficult emotions.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
If we connect this to the broader psychological picture, it's
about the commodification of self and the internalizing of external validation.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Commodification of self.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Explain that a bit suggests that instead of valuing your
intrinsic worth as a whole person, you begin to treat
your body or parts of yourself as an object or
a transaction, something to be used, exchanged, or even punished.
You disconnect from its inherent value. Okay, after the brief
pleasure or momentary distraction ends, what's often left is a
profound sense of regret, a heavy weight of shame, or
(31:21):
the painful feeling of being used, even if the dynamic
was technically consensual.
Speaker 1 (31:25):
That empty feeling afterwards.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
This raises an important question for self reflection. When does
the pursuit of fleeting, gratification or the avoidance of discomfort
become an act of deep self betrayal, a sacrifice of
one's own inherent worth and.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Safety, a betrayal of self that's powerful.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Beyond the immediate emotional fallout. There are significant physical risks.
The obvious dangers of STIs, unwanted pregnancy, and tragically, even
physical injury from non consensual or extreme acts. But it
doesn't stop there. The psychological damage can be even more
insidious and long lasting. That's so you start to internalize
the belief that your body is merely a vessel for
(32:05):
other's pleasure, or that your value as a person is
intrinsically tied to what you can offer sexually. This deeply
erodes your sense of self worth from the inside out,
leading to feelings of emptiness, detachment, and an inability to
form truly healthy, reciprocal intimate relationships. Often these behaviors are
a subconscious re enactment of past trauma, or a way
to exert a twisted form of control when real control
(32:27):
feels absent.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
It's complex, and that right there is the core truth
you need to remember, a truth to reclaim and hold onto.
Your body isn't just for others to use to derive
pleasure from or to project their desires onto.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
It's not an object.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Your body is fundamentally, unequivocally yours. It is a sacred
vessel for your life. Your experience is your spirit. It
deserves love, it deserves respect, and above all, it deserves
care from you and from you.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
First, self respect is paramount.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Reclaiming that truth, asserting your body autonomy, and setting boundaries
that protect your physical and emotional well being is an
act of radical self care and profound self respect. It's
about recognizing your inherent value beyond any external validation or
fleeting sensation. This is perhaps one of the most common
and widely recognized coping mechanisms in our society, yet its
(33:18):
true nature as a form of self harm often gets overlooked, normalized,
or ignored until it's too late.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
So normalized, especially alcohol.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
It starts innocently enough, doesn't it. One drink to take
the edge off is RESTful day, just to relax a
few more, to forget a painful conversation, dull and overwhelming feeling,
or escape nagging anxieties. That's slippery slope, and before you
know it, the bottle's empty or the stash is gone,
and often so are you, drained and hollowed out, left
with more problems than you started with. Initially, there's that
(33:47):
temporary high, that illusion of freedom and relief. You might
feel lighter, more care free, maybe even completely numb to
the emotions you're trying so desperately to outrun.
Speaker 2 (33:57):
The substance provides a temporary buffer. But the harsh reality,
which always arives, often with a vengeance, is that the
high invariably wears off always, and when it does, all
those problems you try to escape are still there waiting
for you, often compounded by the physical discomfort of headaches, nausea,
or exhaustion, the emotional weight of regret, and a crushing
(34:19):
wave of anxiety, a phenomenon known as anxiety.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Oh, anxiety is real that next day dread.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
It's a temporary reprieve that comes with a lingering, escalating cost.
What the research unpacks here is how the brain, particularly
its reward pathways, learns to associate that temporary relief with
a destructive pattern. Substances hijack the brain's natural dopamine system,
creating an artificial sense of well being that the brain
then craves, making it harder and harder to break free
(34:46):
from the cycle.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
So it rewires your brain's reward system.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Absolutely, it's not just about the substance itself. It's profoundly
about why you keep reaching for it. If alcohol drugs
have become your go to way to cope with every challenge,
to make life feel even remotely bearable, to numb the noise,
then it's more than just a habit or an occasional indulgence.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
It's crossed a line.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
It is undeniably morphed into a profound form of self harm,
slowly eroding your capacity for true wellbeing, and.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
The long term effects are devastating, eroding your well being
from every angle, impacting virtually every system in your body.
Over time, Consistent substance use messes with your memory, making
it harder to recall events, learn new things, or even
sustain coherent thoughts.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Cognitive impairment is significant.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
It significantly weakens your immune system, leaving you vulnerable to
illness and impairing your body's ability to heal. It tragically
worsens underlying anxiety and depression, amplifying the very feelings you
sought to suppress, often creating a deeper chemical imbalance.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
In the brain, making the original problem much worse.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
And perhaps most painfully, it can severely hurt the relationships
you care about most, isolating you from the very people
who could offer true support and connection.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Addiction thri is an isolation.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
Slowly insidiously, you might even start to believe that you
need it, that you can't get through each day without it,
that it's your only way to cope, a dangerous belief
that traps you in a psychological prison.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
The dangerous belief that one needs the substance to function
becomes a powerful psychological prison, a deeply ingrained habit loop
that's hard to break. Feeling trapped, it becomes a crutch
that eventually breaks the leg it was meant to support,
leading to increasing tolerance and dependence. The true cost is
the erosion of self reliance, the blunting of genuine emotions,
(36:33):
and the deepening of the emotional wounds it was originally
meant to mask. It prevents real healing. It's a profound
act of self betrayal, prioritizing a temporary illusion over lasting
healing and wholeness.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
But hear this empowering truth, a truth that can be
your guiding light. You do not need alcohol or drugs
to feel okay. You truly don't.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
There are other ways, healthier.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
Ways that feeling of relief, of calm, a freedom that
you briefly experience those whor states your brain is inherently
capable of achieving without external substances. What you need, what
you deserve is a healthier and more sustainable way to
deal with everything you're going through, a way that builds
you up rather than tearing you.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Down, building resilience, not dependents.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Your emotions need expression. They need to be acknowledged, felt, processed,
and understood, not suppressed or numbed into oblivion. Trying to
ignore them only makes them louder, more persistent, and more
painful in the long run.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Feelings just want to be felt.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
And reaching out for support, whether to a therapist who
can help you develop healthy coping skills like cognitive behavioral
therapy or dialectical behavior therapy, to a support group like
AA or NA where you find community and understanding, or
to a trusted loved one doesn't make you weak. It
makes you incredibly strong.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Reaching out is courage personified.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
It shows courage, profound self awareness, and a fierce commitment
to your own well being and recovery. You deserve more
than a temporary escape. You deserve real, sustainable healing. You
deserve to feel whole again, truly present in your life.
Hashtag tag tag outro. If you stayed with us through
this deep dive, absorbing these often uncomfortable truths and reflecting
on your own habits, that says something profoundly powerful about you.
Speaker 2 (38:12):
It really does. It shows commitment.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
The very fact that you're here questioning and reflecting on
these often hidden habits truly shows your strength, your courage,
and your deep commitment to understanding yourself and living a
more authentic, self compassionate life. We've explored how self harm
isn't always visible, how it can subtly hide and habits
we might justify or simply overlook, mistakenly thinking they're harmless
(38:35):
coping mechanisms, just.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
Ways of getting by. And now you know more and
knowing more Recognizing these patterns for what they are gives
you choices, It gives you agency, It empowers you to
make different decisions.
Speaker 1 (38:47):
Knowledge is power.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Right, absolutely, this raises an important question for your own reflection.
What small, intentional step, even a tiny one, can you
choose to take today to honor your body and mind
in a way you might have overlooked or neglected until now.
Perhaps it's a moment of mindful eating, or gently challenging
a persistent negative thought, or allowing yourself a moment of
(39:09):
true rest, or reaching out for genuine connection instead of isolation.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
Just one small thing, Every.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
Small step, however incremental it may feel, every single moment
of awareness, truly counts. Continue taking each little step towards
self improvement because the journey of healing and growth is
built on these consistent, compassionate actions. It's not about perfection,
it's about progress.
Speaker 1 (39:33):
So consider this as you move forward from our conversation today.
If these habits, these quiet forms of self harm, are
often an attempt to escape or numb what we're feeling,
to build a fortress against discomfort.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
Which they often are.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
What if the most courageous, most radical act we could
undertake isn't to run faster or hide deeper in our distractions,
but to gently, compassionately turn towards.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
That discomfort term towards not a way.
Speaker 1 (39:58):
To simply acknowledge it, to sit with it, to allow
ourselves to feel it without judgment or immediate.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
Reactive action, just allow it to be there.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
What new possibilities, what profound healing, What genuine freedom might
open up for us when we choose radical self acceptance,
unconditional positive regard for ourselves over the temporary, fleeting escape.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
That's the real work and the real freedom.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
It's an ongoing journey of self discovery, a continuous process
of becoming, and we're so glad you're on it with us.
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